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Speaker 1: Hey, Professional home Girls, it's your girl Abe with a

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Speaker 1: quick housekeeping note. Please keep in mind that this episode

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Speaker 1: is part one. Part two will drop next week. Also,

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Speaker 1: my guest let's have a book out, so if you

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Speaker 1: are interested in reading more about her life in or

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Speaker 1: supporting her, please make sure to email me at Hello

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Speaker 1: at the PhD podcast dot com. I really do hope

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Speaker 1: you all enjoy this week's episode and until next time,

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Speaker 1: everyone later, Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional

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Speaker 1: Professional Hey, Professional home Girls is the kid of the

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Speaker 1: name from the PSD podcast, the only place where you

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Speaker 1: would hear interviews from black women anonymously on stories that

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Speaker 1: will enlighten and expand on taboo topics. Now, if you

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Speaker 1: hear someone that sounds familiar, mind the business that pays

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Speaker 1: you child. If you like the PSHD podcast, please rate,

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Speaker 1: review and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Please five star reviews only.

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Speaker 1: Home Me Down, Don't Hold Me Up. Merch is now

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Speaker 1: available on the site as well as my book list,

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Speaker 1: so please make sure you visit the link in the

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Speaker 1: show notes below. You can connect with the kid on

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Speaker 1: Instagram at the Professional home Girl and at the PhD Podcast.

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Speaker 1: If you are on Twitter, please follow me at the

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Speaker 1: PhD podcast Now. If you are all caught up with episode,

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Speaker 1: listen to the bonus episodes by supporting the PSD podcast

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Speaker 1: Patreon account. To support, please visit www dot patreon dot com.

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Speaker 1: Forward slash the PSD podcast now. Please keep in mind

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Speaker 1: that all of my guests are anonymous. So let's again

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Speaker 1: this week's episode. I found this professional home girl on

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Speaker 1: YouTube and her story is so powerful and very inspiring.

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Speaker 1: Plus her story he's close to home for me because

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Speaker 1: my grandma Rose, who I never got a chance to meet,

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Speaker 1: died from AIDS and received it from her husband who

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Speaker 1: also died from AI's. So I would really like to

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Speaker 1: say thank you for being a part of the PhD

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Speaker 1: podcast and share your story and shedding light on this

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Speaker 1: topic because I feel like this is normal and I

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Speaker 1: feel like a lot of people are not talking about it.

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Speaker 1: So to my guests, how are you feeling, I'm doing well. Actually,

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Speaker 1: I feel really good. I'm super excited. Um, I was

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Speaker 1: so happy when you reached out to me. I was

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Speaker 1: just like, oh, shoot up. But at the alreadio and

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Speaker 1: the fact that um, you're black, and I was just like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I definitely want to support you, know, so

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Speaker 1: congratulations like a newborn baby. Thank you, thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: She's so precious. I know, she's so yummy. UM. So,

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Speaker 1: how has the pandemic been treating you in your family? Um? Actually,

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Speaker 1: in the beginning, it was very scary. Um. Actually went

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Speaker 1: through a depression in the beginning of the pandemic, UM,

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Speaker 1: because I actually found out I was pregnant, and you know,

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Speaker 1: the first timemester was horrible. So h but now it's like,

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Speaker 1: is it still here girl? Are you in the south right? Yes?

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Speaker 1: I am, okay, yeah, so I know y'all outside outside.

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Speaker 1: What made you want to share your story on YouTube? Um?

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Speaker 1: That is funny because somebody asked me that before and

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Speaker 1: I actually didn't have an answer before. But I actually

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Speaker 1: sat down and thought about, like what really made me

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Speaker 1: do this? And I just remember when I first found

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Speaker 1: out that I was HIV positive at the age of nineteen.

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Speaker 1: I want on YouTube to look for um, somebody at

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Speaker 1: least somebody, you know, to encourage me, or somebody out

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Speaker 1: there that's living the way I had to, you know, um,

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Speaker 1: the way I found out somebody young and and it's

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Speaker 1: life after this, you know, because I didn't have any

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Speaker 1: hope at the time. So I was like, I want

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Speaker 1: to be that person to help somebody else because I

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Speaker 1: remembered I didn't have nobody, you know, and I just

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Speaker 1: I'm still shocked, Like I'm the way I'm talking. I'm

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Speaker 1: just like, damn you did that. Because if somebody was

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Speaker 1: to find out that their HIV positive, they can find

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Speaker 1: me and understand that it is a life after HIV.

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Speaker 1: You are HIV, you're human. So that is the reason

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Speaker 1: why I opened up and told the whole world my story,

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Speaker 1: regardless of what people would think of me. What has

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Speaker 1: been some of the feedback you received since you've been

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Speaker 1: more open about your life? UM, actually negative and positive feedbacks,

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Speaker 1: but of course the positive outweigh the negative. UM. I

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Speaker 1: had people in box me or write me and say, UM,

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Speaker 1: even thirteen old little girls or girls younger than that,

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Speaker 1: that they're ready to come out and tell what's going

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Speaker 1: on with them? UM, who's doing what to them? Family

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Speaker 1: members touching on them. UM, people who secretly kept HIV

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Speaker 1: to themselves because they felt like it was nothing. It's

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Speaker 1: women older than me, you know, said that. You know,

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Speaker 1: I gave them hope. You know about afterlife? UM, what

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Speaker 1: I mean about after life is life after HIV you

