00:00:08 Speaker 1: And I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests, your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me? 00:00:47 Speaker 2: Welcome to I said, no gifts. I'm Richard Wineger. I hope you're having a good day. I have so little to say anymore. I really look. I saw Toozard's in my backyard. That's been my morning so far. And that's more, it's twice as many lizards as I usually see. So that was exciting. Maybe they were, you know, they must have been doing something together. God knows what. It doesn't matter. It was kind of exciting, more exciting than most of the things that have happened this morning. Now, something more exciting is about to happen. We're going to record the podcast and with a guest who I adore, and I don't know anyone who doesn't adore this guest. He's so funny and just delightful. If you don't like him, that's your problem. You'll have to turn it off as soon as you find out who it is. It's Ike Baron Holtz Ike, welcome to I said no gifts. 00:01:44 Speaker 3: Thank you Richard for having me. I am a little out of it. I didn't get a lot of sleep because it is lizard mating season and we were keeping me up all night. So I am a little tired. But I'm gonna pull through. 00:01:58 Speaker 2: And yeah, Nels, this explains a lot, explains my lizard situation, explains why you just look like shit. 00:02:06 Speaker 3: Yeah, oh my god, don't get me started. I did. I woke up three minutes ago. I had glam squad here at seven and they were banging on the door and I had my noise canceling headphones on, and I woke up at ten fifty nine. So I am so you're gonna get You're gonna get the uncut dope. 00:02:29 Speaker 2: Well, for the listener, I'm looking at Ike right now. There are two separate hair people behind him, just working furiously. Here's somebody applying blush. He still doesn't have any eyeliner on. I can barely see his I mean he's he looks, in a word, disgusting. 00:02:46 Speaker 3: The reality is I will not be camera ready for this until about two pm, so we're gonna have to do the whole thing over. 00:02:54 Speaker 2: And we will be releasing this as a high def video to all platforms. You'll see this on Netflix, You're going to see it on Apple TV. So just be on the lookout. Just and the first half or so of the episode, Ike is going to be hard to look at. 00:03:12 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you might just want to put a post it over that side of the screen and focus on Bridger, who looks May I say, fantastic showery showered. I probably exercised this morning, got a nice watch on. 00:03:27 Speaker 2: Al I've you know, I was at the gym for two hours, showered before and after the gym, I'm doused in cologne. 00:03:37 Speaker 3: Four am and work out for two hours and then go to church. 00:03:41 Speaker 2: On a bad day, on a bad day, on a good day. I've also already brunched, had like kind of a fulfilling, saucy brunch with friends. We've gossiped, we've gone all of that out today. I didn't get that in it because I was so transfixed on the lizards in my backyard. Yeah, I get it, and so but you know, we're both trying our best. 00:04:03 Speaker 3: We're trying our best, and if it's not good enough for you, log off. How are you I'm good man, I'm good. I'm good. I saw you briefly for a moment, and I remember that we recently. You and I met on the set of a TV show. You wrote an episode of a TV show that I was one of the stars of. How about That's how about that Hollywood connection? 00:04:34 Speaker 2: And then we met deep covid last October November. 00:04:40 Speaker 3: Yeah, now we're only in moderately deep COVID. We're so deep COVID. 00:04:46 Speaker 2: But we're kind of a deep shallow deep shallow COVID. 00:04:50 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I don't know where we are right now, my lord. I know that I did get thrown out of my Starbucks today because I wouldn't put my mask on, and I caused a bit of a scene. But it's my body, my choice, and I'm not going to have Audrey, who's great and makes she's an amazing burist, amazing person, but she's not allowed to tell me what I can wear when I my drink. 00:05:16 Speaker 2: Well, look, you lost your job. Yes, you will no longer be mixing up drinks at Starbucks. 00:05:23 Speaker 3: Yes, banned from all stores. I'm a Petez guy, now. 00:05:31 Speaker 2: That's fine. But yeah, we met you were shooting this show the after party, which will be coming to television at some point. 00:05:41 Speaker 3: Yes, very exciting. 00:05:42 Speaker 2: And that was a weird time to meet someone because we were all no one still kind of knew what was going on. There was still who knew what was going to happen with the vaccine, COVID protocols were all over the place. 00:05:56 Speaker 3: Trump was still president. 00:05:58 Speaker 2: That's right. 00:05:59 Speaker 3: It was just good, very different worlds. 00:06:02 Speaker 2: I met you in another universe. 00:06:04 Speaker 3: It was a parallel universe. Yeah, and then I think when we met, and I remember the day after the election, I saw you, and you know, you could tell I was pretty shaken up by his loss, and you were very kind to me. So I'll never forget that. 00:06:18 Speaker 2: I reached out, I said, I know your man has been the election has been stolen. We're going to fight for this true, true, show me the lie. You and I bought our tickets to d C. 00:06:32 Speaker 3: Yep. 00:06:32 Speaker 2: We said we are going to storm the Capitol. 00:06:36 Speaker 3: But like in classic fashion, we overslept. 00:06:41 Speaker 2: Well, I will say you because I was there there, You were. 00:06:46 Speaker 3: There, You were there. I I slept. I woke up at like six p m. Missed the entire thing, and then I had to get back to work. But you were there, and yeah, it was you know, will end up being a bad career choice. I don't know that's all for me to say. We're going to figure that out, but I just want you to know I stand near you. 00:07:09 Speaker 2: Thank you, except for when I'm running around the Capitol lawn screaming. Has anyone seen my friend? We were supposed to be He told me to be here at five am. I've been at the gym. 00:07:19 Speaker 3: I'm already in my Barenholtz. He was in blockers. 00:07:26 Speaker 2: Holding your picture up, showing people your IMDb, his. 00:07:29 Speaker 3: Special skills, martial arts with question mark accents, not. 00:07:35 Speaker 2: Great rode a horse once. Nobody could tell me where you were. But we were all, you know, in our you know, various American flag costumes, this kind of thing, military gear, and so it was a confusing time for the country and for me. 00:07:54 Speaker 3: But you made it all the way into Stenny Hoyer's office, which I was like, damn, dud, it's like you got up. 00:08:00 Speaker 2: I had to use the bathroom, so uh, look, no one stands in my way when I've I've got to go. 00:08:08 Speaker 3: So yeah, but anyways, I'm keeping uh, you know, in the loop with the trial and stuff, and let me know how that that. 00:08:17 Speaker 2: Well, I've got about two weeks before I go to prison. It's going to be eight months, and I you know, I'm gonna get some reading done, uh I you know, we'll probably meet some new people, probably find some new for this podcast. 