WEBVTT - First Date, Worst Date?

0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:06.000
<v Speaker 1>This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.

0:00:08.119 --> 0:00:10.200
<v Speaker 1>Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the

0:00:10.200 --> 0:00:14.280
<v Speaker 1>home office in Austin, Texas. Hope everybody's having a great week.

0:00:14.880 --> 0:00:20.000
<v Speaker 1>Elsie and I were discussing the other day first dates.

0:00:20.600 --> 0:00:22.720
<v Speaker 2>Yes, I think we had talked about our first anniversary,

0:00:22.720 --> 0:00:25.560
<v Speaker 2>and then that brings up your first date. And you know,

0:00:25.640 --> 0:00:28.160
<v Speaker 2>first dates are a big thing, Like before you're married,

0:00:28.440 --> 0:00:30.760
<v Speaker 2>what do you celebrate. You celebrate the anniversary of probably

0:00:30.800 --> 0:00:33.519
<v Speaker 2>your first date. Right. It's something that if you end

0:00:33.640 --> 0:00:36.720
<v Speaker 2>up in a long relationship with someone, I think that

0:00:36.760 --> 0:00:39.239
<v Speaker 2>first date is often burned in your brain, hopefully in

0:00:39.240 --> 0:00:40.400
<v Speaker 2>a good way.

0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:45.080
<v Speaker 1>But we've also had discussions because a friend's family that

0:00:45.120 --> 0:00:48.000
<v Speaker 1>go on these first dates, and what God is talking

0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:53.279
<v Speaker 1>about it in general is the yes, that first date's important,

0:00:53.760 --> 0:00:56.520
<v Speaker 1>but also, and you talk about this all the time,

0:00:56.600 --> 0:01:01.000
<v Speaker 1>it can't mean everything. You can't put so much weight

0:01:01.160 --> 0:01:05.840
<v Speaker 1>on the first date that it determines your entire life together.

0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:10.039
<v Speaker 2>People who pass by someone because of the first date.

0:01:10.400 --> 0:01:13.720
<v Speaker 2>I agree. So we wanted to get into navigating a

0:01:13.800 --> 0:01:17.480
<v Speaker 2>first date, and I think that's a great place to

0:01:17.560 --> 0:01:22.080
<v Speaker 2>begin about that beginner date. I think the first date

0:01:22.880 --> 0:01:27.280
<v Speaker 2>cannot mean everything. It's great if it goes well. But

0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:30.160
<v Speaker 2>what I usually advise people is a first date's kind

0:01:30.200 --> 0:01:33.240
<v Speaker 2>of like a job interview. I think you know you're

0:01:33.280 --> 0:01:35.520
<v Speaker 2>hoping to get to the next round. You're hoping was

0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:37.759
<v Speaker 2>this good enough? I'll to get to the next round

0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:42.520
<v Speaker 2>of interviews. And I think that everybody's nervous. So you

0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:45.120
<v Speaker 2>have to give people a little bit of grace with that,

0:01:45.400 --> 0:01:48.800
<v Speaker 2>and maybe if someone says something that's not quite perfect,

0:01:48.920 --> 0:01:51.000
<v Speaker 2>or maybe if you're not totally sure about this part

0:01:51.040 --> 0:01:53.920
<v Speaker 2>of their personality, give them a little slack on that.

0:01:53.920 --> 0:01:56.320
<v Speaker 2>That's my opinion. But am I being too lenient? What

0:01:56.360 --> 0:01:57.200
<v Speaker 2>do you think? No?

0:01:57.480 --> 0:02:01.760
<v Speaker 1>I was going to put it into sports terms because

0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:04.720
<v Speaker 1>you love that, which I did a lot on our

0:02:04.720 --> 0:02:05.120
<v Speaker 1>first date.

0:02:06.480 --> 0:02:07.000
<v Speaker 3>You didn't.

0:02:08.600 --> 0:02:11.280
<v Speaker 1>I I got lucky on that. But no, it's like

0:02:11.320 --> 0:02:13.800
<v Speaker 1>the beginning of a season, right, You've been to training

0:02:13.840 --> 0:02:16.760
<v Speaker 1>camp and all that stuff. The first game you play

0:02:16.840 --> 0:02:19.600
<v Speaker 1>is not the best. You don't come out game one

0:02:19.639 --> 0:02:21.799
<v Speaker 1>of a season and we are the best we're ever

0:02:21.840 --> 0:02:24.119
<v Speaker 1>going to be. You improve, you get better, you grow

0:02:24.160 --> 0:02:27.920
<v Speaker 1>as a team, you learn each other's idiosyncrasies, and so

0:02:28.680 --> 0:02:36.080
<v Speaker 1>the point being first dates are a difficult ground to cover,

0:02:36.760 --> 0:02:39.320
<v Speaker 1>and by the way, it plays into some people's strengths.

0:02:39.720 --> 0:02:42.480
<v Speaker 1>You and I are good talkers, we're pretty good communicators.

0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:44.400
<v Speaker 1>But I would say, and I'm going to ask you,

0:02:44.840 --> 0:02:47.880
<v Speaker 1>scale of one to ten, rate our first date.

0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:55.000
<v Speaker 2>Whoa I would have given you? If I called my

0:02:55.040 --> 0:02:57.280
<v Speaker 2>friends the next day, I would have said eight out

0:02:57.280 --> 0:02:57.560
<v Speaker 2>of ten.

0:02:57.840 --> 0:03:00.400
<v Speaker 1>Okay, that's higher than I thought. I thought I was

0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:01.160
<v Speaker 1>going to get a seven.

0:03:01.360 --> 0:03:03.320
<v Speaker 2>No, why why did you think that seven?

0:03:03.520 --> 0:03:05.840
<v Speaker 1>By the way, seven is great. I had c's c's

0:03:05.880 --> 0:03:06.359
<v Speaker 1>get degrees.

0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:08.880
<v Speaker 2>Let me let me be arrogant about myself right now.

0:03:08.960 --> 0:03:11.040
<v Speaker 2>I would have said, overall date eight out of ten,

0:03:11.480 --> 0:03:13.200
<v Speaker 2>my performance on date ten out of ten.

0:03:14.360 --> 0:03:19.000
<v Speaker 1>Your performance, No, No, honestly you this is this is

0:03:19.040 --> 0:03:22.799
<v Speaker 1>why you get an as you get a nine out

0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:27.880
<v Speaker 1>of ten because because then so you.

0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:29.400
<v Speaker 2>Said, yes, professor, Yes.

0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:33.320
<v Speaker 1>One of my drawbacks on our first date was that

0:03:33.880 --> 0:03:35.400
<v Speaker 1>I quote unquote talked too much.

0:03:36.040 --> 0:03:37.680
<v Speaker 2>That's why I gave you the eight out of ten.

0:03:37.720 --> 0:03:39.280
<v Speaker 2>I thought that you talked a lot.

0:03:39.400 --> 0:03:42.280
<v Speaker 1>Yes, but I would say you get a nine out

0:03:42.280 --> 0:03:45.880
<v Speaker 1>of ten because you never stopped asking questions.

0:03:45.920 --> 0:03:48.840
<v Speaker 2>So I asked him any questions, so you didn't leave.

0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:50.560
<v Speaker 1>Any air in the room. And you You can do

0:03:50.680 --> 0:03:52.320
<v Speaker 1>this at times when we get around people and you

0:03:52.360 --> 0:03:54.880
<v Speaker 1>feel like because you feel the pressure of carrying a

0:03:54.920 --> 0:03:55.920
<v Speaker 1>moment in a situation.

0:03:56.120 --> 0:03:59.360
<v Speaker 2>I totally do. I wherever we are, always I feel

0:03:59.400 --> 0:04:02.760
<v Speaker 2>the overall burden of how is this night going for everybody?

0:04:03.000 --> 0:04:04.480
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what that is in me. It's an

0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:06.880
<v Speaker 2>inner thing I have where I want everyone to be

0:04:06.960 --> 0:04:08.640
<v Speaker 2>having fun. I want the party to be going well,

0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:10.880
<v Speaker 2>even if it's not my party or dinner or anything.

0:04:10.880 --> 0:04:13.880
<v Speaker 2>I feel the social pressure of the tone of the events.

0:04:13.880 --> 0:04:16.159
<v Speaker 1>Okay, but you just made a great point for a

0:04:16.200 --> 0:04:20.440
<v Speaker 1>first date Mulligan, which is a gimme, which is okay

0:04:20.480 --> 0:04:23.920
<v Speaker 1>if I had just stopped on date one and said, wow,

0:04:24.000 --> 0:04:25.720
<v Speaker 1>she really asked a lot of questions and she kind

0:04:25.720 --> 0:04:28.120
<v Speaker 1>of kept talking and she never really gave me. And

0:04:28.120 --> 0:04:31.440
<v Speaker 1>now the reason why you do that is something I

0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:34.719
<v Speaker 1>find very endearing. You care so much about everybody's time.

0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:37.840
<v Speaker 1>You want everyone to have the best time all the time.

0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:40.640
<v Speaker 1>So you are the as Larry David would say, you're

0:04:40.640 --> 0:04:43.800
<v Speaker 1>the ultimate middle. You want Lauren Zim at the middle

0:04:43.839 --> 0:04:46.960
<v Speaker 1>of the table because she is going to be the vibe. Now,

0:04:47.200 --> 0:04:50.440
<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't have known that on date one. It was

0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:51.479
<v Speaker 1>just something I noticed.

0:04:51.560 --> 0:04:53.880
<v Speaker 2>So, if you're putting yourself truly in that moment, what

0:04:53.920 --> 0:04:57.960
<v Speaker 2>would you have given me? And Okay, you feel like

0:04:58.000 --> 0:04:59.240
<v Speaker 2>I asked a lot of questions, Well, you asked a

0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:02.799
<v Speaker 2>lot of questions, but were very loving, caring given yourself.

0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:07.720
<v Speaker 2>I would have given myself. I would say seven seven

0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:11.720
<v Speaker 2>and a half. I don't know, I don't I'm I'm

0:05:11.720 --> 0:05:13.760
<v Speaker 2>not as good as you in those moments like first

0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:14.280
<v Speaker 2>dates are.

0:05:15.920 --> 0:05:17.960
<v Speaker 1>Here's here's why. If I go back to that moment,

0:05:18.080 --> 0:05:21.320
<v Speaker 1>I think there's a little trepidation. I was still nervous dating.

