WEBVTT - “Recovery Road”: What It Looks Like for Amy 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:04.960 I won't let my body outly outweigh everything that I'm 0:00:04.960 --> 0:00:08.799 made do. Won't spend my life trying to change. I'm 0:00:08.880 --> 0:00:12.440 learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong, 0:00:12.800 --> 0:00:15.800 I feel free, I know who every part of me 0:00:16.480 --> 0:00:24.000 it's beautiful. And then will always out wait if you 0:00:24.040 --> 0:00:27.159 feel it with your eyes. And there she's love to 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:31.200 the boom. There, let's say good day and did you 0:00:31.440 --> 0:00:37.360 and die out? Happy Saturday? Outweigh fam Amy here and 0:00:37.520 --> 0:00:41.560 I'm sitting across from my co host Lisa. Hello, everybody. 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:43.639 I'm so excited to be back with you all. It's 0:00:43.640 --> 0:00:45.760 been a minute. Yeah, it's been a while since Lisa 0:00:45.800 --> 0:00:48.600 and I've done an episode together. And I'm excited for 0:00:48.640 --> 0:00:50.560 this chat because it's a little bit different than something 0:00:50.600 --> 0:00:53.440 Lisa and I have ever discussed before, and I want 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:57.320 to share with her something I noticed my brain doing 0:00:57.560 --> 0:00:59.440 because I feel like I'm just more in touch with 0:00:59.480 --> 0:01:01.959 a lot of my thoughts lately, now that I actually 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:05.520 have that free space in my brain, my eating disorder 0:01:05.560 --> 0:01:09.639 is no longer taking up or occupying my brain rent 0:01:09.680 --> 0:01:12.759 free like I guess that's what the kids say. So 0:01:13.120 --> 0:01:17.319 I am just so aware of so much more and 0:01:17.360 --> 0:01:19.679 on the food side of things. Have been very excited 0:01:19.720 --> 0:01:22.280 to break this down with Lisa. I've touched on it 0:01:22.319 --> 0:01:25.560 a little bit with licensed therapist cat Defata, who's come 0:01:25.600 --> 0:01:28.240 on the podcast a couple of times, and she joins 0:01:28.240 --> 0:01:30.920 me on four Things with Amy Brown. But at least 0:01:30.959 --> 0:01:33.400 I just want your take on it because and it's 0:01:33.400 --> 0:01:35.360 not to be like, oh hey, look, yeah, look where 0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:37.560 I am. But it's more of like, well, this is 0:01:37.560 --> 0:01:40.520 an exciting thing that we all have to look forward 0:01:40.600 --> 0:01:42.600 to once we put in the work and we get 0:01:42.640 --> 0:01:46.120 to the other side. And I was listening to a 0:01:46.240 --> 0:01:50.880 book Limitless, and it was talking about different brain foods 0:01:51.040 --> 0:01:55.120 and foods that your brain will thrive off of if 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:58.360 you consume them. And I started to make a mental 0:01:58.400 --> 0:02:00.360 list and I was so excited. Next was at the 0:02:00.400 --> 0:02:04.920 grocery store I bought while not spread. I bought blueberries 0:02:05.080 --> 0:02:08.960 and avocados and cauliflower like I was putting things in 0:02:09.040 --> 0:02:12.720 my cart intentionally. Which side note here total side note. 0:02:12.760 --> 0:02:15.079 But I saw a post on Instagram of the image 0:02:15.080 --> 0:02:18.280 of a brain like cut open and then cauliflower cut open? 0:02:18.560 --> 0:02:21.079 Did you post that? I didn't post it, but they 0:02:21.120 --> 0:02:23.080 looked the same. Was that the idea, yes, and then 0:02:23.080 --> 0:02:25.760 it was just this whole thing about how fascinating it is, 0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:28.120 and in cauliflower something that yes, it is good for 0:02:28.160 --> 0:02:31.040 the brain, and it just took me back to my 0:02:31.200 --> 0:02:36.200 disordered days when I ate all these foods but for 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:40.200 the wrong reason. I saw them on a list of oh, 0:02:40.280 --> 0:02:42.480 these are good for the brain, but I used it 0:02:42.560 --> 0:02:45.919 as an excuse to only eat those foods and not 0:02:46.120 --> 0:02:49.400 give myself any joy anywhere else. So then it turned 0:02:49.400 --> 0:02:52.760 into this restriction thing. Then I went on to do 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:55.040 some sort of some tests that was going to tell 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:59.080 