Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi, Chelsea, Hi, this is We're doing two
Speaker 1: episodes today because it's our two hundredth episode. It's two
Speaker 1: hundredth episodes, so we decided to put out two episodes.
Speaker 1: One is with Tanks and one is with our guest today,
Speaker 1: who is a ridiculous person whom I love. I love
Speaker 1: him very much, he really really always I it's something
Speaker 1: about him. I have to come up with the word
Speaker 1: for him. I learned a great other I wearn't a
Speaker 1: great word. I warn't a great word the other day.
Speaker 1: Magisterial somebody who walks with confidence, somebody who is like
Speaker 1: an authoritary figure, somebody who exudes confidence and authority. I
Speaker 1: like your real magisterial in a positive way, not in
Speaker 1: a negative way, like a dipsydoodle who's running the White House.
Speaker 1: But that's not how I would describe Rob. That is
Speaker 1: it the word I was thinking of. I thought that
Speaker 1: was a good word to describe myself, actually, because I'm
Speaker 1: so full of my own piss and vinegar. But anyway,
Speaker 1: Rob is an actor, a producer, he's a podcaster and
Speaker 1: an author, and he tries to pretend he's an amazing skier.
Speaker 1: We'll see about that. To be determined, is what I
Speaker 1: like to say about that. We are doing a special
Speaker 1: double episode back to back with his podcast, so you
Speaker 1: can catch the first half of his episode of our
Speaker 1: episode is his podcast, and then the second half is ours.
Speaker 1: So please welcome Rob Low. I want to get him
Speaker 1: pre ejaculation. But can we do that before? Can we
Speaker 1: switch over before there's a Okay, Hi, Catherine, Hi, we
Speaker 1: just switched over from literally with Rob Low. I love this.
Speaker 1: How cute?
Speaker 2: Are we?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 2: So good?
Speaker 1: We have Rob Loow today, everybody. We just came from
Speaker 1: his podcast. So for the first half of this episode,
Speaker 1: you're going to want to go listen to Rob Low's
Speaker 1: podcast literally literally, and then this is the second half
Speaker 1: of the episode.
Speaker 2: Rob.
Speaker 1: Were you about to say something about orgasmine?
Speaker 2: Yes, I was, Okay, I was about to say that
Speaker 2: I enjoy it and that it is just a spasm,
Speaker 2: as Steely Dan says, and you must keep orgasming as
Speaker 2: you continue to age.
Speaker 1: This is very profound, Rob, Thank you for sharing that insight.
Speaker 1: You must keep orgasm. Famous quote from Rob Low you
Speaker 1: must keep orgasming as you age end quote.
Speaker 2: Well, I think there are plenty of people who aren't. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I go yeah, yeah, I mean, look, I get it, Sid,
Speaker 2: that sounds like the most lame asked orgasm idea. But
Speaker 2: then look around you.
Speaker 1: At all the people that aren't orgasming.
Speaker 2: Yeah, go to the skichale, get in the line for
Speaker 2: the chicken fingers in the hot coco.
Speaker 1: Look at all those people who haven't ejaculated in days, weeks,
Speaker 1: or months. In some instances, we're actually going to be.
Speaker 3: Talking to a caller today who might be in this situation.
Speaker 1: So, oh my god, perfect, How prescient for Rob to
Speaker 1: have brought this up. Rob, I have a question for
Speaker 1: you now that we're on my podcast. No, I think
Speaker 1: we talked about this last time you were on my podcast,
Speaker 1: But I always am very curious since you've been married
Speaker 1: for how long have been? How many years have you
Speaker 1: been married?
Speaker 2: Thirty four thirty four four years?
Speaker 1: So who do you think is more annoying you or
Speaker 1: Cheryl within the relationship? Like who annoys who the most?
Speaker 2: Oh? I annoy her? Yeah, I was gonna guess that
Speaker 2: one percent.
Speaker 1: And why why are you so annoying?
Speaker 2: Because I'm always doing bits and not trying to be funny,
Speaker 2: but I'm like I do asides really annoying watching she
Speaker 2: hates watching television or movies with me hate.
Speaker 1: Did you talk?
Speaker 2: I talk all the time. If it's good, I don't.
Speaker 1: But did you guys watch White Lotus together?
Speaker 2: We did watch White Lotus together. But that's good. So
Speaker 2: when it's good, I don't talk. I talk when it's bad,
Speaker 2: and most things are bad, so I'll be like, you know,
Speaker 2: they clearly shut that that sequence in Vancouver. You can
Speaker 2: tell me the telephone polls should be shut up.
Speaker 1: Or that's that's annoying, Rob, I mean, why who are
Speaker 1: you telling? You're just trying to prove to yourself how
Speaker 1: perspicacious you are in that instance.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm trying to keep myself awake watching or you're.
Speaker 1: Just trying to show Like, yeah, those things you can
Speaker 1: keep to yourself for sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah. A lot of times I'll watch something and the
Speaker 2: performance will be so bad and I'll be biting my
Speaker 2: lip and biting my lip and biting my lip and
Speaker 2: biting me a lip if I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: you get shut up. Yeah. She likes a lot of
Speaker 2: the sort of mommy porn rom coms where everybody's super
Speaker 2: good looking and terrible acting.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I find I hate rom coms like
Speaker 1: unless there is some new spin, I can't stand that formula.
Speaker 1: It's so it's it's it's insulting to my intelligence. It's
Speaker 1: like reality shows. I find those insulting too, Like when
Speaker 1: people the housewives and they're looking blah blah blah and
Speaker 1: love Island, and I just and autism on the spectrum,
Speaker 1: love all of it. I just can't understand how anyone
Speaker 1: can get roped into that sort of chickanery.
Speaker 2: I keep so I did it kind of a reality
Speaker 2: show of my sons, but and I loved it, and
Speaker 2: I'm super proud of it. It's like us in a
Speaker 2: Scooby Doo van driving around looking for supernatural para normal
Speaker 2: activity together. It's basically Anthony Bourdaine Parts Unknown meets Scooby Doo.
Speaker 2: But really what it is is fathers and sons spending
Speaker 2: time with each other. And it's super silly and super
Speaker 2: funny and super great. So I feel like there's a
Speaker 2: zone where I can love it, but most of it
Speaker 2: is so bad. And then can we talk about the music,
Speaker 2: Like I was watching like Alec Baldwin's.
Speaker 1: I watched that too. I watched three episodes of that.
Speaker 2: I could it not It's like Alex so smart and
Speaker 2: has such great taste. I just wish he'd go in
Speaker 2: the editing and go why is that same music cue
Speaker 2: always used? It's this cutty pie.
Speaker 1: He gave up, rob He's given up. If you can't
Speaker 1: tell by that show, Alec Baldwin has officially given up.
Speaker 1: He's given up his rights, he's given up his self respect,
Speaker 1: he has given up. He has fifty seven children and
Speaker 1: a wife who is half the size of the baby.
Speaker 1: I don't understand how he could have agreed. Well, obviously
Speaker 1: they need some money. I mean, I can't imagine. I
Speaker 1: can't imagine what circumstances led to that being an option.
Speaker 2: People's your phone rings with weird I mean you must.
Speaker 2: I have been asked. Everybody gets asked, would you ever
Speaker 2: do as such and such and such and such. It's like,
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Do you turn down a lot of stuff?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean yeah, I sure for sure. And what
Speaker 2: I try to do sometimes is go, well, I don't
Speaker 2: want to do that, but I would do this.
Speaker 1: I feel like no, But like within the same script,
Speaker 1: if they send you a script and offer you a role,
Speaker 1: are you talking about like I don't want to play this? Character,
Speaker 1: but I play that character or what that?
Speaker 2: And literally like just circling back to the people at
Speaker 2: A and E came to me and said, would you
Speaker 2: ever you like to build houses? And you you've crushed
Speaker 2: it in real estate? Would you ever do a house
Speaker 2: flipping high end house? And I said no, but I
Speaker 2: would do a show where I hunt for Bigfoot with
Speaker 2: my kids.
Speaker 1: And they're like, right, oh, let's get back to that
Speaker 1: supernatural reality show that you're referencing. Unfortunately I haven't seen
Speaker 1: any of those episodes. Were you guys able to come
Speaker 1: into some sort of or witness any sort of supernatural activity.
Speaker 2: It's called The Low Files. I think you can get
Speaker 2: it on like iTunes or something. We did. We saw
Speaker 2: we absolutely had ghost activity in our very first episode.
Speaker 2: The ghost was moving like furniture around really and like
Speaker 2: lights coming off and on when nobody was in the building.
