1 00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:04,280 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of four, 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:08,440 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah hart Hunger. 3 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:11,800 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On 4 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,640 Speaker 1: the side, we are two working parents who love our 5 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:18,000 Speaker 1: careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,520 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:37,000 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode sixty four. We are 11 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:42,280 Speaker 1: talking reader our listener questions this week. We're trying to 12 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,920 Speaker 1: figure out what we're doing. But to say this episode 13 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,320 Speaker 1: is first airing. This episode sixty four. This is first 14 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:52,760 Speaker 1: airing on October twenty three, which is right before Halloween, 15 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:57,120 Speaker 1: a major holiday for anyone with young kids. Sarah, I 16 00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:01,640 Speaker 1: hope you have ordered your costumes a well ahead of time, 17 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:05,360 Speaker 1: well by the time it airs. Let's hope we're recording 18 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 1: it on October third. And I feel like you know 19 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:10,240 Speaker 1: once the calendar, so I don't really like Halloween, is 20 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:12,680 Speaker 1: the thing. I'm sure that people who like Halloween enjoy 21 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 1: getting started in September, but I don't feel any need 22 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,120 Speaker 1: to like draw it out any longer than necessary. But 23 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:22,040 Speaker 1: I also need enough time for everything to arrive in 24 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:26,120 Speaker 1: the mail. So October first was a little bit of 25 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:31,480 Speaker 1: a trigger for me, and I'm going to order everything 26 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:36,319 Speaker 1: so we can survive and move on. I don't I 27 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,040 Speaker 1: just I'm not a big fan. I don't like all 28 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 1: the crappy candy we live in this I think I've 29 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 1: mentioned it, but it's like the Halloween epicenter of Miami. 30 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:47,360 Speaker 1: It's like every kid seems to get busted in for 31 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,320 Speaker 1: trick or treating and it's like mobs of people, hundreds 32 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,640 Speaker 1: of dollars of candy just evaporate. And you know, this year, 33 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 1: I'm gonna have Genevieve and it's going to be read 34 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 1: around her bedtime. She's gonna be tired. I don't know. 35 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:01,080 Speaker 1: I'm such a curmudgeon about Halloween really like other holidays. 36 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:03,600 Speaker 1: So it's not like I don't like I love Valentine's Day, 37 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:07,440 Speaker 1: I love Thanksgiving, I love the Christmas and Hanakha. I 38 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:11,519 Speaker 1: love holidays. Get this one. Yeah, are you going to 39 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:16,040 Speaker 1: do your non artificial candy again? Or you're wholesome, wholesome 40 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:19,600 Speaker 1: candy options, I think. So I think I'm gonna well, 41 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:22,280 Speaker 1: I will say, like we gave out glowsticks and like 42 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:25,360 Speaker 1: little like stickers and like erasers and stuff. And in 43 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,840 Speaker 1: addition to our like, I think I got like it's 44 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:30,520 Speaker 1: not good as healthy, but it's just like not as 45 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,520 Speaker 1: artificial and whatever kind of candy. So yes, I think 46 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 1: I will do that again. And the glow sticks actually 47 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:39,560 Speaker 1: were they seemed well received, they went fast. Yeah, well 48 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,920 Speaker 1: that's good. And we're on a semi busy road without sidewalks, 49 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:46,520 Speaker 1: so like we rarely get many trick or treaders sometimes, 50 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,600 Speaker 1: like our kids friends will just I mean if they're 51 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 1: in their car or something that will stop by. But 52 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 1: we just put a basket out in the front and 53 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 1: usually that that does the trick, and then we go 54 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:58,799 Speaker 1: and trick or treat In areas around us that have 55 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,359 Speaker 1: more sidewalks, we'd be the people who'd be coming into 56 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 1: your neighborhood. We'd be those folks. No, I always have 57 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:07,079 Speaker 1: to put on my calendar to remember to get the 58 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:11,400 Speaker 1: costumes because yeah, just doesn't occur to me otherwise, And 59 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:13,640 Speaker 1: then you wind up having to do whatever is on 60 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:19,680 Speaker 1: Amazon and always the one, the thing that the kid wants. Yeah, 61 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 1: I know last year there was this whole thing of 62 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:23,760 Speaker 1: like my daughter wanted to be shimmer and shine, but 63 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,040 Speaker 1: she didn't want to be the one that they had 64 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,480 Speaker 1: a lot of, Like they had shine costumes, you know, 65 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:30,760 Speaker 1: in every size, and they had no shimmer. Maybe it's 66 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,040 Speaker 1: the opposite. I really don't remember, but uh, you know, 67 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:38,360 Speaker 1: we could not find a shimmer costume. No, I know, 68 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 1: it was just no fun. But uh well, we'll we'll 69 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 1: do it. And I think that the three year old 70 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 1: will be pretty excited about it this year. So yeah, 71 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:49,640 Speaker 1: that's true. Three is like that's the first the first 72 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,680 Speaker 1: time he can like really totally understand what he's doing, 73 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,560 Speaker 1: and that'll be fun. And I will say dressing up 74 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:58,040 Speaker 1: babies and costumes is sort of yeah. I remember one year. 75 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 1: One year we made one of our babies then a lobs. 76 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,200 Speaker 1: We have this lobster costume, so then the parent can 77 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:06,520 Speaker 1: be like the chef or something. So that's that's kind 78 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 1: of fun for an armed baby, kind kind of casting. 79 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,720 Speaker 1: But our elementary school does this huge parade. It's kind 80 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:17,640 Speaker 1: of one of the highlights. I mean, you tell new 81 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,599 Speaker 1: parents at the school, like you should plan on working 82 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 1: from home on October thirty first, because you're you're going 83 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,680 Speaker 1: to be wanting to be there or at least expected 84 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 1: to be there, so we're I do take it off 85 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,080 Speaker 1: of them. I take it off of work so that 86 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:32,080 Speaker 1: I can be available. Although they're not allowed to stay 87 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,799 Speaker 1: the word Halloween at the school for real good based 88 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:40,120 Speaker 1: religious reasons. This is the public school because Jehovah's witnesses 89 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:44,120 Speaker 1: are not allowed to practice Halloween, and I guess Orthodox Jewish, 90 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,279 Speaker 1: so I don't know how many of those there are 91 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,320 Speaker 1: the elementary school, but there must be some because they're 92 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:50,040 Speaker 1: not ledged to Halloween. But they do have a it's 93 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:54,560 Speaker 1: like a dress as your favorite book character parade on Halloween, 94 00:04:54,920 --> 00:05:02,520 Speaker 1: so that's sort of yeah. Well, we can't have food 95 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,640 Speaker 1: for our parties now that that has been banned, so 96 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:10,240 Speaker 1: be thinking about I'm going to be running the third 97 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,640 Speaker 1: graders in class Halloween parties, so I'm gonna have to 98 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:16,880 Speaker 1: come up with activities and non food related stuff. You know. 99 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:23,679 Speaker 1: That's probably good though, they're going to get plenty of candy. Yeah, yeah, 100 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,240 Speaker 1: So we thought we might have done We were trying 101 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:28,120 Speaker 1: to figure out what we would do with this episode. 