me certain foods that caused my particular body inflammation, and 0:02:59.120 --> 0:03:02.320 instead of a actually seeing how I felt after I 0:03:02.360 --> 0:03:05.120 physically ate the food, I took those test results as 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:07.839 if they were you know, the Bible, and I'm like, 0:03:08.040 --> 0:03:11.040 this is the truth, the way the light. And I 0:03:11.080 --> 0:03:14.200 can never have a blueberry again because blueberry causes my 0:03:14.320 --> 0:03:18.200 body inflammation. So then I cut out blueberries. So then 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:20.760 I took away that brain food. But I was like, well, 0:03:21.160 --> 0:03:24.720 but my body is not allergic to or sensitive to 0:03:25.000 --> 0:03:28.120 I say sensitive in air quotes cash shows. Well, then 0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:30.840 I just ended up eating cash shows all day long, 0:03:31.400 --> 0:03:35.520 and it was this whole disordered, unhealthy space with me 0:03:35.640 --> 0:03:39.080 really trying to do good but my with by my body. 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:42.120 But it it came from not the right place. And 0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:45.080 so my whole point in saying this is is that 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:48.680 now I notice I'm actually able to enjoy doing something 0:03:48.720 --> 0:03:52.440 like that, doing good for my body and bringing in 0:03:53.040 --> 0:03:56.160 the nutritious foods for my brain for example. I mean 0:03:56.160 --> 0:03:57.920 there's all other kinds of foods that we could talk about, 0:03:57.960 --> 0:04:00.760 for like liver or kidney, all the things. But the 0:04:00.840 --> 0:04:04.720 exciting part was being at the store buying these brain 0:04:04.840 --> 0:04:07.720 foods and knowing that I genuinely was going to get 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:12.320 to enjoy them, but without the fear of eating you know, 0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:16.240 too much of them all day long, or restricting them 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:20.800 just in case they might cause inflammation, or using them 0:04:20.839 --> 0:04:23.480 as some sort of an excuse not to eat other 0:04:23.560 --> 0:04:26.600 food that maybe someone had prepared or eat out at 0:04:26.600 --> 0:04:29.640 a restaurant or socialized with friends because it didn't fit 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:32.200 into my brain food list. Like there was just so 0:04:32.279 --> 0:04:34.960 much freedom, and I just got to say, like, it's 0:04:34.960 --> 0:04:38.320 just been exciting, and I love going into my fridge 0:04:38.320 --> 0:04:41.440 and popping a few blueberries in my mouth and having 0:04:41.480 --> 0:04:45.200 a genuine little conversation with myself of like boop brain 0:04:45.240 --> 0:04:49.520 food and it's exciting. It's so exciting, and I think, 0:04:49.640 --> 0:04:52.960 you know, eating disorder and disordered eating recovery is so 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:56.279 different than a lot of different types of recovery where 0:04:56.279 --> 0:04:58.720 people have to quote unquote put in the work. You know, 0:04:58.720 --> 0:05:01.760 when we talk about drug as an alcohol, you're you know, 0:05:01.839 --> 0:05:04.760 hopefully not revisiting those substances again. But when it comes 0:05:04.800 --> 0:05:07.760 to eating disordered or disordered eating recovery, we're going to 0:05:07.839 --> 0:05:10.400 eat again. And so it's going to be very normal 0:05:10.440 --> 0:05:15.080 that your relationship to the substancing quote that you were 0:05:15.200 --> 0:05:19.560 interacting with negatively before can then be positive. And it 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:23.479 definitely takes a journey, right, Like the beginning of recovery 0:05:23.520 --> 0:05:26.600 is bumpy. You're doing a lot of unlearning. You're pushing 0:05:26.640 --> 0:05:29.240 yourselves to do things that scare you, whether that's eating 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:31.400 the blueberries because oh my gosh, what are they going 0:05:31.440 --> 0:05:32.960 to do for my body? Because I was told that 0:05:33.000 --> 0:05:36.120 they you know, cause inflammation or or eating something you know, 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:39.280 not blueberries but oreos or whatever. You