Speaker 1: The choice.
Speaker 2: I'm a homegrow that knows a little bit about everything
Speaker 2: and everybody.
Speaker 3: You know, if you don't lie about that, right, Lauren
Speaker 3: came in.
Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, what's up.
Speaker 2: It's Lauren Rosa and this is another episode of the
Speaker 2: Latest with Lauren la Rosa. This is your deadly did
Speaker 2: on all things pop culture, entertainment, news, and all of
Speaker 2: the conversations that shake the room. Baby. Now, y'all know
Speaker 2: we kick off the Latest with Laurena Rosa behind the
Speaker 2: Scenes of the Grind, So let's get on into it now.
Speaker 2: This Behind the Scenes of the Grind kind of like
Speaker 2: leads into the Latest a bit and into the conversation
Speaker 2: we'll be having. I did to sit down with keV
Speaker 2: on stage, comedian Internet personality, I guess you could call
Speaker 2: him but writer director. Him and his wife are doing
Speaker 2: amazing things across the Internet, but also in real life
Speaker 2: when it comes to storytelling. He has a podcast called
Speaker 2: Not My Best Moment and all this podcast we sat
Speaker 2: down and talked about a bunch of different things. One
Speaker 2: of the clips, though, that is my favorite from the interview,
Speaker 2: kind of brings you guys behind the scenes a bit
Speaker 2: with me. But also I think it summarizes a lot
Speaker 2: about what I take you guys into in my real
Speaker 2: life behind the scenes of the grind. We're talking about
Speaker 2: being hyper independent as a woman child and where that
Speaker 2: lands you in relationship, in in life, and in work.
Speaker 2: Let's take a listen, not even just in work, but
Speaker 2: in like my personal life. It's like, I don't have
Speaker 2: time for you to tell me you can't figure it
Speaker 2: out or fix it. I'm gonna just do it myself
Speaker 2: because the more time you take trying to figure it
Speaker 2: out to fix it, something else is gonna happen. And
Speaker 2: a lot of these things, like you know, when you're
Speaker 2: dealing with like you know, whether it's like me working,
Speaker 2: like my mom and my grandmother right, like they're older,
Speaker 2: so if it's like a health thing with them or
Speaker 2: like whatever, No, we gotta get that nipped right now,
Speaker 2: because time is of the essence. I don't have time.
Speaker 2: They don't, literally, they don't have a time. I've just
Speaker 2: that's just been something that's been like ingrained in me.
Speaker 2: I think too, because I'm like the oldest child in
Speaker 2: my family, am the girl child.
Speaker 1: Oldest girl. Yeah, oh wow, that makes so much sense.
Speaker 1: My wife is an oldest girl.
Speaker 2: Oh she'd be on a play and she don't let you.
Speaker 2: You have to talk or into letting you do things
Speaker 2: for her. Right, I just made this post about how
Speaker 2: hard it is to like even open the door.
Speaker 1: You almost have to raise her just to open the door.
Speaker 2: My boyfriend literally it's been even with the whole like
Speaker 2: walking on the inside of the street, that I had
Speaker 2: to learn that that was not for me.
Speaker 1: I have to almost fight with her about this.
Speaker 2: He will literally like move me. And he always tells
Speaker 2: me like yo, like relaxing.
Speaker 1: Girl, let me be with you as a man. That's
Speaker 1: we have that conversation so much.
Speaker 2: And it's not even like a like a I'm trying
Speaker 2: not to let you be with me as a man.
Speaker 1: It's just like I'm so used to I gotta do this.
Speaker 2: Regardless twenty six years, she still act like and if
Speaker 2: you go on tomorrow, I could do it.
Speaker 1: She moving furniture like you don't need to do I
Speaker 1: will Today.
Speaker 2: This morning I was packing up and I like had
Speaker 2: on my bags or whatever, and I had everything packed
Speaker 2: up and I'm taking some up to the door and
Speaker 2: he just was sitting there and he was like, so,
Speaker 2: when you're ready for me to grab the bags and
Speaker 2: walk out let me know, and I was like, the
Speaker 2: uber is downstairs, and he was like, we're going to
Speaker 2: the same uber and I had had to sit back
Speaker 2: and realize. I'm like, he's right, Like I don't have
Speaker 2: the yeah, but the But now.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing.
