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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if

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Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, work, sext, parenting, and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com

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Speaker 1: by clicking submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your

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Speaker 1: letter live on the air, just like we're going to

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Speaker 1: read this one right here, right now, and you never know,

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Speaker 1: it could be yours. Yeah you heard, I just said

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Speaker 1: it could be yours. Buggle upot, hold on tight. We

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Speaker 1: got it for you here. It is Strawberry Letter, all right,

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Speaker 1: thinking nephew. Subject fight or flight, Fight or flight. Dear

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Speaker 1: Stephen Shirley. I'm a thirty year old flight attendant and

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Speaker 1: I'm married to a forty four year old professor. I

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Speaker 1: met him when I was in grad school and we

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Speaker 1: started dating after I got my degree. He was going

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Speaker 1: through a divorce and we kept our relationship private until

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Speaker 1: it was finalized. He has a seventeen year old daughter

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Speaker 1: that found out on social media and she started a

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Speaker 1: lot of chaos in our lives. She didn't show up

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Speaker 1: at our wedding and did devastate my husband. He was

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Speaker 1: upset that his ex wife allowed her to skip the wedding.

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Speaker 1: I was over her by that time, so I didn't care.

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Speaker 1: Now she's about to turn eighteen and asked if she

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Speaker 1: can come live with us in Florida and attend a

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Speaker 1: fashion school. I never answered my husband, and he eventually

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Speaker 1: flipped out on me and made the executive decision to

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Speaker 1: allow her to come. I fixed up our home office

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Speaker 1: for her, and I moved my desk on to our

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Speaker 1: sun porch. I was so irritated. She has been here

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Speaker 1: four months and she has done exactly what I knew

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Speaker 1: she was going to do. Now, when she's got an attitude,

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Speaker 1: I leave and go to work. I'd take any flight

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Speaker 1: available so I can get away from this girl. My

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Speaker 1: husband and I argue because he says I'm not a

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Speaker 1: positive role model for her. She's a grown woman to me,

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Speaker 1: and she's got parents that failed her and allowed her

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Speaker 1: to disrespect grown people. I told my husband that if

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Speaker 1: she pops off at the mouth one more time, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to pop her. He says I need to learn

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Speaker 1: how to be a parent, and I told him I

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Speaker 1: will as soon as he makes me one. I would

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Speaker 1: rather work and deal with the plane full of needy

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Speaker 1: passengers instead of dealing with a grown child. My husband

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Speaker 1: told me that my fight or flight mentality is ruining us.

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Speaker 1: He can't see that his child is defusive and honoring.

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Speaker 1: Am I wrong or does he need to put her out? Absolutely? Yes,

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Speaker 1: I think you're wrong. I do think you're wrong on

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Speaker 1: so many levels. Here I'll tell you why. It's simple.

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Speaker 1: You are the adult. You keep calling her a grown woman.

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Speaker 1: You keep saying she's grown, but she's really still a child.

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Speaker 1: You're grown when you can pay your own way and

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Speaker 1: when you can take care of yourself, and she's not

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Speaker 1: doing that right now. She's in your home, she's living

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Speaker 1: off you, guys, she's living with you. Guys. You're also

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Speaker 1: grown when you can face your problems head on. But

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Speaker 1: what do you do? You run and jump on a

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Speaker 1: flight and, as you say, deal with the plane full

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Speaker 1: of needy passengers than trying to fix a problem at

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Speaker 1: the house. And yes, it is a problem because it's

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Speaker 1: causing you and your husband to argue. Now, why would

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Speaker 1: you let that happen? You two should present a united

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Speaker 1: front to his daughter, making it impossible for her to

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Speaker 1: come between you, guys, because that is what's happening, that situation.

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Speaker 1: You all are allowing to let it come between you

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Speaker 1: stay home in the midst of all this and handle

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Speaker 1: your situation. No more jumping on planes when you can't

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Speaker 1: deal with it anymore. I say, first you and your

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Speaker 1: husband should talk agree on some basic house rules. Then

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Speaker 1: a family meeting should be called to let the daughter

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Speaker 1: know about the new changes. And again, remember you and

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Speaker 1: your husband are on the same team, and you guys

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Speaker 1: are the adults. I mean, she needs to see that

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Speaker 1: you guys are together. He's her dad, but he's your husband,

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Speaker 1: which means it's your house and your rules. So as

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Speaker 1: you know, she's welcome as long as she abides by

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Speaker 1: the house rules. I mean that means no attitudes, no

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Speaker 1: popping off at the mouth, no disrespect of any kind.