102 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,200 Speaker 1: We had a bunch of different ideas, all of which 103 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:33,160 Speaker 1: may be resurrected in the future. We had thought about 104 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:36,240 Speaker 1: doing a you know, advice we'd give our new momsselves, 105 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,600 Speaker 1: like what we did differently kid one versus Kid three 106 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:41,320 Speaker 1: or kid four. But maybe we'll do that in the future. 107 00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 1: But we encourage people to write in if you are 108 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,640 Speaker 1: part of a if you have a bigger family, you know, 109 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:50,760 Speaker 1: things you did differently with your latter children than the 110 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 1: earlier children, things you learned along the way. We'd love 111 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,320 Speaker 1: to have those tips. But we thought, you know, we 112 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,719 Speaker 1: keep getting all these great questions, listeners sending questions, and 113 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:02,960 Speaker 1: if we're only doing one episode, well, we've got hundreds 114 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,600 Speaker 1: we're gonna run out of we want to get. So 115 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:10,920 Speaker 1: we have hundreds. Wow, okay, but so a lot, and 116 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,760 Speaker 1: so we wanted to get to more than if we're 117 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,400 Speaker 1: only doing one an episode. It is kind of hard 118 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,360 Speaker 1: to get to them in a timely manner. So we thought, 119 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:19,600 Speaker 1: we just do a mail bag episode. So we're going 120 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,240 Speaker 1: to go through a couple of questions that we've gotten 121 00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:26,960 Speaker 1: recently and see what our takes are. I'm very curious 122 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,520 Speaker 1: to hear what Sarah's takes are on all days, so 123 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 1: I think we'll go ahead and dive right in. Our 124 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:38,159 Speaker 1: first question is on room sharing. You want do you 125 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:41,040 Speaker 1: want me to read better? Sure? Okay, my kids are 126 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:44,680 Speaker 1: exactly four and one years old. We want them to 127 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:47,240 Speaker 1: share a room. The twelve month old is pretty reliable 128 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:50,080 Speaker 1: twelve hour per night sleeper seven p to seven A 129 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 1: who that gives me hope for the future, and their 130 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,359 Speaker 1: four year old is not. There's a lot of playing, 131 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:57,440 Speaker 1: which I don't mind, between the time the adult leaves 132 00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:00,279 Speaker 1: her currently in our room after bedtime stories and the 133 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:03,000 Speaker 1: time she falls asleep. At some point, I would like 134 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,960 Speaker 1: you to move from the sleeping bag next to our bed. 135 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:07,479 Speaker 1: It's an elephant sleeping bag by the way back to 136 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,960 Speaker 1: her room where her brother sleeps in his crib. Any 137 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:12,120 Speaker 1: tips are guidance for when the kids can share, how 138 00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 1: to implement the system, and if it's essential for them 139 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,720 Speaker 1: to have the same bedtime for it to work. And 140 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,800 Speaker 1: then she did right that. One option would be to 141 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,400 Speaker 1: try some various scenarios to see what happened. But the 142 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,880 Speaker 1: four year old's sleep struggle is her signature issue, and 143 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,520 Speaker 1: understandably she doesn't have a ton of energy for keeping 144 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 1: an open and calm mind about the experimentation. Well, I 145 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 1: will start with my answer, since I did go through 146 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 1: this fairly recently, although not with a one year old 147 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 1: with a little bit. You know, Cameron was older by 148 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 1: the time we put them together. But I will say 149 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 1: that you can let go of some of your fear 150 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:50,440 Speaker 1: because I had a lot of trepidation about putting my 151 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:53,040 Speaker 1: two together. I felt like they would disturb each other. 152 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 1: I felt like they would kind of turn it into 153 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:58,120 Speaker 1: a circus. I was worried they would wake each other 154 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,120 Speaker 1: up before one woke up at night, and that has 155 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 1: not been our experience at all. You know. The difference 156 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 1: is our kids do have the same bedtime. However, you know, 157 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 1: kids sleep very soundly, especially in the beginning of the night. 158 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:11,840 Speaker 1: You know, it's very easy to wake up the child 159 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,560 Speaker 1: at the end of the night, and too that wouldn't 160 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,800 Speaker 1: ask our sleep reach their shirt. Yes, about this, but 161 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:19,960 Speaker 1: I'm guessing it's just because they're in lighter phases of sleep. 162 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:21,680 Speaker 1: But at the beginning of the night, if you put 163 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 1: your one year old to bed, it's pretty unlikely that 164 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 1: they're going to stir. When you bring the four year 165 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,400 Speaker 1: old in, and you might be amazed at how much 166 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:32,120 Speaker 1: of a rocket the four year old could make without 167 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,319 Speaker 1: doing much for the one year old's sleep. And it's 168 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,439 Speaker 1: true you're tired, so it's not fun to experiment, But 169 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:37,800 Speaker 1: the only way you're going to find out is to 170 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,680 Speaker 1: do it. So I mean, I would try to let 171 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,200 Speaker 1: go of some of your fear. I think that having 172 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 1: different bedtimes is fine. I think since you said your 173 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,679 Speaker 1: four year old is having that as their signature issue, 174 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:51,199 Speaker 1: you're at the perfect age, at least in my household, 175 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,920 Speaker 1: for them to understand and perhaps want to abide by 176 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:56,480 Speaker 1: a sticker chart. So maybe make a really simple one 177 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,960 Speaker 1: where like they get a star sticker if they stay 178 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,640 Speaker 1: in bed after the cut to bed, and if they 179 00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:03,640 Speaker 1: get three or four stars, they get a toy. Like 180 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,599 Speaker 1: you know in that age group unique, it's to be 181 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:08,840 Speaker 1: a very simple sticker church, we have much more elaborate 182 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:13,080 Speaker 1: ones now most benefits. Yeah, that could be a whole 183 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,880 Speaker 1: episode anyway. And I will say one other thing, which 184 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,040 Speaker 1: is that I've heard in some cases that sleeping together 185 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:21,079 Speaker 1: sometimes helps. You know, there are some kids who you 186 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:22,760 Speaker 1: know they're feel frill of being alone, but when they 187 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,320 Speaker 1: know there's another person, even if it's a much younger sibling. 