know, you're more 0:05:39.320 --> 0:05:42.520 obvious kind of fear food, dairy grains, whatever it is 0:05:42.560 --> 0:05:45.200 that like you talked up to being not good for you, 0:05:45.600 --> 0:05:49.800 But I a percent believe that nutrition and what we 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:52.599 eat and how we eat it really our relationship to 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:57.080 it can be a form of self care. And I 0:05:57.120 --> 0:05:59.920 think it's hard to understand unless you've kind of been 0:06:00.040 --> 0:06:02.880 on both sides of the coin, where you previously have 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:06.120 been to the grocery store and you scanned every label 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:08.120 and if it had this amount of sugar, you didn't 0:06:08.160 --> 0:06:10.120 have it, or if had this amount of calories or carbs, 0:06:10.279 --> 0:06:12.960 you didn't eat it. Versus now when you're like, oh, 0:06:13.000 --> 0:06:15.120 blueberryes are good for my brain, walnuts are good for 0:06:15.200 --> 0:06:18.160 my brain, Cauliflower is good for my brain. There is 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:22.520 an energetic difference that you are vibrating from. And I 0:06:22.560 --> 0:06:25.360 know this might feel like really maybe abstract for our listeners, 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:28.160 but try and think what it feels like when you 0:06:28.240 --> 0:06:32.320 are eating or deciding what to eat from a fearful place, 0:06:32.400 --> 0:06:37.360 when you're trying to use control versus abundance and taking 0:06:37.360 --> 0:06:42.000 care of yourself. Like, there's a distinct difference in the 0:06:42.040 --> 0:06:45.680 way that we feel when making those choices, which I 0:06:45.720 --> 0:06:50.440 think can kind of be the obvious point of Am 0:06:50.480 --> 0:06:52.800 I doing this in a way that's disordered under the 0:06:52.880 --> 0:06:56.279 guise of healthy or is this actually good? And healthy 0:06:56.400 --> 0:06:59.800 for me, right. And it's a fine line because we're 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:02.919 doing the same things. We're still eating cauliflower, right, But 0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:07.080 are we doing it from an expansive, abundant mindset where 0:07:07.080 --> 0:07:09.800 we want to nourish our bodies, take good care of them, 0:07:10.000 --> 0:07:12.240 think about our brains in your case, or are we 0:07:12.280 --> 0:07:15.320 doing them from this place of control that we're like 0:07:15.480 --> 0:07:18.400 not even aware of. And it's a fine line, especially 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:20.680 as we make our way out of a place where 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:25.640 we've been super controlling. But it's really a fun opportunity, 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:30.120 once you've made it through the bumpier parts of the journey, 0:07:30.160 --> 0:07:33.520 to invite these foods back into your life in a 0:07:33.600 --> 0:07:36.720 completely different mindset. And I feel like that's kind of 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:40.440 what you're experiencing, Amy, Yes, and yeah, you're right, it's 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:43.880 no longer from a place of fear and control. I 0:07:43.920 --> 0:07:47.840 have been able to surrender all of that, and I'm 0:07:47.880 --> 0:07:51.920 able to truly enjoy things. You know. I was waiting 0:07:51.920 --> 0:07:54.000 for the Oreo mentioned. I thought, I wonder if Lisa 0:07:54.040 --> 0:07:55.840 and I can get through an episode where neither one 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:59.000 of us brings up the infamous oreo. So, because if 0:07:59.040 --> 0:08:00.320 you were going to do it, I is going to 0:08:00.440 --> 0:08:02.880 do it. But I just want to offer that that 0:08:03.080 --> 0:08:07.000 encouragement and knowing that now I can take care of 0:08:07.040 --> 0:08:09.840 my brain or other organs and different things. I mean, 0:08:09.880 --> 0:08:13.200 even when it comes to like drinking water. Some people 0:08:13.280 --> 0:08:15.880 probably wouldn't think that that could be part of a 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:20.920 disordered behavior, but it's it was for me, and it's water. 