Speaker 1: This is me, Craig Ferguson.
Speaker 2: I'm inviting you to come and see my brand new
Speaker 2: comedy hour. Well it's actually it's about an hour and
Speaker 2: a half and I don't have an opener because these
Speaker 2: guys cost money. But what I'm saying is I'll be
Speaker 2: on stage for a while. Anyway, come and see me
Speaker 2: live on the Pants on Fire Tour in your region.
Speaker 2: Tickets our own sale now, and we'll be adding more
Speaker 2: as the tour continues throughout twenty twenty five and beyond.
Speaker 2: For a full list of dates. Go to the Craig
Speaker 2: fergusonshow dot com. See you on the road, My DearS.
Speaker 2: My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast
Speaker 2: is joy. I talk to interesting people about what brings
Speaker 2: them happiness. Here's my favorite car collector. I think he
Speaker 2: had a late night show at some point I can't
Speaker 2: remember here he is j Lena.
Speaker 3: Up.
Speaker 1: So here's the thing.
Speaker 3: Oh so we're not no video.
Speaker 4: No, Well, here's the thing about no video because this
Speaker 4: is the reason why I don't do it, because people
Speaker 4: like you, some performers want so much makeup and hair done.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, not me, No, No, So I tell you
Speaker 4: what I'm doing right here, right right as I'm enjoying
Speaker 4: a cup of coffee.
Speaker 1: Now, I know that you don't drink coffee.
Speaker 3: No, don't drink coffee. And those a couple of CoFe
Speaker 3: Ever had of Seinfeld on comedians and cars getting coffee?
Speaker 3: It was awful. You know, I don't like hot liquids.
Speaker 1: Now, see this is but this is what what about soup?
Speaker 3: Do soup come into the soup is just a way
Speaker 3: to screw you out of a meal? Soup? Oh, here's
Speaker 3: a ball, it's wet. Thanks, all right, so now waiting
Speaker 3: out a wet ball? Yeah, something I can chew, Thank you.
Speaker 1: But hold on a second. Is it because it's a
Speaker 1: whole liquid or because it's just a liquid.
Speaker 3: It's not a meal?
Speaker 1: It does it have to be a meal? Yeah? But
Speaker 1: do you but you won't have soup because it's a drink.
Speaker 3: Well, Plus, I don't like hot liquid.
Speaker 2: If you don't like, what about gaspacho or maybe a
Speaker 2: cold borsch No?
Speaker 3: Horrible?
Speaker 2: So so really it's about liquid. And do you ever
Speaker 2: drink any liquids at all?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I drink a lot of water, a lot of
Speaker 3: fruit juice.
Speaker 1: You drink beer?
Speaker 3: No, never had a beer. In my life, you.
Speaker 1: Never had a beer, never a beer, you ever drink
Speaker 1: any of the hoots at all.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, I have nothing to guess that I
Speaker 3: have no interest in it. I was always a designated driver.
Speaker 3: I was always a car guy. So to me, it's
Speaker 3: not true because you love the car. I'll drive you
Speaker 3: dregs home and that's fine.
Speaker 1: All right.
Speaker 2: So you so very few liquids and no soup.
Speaker 1: Well, I see, I'm worried that.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: Look, none of us are getting younger, Jay, right, right,
Speaker 2: So the certain point in life soup is kind of
Speaker 2: gets attractive to the older gin.
Speaker 1: That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 3: Seventy three and I haven't been there yet.
Speaker 1: Well, saying that you know that there was your souper years,
Speaker 1: maybe coming.
Speaker 3: Up and get used to it, let's hope not.
Speaker 2: All right, So listen, your mother was Scottish. I and
Speaker 2: my mother was Scottish. And my wife has a theory
Speaker 2: about stand up comedians that their mothers have to be Scottish.
Speaker 1: Or they have to be cold with bad boundaries.
Speaker 3: So my mom was not cold. My parents are very
Speaker 3: good that way.
Speaker 1: She have good boundaries.
Speaker 3: I don't know what you mean by boundaries.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, and now do I But you know
Speaker 1: a lot of people talk about it.
Speaker 3: You know, how long are you in Hollywood? In an hour? Now?
Speaker 3: And you've got boundaries?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I'm just wondering that.
Speaker 3: You see, I never heard any of it. You know,
Speaker 3: It's so funny. Where I grew up, I was the
Speaker 3: laziest person that anybody knew. I come here. Oh, Jay's
Speaker 3: the hardest working guy. No, it's just where you grow up.
Speaker 3: It's that, you know, you grew up in New England
Speaker 3: with Silas Manor and Ethan Frome and all these depressing
Speaker 3: books about freshet. You work hard that you die you
Speaker 3: then you got Lulematoya.
Speaker 1: After you get.
Speaker 3: Then die whatever it is. Yeah, it's just all life
Speaker 3: is awful. You know, Sonny, you comes to Hollywood and
Speaker 3: all the lights of ride and it's sunny outside.
Speaker 1: Wage were you when you came here?
Speaker 3: I started coming here, I guess when I was nineteen
Speaker 3: twenty something like that, not in nineteen twenty when you
Speaker 3: were nineteen nineteen.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing.
Speaker 2: You came out here to do comedy because you're you're
Speaker 2: Boston right right right right? So did you never do
Speaker 2: stand up in Boston before you came out here.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, you know that was a great thing because
Speaker 3: growing up in Boston I never met another stand up comedian. Occasionally,
Speaker 3: comedians would come to like the Chateau ta Ville in Framingham.
Speaker 3: It was one of those fancy well yeah, it's one
Speaker 3: of those places like near a mall and it's got
Speaker 3: like a fountain in front that I worked there with
Speaker 3: Tom Jones, I worked there with Perry Como, I like
Speaker 3: Dion Warwick, you know all those acts from that era. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and that was and that was an opening act.
Speaker 2: That was literally you wanted to be a stand up?
Speaker 2: Dot Young at nineteen and twenty years old. Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: you got to be fucked up in some way then,
Speaker 2: because nobody wants to be a stand up.
Speaker 1: Why wouldn't you want to be a stand Well back
Speaker 1: in the day, nobody wants. I mean nowadays people want
Speaker 1: to do interesting.
Speaker 3: When I watched TV, yeah, all comedians were middle aged
Speaker 3: Jewish men like Rodney, like Henny Youngman, all those guys,
Speaker 3: all all the Catskill comics, and then all of a
Speaker 3: sudden Robert Klein came along. Was a huge influence on me.
Speaker 3: Robert was about ten years older than me. And he
Speaker 3: was a middle class kid. Parents weren't wealthy, but he didn'
Speaker 3: grow up doing a depression, just talking about the same
Speaker 3: kind of things I talked about. And then Carlin at
Speaker 3: that point had just about nineteen seventy early seventy to one,
Speaker 3: released his Class Clown album. And I used to do
Speaker 3: George's routines in my head, and I'm doing silent to myself,
Speaker 3: and then I'd add my own jokes at the end.
Speaker 3: So when I would go to audition to places, I
Speaker 3: would stand backstage. I would get into it by doing
Speaker 3: George's thing. And then when I walked, I say, you know,
Speaker 3: when I'm in school, you know I didn't I didn't
Speaker 3: do any George material, but I just get a rhythm
Speaker 3: to it.
Speaker 1: You know that's interesting. Yeah, and you and were you
Speaker 1: friendly with George?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's very new judge from the very beginning. It's
Speaker 3: always very nice to me. So was client. You know,
Speaker 3: all comics are pretty nice. Steve Martin helped me get
Speaker 3: this and IHO. Steve Martin told Johnny about me. I
Speaker 3: chose Johnny about Ellen DeGeneres. I find comedians help other comedians.
Speaker 3: I don't find it to be this. I mean there were
Speaker 3: there obviously some cutthroat people around, and that's not unusual,
Speaker 3: but it's not the norm. You know, as a comic,
Speaker 3: you can't do every job. If I couldn't get something,
Speaker 3: I go, oh, you should. Like, there's a gig I
Speaker 3: do in Rhode Island. I at the Audrey Museum. It's
Speaker 3: it's kind of like Pebble Beach East. It's like it's
Speaker 3: a car show and I've hosted it for the last
Speaker 3: four or five years. But I'm out of material at
Speaker 3: this point. You know, I said, oh, I'm being Bill
Speaker 3: Billy Gardellen, so I brought you know, Billy Gardell.
Speaker 1: Billy's great guy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, wonderful comment. Yeah yeah, And he did a great job.
Speaker 3: He killed and I felt good that I helped him.
Speaker 3: He felt good. They got to do a corporate day
Speaker 3: that paid a lot of money and it was fun.
Speaker 1: So I'm so, wait, hello, you and i'd be friends
Speaker 1: for a while. You don't think of putting me up
Speaker 1: for the fucking corporate No.
Speaker 3: I never never thought that. What I actually want to
Speaker 3: do it next year?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll do it next year.
Speaker 2: I'll get a fun yeah. Yeah, okay, because let me
Speaker 2: just say it's on the East coast. I like the
Speaker 2: idea cars and like cars gotta work. You gotta work
Speaker 2: reasonably clean that super I could. I did gigs with you, right, Yeah,
Speaker 2: let's do it.
Speaker 1: I'll do it. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I don't mind working clean. The older I get and fight,
Speaker 2: the easier it gets to work clean.
Speaker 1: I've noticed that.
Speaker 3: Well, you know, I find when you're twenty five, Yeah,
Speaker 3: and you say the word pussy girls go oh, well,
Speaker 3: we said, oh my god, when you're sixty five, Oh
Speaker 3: that old guys, and you know what, they got a point, Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 3: it is. It's true.
Speaker 1: It's true.
Speaker 3: You know, it's fun to grow India. Yeah, because my
Speaker 3: point of view is always from an adult observing things,
Speaker 3: how stupid this is or whatever it is, you know,
Speaker 3: and as a young person it didn't work quite as
Speaker 3: well as it does now. Now you can be a
Speaker 3: bit curmudgeonsly.
Speaker 2: And I was struck by your stand up bike when
Speaker 2: we were working in the Midwest this summer, Like you
Speaker 2: threw a down manion. It's like a full solid hour
Speaker 2: and you and like the material. It's fresh and well.
Speaker 2: You try to have a joke every six to nine seconds.
Speaker 2: That's that's I think, really, you.
