1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:27,000 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:31,920 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever 6 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,879 Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to 7 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,880 Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another day, Back for another topic. 8 00:00:38,479 --> 00:00:43,400 Speaker 1: Today we have a very special episode dedicated to dating 9 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:49,120 Speaker 1: with intention and finding meaningful connections in our twenties. Being 10 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:53,200 Speaker 1: single in our twenties can sometimes feel like an uphill 11 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 1: battle or a bit of a minefield. Everywhere we look 12 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 1: there is someone who comes with baggage or the commitment folk, 13 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,360 Speaker 1: or they're emotionally unavailable or just not the right fit. 14 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:06,920 Speaker 1: And I've noticed that it can cause us to become 15 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:11,200 Speaker 1: quite cynical and kind of shy away from meeting you 16 00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:15,120 Speaker 1: people or dating at all. But many of us in 17 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:19,920 Speaker 1: this decade are still seeking companionship, and more than that, 18 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:23,920 Speaker 1: we're seeking partnership, and with that comes a more mature 19 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:29,399 Speaker 1: approach to dating and dating with intention. Dating with intention 20 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,679 Speaker 1: doesn't mean that every person you go on a date 21 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:35,000 Speaker 1: with has to be the one or that you need 22 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:38,119 Speaker 1: to be expecting an engagement ring within the first twelve months. 23 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,959 Speaker 1: It's more so that you've done the inner work and 24 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:45,920 Speaker 1: the inner healing to identify the people and the romantic 25 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:49,280 Speaker 1: connections that are going to serve you and make you 26 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:53,280 Speaker 1: a better person, and maybe that could lead to something bigger. 27 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:57,680 Speaker 1: It's an approach that I've adopted recently, and in the past, 28 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:00,760 Speaker 1: I've been really candid with you all before about my 29 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:05,520 Speaker 1: very fun and tumultuous dating history, from flings to year 30 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 1: long situationships to engaging with people I knew weren't good 31 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:13,960 Speaker 1: for me, and quite honestly, it got to this stage 32 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,639 Speaker 1: that I just didn't have the energy to do that anymore. 33 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:20,520 Speaker 1: It was fun for a while, but I value my 34 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:24,400 Speaker 1: time and my emotional and mental wellbeing too much now 35 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:29,040 Speaker 1: to kind of entertain these kinds of relationships. So today 36 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 1: I want to share with you how we can date 37 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:35,160 Speaker 1: with intention in our twenties. Psychology has a lot to 38 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,880 Speaker 1: say about this topic as always, and it recognizes that 39 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:43,200 Speaker 1: our twenties are at this very pivotal stage in our 40 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:47,400 Speaker 1: personal and relational development. A lot of the research that 41 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:51,960 Speaker 1: we encounter in this area emphasizes the importance of self 42 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:57,720 Speaker 1: awareness and establishing clear goals and values when entering the 43 00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:02,080 Speaker 1: dating world, and it also articul relates that by understanding 44 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 1: ourselves and our desires, we are better able to navigate 45 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 1: relationships with greater purpose and authenticity. Studies have also suggested 46 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 1: that I would say, in a generation and a modern 47 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 1: day that is characterized by a very fast paced, very 48 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,640 Speaker 1: digital approach to dating using apps like Hinge and Tinder, 49 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:28,560 Speaker 1: making the conscious decision to date with intention can contribute 50 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:34,320 Speaker 1: to longer term relationship satisfaction and personal growth. It encourages 51 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:39,920 Speaker 1: us us in our twenties to really cultivate emotional intelligence 52 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: and a willingness to engage in self reflection and to 53 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:48,200 Speaker 1: step beyond our comfort zone. Overall, all of the concepts, 54 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:51,040 Speaker 1: all of the articles, all of the research that I've 55 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 1: come across, demonstrates the value of approaching dating in your 56 00:03:56,160 --> 00:04:01,080 Speaker 1: twenties with intention because this is what lays groundwork for 57 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:06,360 Speaker 1: healthy relationship patterns and of course, personal fulfillment in the future. 58 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,600 Speaker 1: So today we're going to talk about it from the 59 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:13,440 Speaker 1: very practical ways that you can develop your own self 60 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:16,760 Speaker 1: awareness and self discipline to identify and know what's right 61 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:20,480 Speaker 1: for you. We're going to talk about understanding the motivations 62 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:27,279 Speaker 1: and intentions of others, meeting people organically, and maintaining your authenticity. 