1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. 2 00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 1: Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:14,280 Speaker 1: home office in Austin, Texas. Hope everybody's having a great week. 4 00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:20,000 Speaker 1: Elsie and I were discussing the other day first dates. 5 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:22,720 Speaker 2: Yes, I think we had talked about our first anniversary, 6 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:25,560 Speaker 2: and then that brings up your first date. And you know, 7 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,160 Speaker 2: first dates are a big thing, Like before you're married, 8 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,760 Speaker 2: what do you celebrate. You celebrate the anniversary of probably 9 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,519 Speaker 2: your first date. Right. It's something that if you end 10 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,720 Speaker 2: up in a long relationship with someone, I think that 11 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:39,239 Speaker 2: first date is often burned in your brain, hopefully in 12 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,400 Speaker 2: a good way. 13 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:45,080 Speaker 1: But we've also had discussions because a friend's family that 14 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 1: go on these first dates, and what God is talking 15 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:53,279 Speaker 1: about it in general is the yes, that first date's important, 16 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,520 Speaker 1: but also, and you talk about this all the time, 17 00:00:56,600 --> 00:01:01,000 Speaker 1: it can't mean everything. You can't put so much weight 18 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:05,840 Speaker 1: on the first date that it determines your entire life together. 19 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:10,039 Speaker 2: People who pass by someone because of the first date. 20 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 2: I agree. So we wanted to get into navigating a 21 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:17,480 Speaker 2: first date, and I think that's a great place to 22 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:22,080 Speaker 2: begin about that beginner date. I think the first date 23 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:27,280 Speaker 2: cannot mean everything. It's great if it goes well. But 24 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:30,160 Speaker 2: what I usually advise people is a first date's kind 25 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:33,240 Speaker 2: of like a job interview. I think you know you're 26 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,520 Speaker 2: hoping to get to the next round. You're hoping was 27 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:37,759 Speaker 2: this good enough? I'll to get to the next round 28 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:42,520 Speaker 2: of interviews. And I think that everybody's nervous. So you 29 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,120 Speaker 2: have to give people a little bit of grace with that, 30 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,800 Speaker 2: and maybe if someone says something that's not quite perfect, 31 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,000 Speaker 2: or maybe if you're not totally sure about this part 32 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,920 Speaker 2: of their personality, give them a little slack on that. 33 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 2: That's my opinion. But am I being too lenient? What 34 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:57,200 Speaker 2: do you think? No? 35 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:01,760 Speaker 1: I was going to put it into sports terms because 36 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:04,720 Speaker 1: you love that, which I did a lot on our 37 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:05,120 Speaker 1: first date. 38 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 3: You didn't. 39 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:11,280 Speaker 1: I I got lucky on that. But no, it's like 40 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:13,800 Speaker 1: the beginning of a season, right, You've been to training 41 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:16,760 Speaker 1: camp and all that stuff. The first game you play 42 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,600 Speaker 1: is not the best. You don't come out game one 43 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:21,799 Speaker 1: of a season and we are the best we're ever 44 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,119 Speaker 1: going to be. You improve, you get better, you grow 45 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:27,920 Speaker 1: as a team, you learn each other's idiosyncrasies, and so 46 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:36,080 Speaker 1: the point being first dates are a difficult ground to cover, 47 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:39,320 Speaker 1: and by the way, it plays into some people's strengths. 48 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:42,480 Speaker 1: You and I are good talkers, we're pretty good communicators. 49 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:44,400 Speaker 1: But I would say, and I'm going to ask you, 50 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,880 Speaker 1: scale of one to ten, rate our first date. 51 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:55,000 Speaker 2: Whoa I would have given you? If I called my 52 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,280 Speaker 2: friends the next day, I would have said eight out 53 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:57,560 Speaker 2: of ten. 54 00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:00,400 Speaker 1: Okay, that's higher than I thought. I thought I was 55 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:01,160 Speaker 1: going to get a seven. 56 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,320 Speaker 2: No, why why did you think that seven? 57 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 1: By the way, seven is great. I had c's c's 58 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:06,359 Speaker 1: get degrees. 59 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,880 Speaker 2: Let me let me be arrogant about myself right now. 60 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 2: I would have said, overall date eight out of ten, 61 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:13,200 Speaker 2: my performance on date ten out of ten. 62 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 1: Your performance, No, No, honestly you this is this is 63 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:22,799 Speaker 1: why you get an as you get a nine out 64 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: of ten because because then so you. 65 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,400 Speaker 2: Said, yes, professor, Yes. 66 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:33,320 Speaker 1: One of my drawbacks on our first date was that 67 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 1: I quote unquote talked too much. 68 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:37,680 Speaker 2: That's why I gave you the eight out of ten. 69 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,280 Speaker 2: I thought that you talked a lot. 70 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,280 Speaker 1: Yes, but I would say you get a nine out 71 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 1: of ten because you never stopped asking questions. 72 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,840 Speaker 2: So I asked him any questions, so you didn't leave. 73 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,560 Speaker 1: Any air in the room. And you You can do 74 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,320 Speaker 1: this at times when we get around people and you 75 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:54,880 Speaker 1: feel like because you feel the pressure of carrying a 76 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:55,920 Speaker 1: moment in a situation. 77 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:59,360 Speaker 2: I totally do. I wherever we are, always I feel 78 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:02,760 Speaker 2: the overall burden of how is this night going for everybody? 79 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,480 Speaker 2: I don't know what that is in me. It's an 80 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,880 Speaker 2: inner thing I have where I want everyone to be 81 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,640 Speaker 2: having fun. I want the party to be going well, 82 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:10,880 Speaker 2: even if it's not my party or dinner or anything. 83 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:13,880 Speaker 2: I feel the social pressure of the tone of the events. 84 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:16,159 Speaker 1: Okay, but you just made a great point for a 85 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 1: first date Mulligan, which is a gimme, which is okay 86 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:23,920 Speaker 1: if I had just stopped on date one and said, wow, 87 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,720 Speaker 1: she really asked a lot of questions and she kind 88 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,120 Speaker 1: of kept talking and she never really gave me. And 89 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:31,440 Speaker 1: now the reason why you do that is something I 90 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,719 Speaker 1: find very endearing. You care so much about everybody's time. 91 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,840 Speaker 1: You want everyone to have the best time all the time. 92 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 1: So you are the as Larry David would say, you're 93 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:43,800 Speaker 1: the ultimate middle. You want Lauren Zim at the middle 94 00:04:43,839 --> 00:04:46,960 Speaker 1: of the table because she is going to be the vibe. Now, 95 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have known that on date one. It was 96 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:51,479 Speaker 1: just something I noticed. 97 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 2: So, if you're putting yourself truly in that moment, what 98 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:57,960 Speaker 2: would you have given me? And Okay, you feel like 99 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,240 Speaker 2: I asked a lot of questions, Well, you asked a 100 00:04:59,279 --> 00:05:02,799 Speaker 2: lot of questions, but were very loving, caring given yourself. 101 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:07,720 Speaker 2: I would have given myself. I would say seven seven 102 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:11,720 Speaker 2: and a half. I don't know, I don't I'm I'm 103 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 2: not as good as you in those moments like first 104 00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:14,280 Speaker 2: dates are. 105 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 1: Here's here's why. If I go back to that moment, 106 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:21,320 Speaker 1: I think there's a little trepidation. I was still nervous dating. 