1
00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:07,960
Speaker 1: Hello everybody, I'm Jemma Spake and welcome back to the

2
00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:11,280
Speaker 1: Psychology of Your Twenties, the podcast where we talk through

3
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:16,000
Speaker 1: the biggest changes, moments, and transitions of our twenties and

4
00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:25,560
Speaker 1: what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back

5
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:29,480
Speaker 1: to the show. Welcome back to another December guest episode.

6
00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:32,120
Speaker 1: It is so great to have you here. I am

7
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:35,440
Speaker 1: personally so excited for this episode and to have this

8
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:40,160
Speaker 1: specific guest on the podcast. Being a creative person these days,

9
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:44,840
Speaker 1: having an online presence, putting yourself out there can be tough,

10
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,560
Speaker 1: even if you don't have an audience. People can be

11
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:51,239
Speaker 1: very critical of us when we are loud, proud, and

12
00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:54,560
Speaker 1: passionate about our dreams. One of my favorite creators talks

13
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,440
Speaker 1: about this a lot, how to manage comparison, how to

14
00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:01,320
Speaker 1: let people misunderstand you, how to know when something is

15
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,720
Speaker 1: meant for you. She is the author of two books

16
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,520
Speaker 1: about being in your twenties and a content creator who

17
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:12,720
Speaker 1: is honestly living her dream, Carrie Bradshaw Life and Today.

18
00:01:12,959 --> 00:01:14,800
Speaker 1: We got to have her on the podcast to really

19
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:19,199
Speaker 1: pick her brain about so many interesting things. Without further

20
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:23,280
Speaker 1: ado his she is Eli Ralo. Welcome to the psychology

21
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:24,160
Speaker 1: of your twenties.

22
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:27,280
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited.

23
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:28,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, me too.

24
00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:31,000
Speaker 1: I feel like, obviously we're in the middle of like

25
00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:34,560
Speaker 1: our December guest month, and I was like, who better

26
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:37,720
Speaker 1: to have on the show than another queen of the

27
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:41,560
Speaker 1: twenty something's another queen of the twenties. If no one

28
00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:43,919
Speaker 1: has heard about you, which I don't know how they haven't,

29
00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:46,360
Speaker 1: can you tell us a little bit about yourself and

30
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:50,200
Speaker 1: how you kind of began your career to now being

31
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,000
Speaker 1: almost a three time author.

32
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:57,720
Speaker 4: Yes, I am a content creator and writer. I'm based

33
00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:01,640
Speaker 4: in New York and also Texas. I'm twenty seven, and

34
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,240
Speaker 4: I started making content in twenty twenty and I've sort

35
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:05,600
Speaker 4: of been making content ever since.

36
00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:09,000
Speaker 2: And my new book does anyone else feel this way?

37
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:12,160
Speaker 4: Out October fourteenth, So I'm in the kind of the

38
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:15,040
Speaker 4: process of dealing with everything that comes along with like

39
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:17,520
Speaker 4: pre publication for a book, which has just been so

40
00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:20,560
Speaker 4: exciting and it's so crazy, like I don't know when

41
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,799
Speaker 4: this is coming out, but when we're recording it, it's

42
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,560
Speaker 4: gonna be out in a week. So it's been just

43
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:25,280
Speaker 4: a whirlwind.

44
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,640
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. I can relate, Like when my book

45
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,480
Speaker 1: came out at.

46
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,120
Speaker 3: The start of the year.

47
00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:35,880
Speaker 1: It's like this huge, huge build up and then it

48
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,280
Speaker 1: kind of just like do it, and then everything just

49
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,680
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like you reach this like pinnacle,

50
00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,919
Speaker 1: and the day that you released the book is often

51
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,359
Speaker 1: like the least exciting day.

52
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:46,360
Speaker 3: I don't know if you found it with your last book.

53
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, with my last book, I definitely did. With this book,

54
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,560
Speaker 2: I definitely have a lot going on more than the

55
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:52,239
Speaker 2: last one.

56
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:55,040
Speaker 4: The last one, I was kind of like, Okay, it's

57
00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:57,120
Speaker 4: just here now and I'm going to go see my

58
00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:59,400
Speaker 4: book in bookstores, which I did, and that was a

59
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,640
Speaker 4: really special moment. But then I didn't have any like

60
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:04,320
Speaker 4: huge I guess I did a book tour that night,

61
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,440
Speaker 4: but I didn't have like huge plans. This time, I

62
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:09,760
Speaker 4: have like a fully packed schedule for the release week.

63
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:12,440
Speaker 4: So it's kind of a crazier moment in time. But

64
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,919
Speaker 4: I think a lot of gratitude because I can compare it.

65
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:18,120
Speaker 4: I can compare it and contrast both of my sort

66
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:21,680
Speaker 4: of book release weeks and feel really grateful for growth

67
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,160
Speaker 4: and you know, all the steps in the right direction.

68
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,079
Speaker 2: So it's crazy, but it does really feel.

69
00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:28,680
Speaker 4: Kind of anti climactic emotionally, because you're like, here's this

70
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:30,320
Speaker 4: thing I've been working on and now it's here.

71
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,480
Speaker 1: I know, and it's like, this is the thing that

72
00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,760
Speaker 1: I have given like everything too, and I've like poured

73
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,200
Speaker 1: my whole heart into. I remember the day I raced,

74
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,520
Speaker 1: I like went to find it in a bookstore and

75
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:42,160
Speaker 1: it wasn't there, and I was like just walking around being.

76
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,400
Speaker 3: Like oh okay, And it took me like a couple

77
00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,840
Speaker 3: of days of it. Yeah, I was.

78
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,960
Speaker 4: Ye, sometimes it takes a while for them to like

79
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:54,080
Speaker 4: get it into rotation. I didn't know this about bookstores.

80
00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:55,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, the things you learn.

81
00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,080
Speaker 1: Okay, This is a question that I've been really enjoying

82
00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:02,200
Speaker 1: asking people recently, which is, what did you want to

83
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,040
Speaker 1: be when you grew up? Now that you are a

84
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,440
Speaker 1: content creator and an author, what was that always the goal?

85
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,000
Speaker 4: I wanted to be a writer and I wanted to

86
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,840
Speaker 4: be on Broadway, so pretty similar, I'm pretty much the

87
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,160
Speaker 4: person I've always been, which I guess is quite comforting.

88
00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,360
Speaker 4: Like I always knew I wanted to be a writer,

89
00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:20,200
Speaker 4: and I always knew I wanted to do like theater.

90
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,000
Speaker 4: So when I was a kid, I really wanted to

91
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,800
Speaker 4: write fiction. So I think it does feel like a

92
00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:29,480
Speaker 4: childhood dream sort of discovered and kind of a welcome

93
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,440
Speaker 4: home in a way, because that was always the dream

94
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,640
Speaker 4: and obviously went down a different path first, and I

95
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,240
Speaker 4: feel really grateful for that path as well, but fiction

96
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,400
Speaker 4: was definitely always like where my head was at when

97
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:39,080
Speaker 4: I was younger.

98
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:41,840
Speaker 1: Did you feel like there was a point in your

99
00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:43,679
Speaker 1: life where you were like, maybe this isn't going to happen,

100
00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:46,640
Speaker 1: Like maybe this is just not for me.

101
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:51,640
Speaker 4: No, I honestly thought to myself, if I don't make it,

102
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,280
Speaker 4: like it's going to be the love of my life

103
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,720
Speaker 4: forever either way, Like if I don't make it, I'm

104
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:58,200
Speaker 4: always going to write and all self published. If I

105
00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:01,120
Speaker 4: don't make it with Broadway, like I'll do what I

106
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,760
Speaker 4: can to make enough money that I could like donate

107
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,240
Speaker 4: to Broadway shows or like donate to children's theater, Like

108
00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:07,880
Speaker 4: I just knew I would always be involved in the

109
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,240
Speaker 4: arts even if I didn't make it, so like no,

110
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:13,240
Speaker 4: I knew that no matter why, I would still do it,

111
00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:15,840
Speaker 4: Like no one can take writing away from you, like

112
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:19,119
Speaker 4: if you can't publish traditionally, which would be like the dream,

113
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:22,040
Speaker 4: the dream, the dream, like you can publish yourself and

114
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:25,239
Speaker 4: if you don't, like anyone could do that, like I didn't.

115
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:25,880
Speaker 2: And when I was in.

116
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,839
Speaker 4: College, I self published a poetry book, Like I think,

117
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,599
Speaker 4: I just knew that, like no matter what if I

118
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:33,680
Speaker 4: didn't make it, like, no one could take doing it

119
00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:35,839
Speaker 4: away from me. It was habitual, like in my blood,

120
00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,760
Speaker 4: every day something I did. And same with theater, like

121
00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:41,000
Speaker 4: no one can take being a fan of the arts

122
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,720
Speaker 4: away from you, no one can take being an audience

123
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:45,039
Speaker 4: member away from you. So there was really never a

124
00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:46,880
Speaker 4: moment that I was like, this might not happen, because

125
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,400
Speaker 4: I knew that even if I didn't make it in

126
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,320
Speaker 4: the traditional sense of the term, like it would still

127
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:53,159
Speaker 4: be part of my life.

128
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,280
Speaker 2: And that was enough for me. Think everything else is

129
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:56,360
Speaker 2: just like a cherry on top.