Speaker 3: Think because I don't think of it like that. I mean,
Speaker 3: everybody's different, it's it's just different to me. It's like
Speaker 3: a music show. You open with your heads boom boom boom, joke, joke, joke,
Speaker 3: junk joke, and then in the middle you do the
Speaker 3: comedic version of a ballot. You tell story, Oh, you know,
Speaker 3: my ife and I would go to this place, and
Speaker 3: there are little humorous jokes along the way as opposed.
Speaker 2: To That's very interesting to me because I do think
Speaker 2: of it in kind of musical terms. Yeah, as well,
Speaker 2: it's a it's kind of a musical performance.
Speaker 1: Are you a musicians? You play anthing?
Speaker 3: I played trumpet, but then I realized I couldn't talk
Speaker 3: and play trumpet at the same time.
Speaker 2: That's a terrible instrument for you to play. You should
Speaker 2: play like a guitar.
Speaker 3: I was in fourth grade at the time, and.
Speaker 1: Jay, I'm going to tell you something right now. You
Speaker 1: know I adore you.
Speaker 2: But because you played trumpet in fourth grade doesn't mean
Speaker 2: you played the fucking trumpet rightly exactly.
Speaker 3: That's why I quickly got rid of it.
Speaker 2: But you do see, I think a lot of the
Speaker 2: stand ups that I like are also the thinking musical
Speaker 2: terms of what they do.
Speaker 3: You know, the most musical comic I can think of
Speaker 3: as Franklin a Ji. You know Franklin, I don't know.
Speaker 3: African American comic very big in America. He had an
Speaker 3: album out thirty forty years he moved to Australia.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: He's a jazz comedian. He plays jazz and he does comedy.
Speaker 3: He has one of my favorite bits. He talks about
Speaker 3: the guy. Oh, there was an Olympic guy from some
Speaker 3: country and he ran in the marathon and he came last.
Speaker 3: He was dead last, and he just as he's running,
Speaker 3: he's going on. I mean, I've been training, I've been
Speaker 3: working a I could have sat on the couch and
Speaker 3: watch TV. I'd still be last. I mean, it's still it.
Speaker 3: There's a lot more to it than that. He does
Speaker 3: a lot better, but it's just very funny and he
Speaker 3: just thinks in jazz terms. You know, I was fortunate
Speaker 3: I got to work with all the great jazz musicians.
Speaker 3: Miles Davis stands against Mose Allison and Montremal Rousson, Rowland Kirk,
Speaker 3: all these guys, and with jazz. There was a place
Speaker 3: called Lenny's on the Turnpike in Boston, okay, and that
Speaker 3: was a jazz club and real hard called Buddy Rich,
Speaker 3: real hardcore jazz, real deal. You went to see that
Speaker 3: and the first time because usually I used to play scriptuis,
Speaker 3: but now you suck, you suck good. People just screamed,
Speaker 3: so you really didn't know if you're any good or
Speaker 3: not right. But with the jazz on its men and
Speaker 3: walked on says silence.
Speaker 1: Did they know it? And snap their fingers when you.
Speaker 3: Know, not quite that much, but they would listen, you know,
Speaker 3: like Miles's audience, any of those audiences. I went, oh,
Speaker 3: this is really you know, Ross Sound Roland. I don't
Speaker 3: know if you've ever heard of him. He might be
Speaker 3: before your time.
Speaker 1: He's possible.
Speaker 3: Ross Sound Roland correct, African American guy, blind right, but
Speaker 3: famous because he could hold a note indefinitely, and he
Speaker 3: could play two instiments in the same time. He could
Speaker 3: play the sax and the clarinet at the same time.
Speaker 1: And that's crazy. How does that even pause?
Speaker 3: Because he could breathe through his nose. Okay, but he
Speaker 3: was blae so and we played primarily African American audists.
Speaker 3: It places like the Sugar Shack in Boston and He
Speaker 3: would go on stage and you go, I'm gonna bring
Speaker 3: a young brother. My brother's gonna tell that it is,
Speaker 3: you know. He gives the whole thing like I was
Speaker 3: a blackad. Yeah, please welcome j leto you know, and
Speaker 3: I come out and go sh He doesn't. And he
Speaker 3: thought that was the funniest thing, right. He loved doing
Speaker 3: that routine every night with people, bring on a young brother,
Speaker 3: tell it leg it is? Yeah, who you know black audiences.
Speaker 3: I get all worked up, you know, and then I
Speaker 3: walk out, what's this? You know, here's.
Speaker 2: The thing because you talk about that right now, like
Speaker 2: you even telling that story to me right now, like
Speaker 2: people are going to get bent out of shame because
Speaker 2: of you know, you mentioned race of any kind and
Speaker 2: just you know, different races of any kind. And people
Speaker 2: are already on the balls of their feet looking for
Speaker 2: a fight, which I kind of I'm getting a little
Speaker 2: tired of it. I think everyone else is too, does it?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 3: I had the best one happened a couple of months ago. Yeah,
Speaker 3: my wife maybe in a little Chinese restaurant in Westwood.
Speaker 3: It's got like fourteen tables if that many, and the
Speaker 3: mother runs the cashier and takes the orders and the
Speaker 3: dad's to cook and looks like the kids or cousins.
Speaker 3: It looks like a family. So we got our food
Speaker 3: sitting there, and you're kind of it's right next to UCLA.
Speaker 3: In fact, it is UCLA right, and a lot of
Speaker 3: students are on the table. I just said to my wife, God,
Speaker 3: this woman's really working our ass off. And a girl
Speaker 3: in the next table, or a young woman at the
Speaker 3: next table, go, uh, she's a server. And I said,
Speaker 3: I'm not mad here, but I do think before I speak.
Speaker 3: I said to myself, is she a waitress, No, she's stewardess. No,
Speaker 3: she's a woman. First, let me say this woman is
Speaker 3: working her ass. Now, if I had said the server
Speaker 3: is working her ass, you probably said she's a.
Speaker 2: Woman, right, and she should have probably just said, hey,
Speaker 2: you're doing a great job in that way.
Speaker 3: But to me, because I don't really want to. I mean,
Speaker 3: first of all, I get an annoyed because I think, oh,
Speaker 3: do you really think I'm being sexist by saying that.
Speaker 3: I would say this man. I didn't say girl, I
Speaker 3: didn't say chick, I didn't say waitress. I said this woman,
Speaker 3: I mean, what is wrong with her? And she had
Speaker 3: to well, now you're if I had said server, isn't
Speaker 3: that demeaning? I mean, that's all she is.
Speaker 1: Isn't she a woman defining someone by their job?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I said so, but she was so anxious to
Speaker 3: jump on this.
Speaker 2: Well, I think it's a it's a little kind of
Speaker 2: fat that the young folks went through for a while
Speaker 2: that they wanted.
Speaker 3: Fine.
Speaker 1: You know, well when I was, when I was their age,
Speaker 1: I was a punk rocker. I was a pan of
Speaker 1: the ass too.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I know when you think about a stupid people.
Speaker 3: Our generation was the burning down the Bank of America
Speaker 3: building and oh my god, remember the SDS. To make
Speaker 3: up for racial injustice, they should kill every third white
Speaker 3: baby born. I remember something. I remember some SDS guy
Speaker 3: saying that early on okay, you know, just crazy talk,
Speaker 3: just crazy talk. So to me, a lot of his like,
Speaker 3: I never use the word bitch on stage. I know
Speaker 3: women don't like the words, so I don't use it.
Speaker 3: And to me, you know, it's funny because I do
Speaker 3: a joke where I see the women where I say
Speaker 3: your Northwestern University did a study about the differences between
Speaker 3: men's brains and women's brains. This is amazing listen to
Speaker 3: this and you see the women go, you know, they
Speaker 3: kind of like it seems women's brains are located in
Speaker 3: their head. Who saw that coming? And then and they
Speaker 3: laugh more than it is funny because I'm not it's
Speaker 3: not an insult. It's not the usual.
Speaker 1: Well I never understood anyone.
Speaker 2: The look to me, an audience is it doesn't have
Speaker 2: a race or a gender or anything like that.
Speaker 1: It's an audience is an audience and you.
Speaker 3: Don't know, but no, but an audience does have the
Speaker 3: best audiences. It's a fully male, female, black, white, Asian
Speaker 3: integrated audience where they all totally For example, you know,
Speaker 3: if you have done a corporate event where it's all men, yes,
Speaker 3: unless it's all football jokes or gun jokes or something,
Speaker 3: it's terrible.
Speaker 1: I did. I did a corporate events once. It will
Speaker 1: be yeah.
Speaker 2: And I used to do this bit about Tom Cruise.
Speaker 2: This is a long time ago because I actually am
Speaker 2: a big fan of Tom Cruise. But it wasn't the
Speaker 2: most flattering really yeah. Yeah, it was a piece of
Speaker 2: stand up right, And it was just after he jumped
Speaker 2: an Oprah's couch and I was sticking around with that
Speaker 2: and I was doing this piece of this piece. It
Speaker 2: was a good it was a good bed and every
Speaker 2: night it killed. I said, well, I'll do it this
Speaker 2: corporate It was a clean bit. It was nothing like
Speaker 2: bad in it. And at this corporate event, I did
Speaker 2: this Tom Cruise thing died on his ass, like really
Speaker 2: badly died nothing, sure, nothing crickets And I come up
Speaker 2: with it. Wow, that was a rough ground, and went
Speaker 2: somebody should probably tell you it's Tom Cruis law firm.
Speaker 1: There was this lawyer.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it was because you do a lot
Speaker 2: of corporate gigs and you work clean.
Speaker 1: I've seen you don't work.
Speaker 2: You don't work squeaky clean, no thirty right, so you
Speaker 2: you work clean, you don't you drop the F bomb
Speaker 2: and you don't do that kind of thing. But you
Speaker 2: But it's kind of it's grown up, right, it's an
Speaker 2: adult show.
Speaker 1: But it's not an adult.
Speaker 3: It's not balloon animals.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 1: No, it's definitely not that you ever run into it with.
Speaker 2: Because I've had people say to me at corporate gigs,
Speaker 2: you gotta be really careful here.
Speaker 1: They really do you ever they ever say that to you? Now,
Speaker 1: nobody trusts.
Speaker 3: I always ask, I go, is this like a born
Speaker 3: again thing is the chairman, the born again guy or something?
Speaker 1: Would you be able to cope with that? So if
Speaker 1: he will, I can work.
