WEBVTT - Jay Leno 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:02.000 This is me, Craig Ferguson. 0:00:02.360 --> 0:00:04.560 I'm inviting you to come and see my brand new 0:00:04.600 --> 0:00:06.559 comedy hour. Well it's actually it's about an hour and 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:08.319 a half and I don't have an opener because these 0:00:08.360 --> 0:00:11.000 guys cost money. But what I'm saying is I'll be 0:00:11.039 --> 0:00:13.600 on stage for a while. Anyway, come and see me 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:17.840 live on the Pants on Fire Tour in your region. 0:00:18.320 --> 0:00:20.760 Tickets our own sale now, and we'll be adding more 0:00:21.079 --> 0:00:24.960 as the tour continues throughout twenty twenty five and beyond. 0:00:25.640 --> 0:00:28.120 For a full list of dates. Go to the Craig 0:00:28.120 --> 0:00:32.320 fergusonshow dot com. See you on the road, My DearS. 0:00:33.640 --> 0:00:36.880 My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast 0:00:37.240 --> 0:00:42.000 is joy. I talk to interesting people about what brings 0:00:42.040 --> 0:00:47.879 them happiness. Here's my favorite car collector. I think he 0:00:47.960 --> 0:00:49.720 had a late night show at some point I can't 0:00:49.760 --> 0:00:52.159 remember here he is j Lena. 0:01:00.240 --> 0:01:00.360 Up. 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:02.120 So here's the thing. 0:01:02.480 --> 0:01:03.640 Oh so we're not no video. 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:08.000 No, Well, here's the thing about no video because this 0:01:08.040 --> 0:01:10.520 is the reason why I don't do it, because people 0:01:10.560 --> 0:01:16.200 like you, some performers want so much makeup and hair done. 0:01:16.520 --> 0:01:21.280 Oh yeah, not me, No, No, So I tell you 0:01:21.319 --> 0:01:23.800 what I'm doing right here, right right as I'm enjoying 0:01:23.800 --> 0:01:24.840 a cup of coffee. 0:01:25.200 --> 0:01:31.080 Now, I know that you don't drink coffee. 0:01:31.560 --> 0:01:33.560 No, don't drink coffee. And those a couple of CoFe 0:01:33.640 --> 0:01:36.759 Ever had of Seinfeld on comedians and cars getting coffee? 0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:40.520 It was awful. You know, I don't like hot liquids. 0:01:40.600 --> 0:01:42.600 Now, see this is but this is what what about soup? 0:01:42.640 --> 0:01:44.840 Do soup come into the soup is just a way 0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:49.840 to screw you out of a meal? Soup? Oh, here's 0:01:49.840 --> 0:01:52.720 a ball, it's wet. Thanks, all right, so now waiting 0:01:52.760 --> 0:01:55.440 out a wet ball? Yeah, something I can chew, Thank you. 0:01:55.480 --> 0:01:58.000 But hold on a second. Is it because it's a 0:01:58.000 --> 0:02:00.240 whole liquid or because it's just a liquid. 0:02:00.800 --> 0:02:01.559 It's not a meal? 0:02:01.600 --> 0:02:06.200 It does it have to be a meal? Yeah? But 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:08.919 do you but you won't have soup because it's a drink. 0:02:09.000 --> 0:02:10.520 Well, Plus, I don't like hot liquid. 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:15.200 If you don't like, what about gaspacho or maybe a 0:02:15.200 --> 0:02:16.040 cold borsch No? 0:02:16.680 --> 0:02:17.160 Horrible? 0:02:17.639 --> 0:02:19.799 So so really it's about liquid. And do you ever 0:02:19.880 --> 0:02:21.040 drink any liquids at all? 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:22.960 Yeah? I drink a lot of water, a lot of 0:02:22.960 --> 0:02:23.520 fruit juice. 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:25.080 You drink beer? 0:02:25.280 --> 0:02:26.720 No, never had a beer. In my life, you. 0:02:26.720 --> 0:02:28.920 Never had a beer, never a beer, you ever drink 0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:29.960 any of the hoots at all. 0:02:30.120 --> 0:02:32.840 No, no, no, I have nothing to guess that I 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:35.560 have no interest in it. I was always a designated driver. 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:38.079 I was always a car guy. So to me, it's 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:39.880 not true because you love the car. I'll drive you 0:02:40.000 --> 0:02:41.600 dregs home and that's fine. 0:02:41.480 --> 0:02:41.839 All right. 0:02:41.880 --> 0:02:46.680 So you so very few liquids and no soup. 0:02:47.040 --> 0:02:48.640 Well, I see, I'm worried that. 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:49.200 You know. 0:02:49.320 --> 0:02:51.680 Look, none of us are getting younger, Jay, right, right, 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:54.360 So the certain point in life soup is kind of 0:02:54.639 --> 0:02:56.160 gets attractive to the older gin. 0:02:56.480 --> 0:02:57.119 That's all I'm saying. 