Speaker 2: I saw a lot of you guys commenting on this post,
Speaker 2: like it kicked off a really big conversation, which I'm
Speaker 2: always excited about. But I'm being honest, it's a little
Speaker 2: bit scary sometimes to hear people or to see people
Speaker 2: commenting on things that are like so interpersonal for you,
Speaker 2: like your thoughts, your emotions and stuff like that. But
Speaker 2: with this conversation, I was more excited to see people
Speaker 2: not being afraid to be open and vulnerable. So, you know,
Speaker 2: we get out in the streets, in the tweets, we're
Speaker 2: taking it to the comments right now.
Speaker 1: Outside we outside, we outside ode, I'm lauring the rosa everywhere.
Speaker 2: So anytime you want your comment, your story or whatever featured,
Speaker 2: hit me up on social l O R E N
Speaker 2: l O R L s A and I'll bring it
Speaker 2: to the podcast. So there's one comment to her name
Speaker 2: is tree underscore mode on Instagram, she said oldest daughter, granddaughter,
Speaker 2: and niece on both sides. My mom is also an
Speaker 2: oldest daughter with the crying emoji face. Now there's another
Speaker 2: woman who commented and said her name is tay t
Speaker 2: s A kin ka A and E underscore M. I
Speaker 2: think I've accepted that I am the backup plan, especially
Speaker 2: with my mom passing and then adding on all these
Speaker 2: other things you are trying to unlearn and not have
Speaker 2: them repeat. Accepting that life gets hard and we can't
Speaker 2: do it all at the same time really helps. There
Speaker 2: was another person that commented, I thought that this one
Speaker 2: was really good. Her name on Instagram is Yomtastic yam
Speaker 2: t A s t i CC. She says, ladies, hyperindependence
Speaker 2: is a beautiful thing. There is nothing we can't do. However,
Speaker 2: too much hyper independence without a balance and a relationship
Speaker 2: can lead you right back where you started. It's one
Speaker 2: thing to one man that leads helps with emotional regulation,
Speaker 2: et cetera, versus hyper independent stress or trauma, which leads
Speaker 2: to a core belief that relying on others it's unsafe.
Speaker 2: And when she put that in parentheses, I'm like, yo,
Speaker 2: I feel seen, I always say, especially when I'm thinking
Speaker 2: about like becoming a mom and getting pregnant, because when
Speaker 2: a woman isant pregnant in a mother, but really when
Speaker 2: she's pregnant right those nine months, you're so vulnerable your emotions, physically,
Speaker 2: your body is different, physically, what you're able to do
Speaker 2: on your own is different. There is a different level
Speaker 2: of attachment, I'm sure to your partner, and just two
Speaker 2: different things. And I've always been scared to do that
Speaker 2: with the wrong person. And I've also always said I
Speaker 2: want to be married first. And I think, in my mind,
Speaker 2: if I'm being completely honest and open, marriage to me
Speaker 2: was like, okay, at least if we're married.
Speaker 1: We have to do this together.
Speaker 2: The older I've gotten, I realized, like I got friends
Speaker 2: my age that have been divorced that don't keep nobody,
Speaker 2: nor does no dang baby or anything like that. And
Speaker 2: I'm not even the type of girl that wants to
Speaker 2: do some things to keep a person. But the fear
Speaker 2: of being that vulnerable and that dependent on a person
Speaker 2: because you are creating life in a baby but also
Speaker 2: literally the life you are creating together. And then it's like,
Speaker 2: what if this doesn't work out? What if this person
Speaker 2: doesn't end up to be the person that I thought
Speaker 2: they were. That is such a big thing for me.
Speaker 2: So when she said that, I'm like, girl, I feel
Speaker 2: seen as people out here that feel how I feel
Speaker 2: like that is such an unsafe place to be in.
Speaker 1: Then she good to use.