0:08:21.560 --> 0:08:26.800 But I was so stuck in this control space that like, 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:30.000 I would freak out if I didn't have every drop 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:32.400 of water that I was supposed to have that day. 0:08:32.640 --> 0:08:35.520 I feel like a big part of this, which might 0:08:35.559 --> 0:08:39.320 be missed by people who don't understand, is that eating 0:08:39.320 --> 0:08:42.480 disorder recovery or disordered eating recovery isn't just about eating 0:08:42.480 --> 0:08:44.920 the food that you didn't used to eat. Food freedom 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:48.600 isn't just about the food. If you're truly going through 0:08:48.760 --> 0:08:53.199 this journey of making peace with your body, you're likely 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:56.319 and hopefully and if not hopefully, going to start after 0:08:56.360 --> 0:09:00.000 I bring this up, really getting to know your self 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:03.440 talk what does that voice in your head sound like? 0:09:03.800 --> 0:09:07.080 What does it feel like? And when you become really 0:09:07.120 --> 0:09:10.760 attuned to that voice, you become much more able to 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:15.120 catch when it's deviating into an old place that doesn't 0:09:15.160 --> 0:09:18.400 serve you. You are aware when you're self berating, which 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:22.040 may in the past just be your norm. And there's 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:25.480 so much inner work that goes through a recovery beyond 0:09:25.559 --> 0:09:28.200 just the food freedom, being able to eat the oreo, 0:09:28.280 --> 0:09:30.480 the ice cream, the pasta, you know, whatever those foods 0:09:30.520 --> 0:09:34.080 are that are really like the foods that you see 0:09:34.120 --> 0:09:37.000 people eating in their recovery and enjoying are is like 0:09:37.040 --> 0:09:39.160 the tip of the iceberg. But what you don't see 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:41.880 beneath the water is all of that inner work that 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:45.200 they've done, working on their self talk, really getting to 0:09:45.240 --> 0:09:49.920 know it, implementing compassion, both self compassion and compassion for others, 0:09:50.600 --> 0:09:54.560 learning how to be flexible in situations that otherwise you know, 0:09:54.600 --> 0:09:58.840 would have caused inner turmoil, binging, or restricting. There's so 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:01.400 much beneath that. And I another big one that you know, 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:05.400 kind of you've semi brought up here is value based 0:10:05.440 --> 0:10:08.040 living amy Like, you want to take care of your brain. 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:09.640 Why do you want to take care of your brain? 0:10:15.400 --> 0:10:17.760 Why do you want to take care of your brain? Well, 0:10:17.840 --> 0:10:20.520 because I know that it's it's important. I want to 0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:24.360 have a longevity, I want to have relationships. I want 0:10:24.360 --> 0:10:27.840 to make sure that as I age, I take care 0:10:27.880 --> 0:10:30.640 of something as precious as my brain. Now, some stuff 0:10:30.720 --> 0:10:33.800 genetically might be out of my control, but this is 0:10:33.840 --> 0:10:36.840 a part where in a healthy way I say that control. 0:10:37.600 --> 0:10:40.560 With that context, I can try to at least do 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:42.760 my best to make sure that I'm giving it what 0:10:42.840 --> 0:10:46.200 it needs. And it's it's so exciting to kind of 0:10:46.240 --> 0:10:49.880 go through the life journey and get that opportunity, I 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:53.040 know for me having just had a baby, and I 0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:55.800 mean there's so much labor that goes into not obviously 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:59.000 labor labor, but physical labor of holding a baby, changing baby, 0:10:59.040 --> 0:11:01.560 picking a baby up. Now she's crawling, I'm chasing her. 0:11:01.600 --> 0:11:04.600 And one of the things that I'm really passionate about 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:08.280 is taking good care of my joints. And for whatever reason, 