1 00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:11,520 Speaker 1: Welcome to Why Not Me? Embracing Autism and Mental Health Worldwide? 2 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:19,760 Speaker 1: Hosted by Tony Mantor, broadcasting from the heart of Music City, USA, Nashville, Tennessee. 3 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:24,880 Speaker 1: Join us as our guests share their raw, powerful stories. 4 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:29,440 Speaker 1: Some will spark laughter, others will move you to tears. 5 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:36,000 Speaker 1: These real life journeys inspire, connect and remind you that 6 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:41,000 Speaker 1: you're never alone. We're igniting a global movement to empower 7 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:46,280 Speaker 1: everyone to make a lasting difference by fostering deep awareness, 8 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:52,800 Speaker 1: unwavering acceptance, and profound understanding of autism and mental health. 9 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:57,760 Speaker 1: Tune in, be inspired, and join us in transforming the world, 10 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:04,600 Speaker 1: one story at a time. Hi, I'm Tony Mantur. Welcome 11 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:08,200 Speaker 1: to Why Not Me? Embracing Autism and Mental Health Worldwide. 12 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:12,200 Speaker 1: If these conversations resonate with you, I invite you to 13 00:01:12,319 --> 00:01:15,319 Speaker 1: tap follow. It helps us to reach more people who 14 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:18,800 Speaker 1: may need to hear them. Thanks for being here. Joining 15 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:23,200 Speaker 1: us today is bell ki Ortise Molilly. She is a 16 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:27,440 Speaker 1: voice of strength, resilience and hope for families navigating their 17 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:31,119 Speaker 1: journey of autism. She has dedicated her life to empowering 18 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:35,920 Speaker 1: others through education, compassion, and real conversation Through her work. 19 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:39,800 Speaker 1: She helps families move from isolation to understanding and from 20 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:43,399 Speaker 1: overwhelmed to purpose. She has a great story. So before 21 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:45,920 Speaker 1: we dive into our episode, we'll be right back with 22 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 1: an uninterrupted show write after a word from our sponsors. 23 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 1: Thanks for coming on, No, thank you for having me. 24 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,640 Speaker 1: Oh it's my pleasure. If you would, could you tell 25 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,080 Speaker 1: us what first connected you to autism. 26 00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,600 Speaker 2: Well, I am an autism mom. 27 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,760 Speaker 3: So I have almost seventeen year old he'll be seventeen 28 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 3: now in March, a son who is nonverbal autistic. He 29 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,679 Speaker 3: obviously has very high needs. I mean we haven't had him, 30 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 3: you know, test it again. But last week tested him 31 00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 3: he was like maybe twelve or so, and he was 32 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 3: more like a. 33 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,200 Speaker 2: Three to four year old. 34 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,920 Speaker 3: Maybe when it came to his abilities, you know what 35 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 3: we could I would say, test in see, so we 36 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 3: haven't done that again. I think he is all over 37 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,240 Speaker 3: the place. I don't think it's just one age range 38 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,080 Speaker 3: that he's in. I think there are certain things I 39 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,240 Speaker 3: think he processes at an older level. 40 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,280 Speaker 2: So that's why I'm like, no more of those. 41 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:40,160 Speaker 1: Sure, can you take us back to the moment you 42 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:43,720 Speaker 1: first realized something wasn't quite right with your son? Can 43 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,120 Speaker 1: you take us to that moment when it became clear 44 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 1: that you had to take action. 45 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:51,360 Speaker 3: Well, I have another son who is a year and 46 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:54,840 Speaker 3: three months older than him. It's a very long story 47 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:58,120 Speaker 3: the way that everything went down with us and our kids. 48 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:01,360 Speaker 3: But my son was on the spectrum in nonverbal. He 49 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,799 Speaker 3: was one of multiple babies that I was airy. So 50 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:08,360 Speaker 3: he and one of the babies that were born were 51 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:13,320 Speaker 3: born at six months gestation, so they came super super early, 52 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 3: and my daughter unfortunately didn't, you know, make it past 53 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,800 Speaker 3: five days, and then he did. 54 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 2: They both got it. 55 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:22,960 Speaker 3: Very interesting thing, but they both got brain bleeds in 56 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,720 Speaker 3: the Nike you on the same exact day, right around 57 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:28,160 Speaker 3: the same time, even though they were in different isolates. 58 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:29,760 Speaker 2: Very very strange, but they did. 59 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:32,880 Speaker 3: And then she ended up passing from hers and he 60 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 3: think she had a Grade four and he had a 61 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:39,440 Speaker 3: Grade two. So we already knew that we would probably 62 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 3: encounter some issues. 63 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 2: You know, with him. 64 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 3: But then when he was he was developing quite well. 65 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,080 Speaker 3: He was in the nick U four over three months, 66 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 3: but then once he came home, you know, we had 67 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:54,000 Speaker 3: just the issues with digestion and hummy aches and so 68 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:55,520 Speaker 3: we had a lot of those issues. 69 00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:57,200 Speaker 2: That we had to deal with with him. 70 00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:01,320 Speaker 3: But he seemed to be progressing around the births, not 71 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 3: the birth age, but what his birth should have been 72 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,600 Speaker 3: when he was about six months or so. But then 73 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,560 Speaker 3: when he was reaching like let's say he was like. 74 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:12,440 Speaker 2: Nine months, and I remember my other. 75 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:17,119 Speaker 3: Son was reaching milestones about six months that he hadn't 76 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:20,160 Speaker 3: reached at nine. So then I immediately was like, Okay, 77 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,600 Speaker 3: well Evan was doing this, Connor's not doing this. But 78 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:25,840 Speaker 3: I just started really just really holding into the things 79 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:29,560 Speaker 3: that was noticing were not happening at the time the 80 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,520 Speaker 3: when it should be done. And I'm one of those 81 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 3: people who I like to research everything. So before I 82 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,200 Speaker 3: even became a mom, because I had to do IVF 83 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:39,359 Speaker 3: and all those things to become a mom, I was 84 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:42,880 Speaker 3: very educated and I bought books about all sorts of 85 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,360 Speaker 3: things that you could possibly imagine, and one of them 86 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:49,520 Speaker 3: was about autism and learning the signs of autism and 87 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:53,480 Speaker 3: other what would you say, developmental issues that your children. 