00:08:34 Speaker 3: Lompoc has some really great parts of the area. There's it's there's a really cool you know, there's a cool kind of archisnal dining scene happening there. So I think you're gonna like the area. 00:08:48 Speaker 2: I haven't been able to travel a lot in COVID, so this is kind of going to be I'm looking at as a vacation. 00:08:54 Speaker 3: I I think I think that's a good healthy way to go into it. That way, we won't be too disappointed. 00:09:02 Speaker 2: What else has been going on in your life. You've been to New York recently? 00:09:06 Speaker 3: I have been. I've been in New York. I've been shooting a TV show in an upstate New York, which is really just I mean, come on, that is that's That's God's country. That is so beautiful. But so I've been going back and forth, and you know, when I get on the plane, I'm like kind of hyper conscious, you know, just because of the delta, and you know, blown sure, and so I'm like, you know, when I get on there, I got my mask on and I'm you know, taking kind of quick SIPs. But then as the flight goes on, I just get like lazier and lazier and just kind of We'll eat like an entire bag of peana. M's my mask off for like like twenty minutes. So I need to figure out how to do that better. But but yeah, I'm home now, back in a sweltering Los Angeles. 00:09:58 Speaker 2: We are at the beginning of summer in Los Angeles. It's things are just beginning to heat heat up. We're at a simmer right now. By September one, it's going to be one hundred and fifteen degrees. 00:10:11 Speaker 3: We will all be in flames. I don't do great in extreme heat. I'm from Chicago, so like northern blood, and I sunburn easily, and I just I don't do great at like sitting at like a pool party for like three hours, or a kid's birthday party, which is more likely when I'm going to these days, a pool party. What am I of the situation? 00:10:41 Speaker 2: Jesus is famous for his pool parties. It's the one thing we all know about that. 00:10:46 Speaker 3: It's a very tough invite to get in Hollywood, but you'll meet some great people there. It just was talking to David Flastino. He's coming this week. Great guy. 00:10:56 Speaker 2: You do kind of one on one on one pool party. 00:10:59 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, No, I want to really get to know my guests. And you know, it's it's fun, we talk, we swim, it's food, it's lovely. 00:11:09 Speaker 2: Are you a wintery person to enjoy cold weather? 00:11:12 Speaker 3: Yes, I enjoy cold weather. I enjoy. 00:11:16 Speaker 4: Making soups and stews and having an extra layer of clothing and fat and I just that's my natural kind of that's my time to shine. 00:11:27 Speaker 3: Really in the summer, I'm dud. I'm just like sitting there just if you're talking to me the party, I'm just like sweating a lot and and just constantly having to put so much sunscreen. I'm like the back of my neck I just smell like a beach in Florida. It's just like, I'm not comfortable and you're not comfortable talking to me, So I try to stay inside as much as I can. 00:11:53 Speaker 2: That's fair. Yeah, I think I've I've recently come to the sad conclusion that I I don't know that I like any of the seasons. I don't know that any weather works for me. I'm just in a constant kind of just not enjoying anything. I think what I am describing just some level of mental illness at this point. But the depression is every season. 00:12:17 Speaker 3: For me, all seasons. 00:12:20 Speaker 2: It's but what are you going to do? I'm just buckling down for the hot weather. You know. I would like to get back to a jacket at some point. 00:12:29 Speaker 3: Yeah, I do well in jackets. I love the pockets of a jacket where you can keep your phone and your keys because you wear pants that are even kind of tight, and I have like a big iPhone and like big car keys. I just it's like lots of it's creating too many bulges. 00:12:50 Speaker 2: Right, I in the last few years have started carrying a tote with me wherever I go, and which has helped in a ton of ways. But my boyfriend does you know it does the wallet and keys and phone and pockets and sometimes just like this looks terrible. 00:13:06 Speaker 3: You know, I was rocking for a little bit. We got a dog during COVID, you believe that, and we had to train it and used to try a dog just like you kind of just like like yell at it a little bit, you know what I mean, and they do whatever you want. But now the trainers are like, that's the worst thing you could do, so you have to give it treats constantly. So I was using a fanny pack that was just filled with dog treats on one side. But then I started krrying like a key and like a credit card, and I was walking around with a fanny pack, and I know I looked just like a loser with it, but I really dug the convenience and I'm probably going to go back to it just because it it's peace of mind. 00:13:55 Speaker 2: Oh absolutely. And I actually think, I mean, I may be completely wrong here, but I feel like fanny packs are kind of back. 00:14:03 Speaker 3: I feel like they're for skinnyish hipsters, but for like dads in their forties that have like love handles. You just kind of you look like you look like kind of like the quintessential like nerdy German tourists you might see in like an eighties film. 00:14:21 Speaker 2: Which though is describing current fashion, I think it is. 00:14:25 Speaker 3: It is like short sleeve plaid shirts talked in to like shorter shorts with a fanny pack is like a hipster outfit, and it's also like someone that like whatever. Clark Griswold like asks for directions in nineteen eighty eight. 00:14:44 Speaker 2: Well, I support that, I support anybody. Pockets just don't work for in the modern world. They've got two big of items at this point. 00:14:52 Speaker 3: The only solution is to do what I do, which is to what constantly wear cargo pants and cargo shorts, which same time at the same time. I put on a pair of cargo pants and I put the cargo shorts over it. No, but the cargo element of pants does give you a nice pocket space. 00:15:13 Speaker 2: It gives you eight points like these I'm worrying right now, like these are. This is a cargo this is a cargo short. Oh yeah, you've got. 00:15:22 Speaker 3: A big fat pockets in front. So you can I can go somewhere, I can go run errands, I can go get a Tarot card reading real quick. And I can grand my keys h Grandma cash, she's cash only, and keep that in one pocket and then keep you know, two or three packs of cigarettes in the other pocket, smoking throughout the Whys they're so stressful, I have some dark energy, I think because every time I go to see hers. She's like death card. I'm just like, oh okay. 00:15:58 Speaker 2: Just straight death cards. They're all hanging. 