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Speaker 1: Have you been humming the song all day long that

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Speaker 1: I've been humming.

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Speaker 2: Let's talk about sex.

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Speaker 1: Baby, sex baby. Let's talk about you and me.

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Speaker 2: Let's talk about all the good things and.

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Speaker 1: The bad things that maybe, guys, we haven't talked in

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Speaker 1: so long. I don't even know where to begin. A man,

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Speaker 1: I don't even know where to begin. Do we talk

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Speaker 1: about Chapel Rond, whom I love.

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Speaker 3: The best?

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Speaker 1: Chapel is huge. She's a big the current kind of

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Speaker 1: big pop star of the summer, along with Charlie xx.

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Speaker 2: Charlie XCX is having to comeback.

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Speaker 1: Huh, she's having a huge, huge summer Charlie xyxes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's only been It's only been on the radio

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Speaker 2: for like two weeks.

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Speaker 4: Though, and it's everywhere.

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Speaker 2: The new color.

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Speaker 1: She did a collab with Billie Eilish. I think it

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Speaker 1: was the fastest growing collab ever, the remix of Guess.

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Speaker 1: It was all about being able to see someone's underwear.

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Speaker 2: Do you know where you know where? Charlie x c

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Speaker 2: X Where I first heard her?

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Speaker 5: Where donald that little Iggy Azalea song fancy and then

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Speaker 5: she had boom solid My heart.

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Speaker 2: That beat goes on and on and on and on

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Speaker 2: and boom makes me feel good.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, she has an enormous hit album that everyone

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Speaker 1: is listening to and.

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Speaker 2: It's my daughter put it on yesterday.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and am I saying her right name? Right? Chapel Rowin, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: she Donald. This young lady had a concert at Lollapalooza

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Speaker 1: and Lolla Plus said, that's the biggest crowd we've ever had. Wow,

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Speaker 1: that's nuts for this one artist. She's Both of these

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Speaker 1: young ladies are blowing up albums. You're gonna like great albums. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you'll like Chapel Roane Donald the song I recommend you

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Speaker 1: start with because I listened to it a lot, and

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Speaker 1: I know y'all think. Of course, Zach likes Chapel Roane

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Speaker 1: because he loves the girlypop red Wine super Nova you

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Speaker 1: know that one?

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, right there out on the deck twitter K nine.

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Speaker 6: See in the side of my neck.

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Speaker 1: That sits fire real good. I've been driving around l

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Speaker 1: a with like bopping my head to that.

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Speaker 4: Yes, she's inspired by the drag queens. Feels incredible outfits.

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Speaker 1: What is that relationship? Is she? Is? She a queer person?

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Speaker 1: Is out?

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Speaker 3: So she's queer.

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Speaker 4: She's a bisexual, she's of my people, but she.

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Speaker 1: I love her. What's going on with that story? Why

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Speaker 1: she was.

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Speaker 4: Harming out a lot of gay clubs? And drag performer

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Speaker 4: was like, I think you are a sister ender drag queen,

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Speaker 4: which may about dragons, just like like overly heightened feminine energy.

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Speaker 4: So there are sisterender drag queens. And she was like,

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Speaker 4: I really embrace this idea. I love it. And so

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Speaker 4: she started doing like just extra big makeups and costumes

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Speaker 4: donald for her Lallapalooza set. She was in lucha door

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Speaker 4: outfit with bodybuilders behind her. Phenomenal, so good.

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Speaker 1: Good for her. I saw some video that was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know how many years ago it was, but

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Speaker 1: not that many years ago, and it was like her

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Speaker 1: busking for like nobody, or maybe she wasn't busking. She

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Speaker 1: was on a stage with you know one of those

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Speaker 1: things where you see video and there's like twenty people

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Speaker 1: the park, oh right, and then you and then they

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Speaker 1: and then they in the video they cut to Lallapalooza

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Speaker 1: and like eighty thousand people. This is crazy, crazy, how

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Speaker 1: one's life can change.

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Speaker 2: Yes, we've seen it, we've seen it firsthand. And yeah,

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Speaker 2: We've seen it Josh Raids well yeah, well yeah, but

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Speaker 2: Josh Raiden's we've seen it, like in music with Josh Raiden. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: maybe not to this level where no, not at that.

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Speaker 1: Level, but of course at his own level. Yeah, we

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Speaker 1: saw his life change. He was sleeping on my couch.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm. It's really interesting where music can take you

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Speaker 2: because it doesn't. It doesn't happen for everybody, but for

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Speaker 2: the selected few, you know what I mean. If you

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Speaker 2: can ride that way for a long time, you're even

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Speaker 2: so you're you're the one percent of the one percent.

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Speaker 2: But for the selected few that get that moment, that

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Speaker 2: fifteen minutes, yo, you know, enjoy that shit. I know.

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Speaker 2: I feel like that's why all of these artists are

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Speaker 2: so fucking out of their minds and stuff. They're like,

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Speaker 2: this shit could be gone tomorrow, Bro, they might not

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Speaker 2: buy the next song, So enjoy this right now, you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Because you never Charlie XCX, I mean, I mean, I

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Speaker 1: haven't heard from her making music in a long time,

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Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, this has been like the

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Speaker 1: most viral album. It's everywhere.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you never know her. You never know John, you know,

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Speaker 2: did John Cryer episode just here and stuff. Yeah, he

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Speaker 2: was talking about that. He was talking about how it

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Speaker 2: seemed like his career was over. He was looked at

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Speaker 2: as the guy who was given the chance, and you

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Speaker 2: know what, it didn't work, So yeah, we're gonna move on.

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Speaker 2: He found a way to get back in these people's

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Speaker 2: faces and show them.

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Speaker 1: That's what's crazy about this, this this career path, this

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Speaker 1: this industry, is that you absolutely have no idea what

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Speaker 1: could happen tomorrow, and that that's the that's the's the

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Speaker 1: high and the low of it is that you know

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Speaker 1: you can I was talking about this. I'm even doing

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Speaker 1: press for Bad Monkey, which I guess by the time

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Speaker 1: this areas will be out. It's on Apple TV, the

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Speaker 1: new show with Vince Vaughn and I have a I

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Speaker 1: have a role in it. But I was doing press

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Speaker 1: and they were like, you know, how do you when

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Speaker 1: did you know this show is good? And I was like,

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Speaker 1: you never know anything's good. I directed the second episode

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Speaker 1: of ted Lasso, and I remember thinking like, this is cute,

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Speaker 1: Like this will definitely find an audience, like yeah, people

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Speaker 1: who like sports and like, you know, Jason Steakas is

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Speaker 1: so funny. This will be cute. I had no idea

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Speaker 1: it was going to become like, you know, this global phenomenon,

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Speaker 1: and you just you, just like John Carr're saying, you

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Speaker 1: just have no idea. One day, you got absolutely nothing

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Speaker 1: going on. The next day you're in a fucking You're

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Speaker 1: you're playing eighty.

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Speaker 2: Things, number one show man an Emmy. Emmy's crazy talking

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Speaker 2: about how your life changes. You know, it's it's it's

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Speaker 2: that's what it is.

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Speaker 1: And also the ebbs and flows of the business that

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Speaker 1: like you can have a you know, just as Charlie

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Speaker 1: XX as an example, like I don't remember last time

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Speaker 1: hearing her put out music, and now she puts out

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Speaker 1: me and she's like, you know, the it girl of

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Speaker 1: the talk of the town, Talk of the town. What

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Speaker 1: else can we talk about?

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Speaker 2: What talk about dead Pool Wolverine? Please? Oh?

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Speaker 1: Did you love it? I haven't seen it, obviously, you

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Speaker 1: guys haven't seen Deadpool Wolverine? Did you love it? Donald?

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Speaker 1: Were you very pleased? Don't give it, don't give spoilers

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Speaker 1: for audience members.

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Speaker 2: You don't have to talk about it. It's all right.

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Speaker 2: I liked it. It was a good entertaining movie.

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Speaker 1: It did very well at the box office people seem

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Speaker 1: to really love it.

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Speaker 2: Well, we keep going back to.

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Speaker 4: Opening weekend? Do you think it saved Marvel Donald?

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Speaker 2: There was nobody in the MCU in it, But that's

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Speaker 2: not true.

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Speaker 4: The whole TVA is in there. That's all MCU stuff.

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Speaker 2: That's the only mon that's that's and that's the close.

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Speaker 2: But that's close as Deadpool got. Also Favreau in the

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Speaker 2: beginning spoilers.

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Speaker 1: What else can we talk about? Guys? What else is happening? Joelle?

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Speaker 1: How's your life?

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Speaker 4: Life is good?

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Speaker 2: Man?

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Speaker 4: Can't complain?

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Speaker 1: Are you dating?

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Speaker 7: Are you?

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Speaker 2: Are you?

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Speaker 1: Are you flirting? Any any fun summer flings going on?

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Speaker 4: I'm talking to somebody, okay, chatting, but she's cool tow

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Speaker 4: and I like her.

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Speaker 1: So it's nice to have a crush, right, Isn't it

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Speaker 1: nice to have a flirty banter going on?

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Speaker 4: It's delightful. We exchange I'm a big fan of voice notes.

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Speaker 4: We just exchange waste notes all day and like I'll go.

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Speaker 3: Like, oh, just tell me a voice notes.

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Speaker 2: So cute.

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Speaker 4: So yeah, it's it's fun to be flirty and talking

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Speaker 4: and learning about like loging to know somebody. So I'm

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Speaker 4: having fun.

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Speaker 1: It's cute when you're in those early stages when they

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Speaker 1: can where you don't even know the person barely, but

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Speaker 1: it's just like flirting and getting knowing. That's so fun.

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Speaker 1: Oh god, yes, And all of a sudden something happens

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Speaker 1: and you're like, something happens. You're like, oh no, it's

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Speaker 1: not over here, continue.

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Speaker 2: To be great. Yeah, I've been married for a bit.

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Speaker 2: I'm all right, man. I survived the subvive that red

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Speaker 2: flag station. Yeah, you did, the moments of Is that

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Speaker 2: a deal breaker?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 2: Are you going through anything that you want to talk about?

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Speaker 1: Se No, I'm not going to talk about my personal ship,

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Speaker 1: but I do. I will. I will go so far

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Speaker 1: as to say that it's fun to have the flirty

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Speaker 1: banter and and be excited, be all geeked out like

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Speaker 1: a like a kid when you get a cute picture text.

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Speaker 2: You know, I miss those days, those days, don't She

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Speaker 2: doesn't send you a cute picture, No, she'll send me

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Speaker 2: funny memes. That's our little banter nowadays. You know what

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Speaker 2: I mean, I'll get a I'll get a little gift

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Speaker 2: or a or a freaking you know, a meme, a

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Speaker 2: meme or a what are those things where it's like

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Speaker 2: a TikTok.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so do you. But Casey never sends you like

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Speaker 1: a scandalous picture.

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Speaker 2: No, I send her to scandalous ship. Never, guys, Okay,

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Speaker 2: I guess you know what to deal. Yeah, I'll be

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Speaker 2: sending my wife on solicited dick picts all of that shit,

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Speaker 2: you know. And is she ever like whoa Yeah, she

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Speaker 2: always puts the rolling her eyes that's.

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Speaker 1: Not whoa rolling eyes emojis, that's funny.

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Speaker 2: Or she'll put or she'll be like the kids have

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Speaker 2: the phone and then.