Speaker 2: Really crazy show that. And then we went to like
Speaker 2: we did supposed like alien bases in the desert and
Speaker 2: a lot of time, of course nothing happened and it
Speaker 2: was just three idiots sitting around a fire. That was
Speaker 2: actually my favorite was like driving and pulling over and
Speaker 2: getting donuts and just being idiots. Was my favorite part
Speaker 2: of it. But we definitely saw some stuff one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: And are you a big like do you believe aliens exist?
Speaker 1: And things like that.
Speaker 2: I'm way down the rabbit hole with all that stuff. Okay,
Speaker 2: I am very well, there's probably not a wormhole you
Speaker 2: could bring up that I don't have some sort of
Speaker 2: functional knowledge of.
Speaker 1: And do you think that is a result of you
Speaker 1: spending so much time in Monacito.
Speaker 2: No, I've always been that way. And in fact, the
Speaker 2: slogan for the show is my motto about this stuff.
Speaker 2: When people literally ask me, really, do you really believe
Speaker 2: in Bigfoot, I'd be like, it's more.
Speaker 1: Fundable, It is more fun to believe. It's more fun
Speaker 1: to believe in God. Like it's better to believe in
Speaker 1: God because it's just nicer. It's like a nicer idea.
Speaker 2: That's how I actually is how I came to my
Speaker 2: relationship with God. That's how it started.
Speaker 1: Well, the real question is when did God's relationship start
Speaker 1: with you?
Speaker 2: Well, it's been there forever, but I just didn't know
Speaker 2: it right.
Speaker 1: You had to tap into it. Yeah, it's funny. I
Speaker 1: was on stage on Friday night in Vegas. I have
Speaker 1: a residency in Vegas. I performed once a month because
Speaker 1: that's how much time I could spend in Vegas. And
Speaker 1: I did a joke about Jesus. This new joke I
Speaker 1: was trying out about Jesus and accepting the fact that
Speaker 1: the joy that you experienced from knowing Jesus is a
Speaker 1: joy I'll never know. And then when I got food
Speaker 1: poisoning the next night and I was violently throwing up
Speaker 1: into my wastebasket next to my bed, I thought, is
Speaker 1: this because what I said about Jesus?
Speaker 2: Hmmm?
Speaker 1: And I thought, please, God, I'm sorry. If you need
Speaker 1: me to believe in Jesus, give me a sign. And
Speaker 1: then I threw up again, and I thought, that's a sign.
Speaker 1: And now I believe in Jesus.
Speaker 2: It takes what it takes. I mean, it's like, don't
Speaker 2: question it. Like everybody, everybody gets here in a different route.
Speaker 1: I love that because a lot of times, I mean,
Speaker 1: you've been sober for many, many years, but a lot
Speaker 1: of times people like associate sobriety with God with Jesus.
Speaker 1: But there's a lot of people like I have a
Speaker 1: couple sober friends who are like, no, we didn't work
Speaker 1: the program. We did another way, like they're non believers.
Speaker 1: They don't believe in God and they don't believe in Jesus.
Speaker 1: But because the twelve steps really are about God and
Speaker 1: a higher.
Speaker 2: Being, it's about higher powers, not about God. In the literature,
Speaker 2: there's a lot of talk about God one percent, but
Speaker 2: it's it's very entrenched and modern even traditional sobriety that
Speaker 2: you do not have to believe in God, merely something
Speaker 2: greater than yourself, right, and that's reasonable, and that's super reasonable.
Speaker 2: I mean I roll my eyes when it's like the
Speaker 2: problem is some people make other people their higher power, well,
Speaker 2: my family, and that's that's a road to Pollukville. You
Speaker 2: can't make another person or group of people your higher power.
Speaker 2: You cannot because they're people. And okay, if you're not
Speaker 2: to believe in God or Jesus or or any of
Speaker 2: the other great you know, spiritual guides that we have
Speaker 2: culturally in different religions, the list becomes kind of small,
Speaker 2: is it. I believe in animals, I believe in fern Gully.
Speaker 1: Well, you believe in Bigfoot? You said that, all right?
Speaker 2: Do you believe in Bigfoot? Wouldn't make it my I
Speaker 2: would not make bigfoot my higher power.
Speaker 1: Okay, well I just did so there's nothing you can
Speaker 1: do about it.
Speaker 2: Okay, that is kind of cool though. That'd be a
Speaker 2: great bit. That'd be a great bit.
Speaker 1: What are you believing in? Bigfoot is your higher power?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm rob Loow. I'm an alcoholic. I asked Bigfoot
Speaker 2: for peace and serenity today.
Speaker 1: Do you still do you go to AA meetings? Do
Speaker 1: you still work the program that way? Are you so
Speaker 1: far outside of eve been sober for thirty four years?
Speaker 1: You said earlier?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and look, the one thing in common are people
Speaker 2: who like I was thirty four years sober and I
Speaker 2: got loaded yesterday. The one thing they all have in common,
Speaker 2: and you hear those stories is they stopped. They stopped
Speaker 2: their active recovery. And I don't do as much of
Speaker 2: it as I should.
Speaker 1: Well, you probably don't have to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I understand how it'll live my life. I mean,
Speaker 2: if I'm I know this, If I ever get in
Speaker 2: enough uncomfortability in my own skin, I know, I know
Speaker 2: what the cure is. It's not advil, it's going to
Speaker 2: a meeting. One mm hmm.
Speaker 1: What do you think Cheryl thinks is the most annoying
Speaker 1: thing about you?
Speaker 2: Wow, it used to be how much I slept. She's
Speaker 2: gotten really good because science is caught up with me.
Speaker 1: Oh. Because how long do you sleep every night?
Speaker 2: Oh? I mean I get a minimum of nine Oh.
Speaker 1: I'm with you completely. I could sleep for eleven hours
Speaker 1: a night if you me too.
Speaker 2: I don't see. I have a lot of shame around it.
Speaker 2: I don't want to say it. But why.
Speaker 1: I mean, most men actually do sleep less than women's sleep.
Speaker 1: But I just there. I can't express enough the benefits
Speaker 1: of sleeping same.
Speaker 2: I mean, like when people go, how do you look?
Speaker 2: I mean maybe a lot of it is that I
Speaker 2: sleep a lot.
Speaker 1: It definitely does, because there's no explanation for the way
Speaker 1: you look.
Speaker 2: They did call it sleeping beauty, not workout beauty.
Speaker 1: Well, you could sleep and then work out. I know
Speaker 1: you're working out once you wake up.
Speaker 2: They didn't say it in No Carbs beauty. It's fucking
Speaker 2: sleeping beauty. That's the name of the movie.
Speaker 1: What's the longest sleep run you've ever had?
Speaker 2: Well, not being sick or sleeping something off like just
Speaker 2: regular or no jet lag involved.
Speaker 1: Or not well, yeah, sure, whatever.
Speaker 2: I mean lost, I've definitely done my share of twelve
Speaker 2: for sure.
Speaker 1: I went slept for twenty hours. Was it on a plane, No,
Speaker 1: it was in a bunk bed. What I had a
Speaker 1: bunk bed at my old house, and I guess I
Speaker 1: hadn't slept for like a day or so. I had
Speaker 1: come back from Buenos Aires.
Speaker 2: Jet leg jet like jet like jetwag.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was jet lag. But when I really needed
Speaker 1: deep sleep, I go into my bunk bedroom because there's
Speaker 1: just something so cozy and familial and like childlike in there.
Speaker 1: And I slept for twenty hours and then I peed
Speaker 1: for almost twenty minute.
Speaker 2: Un fucking but that sounds like kind of heavy. I
Speaker 2: when I do the big international flights like Australia or something,
Speaker 2: or South Africa, the ones that are just beasts, I
Speaker 2: love it because I can go. I could sleep runway
Speaker 2: to runway if I had to, one hundreds.
Speaker 1: I do it all the time. Are you allowed to
Speaker 1: take Xanax and stuff like that, sleeping pills if you're sober.
Speaker 2: There's different theories on it. I certainly wouldn't recommend it
Speaker 2: or it, nor did I do it for the first
Speaker 2: maybe even decade of being sober, but you know I was,
Speaker 2: and if I were a pill person, which I wasn't.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't, but I have no problem with me doing
Speaker 2: that now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's kind of necessary when you're traveling.
Speaker 1: I mean, how else are you supposed to adjust to
Speaker 1: these different time zones?
Speaker 2: Yeah, listen, there's a lot of good science out there
Speaker 2: that they didn't have when I listen, when I got sober,
Speaker 2: they had fucking horse pills like a valium and that
Speaker 2: was it.