0:02:57.320 --> 0:02:58.919 Seventy three and I haven't been there yet. 0:02:59.040 --> 0:03:01.960 Well, saying that you know that there was your souper years, 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:02.600 maybe coming. 0:03:02.440 --> 0:03:04.120 Up and get used to it, let's hope not. 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:08.680 All right, So listen, your mother was Scottish. I and 0:03:08.760 --> 0:03:12.600 my mother was Scottish. And my wife has a theory 0:03:12.639 --> 0:03:16.720 about stand up comedians that their mothers have to be Scottish. 0:03:16.960 --> 0:03:22.200 Or they have to be cold with bad boundaries. 0:03:23.040 --> 0:03:25.720 So my mom was not cold. My parents are very 0:03:25.720 --> 0:03:26.280 good that way. 0:03:26.440 --> 0:03:27.360 She have good boundaries. 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:30.079 I don't know what you mean by boundaries. 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:31.720 Well, you know, and now do I But you know 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:32.799 a lot of people talk about it. 0:03:33.560 --> 0:03:35.880 You know, how long are you in Hollywood? In an hour? Now? 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:37.360 And you've got boundaries? 0:03:37.640 --> 0:03:39.040 Yeah, I mean, I'm just wondering that. 0:03:39.160 --> 0:03:40.600 You see, I never heard any of it. You know, 0:03:40.600 --> 0:03:42.640 It's so funny. Where I grew up, I was the 0:03:42.720 --> 0:03:45.720 laziest person that anybody knew. I come here. Oh, Jay's 0:03:45.760 --> 0:03:48.720 the hardest working guy. No, it's just where you grow up. 0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:51.520 It's that, you know, you grew up in New England 0:03:51.600 --> 0:03:55.040 with Silas Manor and Ethan Frome and all these depressing 0:03:55.080 --> 0:03:57.680 books about freshet. You work hard that you die you 0:03:57.720 --> 0:03:59.280 then you got Lulematoya. 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:01.080 After you get. 0:04:02.400 --> 0:04:05.360 Then die whatever it is. Yeah, it's just all life 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:07.760 is awful. You know, Sonny, you comes to Hollywood and 0:04:07.760 --> 0:04:09.760 all the lights of ride and it's sunny outside. 0:04:10.120 --> 0:04:11.720 Wage were you when you came here? 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:15.760 I started coming here, I guess when I was nineteen 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:19.560 twenty something like that, not in nineteen twenty when you 0:04:19.560 --> 0:04:20.920 were nineteen nineteen. 0:04:21.160 --> 0:04:21.880 But here's the thing. 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:24.040 You came out here to do comedy because you're you're 0:04:24.040 --> 0:04:26.640 Boston right right right right? So did you never do 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:28.480 stand up in Boston before you came out here. 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:31.800 Oh yeah, you know that was a great thing because 0:04:32.200 --> 0:04:37.120 growing up in Boston I never met another stand up comedian. Occasionally, 0:04:38.000 --> 0:04:41.599 comedians would come to like the Chateau ta Ville in Framingham. 0:04:41.640 --> 0:04:43.440 It was one of those fancy well yeah, it's one 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:46.359 of those places like near a mall and it's got 0:04:46.400 --> 0:04:49.520 like a fountain in front that I worked there with 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:52.719 Tom Jones, I worked there with Perry Como, I like 0:04:52.800 --> 0:04:57.560 Dion Warwick, you know all those acts from that era. Yeah, 0:04:57.640 --> 0:04:59.760 and that was and that was an opening act. 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:02.440 That was literally you wanted to be a stand up? 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:05.920 Dot Young at nineteen and twenty years old. Oh yeah, 0:05:05.960 --> 0:05:07.800 you got to be fucked up in some way then, 0:05:07.880 --> 0:05:09.920 because nobody wants to be a stand up. 0:05:09.920 --> 0:05:11.599 Why wouldn't you want to be a stand Well back 0:05:11.600 --> 0:05:14.040 in the day, nobody wants. I mean nowadays people want 0:05:14.080 --> 0:05:15.880 to do interesting. 