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Speaker 1: I'm just fucking with you, and it'll be I send

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Speaker 1: her this meme that was like, I sent her this

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Speaker 1: meme that was like of like from a woman's point

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Speaker 1: of view. She's like, I always know when my husband's

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Speaker 1: on the toilet because I'll get like, you know, fifty

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Speaker 1: memes in a row. And I sent that to Casey

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Speaker 1: and she goes and she wrote back, you know our

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Speaker 1: husband will that's funny, that's funny. How about Bill Lawrence

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Speaker 1: in the press, like saying all this stuff about Scrubs reboot.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if you've seen I haven't hear.

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Speaker 3: Well.

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Speaker 1: Bill can't help himself when he's in front of a

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Speaker 1: microphone and he's doing all the bad monkey press and

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Speaker 1: he gets all geeked out in front of the journalists

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Speaker 1: and you know, they ask him, without fail, what's the

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Speaker 1: Scrubs reboot going to be? And the latest thing he

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Speaker 1: said was like, I'll probably have an announcement for you

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Speaker 1: in the next six months. Okay, that's what That's what

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Speaker 1: he said this week. And I was actually doing press

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Speaker 1: next to him and they're like, well, Zach, what do

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Speaker 1: you think? And I'm like, I only find out this

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Speaker 1: ship when when he talks to journalists, because he gets

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Speaker 1: all geeked out and wants to like, you know, titillate y'all. Well, anyway,

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Speaker 1: I think shit's getting real. What I'm saying fans out

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Speaker 1: there that are interested, I think ship's getting real.

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Speaker 2: Let's talk about Simone Biles.

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Speaker 1: Okay, very finally, I was going to say, you were like,

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Speaker 1: what else is going on? I'm like the Olympics. Oh, sorry, Olympics. Everybody, Olympics,

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Speaker 1: Simone Biles. Wow, she rules? Did you watch a lot

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Speaker 1: of it?

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Speaker 2: I've been watching the Olympics. I've been watching a lot

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Speaker 2: of the highlights of the Olympics because they come on

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Speaker 2: at such weird hours and stuff like that live and

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Speaker 2: then once you know the score, it's like or who won.

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Speaker 2: It's like, I don't really care to see any of

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Speaker 2: the you know what I mean, that's the that's the

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Speaker 2: ship that really sucks about, you know, the timing and

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Speaker 2: all of that stuff.

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Speaker 1: It's like, I keep thinking about, what the hell is

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Speaker 1: this gonna happen in l A.

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Speaker 8: Like, I'm not gonna be dude, we got to get

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Speaker 8: But like I bro, if you if you're listening and

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Speaker 8: you don't live in la which is most of you,

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Speaker 8: I imagine.

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Speaker 2: Don't you in the words of Kamala Harris, don't come.

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Speaker 1: Don't come, don't do not does it, do not come,

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Speaker 1: do not, do not come. Have you guys seen that video? Yes,

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Speaker 1: Trump's they come together, they cut together, Trump going I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna come, and she goes, do not come, do not come,

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Speaker 1: do not come. I have to say that you and

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Speaker 1: if you don't live in l A. You know the

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Speaker 1: rumors that we have a serious traffic congestion problem and

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Speaker 1: the idea of the Olympics being here. Where are these

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Speaker 1: people gonna park? Where where is anything where you public? Yeah, carmageddon.

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Speaker 1: La elid just doesn't have the doesn't have the bandwidth

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Speaker 1: to hold instructure for it.

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Speaker 2: Do you know how dude, the infrastructure is fucked already

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Speaker 2: and they're gonna build a bunch of ship to fucking

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Speaker 2: hold the Olympics there already.

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Speaker 1: Where are they gonna hold? Where are they gonna hold

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Speaker 1: these things?

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Speaker 6: Like pools?

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Speaker 2: We have so many different there's so many different spots

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Speaker 2: in Los Angeles where you can.

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Speaker 1: Hold I know, but I'm talking about people getting around

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Speaker 1: this city. And I know they're they're trying to build more,

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Speaker 1: you know, subway lines, but make so many two weeks,

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Speaker 1: two weeks, it's going to suck up the city for

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Speaker 1: like two months.

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Speaker 2: Well, house up board your house four years of l

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Speaker 2: A if you hear, because they come and y'all they coming.

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Speaker 1: You live, dude, you're gonna be.

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Speaker 2: You gonna be everywhere. It's gonna be everywhere you're gonna do.

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Speaker 2: You're gonna be a thousand oaks. You're all gonna be

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Speaker 2: a thousand oaks and freaking be Like, where the fuck

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Speaker 2: did all these people come from?

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Speaker 1: How funny Snoop By the way, he's fucking hilarious snooper amazing.

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Speaker 4: I hear he's getting paid five hundred thousand dollars a

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Speaker 4: day to like go around to me an ambassador for

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Speaker 4: the Olympics essentially and just show up.

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Speaker 1: God, what a deal. He's funny though when he said

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Speaker 1: he said, there was some quote from him like he

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Speaker 1: was going to dressage where the horses dancing, and he's like,

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Speaker 1: I'm excited to see these horses and feed them some

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Speaker 1: apples before they do their thing.

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Speaker 3: It's crazy.

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Speaker 4: I love it though.

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Speaker 1: He's just funny man. And you see that memea him

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Speaker 1: like with his glasses down looking at Yeah, that's what

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Speaker 1: that one's funny too. Right, let's talk about sex malays, gentlemen.

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Speaker 1: Obviously we're gonna get into sexual talk. If you happen

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Speaker 1: to have your kids listening, this is not the episode

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Speaker 1: because we're gonna ask good questions, talk about chefs, and

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Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about clitoris. Is the is the port cleatorus' clitoride?

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Speaker 2: Joell, that is a question.

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Speaker 4: You're professionalists. I don't know, okay, I never had first

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Speaker 4: question for Okay, I don't know where.

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Speaker 1: Well, I bet there's people born with multiple platories. All right,

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Speaker 1: let's sell.

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Speaker 9: Six seven stories about show we made about a bunch

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Speaker 9: of nurses.

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Speaker 1: Said he's the stories.

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Speaker 6: So YadA here, yeah here, Yes.

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Speaker 1: You're our favorite. I think you're my favorite guest. I'm

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Speaker 1: sorry to everybody else. I think you guys are.

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Speaker 2: You could talk about my good sex sex sex since

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Speaker 2: since you guys have been on all he said to Joe, Well,

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Speaker 2: is we really need to get them back on the show.

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Speaker 1: Well, because I thought, you know, people loved it. I

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Speaker 1: hope you got a lot of good feedback. You too,

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Speaker 1: because uh, people stop me on the street and they're like,

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Speaker 1: I bought the Anus Guide and I'm like, what are

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Speaker 1: you talking about? Oh, Vanessa and Xander, So you must

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Speaker 1: have sold a lot of guides.

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Speaker 3: We got a lot of great feedback. We really loved

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Speaker 3: being on here, and I'm so glad that now we

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Speaker 3: have like a custom little tone for ourselves, acustomed jingle

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Speaker 3: and to be the best guess. That's pretty exciting for

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Speaker 3: those of you that.

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Speaker 1: Didn't catch the first episode of An and Xander. Vanessa,

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Speaker 1: you are a licensed sex therapist.

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Speaker 2: Correct, Yes, Xander you are not.

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Speaker 1: Xander you are not, but you know a lot.

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Speaker 2: But you get to experience all the learn yes, through college.

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Speaker 3: It's just like a cool dude.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, cool dude. I got a lot of cool dude credentials.

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Speaker 1: I feel like, Xander, You're like you're.

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Speaker 2: A fucking cool dude dude.

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Speaker 1: I feel like you're sort of the test subject. I

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Speaker 1: feel like Vanessa goes out and she learns some new

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Speaker 1: technique and she's like, honey, put this in your butt,

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Speaker 1: and then you guys like try stuff out.

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Speaker 3: Literally yesterday we were wrapping our full bodies in plastic

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Speaker 3: wrap to try out a weird tip that I'd read

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Speaker 3: on the internet. Exactly what I really an accurate description.

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Speaker 1: That's my point. I want to remind everybody that Vanessa

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Speaker 1: has written these guides. Well, tell us, tell us about

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Speaker 1: the book and the guide again, because you know, I

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Speaker 1: want to. I want to let everyone know you know

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Speaker 1: what you have to offer them.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you so much. So we wrote the book together.

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Speaker 3: It's called Sex Talks The Five Conversations that Will Transform

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Speaker 3: Your Love Life, and you can get that anywhere you

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Speaker 3: get books. You can also go to sextalksbook dot com

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Speaker 3: and we have all the links there. We give you

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Speaker 3: a free workbook with it as well, and then we

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Speaker 3: in our own business like really specialize in creating how

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Speaker 3: to guides like yes.

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Speaker 1: Which is very helpful for people yeah.

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Speaker 3: Like we all feel like we're supposed to be great

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Speaker 3: at sex. But I think we talked about this last time,

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Speaker 3: Like where do we learn whoever sits you down and says, okay,

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Speaker 3: here's step by step exactly how to go down on

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Speaker 3: a woman, or how to give a guy the best

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Speaker 3: blowdup he's ever gotten in his entire life.

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Speaker 2: Where where can said guides be found? Again?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, Donald wants to be reminded where said guides

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Speaker 1: can be found.

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Speaker 3: Those can be found at vmtherapy dot com. Yeh VM

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Speaker 3: therapy dot com. They cost guides, intercourse guides, all sorts

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Speaker 3: of stuff.

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Speaker 1: Well, and there's specifics because I remember last time, there's

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Speaker 1: specifics for like everything he needs to know about the

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Speaker 1: vagint of the penis and the anus.

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Speaker 3: Right, we cover everything. Yeah, we can talk about initiation.

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Speaker 3: We have sex challenges, connection challenges. We actually our newest

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Speaker 3: thing is something called Best Week Ever. A lot of

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Speaker 3: people have come to us and they're like, everything looks

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00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:29,960
Speaker 3: so good, I don't know where to start, and so

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Speaker 3: we wanted to create a really concrete starting point for people.

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Speaker 3: It's seven days, ten minutes a day or less, but

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Speaker 3: really gives you like the best introduction to everything that

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Speaker 3: we do. So you can go straight to vmtherapy dot

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Speaker 3: com slash best if you want to check that.

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Speaker 1: Rob, you should get that for you and Casey. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure she'd be down for seven week intensive sex course.

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Speaker 2: Listen.

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Speaker 3: It covers a lot of the things that we talked

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Speaker 3: about with you guys last time, like kind.

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Speaker 2: Of the emotional let's have a check in, let's have

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Speaker 2: a check today.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, did you do any of that? Short?

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Speaker 10: Me?

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00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,320
Speaker 2: Is what happened? All right? That's gonna happen all right?

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Speaker 2: You fucked me?

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00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:03,440
Speaker 7: Wait?

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00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:07,879
Speaker 2: No, no, that's that's it. What do you mean? Wait? Wait,

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00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 2: wait for what? I'm good right to it?

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Speaker 1: No, no, wait, I have a question. I want to

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Speaker 1: remind the audience that Vanessa suggested that there was something

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Speaker 1: called chore play.

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Speaker 2: I don't like short play anymore.

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Speaker 1: No, did chore play not work for you?

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Speaker 2: Short play doesn't work for me. I've opted on less sex.

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Speaker 2: There we go, all right, interesting tell me that ship.

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Speaker 2: I don't like short play. I don't like doing that ship.

