WEBVTT - Open and Ridiculous with Rob Lowe

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, Catherine, Hi, Chelsea, Hi, this is We're doing two

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<v Speaker 1>episodes today because it's our two hundredth episode. It's two

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<v Speaker 1>hundredth episodes, so we decided to put out two episodes.

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<v Speaker 1>One is with Tanks and one is with our guest today,

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<v Speaker 1>who is a ridiculous person whom I love. I love

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<v Speaker 1>him very much, he really really always I it's something

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<v Speaker 1>about him. I have to come up with the word

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<v Speaker 1>for him. I learned a great other I wearn't a

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<v Speaker 1>great word. I warn't a great word the other day.

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<v Speaker 1>Magisterial somebody who walks with confidence, somebody who is like

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<v Speaker 1>an authoritary figure, somebody who exudes confidence and authority. I

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<v Speaker 1>like your real magisterial in a positive way, not in

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<v Speaker 1>a negative way, like a dipsydoodle who's running the White House.

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<v Speaker 1>But that's not how I would describe Rob. That is

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<v Speaker 1>it the word I was thinking of. I thought that

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<v Speaker 1>was a good word to describe myself, actually, because I'm

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<v Speaker 1>so full of my own piss and vinegar. But anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>Rob is an actor, a producer, he's a podcaster and

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<v Speaker 1>an author, and he tries to pretend he's an amazing skier.

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<v Speaker 1>We'll see about that. To be determined, is what I

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<v Speaker 1>like to say about that. We are doing a special

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<v Speaker 1>double episode back to back with his podcast, so you

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<v Speaker 1>can catch the first half of his episode of our

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<v Speaker 1>episode is his podcast, and then the second half is ours.

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<v Speaker 1>So please welcome Rob Low. I want to get him

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<v Speaker 1>pre ejaculation. But can we do that before? Can we

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<v Speaker 1>switch over before there's a Okay, Hi, Catherine, Hi, we

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<v Speaker 1>just switched over from literally with Rob Low. I love this.

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<v Speaker 1>How cute?

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<v Speaker 2>Are we?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay?

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<v Speaker 2>So good?

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<v Speaker 1>We have Rob Loow today, everybody. We just came from

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<v Speaker 1>his podcast. So for the first half of this episode,

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<v Speaker 1>you're going to want to go listen to Rob Low's

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<v Speaker 1>podcast literally literally, and then this is the second half

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<v Speaker 1>of the episode.

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<v Speaker 2>Rob.

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<v Speaker 1>Were you about to say something about orgasmine?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, I was, Okay, I was about to say that

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<v Speaker 2>I enjoy it and that it is just a spasm,

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<v Speaker 2>as Steely Dan says, and you must keep orgasming as

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<v Speaker 2>you continue to age.

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<v Speaker 1>This is very profound, Rob, Thank you for sharing that insight.

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<v Speaker 1>You must keep orgasm. Famous quote from Rob Low you

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<v Speaker 1>must keep orgasming as you age end quote.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I think there are plenty of people who aren't. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I go yeah, yeah, I mean, look, I get it, Sid,

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<v Speaker 2>that sounds like the most lame asked orgasm idea. But

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<v Speaker 2>then look around you.

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<v Speaker 1>At all the people that aren't orgasming.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, go to the skichale, get in the line for

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<v Speaker 2>the chicken fingers in the hot coco.

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<v Speaker 1>Look at all those people who haven't ejaculated in days, weeks,

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<v Speaker 1>or months. In some instances, we're actually going to be.

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<v Speaker 3>Talking to a caller today who might be in this situation.

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<v Speaker 1>So, oh my god, perfect, How prescient for Rob to

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<v Speaker 1>have brought this up. Rob, I have a question for

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<v Speaker 1>you now that we're on my podcast. No, I think

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<v Speaker 1>we talked about this last time you were on my podcast,

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<v Speaker 1>But I always am very curious since you've been married

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<v Speaker 1>for how long have been? How many years have you

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<v Speaker 1>been married?

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<v Speaker 2>Thirty four thirty four four years?

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<v Speaker 1>So who do you think is more annoying you or

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<v Speaker 1>Cheryl within the relationship? Like who annoys who the most?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh? I annoy her? Yeah, I was gonna guess that

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<v Speaker 2>one percent.

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<v Speaker 1>And why why are you so annoying?

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<v Speaker 2>Because I'm always doing bits and not trying to be funny,

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<v Speaker 2>but I'm like I do asides really annoying watching she

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<v Speaker 2>hates watching television or movies with me hate.

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<v Speaker 1>Did you talk?

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<v Speaker 2>I talk all the time. If it's good, I don't.

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<v Speaker 1>But did you guys watch White Lotus together?

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<v Speaker 2>We did watch White Lotus together. But that's good. So

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<v Speaker 2>when it's good, I don't talk. I talk when it's bad,

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<v Speaker 2>and most things are bad, so I'll be like, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>they clearly shut that that sequence in Vancouver. You can

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<v Speaker 2>tell me the telephone polls should be shut up.

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<v Speaker 1>Or that's that's annoying, Rob, I mean, why who are

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<v Speaker 1>you telling? You're just trying to prove to yourself how

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<v Speaker 1>perspicacious you are in that instance.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, I'm trying to keep myself awake watching or you're.

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<v Speaker 1>Just trying to show Like, yeah, those things you can

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<v Speaker 1>keep to yourself for sure.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. A lot of times I'll watch something and the

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<v Speaker 2>performance will be so bad and I'll be biting my

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<v Speaker 2>lip and biting my lip and biting my lip and

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<v Speaker 2>biting me a lip if I'm like, oh my god,

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<v Speaker 2>you get shut up. Yeah. She likes a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>the sort of mommy porn rom coms where everybody's super

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<v Speaker 2>good looking and terrible acting.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, I find I hate rom coms like

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<v Speaker 1>unless there is some new spin, I can't stand that formula.

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<v Speaker 1>It's so it's it's it's insulting to my intelligence. It's

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<v Speaker 1>like reality shows. I find those insulting too, Like when

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<v Speaker 1>people the housewives and they're looking blah blah blah and

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<v Speaker 1>love Island, and I just and autism on the spectrum,

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<v Speaker 1>love all of it. I just can't understand how anyone

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<v Speaker 1>can get roped into that sort of chickanery.

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<v Speaker 2>I keep so I did it kind of a reality

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<v Speaker 2>show of my sons, but and I loved it, and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm super proud of it. It's like us in a

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<v Speaker 2>Scooby Doo van driving around looking for supernatural para normal

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<v Speaker 2>activity together. It's basically Anthony Bourdaine Parts Unknown meets Scooby Doo.

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<v Speaker 2>But really what it is is fathers and sons spending

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<v Speaker 2>time with each other. And it's super silly and super

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<v Speaker 2>funny and super great. So I feel like there's a

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<v Speaker 2>zone where I can love it, but most of it

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<v Speaker 2>is so bad. And then can we talk about the music,

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<v Speaker 2>Like I was watching like Alec Baldwin's.

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<v Speaker 1>I watched that too. I watched three episodes of that.

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<v Speaker 2>I could it not It's like Alex so smart and

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<v Speaker 2>has such great taste. I just wish he'd go in

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<v Speaker 2>the editing and go why is that same music cue

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<v Speaker 2>always used? It's this cutty pie.

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<v Speaker 1>He gave up, rob He's given up. If you can't

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<v Speaker 1>tell by that show, Alec Baldwin has officially given up.

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<v Speaker 1>He's given up his rights, he's given up his self respect,

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<v Speaker 1>he has given up. He has fifty seven children and

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<v Speaker 1>a wife who is half the size of the baby.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't understand how he could have agreed. Well, obviously

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<v Speaker 1>they need some money. I mean, I can't imagine. I

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<v Speaker 1>can't imagine what circumstances led to that being an option.

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<v Speaker 2>People's your phone rings with weird I mean you must.

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<v Speaker 2>I have been asked. Everybody gets asked, would you ever

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<v Speaker 2>do as such and such and such and such. It's like,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you turn down a lot of stuff?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah? I mean yeah, I sure for sure. And what

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<v Speaker 2>I try to do sometimes is go, well, I don't

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<v Speaker 2>want to do that, but I would do this.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like no, But like within the same script,

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<v Speaker 1>if they send you a script and offer you a role,

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<v Speaker 1>are you talking about like I don't want to play this? Character,

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<v Speaker 1>but I play that character or what that?

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<v Speaker 2>And literally like just circling back to the people at

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<v Speaker 2>A and E came to me and said, would you

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<v Speaker 2>ever you like to build houses? And you you've crushed

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<v Speaker 2>it in real estate? Would you ever do a house

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<v Speaker 2>flipping high end house? And I said no, but I

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<v Speaker 2>would do a show where I hunt for Bigfoot with

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<v Speaker 2>my kids.

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<v Speaker 1>And they're like, right, oh, let's get back to that

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<v Speaker 1>supernatural reality show that you're referencing. Unfortunately I haven't seen

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<v Speaker 1>any of those episodes. Were you guys able to come

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<v Speaker 1>into some sort of or witness any sort of supernatural activity.

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<v Speaker 2>It's called The Low Files. I think you can get

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<v Speaker 2>it on like iTunes or something. We did. We saw

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<v Speaker 2>we absolutely had ghost activity in our very first episode.

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<v Speaker 2>The ghost was moving like furniture around really and like

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<v Speaker 2>lights coming off and on when nobody was in the building.

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<v Speaker 2>Really crazy show that. And then we went to like

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<v Speaker 2>we did supposed like alien bases in the desert and

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of time, of course nothing happened and it

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<v Speaker 2>was just three idiots sitting around a fire. That was

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<v Speaker 2>actually my favorite was like driving and pulling over and

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<v Speaker 2>getting donuts and just being idiots. Was my favorite part

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<v Speaker 2>of it. But we definitely saw some stuff one hundred percent.

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<v Speaker 1>And are you a big like do you believe aliens exist?

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<v Speaker 1>And things like that.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm way down the rabbit hole with all that stuff. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>I am very well, there's probably not a wormhole you

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<v Speaker 2>could bring up that I don't have some sort of

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<v Speaker 2>functional knowledge of.

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<v Speaker 1>And do you think that is a result of you

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<v Speaker 1>spending so much time in Monacito.

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<v Speaker 2>No, I've always been that way. And in fact, the

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<v Speaker 2>slogan for the show is my motto about this stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>When people literally ask me, really, do you really believe

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<v Speaker 2>in Bigfoot, I'd be like, it's more.

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<v Speaker 1>Fundable, It is more fun to believe. It's more fun

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<v Speaker 1>to believe in God. Like it's better to believe in

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<v Speaker 1>God because it's just nicer. It's like a nicer idea.

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<v Speaker 2>That's how I actually is how I came to my

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<v Speaker 2>relationship with God. That's how it started.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, the real question is when did God's relationship start

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<v Speaker 1>with you?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, it's been there forever, but I just didn't know

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<v Speaker 2>it right.

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<v Speaker 1>You had to tap into it. Yeah, it's funny. I

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<v Speaker 1>was on stage on Friday night in Vegas. I have

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<v Speaker 1>a residency in Vegas. I performed once a month because

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<v Speaker 1>that's how much time I could spend in Vegas. And

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<v Speaker 1>I did a joke about Jesus. This new joke I

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<v Speaker 1>was trying out about Jesus and accepting the fact that

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<v Speaker 1>the joy that you experienced from knowing Jesus is a

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<v Speaker 1>joy I'll never know. And then when I got food

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<v Speaker 1>poisoning the next night and I was violently throwing up

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<v Speaker 1>into my wastebasket next to my bed, I thought, is

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<v Speaker 1>this because what I said about Jesus?

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<v Speaker 2>Hmmm?

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<v Speaker 1>And I thought, please, God, I'm sorry. If you need

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<v Speaker 1>me to believe in Jesus, give me a sign. And

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<v Speaker 1>then I threw up again, and I thought, that's a sign.

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<v Speaker 1>And now I believe in Jesus.

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<v Speaker 2>It takes what it takes. I mean, it's like, don't

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<v Speaker 2>question it. Like everybody, everybody gets here in a different route.

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<v Speaker 1>I love that because a lot of times, I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>you've been sober for many, many years, but a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of times people like associate sobriety with God with Jesus.

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<v Speaker 1>But there's a lot of people like I have a

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<v Speaker 1>couple sober friends who are like, no, we didn't work

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<v Speaker 1>the program. We did another way, like they're non believers.

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<v Speaker 1>They don't believe in God and they don't believe in Jesus.

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<v Speaker 1>But because the twelve steps really are about God and

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<v Speaker 1>a higher.

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<v Speaker 2>Being, it's about higher powers, not about God. In the literature,

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<v Speaker 2>there's a lot of talk about God one percent, but

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<v Speaker 2>it's it's very entrenched and modern even traditional sobriety that

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<v Speaker 2>you do not have to believe in God, merely something

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<v Speaker 2>greater than yourself, right, and that's reasonable, and that's super reasonable.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean I roll my eyes when it's like the

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<v Speaker 2>problem is some people make other people their higher power, well,

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<v Speaker 2>my family, and that's that's a road to Pollukville. You

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<v Speaker 2>can't make another person or group of people your higher power.

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<v Speaker 2>You cannot because they're people. And okay, if you're not

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<v Speaker 2>to believe in God or Jesus or or any of

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<v Speaker 2>the other great you know, spiritual guides that we have

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<v Speaker 2>culturally in different religions, the list becomes kind of small,

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<v Speaker 2>is it. I believe in animals, I believe in fern Gully.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, you believe in Bigfoot? You said that, all right?

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<v Speaker 2>Do you believe in Bigfoot? Wouldn't make it my I

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<v Speaker 2>would not make bigfoot my higher power.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, well I just did so there's nothing you can

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<v Speaker 1>do about it.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, that is kind of cool though. That'd be a

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<v Speaker 2>great bit. That'd be a great bit.

0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:37.760
<v Speaker 1>What are you believing in? Bigfoot is your higher power?

0:11:37.880 --> 0:11:40.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm rob Loow. I'm an alcoholic. I asked Bigfoot

0:11:41.280 --> 0:11:42.760
<v Speaker 2>for peace and serenity today.

0:11:45.080 --> 0:11:47.160
<v Speaker 1>Do you still do you go to AA meetings? Do

0:11:47.200 --> 0:11:49.080
<v Speaker 1>you still work the program that way? Are you so

0:11:49.200 --> 0:11:51.960
<v Speaker 1>far outside of eve been sober for thirty four years?

0:11:52.000 --> 0:11:52.720
<v Speaker 1>You said earlier?

