WEBVTT - Embrace quality and quantity time

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is about how to think of progress when

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<v Speaker 1>we're talking about relationships rather than basic tasks. Progress is motivational. Sadly,

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<v Speaker 1>the converse of that is also true. When progress is

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<v Speaker 1>less obvious, it can be hard to feel motivated. Fortunately,

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<v Speaker 1>there are some ways to recreate a sense of progress

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<v Speaker 1>no matter what kind of work we're talking about. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip comes out of a question I got from a

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast listener who had recently left her job partly

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<v Speaker 1>to spend more time caring for her daughter, who is

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<v Speaker 1>on the autism spectrum. The listener noted that her daughter

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<v Speaker 1>was needing to interact with people more and this was

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<v Speaker 1>definitely challenging. She wrote, she needs more support to cope

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<v Speaker 1>with how exhausting elementary school is. The listener was also

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<v Speaker 1>studying to pursue a new career as a chaplain. All

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<v Speaker 1>of these are worthy endeavors, but as she noted, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>so used to measuring and valuing my time by tasks finished.

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<v Speaker 1>Parenting and researching are both activities that are not task oriented.

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<v Speaker 1>I find myself struggling to measure my progress and feeling

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<v Speaker 1>unaccomplished after lots of time well spent. Do you have

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<v Speaker 1>any tips for how to measure time and progress in

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<v Speaker 1>these non task oriented settings. It's a good question. The

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<v Speaker 1>nature of parenting, or for that matter, being a chaplain,

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<v Speaker 1>is to spend a lot of time with people simply

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<v Speaker 1>being available to them. The quantity of time is a

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<v Speaker 1>key part of the job, and while we can tract

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<v Speaker 1>time and I recommend tracking time, the outcome of being

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<v Speaker 1>available is not always clear. One of the things that

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<v Speaker 1>people who decide to be full time parents most struggle

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<v Speaker 1>with is this transition from turning in a report at

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<v Speaker 1>the end of the day to getting to the end

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<v Speaker 1>of the day and wondering what actually got done. This

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<v Speaker 1>can make it hard to stay motivated, but I think

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<v Speaker 1>we can create concrete tasks within these swaths of time

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<v Speaker 1>that allow us to feel a sense of progress and motivation. Yep,

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<v Speaker 1>it's quality time within the quantity time. I've been thinking

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<v Speaker 1>about this a lot lately, as all five of my

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<v Speaker 1>children have been home with me for the past two months.

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<v Speaker 1>I know that theoretically this extra time together can allow

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<v Speaker 1>us to deepen our relationships but so much of the

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<v Speaker 1>time is just managing chaos, keeping the five year old

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<v Speaker 1>from breaking things in between feeding the baby and keeping

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<v Speaker 1>the other children from hurting each other. So to keep

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<v Speaker 1>my sanity, I've come up with distinct projects each of

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<v Speaker 1>us can do together. I'm sure that simply spending time

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<v Speaker 1>together is more important in the long run, but keeping

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<v Speaker 1>mom motivated is important too, So we've ordered a bunch

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<v Speaker 1>of legos. I recently finished a whole rocket launch set

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<v Speaker 1>with the ten year old, plus a farm set with

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<v Speaker 1>a five year old. My twelve year old has become

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<v Speaker 1>my writing accountability partner. He's writing a novel and we

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<v Speaker 1>check in with each other on how many words we've

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<v Speaker 1>done in our creative projects. My eight year old daughter

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<v Speaker 1>and I are undertaking a grown up dollhouse project, not

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<v Speaker 1>for playing, in for building and enjoying the miniature scenes.

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<v Speaker 1>Even the baby can have some projects. We've been reading

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<v Speaker 1>through all the old issues of Baby Bug magazine that

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<v Speaker 1>I've kept from previous children. I know that it doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>particularly matter that I'm reading a child focused magazine versus

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<v Speaker 1>the dictionary with a baby, but it makes mom feel

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<v Speaker 1>better that, yes, I read through two issues today and

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<v Speaker 1>I will do two issues tomorrow and so forth. If you,

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<v Speaker 1>likewise are looking for ways to stay motivated in relationship work,

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<v Speaker 1>you might try setting some particular tasks that you can

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<v Speaker 1>do and then celebrate completion. A chaplain, for instance, might

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<v Speaker 1>set goals for numbers and types of visits and follow ups,

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<v Speaker 1>and particular passages to read or spiritual exercises to do

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<v Speaker 1>when it feels appropriate. Sure, the main point is being

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<v Speaker 1>there and listening and offering comfort, but we can create

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<v Speaker 1>tasks for ourselves within that. Our listener who wants to

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<v Speaker 1>support her daughter with social interaction might set goals for

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<v Speaker 1>how to handle welcoming her home from school or sending

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<v Speaker 1>her off to school, or planning activities on the weekends

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<v Speaker 1>that might gently introduce certain social interactions. She can note

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<v Speaker 1>her progress and celebrate what she's done. Quantity and quality

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<v Speaker 1>time are often presented as being in opposition, but really

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<v Speaker 1>relationships are made up of both. A lot of the

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<v Speaker 1>real work is done in the quantity, but the quality

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<v Speaker 1>part keeps us motivated, and that's a good in its

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<v Speaker 1>own right. In the meantime, this is Laura, thanks for listening,

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<v Speaker 1>and here's to making the most of our time. M hm. Hey, everybody.

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<v Speaker 1>I'd love to hear from you. You can send me

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<v Speaker 1>your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with

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<v Speaker 1>me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod

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<v Speaker 1>that's b E the number four, then Breakfast p o D.

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<v Speaker 1>You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>At i heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast is

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<v Speaker 1>spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much, S,

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<v Speaker 1>I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is

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<v Speaker 1>a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from

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