0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:26.680
<v Speaker 1>You were nervous in public because you know, host of

0:05:26.720 --> 0:05:29.320
<v Speaker 1>The Bachelor and he's hosting a dating show, and so

0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:31.600
<v Speaker 1>I was careful about where we went because I didn't

0:05:31.640 --> 0:05:34.640
<v Speaker 1>want all the prying eyes and anyone taking pictures of

0:05:34.680 --> 0:05:36.920
<v Speaker 1>ow he's on the dating scene. So I was like, Okay,

0:05:37.440 --> 0:05:40.280
<v Speaker 1>if I take this beautiful woman out, but we go

0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:42.760
<v Speaker 1>to a very public place where a lot of people

0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:44.919
<v Speaker 1>in the in the industry are going, They're like, oh,

0:05:45.040 --> 0:05:47.640
<v Speaker 1>he's with this reporter from entertainment tonight. Who cares?

0:05:47.920 --> 0:05:51.040
<v Speaker 2>That's not crazy. It just ran into hot dating tip

0:05:51.120 --> 0:05:52.719
<v Speaker 2>is make it look like it's not a date.

0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:58.400
<v Speaker 1>In my situations, because I also didn't want that onus

0:05:58.440 --> 0:06:00.000
<v Speaker 1>on you, but that's why.

0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:03.279
<v Speaker 2>But look what we're both analyzing each other for the

0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:06.160
<v Speaker 2>asking too many questions or the talking too much. I

0:06:06.200 --> 0:06:08.400
<v Speaker 2>do think that leads to something that I think is

0:06:08.440 --> 0:06:12.200
<v Speaker 2>a critical point, a critical must do on a first date.

0:06:13.120 --> 0:06:16.200
<v Speaker 2>You better ask some questions and it needs that's the thing.

0:06:16.240 --> 0:06:18.719
<v Speaker 2>It needs to go both ways. That is always And

0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:21.520
<v Speaker 2>maybe I did too much, but that is a major

0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:24.800
<v Speaker 2>read for me on a first date, in a first

0:06:24.880 --> 0:06:28.760
<v Speaker 2>hang out with someone, did they ask me any questions

0:06:28.760 --> 0:06:32.000
<v Speaker 2>at all about myself? If not, I'm like, well, what

0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:33.920
<v Speaker 2>are we doing here? Obviously you don't really care about

0:06:33.960 --> 0:06:35.360
<v Speaker 2>getting to know me, so why would we.

0:06:35.320 --> 0:06:38.599
<v Speaker 1>Move forward and then go further and actually listen to

0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:43.560
<v Speaker 1>the answers m hm and follow up? Because oftentimes, and guys,

0:06:43.600 --> 0:06:46.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to put you out there oftentimes what guys

0:06:46.520 --> 0:06:48.440
<v Speaker 1>will do as well. I'm proud of myself. I asked

0:06:48.440 --> 0:06:52.560
<v Speaker 1>a question and as soon as Lauren says something about Missouri,

0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:55.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, oh, I went to Missouri and I did

0:06:55.800 --> 0:06:58.680
<v Speaker 1>this and I and you immediately tell a story about

0:06:58.720 --> 0:07:03.880
<v Speaker 1>yourself and that's a OK. But maybe just hold a

0:07:03.920 --> 0:07:06.520
<v Speaker 1>finger up or like clench your fist to remember that

0:07:06.560 --> 0:07:09.520
<v Speaker 1>you want to tell that story, but follow up with well,

0:07:09.720 --> 0:07:11.880
<v Speaker 1>what was it like at miszoo or you know, follow

0:07:11.960 --> 0:07:14.720
<v Speaker 1>up and ask her a other in depth question. Don't

0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:17.040
<v Speaker 1>immediately go back to a story about yourself.

0:07:17.120 --> 0:07:19.320
<v Speaker 2>I think you're so right. A lot of people make

0:07:19.360 --> 0:07:23.560
<v Speaker 2>the mistake of sharing about themselves and thinking that that

0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:28.160
<v Speaker 2>is relatable and that that's connective to another person. But

0:07:28.200 --> 0:07:30.200
<v Speaker 2>it's not. And you should, I mean, we should all

0:07:30.200 --> 0:07:32.360
<v Speaker 2>be vulnerable and share. But you're so right. Ask a

0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:34.720
<v Speaker 2>follow up question, then share your story. That's a kind

0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:37.360
<v Speaker 2>of a good basic rule. Ask question, ask, follow up,

0:07:37.400 --> 0:07:37.920
<v Speaker 2>share story.

0:07:38.000 --> 0:07:39.600
<v Speaker 1>Even if you said, you know, if you would let

0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:42.360
<v Speaker 1>me know that you lost your dad on our first date,

0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:45.120
<v Speaker 1>which you didn't, but if you did, instead of saying, oh,

0:07:45.120 --> 0:07:47.800
<v Speaker 1>I lost my dad too, and just say, you can

0:07:47.840 --> 0:07:50.320
<v Speaker 1>mention oh I lost my dad did.

0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:51.040
<v Speaker 2>What was that like for you?

0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:52.200
<v Speaker 1>What was it like for you or how did you

0:07:52.200 --> 0:07:53.640
<v Speaker 1>deal with that or how did you work with your

0:07:53.640 --> 0:07:56.800
<v Speaker 1>siblings or whatever it is, But just think about your

0:07:56.840 --> 0:07:59.360
<v Speaker 1>story and just kind of put that to the side.

0:07:59.440 --> 0:08:00.360
<v Speaker 1>You can come back to it.

0:08:00.600 --> 0:08:02.920
<v Speaker 2>I like our new rule, last question, ask follow up,

0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:03.520
<v Speaker 2>share story.

0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:09.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's a very tough thing, and I think men

0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:12.680
<v Speaker 1>do it more than women. And I think the reasons

0:08:12.720 --> 0:08:15.880
<v Speaker 1>diving into a story about themselves just because they're typically

0:08:16.000 --> 0:08:16.600
<v Speaker 1>you don't think so.

0:08:17.240 --> 0:08:19.520
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if I've noticed that. To be honest,

0:08:19.560 --> 0:08:22.280
<v Speaker 2>I think it's more of a personality trait versus a

0:08:22.320 --> 0:08:25.280
<v Speaker 2>gender thing. Like some people are just like that, And

0:08:25.280 --> 0:08:26.760
<v Speaker 2>I actually think a lot of the time it comes

0:08:26.800 --> 0:08:29.840
<v Speaker 2>from people being insecure and not knowing how to socially

0:08:29.920 --> 0:08:34.840
<v Speaker 2>navigate or and it's like, doesn't necessarily mean that they're

0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:37.280
<v Speaker 2>self involved. It's just something they need to work on

0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:40.160
<v Speaker 2>and readjust so that's why we're talking about it here now.

0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:45.559
<v Speaker 1>Rule one. For sure, get excited, be happy about it,

0:08:45.720 --> 0:08:47.680
<v Speaker 1>but don't put so much weight on this date that

0:08:47.720 --> 0:08:49.040
<v Speaker 1>it has to mean everything.

0:08:49.240 --> 0:08:51.520
<v Speaker 2>Well, look, we say first impressions are everything. That's a

0:08:51.520 --> 0:08:53.520
<v Speaker 2>phrase we all say, right, But I think that that

0:08:53.600 --> 0:08:57.920
<v Speaker 2>phrase is coming from a place of take a first impression. Seriously,

0:08:58.040 --> 0:09:00.960
<v Speaker 2>that's really what that phrase is trying to convey. I

0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:03.600
<v Speaker 2>don't think first impressions should be everything. I think everybody

0:09:03.640 --> 0:09:06.040
<v Speaker 2>should get a second chance, you know, I mean, I've

0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:09.640
<v Speaker 2>had some people who have made some disastrous first impressions

0:09:09.720 --> 0:09:11.320
<v Speaker 2>on me. You know, met someone at a party and

0:09:11.320 --> 0:09:13.320
<v Speaker 2>they were wasted. I'm not going to hold that against them.

0:09:13.320 --> 0:09:16.560
<v Speaker 2>I'll meet them again. And you know, everybody deserves a

0:09:16.600 --> 0:09:17.480
<v Speaker 2>second shot.

0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:19.520
<v Speaker 1>I mean, honestly, if I didn't get a second shot,

0:09:19.559 --> 0:09:21.040
<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't have been the host of the Bachelor for

0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:23.560
<v Speaker 1>twenty years. I had a horrible first date. I had

0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:25.199
<v Speaker 1>a terrible first impression.

0:09:25.760 --> 0:09:26.800
<v Speaker 2>What your first audition.

0:09:27.360 --> 0:09:29.079
<v Speaker 1>I didn't audition, I just had an interview and I

0:09:29.120 --> 0:09:30.760
<v Speaker 1>went in and it was like a first date, right,

0:09:30.800 --> 0:09:33.800
<v Speaker 1>You're sitting down with the creator of the show and executives,

0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:35.880
<v Speaker 1>and it was a disaster. I was horrible. I was

0:09:35.960 --> 0:09:37.640
<v Speaker 1>terrible in the room. They were terrible in the room.

0:09:37.679 --> 0:09:40.320
<v Speaker 1>We hated each other. But I came back and I

0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:43.400
<v Speaker 1>was more myself, and we obviously had a pretty good

0:09:43.679 --> 0:09:44.720
<v Speaker 1>marriage for twenty years.

0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:47.760
<v Speaker 2>But by the way, why do you think you got

0:09:47.800 --> 0:09:48.520
<v Speaker 2>a second shot?

0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:51.280
<v Speaker 1>They had heard somebody had heard and I you know, look,

0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:54.000
<v Speaker 1>they all took credit for it later of whose idea

0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:57.720
<v Speaker 1>this was. But they went out to somebody else and

0:09:57.760 --> 0:10:01.079
<v Speaker 1>actually were in negotiations with somebody else, and then they

0:10:01.120 --> 0:10:02.760
<v Speaker 1>called me and said they want to meet with you again.

0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:05.320
<v Speaker 1>I said, why it was such a disaster. Our first

0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:07.959
<v Speaker 1>date was a mess that it was, I mean, oil

0:10:08.000 --> 0:10:11.400
<v Speaker 1>and water just didn't mix. And I went back in

0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:14.280
<v Speaker 1>for the second interview and they said, look, you are

0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:16.839
<v Speaker 1>terrible in our first interview, but we hear you're a

0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:20.240
<v Speaker 1>good guy. Let's do this again. And they all, you know,

0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:22.520
<v Speaker 1>through the years, took credit for I was the one

0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:24.360
<v Speaker 1>that stood up for you because I heard and knew it.

