WEBVTT - Getting Dramatic Clarity with Clare Crawley

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<v Speaker 1>This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's how we start the show with a bottle

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<v Speaker 1>of champagne being popped. Chris Harrison coming to you on

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<v Speaker 1>the road today from the Rosewood in Montecito, California. That's

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<v Speaker 1>the bougie people's way of saying, I'm in Santa Barbara.

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<v Speaker 1>But if you really want to be boogie, you say

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<v Speaker 1>you're in Montecito. But we're at the Rosewood, Motcito, and

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<v Speaker 1>I have very good reason to be here. A lot

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<v Speaker 1>of friends are with me, and I have a very

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<v Speaker 1>special show today because several of my old school friends,

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<v Speaker 1>not old friend, not old people, just old school friends

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<v Speaker 1>are going to be joining me on the show today.

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<v Speaker 1>And one is sitting right here with a big fat

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<v Speaker 1>rock on her finger and a big smile on her face.

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<v Speaker 2>Claire Crawley, Hello, it's been a minute.

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<v Speaker 1>It has been a minute for you and I. You

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<v Speaker 1>have your hand on the inside of a man's thigh.

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<v Speaker 1>I hope this is your new husband, Ryan.

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<v Speaker 2>This is my husband, Ryan. And the best thing about

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<v Speaker 2>it is I'm re learning everything about relationships because for

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<v Speaker 2>the longest time didn't really have the best I guess.

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<v Speaker 1>How do.

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<v Speaker 2>I say, I didn't really know how relationships should go

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<v Speaker 2>the right way, but this guy is always by my side.

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<v Speaker 1>Way, I didn't lead you down a good path. Is

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<v Speaker 1>that what you're saying.

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<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't say you didn't. I would say it just

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<v Speaker 2>was what was. And I will tell you this too,

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<v Speaker 2>that was the right path because if I didn't do

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<v Speaker 2>what I did and go through everything that I went through,

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<v Speaker 2>I would have never met him.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you wouldn't be uh, clearhead and healthy and ready

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<v Speaker 1>to do this. And I always say, you know, you

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<v Speaker 1>got to go through the crazy stuff to realize what's

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<v Speaker 1>great when you find it exactly. And I mean, as

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<v Speaker 1>I pumped this guy up, I'm just going to assume

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<v Speaker 1>he's great.

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<v Speaker 2>He's he's not great, he's more than amazing, Like he's

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<v Speaker 2>just he's everything.

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<v Speaker 1>Like good kisser, generous, lover, the best, the best. He's like,

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<v Speaker 1>why am I sitting here listening to this? But okay,

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<v Speaker 1>let's back up, because I don't know anything about the

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, obviously I know you married, Yeah, and congratulations

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<v Speaker 1>to both of you. I first of all could not

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<v Speaker 1>be happier for you. I love you, adore you. We

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<v Speaker 1>did go through it several times we did it didn't

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<v Speaker 1>work out, and I'm glad. When I saw the look

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<v Speaker 1>on your face, I go, that's it. She's happy. She

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<v Speaker 1>actually did find it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I can. I feel it deep, just deep

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<v Speaker 2>in my soul, and it's it's pure happiness. But it's

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<v Speaker 2>also so much calmness that it's security, it's stable, it's genuine,

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<v Speaker 2>reciprocated love that I've never felt before. How long get

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<v Speaker 2>married February first?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, yeah, was it big? Small? What was it?

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<v Speaker 2>The tiny? Sweating? Okay, so in the best way possible.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm taking notes because I got one coming up,

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<v Speaker 1>so kind of taking notes on weddings do's and don't.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. So we actually planned on I wanted to get

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<v Speaker 2>married in Mexico, and we both found this spot in Mexico.

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<v Speaker 2>Were like, this is our spot. We're gonna have this

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<v Speaker 2>big celebration. You know, I've been waiting forever for, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>to get married. And then I also I thought, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>unfortunately my mom is still sick and has dementia, and

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<v Speaker 2>so she's in the late late stages of it right now.

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<v Speaker 2>So I thought, I thought this was back in like December,

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<v Speaker 2>and I thought, what if she does I mean, what

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<v Speaker 2>are the odds. I always wanted to get married June

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<v Speaker 2>twenty first, and I thought, what if she does it.

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<v Speaker 2>It was summer solstice, okay, but I was like, what

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<v Speaker 2>if she doesn't make it to June twenty first, And

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<v Speaker 2>she ended up getting really sick in end of January,

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<v Speaker 2>and so I said, let's have a mini little wedding

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<v Speaker 2>because she won't be able to make it to Mexico anyway,

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<v Speaker 2>Let's have a mini little wedding just for her, a

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<v Speaker 2>special little one for us for her. We were almost

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<v Speaker 2>going to like stage just this tiny little wedding for her,

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<v Speaker 2>for her to be there, and so we ended up

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<v Speaker 2>making this tiny little wedding and it was just his

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<v Speaker 2>two daughters, his parents, and then it was going to

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<v Speaker 2>be my best friend and my mom and not even

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<v Speaker 2>my sisters were coming, Like we wanted to make it

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<v Speaker 2>tiny and everybody who's going to come to the big wedding.

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<v Speaker 2>But my mom ended up the day before getting really

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<v Speaker 2>really sick and she wasn't able to make it. But

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<v Speaker 2>she's okay still, but she was just really sick at

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<v Speaker 2>the time. You couldn't leave the nursing home, and so

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<v Speaker 2>we ended up just it was the most perfect wedding though.

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<v Speaker 2>Ryan by nature is an event planner, and so he

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<v Speaker 2>planned the whole wedding. I was like kind of frozen

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<v Speaker 2>with like, what do we do? You know, very last

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<v Speaker 2>minute stuff, and I was so worried about my mom.