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Speaker 1: know so, Um, But the negative comments, Oh, it's my fault,

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Speaker 1: you know. Um, you deserve it. Um, Why are you

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Speaker 1: putting your business out? You know? But that lets you know,

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Speaker 1: maybe that person either they've never been through nothing, or

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Speaker 1: they don't understand that. You know, you need somebody, or

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Speaker 1: you need some encouragement, you know. But sometimes people out

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Speaker 1: like life never hit them before, you know. So. And

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Speaker 1: also because I know you are HIV positive, were you

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Speaker 1: nervous about the coronavirus um you were pregnant too, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but no, I wasn't nervous at all because I believe

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Speaker 1: the promise that God gave me. And I always made

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Speaker 1: that clear when I talk about my story that God

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Speaker 1: made me a promise and I didn't understand it at

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Speaker 1: first because I really didn't receive it at first, you know,

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Speaker 1: but multiple people told me, you know, that's in the

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Speaker 1: spiritual world, that God was gonna bless me and heal me.

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Speaker 1: So some of the things that happened to you would

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Speaker 1: have broken a lot of people. What do you think

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Speaker 1: motivation to keep going because you've been through a lot

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Speaker 1: of stuff. Honestly, God like God, When I said, God

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Speaker 1: like He's been promising me from the beginning that he

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Speaker 1: got me. And I didn't understand that at first. You know, Um,

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to believe it because I'm like, well, God,

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Speaker 1: if you PROMI it me, then why this happened to me?

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Speaker 1: You know? Why? Why me? You know, but to show

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Speaker 1: me that I have a purpose. And I understand that

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Speaker 1: a lot of people is stuck, and I sometimes I'm

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Speaker 1: kind of confused of why why be stuck unless you

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Speaker 1: want to be stuck. But you know, sometimes people don't

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Speaker 1: know how to come out of stuff because they don't

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Speaker 1: have that support, they don't have that love, they don't

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Speaker 1: know who God is, they don't embrace mother nature, you know. Um,

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Speaker 1: So I understand because there was one point where I

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Speaker 1: was stuck. I was confused and I thought maybe if

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Speaker 1: I moved from city to city, because that is something

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Speaker 1: I did at a young age. I just kept moving

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Speaker 1: hoping that you know, something that happened for me, or

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Speaker 1: eventually I'll change or you know, stuff like that. So

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Speaker 1: I understand. But get up, breathe, trust God, pray about it.

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Speaker 1: You can get out of it. M hm. So let's

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Speaker 1: start from the beginning. So I pretty much watched all

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Speaker 1: your videos on on your YouTube page, and I created

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Speaker 1: a timeline of events that happened to you up until

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Speaker 1: this point. So tell us about your upbringing, because like, wow,

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Speaker 1: so honestly, I never had a childhood, and people will

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Speaker 1: be always do I feel like I never had a childhood,

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Speaker 1: but ahead like people were like, what do you mean

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Speaker 1: you never had a childhood? I never had a childhood.

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Speaker 1: I never knew what it's like to be a child,

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Speaker 1: you know, because from the age of eight that I

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Speaker 1: can remember. See, sometimes things happen to people. Trauma happens

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Speaker 1: that you actually don't remember. Um, some things that happened before.

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Speaker 1: And I believe there's multiple things happened to me before

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Speaker 1: because the family that I was in at the time. Um,

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Speaker 1: from the age of eight, I was being molested in

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Speaker 1: rape by family over and over, over and over and

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Speaker 1: over and over and over. So it's like I went

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Speaker 1: from being molested and raped to having having to raise

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Speaker 1: my siblings because you know, my mom at work or

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Speaker 1: my mom was clubbing, you know, before she got saved. Um,

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Speaker 1: she was out there, you know what I'm saying. So, UM,

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Speaker 1: I just had to be the big sister, slashed the mom.

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Speaker 1: You know, I had to be an adult really early,

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Speaker 1: and my mom was married into a family that was evil,

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Speaker 1: that believe in incests. Like when I said, that is

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Speaker 1: sleeping with each other and regardless blood or not, that's

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Speaker 1: what they believe. They share each other. But so you're

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Speaker 1: talking about your father's side of the family. No, my

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Speaker 1: mom ex husband family mm hm yes, stepfather right, my

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Speaker 1: ex stepfather right? So um with my real father, Um,

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Speaker 1: he was in prison for um raping kids. He was

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Speaker 1: in sex so um at the time. Am I Now

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Speaker 1: that I'm older, I understand what my mom did and

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Speaker 1: why she was the way she was because she was

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Speaker 1: stuck because my dad actually was My mom was one

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Speaker 1: of the kids that my dad molested and she was

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Speaker 1: a child and she had me, so I was that's

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Speaker 1: a lot. Yeah. So actually I was born by a

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Speaker 1: rapist and that's your real father that's in jail because

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Speaker 1: he's a sex offender. Correct. Right. And then she married

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Speaker 1: your stepfather and his family took you in and they

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Speaker 1: was molesting you and were raping you and heaven and

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Speaker 1: they was doing stuff with their family members and they

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Speaker 1: were incest with each other. Correct. Oh man, that's a lot.

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Speaker 1: I do. Mom never talked about this. I used to.

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Speaker 1: I was just about to say, I used to blame her.

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Speaker 1: I used to blame her so much. Like I used

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Speaker 1: to I used to blame her so much. But once

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Speaker 1: I got older, I understand. I listen to the stories.

