Speaker 1: This is Let's be clear with Shannon Doherty. Hello, let's
Speaker 1: be clear, listeners. I am Daphne's Niga. I was actually
Speaker 1: on the Beverly Hills nine two one OHO spin off
Speaker 1: Melvose's Place, and I played Joe Reynolds, and after that,
Speaker 1: I did One Tree Hill for about five years. If
Speaker 1: you're a comedy person, early on in my career, I
Speaker 1: played Princess Vespa for melt Brooks's Spaceballs, and I'm very
Speaker 1: honored to be here. I was excited when I was
Speaker 1: told this was an opportunity to come and talk to
Speaker 1: the listeners here, and then I've spent some time on
Speaker 1: the podcast, listening to the different episodes, and I really
Speaker 1: love I love the content, and I love that someone
Speaker 1: like Shannon Doherty, who I never met, I don't remember
Speaker 1: ever meeting her. And it's kind of funny because you
Speaker 1: would think the cast of those two shows have met,
Speaker 1: and in fact, I have met other cast members of
Speaker 1: nine O two one zero, but unless maybe I ran
Speaker 1: into her or something, I don't remember meeting her. But
Speaker 1: I do admire. I really admire a person who shares
Speaker 1: their truth, especially such a profoundly difficult and vulnerable tender
Speaker 1: process that she shared with this community. I think truth,
Speaker 1: raw truth is very hard to come by, especially these days,
Speaker 1: what with technology, which is really kind of the hands
Speaker 1: of magic. That the whole point of technology is, well,
Speaker 1: it has a lot of points to it, but the
Speaker 1: fact that you can manipulate and do anything to it,
Speaker 1: you really, truth is a whole thing that's kind of
Speaker 1: in what we're in the air right now of like
Speaker 1: what is true? What images true? Is that really somebody
Speaker 1: saving a turtle? Or is that AI? Is that really
Speaker 1: what that person looks like? Or is that photoshop? Is
Speaker 1: you know? What is the truth? But I remember years
Speaker 1: ago my therapist, she really talked about truth. You know,
Speaker 1: I was trying to figure out. I'll get to my
Speaker 1: I want to talk about voice dialogue. But as someone
Speaker 1: who's been in therapy for twenty five years because I
Speaker 1: love it and I love all different modalities of learning oneself,
Speaker 1: and voice dialogue really helped me. And I'll tell you
Speaker 1: how in a few minutes. But it just came to
Speaker 1: me right now that this therapist, wonderful therapist that I
Speaker 1: had for a long time, said to put the word
Speaker 1: truth because we had I couldn't believe that what she
Speaker 1: was teaching me and helping me know is that all
Speaker 1: I had to do was to tell my truth. A
Speaker 1: lot of my growth and learning came through relationships, so
Speaker 1: I'd go I was sort of a serial monogamist. I
Speaker 1: would be with one person for a while and then another,
Speaker 1: and that's really where I learned a lot of my
Speaker 1: lessons of who I was and who I could be
Speaker 1: and the woman I wanted to be. And it was
Speaker 1: a long journey with a lot of pain and a
Speaker 1: lot of emotions in there. But when she would say
Speaker 1: is just tell your truth? I think my first thought
Speaker 1: was something like, are you out of your mind? What
Speaker 1: if my truth doesn't fit what they want? What if
Speaker 1: my truth dow is you know, ugly or not? Just
Speaker 1: not what the man wanted basically, but which kind of
Speaker 1: takes me into this this modality. And if you hear
Speaker 1: any snoring in the background, that's my husband. I said,
Speaker 1: you can take a nap, but I'm going to be
Speaker 1: on a podcast, and so if you're snoring, you can
Speaker 1: get a taste of what I what I deal with. Anyway,
Speaker 1: love love goes a long way. So taking us to
Speaker 1: voice dialogue from that idea of just telling your truth.
Speaker 1: You know that saying the truth will set you free. Well,
Speaker 1: it's kind of all goes along. Shannon was sharing her truth.