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:19.919 When I watched TV, yeah, all comedians were middle aged 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:25.520 Jewish men like Rodney, like Henny Youngman, all those guys, 0:05:25.600 --> 0:05:28.760 all all the Catskill comics, and then all of a 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:31.839 sudden Robert Klein came along. Was a huge influence on me. 0:05:31.960 --> 0:05:34.200 Robert was about ten years older than me. And he 0:05:34.360 --> 0:05:38.680 was a middle class kid. Parents weren't wealthy, but he didn' 0:05:38.680 --> 0:05:41.279 grow up doing a depression, just talking about the same 0:05:41.400 --> 0:05:44.000 kind of things I talked about. And then Carlin at 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:48.760 that point had just about nineteen seventy early seventy to one, 0:05:49.160 --> 0:05:53.040 released his Class Clown album. And I used to do 0:05:53.120 --> 0:05:56.960 George's routines in my head, and I'm doing silent to myself, 0:05:56.960 --> 0:05:58.960 and then I'd add my own jokes at the end. 0:05:59.560 --> 0:06:01.479 So when I would go to audition to places, I 0:06:01.480 --> 0:06:04.760 would stand backstage. I would get into it by doing 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:07.160 George's thing. And then when I walked, I say, you know, 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:09.160 when I'm in school, you know I didn't I didn't 0:06:09.160 --> 0:06:12.200 do any George material, but I just get a rhythm 0:06:12.240 --> 0:06:12.520 to it. 0:06:12.560 --> 0:06:14.719 You know that's interesting. Yeah, and you and were you 0:06:14.720 --> 0:06:15.600 friendly with George? 0:06:15.760 --> 0:06:17.760 Yeah, it's very new judge from the very beginning. It's 0:06:17.760 --> 0:06:19.919 always very nice to me. So was client. You know, 0:06:20.000 --> 0:06:23.160 all comics are pretty nice. Steve Martin helped me get 0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:25.400 this and IHO. Steve Martin told Johnny about me. I 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:29.960 chose Johnny about Ellen DeGeneres. I find comedians help other comedians. 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:31.960 I don't find it to be this. I mean there were 0:06:32.000 --> 0:06:35.799 there obviously some cutthroat people around, and that's not unusual, 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:38.719 but it's not the norm. You know, as a comic, 0:06:38.760 --> 0:06:41.800 you can't do every job. If I couldn't get something, 0:06:41.800 --> 0:06:44.000 I go, oh, you should. Like, there's a gig I 0:06:44.080 --> 0:06:47.560 do in Rhode Island. I at the Audrey Museum. It's 0:06:47.720 --> 0:06:50.880 it's kind of like Pebble Beach East. It's like it's 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:53.159 a car show and I've hosted it for the last 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:55.040 four or five years. But I'm out of material at 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:57.120 this point. You know, I said, oh, I'm being Bill 0:06:57.320 --> 0:06:59.159 Billy Gardellen, so I brought you know, Billy Gardell. 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:01.200 Billy's great guy. 0:07:01.279 --> 0:07:04.280 Yeah, wonderful comment. Yeah yeah, And he did a great job. 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:06.560 He killed and I felt good that I helped him. 0:07:06.960 --> 0:07:08.720 He felt good. They got to do a corporate day 0:07:08.800 --> 0:07:11.040 that paid a lot of money and it was fun. 0:07:11.160 --> 0:07:13.680 So I'm so, wait, hello, you and i'd be friends 0:07:13.720 --> 0:07:15.280 for a while. You don't think of putting me up 0:07:15.280 --> 0:07:16.360 for the fucking corporate No. 0:07:16.360 --> 0:07:19.760 I never never thought that. What I actually want to 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:20.360 do it next year? 0:07:20.440 --> 0:07:21.440 Yeah, I'll do it next year. 0:07:21.440 --> 0:07:24.080 I'll get a fun yeah. Yeah, okay, because let me 0:07:24.120 --> 0:07:25.720 just say it's on the East coast. I like the 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:29.040 idea cars and like cars gotta work. You gotta work 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:34.040 reasonably clean that super I could. I did gigs with you, right, Yeah, 0:07:34.120 --> 0:07:34.520 let's do it. 0:07:34.560 --> 0:07:35.960 I'll do it. Yeah. 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:38.520 I don't mind working clean. The older I get and fight, 0:07:38.600 --> 0:07:39.920 the easier it gets to work clean. 