Speaker 3: You know something. I booked myself into Oral Robinson University
Speaker 3: once just to see if I could play it, and
Speaker 3: they said, look, we don't like sex jokes, we don't
Speaker 3: like drug jokes, politics, everything else is fine, and they
Speaker 3: were fine. They just didn't want any dick jokes.
Speaker 2: Right, fine, so that's probably not one I should be doing. No, no, no,
Speaker 2: I don't do it, none of those jokes. No, no, no.
Speaker 3: But what I mean And to me, a guy is
Speaker 3: paying me to do a job. I don't quite get
Speaker 3: guys to go. So I told him to go shove
Speaker 3: it and I did what.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't get I got to agree with you.
Speaker 2: I don't understand that.
Speaker 3: What do you like? Then?
Speaker 1: Don't take the gig?
Speaker 3: Like to me, I know the you know, to me,
Speaker 3: an audience is like an orchestra. You want to get
Speaker 3: a nice rolling laugh going. I remember I had a joke.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry I don't remember the joke, but it was
Speaker 3: when Hillary Clinton was running for president, and also so
Speaker 3: was Reggie Jackson and a bunch of other people and
Speaker 3: I had a joke about each candidate, and the Reggie
Speaker 3: Jackson joke was a political joke, wasn't about him being black.
Speaker 3: It's just okay, that got a laugh. When they got
Speaker 3: to the Hillary joke, I remember what I was going,
Speaker 3: and I just hated the guttural laugh. I got on
Speaker 3: here because I realized, oh, they think I'm they think
Speaker 3: I'm making fun of her because she's a woman candidate
Speaker 3: as supposed to just a candidate. So I just dropped
Speaker 3: the joke. I took it out and it kept it
Speaker 3: and the audience is much better because it just kept
Speaker 3: a nice even you know, you got a nice rolling
Speaker 3: boil going with the crowd and then you do something
Speaker 3: that's overly sexist or overly whatever.
Speaker 1: I know what you mean.
Speaker 2: I felt it as well. There are gags that the
Speaker 2: joke's not worth it. Yeah, yeah, l Sally, you still
Speaker 2: always say that to me. Peter Sally was my boss
Speaker 2: and late I know, you know, did the Tonight Show
Speaker 2: for so long and whenever I did a joke that
Speaker 2: I you know, it was like near the knuckle right,
Speaker 2: and you E would say, is it worth it?
Speaker 1: Is it really worth it? That joke? Isn't that good
Speaker 1: because he would say, you know, joke's like a house
Speaker 1: or a car, there's always another one.
Speaker 3: You know, you can do another joke right right.
Speaker 1: And when I first started, I was like, no, that
Speaker 1: is worth it right.
Speaker 2: Very quickly I was like, now you're right, fuck it,
Speaker 2: We'll be here tomorrow night.
Speaker 3: It's h yeah, yeah to me, you just sort of
Speaker 3: learned to read your audience.
Speaker 2: Hello, this is Greig Ferguson, and I want to let
Speaker 2: you know I have a brand new stand up comedy
Speaker 2: special out now on YouTube. It's called I'm So Happy,
Speaker 2: and I would be so happy if you checked it out.
Speaker 2: To watch the special, just go to my YouTube channel
Speaker 2: at the Craig Ferguson Show and is this right there?
Speaker 1: Just click it and play it and it's free. I
Speaker 1: can't look.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to come around your house and show
Speaker 2: you how to do it. If you can't do it,
Speaker 2: then you can't have it. But if you can figure
Speaker 2: it out, it's yours.
Speaker 1: Let's talk a little bit about Late Night though.
Speaker 2: Bring that up because of Peter when you took over
Speaker 2: on the Tonight Show.
Speaker 1: So when was that early nineties ninety one?
Speaker 3: I started guest hosting in eighty six eighty seven.
Speaker 2: Right, how long would a guest host gig B would
Speaker 2: be like a week? Would it be like a night?
Speaker 3: No? Well you get one night?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: And Johnny used to do that towards the end of
Speaker 2: his run. Right, he would bring people in.
Speaker 3: And yeah, and there were like, uh six or seven
Speaker 3: guys that were being considered.
Speaker 1: Did you ever have guest hosts when you were doing it?
Speaker 3: No, I had to die once. I did it once
Speaker 3: because Katie Couric wanted to switch seats. NBC thought it
Speaker 3: would be a fun thing to so we did it
Speaker 3: one day.
Speaker 2: They did the same thing with Drew carreyh Yeah, right, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I didn't quite get that, but no, I didn't know.
Speaker 3: To me, when you have guest hosts, it just means
Speaker 3: more work for the staff, right, because they may have
Speaker 3: to put the monologue together instead of you. They have
Speaker 3: to figure out can this guy talk to a guest
Speaker 3: and go over every single note.
Speaker 1: It's a job.
Speaker 2: It's very hard to do for one night. It's a
Speaker 2: little easier to do it for, you know, a couple
Speaker 2: of years.
Speaker 1: One night. I get that? Is that something? Because it's fun?
Speaker 2: You grew up in an ear Correct me if I'm wrong,
Speaker 2: But I think I'm right. You grew up in the
Speaker 2: air when Johnny was the gold standard and obviously.
Speaker 1: He was the king.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so did you have aspirations to be the Tonight
Speaker 2: Show holster? Was it just like because you were a
Speaker 2: comic you kind of drifted into that direction.
Speaker 3: You kind of went that way. Yeah. It was the
Speaker 3: only job in show business that I liked, right, because
Speaker 3: I like to be a round show business as opposed
Speaker 3: to in it. You know. Yeah, I think I saw
Speaker 3: a movie with you in it once, like years years.
Speaker 3: That's been some terrimoryes so, but to me it was
Speaker 3: a jungle movie. Did I see you in The Jobs
Speaker 3: Bill Maher and the Job Jule? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't remember what the movie was. After some
Speaker 1: real clunkers.
Speaker 3: As I just like you because, like I say, I
Speaker 3: don't want to be Charlie Sheen, but I boy, I
Speaker 3: enjoyed being a round Tarlishon. I enjoy watching Charlie crash
Speaker 3: and burn and and not in a mean way, just
Speaker 3: in a funny way.
Speaker 2: You want to be around the circus folk, but you
Speaker 2: don't necessarily have that's right.
Speaker 3: That's right, and I used to enjoy it. That's what's
Speaker 3: great about being your host of it. I don't have
Speaker 3: to go to the party. To me, it's really what
Speaker 3: happened to the party. Oh my god, I can't believe
Speaker 3: that you know and you hear the story or whatever
Speaker 3: it might be.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I felt that way about did you watch
Speaker 1: the movies? When people were on the.
Speaker 3: Show, always watch the movie?
Speaker 1: See I never watched the movie.
Speaker 2: I had a completely different What was your philosophy then,
Speaker 2: that you wanted to know the movie?
Speaker 1: It would be to be able to talk about it.
Speaker 3: I think people like it. I know a lot of
Speaker 3: guests if you made the effort to read their book
Speaker 3: or whatever it is they had, Yeah, they would really
Speaker 3: be impressed. I mean they would write you a note.
Speaker 3: I can't believe you went to my movie.
Speaker 1: No, I never I never did. I did the complete opposite.
Speaker 3: That's funny.
Speaker 2: No, just because well you were clearly much more successful
Speaker 2: than I wasn't it. But what I felt about it
Speaker 2: is if I knew about it, then the two of
Speaker 2: us are talking about the movie we've both seen. If
Speaker 2: you were on plugging a movie and I haven't seen
Speaker 2: it and we're talking about it and you're telling me
Speaker 2: about the movie, I'm like, Oh, this sounds like a
Speaker 2: movie and I want to see And that was my philosophy.
Speaker 2: And Pete used to fight me on a law. You're like, nah,
Speaker 2: you just told me it's a big star. You got
Speaker 2: to go see this movie. I'm like, but if I've
Speaker 2: seen in the movie, then I'm going to talk to
Speaker 2: him about the movie that ever we're both seen.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you talk about what you liked about it
Speaker 3: or what the you know, the character delineation or whatever
Speaker 3: it is they did. Come on, No, I enjoyed that
Speaker 3: part of it. I would try watch a movie if
Speaker 3: I got to a part of that was particularly challenging
Speaker 3: for the actor. I remember that, and I bring it
Speaker 3: up in the interview and oh, you know, because everybody
Speaker 3: in show business is insecure. Oh sure if they think
Speaker 3: I remember once. You know, publicity agents are my favorite
Speaker 3: I wanted to see. I guess I say the guest
Speaker 3: is but one of those subtle notes through I said,
Speaker 3: hey man, pretty good job. Really enjoyed you in the movie,
Speaker 3: and the president pretty good, pretty good? I go, well,
Speaker 3: it was great. You didn't say great. No to me,
Speaker 3: I meant really that means oh, I went like, whoa
Speaker 3: pretty good man? Nice job? And I said nice job,
Speaker 3: but I said I generally enjoyed it. Well, didn't sound
Speaker 3: like okay, guys young at me, so shut up.
Speaker 1: You know, I bet you I can tell who there's
Speaker 1: like off the microphone. I bet you I can tell
Speaker 1: you this is.
Speaker 2: But the thing is, I think about it as well,
Speaker 2: like the show business. Because you said everyone in show
Speaker 2: business insecure. I think you're right, and I think that
Speaker 2: a lot of people in show business they're crazy, damaged,
Speaker 2: you know, unemployable in any other business.
Speaker 1: That's true, and they're all a little little nuts.
Speaker 2: And the question that I go asked, I don't know
Speaker 2: if you guy asked this, but like if there was
Speaker 2: somebody on who's like super famous, like Tom Hanks was
Speaker 2: on or so, people will always say, well they nice?
Speaker 2: Was he a nice guy? Was was she a nice woman?
Speaker 2: Was Are they nice? And like, well they were nice
Speaker 2: to me? But because they're doing a talk show and
Speaker 2: they're professional. But the truth is, why is that important
Speaker 2: to people like you know, like I don't know.
Speaker 3: Well, I'll ask you a question. Did your opinion of
Speaker 3: Woody Allen movies change after you heard all the.
Speaker 1: Things, oh the stuff about Woody Allen?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, did a change or did you think.