00:16:01 Speaker 3: On all different versions of death. So I smoke a lot d So anyways, the point is that the cargo shorts really do a great job of holding the things you need. Now, the downside is, you know you look like. 00:16:17 Speaker 2: A dick, but I feel like with you, people just look at you regardless of outfit. There's a dick. Here comes a real assholes. You can't hide it. Don't stop trying to hide it. Ike, embrace that everyone hates you. I think that's all I can say at this point. 00:16:41 Speaker 3: That is the main takeaway I'll have. 00:16:43 Speaker 2: This is what your psychic has been telling you. 00:16:45 Speaker 3: She has been making do that, or she just doesn't like me and she's trying to get me to leave, and they keep coming out, but. 00:16:51 Speaker 2: Stop smoking in my face. Have you ever had a real tarot card reading? 00:16:57 Speaker 1: Um? 00:16:59 Speaker 3: No, not like a proper one. Maybe it's some weird party or like, I don't know, like network TV up front events, you know what I mean? Where like yeah, but now where I've never gone, and like really embraced the notion that it's even possible. And I think I don't know if I can get I'm sure it might be fun, but I think it's like if it's something I just can't get behind. It's like it's like if someone tried to hypnotize me, my national would be like, I'm not gonna let you hypnotize me. They probably wouldn't. I really don't think, like it's a real like you know and the convention. You know what I'm telling about hypnotization. I'm talking about like classic like you know, the watch on the streen. Yeah, I think I would not fall for that. And it's the same. 00:17:51 Speaker 2: Hypnotism scares me because I, or at least for part of my life, was prone to sleepwalking and I feel like I feel like hypnotism could awaken that again for me, And well, I don't want to go down that path. 00:18:04 Speaker 3: Was it sleepwalking like arches stuck around your house or were you like leaving the house. 00:18:09 Speaker 2: Oh, I would love to have left the house. I want to go on some sort of devastating sleepwalking thing in the middle of the night, out throughout the neighborhood or whatever. No, this is just in the house. And it was more when I was a kid, And I think that that's most people. It's when you're a kid's sleepwalk. 00:18:28 Speaker 3: Yeah, and I guess pep kids don't leave the house because maybe you don't have like the motor skills to like unlock the door like in that right date. Final question, when you slept walk, did you have your arms forward with your sleepwalking. 00:18:42 Speaker 2: Kind of like an I love Lucy's styles sleepwalking. Yes, that's a good question. I don't know. The only the only memory I have is there was one sleepwalking case when I went into my parents' bedroom, into their bathroom, used the bathroom, then walked back to their bed, lied down, and just started laughing while sleeping, which is terrifying. That is something I'm sure as parents you're like, our right, our child is possessed and uh but that's that was the kind of the the big show stopper sleepwalking set piece for good. Yeah. 00:19:24 Speaker 3: I'm looking to get into it. I want to do. I think it'd be kind of a cool thing to get into. 00:19:29 Speaker 2: It's kind of a hobby sleep walk amateur whatever. I Now, you mentioned earlier that we saw each other yesterday, and I wasn't going to even bring this up on the podcast because you know, uh, you agreed to be on this podcast a few weeks ago, and I was actually quite excited. I thought, we'll have a good time, everything will be fine. And then a couple of days ago, you said, Hey, could you come by my house tomorrow afternoon around three thirty? 00:20:01 Speaker 3: And I just wanted to look you over before we talked. That was it. I just wanted to, like, I'm an old fashioned guy. I want to give people I want to shake before I do a podcast. I want to shake a man's hand and look them in the eye and say, don't fuck me. And so you know what I mean. So you came, and I appreciate that, so that that was the truly the purpose, just so you. 00:20:23 Speaker 2: Know, okay, I appreciate that because you know, when someone says, do you want to come by three thirty in the afternoon, I feel like you're making an assumption that I don't have, you know, a vibrant afternoon life, that I don't have anything else going on. 00:20:37 Speaker 3: I did not think you were just sitting at home watching lizards. I didn't think that that wasn't the case. I thought, hey, if you're around, we know this is I want to do the podcast. But I got to look you in the eye. That was my thought initially, just so you know. 00:20:52 Speaker 2: Okay, this okay, so pieces are you know? Fog is lifting, but then fog is then again descending. Because as I show up to your house, I text you, I say, I come out front. What's going on? You come running out, sweating, panting. 00:21:09 Speaker 3: I had just finished some martial arts training. Okay, moments before you got there, Kickbox, I'm so sorry. 00:21:22 Speaker 2: But you're holding a brown paper bag and you hand it to me. You say, excited to talk tomorrow. I can't explain. Do I feel all about right? 00:21:31 Speaker 3: That's exactly what happened, and I'll let you tell the rest because it's your your story too. 00:21:38 Speaker 2: But well, I am the one. I am the offended party here, so I'm happy to explain my side of the story. I you know, I'm confused. I'm what. I'm worried. I get back in the car. I just take a moment to myself. I say, Bridger, everything's fine. Ike is you know the doors are locked. He can't hurt you. Now you have this brown paper bag, we'll get we'll get into it on the podcast tomorrow. And obviously you knew full well when you agreed to this podcast that was called I said no gifts, and so at the time, I thought, this can't possibly be a gift for me. Maybe it's, you know, some leftover groceries. Maybe it's something from his garden. I don't know. We'll talk about it on the podcast. So now I'm just going to confront you. I should have done it at the time. And that's something I'm working on in therapy, is just you know, in the moment, sharing feelings, saying you know, this is how I feel. But again I've failed, and so I'm just going to approach you now, is this a gift for me? 00:22:47 Speaker 3: Just to just to be clear one more time. Going back, well, I called you over. I just wanted to look you in the eye. That day, I was out and about running errands, getting food from my family, and I something caught my eye and I just said, okay, I'm not going to I'm not going to give this a bridge here. I'm just going to buy it and we'll figure it out later. And I bought it and I got home and I said, this gift is so perfect, and I want to do this for one second. I don't know if you ever do this with your guess when you put yourself in their shoes where they're actually they're actually conflicted, they're actually like in a way the victim, where they're like, I have something so great that he'll really love, but he said, no gifts. And do I risk, you know, maybe offending him. What's worse offending him or him not having this? And at the end of the day, I wait them both. I talked to my priest about it Greek Orthodox and we you know, we prayed on it, and I talked to my kids about it for about three hours. They are so fucking bored. 