107 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:26,680 Speaker 1: You were nervous in public because you know, host of 108 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,320 Speaker 1: The Bachelor and he's hosting a dating show, and so 109 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,600 Speaker 1: I was careful about where we went because I didn't 110 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,640 Speaker 1: want all the prying eyes and anyone taking pictures of 111 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:36,920 Speaker 1: ow he's on the dating scene. So I was like, Okay, 112 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,280 Speaker 1: if I take this beautiful woman out, but we go 113 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 1: to a very public place where a lot of people 114 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:44,919 Speaker 1: in the in the industry are going, They're like, oh, 115 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: he's with this reporter from entertainment tonight. Who cares? 116 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:51,040 Speaker 2: That's not crazy. It just ran into hot dating tip 117 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,719 Speaker 2: is make it look like it's not a date. 118 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:58,400 Speaker 1: In my situations, because I also didn't want that onus 119 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,000 Speaker 1: on you, but that's why. 120 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,279 Speaker 2: But look what we're both analyzing each other for the 121 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:06,160 Speaker 2: asking too many questions or the talking too much. I 122 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,400 Speaker 2: do think that leads to something that I think is 123 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:12,200 Speaker 2: a critical point, a critical must do on a first date. 124 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:16,200 Speaker 2: You better ask some questions and it needs that's the thing. 125 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:18,719 Speaker 2: It needs to go both ways. That is always And 126 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 2: maybe I did too much, but that is a major 127 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:24,800 Speaker 2: read for me on a first date, in a first 128 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:28,760 Speaker 2: hang out with someone, did they ask me any questions 129 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 2: at all about myself? If not, I'm like, well, what 130 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:33,920 Speaker 2: are we doing here? Obviously you don't really care about 131 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,360 Speaker 2: getting to know me, so why would we. 132 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:38,599 Speaker 1: Move forward and then go further and actually listen to 133 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:43,560 Speaker 1: the answers m hm and follow up? Because oftentimes, and guys, 134 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,480 Speaker 1: I'm going to put you out there oftentimes what guys 135 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:48,440 Speaker 1: will do as well. I'm proud of myself. I asked 136 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:52,560 Speaker 1: a question and as soon as Lauren says something about Missouri, 137 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I went to Missouri and I did 138 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 1: this and I and you immediately tell a story about 139 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 1: yourself and that's a OK. But maybe just hold a 140 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,520 Speaker 1: finger up or like clench your fist to remember that 141 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,520 Speaker 1: you want to tell that story, but follow up with well, 142 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,880 Speaker 1: what was it like at miszoo or you know, follow 143 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,720 Speaker 1: up and ask her a other in depth question. Don't 144 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,040 Speaker 1: immediately go back to a story about yourself. 145 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,320 Speaker 2: I think you're so right. A lot of people make 146 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 2: the mistake of sharing about themselves and thinking that that 147 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:28,160 Speaker 2: is relatable and that that's connective to another person. But 148 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,200 Speaker 2: it's not. And you should, I mean, we should all 149 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,360 Speaker 2: be vulnerable and share. But you're so right. Ask a 150 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,720 Speaker 2: follow up question, then share your story. That's a kind 151 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 2: of a good basic rule. Ask question, ask, follow up, 152 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:37,920 Speaker 2: share story. 153 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 1: Even if you said, you know, if you would let 154 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,360 Speaker 1: me know that you lost your dad on our first date, 155 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:45,120 Speaker 1: which you didn't, but if you did, instead of saying, oh, 156 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,800 Speaker 1: I lost my dad too, and just say, you can 157 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:50,320 Speaker 1: mention oh I lost my dad did. 158 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:51,040 Speaker 2: What was that like for you? 159 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:52,200 Speaker 1: What was it like for you or how did you 160 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:53,640 Speaker 1: deal with that or how did you work with your 161 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 1: siblings or whatever it is, But just think about your 162 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:59,360 Speaker 1: story and just kind of put that to the side. 163 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:00,360 Speaker 1: You can come back to it. 164 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 2: I like our new rule, last question, ask follow up, 165 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 2: share story. 166 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:09,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a very tough thing, and I think men 167 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,680 Speaker 1: do it more than women. And I think the reasons 168 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 1: diving into a story about themselves just because they're typically 169 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:16,600 Speaker 1: you don't think so. 170 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 2: I don't know if I've noticed that. To be honest, 171 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 2: I think it's more of a personality trait versus a 172 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,280 Speaker 2: gender thing. Like some people are just like that, And 173 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:26,760 Speaker 2: I actually think a lot of the time it comes 174 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:29,840 Speaker 2: from people being insecure and not knowing how to socially 175 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:34,840 Speaker 2: navigate or and it's like, doesn't necessarily mean that they're 176 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:37,280 Speaker 2: self involved. It's just something they need to work on 177 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:40,160 Speaker 2: and readjust so that's why we're talking about it here now. 178 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:45,559 Speaker 1: Rule one. For sure, get excited, be happy about it, 179 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,680 Speaker 1: but don't put so much weight on this date that 180 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:49,040 Speaker 1: it has to mean everything. 181 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,520 Speaker 2: Well, look, we say first impressions are everything. That's a 182 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 2: phrase we all say, right, But I think that that 183 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 2: phrase is coming from a place of take a first impression. Seriously, 184 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:00,960 Speaker 2: that's really what that phrase is trying to convey. I 185 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,600 Speaker 2: don't think first impressions should be everything. I think everybody 186 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:06,040 Speaker 2: should get a second chance, you know, I mean, I've 187 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:09,640 Speaker 2: had some people who have made some disastrous first impressions 188 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:11,320 Speaker 2: on me. You know, met someone at a party and 189 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:13,320 Speaker 2: they were wasted. I'm not going to hold that against them. 190 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,560 Speaker 2: I'll meet them again. And you know, everybody deserves a 191 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:17,480 Speaker 2: second shot. 192 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,520 Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, if I didn't get a second shot, 193 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,040 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have been the host of the Bachelor for 194 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,560 Speaker 1: twenty years. I had a horrible first date. I had 195 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:25,199 Speaker 1: a terrible first impression. 196 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:26,800 Speaker 2: What your first audition. 197 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,079 Speaker 1: I didn't audition, I just had an interview and I 198 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 1: went in and it was like a first date, right, 199 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 1: You're sitting down with the creator of the show and executives, 200 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,880 Speaker 1: and it was a disaster. I was horrible. I was 201 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,640 Speaker 1: terrible in the room. They were terrible in the room. 202 00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:40,320 Speaker 1: We hated each other. But I came back and I 203 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,400 Speaker 1: was more myself, and we obviously had a pretty good 204 00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:44,720 Speaker 1: marriage for twenty years. 205 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 2: But by the way, why do you think you got 206 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:48,520 Speaker 2: a second shot? 207 00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 1: They had heard somebody had heard and I you know, look, 208 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,000 Speaker 1: they all took credit for it later of whose idea 209 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:57,720 Speaker 1: this was. But they went out to somebody else and 210 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:01,079 Speaker 1: actually were in negotiations with somebody else, and then they 211 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,760 Speaker 1: called me and said they want to meet with you again. 