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Speaker 2: I don't like my kids. I don't I mean, I

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00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,800
Speaker 2: love my kids, but I don't like hanging out with

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Speaker 2: my kids. So chort play.

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Speaker 1: See you lea, But what about what about chor play

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00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:43,240
Speaker 1: in the form of like doing the dishes and cleaning

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Speaker 1: up a little and saying, honey, don't worry, I got

404
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:47,600
Speaker 1: I took care of X, Y or Z for you.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I do that every now and then. But I don't

407
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,920
Speaker 2: need sex to do that. That's cool, it's all right.

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Speaker 2: I've opted out of the whole scheduling chores for me.

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Speaker 2: Ship noah, fuck that, No, no, no.

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Speaker 1: No, so so. And it hasn't improved any your your

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00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:06,199
Speaker 1: ability to get more intercourse than you were getting. You

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00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:08,840
Speaker 1: felt like you wanted, you had an appetite for more.

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Speaker 2: No, they you guys gave my wife a power that

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00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,360
Speaker 2: I am. No, I don't. I don't. It's it's it's

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00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:20,240
Speaker 2: too strong, I am. It's my kryptonite. She's like chores,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, now, I'm good, never mind.

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Speaker 1: I got to do my work. You gotta do the work.

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Speaker 1: I can hear my therapy.

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Speaker 2: I don't, but I don't want to do I don't

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Speaker 2: want to do the I don't want to do the work.

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Speaker 2: I feel like this is what it felt like to me.

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Speaker 2: It felt like I was doing the work to have sex,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, ah, it's all right when you want.

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Speaker 3: To have that distinction. Yeah, So the idea here is

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Speaker 3: not that you earn sex by doing chores like, oh,

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Speaker 3: you washed like twenty dishes and you get one blow job. Like,

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00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:53,000
Speaker 3: it's not a it's not a reciprocal exchange here.

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Speaker 2: That would be that would mean unless you wash so

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Speaker 2: many dishes, I would be twenty dishes is a blow chop.

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Speaker 3: So it's not an exchange. It's not an exchange. But

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Speaker 3: the idea here is that what we're really looking for,

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Speaker 3: what a lot of us women are really looking for,

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Speaker 3: and people hold genders like we want a real partner

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Speaker 3: in life, like we want somebody who's there with us

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Speaker 3: through the thick and the thin, and who's participating in

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00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,800
Speaker 3: those everyday activities with us so that we feel connected

437
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 3: to them in those ways. And so it does. Again

438
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,359
Speaker 3: it's not about like doing the decision in exchange for things.

439
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,359
Speaker 3: And there are plenty of couples like we have a

440
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 3: ton of chores that we don't like doing, so we've

441
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,719
Speaker 3: hired them out. You know, we have a housekeeper that comes,

442
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,600
Speaker 3: but we find ways to be partnerships in other ways

443
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:37,399
Speaker 3: so that we both feel supported by each other and

444
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,800
Speaker 3: we want to be intimate with each other even after

445
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:40,840
Speaker 3: like a long, hard.

446
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,280
Speaker 1: Day, Vanessa, is this one of the most common things

447
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 1: that you get faced with. I wanted to ask you

448
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:49,119
Speaker 1: that right off the bat. For those of you who

449
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,320
Speaker 1: didn't hear the first episode of Donald and Casey talked

450
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,720
Speaker 1: about a difference in their libidos and how much sex

451
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:55,399
Speaker 1: they want, And I wondered, is that is this a

452
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:57,920
Speaker 1: very common thing with couples?

453
00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:01,679
Speaker 3: For you and your practice, it's extremely common. I mean,

454
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,719
Speaker 3: I would even go so far to say that every

455
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:07,359
Speaker 3: couple has mismatched libidos simply because you're two different people.

456
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:11,000
Speaker 3: Like it would be really weird if every single time

457
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 3: you wanted sex, your partner also wanted sex and they

458
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,439
Speaker 3: wanted the exact same kind of sex in that moment

459
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 3: like that, that's just too strange. So we all have

460
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:23,400
Speaker 3: these natural differences. I think the big problem is that

461
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 3: we are so afraid of that term, like, ooh, mismatch libidos. Ooh,

462
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,200
Speaker 3: that's so scary. Oh it's a problem. Ooh are we incompatible?

463
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,440
Speaker 3: And we get freaked out about it instead of just recognizing, like, yeah,

464
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 3: we're different people. We want like some nights I want

465
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:38,199
Speaker 3: Chinese for dinner and Xander wants Italian for dinner. Like,

466
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:40,560
Speaker 3: we don't freak out about that, We just figure out, Okay,

467
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:43,359
Speaker 3: how do we negotiate these differences. It's the same thing

468
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:43,840
Speaker 3: with sex.

469
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:48,560
Speaker 1: The mastery comes in the communication, right because I think

470
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,520
Speaker 1: people are so afraid to talk about this stuff in

471
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 1: all aspects. I mean we can talk about you know,

472
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 1: you know, trying new things which we'll go into, but

473
00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:03,880
Speaker 1: I mean I think even people have such insecurities around

474
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,720
Speaker 1: sex because it's we were told our whole lives. It's

475
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 1: so taboo that that we're afraid to talk about it, right, Yeah.

476
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:15,080
Speaker 3: And I mean imagine anything else in your life trying

477
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 3: to do it well with zero communication. Like you guys

478
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 3: have a business together. Could you run this business never

479
00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:24,879
Speaker 3: talking about it? Like the idea is preposterous, Like of

480
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:25,440
Speaker 3: course not.

481
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 7: Right, Yeah, I mean it would be like, oh, well,

482
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,640
Speaker 7: we are so in sync and our business, like our

483
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:33,240
Speaker 7: concept is so good that we should never have to

484
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,040
Speaker 7: talk about it, Like it just it just goes over well,

485
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:36,360
Speaker 7: you know.

486
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 3: And like, yeah, you guys have been friends for a

487
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,480
Speaker 3: long time, you've been working together for a long time.

488
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 3: Why do you need to communicate shouldn't you be so

489
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 3: in single to each other?

490
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 2: Right?

491
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,960
Speaker 3: Like it sounds ridiculous, but that's what we do with sex,

492
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:49,159
Speaker 3: is you know, oh, it should just be perfect and amazing,

493
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 3: but nobody should ever have to talk about it. It's crazy.

494
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 2: And that's the one thing I hate. I hate that.

495
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 2: I hate that any type of conversation of sex has

496
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 2: to first of all, all right, is everybody comfortable with

497
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 2: talking about sex?

498
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:02,480
Speaker 3: Like?

499
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 2: Are we all good with this? I don't, you know,

500
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:09,440
Speaker 2: you know, like sometimes I like to talk about sex

501
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 2: with my wife and she doesn't necessarily like to talk

502
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:16,160
Speaker 2: about it as much as I do, And I don't

503
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 2: like that. I don't like that it's something that's so taboo.

504
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,800
Speaker 2: But yet you look at other couples like yourselves, where

505
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 2: you guys can have the conversation all the time and

506
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,840
Speaker 2: it's not an issue. And I have.

507
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:31,200
Speaker 1: But there are experts, I mean, you know, but well, yeah, I.

508
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:34,679
Speaker 2: Mean, nobody's an expert. Only God's next way.

509
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:36,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, we've had our Yeah, we've had our own challenges

510
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,720
Speaker 3: with this. Like we I started this business by myself.

511
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 3: Xander and I did not work together for many years,

512
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 3: and we went through the exact same pattern that the

513
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 3: vast majority of couples go through where you know, the

514
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,280
Speaker 3: beginning of the relationship, it was super hot and heavy.

515
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 3: It felt like the chemistry was amazing, Like we were like, Okay,

516
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 3: this is it, this is my person. And then we

517
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,520
Speaker 3: get a year, two years into the relationship, we've moved

518
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 3: in together, and all of a sudden, we're looking around

519
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,119
Speaker 3: thinking like, oh my god, what happened to us? Like

520
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:06,720
Speaker 3: I don't remember the last time we had sex. The

521
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 3: sex that we are having is pretty boring. It's not

522
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:13,320
Speaker 3: very exciting or like fulfilling and pleasurable. And we ourselves,

523
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 3: even though I was already in this field, like we

524
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 3: struggled to talk about it. The only conversations that we

525
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,960
Speaker 3: ended up having, like the very few were really negative,

526
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 3: Like it was just complaining and criticizing. We didn't get

527
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:28,479
Speaker 3: anywhere with it, like we didn't solve any problems. So

528
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:32,160
Speaker 3: we've been there ourselves, and it was us going through

529
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,800
Speaker 3: that experience and learning, oh, maybe the first conversations that

530
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:38,320
Speaker 3: we have about sex should not be the bad things

531
00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:40,879
Speaker 3: and the complaints and the criticisms, Like maybe we need

532
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 3: to find a different way to creating a foundation.

533
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 1: That's a great segue Vanessa, Because imagine there's a lot

534
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 1: of people listening who are like, who can relate to

535
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:51,679
Speaker 1: everything you just said. I love my partner, we have

536
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 1: had amazing sex. We've been together a while, it's gotten

537
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 1: a little routine. How do you how do you begin

538
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:04,199
Speaker 1: to have a conversation with that person that isn't that

539
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,440
Speaker 1: isn't going to make them feel bad? You know, what

540
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 1: do you recommend for people as a first step, because

541
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 1: I'm sure a lot of people who can relate. You know,

542
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,399
Speaker 1: it's not that the sex is bad, but it's a

543
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:17,399
Speaker 1: little like, oh, this is how we've always done it.

544
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 1: It's almost like it's almost like an Errand now how

545
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 1: do you how do you how does how does someone

546
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,480
Speaker 1: who's listening to this approach this with this partner in

547
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:27,040
Speaker 1: their partner in a way that won't upset the partner.

548
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 3: So do the exact opposite of what Xander and I did, Like,

549
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:34,119
Speaker 3: instead of launching straight into all the criticisms and complaints,

550
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,480
Speaker 3: you've got to build a foundation of talking about sex

551
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 3: in a positive or even just a neutral way, Like

552
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 3: you've got to get to the point where you feel

553
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 3: comfortable with it, like comfortable talking about sex the same

554
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,680
Speaker 3: way we talk about like, oh, what do we want

555
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:48,439
Speaker 3: to have for dinner? What's the weather going to be

556
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:53,120
Speaker 3: like tomorrow? So what we recommend is like that, Yeah,

557
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 3: so we want to start talking about positive experiences. So

558
00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 3: one of the best things you can do is talk

559
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,480
Speaker 3: about some of your favorite sexual experiences together. So this

560
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 3: is not a conversation to like achieve any sort of

561
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:08,840
Speaker 3: goal to like eventually try to solve any prompts. It's

562
00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 3: literally just like, hey, you know what memory popped into

563
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:13,960
Speaker 3: my head just really randomly the other day, or like,

564
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 3: you know what I had a dream about the other

565
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:18,520
Speaker 3: night that anniversary trip that we took when we were

566
00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:21,639
Speaker 3: in Mexico. We stayed at that hotel, you know what

567
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 3: we did in the bathtub, Like you just want to

568
00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:27,160
Speaker 3: talk about sex in a positive way. You can also

569
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 3: use this podcast as a great way to open up

570
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 3: a conversation. So it's like, hey, you know my favorite podcast.

571
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 3: I listen to it every week. They had this sex

572
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:36,840
Speaker 3: therapist and her husband on today. Do you want to

573
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 3: listen to it with me? It was a really interesting conversation.