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<v Speaker 2>But he took the reins. He planned everything, and it

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<v Speaker 2>ended up being like we had a little ceremony, We

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<v Speaker 2>had the best fouls to each other, super personal, and

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<v Speaker 2>then it was in the spot that we first had

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<v Speaker 2>our first kiss, so it was it was just the greatest,

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<v Speaker 2>greatest little spot. And then afterwards we went to In

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<v Speaker 2>and out Burger, got some burgers, and then we went

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<v Speaker 2>in our outfits and everything and went and saw my

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<v Speaker 2>mom and kind of shared. So turns out we're not

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<v Speaker 2>having the June twenty first wedding because that was everything

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<v Speaker 2>I've ever dreamed of.

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<v Speaker 1>He sounded perfect in and out. What else do you need?

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<v Speaker 2>True? Exactly, I'm not trying to deal I've always said

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<v Speaker 2>this too, like I'm not trying to deal with Aunt

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<v Speaker 2>Kathy is sitting next to her divorce husband. It's next

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<v Speaker 2>to the mailman that I don't know, and.

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<v Speaker 1>It becomes not about you, It's all about everybody else.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I don't even know.

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<v Speaker 1>Give me the give me the you know cliffs notes

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<v Speaker 1>version of this.

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<v Speaker 2>All meet, We met, Okay, he slid into my DMS.

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<v Speaker 1>Love it, that's the truth. Yes, how all good relationships.

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<v Speaker 1>That's how my relationships started.

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<v Speaker 2>It happens that way.

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<v Speaker 1>Casual.

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<v Speaker 2>It's casual though, and then we became friends. It was

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<v Speaker 2>initially just a friendship, but I noticed every time he

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<v Speaker 2>would comment or say things to me, and I'd comment

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<v Speaker 2>on his stuff. But it was just it was coming

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<v Speaker 2>from a kind place. It wasn't like, oh, you want

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<v Speaker 2>to hook, let's go out, or it wasn't trying to

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<v Speaker 2>be sleazy. He just was like nudes totally. It was

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<v Speaker 2>nothing of send news, nothing like that. It was very

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<v Speaker 2>much like, well, the long game. He played the long game.

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<v Speaker 1>How long did did he allow you to stay in

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<v Speaker 1>DMS before he moved it out of DMS? Said give

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<v Speaker 1>me your number, let's go out.

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<v Speaker 2>How long it it was? It was a long time,

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<v Speaker 2>I tell you. So. We were friends for a really

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<v Speaker 2>long time. It was nice for nine months, yeah, and

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<v Speaker 2>then it was it was probably Yeah, it was probably

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<v Speaker 2>two weeks after my last relationship ended, and I was

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think I had gotten out of bed for

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<v Speaker 2>two weeks when that relationship ended, and Ryan was the

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<v Speaker 2>one who called me and he said, Hey, I'm coming

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<v Speaker 2>through town. Let me take you to a tee to

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<v Speaker 2>grab a tea. And I had remembered telling him like,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not doing good, like things aren't good right now,

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<v Speaker 2>I have nothing to give, and I don't certainly don't

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<v Speaker 2>want to go talk to a guy, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>It just wasn't the energy for it, exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>And he was like, no, let's go for a tea.

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<v Speaker 1>And so I love that he went for a tea.

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<v Speaker 1>That's I'm a total tea guy. I love that both

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<v Speaker 1>t people to hell with coffee exactly. Sorry for any

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<v Speaker 1>coffee sponsors, but I'm a tea guy such.

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<v Speaker 2>A tea girl too. So we ended up going and

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<v Speaker 2>I remember just smiling. He was sitting there just staring

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<v Speaker 2>at me and talking and so engaged and generally interested

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<v Speaker 2>in our conversation. And I just was smiling so big

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<v Speaker 2>the whole time and loving it and loving our conversation

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<v Speaker 2>and laughing, and I was like, this is the first

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<v Speaker 2>time I hadn't thought about my ex or anything crossed

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<v Speaker 2>my mind or anything. It was like, I'm so into

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<v Speaker 2>this moment and he was at present too. And even

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<v Speaker 2>after that though, I said, I'm hot off this relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm certainly not ready for anything, and he hung around

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<v Speaker 2>for a while.

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<v Speaker 1>How long until that first kiss?

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know, I don't remember.

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<v Speaker 1>He first, he tells the stuff who went in for

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<v Speaker 1>the first kiss.

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<v Speaker 2>It was him for sure, and I'm glad he did, because, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>it was our fourth.

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<v Speaker 1>Day because Elsie for me, she Elsie kissed me first.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like that's my normal em O.

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<v Speaker 1>But the good because I didn't give an ultimatum. But

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<v Speaker 1>what I said was, are we really going to do this?

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<v Speaker 1>Because we had this long talk because I could tell

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<v Speaker 1>I really like this girl, but I knew it meant

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<v Speaker 1>a lot to her career. Do you want? And I

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<v Speaker 1>was like, do you want to do this? Yeah, because

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<v Speaker 1>it's going to be tough for you and the things

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<v Speaker 1>you might have to deal with. And then that she

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<v Speaker 1>went in for the I'm.

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<v Speaker 2>Not waiting any loss.

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<v Speaker 1>We're doing this, were doing this.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, it's the best.

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<v Speaker 1>It was the best.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean Ryan. One thing that Ryan does that

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<v Speaker 2>is amazing is that he since even we were friends,

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<v Speaker 2>he's brought a lot of calmness into my life and

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<v Speaker 2>very you can use exactly. And what that's done is

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<v Speaker 2>I realized, and I'm sure you've seen and most of

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<v Speaker 2>America has seen the reactive side of me and the

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<v Speaker 2>protective and defensive side of me, which is what I

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<v Speaker 2>felt like I had to do for so many years

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<v Speaker 2>because I felt like I'm the one who has my back,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm the one who's looking out for me. But with Ryan,

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<v Speaker 2>I knew he didn't have I mean, I just felt

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<v Speaker 2>it from the get go. He had the best of

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<v Speaker 2>intentions with me and had my heart in the forefront

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<v Speaker 2>of it.