Speaker 1: That's what I really really admire and that's where that's
Speaker 1: what gives you freedom, and that's what sharing your truth
Speaker 1: with others is a very powerful thing. It connects you,
Speaker 1: it connects us with each other. So I'm just here
Speaker 1: to share some truths as well, and we'll see where
Speaker 1: that goes. But my goal, my intention is to share
Speaker 1: it and to share this wisdom, this technique, this for
Speaker 1: healing and knowing myself more and empowering myselfho Moore, and
Speaker 1: being able to connect with others in the world and
Speaker 1: with myself more. That's what this stuff taught me, and
Speaker 1: so my goal is to share it with you and
Speaker 1: see if it's something that can help you. So the
Speaker 1: idea voice dialogue is that we have these different selves
Speaker 1: in us. It's not a new concept. It's been around
Speaker 1: in the world of psychology for a very long time.
Speaker 1: And it's that we have a center, which is what
Speaker 1: in voice dialogue they call the aware ego. I call
Speaker 1: it sort of center neutral awareness, and then we have
Speaker 1: these different selves, these different parts, and we have primary
Speaker 1: parts primary selves, and we have disowned selves. The primary
Speaker 1: selves in us are are the ones that kind of
Speaker 1: like run your day by days. It's how you meet situations,
Speaker 1: it's how you run your life. It's so a primary
Speaker 1: self in me is I'm a doer. I'm a really
Speaker 1: I'm really identified as a doer. Get things done. Give
Speaker 1: me the challenge's figure out how to do it. Who
Speaker 1: do I need to call? You know, I'm feeling something,
Speaker 1: look up a therapist, read the book, do the writing.
Speaker 1: If it's morning pages, if it's taken a walk, like
Speaker 1: I just that's a real part in me. She feels like,
Speaker 1: if there's a challenge or a problem, let's fix it.
Speaker 1: So that part your primary selves were born in you
Speaker 1: as a child into circumstances that you had no power over.
Speaker 1: You were a young little baby, and there was a
Speaker 1: world going on around you. Your parents were who they were,
Speaker 1: your siblings, You're where you lived, and so you developed.
Speaker 1: We developed these aspects, these traits to navigate our environment.
Speaker 1: I moved around a lot as a kid, and so
Speaker 1: I'm okay with moving. I just land in a place,
Speaker 1: you know, fix up my environment there. I deal with
Speaker 1: introduce myself to the teachers at school figure out sus
Speaker 1: out the kids, who's who I remember? And you know,
Speaker 1: I I just but I wouldn't. I realized later I
Speaker 1: would get really close. I'd have best friends, and then
Speaker 1: I'd have to leave them and I would move to
Speaker 1: another sometimes state. I lived in Canada for a while,
Speaker 1: then I lived in Vermont, I lived in Berkeley. I
Speaker 1: lived in the summers, we'd go to Guatemala with my dad.
Speaker 1: So it's the good part about that is that I, uh,
Speaker 1: I adapted. I'm very adaptive. I'm very adaptable. I'm nothing.
Speaker 1: Things don't really scare me. I just focus. I can
Speaker 1: do this. And so it's really coming handy for being
Speaker 1: on location and being movies and TV for all these years,
Speaker 1: because that doesn't freak me out too much. Then you
Speaker 1: have disowned selves. So as I'm talking, I want you
Speaker 1: to think about yourself. So you may have been brought,
Speaker 1: brought and kind of a I was more born into
Speaker 1: kind of a scrappy home, meaning you know, I didn't
Speaker 1: have like a big, beautiful home where we stayed in
Speaker 1: one place and there were other kids around, and there
Speaker 1: were traditions and things to do after school. I mean,
Speaker 1: it was very like I said, very iorate. We moved
Speaker 1: a lot, my mom raised us, My dad and my
Speaker 1: mom divorced when I was six, hence all the boyfriends
Speaker 1: to figure out what that was all about. But as
Speaker 1: I'm talking about myself, think about yourself. Think about what's
Speaker 1: the primary self in you? And then we have disone selves,
Speaker 1: so disone self and me a dissone self in us
Speaker 1: ourselves and there's many, many, many many, but dissone selved
Speaker 1: are ones that we don't like that we really judge,
Speaker 1: and we want to keep those at bay. We hide them,
Speaker 1: we ignore them, we abandon them, we really judge them.
Speaker 1: So I remember, when I was younger, a disowned self
Speaker 1: might be my needs. I had a self that like
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be too needy when I was
Speaker 1: in these relationships, I just didn't want to be needy.
Speaker 1: I wanted to be fine with whatever they wanted, and
Speaker 1: you know I could deal with that. So we're also,
Speaker 1: I might say, another disowned self is kind of the
Speaker 1: opposite of my doer. That one that's like a producer
Speaker 1: or you know, a director, which I've been, and get
Speaker 1: things done. That person who likes her lists, he's a pusher.