212 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,320 Speaker 1: I said, why it was such a disaster. Our first 213 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,959 Speaker 1: date was a mess that it was, I mean, oil 214 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:11,400 Speaker 1: and water just didn't mix. And I went back in 215 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,280 Speaker 1: for the second interview and they said, look, you are 216 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:16,839 Speaker 1: terrible in our first interview, but we hear you're a 217 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:20,240 Speaker 1: good guy. Let's do this again. And they all, you know, 218 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,520 Speaker 1: through the years, took credit for I was the one 219 00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:24,360 Speaker 1: that stood up for you because I heard and knew it. 220 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:28,760 Speaker 1: But I'll never get to the bottom of what really happened. 221 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,280 Speaker 1: But I did get that second first date. And I 222 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,079 Speaker 1: think the maybe the better line is you know how 223 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,040 Speaker 1: you never get a second chance to make a first impression. 224 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:41,840 Speaker 1: That's true, but that first impression doesn't have to mean everything, 225 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:44,679 Speaker 1: and so I think, maybe, look, you're always going to 226 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:47,160 Speaker 1: have that first impression. I left that first impression on 227 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,720 Speaker 1: everybody when I went in for that interview. I left 228 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:53,000 Speaker 1: that first impression on you. But if you had said, god, 229 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:54,760 Speaker 1: he just I don't know, man, he talked too much. 230 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:59,080 Speaker 1: I'm never going to see him again. What a horrible 231 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:00,400 Speaker 1: like miss that would have been. 232 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:04,959 Speaker 2: Totally and here's the indicator, right, if you wanted to 233 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,079 Speaker 2: play a numbers game with it. Since we're ranking, I 234 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 2: would say, if you have about a I would even 235 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 2: go as low as a seven out of ten for 236 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:15,920 Speaker 2: the date. Give someone a second chance another date six 237 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,480 Speaker 2: and below. I don't know. I mean, I'm not sitting 238 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,600 Speaker 2: here telling everybody. If you go on a first date 239 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 2: and you agree on nothing and you have completely different 240 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:25,000 Speaker 2: views of the world and you're not from the same 241 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:28,240 Speaker 2: place and you didn't connect, of course you shouldn't give 242 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,560 Speaker 2: that person a second chance. But if it was just 243 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:33,120 Speaker 2: one or two things, you know, like truly with us, 244 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 2: I thought, gosh, we have a lot in common, and 245 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:37,160 Speaker 2: I think he's really smart, and I think he's really 246 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:40,280 Speaker 2: polite and gentlemanly and kind. He talked a little too much, 247 00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:44,080 Speaker 2: But in my head, I went, well, maybe he was nervous. 248 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,800 Speaker 2: You know, approach it like a human ask yourself. First 249 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:50,640 Speaker 2: dates are nerve wracking. Was this person nervous? Maybe he 250 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,080 Speaker 2: was tired, maybe at a crazy busy day. You know, 251 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:57,240 Speaker 2: you've got to like have a human factor when you're 252 00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:00,440 Speaker 2: considering would I take go on that second date? 253 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,480 Speaker 1: And what is the worst thing that happens again? If 254 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,040 Speaker 1: they were offensive, like, don't put yourself out there to 255 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:08,719 Speaker 1: have another horrible, offensive experience. But what's the worst thing 256 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 1: if you thought, ah, there's potential there, maybe so have 257 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:15,280 Speaker 1: a second date, and then you can say Nope, I 258 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:18,280 Speaker 1: was wrong, or wow, that really opened my eyes to 259 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:22,200 Speaker 1: something that could be pretty beautiful. By our second date, 260 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,520 Speaker 1: we were often running. I think totally we are. The 261 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 1: first date was not awkward at all. It wasn't bad 262 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 1: at all. Again, I you know, sees get degrees, sees 263 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 1: get dates, sees got me the sea, got me a 264 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:39,360 Speaker 1: second get a second date, see get dates. But I 265 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,600 Speaker 1: think I agree. If if you are going to rank 266 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:44,720 Speaker 1: a date, and maybe that's a good formula, go home, 267 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:48,520 Speaker 1: and it's what you would tell your dearest friend, your mom, whatever, 268 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:52,160 Speaker 1: your sister. And if you said, all right, babe, rank this, 269 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 1: and if you say seven, seven and a half eight, 270 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:59,760 Speaker 1: but this give to give it another chance. And what's 271 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:02,160 Speaker 1: the worst thing that happens is you have a second 272 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:05,000 Speaker 1: dinner and you don't or to dessert, You go home 273 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,320 Speaker 1: and you don't talk to him again. 274 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,800 Speaker 2: So I think we need to dive into importantly how 275 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,679 Speaker 2: to do a first date, though, or we're telling people 276 00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:25,480 Speaker 2: a lot how to judge whether to have a second date. 277 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,000 Speaker 2: I think there are some key factors in how to 278 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:32,320 Speaker 2: approach a first date. Well one, be excited, show up excited. 279 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,480 Speaker 2: You know nobody wants to feel like you don't want 280 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,760 Speaker 2: to be there. Be excited even if you're not sure, 281 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:39,600 Speaker 2: even if you're questioning it. Otherwise, why are you wasting 282 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,920 Speaker 2: everyone's time? Go in with energy and being open. 283 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,440 Speaker 1: Two And by the way, can I just hit one 284 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:49,080 Speaker 1: point on that that goes to literally getting out of 285 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,640 Speaker 1: the car. The moment you get out of a car, 286 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:56,320 Speaker 1: your body language, your look, the smile on your face. 287 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,920 Speaker 1: If you walk in past the hostess, Stan and I'm 288 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,880 Speaker 1: sitting at the bar, your shoulders are slumped and you've 289 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,400 Speaker 1: got this look on your face and you're kind of 290 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:07,760 Speaker 1: looking around. Walk in and guys, this goes for you too. 291 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:12,560 Speaker 1: Walk in, shoulders up back, looking strong, looking confident, looking happy, 292 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:16,360 Speaker 1: looking excited that you're in this moment. That body language 293 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,960 Speaker 1: goes a long way the moment you walk in a room. 294 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,400 Speaker 2: Have you had some bad body language on first dates? 295 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,520 Speaker 2: It sounds like you have. What happened to you? 296 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:25,600 Speaker 1: I mean, I think of I don't know why the 297 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:30,200 Speaker 1: pig pin, you know of the Peanuts character I've just 298 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:34,200 Speaker 1: kind of had his shoulders down. There's this dirty were dirty. 299 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:37,480 Speaker 1: But yeah, that's it's an exaggeration. But yeah, I've had 300 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:38,840 Speaker 1: people where I've been sitting at a bar. 301 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 2: Number too. 302 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,960 Speaker 1: No, I've had people where I'm sitting at a bar 303 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,840 Speaker 1: and I look up and I think, this is the 304 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,960 Speaker 1: person who I'm going on a date with. I went 305 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,600 Speaker 1: on a couple of blind dates where I didn't know 306 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,840 Speaker 1: the person, and I see this person walk by the 307 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:54,200 Speaker 1: hostess and they kind of I don't see them have 308 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:57,320 Speaker 1: a good exchange with the hostess, right, they don't stop 309 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:01,120 Speaker 1: and smile and look my way and and give you 310 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,440 Speaker 1: that wave of like I'm so excited to be there. 311 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 1: It's just kind of like an f you to the hostess. 