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<v Speaker 1>Someone who finally came into your life with no ulterior

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<v Speaker 1>motives just really wanted to be a.

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<v Speaker 2>Good Yeah, And that put down my guard more than

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<v Speaker 2>it's I mean, it completely put down my guard, even

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<v Speaker 2>just in the very beginning, just as friends like my

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<v Speaker 2>guard was down, and it brought out the feminine in me,

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<v Speaker 2>which I'm even my family is like, You're so much

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<v Speaker 2>more calm, You're so much more softer, and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like I can be I feel like I'm

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<v Speaker 2>safe now. It's a good feeling.

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<v Speaker 1>I love that you get. Where do you all live?

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<v Speaker 2>Lafayette Bay Area over in the Bay area.

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<v Speaker 1>So you moved? Is that up or down from you?

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<v Speaker 1>Where were you?

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<v Speaker 2>It's I believe it's doomed down to the sideways. Yeah, sideways.

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<v Speaker 1>So now you're in So you're in the Bay Area, yep,

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<v Speaker 1>living your life. You are now a step mom.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm a step mom.

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<v Speaker 1>So how old are the are the girls?

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<v Speaker 2>Nine and freshly twelve?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay? So Ryan is a nine and a twelve year old?

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<v Speaker 2>Yep?

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<v Speaker 1>So they're about to leave planet Earth on a rocket

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<v Speaker 1>ship about to about is the twelve year old already there?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes?

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<v Speaker 1>Absolutely, the way it happens around that twelve thirteen, fourteen,

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<v Speaker 1>depending on when they kind of come of age. So, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that is a it's a difficult time. And so to

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<v Speaker 1>come into someone's life at that very difficult time. There

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<v Speaker 1>are a lot of hormones, a lot of chemicals raging.

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<v Speaker 1>How are you doing with that?

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<v Speaker 2>It ebbs and flows. Yeah, I would say the most

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<v Speaker 2>of the time. It's been amazing because these two little

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<v Speaker 2>girls are the sweetest things. And one of the best

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<v Speaker 2>gifts I've been given is that they were raised just

0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:48.040
<v Speaker 2>so loving and Ryan he's such a good hands on

0:10:48.120 --> 0:10:50.960
<v Speaker 2>dad to them and like very like loves on them.

0:10:51.040 --> 0:10:52.800
<v Speaker 2>Hugs on them all the time, and so they're always

0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:55.680
<v Speaker 2>hanging on me and holding my hand and just the

0:10:55.679 --> 0:10:58.440
<v Speaker 2>sweetest things ever. So it's it's been easy in that aspect.

0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:01.920
<v Speaker 2>But I will say, just being a stepmom, it's just

0:11:02.000 --> 0:11:04.559
<v Speaker 2>I mean, you can insert any children in there, being

0:11:04.559 --> 0:11:07.640
<v Speaker 2>a step mom, it's nobody prepares you for that. There's

0:11:07.640 --> 0:11:08.560
<v Speaker 2>no way to prepare for that.

0:11:08.679 --> 0:11:11.160
<v Speaker 1>Very difficult, I know. I mean, obviously Lauren, I give

0:11:11.160 --> 0:11:12.480
<v Speaker 1>her all the credit in the world, who came into

0:11:12.520 --> 0:11:15.160
<v Speaker 1>my life with my two children a little bit older,

0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:18.320
<v Speaker 1>but still like it's something I've never had to do,

0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:22.360
<v Speaker 1>and so it was hard to even help. Yeah, and

0:11:22.400 --> 0:11:24.719
<v Speaker 1>I tried, but it's not something you can really do,

0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:27.160
<v Speaker 1>Like Ryan can't do that for you. It's a path

0:11:27.240 --> 0:11:29.320
<v Speaker 1>you have to walk and figure out. And it's different

0:11:29.360 --> 0:11:31.360
<v Speaker 1>for every child, and we have to deal with our

0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:33.680
<v Speaker 1>exes and all of it, and it's a lot.

0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:37.040
<v Speaker 2>It's a lot, and there's times where we get into it,

0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:38.800
<v Speaker 2>and if I'm being honest, there's times where we get

0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:41.240
<v Speaker 2>into it where I say, it's not arguments or anything,

0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:44.320
<v Speaker 2>it's impossible not to yeah, but exactly, but where it's

0:11:44.360 --> 0:11:50.000
<v Speaker 2>like I have to know that for the next ten years,

0:11:50.880 --> 0:11:54.359
<v Speaker 2>your ex is a part of my everyday life. Yeah,

0:11:54.400 --> 0:11:56.840
<v Speaker 2>And that's not a choice. It's a choice he made.

0:11:56.840 --> 0:11:58.880
<v Speaker 2>It's not a choice I made. But I said, it

0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:01.040
<v Speaker 2>is a choice that I'm choosing to be in this relationship.

0:12:01.040 --> 0:12:04.800
<v Speaker 2>And he knows that. And I don't have to remind

0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:07.040
<v Speaker 2>him of that all the time. He knows that. And

0:12:07.080 --> 0:12:10.600
<v Speaker 2>that's step mommy. I think is hard in general because

0:12:10.600 --> 0:12:12.960
<v Speaker 2>it's like you don't get to like raise them and

0:12:13.640 --> 0:12:14.760
<v Speaker 2>ease into parenthood.

0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:18.640
<v Speaker 1>Definitely, you're not as appreciated, you're not as Yeah.

0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:19.880
<v Speaker 2>But even that, like there. I told the girls the

0:12:19.880 --> 0:12:22.240
<v Speaker 2>other day they were kind of being a little difficult,

0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:25.280
<v Speaker 2>and I said, just as kids are. And I said,

0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:28.319
<v Speaker 2>I looked at him and I said, you know, I'm

0:12:28.679 --> 0:12:32.360
<v Speaker 2>here to love you guys, and I'm not going to

0:12:32.440 --> 0:12:35.080
<v Speaker 2>do this perfect. I'm new to this whole thing. I

0:12:35.120 --> 0:12:38.760
<v Speaker 2>didn't raise you, guys, but I'll give you everything I

0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:41.440
<v Speaker 2>have in the best way possible. So and they just

0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:43.600
<v Speaker 2>kind of like, you're sweet about it and everything else.