0:07:39.960 --> 0:07:40.640 I've noticed that. 0:07:40.720 --> 0:07:44.920 Well, you know, I find when you're twenty five, Yeah, 0:07:44.960 --> 0:07:47.200 and you say the word pussy girls go oh, well, 0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:50.040 we said, oh my god, when you're sixty five, Oh 0:07:50.400 --> 0:07:56.000 that old guys, and you know what, they got a point, Yeah, exactly, 0:07:56.120 --> 0:07:56.920 it is. It's true. 0:07:56.960 --> 0:07:57.360 It's true. 0:07:57.560 --> 0:08:01.480 You know, it's fun to grow India. Yeah, because my 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:04.840 point of view is always from an adult observing things, 0:08:04.880 --> 0:08:07.200 how stupid this is or whatever it is, you know, 0:08:07.360 --> 0:08:09.600 and as a young person it didn't work quite as 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:11.840 well as it does now. Now you can be a 0:08:11.880 --> 0:08:13.000 bit curmudgeonsly. 0:08:13.600 --> 0:08:16.240 And I was struck by your stand up bike when 0:08:16.240 --> 0:08:19.360 we were working in the Midwest this summer, Like you 0:08:19.400 --> 0:08:21.560 threw a down manion. It's like a full solid hour 0:08:21.600 --> 0:08:23.920 and you and like the material. It's fresh and well. 0:08:23.960 --> 0:08:26.120 You try to have a joke every six to nine seconds. 0:08:26.120 --> 0:08:27.600 That's that's I think, really, you. 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:29.760 Think because I don't think of it like that. I mean, 0:08:30.080 --> 0:08:33.400 everybody's different, it's it's just different to me. It's like 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:37.520 a music show. You open with your heads boom boom boom, joke, joke, joke, 0:08:37.600 --> 0:08:39.760 junk joke, and then in the middle you do the 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:43.160 comedic version of a ballot. You tell story, Oh, you know, 0:08:43.200 --> 0:08:45.640 my ife and I would go to this place, and 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:49.240 there are little humorous jokes along the way as opposed. 0:08:48.760 --> 0:08:52.240 To That's very interesting to me because I do think 0:08:52.240 --> 0:08:54.800 of it in kind of musical terms. Yeah, as well, 0:08:55.080 --> 0:08:56.760 it's a it's kind of a musical performance. 0:08:56.880 --> 0:08:58.040 Are you a musicians? You play anthing? 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:00.800 I played trumpet, but then I realized I couldn't talk 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:02.080 and play trumpet at the same time. 0:09:02.120 --> 0:09:04.600 That's a terrible instrument for you to play. You should 0:09:04.600 --> 0:09:05.480 play like a guitar. 0:09:05.600 --> 0:09:07.240 I was in fourth grade at the time, and. 0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:09.600 Jay, I'm going to tell you something right now. You 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:10.400 know I adore you. 0:09:10.440 --> 0:09:12.720 But because you played trumpet in fourth grade doesn't mean 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:15.160 you played the fucking trumpet rightly exactly. 0:09:15.200 --> 0:09:17.040 That's why I quickly got rid of it. 0:09:17.920 --> 0:09:19.880 But you do see, I think a lot of the 0:09:19.920 --> 0:09:24.200 stand ups that I like are also the thinking musical 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:25.439 terms of what they do. 0:09:25.480 --> 0:09:28.120 You know, the most musical comic I can think of 0:09:28.160 --> 0:09:30.920 as Franklin a Ji. You know Franklin, I don't know. 0:09:31.160 --> 0:09:36.680 African American comic very big in America. He had an 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:39.120 album out thirty forty years he moved to Australia. 0:09:39.440 --> 0:09:39.720 Right. 0:09:39.880 --> 0:09:44.400 He's a jazz comedian. He plays jazz and he does comedy. 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:47.040 He has one of my favorite bits. He talks about 0:09:47.080 --> 0:09:49.560 the guy. Oh, there was an Olympic guy from some 0:09:49.720 --> 0:09:53.520 country and he ran in the marathon and he came last. 0:09:53.800 --> 0:09:57.600 He was dead last, and he just as he's running, 0:09:57.640 --> 0:10:01.280 he's going on. I mean, I've been training, I've been 0:10:01.320 --> 0:10:03.839 working a I could have sat on the couch and 0:10:03.880 --> 0:10:08.400 watch TV. I'd still be last. I mean, it's still it. 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:10.199 There's a lot more to it than that. He does 0:10:10.240 --> 0:10:13.160 a lot better, but it's just very funny and he 0:10:13.360 --> 0:10:16.840 just thinks in jazz terms. You know, I was fortunate 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:18.880 I got to work with all the great jazz musicians. 