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Speaker 1: This is Let's be clear with Shannon Doherty. Hello, let's

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Speaker 1: be clear, listeners. I am Daphne's Niga. I was actually

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Speaker 1: on the Beverly Hills nine two one OHO spin off

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Speaker 1: Melvose's Place, and I played Joe Reynolds, and after that,

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Speaker 1: I did One Tree Hill for about five years. If

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Speaker 1: you're a comedy person, early on in my career, I

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Speaker 1: played Princess Vespa for melt Brooks's Spaceballs, and I'm very

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Speaker 1: honored to be here. I was excited when I was

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Speaker 1: told this was an opportunity to come and talk to

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Speaker 1: the listeners here, and then I've spent some time on

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Speaker 1: the podcast, listening to the different episodes, and I really

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Speaker 1: love I love the content, and I love that someone

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Speaker 1: like Shannon Doherty, who I never met, I don't remember

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Speaker 1: ever meeting her. And it's kind of funny because you

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Speaker 1: would think the cast of those two shows have met,

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Speaker 1: and in fact, I have met other cast members of

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Speaker 1: nine O two one zero, but unless maybe I ran

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Speaker 1: into her or something, I don't remember meeting her. But

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Speaker 1: I do admire. I really admire a person who shares

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Speaker 1: their truth, especially such a profoundly difficult and vulnerable tender

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Speaker 1: process that she shared with this community. I think truth,

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Speaker 1: raw truth is very hard to come by, especially these days,

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Speaker 1: what with technology, which is really kind of the hands

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Speaker 1: of magic. That the whole point of technology is, well,

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Speaker 1: it has a lot of points to it, but the

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Speaker 1: fact that you can manipulate and do anything to it,

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Speaker 1: you really, truth is a whole thing that's kind of

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Speaker 1: in what we're in the air right now of like

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Speaker 1: what is true? What images true? Is that really somebody

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Speaker 1: saving a turtle? Or is that AI? Is that really

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Speaker 1: what that person looks like? Or is that photoshop? Is

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Speaker 1: you know? What is the truth? But I remember years

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Speaker 1: ago my therapist, she really talked about truth. You know,

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Speaker 1: I was trying to figure out. I'll get to my

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about voice dialogue. But as someone

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Speaker 1: who's been in therapy for twenty five years because I

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Speaker 1: love it and I love all different modalities of learning oneself,

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Speaker 1: and voice dialogue really helped me. And I'll tell you

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Speaker 1: how in a few minutes. But it just came to

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Speaker 1: me right now that this therapist, wonderful therapist that I

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Speaker 1: had for a long time, said to put the word

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Speaker 1: truth because we had I couldn't believe that what she

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Speaker 1: was teaching me and helping me know is that all

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Speaker 1: I had to do was to tell my truth. A

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Speaker 1: lot of my growth and learning came through relationships, so

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Speaker 1: I'd go I was sort of a serial monogamist. I

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Speaker 1: would be with one person for a while and then another,

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Speaker 1: and that's really where I learned a lot of my

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Speaker 1: lessons of who I was and who I could be

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Speaker 1: and the woman I wanted to be. And it was

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Speaker 1: a long journey with a lot of pain and a

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Speaker 1: lot of emotions in there. But when she would say

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Speaker 1: is just tell your truth? I think my first thought

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Speaker 1: was something like, are you out of your mind? What

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Speaker 1: if my truth doesn't fit what they want? What if

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Speaker 1: my truth dow is you know, ugly or not? Just

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Speaker 1: not what the man wanted basically, but which kind of

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Speaker 1: takes me into this this modality. And if you hear

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Speaker 1: any snoring in the background, that's my husband. I said,

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Speaker 1: you can take a nap, but I'm going to be

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Speaker 1: on a podcast, and so if you're snoring, you can

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Speaker 1: get a taste of what I what I deal with. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: love love goes a long way. So taking us to

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Speaker 1: voice dialogue from that idea of just telling your truth.

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Speaker 1: You know that saying the truth will set you free. Well,

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Speaker 1: it's kind of all goes along. Shannon was sharing her truth.

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Speaker 1: That's what I really really admire and that's where that's

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Speaker 1: what gives you freedom, and that's what sharing your truth

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Speaker 1: with others is a very powerful thing. It connects you,

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Speaker 1: it connects us with each other. So I'm just here

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Speaker 1: to share some truths as well, and we'll see where

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Speaker 1: that goes. But my goal, my intention is to share

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Speaker 1: it and to share this wisdom, this technique, this for

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Speaker 1: healing and knowing myself more and empowering myselfho Moore, and

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Speaker 1: being able to connect with others in the world and

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Speaker 1: with myself more. That's what this stuff taught me, and

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Speaker 1: so my goal is to share it with you and

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Speaker 1: see if it's something that can help you. So the

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Speaker 1: idea voice dialogue is that we have these different selves

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Speaker 1: in us. It's not a new concept. It's been around

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Speaker 1: in the world of psychology for a very long time.