Speaker 1: They didn't. I took one of those ones at Jane
Speaker 1: Fonda's house, and I was never the same. I couldn't
Speaker 1: move my legs for like two days. What do you
Speaker 1: think is your superpower?
Speaker 4: Rob?
Speaker 1: Like, what do you think is your best the best
Speaker 1: thing about you?
Speaker 2: My superpower is my optimism. That's nice for sure, and
Speaker 2: it manifests itself. I think in a lot of ways
Speaker 2: where it's like if something doesn't go my way, or
Speaker 2: which happens to everybody, or there's a disappointment, I just
Speaker 2: don't ever wallow in it, and I never blame others ever. Ever,
Speaker 2: I don't blame myself either, But I'm like, okay, all right,
Speaker 2: today's another day. Get up. And it's not something I
Speaker 2: learned anywhere. I just think it's part of my it's
Speaker 2: in my DNA. I've always been that way, and I
Speaker 2: think it's I'm very grateful that I'm wired that way.
Speaker 2: I don't hold on to resentments, which, by the way,
Speaker 2: weirdly enough, is the single worst thing you can have
Speaker 2: as a sober person is resentments. So I think I
Speaker 2: was designed not only to be an alcoholic, but then
Speaker 2: to get sober and succeed because as I don't carry
Speaker 2: resentments and I'm positive, optimistic.
Speaker 1: What do you think that what was? Can you give
Speaker 1: us an example of a big disappointment that you've experienced,
Speaker 1: like your latest big disappointment where you were able to
Speaker 1: shrug it off.
Speaker 2: Sure, so career wise without being two inside baseball. So
Speaker 2: I've I've been in television since nineteen ninety nine doing
Speaker 2: TV series, had hits, had failures. I'd never been able
Speaker 2: to renegotiate for a raise ever twenty years in more
Speaker 2: in television, never.
Speaker 1: Been a raise from each from one series to the next.
Speaker 2: No within the series of a hit, like yes, the
Speaker 2: congratulations it's a hit, we will be canceling your character,
Speaker 2: or congratulations, it's a hit. And so just when I
Speaker 2: thought I'd had every permutation of financial humiliation, at the
Speaker 2: hands of the TV industry. I get this show nine
Speaker 2: to one to one, lone star Ryan Murphy producing, with
Speaker 2: the great Tim Minear writing big hit, big, big, big,
Speaker 2: big hit. Turns out it's such a big hit that
Speaker 2: they just aren't going to make it anymore. Just turns
Speaker 2: out they're just not going to make it because the
Speaker 2: studio and the network couldn't agree on what to do
Speaker 2: with the big hit, so they just canceled it. And
Speaker 2: anyone else would be like, are you fucking kidding me?
Speaker 2: It's hard enough to make a show successful, and here
Speaker 2: we have one successful and now that the War of
Speaker 2: the bean Counters is going to say, we'd rather have
Speaker 2: nothing of something then continue. So the way I look
Speaker 2: at it is I go, you know what that is.
Speaker 2: It's a fact of the business today. It is. It's
Speaker 2: not personal. And believe me, I'm sure that they would
Speaker 2: like to continue to do it just as much as
Speaker 2: I would. But these are the circumstances. Anyone's fault is
Speaker 2: it galling beyond belief. But you move on. And I
Speaker 2: think we everybody can relate to that in whatever business
Speaker 2: they're in, that sometimes success is not rewarded in the
Speaker 2: way that you would want it to be.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that would be a pretty big bummer. Are you
Speaker 1: one of those people who believes everything happens for a reason? Yes,
Speaker 1: I find that a little bit far fetched.
Speaker 2: But I can trace. I can trace.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 2: Granted, I don't want to test this theory anymore than
Speaker 2: I already have. I don't want to. I don't need
Speaker 2: any more roadblocks or bad things to happen. But I
Speaker 2: can trace things that were traumatic or that I wouldn't
Speaker 2: like to redo. I can make a direct line from
Speaker 2: them to things that happened only because those things happened.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just have a hard time. I hear you,
Speaker 1: and I feel the same way with many instances in
Speaker 1: my life. But I just feel like it's very hard
Speaker 1: to believe that everything happens for a reason for every
Speaker 1: single person in the world. Like, you can't be servicing
Speaker 1: the energy or God or the universe or whatever we're
Speaker 1: referring to. Can't be servicing the benefit of every human
Speaker 1: being in every equation. You know, sometimes things are happening
Speaker 1: for someone else's benefit and you're just kind of aside,
Speaker 1: like a supporting character.
Speaker 2: I believe, Yeah, but I think that that chromically, you
Speaker 2: know that that person who's on the underneath of that
Speaker 2: equation needs to be underneath that equation at that moment
Speaker 2: because it's leading to the moment where they are going
Speaker 2: to be on the top of the equation, and you
Speaker 2: can't you literally can't get there unless you're at the
Speaker 2: bottom at the bottom. Why I believe that, I believe
Speaker 2: that one under my being one hundred percent. Now, there
Speaker 2: are tragedies that befall people that I can't even imagine,
Speaker 2: and I can't that I might be whistling a different
Speaker 2: tune with that, But that said, my experience so far
Speaker 2: has been that there's a reason.
Speaker 1: I have a question for you. And if you're listening
Speaker 1: to this podcast, for the first half of the podcast,
Speaker 1: you have to go to Rob's podcast which.
Speaker 2: Is called Literally.
Speaker 1: Just called Literally for the first half of our conversation
Speaker 1: because we've covered a lot of topics. But one thing
Speaker 1: before we take any callers, Rob, is I want to
Speaker 1: ask you what is your favorite thing about Cheryl, your wife?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, there's a lot. I mean, there's two things.
Speaker 2: There have to be two, because one is I never
Speaker 2: thought I could be in a relationship as long as
Speaker 2: I'd been and still be as sexually attracted to somebody,
Speaker 2: I thought, oh fuck Jesus Christ and I am. And
Speaker 2: really I just didn't think that would be in the cards.
Speaker 2: I really didn't.
Speaker 1: And you didn't think that when you were younger.
Speaker 2: I just didn't think it was possible, frankly for anybody,
Speaker 2: much less me.
Speaker 1: And when did you think that when you got married?
Speaker 1: When you were married in the beginning of your marriage, like,
Speaker 1: when did you think that that was true?
Speaker 2: I thought it was probably going to be true when
Speaker 2: I was I you know, I think I was probably
Speaker 2: sitting there saying, I do going I'm not going to
Speaker 2: be wanting to have sex with this woman in a decade.
Speaker 2: I'm for sure not going to and lo and behold,
Speaker 2: I have and will.
Speaker 1: And it's nice. That's really nice to hear.
Speaker 2: Super nice to that.
Speaker 1: I wonder if she's still attracted to you, because it
Speaker 1: must be really annoying to be married to you, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, with your face and your body
Speaker 1: and your good looks, it don't change. It's just like ugh,
Speaker 1: and to have to hear people talk about how good
Speaker 1: looking you are all the time, like that would be
Speaker 1: so annoying.
Speaker 2: She has a set She's like, oh, please, you haven't
Speaker 2: had to wake up next to it exactly because nobody
Speaker 2: nobody's at their fighting weight when they wake up in
Speaker 2: the morning. The other thing is I love her work,
Speaker 2: ethic and spirit, like her dynamicism around every time.
Speaker 1: I haven't heard that word in dynamicism.
Speaker 2: I probably butchered it.
Speaker 1: Dynasism, namism, maybe being dynamic, dynamism.
Speaker 2: Dynam Yeah, dyna dynamism.
Speaker 1: Thanks Catherine, thank you here for dynamism. Dynamic.
Speaker 2: That thing, whatever, that thing I just said was is
Speaker 2: what I what I really like, and it was. It's
Speaker 2: one of the first things that attracted me to her.
Speaker 2: You know, she had had her own house, had her
Speaker 2: own job, had her own career, had her own life,
Speaker 2: had her own network from the day I met her,
Speaker 2: and I found that to be really attractive.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is attractive. Okay. On that note, we're going
Speaker 1: to take a break and we'll be right back with
Speaker 1: Rob Low.
Speaker 3: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, write into us at
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. We'd love to
Speaker 3: hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on,
Speaker 3: but this week we're specifically looking for questions about family issues.
Speaker 3: If you have an issue with a family member, or
Speaker 3: you need advice about a specific relationship issue. Please write
Speaker 3: in at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: And we're back with Rob Low to answer some callers questions.