0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:47.719
<v Speaker 1>They're only going to get so deep totally, but it

0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:50.360
<v Speaker 1>is it's something that you know. Again, I empathize with

0:12:50.440 --> 0:12:52.880
<v Speaker 1>Lauren because she goes through this and she had to

0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:54.319
<v Speaker 1>get to know my ex, and she sees what I

0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:56.480
<v Speaker 1>never I've never met her ex. I'll never meet her ex.

0:12:56.559 --> 0:12:59.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you don't have to. It's a blessing that you

0:12:59.440 --> 0:12:59.839
<v Speaker 2>don't have to.

0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:03.839
<v Speaker 1>But she has to deal with that all the time.

0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:07.280
<v Speaker 1>When we're moving into college, we're moving out of college, Christmas, birthdays,

0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:10.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, we're together a lot. Yeah, and so it

0:13:10.240 --> 0:13:13.040
<v Speaker 1>is a difficult path to walk, and so kudos to you.

0:13:13.120 --> 0:13:15.800
<v Speaker 1>And I'm sure Ryan is very appreciative of that, Like

0:13:15.960 --> 0:13:17.960
<v Speaker 1>steps you're taking to do that trying.

0:13:18.000 --> 0:13:20.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm trying. Nobody. There's no handbook on it. I guess

0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:23.720
<v Speaker 2>if Lauren's name can teach this, I would appreciate it.

0:13:23.920 --> 0:13:26.160
<v Speaker 1>Now do you I know it's early days, but do

0:13:26.160 --> 0:13:27.679
<v Speaker 1>you think you guys will have more kids? Do you

0:13:27.720 --> 0:13:28.640
<v Speaker 1>want kids? Oh?

0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:31.040
<v Speaker 2>My gosh, I'll tell you what, Chris. The last time

0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:34.640
<v Speaker 2>we talked, would you remember I got crucified for being

0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:39.160
<v Speaker 2>like baby? Yeah, my whole life, I've always wanted babies,

0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:43.440
<v Speaker 2>and I don't know why I got so crucified for that,

0:13:43.559 --> 0:13:46.800
<v Speaker 2>just as like goals is babies, you know, Like, here's

0:13:46.840 --> 0:13:50.800
<v Speaker 2>the thing though, too, Number one, I consider this my

0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:55.720
<v Speaker 2>step girls, my babies you know, and if that's what's

0:13:55.720 --> 0:13:59.920
<v Speaker 2>in the plan, I'm super happy with that. I just

0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:02.880
<v Speaker 2>love mom and I love being in that role, and

0:14:02.920 --> 0:14:05.640
<v Speaker 2>it makes you feel good to take care of children,

0:14:05.720 --> 0:14:08.520
<v Speaker 2>and it's something I've always wanted. What that looks like

0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:11.199
<v Speaker 2>in the future, I think it's something we'd probably most

0:14:11.240 --> 0:14:13.520
<v Speaker 2>likely keep private, since I did get crucified for even

0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:14.480
<v Speaker 2>staying the word babies.

0:14:14.640 --> 0:14:19.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I know, yeah, someone wants to be a mom.

0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:22.800
<v Speaker 2>Totally, God forgive you forbid. You love babies.

0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:24.640
<v Speaker 1>But there's no worse thing in the world right now,

0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:26.160
<v Speaker 1>total than wanting to be a good mom.

0:14:26.320 --> 0:14:29.840
<v Speaker 2>I know, right, you would think, But no, I don't know.

0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:32.480
<v Speaker 2>We'll see. It's telling them. I'm like, if it happens

0:14:32.560 --> 0:14:34.280
<v Speaker 2>or if this is the thing for us, I'm gonna

0:14:34.280 --> 0:14:36.560
<v Speaker 2>pull Para Siltan for sure. Just one day you'll see

0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:37.160
<v Speaker 2>me with the baby.

0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:39.280
<v Speaker 1>Whoa the hell did that happen?

0:14:39.400 --> 0:14:43.400
<v Speaker 2>Exactly like World meet the baby? Who knows? We'll see.

0:14:44.240 --> 0:14:47.320
<v Speaker 2>And here's the thing too, though, is that I'm forty two.

0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:50.680
<v Speaker 2>I don't know it could look like anything, to be honest, like,

0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:53.920
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, we'll see, I guess TBD.

0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:58.040
<v Speaker 1>We both went through some very tumultuous times. Yeah, yours

0:14:58.120 --> 0:15:01.280
<v Speaker 1>was essentially you Antasia kind of the last season that

0:15:01.360 --> 0:15:15.520
<v Speaker 1>I went through, the last Bachelorette. It was just it

0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:18.320
<v Speaker 1>was a crazy time then and then post for both

0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:18.640
<v Speaker 1>of us.

0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:21.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, really it really was.

0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:23.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Oh my gosh, both of our lives kind of

0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:24.000
<v Speaker 1>blew up.

0:15:24.200 --> 0:15:26.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it feels like forever ago. But man, it's almost

0:15:27.000 --> 0:15:29.360
<v Speaker 2>like are we blocking I sometimes block it out of

0:15:29.400 --> 0:15:33.280
<v Speaker 2>my mind. It was pretty traumatic, pretty traumatic, pretty traumatic. Yeah,

0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:34.320
<v Speaker 2>it was a wild time.

0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:37.680
<v Speaker 1>Well, and unfortunately, I think too, I felt bad because

0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:40.200
<v Speaker 1>I felt like I couldn't really be there for you.

