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Speaker 1: Me to the planet, Charlomagne, to God, here, your uncle,

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Speaker 1: Charlott Lenard, whatever you want to call me. I'm just

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Speaker 1: here to bring you a brand new podcast from the

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Speaker 1: Black Effect Podcast Network. With the holidays here, the Breakfast

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Speaker 1: Club is gonna be taking a little break, but we've

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Speaker 1: got a little gift for you until we come back

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Speaker 1: with new episodes in January of twenty twenty one. So

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Speaker 1: sit back, Okay, relax and take some time for yourself

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Speaker 1: while listening to this new podcast from my loved one,

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Speaker 1: Zuri Hall. Her new podcast, Zurie Hall's Hot Happy Mess,

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Speaker 1: is all about helping you find your magic in the

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Speaker 1: middle of life's messes. Make sure you listen to Zuri

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Speaker 1: Hall's Hot Happy Mess podcast on the Black Effect or

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Speaker 1: wherever you listen to podcasts. Hello, Hello, what is up?

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Speaker 1: Hey 'all? I'm Zuri Hall, and oh my goodness, welcome

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Speaker 1: to the first episode ever, first episode ever of Hot

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Speaker 1: Happy Mess. I just want to die right in. I

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Speaker 1: have to tell you, guys, a story, A story I

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Speaker 1: don't have any any more detail than that outside of

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Speaker 1: me telling it. So I was in the Netherlands on

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Speaker 1: vacation and life just hit me like smack. Dab in

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Speaker 1: the middle of the face, right between the eyes when

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Speaker 1: I was least expecting it, And oh my god, it's

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Speaker 1: how I got where I am today. It's why I

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Speaker 1: am here right now talking to you. Okay, So years ago,

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Speaker 1: my career was taking off. I mean, my TV hosting

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Speaker 1: dreams were coming true. Don't get me wrong, I love, love,

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Speaker 1: love loved these huge career moments. Honestly, I live for them.

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Speaker 1: Definitely was living for them at the time. And yet

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Speaker 1: as soon as that temporary high of achievement wore off,

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Speaker 1: I felt so burnt out. I was exhausted, I was

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Speaker 1: emotionally drained, and I was like, what the heck is up?

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Speaker 1: I needed a break so badly. So I hopped on

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Speaker 1: a flight to Europe and got my eat, pray, love on.

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Speaker 1: I was just like rom energy, signed me up. Something's

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Speaker 1: gotta give. I was cycling through canal line streets in Amsterdam.

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Speaker 1: I was falling in love with my life, with the

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Speaker 1: freedom that was coming from exploration, the feeling of just

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Speaker 1: enjoying my days at a really slow, leisurely pace. I

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Speaker 1: had nothing to do tomorrow if I didn't want to

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Speaker 1: do it. And then it got real, real, real quick. Okay.

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Speaker 1: So I was in the countryside just outside of Amsterdam,

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Speaker 1: and I was taking a stroll and it was quiet

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Speaker 1: and beautiful and I was just like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: this is like nothing I've seen or experienced in the States. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And so as I reached a nearby lake and stopped,

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Speaker 1: just like stopped for a second and sat down and

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Speaker 1: just took it in in complete silence by the water,

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Speaker 1: and I was really enjoying this moment and the like

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Speaker 1: crazy view. It was amazing, and I started crying. I

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Speaker 1: started following like a little who you know what. And

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you why in just a few minutes here,

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Speaker 1: But first you gotta listen to this hot happy mess.

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Speaker 1: Celebrate your magic in the middle of life's messes. Hot

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Speaker 1: happy Mess. I'm Zuri Hall, and this is hot happy mess. Shoot.

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Speaker 1: Oh we got a theme song. We are so official. Hey, y'all,

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Speaker 1: I am Zuri Hall and this is hot happy Mess. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome.

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Speaker 1: Where we are making the most of the moments We're

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Speaker 1: in and finding and celebrating the magic and all that

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Speaker 1: is hot, happy and messy and our lives. So this

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Speaker 1: podcast is for mindful, ambitious millennial women who are craving

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Speaker 1: best life minus the burnout women who believe that you

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Speaker 1: can make a bomb ass living while enjoying a bomb

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Speaker 1: ass life. And sometimes life is just well as ass

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Speaker 1: And that's okay too, because life is about learning to love.

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Speaker 1: What is our north star with this community is happy

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Speaker 1: and it is not an end destination. It is a

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Speaker 1: state of being during the entire journey of our lives.

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Speaker 1: Achieving all of our goals is only worth It only

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Speaker 1: really feels good if we're happy while we're achieving them.

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Speaker 1: Each episode is going to entertain you, empower you, maybe

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Speaker 1: even educate you a little bit so that you can

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Speaker 1: get rid of the bad stuff and infuse your life

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Speaker 1: with more of the good stuff. So you might be like, um, girl,

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Speaker 1: but who are you though? First of all rude, but

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Speaker 1: also I'm Zuri already said that. But about me? You

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Speaker 1: might know me from all of my red carpet interviews,

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Speaker 1: my celebrity sit downs for years on shows on MTV,

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Speaker 1: E News and now Access Hollywood. But this show, Hot

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Speaker 1: Happy Mess is all about the most important VIP of

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Speaker 1: your life. You Okay, It's all about you, girl. It's

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Speaker 1: time to own it. Each Monday, come get your hot

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Speaker 1: happy mess on with me, tune out the chaos and

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Speaker 1: the confusion of the outside world, and just vibe with

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Speaker 1: other women who get it now. I know, I said mindful,

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Speaker 1: ambitious millennial women earlier, and that's broad. All are welcome,

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Speaker 1: but some context clues that you might really like it here.

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Speaker 1: If you've ever texted your mom and asked what time

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Speaker 1: was I born so that you can run your astrology

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Speaker 1: chart and see if the hot dude that you just

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Speaker 1: match with on bumble like thirteen seconds ago was your

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Speaker 1: future husband. Welcome. You're safe here if you like browsing

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Speaker 1: Zillo knowing damn well you can't afford that four million

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Speaker 1: dollar mansion in Dallas. Well, then, first of all, same,

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Speaker 1: but also you're safe here if you still passionately debate

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Speaker 1: on which nineties boy bands are the best of the best,

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Speaker 1: as if anybody else except us cares you are amongst

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Speaker 1: friends also in sync. Don't at me, don't at me

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Speaker 1: if you say esthetic adulting orbit un ironically, we probably

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Speaker 1: need to start a support group for that. But also

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Speaker 1: welcome saying all that out loud. I am really a

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Speaker 1: basic bitch, okay, so be it. You can look at

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Speaker 1: this space as our never ending dinner party with heavy

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Speaker 1: pores and juicy off the record chat and you ain't

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Speaker 1: even got to take your shoes off. Now, the whole

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Speaker 1: never ending thing does on the bit like a hostage situation.

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Speaker 1: So just to clarify, you are totally free to go,

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Speaker 1: but like don't. So I'm kicking off my first series ever,

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Speaker 1: and this one is all about peace and happiness. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna have a bunch of different series as the show

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Speaker 1: continues and evolves on love, dating, relationships. We're gonna have

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Speaker 1: series on career. We're gonna have Alpha Babe spotlights with

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Speaker 1: inspirational women. But this first one, this is the groundwork.

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Speaker 1: This is what is so important to do to kind

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Speaker 1: of lay the foundation because it's all about happiness, peace.

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Speaker 1: None of those other things that we're going to talk

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Speaker 1: about matter if you're not approaching it from a place

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Speaker 1: of happiness, if you don't feel good while you're trying

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Speaker 1: to get it right in those areas of your life. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So kumbaya, bitches. This next few episodes we are going

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Speaker 1: to dive into how to find your happy, how to

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Speaker 1: protect your peace, and how to enjoy best life minus

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Speaker 1: the burnout. Okay. So in today's first ever episode. Drumroll please. Okay, Well,

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Speaker 1: like I almost said in today's first ever episode, I

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Speaker 1: am talking about how to be happy, but also what

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Speaker 1: the heck do I know? Don't answer that, just stick

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Speaker 1: with me here Today I am going one on one

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Speaker 1: with the amazing Nedra Glover touab about how to find

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Speaker 1: our happy get to a state of being happy always

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Speaker 1: or most times, instead of constantly chasing it. Natra is

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Speaker 1: a licensed therapist. She's a sought after relationship expert. She

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Speaker 1: has a very popular Instagram account for good Reason, where

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Speaker 1: she shares resources and tools on how to create healthy

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Speaker 1: relationships and implement boundaries. Then we are going to call

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Speaker 1: it My Girls, My day Ones, my real life best

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Speaker 1: friends for a little group chat action. They are going

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Speaker 1: to confess when they first realize that they weren't happy

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Speaker 1: and reveal the steps they took to fix it. Make

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Speaker 1: sure you stay tuned until the end of this episode.

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Speaker 1: For this week's party trick, We've got three instant mood boosters,

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Speaker 1: three happiness hacks if you will, for when you need

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Speaker 1: a quick fix to just infuse your day with a

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Speaker 1: little more juice. Okay, just little something something extra. So

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Speaker 1: before I finished my story. I promise it's coming. I

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Speaker 1: just want to make one thing clear as we go

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Speaker 1: on this journey together, as we step into this circle

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Speaker 1: of trust. Okay, I gotta confess a couple of things.

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Speaker 1: So here's the thing. Yes, I am generally happy. Yes

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Speaker 1: I feel hot on any random day of the week

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Speaker 1: fifty percent of the time. Maybe guestament I don't really known.

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Speaker 1: And also I am not a mess. Okay, not a

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Speaker 1: total one at least, and I honestly would be doing

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Speaker 1: you a disservice to pretend that I am. The truth is,

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Speaker 1: I work really, really hard to keep shit together, and

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Speaker 1: I have done really well at it. And that is

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Speaker 1: not a humble brag. That is full disclosure, so that

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Speaker 1: you really believe me when I say, no matter what

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Speaker 1: it looks like from the outside, no matter what it

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Speaker 1: may seem like. And this goes for everyone, all of us,

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Speaker 1: looking at everyone else's lives, I still have messy moments.

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Speaker 1: I have chapters that are a total mess. I have

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Speaker 1: life moments that have banged me up to the point

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Speaker 1: that I thought they broke me. Snot nosed sobs from

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Speaker 1: the gut in the middle of dark, dark nights when

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Speaker 1: I stopped asking God if he left me because I

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Speaker 1: was almost completely sure he had spoiler alert he had not.

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Speaker 1: So that's the heavy mess of it. But sometimes mess

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Speaker 1: is as low key and minor as being in the

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Speaker 1: middle of a fancy red carpet, you know. And at

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Speaker 1: the end of the day, no matter what it looks

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Speaker 1: like from the outside, I still forgot to pay my

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Speaker 1: Verizon bill, so they cut my shit off mid interview,

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Speaker 1: and now I can't catch an uber home highs and lows. Folks,

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Speaker 1: highs and lows. I'm a Gemini, expect a lot of it.

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Speaker 1: So no matter how hot or happy my life may seem,

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Speaker 1: I want you to know, my friend, my sister, that

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Speaker 1: there is a consistent enough mess in the middle of

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Speaker 1: all that. And instead of why did this happen to me,

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Speaker 1: I'm learning to ask what is this here to teach me?

