Speaker 1: Duel Space.
Speaker 2: Well, hello, everybody, Welcome to another episode. I will be
Speaker 2: making things personal this week, as I typically do within
Speaker 2: most of the episodes, but this one is very personal.
Speaker 2: If you've been listening from the beginning. In episode one,
Speaker 2: I broke down some of the pivotal moments in my life,
Speaker 2: one of them being that I got bullied really bad
Speaker 2: in high school and I haven't really talked about the
Speaker 2: details of it.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: Why this episode this week is so special is because
Speaker 2: I am bringing on one of my high school teachers
Speaker 2: who was a safe space for me when I was
Speaker 2: going through this really, really horrible time. Her name is
Speaker 2: missus Manning, and I've stayed in touch with her over
Speaker 2: the years, and we've always wanted to do something to
Speaker 2: help students never have to deal with something that I
Speaker 2: dealt with, or if they do, at the very least
Speaker 2: have the tools to do it. And I knew when
Speaker 2: I created this podcast that I wanted her to be
Speaker 2: one of the episodes. Now, in the interview, you're going
Speaker 2: to hear me reference some of the things that happened
Speaker 2: to me in high school and explain them a little bit.
Speaker 2: But before we get into it, I wanted to give
Speaker 2: you a little bit deeper knowledge of the story, so
Speaker 2: you maybe feel a little bit more included as the
Speaker 2: story is being told with missus Manning. So, I had
Speaker 2: been on the cheerleading squad for my entire high school career.
Speaker 2: I joined when I was a freshman. I did junior varsity,
Speaker 2: and then I went on to be varsity. And I
Speaker 2: had been friends with a group of girls for many years,
Speaker 2: and we were all on the cheerleading team together, and
Speaker 2: we had done cheer camps and all kinds of things.
Speaker 2: We were all such great friends that we had multiple sleepovers.
Speaker 2: I have photo albums upon photo albums of all of
Speaker 2: the times and things we had done together. Well, it
Speaker 2: was as if overnight they decided they no longer wanted
Speaker 2: to be friends with me, which would have been fine,
Speaker 2: but you know, girls in high school don't really know
Speaker 2: how to handle things properly. So it wasn't handled as Okay,
Speaker 2: we just don't want to be friends with her, and
Speaker 2: we're going to gradually distance. Instead it was we're gonna
Speaker 2: spread rumors and make her feel horrible about herself and
Speaker 2: make her hate her life. So these girls who I
Speaker 2: once trusted told all my secrets to who I believed
Speaker 2: were great friends for life, all of a sudden became
Speaker 2: my enemies, for lack of a better way to put it.
Speaker 2: And when they decided that, that's when all the rumors
Speaker 2: began and all the horrible things that they wanted to
Speaker 2: say about me started. Around the school, I heard so
Speaker 2: many different things about my life that were never true,
Speaker 2: and I was made to believe that I was bad
Speaker 2: and I was this horrible person and I didn't deserve
Speaker 2: to have any friends. These were just some of the
Speaker 2: things that started this whole wildfire of a horrible senior
Speaker 2: year for me. Now, I was a flyer on our
Speaker 2: cheerleading squad, and for anybody who's familiar with cheerleading or not,
Speaker 2: that's the one that goes up in the air and
Speaker 2: they are trusting the bases with their life. Anything that happens.
Speaker 2: Anytime you see a fall, it is the basis and
Speaker 2: flyer combined. And while I was up in the air
Speaker 2: one day, I overheard my bullies aka previous friends say
Speaker 2: I hope she falls on her face and dies. And
Speaker 2: that particular phrase has been teared into my brain. I
Speaker 2: couldn't forget it if I want to. Now, there are
Speaker 2: many things I have tried to forget after I healed
Speaker 2: from this whole situation that happened, But that particular phrase
Speaker 2: has never ever left my brain, and I don't think
Speaker 2: ever will. I'm not gonna sit here in detail every
Speaker 2: single moment that happened, with the things that they said
Speaker 2: about me or what happened. But this is just to
Speaker 2: give some context into the situation that I was dealing with.
Speaker 2: And on top of that, there was a new cheer
Speaker 2: coach and she had a daughter that was joining the
Speaker 2: team as a freshman, and for whatever reason, I became
Speaker 2: the target. She wanted her daughter in my place, even
Speaker 2: though it was my senior year. She wanted her daughter
Speaker 2: on the varsity cheer squad in the flying position, and
Speaker 2: I became the one that she was going to take
Speaker 2: down to make that happen. So naturally, when you have
Speaker 2: a group of girls and then an older woman who's
Speaker 2: in a position of past all choose the same person
Speaker 2: to go after. It was your perfect storm of a
Speaker 2: literal tornado. And I use that kind of as a
Speaker 2: pun because it was in Kansas. Now, this is where
Speaker 2: I'm going to inter Missus Manning, who was one of
Speaker 2: my teachers at the time, and she became my safe
Speaker 2: space because as rumors were being spread about me, and
Speaker 2: horrible things were being talked behind my back, and these
Speaker 2: girls in this group of people were trying to turn
Speaker 2: everyone that I used to know or believed as a
Speaker 2: friend against me. I started to hide out in Missus
Speaker 2: Manning's classroom for multiple periods of the day, and she
Speaker 2: was the only place that really made me feel safe
Speaker 2: at school. So that's a little peak into the story.
Speaker 2: Now there's details, twist, turns and curves that I am
Speaker 2: not including here, but it's a baseline to give you
Speaker 2: context of why Missus Manning played such an important role
Speaker 2: in my life and why I'm bringing her on to
Speaker 2: not only speak to my situation, but also to help
Speaker 2: parents of kids who have been bullied, or to help
Speaker 2: people who've experienced this particular type of situation as they
Speaker 2: were growing up or in different situations as they've gotten older.
Speaker 2: And I would like to add that while this particular
Speaker 2: part of my story is heartbreaking and something no one
Speaker 2: should ever have to go through, I do acknowledge that
Speaker 2: this is the reason why the second half of my
Speaker 2: senior year I finished my high school education from home
Speaker 2: and would go on to spend some of my extra
Speaker 2: time in turning at a news station and a radio station,
Speaker 2: and I would get college credits, and then I would
Speaker 2: go on to graduate in three years from college and
Speaker 2: end up on the Bobby Bone Show because of that timeline.
Speaker 2: So there was a reason this all happened, although it
Speaker 2: never should have and I never wish it for anyone.
Speaker 2: I can look at my story now and realize what
Speaker 2: a special position the universe put me in to be
Speaker 2: able to be where I am today. And I do
Speaker 2: want to put a trigger warning here just in case
Speaker 2: we are going to talk about suicide later in the interview,
Speaker 2: and I want anybody who that may be triggering to
Speaker 2: to have a heads up that it's coming. And if
Speaker 2: you're uncomfortable with that particular topic, maybe this isn't the
Speaker 2: best interview to listen to, although I do implore anybody
Speaker 2: else that even if the topic makes you uncomfortable, I
Speaker 2: think it's a very important one that a lot of
Speaker 2: people will need to hear. This is a really special
Speaker 2: episode for me and one that has been an idea
Speaker 2: of mine for so many years.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: I am joined by Missus Manning, who was one of
Speaker 2: my high school teachers, and as I like to say,
Speaker 2: my angel in high school that really helped save my
Speaker 2: life in a lot of ways. How are you, Missus Manning.