574
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:40,960
Speaker 7: And then you can just like keep hitting pause and

575
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 7: be like, oh, hey, like what do you think about this?

576
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:46,120
Speaker 7: Or like, oh, does this ever happen in our relationship?

577
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 7: Like little things like that where it feels you feel

578
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:50,920
Speaker 7: a little more detached from it because it's like we're

579
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:53,600
Speaker 7: talking about it. It's not you know, you guys having

580
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:58,120
Speaker 7: to talk about it yourselves. But yeah, just like seeing

581
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,000
Speaker 7: you know, how we talk about it and just feeling

582
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 7: more comfortable.

583
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 3: And that's actually what we design. Like our whole Instagram

584
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 3: account where at Vanessa and Xander to do is like

585
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:10,720
Speaker 3: we talk about other people's stories, We share statistics about

586
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:13,840
Speaker 3: our audience, so it gives you this neutral way of like, oh, look,

587
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 3: I was just looking at their story. They say ninety

588
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 3: one percent of women say that intercourse isn't their favorite

589
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:21,479
Speaker 3: sexual activity, Like isn't that crazy? You know, so when

590
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 3: you're talking about it in this more objective way rather

591
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 3: than why do you never initiate? You never seem to

592
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 3: want me anymore? You couldn't stay hard the last time

593
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 3: we had sex, Like that's totally different.

594
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 1: The people get defensive and there they get defensive and

595
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:36,800
Speaker 1: then they're not listening. It's like any It's like it's

596
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 1: like it's like having a conversation about any topic. If

597
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:41,200
Speaker 1: you if you if you put someone on the defensive,

598
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:43,040
Speaker 1: they're not going to be listening in the same way.

599
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:43,680
Speaker 3: Exactly.

600
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 2: Let's take a break.

601
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:55,040
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after these fine words. No, just

602
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 1: because you went there for a second, talk about that

603
00:29:57,840 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 1: for a second. I remember last time you say it.

604
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 1: This is a bit of a non sequitor. But you

605
00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 1: said some surprising figure to be about the percentage of

606
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 1: women that can have an orgasm from penetration. Pen what

607
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 1: do you do, Yeah, yeah.

608
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:16,600
Speaker 3: It's only ten to fifteen percent. This is one of

609
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 3: the big misunderstanding.

610
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,280
Speaker 1: You know, there's people that listen to this that came

611
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:21,720
Speaker 1: up to me and they said that was one of

612
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:24,000
Speaker 1: the most shocking things they heard.

613
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,040
Speaker 2: So they're lying. So they're lying.

614
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, a lot of a lot of women are lying

615
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 3: because that's how.

616
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 1: Wait wait, wait, wait, Vanessa, ten to fifteen percent.

617
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 7: From penetration alone, penetration alone, not including like using your

618
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:43,360
Speaker 7: hands for assistance.

619
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,240
Speaker 1: Because right now, no, no, no, I know, I know, I

620
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 1: want to get I want to I want to get

621
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 1: to that. But my first is like just penetration. You're

622
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 1: saying that the stats showed ten to fifteen percent of

623
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 1: women can have an orgasm that way.

624
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, did we talk about the Anatomy last time. Wait,

625
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,840
Speaker 3: I got to find my gonna find my little model

626
00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:04,120
Speaker 3: over here. Did we talk about anatomy last time?

627
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, a little bit, but but but not everyone will

628
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:07,920
Speaker 1: have heard the episode, so go ahead.

629
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 7: Yeah, we're on video now, and.

630
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 3: We're on video, so I can show you my quote.

631
00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:14,640
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you can show that looks like it looks

632
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 1: like an avocados.

633
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 9: That.

634
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 3: Oh I feel sad for case if you think that's

635
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 3: an avocado.

636
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:22,880
Speaker 1: No, it looks I thought it was an avocado too. Audience,

637
00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:25,440
Speaker 1: if you're just listening, it is green, and the vulvas

638
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 1: I've seen are not green.

639
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:28,960
Speaker 3: But go ahead, our windows right in front of a

640
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 3: bunch of trees that it's casting a green light on it.

641
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 3: But it's gold. It's meant to be real.

642
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 1: F Oh, it's a gold Okay, go ahead. When we're

643
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,160
Speaker 1: watch you're gonna want to watch this on video, audience,

644
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:43,040
Speaker 1: on YouTube because now we have now we have visual aids.

645
00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:43,480
Speaker 1: All right, go.

646
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:47,840
Speaker 3: Ahead, okay, So the clitterist is this little white nub.

647
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,960
Speaker 1: I've never seen it as a white nub, but that's interesting.

648
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 3: And have you seen it as this full shape? Oh

649
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:58,720
Speaker 3: my goodness, yeah, so this is actually what the glitterist

650
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:00,800
Speaker 3: looks like so this little tiny nub of skin that

651
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 3: most of us think of as the glitterist, there's just

652
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 3: one small part of the whole thing. It actually splits

653
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 3: off into these two legs. These are called krura and

654
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 3: it sits.

655
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:12,400
Speaker 2: Is this available at your website?

656
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:14,080
Speaker 1: I wish it was.

657
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 3: But I got this from another company. Okay, so when

658
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:21,240
Speaker 3: we're having intercourse, so the glitter as will be back up.

659
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:25,400
Speaker 3: The clitterist is the most sensitive part of the human body,

660
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,200
Speaker 3: male or female, any gender.

661
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:28,959
Speaker 1: Clitterizis.

662
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're eight to eight to ten thousand nerve endings

663
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,640
Speaker 3: in the clitterists. Compare that to two to three thousand

664
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:37,960
Speaker 3: in the penis. So it's way more sensitive.

665
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:40,920
Speaker 7: Yeah, so when you do it right, it's way better

666
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,080
Speaker 7: for a woman. Yeah, I'm sorry, sorry guys, but.

667
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:48,920
Speaker 1: Wait, can I pause you there? Now, those legs, those

668
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 1: legs that come down, they don't have all those endings.

669
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 1: It's the clittorus itself.

670
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 3: It's the entire structure.

671
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 7: But yeah, you'd of the matter, which.

672
00:32:58,280 --> 00:32:59,000
Speaker 1: Is which is great.

673
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:02,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're all throughout the structure. But yeah, the little

674
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 3: nub is particularly sensitive.

675
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 1: Important.

676
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, this is why is important. Those the legs

677
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 2: seem pretty far apart compared.

678
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 3: To so when we're having intercourse, we're actually getting the

679
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:23,040
Speaker 3: vast majority of stimulation is happening in the vagina, and

680
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 3: the vagina compare it to those eight to nine thousand

681
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:28,360
Speaker 3: nerve endings and the glitterists. The vagina does not have

682
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:30,960
Speaker 3: very many nerve endings at all. I keep looking for

683
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 3: a proper scientific tally, and I still have yet to

684
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:36,320
Speaker 3: find one. And if you think about it, it's like

685
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:40,760
Speaker 3: childbirth is already excruciatingly painful. We don't want to have

686
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 3: that area of our body like even more sensitive and

687
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 3: even more filled with nerve endings. So we women during intercourse,

688
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:51,360
Speaker 3: we're getting stimulation of a part of our body that

689
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:55,840
Speaker 3: just biologically is not wired to feel a lot of pleasure.

690
00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:59,480
Speaker 3: So intercourse like it can feel good, it feels very intimate,

691
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 3: it's connect it's fun to try out different positions. But

692
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,480
Speaker 3: from a nerve ending standpoint, I like to say, it's

693
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,920
Speaker 3: like the equivalent of playing with a man's balls. So sure,

694
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 3: for you, that might feel fun, it might be enjoyable,

695
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:15,520
Speaker 3: it might be pleasant, but for ninety nine point ninety

696
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 3: nine percent of men, like it's not going to be

697
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:22,239
Speaker 3: nearly enough stimulation to lead to orgasm. So intercourse for

698
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:24,759
Speaker 3: a woman is really like the equivalent of playing with

699
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:25,680
Speaker 3: a man's balls.

700
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:28,399
Speaker 1: It's just not anything on a T shirt. I need

701
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 1: that on a T shirt that in the merch shop

702
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:31,520
Speaker 1: for us.

703
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:35,399
Speaker 7: Yeah, so yeah, I mean the reality is that yeah

704
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 7: when okay, so yeah, when you when you penetrate inside

705
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:42,040
Speaker 7: the vagina, the reality is the legs of the glitterists

706
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:47,360
Speaker 7: do extend around that area, but every woman's anatomy is different.

707
00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:50,880
Speaker 7: Sometimes those legs are closer to the vaginal wall. Sometimes

708
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:54,160
Speaker 7: they're further from the vaginal wall. So that's why you can,

709
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,880
Speaker 7: you know, you can derive some pleasure from intercourse, but

710
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:01,640
Speaker 7: that pleasure, the amount is really going to depend person

711
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:04,320
Speaker 7: to person, and like you know, it's just an anatomical

712
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:10,440
Speaker 7: reality of how your body, you know, how your body is.

713
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:14,640
Speaker 2: So so with is with? Is not? It doesn't. I

714
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:16,800
Speaker 2: mean it seems like we're yeah.

715
00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:19,440
Speaker 3: Girls can create a little bit more pressure or yeah,

716
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 3: a little more like stimulation, but it's also like think

717
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,319
Speaker 3: about when you have a knot in your back, you

718
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:27,279
Speaker 3: want your partner to like get their thumbs on skin

719
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 3: to skin, right versus think about like you wearing a

720
00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 3: wool sweater and a down jacket and a parka and

721
00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 3: asking to massage you.

722
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:40,640
Speaker 10: It's like, it's just that much separation.

723
00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:42,359
Speaker 3: It's hard to like work through.

724
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,160
Speaker 2: When I was a kid, I dry humped in my

725
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:48,719
Speaker 2: jacket and I remember dry humping in my jacket and

726
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:53,439
Speaker 2: my and my pants and my boots and and being

727
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:57,040
Speaker 2: like this, there's nothing going, There's nothing there. You go.

728
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:01,399
Speaker 3: Face is going, yeah, well we did.

729
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:03,520
Speaker 2: We were kissing and then we were like, you know,

730
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 2: we would go and we were got to go outside,

731
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 2: but then we decided to kiss and everything and we

732
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:11,319
Speaker 2: were like dry humping, but we would dry humping with

733
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:15,040
Speaker 2: our jackets and boots and pants on. Yeah.

734
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 1: But when you were young and still felt fun them

735
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:19,520
Speaker 1: being rolling around, try humping, well yeah.

736
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 3: Pretty fun.

737
00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:22,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, the excitement was there, but there was nothing like

738
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:26,120
Speaker 2: it was literally like and now to find out that

739
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:27,920
Speaker 2: I'm even further away.

740
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:31,480
Speaker 1: Right, what you're saying, Vanessa, what you're saying, it seems

741
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:37,320
Speaker 1: to me is it depends on each individual woman's biology

742
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:41,560
Speaker 1: of how thick the wall is from the legs of

743
00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:42,719
Speaker 1: the clutorus.

744
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 3: So I got that right, Yeah, yeah, But again, it's like,

745
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,279
Speaker 3: let's imagine there could be different anatomy for men, like

746
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:51,240
Speaker 3: maybe oh, my balls are like closer to the shaft,

747
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:52,880
Speaker 3: and so when you're playing with the balls, like you

748
00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:54,759
Speaker 3: sort of can get the shaft. But it's like, the

749
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,239
Speaker 3: bottom line is, no, if we want to get a

750
00:36:57,360 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 3: guy to orgasm, we're going to focus on the penis

751
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:02,600
Speaker 3: Like that just makes the most sense or not, Like, well,

752
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:04,880
Speaker 3: maybe your balls are like kind of close enough that

753
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:06,759
Speaker 3: I can get you know, so we need to do

754
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:09,160
Speaker 3: the same with women. We need to give the clip

755
00:37:09,239 --> 00:37:10,280
Speaker 3: the same respect.