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Speaker 1: I am committing to finding the magic in the middle

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Speaker 1: of my life's messes and really trying to embrace each

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Speaker 1: moment as it comes and accept each moment and myself

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Speaker 1: exactly as we are. And I want you to join

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Speaker 1: me on that journey, because, in my humble opinion, that's

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Speaker 1: the key to it all. That's it all we've got

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Speaker 1: is now. We got to make the most of it. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So back to my story as promised, not a few

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Speaker 1: minutes later. But we got there, all right. Picture it Amsterdam,

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Speaker 1: the summer of sixty nine, Just kidding. It was like

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Speaker 1: twenty fifteen or something. I was sitting down by this

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Speaker 1: lake in complete silence, and I was just enjoying the moment,

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Speaker 1: soaking up the sick view. The birds are chirping, the

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Speaker 1: grass is green, the water is calm, the sun is

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Speaker 1: setting gently over the Dutch Abyss not even the right

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Speaker 1: word to use in this moment, I don't know, but

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Speaker 1: I cried and I cried and I cried. And again.

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Speaker 1: It was not just because I'm a bad swimmer and

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Speaker 1: the water was super close for comfort. It was because

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Speaker 1: the overwhelming sense of peace that I was experiencing, and

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Speaker 1: that moment felt so foreign, and I remember thinking, why

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Speaker 1: should a feeling this great, this good, be so rare.

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Speaker 1: I was crying because I was mourning my own lack

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Speaker 1: of peace in my everyday life. Like I said, I

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Speaker 1: was hosting a daily music countdown show on a popular

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Speaker 1: cable music channel. I was guest hosting shows that I

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Speaker 1: remember watching from my one bedroom, tiny box of an

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Speaker 1: apartment in Ohio and being like, man, one day, I

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Speaker 1: want to be on that show. I was on it

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Speaker 1: now you know. I was co hosting with Legends. I

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Speaker 1: had just co hosted with Joan Rivers The Legend on

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Speaker 1: Fashion Police, a show I grew up watching, and that

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Speaker 1: all was amazing. I genuinely loved all of those moments.

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Speaker 1: But when I wasn't working, I was kind of miserable.

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Speaker 1: And I didn't even know it at the time. I

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Speaker 1: was constantly striving for more. I lacked peace and I

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Speaker 1: hadn't even realized it until I accidentally stumbled into peace

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Speaker 1: by the water in the Dutch countryside. Rest, calm, permission

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Speaker 1: to be still. It was true peace, and I remember

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Speaker 1: thinking to myself, peace should not feel this foreign, It

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Speaker 1: shouldn't fill this foreign. When I got back to New York,

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Speaker 1: because that's where I was living at the time and

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Speaker 1: probably had a lot to do with the state of

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Speaker 1: my mental health or lack thereof, I focused on carving

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Speaker 1: out fifteen to thirty minutes every day to just be

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Speaker 1: alone with my thoughts, to breathe slow, try to shut

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Speaker 1: off my brain, which is super hard because my brain

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Speaker 1: is always an overdrive. I am an overthinker, card carrying member,

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Speaker 1: and just make sure that I had a little bit

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Speaker 1: of time for quiet and calm. And you know what,

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Speaker 1: it helped. Coming back from that vacation, refreshed, taking a

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Speaker 1: few minutes to relax and re energize at work each day,

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Speaker 1: those things helped me present the best version of Zuri

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Speaker 1: that I have to offer. That best version of Zuri

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Speaker 1: is the one that I always want to show up as,

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Speaker 1: which means I had to start showing up for myself.

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Speaker 1: And that's the version of yourself that you deserve to

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Speaker 1: have be admired in your office, in the classroom, or

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Speaker 1: wherever it is that you want to put your best

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Speaker 1: foot forward. Whether it's personal, professional, it doesn't matter. If

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Speaker 1: you want to be the best, that's the best, the person,

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Speaker 1: the version of you that is full of peace. You know,

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Speaker 1: we each deserve to find a place of mental calm. Unwine.

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Speaker 1: You can practice yoga, you can meditate, go see that

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Speaker 1: shrink book. The appointment. You owe it to yourself to

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Speaker 1: save up and plan for that seven day vacation if

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Speaker 1: you can, and if you can't get away for that long,

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Speaker 1: maybe it's an extended weekend. Hell. Maybe it's a lunch break,

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Speaker 1: maybe it's a Saturday afternoon girl. Whatever it is, your

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Speaker 1: piece is free and it is priceless. Just try to

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Speaker 1: take a little bit of quiet time each day to

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Speaker 1: reconnect with yourself, to calmed down. Listen to Hot Happy

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Speaker 1: Mess every Monday. Basically demand you're happy. Okay, I promised

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Speaker 1: myself that I was never gonna let peace feel that

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Speaker 1: foreign again. When I was by that water, I dedicated

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Speaker 1: that to me. It was like a vow to myself. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I haven't tied the knot yet. I'm not engaged to

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Speaker 1: be married. I'm not vowing to any one person yet,

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Speaker 1: but I'll tell you who I vowed you that day

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Speaker 1: at the water, Zuri, and you deserve the same. So

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Speaker 1: years and years after that first fateful day when I

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Speaker 1: decided to get my life together, it has been a

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Speaker 1: slow process. Trust me. I will reveal more as we

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Speaker 1: continue on this journey. Here we are years later. This

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Speaker 1: is a space for us to keep getting their lives

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Speaker 1: together together. Okay, yay, Hot Happy Mess, let's go, baby,

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Speaker 1: So next up, as promised, Nedra. Oh my gosh, this

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Speaker 1: is such a fun, fun, fun, informative conversation nedroglove Toab.

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Speaker 1: She's a licensed therapist, a super sought after relationship expert.

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Speaker 1: She runs a very popular Instagram account at Ndra Towab

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Speaker 1: Go follow her thank me Later, where she shares resources

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Speaker 1: and tools on how to create healthy relationships and implement boundaries,

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Speaker 1: which honestly is the key to it all for me,

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Speaker 1: boundaries for yourself, for the people in your life. Our

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Speaker 1: convo gave me so many aha moments and reminders about

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Speaker 1: how to create a life that is full of peace

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Speaker 1: and joy, and honestly, we just laughed a lot. She

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Speaker 1: is so chill, so down to earth. Here's our conversation.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna love it all, you guys. I am super

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Speaker 1: excited because the expert who we have on our first

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Speaker 1: ever episode of How to Happy Mess is gonna guide

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Speaker 1: us into happiness, or at least she's gonna help us

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Speaker 1: get some insight on exactly what we can do to

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Speaker 1: take some small, actionable steps towards that. Nedra Glover Tawab,

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Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining me on the first episode.

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy to be first I am. I'm just

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Speaker 1: glad as you did it. I've been able to check

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Speaker 1: out your Instagram account a lot of the information and

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Speaker 1: the tools and the tips you provide are just so necessary.

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Speaker 1: And what I love is that it's so relatable. It's

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Speaker 1: easy to process and understand. I feel like sometimes people

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Speaker 1: get this idea of what therapy is supposed to look like,

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Speaker 1: or what wellness is supposed to look like, and they're

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Speaker 1: overwhelmed by the idea that they're not, you know, far

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Speaker 1: enough along in their journey to do it or to

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Speaker 1: implement it in their everyday lives. So I'm excited to

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Speaker 1: have you here today. Thank you, You're welcome. Yes, my

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Speaker 1: whole goal for Instagram is to normalize therapy, to normalize

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Speaker 1: the tips and rolls we have in relationships, and I

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Speaker 1: think so much of it is jargonized and so we

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Speaker 1: don't understand it. And so it's good to be in

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Speaker 1: a space where you can add things that people can

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Speaker 1: relate to and make things seem very normal. Now, Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: I want to kick things right off, get into the

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Speaker 1: thick of it. What would you define happiness as? Like?

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Speaker 1: Obviously that's a personal question, but then there's also the

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Speaker 1: broad sort of therapist lend. So I'm curious to know

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Speaker 1: what makes ndra happy? And then how do you define happiness?

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Speaker 1: You know, happiness is joy and peace, and that looks

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Speaker 1: like different things for different people. For me, it's being

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Speaker 1: able to live a life that feels good for me,

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Speaker 1: and that's going to look different for everyone. So we

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Speaker 1: can't determine what makes other people happy. We can only

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Speaker 1: seek to understand our own happiness. And so it's just

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Speaker 1: about curating those things that make you feel good, doing

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Speaker 1: more of it, creating new experiences. That is what happiness

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Speaker 1: is to me, and I think it's the same thing

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Speaker 1: for many other people, and it's changing because we think

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Speaker 1: once we get one thing will be happy, but as

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Speaker 1: you know, once you get it, it's like, okay, I

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Speaker 1: need something else to be happy. So it's a continuous

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Speaker 1: cycle of figuring that thing out that will make you

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Speaker 1: feel good. When it comes to unhappiness, you know that

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Speaker 1: we have good days, we have bad days. But I

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Speaker 1: think that what's important to recognize is there is a

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Speaker 1: state of unhappiness that one can be in. And what

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Speaker 1: I would love for you to talk with our listeners

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Speaker 1: about is when does that shift happen? When do I

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Speaker 1: need to stop ignoring the fact that I'm waking up

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Speaker 1: and I'm still unhappy or this this emotion. This feeling

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Speaker 1: is sort of pervading my everyday existence to where it's

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Speaker 1: like this isn't a bad day, this is a bad

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Speaker 1: phase or a bad chapter, and I need I need

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Speaker 1: to switch it up. I need to acknowledge that I'm

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Speaker 1: unhappy and do something about it. What are those signs

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Speaker 1: when you get tired of being unhappy? That's the biggest sign.

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Speaker 1: I think so often we feel like we have to

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Speaker 1: be unhappy, kind of like a you know, an your

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Speaker 1: kind of move like this is just how I am.

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Speaker 1: I'm a complainer, I'm I'm pessimistic, and we know that,

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Speaker 1: and we sometimes embrace our depression or we embrace sadness

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Speaker 1: being a part of us because we don't have the

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Speaker 1: hope that anything can be different, but it can be.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to be sad. So I think if

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Speaker 1: you recognize that you're someone who chronically complains or you

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Speaker 1: often feel unhappy or sad, that is a space to

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Speaker 1: act in your power. And what would you recommend as

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Speaker 1: those first steps to acting in your power? How do

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Speaker 1: you sort of reclaim that and decide, you know what

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Speaker 1: not today? This is when the shift begins, because that

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Speaker 1: can be scary when you've normalized these negative emotions and

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Speaker 1: you've gotten used to it. And I think especially as women,

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Speaker 1: sometimes we're conditioned to where it as a badge of honor.

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Speaker 1: Like I'm going through this. I've got the kids, I've

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Speaker 1: got my job, and the idea that I might step

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Speaker 1: outside of all of these other people and things that

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Speaker 1: need me to just serve myself. Society has told us

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Speaker 1: it's selfish. So how do you take those first steps

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Speaker 1: to to you know, figuring out what might light you up,

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Speaker 1: embrace a new narrative. It's so interesting that we take

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Speaker 1: stress as a badge of honor. We take being a martyr,

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Speaker 1: a rescuer, a codependent as a badge of our I

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Speaker 1: have to help everybody. It's like, okay, and you're excited.