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Speaker 1: And it's that we have a center, which is what

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Speaker 1: in voice dialogue they call the aware ego. I call

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Speaker 1: it sort of center neutral awareness, and then we have

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Speaker 1: these different selves, these different parts, and we have primary

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Speaker 1: parts primary selves, and we have disowned selves. The primary

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Speaker 1: selves in us are are the ones that kind of

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Speaker 1: like run your day by days. It's how you meet situations,

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Speaker 1: it's how you run your life. It's so a primary

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Speaker 1: self in me is I'm a doer. I'm a really

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Speaker 1: I'm really identified as a doer. Get things done. Give

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Speaker 1: me the challenge's figure out how to do it. Who

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Speaker 1: do I need to call? You know, I'm feeling something,

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Speaker 1: look up a therapist, read the book, do the writing.

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Speaker 1: If it's morning pages, if it's taken a walk, like

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Speaker 1: I just that's a real part in me. She feels like,

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Speaker 1: if there's a challenge or a problem, let's fix it.

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Speaker 1: So that part your primary selves were born in you

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Speaker 1: as a child into circumstances that you had no power over.

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Speaker 1: You were a young little baby, and there was a

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Speaker 1: world going on around you. Your parents were who they were,

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Speaker 1: your siblings, You're where you lived, and so you developed.

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Speaker 1: We developed these aspects, these traits to navigate our environment.

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Speaker 1: I moved around a lot as a kid, and so

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Speaker 1: I'm okay with moving. I just land in a place,

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Speaker 1: you know, fix up my environment there. I deal with

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Speaker 1: introduce myself to the teachers at school figure out sus

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Speaker 1: out the kids, who's who I remember? And you know,

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Speaker 1: I I just but I wouldn't. I realized later I

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Speaker 1: would get really close. I'd have best friends, and then

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Speaker 1: I'd have to leave them and I would move to

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Speaker 1: another sometimes state. I lived in Canada for a while,

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Speaker 1: then I lived in Vermont, I lived in Berkeley. I

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Speaker 1: lived in the summers, we'd go to Guatemala with my dad.

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Speaker 1: So it's the good part about that is that I, uh,

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Speaker 1: I adapted. I'm very adaptive. I'm very adaptable. I'm nothing.

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Speaker 1: Things don't really scare me. I just focus. I can

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Speaker 1: do this. And so it's really coming handy for being

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Speaker 1: on location and being movies and TV for all these years,

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Speaker 1: because that doesn't freak me out too much. Then you

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Speaker 1: have disowned selves. So as I'm talking, I want you

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Speaker 1: to think about yourself. So you may have been brought,

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Speaker 1: brought and kind of a I was more born into

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Speaker 1: kind of a scrappy home, meaning you know, I didn't

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Speaker 1: have like a big, beautiful home where we stayed in

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Speaker 1: one place and there were other kids around, and there

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Speaker 1: were traditions and things to do after school. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it was very like I said, very iorate. We moved

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Speaker 1: a lot, my mom raised us, My dad and my

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Speaker 1: mom divorced when I was six, hence all the boyfriends

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Speaker 1: to figure out what that was all about. But as

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about myself, think about yourself. Think about what's

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Speaker 1: the primary self in you? And then we have disone selves,

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Speaker 1: so disone self and me a dissone self in us

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Speaker 1: ourselves and there's many, many, many many, but dissone selved

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Speaker 1: are ones that we don't like that we really judge,

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Speaker 1: and we want to keep those at bay. We hide them,

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Speaker 1: we ignore them, we abandon them, we really judge them.

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Speaker 1: So I remember, when I was younger, a disowned self

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Speaker 1: might be my needs. I had a self that like

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to be too needy when I was

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Speaker 1: in these relationships, I just didn't want to be needy.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to be fine with whatever they wanted, and

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Speaker 1: you know I could deal with that. So we're also,

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Speaker 1: I might say, another disowned self is kind of the

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Speaker 1: opposite of my doer. That one that's like a producer

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Speaker 1: or you know, a director, which I've been, and get

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Speaker 1: things done. That person who likes her lists, he's a pusher.

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Speaker 1: There's this kind of archetypal self, the pusher. We all

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Speaker 1: have that. We live in a pusher society. What are

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Speaker 1: you doing? What are you doing? What do you get done?

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Speaker 1: What are you producing? You know, what's your worth? Blah

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Speaker 1: blah blah, as opposed to just the other side of us,

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Speaker 1: which is not a doer side, it's more of a beer.