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Speaker 1: I listened to both sides, and I could never blame

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Speaker 1: her because she didn't know. She was a child, you know, Um,

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Speaker 1: when she met my real father, she was between the

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Speaker 1: age of fifteen and sixteen years old. Um, what my

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Speaker 1: real father did was he take um kids between the

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Speaker 1: age of six and seventeen and call them um, put

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Speaker 1: them in the church together and call them preachers and pastors.

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Speaker 1: And the whole time he's sleeping with him. He was

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Speaker 1: a married man. The wife knew and everything. Um. Also,

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Speaker 1: I used to blame her because of what her ex

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Speaker 1: husband family did when she was so young. She didn't

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Speaker 1: know how to be a mother. She didn't she didn't know,

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Speaker 1: she didn't know herself, you know, and she didn't even

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Speaker 1: know what's going on. Even though my mom I felt like,

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Speaker 1: you know that, I felt like she should have known

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Speaker 1: the signs because she knows what it feels like to

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Speaker 1: be rape and molested. Also, Um, she know what it

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Speaker 1: feels like to be used and manipulated. So I used

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Speaker 1: to blame her, but now that I'm a mother, you

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Speaker 1: know you can't can't know everything tuning for seven. But

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Speaker 1: see also another reason why I know I can't blame

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Speaker 1: her because my mom always told us if somebody touched you,

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Speaker 1: you come to her. And I didn't know my mom

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Speaker 1: was molested until I got grown. Um, I didn't know

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Speaker 1: she did. She ended up telling me I didn't know, um,

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Speaker 1: because you know, she kept that stuff from us because

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Speaker 1: we would't understand at a young age. But she always said,

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Speaker 1: like when she picked us up from that family, Hey,

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Speaker 1: did anybody touch you down there? We used to lie no.

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Speaker 1: And I noticed that I told my husband is before.

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Speaker 1: I feel like as black women, for some reason, UM,

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Speaker 1: children or an adult, we are so afraid to speak. UM.

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Speaker 1: We are so afraid to speak even if we feel

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable UM about something, it's like we won't say anything.

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Speaker 1: And that just lets me know that it started from

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Speaker 1: the home, you know, for for you to be fearful

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Speaker 1: and feel like, well, maybe I just want to be

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Speaker 1: that peacemaker. UM. When I decided to tell UM, I

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Speaker 1: think I told around probably like I was like ten, maybe, UM.

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Speaker 1: I finally said you know what, Because I remember it

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Speaker 1: was like two years later. I finally said enough was enough.

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Speaker 1: And when I told that I was getting raped with

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Speaker 1: my less step by that family, my mom ex husband

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Speaker 1: UM put me in the room hurt my mom and

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Speaker 1: my mom ex as was talking to me. They started

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Speaker 1: asking me questions about um like they were just basically

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Speaker 1: in and beewing me to see if I knew about sex. Um,

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Speaker 1: if I really got if it really happened, how would

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Speaker 1: I know? Like so, I described things that I shouldn't

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Speaker 1: have never described to them, and I didn't know if

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Speaker 1: they believed me or not. But I remember that my

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Speaker 1: mom told me to go to bed that um my

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Speaker 1: mom ex husband followed behind me, gave me a flashlight,

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Speaker 1: told me to leave the house. It was like twelve

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Speaker 1: one o'clock in the morning. I know it was really late.

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Speaker 1: Um he had me to walk on the dark street

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Speaker 1: with a flashlight where we stayed. At the time, I

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Speaker 1: knew that I was close to my my grandmother who

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Speaker 1: passed away. God blessed to dead. I love you, Brenda Um.

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Speaker 1: She passed away and I knew for a fact my

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Speaker 1: mission was to go to her house. I didn't know

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Speaker 1: how I was gonna get there, I was gonna run

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Speaker 1: and somebody try to kid me. But I knew that

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Speaker 1: was my best friend. That's who I needed to get to.

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Speaker 1: So like, as I was walking, not to interrupt you,

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Speaker 1: but this is your mom's mom. Yes, m so um,

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Speaker 1: I was walking down the streak with a flashlight and

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Speaker 1: I started crying because I felt like, you know, it's

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Speaker 1: my fault because his words were, you need to leave

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Speaker 1: my house because you're trying to break up my family.

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Speaker 1: And I didn't know at the time that that family

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Speaker 1: was like that. You know, I didn't know that they

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00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:52,040
Speaker 1: covered each other up, you know. Um, you know if

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Speaker 1: somebody get molested, they bury it. You know. I didn't

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Speaker 1: know that. So I'm just like, it's my fault. I

250
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,200
Speaker 1: shouldn't never said nothing. I you kept it to myself.

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Speaker 1: But that's not how life works. You know, that's not normal.

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Speaker 1: Because eventually I thought it was normal, so I continued

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Speaker 1: that it happened to me, that's all, you know, right,

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Speaker 1: But when this is turned out, like when did you

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Speaker 1: find out that the family like there was insects going

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Speaker 1: on in the family, that that's what his family did,

257
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Speaker 1: Like did people people are talking about in the family

258
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Speaker 1: or because like you just started putting two and two

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Speaker 1: together because you were young at the time. Well, at

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Speaker 1: the time, I used to watch it, they used to

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Speaker 1: doing in front of me. Um. So when I got older,

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Speaker 1: I started to realize that that's not normal, that's nasty. Um,

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Speaker 1: it's not right. You know. It took me time I

264
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Speaker 1: got older to understand, but I actually seen it with

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Speaker 1: my own eyes. Damn. I can't imagine how fucked up,

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Speaker 1: like how that really messed with your psyche and you

267
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Speaker 1: were a kid, like you're a baby. Yeah, yeah, that's sucking, disgusting. Um.