00:24:12 Speaker 2: And supportive. 00:24:14 Speaker 3: I opted to give you a gift. 00:24:19 Speaker 2: Okay, Well, you know, I think both things can be true. I can be offended and I can appreciate a gift. And I think that that's something a lot of people appreciate but appreciate about me, is that I encompass a lot of things and a lot of feelings and it makes it's something that makes me better than a lot of people. I'll just say that, so I understand. 00:24:41 Speaker 3: And I appreciate. I appreciate your I appreciate that I do appreciate what you do. 00:24:45 Speaker 2: Thank you for appreciating something about me. Yeah, it's been you know, we're solid twenty minutes into the podcast and we finally find something you like about me, and so, uh, I'll just mark that down and then we'll move past. And because we do to talk about this gift, should I open it now on the podcast? 00:25:02 Speaker 3: I would love for you too. I would love if you could stop like it. I would love for you too. 00:25:08 Speaker 2: I'll try to, you know, metaphorically, gag down whatever is about to happen, and we'll see what's going to happen. Now it's in a brown paper bag, and we'll get some crinkling here. 00:25:26 Speaker 3: Yeah, that is that bag is a different bag. I purchased this and I didn't even put in the bag. I held it in my hand and I just grabbed a bag. That is a bag that I think I think I got from the farmer's market. So it's just so you know, the full kind of so. 00:25:43 Speaker 2: You kind of you went straight from the jeweler to the paper bag. The jewel did you say jeweler or jewel jeweler. You were at them all, you know, whatever jewel encrusted thing is. 00:25:57 Speaker 3: We'll see what happens. 00:25:58 Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, this is quite what. I actually have no idea what I'm looking at too. 00:26:09 Speaker 3: So I want to say two things. I want to say two things what I look for in a perfect gift. There's two things. The criteria is thus one practicality. Sure, okay, practicality. I heard this podcast. You got a lot of gifts that are fun and kitchie, but you're not getting a lot of use out of them. It's good for a laugh, it's good for a laugh. Sure if you get a whatever, a day planner with Valerie Harper's photo on it, that is funny, and it might make for a funny bit on the ship. What's going to happen to that day planner when the show ends? Bridge? What happens? It goes in the garbage or maybe goodwill? My god, they wouldn't even maybe they would not take it. To be honest, I want to give you something that you are going to use, that you're going to look at and be like, oh my god, I got who gave us to me? Oh my god? Like Baronal, it's perfect guest, hey b I want to have something whimsical and fun. And so I'm kind of thinking, like, what is something that is evocative of Bridger Winegar And I'm like winegar Winnegar vinegar. 00:27:32 Speaker 2: This is vinegar. 00:27:33 Speaker 3: And that is a bottle of very nice, high end balsamic vinegar. 00:27:38 Speaker 2: It must be. I think it's entirely an Italian. 00:27:42 Speaker 3: It's all Italian. It's important, and it's not Listen, it's not in it made in Italy, boxed in sill Mar. It's from Italy. It came from Italy on a plane, went to my jeweler. I got it. And this is a gift that you're gonna have fun with and you're going to use. You can't take whatever a golden girl's deck of cards and put that on your buffalo, muzzarella, salad and tomato. This yatchman, it's gonna give it a tang. 00:28:17 Speaker 2: This is beautiful. It's I mean, this is the first, I think, first gift I've ever opened outside of like a and actually, I mean, speaking of the only gift I've ever thrown away, a chewed dog. 00:28:29 Speaker 3: Toy disrespectful to the show that was. 00:28:33 Speaker 2: And I'm just gonna name name names here. Jamie Lee gave me a chewed dog toy and she and I both knew as soon as it was taken out of the bag that that thing was going to trash day. Bye bye, Jamie blacklisted from the podcast. Oh you're out not invited to my lizard watching parties. She's out of there. Your guss, on the other hand, is the opposite end of the spectrum. I love a balsamic vinegar. 00:29:00 Speaker 3: Who doesn't love a balzomic vinegar? Because here's the thing. Sure, there's the classic uses for it, vinaigrette. Yes, yeah, you're gonna put some drops on your mazzarella intimate. You could praise a salad. Sure, we're talking to steaks. You put a little balzomic on a steak, a little bit of balzomic on a steak, and put a little parmesan on top of it. Oh, bellissimo. And there's other things too, But this is this is a nice one. This is one that you could you have as your friends over you're having it's a friend's birthday and and they love Italy and they've never been because they don't have the money, they haven't saved the right way. They might have a drug problem, but they always wanted to go to Italy. And you're having an Italian themed birthday party and you come out with a bowl that has some of this vinegaro next to some oil and sliced bread. He won't have to go to Italy. 00:29:55 Speaker 2: He can continue doing drugs and problem solved. You can just stick the coke, can continue. You don't have to travel the world. Come to my house once a year, have a little appetizer, dip the bread and. 00:30:11 Speaker 3: The oil, then the vinegar, and then go to your drugs. 00:30:16 Speaker 2: His dealers happy, We're all happy. 00:30:19 Speaker 3: Everyone's happy. He don't have a loan of money to go to Italy. It's great because it. 00:30:24 Speaker 2: Keeps his retired parents worried and they need something to activate their minds. So everybody, it works out for everyone. 00:30:32 Speaker 3: And whenever you think of this incredibly damaged friend who's a real burden in your life, you'll think of me and my gift. 00:30:40 Speaker 2: Where did you like, was there a first time you had had this balsamic vinegar? 00:30:45 Speaker 3: Actually I have. I got this at a store. I love Larchemont wine cheese. Oh, they very cleverly, like when you order the sandwich or the meat, they have the rows of all the different imported kind of you know whatever, art of jokes and olive oil, and they really just end up leaving there with a lot of stuff you don't need, but you are happy. You have, and I've had that before, and I invited a friend of mine, real Italian over and he was blown away. 00:31:21 Speaker 2: Do you cook a lot? 00:31:22 Speaker 3: I actually do cook a lot. 00:31:24 Speaker 2: Are you good? 00:31:25 Speaker 3: I'm not bad. I'm not like like, I have some friends I know who are like truly incredible chefs. But everything I make is pretty basic. But I have three kids and they all have Midwestern bloods, so it's like just cooking like tons of meat and potatoes, most different kinds of meat potatoes, and like bread. But I do love it, and I always imagine like I'm on top chef. When I'm in the kitchen, I yell stuff out. I'm like three minutes and my kids are like, what shut up? 00:32:06 Speaker 2: Is there like a thing a recipe that if you have people over, you're like, oh, this will impress them. I'm gonna make this. I can count on it. 00:32:15 Speaker 3: There's a pretty nice, again basic version of like a Sunday roast dinner that I do or get, like some nice steaks. I have like a humongous cast iron skillet, and I have like a gas grill, and I just put the skillet on the grill and let it get like super hot, and you could like put like four whereason maybe five steaks in there at once, so you can kind of cook all that. So I do that, and then I make just very good roasted potatoes and just all kinds of like roasted vegetables and stuff. And that's the thing that I just like to eat a lot. So my friends come over and my kids will actually eat it and not complain. 