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Speaker 1: The parts of us that are they hold our emotions,

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Speaker 1: they hold our there are just energy, they hold our spirituality,

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Speaker 1: that sense of just being a human being. Those are

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Speaker 1: really important. That's really important, and that's disowned by a

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Speaker 1: lot of people because it's not very rewarded in our society.

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Speaker 1: You don't there's no reward for really just experiencing and being,

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Speaker 1: and that's not enough. So that's why I think there's

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Speaker 1: a lot of there's a lot of need for that

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Speaker 1: right now to in our also in our society. And

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Speaker 1: you know, people are seeking out kind of well therapy,

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Speaker 1: I would hope and I and I there are a

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Speaker 1: lot of adds on podcasts, so people are which is

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Speaker 1: a good thing. But uh, this society disowns the beers.

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Speaker 1: It's more of a vulnerable or vulnerable selves are in there.

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Speaker 1: So I disowned that I called a part of me

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Speaker 1: to needy. But in Voice Dialogue, the whole point is

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Speaker 1: to get to know these parts and to embrace them

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Speaker 1: and love them. And Hal and Cidris Stone, who are

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Speaker 1: both PhDs doctors of psychology, have written books, many books.

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Speaker 1: One of them is called Embracing Ourselves. One of them

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Speaker 1: is called Embracing each Other. That's about relationship. You know,

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Speaker 1: if you have a bond, if you're like in conflict

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Speaker 1: with your partner, often it's because you guys have different

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Speaker 1: selves you're identifying with and you disown the other. If

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Speaker 1: somebody triggers you, triggers you like of you judge them

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Speaker 1: and you that's a disowned self. They carry a part

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Speaker 1: that you've disowned in yourself and so you don't like

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Speaker 1: it in them. So through this work you can get

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Speaker 1: to know that part of you, and I guarantee you

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Speaker 1: that person won't trigger you anymore because you're learning to

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Speaker 1: embrace that self. So I want to use an example

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Speaker 1: of anger because when I thought about this, coming on

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Speaker 1: the subject of talking about voice dialogue, because it's helped

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Speaker 1: me so much, I've embraced more of myself, so I

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Speaker 1: have more compassion for these selves. Yes, people can be

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Speaker 1: too needy. But that's because but having needs isn't too needy,

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Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? There's a difference. Now,

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Speaker 1: if someone's disowning taking care of their own needs a

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Speaker 1: friend of yours or in a relationship and they're sort

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Speaker 1: of abandoning and not taking responsibility for their own needs,

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Speaker 1: then they're they're going to look to you maybe, And

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Speaker 1: if you feel like that's happening too much, then that

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Speaker 1: does become needy. But having needs is not a bad thing.

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Speaker 1: Having needs is being a human being. It's actually being

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Speaker 1: a sentient being. Because the plant has needs to a tree,

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Speaker 1: a plant, a person, we all have needs. So anger

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Speaker 1: came up to me this moment that I remember so

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Speaker 1: many years ago. With my incredible facilitator. You have like

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Speaker 1: a facilitator and voice dialogue like you would therapist, and

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Speaker 1: some therapists actually are skilled and trained in voice dialogue

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Speaker 1: and they can do it with you. You know, doing

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Speaker 1: an actual session requires moving around because you want to

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Speaker 1: get out of your center. You want to really be

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Speaker 1: center and aware in a neutral way of what's what

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Speaker 1: you're feeling. And then you feel into that let's say

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Speaker 1: mine's anger at they say something's really pissing me off.

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Speaker 1: You want to feel into that, but you don't want

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Speaker 1: to feel into it right here, not with Voice Dialogue.

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Speaker 1: You want to move it because the idea is to

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Speaker 1: separate these selves and to treat them and listen to

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Speaker 1: them with non judgment. So I do them, mom, I

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Speaker 1: do it by myself now when I need to, and

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Speaker 1: I can try to. I can try to show you

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Speaker 1: a little bit so you can just do it on

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Speaker 1: your own, but really, we'll I'll leave some There's a

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Speaker 1: couple links you can go to in books you can read.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of there's a lot of literature on

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Speaker 1: this with the Voice Dialogue website. But I had this

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Speaker 1: memory of this session I was doing with my beautiful,

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Speaker 1: masterful facilitator, Martha leu Wolf, who is no longer with us.

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Speaker 1: She died a few years ago. I was so sad,

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Speaker 1: and I'm telling you something. That woman, she was long

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Speaker 1: white hair, she was a warrior. She was dying and

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Speaker 1: she was still facilitating her students. She was there on

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Speaker 1: the couch like no energy, and makes me think of Shannon.