88 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,039 Speaker 2: Can have, So that actually helped me. 89 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,920 Speaker 3: Also because I didn't see those with my first I 90 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,800 Speaker 3: started to see those with my second. So then right 91 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:04,080 Speaker 3: away I started asking questions to the pediatrician and say 92 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:04,920 Speaker 3: I don't see this. 93 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:08,039 Speaker 2: I don't see that happening. And of course they're saying. 94 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,840 Speaker 3: Oh, well he was premature, Oh he's a boy, you know, 95 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,600 Speaker 3: all the same kind of things that you hear A 96 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:16,800 Speaker 3: lot of people say. So, yes, it was like a 97 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,480 Speaker 3: little bit of a battle because nutritionians look at you 98 00:05:19,839 --> 00:05:21,880 Speaker 3: like you're crazy, because you want to give your in 99 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,279 Speaker 3: some sort of diagnoses, and I'm like, I know that 100 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,440 Speaker 3: something's not right. So yeah, so it took a while 101 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 3: for me to get the help I think he needed. 102 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:33,480 Speaker 1: What do you think most people misunderstand about autism? Your 103 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,960 Speaker 1: son's going to be what's seventeen or eighteen, He's going 104 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:41,000 Speaker 1: to be seventeen now, okay, seventeen, Yeah, okay, so you've 105 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:45,120 Speaker 1: gone through seventeen years of autism. What are some of 106 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 1: the things that you think people just don't get. 107 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,560 Speaker 3: They don't get that there is a spectrum, even though 108 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 3: you hear about the autism spectrum. 109 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,600 Speaker 2: I feel like people don't understand the spectrum. 110 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,520 Speaker 3: Like every time I say I have a son on 111 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,760 Speaker 3: the autism spectrum, they always think he can, they always 112 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:02,640 Speaker 3: think he has a gift, they always think. 113 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:03,279 Speaker 2: Of rain Man. 114 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:07,920 Speaker 3: It's just it's a constant, like I don't understand how 115 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,599 Speaker 3: people are not more educated about autism. 116 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,839 Speaker 2: You know, I lived in New Jersey. Now we're in Arizona. 117 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:14,840 Speaker 2: I'm a New Yorker. 118 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,839 Speaker 3: But I felt that on the East Coast there was 119 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 3: a little bit more of an education around autism. When 120 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:25,359 Speaker 3: I would have conversations, especially the last you know, like 121 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,239 Speaker 3: maybe when he was like five or six, I felt 122 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:29,520 Speaker 3: like people were a little bit more educated. 123 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:30,160 Speaker 2: But then I. 124 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:33,279 Speaker 3: Move over to the West Coast, and that's say this state, 125 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,559 Speaker 3: And not that people here are ignorant by any means, 126 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,520 Speaker 3: I just feel that there is less of an awareness 127 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 3: of what the spectrum is actually about. And of course, 128 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:45,960 Speaker 3: because they continually change how we diagnose what we name 129 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:50,440 Speaker 3: these diagnoses from you know, oh Asperger's, now Asperger's doesn't exist, 130 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:51,560 Speaker 3: blah blah blah. 131 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,080 Speaker 2: Now it's one, two, three, What level are they? 132 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,120 Speaker 3: And then people are completely confused about these levels and 133 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,599 Speaker 3: what they mean. I feel like, you know, my son 134 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:03,279 Speaker 3: is level one, and my eighteen year old is actually 135 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:05,840 Speaker 3: a level three, which is something I don't really speak 136 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 3: about because he is higher functioning and he has been 137 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:13,480 Speaker 3: usually very private about this, and we've come to in 138 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,120 Speaker 3: a place where he's more open about it. I don't 139 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,360 Speaker 3: think they should be anywhere in the even though I 140 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 3: know there's a one in three one to three, I 141 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:23,320 Speaker 3: still feel like they shouldn't be in the same categories. 142 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:24,160 Speaker 2: They shouldn't be. 143 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:26,200 Speaker 3: I just feel like and there should be some other 144 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,160 Speaker 3: metrics for someone as high functioning as my other son, 145 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,160 Speaker 3: who will get married, have kids, drives all those things. 146 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:35,520 Speaker 1: In your bio, you describe yourself as an autistic mother 147 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:38,680 Speaker 1: and advocate. When did that shift happen? When did you 148 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:42,560 Speaker 1: realize that parenting alone wasn't enough and you had to 149 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,120 Speaker 1: move into advocacy. 150 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:48,640 Speaker 3: Well, for me, it was I would say he was 151 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 3: about maybe three. 152 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:51,880 Speaker 2: My youngest was about three. 153 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:55,080 Speaker 3: My other son didn't get diagnosed till he was I 154 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 3: think he was in sixth grade or so, so he 155 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,440 Speaker 3: was a little older. 