00:33:06 Speaker 2: So coming as a non parent, I feel like I am one of these people who just assumes feeding kids and all of this is not as difficult as it should be. But like with kids, you know, children love things like chicken nuggets and chicken fingers. But to me, it's like if they just had never had it, wouldn't they just eat other things? 00:33:29 Speaker 5: Well, they will eventually have it somewhere, right, like another parent full Yeah, And I don't mind feeding them stuff like that for like lunches and stuff, right. 00:33:41 Speaker 3: But I have some friends who are like, well, I'm making whatever, I'm making tacos for dinner, but my oldest one doesn't like tacos, so I'm going to make some pasta for him. And then the youngest one, she only likes hamburgers. I'm making. That's that is not that's bullshit. You're eating what I eat, that's the thing, or you're not going to eat right? Yes, that is like to me, it's just otherwise you'll just it's too much. It's it's too specialized. And so this is I cover all. This is my parenting book, which you did. I don't know if they sent you to the publishers. 00:34:23 Speaker 2: Well, I gave the blurb without reading. 00:34:26 Speaker 3: I was no, no, I know. I appreciate it that you I was months ago. Though. It is done, and I think you, I think you should read the book before you give the final sign off. I go off on some controversial I got some hot takes. Let's say spanking is good. Look, take a look. 00:34:45 Speaker 2: Somebody had to say it, right, somebody. 00:34:47 Speaker 3: Spanking hollering, a lot of hollering. There's a whole chapter in hollering. 00:34:55 Speaker 2: Back to the cast iron skillet for a minute. These are so daunting to me, and I feel like people treat them like pets. Are you one of the like where you have to do all of this extra care, you're seasoning it all the time, you can't wash it. 00:35:10 Speaker 3: Pets, It's not like a pet like it. 00:35:11 Speaker 2: Doesn't it sounds like every time. 00:35:13 Speaker 3: Well, listen, did I buy a small little floor cage with a mat for it? Yeah? Yes, Like I have this one for my dog, and I have one for my like three pants. And then you just gotta just bring it in the shower with you every other day and it's totally fine then and just me, oh, yeah, you do have to wake up at midnight and coat it with wesson otherwise it just won't work. No, I just all I do is wash it out when I'm done, make sure it's really dry, and put like a dish towel on it on top of it so if I put anything else on top of it, it won't rest. 00:35:49 Speaker 2: Okay, do you wash it with soap or is it just water? 00:35:53 Speaker 3: I do after, like, when I'm done with it, I let it sit for a minute because it's so high, and then I just give it like a quick scrub with soap and water. And I'm sure there's people that are like, you're actually taking away of flavor, but like I don't, like, I don't get a ship spago is fucking you know. 00:36:13 Speaker 2: Okay, that's extremely reassuring. I mean it's so nice to hear somebody not be as precious about because every time I get online and look at them. I'm like, oh, well, this is just another job. 00:36:23 Speaker 3: It's fine. And the best thing about them is is that you could like see something on the stovetop and then just pop it into the hot oven with the whole pain to take it and put on it right. It's pretty good. So I'm a I'm an advocate for for a cast iron. I have a whole I have a whole podcast about it. If you ever come. 00:36:47 Speaker 2: Okay, well that's reassuring to know. I mean, it probably won't change my mind. I I don't know. I'm I'm probably not gonna buy one. Why why am I. 00:36:54 Speaker 3: Even the incredible five minutes sales job I just did. You're like, uh, we didn't give it a come over and show you how easy that is? 00:37:04 Speaker 2: Largely a kitchen equipment for me, I need people who know what they're doing with it to show up and basically like you know, boyfriend behind the girlfriend showing how to throw the football. Yeah, someone standing behind me and guiding me through kitchen equipment because. 00:37:18 Speaker 3: I just step further and just hire like a butler and a chef. 00:37:21 Speaker 2: And then I've done that and we just got in fights and they you know, they were they occupied a lot of space, and we had different music taste and it just got difficult. 00:37:33 Speaker 3: We we had to fire our butler. 00:37:37 Speaker 2: See I'm the one who kind of scooped him up, and. 00:37:40 Speaker 3: Yeah, oh I know. We fired him. And you called me and were like, I'm considering hiring hiring Patrick, and I was like, okay, just so you know, there was I had a vintage watch in my underwear drawer that is gone and my wife says she didn't take it and no one else knew about it. So have fun with Patrick. 00:38:02 Speaker 2: Okay. This explains my Patrick's Christmas gift to me. I you know, I opened it up and I said, where did you get this watch? 00:38:11 Speaker 3: Is it? Is it a Is it a Garfield watch from nineteen eighty four limited edition? To is it? Isn't Garfield? A cat? 00:38:18 Speaker 2: It was? Until I sold it on eBay? 00:38:21 Speaker 3: How much self eBay? 00:38:23 Speaker 2: I got seventeen bucks? 00:38:26 Speaker 3: You, my friend, respectfully, fucked up because I could I know someone that would pay fifty bucks for that. 00:38:36 Speaker 2: Well, you don't need to tell me. I fucked up because Pat. It led to Patrick and I had a huge fight which led to him getting fired. So you know, it's a look if I could go back and do it all over again. Yeah, yeah, you know, I don't know what I would have done. It's it's hard to say as I'm I'm an eBay freak. 00:38:58 Speaker 3: I love getting it on three dollars. Thirty three dollars. Yes, you're thirty three dollars lesser than you could have been. 00:39:06 Speaker 2: And not to mention, I no longer have a butler, so you blew it? What am I supposed to do? At this point? My life is spiraling out of control. 00:39:16 Speaker 3: It's bad, it's not. 00:39:18 Speaker 2: But now I've got a you know, a nice bottle of balsamic. You have to be your own butler. Sometimes. 00:39:24 Speaker 3: Sometimes you have to be your own butler. 