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Speaker 1: It's such a profound place to be, isn't it. It's

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Speaker 1: so effing profound that process because it illustrates right there

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Speaker 1: in the moment what life is. The process of dying

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Speaker 1: brings immediately the reality of what life is. That it's

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Speaker 1: this thing that we all have for a period of time.

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Speaker 1: So fast. Anyway, I remember Martha Low facilitating me with

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Speaker 1: some really heavy stuff. Someone was triggering me here. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to go around like I look for triggers,

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Speaker 1: but I'm just saying, like something got me worked up

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Speaker 1: a situation I was in, and she helped me with

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Speaker 1: some deep stuff. But years ago she helped me with anger.

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Speaker 1: So I was seeing somebody that I was all excited

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Speaker 1: and when we were together, and you know, I always

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Speaker 1: just felt so live. You know that feeling why you

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Speaker 1: just that's what love does. It brings you alive. It

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Speaker 1: gives you this energy and you feel into all these

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Speaker 1: other selves and you come out because this other person

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Speaker 1: and there's been this attraction those selves and you were

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Speaker 1: in you before that person, and they're going to be

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Speaker 1: in you after that person. It's up to you to

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Speaker 1: access and embrace them. And then you don't need another

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Speaker 1: person to feel like that. You need another person for

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Speaker 1: other reasons for intimacy, and uh, you know, we're all

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Speaker 1: still learning with each other. But this particular guy was

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Speaker 1: he was a great, great man, but he really got

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Speaker 1: me pissed. Maybe he didn't call, or maybe he changed

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Speaker 1: his mind about something, or maybe I just felt abandoned

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Speaker 1: or whatever. But she was in my living room and

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Speaker 1: she was like, Okay, what are you feeling? And I said, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm just so angry, and she's like, yeah, well, let's move.

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Speaker 1: So you want to move out of where you're recognizing. First,

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Speaker 1: you recognize it from a state of neutrality, from just

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Speaker 1: being in the present moment. Here, I am talking on

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Speaker 1: a podcast. This moment, I feel that feeling come up,

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Speaker 1: and then I can move. I would get up. I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to do it now, but I could get

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Speaker 1: up and go to another chair or stand or do whatever.

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Speaker 1: But you will feel it in your body. Let you

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Speaker 1: let that anger come into your body, and you're not

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Speaker 1: going to hurt anything or hurt anyone, and you're not

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Speaker 1: going to hurt yourself. The point is to listen to

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Speaker 1: it with no judgment. So this is what we would do.

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Speaker 1: I'll just do it kind of quickly. She would go

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Speaker 1: to another move wherever I wanted to go. And again,

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Speaker 1: I've been doing this for thirty years, and every time

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Speaker 1: I do this, it's a different kind of anger. It's

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Speaker 1: a different self, and I would move to a different place,

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Speaker 1: or it's other parts, not just anger. But I was

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Speaker 1: in it. And she said, okay, where are you in

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Speaker 1: Daphne's body? So where is the anger in your body?

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Speaker 1: And you can feel into it? And I would feel

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Speaker 1: my face, the skin, my solar plexus, feel into that.

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Speaker 1: It's in your solar plexus, in my sometimes it's in

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Speaker 1: my arms, my arms. You feel into it. You're getting

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Speaker 1: below the head. You're not thinking, you're feeling, getting out

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Speaker 1: of your thoughts. We all think too much. We need

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Speaker 1: to drop down into the rest of ourselves. So from

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Speaker 1: that place, she'd say, okay, you're in it, and feel

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Speaker 1: into that, into the energy, into the sensation of the

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Speaker 1: anger in the in in Daphnie's body. And then she

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Speaker 1: asked me, how long have you been in Daphne? So

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Speaker 1: that right there assumes that that anger has been in

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Speaker 1: me longer, long before I met this person right who

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Speaker 1: set it off. And I would feel into it and

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Speaker 1: I remember, you know, I said, when I was a kid,

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Speaker 1: And it's true, I was an angry child because of

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Speaker 1: all that moving around because of all the unknown I

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Speaker 1: had to I was scared a lot. I had to

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Speaker 1: protect I had to protect my sister, I had to

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Speaker 1: protect myself. It was a volatile time. This was the

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Speaker 1: sixties and the seventies. Anyway, think feel into that. How

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Speaker 1: long have you been in this anger, this feeling? And

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Speaker 1: you can just feel into it and think, think, this

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Speaker 1: is where you can think. Think back to your childhood.