156 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,320 Speaker 2: But my youngest I felt that I. 157 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,560 Speaker 3: Handled, and I don't know if it was because I 158 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,920 Speaker 3: kept fighting so hard to be heard and to be 159 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 3: you know, listened to about what I was, you know, 160 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:13,040 Speaker 3: seeing within him that once I got the diagnoses, I 161 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:17,200 Speaker 3: was lividly excited, like I was like so happy, which 162 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,840 Speaker 3: is not the normal reaction. I was like, yes, yes, 163 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,400 Speaker 3: now I can get help, you know, I can get 164 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,920 Speaker 3: to call people. Now, I can get you know, help 165 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,360 Speaker 3: from let's say, the insurance company and this, you know 166 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 3: all that. So I immediately just got to work and kind 167 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:34,360 Speaker 3: of didn't process the actual diagnoses one hundred percent. It 168 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,120 Speaker 3: was more like, I need to get him to help 169 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 3: right now, and I just kind of went right into it. 170 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:42,040 Speaker 3: And I think that not that we all moms will 171 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:44,720 Speaker 3: react the same way, but I felt like I just 172 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:48,079 Speaker 3: wanted to help other moms kind of, you know, get 173 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 3: this news and say, okay, let me empower them to say, 174 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:52,840 Speaker 3: you know, this is not the end of the world. 175 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:56,200 Speaker 3: It's still the same child that you walked into this 176 00:08:56,600 --> 00:09:01,200 Speaker 3: doctor's appointment before they told you one hundred percent, same child. 177 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:04,280 Speaker 2: Same struggles, same virtues, same everything. 178 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 3: Now you just know more about them and now you 179 00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:09,880 Speaker 3: know how to help them further better. 180 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:11,719 Speaker 2: And a lot of the time. 181 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:14,200 Speaker 3: If you catch this early on, you are able to 182 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 3: help your child even more so than if you would 183 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,200 Speaker 3: have waited years, if you would have just stayed, you know. 184 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:23,960 Speaker 3: So I decided I wanted to not just help other moms, 185 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:26,800 Speaker 3: but get a life coaching certification. So I went and 186 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,160 Speaker 3: got certified, and I did it with like a school 187 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:31,320 Speaker 3: that it took me eight months to get through it. 188 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,760 Speaker 2: So I was not like I wasn't going for a quick, 189 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 2: easy thing. 190 00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:36,560 Speaker 3: I was like, I wanted to make sure I got 191 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 3: like something that was legit and I could really help moms. 192 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,960 Speaker 3: So that I became what we would call an autism 193 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:46,520 Speaker 3: support coach. And I realized though once I started, that 194 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,160 Speaker 3: we are spending a lot of money on things that 195 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:52,720 Speaker 3: are not covered for our kids. Right, so we would 196 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:56,040 Speaker 3: have speech T T oh T, like there were so 197 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,360 Speaker 3: many different therapies, and then a lot of the time 198 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:01,240 Speaker 3: insurance wouldn't cover everything, so that we would have to 199 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,040 Speaker 3: cover part of it, or if your state had BDD 200 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:07,360 Speaker 3: or something that would help you towards the cost, almost 201 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:11,560 Speaker 3: never covered everything. So I was like, Okay, these parents 202 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,240 Speaker 3: can't afford me. So that I was like, you know what, 203 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,320 Speaker 3: I'm going to do it at no cost. And then 204 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:17,760 Speaker 3: I just started doing it at no cost and just 205 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,160 Speaker 3: talking to parents and you know, and that's what I 206 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,559 Speaker 3: did for probably a couple of years. 207 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,480 Speaker 2: But then I got burned out. I got totally burnt out. 208 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:30,160 Speaker 1: I can totally understand that. That was actually my next question, 209 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:34,840 Speaker 1: how did you handle that? Every mother? I have spoken 210 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:38,480 Speaker 1: with gets burnt out about autism in some form or 211 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 1: some way. So how did you navigate through that burnout 212 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,600 Speaker 1: so you could not only be in support of your son, 213 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:48,120 Speaker 1: but also support yourself and all the others that you 214 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 1: were trying to help. 215 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:52,080 Speaker 2: I honestly can't tell you. I think we are all. 216 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:57,679 Speaker 3: I think our own biological makeup sometimes makes us a 217 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:00,640 Speaker 3: little bit more resilient than other people. So I feel 218 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,280 Speaker 3: because I was a daughter of immigrants, I was someone 219 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:04,559 Speaker 3: who had to work from. 220 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,880 Speaker 2: When I was very very young. I knew what it was. 221 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:09,040 Speaker 3: Like to not be able to go a way to college, 222 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,120 Speaker 3: to have to work, you know, through high school, have 223 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,840 Speaker 3: to work through college, you know, in the city in 224 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:16,000 Speaker 3: New York, you know, pounding that pavement, you know. 225 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:17,480 Speaker 2: I feel like I was just. 226 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:22,280 Speaker 3: Used to very hard work and very difficult life situations, right, 227 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:25,880 Speaker 3: So this was just one more life situation that was 228 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,840 Speaker 3: going to be difficult. So I just handled it the 229 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,160 Speaker 3: best that I could. I feel that I had a 230 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:34,680 Speaker 3: good network of support around me. My husband had a 231 00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:37,240 Speaker 3: good job, so I was able to stay home and 232 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:38,839 Speaker 3: do whatever he needed. 233 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,520 Speaker 2: To do for my son. So I think that was 234 00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:42,040 Speaker 2: obviously very very helpful. 235 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,200 Speaker 3: But there was a lot of things that were really 236 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:47,000 Speaker 3: hard to handle, like you know, smearing like you know, 237 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,920 Speaker 3: coop smearing things like that when he was like little, 238 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,960 Speaker 3: and you know, they get out of their clothes and 239 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:54,160 Speaker 3: you have to find ways to put them in these outfits, 240 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,600 Speaker 3: but then they find ways out of that. 241 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,480 Speaker 2: So there was a lot of different things. 