0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:42.360
<v Speaker 1>We didn't stay in as close a touch as I

0:15:42.400 --> 0:15:44.800
<v Speaker 1>normally would have with a former bachelorette or whatever going

0:15:44.840 --> 0:15:48.800
<v Speaker 1>through everything because of my crap and everything I was

0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:51.640
<v Speaker 1>going through. Yeah, obviously I didn't reach out to people,

0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:55.480
<v Speaker 1>and I didn't really do. I didn't keep those relationships

0:15:55.480 --> 0:15:57.280
<v Speaker 1>as close as I normally would. I felt like I

0:15:57.360 --> 0:15:59.120
<v Speaker 1>kind of abandoned you to a certain degree where you

0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:00.560
<v Speaker 1>were going through all your No.

0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:03.280
<v Speaker 2>You reached out to though, too, and we were both

0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:06.560
<v Speaker 2>going through it. But I think it's I don't know,

0:16:06.560 --> 0:16:09.000
<v Speaker 2>it's a tough position to be in. I was thinking

0:16:09.000 --> 0:16:11.360
<v Speaker 2>about it with you because it's like, you know so

0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:14.240
<v Speaker 2>much behind the scenes stuff, and there's so many questions

0:16:14.280 --> 0:16:15.960
<v Speaker 2>that I had where it was like, ooh, I want

0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:17.960
<v Speaker 2>to ask him so bad, but then it's like, does

0:16:18.000 --> 0:16:20.680
<v Speaker 2>he have the show's loyalty? Does he have you know?

0:16:20.960 --> 0:16:23.000
<v Speaker 2>Because I think there look at the end of the day,

0:16:23.000 --> 0:16:26.000
<v Speaker 2>I think there's two different agendas and well, I mean

0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:27.080
<v Speaker 2>no where you fall.

0:16:27.160 --> 0:16:30.440
<v Speaker 1>Honestly, for me, it was both and that's part of

0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:33.440
<v Speaker 1>that was part of the friction of me being on

0:16:33.440 --> 0:16:36.280
<v Speaker 1>the show, and partly why things happen the way they

0:16:36.280 --> 0:16:40.720
<v Speaker 1>did is because I didn't always tote the company line.

0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:42.720
<v Speaker 1>I didn't always do what they wanted me to do,

0:16:42.760 --> 0:16:45.760
<v Speaker 1>which I got some knockdown, drag out fights with people

0:16:45.840 --> 0:16:47.560
<v Speaker 1>because they would ask me to do something or say

0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:50.120
<v Speaker 1>something going to Claire and do this, and I would say, no,

0:16:50.960 --> 0:16:52.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm not that horrible of a human being. I'm not

0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:54.520
<v Speaker 1>going to do that to her. I know where she

0:16:54.640 --> 0:16:58.560
<v Speaker 1>is mentally right now and emotionally. And so it worked

0:16:58.560 --> 0:17:00.760
<v Speaker 1>out because I felt like I could always be the

0:17:00.840 --> 0:17:03.320
<v Speaker 1>voice of reason and say, Okay, what if we did this,

0:17:03.800 --> 0:17:05.919
<v Speaker 1>or I know what you're trying to get to, how

0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:07.560
<v Speaker 1>about we do it this way, and a lot of

0:17:07.560 --> 0:17:10.240
<v Speaker 1>times it worked out, yeah, because cooler heads would prevail,

0:17:10.680 --> 0:17:12.560
<v Speaker 1>and there was a certain someone who wasn't on set

0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:14.159
<v Speaker 1>with us most of the time, so it really helped.

0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:14.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:17:14.600 --> 0:17:16.600
<v Speaker 1>And so because again I think most of the producers

0:17:16.600 --> 0:17:19.520
<v Speaker 1>were along those same lines as well. We had a

0:17:19.600 --> 0:17:21.199
<v Speaker 1>job to do, but we don't need to ruin this

0:17:21.200 --> 0:17:25.840
<v Speaker 1>person's life, yeah, you know, even though sometimes we would anyway.

0:17:26.160 --> 0:17:28.159
<v Speaker 2>I do remember too. I mean there were so many,

0:17:28.760 --> 0:17:30.800
<v Speaker 2>so many times where you did come to me and

0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:33.040
<v Speaker 2>you it was almost like I remember there would be

0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:37.359
<v Speaker 2>even back in the One Pablo days where you were like, hey,

0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:38.840
<v Speaker 2>look out for yourself.

0:17:38.960 --> 0:17:40.560
<v Speaker 1>Then I was totally on your side. And I remember

0:17:40.600 --> 0:17:42.960
<v Speaker 1>I pulled you aside in Vietnam because I went and

0:17:42.960 --> 0:17:46.760
<v Speaker 1>had a serious talk with One Pablo. Yeah, and I said, hey, man,

0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:50.080
<v Speaker 1>I just heard that conversation you had with Claire. It

0:17:50.119 --> 0:17:53.720
<v Speaker 1>was not great. You kind of put all the onus

0:17:53.760 --> 0:17:55.919
<v Speaker 1>on her and the blame on her for something you

0:17:55.960 --> 0:17:58.399
<v Speaker 1>both did. It's not going to be a good look.

0:17:58.480 --> 0:18:00.360
<v Speaker 1>And I always kind of gave him the benefit of doubt.

0:18:00.320 --> 0:18:02.320
<v Speaker 1>He's from Venezuela and there was that language barrier, and

0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:05.120
<v Speaker 1>I said, oh, I get it you. Maybe you don't

0:18:05.160 --> 0:18:08.120
<v Speaker 1>understand this is not going to play well for you. Yeah,

0:18:08.280 --> 0:18:10.919
<v Speaker 1>and he went into a third person and started referring

0:18:10.960 --> 0:18:12.800
<v Speaker 1>to himself and says, you know you want one, Bablo,

0:18:12.880 --> 0:18:14.359
<v Speaker 1>you get one, Bablo. And I was like, oh God,

0:18:14.720 --> 0:18:17.320
<v Speaker 1>So I remember pulling you aside in Vietnam and Saint Clair.