Speaker 3: I'm doing fabulous. I am so happy to get to
Speaker 3: sit here and chat with you today. And you are
Speaker 3: too kind. I just happened to be somebody who was
Speaker 3: able to be in the right place at the right time.
Speaker 1: So I'm glad that you think of me that way.
Speaker 1: But you might be a.
Speaker 2: Little too generous, no, I am not. I often connect
Speaker 2: you to Have you seen the movie Matilda? Of course
Speaker 2: you were Matilda's teacher for me. You were that person
Speaker 2: in my life when I was going through high school.
Speaker 1: And Missus Honey, I love that.
Speaker 2: Yes, you know it is, and you are very special
Speaker 2: in that way, not just because you were an incredible
Speaker 2: human being, but Missus Manning was a safe space for
Speaker 2: me when I was going through a really horrible bullying
Speaker 2: situation in high school. These were girls who I had,
Speaker 2: once upon a time thought were my friends and that
Speaker 2: quickly changed and I didn't like being at school. It
Speaker 2: was a really dark time for me. So we're going
Speaker 2: to pull on some past memories here though, Missus Manny.
Speaker 2: We're going to see if you recall things and kind
Speaker 2: of similar way for me, but from your experience as
Speaker 2: a teacher, and we're going to kind of walk this
Speaker 2: back a little bit. At this time, you were a
Speaker 2: math teacher, which was ironic because it was my most
Speaker 2: horrible subject. And I still didn't stay I'm not good
Speaker 2: at math.
Speaker 1: Stop that, stop that I want to go. Can you
Speaker 1: still remember the distance formula song?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Okay, now my heart's broken.
Speaker 2: And it was never a reflection of you as a teacher.
Speaker 2: I just was never good at math. And you know this.
Speaker 2: You know this because not only did I spend a
Speaker 2: lot of time post all of this happening, but free
Speaker 2: I was. And they're getting tutored often because it was
Speaker 2: so bad at math.
Speaker 1: You have to quit this.
Speaker 3: You had straight a's in every class you ever took, ever,
Speaker 3: like truly a real straight a all four years of
Speaker 3: high school. So you may not have liked it, but
Speaker 3: you were definitely better than you think.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, I'll try and start changing my narrative on that.
Speaker 2: But it was rough for me. But from your experience
Speaker 2: at this time, and we'll get to like the career
Speaker 2: change that happened later. But when you were a math
Speaker 2: teacher and you had your student who you know was
Speaker 2: going through something and became this like safe haven classroom
Speaker 2: for you. What was that experience like for you?
Speaker 3: You know, being in the classroom is so unique because
Speaker 3: you've got twenty five different stories that are sitting right
Speaker 3: there in front of you, and if you take the
Speaker 3: time to really get to know each one of them, like,
Speaker 3: what a privilege to get to be a part of
Speaker 3: that small piece of that story and hopefully get to
Speaker 3: be a bright spot in somebody's day. You, girlfriend, you
Speaker 3: had a lot going on and a lot of people
Speaker 3: may not see that on the outside. You obviously are
Speaker 3: beautiful and always have been, but you had these leadership positions,
Speaker 3: and you were involved, and you were athletic, and.
Speaker 1: You were smart.
Speaker 3: But all of those things are great, they don't necessarily
Speaker 3: shield us or protect us.
Speaker 1: From some of the ugliness that's in the world.
Speaker 3: And so if you take the time to see what's
Speaker 3: really going on underneath the surface, it's pretty special. If
Speaker 3: you can try to do something to help make that
Speaker 3: a better experience for somebody.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you not only were this safe way in
Speaker 2: the school when the bullying situation was happening for me,
Speaker 2: there was often being rumors spread about me on multiple levels,
Speaker 2: and the reason I would often find a safe haven
Speaker 2: in your classroom it was because I didn't want to
Speaker 2: be around people as the classes were changing and getting
Speaker 2: looked at as a kid who's sixteen, seventeen years old.
Speaker 2: I didn't want to be around three hundred people who
Speaker 2: seemed to think that there was all these horrible things
Speaker 2: happening in my life and none of them were true,
Speaker 2: but I couldn't do anything about it. And so being
Speaker 2: able to come to your classroom just between pretty much
Speaker 2: every I guess I don't know what they're called anymore,
Speaker 2: but every single break in between classes, I was just
Speaker 2: like running. I would even be across the other entire
Speaker 2: end of the school and come there for a few
Speaker 2: minutes and then run back to the other side because
Speaker 2: it was just that safe place for me. How did
Speaker 2: you manage that where you're like, do I need to
Speaker 2: do something about this or do I just need to
Speaker 2: let her keep doing this? Until because I don't know
Speaker 2: that you knew a lot of the stuff that was
Speaker 2: happening until it kind of progressed further. What was that
Speaker 2: for you where you were like, how do I navigate
Speaker 2: this situation and still make her feel safe.
Speaker 3: You're right, I kind of came into it late, so
Speaker 3: I don't know if you remember, but shocker to the
Speaker 3: people who know me, I don't have a lot of
Speaker 3: background and cheerleading. It was absolutely not my wheelhouse. But
Speaker 3: I kind of got to step in and kind of
Speaker 3: help finish out a season, and that is one of
Speaker 3: the ways I got to learn a little bit more
Speaker 3: about what was going on kind of with.
Speaker 1: You and just wow, just wow.
Speaker 3: Truly, I can attribute that one experience to why I
Speaker 3: went back to school and I decided to get a
Speaker 3: degree in counseling instead of administration because I looked at
Speaker 3: what was happening within this group of girls and the
Speaker 3: power struggle and the bullying that's not what a lot
Speaker 3: of people think of as bullying, but that true relational
Speaker 3: aggression that happened, and I went, I'm not prepared to
Speaker 3: deal with this. I need to if there's somewhere I
Speaker 3: can make a difference in how to do better by
Speaker 3: my students, this is something I need to learn learn
Speaker 3: more about. So, yeah, coaching cheer for me was a
Speaker 3: real catalyst that shot me into this new career path
Speaker 3: and I'm grateful that I was there, and I'm glad
Speaker 3: that I could help you.
Speaker 1: I would never do it again.
Speaker 2: No chance to give you guys some more context. So
Speaker 2: the bullying that happened in my situation with some girls
Speaker 2: that I was friends with and we had all cheered together.
Speaker 2: This was my senior year of high school, so people
Speaker 2: I had gone through my entire high school career with,
Speaker 2: and I thought we were all friends, and then it
Speaker 2: was kind of like I woke up one day and
Speaker 2: they said horrible things about them. One that still is
Speaker 2: very ingrained into my brain is the I hope she
Speaker 2: falls on her face and dies. And as a cheerleader
Speaker 2: who was a flyer and had to trust the people
Speaker 2: below me with my life and I'm seventeen, hormonal girl,
Speaker 2: that's the last thing you want to hear. And that
Speaker 2: was just the beginning. Then it spun and spiraled then
Speaker 2: multiple different directions. But then miss missus Manning came in
Speaker 2: as one of our coaches because one of the coaches
Speaker 2: was involved in things that were happening to me, because
Speaker 2: she had somebody on our team that she felt was
Speaker 2: better suited for my role, and it became kind of
Speaker 2: this whole nightmare of a scenario with adults and other
Speaker 2: kids involved. And that's when missus Manning came in, took
Speaker 2: the coaching role, and she was like, what am I doing?