242 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:00,560 Speaker 3: But for some reason I would cry and then I 243 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 3: would just be like, Okay, you cried, you got it 244 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,080 Speaker 3: out of your system. In line, let's go do what 245 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,440 Speaker 3: you're gonna do. And it was cleaning up whatever I 246 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:09,040 Speaker 3: had to do. I just got it done. 247 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:09,800 Speaker 2: And that was that. 248 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,720 Speaker 3: I don't know if that's even the greatest answer, but 249 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,959 Speaker 3: that's really how I dealt with it. 250 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,199 Speaker 2: You know, I just didn't. I wasn't so all me 251 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:19,199 Speaker 2: the whole time. 252 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:21,880 Speaker 1: Sure that makes sense. Now, I'm glad you brought up 253 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:26,400 Speaker 1: your husband. Within autistic families, there's about an eighty to 254 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:30,000 Speaker 1: ninety percent divorce rate because of the struggles they go through. 255 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:33,320 Speaker 1: Did it affect your family? And if it did, how 256 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:34,320 Speaker 1: did you get through it? 257 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:37,000 Speaker 2: A lot? A lot, and till this day it does. 258 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:41,920 Speaker 3: We have completely different ideas of how to correct certain behaviors. 259 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:45,000 Speaker 2: I am a lot more easy going a lot more. 260 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,200 Speaker 3: Oh oh, you know, I don't know if it's because 261 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,480 Speaker 3: I'm a mom, but I'm just that way. And then 262 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,720 Speaker 3: my husband is a lot more like you know, oh, 263 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:54,559 Speaker 3: he eats chocolate chip cookies and throws half a little 264 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:55,880 Speaker 3: chocolate chips on the floor. 265 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,080 Speaker 2: Now, let's get this little trash can and he has 266 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 2: to put it in the trust put and things like that, 267 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,600 Speaker 2: where I'm more like, Okay, I'll just take a broom 268 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:03,480 Speaker 2: and sweep. 269 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,440 Speaker 3: It because I'm like, you know, I guess I'm dealing 270 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:09,040 Speaker 3: with a lot more things, so I'm more tired, and 271 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:11,000 Speaker 3: I don't want to deal with a lot of other things. 272 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 2: So he's more willing to deal with. 273 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:15,559 Speaker 3: Those as I am just more like I got to 274 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:16,440 Speaker 3: pick my battles. 275 00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:19,840 Speaker 2: And that's how we kind of work as a marriage. 276 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:23,200 Speaker 3: And also I think it's a lot of talking, you know, 277 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:26,520 Speaker 3: it's a lot of talking and understanding each other and 278 00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:28,800 Speaker 3: why we feel the way that we feel. And in 279 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,480 Speaker 3: my case, it's like my thinking is these are the 280 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:32,760 Speaker 3: best years of his life. 281 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:33,480 Speaker 2: This is it. 282 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,360 Speaker 3: I am going to pass away. My husband's going to 283 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,800 Speaker 3: pass away. Hopefully our other son can help out with him, 284 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,240 Speaker 3: but these are the best years, and this is what 285 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:44,640 Speaker 3: I can make sure he is the happiest he can 286 00:13:44,679 --> 00:13:45,040 Speaker 3: ever be. 287 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:48,000 Speaker 4: And that is what I focus on every single day. 288 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 4: It's his happiness that's really good. That's a great way 289 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:53,840 Speaker 4: to look at it. What strengths do you see in 290 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:57,040 Speaker 4: your family where you have to deal with autism and 291 00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:00,720 Speaker 4: everything that entails. What do you see for strengths in 292 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,679 Speaker 4: your family that other people just may not understand? 293 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:05,600 Speaker 2: Well? 294 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:09,320 Speaker 3: What we have in strength is that we honestly are 295 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,560 Speaker 3: in the way that we I guess, in the way 296 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:14,400 Speaker 3: we communicate. I think we have to be more open 297 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:18,080 Speaker 3: about things because like we are not open and communicate 298 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:21,800 Speaker 3: about everything, then we have nothing, basically, is what it is. 299 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,160 Speaker 2: What I can tell you is that a lot. 300 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:27,640 Speaker 3: Of our friends who have kids that are typical, they 301 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:31,080 Speaker 3: don't always see the blessing that they have. They don't 302 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:34,720 Speaker 3: always see how they have all of these options that 303 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,520 Speaker 3: we don't have. And that's what drives me a little 304 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:40,000 Speaker 3: bit crazy sometimes because I'm like, God, like you don't 305 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:42,600 Speaker 3: be like you can actually sit your child down in 306 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:46,320 Speaker 3: like a rational conversation with them, and you choose not 307 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 3: to sometimes or you tell me and then you know, 308 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:51,920 Speaker 3: So that's what I see actually see more of how 309 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:55,040 Speaker 3: other people don't appreciate what they have. 310 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:59,360 Speaker 1: Honestly, now we talk about autistic parents, we talk about 311 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:04,200 Speaker 1: autistic kids, their identities they have. Then, how has this 312 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:08,040 Speaker 1: changed the way you look at yourself as an autistic 313 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,920 Speaker 1: mother who was doing what she needs for her autistic son. 314 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:16,320 Speaker 3: Well, I see myself as way stronger than I ever 315 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,960 Speaker 3: thought I was. I think that's actually the one thing 316 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:22,120 Speaker 3: that I have gained from being announce as a mom 317 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,600 Speaker 3: is if you would have told me all my life, 318 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:27,200 Speaker 3: I was gung ho that I was not having children, 319 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:30,080 Speaker 3: like that was my thing. No kids, I'm never having kids, 320 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,440 Speaker 3: Like I'm gonna like travel the world and that's going 321 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,280 Speaker 3: to be my wife, and you know, maybe I won't 322 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,680 Speaker 3: even ever get married, but I'm definitely not having kids 323 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:39,360 Speaker 3: Like that's who I was more focused on my career 324 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,320 Speaker 3: and all those kinds of things. And then when I 325 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:43,640 Speaker 3: decided to become a mom, I became a mom at 326 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:46,600 Speaker 3: thirty three, so a little later, you know, for my age, 327 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,880 Speaker 3: I'm fifty one now, I became a mom later. I 328 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 3: think it just like if you would have told me 329 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,320 Speaker 3: then that this would be my life. 330 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:56,040 Speaker 2: I would have said I could never do this. 331 00:15:56,360 --> 00:16:00,400 Speaker 3: I could never know freaking way, but for some reason, 332 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:03,360 Speaker 3: you get the strength and you do it. It doesn't 333 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:06,640 Speaker 3: make it easy, obviously, even if you have that mentality. 