0:11:53.000 --> 0:11:55.439
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and look, the one thing in common are people

0:11:55.440 --> 0:11:57.280
<v Speaker 2>who like I was thirty four years sober and I

0:11:57.280 --> 0:12:00.000
<v Speaker 2>got loaded yesterday. The one thing they all have in common,

0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:03.160
<v Speaker 2>and you hear those stories is they stopped. They stopped

0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:06.240
<v Speaker 2>their active recovery. And I don't do as much of

0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:07.040
<v Speaker 2>it as I should.

0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:08.640
<v Speaker 1>Well, you probably don't have to.

0:12:08.880 --> 0:12:10.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I understand how it'll live my life. I mean,

0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:12.400
<v Speaker 2>if I'm I know this, If I ever get in

0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:17.000
<v Speaker 2>enough uncomfortability in my own skin, I know, I know

0:12:17.040 --> 0:12:19.240
<v Speaker 2>what the cure is. It's not advil, it's going to

0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:21.480
<v Speaker 2>a meeting. One mm hmm.

0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:24.960
<v Speaker 1>What do you think Cheryl thinks is the most annoying

0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:25.600
<v Speaker 1>thing about you?

0:12:28.440 --> 0:12:31.439
<v Speaker 2>Wow, it used to be how much I slept. She's

0:12:31.480 --> 0:12:33.320
<v Speaker 2>gotten really good because science is caught up with me.

0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:36.600
<v Speaker 1>Oh. Because how long do you sleep every night?

0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:40.160
<v Speaker 2>Oh? I mean I get a minimum of nine Oh.

0:12:40.080 --> 0:12:43.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm with you completely. I could sleep for eleven hours

0:12:43.040 --> 0:12:45.600
<v Speaker 1>a night if you me too.

0:12:45.640 --> 0:12:47.320
<v Speaker 2>I don't see. I have a lot of shame around it.

0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:48.640
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to say it. But why.

0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:52.079
<v Speaker 1>I mean, most men actually do sleep less than women's sleep.

0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:55.800
<v Speaker 1>But I just there. I can't express enough the benefits

0:12:55.800 --> 0:12:56.880
<v Speaker 1>of sleeping same.

0:12:57.600 --> 0:12:59.280
<v Speaker 2>I mean, like when people go, how do you look?

0:12:59.320 --> 0:13:00.560
<v Speaker 2>I mean maybe a lot of it is that I

0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:01.120
<v Speaker 2>sleep a lot.

0:13:01.600 --> 0:13:04.559
<v Speaker 1>It definitely does, because there's no explanation for the way

0:13:04.600 --> 0:13:04.880
<v Speaker 1>you look.

0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:07.520
<v Speaker 2>They did call it sleeping beauty, not workout beauty.

0:13:08.559 --> 0:13:10.200
<v Speaker 1>Well, you could sleep and then work out. I know

0:13:10.240 --> 0:13:11.640
<v Speaker 1>you're working out once you wake up.

0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:13.960
<v Speaker 2>They didn't say it in No Carbs beauty. It's fucking

0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:16.240
<v Speaker 2>sleeping beauty. That's the name of the movie.

0:13:16.559 --> 0:13:18.440
<v Speaker 1>What's the longest sleep run you've ever had?

0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:22.480
<v Speaker 2>Well, not being sick or sleeping something off like just

0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:25.320
<v Speaker 2>regular or no jet lag involved.

0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:27.600
<v Speaker 1>Or not well, yeah, sure, whatever.

0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:30.520
<v Speaker 2>I mean lost, I've definitely done my share of twelve

0:13:30.760 --> 0:13:31.199
<v Speaker 2>for sure.

0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:35.719
<v Speaker 1>I went slept for twenty hours. Was it on a plane, No,

0:13:35.920 --> 0:13:38.160
<v Speaker 1>it was in a bunk bed. What I had a

0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:40.280
<v Speaker 1>bunk bed at my old house, and I guess I

0:13:40.320 --> 0:13:42.240
<v Speaker 1>hadn't slept for like a day or so. I had

0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:44.000
<v Speaker 1>come back from Buenos Aires.

0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:46.000
<v Speaker 2>Jet leg jet like jet like jetwag.

0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:48.760
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it was jet lag. But when I really needed

0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:51.440
<v Speaker 1>deep sleep, I go into my bunk bedroom because there's

0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:54.640
<v Speaker 1>just something so cozy and familial and like childlike in there.

0:13:55.040 --> 0:13:58.760
<v Speaker 1>And I slept for twenty hours and then I peed

0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:00.000
<v Speaker 1>for almost twenty minute.

0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:05.520
<v Speaker 2>Un fucking but that sounds like kind of heavy. I

0:14:05.559 --> 0:14:08.520
<v Speaker 2>when I do the big international flights like Australia or something,

0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:11.839
<v Speaker 2>or South Africa, the ones that are just beasts, I

0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:14.720
<v Speaker 2>love it because I can go. I could sleep runway

0:14:14.720 --> 0:14:16.320
<v Speaker 2>to runway if I had to, one hundreds.

0:14:16.400 --> 0:14:17.679
<v Speaker 1>I do it all the time. Are you allowed to

0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:20.400
<v Speaker 1>take Xanax and stuff like that, sleeping pills if you're sober.

0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:24.760
<v Speaker 2>There's different theories on it. I certainly wouldn't recommend it

0:14:24.880 --> 0:14:27.400
<v Speaker 2>or it, nor did I do it for the first

0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:32.800
<v Speaker 2>maybe even decade of being sober, but you know I was,

0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:35.560
<v Speaker 2>and if I were a pill person, which I wasn't.

0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:40.440
<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't, but I have no problem with me doing

0:14:40.480 --> 0:14:41.040
<v Speaker 2>that now.

0:14:41.280 --> 0:14:43.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean it's kind of necessary when you're traveling.

0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:45.680
<v Speaker 1>I mean, how else are you supposed to adjust to

0:14:45.720 --> 0:14:47.760
<v Speaker 1>these different time zones?

0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:50.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, listen, there's a lot of good science out there

0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:52.920
<v Speaker 2>that they didn't have when I listen, when I got sober,

0:14:53.040 --> 0:14:55.560
<v Speaker 2>they had fucking horse pills like a valium and that

0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:55.920
<v Speaker 2>was it.

0:14:56.000 --> 0:14:57.920
<v Speaker 1>They didn't. I took one of those ones at Jane

0:14:57.920 --> 0:14:59.960
<v Speaker 1>Fonda's house, and I was never the same. I couldn't

0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:02.520
<v Speaker 1>move my legs for like two days. What do you

0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:04.359
<v Speaker 1>think is your superpower?

0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:04.880
<v Speaker 4>Rob?

0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:07.360
<v Speaker 1>Like, what do you think is your best the best

0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:08.040
<v Speaker 1>thing about you?

0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:12.680
<v Speaker 2>My superpower is my optimism. That's nice for sure, and

0:15:12.720 --> 0:15:14.960
<v Speaker 2>it manifests itself. I think in a lot of ways

0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:18.960
<v Speaker 2>where it's like if something doesn't go my way, or

0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:23.560
<v Speaker 2>which happens to everybody, or there's a disappointment, I just

0:15:23.840 --> 0:15:30.680
<v Speaker 2>don't ever wallow in it, and I never blame others ever. Ever,

0:15:31.000 --> 0:15:33.960
<v Speaker 2>I don't blame myself either, But I'm like, okay, all right,

0:15:34.200 --> 0:15:37.120
<v Speaker 2>today's another day. Get up. And it's not something I

0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:39.400
<v Speaker 2>learned anywhere. I just think it's part of my it's

0:15:39.440 --> 0:15:41.960
<v Speaker 2>in my DNA. I've always been that way, and I

0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:46.240
<v Speaker 2>think it's I'm very grateful that I'm wired that way.

0:15:46.440 --> 0:15:48.760
<v Speaker 2>I don't hold on to resentments, which, by the way,

0:15:49.040 --> 0:15:52.400
<v Speaker 2>weirdly enough, is the single worst thing you can have

0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:55.440
<v Speaker 2>as a sober person is resentments. So I think I

0:15:55.520 --> 0:15:58.640
<v Speaker 2>was designed not only to be an alcoholic, but then

0:15:58.680 --> 0:16:01.240
<v Speaker 2>to get sober and succeed because as I don't carry

0:16:01.280 --> 0:16:03.080
<v Speaker 2>resentments and I'm positive, optimistic.

0:16:03.720 --> 0:16:05.240
<v Speaker 1>What do you think that what was? Can you give

0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:07.840
<v Speaker 1>us an example of a big disappointment that you've experienced,

0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:10.160
<v Speaker 1>like your latest big disappointment where you were able to

0:16:10.720 --> 0:16:11.440
<v Speaker 1>shrug it off.

0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:15.640
<v Speaker 2>Sure, so career wise without being two inside baseball. So

0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:19.720
<v Speaker 2>I've I've been in television since nineteen ninety nine doing

0:16:19.800 --> 0:16:23.200
<v Speaker 2>TV series, had hits, had failures. I'd never been able

0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:28.520
<v Speaker 2>to renegotiate for a raise ever twenty years in more

0:16:28.600 --> 0:16:29.960
<v Speaker 2>in television, never.

0:16:29.840 --> 0:16:32.280
<v Speaker 1>Been a raise from each from one series to the next.

0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:37.080
<v Speaker 2>No within the series of a hit, like yes, the

0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:40.640
<v Speaker 2>congratulations it's a hit, we will be canceling your character,

0:16:41.840 --> 0:16:45.600
<v Speaker 2>or congratulations, it's a hit. And so just when I

0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:50.480
<v Speaker 2>thought I'd had every permutation of financial humiliation, at the

0:16:50.520 --> 0:16:54.520
<v Speaker 2>hands of the TV industry. I get this show nine

0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:58.160
<v Speaker 2>to one to one, lone star Ryan Murphy producing, with

0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:01.360
<v Speaker 2>the great Tim Minear writing big hit, big, big, big,

0:17:01.360 --> 0:17:05.199
<v Speaker 2>big hit. Turns out it's such a big hit that

0:17:05.240 --> 0:17:07.600
<v Speaker 2>they just aren't going to make it anymore. Just turns

0:17:07.640 --> 0:17:09.560
<v Speaker 2>out they're just not going to make it because the

0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:15.840
<v Speaker 2>studio and the network couldn't agree on what to do

0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:20.760
<v Speaker 2>with the big hit, so they just canceled it. And

0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:26.359
<v Speaker 2>anyone else would be like, are you fucking kidding me?

0:17:27.600 --> 0:17:30.360
<v Speaker 2>It's hard enough to make a show successful, and here

0:17:30.400 --> 0:17:33.119
<v Speaker 2>we have one successful and now that the War of

0:17:33.160 --> 0:17:37.800
<v Speaker 2>the bean Counters is going to say, we'd rather have

0:17:39.280 --> 0:17:46.239
<v Speaker 2>nothing of something then continue. So the way I look

0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:47.960
<v Speaker 2>at it is I go, you know what that is.

0:17:48.119 --> 0:17:50.440
<v Speaker 2>It's a fact of the business today. It is. It's

0:17:50.480 --> 0:17:54.720
<v Speaker 2>not personal. And believe me, I'm sure that they would

0:17:54.760 --> 0:17:57.080
<v Speaker 2>like to continue to do it just as much as

0:17:57.119 --> 0:18:01.840
<v Speaker 2>I would. But these are the circumstances. Anyone's fault is

0:18:01.880 --> 0:18:06.440
<v Speaker 2>it galling beyond belief. But you move on. And I

0:18:06.440 --> 0:18:09.440
<v Speaker 2>think we everybody can relate to that in whatever business

0:18:09.760 --> 0:18:13.080
<v Speaker 2>they're in, that sometimes success is not rewarded in the

0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:14.400
<v Speaker 2>way that you would want it to be.

0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:16.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that would be a pretty big bummer. Are you

0:18:16.520 --> 0:18:19.720
<v Speaker 1>one of those people who believes everything happens for a reason? Yes,

0:18:20.640 --> 0:18:22.520
<v Speaker 1>I find that a little bit far fetched.

0:18:23.400 --> 0:18:25.320
<v Speaker 2>But I can trace. I can trace.

0:18:26.560 --> 0:18:26.600
<v Speaker 5>No.

0:18:26.720 --> 0:18:29.520
<v Speaker 2>Granted, I don't want to test this theory anymore than

0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:31.400
<v Speaker 2>I already have. I don't want to. I don't need

0:18:31.400 --> 0:18:34.520
<v Speaker 2>any more roadblocks or bad things to happen. But I

0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:38.640
<v Speaker 2>can trace things that were traumatic or that I wouldn't

0:18:38.680 --> 0:18:41.200
<v Speaker 2>like to redo. I can make a direct line from

0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:43.560
<v Speaker 2>them to things that happened only because those things happened.

0:18:44.440 --> 0:18:46.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I just have a hard time. I hear you,

0:18:46.960 --> 0:18:49.359
<v Speaker 1>and I feel the same way with many instances in

0:18:49.400 --> 0:18:51.600
<v Speaker 1>my life. But I just feel like it's very hard

0:18:51.600 --> 0:18:53.920
<v Speaker 1>to believe that everything happens for a reason for every

0:18:53.960 --> 0:18:57.000
<v Speaker 1>single person in the world. Like, you can't be servicing

0:18:57.240 --> 0:19:00.080
<v Speaker 1>the energy or God or the universe or whatever we're

0:19:00.119 --> 0:19:04.600
<v Speaker 1>referring to. Can't be servicing the benefit of every human

0:19:04.680 --> 0:19:08.360
<v Speaker 1>being in every equation. You know, sometimes things are happening

0:19:08.480 --> 0:19:11.640
<v Speaker 1>for someone else's benefit and you're just kind of aside,

0:19:11.960 --> 0:19:13.240
<v Speaker 1>like a supporting character.

0:19:13.880 --> 0:19:18.919
<v Speaker 2>I believe, Yeah, but I think that that chromically, you

0:19:18.960 --> 0:19:23.159
<v Speaker 2>know that that person who's on the underneath of that

0:19:23.240 --> 0:19:26.840
<v Speaker 2>equation needs to be underneath that equation at that moment

0:19:27.680 --> 0:19:31.240
<v Speaker 2>because it's leading to the moment where they are going

0:19:31.280 --> 0:19:33.000
<v Speaker 2>to be on the top of the equation, and you

0:19:33.080 --> 0:19:36.200
<v Speaker 2>can't you literally can't get there unless you're at the

0:19:36.200 --> 0:19:39.200
<v Speaker 2>bottom at the bottom. Why I believe that, I believe

0:19:39.200 --> 0:19:43.720
<v Speaker 2>that one under my being one hundred percent. Now, there

0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:46.560
<v Speaker 2>are tragedies that befall people that I can't even imagine,

0:19:47.119 --> 0:19:51.119
<v Speaker 2>and I can't that I might be whistling a different

0:19:51.160 --> 0:19:56.720
<v Speaker 2>tune with that, But that said, my experience so far

0:19:56.760 --> 0:19:58.520
<v Speaker 2>has been that there's a reason.