00:39:26 Speaker 2: That's what I tell a lot of people, and that's what I'm learning to do myself. I feel like playing a game. 00:39:35 Speaker 3: I love games. 00:39:36 Speaker 2: Would you like to play a game? 00:39:38 Speaker 3: I love them? 00:39:39 Speaker 2: Do you want to play a game called Gift Master or a game called Gift or a Curse? I'll explain how it works once you pick. 00:39:46 Speaker 3: Oh, oh, okay, let's do gift or a curse? Because I am I'm seeing Lady Maria at twelve thirty, and this might inform that let's do a gift curse. 00:39:59 Speaker 2: All right, I need a number between one and ten from you. 00:40:03 Speaker 3: I'm gonna go with classic number seven. 00:40:06 Speaker 2: Okay, I have to do some light calculating. So while I'm doing this, you can recommend something, you can promote something, you can just kind of quietly smoke, do whatever you want. 00:40:16 Speaker 3: Do you, guys? Do you gut my light up? My smoke alarm will go off for a minute because my wife won't let me disconnect it. What do I want to promote? I I jesus well, I'm gonna be on Tucker Carlson tonight. I have my documentary, The Big Plandemic, comes out on newsmax dot Com Friday afternoon, So I'm I'll be on Tucker Carlson tonight and then I am guest hosting Great Gutfeld on Thursday, and so you want to check me out, I'll be on. 00:40:58 Speaker 2: There looking for I mean, I've got the DVR set for all of your appearances. 00:41:06 Speaker 4: Thank you. 00:41:07 Speaker 2: I'll upload those, of course to my channels that I'm going to do a live watch on Twitch, which I'll also just be adding my own commentary to ice, please please little, this is how this game works. I'm going to name three things, and you're gonna tell me if there are a gift or a curse and why, and you know there are there are correct answers here. People have come on this game and just absolutely fallen on their faces. They they've embarrassed themselves. It's it's hard to watch. 00:41:45 Speaker 3: So I wanted to be careful. Everyone is crystal clear. 00:41:51 Speaker 2: Okay, so you have to tell me if it's a gift or a curse and why be careful. First up, this is a listener suggestion gift to a curse being a plus one. Let's give the listener a name. Her name is Olivia. I don't want Olivia, you know, thank you, Olivia. Thank you being a plus one at a wedding where you don't know anyone. Is that a gift to a curse? 00:42:18 Speaker 3: That is a for me? I would probably try to because I like to think of myself as optimistic. I would think of it as a gift. But I believe most people would think it is a curse or does that land me? Do have to pick one or the other. 00:42:35 Speaker 2: So you're kind of looking at it at it as like maybe I'll meet new people, maybe I'll have a good time. 00:42:41 Speaker 3: Also, no one knows me. I can be crazy, I can take my pants off on the dance floor, I can do the macarena. No one's gonna judge me. Yeah, I would try to make the best of it, But I would say that most people would look at it as a curse because they're like, oh, man, I want to talk to and this is going to be weird. 00:43:02 Speaker 2: You've done an excellent job here. It's absolutely a gift. It's such a low pressure situation. Going to a wedding is can largely just be a painful, boring experience or just confusing or fraught with social What have you is if you're the only if no one knows you there, if it's terrible, who cares? You can do whatever you want to. You get to paint the entire picture of the wedding. You get to make it what you wanted to be. 00:43:28 Speaker 3: I was a plus one at a friend's. It was the most beautiful Armenian wedding I've ever seen in my life. I didn't know one person there. 00:43:37 Speaker 2: A plus so fun, so great Armenian food. 00:43:41 Speaker 3: The food was great, people were dancing, it was hilarious. I didn't know anyone. I didn't have to like t talk about me. It was all about these people. It was just like it was great, It was fantastic. It's a gift, excellent job. Okay, so we're off to a good start. We're also a great start, better than some of these other losers you talking about later or earlier. 00:44:01 Speaker 2: Right, essentially all of my guests is what we're saying. Okay, Next up, gift or a curse. Oh, this is another listener suggestion from someone named Gabby and gift of a curse store credit store credit. 00:44:19 Speaker 3: God, that's such a good question. It so depends on the store. But I am going to say it is a curse only because you're tied to it. You're tied to the store. If you get a refund, you can go somewhere else. But if you had a bad I don't think this has ever even happened to me, at least done very long time, because normally, if I buy something and then I come home and I put it on, I hate it. I'm just like, well, I own this now and I'm gonna wear it and look like shit, I'm just too tired to go return and stuff. But like I feel like you would want the freedom to go somewhere else so I would say store credit curse. 00:44:59 Speaker 2: I fantastic, absolutely a curse store credit. I love a gift card. I'm very vocal about loving a gift card. Yes, store credit is the gift card you forget or it ends up being on like a flimsy receipt that just ends up getting washed. Yes, it's store credit. And it's always a weird amount of money. It's a puzzle piece that doesn't quite fit. 00:45:20 Speaker 3: It's always a huge hassle for the person who's helping you, the cashier. Yeah, this is for store credit. They're like, and then they have to go get like Sandra or something, you know what I mean, and like it's just they hated too. No one likes it. 00:45:36 Speaker 2: They have to stand there and oh, yeah, awful. Store credit is terrible. Very give me cash or just refuse the return. 00:45:46 Speaker 3: Say you're stuck with yourself. Yeah, keep it, give. 00:45:49 Speaker 2: It away, burn it for all I care. Okay, wow, I two out of twos so far. Come on, final item, gift or tanning beds. 00:46:06 Speaker 3: I am going to say here's I have used tanning beds before, back in the day, back in the day when I'm very I have like the skin tone of just like a kind of pig almost. It's very like I'm like so pale and milky and like. So there was a time where I had to get some color, and this was kind of before spray tans, and I use a tanning bud, and every time I used it, I swear I could see the cancer molecules like shooting into my body. So and and now in this day and age where you have so many great options. If you want to get some color, you could go to a tanning bed. You can go to a spray tanning place day they there's all these things. You could self pan, you could if you have the right skin tone, you could go in the sun. You know, for me, I only got about fifteen minutes before I start cooking. So it's one hundred percent a curse who at this point is using a tanning bed. Still it's twenty twenty one, we're reverting back to like nature. The natural look is all in. You don't want someone who is like like golden orange with white teeth. That is very passe. The new type is love handles and backfat chest hair. Some of the chest hair might be going gray. This is the new body type, and this is not me speculating this is from different women's websites and blogs and goops that I've been reading. 