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Speaker 1: Do you have any like honest, like happy memories growing up? No?

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm, I mean no, no, All right, did you

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Speaker 1: ever tell your grandma what happened? I honestly don't remember.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm. I honestly don't remember. And that's crazy. I

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Speaker 1: never thought about that, but I honestly don't remember. Well,

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure when you got around her, you probably

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Speaker 1: forgot about like a lot of things because that was

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Speaker 1: like a happy space for you. I didn't want to

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Speaker 1: think about certain things I did because when I got

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Speaker 1: gang raped by my god brothers. Um, I don't know

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Speaker 1: if I wasn't gonna Yeah, I wasn't gonna bring it

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Speaker 1: up because I felt like it's you had a lot

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Speaker 1: going on. So I didn't want to bring up certain

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Speaker 1: things because I didn't know if it was gonna trigger

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Speaker 1: you or not. But since you browed up, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: saw that you said that you got gain right by

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Speaker 1: I think three or four four your brothers, god brothers. Yes,

285
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:57,280
Speaker 1: it was three. Um. I honestly forgot about that until

286
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Speaker 1: that turned eighteen years old and I remember my mom.

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Speaker 1: I have no clue. Um, I don't know. For some reason,

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Speaker 1: it seems like when you have trauma, things don't come

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Speaker 1: up or you try to not remember things. But maybe

290
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Speaker 1: maybe it what triggered it was that I was thinking

291
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Speaker 1: when I first had when I first finally, you know,

292
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Speaker 1: decided to give up my virginity, it didn't hurt, you know,

293
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Speaker 1: it didn't give what people said it would give and

294
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Speaker 1: painful leading. I didn't get none of that. Um. So

295
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:31,960
Speaker 1: I was like, why does it not hurt? Why does

296
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Speaker 1: it Why do I'm not feeling anything? I feel numb

297
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Speaker 1: to it. You know. Sex is not what people made

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Speaker 1: it seems like. So before we continue on with the conversation,

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Speaker 1: I want to ask you this question. I think incests

300
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Speaker 1: is common because I feel like a lot of people

301
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Speaker 1: don't talk about it, but it seems like it happens

302
00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:53,760
Speaker 1: a lot within start your households. I believe that it

303
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,679
Speaker 1: happens in majority and in a lot of people homes.

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Speaker 1: People don't talk about it. Um, just like how was

305
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Speaker 1: at a young age, I thought it was normal. Um.

306
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,320
Speaker 1: Sometimes people don't even come out of it. I know

307
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:10,119
Speaker 1: people to this day still sleep with their cousin. There

308
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:18,240
Speaker 1: a lot of cousins together, They definitely do. UM. A

309
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:21,520
Speaker 1: lot of times people don't talk about it because it's

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Speaker 1: a normal thing in the household. Matter of fact. Um,

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Speaker 1: the grandmother who I was attached to from that family, UM,

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Speaker 1: she actually told me to stay with um my ex husband,

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Speaker 1: even though he did everything that he did. Also she

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Speaker 1: told me just basically deal with whatever he did to me, Um,

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Speaker 1: even though he is a bisexual man, that I should

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00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,399
Speaker 1: still stay with him. Um, even though he's dating the

317
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Speaker 1: man now. Um. She also told me, you know, basically

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Speaker 1: she knew what was going on scoring on her home

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Speaker 1: and she brushed it off. So um she did it

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Speaker 1: passed away um recently actually, And I said, even though

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Speaker 1: she was the way she was. She did take care

322
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Speaker 1: of me, you know. Um Sometimes as us blacks, I

323
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:17,440
Speaker 1: would say that because I've seen a lot Um sometimes

324
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:20,120
Speaker 1: even when the person do something to us, it's like

325
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,879
Speaker 1: we still have a heart, we still love them and

326
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:26,480
Speaker 1: care for them. And sometimes I hate that I'm like that,

327
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:31,200
Speaker 1: but I believe that that's just how I'm built. Because

328
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:34,600
Speaker 1: even though the person UM that molests me at eight

329
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:39,440
Speaker 1: years old, UM, I forgave him because I see him

330
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,520
Speaker 1: a couple of times before, and his wife even reached

331
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Speaker 1: out to me and asked me about the situation. I

332
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:50,360
Speaker 1: told her the truth and the thing the reason um

333
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,600
Speaker 1: family talked about it. I'm pretty sure family brought it

334
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:57,760
Speaker 1: up UM to her and she asked me about it

335
00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,160
Speaker 1: and comeing to found out she had a similar sor

336
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 1: and something happened to her around that age and then

337
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:10,440
Speaker 1: she you know, so it's like you can tell that

338
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,240
Speaker 1: she thinks it's normal because she's still married to him

339
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:18,000
Speaker 1: and she had kids right after that. Mm hmm. Yeah,

340
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,320
Speaker 1: that's scary, and it's like, how do you protect the kids?

341
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:25,280
Speaker 1: Right Um, And that's and that's what happened with me.