Speaker 2: What is happening here? And you got thrown into a
Speaker 2: fire not only of a sport that you were unfamiliar with,
Speaker 2: but of a whole situation that was never handled, And
Speaker 2: there wasn't a lot of talk. There wasn't a lot
Speaker 2: of like, do better with your mental health and understand
Speaker 2: your feelings and talk to people or talk to somebody.
Speaker 2: None of that was the case. So not only did
Speaker 2: you get thrown in in multiple levels, but you also
Speaker 2: got thrown into a situation that was ill equipped to
Speaker 2: handle any type of situation like that.
Speaker 1: Well and complicate matters even further. The cyberbullying was all
Speaker 1: pretty fresh. I mean, it was new.
Speaker 3: We haven't had a lot of experience with it at
Speaker 3: the time, and so even Kansas law at the time
Speaker 3: was fairly unclear about what you could do as far
Speaker 3: as consequences within the school day. Nobody doubted that some
Speaker 3: things were happening. It was just a matter of are
Speaker 3: these things that the school can actually act on? And
Speaker 3: I'm grateful to say that Kansa's law has come around,
Speaker 3: and you've got a little more leeway there where if
Speaker 3: those types of things are affecting the school day and
Speaker 3: preventing students from being able to access their education, administration
Speaker 3: has more power to step in and a responsibility even
Speaker 3: to intervene, Whereas before it was really predicated on well
Speaker 3: did this happen outside of the school day? What's the timestamp?
Speaker 3: Well did it happen at school? Was it on the
Speaker 3: school you know device or school computer? And it was
Speaker 3: just so frustrating because, let's be honest, bullies know what
Speaker 3: they're doing, Okay, they are smart, they are intentional about it.
Speaker 3: That power struggle, especially among girls, that relational aggression that
Speaker 3: I mentioned earlier. It can look so many different ways,
Speaker 3: but it is all intentional and it is covert, so
Speaker 3: you really have to be looking to see it if
Speaker 3: you're somebody on the outside. And that was kind of
Speaker 3: my goal, I guess at all of this, was just
Speaker 3: to have eyes wide open and try to take in
Speaker 3: everything and see everything and try to make that a
Speaker 3: little bit safer space for everybody.
Speaker 2: And you did, and that's why I felt so much
Speaker 2: comfort in being able to just spend time in your
Speaker 2: classroom as a lot of this was happening, and to
Speaker 2: your point of there are people who are experiencing bullies,
Speaker 2: and gosh, I wish there was a right way to
Speaker 2: handle any of it. It's all so based on a
Speaker 2: situation and how many factors are involved. There was a
Speaker 2: particular thing that I definitely do not suggest for any
Speaker 2: school administration, teacher or anything that was listening. And I
Speaker 2: cannot remember if you had gotten involved. At this point.
Speaker 2: They had put me in the girl who had been
Speaker 2: saying most of the bad things about me and these
Speaker 2: topics of conversation in the same room and said you
Speaker 2: guys should talk about this, and our entire group or
Speaker 2: a squad I guess you could say, was also in
Speaker 2: that room, so it wasn't just her and I, it
Speaker 2: was everybody in a room, and said you guys should
Speaker 2: should sort this out. And I remember looking around the
Speaker 2: eyes and I just said, why do you keep saying
Speaker 2: these things about me? Because I didn't know what else
Speaker 2: to say. You're sitting here telling me to talk to
Speaker 2: the person who's, basically, in my eyes at that point,
Speaker 2: ruined my life, and say what did I do to
Speaker 2: deserve this? Which nobody should ever have to do. And
Speaker 2: she just looked at me and just said, I don't
Speaker 2: like you. There was no reason, there was no this happened,
Speaker 2: and this is why I feel this way, and we
Speaker 2: can work on this. There was nothing I could have
Speaker 2: done to change anything. It was just I don't like you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think I was involved at that point.
Speaker 1: I'm curious. Was there an adult in the room?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I believe so. It was one of our higher
Speaker 2: administration at that point.
Speaker 1: Interesting, okay, yeah, and I don't.
Speaker 2: Like I said. I don't think you had gotten there
Speaker 2: yet at that point. But that is when a lot
Speaker 2: of bad things happen after that, because when you put
Speaker 2: somebody who's been in a victim position and then the
Speaker 2: bully in the same position, and all you're doing is
Speaker 2: making that victim feel more vulnerable, what do you think
Speaker 2: is the outcome? You know, it's just gonna be worse.
Speaker 2: There's gonna be more horrible things to happen. So while
Speaker 2: I can sit here and say I don't know the
Speaker 2: right way to handle it, which is why I brought
Speaker 2: on an expert of someone who is now a counselor,
Speaker 2: and that's why I want to shift that geared to that,
Speaker 2: but I can say that is definitely not the right
Speaker 2: way to ever approach a situation with a bully and
Speaker 2: somebody who's been bullied. So all that to say.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm really sorry to hear that that happened the
Speaker 3: way it did. I think that schools have come a
Speaker 3: long way, society has come a long ways. I mean,
Speaker 3: we can talk about mental health now and it is
Speaker 3: not a happy subject like it used to be. Sure,
Speaker 3: there are a lot of families who still kind of
Speaker 3: have that ingrained that you keep these things to yourself,
Speaker 3: you bottle it out and keep it within the family.
Speaker 1: But as a whole we're.
Speaker 3: Able to access mental health supports different ways. I think
Speaker 3: you'd be happy to know. Here at the high school
Speaker 3: now we even have therapists that are in the building
Speaker 3: who can meet with students, So we're not just making
Speaker 3: referrals out. We're actually bringing those services in and trying
Speaker 3: hard to make some of those barriers that people have
Speaker 3: in the way of accessing mental health services be eliminated
Speaker 3: so that we can help more students. I do think, though,
Speaker 3: we have to look at the root cause of why
Speaker 3: a lot of people start to act this way. You
Speaker 3: go from being friends one day to enemies the next,
Speaker 3: And I feel like, I mean, you call me an expert.
Speaker 3: I don't know that I am, but just in what
Speaker 3: that I've seen over the past fifteen plus years, typically
Speaker 3: people are mean when they're insecure. There's something within themselves
Speaker 3: that they are insecure about, and they don't know how
Speaker 3: to see their self value or their self worth, and
Speaker 3: so they try to raise themselves higher by putting other
Speaker 3: people down. And so we as a school system work
Speaker 3: on SEL lessons starting in kindergarten and we're implementing those
Speaker 3: every single grade all the way through high school. We
Speaker 3: have to teach people about empathy. We have to change
Speaker 3: the narrative that just because some specifically with girls, just
Speaker 3: because someone else is successful or beautiful or intelligent, that
Speaker 3: doesn't take away from my worth. Let's all celebrate each
Speaker 3: other and continue to build each other up. But that's
Speaker 3: a narrative that we have to keep working on. So
Speaker 3: I do think that goal systems have a huge.