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Speaker 1: Is it your teen years? Did something happen? Do you

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Speaker 1: have a thought that comes to mind right away? Is

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Speaker 1: it like on a school yard or is it earlier

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Speaker 1: than that? Is it when you're even younger. I remember

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Speaker 1: when I was even younger, I was angry because my

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Speaker 1: parents were working, they weren't home. A lot that's in

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Speaker 1: your body. So then she would say, Okay, is there

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Speaker 1: anything you want to tell Daphne. There's a message this

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Speaker 1: self has. It's not just this random anger that you

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Speaker 1: need to squelch down. If you do this stuff, you

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Speaker 1: use your the tools, these tools, this technique, you can

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Speaker 1: skillfully mine the gold from it. So, I mean, I

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Speaker 1: was so angry and I just let it go. I

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Speaker 1: was swearing and talking about this guy and who does

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Speaker 1: he think he is? And just so much letting it go,

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Speaker 1: and I wanted to say to Daphne it turned into this.

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Speaker 1: All of a sudden, I start to see an art

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Speaker 1: gallery and these big wall sized paintings of like splashes

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Speaker 1: of red and orange and yellow and blue, and I

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Speaker 1: suddenly that just that anger turned into these creativity. Creativity

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Speaker 1: turned into creative images, and I was talking to her

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Speaker 1: from that place, the angered kind of left and turned

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Speaker 1: into flowed into this other energy, which was like, I

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Speaker 1: want Daphne to create. I don't want her to sit

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Speaker 1: around and wait for this guy. I don't want the

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Speaker 1: situation to her to sit around and wait for what's

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Speaker 1: so great about him? And then I start to see

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Speaker 1: the things that weren't so great about him, and I

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Speaker 1: start to see the things that Daphne. Daphne has, She

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Speaker 1: has a liveness in her, she has creativity in her.

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Speaker 1: I want her to find a place to use it.

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Speaker 1: So this goes on for however it goes on. You

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Speaker 1: have a skilled, uh facilitator or if you'll you know,

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Speaker 1: read the books, they'll tell you in there how to

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Speaker 1: work with it. But then you kind of just there's

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Speaker 1: a natural slowing down of it, and it kind of

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Speaker 1: just ends and then the facilitator. Then what you can

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Speaker 1: say to yourself right now, thank you for coming up,

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Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for showing up right here. I'm

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Speaker 1: so glad that you came out to talk to me

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Speaker 1: and so I could hear from Daphne. You know that's

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Speaker 1: not easy. Anger is not easy, Anger's not fun. But

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Speaker 1: I'm really glad you said what you have to say,

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Speaker 1: and I'm going to remember that. We'll write, maybe we'll

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Speaker 1: write about it. We'll write what you had to say.

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Speaker 1: So if there's nothing else to say, then let's move

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Speaker 1: back to center. So then when that part is ready,

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Speaker 1: comes back to center. And the first thing you notice

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Speaker 1: is that you don't stay there. See, if we don't

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Speaker 1: separate and see these different selves that come and go

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Speaker 1: throughout the course of a day, then we just stay

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Speaker 1: there and it rules everything, and it's just it's ruining

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Speaker 1: us our pleasure, our joy. Right, So come back to center,

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Speaker 1: and the first thing you want to ask yourself is

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Speaker 1: look around present moment. You're back to neutrality, but you

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Speaker 1: can still feel over there. So just for a minute,

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Speaker 1: bring in the anger, Bring in that energy just a

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Speaker 1: little bit ten percent, Just bring it in so that

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Speaker 1: you can assure it. You're not going to forget it.

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Speaker 1: Your parts all want to be heard. They don't want

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Speaker 1: to wreck the day for you, so you ignore them

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Speaker 1: and then let it go, let that energy go back out,

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Speaker 1: So you're back in center. So that's an experience of oneself,

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Speaker 1: a very intense self. And again these sessions are like

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Speaker 1: an hour and a half or at least an hour

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Speaker 1: with a facilitator, and so you're back in center. And

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Speaker 1: what you might ask yourself is you have compassion for

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Speaker 1: that part, first of all, because you heard when it

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Speaker 1: came into your life, You heard how and why it

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Speaker 1: was born. You have images of your childhood or your

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Speaker 1: teen years, or when that was had to be activated

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Speaker 1: to protect to or when you were betrayed or when

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Speaker 1: you were hurt. There's this is absolutely valid and real reaction,

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Speaker 1: but you want to work with it now in a

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Speaker 1: way that's going to help you and not harm you.

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Speaker 1: When you have anger, when I'll speak for myself, but

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Speaker 1: I think we're all very similar in a lot of ways.