312 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:09,520 Speaker 1: As they walk by, they're looking on their phone, finishing 313 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,720 Speaker 1: up a text message kind of, and then they kind 314 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:13,960 Speaker 1: of annoyingly look around the room of like you're the 315 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:17,040 Speaker 1: next thing on my to do list. And it just 316 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 1: immediately gives you a vibe. Whether you think about it 317 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 1: or not, it inherently. 318 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,280 Speaker 2: Gives you a vibe totally. 319 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:24,400 Speaker 1: And that's how it starts. 320 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,080 Speaker 2: I want to meet someone who has a smile on 321 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 2: their face and goes in for a polite hug and 322 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:31,120 Speaker 2: is excited. 323 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,640 Speaker 1: You did that. You gave a great vibe when you walked. 324 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,120 Speaker 2: Into it first. Yeah, oh my gosh, I don't remember. 325 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:37,280 Speaker 1: You were just and I and again, it was kind 326 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:38,680 Speaker 1: of weird because it was our first date, but I 327 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,000 Speaker 1: also knew you and I actually had seen you earlier 328 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,960 Speaker 1: in the day at a charity event that you were 329 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,320 Speaker 1: covered and I loved you were. 330 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,960 Speaker 2: Like texting me saying that you you even wanted to 331 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,400 Speaker 2: move the time up of the date, and I really 332 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:52,160 Speaker 2: liked that. I couldn't because I'm like, I got to 333 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,560 Speaker 2: go home and get ready hello, But you made me 334 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:59,080 Speaker 2: feel like you were excited, and that was, yeah, exactly 335 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,920 Speaker 2: what we're talking about. And probably what I remember is 336 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:05,440 Speaker 2: your politeness. I mean that would maybe be number one energy, 337 00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:08,920 Speaker 2: Number two politeness and decorum, Like you just mentioned someone 338 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:11,080 Speaker 2: being rude to a server, be kind of servers, be 339 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:15,480 Speaker 2: kind to everyone, and just be polite. I remember disposition, 340 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:21,520 Speaker 2: don't fake it. But I remember so distinctly how much 341 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,000 Speaker 2: of a gentleman you were with pulling the chair out 342 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:28,080 Speaker 2: for me and opening card every door. And yeah, that 343 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:31,040 Speaker 2: one hundred percent me a good first impression. 344 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:31,280 Speaker 4: On me. 345 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, and so as you enter the room, that was 346 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,240 Speaker 1: number That was number one. 347 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:39,240 Speaker 2: Be energetic from the get go. Be polite from the 348 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:43,920 Speaker 2: get go. Ask questions, even if you're nervous. We already 349 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,520 Speaker 2: talked about this, but just ask some questions of that person. 350 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,520 Speaker 2: Try to get to know them. I would say my 351 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:54,040 Speaker 2: fourth tip, don't take it all too seriously. I know 352 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:57,200 Speaker 2: people who I think that they are struggling and dating 353 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:01,080 Speaker 2: because they're acting like, you know, this is everything, and 354 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,480 Speaker 2: well I'm trying to find a husband, or I'm trying 355 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,840 Speaker 2: to and you know, well I only have so much 356 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,639 Speaker 2: time and I've got to fit this into my schedule, 357 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:11,600 Speaker 2: and or they're afraid of rejection, so they take it 358 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:15,040 Speaker 2: too seriously. Don't take it too seriously. What I always 359 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,879 Speaker 2: say is, hey, it's more for the memoir. If a 360 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,200 Speaker 2: date goes really poorly, well you got a great story 361 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,280 Speaker 2: out of it, maybe went to a great restaurant. What's 362 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaker 2: the big deal. And I think that dating is like 363 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:28,240 Speaker 2: practice is important practice, you know. I would always in 364 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,679 Speaker 2: the past when I was dating, I would look at 365 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:32,240 Speaker 2: every potential bad date as like, well, that just kind 366 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,480 Speaker 2: of helped me work my muscles and potentially find the 367 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:35,040 Speaker 2: right person. 368 00:17:35,359 --> 00:17:38,840 Speaker 1: You can't do everything all at once. And that's why 369 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:42,159 Speaker 1: the first date can't mean everything all at once. And 370 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:43,840 Speaker 1: I hate to do this again, but I can't. I 371 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:45,840 Speaker 1: was trying to rack my brain with another analogy, and 372 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,120 Speaker 1: all I know is the sports. 373 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:50,360 Speaker 2: Finaculary's okay, honey, I love you, We're Mary. You can 374 00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 2: talk about sports. 375 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,800 Speaker 1: One thing that coaches, good coaches will tell you. It's like, 376 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,000 Speaker 1: say you get down in a game and you have 377 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:58,520 Speaker 1: to score a few times, Like, you can't do it 378 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,600 Speaker 1: all in one play. If you're down by ten, you 379 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,720 Speaker 1: can't score one basket work ten points. You can't score touchdown, 380 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:07,240 Speaker 1: we're ten points. You can't score one goal that'll get 381 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:11,400 Speaker 1: you ten points, meaning one play at a time, one 382 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:14,280 Speaker 1: day at a time, one date at a time. Let 383 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:19,119 Speaker 1: it progress naturally. You can't get married. I mean you 384 00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:21,440 Speaker 1: can if you're in Vegas. But you can't get married, 385 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:25,680 Speaker 1: have children, and fulfill your entire life's goals in one date. 386 00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:28,359 Speaker 1: So why would you put that much pressure on that 387 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:31,680 Speaker 1: one date? Sure, get excited about what could be, that's 388 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 1: all fun, But putting that much pressure on not only 389 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:39,800 Speaker 1: yourself but the person you're meeting. My God, let you know, 390 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,840 Speaker 1: they're not able to make a mistake, they're not able 391 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:46,159 Speaker 1: to be goofy, they're not able to you know, overcome something. 392 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:50,679 Speaker 1: So I think making everything matter so much is difficult. 393 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:55,320 Speaker 1: Don't dampen your excitement, but give yourself a break. 394 00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:57,240 Speaker 2: Totally and like you like you were just something you 395 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,480 Speaker 2: just said. When people say like, ooh, that gave me 396 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,040 Speaker 2: the icky, I don't know. I don't. I think you 397 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,159 Speaker 2: can't judge too hard on a first date with that stuff. 398 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,520 Speaker 2: Like I mean, we're all being so crazy nowadays with 399 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,920 Speaker 2: like the oh, I'm trying to think of a good example, 400 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,560 Speaker 2: like he wore a cart again and that gave me 401 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,200 Speaker 2: the ick. It's like what you know what I'm. 402 00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:17,480 Speaker 1: Saying, Yeah, sure, nobody wants this. Just did a whole 403 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:22,040 Speaker 1: episode on this where uh is it Adrian Brody? Am 404 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:22,720 Speaker 1: I getting that right? 405 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 2: No, the Rabbi, not Adrian Brody, Adam Brody. 406 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:31,080 Speaker 1: Adam Brody got yes, Adam Brody did something and her 407 00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:33,320 Speaker 1: sister pulled her asides like I just saw that, Like 408 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,159 Speaker 1: what are you talking about? It's like he just like 409 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:37,720 Speaker 1: he's he gave it. He gave a really bad Italian 410 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,720 Speaker 1: accent because he brought in like a tie feet or 411 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:42,240 Speaker 1: something like that, and so he said something and her 412 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,720 Speaker 1: sister was like, oh, I saw that, you just got 413 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,840 Speaker 1: the ick. And it's so he says, like, you're right, 414 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,800 Speaker 1: I got to break up with him, and they didn't. 415 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:51,879 Speaker 1: And that was the whole point of that episode was 416 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,840 Speaker 1: come on, like, even if someone gives you the ick, 417 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:58,080 Speaker 1: supposedly something that's a big turn off unless it's something insane, 418 00:19:58,440 --> 00:19:58,960 Speaker 1: a lot. 419 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,760 Speaker 2: Of these things can be fit. Let's remember that, everybody. 