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Speaker 1: And let me say this, if she pops off at

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Speaker 1: the mouth one more time, you're gonna pop her. Don't

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Speaker 1: don't pop her. That's not what this is all about.

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Speaker 1: Don't do that. I mean, you know, she's angry, she's

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Speaker 1: she's trying you and all of that trying to come

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Speaker 1: between her. But you don't have to take it there.

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Speaker 1: You can be the bigger person here. You can invite

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Speaker 1: her to lunch, you can do something fun with her,

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Speaker 1: you know, and try to make peace with her, and

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Speaker 1: like your husband said, be a role model for her.

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Speaker 1: I think you should try that before you give up

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Speaker 1: on this situation and start, you know, popping her and

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Speaker 1: all that all together. Steve, Wow, this is gonna have

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Speaker 1: a couple of twisting turns in it. I agree with

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Speaker 1: what Shirley's saying about the letter. The problem The real

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Speaker 1: problem here is in the letter writer. That seems to

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Speaker 1: be the real problem. Now you're thirty year old flight

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Speaker 1: attendant and you're married to a forty four year old professor.

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Speaker 1: Now see, I want you to understand something. The news

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Speaker 1: got out some kind of way because this story got

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Speaker 1: told because somebody knows he was your professor at the school.

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Speaker 1: I met him when I was a grad school and

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Speaker 1: we started dating after I got my degree. He was

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Speaker 1: going through a divorce and we kept our relationship private

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Speaker 1: until it was finalized. He has a seventeen year old

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Speaker 1: daughter that found out on social media and she started

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Speaker 1: a lot of chaos in our life. Well, the daughter

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Speaker 1: found out what on social media that you all were

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Speaker 1: dating or you all had gotten married. I think she

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Speaker 1: found out y'all was dating, so quite naturally, her and

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Speaker 1: the mother are now blaming you. As the cause of

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Speaker 1: the divorce. That's how it always works, ain't it. Yes,

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Speaker 1: So now after they found on social media, she started

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Speaker 1: a lot of chaos in our live. She didn't show

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Speaker 1: up at our wedding, and it devastated my husband. He

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Speaker 1: was upset that his ex wife allowed her to skip

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Speaker 1: the wedding. You mean his ex wife didn't make her

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Speaker 1: go to the wed His ex wife wasn't. Now, so

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Speaker 1: the ex wife didn't make the daughter go to the wedding.

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Speaker 1: What you mean allow her to skip it. She's seventeen.

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Speaker 1: She didn't want to go down there because she figured

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Speaker 1: you the reason her mom and daddy ain't together. And

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Speaker 1: her mama then co signed that. Because as soon as

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Speaker 1: you started dating somebody, they're going, oh here she is

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Speaker 1: right here. You the reason, and you was dating and

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Speaker 1: you younger and you young. Hang on, Steve, Part two

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Speaker 1: of your responses coming up at twenty three minutes after

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Speaker 1: the hour. Today's Strawberry Letters subject fight or Flight will

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Speaker 1: get back into it right after this. You're listening, all right,

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Speaker 1: Come on, Steve, Let's recap today's Strawberry letter. The subject

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Speaker 1: fight or Flight. Thirty year old flight attendant is married

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Speaker 1: to afforded four year old professor. She met the professor

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Speaker 1: in grad school and they started dating after she got

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Speaker 1: the degree. That's what she says. He was going through

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Speaker 1: a divorce and we kept our relationship private until it

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Speaker 1: was finalized. He got a seventeen year old daughter that

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Speaker 1: found out on social media and she started a lot

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Speaker 1: of chaos in her life. She was seventeen then, right, well,

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Speaker 1: now listen to this. She didn't show up at our

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Speaker 1: wed and it devastated my husband because he was upset

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Speaker 1: that his ex wife allowed her to skip the wedding.

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Speaker 1: Now his ex wife didn't make her go down there

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Speaker 1: because the ex wife and the daughter then came to

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Speaker 1: the conclusion that this young girl you married is the

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Speaker 1: reason why y'all got the divorce anyway, And that's exactly

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Speaker 1: how it looked. And then when they found out about

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Speaker 1: y'all's relationship on social media, that validated because it was

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Speaker 1: only telling one's story. Then you said, I was over

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Speaker 1: heard by that time, so I didn't care. So now

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Speaker 1: you didn't care if she come to the wind because

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Speaker 1: you overhauled by that time. It was a year of

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Speaker 1: chaos and you was through with your girl. Now she's

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Speaker 1: about to turn eighteen. Oh so it wasn't even a

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Speaker 1: whole year, because now you say it was about to

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Speaker 1: turn into you see how fast this is moving. But

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Speaker 1: you left that out the letter. Baby, Maybe you left

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Speaker 1: that out after she finds out there. Next thing, she

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Speaker 1: knows y'all getting mad and there's a fourteen year age difference.