188 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:28,480 Speaker 1: They may actually enjoy that company, so you never know. 189 00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:30,439 Speaker 1: It could it could be the opposite of backfire. I 190 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 1: would say, don't be afraid. Yeah, I would say you're fortunate, 191 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,240 Speaker 1: and that the kid who would have the earlier bedtime 192 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,880 Speaker 1: is the really good sleeper, right, because I don't if 193 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,720 Speaker 1: you're if your one year old is reliably sleeping twelve 194 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 1: hours a night, you know from seven pm on, that 195 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,040 Speaker 1: kid's not going to wake up. You know, when the 196 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,800 Speaker 1: four year old comes in and does the four year 197 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:55,880 Speaker 1: old's thing, I would say that, you know, we had 198 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:57,800 Speaker 1: a note about framing it is that they get to 199 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:00,280 Speaker 1: be together, not that they have to be together. They're like, 200 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,560 Speaker 1: you know, this is the way our mommy and daddy 201 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,679 Speaker 1: want our own time, like get out of our bedroom. 202 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,839 Speaker 1: It's more that they get to be together. And I 203 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:10,559 Speaker 1: would frame it even as the four year old being 204 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:14,280 Speaker 1: the special helper, right, Oh, you're being my special helper 205 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:16,959 Speaker 1: and showing your little brother or sister how to be 206 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:20,520 Speaker 1: a good sleeper, even if this is in fact exactly 207 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,640 Speaker 1: the opposite of what is actually happening with the two 208 00:10:23,679 --> 00:10:26,600 Speaker 1: of them. So we have some room sharing. I mean 209 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:29,720 Speaker 1: this the reality of four children is that's often going 210 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:33,280 Speaker 1: to be the case unless you have an incredibly huge house. 211 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 1: Our eleven and nine year old boys share a bedroom, 212 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:40,840 Speaker 1: which sounds like it would be perfect, like theoretically perfect. 213 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:43,520 Speaker 1: The one issue that they're different kids. They kind of 214 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:47,480 Speaker 1: have different sleep needs. I think theoretically the nine year 215 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,880 Speaker 1: old and my three year old are more similar and 216 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,920 Speaker 1: in the long run, would be better roommates. But there's 217 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,920 Speaker 1: that age gap, and right now the three year old 218 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 1: is starting to sleep much much better. I mean, it 219 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:00,679 Speaker 1: is just a night and day where it was a 220 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,640 Speaker 1: year ago. But I'm still a little worried about that. 221 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,880 Speaker 1: So I totally understand the not wanting to mess around 222 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 1: with something and when it's when sleep is on the line. 223 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,599 Speaker 1: I kind of hope that the way we have it 224 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:16,320 Speaker 1: set up, there's two bedrooms for the boys that are 225 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:19,520 Speaker 1: connected by a bathroom, and I have this hope that 226 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,720 Speaker 1: the three of them will arrive at various solutions as 227 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:26,199 Speaker 1: they get older that may be constantly changing, but that 228 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:29,000 Speaker 1: the three of them can work those out together so that, 229 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,040 Speaker 1: you know, maybe they'll sleep in different arrangements, maybe those 230 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:35,000 Speaker 1: will be fluid on different nights. You know, maybe they'll 231 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 1: decide to have all three of them in room and 232 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,240 Speaker 1: turn one of them into like a playroom or study 233 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,640 Speaker 1: room or game room or something like that. I'm kind 234 00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:44,520 Speaker 1: of open to what they suggest. But right now we 235 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,920 Speaker 1: have the nine and eleven year old together. They actually 236 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,959 Speaker 1: were together for the first time when we lived in 237 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,920 Speaker 1: New York City and we had a two bedroom apartment, 238 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 1: so they kind of had to be together. And when 239 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:56,040 Speaker 1: we were first moving the baby out of our room, 240 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,360 Speaker 1: I was really worried about it same reason. You know, 241 00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:01,360 Speaker 1: he wasn't as good a sleep as this person's one 242 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,080 Speaker 1: year old, and I was, you know, is he going 243 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,800 Speaker 1: to wake every month up? Because the truth is, you know, 244 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:10,319 Speaker 1: my oldest slept through everything. It didn't matter. So like 245 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:13,360 Speaker 1: kids are, kids are kind of remarkable that way. And 246 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:16,240 Speaker 1: so you know, it worked or maybe it won't work, 247 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:20,360 Speaker 1: and which case you might have to consider moving or 248 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:24,240 Speaker 1: sometimes create a solution like well, I've heard of people 249 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,840 Speaker 1: putting their infants or toddlers converting a closet space into 250 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,320 Speaker 1: her bedroom because they don't actually need a lot of space. 251 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:33,319 Speaker 1: So you know, you could always do something that seems 252 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 1: a little crazy but actually works. All right, I mean, 253 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,600 Speaker 1: let's move on to question too. So this is about 254 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 1: being a type A person and how that interacts with 255 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 1: the reality of children. So this woman writes, I am 256 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,599 Speaker 1: the first time mom who just returned to work, and 257 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:53,000 Speaker 1: listening to the best of both worlds podcasts is getting 258 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,400 Speaker 1: her through. I'll work grateful to hear that. Thank you 259 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:58,480 Speaker 1: so much, she says. I'm definitely struggling with the fifth trimester. 260 00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:00,800 Speaker 1: That's the phrase from Lauren's Smith Brodie, who was a 261 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:04,720 Speaker 1: guest before and postpartum anxiety. I am breastfeeding and pumping, 262 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,839 Speaker 1: so that is adding stress because I want it to 263 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,920 Speaker 1: go so well. I think by listening and she wrote 264 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,040 Speaker 1: this to Sarah, I wouldn't add that you might be 265 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:15,360 Speaker 1: a type A personality like myself. I was wondering how 266 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:18,359 Speaker 1: you deal with being a type A personality and relinquishing 267 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 1: control as part of my anxiety. I like to control 268 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,679 Speaker 1: things and motherhood does not allow for this. I am 269 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:26,480 Speaker 1: trying to learn to go with the clob but it 270 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,679 Speaker 1: is difficult, and being a working mom is forcing me 271 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,040 Speaker 1: to try to be more open. But I am still struggling. 