334 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,840 Speaker 3: But the mentality that I did go into as a 335 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:13,160 Speaker 3: woman in her mid thirties trying to have children and 336 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:16,640 Speaker 3: also being told I cannot have any easily right that 337 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:20,280 Speaker 3: having to do fertility treatments was I'm going to accept 338 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,960 Speaker 3: whatever I'm being given as a mom and my first 339 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,520 Speaker 3: born because I you know, I was thirty three. They 340 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:28,320 Speaker 3: were like, oh, you know you have a high chance 341 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:31,000 Speaker 3: of having a child down syndrome, all these different things. 342 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,400 Speaker 3: Then they wanted to do the annuals and thesis and 343 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 3: all this stuff, and I'm like, nope, you know it 344 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:36,640 Speaker 3: was party enough to get for ignant. 345 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,520 Speaker 2: It took me three years. I'm like, I am not 346 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,680 Speaker 2: letting you do an amnuo And they were like, but 347 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:41,760 Speaker 2: you know if. 348 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,920 Speaker 3: The baby had I'm like, nope, I'm not doing it. 349 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,640 Speaker 2: I'll take whatever comes to me. That's what it is. 350 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 3: And I think that is a resolve that I know 351 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,960 Speaker 3: that I had then at that moment of wanting to 352 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:53,720 Speaker 3: become a mom. 353 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:59,800 Speaker 1: Sure sure, now when people, your friends, your family, the 354 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:04,440 Speaker 1: ones you help with your advocacy. Ten, fifteen, twenty years 355 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,320 Speaker 1: from now, when they look back at the work you've 356 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:11,280 Speaker 1: done for the autistic community, what do you hope they 357 00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 1: say changed because you showed up. 358 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:18,680 Speaker 3: Well, I hope it's more just awareness, just education surrounding 359 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:22,440 Speaker 3: what it is like, especially when it comes to nonverbal children, 360 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:27,040 Speaker 3: because I think that's absolutely the hardest part of autism 361 00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:30,120 Speaker 3: is when you have an autisay child who is nonverbal 362 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,360 Speaker 3: and one that cannot take care of themselves. So it's 363 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,800 Speaker 3: not just that they're nonverbal, because we know that there's 364 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:38,240 Speaker 3: many nonverbal individuals that can type and all these things, 365 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,200 Speaker 3: you know, and we're still we haven't decided he can't 366 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:44,439 Speaker 3: type yet. We're still in that process of, you know, 367 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:46,879 Speaker 3: where he's learning letters, all this stuff. 368 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,520 Speaker 2: Let's go see if he can communicate through a device. 369 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:52,280 Speaker 3: So we're still in a place where we're not saying 370 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:54,639 Speaker 3: he can't do this or that. I'm hoping that What 371 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 3: people that meet me walk away with is you just 372 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,960 Speaker 3: never give up. But you're also realistic, and you're also 373 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:06,040 Speaker 3: are given a situation and you find the best opportunities 374 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:09,000 Speaker 3: within that situation for yourself and for your child and 375 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:09,640 Speaker 3: your family. 376 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,959 Speaker 1: I just had a mother of a non verbal autistic 377 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:16,080 Speaker 1: daughter on an episode just a couple of days ago. 378 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:20,040 Speaker 1: She said, imagine putting a piece of tape on your 379 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:24,120 Speaker 1: mouth and trying to communicate what it is that you want. 380 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,080 Speaker 1: It's very obvious. A lot of people do not understand 381 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,840 Speaker 1: what a mother of a nonverbal autistic child has to 382 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:32,359 Speaker 1: go through. 383 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, and what that does to a lot of us 384 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:38,000 Speaker 3: is it becomes like a prison because you're a prisoner 385 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:38,800 Speaker 3: in your home. 386 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:40,400 Speaker 2: Even though people say. 387 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,159 Speaker 3: Oh, you know, I'll watch him, You're like, oh, no, no, no, 388 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,960 Speaker 3: you don't understand, Like there's like all these different things. 389 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,440 Speaker 2: It's like he can't communicate one hundred percent. You're going 390 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:51,280 Speaker 2: to be confused. 391 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,479 Speaker 3: Even if you know my son can communicate through his 392 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:58,080 Speaker 3: iPad with a prolocal to Go app but he doesn't 393 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:00,639 Speaker 3: because we know him so well, like some she doesn't 394 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,160 Speaker 3: even have to say anything, Like we have like almost 395 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,679 Speaker 3: like a psychic connection to him. Well we kind of 396 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:08,119 Speaker 3: know what he's looking for or what he wants, so 397 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,600 Speaker 3: that by the time we kind of know and we're 398 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:13,320 Speaker 3: almost always right, you know. So that's what I think 399 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,639 Speaker 3: a lot of people don't understand, is like when you 400 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:16,760 Speaker 3: have someone like that. 401 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,080 Speaker 2: It's not as easy as oh, just leave them with 402 00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:20,199 Speaker 2: me for a couple hours. 403 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,879 Speaker 3: There's so much that may happen in those couple of 404 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,159 Speaker 3: hours that you have to know how to handle and 405 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:27,040 Speaker 3: how to deal with. 406 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:31,960 Speaker 1: There's a saying that people have different seasons throughout their lifetime. 