Speaker 1: Episode two, eight five, How your parents finances affect you
Speaker 1: and what to do next. Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast,
Speaker 1: where you'll learn to save money, embrace simplicity, rice, and
Speaker 1: liver with your life. Here your host Jen and Jill.
Speaker 1: M m m m m m m mmmm. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the Frugal Friends podcast. My name is Jen, my name
Speaker 1: is Jill, and today we are talking about a subject
Speaker 1: that you don't know you need. You know you probably
Speaker 1: do because you clicked on this you said, oh, that's
Speaker 1: probably gonna be a hot take. I don't want to
Speaker 1: look at this, but I probably should, and you couldn't
Speaker 1: stop yourself. Yeah. So this is a topic that Jill
Speaker 1: and I are actually super passionate about, and it's not
Speaker 1: talked about a lot in personal finance because it's not
Speaker 1: sexy on lee. It's a very like it's very hot water,
Speaker 1: it's very towing lines, it's very awkward. And so we
Speaker 1: are going to brace all of that and take all
Speaker 1: of that into consideration as we talk about how our
Speaker 1: parents affected our grown up interpretations and relationships with money,
Speaker 1: and also how that affects our legitimate tangible savings planned too.
Speaker 1: So it's not just about like, what has it done
Speaker 1: to me? But what am I going to have to
Speaker 1: do in response to it for my own finances? But
Speaker 1: also does there need to be a consideration for how
Speaker 1: I care for my parents as they age? What have
Speaker 1: they set up for themselves or their conversations uncomfortable but
Speaker 1: necessary conversations that need to happen. So taken two different
Speaker 1: angles and perspectives here and buckle up. Yeah, this is
Speaker 1: gonna be required listening for all frugal friends. And if
Speaker 1: you don't know you need it now, you will by
Speaker 1: the end of the episode. This episode is brought to
Speaker 1: you by the Three Days Spending Makeover. If you if
Speaker 1: you are tired of busting your budget every month, or
Speaker 1: you're gonna add a caretaker sinking fund to your budget
Speaker 1: and you need to find money for that, then check
Speaker 1: out our free three day spending Makeover. By the end
Speaker 1: of three days, we want you to know what you
Speaker 1: value spending on, learn strategies for saying no to things
Speaker 1: you don't, and create a plan for guilt free spending
Speaker 1: that won't leave you broke, but actually leave you space
Speaker 1: uh to be able to care for the people that
Speaker 1: you love most, or to afford to have other people,
Speaker 1: care for the people that you love most, whatever is
Speaker 1: in your boat. Uh So, if that sounds like something
Speaker 1: you need right now, had to Frugal Friends podcast dot
Speaker 1: com mom Slash Makeover to get that three day challenge
Speaker 1: for free. So yeah, so we haven't talked about this
Speaker 1: in quite some time. This is a direct follow up
Speaker 1: to episode sixty two talking about your parents finances with
Speaker 1: them UM, and we interviewed Cameron Huddleston, who is the
Speaker 1: industry expert on this. Her mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's
Speaker 1: and they were not able to have the conversation about
Speaker 1: money before her mom's memories started deteriorating, and so all
Speaker 1: of these things came up UM that she was not
Speaker 1: prepared for. Cameron wasn't and her mom wasn't able to
Speaker 1: prepare her for at that stage in life. And so
Speaker 1: Cameron wrote a whole book called Mom and Dad, We
Speaker 1: Need to Talk About How to talk to your parents
Speaker 1: about their finances with respect, with honor, and it's just
Speaker 1: it's a fantastic book, required reading for sure, So check
Speaker 1: out episode sixty two queue that up for after this.
Speaker 1: But now we're an episode two five, So it's been
Speaker 1: there's been a little time. I had no idea it's
Speaker 1: been that long. But yeah, that that interview was excellent.
Speaker 1: We received a lot of really great feedback on it.