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Speaker 1: It's like I don't I don't ever get any speek.

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Speaker 1: But this is not a good thing. We have to

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Speaker 1: figure out a way to empower and not to promote

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Speaker 1: those ideas of well, that's just how it is. When

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Speaker 1: you're a mom, you don't get any sleep because we

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Speaker 1: recreate that and we emphasize that to new mothers. We

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Speaker 1: emphasize the importance of women having to do certain things

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Speaker 1: in relationships which make them feel more burnout and stressed

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Speaker 1: and sad and depressing, all of these things. So we

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Speaker 1: have to embrace a new narrative that includes rest, that

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Speaker 1: includes seeking joy and not just this is my life

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Speaker 1: and it's painful and I'm overwhelmed. That can't be the

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Speaker 1: narrative anymore. Right, what I'm hearing you say is we

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Speaker 1: have to take responsibility for our happiness. And it's so

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Speaker 1: easy to blame the other person, to blame social media.

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Speaker 1: If these things didn't exist, if this person wasn't this way,

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Speaker 1: then I would be insert emotion here when it's really about, well,

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Speaker 1: how are you choosing to react to that thing that person?

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Speaker 1: And it's easy to throw it on them because then

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Speaker 1: we don't have to do the hard work. And I

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Speaker 1: am so guilty of it because I'm like, oh, if

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Speaker 1: they were just this there of Instagram, but just this. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I get the question all the time, like what do

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Speaker 1: you do on when your friends are posting stuff on

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Speaker 1: social media and you don't like it? I'm unfollow them?

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Speaker 1: Like you can't make them change their content, right, Like

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Speaker 1: you don't have to follow things that that cause you

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Speaker 1: this pleasure. You don't and if you don't feel comfortable

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Speaker 1: unfollowing mute right, What would you say to someone who says, Nedra,

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Speaker 1: I want to mute them, or I want to unfollow er,

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Speaker 1: I'm whatever, but I'm worried about what they'll think. What

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Speaker 1: would you say to someone who is just trapped, essentially

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Speaker 1: like so many of us, in the idea of what

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Speaker 1: others think, I'm the quest to happiness their own happiness. Well,

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Speaker 1: that's why I mentioned muting, because there are some people

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Speaker 1: who will check you for unfollowing them. We have a

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Speaker 1: petty people in our lives. We do and they they're like,

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Speaker 1: did you unfollow me? Right by accident? But but with

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Speaker 1: the muting again boundaries, how do we say to people

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Speaker 1: that I'm trying to experience, assertain that certain thing as

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Speaker 1: I tap into this and so instead of leaving this platform,

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to navigate how to use it in a

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Speaker 1: way that speaks to me. For those who are you know,

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Speaker 1: maybe you to the journey of mindfulness, of presence, of

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Speaker 1: letting things go. Sometimes I would love if you could

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Speaker 1: just briefly talk about the concept of attachment and how

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Speaker 1: that sometimes holding on to something too tightly, even a

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Speaker 1: bad moment in a morning, holding onto that too tightly

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Speaker 1: can sort of permeate the rest of your day. And

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Speaker 1: again this being all about embracing the magic in the

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Speaker 1: middle of the mess. I think that's really the key

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Speaker 1: to happiness for me is saying I can have a

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Speaker 1: bad morning, but it's not a bad day. How do

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Speaker 1: you encourage people or what do you hope people keep

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Speaker 1: in mind when it comes to staying in a state

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Speaker 1: of mind that allows you to be with joy or

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Speaker 1: peace even when everything is not perfect. Reminding yourself that

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Speaker 1: a moment is not a minute. A moment is not

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Speaker 1: a day. A moment is not the morning, right right right.

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Speaker 1: A moment is a moment. You waste something all your pants, Now,

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Speaker 1: let's move al. It doesn't mean your whole day is

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Speaker 1: bad because you've weighed something on your pants. Change your

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Speaker 1: pants and keep going. But it doesn't need to be

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Speaker 1: a prediction about the rest of your day. And that's

427
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 1: when you get into that, like, this is a bad day,

428
00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 1: you have predicted the rest of the day, so the

429
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:22,880
Speaker 1: day will now rise to meet your expectations of it.

430
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:25,679
Speaker 1: So you can have a bad moment without having a

431
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:30,360
Speaker 1: bad day, without having a bad morning. So just rephrasing

432
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 1: that so it's not taking over your whole day. Even

433
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,879
Speaker 1: in the pandemic, we have to remember the things that

434
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:41,680
Speaker 1: are going well. And right now, lots of folks are

435
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 1: focused on this is bad, this is bad, this is bad.

436
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 1: And I saw a post on Instagram by alexel that said,

437
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:52,360
Speaker 1: I am grateful to be alive. That's a big thing.

438
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 1: That's a huge thing. So whatever else is going on,

439
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:03,879
Speaker 1: it's like you can breathe. Yeah, yeah, Well this has

440
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 1: been amazing. Thank you so much for the conversation, the tools,

441
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:09,920
Speaker 1: the tips if people want to follow you learn more

442
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,879
Speaker 1: about you, know what you offer, your services, and also

443
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:16,119
Speaker 1: just the amazing energy and vibes you provide on social media,

444
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,760
Speaker 1: especially where can they keep up with you? Yes, so

445
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:24,360
Speaker 1: I am at Natra towab on Instagram and I have

446
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,399
Speaker 1: other platforms, but to be honest, I am not a

447
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:32,720
Speaker 1: multisocial media person. So that might be happiness. Really like

448
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:34,760
Speaker 1: pick a platform and that's it. That would make me

449
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 1: to platform. Well, we will keep up with you on

450
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 1: Instagram then, Nadra, thank you so much for your time.

451
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,120
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. We're gonna have to have you back.

452
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 1: I'm just telling you right now because this is amazing Okay,

453
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 1: I'll kay Okayger's cross. We'll be in touch soon. Thank you,

454
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:53,920
Speaker 1: thank you, Hi Happy Hope. You loved that conversation with Nadra,

455
00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:56,639
Speaker 1: don't forget. You can follow her at Nidra to WAB.

456
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,640
Speaker 1: We're gonna have so many amazing experts just like her,

457
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:01,680
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna try to convince nature to come back

458
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 1: on because she is so dope. I just I love

459
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 1: that conversation. Next up, it's time for the group chat.

460
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:12,679
Speaker 1: The group chat is my signature hot happy mess segment.

461
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,880
Speaker 1: This is where you know we go to event right,

462
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 1: You've got your group chat, I've got mine. Is where

463
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 1: we go to our girls to just decode weird text

464
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:24,119
Speaker 1: messages from whoever we're dating or ex's we're trying to

465
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:28,439
Speaker 1: avoid draft post, then collectively vote to delete or post

466
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:32,880
Speaker 1: petty subtweets. In this segment, when I need backup support

467
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 1: or have a tough topic that I want to pick

468
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:38,720
Speaker 1: apart with some really smart, really funny women whose opinions

469
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:41,080
Speaker 1: or ideas might be a little different from mine, might

470
00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:43,440
Speaker 1: be a whole lot different from mine, talk shit and

471
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,920
Speaker 1: just download on whatever is the hottest of messages that week.

472
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,200
Speaker 1: We're taking it to the group chat. So this week

473
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:56,200
Speaker 1: it is my girls, my besties, Ashley and Travasha. So

474
00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 1: you guys, today we have the first two people humans, ladies,

475
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 1: awesome best friends. I'm a group chat Ashley and Trevasha.

476
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,520
Speaker 1: I'm super excited for you to meet them. We go

477
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 1: way back. I'm talking about Indianapolis days, my first job

478
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,679
Speaker 1: out of college, Like people were paying me to do

479
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,240
Speaker 1: things and I'm still not entirely sure why. But these

480
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,159
Speaker 1: were my friends then I first met. So just really quickly,

481
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:26,399
Speaker 1: ash will start with you, Travashi, then we'll go to you.

482
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,359
Speaker 1: So Ashley, just let everybody know who you are, what

483
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 1: you love, what you do, how we met. What's up everyone,

484
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:38,480
Speaker 1: I'm Ashley. I am a thirty something newly wed Hanley Midwest.

485
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 1: I'm actually from the Indianapolis area, which is where I'm

486
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 1: as ZERI said, where her and I met. My husband

487
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 1: and I picked up everything or dropped everything, I guess

488
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:51,240
Speaker 1: you can say picked up and dropped everything at the

489
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:54,480
Speaker 1: same time. And we just moved across the countries to Phoenix,

490
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:57,880
Speaker 1: Arizona last year, which is one of the best decisions

491
00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:00,160
Speaker 1: we ever made. So I guess that tell you a

492
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:01,880
Speaker 1: little bit about me. In terms of being a little

493
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 1: bit of a free spirit. But I'm also like your fine,

494
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 1: sophistic Ratchett best friend who is an operations person in

495
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 1: healthcare corporate America by day, but by night, I am

496
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 1: a free spirit just out of control. This one like

497
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 1: that friend that It's like, I mean, if you ask

498
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 1: me to like drop everything and go to China tonight,

499
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:25,840
Speaker 1: I'm I'm you. Guys, She's not even joking. We didn't

500
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:27,880
Speaker 1: go to China, but we went to Milan, and it

501
00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 1: is an episode in and of itself, so we'll talk

502
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 1: about that at a a later time. Yeay, how did we

503
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 1: meet Ashley? Okay, so we met. We actually have a

504
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 1: mutual friend um that does a golf outing every year

505
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 1: that my mom and I have been helping out for

506
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 1: helping out with for years. And he introduced Surrey. I

507
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:49,440
Speaker 1: believe you had only been there for a few months,

508
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:52,720
Speaker 1: is that correct, girl? If that? Yeah, like maybe two,

509
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:56,479
Speaker 1: if you were a guest there or yeah, he invited

510
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:58,600
Speaker 1: me as a guest like one of their quote unquote

511
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,760
Speaker 1: celebrity golfers. Okay, mind you, I had only been a

512
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 1: celebriting Indiana for three weeks and then I met you. Yes,

513
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:08,920
Speaker 1: and then I met you there because you were volunteering.

514
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 1: Ashley's like super friendly and outgoing. Travasha and Ashley are honestly,

515
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: and I remember you were like, oh, hey, what's up,

516
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 1: how are you whatever? And I was in TV, but

517
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:20,960
Speaker 1: it was my first job in TV, and I was

518
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 1: actually kind of shy still, like I'm not a natural

519
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 1: true extrovert. And so I was like, oh my god,

520
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:28,959
Speaker 1: there's like some of my agents. He's so cute and friendly.

521
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:33,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, you werena friends. I'm really excited about this. Okay,

522
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 1: next up, Trevasha Tea. Hello Trevasha for those who would

523
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:44,800
Speaker 1: like to try, and tea for those who cannot. I

524
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 1: am also a thirty something, but I am a first

525
00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 1: time mommy and a pandemic mommy. I have a baby

526
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 1: that I was born right before all the schools were

527
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 1: shut down in the whole country, a week before point.