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Speaker 1: When you have anger and you don't express it in

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Speaker 1: a safe way without hurting anybody or yourself, it implodes

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Speaker 1: and you will take it out on yourself. So for

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Speaker 1: me back in the days when I was younger and

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Speaker 1: going through a lot of this where I didn't have

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Speaker 1: the courage to express my truth because I didn't want

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Speaker 1: to be too needy. I just want to fit into

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Speaker 1: what was what they wanted. I mean, I wrote a

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Speaker 1: article for Oprah Magazine on this. I wanted to just

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Speaker 1: fit into whatever guy I was seeing their life. You

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Speaker 1: will implode. You'll either eat too much, drink, use something,

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Speaker 1: take it out on loved ones, take it out on

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Speaker 1: or your organs. You know, you might get sick, you

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Speaker 1: might gain weight, you might You're going to create reasons

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Speaker 1: to feel the anger. That anger needs to be heard

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Speaker 1: and met without hurting yourself and without hurting anyone else,

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Speaker 1: hopefully without hurting furniture and glass in your house, although

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Speaker 1: I've been known to throw a few things if you've

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Speaker 1: listened to my podcast. But that's an example of the anger.

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Speaker 1: Now I've talked about this other needy part, I just

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Speaker 1: want to quickly go to that other part from center.

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Speaker 1: What's this disowned self? Think of a disowned self that

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Speaker 1: you have inside of you apart that you don't like

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Speaker 1: to show people. Let's I'm going to use my that

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Speaker 1: part that I thought was too needy, So I would

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Speaker 1: move to another self over here, sit where it's you.

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Speaker 1: A lot of times maybe i'd be curled up on

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Speaker 1: the sofa. You can again when you move, I'll just

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Speaker 1: do it right here a little bit. And this is

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Speaker 1: really great for acting. My Martha Loo, my facilitator, would

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Speaker 1: work with opera singers and actors and zen monks actually,

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Speaker 1: because it's similar to meditation, where in meditation you just

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Speaker 1: sit and you watch all the thoughts come and go

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Speaker 1: like a big sky, and the clouds are your thoughts

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Speaker 1: and feelings and memories and all this just comes and goes.

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Speaker 1: So it's very This is similar. You're just stopping spending

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Speaker 1: some time with some selves, a couple of self, and

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Speaker 1: then you're coming back to center. But there was a

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Speaker 1: part of me that was that I thought was needy,

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Speaker 1: and I would say how long where are you? And

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Speaker 1: Daphne's body and I already I can feel the contraction.

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Speaker 1: Too small. She just got small. She didn't want to

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Speaker 1: have any need. And when I was young, I remember

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Speaker 1: this situation. I would feel that for sure my parents

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Speaker 1: were going through a lot, they were young parents, and

426
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:17,639
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be in their way. And I

427
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:20,440
Speaker 1: didn't want to be caught in the fighting or caught

428
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 1: in the fire, so I would get small. So that's

429
00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 1: how I would feel it physically. How long have you

430
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 1: been in Daphne? Well, how long has that been in you?

431
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 1: You'll get images, your body will tell you. I have

432
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:37,919
Speaker 1: images of being a young girl, very tried to be small.

433
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:42,040
Speaker 1: Is there anything you want to say? What do you

434
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:44,360
Speaker 1: want to say? Well, I want to say I don't

435
00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:46,400
Speaker 1: want to get hurt. I don't want Daphne to push

436
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 1: people away. I don't want her to. I don't want to,

437
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 1: you know, I don't want to. I don't want to

438
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 1: become too much. I don't want to be abandoned or rejected.

439
00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:02,359
Speaker 1: Then I will have nobody. So but I'm feeling these things.

440
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:05,719
Speaker 1: I'm feeling abandoned, I'm feeling disowned. So you try to

441
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:10,840
Speaker 1: feel into that and then say, is there anything else

442
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:14,080
Speaker 1: you want to say to Daphne you've talked about in

443
00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:16,480
Speaker 1: the second is that the second or the third person

444
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:20,080
Speaker 1: in the middle. Again, probably best to have a facilitator,

445
00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:23,120
Speaker 1: but still again, just to get the idea of that

446
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:28,200
Speaker 1: we're accepting these different selves and from center without judgment,

447
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:32,200
Speaker 1: we can embrace them all when they come up, we go, Oh,

448
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 1: so let me finish over here so I can get

449
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:37,920
Speaker 1: back to center. Is there anything you want to say

450
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 1: to Daphne? Don't forget me. I'm not trying to wreck

451
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:49,160
Speaker 1: anything for her. I just I don't want to be alone.

452
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 1: I just want to be loved and loving, and I

453
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 1: don't want her to forget me. Okay, well let's move.

454
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,800
Speaker 1: If you've if you're all done, thank you so much

455
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 1: for coming out. Is what the feeling you want to

456
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 1: have to that part? Thank you for so much for

457
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:08,920
Speaker 1: coming out. Then we're going to move back to center.