342
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:30,080
Speaker 1: I'm very overprotective. I don't let my children live. And

343
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:35,320
Speaker 1: that's right. That's why I'm currently in counseling for that

344
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:38,959
Speaker 1: because when you've seen so much at a young age

345
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,800
Speaker 1: and now, because like I told you before, my real

346
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,520
Speaker 1: father he's still a pastor. You know what he's doing.

347
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,520
Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying. So it's like, wait, wait, wait,

348
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,399
Speaker 1: real father is a he's a pastor, but how is

349
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,680
Speaker 1: he a pastor and a sex offender? He's a bishop

350
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:59,640
Speaker 1: and a sex offender. Listen, tell you, like I tell

351
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,359
Speaker 1: people to ask me, that that between him and God,

352
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:06,080
Speaker 1: because sometimes I don't understand it. I don't understand how

353
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,480
Speaker 1: you're a bishop and you're sleeping with men and knowing

354
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:15,800
Speaker 1: that their wives are there. You know, right exactly, you

355
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,960
Speaker 1: know that's between them and God and they have to

356
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 1: be economy for that. Right. Well, I know about an

357
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:24,440
Speaker 1: age of thirteen, you spoke about how you had a rich,

358
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,400
Speaker 1: white sugar daddy. So how did you meet him? Because

359
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,440
Speaker 1: I know you had another one when you was eighteen?

360
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:33,960
Speaker 1: So um, okay, So when I was like thirteen, he

361
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 1: was actually black. He was a black um guy. I

362
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,919
Speaker 1: was selling CDs for my parents and my mom had

363
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:45,560
Speaker 1: got remarried to my dad, not my real father, my stepdad,

364
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:49,119
Speaker 1: but I don't call him stepdad. Um. She got married

365
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:53,080
Speaker 1: to my dad and they were they started singing group

366
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Speaker 1: because my parents like my mom now she's really saved,

367
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:58,920
Speaker 1: like she wasn't like that back then. She's really saved.

368
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:01,520
Speaker 1: And my dad's too. So they started a gospel group

369
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:06,199
Speaker 1: or whatever. And my parents normal hustlers, so they have

370
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:09,040
Speaker 1: to sell the CDs because I can sell a dog

371
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:14,359
Speaker 1: a bone, like what you do, have that personality. So

372
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:18,720
Speaker 1: UM fell the cities and this guy, UM, this older man,

373
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,360
Speaker 1: he was talking to me. And I mean, I knew

374
00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:23,439
Speaker 1: what sugar daddy was because my mom had one. My

375
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 1: aunties had one, so I knew how the game and go.

376
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,240
Speaker 1: You know, it's up to you what you're gonna do

377
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,159
Speaker 1: about it. And I was a child, so I didn't know.

378
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,199
Speaker 1: But um he talked to me. We um, we exchanged numbers.

379
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,200
Speaker 1: I just couldn't figure out why he was only able

380
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:41,159
Speaker 1: to call me. I didn't understand that because child, you know.

381
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,480
Speaker 1: But UM, once I turned a certain age when I

382
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:50,160
Speaker 1: got grown, um he kind of cut me off. And

383
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:53,119
Speaker 1: I was telling my husband. As I was writing writing

384
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:56,080
Speaker 1: UM my book, I was talking to my husband about it.

385
00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 1: And I said, I just didn't understand. And I said,

386
00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:00,680
Speaker 1: wait a minute, are you telling me that this man

387
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 1: was a sex offender? And I didn't know, because who

388
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,160
Speaker 1: the heck would talk to a thirteen year old child

389
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:15,639
Speaker 1: all the way up until she turned eighteen? No, he

390
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:20,480
Speaker 1: wanted to go, but for me, I was like no, okay,

391
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:23,680
Speaker 1: Like I was, I was like scared. So it's like

392
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,320
Speaker 1: when I'm like, when I actually see him again at

393
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:29,879
Speaker 1: the age of eighteen, he found out, I was, um no.

394
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 1: The last time I stopped no no, I was seventeen

395
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,200
Speaker 1: years old and he wanted to sleep with me. I

396
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:38,639
Speaker 1: was like, I just can't do it. Like I knew

397
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 1: for a fact, I just couldn't do it. You know,

398
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,080
Speaker 1: the money is good, but I don't think it was

399
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:46,560
Speaker 1: worth it. But when he found out I had turned

400
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:50,160
Speaker 1: eighteen right after that, that's when we cut sized. So

401
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,679
Speaker 1: I found out and realized that I believe that he

402
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:56,199
Speaker 1: was a sex offender because he was owned enough to

403
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:59,240
Speaker 1: be my granddad. So why was you talking to a

404
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:04,120
Speaker 1: thirteen girl? Said by me Being in life, I think

405
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:08,720
Speaker 1: it's normal, So you know, this was the normal thing

406
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 1: to me. Meant like older men talked to young girls.

407
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,040
Speaker 1: Like because the things that I saw, I thought it

408
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 1: was normal. Mm hmm. Yeah, I'm just curious were you

409
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:20,720
Speaker 1: active in school, Like were you going to school on

410
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:26,040
Speaker 1: a regular basis? Yes, I was, because I asked somebody

411
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:28,560
Speaker 1: to else this question. It was one of my guests,

412
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:32,440
Speaker 1: and she was uh physically and sexually abused by her stepfather.