Speaker 2: Well, it's a it's a good question, but it's a
Speaker 2: little tricky for me because I wasn't a huge fan anyway.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't a huge anyway. But I like someone I
Speaker 3: like to think like. To me, it's funny when I
Speaker 3: hear someone tell an exaggerated version of a story where
Speaker 3: they did something mean but didn't mean to But if
Speaker 3: I know there really means oh no, that kind of
Speaker 3: really did mean to hurt somebody. Yeah, you know, so
Speaker 3: to me, yeah, I think it does matter. I always
Speaker 3: equate kindness with intelligence. I've never met a kind person
Speaker 3: who was not intelligent. And by intelligent, I don't mean
Speaker 3: it's mathematically smart. I mean just the idea that a
Speaker 3: kind person can read another person's face and realize where
Speaker 3: to go, or that how to be sensitive, how to whatever.
Speaker 3: To me, that's intelligence. To me, I find really cruel
Speaker 3: people and mean people. They might be BookSmart, but they're
Speaker 3: not intelligence. Does that make any sense to you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course it does.
Speaker 2: It's actually it's a very nice way of looking at it.
Speaker 2: I think that that's true. But if I look at
Speaker 2: someone like, here's someone I don't know, I know nothing
Speaker 2: about them, but I'm a fan of his work.
Speaker 1: Ousio was born right right.
Speaker 2: Osio was born, is like, you know, he's a game
Speaker 2: changer of a singer in a band hugely important. I
Speaker 2: don't need him to be nice. Did he bite the
Speaker 2: head off the bat? Or did he not buy the
Speaker 2: head off the bat? I don't know if I was,
Speaker 2: you know, like, if I was heavily involved in the
Speaker 2: world the bats, maybe it would be.
Speaker 3: Well, but let's go back. Did the wordy Allen stuff
Speaker 3: change your opinion of his work?
Speaker 2: You know, did it you know what it probably did?
Speaker 2: If I'm honest, I probably yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think.
Speaker 3: Fighting a bat is different than you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you know, yea marrying your daughter?
Speaker 3: Yeah, so what did you do? Did you bite head over?
Speaker 3: But maybe right?
Speaker 1: Did you actually.
Speaker 2: Definitely marry your step dough exactly exactly?
Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying.
Speaker 2: These are extremes, all right, But what I think is
Speaker 2: kind of weird to me is that maybe not the nice,
Speaker 2: but the idea that everyone's.
Speaker 1: Going to be like a Sunday school teacher.
Speaker 3: While giving sample someone it's a way to get here.
Speaker 3: I'm not a big road rage guy. One day I'm
Speaker 3: here in La you know a guy behind b b BB,
Speaker 3: you know, like, oh, he wants to go like me,
Speaker 3: go me, It goes around me, gives me the finger,
Speaker 3: yells you know, fuck you. So I come up to
Speaker 3: the next light. I look at him. I go, let
Speaker 3: me guess, what are your fifty five bald, fat? Divorce?
Speaker 3: Your kids? Hate your job? What was your greatest day?
Speaker 3: Was it in high school? And the guy starts crying,
Speaker 3: Oh Jesus, and he goes, yes, you're right. I went,
Speaker 3: oh yeah. I realized as a comic you have the
Speaker 3: ability to size people up pretty quickly, and I'm hitting.
Speaker 3: Everything I said was exactly. So I said, let's pull over.
Speaker 3: So I got on mic, I get this guy go look,
Speaker 3: I'm sorry because I got kids. They got two girls.
Speaker 1: They don't speak to me. Oh my god, this is
Speaker 1: a terrible.
Speaker 3: So I said, they did. I like Taylor Swift. I said,
Speaker 3: I tell you what. I got Taylor Swift on the
Speaker 3: show on Wednesday. Okay, why don't you bring your two girls?
Speaker 3: But they like to oh god, what did you? Okay,
Speaker 3: So and Taylor Swift, I told her she couldn't have
Speaker 3: been nicer, came out, gave the kids a couple of
Speaker 3: albums signed. I mean, the sweetest person you could imagine. Yeah,
Speaker 3: just a lovely, lovely person. She didn't have to do it.
Speaker 3: I said, I had this guy and I cut him off,
Speaker 3: and so many he's I mean the guy. The guy
Speaker 3: literally had a breakdown.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: But you know what's interesting about that story, which I
Speaker 2: like that story. I like it for you, I like
Speaker 2: it for Taylor Swift. I like the fact that it happened.
Speaker 2: I wonder if that guy, if that happened today, that
Speaker 2: guy would have a phone in your face record you
Speaker 2: slicing and dicing them and they posted it on the internet.
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe not more than likely, you know, maybe No,
Speaker 2: I got you know.
Speaker 3: Something you can only live in the time you live in.
Speaker 3: That's it's like could Muhammad Ali beat the Rocky Marciano?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 1: You want to take that? No, all right?
Speaker 3: You know that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I know, but I mean, you're right.
Speaker 2: I want to complain about it a little bit though,
Speaker 2: because I feel like the filming of everything is like
Speaker 2: we volunteered to be in Big Brother.
Speaker 1: It's not even like someone each.
Speaker 3: A funny thing about Big Brother, because people always say
Speaker 3: Big Brother is watching Blood you know, to me, probably
Speaker 3: the greatest day in media history was the Rodney King trial.
Speaker 3: The Rodney King thing is Rodney King coming along. According
Speaker 3: to the police, he had seven people in a Hyundai
Speaker 3: going one hundred and seventeen miles an hour to all exaggerated. Okay,
Speaker 3: that's what the news said at seven o'clock. I believe
Speaker 3: that same evening the guy who shot that footage, who
Speaker 3: chose not to give it to the news, who put
Speaker 3: it out on the internet, right, and then suddenly people
Speaker 3: saw raw unfiltered news and you saw this guy get
Speaker 3: the crap beat out of me because it looks like
Speaker 3: you did that terrible And then you realize, because what happened,
Speaker 3: You give it to a news guy and they'll go
Speaker 3: the editor will go, well, this is inflammatory people, this
Speaker 3: is cause right, let's just say it's like when I
Speaker 3: grew up in Boston, a woman was never raped, she
Speaker 3: was accosted, right, you know, they never tell you what
Speaker 3: I said. Now, you live in a world where you
Speaker 3: get your news unfiltered, exactly as it happens.
Speaker 1: Have you traveled the outside of the US, travel South?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you just shows well like do England And no,
Speaker 3: I don't really work it where I well, I've been
Speaker 3: to Italy. I'm in a Saudi Arabia but a few places. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I don't find it totally different. Everybody speaks English.
Speaker 1: Well yeah to you, but I mean if you're doing
Speaker 1: a corporate gig in Italy.
Speaker 3: People will speak you know.
Speaker 2: It's like I was talking to Tomas, right, you know
Speaker 2: Tomas who works with me, right right?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: So Tomas who you know produces this podcast. You also, I.
Speaker 1: Love Italy, right, I love Italy?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: And to my sister me, you love Italy, I said, yeah.
Speaker 2: He says no, he Tamasa's has managed heavy mail bands.
Speaker 2: He has to work in Italy, right, he said, if
Speaker 2: you had to work, Oh my god, A very different idea.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like because it is that kind of things
Speaker 1: when people say, you know what the oh I love
Speaker 1: Scotland so much. You Scottish people are so friendly.
Speaker 2: I mean you tried being Scottish with a nother Scottish
Speaker 2: person and see it fucking friendly?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, it's a saying.
Speaker 1: So listen, let's talk a little bit about.
Speaker 3: The cars, all right. What do you want to know?
Speaker 1: Well, I want to know how it started. Was it
Speaker 1: your dad? Was it was.
Speaker 3: I grew up in a rural area, and they're always
Speaker 3: broken snowmobiles and abandoned cars. Not so much now Now,
Speaker 3: when you abandoned a car, it's software does work, Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's got a computer. In the old days, people are
Speaker 3: abandoned a car because distributor broke. All right, that's an
Speaker 3: easy enough fix to somebody has a little bit of
Speaker 3: mechanical knowledge or are things of that nature. You know,
Speaker 3: a car from the teen's, twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, you
Speaker 3: could leave for one hundred years and you probably get
Speaker 3: us started pretty easy. Because mechanical things break, electrical things erode,
Speaker 3: and you look at a relay box. It might be shiny,
Speaker 3: but you can't tell what's going on inside it, you know.
Speaker 3: But you can look at a fuel pump and go, oh, well,
Speaker 3: here's the gear. The gear is broken or the keyway
Speaker 3: is busted, you know. So they're easier to fix.
Speaker 2: So that was what threw you in, was the mechanical
Speaker 2: nature of the fact that you could fix them when they.
Speaker 3: Were Anything that rolls explodes and makes no you know.
Speaker 3: When I was I was like eleven, somebody abandoned a
Speaker 3: Renault four CV, which is like the French version of
Speaker 3: the Volkswider, And we had three acres behind our house
Speaker 3: and my mother would watch us through the kitchen window
Speaker 3: and we just drive around. And so of course now
Speaker 3: the parents would be taken away, you'd be putting foster care,
Speaker 3: and you know, it would be it's a whole difference. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well you just said it's beaar now yeah, well in
Speaker 3: some ways, yeah, all right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you started playing around to the but as
Speaker 2: you go older, right, and you start like you.
Speaker 3: Here's the thing, h here's the main facts of it.
Speaker 3: We are in an objective business. Some people like you,
Speaker 3: some people think you suck, some people think you are
Speaker 3: better than me, some people better than you. But when
Speaker 3: you have a car and it's broken and now it's running,
Speaker 3: no one can say it's not running. You know, you
Speaker 3: can say it's still not funny, even if other people
Speaker 3: laughing and you're not right, No one can say the
Speaker 3: car is not running.
Speaker 1: You think that's why.
Speaker 2: Old comedians, well, a lot of comedians that are in
Speaker 2: the cars because of the same reason you.
Speaker 3: Actually most comedians are not into cars.
Speaker 2: A second, Jerry's in the cars. Yeah, I'm in the
Speaker 2: cars a little bit. I know a million guy. I remember,
Speaker 2: you know, rich Jenny called me one time. He goes, oh,
Speaker 2: he was funny. He had the best gay marriage joke
Speaker 2: back in the days.
Speaker 3: When it was illegal. Yeah, he would go, gay guys
Speaker 3: have the ideal life, Larry, I'd love to marry you,
Speaker 3: but it's against the law. Imagine if you can say
Speaker 3: that to a girl. Oh, I love to marry your honey,
Speaker 3: but it's against the law. Oh. I used to love
Speaker 3: that bad. And you know it wasn't offensive.