0:18:18.960 --> 0:18:20.919
<v Speaker 1>Just get out, get out of this. I'm glad you

0:18:20.920 --> 0:18:24.080
<v Speaker 1>did could look out and this is not a good situation.

0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:26.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm glad you did, because that was in the

0:18:26.560 --> 0:18:30.560
<v Speaker 2>time for myself where I was still in the very

0:18:30.600 --> 0:18:36.480
<v Speaker 2>beginning healing stages of dealing with I guess I don't

0:18:36.520 --> 0:18:40.120
<v Speaker 2>know what the right word is, but I didn't know

0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:42.560
<v Speaker 2>how to look out for myself. I didn't know what

0:18:42.600 --> 0:18:47.679
<v Speaker 2>healthy relationships look like, and I didn't know what the

0:18:47.760 --> 0:18:49.840
<v Speaker 2>right thing to do was. And to have somebody like

0:18:49.880 --> 0:18:51.800
<v Speaker 2>you to reach out to be like, no, this is

0:18:51.840 --> 0:18:52.320
<v Speaker 2>not normal.

0:18:52.440 --> 0:18:54.560
<v Speaker 1>And that's something that the producers knew. I did that. Yeah,

0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:56.440
<v Speaker 1>off camera, they would have killed me totally.

0:18:56.880 --> 0:18:58.159
<v Speaker 2>I'm telling you, oh.

0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:02.040
<v Speaker 1>You just torched this whole dynamic in this scene. But

0:19:02.040 --> 0:19:04.040
<v Speaker 1>when I see a human being, I'm like, no, I

0:19:04.080 --> 0:19:06.880
<v Speaker 1>don't care. Yeah, I'm going to react as a as

0:19:06.880 --> 0:19:09.439
<v Speaker 1>a dad, as a as a friend. First, because I

0:19:09.440 --> 0:19:11.680
<v Speaker 1>still think you can make great TV and make great

0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:15.080
<v Speaker 1>relationship TV. Setting someone up complete failure.

0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:19.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm telling you, though, I wish he's lucky Claire now healed.

0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:20.480
<v Speaker 2>Claire didn't handle him.

0:19:20.359 --> 0:19:22.000
<v Speaker 1>Back then, it would have been a knockdown dragon.

0:19:22.000 --> 0:19:23.240
<v Speaker 2>It would have been a whole different ball game.

0:19:23.359 --> 0:19:25.080
<v Speaker 1>Someone may have drowned in that pool.

0:19:26.080 --> 0:19:29.480
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, he would have been rocking himself in the corner crying.

0:19:29.520 --> 0:19:30.200
<v Speaker 2>I'll tell you that.

0:19:30.440 --> 0:19:32.080
<v Speaker 1>What other questions do you have?

0:19:32.880 --> 0:19:34.200
<v Speaker 2>You really want me to ask him? Yeah?

0:19:34.240 --> 0:19:36.160
<v Speaker 1>I mean so I'll see if I can answer him.

0:19:36.160 --> 0:19:38.000
<v Speaker 2>Okay, because I don't know what your line is, what

0:19:38.119 --> 0:19:39.640
<v Speaker 2>you can and can't talk right, I don't either.

0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:42.120
<v Speaker 1>We'll see, We'll find we'll find out.

0:19:42.760 --> 0:19:46.119
<v Speaker 2>I want to know because I remember sitting in the

0:19:46.160 --> 0:19:50.080
<v Speaker 2>living room in Pump Springs and when you were like,

0:19:50.200 --> 0:19:53.280
<v Speaker 2>what's the situation here? What's going on? And I remember thinking,

0:19:54.280 --> 0:19:58.800
<v Speaker 2>there are so many previous bachelorettes that new night one

0:19:59.720 --> 0:20:01.399
<v Speaker 2>who they wanted to pick and who they wanted to

0:20:01.480 --> 0:20:04.280
<v Speaker 2>end up with. What was different do you think from

0:20:04.320 --> 0:20:06.280
<v Speaker 2>my situation? Because I remember sitting there talking with you

0:20:06.280 --> 0:20:08.240
<v Speaker 2>in the living room, going I'll see it through to

0:20:08.280 --> 0:20:10.240
<v Speaker 2>the end. I'll stay to the end. I'll do my

0:20:10.359 --> 0:20:12.479
<v Speaker 2>due diligence and be here. I signed up for this.

0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:13.439
<v Speaker 2>I knew what I want to do.

0:20:14.080 --> 0:20:16.760
<v Speaker 1>No one was ever as demonstrative as you were. Really,

0:20:16.880 --> 0:20:20.000
<v Speaker 1>no one was ever as sure. When that person stepped

0:20:20.000 --> 0:20:21.480
<v Speaker 1>out of the limo and you, I don't know if

0:20:21.480 --> 0:20:23.679
<v Speaker 1>you remember, you walked over to me and you had

0:20:23.680 --> 0:20:27.639
<v Speaker 1>this smile on your face. You're like, it's done. It's over. Yeah, Okay,

0:20:27.720 --> 0:20:31.399
<v Speaker 1>that's cute, and it's not really over. And then you're like, no,

0:20:31.480 --> 0:20:34.080
<v Speaker 1>it's over. Yeah. I remember. I forget who was your handler?

0:20:34.119 --> 0:20:39.000
<v Speaker 1>Who was your producer, because it was Caitlin Maybe no,

0:20:39.040 --> 0:20:41.439
<v Speaker 1>because it was you me and whoever your handler was

0:20:41.480 --> 0:20:44.199
<v Speaker 1>Jullia Juliet. Yeah, oh my gosh. And so we were

0:20:44.200 --> 0:20:46.840
<v Speaker 1>sitting there later in that little room and you had

0:20:46.840 --> 0:20:48.600
<v Speaker 1>to smile and you were like, no, no, that we

0:20:48.600 --> 0:20:50.440
<v Speaker 1>were off camera. You said, it's I'm done.