63 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:31,280 Speaker 1: I'm here for all of it. Without further ado, let's 64 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:35,359 Speaker 1: dive into how we can date with intention and form 65 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 1: meaningful connections in our twenties. Dating is fun, It's meant 66 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 1: to be fun, and in our twenties it can be 67 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 1: particularly exciting. There's all these fish in the sea, as 68 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:56,080 Speaker 1: they say, so many options. But sometimes it can also 69 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 1: be a challenging experience. I say it all the time, 70 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 1: but this this decade is a profound period of self discovery, exploration, 71 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:10,640 Speaker 1: and often a time when we seek companionship and genuine connection. However, 72 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:16,159 Speaker 1: it's important to approach dating with intention, understanding our own 73 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:19,960 Speaker 1: desires and goals, and being mindful of the qualities that 74 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: we seek in a partner. The truth is that our 75 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:28,680 Speaker 1: romantic relationships have a profound impact on our identity, our lives, 76 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:32,800 Speaker 1: our self concept and psychology acknowledges that our sense of 77 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:38,120 Speaker 1: self is shaped through interactions with others, and romantic partnerships 78 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:42,800 Speaker 1: play a significant role in this process. The emotional intimacy 79 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: and the support offered can foster feelings of acceptance and belonging, 80 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:51,240 Speaker 1: which are of course crucial for a positive self concept. 81 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 1: But when you're in the wrong relationship, when you're wasting 82 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:58,719 Speaker 1: your time with someone who doesn't actually care about you, 83 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,560 Speaker 1: or doesn't fill your cop up, who doesn't fulfill you, 84 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:08,240 Speaker 1: it's also going to carry potential for negative impacts. Difficulties 85 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:11,599 Speaker 1: or conflicts within a relationship can lead to self doubt. 86 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:16,159 Speaker 1: They can lead to insecurity and a distorted sense of self. 87 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:20,719 Speaker 1: There's also the fact that any relationship, but particularly ones 88 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,920 Speaker 1: with a romantic partner, are going to take up a 89 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:29,359 Speaker 1: large amount of time, and time is precious at any age, really, 90 00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:32,640 Speaker 1: but especially in this era of our lives, when we 91 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,919 Speaker 1: really have all of these opportunities to go out and 92 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,760 Speaker 1: make mistakes, to explore the world. You don't want to 93 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:42,760 Speaker 1: feel tied down or held back by someone that you've 94 00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:45,800 Speaker 1: chosen to be with. Essentially, that means that we want 95 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,920 Speaker 1: to make sure we're not investing in a relationship that 96 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:53,440 Speaker 1: is taking away from our identity and may inevitably just 97 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:58,880 Speaker 1: leave us drained and heartbroken. Sometimes that's unavoidable. Things don't 98 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:02,039 Speaker 1: work out for a period of reasons, but I think 99 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 1: if you're like me, I've reached a point in my twenties, 100 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:09,320 Speaker 1: if not my life in general, whereby I've learnt the 101 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,440 Speaker 1: lessons that I needed to. I've done it. I've had 102 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:17,560 Speaker 1: the breakup experience, I've forced connections that weren't there, and 103 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 1: I'm kind of done with the casual dating life. I 104 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,400 Speaker 1: do think there's a time and a place for that. 105 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,360 Speaker 1: You learn a lot about yourself, you learn what you like. 106 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:31,040 Speaker 1: But I now realize that dating is a time commitment, 107 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:34,360 Speaker 1: and it takes away energy from the other things that 108 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:37,160 Speaker 1: I care about and what I want to be invested in. 109 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 1: And with that has come a commitment to dating with intention. 110 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean that I'm giving up on the 111 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:50,000 Speaker 1: occasional casual date or even hookup. But it's about being 112 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:55,360 Speaker 1: able to recognize that chemistry is not the same as compatibility, 113 00:07:55,880 --> 00:08:00,200 Speaker 1: and setting up healthy boundaries around what you expect from 114 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 1: a partner and identifying when someone is bringing that to 115 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 1: the table. So what does it mean to date with intention? Well, 116 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:15,800 Speaker 1: it involves being intentional about our actions and our choices 117 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:19,880 Speaker 1: when it comes to our romantic connections. It means taking 118 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:23,560 Speaker 1: the time to reflect on our own needs, our own 119 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:28,600 Speaker 1: desires and long term goals before entering into a relationship 120 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 1: with our eyes closed. When we date with intention, we 121 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:37,040 Speaker 1: are more likely to attract partners who align with our 122 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:42,040 Speaker 1: values and share our aspirations. It's all around, I think 123 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:46,240 Speaker 1: a better deal for everyone involved. It respects the other 124 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:50,280 Speaker 1: person and not wasting their time. But it also shows 125 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:54,000 Speaker 1: that you respect yourself because you're not going to entertain 126 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:58,160 Speaker 1: something that may actually do more harm than good. So 127 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:02,760 Speaker 1: how can we implement this? There are four critical pillars 128 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 1: that are the foundation for dating with intention. The first 129 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 1: one is understanding your