WEBVTT - NBA Playoffs - Emergency Pod

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<v Speaker 1>Pasha Tosh sh Show. Hey, guys, guess what it's time

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<v Speaker 1>for a Toss Show emergency pod Eddie hit the Sirens

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<v Speaker 1>braw band. Now you probably would why I'm dressed like

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<v Speaker 1>the Capitol One guy. Yeah, I don't know, Jack, I

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<v Speaker 1>just looked like that. He looks like a fucking idiot.

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<v Speaker 1>I hate that guy. Hands. No, what's that big hands?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't give a shit if he's got big hands. Guys,

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<v Speaker 1>this emergency pod is serious. Okay, okay, we're talking NBA.

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<v Speaker 1>So I put on a dumb jacket, so I looked

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<v Speaker 1>like an NBA draft pick. And now some people right

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<v Speaker 1>now we go, I don't care about the NBA. Good

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<v Speaker 1>turn this off. It's not for you. Nobody watches basketball.

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<v Speaker 1>Fuck you, everyone watches basketball. You don't watch basketball. I

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<v Speaker 1>care about basketball. We're gonna talk about basketball. And if

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<v Speaker 1>you haven't been watching this year's playoffs, you've missed out

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<v Speaker 1>all right. Well, by the way, gratulations to Dallas on

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<v Speaker 1>winning the first RIG pick of the draft. Oh my goodness,

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<v Speaker 1>you know who is that? GM is like, Oh, thank god,

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<v Speaker 1>we can draft another white superstar to lead the Mavericks

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<v Speaker 1>for the next twenty years or six years. And then

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<v Speaker 1>fucking trade him to La when the barbecue here in

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<v Speaker 1>Dallas gets them all fat and doe. I can't believe

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<v Speaker 1>they want but I do want to point out as

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<v Speaker 1>a Miami Heat fan that had they not they were

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<v Speaker 1>the ten seed and got their way into the playoffs

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<v Speaker 1>through the stupid playing games to only get blown out

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<v Speaker 1>by seventy each night in Cleveland, they would have had

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<v Speaker 1>that same probability the eleventh seed and that would have

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<v Speaker 1>been their first pick. But I'm sure pat Riley saw

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<v Speaker 1>that and realized that's not what we want to do.

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<v Speaker 1>By the way, I don't know what you watch ed

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<v Speaker 1>the games on your YouTube TV? Right? Yeah? Okay? When

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<v Speaker 1>it asked me do you want to watch it on

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<v Speaker 1>tn T or True TV, I'm like, what, Who in

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<v Speaker 1>the fuck is picking True TV? The only people watching

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<v Speaker 1>the playoffs on True TV or the impractical Jokers? True

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<v Speaker 1>TV is the first option. I scroll past it every

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<v Speaker 1>single time. I don't know they're different announcers. Do they

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<v Speaker 1>slime you? Another thing that's really annoying me. Now, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>glad that we have replay. Of course it should go faster,

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<v Speaker 1>but knock it off with the players after every single

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<v Speaker 1>foul coach, child, I didn't touch them. Shut the fuck up.

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<v Speaker 1>You're a role player. It's the beginning of the first quarter.

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<v Speaker 1>Nobody's challenging this play. Get back on defense. No one

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<v Speaker 1>cares if you foul out. I didn't touch the ball

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<v Speaker 1>last Okay, calm down, we'll review it if the play

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<v Speaker 1>is important. If I was a coach and one of

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<v Speaker 1>my players did this, I would be like, Okay, we

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<v Speaker 1>have to bench you because you're dumb. You think we

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<v Speaker 1>don't understand. We have one job over here. It's to

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<v Speaker 1>call timeouts and bucking review a few plays. All right,

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<v Speaker 1>let's talk about Cleveland. Now, leave it to Cleveland, the

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<v Speaker 1>most Cleveland thing in the world. Win games when they

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<v Speaker 1>don't matter, and then shit the bed when it does.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, you did the best regular season in franchise history.

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<v Speaker 1>Go ahead and shove that up your depressing ass. By

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<v Speaker 1>the way, when people talk about like Detroit being depressed,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, are you kidding me? And I know it's

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<v Speaker 1>oh it's almost hack talking about how awful Cleveland is.