0:10:19.280 --> 0:10:23.480 Miles Davis stands against Mose Allison and Montremal Rousson, Rowland Kirk, 0:10:23.559 --> 0:10:27.800 all these guys, and with jazz. There was a place 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:30.600 called Lenny's on the Turnpike in Boston, okay, and that 0:10:30.720 --> 0:10:34.080 was a jazz club and real hard called Buddy Rich, 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:36.840 real hardcore jazz, real deal. You went to see that 0:10:37.679 --> 0:10:40.480 and the first time because usually I used to play scriptuis, 0:10:41.280 --> 0:10:44.800 but now you suck, you suck good. People just screamed, 0:10:44.840 --> 0:10:46.400 so you really didn't know if you're any good or 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:48.839 not right. But with the jazz on its men and 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:50.480 walked on says silence. 0:10:51.240 --> 0:10:53.560 Did they know it? And snap their fingers when you. 0:10:53.440 --> 0:10:55.800 Know, not quite that much, but they would listen, you know, 0:10:56.120 --> 0:10:59.480 like Miles's audience, any of those audiences. I went, oh, 0:10:59.520 --> 0:11:02.040 this is really you know, Ross Sound Roland. I don't 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:03.600 know if you've ever heard of him. He might be 0:11:03.600 --> 0:11:04.480 before your time. 0:11:04.600 --> 0:11:05.280 He's possible. 0:11:05.440 --> 0:11:08.840 Ross Sound Roland correct, African American guy, blind right, but 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:12.840 famous because he could hold a note indefinitely, and he 0:11:12.840 --> 0:11:14.679 could play two instiments in the same time. He could 0:11:14.679 --> 0:11:17.440 play the sax and the clarinet at the same time. 0:11:18.200 --> 0:11:20.600 And that's crazy. How does that even pause? 0:11:20.640 --> 0:11:25.719 Because he could breathe through his nose. Okay, but he 0:11:25.840 --> 0:11:30.200 was blae so and we played primarily African American audists. 0:11:30.200 --> 0:11:32.840 It places like the Sugar Shack in Boston and He 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:34.800 would go on stage and you go, I'm gonna bring 0:11:34.800 --> 0:11:37.600 a young brother. My brother's gonna tell that it is, 0:11:37.840 --> 0:11:39.400 you know. He gives the whole thing like I was 0:11:39.440 --> 0:11:42.400 a blackad. Yeah, please welcome j leto you know, and 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:48.280 I come out and go sh He doesn't. And he 0:11:48.440 --> 0:11:51.440 thought that was the funniest thing, right. He loved doing 0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:54.360 that routine every night with people, bring on a young brother, 0:11:54.440 --> 0:11:57.720 tell it leg it is? Yeah, who you know black audiences. 0:11:57.760 --> 0:11:59.080 I get all worked up, you know, and then I 0:11:59.160 --> 0:12:03.520 walk out, what's this? You know, here's. 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:06.640 The thing because you talk about that right now, like 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:09.760 you even telling that story to me right now, like 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:12.760 people are going to get bent out of shame because 0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:15.720 of you know, you mentioned race of any kind and 0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:18.240 just you know, different races of any kind. And people 0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:20.160 are already on the balls of their feet looking for 0:12:20.200 --> 0:12:22.720 a fight, which I kind of I'm getting a little 0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:25.200 tired of it. I think everyone else is too, does it? 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:25.480 Well? 0:12:26.160 --> 0:12:29.000 I had the best one happened a couple of months ago. Yeah, 0:12:29.280 --> 0:12:32.040 my wife maybe in a little Chinese restaurant in Westwood. 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:36.160 It's got like fourteen tables if that many, and the 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:38.480 mother runs the cashier and takes the orders and the 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:41.160 dad's to cook and looks like the kids or cousins. 0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:44.240 It looks like a family. So we got our food 0:12:44.360 --> 0:12:47.480 sitting there, and you're kind of it's right next to UCLA. 0:12:47.559 --> 0:12:50.160 In fact, it is UCLA right, and a lot of 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:53.240 students are on the table. I just said to my wife, God, 0:12:53.280 --> 0:12:57.280 this woman's really working our ass off. And a girl 0:12:57.280 --> 0:12:59.280 in the next table, or a young woman at the 0:12:59.320 --> 0:13:03.960 next table, go, uh, she's a server. And I said, 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:07.360 I'm not mad here, but I do think before I speak. 