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Speaker 1: And you were his student while he was a professor,

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Speaker 1: and y'all were seeing each other while they still were

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Speaker 1: married and not getting boys, because y'all kept it to

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Speaker 1: see see how this worked. You see how this worked.

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Speaker 1: Now she want to come live with y'all in Florida

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Speaker 1: and attend the fashion school. I never answered my husband.

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Speaker 1: He eventually flipped out on me and made an executive

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Speaker 1: decision to allow her to come. It's his daughter. She

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Speaker 1: want to come down the stay with her daddy through

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Speaker 1: to fashion school. What you want him to say, except yes,

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Speaker 1: I fixed up our home office for her. I moved

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Speaker 1: my desk into our s port. I was so irritated

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Speaker 1: you did all this begrudgingly. She has been there four

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Speaker 1: months and she's done exactly what I knew she was

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Speaker 1: gonna do. Now she's got an attitude. Now when she's

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Speaker 1: got an attitude. I leave and go to work. See

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Speaker 1: you're not explaining this. You're not explaining she did exactly

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Speaker 1: what you want. You don't give us no information. I

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Speaker 1: take a flight whenever available, anything to get away from

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Speaker 1: this girl. My husband, I argue because he says I'm

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Speaker 1: not a positive role model for her. She's a grown woman.

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Speaker 1: To me, Shirley's right, she's not a grown woman. She's eighteen.

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Speaker 1: She's just not turning eighteen. She's a child. She don't

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Speaker 1: get it. Now, you're a a dog. You know what happened?

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Speaker 1: You know why this girl mad. She's got parents that

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Speaker 1: failed her and allowed her to disrespect grown people. Wait

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Speaker 1: a minute, respect on social media? You dating her daddy,

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Speaker 1: that's divorcing her mama. Wow they still married that You

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Speaker 1: kept it a secret. That's what you said. Respect. See

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Speaker 1: you want something you wasn't willing to give. See, little sister,

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Speaker 1: that's how this game worked. Now this the grown folk game.

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Speaker 1: I'm just giving it to you straight. I told my husband,

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Speaker 1: and she pops off at the mouth one more time.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna pop up and then and then what because

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Speaker 1: she talking that, You're gonna hit her in the mouth.

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Speaker 1: So you're gonna resort to violence. Grron stop. He says,

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Speaker 1: I need to learn how to be a parent. I

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Speaker 1: told him as soon as I will, as soon as

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Speaker 1: he makes me one. Wait a minute, excuse me, paric pary.

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Speaker 1: You're twelve years older than this girl, yet best. You

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Speaker 1: can be her big sister, but parent. She has to

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Speaker 1: parent you not She's nothing to call you mama. Ain't

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Speaker 1: none of us fitting to work? I'm gonna have a

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Speaker 1: suggestion for you to say. I told him as soon

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Speaker 1: as he makes me well, I would rather work and

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Speaker 1: deal with a planeful and needy passengers instead of dealing

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Speaker 1: with a grown child. You keep saying grown. But she

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Speaker 1: a child, She's not grown. My husband told me that

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Speaker 1: my fighter fighter flight mentality is ruining us. He can't

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Speaker 1: see that his child is devisive and honoring. Am I wrong?

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Speaker 1: Or does he need to put out? First of all,

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Speaker 1: he can't put his daughter out. Were you asking a

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Speaker 1: man to not be a man. You're asking a father

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Speaker 1: to not be a father. You're asking a man to

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Speaker 1: show his daughter an example of man that he's hoping

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Speaker 1: that one day she'll be able to find put her out?

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Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? She's the worst, and you for

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Speaker 1: asking that what's wrong with your maturity level? No he

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Speaker 1: can't ask his daughter to leave, and no he can't

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Speaker 1: put her out. I'm gonna tell you right here, y'all.

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Speaker 1: You never failed to mention in this letter that you

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Speaker 1: all have ever had to sit down to discuss this,

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Speaker 1: to work through it, because you know what. Your corner decided.

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Speaker 1: You don't like her. You was through with both. She

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Speaker 1: came to your house and now you're reaping what you saw.

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Speaker 1: You remember how you got your man? Definitely right? All right, Steve,

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Speaker 1: thank you. Please leave your comments on Today's Strawberry Letter

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Speaker 1: on Instagram at Steve Harvey FM, and check out the

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Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter podcast on demand. Coming up next it is

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Speaker 1: Junior and Sports Talk right after this You're Listening show