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<v Speaker 1>But you tell me, oh, you can live in Gaza

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<v Speaker 1>or Cleveland. I'm picking Gaza every time. Speaking of depressing,

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<v Speaker 1>poor Boston, hate him or really hate him. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>watching Tatum go down, I was just hoping. I was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>please be another Paul Pierce shit in his pants scenario.

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<v Speaker 1>There's carting you off because there's just shit everywhere. But no, no,

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<v Speaker 1>he's done. I have a theory that he wanted to

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<v Speaker 1>leave and not be seen in that series because he

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<v Speaker 1>was the only good looking fella. If you look at

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<v Speaker 1>both those teams, man, are they ugly top the bottom.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not talking about their play. Their play is great,

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<v Speaker 1>but physically, man, they are all ugly. Karl Anthony Towns

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<v Speaker 1>his posture just walking around. His neck comes out the

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<v Speaker 1>front of his torso Jalen Brown's his eyes are too

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<v Speaker 1>close together. That seems weird. Thibodeau his You know, you

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<v Speaker 1>don't go after another man's hair when you yourself are balding. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>you know I did something about mine early on when

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<v Speaker 1>it started a thin. I can't imagine if I had

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<v Speaker 1>four hairs left, Like I'm gonna hang on to him

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<v Speaker 1>and slick them back. That's so weird, especially when you're

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<v Speaker 1>a basketball coach where every angle that you're shot at

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<v Speaker 1>is from above, Like, can't he doesn't he watch some

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<v Speaker 1>game tape and see himself occasionally go oh, that looks horrible.

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<v Speaker 1>I should buzz my head. What about Jalen Brunson. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>mister Clutch physically looks like he should work security at

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<v Speaker 1>the farmer's market. I've never once seen him crack a smile,

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<v Speaker 1>just constant. I'm like, bro, you're you're making millions and

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<v Speaker 1>millions of dollars, You're in New York City and you're

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<v Speaker 1>the best player. Smile. Nope, guy's got no soul whatsoever.

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<v Speaker 1>Who are the other ugly people in that series physically?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just talking about physical appearances. I'm just cutting men apart.

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<v Speaker 1>Derek White, men being cruel to men. Derek White, that's

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<v Speaker 1>an odd look. Oh uh, I don't know what's wrong

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<v Speaker 1>with him. That lineage line looks like it's a little overlapping.

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<v Speaker 1>Peyton Pritchard, Oh man, how neat to be sitting in

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<v Speaker 1>section three point fifty and get your name called? You're

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<v Speaker 1>playing what? I'll just live here and all right here

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<v Speaker 1>I go. I mean, if you were to tell me

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<v Speaker 1>that he is a world class athlete, I would think, no,

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<v Speaker 1>not this guy. By the way, porzingis rarely can you

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<v Speaker 1>be you know a lot? Via seven foot whatever and

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<v Speaker 1>and be not the ugly duckling somehow he like looks like,

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<v Speaker 1>oh he looks. Okay. That just shows you what kind

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<v Speaker 1>of monsters that you're surrounded by. And they show the

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<v Speaker 1>celebrities and they're ugly, even in New York supposed to

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<v Speaker 1>be supposed to be a glamorous city. I'm just looking

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<v Speaker 1>at all these old Knicks players. I'm looking at uh,

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<v Speaker 1>Spike Lee, Tracy Morgan's on on the court side seat,

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<v Speaker 1>just vomiting. What is happening. I mean, come on, let's

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<v Speaker 1>get some sex appeal in there. Guys, that's what you

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<v Speaker 1>do with your draft pick. You've you've clearly got a

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<v Speaker 1>team that can play. Let's get some hunks on the court.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh ah, I mean, I know I'm a homer, but

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<v Speaker 1>I long for a Dan Marley. Remember how good looking

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<v Speaker 1>he was. Oh my goodness, this is a nice tan

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<v Speaker 1>on the court looking cool. Yeah. Well, anyway, sorry to Boston, Uh,

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<v Speaker 1>but you know you won it all last year. Nobody

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<v Speaker 1>feels good. I tell you, this generation of people in Boston,

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<v Speaker 1>you know who are are what you might call it, guy,

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<v Speaker 1>our buddy, our teamster president said it best. Is this

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<v Speaker 1>generation of kids in Boston that grew up with nothing

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<v Speaker 1>but winners. They have no idea how bad their parents

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<v Speaker 1>had it. Minnesota Golden State. This is tough to watch.