130
00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,640
Speaker 1: No, So I totally agree with you, and I feel

131
00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:02,000
Speaker 1: this is someone else who is like very much living

132
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:05,200
Speaker 1: out a dream they had for a long time. People

133
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,560
Speaker 1: always are like, how do I know what like my

134
00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:08,360
Speaker 1: dream job is?

135
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,120
Speaker 3: Like how do I know what I meant to be doing?

136
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:11,960
Speaker 3: How do I know what my purpose is?

137
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,360
Speaker 1: And I'm like, if you would be doing it even

138
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:17,919
Speaker 1: if there was no one paying attention, what is the

139
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,200
Speaker 1: thing you do that you just love to do because

140
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,200
Speaker 1: you love to do it, that you wouldn't actually ever

141
00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:25,240
Speaker 1: need to be paid for, and you would still have

142
00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:28,120
Speaker 1: the love for like that's the biggest thing. And and

143
00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:30,960
Speaker 1: some people like can't make money off of those things, right,

144
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:36,040
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean it's not still like your purpose impact, Yeah, yeah,

145
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:39,520
Speaker 1: and not still important. What do you think about being

146
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:43,440
Speaker 1: delusional about your dreams? What are your thoughts on like this,

147
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:46,159
Speaker 1: this method for going after what you want.

148
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,240
Speaker 2: I think there has to be like a bit of delusion.

149
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,960
Speaker 4: Like I don't think anybody like truly like confidently believes

150
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:54,599
Speaker 4: that they can like go out and snatch everything.

151
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:55,520
Speaker 2: I mean, maybe people do.

152
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:57,880
Speaker 4: I think there has to be a healthy mix of

153
00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:00,960
Speaker 4: like realism and delusion. So the realism is like just

154
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:04,480
Speaker 4: that realistic voice being like these are you know, this

155
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:05,640
Speaker 4: is reality and this is.

156
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:07,119
Speaker 2: Where we're at right now.

157
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,640
Speaker 4: And then you have to sort of also take at

158
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:13,160
Speaker 4: the extra level that you just believe in yourself in tandem.

159
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:14,560
Speaker 2: So I think you.

160
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,520
Speaker 4: Have to have a little delusion and a little realism.

161
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,800
Speaker 4: That's always where I've like rested in my head. I'm

162
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:25,200
Speaker 4: not like totally delusional, but I'm also like a little delusional,

163
00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:27,000
Speaker 4: you know, Like I'll keep it. I'll keep it a

164
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:29,560
Speaker 4: little delusional, But I try to be realistic with myself.

165
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:33,040
Speaker 4: Like I think it's just helped me be grounded. I

166
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:35,760
Speaker 4: always talk about like how my parents raised us, Like

167
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:39,600
Speaker 4: we were never raised to like get applause unless we

168
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,640
Speaker 4: earned it, Like my parents were not the type of people,

169
00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:43,880
Speaker 4: Oh they're just jealous of you. My parents were not

170
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:47,400
Speaker 4: like you're perfect. My parents loved us, but like if

171
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,120
Speaker 4: we weren't good at something, we were not being told

172
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,400
Speaker 4: we were good at it, you know what I mean,

173
00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,720
Speaker 4: Like we were getting we had to earn applause from things.

174
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,240
Speaker 4: And I think that it taught me, like to understand

175
00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,840
Speaker 4: my strengths and learn how to work on my weaknesses

176
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,520
Speaker 4: in a really good like I'm good at being real.

177
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,880
Speaker 4: And then I think the delusion comes in with like

178
00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:07,520
Speaker 4: you just have to be a little wacky when you're

179
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,440
Speaker 4: gonna dream really big and you have to believe that

180
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,280
Speaker 4: you can. And sometimes that takes like kind of kidding

181
00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:14,040
Speaker 4: yourself in a way. But I try to be as

182
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,760
Speaker 4: realistic as possible and then also a little delusional.

183
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,360
Speaker 1: See I have this other problem where I feel like

184
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,480
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm a little bit too realistic, because I feel

185
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:24,360
Speaker 1: like being delusional jinx as things.

186
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:25,600
Speaker 3: I don't know if you have.

187
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:29,920
Speaker 1: This similar feeling where sometimes if I've thought about something happening,

188
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,400
Speaker 1: and if I really want it to happen, sometimes I

189
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,480
Speaker 1: get worried that it's going to like jinx it and

190
00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,280
Speaker 1: going to mean that in some universe it's already happened,

191
00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:38,160
Speaker 1: so like it's never.

192
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:41,840
Speaker 3: Going to be allowed to emerge again. What are your thoughts.

193
00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:43,280
Speaker 2: About I feel that.

194
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:47,920
Speaker 4: I yeah, I think that like in going through processes

195
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,400
Speaker 4: for things I didn't get but like that I'm still

196
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:54,599
Speaker 4: qualified to get again, like awards or nominations or bestseller

197
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:55,240
Speaker 4: this or that.

198
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,400
Speaker 2: Like I've just realized that.

199
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,560
Speaker 4: Lacing all this pressure on a thing is just not

200
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,200
Speaker 4: worth it, because then you'll feel like how you feel like,

201
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:07,960
Speaker 4: oh I manifested, this not happening. So I try to

202
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,000
Speaker 4: just do my best and like forget the rest, Like

203
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,480
Speaker 4: I try not to think about the lists and the

204
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:15,200
Speaker 4: accolades and all the things that I know are like

205
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,800
Speaker 4: around the bend that I'm being considered for that I

206
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:18,800
Speaker 4: have been considered for.

207
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,200
Speaker 2: Like I try to just forget it.

208
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:22,880
Speaker 4: All, like it doesn't exist to me, And so that way,

209
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,720
Speaker 4: like I'm only focusing on the work and I don't

210
00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:29,880
Speaker 4: focus on like, you know, numbers and data and this

211
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:33,360
Speaker 4: and that, and then of course, like those things do matter,

212
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:34,960
Speaker 4: and there are things that I focus on, but I

213
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,440
Speaker 4: try to keep myself like pretty grounded and just like

214
00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:41,079
Speaker 4: the creative the act of creating and then the art itself,

215
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,400
Speaker 4: and not so much on the external because I think

216
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:45,599
Speaker 4: when I did that, I would get really disappointed, and

217
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:48,360
Speaker 4: I would also like feel like you did, where it

218
00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:48,959
Speaker 4: would be like.

219
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,040
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm manifested. This not happening.

220
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, very very true. I feel like this is

221
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,360
Speaker 1: the advice that I wish I could. I still think

222
00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:01,040
Speaker 1: I need to hear myself, which is like, just do

223
00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,960
Speaker 1: it for the joy of doing something, Like, just do

224
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:07,520
Speaker 1: it for the joy, and then no one can ever

225
00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:09,160
Speaker 1: really take that away from you, which is I guess,

226
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,040
Speaker 1: like the through line that we've just been coming back to,

227
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,640
Speaker 1: like time and time again, as people who are like

228
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:17,119
Speaker 1: working in creative spaces and working in like in entertainment.

229
00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:19,199
Speaker 1: I'm kind of going to shift gears here and let's

230
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:21,439
Speaker 1: talk a bit about our twenties, because I feel like

231
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:25,360
Speaker 1: that's what people are tuning in from. Yeah, you obviously

232
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,480
Speaker 1: have a lot of things that you really care about

233
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,440
Speaker 1: and that you really want to do. And I think

234
00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:32,160
Speaker 1: a big dilemma that people have in this decade is

235
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,559
Speaker 1: there is literally so much that I want to try

236
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,920
Speaker 1: and I want to achieve, and I want to see

237
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:41,600
Speaker 1: how do I do it all at once? So this

238
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,880
Speaker 1: may be like a strange question, but like what are

239
00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:47,480
Speaker 1: your time time management strategies, time management advice, or like

240
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:51,720
Speaker 1: maybe deeper thoughts on like, yeah, I guess trying to

241
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:52,520
Speaker 1: do it all at once.

242
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,840
Speaker 4: I think when I hear people have that sort of

243
00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:58,880
Speaker 4: complaint of like there's so many lives they want to

244
00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:00,240
Speaker 4: live in, so many things I want to.

245
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,360
Speaker 2: Try, I'm like, God, what a privilege?

246
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,680
Speaker 4: Like you need to reframe it, Like what a privilege

247
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:06,960
Speaker 4: to be so excited to live that there are so

248
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,600
Speaker 4: many things you want to try? What a privilege to

249
00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:13,200
Speaker 4: be so like enamored with life that there are so

250
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,600
Speaker 4: many things you want to do? Like to me, the

251
00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:18,800
Speaker 4: reality is and it's completely something we can't change.

252
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,120
Speaker 2: You're never going to be able to try everything.