Speaker 1: There's no better person at giving advice than Rob Low.
Speaker 1: He's been through it all. Look at him. You can
Speaker 1: see just by looking at him, everything he's been through.
Speaker 2: That's true.
Speaker 1: Catherine.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, our first question, this one's just an email.
Speaker 3: She's not joining us, but it comes from Rebecca and
Speaker 3: she says, am I crazy to forgive adultery? Dear Chelsea?
Speaker 3: My husband cheated on year ten of our marriage. We're
Speaker 3: beginning year twenty five in twenty twenty five, so it's
Speaker 3: been a little bit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he had a.
Speaker 3: Few relationships that year and then confessed all when I
Speaker 3: was pregnant with child number two. He wanted a clean
Speaker 3: slate for his new kiddo. It was a very painful
Speaker 3: chapter for us both, but obviously for me the most.
Speaker 3: It took about six years, but I've been able to
Speaker 3: move forward six years.
Speaker 5: Fuck.
Speaker 3: He is now someone I trust deeply. He earned forgiveness
Speaker 3: the hard way. But people think I'm nuts. Am I
Speaker 3: crazy to even attempt forgiveness.
Speaker 2: Rebecca, I have very strong feelings on this.
Speaker 1: Okay, go ahead, rob Okay.
Speaker 2: So I'm working on a new book. It's hard to
Speaker 2: do these podcasts and be working on something so personal
Speaker 2: and not talk about it. They don't want me to
Speaker 2: talk about because I han't been announced, but fuck it.
Speaker 2: I'm working on a new book and one of the
Speaker 2: things I'm talking about is forgiveness and its importance. And
Speaker 2: in our culture, forgiveness has been superseded by boundaries, and
Speaker 2: I don't think it's serving our society well.
Speaker 1: Expound on that coast.
Speaker 2: So I think because historically a lot of people have
Speaker 2: felt unseen and unheard, justifiably, that we needed to create
Speaker 2: a world where there could be the proper boundaries through
Speaker 2: which we could all see, speak, talk to each other,
Speaker 2: relate to each other. Got it, stipulated, as the lawyers
Speaker 2: would say in court. Got it. But it's since grown
Speaker 2: into a cottage industry of these rigid worldviews that don't
Speaker 2: take into account forgiveness and others. If you step out
Speaker 2: of the boundary, you're done. We're done. There's no coming back.
Speaker 2: And it's funny. In the end of this email, she
Speaker 2: brought up the very very the aha I told you
Speaker 2: so a moment for me, which is I've forgiven and
Speaker 2: I trust this man and it's a newsley, but people
Speaker 2: think I'm crazy. My issue is with the people thing.
Speaker 2: They're not in this person's shoes, right, they don't understand
Speaker 2: the nature of forgiveness. They're in the boundary mob. H okay, pitchfork,
Speaker 2: pitchfork unforgive mob. That would what lead to extrapolating it
Speaker 2: to the nth degree. What I'm reading between the lines
Speaker 2: is she gives this guy the boot. They go their
Speaker 2: separate ways. The kid has no nuclear family together, and
Speaker 2: for what that's the hell they're going to die on.
Speaker 1: I think that. I mean, I like what you're saying.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I agree with it, but I
Speaker 1: also I don't disagree with it. I think that if
Speaker 1: you were able, I definitely don't think any other people's
Speaker 1: opinions are a matter. Like I understand how it is
Speaker 1: you tell people of things and then you know they
Speaker 1: kind of seep into your subconscious or conscious because you
Speaker 1: share and you need advice. But if you spent six
Speaker 1: years of your life getting over that, and you're still
Speaker 1: with that guy, and you had another child and he
Speaker 1: wanted to come clean while you were pregnant. I mean,
Speaker 1: the timing is weird, but okay, then that's you, Like
Speaker 1: you've gotten through it. You trust him implicitly, you just
Speaker 1: said that you're with the marriage, like you're in it
Speaker 1: and you love him and you got through a rough patch,
Speaker 1: Like kudos to you. Definitely just up worrying about what
Speaker 1: anybody else thinks. Like you've made your decision. You're in it.
Speaker 1: And I do think a lot of people learn from cheating.
Speaker 1: They learn that they make a mistake and they never
Speaker 1: are going to do that again. Some people are habitual cheaters,
Speaker 1: but usually like they don't come forward when they're not.
Speaker 1: You know, like if you're a habitual cheater, you're not
Speaker 1: gonna volunteer that information.
Speaker 2: And the other thing is you got to think about
Speaker 2: the kid too. I keep coming back to that too,
Speaker 2: because like I'm a child of divorce.
Speaker 1: God, Rob, you're drinking so much water.
Speaker 2: I mean, do you think it's a lot of water
Speaker 2: you're making.
Speaker 1: I'm going to drown if you have another simple water.
Speaker 2: You're talking so much, Chelsea, it's these little tiny you
Speaker 2: crazy woman that it's just and I'm not I'm not
Speaker 2: in any way, advocating to to as they would, as
Speaker 2: the kids would say today, to model a relationship that
Speaker 2: is unhealthy or unhappy. But if it's a fucking jump
Speaker 2: ball stay together better for the kid?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I hate that idea that it's better
Speaker 1: for the kid. It's who do I mean? Is it
Speaker 1: better for the kid to stay with someone that you
Speaker 1: don't trust?
Speaker 2: It's it just unhealthy. And if it's jump ball, I
Speaker 2: don't know what that means. If it could go either way.
Speaker 2: It's a sports it's a basketball reference.
Speaker 1: Right, But that should be your motivation, should be how
Speaker 1: you feel, not for the sake of the children. We
Speaker 1: all know that for the sake of the children is bullshit.
Speaker 1: If it's if you're unhappy, your children are not going
Speaker 1: to be as happy period. If you don't trust your husband,
Speaker 1: your children are going to know and pick up on that.
Speaker 1: It's a nice idea, but I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people stay in marriages that they don't need to be
Speaker 1: in because of they think their children are going to
Speaker 1: fall apart.
Speaker 2: That I agree with that one that I agree with
Speaker 2: one billion trillion percent.
Speaker 1: I definitely think people are forgivable, like when they cheat,
Speaker 1: and I mean he said he had multiple affairs that year,
Speaker 1: So like, that sucks on multiple levels. But you know,
Speaker 1: maybe he was just going through something and maybe he's
Speaker 1: past it, and apparently he is. So Yeah, you don't
Speaker 1: even need our advice. You've made your decision and the
Speaker 1: only advice I would give you is to stop looking
Speaker 1: out outside of your relationationship for validation from your friends
Speaker 1: and family.
Speaker 2: It's not their problem and the other it is not
Speaker 2: their problem. And how do I put this hard? It's
Speaker 2: a hard concept for me and articulate, but we can't
Speaker 2: help but sometimes project our own stuff onto other people
Speaker 2: and our own once needs. Envy is a big thing you.
Speaker 2: I think people would be surprised with the amount of
Speaker 2: envy around people who can navigate the ups and downs
Speaker 2: of a relationship because the other person isn't capable of it.
Speaker 2: There are people who are like, the minute the going
Speaker 2: gets tough, I'm fucking out. I am tail lights, And
Speaker 2: then they look at somebody who's like, when the minute
Speaker 2: the going gets tough, I figure out forgiveness. And that
Speaker 2: is a worldview that can be really jarring to people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's our advice on that subject, Catherine. What
Speaker 1: do we have next well caller. Yes, okay, this is
Speaker 1: a caller. Her name's Laura. She is forty four. Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 3: Here's my situation. I manage a team of men in
Speaker 3: a male dominant field, so I love men, but I'm
Speaker 3: pretty immune to their charms. I was working closely with
Speaker 3: a new hire with impressive skills, motivation, and attitude when
Speaker 3: I had this strange realization that actually I love him,
Speaker 3: although it's not in a sexy way. We're both happily married,
Speaker 3: but I can't wait to see him, hang on his
Speaker 3: funny words, and generally enjoy his company. This realization put
Speaker 3: a pep in my step, and I've had all the
Speaker 3: benefits of an affair, a good mood, more attention to
Speaker 3: my looks, and I've lost some weight. It's even improved
Speaker 3: my marriage. But this coworker's presence haunts my mind. And
Speaker 3: while the attraction is not physical, it's his silly, funny
Speaker 3: nature and depth. The feeling is like a childhood friend.
Speaker 3: I made a conscious decision that I would not resist
Speaker 3: my feelings so that I wouldn't psychologically turn it into
Speaker 3: something forbidden. I go back and forth thinking it over.