0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:10.760 I know I'm like a young person, but my joints 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:15.640 in my body really hurt if I'm not actively stretching, moving, mobilizing, 0:11:15.720 --> 0:11:19.160 getting fresh oxygen and blood to those areas. So movement 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:21.520 for me in the last few months has also really 0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:24.320 shifted from a place of longevity. I want to be 0:11:24.360 --> 0:11:27.280 able to pick up my baby and feel good and 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:29.920 be able to do this for a lifetime. As our 0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:32.679 bodies only age and get more difficult. So you know, 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:35.160 there's so many situations I feel like where our listeners 0:11:35.200 --> 0:11:40.199 can hopefully start to think about how things that previously 0:11:40.360 --> 0:11:44.480 fell into diet culture for them may exist in their 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:48.120 recovery down the line or maybe right now, depending on 0:11:48.160 --> 0:11:49.800 where you are. That's kind of the hard part of 0:11:49.800 --> 0:11:51.800 this podcast is we don't know where you are in 0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:56.600 this exact moment. But knowing that that we can use 0:11:57.000 --> 0:12:01.240 things like eating you know, blueberries and nuts and cashews 0:12:01.240 --> 0:12:03.360 and move our bodies and do all these things that 0:12:03.440 --> 0:12:07.560 we previously used to abuse in a way that is 0:12:07.640 --> 0:12:11.400 truly a form of self care. And you know, you 0:12:11.480 --> 0:12:13.760 just mentioned a movement and that makes me think of 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:16.959 my water comment a minute ago and movement. Those were 0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:20.160 things where it was like me controlling every ounce of 0:12:20.160 --> 0:12:22.320 water that went in my body and every step I 0:12:22.400 --> 0:12:26.040 took and monitoring it and pacing my kitchen while I'm 0:12:26.120 --> 0:12:28.640 chugging my water before I go to bed, because I 0:12:28.679 --> 0:12:31.079 had this rule of what I had to get done 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:34.120 every single day. And while now I can approach it 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:38.000 from a place of like, oh, yes, movement is going 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:40.160 to be good today, but what does that look like? Like? 0:12:40.679 --> 0:12:43.680 I know, move my body needs movement but is it 0:12:44.040 --> 0:12:47.920 like achieving a certain amount of steps every single day 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:50.280 so that I can sleep easy at night, which I 0:12:50.320 --> 0:12:53.040 wasn't sleeping easy, by the way, Like I I wasn't 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:55.160 I was already stressed about the next day, how I 0:12:55.200 --> 0:12:56.640 was going to get all the water in, how I 0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:59.480 was gonna not eat this and only eat that and 0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:04.559 enter everything in. And so my hope is that this 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:09.400 type of conversation will excite people about the possibilities that 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:13.760 they're going to have um future movement, things with what 0:13:13.880 --> 0:13:17.360 family and friends, future trips to the grocery store, all 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:20.640 the different things that come along with not being attached 0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:25.120 to all these rules and guidelines and the pressure of that. 0:13:25.160 --> 0:13:28.800 And Lisa, you mentioned self compassion, and I think that's 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:31.080 what a lot of what I have for myself now 0:13:31.120 --> 0:13:34.920 it's like, oh, if I didn't necessarily do that, that's okay, 0:13:35.000 --> 0:13:40.760 and maybe we'll try tomorrow. Compassion for others. I interviewed 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:44.920 Shaun and Equist on my podcast this week, Four Things podcast, 0:13:45.040 --> 0:13:47.800 and there are four pillars that she mentioned in her 0:13:47.880 --> 0:13:52.840 latest book, and they are compassion, self compassion, curiosity, and courage. 