528
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:00,200
Speaker 1: We're your husband, they were you were not or if

529
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 1: he was going to be able to be in the

530
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 1: delivery room right right. So the night I went into labor,

531
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:06,720
Speaker 1: they were like, oh, it's so good that like you

532
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:10,960
Speaker 1: went into labor tonight because tomorrow, starting tomorrow, you'll only

533
00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:12,600
Speaker 1: be able to have one person in there, and I

534
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 1: was like, oh, that would have sucked because I would

535
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:21,800
Speaker 1: have chosen my dula over it, like the whole husband

536
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 1: out there. So that's interesting in and of itself. And then, um,

537
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 1: I also have a My niece is here visiting with

538
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,000
Speaker 1: us for a long while, so we love her. But

539
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 1: she's five years old, and and you have a freaking

540
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 1: puppy or a dollar so from okay, so okay this

541
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 1: came out. Just quit. We don't need a backstory on

542
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 1: the puppy. You got a dog down anyway. So yes,

543
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,600
Speaker 1: I'm a flight attenich. I love being a flight attendant.

544
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 1: I've been doing that for like seven years. Um. I

545
00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 1: used to cheer professionally is and that's how I met Zuri.

546
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 1: She slid into my dms um and I just mate

547
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 1: these claims. Yeah, don't don't let her for you. She

548
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 1: slid into d and she was like, can I move

549
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:13,680
Speaker 1: in with you? No? I'm just like, okay, that's what

550
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:18,200
Speaker 1: I'm doing. I'm just kidding, I'm rolling. I did follow

551
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:20,640
Speaker 1: her on Twitter. I was just looking for friends, like

552
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:22,600
Speaker 1: it's hard to make friends after college. This should be

553
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:25,240
Speaker 1: an episode in and of itself, like after you graduate

554
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 1: it's weird to just creep on another woman. I mean, like,

555
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:31,719
Speaker 1: how did you find me? Honest to God, I couldn't

556
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 1: tell you. I cannot remember that. I truly can't. And

557
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:39,800
Speaker 1: then not too long after that, and now that in

558
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 1: chaos and ude, yes, here we are today. I'm the

559
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:47,600
Speaker 1: episode one of How Happy Mess the group chat segment,

560
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 1: and I want to talk about happiness because that's what

561
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:54,160
Speaker 1: this is all about. It's different for everyone. No two

562
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 1: people's journeys look the same. No two people's definitions of

563
00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 1: happiness look the same. So for me, happiness is there's

564
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 1: a quote that I can't quite get right. It's suck

565
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:13,800
Speaker 1: it up. But it's when what you do, what you say,

566
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 1: what you believe, or something to that effect are all

567
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,120
Speaker 1: in agreement, all aligne. So basically, you don't have to

568
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 1: show up anywhere different than you show up for yourself

569
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:27,400
Speaker 1: because you have the integrity you're operating with, the integrity

570
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:29,800
Speaker 1: that allows you to be the same person all the time.

571
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 1: And the things that you feel quietly are a priority

572
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 1: are also the things that you're prioritizing your everyday life.

573
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 1: So your core value system, like I wake up happy

574
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:42,959
Speaker 1: because I'm not doing things that don't serve me anymore.

575
00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 1: That don't light me up. It doesn't matter if I'm paid.

576
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 1: There was a time in my life where I just

577
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,680
Speaker 1: had to be paid successful. If it looked hot, if

578
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:53,479
Speaker 1: people would think Zeri's killing it, I was happy. I

579
00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 1: guess whatever happy meant at that time. Ten years later

580
00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 1: I realized I was nowhere near happy. I was kind

581
00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 1: of miserable. Now it's like, do I wake up and

582
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 1: I'm excited? If nobody else ever knew that I was

583
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:06,080
Speaker 1: going to have the day that I was about to have,

584
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,839
Speaker 1: would I still be excited to have that day? That's

585
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:12,520
Speaker 1: happiness for me. So I want to know what is

586
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:15,000
Speaker 1: happiness for you guys? And then I just kind of

587
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,279
Speaker 1: want to get into the journey of it. How you

588
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 1: got there, why you got there? Anybody I want to

589
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 1: take it. Yeah, So happiness for me is being surrounded

590
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:27,359
Speaker 1: by the people that I love, also knowing that those

591
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:32,560
Speaker 1: people are happy, being in a beautiful space like I

592
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:34,960
Speaker 1: came from Indiana, So coming to a place that's like

593
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:38,640
Speaker 1: where I can be free and feel free, enjoy nature,

594
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 1: be outside the active all year round, and also being

595
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:47,640
Speaker 1: in a space where I can people. That is happiness

596
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 1: for me. And I think I used to think it

597
00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 1: was something else. I used to I used to feel

598
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:53,600
Speaker 1: like it was what society tells us, you know, what

599
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 1: happiness is. And I learned I feel like later, like

600
00:34:58,120 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 1: I just learned this a couple of years ago, that

601
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:01,920
Speaker 1: that's not necessarily what happiness is for me, and I

602
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:05,800
Speaker 1: had to create my own. But my happiness is very simple.

603
00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:09,760
Speaker 1: But I've definitely had to create my own happy space

604
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:14,080
Speaker 1: and environment. It's been a journey for sure. Yeah, yeah, flash,

605
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,560
Speaker 1: what about you years back? If you would have asked me,

606
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,319
Speaker 1: like when in my twenties what happiness looks like, it

607
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:22,160
Speaker 1: would have been the cliche like, oh, I mean, you know,

608
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 1: I've got money, I've got this, I've got that. I

609
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:30,400
Speaker 1: was playing Salon with my five year old niece so crazy.

610
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 1: The dog was like running around chasing my niece, my

611
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:38,600
Speaker 1: daughter crawling while Tyler, my husband's trying to figure out

612
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 1: how he's going to give these girls baths while I'm

613
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:46,320
Speaker 1: doing this podcast, And so I like, that is happiness.

614
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:51,200
Speaker 1: Like for me, for so long, I was doing things

615
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:55,000
Speaker 1: that made me happy in the moment, like dancing, going

616
00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:59,799
Speaker 1: to this place, traveling, whatever. But I wasn't happy. But

617
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 1: the fact that my life is so chaotic right now,

618
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:05,399
Speaker 1: we're going down to one income and we just raised

619
00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:09,839
Speaker 1: our expenses like all in all of tomorrow, in the

620
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:11,719
Speaker 1: next day and the next month, then next year is

621
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 1: like uncertain, and I don't know what we're gonna do

622
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:16,680
Speaker 1: or how we're gonna do it, but I know it's

623
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 1: going to get done, and I know that our relationship

624
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:21,880
Speaker 1: is stronger, Like this is the closest I've been in

625
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:26,320
Speaker 1: a relationship with God, like just my entire life. Oh

626
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:31,840
Speaker 1: and learning how to say no that has helped me me.

627
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:35,680
Speaker 1: Being able to say no allowed me to do the

628
00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:38,799
Speaker 1: things that replenished my spirit so that I can then

629
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:42,319
Speaker 1: give back to the people that I you know, I

630
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:44,759
Speaker 1: could get back to. Overall, I don't know if it

631
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:47,080
Speaker 1: was like the pandemic that really helped me slow down

632
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,840
Speaker 1: and get to this happiness, or if it was like

633
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:54,200
Speaker 1: the postpartum meds or what. But we're good now. Well,

634
00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 1: and I think too, like I think society also teaches

635
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 1: us that being able to take on so many things

636
00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:04,880
Speaker 1: or work super hard, which tends to be like taking

637
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:09,560
Speaker 1: on extra projects, working super long hours, Like it's it's

638
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:12,040
Speaker 1: almost like society teaches you that you're Oh my gosh,

639
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,319
Speaker 1: you're so strong and you're able to do so much,

640
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:16,600
Speaker 1: and you're able to take on so much. So we

641
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:18,920
Speaker 1: grow up thinking that like, if we take on all

642
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:21,759
Speaker 1: this stuff, like I don't know, we're gonna get a

643
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,239
Speaker 1: medal for it or something or be recognized. And in

644
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:29,120
Speaker 1: all while we are drowning, we're trying to make other

645
00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:31,120
Speaker 1: people happy when at the end of the day, like

646
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:34,239
Speaker 1: say you you quit your job tomorrow, people are going

647
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 1: to replace you like the same day, like you're replaceable,

648
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 1: and so it's like it's almost trying to make other

649
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 1: people happy, like you were saying, see at the expense

650
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:47,919
Speaker 1: of your own peace and happiness, which you learn as

651
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:50,400
Speaker 1: you get older, it's just not worth it, right. I

652
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 1: really feel like the switch to happiness happens, like the

653
00:37:56,640 --> 00:38:00,120
Speaker 1: commitment to happiness, the commitment to being like I am

654
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:03,759
Speaker 1: no longer doing anything that doesn't serve me, happens when

655
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 1: you reach a breaking point. It's like with anything, and

656
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:08,440
Speaker 1: that's when someone quits the job that they paid it

657
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:11,239
Speaker 1: for the last ten years. That's when somebody says, screw it,

658
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:13,600
Speaker 1: I'm breaking up with the guy who doesn't want the

659
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:15,880
Speaker 1: things that I know I've secretly wanted for years, and

660
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 1: I hope that he would get on board with it

661
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,279
Speaker 1: when you just can't do it anymore. And so when

662
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:22,319
Speaker 1: it comes to being happy and living in a state

663
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:27,040
Speaker 1: of happiness, it normally comes from being so unhappy that

664
00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 1: you had to say screw it, throw whatever you were

665
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:32,880
Speaker 1: doing out of the window, and figure out how to

666
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:35,400
Speaker 1: do it differently because it was so bad that you

667
00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 1: just couldn't fake the funk anymore. Do you guys remember

668
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:41,880
Speaker 1: what you're what that chapter was for you, the time

669
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:44,400
Speaker 1: in your life, the circumstance where it was, like, you know,

670
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:50,279
Speaker 1: I am so fucking sad or unhappy or miserable that

671
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:53,239
Speaker 1: I don't know what has to change, but something's got

672
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:56,040
Speaker 1: to give, and I'm willing to give up who I've

673
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 1: been or what I've been or what I've done. Yeah,

674
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:01,359
Speaker 1: Like I feel, honestly, I feel like I'm still in

675
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:06,680
Speaker 1: that journey through. I'm still in therapy and that's helping

676
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 1: and all this stuff, But y'all, I had not even

677
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:16,480
Speaker 1: found myself, Like I didn't know who I was. And

678
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:21,880
Speaker 1: on top of just having like normal insecurities, I was

679
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:26,239
Speaker 1: assaulted in my teens and that was like never addressed,

680
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:29,200
Speaker 1: never went to talk to anyone, just held it in.

681
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:32,839
Speaker 1: So here I am trying to, like now find myself

682
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:37,239
Speaker 1: by covering myself up, and I was able to fake

683
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:41,319
Speaker 1: the funk forever. People thought I was happy, but I

684
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:43,920
Speaker 1: was just happy in the moment doing things, and I

685
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:47,600
Speaker 1: was always looking for the next happiness. So I realized

686
00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 1: it when I was no longer a professional cheerleader. I

687
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:53,880
Speaker 1: was not in that realm anymore, and I had become

688
00:39:54,000 --> 00:40:00,080
Speaker 1: a flight attendant. Every time someone would ask me you

689
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,840
Speaker 1: like about myself, um, I don't, and they could literally

690
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:07,080
Speaker 1: ask like, oh I like your sure or oh your

691
00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:09,359
Speaker 1: hair is pretty, and I would find a way to

692
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:11,680
Speaker 1: put it in there that I was a cold cheerleader,

693
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:15,160
Speaker 1: that I was a pacers to like dancer. Did you

694
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 1: feel like you identified so close that made people interesting?