Speaker 1: There's this kind of archetypal self, the pusher. We all
Speaker 1: have that. We live in a pusher society. What are
Speaker 1: you doing? What are you doing? What do you get done?
Speaker 1: What are you producing? You know, what's your worth? Blah
Speaker 1: blah blah, as opposed to just the other side of us,
Speaker 1: which is not a doer side, it's more of a beer.
Speaker 1: The parts of us that are they hold our emotions,
Speaker 1: they hold our there are just energy, they hold our spirituality,
Speaker 1: that sense of just being a human being. Those are
Speaker 1: really important. That's really important, and that's disowned by a
Speaker 1: lot of people because it's not very rewarded in our society.
Speaker 1: You don't there's no reward for really just experiencing and being,
Speaker 1: and that's not enough. So that's why I think there's
Speaker 1: a lot of there's a lot of need for that
Speaker 1: right now to in our also in our society. And
Speaker 1: you know, people are seeking out kind of well therapy,
Speaker 1: I would hope and I and I there are a
Speaker 1: lot of adds on podcasts, so people are which is
Speaker 1: a good thing. But uh, this society disowns the beers.
Speaker 1: It's more of a vulnerable or vulnerable selves are in there.
Speaker 1: So I disowned that I called a part of me
Speaker 1: to needy. But in Voice Dialogue, the whole point is
Speaker 1: to get to know these parts and to embrace them
Speaker 1: and love them. And Hal and Cidris Stone, who are
Speaker 1: both PhDs doctors of psychology, have written books, many books.
Speaker 1: One of them is called Embracing Ourselves. One of them
Speaker 1: is called Embracing each Other. That's about relationship. You know,
Speaker 1: if you have a bond, if you're like in conflict
Speaker 1: with your partner, often it's because you guys have different
Speaker 1: selves you're identifying with and you disown the other. If
Speaker 1: somebody triggers you, triggers you like of you judge them
Speaker 1: and you that's a disowned self. They carry a part
Speaker 1: that you've disowned in yourself and so you don't like
Speaker 1: it in them. So through this work you can get
Speaker 1: to know that part of you, and I guarantee you
Speaker 1: that person won't trigger you anymore because you're learning to
Speaker 1: embrace that self. So I want to use an example
Speaker 1: of anger because when I thought about this, coming on
Speaker 1: the subject of talking about voice dialogue, because it's helped
Speaker 1: me so much, I've embraced more of myself, so I
Speaker 1: have more compassion for these selves. Yes, people can be
Speaker 1: too needy. But that's because but having needs isn't too needy,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? There's a difference. Now,
Speaker 1: if someone's disowning taking care of their own needs a
Speaker 1: friend of yours or in a relationship and they're sort
Speaker 1: of abandoning and not taking responsibility for their own needs,
Speaker 1: then they're they're going to look to you maybe, And
Speaker 1: if you feel like that's happening too much, then that
Speaker 1: does become needy. But having needs is not a bad thing.
Speaker 1: Having needs is being a human being. It's actually being
Speaker 1: a sentient being. Because the plant has needs to a tree,
Speaker 1: a plant, a person, we all have needs. So anger
Speaker 1: came up to me this moment that I remember so
Speaker 1: many years ago. With my incredible facilitator. You have like
Speaker 1: a facilitator and voice dialogue like you would therapist, and
Speaker 1: some therapists actually are skilled and trained in voice dialogue
Speaker 1: and they can do it with you. You know, doing
Speaker 1: an actual session requires moving around because you want to
Speaker 1: get out of your center. You want to really be
Speaker 1: center and aware in a neutral way of what's what
Speaker 1: you're feeling. And then you feel into that let's say
Speaker 1: mine's anger at they say something's really pissing me off.
Speaker 1: You want to feel into that, but you don't want
Speaker 1: to feel into it right here, not with Voice Dialogue.
Speaker 1: You want to move it because the idea is to
Speaker 1: separate these selves and to treat them and listen to
Speaker 1: them with non judgment. So I do them, mom, I
Speaker 1: do it by myself now when I need to, and
Speaker 1: I can try to. I can try to show you
Speaker 1: a little bit so you can just do it on
Speaker 1: your own, but really, we'll I'll leave some There's a
Speaker 1: couple links you can go to in books you can read.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of there's a lot of literature on
Speaker 1: this with the Voice Dialogue website. But I had this
Speaker 1: memory of this session I was doing with my beautiful,
Speaker 1: masterful facilitator, Martha leu Wolf, who is no longer with us.