own values and your own goals. Secondly, 130 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:17,319 Speaker 1: setting healthy boundaries, a secret ingredient to all relationships, not 131 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:22,520 Speaker 1: just romantic. The third is being open to surprises and 132 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:30,560 Speaker 1: organic connections, and finally, maintaining realistic expectations and not getting 133 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:34,240 Speaker 1: anxious or desperate if it maybe takes you some time. 134 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:38,040 Speaker 1: I always say this, so I'm sorry if I sound 135 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,840 Speaker 1: like a broken record, but I would much rather be 136 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:44,840 Speaker 1: single until I'm in my late thirties or forties, then 137 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 1: settle with someone that I'm not sure about at twenty 138 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:51,880 Speaker 1: five and find myself heartbroken ten years later. I think 139 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:56,400 Speaker 1: it's about reminding ourselves that good things take time. So 140 00:09:56,840 --> 00:10:01,439 Speaker 1: let's start with how psychology can in form our values 141 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:05,920 Speaker 1: and goals around pursuing a romantic connection. There is, of 142 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:09,040 Speaker 1: course a lot of science, a lot of psychology that 143 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:14,360 Speaker 1: plays a crucial role in understanding our motivations and our 144 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 1: behaviors in the dating realm. Research suggests that having clarity 145 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:24,280 Speaker 1: about our own values and goals is key to finding 146 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:27,920 Speaker 1: meaningful connections. In this study that was published in the 147 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:33,080 Speaker 1: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers found that individuals 148 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:37,080 Speaker 1: who engage in self reflection and have a clear understanding 149 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:40,800 Speaker 1: of their values and life goals tend to make more 150 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:45,120 Speaker 1: intentional dating choices. And this makes a lot of sense, right, 151 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:48,400 Speaker 1: You need to know yourself before you're going to attempt 152 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:52,320 Speaker 1: to really know someone else, And we can implement this 153 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,880 Speaker 1: in a lot of ways. We can implement this understanding 154 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,840 Speaker 1: in a way that is going to make our dating 155 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:03,040 Speaker 1: life more fruitful. Few exercises that I personally did when 156 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:07,840 Speaker 1: I was thinking about intentional dating kind of testing the waters. 157 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:12,840 Speaker 1: The first one is around value assessment and clarification. How 158 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,079 Speaker 1: can we know that someone is right for us if 159 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,360 Speaker 1: we don't even know what we want or what we 160 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:23,360 Speaker 1: stand for. So value clarification helps us put in label 161 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:26,880 Speaker 1: on This helps us identify what these values, what these 162 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,559 Speaker 1: core principles that we hold really are. So I want 163 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,120 Speaker 1: you to sit down. I want you to go to 164 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:35,080 Speaker 1: Google right now and find a list of the one 165 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:40,360 Speaker 1: hundred most common values. These will be things like kindness, 166 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:45,679 Speaker 1: like learning, curiosity, optimism, loyalty, family, creativity, etc. Etc. And 167 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,520 Speaker 1: from those, I want you to pick twenty that most 168 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:53,440 Speaker 1: resonate with you. Then from that list, choose your top 169 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:58,240 Speaker 1: ten and then finally your top five. For me, these 170 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:03,559 Speaker 1: are creativity, independent, leadership, community, and generosity. These things are 171 00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:06,640 Speaker 1: what define me and they are what contribute to my 172 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:10,600 Speaker 1: outlook on life, my personality, my identity, all of the 173 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:15,120 Speaker 1: good things. You need to align your dating behaviors with 174 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:19,080 Speaker 1: the values that you select. If you go on a 175 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:23,400 Speaker 1: first date with someone who doesn't value humor or generosity 176 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:27,240 Speaker 1: and you do, it's not going to work. And of 177 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,199 Speaker 1: course you don't need to be completely on the same page, 178 00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:35,840 Speaker 1: because opposites attract and sometimes people can bring very individual 179 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:39,680 Speaker 1: parts and themselves to the table. But what level of 180 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:43,599 Speaker 1: compromise are you willing to accept? And is that a 181 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 1: big enough compromise? That it's going to hurt you in 182 00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:50,640 Speaker 1: the future. I'll give you an example here about someone 183 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:54,320 Speaker 1: I dated for around three months last year. Lovely guy, 184 00:12:54,679 --> 00:12:57,640 Speaker 1: nothing but the best, but I remember on one of 185 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:01,160 Speaker 1: our early dates he was talking about how his ideal 186 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: weekend is to literally not leave the house and just 187 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:08,520 Speaker 1: rest the entire time. That is not me. I like 188 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,080 Speaker 1: to be out and about. I'd like to be adventurous 189 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:14,600 Speaker 1: and I'm curious. That's something that I value. And by 190 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 1: knowing this about myself, I knew pretty quickly, well three 191 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 1: months in so obviously not that quickly, but I knew 192 