413
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:36,280
Speaker 1: And it just makes me think about how a teacher

414
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:38,119
Speaker 1: used to play like a very pivotal girl when he

415
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 1: was growing up in school. And I always felt like

416
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,359
Speaker 1: nobody in school saw the signs of things that you

417
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 1: was going, like something was going on with you as

418
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 1: a kid. Well she um actually was supposed to talk

419
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:59,800
Speaker 1: about this soon. Um. So basically what I didn't understand

420
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 1: was how the teachers, the principles did not see designs

421
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 1: like when I get molested, the signs are rebellions attention,

422
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 1: you know. Um, I was very rebellious and I was

423
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 1: I was like seeking for attention, and the kids used

424
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:18,879
Speaker 1: to treat me so bad in school, Like people were

425
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:21,800
Speaker 1: treated me like I was a disease. But what people

426
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:25,160
Speaker 1: don't know was like I was going to school and

427
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 1: turned around went home to get molested. Now, another thing

428
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:33,480
Speaker 1: that um I wrote in my book was when I

429
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,359
Speaker 1: my first the first time it was going on, I

430
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:38,359
Speaker 1: actually went to another school. Now I didn't mention to

431
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:42,359
Speaker 1: tell my subscribers on YouTube that I had an I

432
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,440
Speaker 1: E P at one point because my mom didn't understand

433
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,040
Speaker 1: why I was the way I was, so she put

434
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:50,120
Speaker 1: me in E s C. She thought I was just

435
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 1: like acting now, but in reality is I was being molested.

436
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 1: So I was crying out for help, and in like

437
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:01,239
Speaker 1: so many way, He's just like what can I do

438
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,679
Speaker 1: for you to understand that I'm crying for help? Like

439
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:07,560
Speaker 1: what else I have to do? So I just started

440
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,120
Speaker 1: being so bad to where she just couldn't handle me anymore.

441
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:12,640
Speaker 1: So they started putting me on meds and all kinds

442
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 1: of stuff, but nobody knew what was going on. Like,

443
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:19,159
Speaker 1: you know, there's one time that when I said, knuckle

444
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 1: is enough, you know, um, he punched me in my head,

445
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:24,960
Speaker 1: you know. So I was like at that point, it

446
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:27,199
Speaker 1: was just at force. You know, I shouldn't have to

447
00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 1: win through that. And I didn't stopped for a very

448
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,199
Speaker 1: long time. But when I actually did started talking about it,

449
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 1: you know, it just went left. So I believe I

450
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 1: said that I have never told anyone else about molestation

451
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 1: or rape, because I was just afraid of what happened

452
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,680
Speaker 1: the first time, you know, and I thought my mom

453
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:49,720
Speaker 1: had something to do with that, but she didn't. So

454
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 1: so at you said he started stripping and you actually

455
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 1: really enjoyed it. I think I felt a little likeness

456
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 1: in that before we started talking about other stuff. Um, okay,

457
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:10,640
Speaker 1: so let me tell you your girl was like when

458
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,879
Speaker 1: I tell you at seventeen, I was just this girl

459
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:18,119
Speaker 1: who would have felt like life was hard. You know,

460
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:19,800
Speaker 1: it's time for me to get some money. So I

461
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,920
Speaker 1: got a lot job at Wendy's. Wendy's was not paying

462
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,120
Speaker 1: nothing at that time when he was playing like eight

463
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,479
Speaker 1: dollars an hour, so I was just like, you know,

464
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:35,200
Speaker 1: this ain't enough. So my cousin actually, um, she had

465
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,720
Speaker 1: introduced scripping to me, and I knew I had the

466
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 1: body because you know, I'd no kids. I got a

467
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,720
Speaker 1: big embody. I was like, I could put this to

468
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,199
Speaker 1: use because I always had a sugar daddy growing up,

469
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,200
Speaker 1: so I know I got to be some type of bag.

470
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 1: And then it's like older men, they like always was

471
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 1: attracted to me, and I never understood that at a

472
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 1: young age. So I took advantage of the fact that

473
00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:01,440
Speaker 1: I have like at the time, I looked at like,

474
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:08,200
Speaker 1: um innocent. Um. I used my innocent eyes because I'm

475
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:12,119
Speaker 1: really young. So at eighteen, I went to the script

476
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 1: club and I lied and told them that I knew

477
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:16,359
Speaker 1: what I was doing, and I used to scrip like

478
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 1: it wasn't nothing, honey. I couldn't even twirl on a pole,

479
00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:23,000
Speaker 1: but the girls was nice enough to help me and

480
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:25,720
Speaker 1: educate me when it came down stripping. Once I gotta

481
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 1: like a hang op it or whatever. Um, your girl

482
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 1: was biging bay, but I wasn't. Um. Let's see, the

483
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 1: most I made on one night was like four thousand dollars.

484
00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 1: But that's good for where I'm from. Like from this,

485
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 1: I wasn't really that good unless you go to like

486
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 1: my scare of or something that's amazing I did. Um.

487
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:54,960
Speaker 1: I didn't do nothing crazy, but you know I didn't

488
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 1: clap a little to it is here and I'm just

489
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 1: it was seriously. I did a video. Shoot. Um. It

490
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 1: was this guy he was a rapper or whatever, um,

491
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 1: and he wanted to pay the scrippers to you know,

492
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:12,440
Speaker 1: dance for him. So that was like the most money

493
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:16,920
Speaker 1: I made because of that, um, and I was like like, um,

494
00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 1: like clapping my breast in the video. Shoot. So once

495
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,880
Speaker 1: I became a mother, when I had my oldest child,

496
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 1: I immediately went to YouTube and reported that video so

497
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 1: much to YouTube take it down. Um why because because

498
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 1: I was embarrassed. Like at that time, I was young,

499
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 1: I was free, I didn't have a husband, I didn't

500
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 1: have any kids, so I was living my best life

501
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 1: that I thought. But um, but once I got I

502
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 1: got with my husband, the video was already like gone.