Speaker 1: She died a few years ago. I was so sad,
Speaker 1: and I'm telling you something. That woman, she was long
Speaker 1: white hair, she was a warrior. She was dying and
Speaker 1: she was still facilitating her students. She was there on
Speaker 1: the couch like no energy, and makes me think of Shannon.
Speaker 1: It's such a profound place to be, isn't it. It's
Speaker 1: so effing profound that process because it illustrates right there
Speaker 1: in the moment what life is. The process of dying
Speaker 1: brings immediately the reality of what life is. That it's
Speaker 1: this thing that we all have for a period of time.
Speaker 1: So fast. Anyway, I remember Martha Low facilitating me with
Speaker 1: some really heavy stuff. Someone was triggering me here. I
Speaker 1: don't want to go around like I look for triggers,
Speaker 1: but I'm just saying, like something got me worked up
Speaker 1: a situation I was in, and she helped me with
Speaker 1: some deep stuff. But years ago she helped me with anger.
Speaker 1: So I was seeing somebody that I was all excited
Speaker 1: and when we were together, and you know, I always
Speaker 1: just felt so live. You know that feeling why you
Speaker 1: just that's what love does. It brings you alive. It
Speaker 1: gives you this energy and you feel into all these
Speaker 1: other selves and you come out because this other person
Speaker 1: and there's been this attraction those selves and you were
Speaker 1: in you before that person, and they're going to be
Speaker 1: in you after that person. It's up to you to
Speaker 1: access and embrace them. And then you don't need another
Speaker 1: person to feel like that. You need another person for
Speaker 1: other reasons for intimacy, and uh, you know, we're all
Speaker 1: still learning with each other. But this particular guy was
Speaker 1: he was a great, great man, but he really got
Speaker 1: me pissed. Maybe he didn't call, or maybe he changed
Speaker 1: his mind about something, or maybe I just felt abandoned
Speaker 1: or whatever. But she was in my living room and
Speaker 1: she was like, Okay, what are you feeling? And I said, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm just so angry, and she's like, yeah, well, let's move.
Speaker 1: So you want to move out of where you're recognizing. First,
Speaker 1: you recognize it from a state of neutrality, from just
Speaker 1: being in the present moment. Here, I am talking on
Speaker 1: a podcast. This moment, I feel that feeling come up,
Speaker 1: and then I can move. I would get up. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to do it now, but I could get
Speaker 1: up and go to another chair or stand or do whatever.
Speaker 1: But you will feel it in your body. Let you
Speaker 1: let that anger come into your body, and you're not
Speaker 1: going to hurt anything or hurt anyone, and you're not
Speaker 1: going to hurt yourself. The point is to listen to
Speaker 1: it with no judgment. So this is what we would do.
Speaker 1: I'll just do it kind of quickly. She would go
Speaker 1: to another move wherever I wanted to go. And again,
Speaker 1: I've been doing this for thirty years, and every time
Speaker 1: I do this, it's a different kind of anger. It's
Speaker 1: a different self, and I would move to a different place,
Speaker 1: or it's other parts, not just anger. But I was
Speaker 1: in it. And she said, okay, where are you in
Speaker 1: Daphne's body? So where is the anger in your body?
Speaker 1: And you can feel into it? And I would feel
Speaker 1: my face, the skin, my solar plexus, feel into that.
Speaker 1: It's in your solar plexus, in my sometimes it's in
Speaker 1: my arms, my arms. You feel into it. You're getting
Speaker 1: below the head. You're not thinking, you're feeling, getting out
Speaker 1: of your thoughts. We all think too much. We need
Speaker 1: to drop down into the rest of ourselves. So from
Speaker 1: that place, she'd say, okay, you're in it, and feel
Speaker 1: into that, into the energy, into the sensation of the
Speaker 1: anger in the in in Daphnie's body. And then she
Speaker 1: asked me, how long have you been in Daphne? So
Speaker 1: that right there assumes that that anger has been in
Speaker 1: me longer, long before I met this person right who
Speaker 1: set it off. And I would feel into it and
Speaker 1: I remember, you know, I said, when I was a kid,
Speaker 1: And it's true, I was an angry child because of
Speaker 1: all that moving around because of all the unknown I
Speaker 1: had to I was scared a lot. I had to
Speaker 1: protect I had to protect my sister, I had to
Speaker 1: protect myself. It was a volatile time. This was the
Speaker 1: sixties and the seventies. Anyway, think feel into that. How
Speaker 1: long have you been in this anger, this feeling? And
Speaker 1: you can just feel into it and think, think, this
Speaker 1: is where you can think. Think back to your childhood.
