WEBVTT - The Breakfast Club Presents: Hot Happy Mess

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<v Speaker 1>Me to the planet, Charlomagne, to God, here, your uncle,

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<v Speaker 1>Charlott Lenard, whatever you want to call me. I'm just

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<v Speaker 1>here to bring you a brand new podcast from the

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<v Speaker 1>Black Effect Podcast Network. With the holidays here, the Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>Club is gonna be taking a little break, but we've

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<v Speaker 1>got a little gift for you until we come back

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<v Speaker 1>with new episodes in January of twenty twenty one. So

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<v Speaker 1>sit back, Okay, relax and take some time for yourself

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<v Speaker 1>while listening to this new podcast from my loved one,

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<v Speaker 1>Zuri Hall. Her new podcast, Zurie Hall's Hot Happy Mess,

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<v Speaker 1>is all about helping you find your magic in the

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<v Speaker 1>middle of life's messes. Make sure you listen to Zuri

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<v Speaker 1>Hall's Hot Happy Mess podcast on the Black Effect or

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<v Speaker 1>wherever you listen to podcasts. Hello, Hello, what is up?

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<v Speaker 1>Hey 'all? I'm Zuri Hall, and oh my goodness, welcome

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<v Speaker 1>to the first episode ever, first episode ever of Hot

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<v Speaker 1>Happy Mess. I just want to die right in. I

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<v Speaker 1>have to tell you, guys, a story, A story I

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<v Speaker 1>don't have any any more detail than that outside of

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<v Speaker 1>me telling it. So I was in the Netherlands on

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<v Speaker 1>vacation and life just hit me like smack. Dab in

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<v Speaker 1>the middle of the face, right between the eyes when

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<v Speaker 1>I was least expecting it, And oh my god, it's

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<v Speaker 1>how I got where I am today. It's why I

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<v Speaker 1>am here right now talking to you. Okay, So years ago,

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<v Speaker 1>my career was taking off. I mean, my TV hosting

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<v Speaker 1>dreams were coming true. Don't get me wrong, I love, love,

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<v Speaker 1>love loved these huge career moments. Honestly, I live for them.

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<v Speaker 1>Definitely was living for them at the time. And yet

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<v Speaker 1>as soon as that temporary high of achievement wore off,

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<v Speaker 1>I felt so burnt out. I was exhausted, I was

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<v Speaker 1>emotionally drained, and I was like, what the heck is up?

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<v Speaker 1>I needed a break so badly. So I hopped on

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<v Speaker 1>a flight to Europe and got my eat, pray, love on.

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<v Speaker 1>I was just like rom energy, signed me up. Something's

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<v Speaker 1>gotta give. I was cycling through canal line streets in Amsterdam.

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<v Speaker 1>I was falling in love with my life, with the

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<v Speaker 1>freedom that was coming from exploration, the feeling of just

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<v Speaker 1>enjoying my days at a really slow, leisurely pace. I

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<v Speaker 1>had nothing to do tomorrow if I didn't want to

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<v Speaker 1>do it. And then it got real, real, real quick. Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>So I was in the countryside just outside of Amsterdam,

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<v Speaker 1>and I was taking a stroll and it was quiet

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<v Speaker 1>and beautiful and I was just like, oh my gosh,

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<v Speaker 1>this is like nothing I've seen or experienced in the States. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>And so as I reached a nearby lake and stopped,

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<v Speaker 1>just like stopped for a second and sat down and

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<v Speaker 1>just took it in in complete silence by the water,

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<v Speaker 1>and I was really enjoying this moment and the like

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<v Speaker 1>crazy view. It was amazing, and I started crying. I

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<v Speaker 1>started following like a little who you know what. And

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna tell you why in just a few minutes here,

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<v Speaker 1>But first you gotta listen to this hot happy mess.

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<v Speaker 1>Celebrate your magic in the middle of life's messes. Hot

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<v Speaker 1>happy Mess. I'm Zuri Hall, and this is hot happy mess. Shoot.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh we got a theme song. We are so official. Hey, y'all,

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<v Speaker 1>I am Zuri Hall and this is hot happy Mess. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome.

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<v Speaker 1>Where we are making the most of the moments We're

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<v Speaker 1>in and finding and celebrating the magic and all that

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<v Speaker 1>is hot, happy and messy and our lives. So this

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<v Speaker 1>podcast is for mindful, ambitious millennial women who are craving

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<v Speaker 1>best life minus the burnout women who believe that you

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<v Speaker 1>can make a bomb ass living while enjoying a bomb

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<v Speaker 1>ass life. And sometimes life is just well as ass

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<v Speaker 1>And that's okay too, because life is about learning to love.

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<v Speaker 1>What is our north star with this community is happy

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<v Speaker 1>and it is not an end destination. It is a

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<v Speaker 1>state of being during the entire journey of our lives.

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<v Speaker 1>Achieving all of our goals is only worth It only

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<v Speaker 1>really feels good if we're happy while we're achieving them.

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<v Speaker 1>Each episode is going to entertain you, empower you, maybe

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<v Speaker 1>even educate you a little bit so that you can

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<v Speaker 1>get rid of the bad stuff and infuse your life

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<v Speaker 1>with more of the good stuff. So you might be like, um, girl,

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<v Speaker 1>but who are you though? First of all rude, but

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<v Speaker 1>also I'm Zuri already said that. But about me? You

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<v Speaker 1>might know me from all of my red carpet interviews,

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<v Speaker 1>my celebrity sit downs for years on shows on MTV,

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<v Speaker 1>E News and now Access Hollywood. But this show, Hot

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<v Speaker 1>Happy Mess is all about the most important VIP of

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<v Speaker 1>your life. You Okay, It's all about you, girl. It's

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<v Speaker 1>time to own it. Each Monday, come get your hot

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<v Speaker 1>happy mess on with me, tune out the chaos and

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<v Speaker 1>the confusion of the outside world, and just vibe with

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<v Speaker 1>other women who get it now. I know, I said mindful,

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<v Speaker 1>ambitious millennial women earlier, and that's broad. All are welcome,

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<v Speaker 1>but some context clues that you might really like it here.

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<v Speaker 1>If you've ever texted your mom and asked what time

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<v Speaker 1>was I born so that you can run your astrology

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<v Speaker 1>chart and see if the hot dude that you just

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<v Speaker 1>match with on bumble like thirteen seconds ago was your

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<v Speaker 1>future husband. Welcome. You're safe here if you like browsing

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<v Speaker 1>Zillo knowing damn well you can't afford that four million

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<v Speaker 1>dollar mansion in Dallas. Well, then, first of all, same,

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<v Speaker 1>but also you're safe here if you still passionately debate

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<v Speaker 1>on which nineties boy bands are the best of the best,

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<v Speaker 1>as if anybody else except us cares you are amongst

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<v Speaker 1>friends also in sync. Don't at me, don't at me

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<v Speaker 1>if you say esthetic adulting orbit un ironically, we probably

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<v Speaker 1>need to start a support group for that. But also

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<v Speaker 1>welcome saying all that out loud. I am really a

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<v Speaker 1>basic bitch, okay, so be it. You can look at

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<v Speaker 1>this space as our never ending dinner party with heavy

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<v Speaker 1>pores and juicy off the record chat and you ain't

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<v Speaker 1>even got to take your shoes off. Now, the whole

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<v Speaker 1>never ending thing does on the bit like a hostage situation.

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<v Speaker 1>So just to clarify, you are totally free to go,

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<v Speaker 1>but like don't. So I'm kicking off my first series ever,

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<v Speaker 1>and this one is all about peace and happiness. We're

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<v Speaker 1>gonna have a bunch of different series as the show

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<v Speaker 1>continues and evolves on love, dating, relationships. We're gonna have

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<v Speaker 1>series on career. We're gonna have Alpha Babe spotlights with

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<v Speaker 1>inspirational women. But this first one, this is the groundwork.

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<v Speaker 1>This is what is so important to do to kind

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<v Speaker 1>of lay the foundation because it's all about happiness, peace.

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<v Speaker 1>None of those other things that we're going to talk

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<v Speaker 1>about matter if you're not approaching it from a place

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<v Speaker 1>of happiness, if you don't feel good while you're trying

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<v Speaker 1>to get it right in those areas of your life. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>So kumbaya, bitches. This next few episodes we are going

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<v Speaker 1>to dive into how to find your happy, how to

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<v Speaker 1>protect your peace, and how to enjoy best life minus

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<v Speaker 1>the burnout. Okay. So in today's first ever episode. Drumroll please. Okay, Well,

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<v Speaker 1>like I almost said in today's first ever episode, I

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<v Speaker 1>am talking about how to be happy, but also what

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<v Speaker 1>the heck do I know? Don't answer that, just stick

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<v Speaker 1>with me here Today I am going one on one

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<v Speaker 1>with the amazing Nedra Glover touab about how to find

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<v Speaker 1>our happy get to a state of being happy always

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<v Speaker 1>or most times, instead of constantly chasing it. Natra is

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<v Speaker 1>a licensed therapist. She's a sought after relationship expert. She

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<v Speaker 1>has a very popular Instagram account for good Reason, where

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<v Speaker 1>she shares resources and tools on how to create healthy

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<v Speaker 1>relationships and implement boundaries. Then we are going to call

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<v Speaker 1>it My Girls, My day Ones, my real life best

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<v Speaker 1>friends for a little group chat action. They are going

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<v Speaker 1>to confess when they first realize that they weren't happy

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<v Speaker 1>and reveal the steps they took to fix it. Make

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<v Speaker 1>sure you stay tuned until the end of this episode.

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<v Speaker 1>For this week's party trick, We've got three instant mood boosters,

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<v Speaker 1>three happiness hacks if you will, for when you need

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<v Speaker 1>a quick fix to just infuse your day with a

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<v Speaker 1>little more juice. Okay, just little something something extra. So

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<v Speaker 1>before I finished my story. I promise it's coming. I

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<v Speaker 1>just want to make one thing clear as we go

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<v Speaker 1>on this journey together, as we step into this circle

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<v Speaker 1>of trust. Okay, I gotta confess a couple of things.

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<v Speaker 1>So here's the thing. Yes, I am generally happy. Yes

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<v Speaker 1>I feel hot on any random day of the week

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<v Speaker 1>fifty percent of the time. Maybe guestament I don't really known.

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<v Speaker 1>And also I am not a mess. Okay, not a

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<v Speaker 1>total one at least, and I honestly would be doing

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<v Speaker 1>you a disservice to pretend that I am. The truth is,

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<v Speaker 1>I work really, really hard to keep shit together, and

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<v Speaker 1>I have done really well at it. And that is

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<v Speaker 1>not a humble brag. That is full disclosure, so that

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<v Speaker 1>you really believe me when I say, no matter what

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<v Speaker 1>it looks like from the outside, no matter what it

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<v Speaker 1>may seem like. And this goes for everyone, all of us,

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<v Speaker 1>looking at everyone else's lives, I still have messy moments.

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<v Speaker 1>I have chapters that are a total mess. I have

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<v Speaker 1>life moments that have banged me up to the point

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<v Speaker 1>that I thought they broke me. Snot nosed sobs from

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<v Speaker 1>the gut in the middle of dark, dark nights when

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<v Speaker 1>I stopped asking God if he left me because I

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<v Speaker 1>was almost completely sure he had spoiler alert he had not.

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<v Speaker 1>So that's the heavy mess of it. But sometimes mess

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<v Speaker 1>is as low key and minor as being in the

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<v Speaker 1>middle of a fancy red carpet, you know. And at

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<v Speaker 1>the end of the day, no matter what it looks

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<v Speaker 1>like from the outside, I still forgot to pay my

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<v Speaker 1>Verizon bill, so they cut my shit off mid interview,

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<v Speaker 1>and now I can't catch an uber home highs and lows. Folks,

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<v Speaker 1>highs and lows. I'm a Gemini, expect a lot of it.

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<v Speaker 1>So no matter how hot or happy my life may seem,

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<v Speaker 1>I want you to know, my friend, my sister, that

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<v Speaker 1>there is a consistent enough mess in the middle of

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<v Speaker 1>all that. And instead of why did this happen to me,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm learning to ask what is this here to teach me?

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<v Speaker 1>I am committing to finding the magic in the middle

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<v Speaker 1>of my life's messes and really trying to embrace each

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<v Speaker 1>moment as it comes and accept each moment and myself

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<v Speaker 1>exactly as we are. And I want you to join

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<v Speaker 1>me on that journey, because, in my humble opinion, that's

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<v Speaker 1>the key to it all. That's it all we've got

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<v Speaker 1>is now. We got to make the most of it. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>So back to my story as promised, not a few

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<v Speaker 1>minutes later. But we got there, all right. Picture it Amsterdam,

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<v Speaker 1>the summer of sixty nine, Just kidding. It was like

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<v Speaker 1>twenty fifteen or something. I was sitting down by this

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<v Speaker 1>lake in complete silence, and I was just enjoying the moment,

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<v Speaker 1>soaking up the sick view. The birds are chirping, the

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<v Speaker 1>grass is green, the water is calm, the sun is

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<v Speaker 1>setting gently over the Dutch Abyss not even the right

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<v Speaker 1>word to use in this moment, I don't know, but

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<v Speaker 1>I cried and I cried and I cried. And again.

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<v Speaker 1>It was not just because I'm a bad swimmer and

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<v Speaker 1>the water was super close for comfort. It was because

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<v Speaker 1>the overwhelming sense of peace that I was experiencing, and

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<v Speaker 1>that moment felt so foreign, and I remember thinking, why

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<v Speaker 1>should a feeling this great, this good, be so rare.

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<v Speaker 1>I was crying because I was mourning my own lack

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<v Speaker 1>of peace in my everyday life. Like I said, I

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<v Speaker 1>was hosting a daily music countdown show on a popular

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<v Speaker 1>cable music channel. I was guest hosting shows that I

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<v Speaker 1>remember watching from my one bedroom, tiny box of an

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<v Speaker 1>apartment in Ohio and being like, man, one day, I

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<v Speaker 1>want to be on that show. I was on it

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<v Speaker 1>now you know. I was co hosting with Legends. I

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<v Speaker 1>had just co hosted with Joan Rivers The Legend on

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<v Speaker 1>Fashion Police, a show I grew up watching, and that

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<v Speaker 1>all was amazing. I genuinely loved all of those moments.

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<v Speaker 1>But when I wasn't working, I was kind of miserable.