Speaker 1: Role in this, and we're trying. We're working hard. Are
Speaker 1: we there yet?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: But again, I think when you're insecure, it can come
Speaker 3: out as ugliness, whether it's to yourself or specifically to others.
Speaker 3: So one of the things we have to do is
Speaker 3: we have to start targeting, especially the people who are
Speaker 3: maybe being the tormentors, and try to help them evaluate
Speaker 3: where does their self worth and their self value come from?
Speaker 1: Not there, we have to build that.
Speaker 2: I love to hear that so many of these things
Speaker 2: are being implemented now, and I'm not surprised either, because
Speaker 2: to your point, we have grown so much as a
Speaker 2: society and understanding that we can't just keep pushing these
Speaker 2: things under the rug and moving past them. They have
Speaker 2: to be addressed. So explain to me a little bit more.
Speaker 2: You said, there's a program that you guys have in
Speaker 2: place from kindergarten to high school. What is that?
Speaker 3: So we have sel social emotional lessons each level. So
Speaker 3: our elementary school they break it down by grade level.
Speaker 3: It's actually a class that the students have, counselors come.
Speaker 1: In and teach.
Speaker 3: We get informations at home in their backpacks, so I,
Speaker 3: as a parent get to know that this week my
Speaker 3: kids worked on forgiveness or they got to work on
Speaker 3: grit and what does it look like to have grit
Speaker 3: and to be resilient empathy specifically, So you know, these
Speaker 3: keep circling back all the way through until high school.
Speaker 3: And then in high school, you know, we have what
Speaker 3: used to be your encore time. We call it flex
Speaker 3: now kind of a study hall, and we've got sel
Speaker 3: lessons that we do on Wednesdays during that time. So
Speaker 3: we're just little reminders that you know, you may learn
Speaker 3: it once or twice, but it's always a good idea
Speaker 3: to be reminded of simple things like the golden rule.
Speaker 3: You know, do you really want to treat other people
Speaker 3: like that?
Speaker 1: What if it was you? And sometimes it sticks and
Speaker 1: sometimes we just keep reteaching it.
Speaker 2: Also, having that as a lesson is really cool. You know,
Speaker 2: we never had anything like that when I was going
Speaker 2: through It was you just figured it out through life
Speaker 2: and you got your feet thrown to the fire and
Speaker 2: said figure it out and you learned by way of
Speaker 2: other people, which I think we still have to do.
Speaker 2: That's always going to be a thing no matter what.
Speaker 2: But to have understandings of it because assuming that everybody
Speaker 2: has the same experiences in their home and having those
Speaker 2: lessons is not true unfortunately, you know, we wish it were,
Speaker 2: but that's not the case. So being able to learn
Speaker 2: that in a school that is a safe environment for that.
Speaker 2: That's really awesome to hear, like as someone who did
Speaker 2: go through what I went through, that it is starting
Speaker 2: really young, and we're trying and we're doing different things
Speaker 2: to help that process just emotionally, help people be better
Speaker 2: humans and have more role models in their life.
Speaker 3: Well, the other thing that if I was going to
Speaker 3: if you don't mind me, kind of going on a
Speaker 3: tangent here, what I want to tell parents I think
Speaker 3: we mentioned earlier. If your student or your kiddo is
Speaker 3: going through bullying, please please please communicate with the school,
Speaker 3: talk to us, let us know. Don't let your kids
Speaker 3: suffer in silent. We have to know what's going on,
Speaker 3: make a report. Bullying is usually persistent, consistent, it's targeted,
Speaker 3: you know, severe, and so a lot of times it
Speaker 3: does take we have to document. We can't just say
Speaker 3: this one time Sally was mean, that's not necessarily bullying.
Speaker 3: But once we have that documentation, that doesn't mean we
Speaker 3: can't intervene at the very first time and say, hey,
Speaker 3: how can we help Sally and make this be a
Speaker 3: better situation. We can have eyes wide open and looking again.
Speaker 3: Because sometimes bullying is not obvious and we have to
Speaker 3: really be tuned in and watch to catch some of
Speaker 3: those little things. Girls especially, they're tricky with the gossiping
Speaker 3: and the rumors, the silent treatment. The big one for
Speaker 3: middle school and high school girls I see is that
Speaker 3: social exclusion where they're going to leave somebody out. Maybe
Speaker 3: the group message goes to everybody except for that one person,
Speaker 3: and that's hard. It's hard to see those things if
Speaker 3: you're not paying attention and looking for it. So please
Speaker 3: report to your school and let us know, give us
Speaker 3: a chance to work. Trust the system, because I promise
Speaker 3: there are people in the buildings who want to keep
Speaker 3: your kids safe and happy, and we want them to
Speaker 3: want to be here. There's more that we can be doing.
Speaker 3: We need to be able to do everything we can
Speaker 3: for your kiddo.
Speaker 2: I'm glad you said that because I do have a
Speaker 2: lot of parents E listen, and I know that they
Speaker 2: have a lot of their kids listen, and these messages
Speaker 2: get ingrained and then hopefully passed down as people have
Speaker 2: their own kids. The generations continue. There's something that reminded
Speaker 2: me as you were saying this that if there are
Speaker 2: any parents who are listening, I think the biggest message
Speaker 2: that I often took away as I look back on
Speaker 2: my high school time was that there is this huge,
Speaker 2: huge life and world out there, and the bubble that
Speaker 2: you're in in high school is not everything. It feels
Speaker 2: like everything feels like anything that happens there. I cannot
Speaker 2: tell you how many people in my life who've been
Speaker 2: like I've been there. I felt high school like everything
Speaker 2: was going to be over, and you feel like the
Speaker 2: world is ending when things are happening there. But not
Speaker 2: everybody finds their people in high school. Not everybody experiences
Speaker 2: their high school sweetheart in high school. Not everybody goes
Speaker 2: through these experiences, and if you're seeing them, there is
Speaker 2: just this entirely huge world that has so many more
Speaker 2: experiences waiting for you. And I so wish if there
Speaker 2: is a message that I could communicate to students, it's
Speaker 2: that because it takes the power away from what's happening
Speaker 2: in high school to be this detrimental, world ending feeling.
Speaker 3: And I never felt that it's so hard because that
Speaker 3: is your world, right. So when you graduate and go
Speaker 3: to college, or when you finish college and you're on
Speaker 3: your own, you get to have so much more choice
Speaker 3: of who you spend time around. In high school, your
Speaker 3: schedule is pre built for you. You've got this first
Speaker 3: block class with these people and there's not really a.
Speaker 1: Way around it.
Speaker 3: So you've got kind of more walls and boundaries around
Speaker 3: you that you have to figure out how to make
Speaker 3: it work. But once you have the choice of who
Speaker 3: you spend your time with, choose people wisely. Be around
Speaker 3: those who build you up and energize you, not the
Speaker 3: people who drain you. And that doesn't mean you can't
Speaker 3: be friends with someone or love them. I mean, let's
Speaker 3: be honest, there are people whose family members they have
Speaker 3: to love at a distance. It doesn't mean they don't
Speaker 3: love them, but maybe they need a little more space, right.