0:19:59.200 --> 0:20:01.000
<v Speaker 1>I have a question for you. And if you're listening

0:20:01.080 --> 0:20:03.280
<v Speaker 1>to this podcast, for the first half of the podcast,

0:20:03.320 --> 0:20:05.840
<v Speaker 1>you have to go to Rob's podcast which.

0:20:05.680 --> 0:20:07.440
<v Speaker 2>Is called Literally.

0:20:08.920 --> 0:20:12.639
<v Speaker 1>Just called Literally for the first half of our conversation

0:20:12.680 --> 0:20:14.560
<v Speaker 1>because we've covered a lot of topics. But one thing

0:20:14.600 --> 0:20:17.200
<v Speaker 1>before we take any callers, Rob, is I want to

0:20:17.240 --> 0:20:21.439
<v Speaker 1>ask you what is your favorite thing about Cheryl, your wife?

0:20:21.920 --> 0:20:25.879
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, there's a lot. I mean, there's two things.

0:20:25.920 --> 0:20:29.680
<v Speaker 2>There have to be two, because one is I never

0:20:30.080 --> 0:20:33.840
<v Speaker 2>thought I could be in a relationship as long as

0:20:33.840 --> 0:20:37.400
<v Speaker 2>I'd been and still be as sexually attracted to somebody,

0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:42.560
<v Speaker 2>I thought, oh fuck Jesus Christ and I am. And

0:20:43.359 --> 0:20:45.919
<v Speaker 2>really I just didn't think that would be in the cards.

0:20:45.960 --> 0:20:46.679
<v Speaker 2>I really didn't.

0:20:47.400 --> 0:20:49.480
<v Speaker 1>And you didn't think that when you were younger.

0:20:50.000 --> 0:20:52.040
<v Speaker 2>I just didn't think it was possible, frankly for anybody,

0:20:52.119 --> 0:20:52.760
<v Speaker 2>much less me.

0:20:53.480 --> 0:20:55.560
<v Speaker 1>And when did you think that when you got married?

0:20:55.600 --> 0:20:57.520
<v Speaker 1>When you were married in the beginning of your marriage, like,

0:20:57.600 --> 0:21:00.000
<v Speaker 1>when did you think that that was true?

0:21:00.800 --> 0:21:03.080
<v Speaker 2>I thought it was probably going to be true when

0:21:03.119 --> 0:21:05.919
<v Speaker 2>I was I you know, I think I was probably

0:21:05.960 --> 0:21:08.800
<v Speaker 2>sitting there saying, I do going I'm not going to

0:21:08.840 --> 0:21:11.679
<v Speaker 2>be wanting to have sex with this woman in a decade.

0:21:12.080 --> 0:21:16.080
<v Speaker 2>I'm for sure not going to and lo and behold,

0:21:16.840 --> 0:21:18.040
<v Speaker 2>I have and will.

0:21:18.400 --> 0:21:20.760
<v Speaker 1>And it's nice. That's really nice to hear.

0:21:20.880 --> 0:21:21.679
<v Speaker 2>Super nice to that.

0:21:21.760 --> 0:21:23.480
<v Speaker 1>I wonder if she's still attracted to you, because it

0:21:23.560 --> 0:21:26.200
<v Speaker 1>must be really annoying to be married to you, you

0:21:26.280 --> 0:21:28.600
<v Speaker 1>know what I mean, with your face and your body

0:21:28.680 --> 0:21:31.119
<v Speaker 1>and your good looks, it don't change. It's just like ugh,

0:21:31.560 --> 0:21:33.480
<v Speaker 1>and to have to hear people talk about how good

0:21:33.480 --> 0:21:35.560
<v Speaker 1>looking you are all the time, like that would be

0:21:35.600 --> 0:21:36.359
<v Speaker 1>so annoying.

0:21:36.480 --> 0:21:38.520
<v Speaker 2>She has a set She's like, oh, please, you haven't

0:21:38.560 --> 0:21:41.840
<v Speaker 2>had to wake up next to it exactly because nobody

0:21:41.920 --> 0:21:44.840
<v Speaker 2>nobody's at their fighting weight when they wake up in

0:21:44.840 --> 0:21:49.960
<v Speaker 2>the morning. The other thing is I love her work,

0:21:50.000 --> 0:21:56.679
<v Speaker 2>ethic and spirit, like her dynamicism around every time.

0:21:56.600 --> 0:21:59.280
<v Speaker 1>I haven't heard that word in dynamicism.

0:21:58.920 --> 0:22:00.160
<v Speaker 2>I probably butchered it.

0:22:02.720 --> 0:22:08.119
<v Speaker 1>Dynasism, namism, maybe being dynamic, dynamism.

0:22:07.440 --> 0:22:11.080
<v Speaker 2>Dynam Yeah, dyna dynamism.

0:22:11.200 --> 0:22:15.880
<v Speaker 1>Thanks Catherine, thank you here for dynamism. Dynamic.

0:22:16.320 --> 0:22:18.720
<v Speaker 2>That thing, whatever, that thing I just said was is

0:22:18.760 --> 0:22:21.880
<v Speaker 2>what I what I really like, and it was. It's

0:22:21.920 --> 0:22:23.760
<v Speaker 2>one of the first things that attracted me to her.

0:22:24.359 --> 0:22:26.840
<v Speaker 2>You know, she had had her own house, had her

0:22:26.880 --> 0:22:29.760
<v Speaker 2>own job, had her own career, had her own life,

0:22:29.800 --> 0:22:32.639
<v Speaker 2>had her own network from the day I met her,

0:22:32.640 --> 0:22:35.280
<v Speaker 2>and I found that to be really attractive.

0:22:36.000 --> 0:22:38.479
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that is attractive. Okay. On that note, we're going

0:22:38.520 --> 0:22:39.720
<v Speaker 1>to take a break and we'll be right back with

0:22:39.840 --> 0:22:40.280
<v Speaker 1>Rob Low.

0:22:40.640 --> 0:22:43.200
<v Speaker 3>If you'd like advice from Chelsea, write into us at

0:22:43.200 --> 0:22:46.639
<v Speaker 3>Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. We'd love to

0:22:46.640 --> 0:22:49.520
<v Speaker 3>hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on,

0:22:49.760 --> 0:22:52.960
<v Speaker 3>but this week we're specifically looking for questions about family issues.

0:22:53.040 --> 0:22:54.800
<v Speaker 3>If you have an issue with a family member, or

0:22:54.840 --> 0:22:57.880
<v Speaker 3>you need advice about a specific relationship issue. Please write

0:22:57.920 --> 0:23:04.200
<v Speaker 3>in at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.

0:23:04.480 --> 0:23:07.720
<v Speaker 1>And we're back with Rob Low to answer some callers questions.

0:23:07.760 --> 0:23:10.040
<v Speaker 1>There's no better person at giving advice than Rob Low.

0:23:10.359 --> 0:23:12.639
<v Speaker 1>He's been through it all. Look at him. You can

0:23:12.720 --> 0:23:15.359
<v Speaker 1>see just by looking at him, everything he's been through.

0:23:15.920 --> 0:23:16.440
<v Speaker 2>That's true.

0:23:16.640 --> 0:23:17.240
<v Speaker 1>Catherine.

0:23:17.359 --> 0:23:19.800
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, Well, our first question, this one's just an email.

0:23:19.840 --> 0:23:23.240
<v Speaker 3>She's not joining us, but it comes from Rebecca and

0:23:23.600 --> 0:23:27.840
<v Speaker 3>she says, am I crazy to forgive adultery? Dear Chelsea?

0:23:27.960 --> 0:23:31.280
<v Speaker 3>My husband cheated on year ten of our marriage. We're

0:23:31.320 --> 0:23:34.120
<v Speaker 3>beginning year twenty five in twenty twenty five, so it's

0:23:34.160 --> 0:23:34.800
<v Speaker 3>been a little bit.

0:23:35.440 --> 0:23:36.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, he had a.

0:23:36.040 --> 0:23:38.879
<v Speaker 3>Few relationships that year and then confessed all when I

0:23:38.960 --> 0:23:41.960
<v Speaker 3>was pregnant with child number two. He wanted a clean

0:23:41.960 --> 0:23:44.480
<v Speaker 3>slate for his new kiddo. It was a very painful

0:23:44.560 --> 0:23:47.040
<v Speaker 3>chapter for us both, but obviously for me the most.

0:23:47.520 --> 0:23:49.639
<v Speaker 3>It took about six years, but I've been able to

0:23:49.680 --> 0:23:51.480
<v Speaker 3>move forward six years.

0:23:51.920 --> 0:23:52.240
<v Speaker 5>Fuck.

0:23:52.600 --> 0:23:55.440
<v Speaker 3>He is now someone I trust deeply. He earned forgiveness

0:23:55.520 --> 0:23:58.199
<v Speaker 3>the hard way. But people think I'm nuts. Am I

0:23:58.240 --> 0:23:59.959
<v Speaker 3>crazy to even attempt forgiveness.

0:24:00.119 --> 0:24:02.199
<v Speaker 2>Rebecca, I have very strong feelings on this.

0:24:02.760 --> 0:24:04.240
<v Speaker 1>Okay, go ahead, rob Okay.

0:24:04.320 --> 0:24:06.800
<v Speaker 2>So I'm working on a new book. It's hard to

0:24:06.840 --> 0:24:09.479
<v Speaker 2>do these podcasts and be working on something so personal

0:24:09.520 --> 0:24:11.280
<v Speaker 2>and not talk about it. They don't want me to

0:24:11.280 --> 0:24:13.159
<v Speaker 2>talk about because I han't been announced, but fuck it.

0:24:13.200 --> 0:24:15.679
<v Speaker 2>I'm working on a new book and one of the

0:24:15.720 --> 0:24:22.960
<v Speaker 2>things I'm talking about is forgiveness and its importance. And

0:24:23.040 --> 0:24:29.479
<v Speaker 2>in our culture, forgiveness has been superseded by boundaries, and

0:24:29.520 --> 0:24:32.600
<v Speaker 2>I don't think it's serving our society well.

0:24:33.760 --> 0:24:34.800
<v Speaker 1>Expound on that coast.

0:24:35.080 --> 0:24:40.040
<v Speaker 2>So I think because historically a lot of people have

0:24:40.200 --> 0:24:46.639
<v Speaker 2>felt unseen and unheard, justifiably, that we needed to create

0:24:46.680 --> 0:24:50.400
<v Speaker 2>a world where there could be the proper boundaries through

0:24:50.440 --> 0:24:53.000
<v Speaker 2>which we could all see, speak, talk to each other,

0:24:53.400 --> 0:24:56.840
<v Speaker 2>relate to each other. Got it, stipulated, as the lawyers

0:24:56.840 --> 0:25:00.440
<v Speaker 2>would say in court. Got it. But it's since grown

0:25:00.480 --> 0:25:07.679
<v Speaker 2>into a cottage industry of these rigid worldviews that don't

0:25:07.720 --> 0:25:12.520
<v Speaker 2>take into account forgiveness and others. If you step out

0:25:12.520 --> 0:25:16.400
<v Speaker 2>of the boundary, you're done. We're done. There's no coming back.

0:25:18.080 --> 0:25:22.520
<v Speaker 2>And it's funny. In the end of this email, she

0:25:22.680 --> 0:25:26.159
<v Speaker 2>brought up the very very the aha I told you

0:25:26.200 --> 0:25:29.719
<v Speaker 2>so a moment for me, which is I've forgiven and

0:25:29.760 --> 0:25:34.880
<v Speaker 2>I trust this man and it's a newsley, but people

0:25:35.040 --> 0:25:38.640
<v Speaker 2>think I'm crazy. My issue is with the people thing.

0:25:39.200 --> 0:25:43.520
<v Speaker 2>They're not in this person's shoes, right, they don't understand

0:25:43.560 --> 0:25:49.840
<v Speaker 2>the nature of forgiveness. They're in the boundary mob. H okay, pitchfork,

0:25:50.520 --> 0:25:58.879
<v Speaker 2>pitchfork unforgive mob. That would what lead to extrapolating it

0:25:58.920 --> 0:26:01.720
<v Speaker 2>to the nth degree. What I'm reading between the lines

0:26:01.800 --> 0:26:05.400
<v Speaker 2>is she gives this guy the boot. They go their

0:26:05.440 --> 0:26:09.439
<v Speaker 2>separate ways. The kid has no nuclear family together, and

0:26:09.520 --> 0:26:12.199
<v Speaker 2>for what that's the hell they're going to die on.

0:26:13.440 --> 0:26:15.399
<v Speaker 1>I think that. I mean, I like what you're saying.

0:26:15.440 --> 0:26:17.240
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if I agree with it, but I

0:26:17.280 --> 0:26:20.920
<v Speaker 1>also I don't disagree with it. I think that if

0:26:20.960 --> 0:26:23.280
<v Speaker 1>you were able, I definitely don't think any other people's

0:26:23.280 --> 0:26:26.359
<v Speaker 1>opinions are a matter. Like I understand how it is

0:26:26.440 --> 0:26:28.360
<v Speaker 1>you tell people of things and then you know they

0:26:28.400 --> 0:26:32.000
<v Speaker 1>kind of seep into your subconscious or conscious because you

0:26:32.040 --> 0:26:35.280
<v Speaker 1>share and you need advice. But if you spent six

0:26:35.400 --> 0:26:38.639
<v Speaker 1>years of your life getting over that, and you're still

0:26:38.680 --> 0:26:41.760
<v Speaker 1>with that guy, and you had another child and he

0:26:41.840 --> 0:26:44.840
<v Speaker 1>wanted to come clean while you were pregnant. I mean,

0:26:44.880 --> 0:26:49.000
<v Speaker 1>the timing is weird, but okay, then that's you, Like

0:26:49.119 --> 0:26:51.800
<v Speaker 1>you've gotten through it. You trust him implicitly, you just

0:26:51.920 --> 0:26:54.679
<v Speaker 1>said that you're with the marriage, like you're in it

0:26:54.760 --> 0:26:57.480
<v Speaker 1>and you love him and you got through a rough patch,

0:26:57.520 --> 0:27:00.879
<v Speaker 1>Like kudos to you. Definitely just up worrying about what

0:27:00.920 --> 0:27:03.600
<v Speaker 1>anybody else thinks. Like you've made your decision. You're in it.

0:27:03.800 --> 0:27:06.160
<v Speaker 1>And I do think a lot of people learn from cheating.

0:27:06.440 --> 0:27:08.360
<v Speaker 1>They learn that they make a mistake and they never

0:27:08.440 --> 0:27:11.520
<v Speaker 1>are going to do that again. Some people are habitual cheaters,

0:27:11.560 --> 0:27:15.280
<v Speaker 1>but usually like they don't come forward when they're not.