253
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:21,959
Speaker 4: You're never going to be able to probably visit every

254
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:25,000
Speaker 4: place or read every book. But like, what a gift

255
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,600
Speaker 4: that you could try to see as many places as possible,

256
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,719
Speaker 4: or like read as many books as possible, or try

257
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:32,280
Speaker 4: as many things as possible, Like there are so many

258
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,360
Speaker 4: people that just don't have that luxury. There are so

259
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,040
Speaker 4: many people that are born into circumstances where they don't

260
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:40,360
Speaker 4: have that luxury, or are born or not able bodied,

261
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,840
Speaker 4: Like I just try to be so grounded in the

262
00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:45,280
Speaker 4: reality of the privilege it is to be excited to

263
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,360
Speaker 4: try things and to get to try things. And then

264
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,440
Speaker 4: I have so often talked with my friends about the

265
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:53,839
Speaker 4: fact that I think, like in your twenties, you kind

266
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:55,560
Speaker 4: of have to pick something to be like the center,

267
00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:58,120
Speaker 4: focus point of your world, and that thing can change

268
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,800
Speaker 4: from chapter to chapter, year, even my to month. And

269
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:03,199
Speaker 4: like I've sort of picked my job, like it's at

270
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:07,240
Speaker 4: the center of my world. I sacrifice everything else I sacrifice.

271
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:10,080
Speaker 4: I make so many sacrifices for my work. For some people,

272
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,160
Speaker 4: they want to choose their friendships. For some people they

273
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:13,760
Speaker 4: want to choose the community that they're a part of.

274
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,400
Speaker 4: For some people they choose family or a romantic relationship.

275
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,839
Speaker 4: I also think that that thing at the center can change,

276
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,040
Speaker 4: It could change it any given week or any given month.

277
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:23,160
Speaker 4: What I mean by this is like I know that

278
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,280
Speaker 4: by putting my job in my career right now as

279
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:28,520
Speaker 4: the center focal point, I am sacrificing things. I can't

280
00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:31,240
Speaker 4: always make it to social outings. I don't really go

281
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,160
Speaker 4: out because I have to rest because I'm, you know,

282
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,640
Speaker 4: extending myself so much.

283
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,240
Speaker 2: With my work. But that's something I have to be

284
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,720
Speaker 2: okay with. So I think you have to make Pete.

285
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,920
Speaker 4: You have to figure out what your priorities are, figure

286
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:42,440
Speaker 4: out what the center point is going to be of

287
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:44,760
Speaker 4: any month or any week, and then be okay with

288
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:46,600
Speaker 4: the boundaries you have to set and the sacrifices you

289
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,840
Speaker 4: have to make in order to focus on that. And

290
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:52,360
Speaker 4: then I think, kind of simultaneously just like realize it's

291
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:54,960
Speaker 4: a privilege to be overwhelmed with choice and to be

292
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,280
Speaker 4: excited about life, like, yes, there are so many paths

293
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:01,040
Speaker 4: that you could take, and yes there is such thing

294
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:02,560
Speaker 4: as decision fatigue, like I so.

295
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:05,480
Speaker 2: Often feel that way. But it's like, what a gift

296
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:06,920
Speaker 2: it is to be so.

297
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:10,720
Speaker 4: Exhausted by the opportunity to choose something so many people

298
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:11,800
Speaker 4: cannot say that they have.

299
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,880
Speaker 1: I love that way of thinking about it, and I

300
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,640
Speaker 1: also love that if you go even further with that thought.

301
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:21,360
Speaker 1: That means that, like you can always choose again, right,

302
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,800
Speaker 1: if you have so many choices that feel equally good,

303
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,319
Speaker 1: it means that like you're actually probably never going to

304
00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:27,800
Speaker 1: be stuck in one choice.

305
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:32,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like you'll never feel, oh, I took the wrong path,

306
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,120
Speaker 4: because like there's always going to be something else waiting

307
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:35,679
Speaker 4: for you if you really do feel like there are

308
00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:37,120
Speaker 4: so many options, you know what I mean?

309
00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:40,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, And people change their lives like every single day.

310
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,240
Speaker 1: I feel like the reason that people get so like

311
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,280
Speaker 1: fixated on like what life do I want to live

312
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,440
Speaker 1: is because they think that it's like some kind of

313
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,520
Speaker 1: contract that they're signing with like the world or with

314
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,199
Speaker 1: other people that like, if I say I'm going to

315
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:53,440
Speaker 1: do this and this is who I'm going to be,

316
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,400
Speaker 1: I have to be ready to give ten years of

317
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:58,199
Speaker 1: my life to that. No one's asking you to do that.

318
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:01,079
Speaker 1: Like you are allowed to change your like at any

319
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:04,640
Speaker 1: any given time in terms of choosing one thing just

320
00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:07,720
Speaker 1: to start. Were there any like, are there any questions

321
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,520
Speaker 1: that you were able to ask yourself or that you

322
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:14,120
Speaker 1: would ask a friend to help them determine, like, which

323
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,679
Speaker 1: is the first thing I should do?

324
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,679
Speaker 4: I guess it's just like what do you want to do?

325
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:21,000
Speaker 4: Like I think that people don't. I think that people

326
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:25,040
Speaker 4: weigh over complicate things like what do you want to do?

327
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:29,080
Speaker 4: Like if social media didn't exist and nobody else's opinion mattered,

328
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,000
Speaker 4: what do you want to do?

329
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:31,160
Speaker 2: Like, okay, then do that?

330
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:34,120
Speaker 4: Like that, I think people way over complicate things, like

331
00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:35,120
Speaker 4: at the end of the day.

332
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:36,640
Speaker 2: In adulthood, I've realized like.

333
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:41,280
Speaker 4: There's going to be such a proliferation of choice, and

334
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,640
Speaker 4: you need to get super in touch with yourself to

335
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:47,080
Speaker 4: be able to ask yourself what do I want to do?

336
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:48,800
Speaker 2: What do I want to wear? Who do I want

337
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:49,760
Speaker 2: to spend my time around?

338
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,760
Speaker 4: And you have to figure out how to know yourself

339
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,800
Speaker 4: well enough to answer those questions. I feel like sometimes

340
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:57,200
Speaker 4: we're just not asking ourselves that question because we're so

341
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:58,880
Speaker 4: caught up in everybody else and it's like, no, but

342
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:00,880
Speaker 4: what do you want? Like that's I would ask, well

343
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:03,320
Speaker 4: what do you actually want? And I feel people aren't

344
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,040
Speaker 4: asking themselves that and they're often not asked that either.

345
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's always like how are you going to make money?

346
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,000
Speaker 1: Like how are you going to fulfill this dream that

347
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,760
Speaker 1: I have for you? Like how Are you going to

348
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,200
Speaker 1: be happy? That's the other question. I feel like people

349
00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:19,360
Speaker 1: always get fixated on it is like how do I

350
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,520
Speaker 1: know I'll be happy? It's like no one, there is

351
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:25,080
Speaker 1: no promise something. I actually I was talking to my

352
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:26,880
Speaker 1: sister about this the other day, and tell me if

353
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:29,360
Speaker 1: you agree with this line of questioning. And sometimes people

354
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,000
Speaker 1: are like, I think, I'll tell you what I always

355
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,280
Speaker 1: ask her. I say, like, the easiest way to determine

356
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,680
Speaker 1: what kind of life you want is to is to

357
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,840
Speaker 1: see who you're jealous of, see who has like lipped

358
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:43,080
Speaker 1: out of their dreams in like such a such an

359
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:46,560
Speaker 1: amazing way that the only way that you can like

360
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:49,680
Speaker 1: comprehend that you might want it is through envy, because

361
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,600
Speaker 1: like you want it so badly. And a lot of

362
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,000
Speaker 1: people are like when I when I tell them that,

363
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,960
Speaker 1: are like, wow, you're promoting being jealous, and I'm like, no,

364
00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:02,280
Speaker 1: because jealousy is actually like two emotions, right, It's actually

365
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,560
Speaker 1: it's a true laid thing. There's the initial feeling and

366
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:06,240
Speaker 1: then there's how.

367
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:06,960
Speaker 3: You react to it.

368
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,080
Speaker 1: You don't have to react in like a backstabbing, terrible,

369
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,240
Speaker 1: self effacing way. You can react in a way that

370
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:18,160
Speaker 1: makes it quite motivating and actually like switches to inspiration

371
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,240
Speaker 1: and celebration. What are your thoughts on that, because I

372
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,840
Speaker 1: know some people like hear that and like have a

373
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:23,840
Speaker 1: completely different take.

374
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:28,480
Speaker 4: I really like that. I think that's like super true point.

375
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:31,920
Speaker 4: I definitely someone who thinks that jealousy is like not

376
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:33,360
Speaker 4: really a bad thing, Like I just.

377
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,200
Speaker 2: Think like we've villainized it ourselves.

378
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,120
Speaker 4: But like I always say, it's a signal that somebody

379
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:40,120
Speaker 4: else has something that you want, and instead of being like,

380
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,360
Speaker 4: oh why them and not me, you could just as

381
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,640
Speaker 4: easily be like why not as both, or like why

382
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:45,760
Speaker 4: can't I have that thing too?

383
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,040
Speaker 2: So I think jealousy is Yeah.

384
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:51,760
Speaker 4: I think it's a super normal human emotion that we

385
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,920
Speaker 4: have to be like more comfortable kind of confronting and facing.

386
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,240
Speaker 1: And it's also quite a helpful one as well. Okay,

387
00:16:58,240 --> 00:16:59,960
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a short break, but when we return,

388
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,720
Speaker 1: and we're going to talk about comparison, how to manage

389
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,640
Speaker 1: when people have the wrong idea of you, and how

390
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,680
Speaker 1: to deal with friendship in our twenties.