0:10:24.920 --> 0:10:28.760
<v Speaker 1>But I'll never get to the bottom of what really happened.

0:10:28.800 --> 0:10:31.280
<v Speaker 1>But I did get that second first date. And I

0:10:31.320 --> 0:10:34.079
<v Speaker 1>think the maybe the better line is you know how

0:10:34.200 --> 0:10:37.040
<v Speaker 1>you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:41.840
<v Speaker 1>That's true, but that first impression doesn't have to mean everything,

0:10:41.880 --> 0:10:44.679
<v Speaker 1>and so I think, maybe, look, you're always going to

0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:47.160
<v Speaker 1>have that first impression. I left that first impression on

0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:49.720
<v Speaker 1>everybody when I went in for that interview. I left

0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:53.000
<v Speaker 1>that first impression on you. But if you had said, god,

0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:54.760
<v Speaker 1>he just I don't know, man, he talked too much.

0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:59.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm never going to see him again. What a horrible

0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:00.400
<v Speaker 1>like miss that would have been.

0:11:00.760 --> 0:11:04.959
<v Speaker 2>Totally and here's the indicator, right, if you wanted to

0:11:04.960 --> 0:11:07.079
<v Speaker 2>play a numbers game with it. Since we're ranking, I

0:11:07.120 --> 0:11:09.920
<v Speaker 2>would say, if you have about a I would even

0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:11.760
<v Speaker 2>go as low as a seven out of ten for

0:11:11.800 --> 0:11:15.920
<v Speaker 2>the date. Give someone a second chance another date six

0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:18.480
<v Speaker 2>and below. I don't know. I mean, I'm not sitting

0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:20.600
<v Speaker 2>here telling everybody. If you go on a first date

0:11:20.640 --> 0:11:23.160
<v Speaker 2>and you agree on nothing and you have completely different

0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:25.000
<v Speaker 2>views of the world and you're not from the same

0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:28.240
<v Speaker 2>place and you didn't connect, of course you shouldn't give

0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:30.560
<v Speaker 2>that person a second chance. But if it was just

0:11:30.640 --> 0:11:33.120
<v Speaker 2>one or two things, you know, like truly with us,

0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:35.400
<v Speaker 2>I thought, gosh, we have a lot in common, and

0:11:35.440 --> 0:11:37.160
<v Speaker 2>I think he's really smart, and I think he's really

0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:40.280
<v Speaker 2>polite and gentlemanly and kind. He talked a little too much,

0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:44.080
<v Speaker 2>But in my head, I went, well, maybe he was nervous.

0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:47.800
<v Speaker 2>You know, approach it like a human ask yourself. First

0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:50.640
<v Speaker 2>dates are nerve wracking. Was this person nervous? Maybe he

0:11:50.760 --> 0:11:53.080
<v Speaker 2>was tired, maybe at a crazy busy day. You know,

0:11:53.120 --> 0:11:57.240
<v Speaker 2>you've got to like have a human factor when you're

0:11:57.280 --> 0:12:00.440
<v Speaker 2>considering would I take go on that second date?

0:12:00.480 --> 0:12:02.480
<v Speaker 1>And what is the worst thing that happens again? If

0:12:02.480 --> 0:12:05.040
<v Speaker 1>they were offensive, like, don't put yourself out there to

0:12:05.080 --> 0:12:08.719
<v Speaker 1>have another horrible, offensive experience. But what's the worst thing

0:12:08.760 --> 0:12:12.280
<v Speaker 1>if you thought, ah, there's potential there, maybe so have

0:12:12.320 --> 0:12:15.280
<v Speaker 1>a second date, and then you can say Nope, I

0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:18.280
<v Speaker 1>was wrong, or wow, that really opened my eyes to

0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:22.200
<v Speaker 1>something that could be pretty beautiful. By our second date,

0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:26.520
<v Speaker 1>we were often running. I think totally we are. The

0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:29.120
<v Speaker 1>first date was not awkward at all. It wasn't bad

0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:32.040
<v Speaker 1>at all. Again, I you know, sees get degrees, sees

0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:34.880
<v Speaker 1>get dates, sees got me the sea, got me a

0:12:34.880 --> 0:12:39.360
<v Speaker 1>second get a second date, see get dates. But I

0:12:39.400 --> 0:12:41.600
<v Speaker 1>think I agree. If if you are going to rank

0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:44.720
<v Speaker 1>a date, and maybe that's a good formula, go home,

0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:48.520
<v Speaker 1>and it's what you would tell your dearest friend, your mom, whatever,

0:12:48.600 --> 0:12:52.160
<v Speaker 1>your sister. And if you said, all right, babe, rank this,

0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:55.600
<v Speaker 1>and if you say seven, seven and a half eight,

0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:59.760
<v Speaker 1>but this give to give it another chance. And what's

0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:02.160
<v Speaker 1>the worst thing that happens is you have a second

0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:05.000
<v Speaker 1>dinner and you don't or to dessert, You go home

0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:06.320
<v Speaker 1>and you don't talk to him again.

0:13:18.000 --> 0:13:20.800
<v Speaker 2>So I think we need to dive into importantly how

0:13:20.840 --> 0:13:22.679
<v Speaker 2>to do a first date, though, or we're telling people

0:13:22.679 --> 0:13:25.480
<v Speaker 2>a lot how to judge whether to have a second date.

0:13:26.240 --> 0:13:28.000
<v Speaker 2>I think there are some key factors in how to

0:13:28.040 --> 0:13:32.320
<v Speaker 2>approach a first date. Well one, be excited, show up excited.

0:13:32.400 --> 0:13:34.480
<v Speaker 2>You know nobody wants to feel like you don't want

0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:36.760
<v Speaker 2>to be there. Be excited even if you're not sure,

0:13:36.800 --> 0:13:39.600
<v Speaker 2>even if you're questioning it. Otherwise, why are you wasting

0:13:39.600 --> 0:13:42.920
<v Speaker 2>everyone's time? Go in with energy and being open.

0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:45.440
<v Speaker 1>Two And by the way, can I just hit one

0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:49.080
<v Speaker 1>point on that that goes to literally getting out of

0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:51.640
<v Speaker 1>the car. The moment you get out of a car,

0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:56.320
<v Speaker 1>your body language, your look, the smile on your face.

0:13:56.760 --> 0:13:58.920
<v Speaker 1>If you walk in past the hostess, Stan and I'm

0:13:58.960 --> 0:14:01.880
<v Speaker 1>sitting at the bar, your shoulders are slumped and you've

0:14:01.880 --> 0:14:04.400
<v Speaker 1>got this look on your face and you're kind of

0:14:04.400 --> 0:14:07.760
<v Speaker 1>looking around. Walk in and guys, this goes for you too.

0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:12.560
<v Speaker 1>Walk in, shoulders up back, looking strong, looking confident, looking happy,

0:14:12.600 --> 0:14:16.360
<v Speaker 1>looking excited that you're in this moment. That body language

0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:18.960
<v Speaker 1>goes a long way the moment you walk in a room.

0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:21.400
<v Speaker 2>Have you had some bad body language on first dates?

0:14:21.520 --> 0:14:23.520
<v Speaker 2>It sounds like you have. What happened to you?

0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:25.600
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I think of I don't know why the

0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:30.200
<v Speaker 1>pig pin, you know of the Peanuts character I've just

0:14:30.520 --> 0:14:34.200
<v Speaker 1>kind of had his shoulders down. There's this dirty were dirty.

0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:37.480
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, that's it's an exaggeration. But yeah, I've had

0:14:37.520 --> 0:14:38.840
<v Speaker 1>people where I've been sitting at a bar.

0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:39.320
<v Speaker 2>Number too.

0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:41.960
<v Speaker 1>No, I've had people where I'm sitting at a bar

0:14:42.600 --> 0:14:44.840
<v Speaker 1>and I look up and I think, this is the

0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:46.960
<v Speaker 1>person who I'm going on a date with. I went

0:14:47.000 --> 0:14:48.600
<v Speaker 1>on a couple of blind dates where I didn't know

0:14:48.680 --> 0:14:50.840
<v Speaker 1>the person, and I see this person walk by the

0:14:50.840 --> 0:14:54.200
<v Speaker 1>hostess and they kind of I don't see them have

0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:57.320
<v Speaker 1>a good exchange with the hostess, right, they don't stop

0:14:57.360 --> 0:15:01.120
<v Speaker 1>and smile and look my way and and give you

0:15:01.160 --> 0:15:03.440
<v Speaker 1>that wave of like I'm so excited to be there.

0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:05.600
<v Speaker 1>It's just kind of like an f you to the hostess.

0:15:05.600 --> 0:15:09.520
<v Speaker 1>As they walk by, they're looking on their phone, finishing

0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:11.720
<v Speaker 1>up a text message kind of, and then they kind

0:15:11.760 --> 0:15:13.960
<v Speaker 1>of annoyingly look around the room of like you're the

0:15:13.960 --> 0:15:17.040
<v Speaker 1>next thing on my to do list. And it just

0:15:17.080 --> 0:15:19.640
<v Speaker 1>immediately gives you a vibe. Whether you think about it

0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:22.160
<v Speaker 1>or not, it inherently.

0:15:21.680 --> 0:15:23.280
<v Speaker 2>Gives you a vibe totally.

0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:24.400
<v Speaker 1>And that's how it starts.

0:15:24.520 --> 0:15:26.080
<v Speaker 2>I want to meet someone who has a smile on

0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:30.320
<v Speaker 2>their face and goes in for a polite hug and

0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:31.120
<v Speaker 2>is excited.

0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:33.640
<v Speaker 1>You did that. You gave a great vibe when you walked.

0:15:33.400 --> 0:15:35.120
<v Speaker 2>Into it first. Yeah, oh my gosh, I don't remember.

0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:37.280
<v Speaker 1>You were just and I and again, it was kind

0:15:37.280 --> 0:15:38.680
<v Speaker 1>of weird because it was our first date, but I

0:15:38.680 --> 0:15:41.000
<v Speaker 1>also knew you and I actually had seen you earlier

0:15:41.040 --> 0:15:42.960
<v Speaker 1>in the day at a charity event that you were

0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:44.320
<v Speaker 1>covered and I loved you were.