Speaker 3: I want to love and openly appreciate this person, openly
Speaker 3: appreciate people who inspire that. But do I have enough
Speaker 3: emotional distance to objectively manage him. He's a direct report,
Speaker 3: and having favorites on a team is toxic even to
Speaker 3: the favorite. But he's a high performer, so it's possible
Speaker 3: we could use this chemistry for good. The most I
Speaker 3: would ever want is a hug and assurancy he's having
Speaker 3: the same experience. Maybe a promise to be innocent friends forever?
Speaker 3: Can you help me with any guide rails that can
Speaker 3: help me think straight and keep things in perspective? Am
Speaker 3: I fooling myself? And is this actually adulteress?
Speaker 1: Laura?
Speaker 2: Hi?
Speaker 1: Laura, this is our special guest Rob Low today.
Speaker 2: Hi. How are you good?
Speaker 1: She's great obviously if you yep, she's thriving. I don't
Speaker 1: think anything's wrong with what's happening, Rob, What do you think?
Speaker 2: Yes? If I have to immediately come down on the
Speaker 2: side of it, I think it's all good. I mean,
Speaker 2: tell me this, what does here? It is? I got it?
Speaker 2: I got it. I got to have my answer. Here's
Speaker 2: my answer. Your husband, right, you're married? What is your
Speaker 2: husband's level of knowledge about this relationship? U? Zero?
Speaker 1: For sure, which is perfect. I agree, yeah, yeah, why does.
Speaker 2: He need to know?
Speaker 1: Listen, it's like meeting act like this guy is a
Speaker 1: gay man, this is your gay bestie. We have these
Speaker 1: ideas that just because someone is of the opposite sex,
Speaker 1: we're up to something. There is a total world. I mean, Rob,
Speaker 1: I feel this way about you, Like if we got
Speaker 1: to spend more time together, you and I would be besties.
Speaker 1: We would be having sex, we would be besties. Like
Speaker 1: I don't feel like just because someone we have these
Speaker 1: sexual ideology about that every man or woman of the
Speaker 1: opposite sex, if you're straight, is like a possible threat.
Speaker 1: It's like you can actually be great friends with someone
Speaker 1: and like their attention. It's like if you had a
Speaker 1: girlfriend that was like this at work. What if this
Speaker 1: was a woman and you were excited to see her
Speaker 1: every day and you were dressing up for her, which
Speaker 1: is totally normal for women to do for each other.
Speaker 1: There was no sexual energy there and you were just
Speaker 1: excited to see her and hang out with her every day,
Speaker 1: Like forget about the work stuff. Who cares If he's
Speaker 1: like your favorite. Everybody's got a fucking favorite, as long
Speaker 1: as you don't just advertise it, but like it's totally innocent.
Speaker 1: Your husband doesn't need to know anything about it. Enjoy
Speaker 1: your friendship, and if it ever gets to a place
Speaker 1: where he makes a move or you feel like there's
Speaker 1: some sexual tension, you just have to really nip it
Speaker 1: in the butt and go listen, we have such a
Speaker 1: great thing going. Let's just keep it this way, keep
Speaker 1: it innocent, respect our relationships outside relationships, and continue with
Speaker 1: our friendship. Because this is a great thing that I
Speaker 1: do not want to ruin.
Speaker 2: Okay, I agree with I agree with all that. I'm
Speaker 2: going to add one more thing to inoculate yourself even
Speaker 2: further from self doubt. Figure out a way to make
Speaker 2: it not just a siloed off secret from your husband.
Speaker 2: I'm not in any way advocating it makes me feel
Speaker 2: like a million golla. You don't need to go there.
Speaker 2: Let's let's not be crazy. But is it like the
Speaker 2: fourth of July barbecue and here's so and so and
Speaker 2: he's oh he's my favorite, or guy's the fucking sick
Speaker 2: you'd love him? Is this that? And yet and see?
Speaker 2: That would be the only thing that I might add
Speaker 2: to innoculate you from somebody going, oh, you're having an
Speaker 2: emotional affair.
Speaker 4: That's exactly what I'm worried about. Is that exact thinking that, like,
Speaker 4: we'll tell.
Speaker 2: You what, you're not having an emotional affair if if
Speaker 2: your husband knows he exists and some level of I
Speaker 2: think he's cool, I think he's whatever. If it's completely
Speaker 2: siloed off, you're you're never gonna get beyond that doubt.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I was kind of hoping there was like an
Speaker 4: opportunity that came up where they could meet. Yes, And
Speaker 4: but I was so dangerous because I was like, oh,
Speaker 4: he's gonna be able to tell my husband, right, he'll
Speaker 4: he'll see it in me and anyway.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm.
Speaker 2: Listen. But here's the thing that well, the ninety is
Speaker 2: that like either we agree with Chelsea's thesis, which I do,
Speaker 2: or we don't. And if the thing is you should
Speaker 2: be able to be best friends with someone regardless of who,
Speaker 2: what where they are, right, male, female, whatever, how are
Speaker 2: you identify whatever? Right, there's there's nothing wrong. There's no
Speaker 2: nothing wrong with that. What's wrong potentially is the hiding
Speaker 2: of it. Although I totally understand why one would do it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I like that a lot.
Speaker 4: I do because I'm kind of like, yeah, I mean,
Speaker 4: nothing's happening. We're just good friends and buddies.
Speaker 2: This guy makes me laugh the hardest at work. Work
Speaker 2: would be a nightmare. He's he's fucking great. You'll love him.
Speaker 2: Boom done done.
Speaker 1: And you can also say to your husband, just to
Speaker 1: like inoculate the situation further. You can also there Rob
Speaker 1: goes with the water again. You can also say, hey, like,
Speaker 1: it's like having a gay best friend. I know he's
Speaker 1: that gay, but that's how it feels like.
Speaker 2: We don't know he might be gay. Wait, we don't
Speaker 2: know that yet. I didn't get that piece.
Speaker 1: He's married with children, so definitely gay. Definitely gay.
Speaker 3: Well, like you said, childhood best friend, you know, I mean,
Speaker 3: you are beaming right now, like, let this just be fun.
Speaker 1: Okay, are you sure you're not attracted to him?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 4: No, And the funny thing is, like I've been to
Speaker 4: try to help myself.
Speaker 6: I've been journaling.
Speaker 3: Well, make sure you're locking up your journal too, because
Speaker 3: we've had some journal snoops on the show recently.
Speaker 4: So I'm like journaling like crazy, and I go in
Speaker 4: these weird circles where I'm like, he's not even really
Speaker 4: my type, and then like, but actually my husband he's
Speaker 4: really good looking, Like he's is my type and he's tall,
Speaker 4: dark and handsome, and it kind of like makes me
Speaker 4: go back to my husband. All my circles keep going back.
Speaker 4: But it's just that weird thing where it's like a
Speaker 4: feeling of infatuation, but just like can we swear an oath,
Speaker 4: not like can we get sex yet?
Speaker 2: So weird.
Speaker 1: You could just swear a note to yourself in your
Speaker 1: journal that you're not going to let that happen and
Speaker 1: not let it go farther than it is, you know,
Speaker 1: and if it ever comes up with him, do the
Speaker 1: same with him. But yeah, like it's not you're only
Speaker 1: thinking of this because he's a straight man and you're
Speaker 1: a straight woman. That's the only reason you're like going, oh,
Speaker 1: what's going on here? Like, it's totally normal to have
Speaker 1: friendships with men that you're not going to have sex
Speaker 1: with and be excited to see them.
Speaker 2: And that that somehow, who knows in our weirds, how
Speaker 2: our psychologies work, that somehow that actually sparks something additional
Speaker 2: in our partner makes perfect sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you just said your relationship with your husband's
Speaker 1: improving anyway because of him, I mean another kudo. So
Speaker 1: that's great.
Speaker 6: Well, thank you, guys.
Speaker 4: I'm so glad because I've just been, you know, turning
Speaker 4: myself in circles, and that's a new perspective I haven't
Speaker 4: even thought of.
Speaker 1: Aweso great, And have fun in the Bahamas this weekend
Speaker 1: with your coworker. Just kidding, just kidding. Thanks, thank you,
Speaker 1: thanks for calling in you guys.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, before we get to our next caller, Rob,
Speaker 3: I do want to ask you one question. When Chelsea
Speaker 3: says the word Pikachu, do you know what she's referencing?
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, so I say Pikachu. No what we're about
Speaker 1: to do a couple of times. Okay, collar, great question.
Speaker 2: Oh maybe, oh oh maybe, I don't I know.