272 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,439 Speaker 1: All right, Sarah, what do you want to say? I 273 00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:42,079 Speaker 1: wonder how she knew. Yeah, I would describe myself that way. 274 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,280 Speaker 1: For better or for worse. But you know, the more 275 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 1: kids you have, the less control you get to keep. Actually, 276 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:52,199 Speaker 1: I will say, my wonderful mother in law said something like, 277 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,120 Speaker 1: you know, ever since you've had Jenimie, if you're actually 278 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,839 Speaker 1: more relaxed than you you ever were, And that was 279 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,760 Speaker 1: I was kind of like, maybe it's just you. At 280 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,439 Speaker 1: some point you have you just have to become that way. 281 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:06,960 Speaker 1: It's out of necessity. I still I think I tend 282 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,680 Speaker 1: to just choose my areas of control. I mean, as 283 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:13,120 Speaker 1: you know, just like you. I definitely find nursing and 284 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:16,880 Speaker 1: pumping to be something that I am dedicated to and 285 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:21,520 Speaker 1: somewhat control freakish about, although I still set limits on 286 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:25,200 Speaker 1: that to keep my own sanity in check. I might 287 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:29,000 Speaker 1: control things that aren't harmful of control, like you know, 288 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 1: setting goals of getting in self care, things like working 289 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 1: out or you know, writing on the blog or trying 290 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,560 Speaker 1: to get my patient notes done. But I mean, I 291 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:42,480 Speaker 1: think I think that the fact that you're thinking about 292 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:47,000 Speaker 1: this is helpful already, because the reality is that things 293 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,800 Speaker 1: like you know when your baby sleeps or when they 294 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:53,520 Speaker 1: reach certain milestones, or you know what your time is 295 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,320 Speaker 1: going to look like if you don't have childcare, or like, 296 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:58,880 Speaker 1: for example, you know you can't you can't freak out 297 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,840 Speaker 1: because your child won't map if you don't have childcare 298 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:02,120 Speaker 1: and you thought you were going to do something like 299 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:03,760 Speaker 1: I might have done that when I had Annabelle, but 300 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,240 Speaker 1: you know, you don't win. It's kind of like being 301 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,720 Speaker 1: in a traffic down, Like you can sit there freaking 302 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 1: out that you are late, or you can just be like, well, 303 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:15,720 Speaker 1: this is happening, because you have to realize in certain 304 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 1: situations that ruminating over something is only going to add 305 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:23,280 Speaker 1: to the stress and not provide any benefit. So I 306 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 1: think continuing to think about where your focus is and 307 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,720 Speaker 1: really looking to question your own anxiety about you know, 308 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,120 Speaker 1: where it needs to be and where where it's more 309 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:36,200 Speaker 1: productive to focus those efforts is helpful. And maybe you 310 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:39,400 Speaker 1: should just have more kids because certain things do start 311 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:43,920 Speaker 1: to be less important sometimes than they might the first 312 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,240 Speaker 1: time around. And like I would, I would, I would 313 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:49,040 Speaker 1: hazard to guess that even things like my first grader's 314 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,240 Speaker 1: homer projects, which are sort of a source of stress, 315 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,920 Speaker 1: won't be by the time I have to deal with them, 316 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:57,360 Speaker 1: that there are time around. Yeah, I would say that's 317 00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:00,720 Speaker 1: probably true. I'm not type at all. I was joking 318 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:05,760 Speaker 1: that I just play one professionally. But having lots of 319 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,960 Speaker 1: kids definitely helps. Not that I'm saying everyone needs to 320 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,320 Speaker 1: have three or four kids, but there's so much you 321 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 1: sort of recognize that isn't in your hands. They are 322 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 1: their own little people, and I mean this makes sense 323 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,360 Speaker 1: if we think about ourselves. I mean, you don't view 324 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:21,960 Speaker 1: yourself as an extension of your parents, and you certainly 325 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,520 Speaker 1: believe that you have agency apart from your parents, and 326 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:29,160 Speaker 1: you probably remember having agency as a kid as well, 327 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:32,360 Speaker 1: and so they are not you. They are their own 328 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:36,400 Speaker 1: little people. You can certainly guide them in certain things, 329 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:39,040 Speaker 1: but ultimately they will be who they are going to be. 330 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,440 Speaker 1: And I think when you sort of recognize that that 331 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,560 Speaker 1: you can kind of relax and enjoy them for who 332 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:47,600 Speaker 1: they are, because often they're very cool little people who 333 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:51,080 Speaker 1: are different from you, and that's great. I think it's 334 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 1: always good to ask yourself why you are doing things 335 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,840 Speaker 1: and what stories you are telling yourself, and that if 336 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,120 Speaker 1: you are choosing to make life harder, that you have 337 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,480 Speaker 1: a very good reason. Because there's no perfect way to 338 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:04,000 Speaker 1: raise children. I mean, aside from loving them, feeding them, 339 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:06,359 Speaker 1: you know, making sure their physical needs are met. There 340 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:11,080 Speaker 1: are infinite variety of ways. I mean some are culturally specific. 341 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,320 Speaker 1: I mean we went and visited you know, parents and 342 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:16,359 Speaker 1: I don't know the rainforest, and we're still like a 343 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,720 Speaker 1: try that they'd be doing it entirely different and yet 344 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:21,520 Speaker 1: their kids are going to be fine for their culture. 345 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,000 Speaker 1: I mean, this is just there are many, many ways, 346 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,080 Speaker 1: and I think recognizing that helps a lot. So just 347 00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:30,000 Speaker 1: always as yourself, why am I doing this? Is this helping? 348 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:31,760 Speaker 1: If it's making my life harder, do I have a 349 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 1: really good reason for that? But also, she used the 350 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,040 Speaker 1: word anxiety a few times in this letter, which if 351 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,720 Speaker 1: she sees that in herself. You know, we've talked about 352 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,480 Speaker 1: in the past on this podcast that there's nothing wrong 353 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,720 Speaker 1: with getting professional help and maybe this is just a 354 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,920 Speaker 1: time of life that would be good to see a 355 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,560 Speaker 1: therapist for a while and see if that might help 356 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:52,720 Speaker 1: you work through some of those issues. Yes, totally agree, 357 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 1: All right. Our next question comes from somebody who wants 358 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:57,920 Speaker 1: to talk about fresh starts, So this is more of 359 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,840 Speaker 1: a career question. She says, I'm interested in both of 360 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,440 Speaker 1: your perspectives on the topic of changing jobs and fresh 361 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,399 Speaker 1: starts after a few years working. I'm switching companies for 362 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,280 Speaker 1: the first time in a few weeks. Very excited and 363 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,520 Speaker 1: she's excited about it's more senior role in line with 364 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:14,920 Speaker 1: her career goals, comes with a significant increase in compensation yay. 365 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,639 Speaker 1: She's also this is the first time she's starting a 366 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,120 Speaker 1: job as a seasoned professional as opposed to a fresh 367 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,680 Speaker 1: out of school nubie, which is what she was the 368 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,240 Speaker 1: last time. She's in her late twenty lives with her husband. 369 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,520 Speaker 1: They enjoy traveling, reading, cooking in her spare time. No 370 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,679 Speaker 1: plans for kids yet, though she notes her employer has 371 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:31,960 Speaker 1: on site childcare, so something she's thinking about in the future. 