391
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:08,320
Speaker 3: To stay with.

392
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:19,400
Speaker 1: Us, let's talk about comparison, specifically like comparison in the arts.

393
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:25,080
Speaker 1: First question I actually have for you, which is completely unrelated.

394
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,840
Speaker 1: But what do you think about the term when people

395
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,439
Speaker 1: call you an influencer? Would you prefer like someone call

396
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,560
Speaker 1: you an author, a content creator, an influencer? What do

397
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:33,760
Speaker 1: you like kind of think about that word.

398
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,720
Speaker 2: I don't dislike it necessarily.

399
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,920
Speaker 4: I think it's so sad that it's become sort of

400
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:42,160
Speaker 4: like this derogatory term that men specifically utilized to weaponize

401
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,560
Speaker 4: it against women. So like, knowing not it makes me

402
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:48,280
Speaker 4: kind of like it more because I'm like, how are

403
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,320
Speaker 4: you going to how are you going to use this

404
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:54,640
Speaker 4: term as an insult? And this term literally describes an

405
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:59,800
Speaker 4: economy of mostly women who are like pulling themselves out

406
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:04,400
Speaker 4: of debt, buying themselves homes, creating generational wealth for themselves

407
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,880
Speaker 4: that they never had before, Like, how are you going

408
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,639
Speaker 4: to use that like as though.

409
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:12,199
Speaker 2: It's an insult, like kind of screwed up. So I

410
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:12,960
Speaker 2: don't mind it.

411
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,960
Speaker 4: I'm happy with however anybody wants to credit me, Like,

412
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,280
Speaker 4: of course I would love the books to be referenced,

413
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,159
Speaker 4: but like, I'm not bothered by the influencer of it

414
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,840
Speaker 4: all because I recognize it as like an actual viable

415
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:28,960
Speaker 4: career and I feel like when people say, like Oh,

416
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,520
Speaker 4: do you not want me to call you an influencer?

417
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:31,680
Speaker 2: How do you feel about that?

418
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,840
Speaker 4: It comes from this place of like people don't recognize

419
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:36,200
Speaker 4: it as a real career and that kind of makes

420
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,120
Speaker 4: me so sad because I'm like, Wow, it's like this

421
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:42,240
Speaker 4: female dominated industry full of women like completely rewriting their

422
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:46,240
Speaker 4: own lives and becoming independently wealthy, which like should be celebrated,

423
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:47,280
Speaker 4: but for some reason it's not.

424
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,040
Speaker 1: See, this is the conversation that like is happening in

425
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,720
Speaker 1: Australia right now, where like a bunch of what we

426
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:57,960
Speaker 1: would call influences were obviously like doing political coverage for

427
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,959
Speaker 1: like our recent election, and it is like used as

428
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:05,720
Speaker 1: such like this term to just like completely undercut their

429
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,320
Speaker 1: their opinion. They seem to be like what are they

430
00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:12,200
Speaker 1: doing like in these in these environments. But like something

431
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:16,240
Speaker 1: about that industry, and it is a multi billion dollar industry,

432
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:20,120
Speaker 1: is that it can be like quite competitive as well,

433
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,960
Speaker 1: and there is a lot of like comparison and yeah,

434
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,879
Speaker 1: like we said, jealousy, how do you how do you

435
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:29,960
Speaker 1: manage that or do you just like not experience it

436
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:31,920
Speaker 1: or utilize it in a different way.

437
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's like anything else like I'm sure

438
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:39,679
Speaker 4: people at their own nine to five jobs have the

439
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,359
Speaker 4: experience of like I even talk with my friends, like

440
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:47,120
Speaker 4: you're competing against a coworker for a promotion, Like there's

441
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:50,000
Speaker 4: a lot of competition within those spaces. So I think

442
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,040
Speaker 4: it's like anything else that like you're going to compare

443
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,119
Speaker 4: yourself to people, and you're going to see somebody on

444
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,480
Speaker 4: this brand trip getting this deal, shooting this thing, and

445
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:57,960
Speaker 4: you're going to say, why didn't.

446
00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:59,520
Speaker 2: I get that? But I think if you want to

447
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:00,720
Speaker 2: be success, well you can't.

448
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,720
Speaker 4: You can't view other content creators as competition, only as community.

449
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:07,280
Speaker 4: And I genuinely feel that way, Like sometimes those creeping

450
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,720
Speaker 4: senses of comparison will creep up, but like I know

451
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,480
Speaker 4: that like rising tides rise all boats, when one of

452
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:15,119
Speaker 4: us wins, we all win, And like I believe that

453
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:17,159
Speaker 4: the opportunities meant for me won't pass me by. And

454
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,760
Speaker 4: so because I believe that, I try not to sit

455
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,240
Speaker 4: with any sort of comparison at all, and instead I'm like,

456
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,000
Speaker 4: that's my community, Like look at how well people in

457
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,240
Speaker 4: my community are doing. Like when I see another influencer

458
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,840
Speaker 4: write a book, when I see an influencer launch a podcast,

459
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,040
Speaker 4: a book club, a show, anything that is similar to

460
00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:34,440
Speaker 4: stuff I do. Like I'm just celebrating that because it's

461
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,400
Speaker 4: like when one person in our community wins, we all win.

462
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:39,639
Speaker 4: And the more that we view it like that, just

463
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:41,240
Speaker 4: like the better it is for everybody.

464
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:43,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I feel like by talking about this like

465
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,879
Speaker 1: in a singular like business space, but that's like advice

466
00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:50,280
Speaker 1: that you can take in any area that you are

467
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:54,359
Speaker 1: in in your twenties, like especially in academics as well.

468
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,560
Speaker 1: Like I feel like a lot of people who listen

469
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,800
Speaker 1: to this like still obviously still in university, some of

470
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 1: them are even like in high school. And the thing

471
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:06,600
Speaker 1: is is that like comparison will continue to repeat itself.

472
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:08,680
Speaker 2: Oh, it'll always exists.

473
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:10,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, it will always exist.

474
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,600
Speaker 1: And like you think that like, oh I'm going to

475
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,639
Speaker 1: leave this hyperacdemic environment, it's going to be gone. No,

476
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,000
Speaker 1: because it's like a human quality, right, so it's going

477
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:19,760
Speaker 1: to be with you. You have to like just change

478
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:21,320
Speaker 1: how you approach it totally.

479
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,399
Speaker 4: And I also think that, like you're just going to

480
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,000
Speaker 4: continue to raise the standards that you have set for yourself.

481
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,359
Speaker 4: So it's like not going anywhere. You just have to

482
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:30,920
Speaker 4: learn how to maintain and manage it.

483
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:31,680
Speaker 3: Okay.

484
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,919
Speaker 1: So this is another kind of element of this that

485
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:36,760
Speaker 1: I think you probably deal with, like in your career

486
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,840
Speaker 1: more than others, but which everyone is going to come

487
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:43,959
Speaker 1: across at some point in their lives, which is managing

488
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:49,879
Speaker 1: people having the wrong impression or opinion of you. And

489
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:53,480
Speaker 1: I actually saw you make like an Instagram story about

490
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,439
Speaker 1: this the other day which was like, that's the worst

491
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:59,080
Speaker 1: part of this job is having the bravery to like

492
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:01,520
Speaker 1: be like, this is my life. I've now comment on

493
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,240
Speaker 1: it however you would would like, and not being able

494
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:07,879
Speaker 1: to kind of talk back to those like, you know,

495
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:09,920
Speaker 1: false impressions.

496
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:10,840
Speaker 3: How do you manage that?

497
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,719
Speaker 2: I think you have to realize, like there are people

498
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:15,680
Speaker 2: that are.

499
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:20,840
Speaker 4: Hell bent on misunderstanding you, Like whatever you say, they

500
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 4: will be like you're wrong. There are people that have

501
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:26,320
Speaker 4: a story about you in their mind. They mind for

502
00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:28,920
Speaker 4: details to confirm that story is true. The story is

503
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 4: riddled with confirmation bias, and it's like, I don't want

504
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:34,280
Speaker 4: to focus on that one percent of people if I

505
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,160
Speaker 4: could focus on the ninety nine percent of people who

506
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,960
Speaker 4: know my heart and my person and who I am,

507
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:41,359
Speaker 4: so I just ignore it. I think it takes a

508
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:43,240
Speaker 4: lot of strength to get to that place, and I

509
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:45,480
Speaker 4: don't think it's for everyone, Like I have a lot

510
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 4: of friends whore like I would love to post, but

511
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,200
Speaker 4: like I could never deal with the perception aspect, And

512
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:51,400
Speaker 4: I get that, Like it's not for everyone. And that's

513
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 4: not to say I'm like stronger than anyone else. It's

514
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:54,680
Speaker 4: just a matter of do you want to deal with it,

515
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 4: yes or no. I do believe anyone could get to

516
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,840
Speaker 4: a place where they're dealing with it in a healthy way,

517
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,719
Speaker 4: but not everybody wants too, which is totally valid and

518
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 4: I get and I wouldn't recommend it, Like I wouldn't

519
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,199
Speaker 4: recommend it because it takes a lot of mental strength

520
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,560
Speaker 4: to get to a place where you can just read

521
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,359
Speaker 4: like nasty lies about yourself and you have to you

522
00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:14,440
Speaker 4: can't do anything about it, like you there's.