756
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:14,480
Speaker 1: So last time you were on you said ABC.

757
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 3: Right, always be touching the clip.

758
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:19,880
Speaker 1: Always be close touching the clip. There's a couple of

759
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:26,319
Speaker 1: missing letters, but always be clary, always always be clip.

760
00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:32,279
Speaker 1: So what you mean is that that that you know

761
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:35,680
Speaker 1: Obviously it goes without saying. This isn't for every person,

762
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 1: but a good a good direction to head is that

763
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:43,600
Speaker 1: to find a way to be stimulating the clitoris even

764
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:46,799
Speaker 1: whilst you're having intercourse.

765
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:50,399
Speaker 2: That's great, stay away from it.

766
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:54,880
Speaker 3: Yeah I can get more sensitive afterwards, right.

767
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:59,400
Speaker 2: But happens don't touch the clitoris okay.

768
00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:00,800
Speaker 1: But wait, answer my first finess.

769
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,399
Speaker 3: What I was saying, Yeah, yeah, that is a great

770
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 3: strategy to use, and also making sure you're using your

771
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:08,759
Speaker 3: hands in your mouth like before intercourse as well. I

772
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 3: think we talked last time about like intercourse doesn't have

773
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:13,759
Speaker 3: to be the main event or like the last event

774
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 3: or the last event, you know, we want to give

775
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:17,880
Speaker 3: just as much attention to using hands and mouths to.

776
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:22,160
Speaker 7: Right and then and and really this gets back to

777
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:26,640
Speaker 7: even the like the conversations about sex is that every

778
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:29,360
Speaker 7: you know, every woman has a different, you know, slightly

779
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 7: different anatomy. Every woman is going to have different preferences

780
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:35,200
Speaker 7: in terms of what type of literal stimulation she likes,

781
00:38:35,239 --> 00:38:39,080
Speaker 7: you know, whether it's more direct stimulation, more interact stimulation,

782
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:42,480
Speaker 7: you know, really light, you know, more vigorous and so

783
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:46,120
Speaker 7: vigorous and so, you know, the reality is it's so

784
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:51,799
Speaker 7: important to figure but yeah, it's so important to be

785
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,840
Speaker 7: able to have those conversations, you know, when you're first

786
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:57,640
Speaker 7: starting to have sex with someone of hey, what type

787
00:38:57,719 --> 00:39:00,920
Speaker 7: of stimulation do you like it? When you know, I

788
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 7: touch your clip while we're having sex, you know, do

789
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:06,520
Speaker 7: you you know, would you prefer to be touching it

790
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 7: so that you're more in control? Like what type you know,

791
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:11,440
Speaker 7: do you want me to be more vigorous. Do you

792
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 7: want me to be more gentle more?

793
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:15,840
Speaker 1: I get rat I get that the sooner the better

794
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,320
Speaker 1: for this in it, But also you don't want to

795
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:21,000
Speaker 1: do it like the first time you're having sex. I

796
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 1: mean I wouldn't well, well, I mean I don't know.

797
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:26,560
Speaker 1: You guys tell me, but it's like, maybe feel.

798
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:29,279
Speaker 3: Like as many questions, but yeah, I just feel.

799
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,880
Speaker 1: Like I just feel like you should maybe as a

800
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:34,600
Speaker 1: plan in it. Why not because I'm.

801
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:36,360
Speaker 2: Going to do it tonight. I'm just let me tell me.

802
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:40,520
Speaker 1: No, that's not how it happens. In my experience. You

803
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:44,359
Speaker 1: when you're the first time you have sex, it kind

804
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 1: of happens and it's exciting and it's new and you're

805
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:50,720
Speaker 1: both like kind of obviously turned on by it. I'm

806
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:53,399
Speaker 1: guessing that the first time through is in the most

807
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:57,160
Speaker 1: ideal time to ask all these questions. Maybe maybe the

808
00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:59,279
Speaker 1: second time, or tell me I'm wrong. I don't know.

809
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:02,920
Speaker 3: I think the couple should get used to communicating with

810
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 3: each other right from the beginning, and so I wouldn't

811
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,839
Speaker 3: like Pepper somebody with questions of like, Okay, please write

812
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:09,759
Speaker 3: me your manifesto of what you would like me to

813
00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:12,880
Speaker 3: do to you to like saying like you can't make it.

814
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:14,839
Speaker 3: You can't on a scale of one to ten, how

815
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 3: vigorous do you want to You can't make it feel

816
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:19,760
Speaker 3: sexy like I'm so excited to see you later tonight,

817
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:21,360
Speaker 3: Like tell me what you want me to do to you,

818
00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:25,240
Speaker 3: and then in the moment, I'll give you a really simple,

819
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:26,880
Speaker 3: easy way to do this, like you.

820
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:30,799
Speaker 1: And white.

821
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,520
Speaker 3: It's great for couples at any stage of a relationship.

822
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:37,359
Speaker 3: But you can try two different techniques and say do

823
00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 3: you like it better when I do this to you

824
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:42,120
Speaker 3: or this to you? So you're not like putting them

825
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:44,400
Speaker 3: on the spot, like tell me how to touch your clitterists.

826
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:47,600
Speaker 3: You're you're doing it in the moment and you're incorporating

827
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:50,960
Speaker 3: that communication into the actual activity. And that feels super

828
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:51,359
Speaker 3: hot of.

829
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:54,520
Speaker 1: Somebody, right, And that's that's the way to write. That's

830
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:56,240
Speaker 1: the way to do it in sort of a sexy

831
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,759
Speaker 1: way that is in clinical like you, it's kind of

832
00:40:58,760 --> 00:40:59,720
Speaker 1: like the optometrist.

833
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:03,680
Speaker 3: That's exactly what I call it. Yeah, the I exam

834
00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:08,719
Speaker 3: technique easier when you're picking from like between one or

835
00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:11,279
Speaker 3: two options, that's a lot easier. I think one of

836
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:14,440
Speaker 3: the big mistakes that men make in the bedroom. They

837
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:19,120
Speaker 3: ask women, Yeah, take notes, Men ask women what do

838
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 3: you want? And a lot of us women totally freeze

839
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:25,920
Speaker 3: up for so many reasons, like, first, it's a big question,

840
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:27,640
Speaker 3: how do I even start to answer that? Like I

841
00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:29,280
Speaker 3: feel like I have to write you the twenty page

842
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 3: manifesto of exactly what I want. And then two, a

843
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:34,880
Speaker 3: lot of us women have never explored our own bodies.

844
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 3: So many women have never had an orgasm, they've never masturbated,

845
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:40,759
Speaker 3: and so it's like, well, what am I supposed to

846
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,319
Speaker 3: tell you if I don't know? Like, oh no? And

847
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 3: then three, like we also have been so socialized to

848
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 3: be caretakers, caregivers, like put other people's needs and feelings

849
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:52,719
Speaker 3: above our own, So like, I don't want to tell

850
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:55,399
Speaker 3: you something different from what you're doing that maybe it'll

851
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:59,320
Speaker 3: hurt your feelings. So we never recommend asking that question.

852
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:03,120
Speaker 3: It's just too big. Instead like breaking it down into like, yeah,

853
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:04,959
Speaker 3: do you like it this or do you like this better?

854
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:06,000
Speaker 3: That's so much more useful.

855
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:06,239
Speaker 2: Yeah.

856
00:42:06,239 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 7: And then on the on the far other extreme side,

857
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 7: the other mistake that men make is assuming, Okay, I've

858
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:13,959
Speaker 7: had sex with a lot of people, and I think

859
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:17,280
Speaker 7: I know the best way to like give for an orgasm,

860
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:20,759
Speaker 7: Like I know the one way, And the reality is,

861
00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:23,960
Speaker 7: like we were talking about with anatomy, every anatomy is different.

862
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 7: There's so there's such a wide range probably a wider

863
00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:30,759
Speaker 7: range of preferences for women when it comes to how

864
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:35,359
Speaker 7: they like their clerical stimulation. And so your way that

865
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:38,480
Speaker 7: you think worked for like the last x number of

866
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 7: people that you had sex with, like that is most

867
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:43,399
Speaker 7: likely not going to work for.

868
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 3: Especially given the seventy seven percent of women say that

869
00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:50,799
Speaker 3: they've faked an orgasm. So definitely your moves.

870
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 2: After this conversation, I say more than that, Zach, Zach, love.

871
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:02,040
Speaker 1: You all right. Sorry, guys, brief break, someone's trying to

872
00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:03,000
Speaker 1: get into the conversation.

873
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:04,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, bad, bad time.

874
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:11,719
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Women seventy.

875
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:16,280
Speaker 3: Actually, Donald, I think it's higher than that. I think, oh.

876
00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:18,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, and just want to think.

877
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:22,120
Speaker 2: I want a lot of the statistics that women are

878
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:27,399
Speaker 2: given are you guys are giving a nice pass and

879
00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:30,440
Speaker 2: and and you don't get the full statistic, you know

880
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:33,040
Speaker 2: what I mean? Like that's that's what I'm learning. I

881
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:35,360
Speaker 2: think it's way higher than that. I think the cheating

882
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:39,320
Speaker 2: factor is way higher than then people think. I think

883
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 2: a lot of it. I think a lot of it

884
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:48,520
Speaker 2: is because of you know, the lack of chore play

885
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:52,480
Speaker 2: that goes on right and no, but I'm dead serious.

886
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:57,520
Speaker 2: I think it turns that turns people into when the

887
00:43:57,520 --> 00:44:00,360
Speaker 2: conversation doesn't happen that you guys are talking about, and

888
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:03,680
Speaker 2: when the and when the uh, and when actions aren't

889
00:44:03,719 --> 00:44:06,840
Speaker 2: taken after a conversation has had I think it leads

890
00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:11,919
Speaker 2: to you know, outer marital stuff and and and then

891
00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:14,560
Speaker 2: you're in a whole world win. So I think it's

892
00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:17,919
Speaker 2: really important to have these conversations, even if you've never

893
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:22,400
Speaker 2: had them before. I think you should have them. Or

894
00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:26,440
Speaker 2: you know, your marriage this is for married people, or

895
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 2: your marriage isn't necessarily gonna thrive.

896
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:32,800
Speaker 1: Is the faking an organism about like I don't want

897
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:35,120
Speaker 1: you to a I want it to be over. I'm

898
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:38,359
Speaker 1: over it, and I don't And you just said, yeah,

899
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:38,960
Speaker 1: that's what it is.

900
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's that's the most common reason given. But it's

901
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,239
Speaker 3: also like I don't want to hurt my partner's feelings.

902
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:47,000
Speaker 3: I know I'm not going to. Maybe I've never had one,

903
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:50,359
Speaker 3: so it just feels like the easier thing to do. Yeah,

904
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:52,200
Speaker 3: but definitely the most common one is just want it

905
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:52,600
Speaker 3: to be over.

906
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:54,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think there's all none of that.