Speaker 3: And I think that when it comes to friends, we
Speaker 3: have to always focus more on quality over quantity. I
Speaker 3: don't care how many friends you have. Really, all anybody
Speaker 3: needs is one. You need one solid go to. I've
Speaker 3: always got your back. You can tell me anything, your
Speaker 3: secrets save with me. You need that friend. Just one
Speaker 3: can save a life.
Speaker 2: It's tough with high school too, because we, as much
Speaker 2: as we would love to say that the stereotypes aren't there,
Speaker 2: they are there. Everybody wants to be loved everybody wants
Speaker 2: to be popular. Everybody wants that power in high school.
Speaker 2: It's the dream. You see it in movies, you see
Speaker 2: it in TV shows. You want to be that person.
Speaker 2: And I think there's something so beautiful as I look
Speaker 2: back on it, and I just I wish that I
Speaker 2: realized as a person going through those experiences that there
Speaker 2: was so much more to life outside of that bubble
Speaker 2: and understanding that even if you didn't have a bad experience,
Speaker 2: maybe you had a great experience in high school and
Speaker 2: then you went off and you did your own thing
Speaker 2: and you made these incredible friends in your adult world.
Speaker 2: Then you're like, oh, well I have my high school friends.
Speaker 2: You can have both. It's just this understanding that is
Speaker 2: just a season of your life in this world is
Speaker 2: a season. It's not the whole story. It's not the
Speaker 2: whole book that you're going to write. And I wish
Speaker 2: that was a message that I understood better. I'm sure
Speaker 2: I heard it, and I'm sure people tried to convince
Speaker 2: me of that, But when you're in it, and when
Speaker 2: you're in the thick of that and understanding and going
Speaker 2: through that, there's no chance that you're going to see
Speaker 2: it for what it is.
Speaker 1: You can't comprehend with you.
Speaker 2: I've been experienced yet there's beauty and history and there's
Speaker 2: a lot of knowledge when you've experienced life. I do
Speaker 2: call you an expert. I wanted to touch on a
Speaker 2: little bit more. You shared a little bit at the beginning.
Speaker 2: But this experience that you had with me transitioned you
Speaker 2: to becoming a counselor. You went from math teacher to
Speaker 2: a counselor. What has that been like for you and
Speaker 2: are you glad that that transition ended up happening?
Speaker 3: YEA, so I love my job. I will be the
Speaker 3: first one to tell you. I'm a huge nerd. Math
Speaker 3: is my jam.
Speaker 1: Like I'll still write my budget with paper and pencil
Speaker 1: just to get that little sensation of math, because I'm
Speaker 1: just that person.
Speaker 3: I never had a chance. I come from a family
Speaker 3: of educators. My dad's a math teacher, my sister is
Speaker 3: the math teacher. So I'm just kind of one of
Speaker 3: those sick people.
Speaker 2: But I love very intelligent, I think is the word
Speaker 2: we're looking for.
Speaker 3: You had talked in a previous episode about which side
Speaker 3: of the brain really works well for you.
Speaker 1: I've always been that analytical thinker, so I.
Speaker 3: Like rules, Switching over to counseling has been a very
Speaker 3: rewarding experience. Not everybody had a similar experience to you,
Speaker 3: but I've had a lot of students who shared with
Speaker 3: me some really personal important things in their life, and
Speaker 3: at the time as a teacher, I would do what
Speaker 3: I could, kind of put a band aid on it
Speaker 3: in the short term until I could get them down
Speaker 3: to a counselor and then refer them over and kind
Speaker 3: of hand them off to those experts and say, Okay,
Speaker 3: here's what I've brought. You work your magic. And for me,
Speaker 3: I wanted to know how the story ended. I needed
Speaker 3: to know that they got the resources that they needed.
Speaker 3: I needed to know that a report was filed if
Speaker 3: it needed to be. You know, we do a little
Speaker 3: bit that as a teacher, but I wanted to see
Speaker 3: the family resolution come to pass.
Speaker 1: I just needed more.
Speaker 3: And so based on the experiences that I'd had with
Speaker 3: students being willing to talk with me and share, I
Speaker 3: felt like this was something I needed to pursue further.
Speaker 3: So yes, my experience working I Joke with Cheer helped
Speaker 3: me start that path.
Speaker 1: But really it was an absolute blessed and.
Speaker 3: Each day we get to start something fresh, and you know,
Speaker 3: I might have a to do list of what I'd
Speaker 3: like to get done in a day, but you never
Speaker 3: know what's going to walk in your door. We do
Speaker 3: a lot of things like provide breakfast or snacks.
Speaker 1: We do a lot of meeting basic needs.
Speaker 3: Even in the high school that we're in, I think
Speaker 3: a lot of people view it as a very affluent school,
Speaker 3: we still have all kinds of diversity.
Speaker 1: We still have students living in poverty.
Speaker 3: We have students whose basic needs are being met, So
Speaker 3: we get to fill those gaps first. And once those
Speaker 3: basic needs are met, then we have the ability to
Speaker 3: dig a little deeper and you know, work on some
Speaker 3: of maybe their emotional needs, and then.
Speaker 1: We get to the academics.
Speaker 3: Because you have to have those basic needs met. You
Speaker 3: have to be in a ready to learn state before
Speaker 3: the education piece can really sink in and stick.
Speaker 1: So it's a privilege to be a school counselor you're so.
Speaker 2: Good at it, you were born to be in the
Speaker 2: educational field, There's no doubt about I'm very well aware
Speaker 2: of that. I think anybody who's ever been in your presence,
Speaker 2: worked with you can attest to that, and as someone
Speaker 2: who was one of your students, I absolutely can. So
Speaker 2: you can see it just in you talking about it.
Speaker 1: Well, thank you. I appreciate that when.
Speaker 2: You mentioned too, how you never know what's going to
Speaker 2: walk in, something that I am a huge advocate for
Speaker 2: because in my experiences of this time in high school,
Speaker 2: for me, I was severely depressed and unfortunately had a
Speaker 2: lot of thoughts of suicide. This was my first experience
Speaker 2: with having a therapist, which unfortunately also for me, was
Speaker 2: not the best therapy experience because again, there wasn't a
Speaker 2: whole prolethora of therapists back then. Now you have so
Speaker 2: many options and people to fit specific needs. This was
Speaker 2: more like there was five and this seemed to be
Speaker 2: the best, and nobody knew. We were just kinda she
Speaker 2: needs help, what do we do? And that was something
Speaker 2: that was very present in my life and continued throughout
Speaker 2: the course of my life. But I I want to
Speaker 2: talk about this because this is a topic that people
Speaker 2: do not like to talk about. It is scary, it
Speaker 2: is uncomfortable. The idea that people have thoughts of suicide
Speaker 2: is turn it off. I don't want to hear about this.
Speaker 2: But as a counselor, I imagine that this is a
Speaker 2: topic for you, and it's experienced in schools often, and
Speaker 2: I want to be able to help parents help their
Speaker 2: kids if they are experiencing this, So as a counselor
Speaker 2: maybe you can provide some further insight into that.