0:20:50.480 --> 0:20:54.040
<v Speaker 2>But here's the thing, though, Chris. When I was chosen

0:20:54.040 --> 0:20:56.880
<v Speaker 2>as the bachelorette, I was thirty nine years old.

0:20:56.920 --> 0:20:57.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it was different.

0:20:57.960 --> 0:21:00.080
<v Speaker 2>I was a woman who knew what I wanted and

0:21:00.119 --> 0:21:02.280
<v Speaker 2>I told you all that since the get.

0:21:02.080 --> 0:21:04.800
<v Speaker 1>Go So here's where I felt like my job was

0:21:04.840 --> 0:21:06.840
<v Speaker 1>for you as a friend at that moment. I'm going

0:21:06.920 --> 0:21:09.080
<v Speaker 1>to push you and be devil's advocate. Okay, I don't

0:21:09.080 --> 0:21:11.400
<v Speaker 1>care if you do this again, and I will help

0:21:11.440 --> 0:21:14.679
<v Speaker 1>and facilitate this, and we made it happen. I was

0:21:14.720 --> 0:21:16.520
<v Speaker 1>just going to push you as hard as I could

0:21:16.880 --> 0:21:19.040
<v Speaker 1>to make sure that's really what you wanted to do

0:21:19.520 --> 0:21:22.200
<v Speaker 1>before you gave up this opportunity to be the bachelorette,

0:21:22.240 --> 0:21:24.280
<v Speaker 1>because it also kind of took that away from you.

0:21:24.680 --> 0:21:26.640
<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, don't you want to be the bachgeorette too?

0:21:26.760 --> 0:21:29.200
<v Speaker 2>But I remember saying I'll stay. I'll see this through

0:21:29.200 --> 0:21:31.000
<v Speaker 2>that yet, right, I remember saying that.

0:21:31.080 --> 0:21:33.280
<v Speaker 1>But we couldn't do it. It was it was over. Yeah,

0:21:33.320 --> 0:21:35.080
<v Speaker 1>Like I think we went on one more date and

0:21:35.119 --> 0:21:39.160
<v Speaker 1>you were just so uninterested. You were so out of it.

0:21:39.160 --> 0:21:41.080
<v Speaker 2>It was I think here's the thing too, though I

0:21:41.080 --> 0:21:44.679
<v Speaker 2>don't know, even to this day, as much as I

0:21:44.720 --> 0:21:47.080
<v Speaker 2>adore these men, yeah, I still don't think there's a

0:21:47.119 --> 0:21:48.359
<v Speaker 2>man in there that I would have chosen.

0:21:48.440 --> 0:21:49.840
<v Speaker 1>No, I think it was the best thing for you

0:21:49.920 --> 0:21:50.080
<v Speaker 1>to do.

0:21:50.160 --> 0:21:50.880
<v Speaker 2>I got that time.

0:21:51.000 --> 0:21:52.640
<v Speaker 1>You know. It's funny because you got a little crap

0:21:52.680 --> 0:21:54.679
<v Speaker 1>for it, and I'm like, yeah, I never understood that.

0:21:54.760 --> 0:21:56.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, if the whole purpose was to meet somebody,

0:21:56.840 --> 0:21:59.320
<v Speaker 1>and if you do totally, who cares if it's night

0:21:59.359 --> 0:22:03.280
<v Speaker 1>one whatever. I mean, I never had a problem with

0:22:03.320 --> 0:22:05.840
<v Speaker 1>that and defended you on that, and I just wanted

0:22:05.840 --> 0:22:08.080
<v Speaker 1>to make sure is this really what you want to

0:22:08.080 --> 0:22:10.520
<v Speaker 1>do and if so, I'll move heaven and earth to

0:22:10.560 --> 0:22:12.879
<v Speaker 1>make it happen, which we did and it was not

0:22:12.920 --> 0:22:15.080
<v Speaker 1>easy to do in the pandemic and then lockdown to

0:22:15.119 --> 0:22:16.400
<v Speaker 1>get Neil Lane out there.

0:22:16.440 --> 0:22:18.679
<v Speaker 2>It's true, I know, and I still think about it

0:22:18.680 --> 0:22:21.199
<v Speaker 2>to this day and I'm like, I go back and

0:22:21.240 --> 0:22:23.840
<v Speaker 2>forth between it, but I still think I'm okay with

0:22:23.920 --> 0:22:27.280
<v Speaker 2>disappointing other people to not disappoint myself, And that's what

0:22:27.320 --> 0:22:28.120
<v Speaker 2>I wanted at the time.

0:22:28.240 --> 0:22:30.359
<v Speaker 1>I wish I could do that. That's such a healthy

0:22:30.359 --> 0:22:33.840
<v Speaker 1>thing to say. Is I care way too much about

0:22:33.840 --> 0:22:34.600
<v Speaker 1>what other people think?

0:22:34.720 --> 0:22:36.679
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I cared at.

0:22:36.560 --> 0:22:39.040
<v Speaker 1>After obviously what I went through, and you see the

0:22:39.160 --> 0:22:41.040
<v Speaker 1>truth behind a lot of people and where they stand.

0:22:41.520 --> 0:22:45.800
<v Speaker 1>I was I was just like, you know, I care

0:22:45.880 --> 0:22:48.080
<v Speaker 1>too much and which made me a good host, makes

0:22:48.080 --> 0:22:50.679
<v Speaker 1>you human, and it makes you a good dad. It

0:22:50.680 --> 0:22:52.680
<v Speaker 1>makes you a good host, just but it just kind

0:22:52.680 --> 0:22:56.120
<v Speaker 1>of it can set you up for disappointment failure sometimes.