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<v Speaker 1>And I didn't even know it at the time. I

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<v Speaker 1>was constantly striving for more. I lacked peace and I

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<v Speaker 1>hadn't even realized it until I accidentally stumbled into peace

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<v Speaker 1>by the water in the Dutch countryside. Rest, calm, permission

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<v Speaker 1>to be still. It was true peace, and I remember

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<v Speaker 1>thinking to myself, peace should not feel this foreign, It

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<v Speaker 1>shouldn't fill this foreign. When I got back to New York,

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<v Speaker 1>because that's where I was living at the time and

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<v Speaker 1>probably had a lot to do with the state of

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<v Speaker 1>my mental health or lack thereof, I focused on carving

0:13:37.480 --> 0:13:40.240
<v Speaker 1>out fifteen to thirty minutes every day to just be

0:13:40.320 --> 0:13:43.520
<v Speaker 1>alone with my thoughts, to breathe slow, try to shut

0:13:43.559 --> 0:13:45.680
<v Speaker 1>off my brain, which is super hard because my brain

0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:49.520
<v Speaker 1>is always an overdrive. I am an overthinker, card carrying member,

0:13:50.559 --> 0:13:52.440
<v Speaker 1>and just make sure that I had a little bit

0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:54.640
<v Speaker 1>of time for quiet and calm. And you know what,

0:13:55.120 --> 0:13:59.280
<v Speaker 1>it helped. Coming back from that vacation, refreshed, taking a

0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:02.640
<v Speaker 1>few minutes to relax and re energize at work each day,

0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:06.880
<v Speaker 1>those things helped me present the best version of Zuri

0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:10.640
<v Speaker 1>that I have to offer. That best version of Zuri

0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:13.040
<v Speaker 1>is the one that I always want to show up as,

0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:15.000
<v Speaker 1>which means I had to start showing up for myself.

0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:18.040
<v Speaker 1>And that's the version of yourself that you deserve to

0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:21.160
<v Speaker 1>have be admired in your office, in the classroom, or

0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:23.240
<v Speaker 1>wherever it is that you want to put your best

0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:27.320
<v Speaker 1>foot forward. Whether it's personal, professional, it doesn't matter. If

0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:29.520
<v Speaker 1>you want to be the best, that's the best, the person,

0:14:29.640 --> 0:14:33.320
<v Speaker 1>the version of you that is full of peace. You know,

0:14:33.440 --> 0:14:36.840
<v Speaker 1>we each deserve to find a place of mental calm. Unwine.

0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:39.280
<v Speaker 1>You can practice yoga, you can meditate, go see that

0:14:39.320 --> 0:14:41.840
<v Speaker 1>shrink book. The appointment. You owe it to yourself to

0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:44.520
<v Speaker 1>save up and plan for that seven day vacation if

0:14:44.560 --> 0:14:47.360
<v Speaker 1>you can, and if you can't get away for that long,

0:14:47.600 --> 0:14:50.480
<v Speaker 1>maybe it's an extended weekend. Hell. Maybe it's a lunch break,

0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:53.840
<v Speaker 1>maybe it's a Saturday afternoon girl. Whatever it is, your

0:14:53.880 --> 0:14:56.760
<v Speaker 1>piece is free and it is priceless. Just try to

0:14:56.800 --> 0:14:58.520
<v Speaker 1>take a little bit of quiet time each day to

0:14:58.560 --> 0:15:02.000
<v Speaker 1>reconnect with yourself, to calmed down. Listen to Hot Happy

0:15:02.120 --> 0:15:07.960
<v Speaker 1>Mess every Monday. Basically demand you're happy. Okay, I promised

0:15:08.000 --> 0:15:11.160
<v Speaker 1>myself that I was never gonna let peace feel that

0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:15.240
<v Speaker 1>foreign again. When I was by that water, I dedicated

0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:18.600
<v Speaker 1>that to me. It was like a vow to myself. Okay,

0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:21.920
<v Speaker 1>I haven't tied the knot yet. I'm not engaged to

0:15:21.960 --> 0:15:25.480
<v Speaker 1>be married. I'm not vowing to any one person yet,

0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:28.160
<v Speaker 1>but I'll tell you who I vowed you that day

0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:34.200
<v Speaker 1>at the water, Zuri, and you deserve the same. So

0:15:34.360 --> 0:15:36.680
<v Speaker 1>years and years after that first fateful day when I

0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:38.880
<v Speaker 1>decided to get my life together, it has been a

0:15:38.880 --> 0:15:42.440
<v Speaker 1>slow process. Trust me. I will reveal more as we

0:15:42.520 --> 0:15:45.920
<v Speaker 1>continue on this journey. Here we are years later. This

0:15:45.960 --> 0:15:47.560
<v Speaker 1>is a space for us to keep getting their lives

0:15:47.560 --> 0:15:51.200
<v Speaker 1>together together. Okay, yay, Hot Happy Mess, let's go, baby,

0:15:52.120 --> 0:15:56.040
<v Speaker 1>So next up, as promised, Nedra. Oh my gosh, this

0:15:56.080 --> 0:16:00.440
<v Speaker 1>is such a fun, fun, fun, informative conversation nedroglove Toab.

0:16:00.520 --> 0:16:04.320
<v Speaker 1>She's a licensed therapist, a super sought after relationship expert.

0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:08.240
<v Speaker 1>She runs a very popular Instagram account at Ndra Towab

0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:11.640
<v Speaker 1>Go follow her thank me Later, where she shares resources

0:16:11.640 --> 0:16:16.080
<v Speaker 1>and tools on how to create healthy relationships and implement boundaries,

0:16:16.120 --> 0:16:18.920
<v Speaker 1>which honestly is the key to it all for me,

0:16:19.200 --> 0:16:23.040
<v Speaker 1>boundaries for yourself, for the people in your life. Our

0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:27.240
<v Speaker 1>convo gave me so many aha moments and reminders about

0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:29.360
<v Speaker 1>how to create a life that is full of peace

0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:32.240
<v Speaker 1>and joy, and honestly, we just laughed a lot. She

0:16:32.440 --> 0:16:35.600
<v Speaker 1>is so chill, so down to earth. Here's our conversation.

0:16:35.640 --> 0:16:37.800
<v Speaker 1>You're gonna love it all, you guys. I am super

0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:41.360
<v Speaker 1>excited because the expert who we have on our first

0:16:41.480 --> 0:16:44.400
<v Speaker 1>ever episode of How to Happy Mess is gonna guide

0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:46.680
<v Speaker 1>us into happiness, or at least she's gonna help us

0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:49.480
<v Speaker 1>get some insight on exactly what we can do to

0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:52.760
<v Speaker 1>take some small, actionable steps towards that. Nedra Glover Tawab,

0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:55.880
<v Speaker 1>thank you so much for joining me on the first episode.

0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:59.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm so happy to be first I am. I'm just

0:16:59.760 --> 0:17:02.200
<v Speaker 1>glad as you did it. I've been able to check

0:17:02.200 --> 0:17:05.080
<v Speaker 1>out your Instagram account a lot of the information and

0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:08.040
<v Speaker 1>the tools and the tips you provide are just so necessary.

0:17:08.080 --> 0:17:09.960
<v Speaker 1>And what I love is that it's so relatable. It's

0:17:10.359 --> 0:17:13.680
<v Speaker 1>easy to process and understand. I feel like sometimes people

0:17:13.720 --> 0:17:17.000
<v Speaker 1>get this idea of what therapy is supposed to look like,

0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:19.640
<v Speaker 1>or what wellness is supposed to look like, and they're

0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:22.600
<v Speaker 1>overwhelmed by the idea that they're not, you know, far

0:17:22.960 --> 0:17:25.560
<v Speaker 1>enough along in their journey to do it or to

0:17:25.600 --> 0:17:27.639
<v Speaker 1>implement it in their everyday lives. So I'm excited to

0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:30.879
<v Speaker 1>have you here today. Thank you, You're welcome. Yes, my

0:17:31.480 --> 0:17:36.399
<v Speaker 1>whole goal for Instagram is to normalize therapy, to normalize

0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:41.800
<v Speaker 1>the tips and rolls we have in relationships, and I

0:17:41.840 --> 0:17:45.720
<v Speaker 1>think so much of it is jargonized and so we

0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:48.919
<v Speaker 1>don't understand it. And so it's good to be in

0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:52.200
<v Speaker 1>a space where you can add things that people can

0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:56.320
<v Speaker 1>relate to and make things seem very normal. Now, Absolutely,

0:17:56.480 --> 0:17:58.720
<v Speaker 1>I want to kick things right off, get into the

0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:02.199
<v Speaker 1>thick of it. What would you define happiness as? Like?

0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:04.800
<v Speaker 1>Obviously that's a personal question, but then there's also the

0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:07.320
<v Speaker 1>broad sort of therapist lend. So I'm curious to know

0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:11.600
<v Speaker 1>what makes ndra happy? And then how do you define happiness?

0:18:11.680 --> 0:18:17.680
<v Speaker 1>You know, happiness is joy and peace, and that looks

0:18:17.720 --> 0:18:21.359
<v Speaker 1>like different things for different people. For me, it's being

0:18:21.520 --> 0:18:25.840
<v Speaker 1>able to live a life that feels good for me,

0:18:25.920 --> 0:18:28.919
<v Speaker 1>and that's going to look different for everyone. So we

0:18:28.960 --> 0:18:33.199
<v Speaker 1>can't determine what makes other people happy. We can only

0:18:33.320 --> 0:18:38.520
<v Speaker 1>seek to understand our own happiness. And so it's just

0:18:38.600 --> 0:18:41.800
<v Speaker 1>about curating those things that make you feel good, doing

0:18:41.880 --> 0:18:46.200
<v Speaker 1>more of it, creating new experiences. That is what happiness

0:18:46.400 --> 0:18:48.240
<v Speaker 1>is to me, and I think it's the same thing

0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:52.199
<v Speaker 1>for many other people, and it's changing because we think

0:18:52.720 --> 0:18:55.600
<v Speaker 1>once we get one thing will be happy, but as

0:18:55.640 --> 0:18:57.800
<v Speaker 1>you know, once you get it, it's like, okay, I

0:18:57.920 --> 0:19:02.600
<v Speaker 1>need something else to be happy. So it's a continuous

0:19:02.600 --> 0:19:05.800
<v Speaker 1>cycle of figuring that thing out that will make you

0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:08.960
<v Speaker 1>feel good. When it comes to unhappiness, you know that

0:19:09.160 --> 0:19:10.960
<v Speaker 1>we have good days, we have bad days. But I

0:19:11.000 --> 0:19:15.280
<v Speaker 1>think that what's important to recognize is there is a

0:19:15.320 --> 0:19:18.320
<v Speaker 1>state of unhappiness that one can be in. And what

0:19:18.400 --> 0:19:20.520
<v Speaker 1>I would love for you to talk with our listeners

0:19:20.520 --> 0:19:23.760
<v Speaker 1>about is when does that shift happen? When do I

0:19:23.800 --> 0:19:26.679
<v Speaker 1>need to stop ignoring the fact that I'm waking up

0:19:26.720 --> 0:19:29.679
<v Speaker 1>and I'm still unhappy or this this emotion. This feeling

0:19:29.760 --> 0:19:32.800
<v Speaker 1>is sort of pervading my everyday existence to where it's

0:19:32.800 --> 0:19:35.360
<v Speaker 1>like this isn't a bad day, this is a bad

0:19:35.400 --> 0:19:37.639
<v Speaker 1>phase or a bad chapter, and I need I need

0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:39.360
<v Speaker 1>to switch it up. I need to acknowledge that I'm

0:19:39.400 --> 0:19:41.560
<v Speaker 1>unhappy and do something about it. What are those signs

0:19:42.119 --> 0:19:46.320
<v Speaker 1>when you get tired of being unhappy? That's the biggest sign.

0:19:46.960 --> 0:19:49.359
<v Speaker 1>I think so often we feel like we have to

0:19:49.440 --> 0:19:52.359
<v Speaker 1>be unhappy, kind of like a you know, an your

0:19:52.520 --> 0:19:54.560
<v Speaker 1>kind of move like this is just how I am.

0:19:54.600 --> 0:19:59.439
<v Speaker 1>I'm a complainer, I'm I'm pessimistic, and we know that,

0:19:59.480 --> 0:20:04.720
<v Speaker 1>and we sometimes embrace our depression or we embrace sadness

0:20:04.840 --> 0:20:08.160
<v Speaker 1>being a part of us because we don't have the

0:20:08.200 --> 0:20:10.919
<v Speaker 1>hope that anything can be different, but it can be.

0:20:11.119 --> 0:20:13.960
<v Speaker 1>You don't have to be sad. So I think if

0:20:14.000 --> 0:20:18.960
<v Speaker 1>you recognize that you're someone who chronically complains or you

0:20:19.240 --> 0:20:23.240
<v Speaker 1>often feel unhappy or sad, that is a space to

0:20:23.640 --> 0:20:26.600
<v Speaker 1>act in your power. And what would you recommend as

0:20:26.640 --> 0:20:30.639
<v Speaker 1>those first steps to acting in your power? How do

0:20:30.680 --> 0:20:32.439
<v Speaker 1>you sort of reclaim that and decide, you know what

0:20:32.600 --> 0:20:35.119
<v Speaker 1>not today? This is when the shift begins, because that

0:20:35.119 --> 0:20:38.679
<v Speaker 1>can be scary when you've normalized these negative emotions and

0:20:38.720 --> 0:20:41.000
<v Speaker 1>you've gotten used to it. And I think especially as women,

0:20:41.440 --> 0:20:44.080
<v Speaker 1>sometimes we're conditioned to where it as a badge of honor.

0:20:44.240 --> 0:20:46.920
<v Speaker 1>Like I'm going through this. I've got the kids, I've

0:20:46.920 --> 0:20:49.919
<v Speaker 1>got my job, and the idea that I might step

0:20:49.960 --> 0:20:52.359
<v Speaker 1>outside of all of these other people and things that

0:20:52.440 --> 0:20:56.280
<v Speaker 1>need me to just serve myself. Society has told us

0:20:56.440 --> 0:21:00.119
<v Speaker 1>it's selfish. So how do you take those first steps

0:21:00.160 --> 0:21:03.000
<v Speaker 1>to to you know, figuring out what might light you up,

0:21:03.720 --> 0:21:08.280
<v Speaker 1>embrace a new narrative. It's so interesting that we take

0:21:08.840 --> 0:21:13.360
<v Speaker 1>stress as a badge of honor. We take being a martyr,

0:21:13.720 --> 0:21:17.720
<v Speaker 1>a rescuer, a codependent as a badge of our I

0:21:17.840 --> 0:21:21.680
<v Speaker 1>have to help everybody. It's like, okay, and you're excited.

0:21:22.440 --> 0:21:25.320
<v Speaker 1>It's like I don't I don't ever get any speek.