458
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:13,000
Speaker 1: So even though I'm just a month, you know, a

459
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 1: couple inches away, I can feel what's the difference between

460
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 1: here and now and center, and that I can totally

461
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:27,280
Speaker 1: feel the difference. Let that part in test ten percent. Yeah,

462
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 1: I feel her, I feel her. Okay, thank you so much,

463
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 1: and let it go. I mean, I can go shopping now.

464
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 1: I'm in the center here, I can you know. I'm good.

465
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 1: These are just selves in me that I've experienced. And

466
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 1: the more I do this, the more you discover different selves,

467
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:55,320
Speaker 1: the happier you get, the less fearful you get, the lighter,

468
00:29:56,000 --> 00:30:15,560
Speaker 1: the more energized, positive, gotten Now. Sometimes after these sessions,

469
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:21,000
Speaker 1: I would go somewhere in Martha Low. My facilitator would

470
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 1: suggest that I go and write a paragraph or a

471
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 1: page or pages, but ask at the top, you know, Anger,

472
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 1: thanks for coming out today, what did you experience? And

473
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 1: just write from that place and write down what you

474
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 1: experienced in that self and then also the other self

475
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:46,240
Speaker 1: and why you're writing. You might ask yourself, Anger, what's

476
00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 1: the gift? What is the gift here? From center? Here

477
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:52,840
Speaker 1: in the center, I know the gifts. I can feel

478
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 1: into the gifts. So the gift of my anger is

479
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:57,800
Speaker 1: basically what it was saying, it doesn't want to be

480
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 1: that part art didn't want to be was angry, didn't

481
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:06,160
Speaker 1: want to be ignored, didn't want to be I'm thinking

482
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 1: of that movie Fatal Attraction. The gift of the anger

483
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 1: is that there's creativity underneath it. For me in that session,

484
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 1: that's a huge gift. Are you kidding me? That's a gift.

485
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,200
Speaker 1: You don't want to squelch this stuff. They have gifts

486
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:30,240
Speaker 1: for you. The gift of this side was she wants

487
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:35,880
Speaker 1: love and closeness and intimacy, and she's a loving, soft,

488
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:42,120
Speaker 1: nurturing part of me. That's a huge gift. So all

489
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 1: of ourselves have gifts, and that is the more that

490
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 1: we can do this, the more that we can accept

491
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 1: the different selves, and I'll just tell you, the more

492
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:59,960
Speaker 1: that we own them and embrace them, and we can

493
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 1: and handle life more. Now it's not to say that

494
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 1: you don't slip back into it or you get triggered

495
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:10,880
Speaker 1: by something or something comes up and this part will

496
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:15,720
Speaker 1: be activated. Guess what I have the ability now to go, oh,

497
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 1: who is this? Where are you? Where is this feeling

498
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 1: in the body? Oh, in my solar plexus? Okay, what's

499
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 1: going on? If you don't have time to do a

500
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:30,280
Speaker 1: whole like how long have you been? And you and

501
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 1: where is it? If you do have the time, do

502
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 1: some investigation, Wow, what are you feeling? Where is it

503
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 1: in the body? A solar plexus? That type of thing? Okay?

504
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:45,680
Speaker 1: And then if that part needs something and you can't

505
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:47,680
Speaker 1: do it right, then you can make a deal to

506
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 1: do it later. So another wonderful thing that Martha Lou

507
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 1: gave me was throughout the day because a primary self

508
00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,840
Speaker 1: of me, my primary self is a doer, the pusher,

509
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:02,440
Speaker 1: go go, go, go go. I mean I used to

510
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:04,400
Speaker 1: get up and go running. I used to get up

511
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 1: and go walk the dog and then go for a

512
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 1: hike and then go do this. And you know, I

513
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 1: have to do my things. I can't just so. A

514
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 1: disowned self is like dilly dallying couch potato. I am

515
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 1: not a couch potato, but guess what, I have a

516
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:22,640
Speaker 1: couch potato in me, and my job is to get

517
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:24,680
Speaker 1: to know her a little bit because she has gifts.

518
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:30,960
Speaker 1: There are gifts to the couch potato, relaxing, resting, giving

519
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 1: your mind a break. Now, you don't want to do

520
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,680
Speaker 1: it too much, you will implode. The idea is to

521
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:40,520
Speaker 1: have balance, but that you can identify if you're sitting

522
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 1: on the couch too much. It's been like I don't know,

523
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:46,360
Speaker 1: Day five for me, like I don't know after an hour,

524
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 1: just check in because you maybe you're on the couch

525
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:54,200
Speaker 1: for reasons that you could be you know, coping with

526
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:57,239
Speaker 1: and dealing with in another way, or sometimes you just

527
00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:00,800
Speaker 1: need to be there and watch a rom I get it.