0:22:56.280 --> 0:22:58.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And I think honestly, it would have put me

0:22:58.560 --> 0:23:00.800
<v Speaker 2>in the ground if I cared that much. And it

0:23:00.840 --> 0:23:02.760
<v Speaker 2>did create a lot of anxiety. There was a lot

0:23:02.800 --> 0:23:05.240
<v Speaker 2>of mental health stuff I did go through post show,

0:23:05.280 --> 0:23:08.439
<v Speaker 2>But all the stuff that I've gone through mental health wise,

0:23:10.160 --> 0:23:13.120
<v Speaker 2>I've chosen how to rise from that myself and kind

0:23:13.119 --> 0:23:15.240
<v Speaker 2>of like what path I want to take from that?

0:23:15.320 --> 0:23:19.080
<v Speaker 2>And I've always thought I'm going to be better because

0:23:19.080 --> 0:23:20.040
<v Speaker 2>of what I've gone through.

0:23:20.080 --> 0:23:22.720
<v Speaker 1>Well, this is the path you're on now. Yeah, you're married, yep,

0:23:22.720 --> 0:23:25.840
<v Speaker 1>you're happy, yep, and life is good and I am

0:23:26.119 --> 0:23:28.040
<v Speaker 1>you looked I saw you. I was We're here at

0:23:28.040 --> 0:23:31.040
<v Speaker 1>the Rosewood Hotel again in Mona, Zito. Anyway, I was

0:23:31.040 --> 0:23:32.880
<v Speaker 1>walking across the courtyard and I saw You're the first

0:23:32.880 --> 0:23:34.840
<v Speaker 1>person I saw when I got here, and you just

0:23:34.880 --> 0:23:37.080
<v Speaker 1>had this glow about you and this And I love

0:23:37.160 --> 0:23:39.840
<v Speaker 1>Ryan because he's got this. He seems like just an

0:23:39.840 --> 0:23:42.600
<v Speaker 1>easy going dude. Is he's unflappable.

0:23:42.840 --> 0:23:44.440
<v Speaker 2>Yep, calms me down.

0:23:44.560 --> 0:23:47.480
<v Speaker 1>Someday we'll get him on the podcast one day.

0:23:47.840 --> 0:23:50.199
<v Speaker 2>He'll do it. Though he'll do it. He's actually as

0:23:50.320 --> 0:23:53.359
<v Speaker 2>quiet as he is. He's such a good talker. No,

0:23:53.400 --> 0:23:54.560
<v Speaker 2>as soon as we love him.

0:23:54.440 --> 0:23:56.600
<v Speaker 1>As soon as we're done and I press stop. Yeah,

0:23:56.680 --> 0:23:57.879
<v Speaker 1>we're gonna go grab some tequila.

0:23:57.960 --> 0:23:59.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, absolutely, we're gonna put it.

0:23:59.520 --> 0:24:01.360
<v Speaker 1>We're gonna have a hell of a night. We're going

0:24:01.400 --> 0:24:03.320
<v Speaker 1>to Young and we're gonna have a hell of a

0:24:03.400 --> 0:24:06.560
<v Speaker 1>night because we have some other friends here. Ben Higgins

0:24:06.600 --> 0:24:11.200
<v Speaker 1>is here, Ashley Ikenetti, the Firestones are here, Andrew and Evana.

0:24:11.320 --> 0:24:13.200
<v Speaker 1>So we're all gonna go to the concert tonight. We're

0:24:13.200 --> 0:24:16.280
<v Speaker 1>gonna have an absolute blast. We're gonna make some horrible decisions.

0:24:16.720 --> 0:24:17.639
<v Speaker 1>This should be the show.

0:24:18.560 --> 0:24:19.040
<v Speaker 2>Stand by.

0:24:20.280 --> 0:24:21.959
<v Speaker 1>Thank you for being here, thank you for having me,

0:24:22.119 --> 0:24:23.840
<v Speaker 1>and thank you for just still being a friend. And

0:24:24.119 --> 0:24:25.640
<v Speaker 1>I was so happy to give you a hug today.

0:24:26.040 --> 0:24:27.560
<v Speaker 1>It's great to see you always.

0:24:27.600 --> 0:24:28.600
<v Speaker 2>Always we're family.

0:24:29.080 --> 0:24:30.880
<v Speaker 1>And Ryan, thank you so much for being a great

0:24:30.920 --> 0:24:37.960
<v Speaker 1>interview today. My thanks to Claire Crawley. We really went

0:24:38.000 --> 0:24:41.320
<v Speaker 1>through a wild time together, going through the lockdown and

0:24:41.359 --> 0:24:43.479
<v Speaker 1>the pandemic and trying to shoot the show the way

0:24:43.520 --> 0:24:45.760
<v Speaker 1>we did, and then her falling in love so quickly

0:24:45.840 --> 0:24:49.120
<v Speaker 1>on the show and everything that happens subsequently. It's good

0:24:49.119 --> 0:24:51.120
<v Speaker 1>to see her, and honestly, it's just good to see

0:24:51.400 --> 0:24:53.000
<v Speaker 1>love and her eyes the way it is, and I'm

0:24:53.040 --> 0:24:56.240
<v Speaker 1>so so happy for her. We have a lot more

0:24:56.280 --> 0:25:01.320
<v Speaker 1>to come from Montecito, Santa Barbara, California. I have some

0:25:01.359 --> 0:25:05.200
<v Speaker 1>good friends coming up next, but that's in the next episode.

0:25:05.400 --> 0:25:08.399
<v Speaker 1>So for now, I'll say goodbye, thanks for tuning in,

0:25:08.800 --> 0:25:10.280
<v Speaker 1>and I'll talk to you next time because we have

0:25:10.359 --> 0:25:13.000
<v Speaker 1>a lot more to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow

0:25:13.080 --> 0:25:15.840
<v Speaker 1>us on Instagram at the most dramatic pod ever, and

0:25:15.880 --> 0:25:17.719
<v Speaker 1>make sure to write us a review and leave us

0:25:17.720 --> 0:25:19.960
<v Speaker 1>five stars. I'll talk to you next time.