Speaker 1: Is it your teen years? Did something happen? Do you
Speaker 1: have a thought that comes to mind right away? Is
Speaker 1: it like on a school yard or is it earlier
Speaker 1: than that? Is it when you're even younger. I remember
Speaker 1: when I was even younger, I was angry because my
Speaker 1: parents were working, they weren't home. A lot that's in
Speaker 1: your body. So then she would say, Okay, is there
Speaker 1: anything you want to tell Daphne. There's a message this
Speaker 1: self has. It's not just this random anger that you
Speaker 1: need to squelch down. If you do this stuff, you
Speaker 1: use your the tools, these tools, this technique, you can
Speaker 1: skillfully mine the gold from it. So, I mean, I
Speaker 1: was so angry and I just let it go. I
Speaker 1: was swearing and talking about this guy and who does
Speaker 1: he think he is? And just so much letting it go,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to say to Daphne it turned into this.
Speaker 1: All of a sudden, I start to see an art
Speaker 1: gallery and these big wall sized paintings of like splashes
Speaker 1: of red and orange and yellow and blue, and I
Speaker 1: suddenly that just that anger turned into these creativity. Creativity
Speaker 1: turned into creative images, and I was talking to her
Speaker 1: from that place, the angered kind of left and turned
Speaker 1: into flowed into this other energy, which was like, I
Speaker 1: want Daphne to create. I don't want her to sit
Speaker 1: around and wait for this guy. I don't want the
Speaker 1: situation to her to sit around and wait for what's
Speaker 1: so great about him? And then I start to see
Speaker 1: the things that weren't so great about him, and I
Speaker 1: start to see the things that Daphne. Daphne has, She
Speaker 1: has a liveness in her, she has creativity in her.
Speaker 1: I want her to find a place to use it.
Speaker 1: So this goes on for however it goes on. You
Speaker 1: have a skilled, uh facilitator or if you'll you know,
Speaker 1: read the books, they'll tell you in there how to
Speaker 1: work with it. But then you kind of just there's
Speaker 1: a natural slowing down of it, and it kind of
Speaker 1: just ends and then the facilitator. Then what you can
Speaker 1: say to yourself right now, thank you for coming up,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for showing up right here. I'm
Speaker 1: so glad that you came out to talk to me
Speaker 1: and so I could hear from Daphne. You know that's
Speaker 1: not easy. Anger is not easy, Anger's not fun. But
Speaker 1: I'm really glad you said what you have to say,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to remember that. We'll write, maybe we'll
Speaker 1: write about it. We'll write what you had to say.
Speaker 1: So if there's nothing else to say, then let's move
Speaker 1: back to center. So then when that part is ready,
Speaker 1: comes back to center. And the first thing you notice
Speaker 1: is that you don't stay there. See, if we don't
Speaker 1: separate and see these different selves that come and go
Speaker 1: throughout the course of a day, then we just stay
Speaker 1: there and it rules everything, and it's just it's ruining
Speaker 1: us our pleasure, our joy. Right, So come back to center,
Speaker 1: and the first thing you want to ask yourself is
Speaker 1: look around present moment. You're back to neutrality, but you
Speaker 1: can still feel over there. So just for a minute,
Speaker 1: bring in the anger, Bring in that energy just a
Speaker 1: little bit ten percent, Just bring it in so that
Speaker 1: you can assure it. You're not going to forget it.
Speaker 1: Your parts all want to be heard. They don't want
Speaker 1: to wreck the day for you, so you ignore them
Speaker 1: and then let it go, let that energy go back out,
Speaker 1: So you're back in center. So that's an experience of oneself,
Speaker 1: a very intense self. And again these sessions are like
Speaker 1: an hour and a half or at least an hour
Speaker 1: with a facilitator, and so you're back in center. And
Speaker 1: what you might ask yourself is you have compassion for
Speaker 1: that part, first of all, because you heard when it
Speaker 1: came into your life, You heard how and why it
Speaker 1: was born. You have images of your childhood or your
Speaker 1: teen years, or when that was had to be activated
Speaker 1: to protect to or when you were betrayed or when
Speaker 1: you were hurt. There's this is absolutely valid and real reaction,
Speaker 1: but you want to work with it now in a
Speaker 1: way that's going to help you and not harm you.