Speaker 1: It was because that was It's just totally.
Speaker 3: He wasn't enough anybody. He called me my time. He goes, hey,
Speaker 3: what's the best car to get girls? I go, well,
Speaker 3: I said, I I only have one girl and I've
Speaker 3: had her for like twenty six years at this point,
Speaker 3: so I couldn't tell you that. But what are you like, Well,
Speaker 3: a Corvette? Could can you get girls with Corfette? Some
Speaker 3: girls like Corvette? Some girls think, how old are you?
Speaker 3: You have a Corvette? You know? I said, So he
Speaker 3: gets a Corvette, you know, and of course he knows
Speaker 3: nothing about what it's capable of whatever.
Speaker 1: Just all this.
Speaker 3: Maybe he just got it together. What's the best car
Speaker 3: to get girls? This is just my favorite thing.
Speaker 2: It's funny because I've never really understood that as a thing.
Speaker 2: I guess maybe back in the day when you know,
Speaker 2: hey baby, do you want to sit in the rumbles
Speaker 2: sheet or something? But a rumble seat, Yeah, back in
Speaker 2: the day, in the day, in the Yeah, it was
Speaker 2: the nineteen twenties in Scotland, So it's funny. Richard Jenny
Speaker 2: rich was one of the last gigs he had actually,
Speaker 2: or one of the last things I remember him doing.
Speaker 1: He was on my show. Yeah, yeah, and he it
Speaker 1: wasn't long after that that he that he you know,
Speaker 1: that he killed himself.
Speaker 2: But I don't like it was anything to do with
Speaker 2: my show, but I'm be sure.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I met him in Australia when I was starting out.
Speaker 2: I was at the Melbourne Comedy Festival, right and he
Speaker 2: turned up. He had these two very glamorous looking women
Speaker 2: right in each arm and he walked into the and
Speaker 2: I was like, does the guy do that? No, I
Speaker 2: realized he must have had a Corvette, That's what it was.
Speaker 2: But really funny, Oh yeah, super funny.
Speaker 3: Oh. He had very fast, quick fast, very New York.
Speaker 3: You know, he had that New York attitude. Yeah, yeah, No,
Speaker 3: he's really just a great, great comic that was a sad,
Speaker 3: sad story.
Speaker 2: It's an interesting thing, and Rich is a good kind
Speaker 2: of example of it is that the persona that he
Speaker 2: had on stage was very different to who the guy
Speaker 2: he was. Rickles was very like as well. People used
Speaker 2: to think Rickles was like when he was on, he
Speaker 2: was the inso guy. But you remember Don, he was, Okay,
Speaker 2: he's a pussy.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, very nice guy. I love I love Don.
Speaker 3: Don was great. Don was great, but even Don, you know,
Speaker 3: the network would censor him and he would. I remember
Speaker 3: one time he came on and you know Kevin and
Speaker 3: Kevin eu Banks. He going, that's Kevin, ke Kevin's people
Speaker 3: in the park a lot stem on hub caps and
Speaker 3: I go no, I go down. I don't have hub
Speaker 3: caps anymore. Yeah. You know what's interesting. I remember seeing
Speaker 3: Rickles once and Rickles never swore, that's right, okay, But
Speaker 3: when he did racial stuff, you know, and the Puerto
Speaker 3: Rican guy is this, and the black guy is this,
Speaker 3: and the younger audience is kind of like hmm, and
Speaker 3: older people laugh hysterically. And then he had a joke
Speaker 3: with a punchline with him saying shit you know, just
Speaker 3: like that, And the young people laughed and the old
Speaker 3: people went, oh yeah, So it was really two different audiences.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's funny. I never had him say do the
Speaker 2: ship joke?
Speaker 3: Well, it was one of those things where you know,
Speaker 3: it leads up to it, and then he said, yeah,
Speaker 3: I can't remember what the bit was.
Speaker 2: When I first when I first met him, he Peter
Speaker 2: Sally introduced me to Recles and and I said, we
Speaker 2: we come on the show, mister Rickles.
Speaker 1: He went, I gotta be honest, kid, I'm gonna wait
Speaker 1: and see if you're ahead.
Speaker 2: Okay, So when he came on the show, he said,
Speaker 2: I said to him, I am I am I hit now
Speaker 2: He went, no, but I felt sorry for her.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's funny.
Speaker 1: He was a strange, strangely lovely.
Speaker 3: He a lovely guy, and he grew up in the
Speaker 3: era when the mob guys really controlled it. And till
Speaker 3: the day he died, he would never tell a story
Speaker 3: I go down, let me ask you about no, no, no,
Speaker 3: I know, like I remember we went to Downtown's once
Speaker 3: and I said, well, let's let's talk like the mob.
Speaker 3: But yeah, yeah, I mean, he would just not even
Speaker 3: joke about it.
Speaker 1: He was as Larry King. You remember Larry was kind
Speaker 1: of yeah, yeah he was. He was connected in Miami
Speaker 1: at one point.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was Yeah, that was the old school. Guys.
Speaker 1: Do you ever run into that Boston when you were
Speaker 1: a kid.
Speaker 3: Well, i'll tell you people there, I'll tell you a story.
Speaker 3: One day I get a call from Sinatra had an
Speaker 3: age named Jack Sularti. They go Jay Sinatra watching to
Speaker 3: play this Italian thing. Some some benefited in a country
Speaker 3: club in Chicago. It's Italian American thing. And you gotta
Speaker 3: work clean, you instance, you gotta work clean. It's gonna
Speaker 3: be a priest there, you know, I said you, okay,
Speaker 3: I'll work clean.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: So I get there, I get up and I do
Speaker 3: my little thing. I get some laughs and thank you
Speaker 3: very much, and I sit down. So they introduced this guy.
Speaker 3: I'm not going to say the name because his kids
Speaker 3: are still alive. A real gangster, right, okay. And he
Speaker 3: gets up there. You don't want everyboddy, Hey, what the
Speaker 3: fuck's going on? You know? Like that? And the priest
Speaker 3: goes like this, and the priest goes, but they fought shut.
Speaker 3: He's just screaming, and I mean the veins are popping.
Speaker 3: Is that when you see a psychopath?
Speaker 1: Just lose it because you got your.
Speaker 3: Ten grand of paper bag? Right fu shut just scrap.
Speaker 3: And the priests is holding his bag with the ten
Speaker 3: grand in it like this, you know, and he's just
Speaker 3: and guys are holding him like.
Speaker 1: Mother fuck, just go after the priet.
Speaker 3: You're just screaming at the guy, you know. He said,
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh jeezuz, and the crowd is like, oh
Speaker 3: my god because this guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the way to lose a crowd if you
Speaker 2: if you go cycle on. Yeah, and it doesn't even
Speaker 2: have to be the priest, just anybody.
Speaker 3: If I remember the story they told, the heartwarming story,
Speaker 3: some teenagers had broken into his house, yeah and still
Speaker 3: stolen something. Okay, They found them two weeks later, and
Speaker 3: they'd been skinned alive. Somebody somebody hung them by their wrists,
Speaker 3: stripped them and run a straight razor from their arms
Speaker 3: down to their toes and just peeled off, peeled off
Speaker 3: a layer of skin until these guys slowly blended it.
Speaker 3: And it was like, oh, okay, So so that was
Speaker 3: like ho scary, you know. So so I'm sitting there
Speaker 3: and just watching this whole thing play out and they
Speaker 3: take him away. Right, So ladies said, he go, hey, hey,
Speaker 3: comme here. Come here. He goes, he says, you play golf. Well,
Speaker 3: come on, God, come come with you. So he and
Speaker 3: I am the golf card. He goes, you know, we
Speaker 3: we have stallone to come to this. You know what
Speaker 3: he said? He said no, and I said, well, you know,
Speaker 3: he started busy fucking explodes again, you know, and I
Speaker 3: was like, I'm sitting.
Speaker 1: I could never play golf with a guy who had
Speaker 1: skinned people.
Speaker 3: Exactly, and I'm not doing it again.
Speaker 1: Do you play golf?
Speaker 3: No, no, I don't think if you could play it
Speaker 3: in twenty minutes, maybe, but also.
Speaker 2: If you know, the carts are ship I mean, if
Speaker 2: it was maybe if you got it, but maybe if
Speaker 2: you had a Corvette.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Corvette. But I mean but the point of this
Speaker 3: was just most people think, you know, my favorite thing
Speaker 3: and the French Connection was the best movie to whenever
Speaker 3: you watch TV, the guy Bob put the gun down.
Speaker 3: I know you don't want to shoot me, okay, And
Speaker 3: the guy always puts the gun down and cannon or
Speaker 3: magnum or whoever it is takes the gun away from.
Speaker 1: That's pretty good. I believe right.
Speaker 3: Remember that that was a French connection where the transit cop,
Speaker 3: the French guy was running from Popeye Doyle. He's on
Speaker 3: the train, he's got a gun and the guy goes, look,
Speaker 3: I know, you don't want to shoot me. You don't
Speaker 3: want to He just shoots him at four or five
Speaker 3: just he's the guy away, go okay, thank you. That's
Speaker 3: what really happens in real life. All these people think
Speaker 3: they're going to be a hero because they know he's
Speaker 3: really a good guy. No, there are evil people in
Speaker 3: the world. There are bad guys out there, you know.
Speaker 1: But I'm still I'm still happy about you bringing up Cannon.
Speaker 1: Canon Cannon. I love Cannon, you know what.
Speaker 2: Like he was like a three hundred pounds dective eight.
Speaker 1: Right right, and he would run after teenagers don't know, no, no,
Speaker 1: what it was.
Speaker 3: Right. He would park in the alley at his big
Speaker 3: Lincoln and the crook would run towards him and he
Speaker 3: opened the door. The drivers don't bang, and that would
Speaker 3: hit them, you know, and knock him out.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, man, I think it's maybe time for a
Speaker 1: Canon reboot.
Speaker 2: I know, if Billy hadn't lost all that weight, it'd
Speaker 2: be he'd be Yeah, but he's all finn and gorgeous.
Speaker 1: Now that's the problem.
Speaker 3: He does look great. He does look like one hundred
Speaker 3: and seventy eight pounds. It's unbelieved. He lost the whole person.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's crazy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, but he looks he looks great. And you
Speaker 3: know something, I was telling him this the other night.