0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:11.760 I said to myself, is she a waitress, No, she's stewardess. No, 0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:14.600 she's a woman. First, let me say this woman is 0:13:14.640 --> 0:13:17.160 working her ass. Now, if I had said the server 0:13:17.280 --> 0:13:19.240 is working her ass, you probably said she's a. 0:13:19.200 --> 0:13:21.960 Woman, right, and she should have probably just said, hey, 0:13:22.320 --> 0:13:25.000 you're doing a great job in that way. 0:13:25.240 --> 0:13:27.600 But to me, because I don't really want to. I mean, 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:30.160 first of all, I get an annoyed because I think, oh, 0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:33.000 do you really think I'm being sexist by saying that. 0:13:33.760 --> 0:13:36.360 I would say this man. I didn't say girl, I 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:39.960 didn't say chick, I didn't say waitress. I said this woman, 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:42.959 I mean, what is wrong with her? And she had 0:13:42.960 --> 0:13:46.200 to well, now you're if I had said server, isn't 0:13:46.200 --> 0:13:49.000 that demeaning? I mean, that's all she is. 0:13:49.000 --> 0:13:52.120 Isn't she a woman defining someone by their job? 0:13:52.360 --> 0:13:55.760 Yeah, I said so, but she was so anxious to 0:13:55.920 --> 0:13:56.720 jump on this. 0:13:57.200 --> 0:13:59.360 Well, I think it's a it's a little kind of 0:13:59.720 --> 0:14:02.600 fat that the young folks went through for a while 0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:03.800 that they wanted. 0:14:03.960 --> 0:14:04.320 Fine. 0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:06.920 You know, well when I was, when I was their age, 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:08.440 I was a punk rocker. I was a pan of 0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:08.959 the ass too. 0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:12.360 Oh yeah, I know when you think about a stupid people. 0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:15.320 Our generation was the burning down the Bank of America 0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:18.920 building and oh my god, remember the SDS. To make 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:22.640 up for racial injustice, they should kill every third white 0:14:22.640 --> 0:14:25.920 baby born. I remember something. I remember some SDS guy 0:14:26.000 --> 0:14:28.960 saying that early on okay, you know, just crazy talk, 0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:33.280 just crazy talk. So to me, a lot of his like, 0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:35.760 I never use the word bitch on stage. I know 0:14:35.960 --> 0:14:37.760 women don't like the words, so I don't use it. 0:14:38.360 --> 0:14:42.280 And to me, you know, it's funny because I do 0:14:42.400 --> 0:14:45.560 a joke where I see the women where I say 0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:50.080 your Northwestern University did a study about the differences between 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:54.320 men's brains and women's brains. This is amazing listen to 0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:57.280 this and you see the women go, you know, they 0:14:57.400 --> 0:15:01.400 kind of like it seems women's brains are located in 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:06.320 their head. Who saw that coming? And then and they 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:10.040 laugh more than it is funny because I'm not it's 0:15:10.080 --> 0:15:11.760 not an insult. It's not the usual. 0:15:11.880 --> 0:15:13.600 Well I never understood anyone. 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:16.560 The look to me, an audience is it doesn't have 0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:18.240 a race or a gender or anything like that. 0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:19.840 It's an audience is an audience and you. 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:22.920 Don't know, but no, but an audience does have the 0:15:22.960 --> 0:15:27.600 best audiences. It's a fully male, female, black, white, Asian 0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:31.080 integrated audience where they all totally For example, you know, 0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:33.960 if you have done a corporate event where it's all men, yes, 0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:38.200 unless it's all football jokes or gun jokes or something, 0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:39.600 it's terrible. 