Speaker 1: When you have anger, when I'll speak for myself, but
Speaker 1: I think we're all very similar in a lot of ways.
Speaker 1: When you have anger and you don't express it in
Speaker 1: a safe way without hurting anybody or yourself, it implodes
Speaker 1: and you will take it out on yourself. So for
Speaker 1: me back in the days when I was younger and
Speaker 1: going through a lot of this where I didn't have
Speaker 1: the courage to express my truth because I didn't want
Speaker 1: to be too needy. I just want to fit into
Speaker 1: what was what they wanted. I mean, I wrote a
Speaker 1: article for Oprah Magazine on this. I wanted to just
Speaker 1: fit into whatever guy I was seeing their life. You
Speaker 1: will implode. You'll either eat too much, drink, use something,
Speaker 1: take it out on loved ones, take it out on
Speaker 1: or your organs. You know, you might get sick, you
Speaker 1: might gain weight, you might You're going to create reasons
Speaker 1: to feel the anger. That anger needs to be heard
Speaker 1: and met without hurting yourself and without hurting anyone else,
Speaker 1: hopefully without hurting furniture and glass in your house, although
Speaker 1: I've been known to throw a few things if you've
Speaker 1: listened to my podcast. But that's an example of the anger.
Speaker 1: Now I've talked about this other needy part, I just
Speaker 1: want to quickly go to that other part from center.
Speaker 1: What's this disowned self? Think of a disowned self that
Speaker 1: you have inside of you apart that you don't like
Speaker 1: to show people. Let's I'm going to use my that
Speaker 1: part that I thought was too needy, So I would
Speaker 1: move to another self over here, sit where it's you.
Speaker 1: A lot of times maybe i'd be curled up on
Speaker 1: the sofa. You can again when you move, I'll just
Speaker 1: do it right here a little bit. And this is
Speaker 1: really great for acting. My Martha Loo, my facilitator, would
Speaker 1: work with opera singers and actors and zen monks actually,
Speaker 1: because it's similar to meditation, where in meditation you just
Speaker 1: sit and you watch all the thoughts come and go
Speaker 1: like a big sky, and the clouds are your thoughts
Speaker 1: and feelings and memories and all this just comes and goes.
Speaker 1: So it's very This is similar. You're just stopping spending
Speaker 1: some time with some selves, a couple of self, and
Speaker 1: then you're coming back to center. But there was a
Speaker 1: part of me that was that I thought was needy,
Speaker 1: and I would say how long where are you? And
Speaker 1: Daphne's body and I already I can feel the contraction.
Speaker 1: Too small. She just got small. She didn't want to
Speaker 1: have any need. And when I was young, I remember
Speaker 1: this situation. I would feel that for sure my parents
Speaker 1: were going through a lot, they were young parents, and
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be in their way. And I
Speaker 1: didn't want to be caught in the fighting or caught
Speaker 1: in the fire, so I would get small. So that's
Speaker 1: how I would feel it physically. How long have you
Speaker 1: been in Daphne? Well, how long has that been in you?
Speaker 1: You'll get images, your body will tell you. I have
Speaker 1: images of being a young girl, very tried to be small.
Speaker 1: Is there anything you want to say? What do you
Speaker 1: want to say? Well, I want to say I don't
Speaker 1: want to get hurt. I don't want Daphne to push
Speaker 1: people away. I don't want her to. I don't want to,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't want to. I don't want to
Speaker 1: become too much. I don't want to be abandoned or rejected.
Speaker 1: Then I will have nobody. So but I'm feeling these things.
Speaker 1: I'm feeling abandoned, I'm feeling disowned. So you try to
Speaker 1: feel into that and then say, is there anything else
Speaker 1: you want to say to Daphne you've talked about in
Speaker 1: the second is that the second or the third person
Speaker 1: in the middle. Again, probably best to have a facilitator,
Speaker 1: but still again, just to get the idea of that
Speaker 1: we're accepting these different selves and from center without judgment,
Speaker 1: we can embrace them all when they come up, we go, Oh,
Speaker 1: so let me finish over here so I can get
Speaker 1: back to center. Is there anything you want to say
Speaker 1: to Daphne? Don't forget me. I'm not trying to wreck
Speaker 1: anything for her. I just I don't want to be alone.