Speaker 3: Yes, we hope that in all situations the students really
Speaker 3: comfortable in talking to their family and their parents. But
Speaker 3: the truth is, oftentimes students feel their responsibility to kind
Speaker 3: of shield their parents from the pain that they're feeling
Speaker 3: because they're worried it's going to upset their parents. So
Speaker 3: having somebody in the building that they can talk to,
Speaker 3: whether it's a teacher, a coach, a counselor having somebody
Speaker 3: that they feel safe with and is willing to have
Speaker 3: these direct conversations with is so important. And then we
Speaker 3: can help the students facilitate that conversation with parents, or
Speaker 3: if the student doesn't feel like they can do it,
Speaker 3: we can call and do it for them. But I
Speaker 3: guess what I would tell people is don't be afraid
Speaker 3: to use the word suicide. I think a lot of people,
Speaker 3: like you said, are afraid of it the word itself
Speaker 3: and asking the question are you feeling suicidal is not
Speaker 3: going to plant any kind of an idea in somebody's
Speaker 3: head if it wasn't already there. What you're doing is
Speaker 3: you're saying, I am willing to ask a very difficult question,
Speaker 3: and I will hold space for you no matter what
Speaker 3: the answer is to that. So don't be afraid of
Speaker 3: the word, ask the question. And then from there, we're
Speaker 3: trained teachers and counselors alike anybody within the building to
Speaker 3: go through and have a series of questions to decide
Speaker 3: whether or not this is something, you know, we need
Speaker 3: to act on immediately, or is it something that we
Speaker 3: can process a little bit more. We do get parents
Speaker 3: involved and make sure that they're comfortable with us having
Speaker 3: these conversations, but we question and then we persuade that
Speaker 3: person to get some help, whatever that looks like, whether
Speaker 3: it's from an outside therapist, whether it's to go immediately
Speaker 3: to your community crisis center where they have twenty four
Speaker 3: to seven help available, to do an evaluation and potentially
Speaker 3: find placement and make those referrals as needed to go
Speaker 3: a little bit further. You know, if somebody were to
Speaker 3: say yes and we want to decide severity, that's where
Speaker 3: people who are very trained will start asking questions that
Speaker 3: are maybe more like, do you have a plan? How
Speaker 3: often do you think about this? If you do have
Speaker 3: a plan, do you have access to what it is
Speaker 3: that you would utilize? But first things first, parents, if
Speaker 3: you're worried about this, you need to take action and
Speaker 3: get help right away. And then don't think just because
Speaker 3: you've got help and the next morning we wake up
Speaker 3: and everybody seems fine that it's over. It's going to
Speaker 3: be an ongoing process. So take precautions within your home.
Speaker 3: Lock up your pills, make sure guns are put away,
Speaker 3: locked away.
Speaker 2: If you have.
Speaker 3: Anybody in your family who's self harmed, you might have
Speaker 3: to go a step further and put away some of
Speaker 3: the show objects. But there are steps that we take
Speaker 3: as schools and as parents to just make the people
Speaker 3: around us know we care about them and to keep
Speaker 3: them safe.
Speaker 1: Sorry, that was a lot, wasn't it.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no no. It was important, is what
Speaker 2: it was. And I wanted to give the space for
Speaker 2: that to be important because it is a hard topic,
Speaker 2: but it's one that I just I don't think people
Speaker 2: realize how prevalent it is amongst so many people. And
Speaker 2: I also want you if you feel comfortable to share.
Speaker 2: For me, when I was experiencing that I had so
Speaker 2: much shame associated with it, I was really disappointed in
Speaker 2: myself that I felt that way, that I had these
Speaker 2: experiences and I couldn't just get it together and be okay.
Speaker 2: What are some things that maybe you would tell parents
Speaker 2: if their kid is experiencing this, how they can support
Speaker 2: their kids to not feel that shame, Because I think
Speaker 2: the reason why it's so difficult to talk about is
Speaker 2: because you feel horrible that you feel this way on
Speaker 2: top of already feeling what you feel. Maybe if they're
Speaker 2: tools for parents to open that door a little bit further,
Speaker 2: that maybe it doesn't feel so heavy.
Speaker 3: So a couple of things that I would recommend. It's
Speaker 3: not easy and your team won't love it, but get
Speaker 3: them away from their cell phone for a while. There
Speaker 3: are a lot of great tools that are available, and
Speaker 3: I know the world has changed, but the amount of
Speaker 3: issues that I see stem from having a cell phone
Speaker 3: in their hand twenty four to seven all the time
Speaker 3: is so overwhelming. The constant information, the constant notifications, the
Speaker 3: inability to just be present and in the moment, the
Speaker 3: fomo right, there's so much that's tied to that. If
Speaker 3: we can just distance, put it away, don't let them
Speaker 3: have it in their room at night, have them charge
Speaker 3: their phones upstairs away from their bedroom, and just let
Speaker 3: that become a pattern. Give them some distance and some
Speaker 3: freedom from that cell phone. They may not see it
Speaker 3: as freedom, but it is exercise and it doesn't have
Speaker 3: to be intense. So for a walk with your kid
Speaker 3: and just talk with them. Make that a habit if
Speaker 3: you can, be preemptive. So if you're listening to this
Speaker 3: and thinking, oh, I'm so grateful my child doesn't have
Speaker 3: this going on, be proactive and keep those lines of
Speaker 3: communication open. Build those healthy habits now that can help
Speaker 3: prevent getting to this point then. And I think you
Speaker 3: just over communicate. If there's such a thing to your
Speaker 3: child that you love them no matter what, there's nothing
Speaker 3: ever that they could say or do that would stop
Speaker 3: that love, and that they can tell you anything. That
Speaker 3: doesn't mean that there won't be consequences for your action,
Speaker 3: but it just ensures that unconditional love and positive regard
Speaker 3: that I'm going to help you through anything, and there's
Speaker 3: nothing that we can't get through together.
Speaker 2: Those are really good pieces of advice and very thankful
Speaker 2: that I had parents who were that for me. That's why, truthfully,
Speaker 2: I made it through. A lot of what I made
Speaker 2: it through was not only the support system that I
Speaker 2: had in you and I had a few people who
Speaker 2: rallied around me at school, but my family who just
Speaker 2: allowed me to go through what I was going through
Speaker 2: and were they were my biggest cheerleaders and being like,
Speaker 2: we're here whatever you need, and that line of communication
Speaker 2: was always open even when it was really hard, and
Speaker 2: even when it I did feel that shame. So I'm
Speaker 2: glad you said all of that. But also the tip
Speaker 2: about the cell phone. I cannot imagine the experiences that
Speaker 2: teens are having with cell phones. Now, you know this
Speaker 2: is coming from somebody who I have an entire job
Speaker 2: based around social media. I see everything, I know what's
Speaker 2: happening on those platforms, and I know, as a fully grown,
Speaker 2: healthy adult, there are days I want to throw my
Speaker 2: phone in an ocean and run away from everything. And
Speaker 2: I have that capability because I'm an adult, because I
Speaker 2: am in my own life and I can see things
Speaker 2: for what they are. But as a teenager, having the
Speaker 2: access to the things that I have access to and
Speaker 2: the things that I see every day. I cannot imagine
Speaker 2: what that has added onto them. This is like a
Speaker 2: little bit off topic, but I do from your experience
Speaker 2: in the educational field, what has that been like, that
Speaker 2: transition of not only social media but cell phones. Everybody
Speaker 2: has one, in how it's kind of played a role
Speaker 2: in these experiences for kids.