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:55.840 And I'm not applying them here in the same way 0:13:55.840 --> 0:13:57.840 that she did in her latest book. But I just 0:13:57.840 --> 0:14:01.160 would say it takes a lot of courage to recognize 0:14:01.200 --> 0:14:03.560 where you are and then want to make the change 0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:06.960 and try to talk to someone about it. I think 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:09.960 the curiosity piece, when I think of this conversation, comes 0:14:09.960 --> 0:14:12.760 in with like just being curious of what might your 0:14:12.760 --> 0:14:15.360 life look like if you do try to let go 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:19.480 of some of these disordered behaviors. And I even take 0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:21.560 it to where I am now. I get curious at 0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:23.840 the grocery store, like, oh, I wonder what this food 0:14:23.840 --> 0:14:26.080 tastes like, or I wonder what this might be like 0:14:26.200 --> 0:14:30.120 if I were to add this to my routine in 0:14:30.160 --> 0:14:32.320 some way, shape or form, or what if I tried 0:14:32.360 --> 0:14:36.320 this new form of exercise whatever it is or movement 0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:39.720 the curiosity piece. And then you know, Lisa, you already 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:42.360 mentioned the compassion and self compassion. So I just thought 0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:44.160 those four things were kind of could be fun to 0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:47.280 throw into this conversation. Yeah, And I think, actually that 0:14:47.360 --> 0:14:49.560 might be a good little challenge to throw in here. 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:51.480 And it's a fun activity that I like to do 0:14:51.520 --> 0:14:53.840 from time to time, too, is going to the grocery store. 0:14:54.040 --> 0:14:55.720 And of course you have your list of your basics 0:14:55.720 --> 0:14:57.920 of things that you that you need, and then allow 0:14:57.960 --> 0:14:59.880 your eyes to kind of wander and see what can 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:02.480 Whuch is your attention. Maybe it's something new that you've 0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:05.480 never had before that you want to try, Maybe it's 0:15:05.520 --> 0:15:08.120 something that you haven't had in years, you know, But 0:15:08.160 --> 0:15:11.840 allow yourself to wonder, bring that curiosity in and then 0:15:11.880 --> 0:15:14.920 invite that into your home and your meals to really 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:18.080 see what your experiences. And you never know if you're 0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:20.360 gonna like it or not like it. But the key 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:23.760 here is to not let the nutrition label deter you 0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:26.880 from having whatever that is if there's a nutrition label 0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:29.400 on it. So that's a nice little challenge piece to 0:15:29.440 --> 0:15:31.280 go for. And the other thing I kind of just 0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:33.920 want to bring up amy, which I found really interesting 0:15:34.280 --> 0:15:36.680 even just as I reflect back on the last seven 0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:39.640 months of becoming a mom and the big life shift 0:15:39.760 --> 0:15:43.480 that I've gone through, is that there are seasons of 0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:48.000 life where your relationship to food is going to change 0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:53.040 and that's okay. And I think knowing that might help 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:55.600 you again ease up on that self talk where you're 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:58.440 down on yourself. There was a period in the last 0:15:58.600 --> 0:16:01.360 seven months, a long period aid where I mean I 0:16:01.400 --> 0:16:04.200 was eating anything in the fridge that