695
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:21,719
Speaker 1: I think it was all of the buff like I

696
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:27,720
Speaker 1: did not know who I was, Like I wasn't anything

697
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:32,279
Speaker 1: more than that like to myself. Um. And so I

698
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:35,440
Speaker 1: think that's when I started realizing, Wow, like I'm really

699
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:38,320
Speaker 1: really not happy. It's just like my old life was

700
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:43,440
Speaker 1: my identifiers and I have since been finding um my

701
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:46,360
Speaker 1: new self and I you know, and I started with therapy.

702
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:50,799
Speaker 1: I think, especially in like the black community, people are

703
00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 1: afraid of going through feet and addressing some of those

704
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:59,480
Speaker 1: past issues has helped me create those current boundaries that

705
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:04,960
Speaker 1: I mean for my own happiness and for the happiness

706
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:08,200
Speaker 1: of my marriage and all of that stuff. And so yeah,

707
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:10,600
Speaker 1: I want to we're gonna talk about sort of that transition.

708
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 1: But to your point, Ravasha, of that's the moment that

709
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:15,279
Speaker 1: you realize or the phase when you realized, wow, I'm

710
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:18,160
Speaker 1: really unhappy, Like there is no end goal. So like

711
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 1: me even asking you that, it's not like and then

712
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 1: when did you become happy? Because that's the whole point

713
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:26,440
Speaker 1: of it is, that doesn't happen. It's a state of mind.

714
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:29,920
Speaker 1: There's a commitment to a certain frame of mind, and

715
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,279
Speaker 1: it's just how you decide to look at life, who

716
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 1: you decide you are, and there are ups and downs

717
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 1: with that, and every day is not gonna be as

718
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:40,400
Speaker 1: amazing and shiny and sexy as you know, some of

719
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 1: your best days. So it's not like I figured it

720
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:46,040
Speaker 1: out and now I'm not just a cold cheerleader. I'm

721
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:48,399
Speaker 1: this and this and this, and I am happy. Like

722
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:52,520
Speaker 1: you figure that out and you're happy, You're and you're

723
00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:54,640
Speaker 1: in a state of knowing who you are and there's

724
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 1: peace and happiness with that. But I just hope that

725
00:41:57,040 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 1: people realize there is no indestination, Like there's nothing you

726
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 1: arrive at. Like, if you have a point in mind,

727
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 1: save yourself the time, save yourself the life, and just

728
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:10,960
Speaker 1: like throw that out of the window, because you will

729
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:13,759
Speaker 1: waste so much of your life and time trying to

730
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:16,960
Speaker 1: arrive at some destination that doesn't exist. It's just it's

731
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:19,799
Speaker 1: the way you approach the day to day of your life. Yeah,

732
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 1: that's kind of how I feel about it, absolutely, Ashley.

733
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,440
Speaker 1: When did you so realize that you were unhappy? That

734
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:28,759
Speaker 1: you were like something's got to give. So I think

735
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:33,479
Speaker 1: for me happy it's been this line that's going up

736
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:37,800
Speaker 1: with some valleys. So I have like three distinct times

737
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:41,120
Speaker 1: in my life where I've been so unhappy that I've

738
00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 1: made changes, and every time I've made the change, it's

739
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:45,719
Speaker 1: just added to my life. And then I'll get to

740
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 1: a place where I'm like unhappy and i have to

741
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:50,320
Speaker 1: make another change. But that's how I see my happiness,

742
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:52,319
Speaker 1: And to me, it's just growth, right, It's like you

743
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,600
Speaker 1: learn something new about yourself and then you take that

744
00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:57,600
Speaker 1: and you grow on that and then you find something

745
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:00,040
Speaker 1: else new about yourself and then you keep growing. So

746
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:03,920
Speaker 1: I'll for sure say there was a time in twenty

747
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:09,160
Speaker 1: and twelve I was twenty seven and I was in

748
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:14,560
Speaker 1: like a bad situation ship lord of I actually was doing.

749
00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:17,560
Speaker 1: And this is the crazy thing, because society teaches you that,

750
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:19,920
Speaker 1: like if you have a good job and you're making

751
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:22,719
Speaker 1: good money, life should be great, Like right do you

752
00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:25,680
Speaker 1: have to complain about? Right? So I was really conflicted

753
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:29,240
Speaker 1: because all of that was true. At the same time,

754
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:33,360
Speaker 1: I was really unhappy with myself. I still had confidence issues.

755
00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 1: Situation ships for me, and past relationships really affected my

756
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:40,720
Speaker 1: confidence level that same It was like all these things

757
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:44,400
Speaker 1: happened that year. The same year, a male friend I

758
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:47,240
Speaker 1: was really close to being assaulted and I was threatened

759
00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:49,399
Speaker 1: to have like this in my face. So that beat

760
00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:52,360
Speaker 1: me down a lot because I didn't see that coming.

761
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:55,320
Speaker 1: I also like had a period of like blaming myself

762
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:57,880
Speaker 1: for that. So I was just trying to process all

763
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:00,320
Speaker 1: these things. And I just think it was like Odd's

764
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:02,719
Speaker 1: way of like telling me, like, you need to shed

765
00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 1: people in your life and you need to find out

766
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:09,720
Speaker 1: who you are. And I remember my mom specifically telling

767
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:11,799
Speaker 1: me like I was just like, we went to this

768
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:13,400
Speaker 1: Pacer game and I got in the car and I

769
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:15,279
Speaker 1: was bawling, and she was like, you really need to

770
00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:19,279
Speaker 1: work on yourself. So that was one time. Ironically, I

771
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 1: spent probably about six months really working on myself. I

772
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 1: had been to therapy before, I had been diagnosed with

773
00:44:26,239 --> 00:44:29,399
Speaker 1: chronic anxiety, so I already knew that that was part

774
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:31,799
Speaker 1: of me. I just had to figure out, like what

775
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:34,200
Speaker 1: my triggers were. I met my husband the next year,

776
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:37,239
Speaker 1: and I say this all the time that had I

777
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:39,799
Speaker 1: met him earlier, it would not have worked out. I

778
00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 1: just was not spiritually and mentally prepared for him. So

779
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:49,120
Speaker 1: God's timing on that was like huge, Thank God. So

780
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 1: then we get come around to the year that we

781
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 1: went to Spain, Europe for your birthday, ZERI, I felt

782
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:01,440
Speaker 1: really stuck. My career had It's gone well, with minor

783
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:04,879
Speaker 1: peaks and valleys throughout my career, so it's still going well.

784
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:08,360
Speaker 1: I had bought my home for myself, Like again, society

785
00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 1: is telling me, like, what are you upset about the

786
00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:14,000
Speaker 1: check mark? Ye that you're supposed to want and now

787
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:16,200
Speaker 1: you should be exactly you got the house, you had

788
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:19,240
Speaker 1: the salary, you had the man, and yeah, you're beautiful,

789
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:24,080
Speaker 1: thank you. But I again felt really guilty because I

790
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 1: was like, why I should not this. My anxiety was

791
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:30,120
Speaker 1: super high, and I just had a revelation on that trip.

792
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 1: By that trip for me, as much as it was

793
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:37,400
Speaker 1: to celebrate you, was life changing for me because we

794
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:40,160
Speaker 1: went on this like four wheeling trip in the mountains,

795
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:43,200
Speaker 1: I realized, like I was thinking it was like two hours.

796
00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:44,879
Speaker 1: I was like the whole time, I was like, this

797
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:46,640
Speaker 1: is what I should be doing. I should be surrounded

798
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:50,120
Speaker 1: by beauty in nature. I should feel free, and I

799
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:53,680
Speaker 1: am in Indiana feeling like super fucking stuck. I hate it.

800
00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:56,839
Speaker 1: I mean I literally hated it. There. I called it

801
00:45:56,920 --> 00:45:58,799
Speaker 1: my husband, who was my boyfriend at that point, and

802
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:05,719
Speaker 1: I was like, we're getting the funk out of Indie. Literally, yeah, yeah.

803
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:08,960
Speaker 1: I came. I was coming back to Arizona like three

804
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:10,640
Speaker 1: weeks later, and I was like, if I come back

805
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:14,400
Speaker 1: here and feel this energy, that's it. We're moving. So

806
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:16,320
Speaker 1: we made a plan of moves. But in the midst

807
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:18,640
Speaker 1: of that, I had I don't think I've ever been

808
00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:23,360
Speaker 1: more depressed. Like the transition, you guys was so tough,

809
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 1: but it was saying no to people. It was I

810
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:28,400
Speaker 1: had people in my ear like why would you do that?

811
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:30,160
Speaker 1: You have a house, you have a good job, and

812
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:33,640
Speaker 1: I'm like, I know, but I don't enjoy life right now,

813
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 1: like I'm on anti depressive medication, like I'm on anxiety meds,

814
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:42,160
Speaker 1: Like I can't do this. I felt like I was

815
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 1: fighting for my life every day. In the midst of that,

816
00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:46,600
Speaker 1: I also knew I was making a change. It was

817
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:50,319
Speaker 1: just going through that. It's really hard. I mean, I

818
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:52,319
Speaker 1: love it. I love that you did that. Actually, I

819
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 1: remember that phase, and I remember I was like, if

820
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:57,120
Speaker 1: anybody would do it, it was you. So that didn't

821
00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:59,040
Speaker 1: surprise me. I was never like, oh, Ashley's never gonna

822
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:00,920
Speaker 1: do it, But when you did it, I was like,

823
00:47:01,080 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 1: oh shit, actually doing that, like that was still a

824
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:07,040
Speaker 1: big deal. Like but that inspired me. So if us

825
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 1: turning up and tworking any BISA inspired Joe, you actually

826
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:14,040
Speaker 1: coming back from me b Sa Milan and being like

827
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:17,839
Speaker 1: I'm going to Arizona, Arizona inspire me because I was like,

828
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:20,640
Speaker 1: oh wait, it was a reminder to me. I've always

829
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:22,880
Speaker 1: been that type of person, big risk, big reward. But

830
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:25,319
Speaker 1: the older you get. The more we tend to start

831
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:27,160
Speaker 1: to play it safe, we have more to lose, we

832
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 1: have more at stake where people are depending on us.