372 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,639 Speaker 1: She's very ambitious and thinking of starting an MBA in 373 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,720 Speaker 1: the next few years and working hard. She also likes 374 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,760 Speaker 1: flexibility and autonomy in her schedule, so in short, she 375 00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:42,800 Speaker 1: wants to use this opportunity of a new job to 376 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,200 Speaker 1: reset and, as she says, think about how I build 377 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:46,840 Speaker 1: my career at a new company as well as my 378 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,680 Speaker 1: time in day to day schedule. I'm thinking about things 379 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:52,120 Speaker 1: like establishing a networking lunch routine at my new job, 380 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,360 Speaker 1: building in time for walking or working out into my day, 381 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,840 Speaker 1: dedicating Friday afternoons for planning sessions, etc. I'm a big 382 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,440 Speaker 1: believer in the beginning if I intend to continue, It's 383 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:02,520 Speaker 1: hard to change routines once they're established. So what do 384 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,639 Speaker 1: you guys think if you had an opportunity to reset, 385 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,960 Speaker 1: like perhaps after Starah's recent maternity leave, how would you 386 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 1: use that? What would you think about starting, stopping, or 387 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,800 Speaker 1: continuing anything you've fallen into doing at work that you 388 00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:19,960 Speaker 1: would avoid if given a second chance. That's Sarah. We 389 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:23,440 Speaker 1: were kind of laughing about your maternity question, and I 390 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,040 Speaker 1: love the train of thought. But for all the people 391 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,720 Speaker 1: like me, you know, if they've recently headed back to 392 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:32,600 Speaker 1: work after maternity, that's not as fresh as a start 393 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:36,800 Speaker 1: as you might imagine, because you're not feeling fresh in 394 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:41,920 Speaker 1: ninety nine percent of cases. So I think I love 395 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,720 Speaker 1: the question. I love that she's thinking of it, but 396 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:47,399 Speaker 1: it postpartum life is maybe not totally the time. However, 397 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,800 Speaker 1: I think that just by asking this question and putting 398 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,240 Speaker 1: it out there, you know, she's already set herself up 399 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,840 Speaker 1: for a success. And I was immediately brought to mind 400 00:19:57,359 --> 00:20:01,360 Speaker 1: one of Gretchen Rubens's like habits have it I don't 401 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,600 Speaker 1: know tenants, which is something like the strategy of the 402 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,240 Speaker 1: fresh start, and yes, a new job is a perfect 403 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,440 Speaker 1: time to think about what you might want to do differently. 404 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:15,080 Speaker 1: Now you ask specifically, what would we think about starting, stopping, 405 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,080 Speaker 1: and what would we potentially do differently. I think all 406 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:21,000 Speaker 1: of your ideas are fantastic. I agree with building in 407 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:24,879 Speaker 1: some networking because it can be one of those as 408 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,840 Speaker 1: we just mentioned on another episode, you know, important but 409 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,359 Speaker 1: not urgent things that falls by the wayside, and if 410 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,880 Speaker 1: you don't have a regular way to do it, then 411 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:34,840 Speaker 1: you might not. So I love your idea of like, 412 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 1: you know, go out to lunch with a new person 413 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,560 Speaker 1: every week, or make sure to attend at least one 414 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:44,040 Speaker 1: happy hour a month, so building in that networking. Another 415 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:47,440 Speaker 1: idea would be to meet with a mentor in like 416 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,640 Speaker 1: for regular check ins. That's something that I've actually done 417 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,639 Speaker 1: ever since I started at my job, and it's been 418 00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:54,760 Speaker 1: incredibly helpful. Plus I just really like her, so it's 419 00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:59,359 Speaker 1: nice seeing her every month on a scheduled basis. Perhaps 420 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:02,200 Speaker 1: setting up some like learning some reach learning goals, like 421 00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:04,600 Speaker 1: you know, if there's something some skill that you'd like 422 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,320 Speaker 1: to develop, think about like, oh, I'd like to have 423 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:11,280 Speaker 1: this expertise by this time. And finally, I will mention, 424 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,080 Speaker 1: since you are kind of moving up in the world, 425 00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:15,840 Speaker 1: setting some boundaries because your job may come with a 426 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:19,119 Speaker 1: little bit more twenty four to seven expectation, and you 427 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,680 Speaker 1: need to figure out where those walls need to be 428 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:23,280 Speaker 1: for you. Do you want to have there to be 429 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,560 Speaker 1: Is it possible for there to be sometimes that are 430 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,200 Speaker 1: protected and off the grid, and how we manage that. 431 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,840 Speaker 1: So I think thinking through that prior to starting it's 432 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:36,200 Speaker 1: a good idea. But I'm excited to hear Lara's ideas 433 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,880 Speaker 1: as well. Yeah. No, I think fresh starts are great 434 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,320 Speaker 1: for establishing new habits because, as you said, it is 435 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:45,200 Speaker 1: easier to start something new than to convince everyone to 436 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,040 Speaker 1: do it differently once you've been doing it some way 437 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:49,439 Speaker 1: for a while. Not that you can't, I mean, anyone 438 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:52,240 Speaker 1: is listening that you don't have to change jobs in 439 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:56,280 Speaker 1: order to get a fresh start or to change things 440 00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,159 Speaker 1: and expectations at work. So you know, it's always on 441 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:03,240 Speaker 1: the table to renegotiate, but it often is easier when 442 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,119 Speaker 1: you're coming in for the first time. So you know, 443 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,080 Speaker 1: one thing you might think with your daily routine in 444 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,879 Speaker 1: terms of your commute and all that maybe you can 445 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:15,320 Speaker 1: build in exercise or you know, breaks during the day 446 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,479 Speaker 1: in terms of getting physical activity. If you're the kind 447 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:21,879 Speaker 1: of person who everybody knows just we'll be going outside 448 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,640 Speaker 1: for a walk here and there, then it won't seem 449 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:26,359 Speaker 1: strange when you're doing it. It's just the kind of 450 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:29,639 Speaker 1: thing you do. Then people will come to expect it. 451 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,119 Speaker 1: You might think about using the new routine to build 452 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:37,680 Speaker 1: in like some personal good habit like journaling or meditation 453 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:41,080 Speaker 1: or any spiritual practice as you're into. If you sort 454 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,320 Speaker 1: of kind of assume flexibility from the start, you might 455 00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:46,080 Speaker 1: be surprised to see what people will be okay with, 456 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,280 Speaker 1: you know, if you hopefully that was part of the 457 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:53,880 Speaker 1: negotiation sort of you know, understanding what is a complete 458 00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:55,879 Speaker 1: do not ever do at your company, but what is 459 00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,080 Speaker 1: a bit more like some people do some people don't. 460 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:00,320 Speaker 1: Maybe be a little bit more on the side. We're 461 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,040 Speaker 1: going to be the person who does it. One thing 462 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,760 Speaker 1: I would say is make sure that people don't expect 463 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:08,119 Speaker 1: that you respond to everything instantly, because that is going 464 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,080 Speaker 1: to be a very hard thing to maintain for your 465 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,120 Speaker 1: entire life at the company. If they're always like, oh, yeah, 466 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,520 Speaker 1: she's the person who responds to all emails in two minutes, 467 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:18,120 Speaker 1: Like you don't want to be that person who responds 468 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,480 Speaker 1: to all emails in two minutes. Don't let that be 469 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,440 Speaker 1: the defining thing about you. You know, obviously you want 470 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:26,200 Speaker 1: to respond to your manager and to the people who 471 00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:29,040 Speaker 1: report to you. But making sure people know that it 472 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:33,960 Speaker 1: won't be instant is good for setting those original expectations. 