420 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:04,959 Speaker 1: Yeah, he put the blazer on, uh to and to 421 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,440 Speaker 1: talk to his parents and to impress them. He came 422 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,720 Speaker 1: in with these big thing of flowers and had his blazers. 423 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:11,399 Speaker 2: Yeah, I got it because he put on a jacket. 424 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:11,640 Speaker 3: Yeah. 425 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:16,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, come on, and remember when you're dating someone, 426 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:20,359 Speaker 2: what things are potentially changeable. And I'm being really serious 427 00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:22,760 Speaker 2: about that. I'm saying like, like I do think that 428 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:26,480 Speaker 2: people are very they can get really extreme too with like, well, 429 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:28,680 Speaker 2: this is how they are, and people don't change and 430 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,360 Speaker 2: it really depends on the thing. To me, it depends 431 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,480 Speaker 2: on the factor, Like I don't know. I would say 432 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:37,359 Speaker 2: that I think you've become a more organized person since 433 00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:40,520 Speaker 2: we've been together. Oh, I would say tenfold, like your house. 434 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,320 Speaker 2: When we first moved in together, I would open a 435 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:45,400 Speaker 2: cabinet and things would spill out. You've become a much 436 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:46,000 Speaker 2: more organized. 437 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 1: I had a full bacheler Pat. I had been single 438 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,919 Speaker 1: for about a decade and so I was a single dad, 439 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 1: and so I would say, and I hopefully you'll back 440 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,280 Speaker 1: me up with this. My house was very tidy and 441 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,160 Speaker 1: very clean because I'm a very clean person, but I'm 442 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:00,920 Speaker 1: not an organized It just. 443 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:04,840 Speaker 2: Tidy at first sight. If every any door you opened. 444 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:06,640 Speaker 1: Its dirt, it was dirty. 445 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,280 Speaker 2: Well that's what I'm saying. It clean, not organized, clean, 446 00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:12,760 Speaker 2: not organized. And I think would say that I've changed 447 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:16,080 Speaker 2: for you. Yeah, it has bled off from I do. 448 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:17,800 Speaker 3: Wow. 449 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,080 Speaker 2: I was just going to wow. I was actually just 450 00:21:20,119 --> 00:21:21,800 Speaker 2: going to say, I do think even though it's I'm 451 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,680 Speaker 2: never going to be perfect, do you think got more 452 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:29,879 Speaker 2: timely for you? Yes? Thank you. Number five, I will say, 453 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:33,600 Speaker 2: I don't think you should bring up really controversial topics 454 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:37,040 Speaker 2: on a first date. I do think again, just like 455 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:40,320 Speaker 2: a job interview, and maybe people disagree with on this, 456 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,840 Speaker 2: I don't know. You tell me like, on the one hand, 457 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,000 Speaker 2: of course, you want to get into like are you 458 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,080 Speaker 2: guys a good match. You have to have things in common. 459 00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:49,960 Speaker 2: I think that's the biggest thing. Let me say it 460 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:53,360 Speaker 2: for the record. I don't believe in the opposites attract philosophy. 461 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:57,160 Speaker 2: Maybe opposites attract, but do opposite stay together if you're 462 00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:58,960 Speaker 2: looking for someone you really want to stay together with 463 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 2: in life. I do think overall you have to have 464 00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:05,439 Speaker 2: pretty similar morals worldviews. You can disagree, but if you 465 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,600 Speaker 2: want to enjoy your life, find someone who likes to 466 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:10,719 Speaker 2: live similarly to you. Now, I'm not saying, you know, 467 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:14,800 Speaker 2: do you want to like figure out are we similar people? Overall? Sure? 468 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,440 Speaker 2: But I don't know if on a first date you 469 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:21,760 Speaker 2: want to dive into like, you know, heavily political thing. 470 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:26,639 Speaker 1: Let's say after this latest election, it's it was on 471 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,560 Speaker 1: November fifth. Let's say you had gone on a first 472 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:32,359 Speaker 1: date on No. Six, November six or seven? Yeah, wow, 473 00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:33,000 Speaker 1: crazy week? 474 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:33,320 Speaker 2: Huh? 475 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:34,280 Speaker 1: Or wow? 476 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:34,560 Speaker 4: Good? 477 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,959 Speaker 1: You know, like what would you would you just ignore it? 478 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,200 Speaker 1: Would you? 479 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,399 Speaker 2: You know what I would do because of the timeliness. 480 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,480 Speaker 2: I would bring it up in a lighthearted way. I 481 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:44,280 Speaker 2: really would like. I think I'd be like, so should 482 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,920 Speaker 2: we talk about the election? Because it's like just last night? 483 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:51,480 Speaker 2: So I think I would. Yeah, you're right, I would. 484 00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:53,240 Speaker 2: And like I said, maybe I could be wrong about this. 485 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:54,680 Speaker 2: I don't know. What do you think would you bring 486 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:58,040 Speaker 2: up like big controversial things on a first time. 487 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:00,960 Speaker 1: But you know, it's interesting too. If I think you 488 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,359 Speaker 1: allow a conversation to just go, I don't. I don't know. 489 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,520 Speaker 2: I don't really believe. In the heart, I wouldn't avoid it. 490 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:06,720 Speaker 2: I wouldn't say we can't talk about it. 491 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,560 Speaker 1: I don't believe in hard fast rules. But if all 492 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:13,040 Speaker 1: of a sudden, you know, let's say, because one of 493 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,200 Speaker 1: my big things about when you walk into a room 494 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:16,560 Speaker 1: or walk up to the bar or whatever, and you 495 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,280 Speaker 1: sit down, do not put your phone on the table, 496 00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:23,119 Speaker 1: do not have your phone, put your phone away, and 497 00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:26,439 Speaker 1: let's say, unless there is a dire need for it, 498 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:30,440 Speaker 1: in which case explain, hey, I just have to leave 499 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,040 Speaker 1: my phone out because just in case the babysitter calls, 500 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:37,280 Speaker 1: Oh you have kids? Yeah, oh how many kids too? Okay, 501 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:41,240 Speaker 1: that and then that's an okay way to get into something. 502 00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:45,960 Speaker 1: You know, if the conversation naturally led us into that, Okay, great, 503 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,359 Speaker 1: that's that's fine. But I wouldn't sit down and in 504 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:51,000 Speaker 1: one of the first questions like, so do you want kids? 505 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:52,920 Speaker 1: So it's all in how you get there. 506 00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,240 Speaker 2: Well, we're talking kind of talking about two different things. 507 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 2: One is like the bringing up And I wanted to 508 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,040 Speaker 2: ask you this, do you bring up like your major 509 00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:13,640 Speaker 2: goals in life? I want to get married, I want 510 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,080 Speaker 2: to have kids. I have a timeline for this. Do 511 00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:16,760 Speaker 2: you bring that stuff up on the first date? And 512 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:18,480 Speaker 2: I wanted to ask you that now, but I was 513 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:21,080 Speaker 2: kind of referring more to like like, I don't think 514 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,360 Speaker 2: I would go maybe if the election had just happened 515 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,880 Speaker 2: and it's the next night. Sure, it almost feels weird 516 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:27,640 Speaker 2: to not talk about it and just and you don't 517 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,359 Speaker 2: want to be unnatural, But would I sit down on 518 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:31,920 Speaker 2: a first date with someone and say, well, how do 519 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:33,920 Speaker 2: you feel about the Israel Palestine situation? 