00:47:48 Speaker 2: This is my article in Vogue. 00:47:50 Speaker 3: I read your article in Vogue. The cover was amazing, by the way, Can I thank you? But yeah, it's absolutely curse. 00:47:57 Speaker 2: Look, I I went into this thinking he's going to fail. Tanning beds are I was going to try to mount some defense for tanning beds, and as much as I would love to, I mean, they are such a wild invention of humanity. I think you've You've made an argument here that is something I cannot fight against. You've got I can't believe I'm saying this. You've got three out of three, and I think you're literally the second person in the history of this podcast to get three out of three. 00:48:35 Speaker 3: Listen, when you're going through the list of the top guests, there's going to be a couple of people that you're going to struggle with and maybe, like I think they might be number one, But I know and I trust at the end of the day, you'll remember this moment and they'll be like, yeah. 00:48:52 Speaker 2: Wow, incredible. I'm I have to say, I'm a little bit sick to my stomach. I was hoping to send you away in shame. 00:48:59 Speaker 3: You wanted to see me fail. You set me up for failure, and that's the right. I'm just I succeed too. 00:49:05 Speaker 2: Much, right, I'm constantly kind of throwing obstacles in your way throughout, just waiting for you to trip up. Yes, And I don't know. I don't know. This is kind of a Wiley Coyote Roadrunner style situation that I've found myself in, like like in Space Jam, in Space Jam and Warner Brothers Space Jam, we all know those characters, and I don't even know what to say. At this point. We have to move on. This is the final segment of the podcast. It's called I Said No Emails. People write into I Said No Gifts at gmail dot com. Look, they're at the end of their rope. These people have questions, they have problems. A lot of my listeners have a lot of problems in their lives. They have nowhere else to turn. They've alienated their friends and family, and so they think, maybe I reach out to this man who hosts a and then they get what they need, which to my credit, is incredible. 00:50:07 Speaker 3: I think people, I think we kind of need to re look at the way we see heroes. I think it's time we start maybe demythesizing you know, firefighters and first responders, and start really kind of grouping in this other subcategory of heroes, which is is people with podcasts who take the time, who take the time from watching a TV show or staring slack jawed in two lizards in the backyard. They take time to help people and to say, if I don't have the answer, maybe the guy who was in suicide squad does. 00:50:55 Speaker 2: Thank you. It's tie about time that somebody stood up and said, firefighters, there's big deal. 00:51:03 Speaker 3: You jump into the burning homes of people's minds and save their mind cats. 00:51:10 Speaker 2: I'm scurrying up the ladder with my hose to you know, save Grandma in the mind of my listeners. This is let's get to it. This is hello Bridger and cherished guest. Oh you must feel good about that. 00:51:24 Speaker 3: How did they know? 00:51:28 Speaker 2: Well, look, they might be talking to your psychic. 00:51:30 Speaker 3: Well I'm going to have a lot to get down in it with her. Let me tell you. 00:51:36 Speaker 2: This is thank you for reading my question. And now so they are making some big assumptions because you know, there was a good chance this question wasn't going to get read. But sometimes you assume and things work out. My childhood best friend is pregnant and her mother in law is hosting a baby shower for her. My friend is registered for gifts, so no problem there. I'll purchase something from her registry, and I'm also crocheting a baby blanket. Okay, good for you, You've too much information. However, this is a joint baby shower for my friend and her sister in law, who's also expecting and whom I've never met. My question is twofold. Should I get a gift for the other mom to be? If so, what should I get her? Only her first name is on the invitation, But with some slew thing, I did find her registry. So you're you're revealing a little bit about how you're Your people's privacy is no concern for this listener. Do I Number two? Do I bring a hostess gift for the mother in law who is hosting this party at her home. I attended a bridal shower at her home five ish years ago and brought a bottle of wine. Thanks in advance for your advice, my best And that's just from simply K. The letter K so we've got a lot going on here. We've got you know, and I should you know before we start giving this advice, I should say I've never been to a baby shower. Friends, I think kind of know that I'm going to make it about me and the baby is going to be forgotten. So I just, off the top of my head here. 00:53:12 Speaker 3: When you show up somewhere, you're the baby that needs attention. 00:53:15 Speaker 2: Yes, I've got the diaper, I'm drooling, I'm screaming for breast milk. So that it has made going to parties difficult. 00:53:27 Speaker 3: Yeah, I get it, I get it. I have been to a couple. They used to be I'm pretty sure strictly for women only, right yesteryearl cigars and watch you know the cowboys, But now of course they kind of are are I've been to a couple where it's there for everything else. I actually just went to one recently and it was lovely. It was fantastic. Here's the deal, okay, is first of all, it kind of I'm picking up a little bit shade from K and regards to the sister in law. She's like and it's for her sister in law. And do I need to bring a gift for the hostess, Like I might be thinking that in my head a little more than it actually is there, but it kind of felt a little bit of shade. So what I would suggest is, I would say decorum, would say, get a gift for the sister in law. Doesn't have to be anything big if you can get even, you know, so you get them like a bunch of pacifiers or something. And then get a gift for the hostess. And if you like her and you got a couple bucks, you get her like a nice bottle of rose. If not, you bring like just like a you know, like a seven dollars bottle of wine. Scratch the price off, take your price gun that you stole from the rafts. Make a new price that says forty nine to ninety nine. Don't make it too high. If you make it too high, they'll smell a rat and they'll chase it right out of the wedding. And then you put the new price on. You walked up, you're like, thank you so much, and this is for you, and they'll look at that and they'll they'll gives you a look like thank you, thank you. So that's all I need to do is get the price gun. 00:55:08 Speaker 2: I would love a price gun, now that you say it. So where does where do you get a price gun? 00:55:13 Speaker 3: You have to steal one, you have to I think, you know. You go to Ralse and what I do is I see the guy making the prices and I walk up to him and I say, hey, there's there's an old, old guy in the next aisle. You shut himself and he'll be like God, damn it. You know, He'll get up and he'll walk around, and then that's when you strike, grab the price gun, put in your pants, and the thing is you walk out. This is the beaters don't beat because it's not an item. You're still it doesn't like a piece of store. Yeah, but I will say the one on the one on third and Labra I've hit a couple of times, so they're a little more skeptical now. Like the last time I tried, the guy brought the pricing gun with him to go investigate whatever. 