473 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,119 Speaker 1: But yeah, no, I think it's that you jobs are 474 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:38,840 Speaker 1: always exciting. I don't know what I would, you know. 475 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,080 Speaker 1: I always think of having a fresh start when the 476 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,919 Speaker 1: school year starts each year, because then the routine changes. 477 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:47,600 Speaker 1: One thing I've been good about do I get the 478 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,720 Speaker 1: elementary school kids on the bus and then I come in, 479 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:51,440 Speaker 1: And that's what I think of as the start of 480 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:55,679 Speaker 1: my work day. And I can maybe answer emails here 481 00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:57,680 Speaker 1: and there prior to that in the course of the 482 00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:00,479 Speaker 1: morning routine, but I really can't. The way I've set 483 00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:03,560 Speaker 1: things up, start real work until about eight thirty five 484 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,000 Speaker 1: eight forty. But if I just build that in and 485 00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:08,280 Speaker 1: understand that that's the case, then I'm usually fine with it. 486 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,240 Speaker 1: And that also means that I'm not generally bringing our 487 00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:13,359 Speaker 1: three year old to preschool. But I've decided I can't. 488 00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,359 Speaker 1: I'm not going to keep pushing the morning forward to 489 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,680 Speaker 1: then starting at nine fifteen. I really would like to 490 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,639 Speaker 1: start at eight thirty five as opposed to nine fifteen. 491 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:25,800 Speaker 1: And so far that's been good. You know. Just having 492 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:29,480 Speaker 1: that routine helps with not making it a question every 493 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,760 Speaker 1: single day. All right, We've got one more question for 494 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:36,159 Speaker 1: this episode, and I will read it. This person writes 495 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,280 Speaker 1: in that she appreciates our discussions on mom guilt and 496 00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:42,120 Speaker 1: found it helpful, so thank you for that. Her question 497 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:43,840 Speaker 1: is related to that, but is a little different. She 498 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,760 Speaker 1: says she gets to a point of burnout or imbalance, 499 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:49,520 Speaker 1: mostly in her work life, and then tends to take 500 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:53,520 Speaker 1: a break and slack for a while. She feels that 501 00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,120 Speaker 1: she has a hard time bouncing back to productivity after 502 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:59,400 Speaker 1: the slacking time, and it doesn't really happen until things 503 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,119 Speaker 1: have piled up to the point where she has to 504 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,479 Speaker 1: kind of go into like overdrive work mode, and then 505 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:07,120 Speaker 1: she burns out again and gets into the behind schedule again. 506 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,760 Speaker 1: So out that cycle continues until it's not working for her. 507 00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:13,480 Speaker 1: She says she is in a client services sector. I mean, 508 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:15,399 Speaker 1: I can imagine this being it's funny like when she 509 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,800 Speaker 1: described that I was like, because she, you know, doing 510 00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:21,240 Speaker 1: a book deadline and then she's doing nothing and procrastinating. 511 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:24,160 Speaker 1: But no, it's more of a public client services. She's 512 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,240 Speaker 1: in accounting, and she says she gets a lot of 513 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:28,800 Speaker 1: requests that are quote out of the blue, but they're 514 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,800 Speaker 1: not really out of the blue because she knows what's coming, 515 00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,440 Speaker 1: just that some of the timing is flexible and unpredictable. 516 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:36,879 Speaker 1: She's writing that she has found out with a lot 517 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:40,000 Speaker 1: of productivity has to try to combat this, but she 518 00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:43,240 Speaker 1: still feels that nothing works totally for her, and she's 519 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:46,480 Speaker 1: an information overload and writes, my task list is growing 520 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:49,680 Speaker 1: faster than it's being taken off. She's tried to build 521 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,600 Speaker 1: in some buffers, and she does still deal with the 522 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:57,520 Speaker 1: sleepless sleeplessness that little kids bring. But she's really looking 523 00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:01,600 Speaker 1: to try to break that cycle of kind of overdrive 524 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,840 Speaker 1: and then underperformance, to recover and then overdrive. So what 525 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,639 Speaker 1: do we have for her? I was stressed out just 526 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:13,399 Speaker 1: reading this question. I sort of know what she means 527 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:17,480 Speaker 1: a little bit. I mean, there are definitely times when 528 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:21,040 Speaker 1: I get to relax more and catch up, and sometimes 529 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,200 Speaker 1: it takes I have to recover. So like Okay, So 530 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,240 Speaker 1: for me, for an example that would parallel this is 531 00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:28,879 Speaker 1: when I'm on call, sometimes I just can't keep up 532 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:31,000 Speaker 1: and then everything piles up. But I'm also really tired, 533 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:32,960 Speaker 1: so when call is over, I kind of do nothing, 534 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,880 Speaker 1: and then everything kind of does pile up until I'm 535 00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:39,480 Speaker 1: forced to then catch up again. Now my situation, thankfully, 536 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 1: I'm in a place where I typically can catch up, 537 00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:45,520 Speaker 1: and you know what, working part time has been helpful 538 00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,560 Speaker 1: for that. But I can imagine a scenario of kind 539 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:50,640 Speaker 1: of what she's saying. So I think, first and foremost, 540 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,000 Speaker 1: she needs to figure out like, maybe there is too 541 00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:56,080 Speaker 1: much work. I mean, if she's always, if she's so 542 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:59,119 Speaker 1: frequently getting to a point of overdrive that's burning her 543 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,359 Speaker 1: out that she has to take a complete restaurant and 544 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,400 Speaker 1: then get further behind. Maybe there's just too much work 545 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,119 Speaker 1: in the first place, and she needs to take a 546 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:07,800 Speaker 1: look at that. Is there some way does she need 547 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,040 Speaker 1: an assistant? Is there something she could automate this or 548 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,840 Speaker 1: something she could outsource? Is there a specific time on 549 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,920 Speaker 1: the weekend that she could dedicate to catch up? But 550 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,840 Speaker 1: then be like, that's it, that's the amount of time 551 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,040 Speaker 1: I'm going to do And then you know, I'm done, 552 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:23,520 Speaker 1: So I'm really curious about, you know, what this really 553 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,800 Speaker 1: looks like. I do think she needs to be honest 554 00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,399 Speaker 1: with herself, and perhaps this is a time for time tracking, 555 00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:30,639 Speaker 1: look at a week of work in that busy season 556 00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:34,359 Speaker 1: and see if her expectations for herself are just unrealistic. 