0:21:26.080 --> 0:21:30.560
<v Speaker 1>But this is not a good thing. We have to

0:21:30.600 --> 0:21:33.760
<v Speaker 1>figure out a way to empower and not to promote

0:21:33.840 --> 0:21:37.080
<v Speaker 1>those ideas of well, that's just how it is. When

0:21:37.080 --> 0:21:40.600
<v Speaker 1>you're a mom, you don't get any sleep because we

0:21:40.920 --> 0:21:45.040
<v Speaker 1>recreate that and we emphasize that to new mothers. We

0:21:45.119 --> 0:21:49.879
<v Speaker 1>emphasize the importance of women having to do certain things

0:21:49.920 --> 0:21:55.919
<v Speaker 1>in relationships which make them feel more burnout and stressed

0:21:56.000 --> 0:21:59.199
<v Speaker 1>and sad and depressing, all of these things. So we

0:21:59.280 --> 0:22:03.560
<v Speaker 1>have to embrace a new narrative that includes rest, that

0:22:03.640 --> 0:22:08.639
<v Speaker 1>includes seeking joy and not just this is my life

0:22:08.680 --> 0:22:11.520
<v Speaker 1>and it's painful and I'm overwhelmed. That can't be the

0:22:11.600 --> 0:22:15.440
<v Speaker 1>narrative anymore. Right, what I'm hearing you say is we

0:22:15.520 --> 0:22:19.400
<v Speaker 1>have to take responsibility for our happiness. And it's so

0:22:19.480 --> 0:22:22.800
<v Speaker 1>easy to blame the other person, to blame social media.

0:22:22.800 --> 0:22:25.720
<v Speaker 1>If these things didn't exist, if this person wasn't this way,

0:22:25.840 --> 0:22:29.600
<v Speaker 1>then I would be insert emotion here when it's really about, well,

0:22:29.600 --> 0:22:32.479
<v Speaker 1>how are you choosing to react to that thing that person?

0:22:32.880 --> 0:22:34.639
<v Speaker 1>And it's easy to throw it on them because then

0:22:34.640 --> 0:22:36.040
<v Speaker 1>we don't have to do the hard work. And I

0:22:36.080 --> 0:22:38.159
<v Speaker 1>am so guilty of it because I'm like, oh, if

0:22:38.160 --> 0:22:40.560
<v Speaker 1>they were just this there of Instagram, but just this. Yeah.

0:22:40.600 --> 0:22:42.280
<v Speaker 1>I get the question all the time, like what do

0:22:42.359 --> 0:22:45.600
<v Speaker 1>you do on when your friends are posting stuff on

0:22:45.640 --> 0:22:49.560
<v Speaker 1>social media and you don't like it? I'm unfollow them?

0:22:50.880 --> 0:22:55.280
<v Speaker 1>Like you can't make them change their content, right, Like

0:22:55.520 --> 0:22:59.280
<v Speaker 1>you don't have to follow things that that cause you

0:22:59.359 --> 0:23:02.719
<v Speaker 1>this pleasure. You don't and if you don't feel comfortable

0:23:02.880 --> 0:23:08.240
<v Speaker 1>unfollowing mute right, What would you say to someone who says, Nedra,

0:23:08.359 --> 0:23:10.159
<v Speaker 1>I want to mute them, or I want to unfollow er,

0:23:10.240 --> 0:23:12.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm whatever, but I'm worried about what they'll think. What

0:23:12.920 --> 0:23:15.920
<v Speaker 1>would you say to someone who is just trapped, essentially

0:23:16.160 --> 0:23:18.680
<v Speaker 1>like so many of us, in the idea of what

0:23:18.760 --> 0:23:23.280
<v Speaker 1>others think, I'm the quest to happiness their own happiness. Well,

0:23:23.320 --> 0:23:25.639
<v Speaker 1>that's why I mentioned muting, because there are some people

0:23:25.640 --> 0:23:29.040
<v Speaker 1>who will check you for unfollowing them. We have a

0:23:29.080 --> 0:23:32.720
<v Speaker 1>petty people in our lives. We do and they they're like,

0:23:32.800 --> 0:23:39.320
<v Speaker 1>did you unfollow me? Right by accident? But but with

0:23:39.440 --> 0:23:43.720
<v Speaker 1>the muting again boundaries, how do we say to people

0:23:43.760 --> 0:23:47.240
<v Speaker 1>that I'm trying to experience, assertain that certain thing as

0:23:47.280 --> 0:23:52.240
<v Speaker 1>I tap into this and so instead of leaving this platform,

0:23:52.400 --> 0:23:54.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to navigate how to use it in a

0:23:54.880 --> 0:23:59.560
<v Speaker 1>way that speaks to me. For those who are you know,

0:23:59.600 --> 0:24:03.800
<v Speaker 1>maybe you to the journey of mindfulness, of presence, of

0:24:03.920 --> 0:24:07.120
<v Speaker 1>letting things go. Sometimes I would love if you could

0:24:07.160 --> 0:24:12.080
<v Speaker 1>just briefly talk about the concept of attachment and how

0:24:12.119 --> 0:24:16.600
<v Speaker 1>that sometimes holding on to something too tightly, even a

0:24:16.680 --> 0:24:19.520
<v Speaker 1>bad moment in a morning, holding onto that too tightly

0:24:19.880 --> 0:24:22.360
<v Speaker 1>can sort of permeate the rest of your day. And

0:24:22.400 --> 0:24:25.159
<v Speaker 1>again this being all about embracing the magic in the

0:24:25.200 --> 0:24:27.880
<v Speaker 1>middle of the mess. I think that's really the key

0:24:27.880 --> 0:24:30.240
<v Speaker 1>to happiness for me is saying I can have a

0:24:30.240 --> 0:24:32.679
<v Speaker 1>bad morning, but it's not a bad day. How do

0:24:32.760 --> 0:24:35.120
<v Speaker 1>you encourage people or what do you hope people keep

0:24:35.119 --> 0:24:39.359
<v Speaker 1>in mind when it comes to staying in a state

0:24:39.400 --> 0:24:43.199
<v Speaker 1>of mind that allows you to be with joy or

0:24:43.320 --> 0:24:47.800
<v Speaker 1>peace even when everything is not perfect. Reminding yourself that

0:24:47.880 --> 0:24:51.480
<v Speaker 1>a moment is not a minute. A moment is not

0:24:51.600 --> 0:24:55.280
<v Speaker 1>a day. A moment is not the morning, right right right.

0:24:56.080 --> 0:24:59.080
<v Speaker 1>A moment is a moment. You waste something all your pants, Now,

0:24:59.119 --> 0:25:02.919
<v Speaker 1>let's move al. It doesn't mean your whole day is

0:25:03.000 --> 0:25:06.080
<v Speaker 1>bad because you've weighed something on your pants. Change your

0:25:06.080 --> 0:25:09.679
<v Speaker 1>pants and keep going. But it doesn't need to be

0:25:09.720 --> 0:25:13.400
<v Speaker 1>a prediction about the rest of your day. And that's

0:25:13.600 --> 0:25:16.040
<v Speaker 1>when you get into that, like, this is a bad day,

0:25:16.119 --> 0:25:19.000
<v Speaker 1>you have predicted the rest of the day, so the

0:25:19.119 --> 0:25:22.880
<v Speaker 1>day will now rise to meet your expectations of it.

0:25:23.240 --> 0:25:25.679
<v Speaker 1>So you can have a bad moment without having a

0:25:25.720 --> 0:25:30.360
<v Speaker 1>bad day, without having a bad morning. So just rephrasing

0:25:30.440 --> 0:25:34.520
<v Speaker 1>that so it's not taking over your whole day. Even

0:25:34.560 --> 0:25:37.879
<v Speaker 1>in the pandemic, we have to remember the things that

0:25:37.920 --> 0:25:41.680
<v Speaker 1>are going well. And right now, lots of folks are

0:25:41.680 --> 0:25:44.200
<v Speaker 1>focused on this is bad, this is bad, this is bad.

0:25:44.560 --> 0:25:48.520
<v Speaker 1>And I saw a post on Instagram by alexel that said,

0:25:48.640 --> 0:25:52.360
<v Speaker 1>I am grateful to be alive. That's a big thing.

0:25:53.320 --> 0:25:58.080
<v Speaker 1>That's a huge thing. So whatever else is going on,

0:25:58.280 --> 0:26:03.879
<v Speaker 1>it's like you can breathe. Yeah, yeah, Well this has

0:26:03.920 --> 0:26:06.600
<v Speaker 1>been amazing. Thank you so much for the conversation, the tools,

0:26:06.600 --> 0:26:09.920
<v Speaker 1>the tips if people want to follow you learn more

0:26:09.960 --> 0:26:12.879
<v Speaker 1>about you, know what you offer, your services, and also

0:26:13.280 --> 0:26:16.119
<v Speaker 1>just the amazing energy and vibes you provide on social media,

0:26:16.200 --> 0:26:18.760
<v Speaker 1>especially where can they keep up with you? Yes, so

0:26:18.960 --> 0:26:24.360
<v Speaker 1>I am at Natra towab on Instagram and I have

0:26:24.440 --> 0:26:27.399
<v Speaker 1>other platforms, but to be honest, I am not a

0:26:27.520 --> 0:26:32.720
<v Speaker 1>multisocial media person. So that might be happiness. Really like

0:26:32.800 --> 0:26:34.760
<v Speaker 1>pick a platform and that's it. That would make me

0:26:34.840 --> 0:26:37.680
<v Speaker 1>to platform. Well, we will keep up with you on

0:26:37.760 --> 0:26:40.240
<v Speaker 1>Instagram then, Nadra, thank you so much for your time.

0:26:40.240 --> 0:26:42.120
<v Speaker 1>I appreciate it. We're gonna have to have you back.

0:26:42.160 --> 0:26:44.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm just telling you right now because this is amazing Okay,

0:26:44.640 --> 0:26:47.800
<v Speaker 1>I'll kay Okayger's cross. We'll be in touch soon. Thank you,

0:26:48.040 --> 0:26:53.920
<v Speaker 1>thank you, Hi Happy Hope. You loved that conversation with Nadra,

0:26:54.040 --> 0:26:56.639
<v Speaker 1>don't forget. You can follow her at Nidra to WAB.

0:26:56.840 --> 0:26:59.640
<v Speaker 1>We're gonna have so many amazing experts just like her,

0:27:00.000 --> 0:27:01.680
<v Speaker 1>and I'm gonna try to convince nature to come back

0:27:01.680 --> 0:27:04.800
<v Speaker 1>on because she is so dope. I just I love

0:27:04.880 --> 0:27:09.080
<v Speaker 1>that conversation. Next up, it's time for the group chat.

0:27:09.160 --> 0:27:12.679
<v Speaker 1>The group chat is my signature hot happy mess segment.

0:27:13.000 --> 0:27:15.880
<v Speaker 1>This is where you know we go to event right,

0:27:15.960 --> 0:27:18.000
<v Speaker 1>You've got your group chat, I've got mine. Is where

0:27:18.040 --> 0:27:20.560
<v Speaker 1>we go to our girls to just decode weird text

0:27:20.600 --> 0:27:24.119
<v Speaker 1>messages from whoever we're dating or ex's we're trying to

0:27:24.160 --> 0:27:28.439
<v Speaker 1>avoid draft post, then collectively vote to delete or post

0:27:28.600 --> 0:27:32.880
<v Speaker 1>petty subtweets. In this segment, when I need backup support

0:27:33.000 --> 0:27:34.720
<v Speaker 1>or have a tough topic that I want to pick

0:27:34.760 --> 0:27:38.720
<v Speaker 1>apart with some really smart, really funny women whose opinions

0:27:38.800 --> 0:27:41.080
<v Speaker 1>or ideas might be a little different from mine, might

0:27:41.119 --> 0:27:43.440
<v Speaker 1>be a whole lot different from mine, talk shit and

0:27:43.600 --> 0:27:46.920
<v Speaker 1>just download on whatever is the hottest of messages that week.

0:27:47.320 --> 0:27:50.200
<v Speaker 1>We're taking it to the group chat. So this week

0:27:50.520 --> 0:27:56.200
<v Speaker 1>it is my girls, my besties, Ashley and Travasha. So

0:27:56.880 --> 0:28:03.520
<v Speaker 1>you guys, today we have the first two people humans, ladies,

0:28:03.720 --> 0:28:09.600
<v Speaker 1>awesome best friends. I'm a group chat Ashley and Trevasha.

0:28:09.760 --> 0:28:11.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm super excited for you to meet them. We go

0:28:11.640 --> 0:28:15.480
<v Speaker 1>way back. I'm talking about Indianapolis days, my first job

0:28:15.560 --> 0:28:17.679
<v Speaker 1>out of college, Like people were paying me to do

0:28:17.760 --> 0:28:21.240
<v Speaker 1>things and I'm still not entirely sure why. But these

0:28:21.280 --> 0:28:24.159
<v Speaker 1>were my friends then I first met. So just really quickly,

0:28:24.280 --> 0:28:26.399
<v Speaker 1>ash will start with you, Travashi, then we'll go to you.

0:28:26.760 --> 0:28:29.359
<v Speaker 1>So Ashley, just let everybody know who you are, what

0:28:29.520 --> 0:28:32.760
<v Speaker 1>you love, what you do, how we met. What's up everyone,

0:28:32.800 --> 0:28:38.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm Ashley. I am a thirty something newly wed Hanley Midwest.

0:28:39.520 --> 0:28:42.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm actually from the Indianapolis area, which is where I'm

0:28:42.320 --> 0:28:45.240
<v Speaker 1>as ZERI said, where her and I met. My husband

0:28:45.240 --> 0:28:49.560
<v Speaker 1>and I picked up everything or dropped everything, I guess

0:28:49.560 --> 0:28:51.240
<v Speaker 1>you can say picked up and dropped everything at the

0:28:51.280 --> 0:28:54.480
<v Speaker 1>same time. And we just moved across the countries to Phoenix,

0:28:54.520 --> 0:28:57.880
<v Speaker 1>Arizona last year, which is one of the best decisions

0:28:57.920 --> 0:29:00.160
<v Speaker 1>we ever made. So I guess that tell you a

0:29:00.200 --> 0:29:01.880
<v Speaker 1>little bit about me. In terms of being a little

0:29:01.880 --> 0:29:04.640
<v Speaker 1>bit of a free spirit. But I'm also like your fine,

0:29:05.000 --> 0:29:10.640
<v Speaker 1>sophistic Ratchett best friend who is an operations person in

0:29:10.840 --> 0:29:13.480
<v Speaker 1>healthcare corporate America by day, but by night, I am

0:29:13.520 --> 0:29:17.400
<v Speaker 1>a free spirit just out of control. This one like

0:29:17.520 --> 0:29:19.360
<v Speaker 1>that friend that It's like, I mean, if you ask

0:29:19.440 --> 0:29:21.360
<v Speaker 1>me to like drop everything and go to China tonight,

0:29:21.600 --> 0:29:25.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm I'm you. Guys, She's not even joking. We didn't

0:29:25.880 --> 0:29:27.880
<v Speaker 1>go to China, but we went to Milan, and it

0:29:28.040 --> 0:29:30.680
<v Speaker 1>is an episode in and of itself, so we'll talk

0:29:30.720 --> 0:29:34.000
<v Speaker 1>about that at a a later time. Yeay, how did we

0:29:34.120 --> 0:29:38.040
<v Speaker 1>meet Ashley? Okay, so we met. We actually have a

0:29:38.120 --> 0:29:42.000
<v Speaker 1>mutual friend um that does a golf outing every year

0:29:42.400 --> 0:29:44.080
<v Speaker 1>that my mom and I have been helping out for

0:29:44.360 --> 0:29:47.760
<v Speaker 1>helping out with for years. And he introduced Surrey. I

0:29:47.800 --> 0:29:49.440
<v Speaker 1>believe you had only been there for a few months,

0:29:49.600 --> 0:29:52.720
<v Speaker 1>is that correct, girl? If that? Yeah, like maybe two,

0:29:53.160 --> 0:29:56.479
<v Speaker 1>if you were a guest there or yeah, he invited

0:29:56.520 --> 0:29:58.600
<v Speaker 1>me as a guest like one of their quote unquote

0:29:58.640 --> 0:30:01.760
<v Speaker 1>celebrity golfers. Okay, mind you, I had only been a

0:30:01.960 --> 0:30:06.520
<v Speaker 1>celebriting Indiana for three weeks and then I met you. Yes,

0:30:06.640 --> 0:30:08.920
<v Speaker 1>and then I met you there because you were volunteering.