0:27:15.720 --> 0:27:18.159
<v Speaker 1>You know, like if you're a habitual cheater, you're not

0:27:18.160 --> 0:27:20.879
<v Speaker 1>gonna volunteer that information.

0:27:21.400 --> 0:27:24.320
<v Speaker 2>And the other thing is you got to think about

0:27:24.320 --> 0:27:26.199
<v Speaker 2>the kid too. I keep coming back to that too,

0:27:26.200 --> 0:27:28.000
<v Speaker 2>because like I'm a child of divorce.

0:27:28.840 --> 0:27:30.760
<v Speaker 1>God, Rob, you're drinking so much water.

0:27:30.920 --> 0:27:32.280
<v Speaker 2>I mean, do you think it's a lot of water

0:27:32.280 --> 0:27:32.800
<v Speaker 2>you're making.

0:27:32.760 --> 0:27:35.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to drown if you have another simple water.

0:27:35.040 --> 0:27:39.480
<v Speaker 2>You're talking so much, Chelsea, it's these little tiny you

0:27:39.640 --> 0:27:43.840
<v Speaker 2>crazy woman that it's just and I'm not I'm not

0:27:43.880 --> 0:27:46.680
<v Speaker 2>in any way, advocating to to as they would, as

0:27:46.720 --> 0:27:51.320
<v Speaker 2>the kids would say today, to model a relationship that

0:27:51.480 --> 0:27:55.240
<v Speaker 2>is unhealthy or unhappy. But if it's a fucking jump

0:27:55.280 --> 0:27:57.640
<v Speaker 2>ball stay together better for the kid?

0:27:58.160 --> 0:28:00.480
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I hate that idea that it's better

0:28:00.520 --> 0:28:02.879
<v Speaker 1>for the kid. It's who do I mean? Is it

0:28:02.920 --> 0:28:04.520
<v Speaker 1>better for the kid to stay with someone that you

0:28:04.520 --> 0:28:05.000
<v Speaker 1>don't trust?

0:28:05.440 --> 0:28:10.399
<v Speaker 2>It's it just unhealthy. And if it's jump ball, I

0:28:10.480 --> 0:28:12.680
<v Speaker 2>don't know what that means. If it could go either way.

0:28:12.960 --> 0:28:15.040
<v Speaker 2>It's a sports it's a basketball reference.

0:28:15.000 --> 0:28:17.120
<v Speaker 1>Right, But that should be your motivation, should be how

0:28:17.200 --> 0:28:19.639
<v Speaker 1>you feel, not for the sake of the children. We

0:28:19.680 --> 0:28:21.680
<v Speaker 1>all know that for the sake of the children is bullshit.

0:28:21.720 --> 0:28:24.080
<v Speaker 1>If it's if you're unhappy, your children are not going

0:28:24.119 --> 0:28:26.560
<v Speaker 1>to be as happy period. If you don't trust your husband,

0:28:26.640 --> 0:28:28.560
<v Speaker 1>your children are going to know and pick up on that.

0:28:29.040 --> 0:28:31.040
<v Speaker 1>It's a nice idea, but I think a lot of

0:28:31.040 --> 0:28:32.800
<v Speaker 1>people stay in marriages that they don't need to be

0:28:32.880 --> 0:28:34.680
<v Speaker 1>in because of they think their children are going to

0:28:34.720 --> 0:28:35.520
<v Speaker 1>fall apart.

0:28:35.600 --> 0:28:37.679
<v Speaker 2>That I agree with that one that I agree with

0:28:37.800 --> 0:28:39.080
<v Speaker 2>one billion trillion percent.

0:28:39.280 --> 0:28:42.280
<v Speaker 1>I definitely think people are forgivable, like when they cheat,

0:28:42.440 --> 0:28:44.840
<v Speaker 1>and I mean he said he had multiple affairs that year,

0:28:45.000 --> 0:28:49.040
<v Speaker 1>So like, that sucks on multiple levels. But you know,

0:28:49.240 --> 0:28:51.360
<v Speaker 1>maybe he was just going through something and maybe he's

0:28:51.400 --> 0:28:53.480
<v Speaker 1>past it, and apparently he is. So Yeah, you don't

0:28:53.480 --> 0:28:56.160
<v Speaker 1>even need our advice. You've made your decision and the

0:28:56.240 --> 0:28:58.800
<v Speaker 1>only advice I would give you is to stop looking

0:28:58.840 --> 0:29:01.640
<v Speaker 1>out outside of your relationationship for validation from your friends

0:29:01.640 --> 0:29:02.080
<v Speaker 1>and family.

0:29:02.120 --> 0:29:04.840
<v Speaker 2>It's not their problem and the other it is not

0:29:04.920 --> 0:29:08.000
<v Speaker 2>their problem. And how do I put this hard? It's

0:29:08.000 --> 0:29:12.920
<v Speaker 2>a hard concept for me and articulate, but we can't

0:29:13.000 --> 0:29:17.800
<v Speaker 2>help but sometimes project our own stuff onto other people

0:29:19.120 --> 0:29:23.840
<v Speaker 2>and our own once needs. Envy is a big thing you.

0:29:24.040 --> 0:29:29.360
<v Speaker 2>I think people would be surprised with the amount of

0:29:29.880 --> 0:29:35.000
<v Speaker 2>envy around people who can navigate the ups and downs

0:29:35.760 --> 0:29:40.200
<v Speaker 2>of a relationship because the other person isn't capable of it.

0:29:40.320 --> 0:29:42.920
<v Speaker 2>There are people who are like, the minute the going

0:29:42.960 --> 0:29:48.320
<v Speaker 2>gets tough, I'm fucking out. I am tail lights, And

0:29:48.360 --> 0:29:50.520
<v Speaker 2>then they look at somebody who's like, when the minute

0:29:50.560 --> 0:29:55.920
<v Speaker 2>the going gets tough, I figure out forgiveness. And that

0:29:56.600 --> 0:29:59.360
<v Speaker 2>is a worldview that can be really jarring to people.

0:30:00.040 --> 0:30:02.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, well that's our advice on that subject, Catherine. What

0:30:02.640 --> 0:30:06.880
<v Speaker 1>do we have next well caller. Yes, okay, this is

0:30:06.920 --> 0:30:11.280
<v Speaker 1>a caller. Her name's Laura. She is forty four. Dear Chelsea.

0:30:11.480 --> 0:30:14.440
<v Speaker 3>Here's my situation. I manage a team of men in

0:30:14.480 --> 0:30:16.880
<v Speaker 3>a male dominant field, so I love men, but I'm

0:30:16.920 --> 0:30:19.560
<v Speaker 3>pretty immune to their charms. I was working closely with

0:30:19.600 --> 0:30:22.959
<v Speaker 3>a new hire with impressive skills, motivation, and attitude when

0:30:23.000 --> 0:30:25.920
<v Speaker 3>I had this strange realization that actually I love him,

0:30:26.680 --> 0:30:29.600
<v Speaker 3>although it's not in a sexy way. We're both happily married,

0:30:29.640 --> 0:30:31.600
<v Speaker 3>but I can't wait to see him, hang on his

0:30:31.640 --> 0:30:35.480
<v Speaker 3>funny words, and generally enjoy his company. This realization put

0:30:35.480 --> 0:30:37.160
<v Speaker 3>a pep in my step, and I've had all the

0:30:37.160 --> 0:30:40.000
<v Speaker 3>benefits of an affair, a good mood, more attention to

0:30:40.040 --> 0:30:42.920
<v Speaker 3>my looks, and I've lost some weight. It's even improved

0:30:42.920 --> 0:30:46.280
<v Speaker 3>my marriage. But this coworker's presence haunts my mind. And

0:30:46.320 --> 0:30:49.440
<v Speaker 3>while the attraction is not physical, it's his silly, funny

0:30:49.480 --> 0:30:51.880
<v Speaker 3>nature and depth. The feeling is like a childhood friend.

0:30:52.560 --> 0:30:54.959
<v Speaker 3>I made a conscious decision that I would not resist

0:30:54.960 --> 0:30:57.720
<v Speaker 3>my feelings so that I wouldn't psychologically turn it into

0:30:57.720 --> 0:31:00.720
<v Speaker 3>something forbidden. I go back and forth thinking it over.

0:31:00.960 --> 0:31:04.320
<v Speaker 3>I want to love and openly appreciate this person, openly

0:31:04.360 --> 0:31:07.080
<v Speaker 3>appreciate people who inspire that. But do I have enough

0:31:07.120 --> 0:31:11.200
<v Speaker 3>emotional distance to objectively manage him. He's a direct report,

0:31:11.240 --> 0:31:13.680
<v Speaker 3>and having favorites on a team is toxic even to

0:31:13.760 --> 0:31:16.440
<v Speaker 3>the favorite. But he's a high performer, so it's possible

0:31:16.480 --> 0:31:18.880
<v Speaker 3>we could use this chemistry for good. The most I

0:31:18.920 --> 0:31:21.640
<v Speaker 3>would ever want is a hug and assurancy he's having

0:31:21.640 --> 0:31:24.959
<v Speaker 3>the same experience. Maybe a promise to be innocent friends forever?

0:31:25.200 --> 0:31:27.280
<v Speaker 3>Can you help me with any guide rails that can

0:31:27.320 --> 0:31:29.840
<v Speaker 3>help me think straight and keep things in perspective? Am

0:31:29.840 --> 0:31:32.440
<v Speaker 3>I fooling myself? And is this actually adulteress?

0:31:32.560 --> 0:31:32.920
<v Speaker 1>Laura?

0:31:33.800 --> 0:31:33.960
<v Speaker 2>Hi?

0:31:34.040 --> 0:31:37.120
<v Speaker 1>Laura, this is our special guest Rob Low today.

0:31:37.400 --> 0:31:40.040
<v Speaker 2>Hi. How are you good?

0:31:40.920 --> 0:31:46.440
<v Speaker 1>She's great obviously if you yep, she's thriving. I don't

0:31:46.440 --> 0:31:49.040
<v Speaker 1>think anything's wrong with what's happening, Rob, What do you think?

0:31:49.440 --> 0:31:52.040
<v Speaker 2>Yes? If I have to immediately come down on the

0:31:52.080 --> 0:31:54.760
<v Speaker 2>side of it, I think it's all good. I mean,

0:31:55.480 --> 0:31:58.239
<v Speaker 2>tell me this, what does here? It is? I got it?

0:31:58.320 --> 0:32:00.400
<v Speaker 2>I got it. I got to have my answer. Here's

0:32:00.440 --> 0:32:06.680
<v Speaker 2>my answer. Your husband, right, you're married? What is your

0:32:06.880 --> 0:32:14.160
<v Speaker 2>husband's level of knowledge about this relationship? U? Zero?

0:32:14.520 --> 0:32:18.520
<v Speaker 1>For sure, which is perfect. I agree, yeah, yeah, why does.

0:32:18.440 --> 0:32:18.920
<v Speaker 2>He need to know?

0:32:19.160 --> 0:32:21.920
<v Speaker 1>Listen, it's like meeting act like this guy is a

0:32:21.960 --> 0:32:25.200
<v Speaker 1>gay man, this is your gay bestie. We have these

0:32:25.240 --> 0:32:28.080
<v Speaker 1>ideas that just because someone is of the opposite sex,

0:32:28.120 --> 0:32:31.520
<v Speaker 1>we're up to something. There is a total world. I mean, Rob,

0:32:31.600 --> 0:32:33.520
<v Speaker 1>I feel this way about you, Like if we got

0:32:33.560 --> 0:32:35.960
<v Speaker 1>to spend more time together, you and I would be besties.

0:32:36.120 --> 0:32:38.800
<v Speaker 1>We would be having sex, we would be besties. Like

0:32:38.880 --> 0:32:42.280
<v Speaker 1>I don't feel like just because someone we have these

0:32:42.480 --> 0:32:46.600
<v Speaker 1>sexual ideology about that every man or woman of the

0:32:46.640 --> 0:32:50.280
<v Speaker 1>opposite sex, if you're straight, is like a possible threat.

0:32:50.360 --> 0:32:53.680
<v Speaker 1>It's like you can actually be great friends with someone

0:32:53.720 --> 0:32:55.840
<v Speaker 1>and like their attention. It's like if you had a

0:32:55.840 --> 0:32:57.720
<v Speaker 1>girlfriend that was like this at work. What if this

0:32:57.840 --> 0:32:59.840
<v Speaker 1>was a woman and you were excited to see her

0:33:00.000 --> 0:33:02.080
<v Speaker 1>every day and you were dressing up for her, which

0:33:02.120 --> 0:33:04.240
<v Speaker 1>is totally normal for women to do for each other.

0:33:04.440 --> 0:33:06.800
<v Speaker 1>There was no sexual energy there and you were just

0:33:06.880 --> 0:33:08.960
<v Speaker 1>excited to see her and hang out with her every day,

0:33:09.240 --> 0:33:11.480
<v Speaker 1>Like forget about the work stuff. Who cares If he's

0:33:11.520 --> 0:33:14.080
<v Speaker 1>like your favorite. Everybody's got a fucking favorite, as long

0:33:14.080 --> 0:33:17.400
<v Speaker 1>as you don't just advertise it, but like it's totally innocent.

0:33:17.440 --> 0:33:20.000
<v Speaker 1>Your husband doesn't need to know anything about it. Enjoy

0:33:20.080 --> 0:33:22.880
<v Speaker 1>your friendship, and if it ever gets to a place

0:33:23.120 --> 0:33:26.240
<v Speaker 1>where he makes a move or you feel like there's

0:33:26.280 --> 0:33:28.800
<v Speaker 1>some sexual tension, you just have to really nip it

0:33:28.840 --> 0:33:30.920
<v Speaker 1>in the butt and go listen, we have such a

0:33:30.920 --> 0:33:33.760
<v Speaker 1>great thing going. Let's just keep it this way, keep

0:33:33.760 --> 0:33:38.280
<v Speaker 1>it innocent, respect our relationships outside relationships, and continue with

0:33:38.280 --> 0:33:40.120
<v Speaker 1>our friendship. Because this is a great thing that I

0:33:40.120 --> 0:33:40.920
<v Speaker 1>do not want to ruin.

0:33:41.200 --> 0:33:43.400
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I agree with I agree with all that. I'm

0:33:43.440 --> 0:33:46.960
<v Speaker 2>going to add one more thing to inoculate yourself even

0:33:47.040 --> 0:33:51.040
<v Speaker 2>further from self doubt. Figure out a way to make

0:33:51.080 --> 0:33:56.640
<v Speaker 2>it not just a siloed off secret from your husband.

0:33:56.840 --> 0:33:59.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm not in any way advocating it makes me feel

0:33:59.080 --> 0:34:01.320
<v Speaker 2>like a million golla. You don't need to go there.