Speaker 1: I think you I don't understand it in the context
Speaker 1: that's used to it. Then you will.
Speaker 2: Okay. I'm by the way, my mind because it's filthy,
Speaker 2: dirty and sexy, hopes that Pikachu is a it is.
Speaker 1: What you think it is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you'll see.
Speaker 3: Well, Coller Kristen says, Dear Chelsea, I can't believe I'm
Speaker 3: writing this email, but I have nowhere left to turn.
Speaker 3: My sweet boyfriend of two years has never touched my Pikachu.
Speaker 1: Yes, you heard that right.
Speaker 3: We've had sex and we've done other stuff, but my
Speaker 3: boyfriend has never touched my Pikachu, not once. He's a
Speaker 3: precious angel, but he's a little too precious. He lost
Speaker 3: his virginity at twenty seven, and I'm only his second partner.
Speaker 3: I'm a bit more adventurous with him being the eleventh,
Speaker 3: and I've never until now needed to tell a man
Speaker 3: to touch my Pikachu before the big event. They've all
Speaker 3: just known, probably since middle school. I've tried to bring
Speaker 3: it up a couple of times, but I don't want
Speaker 3: to hurt his feelings. When I've managed to bring it
Speaker 3: up poorly, I'll admit my boyfriend did immediately take action. Unfortunately,
Speaker 3: the action was basically to start giving me an over
Speaker 3: the pants hand job. I swear, Chelsea, he thinks I
Speaker 3: have a penis and doesn't understand the girls have a
Speaker 3: cave and the good stuff is inside, not outside. I
Speaker 3: love this guy, so I'm desperate to make the change here.
Speaker 3: But I also don't want to humiliate him and make
Speaker 3: sex some kind of competition that he's inevitably losing.
Speaker 1: Please help Kristen, Wow, well, you not wanting to hurt
Speaker 1: his feelings needs to be thrown in the trash because
Speaker 1: it's really not about his feelings at this point. It's
Speaker 1: about you having sex like an adult with a person
Speaker 1: that knows what to do. So you have to kind
Speaker 1: of sit down and lay it out for him in
Speaker 1: a really sober conversation and be like, listen, this has
Speaker 1: been going on for a while. You could say all
Speaker 1: the things you love about him and all of the
Speaker 1: things you value in your relationship, but that you're not
Speaker 1: being sexually satisfied and that it doesn't feel like he's
Speaker 1: comfortable around your vagina, and there are a million ways
Speaker 1: to address that. You can sit there and just like
Speaker 1: actually have a discovery session with him to explain all
Speaker 1: the different parts and what feels good and where your
Speaker 1: clid is, and that you know, like, it's very strange
Speaker 1: that he doesn't know how to touch your vagina.
Speaker 2: Or doesn't want to. I mean, for all, we know
Speaker 2: the guy's going to be a master when he gets
Speaker 2: actually down there, but he do we know that, Rob,
Speaker 2: I mean I'm just giving I'm trying to give a
Speaker 2: benefit of the doubt here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, that's a big, big jump. Yeah, so he's
Speaker 1: never gone down on you.
Speaker 6: No, no way, Oh my gosh.
Speaker 5: And most people when I address this problem, because obviously
Speaker 5: I've brought it up to all my friends, which is
Speaker 5: humiliating immediately just regret just all over the place.
Speaker 6: But you know, most of them.
Speaker 5: Because I'm speaking in euphemisms all the time, all of
Speaker 5: them think I'm talking about, you know, putting a face
Speaker 5: down there and saying the alphabet, when really I'm just
Speaker 5: talking about like the thing a lot.
Speaker 6: Of people do in middle school. I feel like blasting
Speaker 6: yes and like it's it's nothing special.
Speaker 5: I mean usually that's sort of like the opening act
Speaker 5: to anything like, but.
Speaker 1: This is on you, like you can't even go you
Speaker 1: at this point, for two years of tolerating no action
Speaker 1: in your Pikachu, you're missing fingering blasting. You're missing fingering blesting,
Speaker 1: finger blasting, you're missing.
Speaker 3: The shocker, you're missing, you're missing a lot of different
Speaker 3: Like Hansing, I don't think he's going to be putting
Speaker 3: his finger in her asshole if he's not putting it
Speaker 3: in her vagina.
Speaker 1: But you're missing yeah, yeah, by accident. But you know what,
Speaker 1: maybe there's an issue, and you have to ask. You
Speaker 1: have to have a really honest conversation with him and
Speaker 1: see if there's a reason, See if he's had a
Speaker 1: bad experience, or if he's had some woman give him
Speaker 1: terrible feedback, or that he wasn't good at it, or
Speaker 1: someone told me he wasn't.
Speaker 2: Good at it.
Speaker 1: You have to be very careful, but also be like, listen,
Speaker 1: this just isn't normal. We've been together for two years.
Speaker 1: You've never gone down on me, and you've never fingered me, Like,
Speaker 1: those are two things that should happen before we even
Speaker 1: have sex.
Speaker 5: Yes, I think, I mean, and I've now I feel
Speaker 5: like I'm constantly bringing it up to the point where
Speaker 5: I'm like, oh my god, I can't even bring this
Speaker 5: up one more time because I feel like such a
Speaker 5: weird pervert to ask for this very basic thing.
Speaker 1: You're not a pervert, though, you're not a pervert.
Speaker 5: How do I tell you something that should be obvious
Speaker 5: from the jump?
Speaker 6: Also like lol to Rob low being.
Speaker 3: Now, have you have you shown him if you tried,
Speaker 3: like showing him how you want to touch?
Speaker 1: How have you brought this conversation?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what That's what I want to know is like,
Speaker 2: what is Like you said, you can't. I'm tired of
Speaker 2: bringing it up. What is? What's the the dialogue? Let's here,
Speaker 2: let's do a here. I'm going to play the part
Speaker 2: of the guy that won't touch your vagina. Here we go.
Speaker 6: It's very realistic.
Speaker 2: This is this is the biggest stretch I've ever had
Speaker 2: to do as an actor, by the way, right now,
Speaker 2: so okay, we're going to do a little role play.
Speaker 2: So you're unhappy? What tell me what?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 5: So essentially what I've said a couple of times is, hey,
Speaker 5: don't know what the deal is with like, you know,
Speaker 5: you never touching this area before, Like, I don't know
Speaker 5: how you haven't done this before. And I've tried to
Speaker 5: bring it up outside of the context of the bedroom
Speaker 5: because I think it can be kind of scary and
Speaker 5: I don't want to do it right after the fact
Speaker 5: and be like that sucked because you didn't do X,
Speaker 5: Y Z right.
Speaker 6: So I was trying to sort of bring it up
Speaker 6: out of context.
Speaker 5: And say, you know, is there a reason that you
Speaker 5: don't feel comfortable with this?
Speaker 6: Is there? Like do you have a traumatic thing in
Speaker 6: your childhood? Yeah?
Speaker 2: So you've said that, You've said you've said these things.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, totally.
Speaker 5: And it's just I'm kind of not getting a response.
Speaker 5: And I don't know if it's because.
Speaker 2: Wait, what does he give me? Give me my dialogue
Speaker 2: in this role play? You say you're kind of not
Speaker 2: getting a response. What is he what's my dialogue? What
Speaker 2: am I saying to you?
Speaker 6: Well?
Speaker 2: I don't know, man, I just okay, I mean what's
Speaker 2: the non response? What does he say? What does he
Speaker 2: have to say for himself?
Speaker 5: It's pretty much a lot of that, A lot of
Speaker 5: the I don't really know. And you know, I asked
Speaker 5: him if he did that with a former partner and
Speaker 5: he was like, oh, maybe incidentally.
Speaker 6: Incident like oops, I tripped kind of thing.
Speaker 5: I'm like, would you fall down and you have to
Speaker 5: grab her pubes to get up again?
Speaker 2: Exactly? So I was saying, fell down into her vagina?
Speaker 6: Tell me about it.
Speaker 5: So so yeah, I also am like, my heart goes
Speaker 5: out to the guy because I would need a place
Speaker 5: to put my hands, Like I'm bored here, I'm just
Speaker 5: sitting here.
Speaker 6: I gotta do something. I gotta honk something or grab something.
Speaker 1: I just don't understand how you've gone two years with
Speaker 1: like this, this is so weird, it's so straight, Like
Speaker 1: this is on you. You have to break this cycle
Speaker 1: and like you have to have a serious conversation with
Speaker 1: him in broad daylight and be like, listen, this isn't normal.