Speaker 3: A lot of guys that used to be fat aren't
Speaker 3: really funny anymore because their whole persona was based on
Speaker 3: being fat, being fat and being but you know something,
Speaker 3: You look and now you're thinking, well, he's always been
Speaker 3: a skinny guy, right, because he doesn't. It doesn't reflect
Speaker 3: in anything that he does. I mean, he's really he was.
Speaker 1: A graceful man. I mean we talked. It was funny.
Speaker 2: We talked ages ago because he was a big final
Speaker 2: Laurel and Hardy I was a yeah, I loved, Oh
Speaker 2: my god. And one of the things about Babe Hardy
Speaker 2: was that is his grace. Yeah, you know, the lightness
Speaker 2: of his feet, that kind of it was funny.
Speaker 3: You know, Louis Anderson the same thing. Louis had great
Speaker 3: dignity about it. He was he moved his hands very
Speaker 3: slowly and fold them in his lap. And and and
Speaker 3: you never sawld sweating on stage, right, But he always
Speaker 3: had those bits about his mom didn't like cats because
Speaker 3: they liked the butter and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: You know the guys you're talking we're talking about, you know,
Speaker 2: the like Louis was one, Gilbert was another one, Gilbert
Speaker 2: Godfried was another one. Like real kind of idiosyncratic character
Speaker 2: that I don't look, I don't pay a lot of
Speaker 2: attention to the young comics right now.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you do. I don't see a
Speaker 1: ton of that. I see a lot of.
Speaker 2: A lot of the same, like you know, you you know,
Speaker 2: a lot of not as much eccentricity of performance. Maybe
Speaker 2: there's some really good ones.
Speaker 1: I mean I watched Michelle Wolf and Netflix.
Speaker 3: You see her, you see her new special. Yeah, you
Speaker 3: know something, I thought it was terrific.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I thought she was.
Speaker 3: Because I thought, you know, when she done all the
Speaker 3: White House stuff, it's like that's a terrible gig, you've
Speaker 3: done it done. Yeah, well, but I mean it's all politics.
Speaker 3: It's like it's how stinging can it be? And to
Speaker 3: watch her latest one, Oh these are real jokes.
Speaker 1: She's really good.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And really. Yeah, she's really funny. Yeah, and yeah,
Speaker 3: I really enjoyed it. And the one that's done in
Speaker 3: three parts or four parts, that's what I'm talking about,
Speaker 3: twenty minutes segment. And I watch it and I thought, boy,
Speaker 3: she's really really good and it's a shame that she
Speaker 3: got beat up so badly over.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, it happens with the white like Colbert
Speaker 1: w be.
Speaker 2: Up pretty badly for what he did at the White
Speaker 2: House as well, but ultimately it worked out for him.
Speaker 2: And I think that it's one of those weird gigs
Speaker 2: the way dinner. I remember when I did it. I
Speaker 2: talked to you before I did it. You remember that, yeah,
Speaker 2: because you remember you said to me, it's just not
Speaker 2: about you.
Speaker 1: Just remember it's not about it, right right.
Speaker 2: And I talked to you, and I talked to Drew
Speaker 2: Carey because Drew had done it as well.
Speaker 1: But I thought it was a hard gig. It's like
Speaker 1: a really tough corporate.
Speaker 3: Well, it's an impossible gig, yeah, because everybody's you know,
Speaker 3: looking in the mirror, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right. It's like, no, it's really no about it.
Speaker 3: And when you have something about like Obama, who is
Speaker 3: a really good comic up. Yeah, he goes on first,
Speaker 3: and now you follow him.
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't do it with it, but I
Speaker 1: did it with George Booth.
Speaker 3: I did it with Reagan. I'll tell you what I
Speaker 3: did first time. I did it with the Reagan. So
Speaker 3: I'm backstage and this general comes in. He goes, hey, hey, hey,
Speaker 3: you're the comic. Yeah, yes, sir, I'm Jane Let He goes,
Speaker 3: I'm selling. This is my committed to chief. You understand
Speaker 3: that this is my boss. He is the leader of
Speaker 3: the free. Will you don't assault him? You don't tell you.
Speaker 3: He's just and he's poking me in the chest, you know.
Speaker 3: And I said, well, okay, yes, you understand. Yeah, And
Speaker 3: then he leaves. Okay, I'm thinking, oh man, I'm starting
Speaker 3: to change jokes now. And then and then all of
Speaker 3: a sudden, George Schultz comes in, remember him, Yeah, and
Speaker 3: he's really drunk. He goes, but now come here, when
Speaker 3: you get up there, you nail Ronnie's ass to the wall.
Speaker 3: You understand me. I go, but that guy, tell me, Scar,
Speaker 3: he works for me. I'm the t a minute, I'm
Speaker 3: the defense guy. You make fun of that thing on
Speaker 3: Reagan's you think got his hair color? You think got
Speaker 3: his real hair color? And I go, I don't know, No,
Speaker 3: you got I said, now, the what do I do?
Speaker 3: I remember my opening joke was, I want to cry
Speaker 3: to you, late Nancy Reagan. I'm winning the Humanitarian of
Speaker 3: the Year award. I'm glad she beat out that conniving
Speaker 3: little bitch mother Teresa. That's funny, Joe and Reagan fell
Speaker 3: off the chair. I thought, well, then I knew I
Speaker 3: was in Yeah, I knew it was okay. But but yeah,
Speaker 3: but that way it is. It's an impossible game.
Speaker 1: It's really hard. Is there any because I've got a
Speaker 1: couple of jokes.
Speaker 2: One of them was the white of course wonded the
Speaker 2: dinner that I never told that I was going to
Speaker 2: do the joke right to the last minute, and then
Speaker 2: I did. And I have tuned my life that I've
Speaker 2: never done. I'll tell you them in a minute. But
Speaker 2: do you have any that you thought I was going
Speaker 2: to do this joke?
Speaker 3: You know, it's so funny. The only jokes I remember
Speaker 3: are the ones that made an impression, because as a comic,
Speaker 3: you have things that put a notch in your brain.
Speaker 3: You just remember, like that first joke I told about
Speaker 3: the you know, the robin Hood thing and all that.
Speaker 3: I remember, so you remember everything. I remember being five
Speaker 3: years old and my mother taking me to because we
Speaker 3: didn't have babysitters then, so he just took me everywhere.
Speaker 3: So we went to my aunt and Eddie, my aunt
Speaker 3: Edia's house on the Italian side, and it's all women
Speaker 3: drinking wine and I'm sitting on the floor and I
Speaker 3: was looking at the women and I said, hey, Mom,
Speaker 3: why do women have humps like camels? And they're they're
Speaker 3: all drunk anyway, and they're all.
Speaker 5: Screaming, and I'm thinking, what did I said somewhere about humps?
Speaker 3: And I always remember that because it got it. So
Speaker 3: is a comic. I think when you say something and
Speaker 3: it gets a laugh, you just, for the most part
Speaker 3: pretty much remember it because I'm told you the ones.
Speaker 1: That you made a decision to tell the joke for
Speaker 1: another reason.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't remember the joke, so I can't remember what.
Speaker 1: I have two I'm going to tell you them.
Speaker 2: One was a White House correspondence to her where there
Speaker 2: was a lot of trouble was the very last Bush
Speaker 2: and Cheney and all those guys were up there Rumsfelders
Speaker 2: around all that stuff, and I was going to say
Speaker 2: at the start of it, it's great to be up here.
Speaker 2: We want see all these guys together in one room
Speaker 2: again until the trial. And I thought that was a
Speaker 2: pretty good joke. And they said to me, probably a
Speaker 2: good It wasn't the White House. It was one of
Speaker 2: my own guys said, probably a good idea. If you
Speaker 2: don't do that joke, people are still a little, you know,
Speaker 2: uncomfortable as a pretty decent joke. And the other one,
Speaker 2: I'm kind of still thinking that maybe I should have
Speaker 2: done it, and maybe I shouldn't. And here's what it was.
Speaker 2: I had a book come out, my own, a biography
Speaker 2: come out, right, And it was the same week as
Speaker 2: Ted Kennedy, his biography came out. He had just died
Speaker 2: that week, right, And Mackenzie Phillips' book come out where
Speaker 2: she talks about having sex with her dad, oh right,
Speaker 2: And there were all three of us buying for the
Speaker 2: number one spot in the New York Times bestseller list,
Speaker 2: and I knew I wasn't going to get it because
Speaker 2: Ted Kennedy had died and Mackenzie Phillips talks about having
Speaker 2: sex with their dad, right, right.
Speaker 1: So I was doing this event in Union Square, the
Speaker 1: Barnes and.
Speaker 2: Noble, and I wanted to do this joke and my
Speaker 2: publicier says, that's a great joke, and I beg, you
Speaker 2: don't do it. I went, okay, but the joke I
Speaker 2: was going to come on stage and say in my book,
Speaker 2: Mackenzie Phillips focks Ted Kennedy.
Speaker 1: I didn't do it, and I kind of wish I
Speaker 1: had done it, but I'm kind of glad I didn't.
Speaker 3: No, No, that's a funny joke.
Speaker 1: I think so.
Speaker 2: But you know, the tempers were flaring at the time,
Speaker 2: and it was probably ay.
Speaker 3: I always did that because a those things you want
Speaker 3: to say. I'm not going to say who it was,
Speaker 3: but I had someone on who was very sensitive and
Speaker 3: they just gotten glasses and they had a big nose,
Speaker 3: and I said, and I wanted to say, oh, did
Speaker 3: the notes come with the glasses, But I knew they'd
Speaker 3: be ye, they'd be hard.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you can.
Speaker 2: You know, you don't want to hurt someone's feelings. We
Speaker 2: were not in that game, you know what. I feel bad.
Speaker 3: That was the thing about being a talk show. She
Speaker 3: got to know when I was a comedian when I
Speaker 3: did the monologue, and I was a host when I
Speaker 3: did there because a lot of times, yeah, I totally
Speaker 3: agree with the battle and you lose the war, you know,
Speaker 3: totally totally.
Speaker 1: I always felt as well.
Speaker 2: And this is why I love doing your show is
Speaker 2: because I felt like I was. You took the word
Speaker 2: host like literally like I'm here to holdt I want
Speaker 2: you to feel good when you having a good time.
Speaker 1: I want you to enjoy yourself.
Speaker 2: And that's how I took that from, you know, like
Speaker 2: it was on your show.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, that's how I want to be because.