Speaker 3: There's so much research out there and you can see
Speaker 3: the trends are coming where schools are starting to pull back.
Speaker 3: For the longest time, it was oh, let them have it,
Speaker 3: It'll be okay, And now we're seeing the attention span I.
Speaker 1: Mean is gone.
Speaker 3: Yeah, students, who are I mean, I'm guilty of it.
Speaker 3: I say that as if it's not me. I can't
Speaker 3: tell you how many times I grab my phone and
Speaker 3: touch it just to see if something new has come up, right,
Speaker 3: I'd hate to see how many times really touched my screen.
Speaker 2: The notification high that you get yes, and.
Speaker 3: So our students are trying to navigate that. But they're
Speaker 3: also supposed to be learning the quadratic equation. What would
Speaker 3: they rather learn? I know what I'd rather learn, But
Speaker 3: most people like, yeah, you're unique, and so I know.
Speaker 3: So we have gotten to where we have students maybe
Speaker 3: put their phones in pocket at the front of the
Speaker 3: class and that way, they leave it there during class,
Speaker 3: pick it up on their way out. But schools all
Speaker 3: over are really starting to go back and they're seeing
Speaker 3: how much it is affecting mental health, self esteem, attention span. Parents, please,
Speaker 3: please don't let your kids think that it's their cell phone.
Speaker 3: It's your cell phone that you're letting them use, and
Speaker 3: you have control over it, and you should be all
Speaker 3: up in it. I don't mean to give parenting advice,
Speaker 3: but I will just from the sake of please. There
Speaker 3: are so many apps out there, there's so much station
Speaker 3: that can take place. Even just knowing that mom and
Speaker 3: dad might look at what I have going on in
Speaker 3: my phone can be enough to prevent some of those
Speaker 3: those ugly things from outside the world coming inside your house.
Speaker 2: And it's hard because we are living in a space where,
Speaker 2: you know, kids want their parents to be their best friend.
Speaker 2: And I can't attest that my parents are my best
Speaker 2: friends now. But when I was in high school and
Speaker 2: I was a kid, no no, no, no, we got
Speaker 2: in fights regularly because I knew that I was not
Speaker 2: in control, you know, and I was fighting against that
Speaker 2: and I'm better for that. Of course, you're in that
Speaker 2: experience and you don't feel that way again. Everything that's
Speaker 2: happening then is everything is against you. The world is
Speaker 2: against you, and there's nothing outside of that bubble. But
Speaker 2: it is important, and I can attest to what you're saying,
Speaker 2: but not just that. You are also a mom too.
Speaker 2: You're not just a teacher, an educator, a counselor, you're
Speaker 2: also a mom. You're having these experiences in real time.
Speaker 1: My kids get a lot of early lectures. I think so.
Speaker 3: My sixth grader does not have a cell phone. He's
Speaker 3: probably one of the only ones. I just recently gave
Speaker 3: him a watch that he can text, I think for
Speaker 3: people and call me. And that's it, because I get it.
Speaker 3: You want to be able to reach your kids. But
Speaker 3: there's just a whole world out there, and it's not
Speaker 3: all safe and it's not all pretty. And the second
Speaker 3: you put that phone in a kid's hand and you
Speaker 3: don't have any kind of parameters, locks, blocks, protection, you're
Speaker 3: opening them up to all of the scariest things that
Speaker 3: are out there. And if you think people aren't praying
Speaker 3: on our young are vulnerable, our low self esteem, they
Speaker 3: are they know what they're doing, and it happens not
Speaker 3: just to kids but to adults.
Speaker 1: And we have to protect our kids.
Speaker 3: And that cell phone is like opening the door to
Speaker 3: so many of the hurtful and hateful things that are
Speaker 3: in this world. So just it's not the devil, but
Speaker 3: I mean protect them from it anyway.
Speaker 2: Which is one of those things that less is more
Speaker 2: as they're growing up, be involved. Yeah, that's really important.
Speaker 2: It's also tough, I am sure as a mom, and
Speaker 2: someone who does have a full time jump can attest
Speaker 2: that you have eighty million plates you're juggling at any
Speaker 2: given time, and having to also balance and control a
Speaker 2: thing that's in their hands twenty four to seven is
Speaker 2: also really hard. So there's grace in that too, but
Speaker 2: it's also what's the balance at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: what's the most important level here? That is that you
Speaker 2: don't want them to experience these things? And I do
Speaker 2: think too. Had I gone through we had phones, but
Speaker 2: they were the flip phones and they weren't the smartphones.
Speaker 2: We didn't have a lot of the social media MySpace maybe,
Speaker 2: and gosh, even just people to their top eight friends
Speaker 2: was dramatic and we hated people for that experience, you know,
Speaker 2: like that was not well for us, and that was
Speaker 2: just top eight friends. So I cannot imagine, especially seeing
Speaker 2: the way that people talk to each other online. Have
Speaker 2: you experienced a lot of things that have translated. Maybe
Speaker 2: they started online and then they come into the school,
Speaker 2: or they start in school and then they translate online.
Speaker 2: Is that still happening.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it happens. And there aren't lines anymore. I mean
Speaker 3: there's very little out there and in here right like
Speaker 3: it's all one. So yeah, when that is happening online
Speaker 3: and it's think about a girl who doesn't understand why
Speaker 3: so and so said something bad about them? Or they're
Speaker 3: not talking to me. That's what they're thinking about. That's
Speaker 3: the thing that like, well, did I say something wrong?
Speaker 3: Why are they mad at me? They're not able to
Speaker 3: focus on other things. That's really hard for anybody to navigate,
Speaker 3: but especially we're talking about teenagers and they've got all
Speaker 3: these emotions and hormones and outside social factors. They're just
Speaker 3: learning time management. It might be the first time in
Speaker 3: their life they have real stress. Anxiety is huge. I
Speaker 3: see so many students who struggle with anxiety right now.
Speaker 3: I'd like to see the narrative on that change a
Speaker 3: little bit. Some anxiety is actually very healthy. Anxiety in
Speaker 3: and of itself is not necessarily bad. It's when it
Speaker 3: becomes uncontrolled you aren't able to cope with it. But
Speaker 3: if you have some anxiety because you have a test tomorrow,
Speaker 3: that's okay, that's your brain telling you, hey, remember we
Speaker 3: need to study for that. But when it becomes so
Speaker 3: crippling that you miss three days of school in a
Speaker 3: row because you're so nervous about going for whatever reason,
Speaker 3: whether it's social or academic or whatever, you know, you
Speaker 3: let your kids stay home because they're struggle. Well, now
Speaker 3: they're just even more behind and it compounds and that
Speaker 3: anxiety isn't getting any better, it's getting worse, and it
Speaker 3: makes it more and more difficult to return. So I think,
Speaker 3: as hard as it is, we have to get our
Speaker 3: kids in school. That was a huge thing post COVID, right,
Speaker 3: like a lot of people returning just back into everyday
Speaker 3: life was difficult. We saw a lot of that in
Speaker 3: students and trying to get back into school regularly. So
Speaker 3: if you have a kiddo who's maybe struggling with that
Speaker 3: high anxiety and avoiding school, call us, let us talk
Speaker 3: with you. Let's make a plan and try to figure
Speaker 3: out how to get them back here, so that we
Speaker 3: can put some different supports in place and make it easier.