Speaker 1: I just want to be loved and loving, and I
Speaker 1: don't want her to forget me. Okay, well let's move.
Speaker 1: If you've if you're all done, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for coming out. Is what the feeling you want to
Speaker 1: have to that part? Thank you for so much for
Speaker 1: coming out. Then we're going to move back to center.
Speaker 1: So even though I'm just a month, you know, a
Speaker 1: couple inches away, I can feel what's the difference between
Speaker 1: here and now and center, and that I can totally
Speaker 1: feel the difference. Let that part in test ten percent. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel her, I feel her. Okay, thank you so much,
Speaker 1: and let it go. I mean, I can go shopping now.
Speaker 1: I'm in the center here, I can you know. I'm good.
Speaker 1: These are just selves in me that I've experienced. And
Speaker 1: the more I do this, the more you discover different selves,
Speaker 1: the happier you get, the less fearful you get, the lighter,
Speaker 1: the more energized, positive, gotten Now. Sometimes after these sessions,
Speaker 1: I would go somewhere in Martha Low. My facilitator would
Speaker 1: suggest that I go and write a paragraph or a
Speaker 1: page or pages, but ask at the top, you know, Anger,
Speaker 1: thanks for coming out today, what did you experience? And
Speaker 1: just write from that place and write down what you
Speaker 1: experienced in that self and then also the other self
Speaker 1: and why you're writing. You might ask yourself, Anger, what's
Speaker 1: the gift? What is the gift here? From center? Here
Speaker 1: in the center, I know the gifts. I can feel
Speaker 1: into the gifts. So the gift of my anger is
Speaker 1: basically what it was saying, it doesn't want to be
Speaker 1: that part art didn't want to be was angry, didn't
Speaker 1: want to be ignored, didn't want to be I'm thinking
Speaker 1: of that movie Fatal Attraction. The gift of the anger
Speaker 1: is that there's creativity underneath it. For me in that session,
Speaker 1: that's a huge gift. Are you kidding me? That's a gift.
Speaker 1: You don't want to squelch this stuff. They have gifts
Speaker 1: for you. The gift of this side was she wants
Speaker 1: love and closeness and intimacy, and she's a loving, soft,
Speaker 1: nurturing part of me. That's a huge gift. So all
Speaker 1: of ourselves have gifts, and that is the more that
Speaker 1: we can do this, the more that we can accept
Speaker 1: the different selves, and I'll just tell you, the more
Speaker 1: that we own them and embrace them, and we can
Speaker 1: and handle life more. Now it's not to say that
Speaker 1: you don't slip back into it or you get triggered
Speaker 1: by something or something comes up and this part will
Speaker 1: be activated. Guess what I have the ability now to go, oh,
Speaker 1: who is this? Where are you? Where is this feeling
Speaker 1: in the body? Oh, in my solar plexus? Okay, what's
Speaker 1: going on? If you don't have time to do a
Speaker 1: whole like how long have you been? And you and
Speaker 1: where is it? If you do have the time, do
Speaker 1: some investigation, Wow, what are you feeling? Where is it
Speaker 1: in the body? A solar plexus? That type of thing? Okay?
Speaker 1: And then if that part needs something and you can't
Speaker 1: do it right, then you can make a deal to
Speaker 1: do it later. So another wonderful thing that Martha Lou
Speaker 1: gave me was throughout the day because a primary self
Speaker 1: of me, my primary self is a doer, the pusher,
Speaker 1: go go, go, go go. I mean I used to
Speaker 1: get up and go running. I used to get up
Speaker 1: and go walk the dog and then go for a
Speaker 1: hike and then go do this. And you know, I
Speaker 1: have to do my things. I can't just so. A
Speaker 1: disowned self is like dilly dallying couch potato. I am
Speaker 1: not a couch potato, but guess what, I have a
Speaker 1: couch potato in me, and my job is to get
Speaker 1: to know her a little bit because she has gifts.