00:55:58 Speaker 2: Wow I have. I have a traumatic memory of the third in Lebrea Ralphs, A rat ran across my foot outside of it, outside outside. I want to be clear because I do love her Ralphs. 00:56:11 Speaker 3: I love her and I love That's my Ralphs. 00:56:13 Speaker 2: That's your Ralphs. That used to be my Ralphs before I was run out of the neighborhood, before I found out it was just absolutely teeming with rats. It should be clear that I lives in a part of Los Angeles that is just I mean, it's basically the plague. It is. 00:56:29 Speaker 3: It is. It's like you're you're in the sixteenth century Genoa. It's just giant rats and dock workers hacking up lungs and people walking around with bublos and it's just absolutely a wretched scene. 00:56:49 Speaker 2: Yeah, you have to be careful about, you know, if you run into somebody to start talking to them in this part of Los Angeles, it may just end up being a rat king, just a bunch of rats tied together that it resemble a person. 00:57:02 Speaker 3: It's good because which is good because my kids love the Nutcracker, so they're like, oh, look who it is. 00:57:13 Speaker 2: Okay, all that aside. So I was given some very good advice here, which I fully disagree with. Number one, I think, you know what, don't get this other person a gift. You don't even you only know her first name. If that's all the information they're giving for this joint look separate baby showers. I don't know, we're not combining baby showers maybe birthdays. And I feel like not even that this second person, I think you completely ignore, act like she's invisible. You show up to the party and just shower your friend with the attention and gifts. This other person is person non grata. You want nothing to. 00:57:51 Speaker 3: Do, say you are truly be honest showing your non gift bias here. Oh, I'm just hoping that you can look at this on a just look at things on a case by case basis and not bring in your preconceived notions of how fucking society should be. Maybe and you might be staring her in the wrong direction because you bridger hate gifts. 00:58:18 Speaker 2: I why don't you just save it for your next book and next podcast. You don't come on here and tell me what I do or where I'm coming from. This is I am taking this as a case by case basis, and not only case by case. But I'm looking at number one question, I'm answering it with a nice piece of advice, and then I'm looking at number two. Do I bring mother in law gift? And I again say no, you gave her a bottle of wine five years ago. And if she's already gone through that, she's got a problem. So she should still have at least half a bottle of wine after five years. 00:58:50 Speaker 3: Okay, I'm gonna tell you this right now, and this is breaking news. I am. I'm gonna have another kid, and I when I have the shower, you're gonna be invited, and you are gonna fucking bring a gift to not only my wife's sister, who will also now get pregnant, but to my mother in law who will be hosting it. And this is not something I'm taking lightly. I have had a visectin me, my friend, I'm gonna get that shit reversed and have another child. Just to see the look on your face. 00:59:31 Speaker 2: You're putting a lot on the line here. I mean, we'll just see what happens when I show up with simply a gift for your baby. You're gonna be cutting that gift in half. Give it to sister. Half of this goes to sister in law. Actually, you're gonna be cutting it in thirds because mom in law is gonna want in on that. And there's gonna be a lot of egg on all of your faces. 00:59:53 Speaker 3: Yeah, well, there's gonna be giant black sores on your face because you're gonna have the fucking mudonic play. So for that that's coming, that's coming Fall twenty twenty two. 01:00:05 Speaker 2: My friend, Well, kay, take all of that advice. Uh, you know, hit up your psychic see what he or she thinks with you know, and also you know, have the psychic listen to this podcast. Maybe we're always looking for new listeners. We're always just trying to build this audience, especially in the psychic community, and see what the psychic has to say. Because obviously I and I are not going to come to anything close to an agreement on this advice, and you know whatever. 01:00:39 Speaker 3: But this is good. This is why our show together works. It's like Cisco and Ebert or Hannity and Calms. 01:00:47 Speaker 2: I look, I've got this beautiful bottle of balsamic vinegar which I'll put away in hopefully you'll forget about it. I show up to your baby shower Fall twenty twenty two, and you open it and you're gonna be dazzled. Your wife's going to be dazzled. 01:01:08 Speaker 3: We'll see I'll be dazzled. I'll be more dazzled to see what you bring my sister along my mouth. But well, listen, you got plenty of time. You got at least sacking me verse six weeks. You gotta, you gotta, You got a solid year before you gotta start really making some serious decisions. Man. 01:01:26 Speaker 2: Okay, okay, we're not. 01:01:27 Speaker 3: To talk about it now, but just know that it's happening. 01:01:34 Speaker 2: I've had a terrific time. I'm so thrilled that you could be here. Thank you for being here. 01:01:41 Speaker 3: It was my pleasure. It is a joy to listen to, and I hope you have a wonderful coup praise a salad. 01:01:50 Speaker 2: I'm going to and listener. Maybe it's time you stopped listening to the podcast and get your own vinegar. This vinegar is not for you, it's for me, and you now have a full day ahead of you. Or you could go to your local Italian market and get yourself a nice little bottle of balstomach. It's always a nice thing to have in the cupboard, So do that. It's the end of the podcast. Take care of yourself. Goodbye, I said. No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced and engineered by our dear friend Anna Lisa Nelson and The theme song is by miracle Worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show on Instagram. At I said no gifts, that's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. You have to see the gifts. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever you found me. And why not leave a review while you're there. It's really the least you could do considering everything I do for you. And if you're interested in advertising on the show, go to mideral dot com slash ads. 01:03:05 Speaker 1: But I invited you here thought I made myself perfectly clear. But you're a guest to my home. You gotta come to me empty, and I said no guests. Your presences presents enough that I already had too much stuff. So how did you dare to surbey me?