407 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,879 Speaker 1: What has been one of your more difficult seasons in 408 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:39,040 Speaker 1: your journey? Then what helped you get through it? 409 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,960 Speaker 3: To be honest with you, I think this is the 410 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,520 Speaker 3: most difficult season, even though when you was younger there 411 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,520 Speaker 3: was a lot of uncertainty because you don't know what's happening. 412 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,600 Speaker 3: They keep saying they can talk by the stage, they 413 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,159 Speaker 3: can do this, by the danger you know, and you're well, 414 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,359 Speaker 3: you have all these hopes and dreams and whatever. I 415 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:59,080 Speaker 3: think now as they get older is when you're becoming 416 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:02,040 Speaker 3: more of like a sober like you're looking at this 417 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,240 Speaker 3: more in a sober way, like this is it? 418 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 2: Like this is kind of it. 419 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:09,119 Speaker 3: So then you know that there's not a whole bunch 420 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:12,640 Speaker 3: more that can possibly change. So I would say this 421 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:16,080 Speaker 3: is the most impactful time because this is the time 422 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:19,080 Speaker 3: when he's going to be seventeen years old, he's almost 423 00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:21,920 Speaker 3: an adult. Now I have to start thinking about conservative 424 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:26,639 Speaker 3: ship all these things, like it basically confirms that, Okay, 425 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,360 Speaker 3: now for the rest of your life, this is your responsibility. 426 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,920 Speaker 3: You're not going to have, you know, the empty nest 427 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,399 Speaker 3: syndrome like this is this is it. So now you 428 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,959 Speaker 3: have to make sure that every other plan involves this 429 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:40,960 Speaker 3: individual always and forever. 430 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:44,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a very hard reality, but it is one 431 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:46,280 Speaker 1: that we all have to look at. 432 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:46,960 Speaker 2: Exactly. 433 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,480 Speaker 1: So, looking back, what kind of support you wish you 434 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:54,240 Speaker 1: had early in your journey to help guide you get 435 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:58,520 Speaker 1: more information so that you knew exactly or close to 436 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,240 Speaker 1: what you might be looking for in the future. 437 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,919 Speaker 3: So I happened to be one of those people Like 438 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,720 Speaker 3: I told you earlier that I researched everything before. 439 00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:09,720 Speaker 2: So I honestly had a lot more. 440 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,200 Speaker 3: Of a doom and gloom vision of everything at the 441 00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:15,560 Speaker 3: very beginning. And I was someone who asked for a 442 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:19,400 Speaker 3: lot of advice. I did moms groups, I did. 443 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:20,680 Speaker 2: You know, I did it all. 444 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:25,520 Speaker 3: I was involved, like you know, in autism awareness campaigns. 445 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:30,720 Speaker 3: I volunteered for autism research. I worked with the Organization 446 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:35,399 Speaker 3: of Autism Research just to just to be part of 447 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:38,879 Speaker 3: a community raising funds for research. Like I was really 448 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,919 Speaker 3: in the nitty gritty of everything while he was also 449 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,520 Speaker 3: going through the nitty gritty of growing up and learning 450 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,840 Speaker 3: to go to the bathroom and all those things. So 451 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:50,440 Speaker 3: I honestly feel that I surrounded myself with a lot 452 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:53,720 Speaker 3: of people that had kids in all parts of the spectrum, 453 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,040 Speaker 3: So that was very, very helpful for me. What I 454 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:59,959 Speaker 3: have noticed is that as they get older, those groups 455 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,919 Speaker 3: kind of fall apart. And that's what I have noticed 456 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,359 Speaker 3: because the kids kind of end, not end, but they 457 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:08,400 Speaker 3: get to a certain point that there's not that much developing. 458 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,480 Speaker 3: They kind of have their personality now, So I think 459 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,879 Speaker 3: parents rely less on other parents of kids on the spectrum. 460 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:15,880 Speaker 2: So now I. 461 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,640 Speaker 3: Find it to be like if I have my friends 462 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:21,600 Speaker 3: that I still have, our kids are older, so now 463 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,200 Speaker 3: it's a lot less about autism. 464 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:26,199 Speaker 2: It's more about what we're doing for ourselves. 465 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:31,240 Speaker 1: You mentioned friends. This kind of popped in my mind. 466 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:34,080 Speaker 1: So many people that I've spoken with over the last 467 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,520 Speaker 1: couple of years, they've had friends they would do things with. 468 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:42,000 Speaker 1: They all had kids. One had an autistic kid that 469 00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:47,560 Speaker 1: changed everything. There was a disconnect. The neurotypical family did 470 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:52,480 Speaker 1: not fully understand the neurodivergent family. Did that happen to you? 471 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 3: Yes, And the reasoning behind that is because you can't 472 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:57,959 Speaker 3: just go on a play date. 473 00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,600 Speaker 2: You know, your child can't sit and play. 474 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,200 Speaker 3: With them like they can play beside them, right side 475 00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:03,800 Speaker 3: by side. 476 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:05,040 Speaker 2: They can't play with them. 477 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,600 Speaker 3: So that obviously makes that other parent feel like, well, 478 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,680 Speaker 3: I need to hang out with parents that have kids 479 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,440 Speaker 3: that can play with my kids, and then we can 480 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:12,960 Speaker 3: talk and hang out with each other. 481 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:14,680 Speaker 2: So you tend to hang out. 482 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,400 Speaker 3: I didn't do even many play dates with the parents 483 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,639 Speaker 3: and the kids that had aut to them because the 484 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,000 Speaker 3: kids were never playing together. They were just in the 485 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,760 Speaker 3: same room and we were all together chatting, but the 486 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,200 Speaker 3: kids were out doing their own thing. 