Speaker 1: Sex between two people should be like examining each other's bodies,
Speaker 1: cherishing each other's bodies, wanting to touch every single part
Speaker 1: of it. That's what sex is. I've never been in
Speaker 1: a relationship like this. I thought something was wrong with me,
Speaker 1: but now I have to put it on you. What
Speaker 1: is your hesitancy? Are you scared? Did you have a
Speaker 1: bad experience? Did someone give you bad feedback? Make it
Speaker 1: so that he is available to talk to you and
Speaker 1: answer questions that maybe could reveal the reasoning behind it.
Speaker 1: Do I have a smelly vagina? I mean you don't,
Speaker 1: but I'm just saying, like its put it out there. Well,
Speaker 1: I think you would know if you had a smelly vagina.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's not that far away from our nose.
Speaker 1: But you know, I think you should really really you
Speaker 1: have to, Like for every woman, you have to do this,
Speaker 1: because what's he going to do when you break up
Speaker 1: with him, go out with another girl and dissatisfy her?
Speaker 1: For but I mean, I don't know anybody whould put
Speaker 1: up with that for two years. I would have put
Speaker 1: up with that for two weeks.
Speaker 6: I know, Well that's what was.
Speaker 5: And it's one of those things where, you know, the
Speaker 5: longer it goes, and the longer it did go, the
Speaker 5: more I was like, you know, because at first I'm
Speaker 5: like Okay, a few weeks go by, a few months
Speaker 5: go by, I'm like, all right. Maybe it's just because
Speaker 5: there is the occasional encounter that happens even.
Speaker 6: With normal people.
Speaker 5: With my other normal partners, there's been encounters where it's
Speaker 5: been like, oh, we just skipped straight to the main event,
Speaker 5: and you know, it's it's quick and whatever, and things
Speaker 5: just happen.
Speaker 6: But it's never only been that, and.
Speaker 5: I actually like burst out and I wish I gave
Speaker 5: Rob his you know, better feedback, better lines. But you know,
Speaker 5: there was a point where we were out to dinner
Speaker 5: with friends and he was making a lot of like
Speaker 5: sexual jokes and like being silly about you know, just
Speaker 5: like crass humor, and I was like, okay, dude, like enough,
Speaker 5: you know, it got to a point where I was
Speaker 5: so fed up.
Speaker 6: I was like enough, I mean, if you're gonna make.
Speaker 5: Jokes like that, then you can't be scared to touch
Speaker 5: my vagina.
Speaker 2: Yeah, hell ya, hell yah.
Speaker 3: If you get the answers to these questions and there's
Speaker 3: no like underlying trauma or whatever, I think looking forward,
Speaker 3: like you need to put the onus on what's gonna
Speaker 3: happen from here. So it's like I need more before
Speaker 3: we get to the main event, to be turned on,
Speaker 3: to be excited, to enjoy this. And so next time
Speaker 3: we're in bed together, let's try this. I'm gonna show
Speaker 3: you some moves and like we're gonna start experimenting for
Speaker 3: like the next six months to like get where we
Speaker 3: need to be in terms of like this not just
Speaker 3: being penis and vagina sex, which is like such a
Speaker 3: limited window of what sex is, I know, because are
Speaker 3: you having orgasms?
Speaker 6: I mean rarely?
Speaker 1: Oh overall you need to be having orgasms like that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: oh god, what a conundrum. But I blame you well,
Speaker 1: I mean you've been like putting up with this. You
Speaker 1: have to think about something. When you do something like this,
Speaker 1: you are doing it on behalf of all women. You
Speaker 1: accepting this is saying this is okay for all women.
Speaker 1: That's how I want you to think about this.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: And if I had a friend come to me and
Speaker 5: say this, I would be saying the exact same thing.
Speaker 6: Like, there's no way anybody should put up with this.
Speaker 6: It's ridiculous.
Speaker 1: And you can offer, you can offer and say, listen,
Speaker 1: if you want to go to like a sex therapist
Speaker 1: if you want, if you need to talk to someone
Speaker 1: about it, I'm totally down to do that with you.
Speaker 1: But like, good idea this, we have to figure out
Speaker 1: what the problem is. You have to address it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, And I mean again, like for a while,
Speaker 5: I was thinking, oh, it's gonna happen. It's gonna like
Speaker 5: obviously it's going to happen, Like there's there's no way
Speaker 5: he doesn't know to do this, And the time just
Speaker 5: kept ticking on with nothing happening, and it just got
Speaker 5: weirder and weirder, to the point where now I'm on
Speaker 5: a podcast telling people a dark, disgusting stuff.
Speaker 1: I know, I know, can you imagine I mean, obviously
Speaker 1: we won't show your face on this podcast, but can
Speaker 1: you imagine if we did? Oh my god?
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, well that's the thing.
Speaker 5: I mean, all my friends know, like I said, and
Speaker 5: they all think I'm nuts.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, they can't respect him.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, I mean that's the thing. They're like, what
Speaker 6: the hell? You know?
Speaker 1: You need to get your pussy ETN. Sorry to be
Speaker 1: so crass, but it's time. It's time to get somebody.
Speaker 1: You need to go. I honestly think, I mean, this
Speaker 1: sounds like a lost cause to me. Unfortunately. Do you
Speaker 1: tell each other you love each other?
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, because it's been some time, you know, and
Speaker 5: he's got redeeming qualities, but this ain't one of them.
Speaker 6: Girl.
Speaker 1: No, you're gonna have to sit down and talk to him,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna need to do it quickly, and then
Speaker 1: we're gonna need a full report.
Speaker 6: Hey, you know I will, my god especially.
Speaker 1: And you can always call in with him. You can
Speaker 1: always you can always call in with him.
Speaker 2: Yes, I mean that would.
Speaker 6: Be ideal if I could just have.
Speaker 5: Like y'all and you know, Rob Low and Tow like
Speaker 5: the old Smith.
Speaker 1: Yes, if you could call in with him, we'll have
Speaker 1: We'll make sure Rob Low is back so we could
Speaker 1: address this, so he has he has a straight man
Speaker 1: here on his team. But yes, I really you need
Speaker 1: to tell us what happens because he needs to explain himself.
Speaker 6: Oh you know, I will. There's a lot, a lot
Speaker 6: to be explained here, But.
Speaker 1: I think I want you to write down on a
Speaker 1: sheet of paper and stick it to your mirror that
Speaker 1: every action I take is on behalf of all women everywhere.
Speaker 1: I would take like that. You make different decisions, and
Speaker 1: you make better decisions because what you would accept for
Speaker 1: your sister, your mother, your niece, your best friend, you
Speaker 1: would never accept for yourself, you know what I mean?
Speaker 6: Yeah, and this, yeah, it's read.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sorry I said that wrong, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. Yeah, but I said that, Oh yeah, great,
Speaker 1: you got that right.
Speaker 2: I was like, I was like, wow, that's very profound.
Speaker 6: It was beautiful.
Speaker 5: But yeah, now I'm I'm down to do the experiment
Speaker 5: and see what happens, because yeah, it's it's been a
Speaker 5: long road of like a very shaped like Pikachu, and
Speaker 5: you know, we're just out here.
Speaker 6: I'm thirty three. I mean, things aren't.
Speaker 1: Don't waste a minute with this guy unless you can
Speaker 1: figure out what his issue is. Give us an update
Speaker 1: in like two weeks. It actually could be fun to
Speaker 1: have a discovery session with him and imagine how much
Speaker 1: like improvement he could he could gain and how much
Speaker 1: growth there could be Yeah, from zero right, like it
Speaker 1: could be a huge but but he has to be
Speaker 1: ready to get down to business. So so go have
Speaker 1: the conversation and please report back, you know, I will. Okay, great,
Speaker 1: thank you for calling. Thanks. What does that mean? What
Speaker 1: does that mean?
Speaker 2: Rob?
Speaker 1: What does that mean when a man doesn't go down
Speaker 1: on a woman or finger her? What is that? I
Speaker 1: I Well, you're gonna have to come up with something wrong.
Speaker 3: I think some guys these days are like growing up
Speaker 3: with porn as they're sort of like, this is what
Speaker 3: sex is, which is mostly just like wailing away at
Speaker 3: some woman who's pretending like she's enjoying it. There's not
Speaker 3: a lot of like female pleasure involved in most porn.
Speaker 2: Wow, you know what that? I mean, that's as good
Speaker 2: answer as any right, I mean it Aukham's razor. If
Speaker 2: the most obvious answer is usually the answer is that what.
Speaker 1: Is Okham's razor?
Speaker 3: Again, the simplest answer is probably the right one.