523
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 2: Zero you could do if you try to.

524
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 4: If you if someone said she had a nose job

525
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:20,400
Speaker 4: and you never had a nose job, so you went

526
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,239
Speaker 4: on a lie detector test and said I never had

527
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:24,879
Speaker 4: a nose job and it said you were telling the truth,

528
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,840
Speaker 4: they would be like she paid off the lie detector,

529
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:29,040
Speaker 4: Like if they believed that you had a nose job.

530
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:31,119
Speaker 4: Even if you never did. They're never not going to

531
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:33,800
Speaker 4: believe that. So there's nothing that you can do. And

532
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:35,879
Speaker 4: once you just free yourself from the idea that like

533
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,960
Speaker 4: people are just gonna helpment on having the wrong idea

534
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,800
Speaker 4: of you. Why would you focus on anyone who has

535
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,679
Speaker 4: the wrong idea about you? Like, you know, the truth,

536
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,160
Speaker 4: Like it really brings me peace. No, I've never had

537
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:46,439
Speaker 4: a nose job, you know what I mean. I mean

538
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:48,280
Speaker 4: that's just an example. No one's ever said that about me,

539
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:50,560
Speaker 4: but like that's my example. Like I've never had a

540
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,159
Speaker 4: nose job, And if you know that about yourself, well,

541
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 4: why shouldn't matter that people are spending a false, falsified

542
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 4: story about the fact that you had one, you know

543
00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:57,080
Speaker 4: what I mean?

544
00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, I do.

545
00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:00,679
Speaker 1: And I feel like it's this whole everything we've been

546
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,520
Speaker 1: talking about here, like relies on the fact that we

547
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,399
Speaker 1: get so much about identity and validation and sense of

548
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:09,120
Speaker 1: self worth from like our social ties, and so when

549
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:13,120
Speaker 1: we are misunderstood, when we feel jealous, when we feel comparison,

550
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 1: it kind of fractures that like foundation for our beliefs.

551
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 1: This is just like another battle for this what's like

552
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 1: the worst misunderstanding that you've heard about yourself like I

553
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 1: have one, but like of my of my own, and

554
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 1: I feel like each of us has this thing that

555
00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:29,439
Speaker 1: like we have been misunderstood about that we wish we

556
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,000
Speaker 1: could like classify what's yours.

557
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 4: People always like have said that, like my parents paid

558
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 4: for my book deals, which, like I don't understand how

559
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,440
Speaker 4: people can't wrap their head around this, Like you cannot

560
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 4: pay a traditional publisher or publish your book. You cannot

561
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 4: pay Simon and Schuster, Hashet, HarperCollins like Penguin, you cannot

562
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 4: pay them.

563
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 2: That's not a thing, it doesn't exist.

564
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,479
Speaker 4: There's no amount of money in the world that they

565
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 4: will take to publish your book, like you can't do that.

566
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,359
Speaker 4: So that frustrates me because I feel like it just undermines,

567
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 4: like what I was able to do for myself. People

568
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 4: say my parents connected me to them. My parents work

569
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:10,879
Speaker 4: in restaurants. They own small, family run businesses. One time

570
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,959
Speaker 4: my dad self published a coffee table book about food,

571
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:17,719
Speaker 4: Like that was a self publication. You can go and

572
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:19,680
Speaker 4: do it on Amazon. You can pay someone to self

573
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,400
Speaker 4: publish a book. My parents don't have connections in publishing.

574
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,320
Speaker 4: If they did, I never would have went into student

575
00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:26,680
Speaker 4: debt to go to grad school, I would have said,

576
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:29,280
Speaker 4: Mom and Dad, hook me up with your connections, like

577
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,880
Speaker 4: they don't have them, and if they did, like I'm

578
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,080
Speaker 4: so honest about so many things that happened in my life,

579
00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:37,480
Speaker 4: I would share my connections like I would say I

580
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:40,680
Speaker 4: had them, but I didn't have them. So it frustrates

581
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,879
Speaker 4: and upsets me that that allegation comes my way a

582
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 4: lot because I'm like, damn, and then yeah, of course

583
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,960
Speaker 4: the her parents pay for everything, which is just simply untrue.

584
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 2: And I think that, like a lot of people.

585
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 4: Like I grew up very privileged, and the truth of

586
00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:01,119
Speaker 4: the matter is my parents themselves did not privileged, Like

587
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,760
Speaker 4: the life that they've given to myself and my brothers

588
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,440
Speaker 4: was very different from the lives that they had themselves.

589
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 2: And so it brings me a lot of sadness to like.

590
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:14,439
Speaker 4: See people that work so hard get sort of that

591
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 4: tossed in their face because it's like they've worked so

592
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 4: hard for my brothers and I. But also I was

593
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,639
Speaker 4: cut off the day I graduated college. I am so

594
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,359
Speaker 4: transparent about how privileged that I have been in my

595
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,679
Speaker 4: life that I did not have student debt from my

596
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 4: undergrad which is like an unbelievable massive privilege that sets

597
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,399
Speaker 4: me up to be like miles ahead of other people.

598
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 4: And I understand that truly and deeply, but I think

599
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:39,480
Speaker 4: it upsets me to see, Oh, her parents pay for

600
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 4: her whole life, because like, I'm so proud of myself,

601
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:45,959
Speaker 4: and also like my parents didn't come from what they

602
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,040
Speaker 4: were able to provide from us, so for us, so

603
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,680
Speaker 4: I think it also, like I don't know, it just

604
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:52,640
Speaker 4: makes me feel upset, like they didn't instill a work

605
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 4: ethic in me, or that like they're just paying for me,

606
00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:56,959
Speaker 4: which they're not, And I don't know, I think that

607
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,399
Speaker 4: that can be frustrating, and it's something that's levied at

608
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 4: a lot of women men who don't come from privilege

609
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 4: as well, which I'm just like, that's just plain sexist.

610
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,400
Speaker 4: I guess I could see how people are arriving at

611
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:10,119
Speaker 4: the point that my parents like bank roll my life,

612
00:27:10,119 --> 00:27:12,000
Speaker 4: but like I haven't taken a dime from them since

613
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:12,879
Speaker 4: I graduated college.

614
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 2: I would go on a lie detective tests, I wished,

615
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,240
Speaker 2: I wish I could. Those are some of them like that.

616
00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 4: I get that it's just frustrating and like I don't

617
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:21,640
Speaker 4: really need to proove people wrong because I don't really care.

618
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:23,439
Speaker 4: You can believe my parents pay for my life and

619
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 4: that they bought my book deals and that they connected

620
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:28,640
Speaker 4: me with everybody, but like that was true, I would

621
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:30,280
Speaker 4: be I would have been a published author at.

622
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 3: Like eighteen literally exactly, no.

623
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 4: And I would have been calling that that contact up

624
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 4: at like sixteen.

625
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, you would have been transferring the money into the

626
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:40,680
Speaker 1: bank accounts.

627
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:42,480
Speaker 3: Let's go, like yeah.

628
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,920
Speaker 2: Like I would have been paying for it myself. Yeah,

629
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 2: so frustrating. That's frustrating to me.

630
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 4: And like, you know, there are worse things like in

631
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 4: the world than that, but that's one of them that

632
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:55,119
Speaker 4: I'm always like, dang, Like I wish that like people

633
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,680
Speaker 4: just believed that I could work hard, And obviously privilege

634
00:27:57,680 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 4: has so much to do with it, and I never

635
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:01,640
Speaker 4: want to shy away from that fact. Like the privilege

636
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,359
Speaker 4: I've had has undoubtedly set me ahead and allowed me

637
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,360
Speaker 4: to achieve the things I've achieved. It's such a such

638
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 4: a young age, and that's not what I'm trying to suggest.

639
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:10,720
Speaker 2: I'm just trying to suggest when people.

640
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 4: Like blatantly make up lies about me, it can be frustrating.

641
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 1: I think it's also frustrating because it obviously like things

642
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,400
Speaker 1: that go so deeply against your value set.

643
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 3: Like I'm sure people have a lot of.

644
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 1: Things that you could easily dismiss and be like no,

645
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 1: but it's when something is like so deep actually against

646
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:31,840
Speaker 1: your core values and who you are is honest and yeah, exactly.

647
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 4: Because I'd be honest, like if I think it's so

648
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 4: I always see those memes of like when you find

649
00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,640
Speaker 4: out your friend's parents are paying for their rent, but

650
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,760
Speaker 4: they like lie about it and stuff like that, Like

651
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 4: if my parents were paying for anything, I would be

652
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:47,320
Speaker 4: so open about that because I think like transparency in

653
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:49,600
Speaker 4: that regard is so important in our twenties.

654
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:50,280
Speaker 2: Especially around money.

655
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:53,080
Speaker 4: Money is so awkward, and I would like to your

656
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 4: point about it going against my value set, like if

657
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 4: my parents connected me with somebody in the publishing world,

658
00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 4: I would also be honest about that because then my

659
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 4: story would be a lie. The story of like how

660
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 4: I got to where I am today would be just

661
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:07,360
Speaker 4: a total lie, and like that's so problematic and unfortunate, you.

662
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:11,719
Speaker 1: Know, yeah exactly, And also it's like it just wouldn't

663
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 1: be smart business.