0:34:01.680 --> 0:34:04.720
<v Speaker 2>Let's let's not be crazy. But is it like the

0:34:04.760 --> 0:34:07.480
<v Speaker 2>fourth of July barbecue and here's so and so and

0:34:07.520 --> 0:34:09.760
<v Speaker 2>he's oh he's my favorite, or guy's the fucking sick

0:34:09.800 --> 0:34:11.960
<v Speaker 2>you'd love him? Is this that? And yet and see?

0:34:12.080 --> 0:34:15.960
<v Speaker 2>That would be the only thing that I might add

0:34:16.600 --> 0:34:20.080
<v Speaker 2>to innoculate you from somebody going, oh, you're having an

0:34:20.160 --> 0:34:21.400
<v Speaker 2>emotional affair.

0:34:22.400 --> 0:34:25.799
<v Speaker 4>That's exactly what I'm worried about. Is that exact thinking that, like,

0:34:26.280 --> 0:34:26.840
<v Speaker 4>we'll tell.

0:34:26.680 --> 0:34:29.600
<v Speaker 2>You what, you're not having an emotional affair if if

0:34:29.640 --> 0:34:35.000
<v Speaker 2>your husband knows he exists and some level of I

0:34:35.000 --> 0:34:38.600
<v Speaker 2>think he's cool, I think he's whatever. If it's completely

0:34:39.280 --> 0:34:43.400
<v Speaker 2>siloed off, you're you're never gonna get beyond that doubt.

0:34:44.239 --> 0:34:45.920
<v Speaker 4>Yeah. I was kind of hoping there was like an

0:34:45.960 --> 0:34:49.319
<v Speaker 4>opportunity that came up where they could meet. Yes, And

0:34:49.480 --> 0:34:52.040
<v Speaker 4>but I was so dangerous because I was like, oh,

0:34:52.080 --> 0:34:56.080
<v Speaker 4>he's gonna be able to tell my husband, right, he'll

0:34:56.239 --> 0:35:00.040
<v Speaker 4>he'll see it in me and anyway.

0:34:59.719 --> 0:35:00.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm I'm.

0:35:02.200 --> 0:35:05.799
<v Speaker 2>Listen. But here's the thing that well, the ninety is

0:35:05.800 --> 0:35:11.160
<v Speaker 2>that like either we agree with Chelsea's thesis, which I do,

0:35:12.480 --> 0:35:16.120
<v Speaker 2>or we don't. And if the thing is you should

0:35:16.120 --> 0:35:18.719
<v Speaker 2>be able to be best friends with someone regardless of who,

0:35:18.760 --> 0:35:22.680
<v Speaker 2>what where they are, right, male, female, whatever, how are

0:35:22.680 --> 0:35:26.080
<v Speaker 2>you identify whatever? Right, there's there's nothing wrong. There's no

0:35:26.360 --> 0:35:30.560
<v Speaker 2>nothing wrong with that. What's wrong potentially is the hiding

0:35:30.600 --> 0:35:34.279
<v Speaker 2>of it. Although I totally understand why one would do it.

0:35:34.800 --> 0:35:36.319
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, No, I like that a lot.

0:35:36.480 --> 0:35:38.560
<v Speaker 4>I do because I'm kind of like, yeah, I mean,

0:35:39.200 --> 0:35:41.960
<v Speaker 4>nothing's happening. We're just good friends and buddies.

0:35:42.560 --> 0:35:45.319
<v Speaker 2>This guy makes me laugh the hardest at work. Work

0:35:45.320 --> 0:35:47.520
<v Speaker 2>would be a nightmare. He's he's fucking great. You'll love him.

0:35:47.520 --> 0:35:48.560
<v Speaker 2>Boom done done.

0:35:48.840 --> 0:35:50.640
<v Speaker 1>And you can also say to your husband, just to

0:35:50.719 --> 0:35:54.319
<v Speaker 1>like inoculate the situation further. You can also there Rob

0:35:54.360 --> 0:35:58.160
<v Speaker 1>goes with the water again. You can also say, hey, like,

0:35:58.480 --> 0:36:00.440
<v Speaker 1>it's like having a gay best friend. I know he's

0:36:00.440 --> 0:36:02.160
<v Speaker 1>that gay, but that's how it feels like.

0:36:03.000 --> 0:36:05.200
<v Speaker 2>We don't know he might be gay. Wait, we don't

0:36:05.239 --> 0:36:06.839
<v Speaker 2>know that yet. I didn't get that piece.

0:36:07.960 --> 0:36:13.760
<v Speaker 1>He's married with children, so definitely gay. Definitely gay.

0:36:13.800 --> 0:36:16.440
<v Speaker 3>Well, like you said, childhood best friend, you know, I mean,

0:36:16.520 --> 0:36:19.959
<v Speaker 3>you are beaming right now, like, let this just be fun.

0:36:20.320 --> 0:36:22.759
<v Speaker 1>Okay, are you sure you're not attracted to him?

0:36:23.280 --> 0:36:23.480
<v Speaker 5>Well?

0:36:23.520 --> 0:36:25.799
<v Speaker 4>No, And the funny thing is, like I've been to

0:36:25.800 --> 0:36:26.720
<v Speaker 4>try to help myself.

0:36:26.760 --> 0:36:27.640
<v Speaker 6>I've been journaling.

0:36:28.000 --> 0:36:30.320
<v Speaker 3>Well, make sure you're locking up your journal too, because

0:36:30.320 --> 0:36:32.719
<v Speaker 3>we've had some journal snoops on the show recently.

0:36:33.080 --> 0:36:34.960
<v Speaker 4>So I'm like journaling like crazy, and I go in

0:36:35.000 --> 0:36:37.640
<v Speaker 4>these weird circles where I'm like, he's not even really

0:36:37.640 --> 0:36:40.279
<v Speaker 4>my type, and then like, but actually my husband he's

0:36:40.360 --> 0:36:43.759
<v Speaker 4>really good looking, Like he's is my type and he's tall,

0:36:43.840 --> 0:36:45.560
<v Speaker 4>dark and handsome, and it kind of like makes me

0:36:45.640 --> 0:36:49.000
<v Speaker 4>go back to my husband. All my circles keep going back.

0:36:49.560 --> 0:36:51.400
<v Speaker 4>But it's just that weird thing where it's like a

0:36:51.480 --> 0:36:56.600
<v Speaker 4>feeling of infatuation, but just like can we swear an oath,

0:36:56.880 --> 0:36:58.640
<v Speaker 4>not like can we get sex yet?

0:36:59.520 --> 0:36:59.919
<v Speaker 2>So weird.

0:37:00.800 --> 0:37:02.520
<v Speaker 1>You could just swear a note to yourself in your

0:37:02.560 --> 0:37:04.239
<v Speaker 1>journal that you're not going to let that happen and

0:37:04.239 --> 0:37:06.440
<v Speaker 1>not let it go farther than it is, you know,

0:37:06.520 --> 0:37:08.080
<v Speaker 1>and if it ever comes up with him, do the

0:37:08.080 --> 0:37:11.279
<v Speaker 1>same with him. But yeah, like it's not you're only

0:37:11.320 --> 0:37:13.120
<v Speaker 1>thinking of this because he's a straight man and you're

0:37:13.120 --> 0:37:15.880
<v Speaker 1>a straight woman. That's the only reason you're like going, oh,

0:37:15.960 --> 0:37:18.400
<v Speaker 1>what's going on here? Like, it's totally normal to have

0:37:18.440 --> 0:37:20.200
<v Speaker 1>friendships with men that you're not going to have sex

0:37:20.239 --> 0:37:22.120
<v Speaker 1>with and be excited to see them.

0:37:22.640 --> 0:37:26.560
<v Speaker 2>And that that somehow, who knows in our weirds, how

0:37:26.560 --> 0:37:31.200
<v Speaker 2>our psychologies work, that somehow that actually sparks something additional

0:37:32.000 --> 0:37:34.680
<v Speaker 2>in our partner makes perfect sense.

0:37:35.000 --> 0:37:37.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and you just said your relationship with your husband's

0:37:37.440 --> 0:37:41.000
<v Speaker 1>improving anyway because of him, I mean another kudo. So

0:37:41.080 --> 0:37:41.560
<v Speaker 1>that's great.

0:37:42.360 --> 0:37:43.280
<v Speaker 6>Well, thank you, guys.

0:37:43.360 --> 0:37:46.080
<v Speaker 4>I'm so glad because I've just been, you know, turning

0:37:46.160 --> 0:37:49.000
<v Speaker 4>myself in circles, and that's a new perspective I haven't

0:37:49.000 --> 0:37:49.520
<v Speaker 4>even thought of.

0:37:50.160 --> 0:37:52.560
<v Speaker 1>Aweso great, And have fun in the Bahamas this weekend

0:37:52.560 --> 0:37:56.840
<v Speaker 1>with your coworker. Just kidding, just kidding. Thanks, thank you,

0:37:57.440 --> 0:37:59.080
<v Speaker 1>thanks for calling in you guys.

0:38:00.120 --> 0:38:02.839
<v Speaker 3>Okay, Well, before we get to our next caller, Rob,

0:38:02.880 --> 0:38:05.400
<v Speaker 3>I do want to ask you one question. When Chelsea

0:38:05.560 --> 0:38:08.600
<v Speaker 3>says the word Pikachu, do you know what she's referencing?

0:38:09.800 --> 0:38:13.680
<v Speaker 1>Okay, okay, so I say Pikachu. No what we're about

0:38:13.719 --> 0:38:18.520
<v Speaker 1>to do a couple of times. Okay, collar, great question.

0:38:18.640 --> 0:38:21.239
<v Speaker 2>Oh maybe, oh oh maybe, I don't I know.

0:38:21.520 --> 0:38:24.360
<v Speaker 1>I think you I don't understand it in the context

0:38:24.360 --> 0:38:25.839
<v Speaker 1>that's used to it. Then you will.

0:38:26.000 --> 0:38:28.920
<v Speaker 2>Okay. I'm by the way, my mind because it's filthy,

0:38:29.000 --> 0:38:34.120
<v Speaker 2>dirty and sexy, hopes that Pikachu is a it is.

0:38:34.120 --> 0:38:34.799
<v Speaker 1>What you think it is.

0:38:35.000 --> 0:38:36.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you'll see.

0:38:36.560 --> 0:38:40.680
<v Speaker 3>Well, Coller Kristen says, Dear Chelsea, I can't believe I'm

0:38:40.680 --> 0:38:42.799
<v Speaker 3>writing this email, but I have nowhere left to turn.

0:38:43.239 --> 0:38:47.040
<v Speaker 3>My sweet boyfriend of two years has never touched my Pikachu.

0:38:47.440 --> 0:38:48.560
<v Speaker 1>Yes, you heard that right.

0:38:49.200 --> 0:38:51.400
<v Speaker 3>We've had sex and we've done other stuff, but my

0:38:51.480 --> 0:38:55.120
<v Speaker 3>boyfriend has never touched my Pikachu, not once. He's a

0:38:55.120 --> 0:38:58.319
<v Speaker 3>precious angel, but he's a little too precious. He lost

0:38:58.320 --> 0:39:01.520
<v Speaker 3>his virginity at twenty seven, and I'm only his second partner.

0:39:02.040 --> 0:39:04.240
<v Speaker 3>I'm a bit more adventurous with him being the eleventh,

0:39:04.280 --> 0:39:06.600
<v Speaker 3>and I've never until now needed to tell a man

0:39:06.640 --> 0:39:09.080
<v Speaker 3>to touch my Pikachu before the big event. They've all

0:39:09.160 --> 0:39:12.399
<v Speaker 3>just known, probably since middle school. I've tried to bring

0:39:12.400 --> 0:39:13.960
<v Speaker 3>it up a couple of times, but I don't want

0:39:13.960 --> 0:39:16.480
<v Speaker 3>to hurt his feelings. When I've managed to bring it

0:39:16.560 --> 0:39:20.759
<v Speaker 3>up poorly, I'll admit my boyfriend did immediately take action. Unfortunately,

0:39:20.800 --> 0:39:22.960
<v Speaker 3>the action was basically to start giving me an over

0:39:23.000 --> 0:39:25.680
<v Speaker 3>the pants hand job. I swear, Chelsea, he thinks I

0:39:25.680 --> 0:39:27.920
<v Speaker 3>have a penis and doesn't understand the girls have a

0:39:27.960 --> 0:39:31.120
<v Speaker 3>cave and the good stuff is inside, not outside. I

0:39:31.160 --> 0:39:33.520
<v Speaker 3>love this guy, so I'm desperate to make the change here.

0:39:33.600 --> 0:39:36.000
<v Speaker 3>But I also don't want to humiliate him and make

0:39:36.080 --> 0:39:39.000
<v Speaker 3>sex some kind of competition that he's inevitably losing.

0:39:39.239 --> 0:39:45.239
<v Speaker 1>Please help Kristen, Wow, well, you not wanting to hurt

0:39:45.239 --> 0:39:47.840
<v Speaker 1>his feelings needs to be thrown in the trash because

0:39:47.840 --> 0:39:50.040
<v Speaker 1>it's really not about his feelings at this point. It's

0:39:50.040 --> 0:39:53.120
<v Speaker 1>about you having sex like an adult with a person

0:39:53.200 --> 0:39:55.719
<v Speaker 1>that knows what to do. So you have to kind

0:39:55.719 --> 0:39:57.440
<v Speaker 1>of sit down and lay it out for him in

0:39:57.520 --> 0:40:02.279
<v Speaker 1>a really sober conversation and be like, listen, this has

0:40:02.320 --> 0:40:04.319
<v Speaker 1>been going on for a while. You could say all

0:40:04.360 --> 0:40:06.560
<v Speaker 1>the things you love about him and all of the

0:40:06.600 --> 0:40:09.200
<v Speaker 1>things you value in your relationship, but that you're not

0:40:09.280 --> 0:40:12.480
<v Speaker 1>being sexually satisfied and that it doesn't feel like he's

0:40:12.520 --> 0:40:15.399
<v Speaker 1>comfortable around your vagina, and there are a million ways

0:40:15.440 --> 0:40:17.440
<v Speaker 1>to address that. You can sit there and just like

0:40:18.239 --> 0:40:21.000
<v Speaker 1>actually have a discovery session with him to explain all

0:40:21.040 --> 0:40:23.719
<v Speaker 1>the different parts and what feels good and where your

0:40:23.760 --> 0:40:27.080
<v Speaker 1>clid is, and that you know, like, it's very strange

0:40:27.120 --> 0:40:29.160
<v Speaker 1>that he doesn't know how to touch your vagina.

0:40:29.480 --> 0:40:31.799
<v Speaker 2>Or doesn't want to. I mean, for all, we know

0:40:31.840 --> 0:40:33.439
<v Speaker 2>the guy's going to be a master when he gets

0:40:33.440 --> 0:40:36.719
<v Speaker 2>actually down there, but he do we know that, Rob,

0:40:36.760 --> 0:40:38.960
<v Speaker 2>I mean I'm just giving I'm trying to give a

0:40:39.000 --> 0:40:40.000
<v Speaker 2>benefit of the doubt here.