0:30:09.400 --> 0:30:14.520
<v Speaker 1>Ashley's like super friendly and outgoing. Travasha and Ashley are honestly,

0:30:14.840 --> 0:30:17.520
<v Speaker 1>and I remember you were like, oh, hey, what's up,

0:30:17.520 --> 0:30:19.560
<v Speaker 1>how are you whatever? And I was in TV, but

0:30:19.600 --> 0:30:20.960
<v Speaker 1>it was my first job in TV, and I was

0:30:20.960 --> 0:30:24.120
<v Speaker 1>actually kind of shy still, like I'm not a natural

0:30:24.240 --> 0:30:26.640
<v Speaker 1>true extrovert. And so I was like, oh my god,

0:30:26.800 --> 0:30:28.959
<v Speaker 1>there's like some of my agents. He's so cute and friendly.

0:30:29.040 --> 0:30:33.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, you werena friends. I'm really excited about this. Okay,

0:30:33.480 --> 0:30:41.360
<v Speaker 1>next up, Trevasha Tea. Hello Trevasha for those who would

0:30:41.400 --> 0:30:44.800
<v Speaker 1>like to try, and tea for those who cannot. I

0:30:44.840 --> 0:30:47.800
<v Speaker 1>am also a thirty something, but I am a first

0:30:47.800 --> 0:30:50.800
<v Speaker 1>time mommy and a pandemic mommy. I have a baby

0:30:50.840 --> 0:30:54.000
<v Speaker 1>that I was born right before all the schools were

0:30:54.040 --> 0:30:57.760
<v Speaker 1>shut down in the whole country, a week before point.

0:30:57.840 --> 0:31:00.200
<v Speaker 1>We're your husband, they were you were not or if

0:31:00.200 --> 0:31:01.080
<v Speaker 1>he was going to be able to be in the

0:31:01.080 --> 0:31:04.160
<v Speaker 1>delivery room right right. So the night I went into labor,

0:31:04.240 --> 0:31:06.720
<v Speaker 1>they were like, oh, it's so good that like you

0:31:06.960 --> 0:31:10.960
<v Speaker 1>went into labor tonight because tomorrow, starting tomorrow, you'll only

0:31:11.040 --> 0:31:12.600
<v Speaker 1>be able to have one person in there, and I

0:31:12.680 --> 0:31:15.280
<v Speaker 1>was like, oh, that would have sucked because I would

0:31:15.280 --> 0:31:21.800
<v Speaker 1>have chosen my dula over it, like the whole husband

0:31:21.800 --> 0:31:25.640
<v Speaker 1>out there. So that's interesting in and of itself. And then, um,

0:31:25.680 --> 0:31:29.200
<v Speaker 1>I also have a My niece is here visiting with

0:31:29.280 --> 0:31:32.000
<v Speaker 1>us for a long while, so we love her. But

0:31:32.480 --> 0:31:35.080
<v Speaker 1>she's five years old, and and you have a freaking

0:31:35.240 --> 0:31:45.760
<v Speaker 1>puppy or a dollar so from okay, so okay this

0:31:45.840 --> 0:31:47.680
<v Speaker 1>came out. Just quit. We don't need a backstory on

0:31:47.720 --> 0:31:50.560
<v Speaker 1>the puppy. You got a dog down anyway. So yes,

0:31:50.640 --> 0:31:53.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm a flight attenich. I love being a flight attendant.

0:31:53.960 --> 0:31:56.880
<v Speaker 1>I've been doing that for like seven years. Um. I

0:31:57.000 --> 0:32:01.760
<v Speaker 1>used to cheer professionally is and that's how I met Zuri.

0:32:01.920 --> 0:32:05.360
<v Speaker 1>She slid into my dms um and I just mate

0:32:05.400 --> 0:32:08.920
<v Speaker 1>these claims. Yeah, don't don't let her for you. She

0:32:09.040 --> 0:32:11.640
<v Speaker 1>slid into d and she was like, can I move

0:32:11.720 --> 0:32:13.680
<v Speaker 1>in with you? No? I'm just like, okay, that's what

0:32:13.760 --> 0:32:18.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm doing. I'm just kidding, I'm rolling. I did follow

0:32:18.240 --> 0:32:20.640
<v Speaker 1>her on Twitter. I was just looking for friends, like

0:32:20.680 --> 0:32:22.600
<v Speaker 1>it's hard to make friends after college. This should be

0:32:22.600 --> 0:32:25.240
<v Speaker 1>an episode in and of itself, like after you graduate

0:32:25.320 --> 0:32:29.680
<v Speaker 1>it's weird to just creep on another woman. I mean, like,

0:32:29.680 --> 0:32:31.719
<v Speaker 1>how did you find me? Honest to God, I couldn't

0:32:31.720 --> 0:32:34.280
<v Speaker 1>tell you. I cannot remember that. I truly can't. And

0:32:34.320 --> 0:32:39.800
<v Speaker 1>then not too long after that, and now that in

0:32:39.920 --> 0:32:42.840
<v Speaker 1>chaos and ude, yes, here we are today. I'm the

0:32:42.880 --> 0:32:47.600
<v Speaker 1>episode one of How Happy Mess the group chat segment,

0:32:47.960 --> 0:32:50.760
<v Speaker 1>and I want to talk about happiness because that's what

0:32:50.880 --> 0:32:54.160
<v Speaker 1>this is all about. It's different for everyone. No two

0:32:54.280 --> 0:32:57.320
<v Speaker 1>people's journeys look the same. No two people's definitions of

0:32:57.360 --> 0:33:04.120
<v Speaker 1>happiness look the same. So for me, happiness is there's

0:33:04.120 --> 0:33:06.680
<v Speaker 1>a quote that I can't quite get right. It's suck

0:33:06.720 --> 0:33:13.800
<v Speaker 1>it up. But it's when what you do, what you say,

0:33:13.960 --> 0:33:17.720
<v Speaker 1>what you believe, or something to that effect are all

0:33:17.760 --> 0:33:20.120
<v Speaker 1>in agreement, all aligne. So basically, you don't have to

0:33:20.120 --> 0:33:23.720
<v Speaker 1>show up anywhere different than you show up for yourself

0:33:24.080 --> 0:33:27.400
<v Speaker 1>because you have the integrity you're operating with, the integrity

0:33:27.400 --> 0:33:29.800
<v Speaker 1>that allows you to be the same person all the time.

0:33:30.160 --> 0:33:33.560
<v Speaker 1>And the things that you feel quietly are a priority

0:33:33.880 --> 0:33:36.760
<v Speaker 1>are also the things that you're prioritizing your everyday life.

0:33:36.800 --> 0:33:39.560
<v Speaker 1>So your core value system, like I wake up happy

0:33:39.920 --> 0:33:42.959
<v Speaker 1>because I'm not doing things that don't serve me anymore.

0:33:42.960 --> 0:33:45.200
<v Speaker 1>That don't light me up. It doesn't matter if I'm paid.

0:33:45.360 --> 0:33:47.000
<v Speaker 1>There was a time in my life where I just

0:33:47.000 --> 0:33:49.680
<v Speaker 1>had to be paid successful. If it looked hot, if

0:33:49.760 --> 0:33:53.479
<v Speaker 1>people would think Zeri's killing it, I was happy. I

0:33:53.520 --> 0:33:56.400
<v Speaker 1>guess whatever happy meant at that time. Ten years later

0:33:56.560 --> 0:33:58.440
<v Speaker 1>I realized I was nowhere near happy. I was kind

0:33:58.440 --> 0:34:01.840
<v Speaker 1>of miserable. Now it's like, do I wake up and

0:34:01.920 --> 0:34:04.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm excited? If nobody else ever knew that I was

0:34:04.480 --> 0:34:06.080
<v Speaker 1>going to have the day that I was about to have,

0:34:06.120 --> 0:34:08.839
<v Speaker 1>would I still be excited to have that day? That's

0:34:08.840 --> 0:34:12.520
<v Speaker 1>happiness for me. So I want to know what is

0:34:12.560 --> 0:34:15.000
<v Speaker 1>happiness for you guys? And then I just kind of

0:34:15.000 --> 0:34:17.279
<v Speaker 1>want to get into the journey of it. How you

0:34:17.320 --> 0:34:19.360
<v Speaker 1>got there, why you got there? Anybody I want to

0:34:19.400 --> 0:34:24.440
<v Speaker 1>take it. Yeah, So happiness for me is being surrounded

0:34:24.480 --> 0:34:27.359
<v Speaker 1>by the people that I love, also knowing that those

0:34:27.400 --> 0:34:32.560
<v Speaker 1>people are happy, being in a beautiful space like I

0:34:32.600 --> 0:34:34.960
<v Speaker 1>came from Indiana, So coming to a place that's like

0:34:35.000 --> 0:34:38.640
<v Speaker 1>where I can be free and feel free, enjoy nature,

0:34:39.040 --> 0:34:44.160
<v Speaker 1>be outside the active all year round, and also being

0:34:44.160 --> 0:34:47.640
<v Speaker 1>in a space where I can people. That is happiness

0:34:47.640 --> 0:34:49.120
<v Speaker 1>for me. And I think I used to think it

0:34:49.239 --> 0:34:51.120
<v Speaker 1>was something else. I used to I used to feel

0:34:51.160 --> 0:34:53.600
<v Speaker 1>like it was what society tells us, you know, what

0:34:53.719 --> 0:34:58.000
<v Speaker 1>happiness is. And I learned I feel like later, like

0:34:58.120 --> 0:34:59.759
<v Speaker 1>I just learned this a couple of years ago, that

0:34:59.760 --> 0:35:01.920
<v Speaker 1>that's not necessarily what happiness is for me, and I

0:35:01.960 --> 0:35:05.800
<v Speaker 1>had to create my own. But my happiness is very simple.

0:35:06.719 --> 0:35:09.760
<v Speaker 1>But I've definitely had to create my own happy space

0:35:09.760 --> 0:35:14.080
<v Speaker 1>and environment. It's been a journey for sure. Yeah, yeah, flash,

0:35:14.160 --> 0:35:16.560
<v Speaker 1>what about you years back? If you would have asked me,

0:35:16.600 --> 0:35:19.319
<v Speaker 1>like when in my twenties what happiness looks like, it

0:35:19.360 --> 0:35:22.160
<v Speaker 1>would have been the cliche like, oh, I mean, you know,

0:35:22.160 --> 0:35:25.600
<v Speaker 1>I've got money, I've got this, I've got that. I

0:35:25.640 --> 0:35:30.400
<v Speaker 1>was playing Salon with my five year old niece so crazy.

0:35:30.880 --> 0:35:34.680
<v Speaker 1>The dog was like running around chasing my niece, my

0:35:34.800 --> 0:35:38.600
<v Speaker 1>daughter crawling while Tyler, my husband's trying to figure out

0:35:38.640 --> 0:35:41.120
<v Speaker 1>how he's going to give these girls baths while I'm

0:35:41.160 --> 0:35:46.320
<v Speaker 1>doing this podcast, And so I like, that is happiness.

0:35:46.520 --> 0:35:51.200
<v Speaker 1>Like for me, for so long, I was doing things

0:35:51.239 --> 0:35:55.000
<v Speaker 1>that made me happy in the moment, like dancing, going

0:35:55.080 --> 0:35:59.799
<v Speaker 1>to this place, traveling, whatever. But I wasn't happy. But

0:36:00.239 --> 0:36:02.640
<v Speaker 1>the fact that my life is so chaotic right now,

0:36:03.200 --> 0:36:05.399
<v Speaker 1>we're going down to one income and we just raised

0:36:05.400 --> 0:36:09.839
<v Speaker 1>our expenses like all in all of tomorrow, in the

0:36:09.880 --> 0:36:11.719
<v Speaker 1>next day and the next month, then next year is

0:36:11.760 --> 0:36:15.080
<v Speaker 1>like uncertain, and I don't know what we're gonna do

0:36:15.160 --> 0:36:16.680
<v Speaker 1>or how we're gonna do it, but I know it's

0:36:16.680 --> 0:36:19.000
<v Speaker 1>going to get done, and I know that our relationship

0:36:19.080 --> 0:36:21.880
<v Speaker 1>is stronger, Like this is the closest I've been in

0:36:21.880 --> 0:36:26.320
<v Speaker 1>a relationship with God, like just my entire life. Oh

0:36:26.360 --> 0:36:31.840
<v Speaker 1>and learning how to say no that has helped me me.