0:15:44.200 --> 0:15:46.960
<v Speaker 2>Like texting me saying that you you even wanted to

0:15:47.000 --> 0:15:49.400
<v Speaker 2>move the time up of the date, and I really

0:15:49.520 --> 0:15:52.160
<v Speaker 2>liked that. I couldn't because I'm like, I got to

0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:55.560
<v Speaker 2>go home and get ready hello, But you made me

0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:59.080
<v Speaker 2>feel like you were excited, and that was, yeah, exactly

0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:01.920
<v Speaker 2>what we're talking about. And probably what I remember is

0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:05.440
<v Speaker 2>your politeness. I mean that would maybe be number one energy,

0:16:05.520 --> 0:16:08.920
<v Speaker 2>Number two politeness and decorum, Like you just mentioned someone

0:16:08.920 --> 0:16:11.080
<v Speaker 2>being rude to a server, be kind of servers, be

0:16:11.160 --> 0:16:15.480
<v Speaker 2>kind to everyone, and just be polite. I remember disposition,

0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:21.520
<v Speaker 2>don't fake it. But I remember so distinctly how much

0:16:21.560 --> 0:16:24.000
<v Speaker 2>of a gentleman you were with pulling the chair out

0:16:24.040 --> 0:16:28.080
<v Speaker 2>for me and opening card every door. And yeah, that

0:16:28.640 --> 0:16:31.040
<v Speaker 2>one hundred percent me a good first impression.

0:16:31.040 --> 0:16:31.280
<v Speaker 4>On me.

0:16:31.480 --> 0:16:34.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and so as you enter the room, that was

0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:35.240
<v Speaker 1>number That was number one.

0:16:35.840 --> 0:16:39.240
<v Speaker 2>Be energetic from the get go. Be polite from the

0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:43.920
<v Speaker 2>get go. Ask questions, even if you're nervous. We already

0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:46.520
<v Speaker 2>talked about this, but just ask some questions of that person.

0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:49.520
<v Speaker 2>Try to get to know them. I would say my

0:16:49.680 --> 0:16:54.040
<v Speaker 2>fourth tip, don't take it all too seriously. I know

0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:57.200
<v Speaker 2>people who I think that they are struggling and dating

0:16:57.600 --> 0:17:01.080
<v Speaker 2>because they're acting like, you know, this is everything, and

0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:03.480
<v Speaker 2>well I'm trying to find a husband, or I'm trying

0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:05.840
<v Speaker 2>to and you know, well I only have so much

0:17:05.880 --> 0:17:08.639
<v Speaker 2>time and I've got to fit this into my schedule,

0:17:08.680 --> 0:17:11.600
<v Speaker 2>and or they're afraid of rejection, so they take it

0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:15.040
<v Speaker 2>too seriously. Don't take it too seriously. What I always

0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:17.879
<v Speaker 2>say is, hey, it's more for the memoir. If a

0:17:17.960 --> 0:17:20.200
<v Speaker 2>date goes really poorly, well you got a great story

0:17:20.200 --> 0:17:22.280
<v Speaker 2>out of it, maybe went to a great restaurant. What's

0:17:22.280 --> 0:17:24.600
<v Speaker 2>the big deal. And I think that dating is like

0:17:24.720 --> 0:17:28.240
<v Speaker 2>practice is important practice, you know. I would always in

0:17:28.280 --> 0:17:29.679
<v Speaker 2>the past when I was dating, I would look at

0:17:29.720 --> 0:17:32.240
<v Speaker 2>every potential bad date as like, well, that just kind

0:17:32.240 --> 0:17:34.480
<v Speaker 2>of helped me work my muscles and potentially find the

0:17:34.560 --> 0:17:35.040
<v Speaker 2>right person.

0:17:35.359 --> 0:17:38.840
<v Speaker 1>You can't do everything all at once. And that's why

0:17:39.040 --> 0:17:42.159
<v Speaker 1>the first date can't mean everything all at once. And

0:17:42.240 --> 0:17:43.840
<v Speaker 1>I hate to do this again, but I can't. I

0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:45.840
<v Speaker 1>was trying to rack my brain with another analogy, and

0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:48.120
<v Speaker 1>all I know is the sports.

0:17:47.760 --> 0:17:50.360
<v Speaker 2>Finaculary's okay, honey, I love you, We're Mary. You can

0:17:50.359 --> 0:17:51.320
<v Speaker 2>talk about sports.

0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:53.800
<v Speaker 1>One thing that coaches, good coaches will tell you. It's like,

0:17:53.840 --> 0:17:56.000
<v Speaker 1>say you get down in a game and you have

0:17:56.040 --> 0:17:58.520
<v Speaker 1>to score a few times, Like, you can't do it

0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:01.600
<v Speaker 1>all in one play. If you're down by ten, you

0:18:01.640 --> 0:18:04.720
<v Speaker 1>can't score one basket work ten points. You can't score touchdown,

0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:07.240
<v Speaker 1>we're ten points. You can't score one goal that'll get

0:18:07.240 --> 0:18:11.400
<v Speaker 1>you ten points, meaning one play at a time, one

0:18:11.440 --> 0:18:14.280
<v Speaker 1>day at a time, one date at a time. Let

0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:19.119
<v Speaker 1>it progress naturally. You can't get married. I mean you

0:18:19.119 --> 0:18:21.440
<v Speaker 1>can if you're in Vegas. But you can't get married,

0:18:21.560 --> 0:18:25.680
<v Speaker 1>have children, and fulfill your entire life's goals in one date.

0:18:26.119 --> 0:18:28.359
<v Speaker 1>So why would you put that much pressure on that

0:18:28.440 --> 0:18:31.680
<v Speaker 1>one date? Sure, get excited about what could be, that's

0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:36.200
<v Speaker 1>all fun, But putting that much pressure on not only

0:18:36.280 --> 0:18:39.800
<v Speaker 1>yourself but the person you're meeting. My God, let you know,

0:18:40.720 --> 0:18:42.840
<v Speaker 1>they're not able to make a mistake, they're not able

0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:46.159
<v Speaker 1>to be goofy, they're not able to you know, overcome something.

0:18:46.240 --> 0:18:50.679
<v Speaker 1>So I think making everything matter so much is difficult.

0:18:50.400 --> 0:18:55.320
<v Speaker 1>Don't dampen your excitement, but give yourself a break.

0:18:55.119 --> 0:18:57.240
<v Speaker 2>Totally and like you like you were just something you

0:18:57.280 --> 0:18:59.480
<v Speaker 2>just said. When people say like, ooh, that gave me

0:18:59.520 --> 0:19:02.040
<v Speaker 2>the icky, I don't know. I don't. I think you

0:19:02.080 --> 0:19:04.159
<v Speaker 2>can't judge too hard on a first date with that stuff.

0:19:04.240 --> 0:19:07.520
<v Speaker 2>Like I mean, we're all being so crazy nowadays with

0:19:07.600 --> 0:19:10.920
<v Speaker 2>like the oh, I'm trying to think of a good example,

0:19:11.000 --> 0:19:13.560
<v Speaker 2>like he wore a cart again and that gave me

0:19:13.600 --> 0:19:15.200
<v Speaker 2>the ick. It's like what you know what I'm.

0:19:15.119 --> 0:19:17.480
<v Speaker 1>Saying, Yeah, sure, nobody wants this. Just did a whole

0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:22.040
<v Speaker 1>episode on this where uh is it Adrian Brody? Am

0:19:22.040 --> 0:19:22.720
<v Speaker 1>I getting that right?

0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:26.000
<v Speaker 2>No, the Rabbi, not Adrian Brody, Adam Brody.

0:19:26.040 --> 0:19:31.080
<v Speaker 1>Adam Brody got yes, Adam Brody did something and her

0:19:31.119 --> 0:19:33.320
<v Speaker 1>sister pulled her asides like I just saw that, Like

0:19:33.400 --> 0:19:35.159
<v Speaker 1>what are you talking about? It's like he just like

0:19:35.320 --> 0:19:37.720
<v Speaker 1>he's he gave it. He gave a really bad Italian

0:19:37.760 --> 0:19:39.720
<v Speaker 1>accent because he brought in like a tie feet or

0:19:39.760 --> 0:19:42.240
<v Speaker 1>something like that, and so he said something and her

0:19:42.280 --> 0:19:44.720
<v Speaker 1>sister was like, oh, I saw that, you just got

0:19:44.720 --> 0:19:46.840
<v Speaker 1>the ick. And it's so he says, like, you're right,

0:19:46.880 --> 0:19:49.800
<v Speaker 1>I got to break up with him, and they didn't.

0:19:49.920 --> 0:19:51.879
<v Speaker 1>And that was the whole point of that episode was

0:19:52.080 --> 0:19:54.840
<v Speaker 1>come on, like, even if someone gives you the ick,

0:19:55.080 --> 0:19:58.080
<v Speaker 1>supposedly something that's a big turn off unless it's something insane,

0:19:58.440 --> 0:19:58.960
<v Speaker 1>a lot.

0:19:58.800 --> 0:20:01.760
<v Speaker 2>Of these things can be fit. Let's remember that, everybody.

0:20:01.840 --> 0:20:04.959
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, he put the blazer on, uh to and to

0:20:05.000 --> 0:20:07.440
<v Speaker 1>talk to his parents and to impress them. He came

0:20:07.480 --> 0:20:09.720
<v Speaker 1>in with these big thing of flowers and had his blazers.

0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:11.399
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I got it because he put on a jacket.

0:20:11.480 --> 0:20:11.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:20:11.680 --> 0:20:16.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, come on, and remember when you're dating someone,

0:20:16.720 --> 0:20:20.359
<v Speaker 2>what things are potentially changeable. And I'm being really serious

0:20:20.359 --> 0:20:22.760
<v Speaker 2>about that. I'm saying like, like I do think that

0:20:22.840 --> 0:20:26.480
<v Speaker 2>people are very they can get really extreme too with like, well,

0:20:26.480 --> 0:20:28.680
<v Speaker 2>this is how they are, and people don't change and

0:20:28.760 --> 0:20:31.360
<v Speaker 2>it really depends on the thing. To me, it depends

0:20:31.400 --> 0:20:34.480
<v Speaker 2>on the factor, Like I don't know. I would say

0:20:34.520 --> 0:20:37.359
<v Speaker 2>that I think you've become a more organized person since

0:20:37.359 --> 0:20:40.520
<v Speaker 2>we've been together. Oh, I would say tenfold, like your house.