487 00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:27,200 Speaker 2: Wherever we were. 488 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,719 Speaker 3: They were kind of doing their own thing, and some 489 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,200 Speaker 3: of them would have a little bit of an interaction 490 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,600 Speaker 3: here and there. But we realized that it was better 491 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,280 Speaker 3: for us to meet defarately on our own the kids 492 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:40,400 Speaker 3: with our husbands. The kids were getting their time at school, 493 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:44,480 Speaker 3: you know. Connor started obviously with even before three years old. 494 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:45,880 Speaker 2: He started like at. 495 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:48,600 Speaker 3: A daycare for special needs children that he would go 496 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,120 Speaker 3: in for several hours and then I would have his 497 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,280 Speaker 3: therapy take place there and then also at home, but 498 00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:56,440 Speaker 3: he would be able to be around other kids there 499 00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,520 Speaker 3: and then come home do more therapy at home. And 500 00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:02,639 Speaker 3: then he went into like a more of a typical 501 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:06,200 Speaker 3: school that had an autism program until we moved into 502 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:10,320 Speaker 3: an autism school. So in reality, having the parents that 503 00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:12,720 Speaker 3: we have the typical kids like that kind of fell off, 504 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:16,359 Speaker 3: and then it became more about parents that you could 505 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,000 Speaker 3: understand each other and that you were of support to 506 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:19,480 Speaker 3: each other. 507 00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:22,320 Speaker 1: Where do you feel the conversation needs to go about 508 00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:24,760 Speaker 1: autism over the next five to ten years. 509 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,560 Speaker 3: I feel that's a tough question because I feel that 510 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,760 Speaker 3: the conversation needs to be a lot more awareness when 511 00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:35,840 Speaker 3: it comes starting literally at the level of kindergarten. And 512 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,520 Speaker 3: that's one of the reasons why I love the Organization 513 00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:42,080 Speaker 3: for Autism Research is because they have booklets, They have 514 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,880 Speaker 3: invested a lot in educating. 515 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:47,520 Speaker 2: Not just children in schools, and they have. 516 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,960 Speaker 3: Age ranges for each one of their educational packets. 517 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,680 Speaker 2: They also do siblings. 518 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:58,240 Speaker 3: They also help with work, helping the adult population find work. 519 00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:01,520 Speaker 3: I think that is what we need more or complete awareness. 520 00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,800 Speaker 3: What kind of jobs can our kids do even if 521 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 3: they're non verbal, Maybe they like to stuff envelopes. Ooh 522 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,040 Speaker 3: the heck Nos, there's so many things that they can do. 523 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:12,120 Speaker 3: It's really starting from the very bottom so that when 524 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:14,520 Speaker 3: your child, let's say, you want to have a kid 525 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,600 Speaker 3: that's in an all inclusive environment, right that maybe the 526 00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,960 Speaker 3: kids who are typical don't look at them in a 527 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,560 Speaker 3: weird way because maybe my son can't speak, but my 528 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:25,879 Speaker 3: son can absolutely take in the energy of other people. 529 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,600 Speaker 3: So when your kids are looking at them or treating 530 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:31,520 Speaker 3: them a certain way or whatever, like, they have to 531 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:34,520 Speaker 3: feel that energy. So I feel like it's really all 532 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:38,760 Speaker 3: dill about awareness. And then as they get older, opportunities 533 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,840 Speaker 3: to be able to do things outside of school that 534 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:45,320 Speaker 3: help them learn some skills not just in school, but 535 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,800 Speaker 3: outside of school that prepare them for a little later 536 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,760 Speaker 3: in life. Even if it's menal tasks, even if it's 537 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:54,120 Speaker 3: a small thing, it makes them so happy if it's 538 00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:54,960 Speaker 3: something they enjoy. 539 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:58,399 Speaker 1: For first time listeners that are just starting to find 540 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:01,480 Speaker 1: out about autism, what do you think is one of 541 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:04,840 Speaker 1: the more important things they learn? As you know, when 542 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:08,800 Speaker 1: they first find out their child is autistic, it is overwhelming. 543 00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,560 Speaker 1: They don't know what to do. So many people telling 544 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:16,359 Speaker 1: them what they need to do, what do you think 545 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:19,640 Speaker 1: is the most important thing they find out so they 546 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:22,280 Speaker 1: can take that path, learn what they need to do 547 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,879 Speaker 1: to make their journey a little easier to move forward 548 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:27,040 Speaker 1: in helping their child. 549 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,760 Speaker 3: So that is actually a lot of what I did 550 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:34,240 Speaker 3: when I did my coaching was literally coach moms whose 551 00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:38,080 Speaker 3: kids were just diagnosed how to navigate the journey of 552 00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:40,480 Speaker 3: I've just got this diagnosis from my son. 553 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,040 Speaker 2: What do I do? I am completely overwhelmed. 554 00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,439 Speaker 3: So then what I would do is tell them, Okay, 555 00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:46,960 Speaker 3: the first step is they're. 556 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:47,440 Speaker 2: Going to tell you. 557 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,640 Speaker 3: They're going to give you the whole diagnoses and obviously 558 00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:51,119 Speaker 3: the report. 559 00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:53,879 Speaker 2: They're going to tell you what therapies they need. Now, 560 00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:58,760 Speaker 2: let's see what are the availability of services in your state. 