528
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,600
Speaker 1: I've been there. Anyway. I want to wrap this up,

529
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:05,959
Speaker 1: and I hope this hasn't been too confusing. I hope it.

530
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 1: I hope the thing I want to leave you with

531
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 1: and maintain in myself is the idea of loving our

532
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:22,400
Speaker 1: different selves. And every time you do this, it's a

533
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 1: different variety of a self. It's never been the same.

534
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:31,319
Speaker 1: I've done this so many times over thirty years. It's

535
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 1: never the same. But you don't take yourself so seriously.

536
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:38,319
Speaker 1: So they oh, yeah, that's so someone triggered someone like

537
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:40,839
Speaker 1: pisses me off. I just go now, I can. I can.

538
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:44,719
Speaker 1: It's not like I always do it, but I can't go. Ah,

539
00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 1: that's the part in me that's angry because he's doing that. Okay,

540
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 1: well that's better than why are you out of your

541
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:55,439
Speaker 1: But you know, then you get into a whole thing.

542
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 1: So you can you can be in center and recognize

543
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:02,560
Speaker 1: and nice, get to know yourself, get to know these

544
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 1: parts of you, get to because the goal is to

545
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:12,520
Speaker 1: embrace them. So I just want to maybe maybe let's

546
00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:18,000
Speaker 1: leave with knowing that two primary areas of self that

547
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:22,320
Speaker 1: we all have are the doer and the beer pusher

548
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:34,440
Speaker 1: productive masculine action activity and then the beer. There's emotion, feeling, spirituality, experience.

549
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:38,600
Speaker 1: There's this essence and then there's a doer. So you

550
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 1: want to, like, if you're overdoing it here. You don't

551
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:43,799
Speaker 1: want to do that. That could be really bad for

552
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 1: you and make yourself miserable and tire yourself out. So

553
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:53,040
Speaker 1: you want to like check yourself and then go, oh,

554
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 1: I need some of her, I need some of this

555
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 1: part of me. So what I was going to say

556
00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:01,400
Speaker 1: is Martha Lou would say, do yourself. In the morning,

557
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:03,720
Speaker 1: you would go, do your activity, go for your walk.

558
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 1: If that's your natural rhythm, great, go do it. Promise yourself.

559
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:14,520
Speaker 1: Promise yourself your other self twelve to one or four

560
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:16,719
Speaker 1: to five, or right after work if you're working all day,

561
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 1: if you're working from home, you can you can do

562
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:23,040
Speaker 1: it fitted in more, but promise yourself some time, some

563
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:30,279
Speaker 1: designated time where it's just resting or being or you know,

564
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:33,799
Speaker 1: she'd say to me, or playing music. There's no end,

565
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:39,200
Speaker 1: there's no result needed. You're not doing it to get

566
00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:42,880
Speaker 1: somewhere or get something or create something or produce something. Okay,

567
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 1: So you're just being. It could be literally sitting in

568
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 1: a comfortable chair somewhere. You could be sitting in the park.

569
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,920
Speaker 1: You could be watching the birds, going for a walk, resting,

570
00:36:53,480 --> 00:37:00,960
Speaker 1: taking a nap, reading, watching a silly thing, laughing, whatever

571
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 1: it is. Just spend some time with that self in you.

572
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:09,359
Speaker 1: And once you get more into balance with these and

573
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:13,239
Speaker 1: more awareness from the center and they can come in

574
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:18,640
Speaker 1: and go out, you're going to be happier because you

575
00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 1: will have taken care of yourself and you're not going

576
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:25,959
Speaker 1: to be looking outward for this so much caretaking. Yes

577
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:30,440
Speaker 1: you need caretaking, but you're not going to be angry

578
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 1: if someone doesn't do it for you exactly how you

579
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:37,520
Speaker 1: need it done. So that's where I leave you with

580
00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:43,400
Speaker 1: Voice Dialogue. I'll have them put some There's a website,

581
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,719
Speaker 1: Voice Dialogue International. That's Hallan said as Stone. They have

582
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:49,319
Speaker 1: a lot of books, they have freed listening, They have

583
00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 1: talks on there embracing yourselves, ourselves and embracing each other

584
00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:57,439
Speaker 1: is great. They have a lot of relation stuff on there.

585
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:01,879
Speaker 1: And then their daughter has a website. She's also a facilitator.

586
00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 1: She has private sessions. I saw. I've actually never met her,

587
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 1: Tamar Stone, and hers's Voice Dialogue connection dot com anyway,

588
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 1: and from there they'll have different resources. But be well,

589
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:23,280
Speaker 1: love yourselves and until next time, thanks for sticking around

590
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:23,520
Speaker 1: for this.