557 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,639 Speaker 1: I mean, if she's not able to get enough to 558 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,320 Speaker 1: sleep and truly can't get things done, then it may 559 00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:42,480 Speaker 1: be time to just to again figure out how she 560 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:46,359 Speaker 1: could possibly reconfigure. Now, the other thing that came to 561 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:50,320 Speaker 1: mind was that you know, expect the unexpected. She even knows. 562 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:52,480 Speaker 1: She said these requests come out of the blue, but 563 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:54,560 Speaker 1: she put that in quotes because she knows they're always 564 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:56,600 Speaker 1: going to come. I mean, we have a similar thing 565 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:58,680 Speaker 1: where we'll have patients that you know, when we're on call, 566 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,280 Speaker 1: we'll have to book into emergency slots, but you know, 567 00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:03,680 Speaker 1: they're real slots. It's not like it's a surprise because 568 00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:05,440 Speaker 1: we're always going to get them. So I think she 569 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:08,320 Speaker 1: can do the same thing, which is like have empty 570 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:13,360 Speaker 1: time that is dedicated to just like random quote emergency requests, 571 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:15,360 Speaker 1: or she could just call it random requests to take 572 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:19,000 Speaker 1: the surprise element out of it. And if she's lucky 573 00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:21,400 Speaker 1: enough to have a week where man that block didn't 574 00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:24,040 Speaker 1: have to go to emergency requests, then awesome. She can 575 00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:28,399 Speaker 1: do some kind of you know extra thing personal development, 576 00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:31,760 Speaker 1: you know, brainstorm, some more workles. But my gut when 577 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:33,840 Speaker 1: she describes her job is that she probably will fill 578 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:37,119 Speaker 1: up that time. And you know this again, tracking may 579 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:39,520 Speaker 1: allow her to know exactly how much time those random 580 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,720 Speaker 1: requests take on average, so she can really hone that. Yeah, 581 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:47,960 Speaker 1: so I kind of feel you. I think your situation 582 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,560 Speaker 1: sounds really really challenging, and I bet you're doing a 583 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:54,120 Speaker 1: fantastic job, you know, overall, because it sounds like you're 584 00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:57,640 Speaker 1: an incredibly hard worker. But I agree it's you. It 585 00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:00,800 Speaker 1: sounds like that you need to delve into breaking this 586 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:02,760 Speaker 1: cycle a little bit, because it doesn't sound like a 587 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:05,320 Speaker 1: fun way to live. I mean, I think some of 588 00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:08,520 Speaker 1: this is just the nature of accounting and that there 589 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:12,120 Speaker 1: are busy seasons before various deadlines, whether those are the 590 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:15,880 Speaker 1: audit deadlines, or if you're in you know, tax division, 591 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:20,360 Speaker 1: that certain deadlines associated with that and nobody gets you 592 00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,040 Speaker 1: all their stuff until close before the deadline anyway, or 593 00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:25,000 Speaker 1: you know you're going into audit companies or do it 594 00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:29,120 Speaker 1: right before the deadline. So it's partly the nature of 595 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,600 Speaker 1: accounting that there are busy seasons and then there are 596 00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:36,560 Speaker 1: less busy seasons, so there is going to be an 597 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:41,520 Speaker 1: element of that regardless, you know. That said, I think 598 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,760 Speaker 1: it helps to, as as Sarah said, have these time 599 00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:47,880 Speaker 1: blocked off for the urgent requests because they will come 600 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:51,120 Speaker 1: in as the same as physicians like having one one 601 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,960 Speaker 1: operating room coming in for emergencies, like you book the 602 00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:56,160 Speaker 1: others but have one open. So there's some slack to 603 00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:58,880 Speaker 1: deal with these things that come up. Because it's not 604 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:01,360 Speaker 1: surprising that things come ou up. You don't know what 605 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:04,200 Speaker 1: they will will be, but they are known unknowns. You know, 606 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:07,640 Speaker 1: some emergency request will come in. I think it also 607 00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,320 Speaker 1: helps to you know, if you do have sort of 608 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,720 Speaker 1: long term things projects you need to do breaking them 609 00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:17,680 Speaker 1: down as much as possible into doable steps, and you know, 610 00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:20,280 Speaker 1: assigning yourself a certain amount of work for the day. 611 00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:21,880 Speaker 1: And this is one of the things I've learned to 612 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:25,800 Speaker 1: do with my books. Right that you mentioned book writing 613 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:28,120 Speaker 1: is like was she racing toward a deadline on books? 614 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:31,120 Speaker 1: One of the reasons I have been able to avoid 615 00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:35,040 Speaker 1: really racing on deadlines for books is that I, you know, 616 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:40,280 Speaker 1: outline them. I have a deadline, I assign myself a 617 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,640 Speaker 1: certain amount for each chunk of time before then I 618 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,960 Speaker 1: build in a buffer at the end. So let's say 619 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:50,600 Speaker 1: that I had a manuscript do December first, I would 620 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:54,680 Speaker 1: probably tell myself that my deadline was November first. Let's 621 00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:58,560 Speaker 1: say that it was eight chapters. I would then, you know, 622 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,880 Speaker 1: have made sure to start September first, so I'd have 623 00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:04,200 Speaker 1: the eight weeks and each chapter would get a week. 624 00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:08,920 Speaker 1: I'd probably plan on Monday and Tuesday doing some of 625 00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:13,360 Speaker 1: the you know, research and basic writing, Wednesday and Thursday 626 00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,240 Speaker 1: to go back in and edit, Friday being a mop 627 00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,240 Speaker 1: up day in case something went wrong with the first 628 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:21,080 Speaker 1: four days. And so then each week check in, have 629 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:24,000 Speaker 1: I done my chapter? And if i haven't, well that's 630 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,320 Speaker 1: a problem because I've got to go to the next one. 631 00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:28,560 Speaker 1: But then I've got that buffer of a month at 632 00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:31,840 Speaker 1: the end as well to cover that. So, you know, 633 00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:35,320 Speaker 1: I different people work in different ways, but I am 634 00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:38,640 Speaker 1: that kind of person. And so if you are getting 635 00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:42,680 Speaker 1: stressed out by the cycle of working right before the deadline, 636 00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:45,320 Speaker 1: you might think about trying to break stuff down into 637 00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:50,240 Speaker 1: doable tasks and assigning them far, far far ahead of time. 638 00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:53,120 Speaker 1: If it's that other people aren't getting you stuff, then 639 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:56,560 Speaker 1: you need to be more proactive about reaching out to 640 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:59,800 Speaker 1: them for the stuff, because you can't assume that they 641 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:01,760 Speaker 1: will remember at a time that is convenient for you. 642 00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:04,560 Speaker 1: So just you know, give them a call say like, yeah, 643 00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:06,520 Speaker 1: I've carved out some times to work on this and 644 00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:08,400 Speaker 1: I would love to be as helpful as possible to use. 645 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:10,960 Speaker 1: So if you could get me act by why, I 646 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:12,959 Speaker 1: would really appreciate it, and the follow up to make 647 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:16,960 Speaker 1: sure that you get it. I also wonder I just 648 00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,920 Speaker 1: came up with a couple other thoughts while we were talking. 