520 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:34,440 Speaker 1: Right? 521 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,280 Speaker 2: I don't think I would do that. And it's not 522 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,719 Speaker 2: because I don't want to know their feelings. It's just because, again, 523 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,440 Speaker 2: this is a first date and there's I think there's 524 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,560 Speaker 2: already so many other factors, your nerves. You don't know 525 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:50,080 Speaker 2: anything about each other, so much like let's get to 526 00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:52,200 Speaker 2: know the basics and let's ease into those. 527 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:55,120 Speaker 1: Things you're putting the cart before the horse or those situations. 528 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,720 Speaker 1: Get to know and see if you like the person. 529 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,160 Speaker 1: Once you like the person, date. 530 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:02,480 Speaker 2: And you might disagree. I think that people can be 531 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:06,480 Speaker 2: in relationships and disagree on things, obviously, But but it's 532 00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,800 Speaker 2: just I think you're setting a barrier for you. You're 533 00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:10,520 Speaker 2: you're building a wall that you're going to have to 534 00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:13,120 Speaker 2: climb over if you don't get to know each other 535 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,760 Speaker 2: before getting to know all of each other's opinions. 536 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:17,760 Speaker 1: And if you're asking good questions and you're listening and 537 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,639 Speaker 1: you're following up, you're probably going to discern, for the 538 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,000 Speaker 1: most part, some of the answers to those questions that 539 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:24,160 Speaker 1: you want to get to later. 540 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:26,040 Speaker 2: Read the room. Okay, so let's go to what you 541 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,000 Speaker 2: just said, because I asked, do you bring up marriage, kids, 542 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:29,879 Speaker 2: all that, and you said a definitive no. 543 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,280 Speaker 1: I don't think. And again, I think you can talk 544 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:37,080 Speaker 1: about things in life and you know, maybe something slips 545 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:40,320 Speaker 1: out of like oh you were married before, No, yes, 546 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,240 Speaker 1: you know. It's like, so I think you can get 547 00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:43,439 Speaker 1: into some of these conversations. 548 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,400 Speaker 2: That's interesting because on our first date, we talked about 549 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,400 Speaker 2: whether we wanted to get married again. We talked about 550 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:49,800 Speaker 2: moving to Texas one day, like we did. 551 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:53,600 Speaker 1: We were take. I think you got to take, you know, 552 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,080 Speaker 1: Ciskel and Ebert or I guess Barbara Walters and Tom 553 00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,840 Speaker 1: brokaw out of this because we both know if. 554 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:01,919 Speaker 2: All those questions of you, you might have brought some 555 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:03,840 Speaker 2: of that stuff up. We and granted we knew each 556 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,400 Speaker 2: other professionally, so we weren't total. 557 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:07,160 Speaker 1: We didn't know each other, Yeah, we weren't. We weren't 558 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:10,400 Speaker 1: on this like blind date per se. So I feel 559 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:12,560 Speaker 1: like we had had good conversations, we had talked, we 560 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:16,159 Speaker 1: had texted, talked on the phone, and so it was 561 00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:19,320 Speaker 1: I felt like it naturally progressed. I don't think there 562 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:20,600 Speaker 1: was anything jarring. 563 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,280 Speaker 2: No on our foot, That's what I mean. So I'm 564 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,520 Speaker 2: interested in why you're like, here's what the maybe caveat. 565 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,480 Speaker 2: I'll give how I feel and tell me if you agree. 566 00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,680 Speaker 2: I do think life place matters, Like if you're twenty 567 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:34,399 Speaker 2: five and you're just starting to date, although I don't know, 568 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:35,960 Speaker 2: maybe at twenty five you really want to get married. 569 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,919 Speaker 2: I do think it depends on like how important all 570 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,280 Speaker 2: those things are to you. Like I also think if 571 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,719 Speaker 2: you're in your forties and you're both divorced, Like marriage 572 00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,120 Speaker 2: is just going to come up more naturally, and that's okay. 573 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. And where you meet and how you meet. Right, 574 00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:52,920 Speaker 1: if you're meeting off of hinge or something and you're 575 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:54,720 Speaker 1: going on this first date and you're meeting at a 576 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:57,040 Speaker 1: bar and you're just figuring out literally who the person 577 00:26:57,160 --> 00:27:00,440 Speaker 1: is as they walk in, as opposed to you've been 578 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,720 Speaker 1: working with this person for a couple of years. You're 579 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,439 Speaker 1: going on a first date. You're taking this relationship to 580 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:08,199 Speaker 1: the next level. You go to church or temple together, 581 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,360 Speaker 1: and you're like decide to so like you It depends 582 00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:13,760 Speaker 1: on if you already know a little something. 583 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:16,199 Speaker 2: About Yeah, And I don't think any of these are 584 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,280 Speaker 2: like hard and fast rules. I'm not and to ay, 585 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:20,520 Speaker 2: if you want to bring up kind of again, if 586 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,479 Speaker 2: those controversial topics come up naturally, okay, get into it. 587 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:26,960 Speaker 2: If marriage and kids and stuff comes up, and or 588 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:28,840 Speaker 2: you really want to bring it up, okay. I think 589 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,440 Speaker 2: a lot of it is how you bring it up. 590 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,320 Speaker 2: I think probably some people make the mistake of sitting 591 00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:34,760 Speaker 2: down at a first hit and going, well, so do 592 00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:38,320 Speaker 2: you want kids, and it's like whoa you know, versus 593 00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:40,399 Speaker 2: letting that conversation happen. 594 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:42,760 Speaker 1: Or even stamping it with such a. 595 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:44,680 Speaker 2: Like if you don't want kids, I'm out here because 596 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:45,560 Speaker 2: exactly now. 597 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:48,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, giving it such a statement and you're directing it 598 00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:52,120 Speaker 1: in a box, there's nowhere to go from there. If 599 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:56,960 Speaker 1: you sit down and you say, well, if you didn't 600 00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,080 Speaker 1: vote for Kamala like this, this needs to be over. 601 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:01,520 Speaker 1: Or if you don't even this, yeah, this needs to 602 00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:02,880 Speaker 1: be over. If you don't want to get married again, 603 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,400 Speaker 1: we're done. So if you stamp it with something that's 604 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,040 Speaker 1: just you can't come back from it. You're not giving 605 00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:10,720 Speaker 1: that person any room to breathe in a conversation. So, yeah, 606 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:12,800 Speaker 1: there are ways to get about those conversations. 607 00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:14,399 Speaker 2: Christy, can I pull you into this? I feel like 608 00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:17,439 Speaker 2: we need one more opinion. I know you are you 609 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:20,280 Speaker 2: have a boyfriend. You guys have been together for a 610 00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:23,040 Speaker 2: minute here, But when you were dating previous to this boyfriend, 611 00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:25,040 Speaker 2: would you bring up or how would you feel if 612 00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:28,800 Speaker 2: people brought up kind of serious topics or controversial things 613 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:30,679 Speaker 2: or big life things on a first date? 614 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,960 Speaker 3: I just I agree. I didn't bring it up. 615 00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:37,680 Speaker 4: Okay, it was like it was definitely like a third 616 00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:41,400 Speaker 4: or fourteen I don't want to understand if you're funny first, Like, so, 617 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:44,920 Speaker 4: if you're funny, can you make me laugh? Can you 618 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:48,560 Speaker 4: be in a room and not absorb all the air 619 00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:50,480 Speaker 4: but kind of work yourself into it. 620 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:54,360 Speaker 2: I think you've nailed something so important, Chrissy. How many 621 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,840 Speaker 2: people do you know? I have so many friends who 622 00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,520 Speaker 2: will go by this gauge. Well, I just kind of 623 00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:00,800 Speaker 2: want to see if I could bring him to a 624 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:02,719 Speaker 2: party and if he could, like if I could leave 625 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:04,760 Speaker 2: him alone at a party, Like can you handle being 626 00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:06,920 Speaker 2: around other people? Can you chat? Are you a fun 627 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,840 Speaker 2: person to be around? And I think that's such a 628 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:13,560 Speaker 2: smart first thing to assess about someone is just do 629 00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:17,000 Speaker 2: I enjoy being around you? Because ultimately, all the stuff 630 00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,000 Speaker 2: we're talking about, the tough stuff in life, the big 631 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:21,840 Speaker 2: stuff in life, you're gonna want a partner who you 632 00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:24,840 Speaker 2: can laugh with and have fun with through all these big, stressful, 633 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:26,120 Speaker 2: tough life things. 