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,480 Speaker 1: that it wasn't going to work out and that any 193 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:27,680 Speaker 1: more time I spent with this person would kind of 194 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:30,360 Speaker 1: be a waste. And yes, they gave me some amazing 195 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:34,320 Speaker 1: learning experiences, but that wasn't really what I was looking for. 196 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:38,120 Speaker 1: The second element of this is understanding your own goals 197 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:41,040 Speaker 1: and desires when it comes to dating, and I want 198 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,760 Speaker 1: you to be brutally honest with yourself here. If you 199 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:48,359 Speaker 1: are a massive monogamist, stop trying to force yourself into 200 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:52,240 Speaker 1: month long flings or situationships because you're trying to be 201 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:55,360 Speaker 1: with someone you're not meant to be with. Or you're 202 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:59,200 Speaker 1: trying to make them happy. If you know that you 203 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:02,760 Speaker 1: are someone who wants commitment, which I assume you are 204 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:05,480 Speaker 1: since you're listening to a podcast on dating with intention, 205 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:09,960 Speaker 1: then have that conversation early on. And if someone says 206 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:14,120 Speaker 1: that's not what they're looking for, believe them. Don't try 207 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:18,440 Speaker 1: and change their mind, don't try and change yourself to 208 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:23,200 Speaker 1: fit their requirements. Move on. There's this super common saying 209 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,680 Speaker 1: at the moment that if they wanted to, they would, 210 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,360 Speaker 1: But I saw someone the other day say something even better, 211 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:34,200 Speaker 1: if they don't want to, someone will practice an abundance 212 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:38,440 Speaker 1: mindset when it comes to dating. There are millions of 213 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:42,440 Speaker 1: potential partners in the world, and when you understand your 214 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,920 Speaker 1: own values and intentions, that means that when the right 215 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 1: person comes along, you'll know and you won't need to compromise. 216 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:55,960 Speaker 1: Another important aspect of intentional dating, the second pillar, if 217 00:14:56,000 --> 00:15:01,440 Speaker 1: you will, is setting healthy boundaries. This it means understanding 218 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:05,920 Speaker 1: and communicating your own limits and expectations when it comes 219 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:10,200 Speaker 1: to a relationship. This research that was published I think 220 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:13,600 Speaker 1: a couple of years ago, it suggested that setting and 221 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:20,760 Speaker 1: maintaining boundaries is associated with healthy relationships and increased relationship satisfaction. 222 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,520 Speaker 1: There's a quote I love, and that is that the 223 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:27,920 Speaker 1: most compassionate people have the strongest boundaries, and boundaries help 224 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:31,520 Speaker 1: us to define what is acceptable and what is not. 225 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:36,520 Speaker 1: They foster a healthy dynamic that is built on mutual 226 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:40,560 Speaker 1: respect and understanding, and it stops someone from crossing a 227 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:44,200 Speaker 1: boundary that maybe you haven't even articulated. It stops resentment, 228 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:48,360 Speaker 1: it stops you feeling uncomfortable, and it allows you to 229 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:53,400 Speaker 1: have more fruitful dates, have a more fruitful dating life, 230 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 1: more fruitful relationships. In general, it comes down to communication. 231 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,920 Speaker 1: Whether you're single right now or in a relationship, the 232 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:08,400 Speaker 1: best connections are established on spoken and unspoken boundaries. Be 233 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,800 Speaker 1: clear with the people on your roster or who you 234 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:14,440 Speaker 1: are dating that there are certain things you are after 235 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:18,320 Speaker 1: and certain things that you expect, and it's their decision 236 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,840 Speaker 1: whether to live up to those or not. But you 237 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,920 Speaker 1: know what you deserve and make sure that they know 238 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:28,360 Speaker 1: that as well, and reciprocate that understanding for them. What 239 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,760 Speaker 1: do they want? What do they need that will allow 240 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:34,080 Speaker 1: you to see whether you are the right fit. I 241 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:38,480 Speaker 1: know this sounds really clinical and maybe strange to bring up, 242 00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:41,400 Speaker 1: almost like a job interview. Which we never want. But 243 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be like that. You can make 244 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:47,880 Speaker 1: this known on your dating profile or after a few dates. 