664
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:16,560
Speaker 2: It would just want to be smart business. Yeah, yeah, Like.

665
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:20,600
Speaker 1: If you if you believe nothing else, like you can

666
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:22,400
Speaker 1: believe that you would be doing what's best for your

667
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 1: business and.

668
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 3: For like your identity.

669
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:29,280
Speaker 2: Why yeah, exactly exactly.

670
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:30,400
Speaker 3: It's like wait, it's.

671
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 4: Like lying about like your parents being baby like to

672
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:35,760
Speaker 4: be like when Nefo babies are like, I'm not a

673
00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:38,240
Speaker 4: NEPO baby. I've worked so hard for this. Like people

674
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:40,480
Speaker 4: aren't pissed about Neto babies. They're pissed when they don't

675
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:42,960
Speaker 4: admit that there they had a leg up.

676
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?

677
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:46,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I know, like I don't. I don't know

678
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 1: if you know. The comedian Robbie Hoffman. I feel like

679
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 1: I talk about her on the podcast all the time.

680
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:51,720
Speaker 1: She's so funny.

681
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 2: She is so so funny.

682
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 1: Yes, so underrated, like she was on Hacks, like she

683
00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 1: was on Dying for Sex too, really amazing shows. I

684
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:02,760
Speaker 1: feel like if the frequent listeners of the podcast are

685
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 1: sick of me talking about how good she is. But

686
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:10,280
Speaker 1: she did this interview with Raven from that so Raven,

687
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:14,480
Speaker 1: her and her wife, and she was like, I don't

688
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:17,280
Speaker 1: care if you have money. I want the money, Like

689
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 1: that's why, Like people care about it, but don't lie

690
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 1: about it, like we don't want you to be poor.

691
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:24,960
Speaker 1: We just also want to be rich and we want

692
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:27,600
Speaker 1: you to be honest and like it.

693
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 3: And it was.

694
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 1: It's very very interesting because like I remember, I went

695
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 1: to this like inner city public school in like Melbourne,

696
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:37,920
Speaker 1: and everyone's parents there, well, the majority of them were

697
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:42,480
Speaker 1: living in an incredibly wealthy area, and no one would

698
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:43,720
Speaker 1: really admit.

699
00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 3: That like maybe they'd had a few handouts.

700
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:49,400
Speaker 1: And that like maybe actually like they were doing pretty well,

701
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,520
Speaker 1: and there was this whole culture of like who, Like,

702
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 1: I think it's even more offensive when someone takes, like

703
00:30:56,440 --> 00:31:00,080
Speaker 1: takes the idea of like I don't know, not having

704
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:03,600
Speaker 1: much or of poverty or like of really struggling and

705
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 1: never having.

706
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:07,000
Speaker 2: Had any cost place as it and couseplace as it.

707
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:07,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.

708
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:11,160
Speaker 4: I think it's so important. Like I've always been transparent

709
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 4: about growing up privileged and being a privileged person and

710
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:18,560
Speaker 4: like having parents who are able to like aid me

711
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 4: with my education, like that is a tremendous privilege. To

712
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:24,000
Speaker 4: lie about that would be crazy because it is a

713
00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:27,480
Speaker 4: massive leg up to graduate from college without student debt,

714
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:31,560
Speaker 4: like a massive in America, Like that is a massive privilege.

715
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:33,720
Speaker 4: It sets you on a different path. It allowed me

716
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:36,480
Speaker 4: to be financially independent how I am now, So I

717
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,959
Speaker 4: think that to your point, like you're totally right, like

718
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:42,480
Speaker 4: people who have money and who are financially privileged, Like

719
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 4: nobody is mad at you. They just want you to

720
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 4: be unless you're, you know, super unethical billionaire. People just

721
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 4: want you to be honest about it. People want you

722
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,280
Speaker 4: to be honest about it. And I think what frustrates

723
00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 4: me about lies that have been told about me is

724
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 4: that I have been so honest about all of it

725
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,360
Speaker 4: so far and just pick and choose what to believe,

726
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,719
Speaker 4: Like why would I start lying now about you know, oh,

727
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 4: like my parents bought my book deal or something like that.

728
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:11,120
Speaker 2: Like that's just frustrating, Like why would I lie about that?

729
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 4: Like if that happened, I promise I would be telling

730
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:15,000
Speaker 4: me one hundred percent truth.

731
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 2: If my parents were paying for.

732
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:19,360
Speaker 4: My lifestyle, I would tell the truth about that, because

733
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 4: it sells everyone a falsified sense of reality and what's possible.

734
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 2: Like I'm just gonna be honest about my financial.

735
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 4: Place in this world, as I have been, and I

736
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:32,240
Speaker 4: think it's important that other people do the same, other people,

737
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:35,320
Speaker 4: especially who come from privilege, Like to the point of like, oh,

738
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:37,960
Speaker 4: my parents pay my rent and other people are looking

739
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 4: at you like how can you afford all of this?

740
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:42,960
Speaker 4: And it's like cause they're getting help. It's it's I think,

741
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 4: really important in your twenties to be very open about

742
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:49,800
Speaker 4: that kind of stuff because a lot of people are struggling,

743
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 4: and also a lot of influencers are posting lives online

744
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,240
Speaker 4: that people don't understand how they could lead.

745
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:57,880
Speaker 1: I know, and then I think it sets people up

746
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,520
Speaker 1: for failure when they're like this is possible for me,

747
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:02,360
Speaker 1: and then they like bankrupt themselves.

748
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:06,160
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, we see bad influencing.

749
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:10,800
Speaker 4: It's bad influencing minute the truth about your reality on

750
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 4: the internet in order to make it appear a certain

751
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:17,920
Speaker 4: way because people will feel influenced by you. And I

752
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 4: try to take that with the heightened level of responsibility

753
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:21,600
Speaker 4: and like be really honest.

754
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 1: See the thing that like, I like the biggest misunderstanding

755
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 1: that someone had about me was really similar and it's

756
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:32,440
Speaker 1: just yeah, well it was like I remember it was

757
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:36,240
Speaker 1: this one comment and one like thread that I found,

758
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 1: like just never look up yourself on Reddit, by the way,

759
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 1: like anyone out there, like, just don't do it.

760
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 3: It's the worst decision of your life.

761
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:48,560
Speaker 1: But someone was like, oh, she's money hungry, because like

762
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:51,720
Speaker 1: when I signed I signed my you know deal for

763
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,360
Speaker 1: my podcast when I had a full time job, and

764
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:56,680
Speaker 1: you know, there were all these expectations for how many

765
00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:58,160
Speaker 1: ads I would run and it was kind of the

766
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 1: only way to be able to quit. And you know,

767
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:04,400
Speaker 1: that contract was for is for many, many years. And

768
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 1: people always get frustrated by ads on the podcast and

769
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 1: I've and every time someone brings it up, oh my god,

770
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:13,480
Speaker 1: it just really upsets me. And I I know, I know,

771
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 1: it just it really upsets me. And I can never

772
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 1: figure out, like for a while, like my friends were like,

773
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,480
Speaker 1: why is it this, Like why is it this that

774
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 1: you people say it all the time and every time

775
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 1: you have such a visceral reaction. And I think it's

776
00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:29,840
Speaker 1: because again it's that there is all this context that

777
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 1: people don't know and they make an assumption off of

778
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:34,879
Speaker 1: a very very limited thing.

779
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 4: Also, it's like, how are you how are you supposed

780
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 4: to pay your bills if not for ads?

781
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 2: Like they should be excited that you have.

782
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:44,680
Speaker 4: More time to focus on the podcast because you've been

783
00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:47,800
Speaker 4: able to leverage it as a full time career. And again,

784
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:50,319
Speaker 4: a woman who is self made is so important in

785
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 4: this world. I don't know why we're not applauding more

786
00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:54,800
Speaker 4: self made women and instead we just need to tear.

787
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:56,600
Speaker 2: Them down constantly.

788
00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 4: And it's always like a man that paid for it,

789
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:03,280
Speaker 4: or she's doing too much, or oh she's money hungry now,

790
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:04,960
Speaker 4: But a dude could be like, I want to be

791
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:09,240
Speaker 4: rich and nobody cares exactly exactly.

792
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 1: And I think there's like again, it's this value thing

793
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:14,319
Speaker 1: where it's like you have no idea how below my

794
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:18,000
Speaker 1: means I actually live, and like you have no idea

795
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:21,920
Speaker 1: like how much money I even make, and like the

796
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:25,040
Speaker 1: money that I give to like family members, and the

797
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:28,399
Speaker 1: money that I give to like like through donations, and

798
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 1: like how I help friends. Like I think that's the

799
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,400
Speaker 1: thing where it's like you don't know, and it's like

800
00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:37,919
Speaker 1: my parents always raise me to be Again, it always

801
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,319
Speaker 1: comes back to this value, Like my parents always raise

802
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:44,279
Speaker 1: me to be very generous and to always like take

803
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:46,600
Speaker 1: what you have and give it back. And so when

804
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 1: people assume that you're not what you've always been raised

805
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:51,239
Speaker 1: to be, like for you, you are always raised to

806
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:53,520
Speaker 1: be hard working, and people assume that you are not

807
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,600
Speaker 1: that it's like just the deepest wound that can be cut.