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<v Speaker 1>What's the over under on if Draymond takes someone's life.

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<v Speaker 1>This is why we got Jimmy Butler for moments like

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<v Speaker 1>they said this. They said this constantly when they were

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<v Speaker 1>winning meaningless games at the end of the season. I

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<v Speaker 1>mean they weren't meaningless to them, but they weren't tough games.

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<v Speaker 1>This is why we got Jimmy Butler. And I'm like, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>wait till he starts missing at the rim. It's so annoying.

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<v Speaker 1>It's constant. I've watched it every play. Oh, he'll just

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<v Speaker 1>miss buckets so close. No, not playoff, Jimmy, playoff Jimmy.

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<v Speaker 1>Is he helping? You know? They're not saying it now.

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<v Speaker 1>They're not saying this is why we brought him here.

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<v Speaker 1>Now that the it's like, oh, well, you kind of

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<v Speaker 1>need Steph. I meant injuries happen, of course, but you

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<v Speaker 1>beat the Warriors without Steph, We're gonna put an asterisk

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<v Speaker 1>next to it. That's like saying, you know, in the nineties,

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<v Speaker 1>oh we beat the bulls, you beat the Bulls with

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<v Speaker 1>Jordan No, no, you know that that year and a

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<v Speaker 1>half period where he was playing t ball because his

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<v Speaker 1>dad's gambling problem. Oh well, it's not really beating the

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<v Speaker 1>Bulls then, is it. My point is, you're not beating

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<v Speaker 1>the Warriors if if Steph played every game and finally,

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<v Speaker 1>the OKAC Denver, Oh, the Nuggets. My favorite thing to

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<v Speaker 1>watch at an OKAC game when they're playing at home

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<v Speaker 1>is if the team starts out cold and watching the

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<v Speaker 1>fans get winded having to stand until their team makes

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<v Speaker 1>the first bucket of the night and they can all

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<v Speaker 1>sit down. It's actually nice that that team gives out

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<v Speaker 1>T shirts to everyone, because Lord knows their fashion sense

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<v Speaker 1>in Oklahoma, Oklahoma might be the only place where people

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<v Speaker 1>are buying tickets to the game so that they get

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<v Speaker 1>the T shirt. I'm actually positive a lot of the

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<v Speaker 1>people show up without a shirt on. They're like, oh, well,

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<v Speaker 1>we get a shirt when we get there. You know

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<v Speaker 1>why they never do those give outs in La at

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<v Speaker 1>a Lakers game because Laker fans aren't gonna put on

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<v Speaker 1>a gross T shirt. No one's gonna, oh you want

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<v Speaker 1>me to put this thick BFT over my outfit? No,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not gonna happen. That's that's cute. I'll give it

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<v Speaker 1>to my gardener. I'll let them wash the car with it.

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<v Speaker 1>God help us if Denver makes it to the finals again.

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<v Speaker 1>I know Djokich is an amazing talent. Great, he's unwatchable.

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<v Speaker 1>Djokich might be the least entertaining athlete to watch in

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<v Speaker 1>the history of athletes. It's like if you planted a

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<v Speaker 1>tree in the middle of the court and waited for

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<v Speaker 1>it to grow, and they're like, well, why don't we

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<v Speaker 1>give that tree fifty one million dollars a year. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't even know if he understands that he's getting paid

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<v Speaker 1>that much money, like you probably don't have to pay him.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe thinks these are pickup games and just tons of

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<v Speaker 1>people come to watch because it's the us of a Eddie.

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<v Speaker 1>Who you think is gonna win Larry O'Brien Trophy? And

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<v Speaker 1>I'll give you a million dollars if you can tell

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<v Speaker 1>me who the fuck Larry O'Brien is. No, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>even know. I don't get the connection. Oh geez, all right,

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<v Speaker 1>I have no idea I have I've never I've never

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<v Speaker 1>wanted to know. Well, lucky for US. We only have

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<v Speaker 1>four more weeks of NBA playoffs. At least it's entertaining.

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<v Speaker 1>We got four more weeks and then just MLB and

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<v Speaker 1>w n B A and I'm sure I think the

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<v Speaker 1>Pickleball Tour picks back up. All right, give me the siren?

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<v Speaker 1>Where where shot clock? Okay,