245 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:52,080 Speaker 1: Just make them aware that you're looking for a relationship 246 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:55,080 Speaker 1: by subtly saying something like I'm not a huge fan 247 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:58,280 Speaker 1: of casual dating, or just straight up tell them bite 248 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:02,960 Speaker 1: the metaphorical bullet anything. Like I said before, it's actually 249 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:06,440 Speaker 1: super compassionate because you're not wasting any more of each 250 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,960 Speaker 1: other's time if it turns out that you're not on 251 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:14,240 Speaker 1: the same page, and that is okay. Boundaries keep us safe, 252 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:18,600 Speaker 1: and they allow us to feel respected and know when 253 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:23,080 Speaker 1: someone doesn't respect us. If you have certain guidelines or 254 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:26,720 Speaker 1: expectations in a relationship, if you want to spend four 255 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,480 Speaker 1: nights a week with someone, or if you don't like 256 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:32,240 Speaker 1: it when they text other people who are the same 257 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,800 Speaker 1: gender as you, or if you are expecting a little 258 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,720 Speaker 1: gift every now and again, the easiest way for that 259 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,879 Speaker 1: to be fulfilled is to just tell them. It comes 260 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:45,120 Speaker 1: down just to that, So something so simple. Just communicate 261 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:48,560 Speaker 1: what you're after. But a question I get a lot 262 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:51,480 Speaker 1: is how do we find those meaningful connections amidst the 263 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:57,000 Speaker 1: sea of potential partners? I think we often confuse dating 264 00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:02,119 Speaker 1: with intention to dating in abundance and treating it like 265 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,640 Speaker 1: a job where your objective is to find the one. 266 00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:07,040 Speaker 1: I've had friends who treat it this way. They go 267 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:10,760 Speaker 1: on five dates a week and they're almost screening people 268 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:14,919 Speaker 1: for compatibility, and the existence of dating apps makes that 269 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,000 Speaker 1: a lot easier. But I think what we're looking for 270 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:23,120 Speaker 1: when we talk about dating with intention is quality over quantity. 271 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 1: And that brings me to my next major tip, which 272 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:31,679 Speaker 1: is to let life surprise you and be open to 273 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:36,800 Speaker 1: an organic connection, because you are genuinely never going to 274 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,560 Speaker 1: know what someone is like or if you have that 275 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:43,879 Speaker 1: compatibility until you actually meet them, And if you've already 276 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,800 Speaker 1: met then that kind of makes it even better. You know, 277 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:50,400 Speaker 1: there's nothing worse than your friend who swears off dating 278 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 1: apps and tells you that they only meet people organically 279 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,680 Speaker 1: and that anyone who doesn't is too lazy or they're 280 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:58,399 Speaker 1: missing out. But I think I'm going to be that 281 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:02,800 Speaker 1: annoying friend today, So sorry. Dating apps they are convenient 282 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 1: and they are fun, but you also never know who 283 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:09,640 Speaker 1: you're going to click with based on five photos and 284 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:14,040 Speaker 1: a quote about how they love Seinfeld or pineapple on pizza. 285 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:17,520 Speaker 1: And if you've done that before and you're done with 286 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:20,879 Speaker 1: the lack of authenticity that is inherent in dating apps, 287 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:26,040 Speaker 1: here are some tips on how to foster organic romantic connections. 288 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:30,080 Speaker 1: There has been tons of research that suggest that engaging 289 00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:34,119 Speaker 1: in activities and communities that align with your interests and 290 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:39,440 Speaker 1: values can increase the likelihood of meeting like minded individuals, 291 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:43,960 Speaker 1: not just people that you might consider dating. Joining clubs, 292 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:49,000 Speaker 1: attending events, or pursuing hobbies, particularly those that are group 293 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:53,400 Speaker 1: based not only I think enriches our lives, but also 294 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:58,560 Speaker 1: creates opportunities for genuine connections to form beyond the realm 295 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:02,240 Speaker 1: of the dating apps. Studies in social psychology have also 296 00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:07,760 Speaker 1: shown that similarity plays a significant role in attraction and 297 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:12,159 Speaker 1: relationship satisfaction. When we share similar values and interests with 298 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:17,160 Speaker 1: our partner, it fosters a sense of understanding and mutual support. 299 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:21,560 Speaker 1: So being open to discovering shared interests with a potential 300 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:25,159 Speaker 1: partner of romantic interest can be a great starting point 301 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:29,399 Speaker 1: for building a meaningful connection and maybe also a relationship. 302 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:33,200 Speaker 1: Part of that includes stepping out of your comfort zone. 303 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:37,720 Speaker 1: Our comfort zone is this psychological state where we feel 304 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:42,520 Speaker 1: safe and secure. It feels easy and convenient, but not 305 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 1: much growth really happens there. My mum she has a 306 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:49,840 Speaker 1: saying that you can either feel comfortable or you can grow. 307 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,439 Speaker 1: And of course, at the moment we're talking about dating, 308 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:57,080 Speaker 1: but it really applies to everything. Stepping out of your 309 00:20:57,080 --> 00:21:02,120 Speaker 1: comfort zone and accomplishing some new trying something new. It 310 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:06,760 Speaker 1: really boosts our self confidence and that attracts amazing people. 