0:20:40.560 --> 0:20:42.320
<v Speaker 2>When we first moved in together, I would open a

0:20:42.320 --> 0:20:45.400
<v Speaker 2>cabinet and things would spill out. You've become a much

0:20:45.440 --> 0:20:46.000
<v Speaker 2>more organized.

0:20:46.080 --> 0:20:47.840
<v Speaker 1>I had a full bacheler Pat. I had been single

0:20:47.880 --> 0:20:50.919
<v Speaker 1>for about a decade and so I was a single dad,

0:20:51.440 --> 0:20:53.760
<v Speaker 1>and so I would say, and I hopefully you'll back

0:20:53.760 --> 0:20:56.280
<v Speaker 1>me up with this. My house was very tidy and

0:20:56.400 --> 0:20:59.160
<v Speaker 1>very clean because I'm a very clean person, but I'm

0:20:59.160 --> 0:21:00.920
<v Speaker 1>not an organized It just.

0:21:00.920 --> 0:21:04.840
<v Speaker 2>Tidy at first sight. If every any door you opened.

0:21:04.880 --> 0:21:06.640
<v Speaker 1>Its dirt, it was dirty.

0:21:06.720 --> 0:21:09.280
<v Speaker 2>Well that's what I'm saying. It clean, not organized, clean,

0:21:09.359 --> 0:21:12.760
<v Speaker 2>not organized. And I think would say that I've changed

0:21:12.760 --> 0:21:16.080
<v Speaker 2>for you. Yeah, it has bled off from I do.

0:21:17.560 --> 0:21:17.800
<v Speaker 3>Wow.

0:21:17.840 --> 0:21:20.080
<v Speaker 2>I was just going to wow. I was actually just

0:21:20.119 --> 0:21:21.800
<v Speaker 2>going to say, I do think even though it's I'm

0:21:21.800 --> 0:21:23.680
<v Speaker 2>never going to be perfect, do you think got more

0:21:23.760 --> 0:21:29.879
<v Speaker 2>timely for you? Yes? Thank you. Number five, I will say,

0:21:30.520 --> 0:21:33.600
<v Speaker 2>I don't think you should bring up really controversial topics

0:21:33.600 --> 0:21:37.040
<v Speaker 2>on a first date. I do think again, just like

0:21:37.080 --> 0:21:40.320
<v Speaker 2>a job interview, and maybe people disagree with on this,

0:21:40.400 --> 0:21:42.840
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. You tell me like, on the one hand,

0:21:43.000 --> 0:21:45.000
<v Speaker 2>of course, you want to get into like are you

0:21:45.000 --> 0:21:47.080
<v Speaker 2>guys a good match. You have to have things in common.

0:21:47.359 --> 0:21:49.960
<v Speaker 2>I think that's the biggest thing. Let me say it

0:21:49.960 --> 0:21:53.360
<v Speaker 2>for the record. I don't believe in the opposites attract philosophy.

0:21:53.760 --> 0:21:57.160
<v Speaker 2>Maybe opposites attract, but do opposite stay together if you're

0:21:57.160 --> 0:21:58.960
<v Speaker 2>looking for someone you really want to stay together with

0:21:59.040 --> 0:22:01.080
<v Speaker 2>in life. I do think overall you have to have

0:22:01.119 --> 0:22:05.439
<v Speaker 2>pretty similar morals worldviews. You can disagree, but if you

0:22:05.480 --> 0:22:07.600
<v Speaker 2>want to enjoy your life, find someone who likes to

0:22:07.600 --> 0:22:10.719
<v Speaker 2>live similarly to you. Now, I'm not saying, you know,

0:22:10.880 --> 0:22:14.800
<v Speaker 2>do you want to like figure out are we similar people? Overall? Sure?

0:22:15.280 --> 0:22:17.440
<v Speaker 2>But I don't know if on a first date you

0:22:17.480 --> 0:22:21.760
<v Speaker 2>want to dive into like, you know, heavily political thing.

0:22:23.160 --> 0:22:26.639
<v Speaker 1>Let's say after this latest election, it's it was on

0:22:26.680 --> 0:22:28.560
<v Speaker 1>November fifth. Let's say you had gone on a first

0:22:28.600 --> 0:22:32.359
<v Speaker 1>date on No. Six, November six or seven? Yeah, wow,

0:22:32.440 --> 0:22:33.000
<v Speaker 1>crazy week?

0:22:33.080 --> 0:22:33.320
<v Speaker 2>Huh?

0:22:33.440 --> 0:22:34.280
<v Speaker 1>Or wow?

0:22:34.400 --> 0:22:34.560
<v Speaker 4>Good?

0:22:34.600 --> 0:22:36.959
<v Speaker 1>You know, like what would you would you just ignore it?

0:22:37.000 --> 0:22:38.200
<v Speaker 1>Would you?

0:22:38.200 --> 0:22:40.399
<v Speaker 2>You know what I would do because of the timeliness.

0:22:40.440 --> 0:22:42.480
<v Speaker 2>I would bring it up in a lighthearted way. I

0:22:42.520 --> 0:22:44.280
<v Speaker 2>really would like. I think I'd be like, so should

0:22:44.280 --> 0:22:46.920
<v Speaker 2>we talk about the election? Because it's like just last night?

0:22:47.240 --> 0:22:51.480
<v Speaker 2>So I think I would. Yeah, you're right, I would.

0:22:51.480 --> 0:22:53.240
<v Speaker 2>And like I said, maybe I could be wrong about this.

0:22:53.320 --> 0:22:54.680
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. What do you think would you bring

0:22:54.800 --> 0:22:58.040
<v Speaker 2>up like big controversial things on a first time.

0:22:58.280 --> 0:23:00.960
<v Speaker 1>But you know, it's interesting too. If I think you

0:23:01.080 --> 0:23:03.359
<v Speaker 1>allow a conversation to just go, I don't. I don't know.

0:23:03.800 --> 0:23:05.520
<v Speaker 2>I don't really believe. In the heart, I wouldn't avoid it.

0:23:05.520 --> 0:23:06.720
<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't say we can't talk about it.

0:23:06.760 --> 0:23:08.560
<v Speaker 1>I don't believe in hard fast rules. But if all

0:23:08.560 --> 0:23:13.040
<v Speaker 1>of a sudden, you know, let's say, because one of

0:23:13.040 --> 0:23:15.200
<v Speaker 1>my big things about when you walk into a room

0:23:15.280 --> 0:23:16.560
<v Speaker 1>or walk up to the bar or whatever, and you

0:23:16.600 --> 0:23:19.280
<v Speaker 1>sit down, do not put your phone on the table,

0:23:20.119 --> 0:23:23.119
<v Speaker 1>do not have your phone, put your phone away, and

0:23:23.359 --> 0:23:26.439
<v Speaker 1>let's say, unless there is a dire need for it,

0:23:26.520 --> 0:23:30.440
<v Speaker 1>in which case explain, hey, I just have to leave

0:23:30.480 --> 0:23:33.040
<v Speaker 1>my phone out because just in case the babysitter calls,

0:23:33.640 --> 0:23:37.280
<v Speaker 1>Oh you have kids? Yeah, oh how many kids too? Okay,

0:23:38.400 --> 0:23:41.240
<v Speaker 1>that and then that's an okay way to get into something.

0:23:41.359 --> 0:23:45.960
<v Speaker 1>You know, if the conversation naturally led us into that, Okay, great,

0:23:46.040 --> 0:23:48.359
<v Speaker 1>that's that's fine. But I wouldn't sit down and in

0:23:48.600 --> 0:23:51.000
<v Speaker 1>one of the first questions like, so do you want kids?

0:23:51.640 --> 0:23:52.920
<v Speaker 1>So it's all in how you get there.

0:24:04.520 --> 0:24:06.240
<v Speaker 2>Well, we're talking kind of talking about two different things.

0:24:06.280 --> 0:24:09.600
<v Speaker 2>One is like the bringing up And I wanted to

0:24:09.640 --> 0:24:12.040
<v Speaker 2>ask you this, do you bring up like your major

0:24:12.119 --> 0:24:13.640
<v Speaker 2>goals in life? I want to get married, I want

0:24:13.640 --> 0:24:15.080
<v Speaker 2>to have kids. I have a timeline for this. Do

0:24:15.119 --> 0:24:16.760
<v Speaker 2>you bring that stuff up on the first date? And

0:24:16.800 --> 0:24:18.480
<v Speaker 2>I wanted to ask you that now, but I was

0:24:18.560 --> 0:24:21.080
<v Speaker 2>kind of referring more to like like, I don't think

0:24:21.080 --> 0:24:23.360
<v Speaker 2>I would go maybe if the election had just happened

0:24:23.400 --> 0:24:25.880
<v Speaker 2>and it's the next night. Sure, it almost feels weird

0:24:25.920 --> 0:24:27.640
<v Speaker 2>to not talk about it and just and you don't

0:24:27.640 --> 0:24:30.359
<v Speaker 2>want to be unnatural, But would I sit down on

0:24:30.400 --> 0:24:31.920
<v Speaker 2>a first date with someone and say, well, how do

0:24:31.960 --> 0:24:33.920
<v Speaker 2>you feel about the Israel Palestine situation?

0:24:34.240 --> 0:24:34.440
<v Speaker 1>Right?

0:24:34.600 --> 0:24:36.280
<v Speaker 2>I don't think I would do that. And it's not

0:24:36.320 --> 0:24:39.719
<v Speaker 2>because I don't want to know their feelings. It's just because, again,

0:24:40.520 --> 0:24:43.440
<v Speaker 2>this is a first date and there's I think there's

0:24:43.480 --> 0:24:46.560
<v Speaker 2>already so many other factors, your nerves. You don't know

0:24:46.640 --> 0:24:50.080
<v Speaker 2>anything about each other, so much like let's get to

0:24:50.119 --> 0:24:52.200
<v Speaker 2>know the basics and let's ease into those.

0:24:52.000 --> 0:24:55.120
<v Speaker 1>Things you're putting the cart before the horse or those situations.

0:24:55.560 --> 0:24:57.720
<v Speaker 1>Get to know and see if you like the person.

0:24:58.200 --> 0:25:00.160
<v Speaker 1>Once you like the person, date.