Speaker 3: Because the only thing that happens when you continue to
Speaker 3: miss and get further and further behind is that anxiety
Speaker 3: to shoot that higher and higher.
Speaker 2: I like that you said too, that some of that
Speaker 2: anxiety is good because we have in a great way,
Speaker 2: we have learned so much, and we're so aware of
Speaker 2: so many things that we do forget that there are
Speaker 2: levels of that that are helpful to us as human beings.
Speaker 2: Because when you say the word anxiety, it's oh, gosh,
Speaker 2: you have that. I'm so sorry. That's a whole experience,
Speaker 2: but it is still a natural human experience to have
Speaker 2: an anxiety about a situation, and because it's also very
Speaker 2: closely assimilated to excitement and life happening to you, because
Speaker 2: you're getting all these nervousness around that anxiety. So I
Speaker 2: really love that you mentioned those two kind of comparisons. Yeah, well,
Speaker 2: is there anything else, missus manning you? Gosh, I am
Speaker 2: just so glad that you came on and shared so
Speaker 2: many things, not only just the experiences that we've had
Speaker 2: mutually together. But you and I also have talked several
Speaker 2: times about both of our desire to want to help kids,
Speaker 2: me in the space of not having them experience the
Speaker 2: things that I experienced and having tools to deal with that,
Speaker 2: and you wanting to just help all the kids be
Speaker 2: able to be kids and live in the school system
Speaker 2: and feel safe. So is there any other topics or
Speaker 2: things that like you want to talk about her? This
Speaker 2: is your moment, you can you can share whatever you
Speaker 2: want to say.
Speaker 3: Well, I think you know, we talked quite a bit
Speaker 3: on a lot of topics, but when we touched on suicide,
Speaker 3: and I know that that's a hot topic for a
Speaker 3: lot of people. I just want to make sure everybody
Speaker 3: knows about nine eight eight. Okay, So that is your
Speaker 3: that's your hotline for calling for mental health. You know,
Speaker 3: nine to one one is emergency situation and nine eight
Speaker 3: eight is your go to if you have somebody who's struggling,
Speaker 3: if you're not sure you just need some additional resources,
Speaker 3: that's an easy quick phone call and get some help.
Speaker 3: So I want to make sure people are aware of that.
Speaker 3: I want to thank you. This is right here in
Speaker 3: my desk.
Speaker 1: Hold on, this.
Speaker 3: Beautiful lady right here has been such an amazing success story,
Speaker 3: and I know you had to go through it to
Speaker 3: get where you are today, and it was painful, and
Speaker 3: it was it was ugly, and it was hard. But
Speaker 3: there are few things that make me happier than seeing
Speaker 3: how successful you are and just being kind of that
Speaker 3: model that shows us, yes, there's more to life outside
Speaker 3: high school. I can overcome this, I can do hard things.
Speaker 3: You've got this thick skin, and.
Speaker 1: Look where you are now. I'd be like, how cool
Speaker 1: is this? And just we're all so proud of you.
Speaker 1: We're so proud.
Speaker 2: I cannot you still have that on your desk. Also
Speaker 2: the fact that you have my senior picture just sitting
Speaker 2: on your desk.
Speaker 1: Still no, right here. Absolutely, yes, you.
Speaker 2: Are too grand to say all that genuinely, but it
Speaker 2: has I. As they say, I was forged in fire
Speaker 2: and I am grateful for that now and I can
Speaker 2: speak to those experiences now. I still wish nobody ever
Speaker 2: has to experience them. Despite how it has made me
Speaker 2: who I am, I still hope that not. I think
Speaker 2: we can do better. I think we can be better,
Speaker 2: and I think there's a world that these things don't
Speaker 2: have to exist, and people can still be forged in
Speaker 2: fire without having those experiences. And that's why I appreciate
Speaker 2: people like you, not just as a human being, but
Speaker 2: also as an educator, because you're in a field that's
Speaker 2: directly impacting them from the ground up. And it's not
Speaker 2: an easy job. You guys. You know, you get love
Speaker 2: sometimes or once a year in teach your appreciation, but
Speaker 2: you should get all the time what you guys do.
Speaker 2: And in that system, I have two sisters who are
Speaker 2: in the educational field, and what you guys do matters,
Speaker 2: and how you guys interact on a day to day
Speaker 2: basis with people, You were changing lives and you changed
Speaker 2: mine in so many more ways that I know, not
Speaker 2: even you recalling things. I know that I even warned
Speaker 2: you ahead of the thing I said, I'm probably going
Speaker 2: to forget a lot of things. There's probably stuff that
Speaker 2: I blocked out. But there's one thing that I do
Speaker 2: know and I'm so certain of, is that you were
Speaker 2: always a safe space for me and you were someone
Speaker 2: that I still to this day cannot speak highly enough of.
Speaker 2: So what you do matters, what you continue to do matters,
Speaker 2: and how you've taken that and run with that is
Speaker 2: an incredible thing for me to see an experience, and
Speaker 2: I'm just glad I exist at the same time as
Speaker 2: you do.
Speaker 3: I cannot thank you enough for your kind words. It
Speaker 3: is a it's a battlefield some days, but it is
Speaker 3: so worth it, and having moments like this is just
Speaker 3: so affirming and reminds us why we get up and
Speaker 3: come to work every day, because you never know when
Speaker 3: you're going to have an opportunity to make a big difference.
Speaker 3: So I'm just so proud of you, and I'm so
Speaker 3: grateful that you let me come on and chat with
Speaker 3: you a little bit.
Speaker 2: Thank you. I appreciate it so much. You're the best.
Speaker 2: I want to think any of you who made it
Speaker 2: to the end of the episode and you're hearing this
Speaker 2: right now for listening to the episode, supporting this podcast,
Speaker 2: because you're allowing me to have conversations like these that
Speaker 2: I feel are so important and they really matter in
Speaker 2: the world right now. And I hope you really liked
Speaker 2: this episode and we're able to take something from it.
Speaker 2: And I want to give a shout out to all
Speaker 2: the educators out there again, because what you do matters
Speaker 2: and the impact you're bringing to the world is so
Speaker 2: important and I appreciate you and I see you. Please
Speaker 2: remember to rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast if
Speaker 2: you've been enjoying this and you're liking all the episodes,
Speaker 2: and follow the Instagram at Take This Personally. Also, you
Speaker 2: can watch episodes on my YouTube page at web GROLM Morgan.
Speaker 2: And you can also email me Take This Personally Podcast
Speaker 2: at gmail dot com if you want advice or there's
Speaker 2: a particular topic you want me to address. That is
Speaker 2: all for me right now. I will talk to you
Speaker 2: guys next week.