0:36:32.400 --> 0:36:35.680
<v Speaker 1>Being able to say no allowed me to do the

0:36:35.719 --> 0:36:38.799
<v Speaker 1>things that replenished my spirit so that I can then

0:36:38.920 --> 0:36:42.319
<v Speaker 1>give back to the people that I you know, I

0:36:42.320 --> 0:36:44.759
<v Speaker 1>could get back to. Overall, I don't know if it

0:36:44.800 --> 0:36:47.080
<v Speaker 1>was like the pandemic that really helped me slow down

0:36:47.200 --> 0:36:49.840
<v Speaker 1>and get to this happiness, or if it was like

0:36:49.880 --> 0:36:54.200
<v Speaker 1>the postpartum meds or what. But we're good now. Well,

0:36:54.239 --> 0:36:58.160
<v Speaker 1>and I think too, like I think society also teaches

0:36:58.320 --> 0:37:01.960
<v Speaker 1>us that being able to take on so many things

0:37:02.120 --> 0:37:04.880
<v Speaker 1>or work super hard, which tends to be like taking

0:37:04.880 --> 0:37:09.560
<v Speaker 1>on extra projects, working super long hours, Like it's it's

0:37:09.600 --> 0:37:12.040
<v Speaker 1>almost like society teaches you that you're Oh my gosh,

0:37:12.080 --> 0:37:14.319
<v Speaker 1>you're so strong and you're able to do so much,

0:37:14.320 --> 0:37:16.600
<v Speaker 1>and you're able to take on so much. So we

0:37:16.680 --> 0:37:18.920
<v Speaker 1>grow up thinking that like, if we take on all

0:37:18.960 --> 0:37:21.759
<v Speaker 1>this stuff, like I don't know, we're gonna get a

0:37:21.800 --> 0:37:24.239
<v Speaker 1>medal for it or something or be recognized. And in

0:37:24.440 --> 0:37:29.120
<v Speaker 1>all while we are drowning, we're trying to make other

0:37:29.120 --> 0:37:31.120
<v Speaker 1>people happy when at the end of the day, like

0:37:31.960 --> 0:37:34.239
<v Speaker 1>say you you quit your job tomorrow, people are going

0:37:34.320 --> 0:37:39.480
<v Speaker 1>to replace you like the same day, like you're replaceable,

0:37:40.480 --> 0:37:42.160
<v Speaker 1>and so it's like it's almost trying to make other

0:37:42.200 --> 0:37:44.560
<v Speaker 1>people happy, like you were saying, see at the expense

0:37:44.640 --> 0:37:47.919
<v Speaker 1>of your own peace and happiness, which you learn as

0:37:47.920 --> 0:37:50.400
<v Speaker 1>you get older, it's just not worth it, right. I

0:37:51.400 --> 0:37:56.600
<v Speaker 1>really feel like the switch to happiness happens, like the

0:37:56.640 --> 0:38:00.120
<v Speaker 1>commitment to happiness, the commitment to being like I am

0:38:00.160 --> 0:38:03.759
<v Speaker 1>no longer doing anything that doesn't serve me, happens when

0:38:03.840 --> 0:38:06.440
<v Speaker 1>you reach a breaking point. It's like with anything, and

0:38:06.520 --> 0:38:08.440
<v Speaker 1>that's when someone quits the job that they paid it

0:38:08.480 --> 0:38:11.239
<v Speaker 1>for the last ten years. That's when somebody says, screw it,

0:38:11.280 --> 0:38:13.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm breaking up with the guy who doesn't want the

0:38:13.640 --> 0:38:15.880
<v Speaker 1>things that I know I've secretly wanted for years, and

0:38:15.920 --> 0:38:17.480
<v Speaker 1>I hope that he would get on board with it

0:38:17.640 --> 0:38:20.279
<v Speaker 1>when you just can't do it anymore. And so when

0:38:20.280 --> 0:38:22.319
<v Speaker 1>it comes to being happy and living in a state

0:38:22.360 --> 0:38:27.040
<v Speaker 1>of happiness, it normally comes from being so unhappy that

0:38:27.160 --> 0:38:30.560
<v Speaker 1>you had to say screw it, throw whatever you were

0:38:30.600 --> 0:38:32.880
<v Speaker 1>doing out of the window, and figure out how to

0:38:32.920 --> 0:38:35.400
<v Speaker 1>do it differently because it was so bad that you

0:38:35.400 --> 0:38:38.400
<v Speaker 1>just couldn't fake the funk anymore. Do you guys remember

0:38:38.560 --> 0:38:41.880
<v Speaker 1>what you're what that chapter was for you, the time

0:38:41.880 --> 0:38:44.400
<v Speaker 1>in your life, the circumstance where it was, like, you know,

0:38:44.520 --> 0:38:50.279
<v Speaker 1>I am so fucking sad or unhappy or miserable that

0:38:50.440 --> 0:38:53.239
<v Speaker 1>I don't know what has to change, but something's got

0:38:53.239 --> 0:38:56.040
<v Speaker 1>to give, and I'm willing to give up who I've

0:38:56.080 --> 0:38:58.520
<v Speaker 1>been or what I've been or what I've done. Yeah,

0:38:58.719 --> 0:39:01.359
<v Speaker 1>Like I feel, honestly, I feel like I'm still in

0:39:01.400 --> 0:39:06.680
<v Speaker 1>that journey through. I'm still in therapy and that's helping

0:39:06.800 --> 0:39:12.040
<v Speaker 1>and all this stuff, But y'all, I had not even

0:39:12.280 --> 0:39:16.480
<v Speaker 1>found myself, Like I didn't know who I was. And

0:39:16.880 --> 0:39:21.880
<v Speaker 1>on top of just having like normal insecurities, I was

0:39:22.440 --> 0:39:26.239
<v Speaker 1>assaulted in my teens and that was like never addressed,

0:39:26.680 --> 0:39:29.200
<v Speaker 1>never went to talk to anyone, just held it in.

0:39:29.239 --> 0:39:32.839
<v Speaker 1>So here I am trying to, like now find myself

0:39:33.800 --> 0:39:37.239
<v Speaker 1>by covering myself up, and I was able to fake

0:39:37.320 --> 0:39:41.319
<v Speaker 1>the funk forever. People thought I was happy, but I

0:39:41.400 --> 0:39:43.920
<v Speaker 1>was just happy in the moment doing things, and I

0:39:43.920 --> 0:39:47.600
<v Speaker 1>was always looking for the next happiness. So I realized

0:39:47.640 --> 0:39:51.040
<v Speaker 1>it when I was no longer a professional cheerleader. I

0:39:51.080 --> 0:39:53.880
<v Speaker 1>was not in that realm anymore, and I had become

0:39:54.000 --> 0:40:00.080
<v Speaker 1>a flight attendant. Every time someone would ask me you

0:40:00.280 --> 0:40:03.840
<v Speaker 1>like about myself, um, I don't, and they could literally

0:40:03.840 --> 0:40:07.080
<v Speaker 1>ask like, oh I like your sure or oh your

0:40:07.080 --> 0:40:09.359
<v Speaker 1>hair is pretty, and I would find a way to

0:40:09.600 --> 0:40:11.680
<v Speaker 1>put it in there that I was a cold cheerleader,

0:40:11.719 --> 0:40:15.160
<v Speaker 1>that I was a pacers to like dancer. Did you

0:40:15.160 --> 0:40:20.080
<v Speaker 1>feel like you identified so close that made people interesting?

0:40:20.080 --> 0:40:21.719
<v Speaker 1>I think it was all of the buff like I

0:40:21.760 --> 0:40:27.720
<v Speaker 1>did not know who I was, Like I wasn't anything

0:40:27.880 --> 0:40:32.279
<v Speaker 1>more than that like to myself. Um. And so I

0:40:32.320 --> 0:40:35.440
<v Speaker 1>think that's when I started realizing, Wow, like I'm really

0:40:35.880 --> 0:40:38.320
<v Speaker 1>really not happy. It's just like my old life was

0:40:38.400 --> 0:40:43.440
<v Speaker 1>my identifiers and I have since been finding um my

0:40:43.520 --> 0:40:46.360
<v Speaker 1>new self and I you know, and I started with therapy.

0:40:46.480 --> 0:40:50.799
<v Speaker 1>I think, especially in like the black community, people are

0:40:50.840 --> 0:40:54.040
<v Speaker 1>afraid of going through feet and addressing some of those

0:40:54.080 --> 0:40:59.480
<v Speaker 1>past issues has helped me create those current boundaries that

0:40:59.560 --> 0:41:04.960
<v Speaker 1>I mean for my own happiness and for the happiness

0:41:05.000 --> 0:41:08.200
<v Speaker 1>of my marriage and all of that stuff. And so yeah,

0:41:08.239 --> 0:41:10.600
<v Speaker 1>I want to we're gonna talk about sort of that transition.

0:41:10.600 --> 0:41:13.160
<v Speaker 1>But to your point, Ravasha, of that's the moment that

0:41:13.200 --> 0:41:15.279
<v Speaker 1>you realize or the phase when you realized, wow, I'm

0:41:15.280 --> 0:41:18.160
<v Speaker 1>really unhappy, Like there is no end goal. So like

0:41:18.280 --> 0:41:20.160
<v Speaker 1>me even asking you that, it's not like and then

0:41:20.160 --> 0:41:22.759
<v Speaker 1>when did you become happy? Because that's the whole point

0:41:22.800 --> 0:41:26.440
<v Speaker 1>of it is, that doesn't happen. It's a state of mind.

0:41:26.560 --> 0:41:29.920
<v Speaker 1>There's a commitment to a certain frame of mind, and

0:41:29.960 --> 0:41:32.279
<v Speaker 1>it's just how you decide to look at life, who

0:41:32.320 --> 0:41:35.040
<v Speaker 1>you decide you are, and there are ups and downs

0:41:35.040 --> 0:41:37.160
<v Speaker 1>with that, and every day is not gonna be as

0:41:37.200 --> 0:41:40.400
<v Speaker 1>amazing and shiny and sexy as you know, some of

0:41:40.440 --> 0:41:43.160
<v Speaker 1>your best days. So it's not like I figured it

0:41:43.160 --> 0:41:46.040
<v Speaker 1>out and now I'm not just a cold cheerleader. I'm

0:41:46.080 --> 0:41:48.399
<v Speaker 1>this and this and this, and I am happy. Like

0:41:49.160 --> 0:41:52.520
<v Speaker 1>you figure that out and you're happy, You're and you're

0:41:52.520 --> 0:41:54.640
<v Speaker 1>in a state of knowing who you are and there's

0:41:54.680 --> 0:41:57.000
<v Speaker 1>peace and happiness with that. But I just hope that

0:41:57.040 --> 0:42:01.040
<v Speaker 1>people realize there is no indestination, Like there's nothing you

0:42:01.160 --> 0:42:04.000
<v Speaker 1>arrive at. Like, if you have a point in mind,

0:42:04.840 --> 0:42:08.560
<v Speaker 1>save yourself the time, save yourself the life, and just

0:42:08.600 --> 0:42:10.960
<v Speaker 1>like throw that out of the window, because you will

0:42:11.040 --> 0:42:13.759
<v Speaker 1>waste so much of your life and time trying to

0:42:13.880 --> 0:42:16.960
<v Speaker 1>arrive at some destination that doesn't exist. It's just it's

0:42:17.000 --> 0:42:19.799
<v Speaker 1>the way you approach the day to day of your life. Yeah,

0:42:20.440 --> 0:42:23.640
<v Speaker 1>that's kind of how I feel about it, absolutely, Ashley.

0:42:23.719 --> 0:42:26.440
<v Speaker 1>When did you so realize that you were unhappy? That

0:42:26.480 --> 0:42:28.759
<v Speaker 1>you were like something's got to give. So I think

0:42:28.800 --> 0:42:33.479
<v Speaker 1>for me happy it's been this line that's going up

0:42:33.520 --> 0:42:37.800
<v Speaker 1>with some valleys. So I have like three distinct times

0:42:37.800 --> 0:42:41.120
<v Speaker 1>in my life where I've been so unhappy that I've

0:42:41.160 --> 0:42:44.040
<v Speaker 1>made changes, and every time I've made the change, it's

0:42:44.080 --> 0:42:45.719
<v Speaker 1>just added to my life. And then I'll get to

0:42:45.760 --> 0:42:47.440
<v Speaker 1>a place where I'm like unhappy and i have to

0:42:47.480 --> 0:42:50.320
<v Speaker 1>make another change. But that's how I see my happiness,

0:42:50.400 --> 0:42:52.319
<v Speaker 1>And to me, it's just growth, right, It's like you

0:42:52.400 --> 0:42:54.600
<v Speaker 1>learn something new about yourself and then you take that

0:42:55.239 --> 0:42:57.600
<v Speaker 1>and you grow on that and then you find something

0:42:57.600 --> 0:43:00.040
<v Speaker 1>else new about yourself and then you keep growing. So

0:43:01.840 --> 0:43:03.920
<v Speaker 1>I'll for sure say there was a time in twenty

0:43:04.000 --> 0:43:09.160
<v Speaker 1>and twelve I was twenty seven and I was in

0:43:09.280 --> 0:43:14.560
<v Speaker 1>like a bad situation ship lord of I actually was doing.

0:43:14.640 --> 0:43:17.560
<v Speaker 1>And this is the crazy thing, because society teaches you that,

0:43:17.600 --> 0:43:19.920
<v Speaker 1>like if you have a good job and you're making

0:43:19.960 --> 0:43:22.719
<v Speaker 1>good money, life should be great, Like right do you

0:43:22.760 --> 0:43:25.680
<v Speaker 1>have to complain about? Right? So I was really conflicted

0:43:25.800 --> 0:43:29.240
<v Speaker 1>because all of that was true. At the same time,

0:43:29.280 --> 0:43:33.360
<v Speaker 1>I was really unhappy with myself. I still had confidence issues.

0:43:34.080 --> 0:43:37.480
<v Speaker 1>Situation ships for me, and past relationships really affected my

0:43:37.520 --> 0:43:40.720
<v Speaker 1>confidence level that same It was like all these things

0:43:40.760 --> 0:43:44.400
<v Speaker 1>happened that year. The same year, a male friend I

0:43:44.440 --> 0:43:47.240
<v Speaker 1>was really close to being assaulted and I was threatened

0:43:47.280 --> 0:43:49.399
<v Speaker 1>to have like this in my face. So that beat

0:43:49.480 --> 0:43:52.360
<v Speaker 1>me down a lot because I didn't see that coming.

0:43:52.880 --> 0:43:55.320
<v Speaker 1>I also like had a period of like blaming myself

0:43:55.360 --> 0:43:57.880
<v Speaker 1>for that. So I was just trying to process all

0:43:57.920 --> 0:44:00.320
<v Speaker 1>these things. And I just think it was like Odd's

0:44:00.360 --> 0:44:02.719
<v Speaker 1>way of like telling me, like, you need to shed

0:44:02.760 --> 0:44:05.120
<v Speaker 1>people in your life and you need to find out

0:44:05.160 --> 0:44:09.720
<v Speaker 1>who you are. And I remember my mom specifically telling

0:44:09.719 --> 0:44:11.799
<v Speaker 1>me like I was just like, we went to this

0:44:11.840 --> 0:44:13.400
<v Speaker 1>Pacer game and I got in the car and I

0:44:13.400 --> 0:44:15.279
<v Speaker 1>was bawling, and she was like, you really need to

0:44:15.280 --> 0:44:19.279
<v Speaker 1>work on yourself. So that was one time. Ironically, I

0:44:19.360 --> 0:44:23.600
<v Speaker 1>spent probably about six months really working on myself. I

0:44:23.600 --> 0:44:26.000
<v Speaker 1>had been to therapy before, I had been diagnosed with

0:44:26.239 --> 0:44:29.399
<v Speaker 1>chronic anxiety, so I already knew that that was part

0:44:29.440 --> 0:44:31.799
<v Speaker 1>of me. I just had to figure out, like what

0:44:31.840 --> 0:44:34.200
<v Speaker 1>my triggers were. I met my husband the next year,

0:44:34.880 --> 0:44:37.239
<v Speaker 1>and I say this all the time that had I

0:44:37.320 --> 0:44:39.799
<v Speaker 1>met him earlier, it would not have worked out. I

0:44:39.880 --> 0:44:44.000
<v Speaker 1>just was not spiritually and mentally prepared for him. So

0:44:44.080 --> 0:44:49.120
<v Speaker 1>God's timing on that was like huge, Thank God. So

0:44:49.160 --> 0:44:52.160
<v Speaker 1>then we get come around to the year that we

0:44:52.200 --> 0:44:58.120
<v Speaker 1>went to Spain, Europe for your birthday, ZERI, I felt

0:44:58.160 --> 0:45:01.440
<v Speaker 1>really stuck. My career had It's gone well, with minor

0:45:01.480 --> 0:45:04.879
<v Speaker 1>peaks and valleys throughout my career, so it's still going well.