561 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,760 Speaker 3: Let's start there, because even though you think I have insurance, 562 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:05,280 Speaker 3: there are states that can actually pay one hundred percent 563 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,080 Speaker 3: of your childs You know, we're in Arizona right now, 564 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,240 Speaker 3: which I did not know because we were living on 565 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,040 Speaker 3: the East Coast when he got diagnosed. For example, here 566 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,720 Speaker 3: in Arizona, the DDD, once you go into the DDD 567 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,560 Speaker 3: and you apply, once you get the diagnoses, you apply, 568 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:23,160 Speaker 3: you have your diagnoses, then they accept you in then 569 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:26,080 Speaker 3: you go in and you fill out for long term care, 570 00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:29,919 Speaker 3: especially if they're nonverbal still and long term care is 571 00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:32,439 Speaker 3: part of the DVD, So there they'll give you the 572 00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:37,760 Speaker 3: services for speech, for PTOT all of those things right everything, 573 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,360 Speaker 3: and then once they approve those, you get all of 574 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:43,920 Speaker 3: those services at no cost to you. 575 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,240 Speaker 2: They give you certain amount of hours all of that. 576 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,600 Speaker 3: Not only do they do that, but they also give 577 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,879 Speaker 3: you a certain amount of hours depending on your child's diagnoses, 578 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:56,200 Speaker 3: level of arrestit and habilitation hours. So you get monthly, 579 00:27:56,520 --> 00:28:00,760 Speaker 3: you get yearly rested hours, you get weekly have hours. 580 00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,399 Speaker 3: So that is somebody coming into your house helping you, 581 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,960 Speaker 3: like let's say fifteen hours a week helping you with 582 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,320 Speaker 3: teaching them how to use the bathroom, how to wipe, 583 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:10,800 Speaker 3: how to rest your teeth, how to comb their hair, 584 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,119 Speaker 3: all of these different things. But a lot of people 585 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 3: don't know that these services are available to them. So 586 00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:19,240 Speaker 3: it's basically look into what's available for you. I have 587 00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:22,359 Speaker 3: never had to touch insurance. We have insurance through DDD 588 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,480 Speaker 3: here in Arizona, So he doesn't have an insurance like 589 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:27,800 Speaker 3: my husband and I and my other son have. It's 590 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:31,399 Speaker 3: DDD one hundred percent covered like every single thing. So 591 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:34,000 Speaker 3: that's the first step. Find out what your state can 592 00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:37,120 Speaker 3: offer you. Then if you can't get everything covered, then 593 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:39,760 Speaker 3: go to your insurance see what's covered, what's that covered, 594 00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:42,720 Speaker 3: what can afford It's a long list of things, but 595 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,400 Speaker 3: if you have someone helping you navigate that list, you 596 00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,640 Speaker 3: know saying, Okay, let's tackle this list in the next 597 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:51,600 Speaker 3: two days. Like everything, take your time and don't overwhelm yourself. 598 00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:53,640 Speaker 3: You can't do it all in a week. It's gonna 599 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:56,440 Speaker 3: take time. Appointments are gonna take time. Don't think that 600 00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:59,280 Speaker 3: this is just happening to you. It's happening to everybody. 601 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:02,840 Speaker 3: Sometimes appointments take months to be able to get with 602 00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:06,840 Speaker 3: a specialist after the appointment and the diagnoses, So it's 603 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 3: more about patience and just educating yourself while you're waiting. 604 00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:15,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, good information. What do you think is important for 605 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,920 Speaker 1: listeners to hear about where you are in your life 606 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:21,680 Speaker 1: right now? And what do you want them to understand. 607 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:24,160 Speaker 3: What I'm doing right now at this stage of my 608 00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:27,040 Speaker 3: life is I'm past the time where it was all 609 00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,240 Speaker 3: about my son. I am in a stage of my 610 00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:31,800 Speaker 3: life now that I am also taking care of myself 611 00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:32,720 Speaker 3: and my family. 612 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:34,280 Speaker 2: And all those things that I want to do. 613 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,560 Speaker 3: So work towards the point where you feel comfortable enough 614 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:39,640 Speaker 3: to pick up all the things that you love to 615 00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:42,560 Speaker 3: do that maybe you weren't doing all the way because 616 00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:45,360 Speaker 3: you are concentrating on the needs of your child. Build 617 00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:48,360 Speaker 3: yourself a village of people who will be there for 618 00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,680 Speaker 3: you so that you can go travel and they can 619 00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:52,680 Speaker 3: help you with your child, or that you can go 620 00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:55,360 Speaker 3: to dinner with your husband to keep that relationship strong. 621 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:58,040 Speaker 3: So it's really all about to get to the point 622 00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:00,360 Speaker 3: to where you have a life that is that is 623 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:02,960 Speaker 3: fying to you and it's not all about autism, and 624 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:05,040 Speaker 3: that your life doesn't have to be about that. When 625 00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,880 Speaker 3: you're out with people, you're not just talking about autism, 626 00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:09,600 Speaker 3: and then people are like, oh my god, you know, 627 00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,520 Speaker 3: Belpy only talks about autism when we're together. You have 628 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:15,280 Speaker 3: to know when and where is the right time and 629 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,680 Speaker 3: work towards that that you are independent of that as 630 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:19,840 Speaker 3: a human being, as a soul. 631 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:23,920 Speaker 1: Well, this has been great, great conversation, great information. Thanks 632 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:25,800 Speaker 1: for taking the time to join us today. 633 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:26,760 Speaker 2: Thank you so much. 634 00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:29,440 Speaker 3: I'm hoping I got a lot of points that are 635 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:30,560 Speaker 3: useful for people. 636 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:40,840 Speaker 1: Absolutely, it's been great. Thanks again, thanks for taking time 637 00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,760 Speaker 1: out of your busy schedule to listen to our show today. 638 00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,480 Speaker 1: We hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed 639 00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:51,320 Speaker 1: bringing it to you. If you know someone who has 640 00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:55,440 Speaker 1: a story to share, tell them to contact us at 641 00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:59,680 Speaker 1: why not Me dot world. One last thing, spread the 642 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:05,280 Speaker 1: word about why Not Me, our conversations, our inspiring guests 643 00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:09,440 Speaker 1: that show you are not alone in this world.