808
00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:00,200
Speaker 1: And I think it also again comes down to this

809
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 1: thing of like people are not being honest about about

810
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 1: things and thinking, so you assume the worst, like you

811
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:07,319
Speaker 1: assume the worst of someone that you really don't know

812
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 1: anything about.

813
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:11,879
Speaker 4: And I don't judge anybody, like I do judge people

814
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:13,839
Speaker 4: for coming at you like that. But I get where

815
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,360
Speaker 4: they're getting it. They're getting it from people who have lied,

816
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 4: do you know what I mean? Yeah, Like they're getting

817
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:19,160
Speaker 4: it from.

818
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:21,319
Speaker 2: The people who have bled, because there are people who

819
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 2: have lied.

820
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 4: But ultimately, I just think we need to be celebrating

821
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:27,480
Speaker 4: more financially independent, successful and self made women, especially who

822
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:30,000
Speaker 4: are just like unproblematic and doing their best and like

823
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:33,319
Speaker 4: are honest. Like seems that you've been very honest. So

824
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:34,880
Speaker 4: that's just like so horrible.

825
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.

826
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I'm sorry for you as well.

827
00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:40,279
Speaker 1: Like it's but again I love how way like let's

828
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:43,680
Speaker 1: give let's give advice on how to be misunderstood, and

829
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:45,640
Speaker 1: we're like I'm still angry.

830
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:50,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, I yeah, I think it's it's frustrating, right, But

831
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 4: like I think at the end of the day, like

832
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:55,640
Speaker 4: I freed myself from that kind of stuff. I mean,

833
00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:57,440
Speaker 4: you ask it about it's all bring it back up.

834
00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:00,239
Speaker 4: But the idea that my parents paid for my book deal,

835
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:04,279
Speaker 4: the idea that I don't fund my own lifestyle, like

836
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:08,760
Speaker 4: those things are deeply rooted in sexism. Because they wouldn't

837
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:10,879
Speaker 4: say it about my brothers. They don't say it about men.

838
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:14,960
Speaker 4: And it's deeply troubling to me when they levy it

839
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 4: at women who didn't come from privilege, Like I understand

840
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:19,399
Speaker 4: how you got there with me, but I can see

841
00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 4: how you got there.

842
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 2: It makes sense. Women who didn't come from privilege.

843
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:26,799
Speaker 4: Like that is so insulting, Like they are completely and

844
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 4: entirely self made, and that's what you're gonna say, Like

845
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 4: that is so deeply sexist to say about somebody who

846
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:38,120
Speaker 4: has put themselves in a financial situation they never would

847
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,800
Speaker 4: have been in before, which is true of so many

848
00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:43,880
Speaker 4: female content creators and entrepreneurs in the media space.

849
00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 1: And this is the thing, is like whatever situation you

850
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:52,600
Speaker 1: find yourself in, again, you know your truth. But also

851
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:57,759
Speaker 1: people can have those opinions and it does not change

852
00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:01,879
Speaker 1: how much you have worked for this, and it does

853
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 1: not change all the effort behind the scenes. And it's

854
00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:08,920
Speaker 1: this thing of like Okay, if you truly believe that

855
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 1: this is all that it took, give it a go. Like,

856
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:15,080
Speaker 1: if you truly believe that this is what happened, like

857
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,480
Speaker 1: try and find another story like that or like yeah,

858
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:21,439
Speaker 1: and for people who are you know, obviously not kind

859
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:23,960
Speaker 1: of in the space that we're in. I think it's

860
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:28,120
Speaker 1: just about having such a stoic mindset and being like, okay,

861
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:32,239
Speaker 1: but genuinely, how does this impact the actual reality of

862
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 1: the situation. It's just words and someone who is thinking

863
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 1: about you that much, Like they don't have time to

864
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 1: think about themselves in a way that's improving them and

865
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:47,719
Speaker 1: bettering them. So it's like you, it's your gain through

866
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:51,480
Speaker 1: their loss, right, like they have chosen to like let

867
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 1: you occupy their mind. That's a win for you, Like

868
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:56,839
Speaker 1: you just can't let that happen to you as well,

869
00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:58,200
Speaker 1: and let them occupy your mind.

870
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 4: I think they're car of sort of being seen and

871
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:04,840
Speaker 4: putting yourself out there is dislike like the idea of

872
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:08,200
Speaker 4: people disliking you. You have to be brave enough so

873
00:39:08,239 --> 00:39:13,000
Speaker 4: that people could dislike you, which is scary but real.

874
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:15,880
Speaker 1: It's the cost of like a lot of success. All Right,

875
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 1: We're going to take one more break, but when we return,

876
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:21,400
Speaker 1: I want to talk about your relationship and also a

877
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:29,879
Speaker 1: little bit about your new book. Stay with us, am

878
00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 1: I right in saying you got engaged this year or last?

879
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:36,360
Speaker 4: Yes, I got engaged last year, twenty twenty four.

880
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:37,879
Speaker 3: Okay, how was it?

881
00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 4: It was so magical and perfect, and I'm so excited

882
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:45,840
Speaker 4: for our wedding, which it's crazy, is like eight months

883
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:48,080
Speaker 4: away now, and it feels like it happened so quickly.

884
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 1: My gosh, eight months away. How was the wedding planning

885
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:54,920
Speaker 1: this period? I guess you're still in it, right.

886
00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:56,200
Speaker 2: It's interesting.

887
00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:58,000
Speaker 4: My mom is definitely doing a lot of it, so

888
00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:01,240
Speaker 4: that's really helpful. Frankly, with like this whole book situation,

889
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:03,520
Speaker 4: I haven't been thinking much about the wedding, but I

890
00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:05,239
Speaker 4: know once the book is behind us and we kind

891
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 4: of get closer to twenty twenty six, it's going to

892
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 4: be sort of all hands on deck. Which, yeah, it's crazy.

893
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:13,799
Speaker 3: You're having like a little summer wedding, almost like a

894
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:14,800
Speaker 3: pre summer wedding.

895
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 4: Yes, pre summer wedding, like kickoff of summer, which I

896
00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:19,800
Speaker 4: love because summer is my favorite season.

897
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:21,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's the best.

898
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:24,040
Speaker 1: Okay, this is a question I get speaking about twenties

899
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:25,840
Speaker 1: I get all the time, which is, how do I

900
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:27,280
Speaker 1: know that I'm with the right person?

901
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 3: What are your thoughts on that? How did you know

902
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:33,360
Speaker 3: that you were with the right person?

903
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:38,000
Speaker 4: I think it's like so annoying to say, Like I

904
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:40,359
Speaker 4: can't stress how annoying this is going to be, but

905
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:43,360
Speaker 4: like if you have to ask it's not the right person,

906
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 4: you will know, Like I promise you you will know.

907
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:51,560
Speaker 4: It is the most subtle and also deeply comforting feeling

908
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:53,040
Speaker 4: of just like this is my person.

909
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:55,960
Speaker 2: There's no other way this could go. It's only us.

910
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,360
Speaker 4: Like I can't describe it other than that, like it

911
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 4: just makes sense, and like you will know if you're

912
00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:04,760
Speaker 4: It's not some big fireworks explosive feeling. It's very subtle

913
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:08,839
Speaker 4: and very comforting, and I think if you're searching for it,

914
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:09,520
Speaker 4: it's not there.

915
00:41:09,719 --> 00:41:12,799
Speaker 2: And I don't mean to be condescending like at all.

916
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:14,840
Speaker 4: I just had never felt the way that I feel

917
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:17,399
Speaker 4: with my partner now with anybody else that I'd ever

918
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 4: been with, and I thought some of them were the one,

919
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 4: but they weren't. And it took meeting the person who

920
00:41:22,719 --> 00:41:24,800
Speaker 4: was to be like damn, like that's what it feels

921
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,800
Speaker 4: like to be with the right person. It's just very comfortable,

922
00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 4: very subtle, very comforting, very obvious.

923
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 1: This is like the line that everyone always says, like

924
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:37,120
Speaker 1: you know, you know, and I think when you and

925
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 1: I think again, like when you were in this situation

926
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:41,480
Speaker 1: where you're like, what do they mean by that? It's like, well,

927
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:42,240
Speaker 1: you probably haven't.

928
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 4: You haven't felt that way, and that's okay, Like it's

929
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 4: more special if it's singular, like it's going to come

930
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:51,239
Speaker 4: for you and who knows, Like, but why would you

931
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 4: want to feel that a million times?

932
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:55,279
Speaker 2: Like the person that you're going to want to end

933
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:57,040
Speaker 2: up being with, like that should be more special than

934
00:41:57,080 --> 00:41:59,719
Speaker 2: the rest. So like being patient for that feeling is

935
00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:00,200
Speaker 2: worth it.

936
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:04,239
Speaker 1: When do you think is the time to leave a relationship?

937
00:42:04,239 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 1: So if you have this feeling and you're like, I'm

938
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:08,320
Speaker 1: just not sure, how much time do you think you

939
00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:11,839
Speaker 1: should give yourself to really maybe investigate it if you've

940
00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:14,239
Speaker 1: got like a bit of relationship anxiety or like you

941
00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:18,360
Speaker 1: just found yourself being quite stressed about relationships In general.