0:40:40.400 --> 0:40:44.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Well, that's a big, big jump. Yeah, so he's

0:40:44.160 --> 0:40:45.800
<v Speaker 1>never gone down on you.

0:40:45.880 --> 0:40:47.480
<v Speaker 6>No, no way, Oh my gosh.

0:40:47.520 --> 0:40:50.600
<v Speaker 5>And most people when I address this problem, because obviously

0:40:50.640 --> 0:40:53.000
<v Speaker 5>I've brought it up to all my friends, which is

0:40:53.080 --> 0:40:57.200
<v Speaker 5>humiliating immediately just regret just all over the place.

0:40:57.640 --> 0:40:59.920
<v Speaker 6>But you know, most of them.

0:41:00.280 --> 0:41:03.600
<v Speaker 5>Because I'm speaking in euphemisms all the time, all of

0:41:03.640 --> 0:41:07.760
<v Speaker 5>them think I'm talking about, you know, putting a face

0:41:07.840 --> 0:41:11.080
<v Speaker 5>down there and saying the alphabet, when really I'm just

0:41:11.160 --> 0:41:13.320
<v Speaker 5>talking about like the thing a lot.

0:41:13.200 --> 0:41:15.960
<v Speaker 6>Of people do in middle school. I feel like blasting

0:41:16.640 --> 0:41:20.400
<v Speaker 6>yes and like it's it's nothing special.

0:41:20.480 --> 0:41:23.680
<v Speaker 5>I mean usually that's sort of like the opening act

0:41:23.840 --> 0:41:25.319
<v Speaker 5>to anything like, but.

0:41:25.280 --> 0:41:27.799
<v Speaker 1>This is on you, like you can't even go you

0:41:27.920 --> 0:41:31.200
<v Speaker 1>at this point, for two years of tolerating no action

0:41:31.280 --> 0:41:35.160
<v Speaker 1>in your Pikachu, you're missing fingering blasting. You're missing fingering blesting,

0:41:35.160 --> 0:41:36.520
<v Speaker 1>finger blasting, you're missing.

0:41:36.280 --> 0:41:38.720
<v Speaker 3>The shocker, you're missing, you're missing a lot of different

0:41:38.800 --> 0:41:40.359
<v Speaker 3>Like Hansing, I don't think he's going to be putting

0:41:40.360 --> 0:41:42.080
<v Speaker 3>his finger in her asshole if he's not putting it

0:41:42.080 --> 0:41:42.720
<v Speaker 3>in her vagina.

0:41:42.840 --> 0:41:47.120
<v Speaker 1>But you're missing yeah, yeah, by accident. But you know what,

0:41:47.320 --> 0:41:49.480
<v Speaker 1>maybe there's an issue, and you have to ask. You

0:41:49.600 --> 0:41:52.480
<v Speaker 1>have to have a really honest conversation with him and

0:41:52.640 --> 0:41:54.719
<v Speaker 1>see if there's a reason, See if he's had a

0:41:54.719 --> 0:41:57.120
<v Speaker 1>bad experience, or if he's had some woman give him

0:41:57.160 --> 0:42:00.319
<v Speaker 1>terrible feedback, or that he wasn't good at it, or

0:42:00.320 --> 0:42:01.680
<v Speaker 1>someone told me he wasn't.

0:42:01.440 --> 0:42:01.920
<v Speaker 2>Good at it.

0:42:02.080 --> 0:42:04.360
<v Speaker 1>You have to be very careful, but also be like, listen,

0:42:04.400 --> 0:42:06.840
<v Speaker 1>this just isn't normal. We've been together for two years.

0:42:07.000 --> 0:42:10.000
<v Speaker 1>You've never gone down on me, and you've never fingered me, Like,

0:42:10.040 --> 0:42:12.160
<v Speaker 1>those are two things that should happen before we even

0:42:12.239 --> 0:42:12.840
<v Speaker 1>have sex.

0:42:13.440 --> 0:42:16.160
<v Speaker 5>Yes, I think, I mean, and I've now I feel

0:42:16.200 --> 0:42:18.400
<v Speaker 5>like I'm constantly bringing it up to the point where

0:42:18.880 --> 0:42:20.680
<v Speaker 5>I'm like, oh my god, I can't even bring this

0:42:20.800 --> 0:42:22.759
<v Speaker 5>up one more time because I feel like such a

0:42:22.800 --> 0:42:26.359
<v Speaker 5>weird pervert to ask for this very basic thing.

0:42:26.719 --> 0:42:28.800
<v Speaker 1>You're not a pervert, though, you're not a pervert.

0:42:29.000 --> 0:42:31.760
<v Speaker 5>How do I tell you something that should be obvious

0:42:31.840 --> 0:42:32.520
<v Speaker 5>from the jump?

0:42:32.960 --> 0:42:35.800
<v Speaker 6>Also like lol to Rob low being.

0:42:37.560 --> 0:42:40.120
<v Speaker 3>Now, have you have you shown him if you tried,

0:42:40.200 --> 0:42:42.800
<v Speaker 3>like showing him how you want to touch?

0:42:43.120 --> 0:42:44.400
<v Speaker 1>How have you brought this conversation?

0:42:44.600 --> 0:42:46.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's what That's what I want to know is like,

0:42:46.960 --> 0:42:50.600
<v Speaker 2>what is Like you said, you can't. I'm tired of

0:42:50.600 --> 0:42:54.080
<v Speaker 2>bringing it up. What is? What's the the dialogue? Let's here,

0:42:54.160 --> 0:42:56.359
<v Speaker 2>let's do a here. I'm going to play the part

0:42:56.400 --> 0:42:58.480
<v Speaker 2>of the guy that won't touch your vagina. Here we go.

0:43:00.160 --> 0:43:01.319
<v Speaker 6>It's very realistic.

0:43:02.520 --> 0:43:04.279
<v Speaker 2>This is this is the biggest stretch I've ever had

0:43:04.280 --> 0:43:06.120
<v Speaker 2>to do as an actor, by the way, right now,

0:43:06.600 --> 0:43:08.879
<v Speaker 2>so okay, we're going to do a little role play.

0:43:09.360 --> 0:43:11.759
<v Speaker 2>So you're unhappy? What tell me what?

0:43:12.760 --> 0:43:13.000
<v Speaker 6>Yeah?

0:43:13.080 --> 0:43:16.759
<v Speaker 5>So essentially what I've said a couple of times is, hey,

0:43:17.120 --> 0:43:20.000
<v Speaker 5>don't know what the deal is with like, you know,

0:43:20.120 --> 0:43:25.759
<v Speaker 5>you never touching this area before, Like, I don't know

0:43:25.800 --> 0:43:30.759
<v Speaker 5>how you haven't done this before. And I've tried to

0:43:30.760 --> 0:43:33.360
<v Speaker 5>bring it up outside of the context of the bedroom

0:43:33.400 --> 0:43:36.319
<v Speaker 5>because I think it can be kind of scary and

0:43:36.320 --> 0:43:38.080
<v Speaker 5>I don't want to do it right after the fact

0:43:38.160 --> 0:43:40.560
<v Speaker 5>and be like that sucked because you didn't do X,

0:43:40.719 --> 0:43:41.879
<v Speaker 5>Y Z right.

0:43:42.440 --> 0:43:44.279
<v Speaker 6>So I was trying to sort of bring it up

0:43:44.320 --> 0:43:45.960
<v Speaker 6>out of context.

0:43:45.400 --> 0:43:48.480
<v Speaker 5>And say, you know, is there a reason that you

0:43:48.640 --> 0:43:50.319
<v Speaker 5>don't feel comfortable with this?

0:43:50.640 --> 0:43:53.080
<v Speaker 6>Is there? Like do you have a traumatic thing in

0:43:53.120 --> 0:43:54.319
<v Speaker 6>your childhood? Yeah?

0:43:54.360 --> 0:43:56.360
<v Speaker 2>So you've said that, You've said you've said these things.

0:43:57.000 --> 0:43:58.400
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, yeah, totally.

0:43:58.880 --> 0:44:02.560
<v Speaker 5>And it's just I'm kind of not getting a response.

0:44:02.560 --> 0:44:04.560
<v Speaker 5>And I don't know if it's because.

0:44:05.880 --> 0:44:08.000
<v Speaker 2>Wait, what does he give me? Give me my dialogue

0:44:08.000 --> 0:44:09.839
<v Speaker 2>in this role play? You say you're kind of not

0:44:09.920 --> 0:44:12.759
<v Speaker 2>getting a response. What is he what's my dialogue? What

0:44:12.760 --> 0:44:13.520
<v Speaker 2>am I saying to you?

0:44:13.600 --> 0:44:13.799
<v Speaker 6>Well?

0:44:13.880 --> 0:44:17.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, man, I just okay, I mean what's

0:44:17.080 --> 0:44:18.880
<v Speaker 2>the non response? What does he say? What does he

0:44:18.920 --> 0:44:19.760
<v Speaker 2>have to say for himself?

0:44:20.160 --> 0:44:23.160
<v Speaker 5>It's pretty much a lot of that, A lot of

0:44:23.200 --> 0:44:26.040
<v Speaker 5>the I don't really know. And you know, I asked

0:44:26.080 --> 0:44:28.600
<v Speaker 5>him if he did that with a former partner and

0:44:28.640 --> 0:44:31.399
<v Speaker 5>he was like, oh, maybe incidentally.

0:44:31.000 --> 0:44:34.000
<v Speaker 6>Incident like oops, I tripped kind of thing.

0:44:34.000 --> 0:44:35.759
<v Speaker 5>I'm like, would you fall down and you have to

0:44:35.800 --> 0:44:37.160
<v Speaker 5>grab her pubes to get up again?

0:44:37.360 --> 0:44:40.600
<v Speaker 2>Exactly? So I was saying, fell down into her vagina?

0:44:41.760 --> 0:44:42.440
<v Speaker 6>Tell me about it.

0:44:42.640 --> 0:44:45.960
<v Speaker 5>So so yeah, I also am like, my heart goes

0:44:45.960 --> 0:44:47.759
<v Speaker 5>out to the guy because I would need a place

0:44:47.800 --> 0:44:50.400
<v Speaker 5>to put my hands, Like I'm bored here, I'm just

0:44:50.440 --> 0:44:51.000
<v Speaker 5>sitting here.

0:44:51.280 --> 0:44:54.080
<v Speaker 6>I gotta do something. I gotta honk something or grab something.

0:44:54.480 --> 0:44:57.040
<v Speaker 1>I just don't understand how you've gone two years with

0:44:57.320 --> 0:45:00.360
<v Speaker 1>like this, this is so weird, it's so straight, Like

0:45:00.400 --> 0:45:03.360
<v Speaker 1>this is on you. You have to break this cycle

0:45:03.440 --> 0:45:06.120
<v Speaker 1>and like you have to have a serious conversation with

0:45:06.239 --> 0:45:10.080
<v Speaker 1>him in broad daylight and be like, listen, this isn't normal.

0:45:10.200 --> 0:45:13.360
<v Speaker 1>Sex between two people should be like examining each other's bodies,

0:45:13.680 --> 0:45:16.960
<v Speaker 1>cherishing each other's bodies, wanting to touch every single part

0:45:17.000 --> 0:45:19.440
<v Speaker 1>of it. That's what sex is. I've never been in

0:45:19.440 --> 0:45:22.200
<v Speaker 1>a relationship like this. I thought something was wrong with me,

0:45:22.320 --> 0:45:24.200
<v Speaker 1>but now I have to put it on you. What

0:45:24.440 --> 0:45:27.759
<v Speaker 1>is your hesitancy? Are you scared? Did you have a

0:45:27.760 --> 0:45:31.319
<v Speaker 1>bad experience? Did someone give you bad feedback? Make it

0:45:31.400 --> 0:45:33.480
<v Speaker 1>so that he is available to talk to you and

0:45:33.560 --> 0:45:37.799
<v Speaker 1>answer questions that maybe could reveal the reasoning behind it.

0:45:38.239 --> 0:45:40.600
<v Speaker 1>Do I have a smelly vagina? I mean you don't,

0:45:40.640 --> 0:45:43.680
<v Speaker 1>but I'm just saying, like its put it out there. Well,

0:45:43.719 --> 0:45:45.720
<v Speaker 1>I think you would know if you had a smelly vagina.

0:45:45.800 --> 0:45:47.760
<v Speaker 1>I mean, there's not that far away from our nose.

0:45:48.160 --> 0:45:50.799
<v Speaker 1>But you know, I think you should really really you

0:45:50.960 --> 0:45:53.680
<v Speaker 1>have to, Like for every woman, you have to do this,

0:45:54.160 --> 0:45:55.799
<v Speaker 1>because what's he going to do when you break up

0:45:55.800 --> 0:45:58.440
<v Speaker 1>with him, go out with another girl and dissatisfy her?

0:45:58.480 --> 0:46:00.719
<v Speaker 1>For but I mean, I don't know anybody whould put

0:46:00.760 --> 0:46:02.040
<v Speaker 1>up with that for two years. I would have put

0:46:02.120 --> 0:46:03.040
<v Speaker 1>up with that for two weeks.

0:46:03.400 --> 0:46:04.960
<v Speaker 6>I know, Well that's what was.

0:46:05.360 --> 0:46:08.239
<v Speaker 5>And it's one of those things where, you know, the

0:46:08.320 --> 0:46:11.279
<v Speaker 5>longer it goes, and the longer it did go, the

0:46:11.360 --> 0:46:13.680
<v Speaker 5>more I was like, you know, because at first I'm

0:46:13.719 --> 0:46:15.680
<v Speaker 5>like Okay, a few weeks go by, a few months

0:46:15.719 --> 0:46:18.480
<v Speaker 5>go by, I'm like, all right. Maybe it's just because

0:46:18.520 --> 0:46:21.880
<v Speaker 5>there is the occasional encounter that happens even.

0:46:21.680 --> 0:46:22.640
<v Speaker 6>With normal people.

0:46:22.680 --> 0:46:26.319
<v Speaker 5>With my other normal partners, there's been encounters where it's

0:46:26.360 --> 0:46:29.320
<v Speaker 5>been like, oh, we just skipped straight to the main event,

0:46:29.440 --> 0:46:32.480
<v Speaker 5>and you know, it's it's quick and whatever, and things

0:46:32.520 --> 0:46:33.040
<v Speaker 5>just happen.

0:46:33.719 --> 0:46:38.720
<v Speaker 6>But it's never only been that, and.