0:15:39.920 --> 0:15:42.880 I did. I did a corporate events once. It will 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:43.880 be yeah. 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:46.600 And I used to do this bit about Tom Cruise. 0:15:46.720 --> 0:15:48.840 This is a long time ago because I actually am 0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:50.640 a big fan of Tom Cruise. But it wasn't the 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:53.080 most flattering really yeah. Yeah, it was a piece of 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:55.240 stand up right, And it was just after he jumped 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:57.240 an Oprah's couch and I was sticking around with that 0:15:57.360 --> 0:16:01.000 and I was doing this piece of this piece. It 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:02.640 was a good it was a good bed and every 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:05.200 night it killed. I said, well, I'll do it this 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:06.960 corporate It was a clean bit. It was nothing like 0:16:07.040 --> 0:16:10.680 bad in it. And at this corporate event, I did 0:16:10.720 --> 0:16:13.160 this Tom Cruise thing died on his ass, like really 0:16:13.160 --> 0:16:18.680 badly died nothing, sure, nothing crickets And I come up 0:16:18.720 --> 0:16:20.240 with it. Wow, that was a rough ground, and went 0:16:20.280 --> 0:16:22.680 somebody should probably tell you it's Tom Cruis law firm. 0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:26.120 There was this lawyer. 0:16:26.480 --> 0:16:29.480 Oh my god, it was because you do a lot 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:31.840 of corporate gigs and you work clean. 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:33.440 I've seen you don't work. 0:16:33.920 --> 0:16:38.240 You don't work squeaky clean, no thirty right, so you 0:16:38.240 --> 0:16:40.080 you work clean, you don't you drop the F bomb 0:16:40.120 --> 0:16:41.920 and you don't do that kind of thing. But you 0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:45.360 But it's kind of it's grown up, right, it's an 0:16:45.360 --> 0:16:46.040 adult show. 0:16:46.080 --> 0:16:49.000 But it's not an adult. 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:49.640 It's not balloon animals. 0:16:49.720 --> 0:16:49.920 Right. 0:16:50.240 --> 0:16:53.520 No, it's definitely not that you ever run into it with. 0:16:53.600 --> 0:16:55.480 Because I've had people say to me at corporate gigs, 0:16:55.640 --> 0:16:56.760 you gotta be really careful here. 0:16:57.760 --> 0:16:59.520 They really do you ever they ever say that to you? Now, 0:17:00.000 --> 0:17:00.600 nobody trusts. 0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:02.440 I always ask, I go, is this like a born 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:06.040 again thing is the chairman, the born again guy or something? 0:17:06.119 --> 0:17:07.880 Would you be able to cope with that? So if 0:17:07.880 --> 0:17:09.040 he will, I can work. 0:17:09.119 --> 0:17:12.080 You know something. I booked myself into Oral Robinson University 0:17:12.119 --> 0:17:14.280 once just to see if I could play it, and 0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:17.160 they said, look, we don't like sex jokes, we don't 0:17:17.200 --> 0:17:20.639 like drug jokes, politics, everything else is fine, and they 0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:22.920 were fine. They just didn't want any dick jokes. 0:17:22.960 --> 0:17:27.480 Right, fine, so that's probably not one I should be doing. No, no, no, 0:17:27.600 --> 0:17:30.280 I don't do it, none of those jokes. No, no, no. 0:17:30.280 --> 0:17:34.800 But what I mean And to me, a guy is 0:17:34.800 --> 0:17:37.080 paying me to do a job. I don't quite get 0:17:37.119 --> 0:17:38.879 guys to go. So I told him to go shove 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:39.520 it and I did what. 0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:42.040 Yeah, I don't get I got to agree with you. 0:17:42.119 --> 0:17:43.320 I don't understand that. 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:45.280 What do you like? Then? 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:46.200 Don't take the gig? 0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:49.280 Like to me, I know the you know, to me, 0:17:50.119 --> 0:17:53.040 an audience is like an orchestra. You want to get 0:17:53.080 --> 0:17:56.920 a nice rolling laugh going. I remember I had a joke. 0:17:57.240 --> 0:17:59.359 I'm sorry I don't remember the joke, but it was 0:17:59.400 --> 0:18:02.439 when Hillary Clinton was running for president, and also so 0:18:02.640 --> 0:18:05.639 was Reggie Jackson and a bunch of other people and 0:18:05.680 --> 0:18:10.000