942
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 4: I think it depends on how long you've been in

943
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:25,360
Speaker 4: the relationship, Like if it's been like six months and

944
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:29,799
Speaker 4: you're like, I'm not. I think every individual relationship is different, right.

945
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:31,799
Speaker 4: I think you just have to take the time that

946
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:34,360
Speaker 4: you need to investigate it and be real with yourself.

947
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:37,320
Speaker 4: I would talk to someone about it, maybe that's a therapist,

948
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:40,319
Speaker 4: a trusted family member or friends. Sometimes like getting the

949
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 4: feelings out into the world with someone like non judgmental

950
00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:45,920
Speaker 4: can be helpful, and then I would make your decision

951
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:46,239
Speaker 4: from there.

952
00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:47,239
Speaker 2: I wouldn't linger for.

953
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:49,359
Speaker 4: Too long, Like I feel like the same way, if

954
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 4: you know you know about being wanting to be with someone,

955
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:53,360
Speaker 4: there's and if you know you know about wanting to

956
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 4: get out, And sometimes we avoid the feeling for far

957
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:58,640
Speaker 4: too long. But like the longer you avoid it, the

958
00:42:58,640 --> 00:42:59,400
Speaker 4: harder it'll be.

959
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:05,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, and trust your gut, Like it's not relationship anxiety

960
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaker 1: if it's been following you for months, like if this

961
00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 1: has been like three months, six months, like there's something

962
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:13,080
Speaker 1: else going on there.

963
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:15,279
Speaker 2: There's something else going on there, and.

964
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:17,399
Speaker 1: You'll feel like a huge sense of relief. I think

965
00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:19,760
Speaker 1: like a lot of people don't want to be single,

966
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:22,600
Speaker 1: and that's actually why they stay in a relationship. Yeah,

967
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:25,279
Speaker 1: what's like your thoughts or advice on that predicament?

968
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 4: I don't think like being single is inferior to being

969
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:32,520
Speaker 4: in a relationship. Like I don't see one as like

970
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,919
Speaker 4: a waiting room and one it's a destination. I see

971
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:37,800
Speaker 4: them as like sort of equivalents, or like being single

972
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:41,120
Speaker 4: can be equal to dating and can be equal to

973
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:43,839
Speaker 4: being in a relationship. You can be single and want

974
00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:45,759
Speaker 4: to be in a relationship, but there's like nothing wrong

975
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:47,839
Speaker 4: with being single. And I think once you realize like

976
00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 4: being single.

977
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:52,320
Speaker 2: Is not a waiting room, it gets so much better because.

978
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 4: Like you're like, yeah, right, Like I was like waiting

979
00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:56,280
Speaker 4: to live my life un till I was in a relationship.

980
00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:58,759
Speaker 2: That's sort of so sad, Like let me just live

981
00:43:58,800 --> 00:43:59,280
Speaker 2: it now.

982
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:02,360
Speaker 4: I understand being scared to be single after being in

983
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:05,880
Speaker 4: a partnership for so long, But like being scared means

984
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 4: that you care, and I think that's a really good

985
00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:10,600
Speaker 4: place to start. And not only that, Like when you

986
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:12,640
Speaker 4: are scared and when you do something brave, like that's

987
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:15,239
Speaker 4: when the greatest transformations of your life happens. You have

988
00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:17,319
Speaker 4: to like keep the faith that on the other side

989
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:19,239
Speaker 4: it will be good again, and I do believe that

990
00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:21,239
Speaker 4: it will be. Like no one has been heartbroken for

991
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:22,200
Speaker 4: their whole entire life.

992
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:22,920
Speaker 2: It's not a thing.

993
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:25,719
Speaker 1: And even if they have, they've made amazing art from it,

994
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:29,440
Speaker 1: like or they have like poured that into other people, like.

995
00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:33,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, something. But even though yeah.

996
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:33,279
Speaker 3: This is the thing.

997
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 1: Like I was saying this to my friend the other day,

998
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:37,399
Speaker 1: I was like, maybe that's where all the cat ladies come.

999
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:39,239
Speaker 1: And there's a lot of souls that need love, and

1000
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:42,080
Speaker 1: like there's always You're always gonna find love in like

1001
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:45,400
Speaker 1: some form, right, Like maybe maybe you will grieve this

1002
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:47,680
Speaker 1: person for the rest of your life. You probably most

1003
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:50,239
Speaker 1: certainly won't, but if you do, like that means that

1004
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:53,040
Speaker 1: you're going to have so so much more emotion to

1005
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:55,640
Speaker 1: to put into other things as well, like and that

1006
00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:58,080
Speaker 1: means you're gonna feel very very human. And also you're

1007
00:44:58,120 --> 00:45:01,799
Speaker 1: just like that's the worst case scenario. It's obviously not

1008
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:05,880
Speaker 1: going to actually occur. Like people, people are so flexible

1009
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:09,160
Speaker 1: and get over so much more and so much worse,

1010
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:11,279
Speaker 1: and like your heart can take so much more than

1011
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:14,799
Speaker 1: you expect. Let's like turn our focus back onto your

1012
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:15,879
Speaker 1: book ause we wrap up.

1013
00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:17,920
Speaker 3: It's out now.

1014
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:20,680
Speaker 1: When this episode comes out, you guys may have called

1015
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:22,480
Speaker 1: on that we are recording this a little bit early,

1016
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 1: but I just had to get Eli on the show.

1017
00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:26,000
Speaker 3: It's out now.

1018
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:29,160
Speaker 1: What is your favorite chapter or favorite takeaway from this

1019
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:30,720
Speaker 1: collection of essays?

1020
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:34,240
Speaker 4: I love the last chapter, like that's probably my favor.

1021
00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:36,920
Speaker 4: Like if I had to choose my number one, it would.

1022
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:37,280
Speaker 2: Be the last.

1023
00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:39,919
Speaker 4: I also really like the first, But my favorite thing

1024
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:43,520
Speaker 4: is like getting to see what other people think of it,

1025
00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 4: Like somebody's favorite chapter is not going to be one

1026
00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:48,279
Speaker 4: of those two that I just mentioned, And I can't

1027
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:52,439
Speaker 4: wait to find those little nuggets of reader feedback out

1028
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:53,560
Speaker 4: once it's in the world.

1029
00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:55,920
Speaker 3: What's the last chapter on so we all.

1030
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:59,800
Speaker 2: Know it is? Does anyone else feel like it's okay?

1031
00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:01,000
Speaker 2: Ought to know everything?

1032
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:05,359
Speaker 1: The biggest fear about twenties the fear from which all

1033
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:08,160
Speaker 1: other fears stem from. I believe the fear of of

1034
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:12,440
Speaker 1: the n Yes, I can't wait to read it. We

1035
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:16,120
Speaker 1: always finished with this one question and I'm excited to

1036
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:18,040
Speaker 1: hear answer, which is, what is one thing you wish

1037
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 1: you knew sooner about your twenties or one piece of

1038
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 1: advice you would have for someone in your twenties that

1039
00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:26,440
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with what we discussed today.

1040
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:30,560
Speaker 4: I would say, like, don't try to waste it away,

1041
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:32,799
Speaker 4: don't try to be like onto the next all the time.

1042
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:35,480
Speaker 4: I think there was a large chunk of my twenties

1043
00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:37,880
Speaker 4: that I was just so wanting to be out of

1044
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 4: that phase, out of my skin and into a different phase,

1045
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:43,680
Speaker 4: into a different moment, and I just like really regret

1046
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:45,839
Speaker 4: not living in the present more so, I would say,

1047
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:49,920
Speaker 4: just like, lean into the moment, even if it's uncomfortable, sticky, shitty, awful,

1048
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:52,760
Speaker 4: you hate it, You're never going to get the time back,

1049
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 4: and who knows what the future holds.

1050
00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:58,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, respect all seasons. They're they're for a reason, even

1051
00:46:59,080 --> 00:46:59,759
Speaker 1: the terrible ones.

1052
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:01,719
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1053
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:04,520
Speaker 1: Well, I want to thank you again for coming on

1054
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 1: the podcast. Where can everybody find you?

1055
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:10,960
Speaker 4: You can find me on Instagram eli at elaidar Ralo

1056
00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:12,719
Speaker 4: and TikTok at Eli Raalo And you can get the

1057
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:14,480
Speaker 4: book wherever you buy books.

1058
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:17,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can get both books. I will leave them

1059
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:21,239
Speaker 1: in the description below. They have really cool covers as well.

1060
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:23,560
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, thank you. I appreciate that the cover.

1061
00:47:23,719 --> 00:47:26,239
Speaker 1: Like I remember when you announced like your second book,

1062
00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:28,359
Speaker 1: I was like, that's a really sexy cover.

1063
00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:32,080
Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank you, people are going to love it.

1064
00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:34,880
Speaker 1: Thank you again for joining us as always, if you

1065
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 1: enjoyed the episode, please leave a five star review wherever

1066
00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:40,440
Speaker 1: you are listening. Make sure you're following along and follow

1067
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:44,040
Speaker 1: us on Instagram at that Psychology podcast to see the

1068
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:46,719
Speaker 1: other guests we have coming on this December as well

1069
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:49,400
Speaker 1: as just keep up behind the scenes, stay safe, be kind,

1070
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:51,879
Speaker 1: be gentle to yourself. We will talk very very soon.