0:46:39.120 --> 0:46:41.640
<v Speaker 5>I actually like burst out and I wish I gave

0:46:41.760 --> 0:46:45.040
<v Speaker 5>Rob his you know, better feedback, better lines. But you know,

0:46:45.080 --> 0:46:46.600
<v Speaker 5>there was a point where we were out to dinner

0:46:46.680 --> 0:46:49.360
<v Speaker 5>with friends and he was making a lot of like

0:46:49.560 --> 0:46:53.120
<v Speaker 5>sexual jokes and like being silly about you know, just

0:46:53.160 --> 0:46:57.359
<v Speaker 5>like crass humor, and I was like, okay, dude, like enough,

0:46:57.719 --> 0:46:58.960
<v Speaker 5>you know, it got to a point where I was

0:46:59.000 --> 0:46:59.680
<v Speaker 5>so fed up.

0:47:00.120 --> 0:47:02.960
<v Speaker 6>I was like enough, I mean, if you're gonna make.

0:47:03.000 --> 0:47:06.239
<v Speaker 5>Jokes like that, then you can't be scared to touch

0:47:06.280 --> 0:47:07.040
<v Speaker 5>my vagina.

0:47:07.160 --> 0:47:08.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, hell ya, hell yah.

0:47:09.040 --> 0:47:10.919
<v Speaker 3>If you get the answers to these questions and there's

0:47:10.960 --> 0:47:15.120
<v Speaker 3>no like underlying trauma or whatever, I think looking forward,

0:47:15.160 --> 0:47:16.839
<v Speaker 3>like you need to put the onus on what's gonna

0:47:16.840 --> 0:47:21.040
<v Speaker 3>happen from here. So it's like I need more before

0:47:21.040 --> 0:47:23.160
<v Speaker 3>we get to the main event, to be turned on,

0:47:23.440 --> 0:47:26.719
<v Speaker 3>to be excited, to enjoy this. And so next time

0:47:26.719 --> 0:47:29.279
<v Speaker 3>we're in bed together, let's try this. I'm gonna show

0:47:29.320 --> 0:47:32.239
<v Speaker 3>you some moves and like we're gonna start experimenting for

0:47:32.280 --> 0:47:34.319
<v Speaker 3>like the next six months to like get where we

0:47:34.400 --> 0:47:36.560
<v Speaker 3>need to be in terms of like this not just

0:47:36.600 --> 0:47:39.120
<v Speaker 3>being penis and vagina sex, which is like such a

0:47:39.200 --> 0:47:41.920
<v Speaker 3>limited window of what sex is, I know, because are

0:47:41.960 --> 0:47:43.000
<v Speaker 3>you having orgasms?

0:47:43.840 --> 0:47:45.000
<v Speaker 6>I mean rarely?

0:47:45.480 --> 0:47:50.120
<v Speaker 1>Oh overall you need to be having orgasms like that? Yeah,

0:47:50.440 --> 0:47:54.480
<v Speaker 1>oh god, what a conundrum. But I blame you well,

0:47:54.480 --> 0:47:58.799
<v Speaker 1>I mean you've been like putting up with this. You

0:47:58.880 --> 0:48:01.640
<v Speaker 1>have to think about something. When you do something like this,

0:48:01.800 --> 0:48:04.160
<v Speaker 1>you are doing it on behalf of all women. You

0:48:04.320 --> 0:48:06.920
<v Speaker 1>accepting this is saying this is okay for all women.

0:48:07.360 --> 0:48:08.839
<v Speaker 1>That's how I want you to think about this.

0:48:09.719 --> 0:48:09.919
<v Speaker 6>Yeah.

0:48:09.960 --> 0:48:11.880
<v Speaker 5>And if I had a friend come to me and

0:48:11.920 --> 0:48:14.400
<v Speaker 5>say this, I would be saying the exact same thing.

0:48:14.280 --> 0:48:17.400
<v Speaker 6>Like, there's no way anybody should put up with this.

0:48:17.480 --> 0:48:18.520
<v Speaker 6>It's ridiculous.

0:48:18.880 --> 0:48:21.040
<v Speaker 1>And you can offer, you can offer and say, listen,

0:48:21.080 --> 0:48:22.719
<v Speaker 1>if you want to go to like a sex therapist

0:48:22.760 --> 0:48:24.399
<v Speaker 1>if you want, if you need to talk to someone

0:48:24.440 --> 0:48:26.200
<v Speaker 1>about it, I'm totally down to do that with you.

0:48:26.480 --> 0:48:28.440
<v Speaker 1>But like, good idea this, we have to figure out

0:48:28.480 --> 0:48:30.640
<v Speaker 1>what the problem is. You have to address it.

0:48:31.320 --> 0:48:34.600
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, yeah, And I mean again, like for a while,

0:48:34.719 --> 0:48:36.960
<v Speaker 5>I was thinking, oh, it's gonna happen. It's gonna like

0:48:37.120 --> 0:48:40.919
<v Speaker 5>obviously it's going to happen, Like there's there's no way

0:48:40.960 --> 0:48:43.360
<v Speaker 5>he doesn't know to do this, And the time just

0:48:43.400 --> 0:48:46.839
<v Speaker 5>kept ticking on with nothing happening, and it just got

0:48:46.880 --> 0:48:48.680
<v Speaker 5>weirder and weirder, to the point where now I'm on

0:48:48.719 --> 0:48:51.320
<v Speaker 5>a podcast telling people a dark, disgusting stuff.

0:48:51.400 --> 0:48:53.840
<v Speaker 1>I know, I know, can you imagine I mean, obviously

0:48:53.840 --> 0:48:56.560
<v Speaker 1>we won't show your face on this podcast, but can

0:48:56.560 --> 0:48:58.360
<v Speaker 1>you imagine if we did? Oh my god?

0:48:58.560 --> 0:49:00.440
<v Speaker 6>Oh yeah, well that's the thing.

0:49:00.440 --> 0:49:02.759
<v Speaker 5>I mean, all my friends know, like I said, and

0:49:02.800 --> 0:49:03.960
<v Speaker 5>they all think I'm nuts.

0:49:04.360 --> 0:49:05.839
<v Speaker 1>Well, yeah, they can't respect him.

0:49:06.320 --> 0:49:08.920
<v Speaker 6>Oh yeah, I mean that's the thing. They're like, what

0:49:09.160 --> 0:49:10.360
<v Speaker 6>the hell? You know?

0:49:10.760 --> 0:49:12.680
<v Speaker 1>You need to get your pussy ETN. Sorry to be

0:49:12.760 --> 0:49:15.760
<v Speaker 1>so crass, but it's time. It's time to get somebody.

0:49:15.800 --> 0:49:18.080
<v Speaker 1>You need to go. I honestly think, I mean, this

0:49:18.160 --> 0:49:21.080
<v Speaker 1>sounds like a lost cause to me. Unfortunately. Do you

0:49:21.080 --> 0:49:22.279
<v Speaker 1>tell each other you love each other?

0:49:22.880 --> 0:49:25.560
<v Speaker 5>Oh yeah, because it's been some time, you know, and

0:49:26.040 --> 0:49:28.560
<v Speaker 5>he's got redeeming qualities, but this ain't one of them.

0:49:28.560 --> 0:49:28.799
<v Speaker 6>Girl.

0:49:29.160 --> 0:49:31.040
<v Speaker 1>No, you're gonna have to sit down and talk to him,

0:49:31.080 --> 0:49:32.480
<v Speaker 1>and you're gonna need to do it quickly, and then

0:49:32.520 --> 0:49:34.000
<v Speaker 1>we're gonna need a full report.

0:49:34.280 --> 0:49:37.000
<v Speaker 6>Hey, you know I will, my god especially.

0:49:36.600 --> 0:49:38.319
<v Speaker 1>And you can always call in with him. You can

0:49:38.360 --> 0:49:40.879
<v Speaker 1>always you can always call in with him.

0:49:41.239 --> 0:49:44.600
<v Speaker 2>Yes, I mean that would.

0:49:44.400 --> 0:49:46.160
<v Speaker 6>Be ideal if I could just have.

0:49:46.160 --> 0:49:50.279
<v Speaker 5>Like y'all and you know, Rob Low and Tow like

0:49:50.400 --> 0:49:51.000
<v Speaker 5>the old Smith.

0:49:51.120 --> 0:49:52.839
<v Speaker 1>Yes, if you could call in with him, we'll have

0:49:52.960 --> 0:49:55.279
<v Speaker 1>We'll make sure Rob Low is back so we could

0:49:55.280 --> 0:49:57.759
<v Speaker 1>address this, so he has he has a straight man

0:49:57.880 --> 0:50:01.239
<v Speaker 1>here on his team. But yes, I really you need

0:50:01.280 --> 0:50:04.160
<v Speaker 1>to tell us what happens because he needs to explain himself.

0:50:04.680 --> 0:50:06.600
<v Speaker 6>Oh you know, I will. There's a lot, a lot

0:50:06.640 --> 0:50:07.960
<v Speaker 6>to be explained here, But.

0:50:08.040 --> 0:50:10.440
<v Speaker 1>I think I want you to write down on a

0:50:10.480 --> 0:50:12.680
<v Speaker 1>sheet of paper and stick it to your mirror that

0:50:12.840 --> 0:50:15.920
<v Speaker 1>every action I take is on behalf of all women everywhere.

0:50:16.280 --> 0:50:19.080
<v Speaker 1>I would take like that. You make different decisions, and

0:50:19.120 --> 0:50:21.400
<v Speaker 1>you make better decisions because what you would accept for

0:50:21.440 --> 0:50:24.440
<v Speaker 1>your sister, your mother, your niece, your best friend, you

0:50:24.520 --> 0:50:26.839
<v Speaker 1>would never accept for yourself, you know what I mean?

0:50:28.360 --> 0:50:29.839
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, and this, yeah, it's read.

0:50:29.920 --> 0:50:32.520
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I'm sorry I said that wrong, you know

0:50:32.560 --> 0:50:35.319
<v Speaker 1>what I mean. Yeah, but I said that, Oh yeah, great,

0:50:35.600 --> 0:50:36.440
<v Speaker 1>you got that right.

0:50:37.120 --> 0:50:39.320
<v Speaker 2>I was like, I was like, wow, that's very profound.

0:50:42.920 --> 0:50:43.799
<v Speaker 6>It was beautiful.

0:50:44.160 --> 0:50:47.120
<v Speaker 5>But yeah, now I'm I'm down to do the experiment

0:50:47.239 --> 0:50:51.040
<v Speaker 5>and see what happens, because yeah, it's it's been a

0:50:51.080 --> 0:50:55.160
<v Speaker 5>long road of like a very shaped like Pikachu, and

0:50:55.320 --> 0:50:56.319
<v Speaker 5>you know, we're just out here.

0:50:56.360 --> 0:50:58.200
<v Speaker 6>I'm thirty three. I mean, things aren't.

0:50:58.760 --> 0:51:01.319
<v Speaker 1>Don't waste a minute with this guy unless you can

0:51:01.360 --> 0:51:03.520
<v Speaker 1>figure out what his issue is. Give us an update

0:51:03.520 --> 0:51:05.520
<v Speaker 1>in like two weeks. It actually could be fun to

0:51:05.520 --> 0:51:08.799
<v Speaker 1>have a discovery session with him and imagine how much

0:51:08.920 --> 0:51:11.680
<v Speaker 1>like improvement he could he could gain and how much

0:51:11.719 --> 0:51:14.960
<v Speaker 1>growth there could be Yeah, from zero right, like it

0:51:14.960 --> 0:51:17.319
<v Speaker 1>could be a huge but but he has to be

0:51:17.360 --> 0:51:20.239
<v Speaker 1>ready to get down to business. So so go have

0:51:20.280 --> 0:51:25.120
<v Speaker 1>the conversation and please report back, you know, I will. Okay, great,

0:51:25.120 --> 0:51:29.759
<v Speaker 1>thank you for calling. Thanks. What does that mean? What

0:51:29.760 --> 0:51:30.359
<v Speaker 1>does that mean?

0:51:30.480 --> 0:51:30.719
<v Speaker 2>Rob?

0:51:30.880 --> 0:51:32.600
<v Speaker 1>What does that mean when a man doesn't go down

0:51:32.600 --> 0:51:37.200
<v Speaker 1>on a woman or finger her? What is that? I

0:51:37.200 --> 0:51:39.600
<v Speaker 1>I Well, you're gonna have to come up with something wrong.

0:51:39.680 --> 0:51:42.960
<v Speaker 3>I think some guys these days are like growing up

0:51:43.000 --> 0:51:45.719
<v Speaker 3>with porn as they're sort of like, this is what

0:51:45.880 --> 0:51:48.719
<v Speaker 3>sex is, which is mostly just like wailing away at

0:51:48.719 --> 0:51:51.400
<v Speaker 3>some woman who's pretending like she's enjoying it. There's not

0:51:51.480 --> 0:51:54.200
<v Speaker 3>a lot of like female pleasure involved in most porn.

0:51:54.760 --> 0:51:56.759
<v Speaker 2>Wow, you know what that? I mean, that's as good

0:51:56.760 --> 0:52:01.480
<v Speaker 2>answer as any right, I mean it Aukham's razor. If

0:52:01.719 --> 0:52:06.080
<v Speaker 2>the most obvious answer is usually the answer is that what.

0:52:06.080 --> 0:52:06.960
<v Speaker 1>Is Okham's razor?

0:52:07.000 --> 0:52:10.319
<v Speaker 3>Again, the simplest answer is probably the right one.

0:52:10.600 --> 0:52:13.279
<v Speaker 1>It's like the opposite of a conspiracy theory. That's right,

0:52:13.640 --> 0:52:17.480
<v Speaker 1>yea right, Okay, We're going to take a break and

0:52:17.520 --> 0:52:20.760
<v Speaker 1>we're going to be right back with mister Rob Low

0:52:25.600 --> 0:52:29.239
<v Speaker 1>and we're back with Rob Low to wrap up today's episode.

0:52:29.320 --> 0:52:33.120
<v Speaker 1>It was a double whammy episode. We were on Rod's

0:52:33.200 --> 0:52:41.040
<v Speaker 1>Rod Rod's podcast literally rod Low, rod Low, rock Hard

0:52:41.120 --> 0:52:46.360
<v Speaker 1>rod Low, and then we went over to Dear Chelsea.

0:52:46.480 --> 0:52:49.319
<v Speaker 1>It was a double whoopsiedoodle. I'm Catherine. How shall we

0:52:49.320 --> 0:52:52.120
<v Speaker 1>close out the show today? Well, I have one more question.

0:52:52.320 --> 0:52:54.320
<v Speaker 3>It is a bit of a quickie, like the emails,

0:52:54.320 --> 0:52:55.480
<v Speaker 3>a little long, but it's juicy.

0:52:55.560 --> 0:52:59.279
<v Speaker 1>But then okay, pretty quick response, Dear Chelsea. I would

0:52:59.280 --> 0:52:59.960
<v Speaker 1>love your opinion.