Speaker 2: That's contradicting and requires healing. I'm like, oh, this girl
Speaker 2: is screaming at me right now. She is not quiet
Speaker 2: on the creek. Simply put, you can't want a man
Speaker 2: to leave or refuse to trust him or give him
Speaker 2: enough space to do so. Again, too much hyper independence
Speaker 2: may require some separate healing. There's another comment that's the
Speaker 2: last one I'll do. I am coach fancy. She says,
Speaker 2: I feel her on being the oldest child and I'm
Speaker 2: the only girl at that. We showed her so much
Speaker 2: and are so used to taking care of everything and
Speaker 2: everyone that we don't know what it feels like the
Speaker 2: step back and be taken care of. Then when someone tries,
Speaker 2: it's tough at times for us to just be without
Speaker 2: trying to take care of things ourselves. I'm a work
Speaker 2: in progress as well, girl, meet too, And it's not
Speaker 2: even just like being with somebody like as a man
Speaker 2: like I learned in my work career that it's really
Speaker 2: tough for me to kind of just like I always
Speaker 2: like to say, I'm a student, but being a student
Speaker 2: is hard when you got to be vulnerable and trust
Speaker 2: people's leadership and trust their words and note that even
Speaker 2: if they hurt it and not the best things you want
Speaker 2: to say, the intention is there, The intention is placed well.
Speaker 1: So I look, go check out the conversation.
Speaker 2: Y'all hit me up online, Laura la Rosa, everywhere, l
Speaker 2: O R E N l O R O s A.
Speaker 2: Tell me what y'all think about it. Only daughter's oldest child.
Speaker 2: I saw some younger children. I saw only male kid
Speaker 2: and the family male child in the family commenting. I
Speaker 2: think we all can share a sense of community on this,
Speaker 2: and I want to get into that conversation. And that
Speaker 2: leads us right on into the latest because Mary J.
Speaker 2: Blige and Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson, in my opinion,
Speaker 2: are doing just that. They are sharing us into community
Speaker 2: around some real life issues. Man and Marriag J. Blige
Speaker 2: gets very, very very deep in this conversation talk about
Speaker 2: a range of things. Mary has had a career for
Speaker 2: decades that has literally paved the way and open doors
Speaker 2: for so many people. But behind the scenes, behind the
Speaker 2: scenes of her grind, she was dealing with things as
Speaker 2: well too. They talk a bit about, you know, some
Speaker 2: of her childhood abuse, and we know Mary J. Blige
Speaker 2: has talked about, you know, experiencing abuse as a child
Speaker 2: and some of the different things that she's gone through,
Speaker 2: and she gets emotional as they talk through it here
Speaker 2: and talk about protecting our children and.
Speaker 3: Sick listen have experienced that level of abuse, but they
Speaker 3: haven't found a way through. I think the shame and
Speaker 3: the guilt is what has people in so much pain.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: But the forgiveness, the self forgiveness is where when the
Speaker 3: guilt and shame starts to fade away, you know, you
Speaker 3: still see it, You still like, wow, why did I happen?
Speaker 3: Why did that happen to me? What did I do? Nothing,
Speaker 3: It's happening to everybody. So forget, forgive yourself because it's
Speaker 3: not your fault. No matter what you think, it's not
Speaker 3: your fault. Forgive yourself and don't feel any guilt or
Speaker 3: condemnation about it. And that's the word too. But yeah,
Speaker 3: like I says, no guilt, no guilt, no guilt, no shame.
Speaker 2: Now that leads into a really really interesting conversation about
Speaker 2: children now marriage Oblige. I remember when she was promoting
Speaker 2: good Morning Gorgeous. She was on a lot of press.
Speaker 2: She was coming about her divorce. She was married to
Speaker 2: Ken Due, who was like her manager, you know. Also
Speaker 2: they were married fifteen years. A lot of things tied together,
Speaker 2: but they never had any children, and people would always
Speaker 2: try and have the conversation with her about why that
Speaker 2: didn't happen. I feel like she got very honest about
Speaker 2: it once she came up out of that divorce, in
Speaker 2: that horrible situation and saying I didn't want she didn't
Speaker 2: want kids because of just the things and all the
Speaker 2: stuff it took. But hearing marriage Oblige talk about how
Speaker 2: that changes when she gets older was important less sickularssen.
Speaker 2: I found that you were very intentional on not having
Speaker 2: children of your own.
Speaker 1: Can you talk about why you chose not to.
Speaker 3: I saw a lot of people struggling. I saw a
Speaker 3: lot of you know, my family members needing babysitters and
Speaker 3: them not having a choice, you know, no freedom. So
Speaker 3: when you're younger, those are the words you make, Those
Speaker 3: are the choices you make. I don't want any kids,
Speaker 3: But then when you get older, you start to see
Speaker 3: how valuable their teenagers are to them, their kids are
Speaker 3: to them. So now it's like, oh man, But at
Speaker 3: the same time, it's.