649 00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:22,240 Speaker 1: Because you know, she mentions her young kids and not 650 00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:24,640 Speaker 1: sleeping that kind of thing. I'm wondering if she could 651 00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:27,520 Speaker 1: gift herself some sort of extra support, like you know, 652 00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:32,760 Speaker 1: extra childcare during certain seasons. And also because she tends 653 00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:36,200 Speaker 1: to kind of burn out, to make sure she plans 654 00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:40,160 Speaker 1: in some true vacations and rest time so that she 655 00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:42,920 Speaker 1: doesn't struggle getting back to work, because she mentioned that, Like, 656 00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:44,520 Speaker 1: I wonder if it's sort of like she never gives 657 00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:47,960 Speaker 1: her self permission to truly slack because there's an element 658 00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:51,560 Speaker 1: of guilt about it, and then therefore she has trouble returning. 659 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,040 Speaker 1: I don't know. I think a little bit more intentionality 660 00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,680 Speaker 1: in the rest periods and the active periods rather it. 661 00:32:57,880 --> 00:32:59,840 Speaker 1: You know, she mentions the word reactive. Well, it shouldn't 662 00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:01,880 Speaker 1: be active, like this is this is your job, Like 663 00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:07,320 Speaker 1: it's just it's just active and that's okay. And yeah, 664 00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,000 Speaker 1: I'm wondering if she just needs to be more intentional 665 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,120 Speaker 1: about the cycle and see if she can actually make 666 00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:14,000 Speaker 1: it work for her rather than something she's fighting and 667 00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:17,240 Speaker 1: feeling guilty about. Yeah, I think the guilt is definitely 668 00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:19,200 Speaker 1: part of it. And when you know you've got so 669 00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,400 Speaker 1: much work coming up, it it makes you feel like, oh, 670 00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:23,960 Speaker 1: I shouldn't take a break because I've got all this 671 00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:26,000 Speaker 1: work coming up. But then that doesn't do you any 672 00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:28,320 Speaker 1: favors because then you can't get going on the work 673 00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:33,600 Speaker 1: because your brain is refusing to function. So definitely take breaks. 674 00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:36,520 Speaker 1: They actually make you more productive. It's hard to believe, 675 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:39,680 Speaker 1: but that I promise you it's true. So think about 676 00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:41,600 Speaker 1: things that will add to your energy levels and how 677 00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:43,680 Speaker 1: you can build them in. So shall we go to 678 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:45,239 Speaker 1: our love of the week now? I guess we've had 679 00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:49,239 Speaker 1: all Q and A for this episode, so and now 680 00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:53,120 Speaker 1: for the Q and I just so Yeah, my heald 681 00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:56,720 Speaker 1: of the week is iOS twelve, which is the new 682 00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:59,479 Speaker 1: Apple operating system. Laura, have you installed that on your 683 00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,320 Speaker 1: phone yet? I got the note that I'm supposed to, 684 00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:06,000 Speaker 1: but I just haven't yet. Well this is a good 685 00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:09,640 Speaker 1: one for a few reasons. First of all, my phone 686 00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:11,200 Speaker 1: was crashing a lot, but I had read that this 687 00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:13,799 Speaker 1: update was going to fix it, and so far it has. 688 00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:17,960 Speaker 1: It actually seems to be faster, So I really applaud 689 00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,719 Speaker 1: apples efforts there because you know, there's been rumors and 690 00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:24,840 Speaker 1: again this is I'm not like, you know, spreading libel 691 00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:27,879 Speaker 1: or something, but that you know, they make their devices lower, 692 00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:30,440 Speaker 1: they get you to buy a new device, but this 693 00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:33,160 Speaker 1: would go I guess that because it's definitely working better 694 00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:36,400 Speaker 1: and it has a cool feature, well cool to me, 695 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:38,239 Speaker 1: called screen time. So if you do want to be 696 00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,480 Speaker 1: able to see how much time you're spending on Instagram 697 00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:44,040 Speaker 1: and actually set limits with a app built into your phone, 698 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,880 Speaker 1: it's there now. So yeah, I'm happy with it. I 699 00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:51,920 Speaker 1: was twelve, all right, Well, then I won't put off updating. 700 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,640 Speaker 1: I always like just put off on. I don't feel 701 00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:56,719 Speaker 1: like dealing with it right now, all right, So my 702 00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:59,960 Speaker 1: love of the week is paul flowers. So I really 703 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,920 Speaker 1: I love as the leaves change color around here. Some 704 00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:05,560 Speaker 1: of the flowers are still going. Obviously there's moms, which 705 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:07,880 Speaker 1: people decorate their yards with moms, and that's really pretty 706 00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,760 Speaker 1: at this time of year. But many of the roses 707 00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:14,400 Speaker 1: are still blooming. So the roses are nice to have, 708 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,200 Speaker 1: like both pink and then bright red and orange with 709 00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:21,359 Speaker 1: the leaves and the asters. The fall asters come out. 710 00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:24,680 Speaker 1: We have these beautiful michel Moss daisies that come out 711 00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:28,680 Speaker 1: around now in their purple flowers that the last ones 712 00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:31,120 Speaker 1: to bloom in the yard. But they add a nice 713 00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:33,000 Speaker 1: touch of color as around well and really say that 714 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:36,560 Speaker 1: it's fall, so you know, it's a more mature color landscape, 715 00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:39,040 Speaker 1: I guess than early spring, which is just everything bright 716 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:41,759 Speaker 1: and blooming but very beautiful. And I like seeing the 717 00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:44,799 Speaker 1: different different seasons and the colors they bring. So I'm 718 00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:47,719 Speaker 1: really enjoying the fall flowers right now. You always make 719 00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:50,560 Speaker 1: me so jealous with your season stuff. Yeah, and then 720 00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:53,120 Speaker 1: in January when I'm like scraping ice off my car, 721 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:57,160 Speaker 1: you can just laugh all right, well, this has been 722 00:35:57,239 --> 00:36:01,080 Speaker 1: best of Both Worlds episodes sixty four. We've been doing 723 00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:04,000 Speaker 1: an all listener mail bag this week. We'll probably do 724 00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:05,880 Speaker 1: more of these type of episodes in the future, so 725 00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:09,439 Speaker 1: please keep sending in your questions. We love them. Gives 726 00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:12,120 Speaker 1: us a great idea of what people want to hear about, 727 00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:14,560 Speaker 1: so we'll be back next week with more I'm making 728 00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:20,480 Speaker 1: work in life fit together. Thanks for listening. You can 729 00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:24,000 Speaker 1: find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or at 730 00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:27,600 Speaker 1: the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can find me 731 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:31,840 Speaker 1: Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the 732 00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:35,319 Speaker 1: best of Both Worlds podcasts. Please join us next time 733 00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:38,240 Speaker 1: for more on making work and life work together.