634 00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,760 Speaker 4: I think also too for me, Like trust has always 635 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:32,400 Speaker 4: been a big thing for me. So like, if I 636 00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:34,880 Speaker 4: can let you loosen a room and I can trust 637 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:36,640 Speaker 4: you to go and be around but I know that 638 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,640 Speaker 4: we're going home together and where you come back and 639 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:40,920 Speaker 4: you check in on me, that's a. 640 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:41,520 Speaker 3: Big one for me. 641 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:45,480 Speaker 2: Agree. Oh my gosh, Chrissy. That was something that when 642 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:48,520 Speaker 2: Chris and I we drove to our first date separately, 643 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,440 Speaker 2: which I do think I recommend be safe out there, 644 00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:54,000 Speaker 2: but I don't get used to that. Hey, I kind 645 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:55,240 Speaker 2: of knew him be for all I know, he's a 646 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,440 Speaker 2: celebrity psychopath. I have no idea. I was fully on 647 00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 2: guard even at the beginning. Hollywood's weird. But as we 648 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:04,440 Speaker 2: found out when he TechEd, But when we he texted 649 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:06,640 Speaker 2: me after and said, Hey, I just want to tell 650 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:08,160 Speaker 2: you it's such a great time tonight and I just 651 00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:10,120 Speaker 2: wanted to make sure you made it home okay. And 652 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:12,640 Speaker 2: that made a huge difference for me, just that he 653 00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:13,920 Speaker 2: was checking on me and. 654 00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:15,040 Speaker 1: One of the things you and I love. And it 655 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:18,120 Speaker 1: wasn't as much about the trust that Chrissy was mentioning. 656 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:22,640 Speaker 1: It was more about being able to not have to 657 00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,400 Speaker 1: babysit each other. You and I both go into situations 658 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:27,840 Speaker 1: where you have to work a room, or you're going 659 00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:30,240 Speaker 1: to a board meeting and you're at a cocktail event, 660 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,560 Speaker 1: or I'm at a social event and I need to 661 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:37,120 Speaker 1: know that you're okay without taking Well, then let me 662 00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:38,880 Speaker 1: ask you to stop, and so it's nice to know. 663 00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:40,600 Speaker 1: I can just see you across the room. We look 664 00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:42,120 Speaker 1: at each other, I'm like, oh, she's got this. 665 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, but is that like a second date thing? Let 666 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:44,680 Speaker 2: me ask both. 667 00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:45,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not a first date thing. 668 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:47,960 Speaker 2: Okay, well that's what I wanted. What is why we're 669 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:50,200 Speaker 2: going to wrap up here? But on the note of 670 00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:53,000 Speaker 2: first dates, what are good locations for first dates? Christy, 671 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:53,480 Speaker 2: what do you think? 672 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:56,800 Speaker 3: I'm me at my boyfriend at bar trivia? 673 00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:00,400 Speaker 2: Oh? Fun? But like you just met at him there 674 00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:01,880 Speaker 2: or that was your intentional first date? 675 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:03,400 Speaker 3: No, we like just met there. 676 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,800 Speaker 4: We ended up on a team together, just like from 677 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:08,959 Speaker 4: mutual friends, and we just met there. But doing something 678 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,120 Speaker 4: like that, like you know, like a bar bingo, a 679 00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:15,160 Speaker 4: bar trivia, like a karaoke or something, you're going into 680 00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:17,560 Speaker 4: a situation where you know you're going to be surrounded 681 00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:19,880 Speaker 4: by people who like doing the same things that you. 682 00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:20,360 Speaker 3: Like to do. 683 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,880 Speaker 1: And it's good because you have an activity, but it's 684 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,320 Speaker 1: not an activity that will preclude you from talking. 685 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:25,640 Speaker 3: Yeah. 686 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:26,960 Speaker 2: I don't think you can do a movie on a 687 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:30,040 Speaker 2: first date, right because first date movie silence so weird. 688 00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:32,200 Speaker 1: And we're going to a play or it's. 689 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:33,440 Speaker 2: Like I'm round in the dark with this person who 690 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:34,240 Speaker 2: I don't know, but. 691 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:36,680 Speaker 1: I do like like Christy's saying, you know, like karaoke 692 00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:40,160 Speaker 1: is actually very interesting because most people really suck at it, 693 00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:43,320 Speaker 1: but it's interesting is this person mean, are they cutting 694 00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,680 Speaker 1: everybody down? Or are they leaning into it and having 695 00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:48,960 Speaker 1: a good time. You get to kind of see someone's personality. 696 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:50,920 Speaker 1: But it is good to have an activity, but it's 697 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:53,280 Speaker 1: not an activity that will preclude you from talking, because 698 00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:55,720 Speaker 1: that does need to be the major activity of your 699 00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:57,400 Speaker 1: first aid is getting to know each other. 700 00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:00,760 Speaker 2: I think great first date is I'm actually not a 701 00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:03,880 Speaker 2: big meat for coffee because it feels so like formal 702 00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:06,760 Speaker 2: and not. It feels like a business meeting to me. 703 00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:09,520 Speaker 1: It feels informal to me. It feels so timed, like 704 00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:11,000 Speaker 1: we're going to be here for fifteen. 705 00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,440 Speaker 2: Minutes exactly, and it's like during the day. It's not sexy. 706 00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,360 Speaker 2: I don't love that. I like a meat for a drink, 707 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:16,640 Speaker 2: and you don't have to be a drinker. You can 708 00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:19,200 Speaker 2: get a mocktail, get whatever. But I like an early 709 00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:22,320 Speaker 2: evening meetup. I think that's a little less casual than 710 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:24,280 Speaker 2: a full dinner. You know, if you're having a great time, 711 00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:25,440 Speaker 2: you can turn it into dinner. 712 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,520 Speaker 1: I want to put effort in and I want you 713 00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:29,920 Speaker 1: to put effort into seeing me. Yeah, how do you 714 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:31,200 Speaker 1: want me to see you? 715 00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:32,520 Speaker 2: Like get dressed up for the day? 716 00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:34,240 Speaker 1: How are you putting on, doing your hair, doing a 717 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:35,240 Speaker 1: little makeup, but note a. 718 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:36,240 Speaker 2: Nice not pig penning it. 719 00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:39,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah exactly, And like same thing for me. It's 720 00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:40,920 Speaker 1: like did he put on a jacket? Did he you know, 721 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:43,720 Speaker 1: dress nicely? Whatever? You know, It's like, how how do 722 00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,360 Speaker 1: you want to be presenting yourself? 