311 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:10,920 Speaker 1: When we're confident in ourselves, when we believe in ourselves 312 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:14,520 Speaker 1: and our capacity to handle challenges, when we're excited about life, 313 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:19,159 Speaker 1: all of that confidence spills over into other areas of 314 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:24,880 Speaker 1: our lives, positively impacting our relationships, our personal wellbeing, and 315 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:28,040 Speaker 1: also how we come across to other people. If your 316 00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:31,879 Speaker 1: goal is to date intentionally and all of your past 317 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:36,720 Speaker 1: relationships have been duds, maybe it's worth doing something differently 318 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:40,440 Speaker 1: and seizing some new opportunities. Go to some art openings, 319 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:43,320 Speaker 1: say yes to that party where you don't know anyone, 320 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,840 Speaker 1: go on the blind date. What's the worst thing that 321 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:50,560 Speaker 1: can happen? Honestly, what's the worst thing that can happen? 322 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,680 Speaker 1: You have a bad date, it doesn't work out well, 323 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,159 Speaker 1: You've been through that before and I always say that 324 00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,320 Speaker 1: it just makes for better stories, and isn't that what 325 00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:03,320 Speaker 1: our twenties are about? Creating memories, even if they're terrible 326 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,800 Speaker 1: or embarrassing or awkward to look back on. It's also 327 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:12,240 Speaker 1: about adopting a what if mentality. In psychology, the what 328 00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:15,560 Speaker 1: if mentality, it's kind of seen as a negative thing, 329 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,480 Speaker 1: and it refers to this kind of cognitive tendency to 330 00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:24,119 Speaker 1: always think the worst case scenario is going to happen. 331 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:28,320 Speaker 1: So individuals with a strong what if mentality, they often 332 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:33,919 Speaker 1: ruminate on various scenarios and they dwell uncertainties. But I 333 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,959 Speaker 1: like to think about it differently and kind of flip 334 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:41,080 Speaker 1: this narrative to one that is positive and optimistic. What 335 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,000 Speaker 1: if it all works out? What if you meet an 336 00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:48,240 Speaker 1: amazing new person. What if you have the best time. 337 00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:53,480 Speaker 1: That's what dating with intention is all about, letting yourself 338 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 1: be surprised and actually having fun with it. When we 339 00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:01,359 Speaker 1: begin to put pressure on ourselves and think that dating 340 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:04,320 Speaker 1: with intention means that we'll find the love of our 341 00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:07,800 Speaker 1: life straight away, I think we're only going to be disappointed. 342 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,439 Speaker 1: So that's what we're going to talk about in just 343 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:19,280 Speaker 1: a second. We naturally put a lot of pressure on 344 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:23,760 Speaker 1: ourselves when it comes to finding someone. Especially in our twenties, 345 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:28,199 Speaker 1: we can find ourselves constantly being bombarded with images and 346 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:32,719 Speaker 1: reels and pictures and stories about true love and soulmates, 347 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:36,359 Speaker 1: and we feel bad that we don't have that, and 348 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:39,800 Speaker 1: that it's because there's something wrong with us. Not only 349 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:43,920 Speaker 1: is that not true, but it can also interrupt our 350 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,800 Speaker 1: journey and our pursuit of intentional dating. When we get stressed, 351 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,399 Speaker 1: we begin to compromise on our values and our intentions, 352 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:55,240 Speaker 1: and we can become desperate. And I don't really like 353 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:58,560 Speaker 1: that word, but it's probably the best way to explain 354 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:03,000 Speaker 1: how we react when things aren't really going according to 355 00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:06,840 Speaker 1: plan and when things aren't coming as easily as we 356 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:11,400 Speaker 1: thought they would. So lastly, it's essential to be patient 357 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:17,679 Speaker 1: and maintain realistic expectations. While stating can sometimes feel like 358 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,080 Speaker 1: a bit of an uphill battle or a rollercoaster ride, 359 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:25,280 Speaker 1: it's important to remember that building a meaningful connection takes time. 360 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:30,280 Speaker 1: Research published in the Journal of Positive Psychology my favorite 361 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:35,720 Speaker 1: I Love Positive Psychology, it suggests that having realistic expectations 362 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:40,119 Speaker 1: and taking baby steps in a relationship and during the 363 00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:46,360 Speaker 1: initial months of dating contributes to long term relationship satisfaction 364 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:50,880 Speaker 1: that can be hard. Baby steps are hard, and I'm 365 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:55,360 Speaker 1: saying that from personal experience. Often we can get really 366 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,840 Speaker 1: carried away with the warm and fuzzy feelings and being 367 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:02,760 Speaker 1: admired or liked by someone that we forget to use 368 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,960 Speaker 1: that logical part of our brain and reflect on whether 369 00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,560 Speaker 1: we want the same things, whether this is going in 370 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:14,720 Speaker 1: a direction that we would like it to. In those moments, 371 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:19,600 Speaker 1: let's go back to the very beginning. What are our values, 372 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:23,240 Speaker 1: what are we not willing to compromise on, and what 373 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,679 Speaker 1: is our goal here? If you're at the same stage 374 00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:30,520 Speaker 1: as I am, I cannot do another four month relationship 375 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:34,199 