was three or 0:16:04.200 --> 0:16:05.880 four or five days old, you know, but it was 0:16:05.920 --> 0:16:08.680 already pre made. Like, there have been so many times 0:16:08.800 --> 0:16:11.000 I've been so thoughtless, or I've eaten just can't soup 0:16:11.040 --> 0:16:14.000 for dinner because I just can't think of another meal, 0:16:14.080 --> 0:16:15.840 or have relied on frozen foods. And then there have 0:16:15.920 --> 0:16:18.480 been other moments where I'm like, a form of self 0:16:18.520 --> 0:16:20.960 care today is actually going to be putting love into 0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:24.200 a meal, spending time chopping the vegetables, connecting with the food, 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:27.400 you know, really taking you know, a minute to think 0:16:27.440 --> 0:16:30.280 about the food. And neither of those things are right 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:33.680 or wrong, the thoughtless the more thoughtful, but rather a 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:37.000 reflection of the best that I could do in that 0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:42.960 situation given how I felt exhaustion wise and my mental capacity. 0:16:43.320 --> 0:16:45.080 And that's kind of a short period of time that 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:46.600 I've gone through so much change where I'm like, I 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:48.680 don't really care what I eat too, you know, I 0:16:48.720 --> 0:16:51.280 really care what I eat. But we're going to go 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:54.880 through those those seasons of life where emphasis is on 0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:58.200 nutrition and wholesome food and connecting with our food and 0:16:58.240 --> 0:17:00.280 cooking a lot. For me. In the summer time, I 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:02.560 usually wake up a little bit more to that, but 0:17:02.600 --> 0:17:05.760 I don't mean seasons literally like that. But there are 0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:09.160 also times and in long periods of time where food 0:17:09.200 --> 0:17:10.960 is just kind of on the back burner for me, 0:17:11.359 --> 0:17:14.560 and it's cool to allow that to happen without the 0:17:14.600 --> 0:17:17.320 fear of the judgment to seep in and kind of 0:17:17.400 --> 0:17:20.800 robbed me from actually being present, because food can kind 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:22.520 of be two things. Food can just be food where 0:17:22.520 --> 0:17:24.359 it just kind of gets us through the day, or 0:17:24.440 --> 0:17:26.720 it can be a powerful way to connect to yourself 0:17:26.760 --> 0:17:29.680 in that moment more deeply. And I would just say too, 0:17:29.800 --> 0:17:31.879 especially you're talking about you being a new mom, if 0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:34.199 we have other moms listening, I mean, I have a 0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:36.840 fourteen year old and a ten year old eleven gosh, 0:17:36.840 --> 0:17:39.240 he's eleven, he's actually almost gonna be twelve, and my 0:17:39.240 --> 0:17:41.360 fourteenyear old is about to be fifteen. So anyway, we're 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:43.439 in the thick of it with school and activities, and 0:17:43.480 --> 0:17:47.200 there's like some days are just busy, and I'm able 0:17:47.240 --> 0:17:49.520 to be aware of that and know that just because 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:52.240 maybe one week we're not having certain meals that I 0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:55.199 otherwise would have fed them or depending on what I have, 0:17:55.320 --> 0:17:58.920 no judgment, like, I am free of that and when 0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:01.359 I first became a mom, um we first adopted them, 0:18:01.400 --> 0:18:04.440 I was not that way. It actually overwhelmed and stressed 0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:06.520 me out, and I didn't know what I was in 0:18:06.600 --> 0:18:08.080 to feedom how it's going to feed them. And then 0:18:08.080 --> 0:18:09.960 I felt like a failure if they ate a piece 0:18:09.960 --> 0:18:12.960 of candy or something. And then now I'm a completely 0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:16.960 different type of mom and I don't have that