833
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:35,040
Speaker 1: We have lived enough life to know we're not invincible,

834
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:37,800
Speaker 1: so we're a little more humble, which can be scary

835
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 1: because you don't think everything's gonna work out because life

836
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:43,279
Speaker 1: has shown you she's not always gonna work out, So

837
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 1: for you to still do that, I took so much

838
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 1: inspiration from that and was like, damn, like she just

839
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:50,960
Speaker 1: went for it. For me, it was similar to you, Ashley,

840
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:54,759
Speaker 1: like you and I are both high achievers, high functioning,

841
00:47:55,160 --> 00:47:59,239
Speaker 1: very career focused in the sense of it is very

842
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:01,920
Speaker 1: much a part of our identity to a certain extent,

843
00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:04,799
Speaker 1: or at least for those the twenties. It was like

844
00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 1: I took so much pride in what I'd done and

845
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:11,239
Speaker 1: what I'd accomplished and what people would think of that

846
00:48:11,719 --> 00:48:14,759
Speaker 1: because I had been trained to do that and so

847
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:17,120
Speaker 1: I won't. It brought me joy. I was proud of it,

848
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:20,000
Speaker 1: I was happy. I loved it, and not even in

849
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:25,160
Speaker 1: like an arrogant stunt way. And it was around the

850
00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:28,279
Speaker 1: age of thirty, because thirty is when I had just

851
00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:32,120
Speaker 1: gotten know of a four to five year relationship, one

852
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:35,399
Speaker 1: that I had been thinking about even for a long

853
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:37,400
Speaker 1: time and probably should have left sooner than I had.

854
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 1: And so I, at thirty, was living for me for

855
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:46,120
Speaker 1: the first time and so long, and having been a

856
00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:51,000
Speaker 1: people pleaser, having been a high achiever, having been a giver,

857
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:54,279
Speaker 1: I was trying to figure out who I was. I

858
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:56,879
Speaker 1: didn't know I came out of that relationship, and when

859
00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:58,600
Speaker 1: I got into it, I was only like twenty four

860
00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:01,440
Speaker 1: or twenty five, and wasn't I knew who I was

861
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:03,560
Speaker 1: in my early twenties in the sense of, Oh, I'm

862
00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:05,680
Speaker 1: gonna kill the game, I'm a high achiever, I'm gonna

863
00:49:05,719 --> 00:49:08,080
Speaker 1: check these boxes, I'm gonna get these jobs. But I

864
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:11,640
Speaker 1: hadn't sat with Zuri single even in college. I felt

865
00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:14,000
Speaker 1: like the last ten years of my life, my twenties,

866
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:17,879
Speaker 1: I felt like I was fighting against I was suppressing,

867
00:49:18,120 --> 00:49:21,800
Speaker 1: which is such a sad word. I was suppressing who

868
00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:25,440
Speaker 1: I felt I might be if I had the space

869
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:28,480
Speaker 1: to be here. So I tried to date, and I

870
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:31,279
Speaker 1: could feel I could feel my spirit coming alive. I

871
00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:35,480
Speaker 1: could feel Zuri starting to kick up dust. And y'all,

872
00:49:35,480 --> 00:49:41,719
Speaker 1: I'm still afraid of who Zuri might be, but I

873
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:46,920
Speaker 1: felt it kicking up. And then men came around and

874
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 1: I was attracted to them. I was dating. I was

875
00:49:48,719 --> 00:49:50,880
Speaker 1: going whatever I think, since, oh this is a virgin.

876
00:49:50,920 --> 00:49:54,240
Speaker 1: Oh she's untouched. Oh she's not dated around. So I

877
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:56,319
Speaker 1: was what the world had told me to be, this

878
00:49:56,400 --> 00:50:00,040
Speaker 1: prized virgin who didn't date a lot and respect. The

879
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:03,239
Speaker 1: guy was going to swoop in, yes, and he was

880
00:50:03,239 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 1: going to choose me, and I should be lucky to

881
00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:09,120
Speaker 1: be chosen. And the entire time, something in my gut

882
00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:12,399
Speaker 1: was fighting that. And then my next relationship the same thing.

883
00:50:12,719 --> 00:50:15,680
Speaker 1: So anyways, so I got in this rhythm, this pattern

884
00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:20,960
Speaker 1: of not being happy but not being unhappy, and assuming

885
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:22,880
Speaker 1: that this was as good as it could get. So

886
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:25,680
Speaker 1: I accepted it. And I've just learned to be happy

887
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:27,720
Speaker 1: in these things because I had these guys that treated

888
00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:29,880
Speaker 1: me right for the most part. And that was at

889
00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:34,000
Speaker 1: when I turned thirty and I broke up and I

890
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:36,920
Speaker 1: left my current that relationship because of a lot of

891
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:41,200
Speaker 1: stuff that went down. I was single at thirty and

892
00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:43,759
Speaker 1: I was figuring out who I was for the first time,

893
00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:46,839
Speaker 1: and I had so much space to do it that

894
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:50,600
Speaker 1: I was afraid and terrified in the most exciting and

895
00:50:50,719 --> 00:50:54,680
Speaker 1: exhilarating way. It is like walking into a fucking candy

896
00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:59,280
Speaker 1: shop and being like, what do you want? The tab

897
00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:03,399
Speaker 1: is open? And so I spent that time figuring out

898
00:51:03,440 --> 00:51:07,040
Speaker 1: what I wanted and what was crazy was being free

899
00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:13,880
Speaker 1: romantically freed me up mentally and emotionally to also be like, wait,

900
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 1: this is what it feels like to be happy in

901
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:19,600
Speaker 1: my personal romantic life. Am I happy in my professional life? Like?

902
00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:22,120
Speaker 1: Now I'm starting to see what it feels like to

903
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 1: step into my own romantically. I'm like, well, hold up,

904
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:27,600
Speaker 1: what job would I choose? If I could start fresh

905
00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:29,520
Speaker 1: and choose a job. What would I wake up and

906
00:51:29,520 --> 00:51:31,040
Speaker 1: do it every morning? If I could wake up and

907
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:33,759
Speaker 1: do it? And I realized I had gotten to a

908
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:35,640
Speaker 1: point where I was so miserable. And we will talk

909
00:51:35,680 --> 00:51:39,320
Speaker 1: about this in a later series about career ambition, about

910
00:51:39,320 --> 00:51:43,799
Speaker 1: pivoting when you're unhappy, especially in career. I was so

911
00:51:43,920 --> 00:51:49,040
Speaker 1: unhappy in my job, and it was no one's fault.

912
00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:53,200
Speaker 1: But I had outgrown what I was doing, and my

913
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:57,360
Speaker 1: core value system got stronger over time. And I credit

914
00:51:57,400 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 1: that to my parents, to my family, to who I am,

915
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:02,080
Speaker 1: But it had out and stronger, and so it was

916
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:05,880
Speaker 1: the alarm bells ringing inside of me, saying, we can't

917
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:08,239
Speaker 1: do this anymore, not if we want to be who

918
00:52:08,239 --> 00:52:11,600
Speaker 1: we are. And so all I'd ever been was a

919
00:52:11,719 --> 00:52:16,000
Speaker 1: high achieving career killer. And so to continue to achieve

920
00:52:16,120 --> 00:52:18,239
Speaker 1: high in this space that I was in and kill

921
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:21,840
Speaker 1: my career, I had to be something different suddenly, And

922
00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:24,560
Speaker 1: because I didn't know who I was, I said, Okay, well,

923
00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:27,320
Speaker 1: Zuri achieves, she figures out what she needs to do

924
00:52:27,880 --> 00:52:30,640
Speaker 1: to be the best in whatever space she is in,

925
00:52:31,680 --> 00:52:34,080
Speaker 1: when the question I should have been asking is do

926
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:36,680
Speaker 1: I even want to be in this space? So I

927
00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:40,920
Speaker 1: started sacrificing who I was to be this high achiever,

928
00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:43,640
Speaker 1: and at a certain point I was like, maybe this

929
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:47,520
Speaker 1: ain't it. Maybe I'm not just built to achieve and

930
00:52:47,560 --> 00:52:50,840
Speaker 1: to check the boxes. I was crying every day. I

931
00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:56,040
Speaker 1: would go out during my fifteen second lunchbreak and sob

932
00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:59,560
Speaker 1: and then pull it together, go back inside and be

933
00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:04,319
Speaker 1: who I was suddenly expected to be, to be who

934
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:06,600
Speaker 1: I'd always been, who was the girl who gets it

935
00:53:06,719 --> 00:53:09,560
Speaker 1: right and does what she's expected to do, and we

936
00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:12,200
Speaker 1: can counter her to give whatever we need, not who

937
00:53:12,239 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 1: she is. She'll give what we need, doesn't matter what

938
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:18,600
Speaker 1: she wants. And at a certain point I realized, I don't.

939
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:21,080
Speaker 1: There is not a job I want. There is not

940
00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:24,399
Speaker 1: a human I want. There is not a career path

941
00:53:24,520 --> 00:53:29,479
Speaker 1: I want that is worth trading in who I am

942
00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:32,880
Speaker 1: and what I stand for. And I was afraid. I

943
00:53:32,880 --> 00:53:35,120
Speaker 1: thought I was going to lose my job. I really did,

944
00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:37,920
Speaker 1: because I was done. I just woke up one day

945
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:40,239
Speaker 1: and I was done, and I was like, I might

946
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:44,880
Speaker 1: lose his job tomorrow, but I can't lose myself anymore

947
00:53:44,880 --> 00:53:47,640
Speaker 1: than I've lost me. And at that point I was

948
00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:51,360
Speaker 1: so afraid. I called my dad. We cried together, and

949
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:53,520
Speaker 1: you know, he was so proud of me for that,

950
00:53:53,680 --> 00:53:55,279
Speaker 1: and he was the one that I was nervous about

951
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:56,520
Speaker 1: because he was the one who trained me to be

952
00:53:56,520 --> 00:53:58,799
Speaker 1: this little soldier to get the job done, like you know,

953
00:53:59,440 --> 00:54:03,239
Speaker 1: And in that moment, I realized, holy shit, I've got

954
00:54:03,280 --> 00:54:06,120
Speaker 1: it so wrong. And of course my dad doesn't care

955
00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:08,120
Speaker 1: about this shit that I just thought. He did like

956
00:54:08,480 --> 00:54:12,880
Speaker 1: he is. So he were crying together because he sees

957
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:15,160
Speaker 1: that he did a good job with his daughter. And

958
00:54:15,239 --> 00:54:18,480
Speaker 1: it wasn't the accolades, the job, the promotions, the trophies

959
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:21,759
Speaker 1: that did it. It was him realizing I taught this

960
00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:24,719
Speaker 1: girl who she is and it has nothing to do

961
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:27,120
Speaker 1: with what she's done. And she sees it now and

962
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:29,399
Speaker 1: she gets it, and she's willing to walk away from

963
00:54:29,440 --> 00:54:32,879
Speaker 1: all this shit to commit to that, To be that

964
00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:36,360
Speaker 1: it's been hard. There is a hard moment because again,

965
00:54:36,680 --> 00:54:38,959
Speaker 1: when you put so much of your worth into accomplishment

966
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:42,319
Speaker 1: succeeding and you start to realize, oh, they're operating by

967
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:45,239
Speaker 1: a different playbook, so it takes something different to succeed.

968
00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:47,880
Speaker 1: You have to choose at a certain point do I

969
00:54:47,920 --> 00:54:51,040
Speaker 1: want to succeed or do I want to be who

970
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:54,680
Speaker 1: I am and who I'm proud about being. And I

971
00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:56,640
Speaker 1: reached that point where I had to decide, and I

972
00:54:56,760 --> 00:54:58,840
Speaker 1: chose to be who I am and who I was

973
00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:01,279
Speaker 1: going to be, because there's nothing I want to be

974
00:55:01,360 --> 00:55:06,120
Speaker 1: more than I want to be Joe's daughter and Valencia's

975
00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:11,480
Speaker 1: daughter and the sister of my two brothers, and that girl,

976
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:16,200
Speaker 1: that woman at this point is very different from what

977
00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:19,560
Speaker 1: you know. A chapter in my life was asking of

978
00:55:19,600 --> 00:55:22,680
Speaker 1: me if I wanted to, you know, play by their

979
00:55:22,760 --> 00:55:25,920
Speaker 1: rules and operating their space and be acknowledged for it.