0:25:00.480 --> 0:25:02.480
<v Speaker 2>And you might disagree. I think that people can be

0:25:02.480 --> 0:25:06.480
<v Speaker 2>in relationships and disagree on things, obviously, But but it's

0:25:06.600 --> 0:25:08.800
<v Speaker 2>just I think you're setting a barrier for you. You're

0:25:08.880 --> 0:25:10.520
<v Speaker 2>you're building a wall that you're going to have to

0:25:10.560 --> 0:25:13.120
<v Speaker 2>climb over if you don't get to know each other

0:25:13.560 --> 0:25:15.760
<v Speaker 2>before getting to know all of each other's opinions.

0:25:15.760 --> 0:25:17.760
<v Speaker 1>And if you're asking good questions and you're listening and

0:25:17.800 --> 0:25:20.639
<v Speaker 1>you're following up, you're probably going to discern, for the

0:25:20.720 --> 0:25:23.000
<v Speaker 1>most part, some of the answers to those questions that

0:25:23.040 --> 0:25:24.160
<v Speaker 1>you want to get to later.

0:25:24.320 --> 0:25:26.040
<v Speaker 2>Read the room. Okay, so let's go to what you

0:25:26.080 --> 0:25:28.000
<v Speaker 2>just said, because I asked, do you bring up marriage, kids,

0:25:28.000 --> 0:25:29.879
<v Speaker 2>all that, and you said a definitive no.

0:25:30.400 --> 0:25:33.280
<v Speaker 1>I don't think. And again, I think you can talk

0:25:33.320 --> 0:25:37.080
<v Speaker 1>about things in life and you know, maybe something slips

0:25:37.080 --> 0:25:40.320
<v Speaker 1>out of like oh you were married before, No, yes,

0:25:40.800 --> 0:25:42.240
<v Speaker 1>you know. It's like, so I think you can get

0:25:42.240 --> 0:25:43.439
<v Speaker 1>into some of these conversations.

0:25:43.560 --> 0:25:46.400
<v Speaker 2>That's interesting because on our first date, we talked about

0:25:46.400 --> 0:25:48.400
<v Speaker 2>whether we wanted to get married again. We talked about

0:25:48.400 --> 0:25:49.800
<v Speaker 2>moving to Texas one day, like we did.

0:25:50.240 --> 0:25:53.600
<v Speaker 1>We were take. I think you got to take, you know,

0:25:54.400 --> 0:25:57.080
<v Speaker 1>Ciskel and Ebert or I guess Barbara Walters and Tom

0:25:57.080 --> 0:25:59.840
<v Speaker 1>brokaw out of this because we both know if.

0:26:00.160 --> 0:26:01.919
<v Speaker 2>All those questions of you, you might have brought some

0:26:01.960 --> 0:26:03.840
<v Speaker 2>of that stuff up. We and granted we knew each

0:26:03.880 --> 0:26:05.400
<v Speaker 2>other professionally, so we weren't total.

0:26:05.520 --> 0:26:07.160
<v Speaker 1>We didn't know each other, Yeah, we weren't. We weren't

0:26:07.160 --> 0:26:10.400
<v Speaker 1>on this like blind date per se. So I feel

0:26:10.440 --> 0:26:12.560
<v Speaker 1>like we had had good conversations, we had talked, we

0:26:12.600 --> 0:26:16.159
<v Speaker 1>had texted, talked on the phone, and so it was

0:26:17.119 --> 0:26:19.320
<v Speaker 1>I felt like it naturally progressed. I don't think there

0:26:19.320 --> 0:26:20.600
<v Speaker 1>was anything jarring.

0:26:20.600 --> 0:26:22.280
<v Speaker 2>No on our foot, That's what I mean. So I'm

0:26:22.320 --> 0:26:25.520
<v Speaker 2>interested in why you're like, here's what the maybe caveat.

0:26:25.560 --> 0:26:27.480
<v Speaker 2>I'll give how I feel and tell me if you agree.

0:26:28.080 --> 0:26:30.680
<v Speaker 2>I do think life place matters, Like if you're twenty

0:26:30.720 --> 0:26:34.399
<v Speaker 2>five and you're just starting to date, although I don't know,

0:26:34.440 --> 0:26:35.960
<v Speaker 2>maybe at twenty five you really want to get married.

0:26:36.000 --> 0:26:39.919
<v Speaker 2>I do think it depends on like how important all

0:26:39.960 --> 0:26:42.280
<v Speaker 2>those things are to you. Like I also think if

0:26:42.280 --> 0:26:44.719
<v Speaker 2>you're in your forties and you're both divorced, Like marriage

0:26:44.760 --> 0:26:47.120
<v Speaker 2>is just going to come up more naturally, and that's okay.

0:26:47.000 --> 0:26:49.720
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, exactly. And where you meet and how you meet. Right,

0:26:49.760 --> 0:26:52.920
<v Speaker 1>if you're meeting off of hinge or something and you're

0:26:53.000 --> 0:26:54.720
<v Speaker 1>going on this first date and you're meeting at a

0:26:54.760 --> 0:26:57.040
<v Speaker 1>bar and you're just figuring out literally who the person

0:26:57.160 --> 0:27:00.440
<v Speaker 1>is as they walk in, as opposed to you've been

0:27:00.480 --> 0:27:02.720
<v Speaker 1>working with this person for a couple of years. You're

0:27:02.760 --> 0:27:05.439
<v Speaker 1>going on a first date. You're taking this relationship to

0:27:05.480 --> 0:27:08.199
<v Speaker 1>the next level. You go to church or temple together,

0:27:08.320 --> 0:27:11.360
<v Speaker 1>and you're like decide to so like you It depends

0:27:11.359 --> 0:27:13.760
<v Speaker 1>on if you already know a little something.

0:27:13.480 --> 0:27:16.199
<v Speaker 2>About Yeah, And I don't think any of these are

0:27:16.240 --> 0:27:18.280
<v Speaker 2>like hard and fast rules. I'm not and to ay,

0:27:18.320 --> 0:27:20.520
<v Speaker 2>if you want to bring up kind of again, if

0:27:20.560 --> 0:27:23.479
<v Speaker 2>those controversial topics come up naturally, okay, get into it.

0:27:24.040 --> 0:27:26.960
<v Speaker 2>If marriage and kids and stuff comes up, and or

0:27:26.960 --> 0:27:28.840
<v Speaker 2>you really want to bring it up, okay. I think

0:27:28.880 --> 0:27:30.440
<v Speaker 2>a lot of it is how you bring it up.

0:27:30.960 --> 0:27:33.320
<v Speaker 2>I think probably some people make the mistake of sitting

0:27:33.359 --> 0:27:34.760
<v Speaker 2>down at a first hit and going, well, so do

0:27:34.760 --> 0:27:38.320
<v Speaker 2>you want kids, and it's like whoa you know, versus

0:27:38.520 --> 0:27:40.399
<v Speaker 2>letting that conversation happen.

0:27:40.440 --> 0:27:42.760
<v Speaker 1>Or even stamping it with such a.

0:27:43.040 --> 0:27:44.680
<v Speaker 2>Like if you don't want kids, I'm out here because

0:27:44.960 --> 0:27:45.560
<v Speaker 2>exactly now.

0:27:45.640 --> 0:27:48.840
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, giving it such a statement and you're directing it

0:27:48.840 --> 0:27:52.120
<v Speaker 1>in a box, there's nowhere to go from there. If

0:27:52.160 --> 0:27:56.960
<v Speaker 1>you sit down and you say, well, if you didn't

0:27:57.000 --> 0:27:59.080
<v Speaker 1>vote for Kamala like this, this needs to be over.

0:27:59.480 --> 0:28:01.520
<v Speaker 1>Or if you don't even this, yeah, this needs to

0:28:01.520 --> 0:28:02.880
<v Speaker 1>be over. If you don't want to get married again,

0:28:02.920 --> 0:28:05.400
<v Speaker 1>we're done. So if you stamp it with something that's

0:28:05.400 --> 0:28:07.040
<v Speaker 1>just you can't come back from it. You're not giving

0:28:07.040 --> 0:28:10.720
<v Speaker 1>that person any room to breathe in a conversation. So, yeah,

0:28:10.720 --> 0:28:12.800
<v Speaker 1>there are ways to get about those conversations.

0:28:12.840 --> 0:28:14.399
<v Speaker 2>Christy, can I pull you into this? I feel like

0:28:14.440 --> 0:28:17.439
<v Speaker 2>we need one more opinion. I know you are you

0:28:17.480 --> 0:28:20.280
<v Speaker 2>have a boyfriend. You guys have been together for a

0:28:20.320 --> 0:28:23.040
<v Speaker 2>minute here, But when you were dating previous to this boyfriend,

0:28:23.119 --> 0:28:25.040
<v Speaker 2>would you bring up or how would you feel if

0:28:25.040 --> 0:28:28.800
<v Speaker 2>people brought up kind of serious topics or controversial things

0:28:28.840 --> 0:28:30.679
<v Speaker 2>or big life things on a first date?

0:28:31.440 --> 0:28:33.960
<v Speaker 3>I just I agree. I didn't bring it up.

0:28:34.359 --> 0:28:37.680
<v Speaker 4>Okay, it was like it was definitely like a third

0:28:37.760 --> 0:28:41.400
<v Speaker 4>or fourteen I don't want to understand if you're funny first, Like, so,

0:28:42.120 --> 0:28:44.920
<v Speaker 4>if you're funny, can you make me laugh? Can you

0:28:45.080 --> 0:28:48.560
<v Speaker 4>be in a room and not absorb all the air

0:28:48.640 --> 0:28:50.480
<v Speaker 4>but kind of work yourself into it.

0:28:51.240 --> 0:28:54.360
<v Speaker 2>I think you've nailed something so important, Chrissy. How many

0:28:54.400 --> 0:28:56.840
<v Speaker 2>people do you know? I have so many friends who

0:28:56.920 --> 0:28:59.520
<v Speaker 2>will go by this gauge. Well, I just kind of

0:28:59.520 --> 0:29:00.800
<v Speaker 2>want to see if I could bring him to a

0:29:00.800 --> 0:29:02.719
<v Speaker 2>party and if he could, like if I could leave

0:29:02.760 --> 0:29:04.760
<v Speaker 2>him alone at a party, Like can you handle being

0:29:04.760 --> 0:29:06.920
<v Speaker 2>around other people? Can you chat? Are you a fun

0:29:06.960 --> 0:29:09.840
<v Speaker 2>person to be around? And I think that's such a

0:29:10.000 --> 0:29:13.560
<v Speaker 2>smart first thing to assess about someone is just do

0:29:13.680 --> 0:29:17.000
<v Speaker 2>I enjoy being around you? Because ultimately, all the stuff

0:29:17.040 --> 0:29:19.000
<v Speaker 2>we're talking about, the tough stuff in life, the big

0:29:19.000 --> 0:29:21.840
<v Speaker 2>stuff in life, you're gonna want a partner who you

0:29:21.880 --> 0:29:24.840
<v Speaker 2>can laugh with and have fun with through all these big, stressful,

0:29:25.200 --> 0:29:26.120
<v Speaker 2>tough life things.