503
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 1: So I couldn't even show him because I honestly wanted

504
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:52,640
Speaker 1: to show him just in case somebody was to try

505
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 1: to go to my husband be like oh yo, oh yo,

506
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,520
Speaker 1: wife did this? No I did that. My husband not

507
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:59,520
Speaker 1: really know who Valentina is. He met Valentina before and

508
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 1: Valentine was much striper name. That's like a little ego

509
00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 1: things situation. So what made you decide to move to

510
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 1: tell her housey tell houthy? Um, So my dad had

511
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 1: um got to present. Not to cut you off, but

512
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 1: it's a real for you keep for you to say

513
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:27,400
Speaker 1: your dad, Um, no, okay, it's it's like it's normal

514
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 1: because in reality is my real father? How much I

515
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:32,600
Speaker 1: really don't like it because I tried to convince my

516
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,520
Speaker 1: mom that I don't believe that's my dad and that

517
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:37,920
Speaker 1: she won't tell me who my real dad is. But

518
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 1: that's my dad. So so UM, Okay, So I have

519
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:50,760
Speaker 1: this thing where I tell you guys on YouTube that UM,

520
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:53,960
Speaker 1: the medicine, the HIV medicine that I'm on makes me forget.

521
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:58,000
Speaker 1: So I do not remember what you actually no, So

522
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 1: I actually what made you move to tell hassy. So

523
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 1: my real dad had got out of present reached out

524
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:10,240
Speaker 1: UM to me and before then my sister UM. I

525
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 1: was just riding a car with my mom and I

526
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 1: was like, have you heard from my sister, like my

527
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:17,360
Speaker 1: real sister on my dad's side, And she said no,

528
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't know why I asked

529
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:21,280
Speaker 1: that because I haven't talked to her in years, and

530
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 1: we like have a huge age gap, like she's way

531
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:27,960
Speaker 1: older than me. So she's like ten years older than me,

532
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 1: I believe UM. So for some reason, you know messenger

533
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 1: UM on Facebook at the time, you couldn't really see

534
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 1: when somebody sent you a message request you have to

535
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 1: actually go in there. For some reason, I was playing

536
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 1: with messenger and I found it and I've seen that.

537
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:46,479
Speaker 1: My real sister reached out to me. So we started

538
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 1: talking on the phone and um, all of that stuff.

539
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:51,320
Speaker 1: And I just had a miscarriage, so I was kind

540
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:56,520
Speaker 1: of like vulnerable. Um, and you know, she encouraged me

541
00:31:56,600 --> 00:32:00,200
Speaker 1: to move down there, and um, she wanted my real

542
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,360
Speaker 1: dad to get in touch me. Basically convinced me to

543
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:05,480
Speaker 1: move to Salasseee. So I end up moving to Tallahassee.

544
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:08,120
Speaker 1: And reality, I believe I was just supposed to just

545
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 1: go and visit, didn't come back home, but I ain't

546
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:16,440
Speaker 1: up staying there to go to school. And also, you

547
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,400
Speaker 1: was going to church a lot, and you said that

548
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:21,160
Speaker 1: a pastor came up to you and told you that

549
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 1: a man was about to enter your life and he

550
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 1: was gonna do you no good. Do you sometimes blame

551
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 1: yourself and not believe in the signs that God was

552
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 1: giving you? Um, I used to blame myself mhm. But

553
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 1: I feel like we all, you know, fall short. We

554
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,960
Speaker 1: all do things that we shouldn't have done, and it's

555
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:42,719
Speaker 1: nothing that we can do about it. I can't go,

556
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 1: I can't just sit and just like like, man, I

557
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 1: wish I had did this. I wish i'all did that

558
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 1: because hey, I wish I would have did right by

559
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 1: my script of money. I'll probably be funded them where

560
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:53,480
Speaker 1: I am, you know. But um, I can't just do

561
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 1: well on that. And her name is a possibility. Love it. Um.

562
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 1: If you're in salahassee father, I definitely recommend her church.

563
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 1: Is very awesome woman to God. She's very truthful. Um.

564
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:05,640
Speaker 1: She'd definitely been telling me for a very long time

565
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 1: that God told me to leave him alone and that

566
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 1: I was going to meet somebody and they're gonna mean

567
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 1: you no good. Um. A matter of fact, I didn't

568
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,240
Speaker 1: talk about this on YouTube at all, Like this probably

569
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 1: my first time menting this. But she actually met me

570
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 1: prior before all of this happened, before she even told

571
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:27,959
Speaker 1: me that. She actually wanted me to come to her

572
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,239
Speaker 1: church and sit down and talk to me. And she

573
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 1: told me in her own like, oh my god, I

574
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:36,400
Speaker 1: like remembering this, it's just crazy. But she told me

575
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:41,240
Speaker 1: she was like, I see something on the news, something

576
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 1: bad about me, and I was just like what, who

577
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 1: was not gonna try to kill me? I didn't move

578
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 1: back home, and she actually told me me moving from

579
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:52,120
Speaker 1: Jacksonville was actually a good thing because somebody was trying