907
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:58,240
Speaker 7: Sorry, there's also just kind of like almost like faking

908
00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:01,000
Speaker 7: by omission as well. Out you know, I think Donald

909
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:02,640
Speaker 7: was getting out. You know, it feels like that number

910
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:05,319
Speaker 7: could even be higher. There's obviously, you know, there's sort

911
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:08,040
Speaker 7: of the faking like putting on an act, like pretending

912
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:10,880
Speaker 7: that it is happening. But then I think there's also

913
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:15,319
Speaker 7: just the the kind of fake faking where like you're

914
00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:18,080
Speaker 7: not really you're not putting on an act, but you're

915
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:21,560
Speaker 7: not really like showing that anything is happening one way

916
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:23,320
Speaker 7: or the other. And then afterwards, you know there's the

917
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:26,719
Speaker 7: classic like oh was it good for you? And she's

918
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 7: just like oh yeah, like yeah, that was great, And

919
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,640
Speaker 7: you know, I know I've been guilty of that so often.

920
00:45:32,719 --> 00:45:35,280
Speaker 7: Like early on in my sex life, like I didn't

921
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:37,919
Speaker 7: know how to ask the women that I was with

922
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:40,719
Speaker 7: like what they liked, how things really were. I had

923
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:43,839
Speaker 7: no idea if I was actually like giving them an

924
00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 7: orgasm or not, and I would just kind of like

925
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:48,240
Speaker 7: go for a while and was like, oh, it seems

926
00:45:48,239 --> 00:45:49,160
Speaker 7: like they're enjoying it.

927
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:51,239
Speaker 1: Right, that must have been I think.

928
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 7: I did a good job.

929
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:55,720
Speaker 1: I think the aptometrist thing is a really good idea

930
00:45:55,920 --> 00:46:00,600
Speaker 1: because it doesn't it takes the pressure off of and

931
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:04,400
Speaker 1: and it feels sexy. It feels like a way to

932
00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:07,959
Speaker 1: be almost you know, playing a titillating game in a way.

933
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:11,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. That's that's the exact kind of techniques that

934
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:14,480
Speaker 3: we aim for, like things that feel fun and lighthearted.

935
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 3: They don't feel so serious, but they're still very very

936
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 3: effective in the moment.

937
00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 2: Let's take a break.

938
00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:29,359
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after these fine words. Let's talk

939
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:30,920
Speaker 1: about threesomes.

940
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:34,840
Speaker 2: I've been waiting for this conversation.

941
00:46:35,239 --> 00:46:39,120
Speaker 1: Because I feel like it's a common fantasy. I could

942
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:41,800
Speaker 1: be wrong of couples to have this, Like, oh, wouldn't

943
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:43,480
Speaker 1: that be crazy if we did that one day? Not

944
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:45,760
Speaker 1: all couples, of course, it goes.

945
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:47,880
Speaker 3: Without saying, but one of the top three sexual fantasy

946
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:48,800
Speaker 3: is it's very common.

947
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:52,120
Speaker 1: Okay, so, but I feel like it's very hard for people,

948
00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:55,319
Speaker 1: even if it's a fantasy, to ever make it. No,

949
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, admit to what I was going

950
00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:58,799
Speaker 1: to say to make it happen, because even if they

951
00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:01,480
Speaker 1: turn each other on by talking about it, or they

952
00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:04,880
Speaker 1: daydream about it, or it's a one day thing. People.

953
00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:07,080
Speaker 1: You know, it's kind of hard to execute, right because

954
00:47:07,120 --> 00:47:09,799
Speaker 1: how do you choose who that person's going to be?

955
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:13,640
Speaker 1: Can you speak to that a bit? Like let's say

956
00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 1: someone's listening to this, they're a couple, it's always been

957
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:19,520
Speaker 1: on there, like fantasy bucket list, but they don't even

958
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:21,720
Speaker 1: know what they probably shouldn't be a friend, it shouldn't

959
00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 1: be maybe they don't want to. What do people do?

960
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:25,640
Speaker 1: Who want? Who want to try that?

961
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:29,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it is really difficult. It's such a common fantasy,

962
00:47:29,239 --> 00:47:33,120
Speaker 3: but very difficult to execute because of having to find somebody.

963
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:35,360
Speaker 3: So you have to find someone that not only both

964
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:38,320
Speaker 3: of you are attracted to and feels like a safe

965
00:47:38,320 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 3: person to have it with, but also that person has

966
00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 3: to be attracted to both of you as well, and

967
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:45,560
Speaker 3: everybody has to be on board about wanting to do

968
00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:48,400
Speaker 3: the same activities and have you know, certain things beyond

969
00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:50,680
Speaker 3: the table or off the table. So it's a pretty

970
00:47:50,800 --> 00:47:54,240
Speaker 3: high barrier to entry. I think these days your best

971
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:57,560
Speaker 3: option is like an app, trying to find somebody through

972
00:47:57,640 --> 00:47:59,520
Speaker 3: an app, just like really put it out there a

973
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:02,440
Speaker 3: lot of people just hope for that, like that magical

974
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:05,240
Speaker 3: night that things just all come together and it happens.

975
00:48:05,280 --> 00:48:07,600
Speaker 3: But that's just super rare that I would say for

976
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:11,880
Speaker 3: the vast majority of couples. It's important to recognize that

977
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:17,000
Speaker 3: we can fantasize about something without necessarily needing or wanting

978
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:18,759
Speaker 3: to do it in real life. So a lot of

979
00:48:18,760 --> 00:48:22,240
Speaker 3: couples can get a lot of enjoyment just talking dirty

980
00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 3: about a threeeson like, ooh, what would it be like,

981
00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:26,800
Speaker 3: what would you want to do? What would it feel

982
00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:28,960
Speaker 3: like for you to watch me be with this person?

983
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:31,400
Speaker 3: You know, you can talk dirty about it, roleplay with

984
00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:33,520
Speaker 3: it a little bit, and like that might be enough

985
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:34,480
Speaker 3: for a lot of couples.

986
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 2: I got to say, yeah, sorry, Sander, go ahead.

987
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:40,120
Speaker 7: I'll just say I think where it can start to

988
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:43,960
Speaker 7: get tricky is when you're transitioning from that fantasizing about

989
00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:46,719
Speaker 7: the idea of it into the practicalities, because then you

990
00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:50,400
Speaker 7: start thinking about, okay, so like if we actually do this,

991
00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:53,080
Speaker 7: assuming we do find the right person, then all right,

992
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:56,560
Speaker 7: like what activities are on and off the table for

993
00:48:56,640 --> 00:48:58,880
Speaker 7: each of us? What do we do in the moment

994
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 7: if one of us starts feeling uncomfortable or like that

995
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:06,360
Speaker 7: inherent moment where you notice that the other two people

996
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:09,799
Speaker 7: are more involved with each other and yeah, you're kind of.

997
00:49:09,719 --> 00:49:16,560
Speaker 2: Sitting this is supposed to be guys.

998
00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:18,319
Speaker 1: Checking your Instagram.

999
00:49:19,160 --> 00:49:23,200
Speaker 7: Yeah, so then you know, you start, once you start

1000
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:26,120
Speaker 7: getting through to a lot of those logistical things, it

1001
00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:28,800
Speaker 7: can start to feel like, huh, all right, this doesn't

1002
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:31,680
Speaker 7: actually feel as exciting to me anymore now that I'm

1003
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:33,920
Speaker 7: getting into the realities of it. I'm not saying that's

1004
00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:36,400
Speaker 7: a reason to not have it. Like many people are

1005
00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:38,439
Speaker 7: gonna be like, Okay, cool, Yeah, let's let's talk about

1006
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:41,400
Speaker 7: those logistical things, like let's go like I'm good with that.

1007
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:43,600
Speaker 7: But I do think that that's where a lot of

1008
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:46,680
Speaker 7: people drop off from like being excited about the fantasy

1009
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:49,400
Speaker 7: to then actually doing it in real life, because for

1010
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:51,520
Speaker 7: a lot of people just starts feeling like more trouble

1011
00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:52,120
Speaker 7: than it's worth.

1012
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:54,239
Speaker 1: Well, and also it can get you into trouble. I

1013
00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:56,640
Speaker 1: mean you you may have, like all the things you

1014
00:49:56,760 --> 00:49:58,560
Speaker 1: just said, you you both might be into it and

1015
00:49:58,560 --> 00:50:02,480
Speaker 1: you're excited, and then when an actually happens, there's jealousy involved.

1016
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:05,879
Speaker 1: There's like you know, you know, I thought we I thought,

1017
00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 1: we agreed you weren't going to do that, but it

1018
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:10,920
Speaker 1: seemed like you were doing that. It could be very complicated.

1019
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:15,600
Speaker 2: It seems also also once the dopamine hits and is

1020
00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:20,760
Speaker 2: gone and you don't necessarily feel the same way anymore.

1021
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:23,319
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't necessarily feel like that was

1022
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:26,480
Speaker 2: what I wanted to do. It was fun, but you know,

1023
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:29,480
Speaker 2: I mean, I think that's that's the most common thing.

1024
00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:35,160
Speaker 2: It's like from from for me, I should say once once.

1025
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:39,640
Speaker 2: I think that's just for everybody. Once you nut, everybody's like,

1026
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 2: all right, that was fun a sandwich?

1027
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:51,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, should we call you an uber? That's what you said.

1028
00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:54,279
Speaker 1: That's one of the top three of fantasies, Vanessa. What

1029
00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:56,880
Speaker 1: are some of the others that that couples are are

1030
00:50:56,920 --> 00:50:59,759
Speaker 1: are excited about and maybe one that's more actionable than

1031
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:02,600
Speaker 1: inviting a third person into the room.

1032
00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:06,520
Speaker 3: So the top three other ones there are group sex.

1033
00:51:06,680 --> 00:51:10,000
Speaker 3: They kind of differentiate group sex from threesomes and also

1034
00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:14,320
Speaker 3: like kinky kinky sex, a little bit of bondage. Bond

1035
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:15,440
Speaker 3: that's another highway, and.

1036
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:17,320
Speaker 2: Then is different from threesome.

1037
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:22,960
Speaker 3: And I've seen they categorize it differently orgy. But another

1038
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:25,759
Speaker 3: top one that I found so fascinating. Like one of

1039
00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:29,399
Speaker 3: the most common fantasies for both men and women is

1040
00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:32,839
Speaker 3: just romantic sex, and I thought that was actually really

1041
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:35,520
Speaker 3: sweet that a lot of people fantasize about just having

1042
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:39,680
Speaker 3: this like very passionate, emotional like romance with each other,

1043
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:41,480
Speaker 3: so that one is very actionable.

1044
00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 1: You can those are the married people just dressed up

1045
00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:47,279
Speaker 1: like fabio and listen.

1046
00:51:48,160 --> 00:51:51,160
Speaker 2: That sounds like a married couple with children, because sex

1047
00:51:51,239 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 2: is you try to have sex. As when you do

1048
00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:55,399
Speaker 2: try to have sex, it's like, all right, the kids

1049
00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:57,600
Speaker 2: on a round, let's try to get this going right now.

1050
00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:01,279
Speaker 2: But what you're really wanting is that, oh, I want

1051
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:03,880
Speaker 2: to make love to you, darling, I want to kiss.

1052
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:06,360
Speaker 1: You yeah, or have it be like it was back

1053
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:10,200
Speaker 1: in the beginning when you were really putting on your

1054
00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:10,839
Speaker 1: best show.