0:45:04.960 --> 0:45:08.360
<v Speaker 1>I had bought my home for myself, Like again, society

0:45:08.440 --> 0:45:11.120
<v Speaker 1>is telling me, like, what are you upset about the

0:45:11.239 --> 0:45:14.000
<v Speaker 1>check mark? Ye that you're supposed to want and now

0:45:14.040 --> 0:45:16.200
<v Speaker 1>you should be exactly you got the house, you had

0:45:16.200 --> 0:45:19.240
<v Speaker 1>the salary, you had the man, and yeah, you're beautiful,

0:45:20.160 --> 0:45:24.080
<v Speaker 1>thank you. But I again felt really guilty because I

0:45:24.120 --> 0:45:27.120
<v Speaker 1>was like, why I should not this. My anxiety was

0:45:27.160 --> 0:45:30.120
<v Speaker 1>super high, and I just had a revelation on that trip.

0:45:30.160 --> 0:45:33.000
<v Speaker 1>By that trip for me, as much as it was

0:45:33.040 --> 0:45:37.400
<v Speaker 1>to celebrate you, was life changing for me because we

0:45:37.840 --> 0:45:40.160
<v Speaker 1>went on this like four wheeling trip in the mountains,

0:45:40.400 --> 0:45:43.200
<v Speaker 1>I realized, like I was thinking it was like two hours.

0:45:43.320 --> 0:45:44.879
<v Speaker 1>I was like the whole time, I was like, this

0:45:44.920 --> 0:45:46.640
<v Speaker 1>is what I should be doing. I should be surrounded

0:45:46.640 --> 0:45:50.120
<v Speaker 1>by beauty in nature. I should feel free, and I

0:45:50.160 --> 0:45:53.680
<v Speaker 1>am in Indiana feeling like super fucking stuck. I hate it.

0:45:53.880 --> 0:45:56.839
<v Speaker 1>I mean I literally hated it. There. I called it

0:45:56.920 --> 0:45:58.799
<v Speaker 1>my husband, who was my boyfriend at that point, and

0:45:58.840 --> 0:46:05.719
<v Speaker 1>I was like, we're getting the funk out of Indie. Literally, yeah, yeah.

0:46:05.800 --> 0:46:08.960
<v Speaker 1>I came. I was coming back to Arizona like three

0:46:09.000 --> 0:46:10.640
<v Speaker 1>weeks later, and I was like, if I come back

0:46:10.640 --> 0:46:14.400
<v Speaker 1>here and feel this energy, that's it. We're moving. So

0:46:14.440 --> 0:46:16.320
<v Speaker 1>we made a plan of moves. But in the midst

0:46:16.320 --> 0:46:18.640
<v Speaker 1>of that, I had I don't think I've ever been

0:46:19.440 --> 0:46:23.360
<v Speaker 1>more depressed. Like the transition, you guys was so tough,

0:46:24.000 --> 0:46:26.560
<v Speaker 1>but it was saying no to people. It was I

0:46:26.600 --> 0:46:28.400
<v Speaker 1>had people in my ear like why would you do that?

0:46:28.520 --> 0:46:30.160
<v Speaker 1>You have a house, you have a good job, and

0:46:30.239 --> 0:46:33.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I know, but I don't enjoy life right now,

0:46:34.080 --> 0:46:39.040
<v Speaker 1>like I'm on anti depressive medication, like I'm on anxiety meds,

0:46:39.480 --> 0:46:42.160
<v Speaker 1>Like I can't do this. I felt like I was

0:46:42.200 --> 0:46:44.640
<v Speaker 1>fighting for my life every day. In the midst of that,

0:46:44.680 --> 0:46:46.600
<v Speaker 1>I also knew I was making a change. It was

0:46:46.680 --> 0:46:50.319
<v Speaker 1>just going through that. It's really hard. I mean, I

0:46:50.400 --> 0:46:52.319
<v Speaker 1>love it. I love that you did that. Actually, I

0:46:52.360 --> 0:46:55.040
<v Speaker 1>remember that phase, and I remember I was like, if

0:46:55.040 --> 0:46:57.120
<v Speaker 1>anybody would do it, it was you. So that didn't

0:46:57.120 --> 0:46:59.040
<v Speaker 1>surprise me. I was never like, oh, Ashley's never gonna

0:46:59.080 --> 0:47:00.920
<v Speaker 1>do it, But when you did it, I was like,

0:47:01.080 --> 0:47:03.520
<v Speaker 1>oh shit, actually doing that, like that was still a

0:47:03.600 --> 0:47:07.040
<v Speaker 1>big deal. Like but that inspired me. So if us

0:47:07.080 --> 0:47:11.080
<v Speaker 1>turning up and tworking any BISA inspired Joe, you actually

0:47:11.480 --> 0:47:14.040
<v Speaker 1>coming back from me b Sa Milan and being like

0:47:14.080 --> 0:47:17.839
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to Arizona, Arizona inspire me because I was like,

0:47:17.880 --> 0:47:20.640
<v Speaker 1>oh wait, it was a reminder to me. I've always

0:47:20.640 --> 0:47:22.880
<v Speaker 1>been that type of person, big risk, big reward. But

0:47:22.920 --> 0:47:25.319
<v Speaker 1>the older you get. The more we tend to start

0:47:25.400 --> 0:47:27.160
<v Speaker 1>to play it safe, we have more to lose, we

0:47:27.239 --> 0:47:31.160
<v Speaker 1>have more at stake where people are depending on us.

0:47:31.520 --> 0:47:35.040
<v Speaker 1>We have lived enough life to know we're not invincible,

0:47:35.320 --> 0:47:37.800
<v Speaker 1>so we're a little more humble, which can be scary

0:47:37.920 --> 0:47:41.000
<v Speaker 1>because you don't think everything's gonna work out because life

0:47:41.000 --> 0:47:43.279
<v Speaker 1>has shown you she's not always gonna work out, So

0:47:43.400 --> 0:47:45.160
<v Speaker 1>for you to still do that, I took so much

0:47:45.200 --> 0:47:47.640
<v Speaker 1>inspiration from that and was like, damn, like she just

0:47:47.680 --> 0:47:50.960
<v Speaker 1>went for it. For me, it was similar to you, Ashley,

0:47:51.000 --> 0:47:54.759
<v Speaker 1>like you and I are both high achievers, high functioning,

0:47:55.160 --> 0:47:59.239
<v Speaker 1>very career focused in the sense of it is very

0:47:59.320 --> 0:48:01.920
<v Speaker 1>much a part of our identity to a certain extent,

0:48:02.080 --> 0:48:04.799
<v Speaker 1>or at least for those the twenties. It was like

0:48:05.000 --> 0:48:08.600
<v Speaker 1>I took so much pride in what I'd done and

0:48:08.640 --> 0:48:11.239
<v Speaker 1>what I'd accomplished and what people would think of that

0:48:11.719 --> 0:48:14.759
<v Speaker 1>because I had been trained to do that and so

0:48:14.840 --> 0:48:17.120
<v Speaker 1>I won't. It brought me joy. I was proud of it,

0:48:17.160 --> 0:48:20.000
<v Speaker 1>I was happy. I loved it, and not even in

0:48:20.120 --> 0:48:25.160
<v Speaker 1>like an arrogant stunt way. And it was around the

0:48:25.280 --> 0:48:28.279
<v Speaker 1>age of thirty, because thirty is when I had just

0:48:28.320 --> 0:48:32.120
<v Speaker 1>gotten know of a four to five year relationship, one

0:48:32.200 --> 0:48:35.399
<v Speaker 1>that I had been thinking about even for a long

0:48:35.400 --> 0:48:37.400
<v Speaker 1>time and probably should have left sooner than I had.

0:48:37.880 --> 0:48:42.080
<v Speaker 1>And so I, at thirty, was living for me for

0:48:42.120 --> 0:48:46.120
<v Speaker 1>the first time and so long, and having been a

0:48:46.120 --> 0:48:51.000
<v Speaker 1>people pleaser, having been a high achiever, having been a giver,

0:48:51.760 --> 0:48:54.279
<v Speaker 1>I was trying to figure out who I was. I

0:48:54.280 --> 0:48:56.879
<v Speaker 1>didn't know I came out of that relationship, and when

0:48:56.880 --> 0:48:58.600
<v Speaker 1>I got into it, I was only like twenty four

0:48:58.680 --> 0:49:01.440
<v Speaker 1>or twenty five, and wasn't I knew who I was

0:49:01.480 --> 0:49:03.560
<v Speaker 1>in my early twenties in the sense of, Oh, I'm

0:49:03.560 --> 0:49:05.680
<v Speaker 1>gonna kill the game, I'm a high achiever, I'm gonna

0:49:05.719 --> 0:49:08.080
<v Speaker 1>check these boxes, I'm gonna get these jobs. But I

0:49:08.080 --> 0:49:11.640
<v Speaker 1>hadn't sat with Zuri single even in college. I felt

0:49:11.680 --> 0:49:14.000
<v Speaker 1>like the last ten years of my life, my twenties,

0:49:14.320 --> 0:49:17.879
<v Speaker 1>I felt like I was fighting against I was suppressing,

0:49:18.120 --> 0:49:21.800
<v Speaker 1>which is such a sad word. I was suppressing who

0:49:21.840 --> 0:49:25.440
<v Speaker 1>I felt I might be if I had the space

0:49:25.640 --> 0:49:28.480
<v Speaker 1>to be here. So I tried to date, and I

0:49:28.520 --> 0:49:31.279
<v Speaker 1>could feel I could feel my spirit coming alive. I

0:49:31.320 --> 0:49:35.480
<v Speaker 1>could feel Zuri starting to kick up dust. And y'all,

0:49:35.480 --> 0:49:41.719
<v Speaker 1>I'm still afraid of who Zuri might be, but I

0:49:41.880 --> 0:49:46.920
<v Speaker 1>felt it kicking up. And then men came around and

0:49:46.960 --> 0:49:48.680
<v Speaker 1>I was attracted to them. I was dating. I was

0:49:48.719 --> 0:49:50.880
<v Speaker 1>going whatever I think, since, oh this is a virgin.

0:49:50.920 --> 0:49:54.240
<v Speaker 1>Oh she's untouched. Oh she's not dated around. So I

0:49:54.320 --> 0:49:56.319
<v Speaker 1>was what the world had told me to be, this

0:49:56.400 --> 0:50:00.040
<v Speaker 1>prized virgin who didn't date a lot and respect. The

0:50:00.120 --> 0:50:03.239
<v Speaker 1>guy was going to swoop in, yes, and he was

0:50:03.239 --> 0:50:05.759
<v Speaker 1>going to choose me, and I should be lucky to

0:50:05.840 --> 0:50:09.120
<v Speaker 1>be chosen. And the entire time, something in my gut

0:50:09.160 --> 0:50:12.399
<v Speaker 1>was fighting that. And then my next relationship the same thing.

0:50:12.719 --> 0:50:15.680
<v Speaker 1>So anyways, so I got in this rhythm, this pattern

0:50:15.960 --> 0:50:20.960
<v Speaker 1>of not being happy but not being unhappy, and assuming

0:50:21.000 --> 0:50:22.880
<v Speaker 1>that this was as good as it could get. So

0:50:22.920 --> 0:50:25.680
<v Speaker 1>I accepted it. And I've just learned to be happy

0:50:25.800 --> 0:50:27.720
<v Speaker 1>in these things because I had these guys that treated

0:50:27.760 --> 0:50:29.880
<v Speaker 1>me right for the most part. And that was at

0:50:30.239 --> 0:50:34.000
<v Speaker 1>when I turned thirty and I broke up and I

0:50:34.080 --> 0:50:36.920
<v Speaker 1>left my current that relationship because of a lot of

0:50:36.920 --> 0:50:41.200
<v Speaker 1>stuff that went down. I was single at thirty and

0:50:41.280 --> 0:50:43.759
<v Speaker 1>I was figuring out who I was for the first time,

0:50:43.880 --> 0:50:46.839
<v Speaker 1>and I had so much space to do it that

0:50:46.920 --> 0:50:50.600
<v Speaker 1>I was afraid and terrified in the most exciting and

0:50:50.719 --> 0:50:54.680
<v Speaker 1>exhilarating way. It is like walking into a fucking candy

0:50:54.719 --> 0:50:59.280
<v Speaker 1>shop and being like, what do you want? The tab

0:50:59.400 --> 0:51:03.399
<v Speaker 1>is open? And so I spent that time figuring out

0:51:03.440 --> 0:51:07.040
<v Speaker 1>what I wanted and what was crazy was being free

0:51:07.440 --> 0:51:13.880
<v Speaker 1>romantically freed me up mentally and emotionally to also be like, wait,

0:51:14.440 --> 0:51:15.960
<v Speaker 1>this is what it feels like to be happy in

0:51:16.000 --> 0:51:19.600
<v Speaker 1>my personal romantic life. Am I happy in my professional life? Like?

0:51:20.320 --> 0:51:22.120
<v Speaker 1>Now I'm starting to see what it feels like to

0:51:22.120 --> 0:51:25.560
<v Speaker 1>step into my own romantically. I'm like, well, hold up,

0:51:25.600 --> 0:51:27.600
<v Speaker 1>what job would I choose? If I could start fresh

0:51:27.600 --> 0:51:29.520
<v Speaker 1>and choose a job. What would I wake up and

0:51:29.520 --> 0:51:31.040
<v Speaker 1>do it every morning? If I could wake up and

0:51:31.040 --> 0:51:33.759
<v Speaker 1>do it? And I realized I had gotten to a

0:51:33.800 --> 0:51:35.640
<v Speaker 1>point where I was so miserable. And we will talk

0:51:35.680 --> 0:51:39.320
<v Speaker 1>about this in a later series about career ambition, about

0:51:39.320 --> 0:51:43.799
<v Speaker 1>pivoting when you're unhappy, especially in career. I was so

0:51:43.920 --> 0:51:49.040
<v Speaker 1>unhappy in my job, and it was no one's fault.