580
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:54,720
Speaker 1: to kill me and Jacksonville. So time I was going

581
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:58,840
Speaker 1: to college, I was doing really good. Uh, but you know,

582
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:01,440
Speaker 1: I got caught up at a man. But she told

583
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 1: me beforehand, you know that something was gonna happen and

584
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:06,880
Speaker 1: it was gonna end up on the news, and the

585
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:10,240
Speaker 1: whole entire situation ended up on me six months later,

586
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:13,480
Speaker 1: So she was not lying. Everything that she told me

587
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:20,840
Speaker 1: came to pass. Yeah, so how did you meet? I

588
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:23,279
Speaker 1: actually met him. Um, he actually came to my house,

589
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:26,879
Speaker 1: like she said he was. Um, he kept my dad

590
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,000
Speaker 1: bring up the TV for my sister because my dad

591
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:31,239
Speaker 1: is an older man and you know, my excess as

592
00:34:31,239 --> 00:34:33,799
Speaker 1: they looked younger. So um, he brought up the TV

593
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 1: up the stairs with my sister and put in her room.

594
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:38,600
Speaker 1: They wasn't there having a conversation. Me and my dad

595
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:41,239
Speaker 1: was talking in the living room. So I really was

596
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:45,320
Speaker 1: not paying him an intention. But um, I noticed when

597
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:48,080
Speaker 1: um they was walking out, he kept staring at me.

598
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:51,520
Speaker 1: But I knew I was sexy, so I knew why

599
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:53,960
Speaker 1: he was staring at me. But I was trying to

600
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:57,279
Speaker 1: basically at first pushed him on my sister. I was like,

601
00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:58,960
Speaker 1: you know, making it seems like he was sluting with

602
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:02,239
Speaker 1: her or whatever. Um, and they were laughing at laughing

603
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:05,000
Speaker 1: at each other about the situation. But I knew for

604
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:06,920
Speaker 1: a fact he was trying to come on to me.

605
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 1: And how old was he when y'all met? Um, when

606
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:14,359
Speaker 1: we met, I think he was like between the age

607
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:17,000
Speaker 1: of thirty four and thirty five. I think he was

608
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 1: like thirty five. Yes, So when did you start today? Um?

609
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 1: So he had left, UM a little bit afterwards, like

610
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 1: we were still keeping like in contact talking to each other. Um.

611
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:33,120
Speaker 1: But see, at the time, I didn't know that he

612
00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:36,399
Speaker 1: left to be with a man. I thought he left

613
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 1: to be a family, but come and found out he

614
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:41,839
Speaker 1: was actually with men. UM. So he came back. What

615
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 1: do you mean he left, like he left the town.

616
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:49,920
Speaker 1: So basically, Um, it's crazy, but I found out, you know,

617
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:53,080
Speaker 1: he was actually a sex offender also, UM. So he

618
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 1: got our probation for being a sex offender. Um. He

619
00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 1: went out of town for a little while to be

620
00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:02,399
Speaker 1: with his men friends and then he came back. Um

621
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 1: since Tallahassee to live, you know where he was at

622
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,919
Speaker 1: and UM, I didn't know that at the time. So

623
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:13,400
Speaker 1: he actually gave my dad around Christmas, he gave my

624
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:16,120
Speaker 1: dad a promise rain to give me because he had

625
00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:20,319
Speaker 1: somewhere else to go. Um, So when he came back,

626
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 1: that's when we started actually dating and we actually had

627
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 1: sex for the first time. And then yes he did

628
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 1: so it's crazy, listen, I know, but it was so

629
00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:39,279
Speaker 1: good so I didn't even want to stop. I never

630
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:41,600
Speaker 1: had a penis like that before. You know, I'm young,

631
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:44,120
Speaker 1: it's an older man. I never had no real you

632
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:46,440
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, bank and bang banging, so I

633
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:50,359
Speaker 1: thought it was okay, you know, but afterwards, me not

634
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:54,359
Speaker 1: thinking me being so young minded, I didn't I asked him.

635
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:57,080
Speaker 1: I was like, like, for you to do that? Do

636
00:36:57,200 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 1: you trust me? Like you trust me? I could have

637
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:04,240
Speaker 1: had anything. And the thing is, now, what I should

638
00:37:04,239 --> 00:37:06,759
Speaker 1: have asked is did you trust him? You don't even

639
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 1: know this man? Like why would you? When he smuck

640
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:12,359
Speaker 1: that condom? All you should have got up and said, now,

641
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:16,360
Speaker 1: I'm okay, you know you you just so it was

642
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:20,359
Speaker 1: not that it wasn't worth it, baby, Like I tell

643
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 1: myself that, now, did you see him speaking offence? Didn't?

644
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:28,799
Speaker 1: I just knew ain't no way and hacked this man

645
00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:31,440
Speaker 1: like he this is this good. But then I realized

646
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:34,920
Speaker 1: he was struggling, like he had pulled out for a second,

647
00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 1: and I'm just like everything okay. When I turned around,

648
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 1: I noticed that he was struggling, so put the condom

649
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:46,759
Speaker 1: back on. So this concludes this week's episode. If you

650
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 1: have any questions, comments, or concerns, please make sure to

651
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,560
Speaker 1: email me at hello at the PhD podcast dot com.

652
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 1: Part two we'll be dropping next week. As always, thank

653
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:58,959
Speaker 1: you so much for supporting the kid, and until next time,

654
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:00,160
Speaker 1: everyone lay there