0:53:00.000 --> 0:53:02.880
<v Speaker 3>And as a woman who understands the complexities of friendship

0:53:02.920 --> 0:53:06.440
<v Speaker 3>as a former party girl, my closest friend of twelve years,

0:53:06.560 --> 0:53:08.759
<v Speaker 3>Abby stopped speaking to me after I tried to have

0:53:08.800 --> 0:53:11.800
<v Speaker 3>an intervention for her when I went through my divorce.

0:53:11.880 --> 0:53:13.880
<v Speaker 3>She was there for me in every way and always

0:53:13.920 --> 0:53:17.440
<v Speaker 3>had my back emotionally. She's wonderful advice and always there

0:53:17.440 --> 0:53:20.279
<v Speaker 3>to listen. After moving to her city, though I saw

0:53:20.320 --> 0:53:23.040
<v Speaker 3>the darker side of her life, heavy drinking, cheating on

0:53:23.080 --> 0:53:27.080
<v Speaker 3>her husband, very reckless behavior, and manipulation to most people

0:53:27.080 --> 0:53:30.000
<v Speaker 3>in her life. Before I saw all this firsthand, I

0:53:30.080 --> 0:53:31.439
<v Speaker 3>was always there to support her.

0:53:31.640 --> 0:53:33.600
<v Speaker 1>Listen. Marriage is tough, life is hard.

0:53:33.680 --> 0:53:36.960
<v Speaker 3>No judgment right wrong. She would drive her kids in

0:53:37.000 --> 0:53:40.000
<v Speaker 3>the car while drinking and take advantage of everyone around her,

0:53:40.360 --> 0:53:43.560
<v Speaker 3>manipulation for financial favors, you name it, and she hit

0:53:43.600 --> 0:53:45.880
<v Speaker 3>it all behind a facade of success as a sweet

0:53:45.920 --> 0:53:49.279
<v Speaker 3>and smiling teacher. Her behavior affected my life too.

0:53:49.600 --> 0:53:51.680
<v Speaker 1>She slept with my boss, crashed.

0:53:51.360 --> 0:53:54.320
<v Speaker 3>A large work event, humiliated me in front of his wife,

0:53:54.360 --> 0:53:56.480
<v Speaker 3>and constantly made me feel like I had to clean

0:53:56.520 --> 0:53:59.359
<v Speaker 3>up her mess and I did. She'd even leave before

0:53:59.360 --> 0:54:01.959
<v Speaker 3>the check came out restaurants, expecting me to cover the bill.

0:54:02.280 --> 0:54:05.000
<v Speaker 3>When I started standing up for myself, things grew tense.

0:54:05.600 --> 0:54:07.799
<v Speaker 3>Everything went to shit when I planned an intervention for

0:54:07.840 --> 0:54:10.800
<v Speaker 3>her and she cut me off. Now I'm left questioning

0:54:10.840 --> 0:54:13.439
<v Speaker 3>if I'm a terrible friend for not setting boundaries sooner,

0:54:13.560 --> 0:54:16.239
<v Speaker 3>or if I'm just codependent. What does it bother me

0:54:16.280 --> 0:54:18.400
<v Speaker 3>if others think I'm the bad guy? Am I wrong

0:54:18.480 --> 0:54:20.920
<v Speaker 3>for trying to set up an intervention for a friend,

0:54:21.080 --> 0:54:23.279
<v Speaker 3>or should I be relieved that she's no longer in

0:54:23.400 --> 0:54:26.040
<v Speaker 3>my life? Best bridget oh, and she says, I truly

0:54:26.080 --> 0:54:27.480
<v Speaker 3>want to grow from this experience.

0:54:27.640 --> 0:54:29.880
<v Speaker 1>Best Now, you did the right thing. I think you

0:54:29.880 --> 0:54:31.960
<v Speaker 1>did the right thing. I've had an intervention that didn't

0:54:31.960 --> 0:54:34.120
<v Speaker 1>go well. That person is no longer in my life,

0:54:34.120 --> 0:54:37.240
<v Speaker 1>and my life without her is much better. She couldn't

0:54:37.280 --> 0:54:39.640
<v Speaker 1>accept what we were saying. She couldn't understand what we

0:54:39.640 --> 0:54:42.880
<v Speaker 1>were saying. I've had many interventions in my life with people,

0:54:43.360 --> 0:54:46.680
<v Speaker 1>and every one of them has been great and understanding

0:54:46.719 --> 0:54:49.920
<v Speaker 1>and fruitful, and those people have all ended up on

0:54:49.960 --> 0:54:53.000
<v Speaker 1>the other side and they've all gotten sober. This person,

0:54:53.640 --> 0:54:56.040
<v Speaker 1>it wasn't really about alcohol and drugs. It was more

0:54:56.040 --> 0:54:59.160
<v Speaker 1>about their life and life choices and the negative impact

0:54:59.160 --> 0:55:01.719
<v Speaker 1>they were having on everyone. And she's not in my

0:55:01.760 --> 0:55:06.279
<v Speaker 1>life and you did nothing wrong. That behavior is very

0:55:06.280 --> 0:55:08.600
<v Speaker 1>toxic and you should be grateful that she's not in

0:55:08.640 --> 0:55:11.319
<v Speaker 1>your life. Period. That's all you can do is try

0:55:11.320 --> 0:55:12.879
<v Speaker 1>to tell somebody the truth that if they don't want

0:55:12.880 --> 0:55:14.400
<v Speaker 1>to hear it, then they're not going to hear it.

0:55:14.719 --> 0:55:18.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, one hundred percent agree with that sentiment and have

0:55:18.480 --> 0:55:21.399
<v Speaker 2>the same experience I've I've been a part of many interventions,

0:55:22.120 --> 0:55:25.680
<v Speaker 2>and I don't know half of them do not end well,

0:55:26.400 --> 0:55:32.319
<v Speaker 2>and usually that person continues on the path and I

0:55:32.480 --> 0:55:34.719
<v Speaker 2>moved on and those people aren't in my life anymore,

0:55:35.120 --> 0:55:38.200
<v Speaker 2>and there's nothing I just think that interventions have a

0:55:39.120 --> 0:55:43.040
<v Speaker 2>I think people go into them maybe thinking that there's

0:55:43.040 --> 0:55:46.280
<v Speaker 2>some sort of guarantee of success or that the odds

0:55:46.280 --> 0:55:49.160
<v Speaker 2>are in your face. It's not about that, it's not

0:55:49.239 --> 0:55:51.920
<v Speaker 2>about any of that. Interventions are about you going in

0:55:52.000 --> 0:55:54.799
<v Speaker 2>and stating your piece in a way that you can

0:55:54.840 --> 0:55:59.720
<v Speaker 2>live with yourself. If she kills those kids drunk driving,

0:56:00.080 --> 0:56:02.360
<v Speaker 2>mm hmm. Absolutely, that's what it is.

0:56:02.480 --> 0:56:04.960
<v Speaker 1>That's when you're putting other people at risk with your

0:56:04.960 --> 0:56:09.560
<v Speaker 1>decision making. That justifies an intervention. Justifies an intervention. You're

0:56:09.560 --> 0:56:12.200
<v Speaker 1>thinking about other people. It's not you being judgmental, it's

0:56:12.239 --> 0:56:15.600
<v Speaker 1>you worrying about her driving around drunk with your kids. No,

0:56:16.000 --> 0:56:16.640
<v Speaker 1>absolutely not.

0:56:17.400 --> 0:56:19.080
<v Speaker 2>Yep, you're better off without her.

0:56:19.640 --> 0:56:22.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and hopefully one day she'll come to you know,

0:56:22.280 --> 0:56:24.360
<v Speaker 1>come to Jesus, or she'll have her come to Jesus

0:56:24.400 --> 0:56:26.080
<v Speaker 1>moment and get her shit together. And in that case,

0:56:26.239 --> 0:56:28.479
<v Speaker 1>and especially when she has the reaction that she had,

0:56:28.680 --> 0:56:31.239
<v Speaker 1>then she's not able to hear you. Period. Some people

0:56:31.280 --> 0:56:32.759
<v Speaker 1>are just not in the place where they can hear you.

0:56:32.800 --> 0:56:34.680
<v Speaker 1>That doesn't mean they're God forever, It just means that

0:56:34.719 --> 0:56:37.480
<v Speaker 1>they're not there yet. So you did the right thing

0:56:37.640 --> 0:56:40.400
<v Speaker 1>and just move on. With grace and be happy that

0:56:40.480 --> 0:56:42.000
<v Speaker 1>you know you don't have to bear the burden of

0:56:42.000 --> 0:56:44.840
<v Speaker 1>her friendship right now or worry about her decisions.

0:56:45.680 --> 0:56:45.960
<v Speaker 2>Ditto.

0:56:46.760 --> 0:56:48.840
<v Speaker 1>I mean, Rob, this has just been what a pleasure

0:56:49.040 --> 0:56:51.880
<v Speaker 1>as always Rob, always Rob. Next year we need to

0:56:51.920 --> 0:56:55.000
<v Speaker 1>ski together. Okay, you take that in a goal of ours.

0:56:55.120 --> 0:56:56.799
<v Speaker 1>Are you going to come? Why don't you come to

0:56:56.800 --> 0:56:59.600
<v Speaker 1>Whistler and we can ski together. That way, one of

0:56:59.640 --> 0:57:01.799
<v Speaker 1>us will already be here, so that's the only moving

0:57:01.840 --> 0:57:02.440
<v Speaker 1>part will.

0:57:02.280 --> 0:57:04.880
<v Speaker 2>Be you right. No, I'm in Worsters, as you know,

0:57:04.920 --> 0:57:06.719
<v Speaker 2>it's one of my favorite places in the world to ski.

0:57:06.960 --> 0:57:09.839
<v Speaker 1>And find a job in Vancouver, and then you come

0:57:09.960 --> 0:57:12.680
<v Speaker 1>up here for the weekend and we'll ski together. Because

0:57:12.719 --> 0:57:15.640
<v Speaker 1>I would really like to see what's happening with your skiing.

0:57:16.240 --> 0:57:20.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm telling you, go to Do you have TikTok, Chelsea?

0:57:20.640 --> 0:57:21.800
<v Speaker 1>Yes, of course I have TikTok.

0:57:21.880 --> 0:57:24.280
<v Speaker 2>Rob. Go to my TikTok and look at my postings.

0:57:24.320 --> 0:57:26.520
<v Speaker 2>You get to scroll down just a little bit, okay,

0:57:26.560 --> 0:57:30.880
<v Speaker 2>and you're going to see one of the sickest, sickest

0:57:31.040 --> 0:57:33.960
<v Speaker 2>powder runs I was ever I've ever done it.

0:57:34.040 --> 0:57:37.760
<v Speaker 1>Alta, I'm going right now, I'm going to look right

0:57:37.800 --> 0:57:44.360
<v Speaker 1>now everybody else go to TikTok to see Rob lows ski. Okay, well, Rob,

0:57:44.520 --> 0:57:47.439
<v Speaker 1>that was great. You're you're a treat. I love how

0:57:47.480 --> 0:57:51.320
<v Speaker 1>open and ridiculous you are. And I see you at

0:57:51.360 --> 0:57:53.640
<v Speaker 1>some time in person before we ski or you know,

0:57:53.840 --> 0:57:56.200
<v Speaker 1>when we ski. Whatever. I'll take whatever I can get.

0:57:56.280 --> 0:57:58.600
<v Speaker 2>I love it. And this I loved. Thank you for

0:57:58.640 --> 0:58:02.000
<v Speaker 2>being on literally and yes, and this, this little like

0:58:02.640 --> 0:58:04.800
<v Speaker 2>crossover event was super cool.

0:58:05.280 --> 0:58:08.040
<v Speaker 1>Yes, you guys can catch Rob's podcast is Literally and

0:58:08.080 --> 0:58:10.480
<v Speaker 1>you can also catch up on his first three seasons

0:58:10.480 --> 0:58:12.920
<v Speaker 1>of his hit game show The Floor, which is on Hulu.

0:58:13.280 --> 0:58:14.680
<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much, Rob.

0:58:14.720 --> 0:58:17.520
<v Speaker 2>Thank you for your great day.

0:58:17.560 --> 0:58:22.520
<v Speaker 1>Okay, bye, guys. Do do Do Do Do do drum

0:58:22.640 --> 0:58:27.680
<v Speaker 1>roll Catherine please and abroad broad is my European tour.

0:58:27.920 --> 0:58:32.440
<v Speaker 1>So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad. I

0:58:32.760 --> 0:58:35.480
<v Speaker 1>need to get the health out of this fucking country

0:58:36.040 --> 0:58:38.840
<v Speaker 1>and it's not as easy as you think. So I'm

0:58:38.880 --> 0:58:42.520
<v Speaker 1>coming to Rekkuvik, I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to

0:58:42.960 --> 0:58:47.560
<v Speaker 1>the UK. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May

0:58:47.600 --> 0:58:53.360
<v Speaker 1>and June. I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,

0:58:54.040 --> 0:58:59.760
<v Speaker 1>New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona,

0:58:59.800 --> 0:59:05.080
<v Speaker 1>and I'm coming abroad. Is abroad that sounds like fun.

0:59:05.120 --> 0:59:07.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to go see you abroad. I know I

0:59:07.440 --> 0:59:10.360
<v Speaker 1>want to go see me abroad and there there all be,

0:59:10.480 --> 0:59:14.160
<v Speaker 1>there all be excellent. Okay. My remaining dates for Vegas,

0:59:14.160 --> 0:59:19.760
<v Speaker 1>there are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming

0:59:20.080 --> 0:59:23.560
<v Speaker 1>and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing

0:59:23.560 --> 0:59:26.760
<v Speaker 1>my residency on July fifth. We will be the next

0:59:26.840 --> 0:59:30.600
<v Speaker 1>date that I'm there, July fifth, August thirtieth, and then

0:59:30.680 --> 0:59:35.760
<v Speaker 1>November one and twenty ninth. November one and November twenty ninth,

0:59:35.920 --> 0:59:39.560
<v Speaker 1>I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing

0:59:39.640 --> 0:59:42.520
<v Speaker 1>inside Myself at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the

0:59:42.600 --> 0:59:46.480
<v Speaker 1>Chelsea for a reason. Okay, thank you. Do you want

0:59:46.520 --> 0:59:47.400
<v Speaker 1>advice from Chelsea?

0:59:47.640 --> 0:59:51.120
<v Speaker 3>Right into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Find

0:59:51.160 --> 0:59:54.320
<v Speaker 3>full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching

0:59:54.400 --> 0:59:58.200
<v Speaker 3>at Dear Chelsea pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered

0:59:58.200 --> 1:00:01.920
<v Speaker 3>by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine law And be sure

1:00:01.960 --> 1:00:05.840
<v Speaker 3>to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com