Speaker 1: and look back and realize that all the red flags 376 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,320 Speaker 1: were actually there from like the third day. I just 377 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,320 Speaker 1: chose to ignore them because I was getting desperate and 378 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:42,280 Speaker 1: I got carried away. I think it's really important to 379 00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:44,960 Speaker 1: be clear on those things before you even begin to 380 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:48,200 Speaker 1: start going on dates. In an intentional way, I want 381 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,720 Speaker 1: you to take ten minutes and write out a list 382 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:54,159 Speaker 1: that you can come back to when you feel like 383 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:59,200 Speaker 1: settling or selling yourself short, kind of like a non 384 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,240 Speaker 1: negotiable's list. I have my own list, I will say, 385 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:06,359 Speaker 1: and they kind of read almost like affirmations. Some of 386 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,879 Speaker 1: them are things like, I'm looking for someone who respects me. 387 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,320 Speaker 1: I am looking for someone I can grow with. I 388 00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:16,720 Speaker 1: am not looking for a casual relationship. I am not 389 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:20,520 Speaker 1: willing to compromise on the exclusivity of my relationship. After 390 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:25,760 Speaker 1: three months have passed, your past self and your logical 391 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:29,160 Speaker 1: self is going to be a lot more wise than 392 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:32,639 Speaker 1: your smitten self, because when you are getting feelings for someone, 393 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:36,000 Speaker 1: all of that dopamine, all of that oxytocin, all of 394 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:40,880 Speaker 1: that serotonin is flooding your brain and interrupting the rational 395 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:45,159 Speaker 1: part of you that should be focused on those intentions 396 00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,399 Speaker 1: that you've set from the beginning. You also need to 397 00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:52,320 Speaker 1: show yourself some self compassion as well. It's okay if 398 00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:56,000 Speaker 1: you've been on like one hundred shitty dates, or if 399 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,240 Speaker 1: you've been ghosted, or no one's wanting to commit or 400 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:02,160 Speaker 1: it just doesn't seem to be working out. The right 401 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,680 Speaker 1: person is going to come because you're fucking amazing. You're 402 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,680 Speaker 1: a catch and I know it gets said all the time, 403 00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,120 Speaker 1: but anyone would be lucky to have you. If you're 404 00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:16,399 Speaker 1: going to date intentionally, don't forget your self worth. And 405 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:20,080 Speaker 1: when you find yourself engaging in kind of that negative 406 00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:23,600 Speaker 1: spiral or self pity, thinking it will never happen for you, 407 00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:27,720 Speaker 1: and what happens if it doesn't. I think it's worth 408 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:32,960 Speaker 1: reminding ourselves that it is much better to be alone 409 00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:38,160 Speaker 1: then in a relationship that doesn't elevate you. So it's 410 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:42,600 Speaker 1: important to be realistic, take the time to get to 411 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:47,520 Speaker 1: know someone, embrace the journey, lower your expectations, and just 412 00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:51,959 Speaker 1: enjoy the process. When we have lower expectations for something, 413 00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:54,720 Speaker 1: although it's really hard to do that, especially if you're 414 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:58,520 Speaker 1: someone who's very much a romantic like me, but we 415 00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,800 Speaker 1: all those expectations are going to be exceeded, right. Low 416 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:07,320 Speaker 1: expectations means greater happiness when the good thing does arrive. 417 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:11,400 Speaker 1: I want to pause here and make a quick disclaimer 418 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:15,600 Speaker 1: about a misconception I see all the time about intentional dating. 419 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:20,840 Speaker 1: Taking this approach doesn't mean that all of your relationships 420 00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:24,960 Speaker 1: from now on have to be pointed towards marriage or 421 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,639 Speaker 1: towards the idea of forever, or that you have to 422 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,560 Speaker 1: be one hundred and ten percent sure you want to 423 00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:33,000 Speaker 1: marry this person before you even go on a first 424 00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:36,720 Speaker 1: date with them. You can still have your one night 425 00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:39,040 Speaker 1: stands if you want. You can kiss a few frogs. 426 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:41,840 Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, I think this 427 00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:45,960 Speaker 1: approach is all about reminding yourself what you're after and 428 00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:49,200 Speaker 1: having enough respect for your own wellbeing and your own 429 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:53,320 Speaker 1: ambitions and intentions to not compromise on your values and 430 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:56,640 Speaker 1: to not waste your time. It might seem callous to 431 00:28:56,680 --> 00:29:00,400 Speaker 1: say that dating or casual dating is a waste of time, 432 00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,680 Speaker 1: but it kind of is. I always think about it 433 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,320 Speaker 1: in the sense that we out, you know, twenty four 434 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,480 Speaker 1: hours that we have in the day that needs to 435 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,800 Speaker 1: be divided up over so many different activities, has to 436 00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:15,840 Speaker 1: be divided into work, into hobbies, into family, into just 437 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:19,360 Speaker 1: looking after