980
00:55:26,239 --> 00:55:28,359
Speaker 1: And I thank god that I didn't, because the truth is,

981
00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:30,400
Speaker 1: you think you're giving something up, but really you are

982
00:55:30,520 --> 00:55:33,680
Speaker 1: making space for something new. And then I realized as

983
00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:37,160
Speaker 1: soon as I did that, the universe shifted. It's so

984
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:40,200
Speaker 1: woo woo y'all, I know, But the universe shifted and

985
00:55:40,239 --> 00:55:41,880
Speaker 1: mashed me the same way. I walked into work the

986
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:44,760
Speaker 1: next day, and the energy shifted to mash my energy.

987
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:49,600
Speaker 1: The industry. My industry shifted to match the industry, and

988
00:55:49,719 --> 00:55:53,920
Speaker 1: suddenly opportunities presented themselves where I could be who I was,

989
00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:58,640
Speaker 1: and that was not just accepted, it was celebrated. And

990
00:55:58,680 --> 00:56:01,279
Speaker 1: I just wasn't ready to see it or brave enough

991
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:05,520
Speaker 1: or clearheaded enough to just step outside of a cage,

992
00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:07,719
Speaker 1: because it's saying, with the relationships, you will be in

993
00:56:07,760 --> 00:56:11,399
Speaker 1: a whole cage. Convince yourself there's no opening the door

994
00:56:11,760 --> 00:56:14,080
Speaker 1: when the truth is, did you try to turn the knob?

995
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:17,840
Speaker 1: Did you even try to open it? I shared a

996
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:21,239
Speaker 1: lot of my journey last year, and I've been been

997
00:56:21,280 --> 00:56:24,840
Speaker 1: a lot more open about my struggles with anxiety and

998
00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:28,359
Speaker 1: intermittent depression and how this move like really, I mean,

999
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:30,799
Speaker 1: I still have anxiety, that's just a part of me.

1000
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:33,000
Speaker 1: It's just a lot less and I know my triggers.

1001
00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:34,360
Speaker 1: I know how to manage it a lot better, and

1002
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:37,960
Speaker 1: I don't take medication anymore, which is amazing. But I

1003
00:56:38,080 --> 00:56:40,560
Speaker 1: always like, when I was going through the journey, I

1004
00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:44,160
Speaker 1: was like, I really hope this inspires other people to

1005
00:56:44,760 --> 00:56:47,480
Speaker 1: know that when you believe in who you are, you

1006
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:51,799
Speaker 1: believe in yourself, you have faith. You know, you kind

1007
00:56:51,800 --> 00:56:53,560
Speaker 1: of have the confidence to just take a leap of

1008
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:55,759
Speaker 1: faith that things will work in your favor. And I'm

1009
00:56:55,800 --> 00:56:57,600
Speaker 1: not saying they're they're not going to work without like

1010
00:56:57,760 --> 00:57:01,839
Speaker 1: bumps in the road, staying true to who you are

1011
00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:04,720
Speaker 1: and believing in yourself and having faith all of those

1012
00:57:04,719 --> 00:57:08,839
Speaker 1: things together, the universe will come together and it will

1013
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:11,960
Speaker 1: work in your favor. I really believe that. So this

1014
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:15,120
Speaker 1: was Everyone always talks about The Alchemist. Sometimes they make

1015
00:57:15,160 --> 00:57:17,360
Speaker 1: it sound like it's like a basic bitch book for

1016
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:19,400
Speaker 1: like self discovery. But I'm like, whatever, but I'm a

1017
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:23,520
Speaker 1: basimitch because I read it and like I just discovered myself.

1018
00:57:23,880 --> 00:57:26,440
Speaker 1: But you, guys, I recommend The Alchemist. Will make sure

1019
00:57:26,440 --> 00:57:27,880
Speaker 1: you guys have in the show notes how you can

1020
00:57:27,920 --> 00:57:30,040
Speaker 1: get you know the book or where to buy. But

1021
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:33,800
Speaker 1: there's a quote the author is Paolo Quelo and it says,

1022
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:38,680
Speaker 1: and when you want something, all the universe conspires in

1023
00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:42,400
Speaker 1: helping you to achieve it. Yes. And then there's another

1024
00:57:42,440 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 1: quote that says, it's the possibility of having a dream

1025
00:57:44,800 --> 00:57:47,920
Speaker 1: come true that makes life interesting. And it is so true.

1026
00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:50,040
Speaker 1: I didn't realize it at the time because I wasn't

1027
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:54,360
Speaker 1: that deep in my journey. But looking back, Yes, anytime

1028
00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:58,560
Speaker 1: I have set an intention and just commit it to it,

1029
00:57:58,560 --> 00:58:01,840
Speaker 1: it's like the Uni versus just clearing that path. God

1030
00:58:01,960 --> 00:58:03,280
Speaker 1: is like, all right, well, let me just move him

1031
00:58:03,280 --> 00:58:05,040
Speaker 1: out of your way. All right, well, let me just whatever.

1032
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:09,040
Speaker 1: I can't wait for the relationship series, y'all. Oh my god.

1033
00:58:09,080 --> 00:58:12,680
Speaker 1: I just throw up at hell Mary because I was like,

1034
00:58:12,760 --> 00:58:15,560
Speaker 1: oh my god. We've got the website at happy mess

1035
00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:18,280
Speaker 1: dot com. We're gonna have a secret Facebook group where

1036
00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:23,600
Speaker 1: you can go to join in notes ideas like resources um,

1037
00:58:23,640 --> 00:58:26,800
Speaker 1: and then the Instagram page at hot happy Mess soum.

1038
00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:29,320
Speaker 1: Justin closing, there's so much more we could talk about.

1039
00:58:29,600 --> 00:58:31,760
Speaker 1: I'm excited because this is a full series. This is

1040
00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:34,400
Speaker 1: the group chat, So y'all aren't going anywhere. I have,

1041
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:37,120
Speaker 1: you know, six of my closest friends on this amazing

1042
00:58:37,200 --> 00:58:40,840
Speaker 1: rotation to dive into all of this stuff that we're

1043
00:58:40,840 --> 00:58:42,880
Speaker 1: gonna be talking about on this podcast. You'll get my

1044
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:45,800
Speaker 1: solo commentary. We're gonna have experts. If you love ash,

1045
00:58:45,800 --> 00:58:47,640
Speaker 1: if you love we're gonna get so much more from them.

1046
00:58:47,680 --> 00:58:49,840
Speaker 1: So if you're not um, they will be back and

1047
00:58:49,880 --> 00:58:52,920
Speaker 1: we will be talking about more of this. Just really quickly.

1048
00:58:52,960 --> 00:58:55,960
Speaker 1: As like a fun way to close it out, We're

1049
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:59,080
Speaker 1: gonna make a happiness cocktail, and this one's gonna be superficial,

1050
00:58:59,120 --> 00:59:01,200
Speaker 1: so we don't have to get to what would your

1051
00:59:01,240 --> 00:59:05,840
Speaker 1: happiness cocktail include? What is your happiness cocktail? Comprised? Uh,

1052
00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:11,320
Speaker 1: I'll take this one because I like to. I would say,

1053
00:59:11,520 --> 00:59:16,480
Speaker 1: first for me, UM, it'd probably be like three ounces

1054
00:59:16,680 --> 00:59:23,960
Speaker 1: of family. Okay, the fact that you're giving us three

1055
00:59:24,600 --> 00:59:29,960
Speaker 1: family um naturally, one ounce of travel, and then the

1056
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:32,280
Speaker 1: other three ounces. This is a big drink Um. The

1057
00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:37,160
Speaker 1: other three ounces of um God and God in my

1058
00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:40,400
Speaker 1: life and my spirituality, those are huge family and God

1059
00:59:40,800 --> 00:59:44,360
Speaker 1: with a splash of travel. Anytime I'm upset, I just

1060
00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:50,560
Speaker 1: take a little quick trip um and yeah that's it. Okay.

1061
00:59:50,640 --> 00:59:54,120
Speaker 1: That like a little Marchino cherry on the top with

1062
00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:57,200
Speaker 1: a little cherry people, cherry there we go. I love it.

1063
00:59:57,320 --> 01:00:00,800
Speaker 1: Love the cocktail, ash, what's your happiness cocktail? Gosh, this

1064
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:05,680
Speaker 1: is what I was gonna say initially, Um some wine exactly.

1065
01:00:05,960 --> 01:00:10,480
Speaker 1: My people so friends, family are all one right. Grew

1066
01:00:10,560 --> 01:00:14,840
Speaker 1: out in the world like yeah, yes, yea here with

1067
01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:20,080
Speaker 1: no real plan, but just yes, um my happiness cocktail

1068
01:00:20,600 --> 01:00:25,040
Speaker 1: uh wine, wine and food. Food. Honestly, it brings me

1069
01:00:25,120 --> 01:00:30,280
Speaker 1: so much joy um and the curation and creating of it.

1070
01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:34,160
Speaker 1: So I loved cooking. I love being served food and

1071
01:00:34,240 --> 01:00:37,280
Speaker 1: drink like at a restaurant, like dining out, I love serving,

1072
01:00:37,360 --> 01:00:40,760
Speaker 1: I love hospitality. So it's really the experience of food

1073
01:00:40,760 --> 01:00:43,920
Speaker 1: and drink for me that goes into my next thing,

1074
01:00:43,920 --> 01:00:46,520
Speaker 1: which would one hundred percent be family and friends. Like

1075
01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:49,480
Speaker 1: especially over the last few years, the way I used

1076
01:00:49,520 --> 01:00:52,680
Speaker 1: to crave a new destination or a new country to visit,

1077
01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:55,560
Speaker 1: I just crave going home. I just crave going to Toledo,

1078
01:00:55,920 --> 01:00:58,280
Speaker 1: probably because I don't live there. I don't really live

1079
01:00:58,360 --> 01:01:02,080
Speaker 1: there good, but it's like on my spirit to just

1080
01:01:02,200 --> 01:01:04,720
Speaker 1: be back all the time because of the people who

1081
01:01:04,720 --> 01:01:08,000
Speaker 1: are there. I love my people so much, and y'all,

1082
01:01:08,000 --> 01:01:10,880
Speaker 1: like you know, we we do our group trips. I'm

1083
01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:13,760
Speaker 1: always trying to curate at least one big get together

1084
01:01:13,880 --> 01:01:16,040
Speaker 1: per year, so a family and friends would be the

1085
01:01:16,040 --> 01:01:21,120
Speaker 1: second one, my third one. I would say, I'm not

1086
01:01:21,160 --> 01:01:24,840
Speaker 1: good at this. I'm getting better. And that's what this

1087
01:01:24,880 --> 01:01:28,400
Speaker 1: whole show is about, is the journey to this, but

1088
01:01:28,640 --> 01:01:35,880
Speaker 1: meditation and sort of that bubble of spiritual enlightenment and growth.