Speaker 2: I've done other shows where I felt I've got to
Speaker 2: wash my ass here. You know, I'll put one foot
Speaker 2: wrong and I'm going to be made a fool of.
Speaker 2: And I never felt that when I was working with you,
Speaker 2: and I hope that anyone who was on my wo
Speaker 2: felt the same way.
Speaker 1: It was like, you know, I'm not I don't know here.
Speaker 2: And funny if I was talking to Kristin Ball the
Speaker 2: other day, who was like my number one all time,
Speaker 2: you know, she's like on the show every other week.
Speaker 2: She was great, she was you know, everyone has a
Speaker 2: guess like I sure you had him and I'm going
Speaker 2: to ask you.
Speaker 1: Who it was in a minute.
Speaker 2: But but I was talking to her and she said, well,
Speaker 2: it was weird for me because because I always thought
Speaker 2: she was a great improviser. And she said, no, I
Speaker 2: hate that. I always like knowing what I'm going to do.
Speaker 1: I was like, that's weird. I always thought you loved.
Speaker 2: Improvise, and then that's why you always did my show
Speaker 2: and she went, no, I just trusted you, right, And
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, that's great, it makes me feel good.
Speaker 6: Yeah yeah, and so tell me who you were? Who
Speaker 6: are your go tos? And like, you know, Terry Bradshaw
Speaker 6: was pretty Yeah, he's very funny. Yeah, you know the
Speaker 6: ever he hit a talk show. Yes, that's right, he's
Speaker 6: a daytime talk show or something.
Speaker 3: But you know, Terry was the best one ever. And
Speaker 3: you could not have planned this. He comes out and
Speaker 3: he goes JAYL I heard that monologue. That monologue sucked.
Speaker 3: That was the worst jokes every He's just trash around me. Yeah,
Speaker 3: And I said, I said, you know I can shut
Speaker 3: you down with forward. No, No, you can't. I can't.
Speaker 3: What I said, your fly is open and his pants
Speaker 3: were wide over. Oh my god, and he looked down
Speaker 3: and he fell off the cherry's laughing so right. He
Speaker 3: just felt so stupid.
Speaker 1: He was.
Speaker 3: He was a great one.
Speaker 1: I said.
Speaker 3: I had him thirty maybe fifty four times. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: the comics are always good. You were good, Jerry was good.
Speaker 3: Robin Williams of course was good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Robin kind of took cover. I used to like that.
Speaker 1: You just hand them the reins.
Speaker 3: Yeah, right right, you just let him go. You can
Speaker 3: really interact with him. But you know what my favorite
Speaker 3: two was with Rodney because when I would watch Rodney
Speaker 3: with Johnny, Johnny would beat the straight mane tough week, Rodney, Oh,
Speaker 3: rod Johnny, I tell you this week is all right,
Speaker 3: but last week it was cold. Really it was cold
Speaker 3: out so oh Johnny was so cold. And yeah, I
Speaker 3: know again when I would get Rodney, Oh, that was
Speaker 3: my favorite thing to uh been a tough week, go
Speaker 3: oh Jay, I'll tell you it's it's all right now.
Speaker 3: But last week I got to tell you know, did
Speaker 3: I tell my Rodney story about No, I'll tell you
Speaker 3: Rodney story. I've told this, sorry, but no to me.
Speaker 3: I had Rodney on.
Speaker 1: The show, Okay, Rodney Dangerfield Rodney in.
Speaker 3: Two thousand and four, and Rodney was a little older, yeah,
Speaker 3: a little more frail. And he comes up and he's
Speaker 3: doing the show. He's doing his stand up. I knowic
Speaker 3: he's sweating more than you know. As someone who watches
Speaker 3: comics and you know them personally, you can tell when
Speaker 3: they're a little off. You know. I could tell what
Speaker 3: Jerry's killing, but it's it's not his normal, super hard kill.
Speaker 3: It's just a real And Rodney he would always touch
Speaker 3: his tie. This time his hands were kind of He's
Speaker 3: just a little you know. So I said to Debbie,
Speaker 3: our producer, DeBie vickcause I said, I said, I think
Speaker 3: Rodney's having a stroke. Call the cops, call it paramedics.
Speaker 3: She goes, you think good, I think he is. Yeah. Okay,
Speaker 3: so if he sits now, Jay, I will tell you
Speaker 3: I'm all right now, Ja. But last week, you know,
Speaker 3: and and he's got the handkerchief and he's really sweating.
Speaker 3: But he gets through it and he does fine. Okay,
Speaker 3: now the show ends. Just as the show ends, Rodney goes,
Speaker 3: who's jess him? And the paramedics come in and I say,
Speaker 3: so going and say, Rodney, it's the paramedics. I think
Speaker 3: made stroke. I didn't have a stroke. Well he did
Speaker 3: have a stroke.
Speaker 1: You saw that.
Speaker 3: Well, he was just off. He was just off. So
Speaker 3: they took him away in an ambulance. He went to
Speaker 3: the hospital. I didn't live much longer than that. And
Speaker 3: then his wife Joan calls me. He says, you got
Speaker 3: to come to the hospital. Rodney's in a coma. Okay.
Speaker 3: I get there and Roddy's lion there. His eyes are open,
Speaker 3: and she says Jay. The doctor says, Rodney can hear us,
Speaker 3: but he can't respond to us, you know. So I'm
Speaker 3: telling him how much we love him and how great
Speaker 3: he was to all his comics, you know, letting us
Speaker 3: work Rodney's Club and yeah Rodney Dangerfields and all blah
Speaker 3: blah blah blah. So his wife John says, Rodney, she goes, Jay,
Speaker 3: put your finger in Rodney's hand. She goes, Rodney, if
Speaker 3: you know it's Jay, try and squeeze his finger.
Speaker 5: So I put my finger in Rodney's hand like this,
Speaker 5: And I went, Rodney, that's not my finger, okay.
Speaker 3: And Rodney's shoulders go like this. They just move and
Speaker 3: drug he moved, and the doctor comes, I mean, he
Speaker 3: move me together and and he died right after that.
Speaker 1: But but you got to laugh. Yeah, we got to
Speaker 1: laugh out.
Speaker 3: Of Runney, you know. And it was kind of I mean,
Speaker 3: I don't say it to be mean or to be funny.
Speaker 3: He just is a life well led you know. He
Speaker 3: and he was a wonderful guy and he was a
Speaker 3: smart guy.
Speaker 1: I you know, you never met Rodney in the middle.
Speaker 3: Well, you know the whole thing about being an aluminum
Speaker 3: siding salesman. You know, if comedy doesn't make him, well
Speaker 3: he did. He was a lumin siding salesman. But he
Speaker 3: was a great lumini.
Speaker 1: He was.
Speaker 3: He was so successful he quit show business to sell
Speaker 3: sign Then at age forty four, his face finally grew
Speaker 3: into his act. He began to look like the sad
Speaker 3: sack that he was. And that's when he really became famous.
Speaker 3: Because see, I remember Rodney before he had no respect.
Speaker 3: When he used to do bits right and he would
Speaker 3: do bad. I remember one bit he had. I can't
Speaker 3: recreate it, but this is the essence of it. He goes, well,
Speaker 3: in the flight to sixty five with tw Airlines, he'd
Speaker 3: be the pilot, you know, I go, we're flying over
Speaker 3: right now, over Indiana. Rather a Desolate Park. If you
Speaker 3: look down on the left side of the plane you
Speaker 3: can see the remains of Flight four eighteen that crashed
Speaker 3: right there in the ground. Bob, youer with me on
Speaker 3: that one, weren't you. It was just like a just hilarious,
Speaker 3: just like a funny almost like a very Bob Newhart. Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then later he got into doing bits. Do you
Speaker 3: ever see a movie called The Projectionist? It was done
Speaker 3: I think in sixty nine. Rodney was in that place
Speaker 3: that he was good. He was good and back to school.
Speaker 3: One of the funniest Yeah, to me, that that thing
Speaker 3: about in the Union, Yeah, with the guy goes I'm
Speaker 3: gonna build an imaginary factory. Oh yeah, how are you
Speaker 3: gonna pay off this guy? And pay off that guy?
Speaker 3: You know? And are just so funny. Yeah, he was
Speaker 3: really the funniest guy. And I knew Rodney forty years.
Speaker 3: I have no idea if he's a Democrat, I have
Speaker 3: no idea if he's a Republican. All we ever talked
Speaker 3: about with.
Speaker 2: Jokes, he that's true, with a lot of he had
Speaker 2: the essence.
Speaker 3: He had quick jokes. One of my favorite Rodney jokes
Speaker 3: is I will pass the strip joint. He said, topless
Speaker 3: and bottomless. I went in. There was nobody there. I mean,
Speaker 3: it's a great topless there's nobody there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's a great.
Speaker 3: And the other joke he had, like my doctor said,
Speaker 3: he a seamen sample and he's still sampling into your
Speaker 3: own sample. So I gave my underpants. You know, just
Speaker 3: those kinds just so stupid kind of jokes and just
Speaker 3: just hilarious, just hilarious.
Speaker 2: You ever intimidated by anyone that you ever you ever
Speaker 2: have a guest, and you guys actually get nervous.
Speaker 1: I had a couple, but you ever have anyone? You
Speaker 1: think one day I.
Speaker 3: Had Roger Moore on. So I'll tell you about Sean
Speaker 3: Connery for Roger Moore.
Speaker 1: And tell you.
Speaker 3: I said, when do you go on vacation where you
Speaker 3: go to India? Going to India?
Speaker 5: Quite often go to India. Yeah that's quite a trip.
Speaker 5: Oh not really, Well how often do you go? Oh well,
Speaker 5: going every weekend, every weekend to India? Yes, yeah, I
Speaker 5: mean that's it's.
Speaker 3: Not a long flight. No, no, no, we drive, really
Speaker 3: you drive to India from from England? No, no, from California.
Speaker 3: He was trying to say, India Oh, it's just like
Speaker 3: a whole wasted segment.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're trying to talk about.
Speaker 3: Sean Connor is my favorite because Seawan Connor is the
Speaker 3: only guy I have heard my mother referred to in
Speaker 3: a sexual way.
Speaker 1: That's a real man, Jamis, Oh, yeah, no, the women
Speaker 1: were different.
Speaker 2: I introduced my wife to Sean Connery and her breast
Speaker 2: let up, and I didn't even know bress could do.