yourself, friendships, and then there's room for love. 438 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:24,600 Speaker 1: And if we invest in the wrong person, we're going 439 00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:26,960 Speaker 1: to have to compromise on those other things and we're 440 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:30,120 Speaker 1: not going to get the benefits from doing that. I 441 00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:32,720 Speaker 1: would much rather spend time with my friends at the 442 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:36,400 Speaker 1: moment than spend time with someone who doesn't really listen 443 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,240 Speaker 1: when I talk, or who is just kind of using 444 00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,600 Speaker 1: me that just I haven't. I have too much self 445 00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:45,000 Speaker 1: respect for myself at this point in my life to 446 00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:49,600 Speaker 1: entertain that anymore. And yes, it's come from a lot 447 00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:52,920 Speaker 1: of past experiences that have been hurtful, but I'm so 448 00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:56,800 Speaker 1: grateful for that maturity that I now have. I know 449 00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,560 Speaker 1: it's not for everyone, and I know there are heaps 450 00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:03,080 Speaker 1: of other alternatives and approaches, and I applaud them. And 451 00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:06,360 Speaker 1: maybe you did meet your partner from a one night 452 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:09,560 Speaker 1: stand or from a dating app, that's incredible. But for 453 00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:11,960 Speaker 1: me that hasn't really worked out so far. Maybe in 454 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,560 Speaker 1: the future it will, but for now, I do want 455 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:17,360 Speaker 1: to be more conscientious with the people I led into 456 00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:22,880 Speaker 1: my life, particularly in a romantic context. So that's where 457 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:27,440 Speaker 1: I stand. Little Rant concluded, Let's do a quick summary 458 00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:30,800 Speaker 1: of what we talked about today. Today, of course, we 459 00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:36,440 Speaker 1: discussed the concept of dating with intention and finding meaningful 460 00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:41,320 Speaker 1: connections in our twenties. We explored those four main pillars 461 00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:46,720 Speaker 1: of intentional dating, those being understanding your values, setting boundaries, 462 00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:52,800 Speaker 1: allowing yourself the opportunity to meet people organically and lowering 463 00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:57,640 Speaker 1: your expectations, and being realistic. We also talked about how 464 00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:00,120 Speaker 1: it's kind of a journey of self discovery and and 465 00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:04,360 Speaker 1: how we can stop ourselves from settling and choosing the 466 00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:07,080 Speaker 1: wrong people. I know that our twenties are sold to 467 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,880 Speaker 1: us as this time of a lot of freedom and exploration, 468 00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:12,560 Speaker 1: but you can still do that within the confines of 469 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,920 Speaker 1: an intentional and safe space for yourself. Romance is a 470 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,480 Speaker 1: big part of our lives, but we don't want it 471 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,560 Speaker 1: to overrule all the other amazing good things that we 472 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:25,160 Speaker 1: have going on. So I really hope that you enjoyed 473 00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:29,120 Speaker 1: this episode. I really enjoyed it. This has been something 474 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:31,720 Speaker 1: on my mind for a long time, and I kind 475 00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:33,920 Speaker 1: of felt like a little bit of a loser explaining 476 00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:36,560 Speaker 1: this to my friends and being like, yeah, I'm done 477 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:39,960 Speaker 1: with casual sex, I'm done with situationships. But they were 478 00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:41,920 Speaker 1: all so supportive, and I was like, maybe we need 479 00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:44,040 Speaker 1: to share this on And I know it's kind of 480 00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:48,080 Speaker 1: a common idea nowadays, but I am such a huge proponent. 481 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:50,560 Speaker 1: I hope you are too. If there is someone in 482 00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:54,360 Speaker 1: your life who needs to hear this episode, you should 483 00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,320 Speaker 1: share it with them. It might be a little bit 484 00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,800 Speaker 1: on the nose, but maybe they'll get a kick out 485 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:03,560 Speaker 1: of it. As always, if you enjoyed today's episode, If 486 00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:06,720 Speaker 1: you enjoy the show, please feel free to leave me 487 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:11,200 Speaker 1: a five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you 488 00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:14,280 Speaker 1: are listening right now. Not only does it help me grow. 489 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:18,000 Speaker 1: But I read every single review. They really make my day, 490 00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:19,560 Speaker 1: and I just want to thank you for all of 491 00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:23,760 Speaker 1: the support and all of the kind words that you 492 00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:26,920 Speaker 1: write and that you share. If you have an episode suggestion, 493 00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:29,640 Speaker 1: if there's something going on in your life and you're 494 00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:34,400 Speaker 1: looking for the psychological explanation, please follow me at that 495 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:38,720 Speaker 1: Psychology Podcast on Instagram and send me a suggestion for 496 00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:42,360 Speaker 1: an episode. I love reading them, and sometimes I do 497 00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,320 Speaker 1: them so you never know. I hope you have a 498 00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,800 Speaker 1: lovely day wherever you are, and we will be back 499 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:52,200 Speaker 1: next week with another episode.