1089
01:01:36,240 --> 01:01:39,160
Speaker 1: So and I don't just mean religion, so I'm not

1090
01:01:39,200 --> 01:01:46,240
Speaker 1: just talking my Christianity. I'm talking sitting with myself, meditating, reflecting,

1091
01:01:46,640 --> 01:01:50,120
Speaker 1: learning to be still and not need to do or

1092
01:01:50,240 --> 01:01:53,840
Speaker 1: say or be anything, because that in itself is kind

1093
01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:56,480
Speaker 1: of the goal from my life at this point that

1094
01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:59,320
Speaker 1: if I never did another thing, I am still enough

1095
01:01:59,720 --> 01:02:02,040
Speaker 1: and I am still on the journey of believing that.

1096
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:04,200
Speaker 1: I would be lying if I said I didn't still

1097
01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:07,800
Speaker 1: feel the need or desire to do and to accomplish.

1098
01:02:07,880 --> 01:02:10,320
Speaker 1: And I take joy from that. It's my personality. Type

1099
01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:13,800
Speaker 1: will get into that in another episode. Um, but I

1100
01:02:13,840 --> 01:02:16,560
Speaker 1: want to be okay, I want to I want to

1101
01:02:16,600 --> 01:02:19,200
Speaker 1: be happy, to be still. I want to not always

1102
01:02:19,240 --> 01:02:22,920
Speaker 1: feel the need to do more. And I'm here for

1103
01:02:22,960 --> 01:02:25,680
Speaker 1: a reason, and that's the reason I'm here. Like I

1104
01:02:25,680 --> 01:02:27,280
Speaker 1: don't need to do anything else, you know. And it's

1105
01:02:27,320 --> 01:02:29,320
Speaker 1: the same with you, travash and the same with you Ashley.

1106
01:02:29,640 --> 01:02:32,400
Speaker 1: Like our lives are blessings. We should be so grateful

1107
01:02:32,400 --> 01:02:37,120
Speaker 1: for them, but we don't need to feel like there's

1108
01:02:37,160 --> 01:02:42,040
Speaker 1: this constant pressure to impress and do with our lives

1109
01:02:42,080 --> 01:02:44,320
Speaker 1: all these You've only got a short, short amount of time.

1110
01:02:44,320 --> 01:02:49,800
Speaker 1: You will go into the grave exhausted. So I've just

1111
01:02:49,880 --> 01:02:52,680
Speaker 1: been trying to dedicate myself more to my meditation practice

1112
01:02:52,760 --> 01:02:59,680
Speaker 1: and and you know all my chance and my chakra aligning. Okay, Vosh, Ashley,

1113
01:02:59,720 --> 01:03:02,080
Speaker 1: thank you so much. This was a great first group

1114
01:03:03,080 --> 01:03:06,920
Speaker 1: good it was so long, how could it not? Okay?

1115
01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:13,760
Speaker 1: I love you guys. What's over the next? Hi? Happy?

1116
01:03:14,680 --> 01:03:17,280
Speaker 1: I love them so much. Um. You'll get to know

1117
01:03:17,360 --> 01:03:19,560
Speaker 1: the rest of the group chat girls as the show

1118
01:03:19,760 --> 01:03:24,200
Speaker 1: goes on, so stay tuned. In the meantime, I promised

1119
01:03:24,240 --> 01:03:27,840
Speaker 1: you a party trick. The party trick is our sexy, fun, cool,

1120
01:03:27,880 --> 01:03:30,280
Speaker 1: super quick segment where we just give you a little

1121
01:03:30,280 --> 01:03:34,280
Speaker 1: something something. So this week's party trick as promised three

1122
01:03:34,560 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 1: happiness hacks that you can apply to your life to day.

1123
01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:43,280
Speaker 1: Easy peasy, here you go. Three happiness tacks Number one

1124
01:03:43,400 --> 01:03:48,760
Speaker 1: minding your business and biting and biting your tongue. It's

1125
01:03:49,360 --> 01:03:51,840
Speaker 1: you just care for my whole life. You just care

1126
01:03:51,880 --> 01:03:54,920
Speaker 1: for everybody's life. I'm straight off the gate. Okay, I

1127
01:03:54,960 --> 01:03:58,080
Speaker 1: love it. Yeah, I mean sometimes we hear people say

1128
01:03:58,080 --> 01:04:00,200
Speaker 1: stuff and we just gotta jump in a correct them.

1129
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:02,680
Speaker 1: And I you know, it's very peaceful to just allow

1130
01:04:02,720 --> 01:04:06,800
Speaker 1: people to be wrong, just let them. You could say

1131
01:04:06,840 --> 01:04:12,400
Speaker 1: whatever you want the sky's paint. Okay. It feels good

1132
01:04:12,440 --> 01:04:14,880
Speaker 1: to me to not having an argument. That just makes

1133
01:04:14,880 --> 01:04:19,600
Speaker 1: me happy. Yeah, oh that might be the best one already. Already,

1134
01:04:19,640 --> 01:04:21,840
Speaker 1: mind your business, y'all. All right, let's just go on

1135
01:04:21,880 --> 01:04:26,720
Speaker 1: about her things. Yeah. Number two is remember that people

1136
01:04:26,760 --> 01:04:30,080
Speaker 1: are human beings. So as we are on social media,

1137
01:04:30,160 --> 01:04:33,880
Speaker 1: as we are looking at things, consider the whole person

1138
01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:37,520
Speaker 1: and not just what you see. As people, we experience

1139
01:04:37,600 --> 01:04:39,920
Speaker 1: so much and we see a cute little picture with

1140
01:04:39,960 --> 01:04:42,560
Speaker 1: two little kids and the little dog, and we're not

1141
01:04:42,600 --> 01:04:44,880
Speaker 1: even thinking that the lady probably got p on the

1142
01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:48,440
Speaker 1: end of addresses. You know, we just, oh my gosh,

1143
01:04:48,440 --> 01:04:50,680
Speaker 1: this is the look at this fair. I gotta how

1144
01:04:50,760 --> 01:04:55,960
Speaker 1: this fam Consider the whole story, you know, it's it's

1145
01:04:56,000 --> 01:04:58,800
Speaker 1: a whole picture behind the picture, so don't get caught

1146
01:04:58,880 --> 01:05:03,280
Speaker 1: up in what you you see. Gosh. Number three, I'm

1147
01:05:03,320 --> 01:05:06,480
Speaker 1: gonna go back to gratitude. I think it's so important

1148
01:05:06,520 --> 01:05:10,120
Speaker 1: to remember something to be grateful for. One of the

1149
01:05:10,160 --> 01:05:12,720
Speaker 1: practices that I use is I have a friend and

1150
01:05:12,760 --> 01:05:15,280
Speaker 1: we email each other every day just one thing we're

1151
01:05:15,320 --> 01:05:19,320
Speaker 1: grateful for. So it helps us stay accountable, right like,

1152
01:05:19,720 --> 01:05:22,200
Speaker 1: because some days out forgetting it. I see her email

1153
01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:26,600
Speaker 1: and I'm like, ah, guy said yes. So it's like

1154
01:05:26,640 --> 01:05:32,480
Speaker 1: an accountability partner because it's so important just to remember

1155
01:05:32,480 --> 01:05:35,360
Speaker 1: that things are going well. And sometimes when I'm like

1156
01:05:35,520 --> 01:05:38,120
Speaker 1: in a funk, I go back and look at those

1157
01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:42,280
Speaker 1: and I'm like, girl, like you know, you have to

1158
01:05:42,320 --> 01:05:45,880
Speaker 1: get really creative when you're permitted to being grateful because

1159
01:05:45,960 --> 01:05:49,360
Speaker 1: there are so many things that could get you down.

1160
01:05:49,480 --> 01:05:52,840
Speaker 1: And when you just reflect on I'm like wow, like

1161
01:05:53,160 --> 01:05:55,640
Speaker 1: I remember when this was the thing and now it's

1162
01:05:55,720 --> 01:05:59,000
Speaker 1: not anymore. Just the progress of where you are in

1163
01:05:59,120 --> 01:06:02,800
Speaker 1: life makes me happy, Like WHOA, Yes, that feels good.

1164
01:06:02,920 --> 01:06:06,080
Speaker 1: Progress feels great. Right All right, y'all, I hope you

1165
01:06:06,240 --> 01:06:10,920
Speaker 1: enjoyed my very first episode of Hot Happy Mess. I'm

1166
01:06:10,960 --> 01:06:13,160
Speaker 1: so excited to be on this journey with you stick

1167
01:06:13,200 --> 01:06:15,640
Speaker 1: around because next episode you don't want to miss. Remember

1168
01:06:15,720 --> 01:06:18,480
Speaker 1: it's a series. This is the Protect jo P Series. Okay,

1169
01:06:18,600 --> 01:06:22,760
Speaker 1: So we are talking about obsessive comparison disorder, because yes,

1170
01:06:23,040 --> 01:06:26,160
Speaker 1: it's a thing. Social media only makes it worse. We

1171
01:06:26,200 --> 01:06:28,640
Speaker 1: also do it in our everyday lives. But I am

1172
01:06:28,680 --> 01:06:31,880
Speaker 1: talking with some amazing experts who are breaking it all down.

1173
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:35,080
Speaker 1: They're going to crack the code on how you can

1174
01:06:35,120 --> 01:06:38,840
Speaker 1: step out of that and into you know, more peace

1175
01:06:39,040 --> 01:06:41,880
Speaker 1: and not just acceptance, but celebration for where you are

1176
01:06:41,920 --> 01:06:44,760
Speaker 1: in your life and so much more. So make sure

1177
01:06:44,760 --> 01:06:46,760
Speaker 1: you go ahead and check out episode two. And in

1178
01:06:46,760 --> 01:06:49,520
Speaker 1: the meantime, are you subscribed? Make sure you subscribe Okay,

1179
01:06:49,560 --> 01:06:53,080
Speaker 1: so you don't miss an episode. Hit the subscribe button,

1180
01:06:53,440 --> 01:06:56,360
Speaker 1: leave a five star review, put a thing, leave a comment,

1181
01:06:56,440 --> 01:06:59,160
Speaker 1: Let me know what you liked, what you loved, what

1182
01:06:59,240 --> 01:07:02,320
Speaker 1: you'd love to see more of. As we continue this

1183
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:05,880
Speaker 1: Hot Happy Mess journey and follow us, we are building

1184
01:07:05,880 --> 01:07:10,680
Speaker 1: an amazing, inclusive, diverse community of just badass women over

1185
01:07:10,920 --> 01:07:15,200
Speaker 1: on social media, especially Instagram. Right now at Hot Happy

1186
01:07:15,360 --> 01:07:18,680
Speaker 1: Mess you can find me Zuri Hall at Zuri z

1187
01:07:18,920 --> 01:07:21,880
Speaker 1: u r I H A l L. So keep up

1188
01:07:21,880 --> 01:07:23,800
Speaker 1: with this over there in the meantime. That's it for

1189
01:07:23,880 --> 01:07:26,439
Speaker 1: this one. I will talk to you in the next one.

1190
01:07:26,680 --> 01:07:33,600
Speaker 1: Until then, by