1055
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:16,360
Speaker 3: M So I think that did show. I like reminding people, like,

1056
00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:19,440
Speaker 3: you know, a fantasy doesn't need to be something wildly

1057
00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:23,120
Speaker 3: elaborate or super kinky, Like it's totally okay to fantasize

1058
00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:25,760
Speaker 3: about just having some passion and romance with your partner.

1059
00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:27,840
Speaker 3: So if you want to bring back some of that energy,

1060
00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:30,799
Speaker 3: maybe it's like recreating your first date or just like

1061
00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:32,920
Speaker 3: having a nice date with each other where you get

1062
00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:35,799
Speaker 3: dressed up, you like look really nice, put on something

1063
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:38,239
Speaker 3: you haven't orn for a while, and just have that

1064
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:39,480
Speaker 3: like quality time together.

1065
00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:42,160
Speaker 1: Do you guys have your own podcast?

1066
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:46,160
Speaker 3: We do. It's called pillow Talks. It comes out every Thursday.

1067
00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:48,839
Speaker 1: Pillow Talk. Everybody check out pillow Talk and remind people

1068
00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:52,960
Speaker 1: where they can get the guides on all the things.

1069
00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 3: They're at vmtherapy dot com And if you want that

1070
00:52:57,120 --> 00:53:01,360
Speaker 3: one the best starting point the seven week challenge seven days, sorry,

1071
00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:06,279
Speaker 3: not seven weeks. It's vmtherapy dot com slash best okay, And.

1072
00:53:06,239 --> 00:53:08,799
Speaker 1: I assume you also do one on one's private right,

1073
00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:10,520
Speaker 1: I don't anymore.

1074
00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:13,880
Speaker 3: Actually, once we start shielding out the online guides and courses,

1075
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:17,040
Speaker 3: they were so popular with people that we decided to,

1076
00:53:17,080 --> 00:53:19,080
Speaker 3: like really go in that direction. Just makes it a

1077
00:53:19,080 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 3: lot more accessible.

1078
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:22,279
Speaker 2: Now in your business, imagine you get a lot of

1079
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:25,040
Speaker 2: creepers too that reach out to you guys and stuff

1080
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:25,839
Speaker 2: like that, where I.

1081
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:28,440
Speaker 3: Used to when it was just me, But since Xander

1082
00:53:28,520 --> 00:53:31,960
Speaker 3: joined the business like years ago, they're actually minimal creepers.

1083
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,040
Speaker 3: But I'm gonna knock on wood, please don't.

1084
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:37,959
Speaker 1: Creep us but I should say, but I should say

1085
00:53:38,040 --> 00:53:40,960
Speaker 1: for couples that are intrigued by this and maybe having

1086
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:43,120
Speaker 1: a session, there are people that will get on zoom

1087
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:44,799
Speaker 1: with you and you can hire them to give you

1088
00:53:44,880 --> 00:53:46,160
Speaker 1: and your partners and coaching.

1089
00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:48,400
Speaker 3: Right, yeah, yeah, if you want to do that.

1090
00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:53,160
Speaker 1: Okay, vibrators Wait what coaching?

1091
00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:57,000
Speaker 2: Like you're watching them and you know Timmy lift the

1092
00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:58,640
Speaker 2: as well. I don't know.

1093
00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:01,960
Speaker 1: I'm sure that exists. But that wasn't what I meant.

1094
00:54:02,400 --> 00:54:04,520
Speaker 3: It's not what I would recommend, Joel.

1095
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:06,600
Speaker 2: What did I say? That was so wrong?

1096
00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:11,960
Speaker 4: The situation just gave me like horrifying anxiety.

1097
00:54:12,239 --> 00:54:17,480
Speaker 1: Like what, I'm sure you can I'm sure, listen, you

1098
00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:19,520
Speaker 1: can find anything. I'm sure you can find someone to

1099
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:31,640
Speaker 1: be like no arch her back, arch her back, but

1100
00:54:31,719 --> 00:54:38,480
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want that. Vibrators, and I don't mean dildos,

1101
00:54:38,520 --> 00:54:42,000
Speaker 1: but vibrators, even small ones, they can be of assistance

1102
00:54:42,120 --> 00:54:49,200
Speaker 1: for patoral, for clatoral stimuli, right, and penis and penis

1103
00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:51,399
Speaker 1: and balls and anus and all that. Right, we haven't

1104
00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:55,480
Speaker 1: spoken about that because you you were talking about I

1105
00:54:55,480 --> 00:54:58,520
Speaker 1: didn't mean to do that. Sorry. We were talking about

1106
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:01,080
Speaker 1: making sure to always be close, always be touching the

1107
00:55:01,120 --> 00:55:05,120
Speaker 1: clit always be clit, Always be clit. What about what

1108
00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:08,640
Speaker 1: are your thoughts on small vibrators to help with that.

1109
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:12,600
Speaker 3: Vibrators can be really great. I mean there are some

1110
00:55:12,719 --> 00:55:15,279
Speaker 3: amazing toys these days. I always say with vibrators, like,

1111
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:17,439
Speaker 3: you really get what you pay for. So you want

1112
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:22,239
Speaker 3: to look for high quality materials, body safe materials like

1113
00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:26,120
Speaker 3: medical grade silicone, that kind of stuff. So be careful

1114
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:28,759
Speaker 3: with the toys that you're buying. But in general, yeah,

1115
00:55:28,760 --> 00:55:30,160
Speaker 3: they can be great. There are a lot of great

1116
00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:32,320
Speaker 3: toys that couples can use together that can like flip

1117
00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:35,879
Speaker 3: between your bodies, wonderful for like long distance couples. There

1118
00:55:35,920 --> 00:55:38,880
Speaker 3: are some that have bluetooth that you can program and

1119
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:39,920
Speaker 3: like use, you know.

1120
00:55:39,960 --> 00:55:41,040
Speaker 1: Cross distances.

1121
00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:43,520
Speaker 3: Yeah. So the big question that always comes up with

1122
00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:46,520
Speaker 3: vibrators is can you get addicted to them? And the

1123
00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:49,520
Speaker 3: answer to that is no, you can get it addicted

1124
00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:52,520
Speaker 3: to a vibrator. But I do encourage people to be

1125
00:55:52,719 --> 00:55:55,720
Speaker 3: thoughtful about how they want to have their orgasms because

1126
00:55:55,760 --> 00:55:59,640
Speaker 3: basically the way if the way that you masturbate can

1127
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:02,799
Speaker 3: start to create nerdal pathways in our brain that just

1128
00:56:02,840 --> 00:56:05,520
Speaker 3: make it easier to like continue orgasming in the same

1129
00:56:05,560 --> 00:56:07,560
Speaker 3: way versus being able to do it in a variety

1130
00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:09,759
Speaker 3: of ways. So this is for any kind of masturbation.

1131
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:13,120
Speaker 3: If you're always using a toy, if you're always using

1132
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:15,920
Speaker 3: the same technique, if you're always watching porn, if you're

1133
00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:18,319
Speaker 3: always thinking about the same fantasy in your mind, like

1134
00:56:18,360 --> 00:56:20,520
Speaker 3: you just kind of carve these pathways in your brain.

1135
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:23,800
Speaker 3: And so with a vibrator in particular, Like one of

1136
00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:26,480
Speaker 3: the great things about vibrators is how easy they can

1137
00:56:26,520 --> 00:56:30,000
Speaker 3: make it to orgasm. But also because of that, sometimes

1138
00:56:30,040 --> 00:56:33,000
Speaker 3: some of us turn into lazy masturbators where it's like

1139
00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:35,080
Speaker 3: we just like put the toy there, kind of wait

1140
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:37,279
Speaker 3: around for it to do its thing. And so you

1141
00:56:37,320 --> 00:56:41,239
Speaker 3: can just get used to the reality that orgasms of

1142
00:56:41,280 --> 00:56:43,759
Speaker 3: the vibrator are very quick and you don't have to

1143
00:56:43,760 --> 00:56:45,960
Speaker 3: do much. There's not much effort involved. So if you

1144
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:48,880
Speaker 3: want to have orgasms in other ways, like if you

1145
00:56:48,920 --> 00:56:52,040
Speaker 3: have your partner touching you, you might start to notice like, ooh,

1146
00:56:52,080 --> 00:56:55,000
Speaker 3: it's just not feeling as good, it's not as fast.

1147
00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:58,560
Speaker 3: So if you are happy having all your orgasms of vibrators,

1148
00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:00,560
Speaker 3: go with it. If you want to have a variety

1149
00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:02,640
Speaker 3: of orgasms, make sure you kind of mix it up.

1150
00:57:02,680 --> 00:57:04,879
Speaker 3: Don't use a vibrate or more than like about half

1151
00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:05,520
Speaker 3: the time.

1152
00:57:05,960 --> 00:57:10,759
Speaker 2: Xander Like, and for men, like, what do you recommend

1153
00:57:10,880 --> 00:57:13,960
Speaker 2: like when other than your hand? Is there something that

1154
00:57:14,080 --> 00:57:17,040
Speaker 2: is there a toy that men can go out and

1155
00:57:17,080 --> 00:57:23,520
Speaker 2: get that thera gun?

1156
00:57:21,120 --> 00:57:29,080
Speaker 10: Yeah about vigor and you know if you like, if

1157
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:32,480
Speaker 10: you like vigorous stimulation, I would absolutely recommend their.

1158
00:57:32,440 --> 00:57:35,360
Speaker 3: Gun get sponsored.

1159
00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:40,360
Speaker 7: No, there there there are plenty of there are plenty

1160
00:57:40,360 --> 00:57:42,880
Speaker 7: of options out there for men. I mean there's there

1161
00:57:42,880 --> 00:57:47,040
Speaker 7: are more like male focused like couple type of toys

1162
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:49,160
Speaker 7: like there are you know there there are various cocker

1163
00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:51,880
Speaker 7: rings that can vibrate or not vibrate.

1164
00:57:52,160 --> 00:57:54,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I think it was in the UK

1165
00:57:54,240 --> 00:57:56,800
Speaker 1: or somewhere overseas. You know, in the men's bathrooms, they

1166
00:57:56,880 --> 00:57:58,760
Speaker 1: used to sell like you know, next.

1167
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:00,840
Speaker 3: Little tiny vibrating.

1168
00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:03,240
Speaker 1: It would be a cocker like a cockering with a

1169
00:58:03,280 --> 00:58:05,840
Speaker 1: little vibrating top on it. I couldn't believe there was

1170
00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:10,960
Speaker 1: for sale in the bathroom. But I didn't buy one,

1171
00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:14,680
Speaker 1: But I but I always was curious, you didn't, I didn't.

1172
00:58:14,720 --> 00:58:16,480
Speaker 1: I mean I was curious to see what it would like.

1173
00:58:16,520 --> 00:58:18,600
Speaker 1: But I can be honest and saying I've never done

1174
00:58:18,640 --> 00:58:19,240
Speaker 1: the experiment.

1175
00:58:19,720 --> 00:58:22,040
Speaker 7: What else is there, Xander, Yeah, I mean that there

1176
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:24,160
Speaker 7: are all kinds of there's all kinds of like male

1177
00:58:24,240 --> 00:58:28,200
Speaker 7: masturbator devices like sleeves and work.

1178
00:58:28,280 --> 00:58:33,840
Speaker 2: I feel like those things are like you know.

1179
00:58:32,040 --> 00:58:34,480
Speaker 3: We've heard some yeah, some rave reviews.

1180
00:58:34,760 --> 00:58:40,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, particularly Donald wants the right down with n't for

1181
00:58:40,720 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 1: men alone. I'm talking about things that men can do

1182
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:47,920
Speaker 1: with their partner. I'm not talking about.