that 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:19.800 negative self talk if we're not eating the dinner that 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:21.639 I had planned for us to have and we just 0:18:21.760 --> 0:18:25.560 end up doing cereal, which the kids love, by the way, 0:18:25.680 --> 0:18:28.879 and that brings them and me a lot of joy 0:18:29.000 --> 0:18:31.000 those nights where it's like, all right, everybody just go 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:33.240 to the pantry, pick out something to eat, like we're good, 0:18:33.359 --> 0:18:36.280 we're going to survive. But I don't judge myself or 0:18:36.400 --> 0:18:40.000 call myself a bad mom exactly. Um. And it's just 0:18:40.200 --> 0:18:42.840 nice to kind of be able to be flexible like that. 0:18:43.080 --> 0:18:45.240 And at the same time, it's also nice to be 0:18:45.280 --> 0:18:47.679 able to cook fresh cookies with your kids, right, Like, 0:18:47.760 --> 0:18:50.720 sometimes the easy and the and the more difficult or 0:18:50.760 --> 0:18:54.760 skillful can provide the same amount of connection if it's 0:18:54.760 --> 0:18:58.440 truly based in what you all need. Yeah, and you're 0:18:58.560 --> 0:19:02.440 the dietitian here, so the registered the r D. So 0:19:02.520 --> 0:19:04.800 I'm I'm going to lean into you for what just 0:19:04.880 --> 0:19:06.440 something just popped in my head that I kind of 0:19:06.480 --> 0:19:08.960 want to do. When you talked about cooking food and 0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:11.919 thinking about it, like I pictured myself whatever reason when 0:19:11.960 --> 0:19:14.280 you were saying that, like chopping a bell pepper and 0:19:14.320 --> 0:19:17.800 like slicing it perfectly and looking at how beautiful a 0:19:17.840 --> 0:19:20.680 little bell pepper is. That's something else that I got 0:19:20.720 --> 0:19:23.520 from my chat with Shawn an Equist was she wants 0:19:23.560 --> 0:19:27.119 to find delight in the small things, and she she 0:19:27.200 --> 0:19:30.840 wants that low hanging joy and not that it's not 0:19:31.200 --> 0:19:33.280 genuine or real, she just wants to be able to 0:19:33.320 --> 0:19:36.879 find it in the the easy places. And so just 0:19:36.960 --> 0:19:39.119 now as you were talking, Lisa, I was picturing myself 0:19:39.200 --> 0:19:42.920 cutting a beautiful, vibrant red bell pepper. But now what 0:19:42.960 --> 0:19:46.200 I'm excited to do is to maybe look up, like 0:19:46.400 --> 0:19:48.760 what are the vitamins in a bell pepper? What is 0:19:48.800 --> 0:19:51.640 the spell pepper doing for me? And when I am 0:19:51.720 --> 0:19:54.679 cutting it kind of like these brain foods, like I 0:19:54.720 --> 0:19:58.199 actually have more excitement to learn and connect with the 0:19:58.240 --> 0:20:00.679 food as cheesy as that sal But now I am 0:20:00.760 --> 0:20:02.640 I if I am cooking, I might do a little 0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:04.520 research before I cook and be like, Okay, if I'm 0:20:04.560 --> 0:20:08.240 having mushrooms, what is this doing for me and my body? 0:20:08.320 --> 0:20:11.480 And then taking that in when I'm cooking it like, oh, 0:20:11.720 --> 0:20:14.960 within this up for my bladder, Like I don't know 0:20:15.080 --> 0:20:17.560 what it is helping out, but is that an okay 0:20:17.680 --> 0:20:20.320 exercise for me to do? I think for sure? And 0:20:20.359 --> 0:20:23.080 again it's all about like where are you truly coming from? 0:20:23.080 --> 0:20:24.919 And it sounds like you're coming from a good place. 0:20:25.280 --> 0:20:27.520 But I think this will maybe be a separate conversation. 0:20:27.560 --> 0:20:31.600 But I truly believe that nature is medicine. Food is medicine. 0:20:31.640 --> 0:20:34.439 But caveat that doesn't mean that if you're eating something 0:20:34.480 --> 0:20:37.720 that's not you know, from nature or a bell pepper right, 0:20:37.760 --> 0:20:40.479 that it's poison. And there's a lot of anti diet 0:20:40.480 --> 0:20:43.600 culture talk that really dispel that idea that food is 0:20:43.640 --> 0:20:46.560 medicine because it kind of feeds into that other side 0:20:46.600 --> 0:20:49.720 to say, Okay, well, if you're eating processed food or whatever, 0:20:49.760 --> 0:20:52.320 that it's not medicine. But it's not how I see 0:20:52.320 --> 0:20:54.199 it at all. I think food can be medicine, and 0:20:54.280 --> 0:20:58.040 we don't have to vilify food that's not medicinal. But 0:20:58.160 --> 0:21:00.479