0:51:49.360 --> 0:51:53.200
<v Speaker 1>But I had outgrown what I was doing, and my

0:51:53.280 --> 0:51:57.360
<v Speaker 1>core value system got stronger over time. And I credit

0:51:57.400 --> 0:51:59.200
<v Speaker 1>that to my parents, to my family, to who I am,

0:51:59.520 --> 0:52:02.080
<v Speaker 1>But it had out and stronger, and so it was

0:52:02.120 --> 0:52:05.880
<v Speaker 1>the alarm bells ringing inside of me, saying, we can't

0:52:05.920 --> 0:52:08.239
<v Speaker 1>do this anymore, not if we want to be who

0:52:08.239 --> 0:52:11.600
<v Speaker 1>we are. And so all I'd ever been was a

0:52:11.719 --> 0:52:16.000
<v Speaker 1>high achieving career killer. And so to continue to achieve

0:52:16.120 --> 0:52:18.239
<v Speaker 1>high in this space that I was in and kill

0:52:18.320 --> 0:52:21.840
<v Speaker 1>my career, I had to be something different suddenly, And

0:52:21.920 --> 0:52:24.560
<v Speaker 1>because I didn't know who I was, I said, Okay, well,

0:52:24.640 --> 0:52:27.320
<v Speaker 1>Zuri achieves, she figures out what she needs to do

0:52:27.880 --> 0:52:30.640
<v Speaker 1>to be the best in whatever space she is in,

0:52:31.680 --> 0:52:34.080
<v Speaker 1>when the question I should have been asking is do

0:52:34.120 --> 0:52:36.680
<v Speaker 1>I even want to be in this space? So I

0:52:36.719 --> 0:52:40.920
<v Speaker 1>started sacrificing who I was to be this high achiever,

0:52:41.280 --> 0:52:43.640
<v Speaker 1>and at a certain point I was like, maybe this

0:52:43.760 --> 0:52:47.520
<v Speaker 1>ain't it. Maybe I'm not just built to achieve and

0:52:47.560 --> 0:52:50.840
<v Speaker 1>to check the boxes. I was crying every day. I

0:52:50.880 --> 0:52:56.040
<v Speaker 1>would go out during my fifteen second lunchbreak and sob

0:52:56.760 --> 0:52:59.560
<v Speaker 1>and then pull it together, go back inside and be

0:52:59.680 --> 0:53:04.319
<v Speaker 1>who I was suddenly expected to be, to be who

0:53:04.320 --> 0:53:06.600
<v Speaker 1>I'd always been, who was the girl who gets it

0:53:06.719 --> 0:53:09.560
<v Speaker 1>right and does what she's expected to do, and we

0:53:09.600 --> 0:53:12.200
<v Speaker 1>can counter her to give whatever we need, not who

0:53:12.239 --> 0:53:15.200
<v Speaker 1>she is. She'll give what we need, doesn't matter what

0:53:15.239 --> 0:53:18.600
<v Speaker 1>she wants. And at a certain point I realized, I don't.

0:53:18.640 --> 0:53:21.080
<v Speaker 1>There is not a job I want. There is not

0:53:21.200 --> 0:53:24.399
<v Speaker 1>a human I want. There is not a career path

0:53:24.520 --> 0:53:29.479
<v Speaker 1>I want that is worth trading in who I am

0:53:29.760 --> 0:53:32.880
<v Speaker 1>and what I stand for. And I was afraid. I

0:53:32.880 --> 0:53:35.120
<v Speaker 1>thought I was going to lose my job. I really did,

0:53:35.560 --> 0:53:37.920
<v Speaker 1>because I was done. I just woke up one day

0:53:37.920 --> 0:53:40.239
<v Speaker 1>and I was done, and I was like, I might

0:53:40.280 --> 0:53:44.880
<v Speaker 1>lose his job tomorrow, but I can't lose myself anymore

0:53:44.880 --> 0:53:47.640
<v Speaker 1>than I've lost me. And at that point I was

0:53:47.680 --> 0:53:51.360
<v Speaker 1>so afraid. I called my dad. We cried together, and

0:53:51.880 --> 0:53:53.520
<v Speaker 1>you know, he was so proud of me for that,

0:53:53.680 --> 0:53:55.279
<v Speaker 1>and he was the one that I was nervous about

0:53:55.320 --> 0:53:56.520
<v Speaker 1>because he was the one who trained me to be

0:53:56.520 --> 0:53:58.799
<v Speaker 1>this little soldier to get the job done, like you know,

0:53:59.440 --> 0:54:03.239
<v Speaker 1>And in that moment, I realized, holy shit, I've got

0:54:03.280 --> 0:54:06.120
<v Speaker 1>it so wrong. And of course my dad doesn't care

0:54:06.120 --> 0:54:08.120
<v Speaker 1>about this shit that I just thought. He did like

0:54:08.480 --> 0:54:12.880
<v Speaker 1>he is. So he were crying together because he sees

0:54:13.200 --> 0:54:15.160
<v Speaker 1>that he did a good job with his daughter. And

0:54:15.239 --> 0:54:18.480
<v Speaker 1>it wasn't the accolades, the job, the promotions, the trophies

0:54:18.480 --> 0:54:21.759
<v Speaker 1>that did it. It was him realizing I taught this

0:54:21.800 --> 0:54:24.719
<v Speaker 1>girl who she is and it has nothing to do

0:54:24.800 --> 0:54:27.120
<v Speaker 1>with what she's done. And she sees it now and

0:54:27.200 --> 0:54:29.399
<v Speaker 1>she gets it, and she's willing to walk away from

0:54:29.440 --> 0:54:32.879
<v Speaker 1>all this shit to commit to that, To be that

0:54:33.760 --> 0:54:36.360
<v Speaker 1>it's been hard. There is a hard moment because again,

0:54:36.680 --> 0:54:38.959
<v Speaker 1>when you put so much of your worth into accomplishment

0:54:39.080 --> 0:54:42.319
<v Speaker 1>succeeding and you start to realize, oh, they're operating by

0:54:42.320 --> 0:54:45.239
<v Speaker 1>a different playbook, so it takes something different to succeed.

0:54:46.040 --> 0:54:47.880
<v Speaker 1>You have to choose at a certain point do I

0:54:47.920 --> 0:54:51.040
<v Speaker 1>want to succeed or do I want to be who

0:54:51.120 --> 0:54:54.680
<v Speaker 1>I am and who I'm proud about being. And I

0:54:54.760 --> 0:54:56.640
<v Speaker 1>reached that point where I had to decide, and I

0:54:56.760 --> 0:54:58.840
<v Speaker 1>chose to be who I am and who I was

0:54:58.840 --> 0:55:01.279
<v Speaker 1>going to be, because there's nothing I want to be

0:55:01.360 --> 0:55:06.120
<v Speaker 1>more than I want to be Joe's daughter and Valencia's

0:55:06.200 --> 0:55:11.480
<v Speaker 1>daughter and the sister of my two brothers, and that girl,

0:55:11.680 --> 0:55:16.200
<v Speaker 1>that woman at this point is very different from what

0:55:16.640 --> 0:55:19.560
<v Speaker 1>you know. A chapter in my life was asking of

0:55:19.600 --> 0:55:22.680
<v Speaker 1>me if I wanted to, you know, play by their

0:55:22.760 --> 0:55:25.920
<v Speaker 1>rules and operating their space and be acknowledged for it.

0:55:26.239 --> 0:55:28.359
<v Speaker 1>And I thank god that I didn't, because the truth is,

0:55:28.520 --> 0:55:30.400
<v Speaker 1>you think you're giving something up, but really you are

0:55:30.520 --> 0:55:33.680
<v Speaker 1>making space for something new. And then I realized as

0:55:33.680 --> 0:55:37.160
<v Speaker 1>soon as I did that, the universe shifted. It's so

0:55:37.280 --> 0:55:40.200
<v Speaker 1>woo woo y'all, I know, But the universe shifted and

0:55:40.239 --> 0:55:41.880
<v Speaker 1>mashed me the same way. I walked into work the

0:55:41.920 --> 0:55:44.760
<v Speaker 1>next day, and the energy shifted to mash my energy.

0:55:45.360 --> 0:55:49.600
<v Speaker 1>The industry. My industry shifted to match the industry, and

0:55:49.719 --> 0:55:53.920
<v Speaker 1>suddenly opportunities presented themselves where I could be who I was,

0:55:54.480 --> 0:55:58.640
<v Speaker 1>and that was not just accepted, it was celebrated. And

0:55:58.680 --> 0:56:01.279
<v Speaker 1>I just wasn't ready to see it or brave enough

0:56:01.440 --> 0:56:05.520
<v Speaker 1>or clearheaded enough to just step outside of a cage,

0:56:05.600 --> 0:56:07.719
<v Speaker 1>because it's saying, with the relationships, you will be in

0:56:07.760 --> 0:56:11.399
<v Speaker 1>a whole cage. Convince yourself there's no opening the door

0:56:11.760 --> 0:56:14.080
<v Speaker 1>when the truth is, did you try to turn the knob?

0:56:14.360 --> 0:56:17.840
<v Speaker 1>Did you even try to open it? I shared a

0:56:17.840 --> 0:56:21.239
<v Speaker 1>lot of my journey last year, and I've been been

0:56:21.280 --> 0:56:24.840
<v Speaker 1>a lot more open about my struggles with anxiety and

0:56:25.280 --> 0:56:28.359
<v Speaker 1>intermittent depression and how this move like really, I mean,

0:56:28.400 --> 0:56:30.799
<v Speaker 1>I still have anxiety, that's just a part of me.

0:56:31.080 --> 0:56:33.000
<v Speaker 1>It's just a lot less and I know my triggers.

0:56:33.000 --> 0:56:34.360
<v Speaker 1>I know how to manage it a lot better, and

0:56:34.400 --> 0:56:37.960
<v Speaker 1>I don't take medication anymore, which is amazing. But I

0:56:38.080 --> 0:56:40.560
<v Speaker 1>always like, when I was going through the journey, I

0:56:40.600 --> 0:56:44.160
<v Speaker 1>was like, I really hope this inspires other people to

0:56:44.760 --> 0:56:47.480
<v Speaker 1>know that when you believe in who you are, you

0:56:47.520 --> 0:56:51.799
<v Speaker 1>believe in yourself, you have faith. You know, you kind

0:56:51.800 --> 0:56:53.560
<v Speaker 1>of have the confidence to just take a leap of

0:56:53.600 --> 0:56:55.759
<v Speaker 1>faith that things will work in your favor. And I'm

0:56:55.800 --> 0:56:57.600
<v Speaker 1>not saying they're they're not going to work without like

0:56:57.760 --> 0:57:01.839
<v Speaker 1>bumps in the road, staying true to who you are

0:57:02.480 --> 0:57:04.720
<v Speaker 1>and believing in yourself and having faith all of those

0:57:04.719 --> 0:57:08.839
<v Speaker 1>things together, the universe will come together and it will

0:57:08.840 --> 0:57:11.960
<v Speaker 1>work in your favor. I really believe that. So this

0:57:12.000 --> 0:57:15.120
<v Speaker 1>was Everyone always talks about The Alchemist. Sometimes they make

0:57:15.160 --> 0:57:17.360
<v Speaker 1>it sound like it's like a basic bitch book for

0:57:17.400 --> 0:57:19.400
<v Speaker 1>like self discovery. But I'm like, whatever, but I'm a

0:57:19.400 --> 0:57:23.520
<v Speaker 1>basimitch because I read it and like I just discovered myself.

0:57:23.880 --> 0:57:26.440
<v Speaker 1>But you, guys, I recommend The Alchemist. Will make sure

0:57:26.440 --> 0:57:27.880
<v Speaker 1>you guys have in the show notes how you can

0:57:27.920 --> 0:57:30.040
<v Speaker 1>get you know the book or where to buy. But

0:57:30.200 --> 0:57:33.800
<v Speaker 1>there's a quote the author is Paolo Quelo and it says,

0:57:34.200 --> 0:57:38.680
<v Speaker 1>and when you want something, all the universe conspires in

0:57:38.880 --> 0:57:42.400
<v Speaker 1>helping you to achieve it. Yes. And then there's another

0:57:42.440 --> 0:57:44.760
<v Speaker 1>quote that says, it's the possibility of having a dream

0:57:44.800 --> 0:57:47.920
<v Speaker 1>come true that makes life interesting. And it is so true.

0:57:48.120 --> 0:57:50.040
<v Speaker 1>I didn't realize it at the time because I wasn't

0:57:50.040 --> 0:57:54.360
<v Speaker 1>that deep in my journey. But looking back, Yes, anytime

0:57:54.400 --> 0:57:58.560
<v Speaker 1>I have set an intention and just commit it to it,

0:57:58.560 --> 0:58:01.840
<v Speaker 1>it's like the Uni versus just clearing that path. God

0:58:01.960 --> 0:58:03.280
<v Speaker 1>is like, all right, well, let me just move him

0:58:03.280 --> 0:58:05.040
<v Speaker 1>out of your way. All right, well, let me just whatever.

0:58:05.600 --> 0:58:09.040
<v Speaker 1>I can't wait for the relationship series, y'all. Oh my god.

0:58:09.080 --> 0:58:12.680
<v Speaker 1>I just throw up at hell Mary because I was like,

0:58:12.760 --> 0:58:15.560
<v Speaker 1>oh my god. We've got the website at happy mess

0:58:15.600 --> 0:58:18.280
<v Speaker 1>dot com. We're gonna have a secret Facebook group where

0:58:18.280 --> 0:58:23.600
<v Speaker 1>you can go to join in notes ideas like resources um,

0:58:23.640 --> 0:58:26.800
<v Speaker 1>and then the Instagram page at hot happy Mess soum.

0:58:26.840 --> 0:58:29.320
<v Speaker 1>Justin closing, there's so much more we could talk about.

0:58:29.600 --> 0:58:31.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm excited because this is a full series. This is

0:58:31.800 --> 0:58:34.400
<v Speaker 1>the group chat, So y'all aren't going anywhere. I have,

0:58:34.600 --> 0:58:37.120
<v Speaker 1>you know, six of my closest friends on this amazing

0:58:37.200 --> 0:58:40.840
<v Speaker 1>rotation to dive into all of this stuff that we're

0:58:40.840 --> 0:58:42.880
<v Speaker 1>gonna be talking about on this podcast. You'll get my

0:58:42.920 --> 0:58:45.800
<v Speaker 1>solo commentary. We're gonna have experts. If you love ash,

0:58:45.800 --> 0:58:47.640
<v Speaker 1>if you love we're gonna get so much more from them.

0:58:47.680 --> 0:58:49.840
<v Speaker 1>So if you're not um, they will be back and

0:58:49.880 --> 0:58:52.920
<v Speaker 1>we will be talking about more of this. Just really quickly.