1183
00:58:47,680 --> 00:58:51,920
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, it's mostly going to be cockerings that have

1184
00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:53,840
Speaker 3: like a little vibration attachment for her.

1185
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:56,760
Speaker 7: Yeah, because you need to have the penis free for

1186
00:58:57,200 --> 00:58:59,080
Speaker 7: actual use with the partner.

1187
00:58:59,480 --> 00:59:01,400
Speaker 2: And there's no nothing you can do to make it bigger.

1188
00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:03,840
Speaker 1: Right you asked this last time.

1189
00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:09,320
Speaker 3: I mean not safely and not reliably. When you say

1190
00:59:09,400 --> 00:59:13,920
Speaker 3: not safely, say so you can find a sketchy doctor

1191
00:59:13,960 --> 00:59:15,920
Speaker 3: to do some injections, like.

1192
00:59:16,280 --> 00:59:20,200
Speaker 1: You know, if you are.

1193
00:59:20,720 --> 00:59:25,160
Speaker 3: I will say, like, women truly, like really and truly

1194
00:59:25,480 --> 00:59:28,360
Speaker 3: do not care about penis size nearly as much as men.

1195
00:59:28,560 --> 00:59:29,760
Speaker 1: No, Donald, you need to get over.

1196
00:59:29,920 --> 00:59:31,800
Speaker 2: They care about penis girth, girth.

1197
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:34,200
Speaker 3: I will say girth is more important than length.

1198
00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:34,800
Speaker 4: But we.

1199
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:40,000
Speaker 2: Women they don't really care, but girth is more important

1200
00:59:40,040 --> 00:59:41,080
Speaker 2: than length, but.

1201
00:59:41,200 --> 00:59:43,680
Speaker 3: Still they care about it a lot less. We actually

1202
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:46,600
Speaker 3: hear from far more women saying my partner's penis is

1203
00:59:46,600 --> 00:59:49,640
Speaker 3: too long or too girthy and it causes me pain

1204
00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:54,400
Speaker 3: and discomfort where and we hear from far fewer women saying, like,

1205
00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:56,560
Speaker 3: my partner's penis is too small. I'm like not feeling

1206
00:59:56,680 --> 01:00:00,400
Speaker 3: enough stimulations. Zacha loves. It's really not nearly as big

1207
01:00:00,440 --> 01:00:02,720
Speaker 3: of an issue as most people think it is, all.

1208
01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:04,920
Speaker 1: Right, Joelle's giving us that we have to wrap it

1209
01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:08,280
Speaker 1: up with you guys. You're such great guess You're so informative.

1210
01:00:08,600 --> 01:00:10,040
Speaker 2: I could talk to you guys all day.

1211
01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:11,120
Speaker 1: I know I could talk to you.

1212
01:00:12,280 --> 01:00:14,880
Speaker 2: I really could, man, I could honestly talk to you

1213
01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:15,360
Speaker 2: all day.

1214
01:00:15,440 --> 01:00:19,200
Speaker 1: We have so many questions, but and our audience loves

1215
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:21,000
Speaker 1: having you on. So thank you so much.

1216
01:00:21,080 --> 01:00:23,760
Speaker 2: And my wife does appreciate the fact that I have

1217
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:27,560
Speaker 2: backed off quite a bit, and I kind of and

1218
01:00:27,600 --> 01:00:33,080
Speaker 2: we have had conversations about quality being better than quantity,

1219
01:00:33,360 --> 01:00:36,120
Speaker 2: and so I really do there's a lot to thank

1220
01:00:36,160 --> 01:00:38,000
Speaker 2: you for. I was joking when I said, you guys

1221
01:00:38,040 --> 01:00:41,360
Speaker 2: fucked me. The amount of sex has dropped off. But

1222
01:00:41,440 --> 01:00:44,120
Speaker 2: also I've gotten a little bit more mature in my

1223
01:00:44,240 --> 01:00:47,480
Speaker 2: thought pattern and where and how we're supposed.

1224
01:00:47,120 --> 01:00:50,720
Speaker 1: To well, Listen, the most basic thing in all aspects

1225
01:00:50,760 --> 01:00:54,440
Speaker 1: of relationships is communication. And it sounds like, even though

1226
01:00:54,520 --> 01:00:56,439
Speaker 1: you might not be getting as much sex as you want,

1227
01:00:56,480 --> 01:01:00,160
Speaker 1: it sounds like your communication improved at top level. There

1228
01:01:00,160 --> 01:01:01,560
Speaker 1: you go, hear that.

1229
01:01:01,720 --> 01:01:03,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe we can come back and do another session

1230
01:01:03,840 --> 01:01:05,560
Speaker 3: with you guys, because that was so fun when she

1231
01:01:05,640 --> 01:01:06,160
Speaker 3: came in.

1232
01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:07,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, that would be awesome.

1233
01:01:07,960 --> 01:01:09,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, thank you.

1234
01:01:09,680 --> 01:01:11,080
Speaker 2: She's going to come back in again.

1235
01:01:11,840 --> 01:01:13,920
Speaker 1: Especially especially if you're not doing chore play.

1236
01:01:14,160 --> 01:01:17,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, if I'm not doing the chore play, it didn't.

1237
01:01:17,640 --> 01:01:29,200
Speaker 1: Work, all right, thank you? What great guess. I could

1238
01:01:29,200 --> 01:01:31,520
Speaker 1: have asked them so many more questions.

1239
01:01:30,960 --> 01:01:32,040
Speaker 2: Don I could have gone on.

1240
01:01:32,240 --> 01:01:35,959
Speaker 1: I had a lot of other topics and on and on,

1241
01:01:36,520 --> 01:01:38,960
Speaker 1: and we could pretend that you're the expert, and I

1242
01:01:39,080 --> 01:01:40,560
Speaker 1: just asked you my questions.

1243
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:42,800
Speaker 2: No, because Joel's not going to like my answer.

1244
01:01:43,040 --> 01:01:45,360
Speaker 1: Joel won't like your answers at all. I can tell.

1245
01:01:45,920 --> 01:01:48,560
Speaker 2: Joel was like every time I said something, Joel was like, Donald,

1246
01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:52,760
Speaker 2: You're getting really close to that line, really close to

1247
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:53,320
Speaker 2: that line.

1248
01:01:53,680 --> 01:01:56,360
Speaker 1: You cannot hit a line with those folks. They'll answer

1249
01:01:56,400 --> 01:01:58,840
Speaker 1: anything you want. I feel like that's the point. Their

1250
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:01,680
Speaker 1: point is finding that line. I know, I think their

1251
01:02:01,720 --> 01:02:04,120
Speaker 1: whole thing. If I get anything from them, it's like,

1252
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:08,720
Speaker 1: just don't just be uncensored with your partner. Obviously, of course,

1253
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:12,240
Speaker 1: be respectful and and be tactful and think of the

1254
01:02:12,320 --> 01:02:15,320
Speaker 1: right time for the conversation. But over and over again,

1255
01:02:15,360 --> 01:02:16,880
Speaker 1: what I seem to give from them is like, you

1256
01:02:17,000 --> 01:02:20,320
Speaker 1: have to be brave and have these conversations.

1257
01:02:20,520 --> 01:02:24,040
Speaker 2: Read the room too, Read the room. There's a way

1258
01:02:24,080 --> 01:02:26,800
Speaker 2: to do it. And the way isn't listen and and

1259
01:02:26,800 --> 01:02:29,160
Speaker 2: and and don't come from a negative side of things,

1260
01:02:29,200 --> 01:02:33,000
Speaker 2: even though you might feel like you know that's the

1261
01:02:33,040 --> 01:02:36,520
Speaker 2: way to go. The proper way is to be complementary

1262
01:02:36,600 --> 01:02:40,160
Speaker 2: and find other ways. It's almost like it's almost a game,

1263
01:02:40,280 --> 01:02:41,919
Speaker 2: but you know, sex is a game.

1264
01:02:41,960 --> 01:02:44,600
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try that eye exam thing when I'm with you. Next,

1265
01:02:44,680 --> 01:02:47,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna like, what are you gonna do? I'm gonna

1266
01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:49,720
Speaker 1: grab your left cheek. I'm gonna be like this, and

1267
01:02:49,720 --> 01:02:51,360
Speaker 1: then I'm gonna grab your right cheek and I'm.

1268
01:02:51,240 --> 01:02:53,280
Speaker 2: Like this, and what are you gonna do after that?

1269
01:02:53,920 --> 01:03:00,760
Speaker 1: And then if you're like both I'm gonna check your temperature.

1270
01:02:59,040 --> 01:03:01,240
Speaker 2: If we were If we were a couple, you and

1271
01:03:01,280 --> 01:03:04,520
Speaker 2: I would have no problem communicating about sex.

1272
01:03:04,440 --> 01:03:06,560
Speaker 1: Right, But I feel like your libido's way more than mine.

1273
01:03:06,600 --> 01:03:08,480
Speaker 1: I would not want to bang as much as you do.

1274
01:03:09,040 --> 01:03:10,400
Speaker 2: You'd be getting banged a lot.

1275
01:03:10,600 --> 01:03:11,560
Speaker 1: I know I wouldn't want it.

1276
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:13,680
Speaker 2: We'd have to call some of our friends over.

1277
01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:15,760
Speaker 1: No amount of chore play you could do.

1278
01:03:15,800 --> 01:03:17,840
Speaker 2: You have to call over our friends and be like, listen,

1279
01:03:19,640 --> 01:03:20,720
Speaker 2: we're having a white party.

1280
01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:23,760
Speaker 1: There's no there's no amount of choor play you could

1281
01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:25,800
Speaker 1: do that would make me want to bang as often

1282
01:03:25,840 --> 01:03:30,240
Speaker 1: as you'd want to bang. Yeah, my anus would be like, nope,

1283
01:03:30,760 --> 01:03:35,080
Speaker 1: pucker up. Jesus word, I.

1284
01:03:35,080 --> 01:03:37,160
Speaker 2: Would make your aus pucker is what you're.

1285
01:03:37,000 --> 01:03:39,880
Speaker 1: Saying, Like, I just like, like, imagine I just ate

1286
01:03:39,880 --> 01:03:44,360
Speaker 1: a lemon like this? Yeah, my would we.

1287
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:57,720
Speaker 2: Are sounded like red Fox too, your big dummy.

1288
01:03:59,360 --> 01:04:01,120
Speaker 1: This will be a that would be Then that'd be

1289
01:04:01,160 --> 01:04:07,320
Speaker 1: the noise my anus was making. Five six, seven, eight,

1290
01:04:09,520 --> 01:04:12,000
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, my.

1291
01:04:12,160 --> 01:04:14,560
Speaker 4: Worst, they're gonna eat that one up.

1292
01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:16,280
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

1293
01:04:20,480 --> 01:04:21,840
Speaker 2: I'm keeping this part of the show.

1294
01:04:22,360 --> 01:04:28,000
Speaker 9: Here's some stories that show we made about a bunch

1295
01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:30,960
Speaker 9: of talks and nurses in Canada.

1296
01:04:31,360 --> 01:04:33,800
Speaker 6: I said, here's a STORYE.

1297
01:04:33,760 --> 01:04:35,040
Speaker 2: Nettwill should know.

1298
01:04:36,680 --> 01:04:41,280
Speaker 9: So gada round you here up, gather around you here ups.

1299
01:04:41,320 --> 01:04:44,400
Speaker 2: But we want stories and no