0:29:27.560 --> 0:29:29.760
<v Speaker 4>I think also too for me, Like trust has always

0:29:30.000 --> 0:29:32.400
<v Speaker 4>been a big thing for me. So like, if I

0:29:32.440 --> 0:29:34.880
<v Speaker 4>can let you loosen a room and I can trust

0:29:34.880 --> 0:29:36.640
<v Speaker 4>you to go and be around but I know that

0:29:36.680 --> 0:29:39.640
<v Speaker 4>we're going home together and where you come back and

0:29:39.680 --> 0:29:40.920
<v Speaker 4>you check in on me, that's a.

0:29:40.840 --> 0:29:41.520
<v Speaker 3>Big one for me.

0:29:42.080 --> 0:29:45.480
<v Speaker 2>Agree. Oh my gosh, Chrissy. That was something that when

0:29:45.560 --> 0:29:48.520
<v Speaker 2>Chris and I we drove to our first date separately,

0:29:48.880 --> 0:29:51.440
<v Speaker 2>which I do think I recommend be safe out there,

0:29:51.480 --> 0:29:54.000
<v Speaker 2>but I don't get used to that. Hey, I kind

0:29:54.000 --> 0:29:55.240
<v Speaker 2>of knew him be for all I know, he's a

0:29:55.280 --> 0:29:57.440
<v Speaker 2>celebrity psychopath. I have no idea. I was fully on

0:29:57.520 --> 0:30:01.160
<v Speaker 2>guard even at the beginning. Hollywood's weird. But as we

0:30:01.240 --> 0:30:04.440
<v Speaker 2>found out when he TechEd, But when we he texted

0:30:04.480 --> 0:30:06.640
<v Speaker 2>me after and said, Hey, I just want to tell

0:30:06.680 --> 0:30:08.160
<v Speaker 2>you it's such a great time tonight and I just

0:30:08.160 --> 0:30:10.120
<v Speaker 2>wanted to make sure you made it home okay. And

0:30:10.160 --> 0:30:12.640
<v Speaker 2>that made a huge difference for me, just that he

0:30:12.760 --> 0:30:13.920
<v Speaker 2>was checking on me and.

0:30:13.800 --> 0:30:15.040
<v Speaker 1>One of the things you and I love. And it

0:30:15.280 --> 0:30:18.120
<v Speaker 1>wasn't as much about the trust that Chrissy was mentioning.

0:30:18.400 --> 0:30:22.640
<v Speaker 1>It was more about being able to not have to

0:30:22.680 --> 0:30:25.400
<v Speaker 1>babysit each other. You and I both go into situations

0:30:25.440 --> 0:30:27.840
<v Speaker 1>where you have to work a room, or you're going

0:30:27.880 --> 0:30:30.240
<v Speaker 1>to a board meeting and you're at a cocktail event,

0:30:30.600 --> 0:30:33.560
<v Speaker 1>or I'm at a social event and I need to

0:30:33.880 --> 0:30:37.120
<v Speaker 1>know that you're okay without taking Well, then let me

0:30:37.160 --> 0:30:38.880
<v Speaker 1>ask you to stop, and so it's nice to know.

0:30:39.080 --> 0:30:40.600
<v Speaker 1>I can just see you across the room. We look

0:30:40.640 --> 0:30:42.120
<v Speaker 1>at each other, I'm like, oh, she's got this.

0:30:42.480 --> 0:30:44.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but is that like a second date thing? Let

0:30:44.240 --> 0:30:44.680
<v Speaker 2>me ask both.

0:30:44.720 --> 0:30:45.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's not a first date thing.

0:30:45.840 --> 0:30:47.960
<v Speaker 2>Okay, well that's what I wanted. What is why we're

0:30:47.960 --> 0:30:50.200
<v Speaker 2>going to wrap up here? But on the note of

0:30:50.240 --> 0:30:53.000
<v Speaker 2>first dates, what are good locations for first dates? Christy,

0:30:53.000 --> 0:30:53.480
<v Speaker 2>what do you think?

0:30:54.200 --> 0:30:56.800
<v Speaker 3>I'm me at my boyfriend at bar trivia?

0:30:57.720 --> 0:31:00.400
<v Speaker 2>Oh? Fun? But like you just met at him there

0:31:00.440 --> 0:31:01.880
<v Speaker 2>or that was your intentional first date?

0:31:02.000 --> 0:31:03.400
<v Speaker 3>No, we like just met there.

0:31:03.440 --> 0:31:05.800
<v Speaker 4>We ended up on a team together, just like from

0:31:05.880 --> 0:31:08.959
<v Speaker 4>mutual friends, and we just met there. But doing something

0:31:09.000 --> 0:31:11.120
<v Speaker 4>like that, like you know, like a bar bingo, a

0:31:11.200 --> 0:31:15.160
<v Speaker 4>bar trivia, like a karaoke or something, you're going into

0:31:15.200 --> 0:31:17.560
<v Speaker 4>a situation where you know you're going to be surrounded

0:31:17.560 --> 0:31:19.880
<v Speaker 4>by people who like doing the same things that you.

0:31:19.920 --> 0:31:20.360
<v Speaker 3>Like to do.

0:31:20.640 --> 0:31:22.880
<v Speaker 1>And it's good because you have an activity, but it's

0:31:22.880 --> 0:31:25.320
<v Speaker 1>not an activity that will preclude you from talking.

0:31:25.480 --> 0:31:25.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:31:25.640 --> 0:31:26.960
<v Speaker 2>I don't think you can do a movie on a

0:31:27.040 --> 0:31:30.040
<v Speaker 2>first date, right because first date movie silence so weird.

0:31:30.200 --> 0:31:32.200
<v Speaker 1>And we're going to a play or it's.

0:31:32.080 --> 0:31:33.440
<v Speaker 2>Like I'm round in the dark with this person who

0:31:33.520 --> 0:31:34.240
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, but.

0:31:34.440 --> 0:31:36.680
<v Speaker 1>I do like like Christy's saying, you know, like karaoke

0:31:36.800 --> 0:31:40.160
<v Speaker 1>is actually very interesting because most people really suck at it,

0:31:40.480 --> 0:31:43.320
<v Speaker 1>but it's interesting is this person mean, are they cutting

0:31:43.360 --> 0:31:45.680
<v Speaker 1>everybody down? Or are they leaning into it and having

0:31:45.720 --> 0:31:48.960
<v Speaker 1>a good time. You get to kind of see someone's personality.

0:31:48.960 --> 0:31:50.920
<v Speaker 1>But it is good to have an activity, but it's

0:31:50.960 --> 0:31:53.280
<v Speaker 1>not an activity that will preclude you from talking, because

0:31:53.280 --> 0:31:55.720
<v Speaker 1>that does need to be the major activity of your

0:31:55.880 --> 0:31:57.400
<v Speaker 1>first aid is getting to know each other.

0:31:57.680 --> 0:32:00.760
<v Speaker 2>I think great first date is I'm actually not a

0:32:00.760 --> 0:32:03.880
<v Speaker 2>big meat for coffee because it feels so like formal

0:32:04.120 --> 0:32:06.760
<v Speaker 2>and not. It feels like a business meeting to me.

0:32:06.880 --> 0:32:09.520
<v Speaker 1>It feels informal to me. It feels so timed, like

0:32:09.520 --> 0:32:11.000
<v Speaker 1>we're going to be here for fifteen.

0:32:10.640 --> 0:32:13.440
<v Speaker 2>Minutes exactly, and it's like during the day. It's not sexy.

0:32:13.600 --> 0:32:15.360
<v Speaker 2>I don't love that. I like a meat for a drink,

0:32:15.400 --> 0:32:16.640
<v Speaker 2>and you don't have to be a drinker. You can

0:32:16.640 --> 0:32:19.200
<v Speaker 2>get a mocktail, get whatever. But I like an early

0:32:19.320 --> 0:32:22.320
<v Speaker 2>evening meetup. I think that's a little less casual than

0:32:22.360 --> 0:32:24.280
<v Speaker 2>a full dinner. You know, if you're having a great time,

0:32:24.320 --> 0:32:25.440
<v Speaker 2>you can turn it into dinner.

0:32:25.680 --> 0:32:27.520
<v Speaker 1>I want to put effort in and I want you

0:32:27.560 --> 0:32:29.920
<v Speaker 1>to put effort into seeing me. Yeah, how do you

0:32:30.200 --> 0:32:31.200
<v Speaker 1>want me to see you?

0:32:31.480 --> 0:32:32.520
<v Speaker 2>Like get dressed up for the day?

0:32:32.560 --> 0:32:34.240
<v Speaker 1>How are you putting on, doing your hair, doing a

0:32:34.280 --> 0:32:35.240
<v Speaker 1>little makeup, but note a.

0:32:35.280 --> 0:32:36.240
<v Speaker 2>Nice not pig penning it.

0:32:36.320 --> 0:32:39.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah exactly, And like same thing for me. It's

0:32:39.080 --> 0:32:40.920
<v Speaker 1>like did he put on a jacket? Did he you know,

0:32:41.040 --> 0:32:43.720
<v Speaker 1>dress nicely? Whatever? You know, It's like, how how do

0:32:43.840 --> 0:32:45.360
<v Speaker 1>you want to be presenting yourself?

0:32:45.480 --> 0:32:45.680
<v Speaker 3>Yeah?

0:32:45.720 --> 0:32:46.440
<v Speaker 1>That matters to me.

0:32:46.560 --> 0:32:48.000
<v Speaker 2>And I don't think dinner's bad. I think you can

0:32:48.040 --> 0:32:50.040
<v Speaker 2>totally do a first dinner date. And then that's a

0:32:50.080 --> 0:32:52.960
<v Speaker 2>really good way to like see someone's effort. Did you

0:32:53.000 --> 0:32:54.800
<v Speaker 2>know how much effort did they put into picking the

0:32:54.840 --> 0:32:57.360
<v Speaker 2>place and that? And what kind of place did they pick?