0:58:52.960 --> 0:58:55.960
<v Speaker 1>As like a fun way to close it out, We're

0:58:56.000 --> 0:58:59.080
<v Speaker 1>gonna make a happiness cocktail, and this one's gonna be superficial,

0:58:59.120 --> 0:59:01.200
<v Speaker 1>so we don't have to get to what would your

0:59:01.240 --> 0:59:05.840
<v Speaker 1>happiness cocktail include? What is your happiness cocktail? Comprised? Uh,

0:59:06.360 --> 0:59:11.320
<v Speaker 1>I'll take this one because I like to. I would say,

0:59:11.520 --> 0:59:16.480
<v Speaker 1>first for me, UM, it'd probably be like three ounces

0:59:16.680 --> 0:59:23.960
<v Speaker 1>of family. Okay, the fact that you're giving us three

0:59:24.600 --> 0:59:29.960
<v Speaker 1>family um naturally, one ounce of travel, and then the

0:59:30.000 --> 0:59:32.280
<v Speaker 1>other three ounces. This is a big drink Um. The

0:59:32.280 --> 0:59:37.160
<v Speaker 1>other three ounces of um God and God in my

0:59:37.240 --> 0:59:40.400
<v Speaker 1>life and my spirituality, those are huge family and God

0:59:40.800 --> 0:59:44.360
<v Speaker 1>with a splash of travel. Anytime I'm upset, I just

0:59:44.400 --> 0:59:50.560
<v Speaker 1>take a little quick trip um and yeah that's it. Okay.

0:59:50.640 --> 0:59:54.120
<v Speaker 1>That like a little Marchino cherry on the top with

0:59:54.200 --> 0:59:57.200
<v Speaker 1>a little cherry people, cherry there we go. I love it.

0:59:57.320 --> 1:00:00.800
<v Speaker 1>Love the cocktail, ash, what's your happiness cocktail? Gosh, this

1:00:00.840 --> 1:00:05.680
<v Speaker 1>is what I was gonna say initially, Um some wine exactly.

1:00:05.960 --> 1:00:10.480
<v Speaker 1>My people so friends, family are all one right. Grew

1:00:10.560 --> 1:00:14.840
<v Speaker 1>out in the world like yeah, yes, yea here with

1:00:14.880 --> 1:00:20.080
<v Speaker 1>no real plan, but just yes, um my happiness cocktail

1:00:20.600 --> 1:00:25.040
<v Speaker 1>uh wine, wine and food. Food. Honestly, it brings me

1:00:25.120 --> 1:00:30.280
<v Speaker 1>so much joy um and the curation and creating of it.

1:00:30.400 --> 1:00:34.160
<v Speaker 1>So I loved cooking. I love being served food and

1:00:34.240 --> 1:00:37.280
<v Speaker 1>drink like at a restaurant, like dining out, I love serving,

1:00:37.360 --> 1:00:40.760
<v Speaker 1>I love hospitality. So it's really the experience of food

1:00:40.760 --> 1:00:43.920
<v Speaker 1>and drink for me that goes into my next thing,

1:00:43.920 --> 1:00:46.520
<v Speaker 1>which would one hundred percent be family and friends. Like

1:00:46.680 --> 1:00:49.480
<v Speaker 1>especially over the last few years, the way I used

1:00:49.520 --> 1:00:52.680
<v Speaker 1>to crave a new destination or a new country to visit,

1:00:53.000 --> 1:00:55.560
<v Speaker 1>I just crave going home. I just crave going to Toledo,

1:00:55.920 --> 1:00:58.280
<v Speaker 1>probably because I don't live there. I don't really live

1:00:58.360 --> 1:01:02.080
<v Speaker 1>there good, but it's like on my spirit to just

1:01:02.200 --> 1:01:04.720
<v Speaker 1>be back all the time because of the people who

1:01:04.720 --> 1:01:08.000
<v Speaker 1>are there. I love my people so much, and y'all,

1:01:08.000 --> 1:01:10.880
<v Speaker 1>like you know, we we do our group trips. I'm

1:01:10.880 --> 1:01:13.760
<v Speaker 1>always trying to curate at least one big get together

1:01:13.880 --> 1:01:16.040
<v Speaker 1>per year, so a family and friends would be the

1:01:16.040 --> 1:01:21.120
<v Speaker 1>second one, my third one. I would say, I'm not

1:01:21.160 --> 1:01:24.840
<v Speaker 1>good at this. I'm getting better. And that's what this

1:01:24.880 --> 1:01:28.400
<v Speaker 1>whole show is about, is the journey to this, but

1:01:28.640 --> 1:01:35.880
<v Speaker 1>meditation and sort of that bubble of spiritual enlightenment and growth.

1:01:36.240 --> 1:01:39.160
<v Speaker 1>So and I don't just mean religion, so I'm not

1:01:39.200 --> 1:01:46.240
<v Speaker 1>just talking my Christianity. I'm talking sitting with myself, meditating, reflecting,

1:01:46.640 --> 1:01:50.120
<v Speaker 1>learning to be still and not need to do or

1:01:50.240 --> 1:01:53.840
<v Speaker 1>say or be anything, because that in itself is kind

1:01:53.880 --> 1:01:56.480
<v Speaker 1>of the goal from my life at this point that

1:01:56.520 --> 1:01:59.320
<v Speaker 1>if I never did another thing, I am still enough

1:01:59.720 --> 1:02:02.040
<v Speaker 1>and I am still on the journey of believing that.

1:02:02.080 --> 1:02:04.200
<v Speaker 1>I would be lying if I said I didn't still

1:02:04.240 --> 1:02:07.800
<v Speaker 1>feel the need or desire to do and to accomplish.

1:02:07.880 --> 1:02:10.320
<v Speaker 1>And I take joy from that. It's my personality. Type

1:02:10.320 --> 1:02:13.800
<v Speaker 1>will get into that in another episode. Um, but I

1:02:13.840 --> 1:02:16.560
<v Speaker 1>want to be okay, I want to I want to

1:02:16.600 --> 1:02:19.200
<v Speaker 1>be happy, to be still. I want to not always

1:02:19.240 --> 1:02:22.920
<v Speaker 1>feel the need to do more. And I'm here for

1:02:22.960 --> 1:02:25.680
<v Speaker 1>a reason, and that's the reason I'm here. Like I

1:02:25.680 --> 1:02:27.280
<v Speaker 1>don't need to do anything else, you know. And it's

1:02:27.320 --> 1:02:29.320
<v Speaker 1>the same with you, travash and the same with you Ashley.

1:02:29.640 --> 1:02:32.400
<v Speaker 1>Like our lives are blessings. We should be so grateful

1:02:32.400 --> 1:02:37.120
<v Speaker 1>for them, but we don't need to feel like there's

1:02:37.160 --> 1:02:42.040
<v Speaker 1>this constant pressure to impress and do with our lives

1:02:42.080 --> 1:02:44.320
<v Speaker 1>all these You've only got a short, short amount of time.

1:02:44.320 --> 1:02:49.800
<v Speaker 1>You will go into the grave exhausted. So I've just

1:02:49.880 --> 1:02:52.680
<v Speaker 1>been trying to dedicate myself more to my meditation practice

1:02:52.760 --> 1:02:59.680
<v Speaker 1>and and you know all my chance and my chakra aligning. Okay, Vosh, Ashley,

1:02:59.720 --> 1:03:02.080
<v Speaker 1>thank you so much. This was a great first group

1:03:03.080 --> 1:03:06.920
<v Speaker 1>good it was so long, how could it not? Okay?

1:03:07.000 --> 1:03:13.760
<v Speaker 1>I love you guys. What's over the next? Hi? Happy?

1:03:14.680 --> 1:03:17.280
<v Speaker 1>I love them so much. Um. You'll get to know

1:03:17.360 --> 1:03:19.560
<v Speaker 1>the rest of the group chat girls as the show

1:03:19.760 --> 1:03:24.200
<v Speaker 1>goes on, so stay tuned. In the meantime, I promised

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<v Speaker 1>you a party trick. The party trick is our sexy, fun, cool,

1:03:27.880 --> 1:03:30.280
<v Speaker 1>super quick segment where we just give you a little

1:03:30.280 --> 1:03:34.280
<v Speaker 1>something something. So this week's party trick as promised three

1:03:34.560 --> 1:03:38.040
<v Speaker 1>happiness hacks that you can apply to your life to day.

1:03:38.200 --> 1:03:43.280
<v Speaker 1>Easy peasy, here you go. Three happiness tacks Number one

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<v Speaker 1>minding your business and biting and biting your tongue. It's

1:03:49.360 --> 1:03:51.840
<v Speaker 1>you just care for my whole life. You just care

1:03:51.880 --> 1:03:54.920
<v Speaker 1>for everybody's life. I'm straight off the gate. Okay, I

1:03:54.960 --> 1:03:58.080
<v Speaker 1>love it. Yeah, I mean sometimes we hear people say

1:03:58.080 --> 1:04:00.200
<v Speaker 1>stuff and we just gotta jump in a correct them.

1:04:00.240 --> 1:04:02.680
<v Speaker 1>And I you know, it's very peaceful to just allow

1:04:02.720 --> 1:04:06.800
<v Speaker 1>people to be wrong, just let them. You could say

1:04:06.840 --> 1:04:12.400
<v Speaker 1>whatever you want the sky's paint. Okay. It feels good

1:04:12.440 --> 1:04:14.880
<v Speaker 1>to me to not having an argument. That just makes

1:04:14.880 --> 1:04:19.600
<v Speaker 1>me happy. Yeah, oh that might be the best one already. Already,

1:04:19.640 --> 1:04:21.840
<v Speaker 1>mind your business, y'all. All right, let's just go on

1:04:21.880 --> 1:04:26.720
<v Speaker 1>about her things. Yeah. Number two is remember that people

1:04:26.760 --> 1:04:30.080
<v Speaker 1>are human beings. So as we are on social media,

1:04:30.160 --> 1:04:33.880
<v Speaker 1>as we are looking at things, consider the whole person

1:04:34.000 --> 1:04:37.520
<v Speaker 1>and not just what you see. As people, we experience

1:04:37.600 --> 1:04:39.920
<v Speaker 1>so much and we see a cute little picture with

1:04:39.960 --> 1:04:42.560
<v Speaker 1>two little kids and the little dog, and we're not

1:04:42.600 --> 1:04:44.880
<v Speaker 1>even thinking that the lady probably got p on the

1:04:45.000 --> 1:04:48.440
<v Speaker 1>end of addresses. You know, we just, oh my gosh,

1:04:48.440 --> 1:04:50.680
<v Speaker 1>this is the look at this fair. I gotta how

1:04:50.760 --> 1:04:55.960
<v Speaker 1>this fam Consider the whole story, you know, it's it's

1:04:56.000 --> 1:04:58.800
<v Speaker 1>a whole picture behind the picture, so don't get caught

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<v Speaker 1>up in what you you see. Gosh. Number three, I'm

1:05:03.320 --> 1:05:06.480
<v Speaker 1>gonna go back to gratitude. I think it's so important

1:05:06.520 --> 1:05:10.120
<v Speaker 1>to remember something to be grateful for. One of the

1:05:10.160 --> 1:05:12.720
<v Speaker 1>practices that I use is I have a friend and

1:05:12.760 --> 1:05:15.280
<v Speaker 1>we email each other every day just one thing we're

1:05:15.320 --> 1:05:19.320
<v Speaker 1>grateful for. So it helps us stay accountable, right like,

1:05:19.720 --> 1:05:22.200
<v Speaker 1>because some days out forgetting it. I see her email

1:05:22.200 --> 1:05:26.600
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, ah, guy said yes. So it's like

1:05:26.640 --> 1:05:32.480
<v Speaker 1>an accountability partner because it's so important just to remember

1:05:32.480 --> 1:05:35.360
<v Speaker 1>that things are going well. And sometimes when I'm like

1:05:35.520 --> 1:05:38.120
<v Speaker 1>in a funk, I go back and look at those

1:05:38.160 --> 1:05:42.280
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, girl, like you know, you have to

1:05:42.320 --> 1:05:45.880
<v Speaker 1>get really creative when you're permitted to being grateful because

1:05:45.960 --> 1:05:49.360
<v Speaker 1>there are so many things that could get you down.

1:05:49.480 --> 1:05:52.840
<v Speaker 1>And when you just reflect on I'm like wow, like

1:05:53.160 --> 1:05:55.640
<v Speaker 1>I remember when this was the thing and now it's

1:05:55.720 --> 1:05:59.000
<v Speaker 1>not anymore. Just the progress of where you are in

1:05:59.120 --> 1:06:02.800
<v Speaker 1>life makes me happy, Like WHOA, Yes, that feels good.

1:06:02.920 --> 1:06:06.080
<v Speaker 1>Progress feels great. Right All right, y'all, I hope you

1:06:06.240 --> 1:06:10.920
<v Speaker 1>enjoyed my very first episode of Hot Happy Mess. I'm

1:06:10.960 --> 1:06:13.160
<v Speaker 1>so excited to be on this journey with you stick

1:06:13.200 --> 1:06:15.640
<v Speaker 1>around because next episode you don't want to miss. Remember

1:06:15.720 --> 1:06:18.480
<v Speaker 1>it's a series. This is the Protect jo P Series. Okay,

1:06:18.600 --> 1:06:22.760
<v Speaker 1>So we are talking about obsessive comparison disorder, because yes,

1:06:23.040 --> 1:06:26.160
<v Speaker 1>it's a thing. Social media only makes it worse. We

1:06:26.200 --> 1:06:28.640
<v Speaker 1>also do it in our everyday lives. But I am

1:06:28.680 --> 1:06:31.880
<v Speaker 1>talking with some amazing experts who are breaking it all down.

1:06:32.320 --> 1:06:35.080
<v Speaker 1>They're going to crack the code on how you can

1:06:35.120 --> 1:06:38.840
<v Speaker 1>step out of that and into you know, more peace

1:06:39.040 --> 1:06:41.880
<v Speaker 1>and not just acceptance, but celebration for where you are

1:06:41.920 --> 1:06:44.760
<v Speaker 1>in your life and so much more. So make sure

1:06:44.760 --> 1:06:46.760
<v Speaker 1>you go ahead and check out episode two. And in

1:06:46.760 --> 1:06:49.520
<v Speaker 1>the meantime, are you subscribed? Make sure you subscribe Okay,

1:06:49.560 --> 1:06:53.080
<v Speaker 1>so you don't miss an episode. Hit the subscribe button,

1:06:53.440 --> 1:06:56.360
<v Speaker 1>leave a five star review, put a thing, leave a comment,

1:06:56.440 --> 1:06:59.160
<v Speaker 1>Let me know what you liked, what you loved, what

1:06:59.240 --> 1:07:02.320
<v Speaker 1>you'd love to see more of. As we continue this

1:07:02.440 --> 1:07:05.880
<v Speaker 1>Hot Happy Mess journey and follow us, we are building

1:07:05.880 --> 1:07:10.680
<v Speaker 1>an amazing, inclusive, diverse community of just badass women over

1:07:10.920 --> 1:07:15.200
<v Speaker 1>on social media, especially Instagram. Right now at Hot Happy

1:07:15.360 --> 1:07:18.680
<v Speaker 1>Mess you can find me Zuri Hall at Zuri z

1:07:18.920 --> 1:07:21.880
<v Speaker 1>u r I H A l L. So keep up

1:07:21.880 --> 1:07:23.800
<v Speaker 1>with this over there in the meantime. That's it for

1:07:23.880 --> 1:07:26.439
<v Speaker 1>this one. I will talk to you in the next one.

1:07:26.680 --> 1:07:33.600
<v Speaker 1>Until then, by