Speaker 1: It's like the opposite of a conspiracy theory. That's right,
Speaker 1: yea right, Okay, We're going to take a break and
Speaker 1: we're going to be right back with mister Rob Low
Speaker 1: and we're back with Rob Low to wrap up today's episode.
Speaker 1: It was a double whammy episode. We were on Rod's
Speaker 1: Rod Rod's podcast literally rod Low, rod Low, rock Hard
Speaker 1: rod Low, and then we went over to Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 1: It was a double whoopsiedoodle. I'm Catherine. How shall we
Speaker 1: close out the show today? Well, I have one more question.
Speaker 3: It is a bit of a quickie, like the emails,
Speaker 3: a little long, but it's juicy.
Speaker 1: But then okay, pretty quick response, Dear Chelsea. I would
Speaker 1: love your opinion.
Speaker 3: And as a woman who understands the complexities of friendship
Speaker 3: as a former party girl, my closest friend of twelve years,
Speaker 3: Abby stopped speaking to me after I tried to have
Speaker 3: an intervention for her when I went through my divorce.
Speaker 3: She was there for me in every way and always
Speaker 3: had my back emotionally. She's wonderful advice and always there
Speaker 3: to listen. After moving to her city, though I saw
Speaker 3: the darker side of her life, heavy drinking, cheating on
Speaker 3: her husband, very reckless behavior, and manipulation to most people
Speaker 3: in her life. Before I saw all this firsthand, I
Speaker 3: was always there to support her.
Speaker 1: Listen. Marriage is tough, life is hard.
Speaker 3: No judgment right wrong. She would drive her kids in
Speaker 3: the car while drinking and take advantage of everyone around her,
Speaker 3: manipulation for financial favors, you name it, and she hit
Speaker 3: it all behind a facade of success as a sweet
Speaker 3: and smiling teacher. Her behavior affected my life too.
Speaker 1: She slept with my boss, crashed.
Speaker 3: A large work event, humiliated me in front of his wife,
Speaker 3: and constantly made me feel like I had to clean
Speaker 3: up her mess and I did. She'd even leave before
Speaker 3: the check came out restaurants, expecting me to cover the bill.
Speaker 3: When I started standing up for myself, things grew tense.
Speaker 3: Everything went to shit when I planned an intervention for
Speaker 3: her and she cut me off. Now I'm left questioning
Speaker 3: if I'm a terrible friend for not setting boundaries sooner,
Speaker 3: or if I'm just codependent. What does it bother me
Speaker 3: if others think I'm the bad guy? Am I wrong
Speaker 3: for trying to set up an intervention for a friend,
Speaker 3: or should I be relieved that she's no longer in
Speaker 3: my life? Best bridget oh, and she says, I truly
Speaker 3: want to grow from this experience.
Speaker 1: Best Now, you did the right thing. I think you
Speaker 1: did the right thing. I've had an intervention that didn't
Speaker 1: go well. That person is no longer in my life,
Speaker 1: and my life without her is much better. She couldn't
Speaker 1: accept what we were saying. She couldn't understand what we
Speaker 1: were saying. I've had many interventions in my life with people,
Speaker 1: and every one of them has been great and understanding
Speaker 1: and fruitful, and those people have all ended up on
Speaker 1: the other side and they've all gotten sober. This person,
Speaker 1: it wasn't really about alcohol and drugs. It was more
Speaker 1: about their life and life choices and the negative impact
Speaker 1: they were having on everyone. And she's not in my
Speaker 1: life and you did nothing wrong. That behavior is very
Speaker 1: toxic and you should be grateful that she's not in
Speaker 1: your life. Period. That's all you can do is try
Speaker 1: to tell somebody the truth that if they don't want
Speaker 1: to hear it, then they're not going to hear it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, one hundred percent agree with that sentiment and have
Speaker 2: the same experience I've I've been a part of many interventions,
Speaker 2: and I don't know half of them do not end well,
Speaker 2: and usually that person continues on the path and I
Speaker 2: moved on and those people aren't in my life anymore,
Speaker 2: and there's nothing I just think that interventions have a
Speaker 2: I think people go into them maybe thinking that there's
Speaker 2: some sort of guarantee of success or that the odds
Speaker 2: are in your face. It's not about that, it's not
Speaker 2: about any of that. Interventions are about you going in
Speaker 2: and stating your piece in a way that you can
Speaker 2: live with yourself. If she kills those kids drunk driving,
Speaker 2: mm hmm. Absolutely, that's what it is.
Speaker 1: That's when you're putting other people at risk with your
Speaker 1: decision making. That justifies an intervention. Justifies an intervention. You're
Speaker 1: thinking about other people. It's not you being judgmental, it's
Speaker 1: you worrying about her driving around drunk with your kids. No,
Speaker 1: absolutely not.
Speaker 2: Yep, you're better off without her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and hopefully one day she'll come to you know,
Speaker 1: come to Jesus, or she'll have her come to Jesus
Speaker 1: moment and get her shit together. And in that case,
Speaker 1: and especially when she has the reaction that she had,
Speaker 1: then she's not able to hear you. Period. Some people
Speaker 1: are just not in the place where they can hear you.
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean they're God forever, It just means that
Speaker 1: they're not there yet. So you did the right thing
Speaker 1: and just move on. With grace and be happy that
Speaker 1: you know you don't have to bear the burden of
Speaker 1: her friendship right now or worry about her decisions.
Speaker 2: Ditto.
Speaker 1: I mean, Rob, this has just been what a pleasure
Speaker 1: as always Rob, always Rob. Next year we need to
Speaker 1: ski together. Okay, you take that in a goal of ours.
Speaker 1: Are you going to come? Why don't you come to
Speaker 1: Whistler and we can ski together. That way, one of
Speaker 1: us will already be here, so that's the only moving
Speaker 1: part will.
Speaker 2: Be you right. No, I'm in Worsters, as you know,
Speaker 2: it's one of my favorite places in the world to ski.
Speaker 1: And find a job in Vancouver, and then you come
Speaker 1: up here for the weekend and we'll ski together. Because
Speaker 1: I would really like to see what's happening with your skiing.
Speaker 2: I'm telling you, go to Do you have TikTok, Chelsea?
Speaker 1: Yes, of course I have TikTok.
Speaker 2: Rob. Go to my TikTok and look at my postings.
Speaker 2: You get to scroll down just a little bit, okay,
Speaker 2: and you're going to see one of the sickest, sickest
Speaker 2: powder runs I was ever I've ever done it.
Speaker 1: Alta, I'm going right now, I'm going to look right
Speaker 1: now everybody else go to TikTok to see Rob lows ski. Okay, well, Rob,
Speaker 1: that was great. You're you're a treat. I love how
Speaker 1: open and ridiculous you are. And I see you at
Speaker 1: some time in person before we ski or you know,
Speaker 1: when we ski. Whatever. I'll take whatever I can get.
Speaker 2: I love it. And this I loved. Thank you for
Speaker 2: being on literally and yes, and this, this little like
Speaker 2: crossover event was super cool.
Speaker 1: Yes, you guys can catch Rob's podcast is Literally and
Speaker 1: you can also catch up on his first three seasons
Speaker 1: of his hit game show The Floor, which is on Hulu.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Rob.
Speaker 2: Thank you for your great day.
Speaker 1: Okay, bye, guys. Do do Do Do Do do drum
Speaker 1: roll Catherine please and abroad broad is my European tour.
Speaker 1: So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad. I
Speaker 1: need to get the health out of this fucking country
Speaker 1: and it's not as easy as you think. So I'm
Speaker 1: coming to Rekkuvik, I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to
Speaker 1: the UK. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May
Speaker 1: and June. I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,
Speaker 1: New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona,
Speaker 1: and I'm coming abroad. Is abroad that sounds like fun.
Speaker 1: I'm going to go see you abroad. I know I
Speaker 1: want to go see me abroad and there there all be,
Speaker 1: there all be excellent. Okay. My remaining dates for Vegas,
Speaker 1: there are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming
Speaker 1: and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing
Speaker 1: my residency on July fifth. We will be the next
Speaker 1: date that I'm there, July fifth, August thirtieth, and then
Speaker 1: November one and twenty ninth. November one and November twenty ninth,
Speaker 1: I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing
Speaker 1: inside Myself at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the
Speaker 1: Chelsea for a reason. Okay, thank you. Do you want
Speaker 1: advice from Chelsea?
Speaker 3: Right into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Find
Speaker 3: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
Speaker 3: at Dear Chelsea pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered
Speaker 3: by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine law And be sure
Speaker 3: to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com