Speaker 1: There are gifts to the couch potato, relaxing, resting, giving
Speaker 1: your mind a break. Now, you don't want to do
Speaker 1: it too much, you will implode. The idea is to
Speaker 1: have balance, but that you can identify if you're sitting
Speaker 1: on the couch too much. It's been like I don't know,
Speaker 1: Day five for me, like I don't know after an hour,
Speaker 1: just check in because you maybe you're on the couch
Speaker 1: for reasons that you could be you know, coping with
Speaker 1: and dealing with in another way, or sometimes you just
Speaker 1: need to be there and watch a rom I get it.
Speaker 1: I've been there. Anyway. I want to wrap this up,
Speaker 1: and I hope this hasn't been too confusing. I hope it.
Speaker 1: I hope the thing I want to leave you with
Speaker 1: and maintain in myself is the idea of loving our
Speaker 1: different selves. And every time you do this, it's a
Speaker 1: different variety of a self. It's never been the same.
Speaker 1: I've done this so many times over thirty years. It's
Speaker 1: never the same. But you don't take yourself so seriously.
Speaker 1: So they oh, yeah, that's so someone triggered someone like
Speaker 1: pisses me off. I just go now, I can. I can.
Speaker 1: It's not like I always do it, but I can't go. Ah,
Speaker 1: that's the part in me that's angry because he's doing that. Okay,
Speaker 1: well that's better than why are you out of your
Speaker 1: But you know, then you get into a whole thing.
Speaker 1: So you can you can be in center and recognize
Speaker 1: and nice, get to know yourself, get to know these
Speaker 1: parts of you, get to because the goal is to
Speaker 1: embrace them. So I just want to maybe maybe let's
Speaker 1: leave with knowing that two primary areas of self that
Speaker 1: we all have are the doer and the beer pusher
Speaker 1: productive masculine action activity and then the beer. There's emotion, feeling, spirituality, experience.
Speaker 1: There's this essence and then there's a doer. So you
Speaker 1: want to, like, if you're overdoing it here. You don't
Speaker 1: want to do that. That could be really bad for
Speaker 1: you and make yourself miserable and tire yourself out. So
Speaker 1: you want to like check yourself and then go, oh,
Speaker 1: I need some of her, I need some of this
Speaker 1: part of me. So what I was going to say
Speaker 1: is Martha Lou would say, do yourself. In the morning,
Speaker 1: you would go, do your activity, go for your walk.
Speaker 1: If that's your natural rhythm, great, go do it. Promise yourself.
Speaker 1: Promise yourself your other self twelve to one or four
Speaker 1: to five, or right after work if you're working all day,
Speaker 1: if you're working from home, you can you can do
Speaker 1: it fitted in more, but promise yourself some time, some
Speaker 1: designated time where it's just resting or being or you know,
Speaker 1: she'd say to me, or playing music. There's no end,
Speaker 1: there's no result needed. You're not doing it to get
Speaker 1: somewhere or get something or create something or produce something. Okay,
Speaker 1: So you're just being. It could be literally sitting in
Speaker 1: a comfortable chair somewhere. You could be sitting in the park.
Speaker 1: You could be watching the birds, going for a walk, resting,
Speaker 1: taking a nap, reading, watching a silly thing, laughing, whatever
Speaker 1: it is. Just spend some time with that self in you.
Speaker 1: And once you get more into balance with these and
Speaker 1: more awareness from the center and they can come in
Speaker 1: and go out, you're going to be happier because you
Speaker 1: will have taken care of yourself and you're not going
Speaker 1: to be looking outward for this so much caretaking. Yes
Speaker 1: you need caretaking, but you're not going to be angry
Speaker 1: if someone doesn't do it for you exactly how you
Speaker 1: need it done. So that's where I leave you with
Speaker 1: Voice Dialogue. I'll have them put some There's a website,
Speaker 1: Voice Dialogue International. That's Hallan said as Stone. They have
Speaker 1: a lot of books, they have freed listening, They have
Speaker 1: talks on there embracing yourselves, ourselves and embracing each other
Speaker 1: is great. They have a lot of relation stuff on there.
Speaker 1: And then their daughter has a website. She's also a facilitator.
Speaker 1: She has private sessions. I saw. I've actually never met her,
Speaker 1: Tamar Stone, and hers's Voice Dialogue connection dot com anyway,
Speaker 1: and from there they'll have different resources. But be well,
Speaker 1: love yourselves and until next time, thanks for sticking around
Speaker 1: for this.