0:32:57.360 --> 0:33:00.360
<v Speaker 2>What are they into? But I also do like I

0:33:00.360 --> 0:33:03.880
<v Speaker 2>think things what you mentioned, Chrissy is great, Like something

0:33:03.920 --> 0:33:06.320
<v Speaker 2>that's kind of social and fun can be a great

0:33:06.360 --> 0:33:08.160
<v Speaker 2>way to get a read on someone. How do they

0:33:08.160 --> 0:33:09.880
<v Speaker 2>do in a group situation? How do they do with

0:33:09.920 --> 0:33:12.880
<v Speaker 2>other people? The only caveat I would say, I think

0:33:12.920 --> 0:33:14.800
<v Speaker 2>sometimes people and this is a bad way to go.

0:33:15.320 --> 0:33:19.440
<v Speaker 2>Will bring someone around their group of friends really early

0:33:19.640 --> 0:33:22.200
<v Speaker 2>as kind of this test, and I don't think that,

0:33:22.320 --> 0:33:24.640
<v Speaker 2>like it can go really great, but it feels like

0:33:24.920 --> 0:33:26.760
<v Speaker 2>not fair and it feels like too much of a test,

0:33:26.760 --> 0:33:29.080
<v Speaker 2>and some people get really nervous in those situations.

0:33:29.200 --> 0:33:31.120
<v Speaker 1>But it feels like such a make or break moment.

0:33:31.360 --> 0:33:33.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, like bring someone to like, yeah, a trivia and

0:33:33.760 --> 0:33:35.640
<v Speaker 2>I could be fun because you're just around other people,

0:33:35.680 --> 0:33:37.640
<v Speaker 2>but I wouldn't be like, You're gonna come on my

0:33:37.680 --> 0:33:40.120
<v Speaker 2>trivia team with all my very best friends from high

0:33:40.160 --> 0:33:41.840
<v Speaker 2>school who I've known forever and we have all these

0:33:41.880 --> 0:33:44.200
<v Speaker 2>inside jokes. Now I'm gonna see how you vibe. Yeah,

0:33:44.200 --> 0:33:47.280
<v Speaker 2>it feels like on a first date. Yeah wow.

0:33:47.560 --> 0:33:50.360
<v Speaker 4>I also like a first date that's like an activity

0:33:50.400 --> 0:33:52.720
<v Speaker 4>that like where you don't have to dress up. Yeah,

0:33:52.800 --> 0:33:56.280
<v Speaker 4>let's go for let's go rafting. Let's go like let's

0:33:56.320 --> 0:33:58.800
<v Speaker 4>get on your raft or let's go for a hike

0:33:58.920 --> 0:34:01.240
<v Speaker 4>or something like let me see you dirty and sluttie,

0:34:01.240 --> 0:34:01.840
<v Speaker 4>where you're.

0:34:01.680 --> 0:34:04.560
<v Speaker 1>Not pretending to Christ's like let's put him on the Bachelor. Oh,

0:34:04.960 --> 0:34:06.400
<v Speaker 1>it's like let's go on a hot air balloon or

0:34:06.440 --> 0:34:10.680
<v Speaker 1>let's go let's throw them off a building and go

0:34:10.719 --> 0:34:11.480
<v Speaker 1>bungee jump in.

0:34:11.640 --> 0:34:14.319
<v Speaker 2>That's interesting though, because Chrissy's saying something totally different than us,

0:34:14.400 --> 0:34:17.120
<v Speaker 2>and maybe what that speaks to is like do you know, well,

0:34:17.200 --> 0:34:20.439
<v Speaker 2>let me ask you this, Chrissy, are you looking about

0:34:20.440 --> 0:34:22.600
<v Speaker 2>to do you think that you have to like be

0:34:22.719 --> 0:34:25.919
<v Speaker 2>aware that a person's into that or is it almost like, Hey,

0:34:26.000 --> 0:34:27.520
<v Speaker 2>I like hiking and I got to see if you

0:34:27.560 --> 0:34:29.560
<v Speaker 2>can vibe or would you like sess them out first

0:34:29.600 --> 0:34:30.799
<v Speaker 2>and be like are you in a hiking? Is this

0:34:30.800 --> 0:34:31.320
<v Speaker 2>a good idea?

0:34:31.960 --> 0:34:33.799
<v Speaker 4>I think that like when you're doing something like that,

0:34:33.800 --> 0:34:36.719
<v Speaker 4>it's very raw and that like I've had I lived

0:34:36.760 --> 0:34:39.200
<v Speaker 4>in La long enough to know and have enough first

0:34:39.280 --> 0:34:41.680
<v Speaker 4>dates to know that like the person showing up for

0:34:41.800 --> 0:34:44.719
<v Speaker 4>my dinner in La in his nice suit jacket was

0:34:44.800 --> 0:34:47.839
<v Speaker 4>really the guy who was home and like his you know,

0:34:48.480 --> 0:34:52.160
<v Speaker 4>pajama pants on a regular basis interesting, like.

0:34:52.120 --> 0:34:55.200
<v Speaker 3>They presented themselves in a way that wasn't who.

0:34:55.280 --> 0:34:57.160
<v Speaker 2>They really liked.

0:34:57.400 --> 0:34:59.439
<v Speaker 1>Two, Like if we had a nice first date after

0:34:59.440 --> 0:35:02.000
<v Speaker 1>dinner whatever, be like Okay, now let's go to run

0:35:02.120 --> 0:35:03.680
<v Speaker 1>in canyon and do the thing or whatever.

0:35:03.760 --> 0:35:04.960
<v Speaker 2>Actually, I do think you and I went on a

0:35:05.000 --> 0:35:07.400
<v Speaker 2>hike on one of our Like, we totally did, because we

0:35:08.120 --> 0:35:10.960
<v Speaker 2>actually this. I don't think I've ever told this story

0:35:11.280 --> 0:35:13.080
<v Speaker 2>a friend someone you remember this.

0:35:13.160 --> 0:35:14.040
<v Speaker 1>We're trying to be secret.

0:35:14.320 --> 0:35:20.920
<v Speaker 2>We're still secretive. And a friend saw you with me

0:35:21.640 --> 0:35:23.319
<v Speaker 2>that it was so far away that they didn't know

0:35:23.360 --> 0:35:26.480
<v Speaker 2>it was me, and they literally texted me and said,

0:35:26.520 --> 0:35:28.560
<v Speaker 2>you won't believe this. I saw Chris Harrison on a

0:35:28.680 --> 0:35:31.319
<v Speaker 2>date with someone earlier, but I could but they were like,

0:35:31.360 --> 0:35:32.799
<v Speaker 2>but it was it was from far away. I don't

0:35:32.800 --> 0:35:35.880
<v Speaker 2>know who it was, but like I was just like, yeah, weird,

0:35:36.120 --> 0:35:36.680
<v Speaker 2>I don't know.

0:35:37.680 --> 0:35:38.720
<v Speaker 3>It was crazy.

0:35:39.840 --> 0:35:42.600
<v Speaker 2>And then we got scared of going on public. Okay, okay,

0:35:42.680 --> 0:35:46.520
<v Speaker 2>gick greecap heres we quick recap. I think be energetic,

0:35:46.600 --> 0:35:48.759
<v Speaker 2>be excited, as you noted right out the gate.

0:35:49.120 --> 0:35:52.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, come in, come in hot, come in confident, come

0:35:52.440 --> 0:35:53.239
<v Speaker 1>in happy.

0:35:53.120 --> 0:35:57.120
<v Speaker 2>Come in polite. Number two, be kind, gentlemanly, put your

0:35:57.160 --> 0:36:02.640
<v Speaker 2>phone away, be nice to servers, ask questions, Ask ask questions,

0:36:02.640 --> 0:36:04.880
<v Speaker 2>ask a follow up, and then share a story about yourself.

0:36:04.960 --> 0:36:05.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:36:05.760 --> 0:36:09.520
<v Speaker 2>I also think be open. Don't judge somebody on these

0:36:09.600 --> 0:36:13.320
<v Speaker 2>little tiny things. Be open, know that their nervous, be human.

0:36:14.600 --> 0:36:17.560
<v Speaker 1>And again, the first date can't mean everything.

0:36:17.600 --> 0:36:19.920
<v Speaker 2>It can't mean everything. If they get a seven out

0:36:19.960 --> 0:36:22.319
<v Speaker 2>of ten or above, I'd say go for a second day.

0:36:22.360 --> 0:36:24.480
<v Speaker 1>This can be the start of something beautiful, but it

0:36:24.520 --> 0:36:27.480
<v Speaker 1>can't be your entire life into this one dinner or

0:36:27.520 --> 0:36:30.239
<v Speaker 1>one coffee or one rafting trip with Chrissy.

0:36:30.160 --> 0:36:32.480
<v Speaker 2>And I think stick to topics where you can just get

0:36:32.560 --> 0:36:34.319
<v Speaker 2>to know them as a person before you get to

0:36:34.360 --> 0:36:36.480
<v Speaker 2>know all their opinions on everything in the world. There

0:36:36.520 --> 0:36:39.799
<v Speaker 2>you go, all right, Well this was great, Christy, Thanks

0:36:39.960 --> 0:36:42.560
<v Speaker 2>you worked. You know what. I'll end this by saying

0:36:42.600 --> 0:36:44.800
<v Speaker 2>I would always give a second date. Second date doesn't

0:36:44.840 --> 0:36:45.920
<v Speaker 2>go great, I'd say you can be done.

0:36:46.040 --> 0:36:48.359
<v Speaker 1>Thank you for the be minus B plus on our

0:36:48.400 --> 0:36:51.399
<v Speaker 1>first date, and thank you for joining us. Always enjoy

0:36:51.440 --> 0:36:52.839
<v Speaker 1>talking to you. We will do it again next time

0:36:52.840 --> 0:36:55.720
<v Speaker 1>because we have a lot more to talk about. Thanks

0:36:55.760 --> 0:36:58.520
<v Speaker 1>for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most dramatic

0:36:58.560 --> 0:37:00.960
<v Speaker 1>pod ever and make sure to write us a review

0:37:00.960 --> 0:37:03.759
<v Speaker 1>and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.