723 00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:45,680 Speaker 3: Yeah? 724 00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:46,440 Speaker 1: That matters to me. 725 00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,000 Speaker 2: And I don't think dinner's bad. I think you can 726 00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:50,040 Speaker 2: totally do a first dinner date. And then that's a 727 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:52,960 Speaker 2: really good way to like see someone's effort. Did you 728 00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:54,800 Speaker 2: know how much effort did they put into picking the 729 00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,360 Speaker 2: place and that? And what kind of place did they pick? 730 00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:00,360 Speaker 2: What are they into? But I also do like I 731 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:03,880 Speaker 2: think things what you mentioned, Chrissy is great, Like something 732 00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:06,320 Speaker 2: that's kind of social and fun can be a great 733 00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:08,160 Speaker 2: way to get a read on someone. How do they 734 00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:09,880 Speaker 2: do in a group situation? How do they do with 735 00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,880 Speaker 2: other people? The only caveat I would say, I think 736 00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:14,800 Speaker 2: sometimes people and this is a bad way to go. 737 00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:19,440 Speaker 2: Will bring someone around their group of friends really early 738 00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:22,200 Speaker 2: as kind of this test, and I don't think that, 739 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,640 Speaker 2: like it can go really great, but it feels like 740 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:26,760 Speaker 2: not fair and it feels like too much of a test, 741 00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:29,080 Speaker 2: and some people get really nervous in those situations. 742 00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,120 Speaker 1: But it feels like such a make or break moment. 743 00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, like bring someone to like, yeah, a trivia and 744 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:35,640 Speaker 2: I could be fun because you're just around other people, 745 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:37,640 Speaker 2: but I wouldn't be like, You're gonna come on my 746 00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:40,120 Speaker 2: trivia team with all my very best friends from high 747 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:41,840 Speaker 2: school who I've known forever and we have all these 748 00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:44,200 Speaker 2: inside jokes. Now I'm gonna see how you vibe. Yeah, 749 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,280 Speaker 2: it feels like on a first date. Yeah wow. 750 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:50,360 Speaker 4: I also like a first date that's like an activity 751 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,720 Speaker 4: that like where you don't have to dress up. Yeah, 752 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:56,280 Speaker 4: let's go for let's go rafting. Let's go like let's 753 00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:58,800 Speaker 4: get on your raft or let's go for a hike 754 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,240 Speaker 4: or something like let me see you dirty and sluttie, 755 00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:01,840 Speaker 4: where you're. 756 00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:04,560 Speaker 1: Not pretending to Christ's like let's put him on the Bachelor. Oh, 757 00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:06,400 Speaker 1: it's like let's go on a hot air balloon or 758 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:10,680 Speaker 1: let's go let's throw them off a building and go 759 00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:11,480 Speaker 1: bungee jump in. 760 00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:14,319 Speaker 2: That's interesting though, because Chrissy's saying something totally different than us, 761 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:17,120 Speaker 2: and maybe what that speaks to is like do you know, well, 762 00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:20,439 Speaker 2: let me ask you this, Chrissy, are you looking about 763 00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:22,600 Speaker 2: to do you think that you have to like be 764 00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:25,919 Speaker 2: aware that a person's into that or is it almost like, Hey, 765 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:27,520 Speaker 2: I like hiking and I got to see if you 766 00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:29,560 Speaker 2: can vibe or would you like sess them out first 767 00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:30,799 Speaker 2: and be like are you in a hiking? Is this 768 00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:31,320 Speaker 2: a good idea? 769 00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:33,799 Speaker 4: I think that like when you're doing something like that, 770 00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:36,719 Speaker 4: it's very raw and that like I've had I lived 771 00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:39,200 Speaker 4: in La long enough to know and have enough first 772 00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:41,680 Speaker 4: dates to know that like the person showing up for 773 00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,719 Speaker 4: my dinner in La in his nice suit jacket was 774 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,839 Speaker 4: really the guy who was home and like his you know, 775 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:52,160 Speaker 4: pajama pants on a regular basis interesting, like. 776 00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:55,200 Speaker 3: They presented themselves in a way that wasn't who. 777 00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:57,160 Speaker 2: They really liked. 778 00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:59,439 Speaker 1: Two, Like if we had a nice first date after 779 00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:02,000 Speaker 1: dinner whatever, be like Okay, now let's go to run 780 00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:03,680 Speaker 1: in canyon and do the thing or whatever. 781 00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:04,960 Speaker 2: Actually, I do think you and I went on a 782 00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:07,400 Speaker 2: hike on one of our Like, we totally did, because we 783 00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:10,960 Speaker 2: actually this. I don't think I've ever told this story 784 00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,080 Speaker 2: a friend someone you remember this. 785 00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:14,040 Speaker 1: We're trying to be secret. 786 00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:20,920 Speaker 2: We're still secretive. And a friend saw you with me 787 00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:23,319 Speaker 2: that it was so far away that they didn't know 788 00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:26,480 Speaker 2: it was me, and they literally texted me and said, 789 00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:28,560 Speaker 2: you won't believe this. I saw Chris Harrison on a 790 00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:31,319 Speaker 2: date with someone earlier, but I could but they were like, 791 00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:32,799 Speaker 2: but it was it was from far away. I don't 792 00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,880 Speaker 2: know who it was, but like I was just like, yeah, weird, 793 00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:36,680 Speaker 2: I don't know. 794 00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:38,720 Speaker 3: It was crazy. 795 00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,600 Speaker 2: And then we got scared of going on public. Okay, okay, 796 00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:46,520 Speaker 2: gick greecap heres we quick recap. I think be energetic, 797 00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,759 Speaker 2: be excited, as you noted right out the gate. 798 00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:52,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, come in, come in hot, come in confident, come 799 00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:53,239 Speaker 1: in happy. 800 00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:57,120 Speaker 2: Come in polite. Number two, be kind, gentlemanly, put your 801 00:35:57,160 --> 00:36:02,640 Speaker 2: phone away, be nice to servers, ask questions, Ask ask questions, 802 00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:04,880 Speaker 2: ask a follow up, and then share a story about yourself. 803 00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:05,680 Speaker 1: Yeah. 804 00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:09,520 Speaker 2: I also think be open. Don't judge somebody on these 805 00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:13,320 Speaker 2: little tiny things. Be open, know that their nervous, be human. 806 00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:17,560 Speaker 1: And again, the first date can't mean everything. 807 00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:19,920 Speaker 2: It can't mean everything. If they get a seven out 808 00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:22,319 Speaker 2: of ten or above, I'd say go for a second day. 809 00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:24,480 Speaker 1: This can be the start of something beautiful, but it 810 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,480 Speaker 1: can't be your entire life into this one dinner or 811 00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:30,239 Speaker 1: one coffee or one rafting trip with Chrissy. 812 00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,480 Speaker 2: And I think stick to topics where you can just get 813 00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:34,319 Speaker 2: to know them as a person before you get to 814 00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:36,480 Speaker 2: know all their opinions on everything in the world. There 815 00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:39,799 Speaker 2: you go, all right, Well this was great, Christy, Thanks 816 00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:42,560 Speaker 2: you worked. You know what. I'll end this by saying 817 00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,800 Speaker 2: I would always give a second date. Second date doesn't 818 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:45,920 Speaker 2: go great, I'd say you can be done. 819 00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,359 Speaker 1: Thank you for the be minus B plus on our 820 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:51,399 Speaker 1: first date, and thank you for joining us. Always enjoy 821 00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:52,839 Speaker 1: talking to you. We will do it again next time 822 00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:55,720 Speaker 1: because we have a lot more to talk about. Thanks 823 00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:58,520 Speaker 1: for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most dramatic 824 00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:00,960 Speaker 1: pod ever and make sure to write us a review 825 00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:03,759 Speaker 1: and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.