Speaker 3: That, that's right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but Sean Connery probably went through life thinking that
Speaker 2: women's breast let up all the time.
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 2: But I've never that's the only time I've seen it happen.
Speaker 2: I introduced her to and she went, oh, hello, San, nice.
Speaker 1: To meet you. He's like, very nice to meet your
Speaker 1: Megan Boom hello Push.
Speaker 2: Well he didn't talk to our bottom department, he I
Speaker 2: mean her, But it was.
Speaker 3: Really I know, well, most people don't know he was
Speaker 3: mister Universe third runner round. Yeah, that's right, nineteen fifty three.
Speaker 1: He was.
Speaker 3: He was a long shoreman and he was a tough
Speaker 3: sound very tough.
Speaker 1: You know the story about him and Johnny Stumpinato.
Speaker 3: Oh no, you get the fight with Johnny.
Speaker 2: Johnny Stumpinado brings a gun on at the set. I
Speaker 2: can't remember the movie. He was doing a movie with
Speaker 2: Lana Turner, Lana try right, Yeah, And the rumor was
Speaker 2: that Big Tam as he's known in Scotland or Sean
Speaker 2: Connery was having an affair with lannat Turner, which knowing
Speaker 2: him and knowing about oday, it's probably it's a pretty
Speaker 2: good even money bet. Stompnado, who's our gangster boyfriend? Turns up,
Speaker 2: points a gun as showing points a handgun at Sewan corner. Right,
Speaker 2: he takes the gun, he smacks he did ahead of
Speaker 2: the gun, and she's got the fuck out. He bring
Speaker 2: a gun onto a place of one. I mean, it's
Speaker 2: like he was a tough guy. He was from a
Speaker 2: very tough part of Edinburgh and he was very kind.
Speaker 3: Of and he's the only guy, you know what to say.
Speaker 3: I was here a jokes and knee slamper. Yeah, he's
Speaker 3: the only guy I ever saw slap you gee gee,
Speaker 3: what's the leadst filthy jewel going about? G you know?
Speaker 3: I mean he would laugh like like he was a
Speaker 3: pirate and he was the only guy that ever took
Speaker 3: a shower in a tonight showed jesssing room because the
Speaker 3: justsing room is a small ones I remember, just a
Speaker 3: little Chinese shower, but nobody he's and he would sing.
Speaker 1: Take the head and.
Speaker 3: The news crew, news guys, news had to run down
Speaker 3: with the headphones. Who's shouting down? I said, Sean Connery. Second,
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, but oh yeah, you know it was it
Speaker 3: was he. They took this rough thug. They put him
Speaker 3: in a savile roast suit. They teld him a little
Speaker 3: bit about wine, so he came across. He was the
Speaker 3: only really dangerous Bond I never got. Roger More is
Speaker 3: always a pill, very dope guy. He's kind of like
Speaker 3: the comedy bone, you know. But him and and Daniel.
Speaker 1: Craig, Yeah, I could believe Daniel Craig.
Speaker 3: Daniel, but Sean Connery had the height, he had the weight, Yeah,
Speaker 3: he had the.
Speaker 1: Threat was pretty good for the nineteen eighties.
Speaker 3: But but Sean Conny just had the physical presence. I mean,
Speaker 3: the Bond films are funny, be goes gold Finger the Man,
Speaker 3: but a big fat guy can barely speak English, slabbering
Speaker 3: over himself. How was this guy in the song? But yeah,
Speaker 3: in the in the in the song women, Oh he's
Speaker 3: cold finger, you know, Oh please.
Speaker 2: You know that Sean Connery. I think it's in the
Speaker 2: movie Goldfinger. He wears a little toweling many like it's
Speaker 2: like little shorty shorts. Oh yeah, the zip that goes
Speaker 2: up the front and the little thing like that. It's
Speaker 2: the most ridiculous looking out fit. Oh yeah, And I
Speaker 2: remember we were watching it, like when one of my
Speaker 2: boys was Lettle. We're watching introducing them to an know
Speaker 2: bone movie. In my I said to Meghan, that's uh,
Speaker 2: that's a stupid.
Speaker 1: Looking at it that. She went, No, one shot Conery.
Speaker 1: I did a preslet again.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, wow.
Speaker 1: And he wasn't even there.
Speaker 3: Yeah he was. He was quite a guy, he was.
Speaker 1: He was a very impressive.
Speaker 3: I mean he was a guy for his time. Because
Speaker 3: you watch it now and it's so incredibly sexy.
Speaker 1: It's shocking, but it was what it was.
Speaker 2: Yeah, anybody, look, buddy, we're done for the recording.
Speaker 1: You and I can talk anything. Yeah, we're done. But listen,
Speaker 1: that went pretty quick.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, you know, we do talk a law, Yeah,
Speaker 2: a lot more than I talked to any other former
Speaker 2: host of the Tonight Show. You're the one I talked
Speaker 2: to the well, and I think that you know, I
Speaker 2: had such a good time when we were doing gigs
Speaker 2: with our Senio this summer.
Speaker 1: We should do it again.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love doing those.
Speaker 1: He's a great guy to see you guys, is a
Speaker 1: great guy.
Speaker 3: I tell you a story about our Sceno. It was
Speaker 3: so funny. I think I told you about with Berri manelog.
Speaker 3: You know, I was saying, no, tell me, Well, he
Speaker 3: was the only real threat. That was one Carson was
Speaker 3: afraid of Arsenio. Well because it was hip, Yeah it was.
Speaker 3: He was good black, it was young, it was everything
Speaker 3: Johnny wasn't you know. And you know, like when Dana
Speaker 3: Carvey did Carcinio, he did a comedy oppression of a
Speaker 3: brilliant impression. Johnny just hated. Made him very nervous. Anyway,
Speaker 3: So the first night of our Sinio show, he goes,
Speaker 3: You're not going to see Barry Manilo's ass on this show.
Speaker 3: This show is all about the funk. It's about to
Speaker 3: mute hit it, you know, in the band place of
Speaker 3: a game.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 3: Okay, So I remember watching that shown. Now this is
Speaker 3: the time when he and I were supposed to be fighting,
Speaker 3: right you understanding, Well, he had I'm going to kick
Speaker 3: Leno's ass and all this stuff going on.
Speaker 1: You know, it's funny because I think of you two
Speaker 1: is being very good.
Speaker 3: We were very good and we still are and we
Speaker 3: were even during that. So anyway, so I'm watching him
Speaker 3: every night to make sure we don't do the same jokes,
Speaker 3: because you need to do that, you know. And I
Speaker 3: hear him say about December. Now, come on, I guess
Speaker 3: in September. About December he goes, and next week on
Speaker 3: the show, Barry Manilow. You know, I have to say sorry.
Speaker 1: Sorry.
Speaker 3: The next day I call like, oh, hi, can I
Speaker 3: speak to you, Senor Hall, This is Jay Leonard. Just
Speaker 3: a minute.
Speaker 5: Oh, he doesn't want to speak to you. Just just
Speaker 5: he doesn't want to speak to you. I said, no,
Speaker 5: he needs to hear what I have to say.
Speaker 3: You know. He goes, what do you want? What do
Speaker 3: you want?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: Next week, very mentel and then he falls off the chair.
Speaker 3: He's laughing.
Speaker 1: So how I go, Oh, he wants to see his ass.
Speaker 7: Because you realize when you do these shows, you need
Speaker 7: everybody you gotta take. You can't every night you got
Speaker 7: But and from that point now we both laughed.
Speaker 1: At him, you know.
Speaker 2: But when the news broke that I was going to
Speaker 2: do the late night show. When I was taking it over,
Speaker 2: I was a YouTube concert in Forum in Los Angeles,
Speaker 2: and you know the little backstage area, some backstage there,
Speaker 2: and Chris Rock is there and he comes over and
Speaker 2: he goes, you're the guy taking over the show, and
Speaker 2: I went yeah, and he goes, you guys do that
Speaker 2: ship every fucking night and I went yeah, and he went, no, man,
Speaker 2: every fucking night.
Speaker 1: I went yeah. And then it kind of to me
Speaker 1: it was like a movie.
Speaker 3: But see, I found every night easier because if it
Speaker 3: didn't go well, I got some I can't stop and dwell,
Speaker 3: I got.
Speaker 1: To move out. That is the glory of it. But
Speaker 1: the truth is, but I tell you I was done.
Speaker 2: I mean, what did you do twenty five years, twenty
Speaker 2: two years, twenty three, Well, I mean twenty five kind
Speaker 2: of guessing, you know, Yeah, I had a ten years
Speaker 2: and that's yeah, that's there's a bit two more than
Speaker 2: I really was.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't there appointment.
Speaker 3: You're like, no, I'm pretty good at simple, repetitive fasts.
Speaker 3: So yeah, well I enjoy you know, I enjoyed it.
Speaker 3: I liked the discipline of writing, writing jokes every day.
Speaker 1: Great at it.
Speaker 3: I like that you got pencils down. I gotta go. Okay,
Speaker 3: if it didn't, if the show wasn't any good, I
Speaker 3: got another show tomorrow and three days later you forgot
Speaker 3: about that show that wasn't very good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2: It was as interesting now though, that all these shows
Speaker 2: hang around and people pick apart from a show and
Speaker 2: broadcasting like, I.
Speaker 1: Don't even remember doing that, you know, I know, I know,
Speaker 1: it's crazy.
Speaker 3: You know, it's different. You know. The saddest thing about
Speaker 3: late night is everybody doing it is really good. The
Speaker 3: trouble is, you have these streaming services. You can watch
Speaker 3: the Lord of the Wings trilogy without commercials. You can
Speaker 3: watch all three Godfather movies. You know, every talk show
Speaker 3: you watch now, because the viewing audience is smaller, there's
Speaker 3: even more commercials. So you watch the monologue five and
Speaker 3: a half minutes and seven minutes of commercials, then six
Speaker 3: and a half minutes a show than nine minutes after
Speaker 3: midnight of commercials, and it just makes it, you know,
Speaker 3: And it's not the it's not the host fault. It's
Speaker 3: just it's so much.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, Yeah, No, I'm glad I got out with it.
Speaker 1: We got at the right time winning.
Speaker 3: Oh we did. Yeah, nobody's making that kind of money anymore.
Speaker 1: All right, well, let's get the fuck out here.
Speaker 3: That's got to drive cars.
Speaker 1: Yeah, anytime,