Speaker 1: Like, that's what I'm saying, y'all.
Speaker 2: I think on the surface level, it's like, oh, it's
Speaker 2: the time, it's the patience, it's the money, it's all
Speaker 2: the things. But it's also the vulnerability, Like you you
Speaker 2: really have to have a good community set up when
Speaker 2: you step into these different phases of your life.
Speaker 1: Mary J.
Speaker 2: Blige has also talked about, you know, because she had
Speaker 2: to play can do that thirty thousand dollars a month
Speaker 2: in alimony even though they didn't have kids. Once they split,
Speaker 2: she was on tour when you know, she's doing all
Speaker 2: the good morning, gorgeous and all the things, literally working
Speaker 2: just to pay off what she needed to pay off
Speaker 2: to get as far away from that or as she could.
Speaker 2: And they did share step children together. But I think
Speaker 2: everything that she went through just trying to get away
Speaker 2: from him and everything where she is now, it's night
Speaker 2: and day. And people always say, you know, like women
Speaker 2: have to be put in this like soft space to
Speaker 2: think about things differently. I don't feel like it's someone's
Speaker 2: job to do that, if I'm being honest, Although I
Speaker 2: love to hear people give me more responsibility or whoever
Speaker 2: your partner is, I think you have to put yourself
Speaker 2: in a space where.
Speaker 1: You understand what you need, what you want, and.
Speaker 2: Where you're kind of falling short and being or not
Speaker 2: being accountable on your end. Like my fear of vulnerability,
Speaker 2: I know has stopped me from a lot of things.
Speaker 2: And y'all will hear this and be like, girl, you'd
Speaker 2: be having us all in your business while you and
Speaker 2: other people business. But I know kind of what my
Speaker 2: boundaries are. I know the things that like, even if
Speaker 2: I talk about it in real life, it's like double dutch,
Speaker 2: like I'm scared to jump in about. And I think
Speaker 2: once I can do the work and get myself to
Speaker 2: the place where not only am I admitting that, but
Speaker 2: I've actually worked on it, I think my tune won't
Speaker 2: change a bit too, Like I've always known when I
Speaker 2: wanted kids, but actually planning them in real life and
Speaker 2: setting timelines for myself whole new day, brand new day. Okay,
Speaker 2: but that's because I'm coming about of some things and
Speaker 2: I'm really starting to have real conversations with myself about
Speaker 2: why I was fighting you know, children and engagement and
Speaker 2: all these things for all these years. Granted, I don't
Speaker 2: think i've you know, ever thought this seriously about that
Speaker 2: part of my life because of the people that the
Speaker 2: person I didn't have in my life. Then like now,
Speaker 2: you know, circumstances is different, the person is different as well.
Speaker 2: But I think even outside of the person, like you
Speaker 2: have to be ready to meet the challenge, like being
Speaker 2: married again doesn't automatically just change things or change a person,
Speaker 2: like it takes you to be in a cur like
Speaker 2: you got to be in game old. You know, parenting hits,
Speaker 2: children hits, balancing, career hits. And I think that's where
Speaker 2: even when people hesitate, when when I hear women hesitate
Speaker 2: about having children young, a lot of it is career too.
Speaker 2: I know that it's been that for me as well. So,
Speaker 2: you know, just listening to this conversation and see MARYA
Speaker 2: j Oblige talk about the pain that has been bestold
Speaker 2: on her from others in the roleblocks that have been
Speaker 2: placed in her life, but taking accountability for where she
Speaker 2: messed up as she was trying to get over.
Speaker 1: Them, and just being human. It did something to me.
Speaker 2: So go take a listen to that conversation, y'all and
Speaker 2: let me know how y'all are feeling about it. There's
Speaker 2: a lot of deep conversation happening to day. I'm Laura
Speaker 2: la Rosa everywhere l O R e N l O
Speaker 2: R O s A. I tell you, guys, every single episode,
Speaker 2: y'all could be anywhere with any old body talking about
Speaker 2: all of these things. But you guys, she used to
Speaker 2: be with me, my little riders. I appreciate you, and
Speaker 2: I'll catch you and my next one.