Speaker 1: It really prompted a lot of people to do the
Speaker 1: hard thing, and hopefully this episode will do similarly. Yes,
Speaker 1: she really challenged me to get documents set up for
Speaker 1: my mom since I'm an only child, so that I
Speaker 1: could be like power of attorney and get her medical
Speaker 1: like um information like when that time comes. So I
Speaker 1: that gives me a lot of peace of mind that
Speaker 1: that stuff is already set up for me and I
Speaker 1: don't have to worry about it or wait till it's
Speaker 1: too late. So like, yes, she's she's fantastic, and it's
Speaker 1: a it's a topic we don't want to think about,
Speaker 1: right but accord in to a study by a RPT,
Speaker 1: of caregivers are between the ages of eighteen and forty nine,
Speaker 1: So that's almost half of caregivers are under fifty UM
Speaker 1: and the same studies suggests that the average age of
Speaker 1: a person receiving care is roughly sixty nine. So did
Speaker 1: some calculations, and so by these measures it could be
Speaker 1: concluded then a mother who gives birth at twenty nine,
Speaker 1: which is scary because um, thirty, I gave birth that
Speaker 1: thirty and I'm about to give birth at thirty three.
Speaker 1: So a person who gives birth at twenty nine, which
Speaker 1: is just above the average age in the US, would
Speaker 1: like me, needs some sort of care by the time
Speaker 1: their child turns forty. So this is not just something
Speaker 1: that we're doing for self preservation, but also for our
Speaker 1: children in the future, so that we're more aware of
Speaker 1: the things that they need to know, just for some
Speaker 1: kinds of prep. And we already know we've talked about before,
Speaker 1: like the average retirement age just changed. It's and now
Speaker 1: I can't remember the new number, but it is. It
Speaker 1: is sixty three ish, and the average age people say
Speaker 1: they want to retire is sixty seven. And so that
Speaker 1: number is not less because people are surprised pleasantly by
Speaker 1: how much they have saved for retirement and then like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can retire five years earlier. It's because they're leaving
Speaker 1: for some kind of health reason, there's some kind of layoff,
Speaker 1: or they're leaving to care for a family member, like
Speaker 1: those are the three main reasons. So this is a
Speaker 1: really important one to listen to. And so yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna stop selling it now. Yes. So this first article
Speaker 1: we're going to get into comes from Psychology Today, and
Speaker 1: this is now we're beginning with the perspective of how
Speaker 1: did our parents views on an approaches to money impact
Speaker 1: and our views on and approaches to money. Really appreciated
Speaker 1: this article. I think Psychology Today does put out some
Speaker 1: some great articles, and they're also a great resource for
Speaker 1: finding a therapist in your area. Side note, if you're
Speaker 1: looking for a counselor they've got a great search database. Anyhow,
Speaker 1: I really appreciate how they've described that our attitudes towards
Speaker 1: money are approaches to money is formed over a lifetime,
Speaker 1: and this is similar to anything else as far as
Speaker 1: worldview and approach, it's formed over a lifetime. Certainly our
Speaker 1: parents have an effect on that. So this is definitely
Speaker 1: not a guilt and shaming episode because each one of
Speaker 1: us our children, even if we're adult children, and many
Speaker 1: of us have children. So the circle of life goes on,
Speaker 1: and there are positive, great beneficial ways that children are
Speaker 1: impacted by parents, and there are some detrimental, difficult ways
Speaker 1: that children are affected by parents. Both are true at
Speaker 1: the same time, and so there can be really great
Speaker 1: things that are instilled around money and some not very
Speaker 1: helpful things. And so that's that's kind of the framework
Speaker 1: we want to put on this. It doesn't all have
Speaker 1: to be hung on parents of they did an awful job,
Speaker 1: but there is always worth looking at what were you
Speaker 1: taught in childhood because that is a very foundational piece
Speaker 1: of what we carry into adulthood, especially if we don't
Speaker 1: look at it. Any of these things can be reworked, rewired,
Speaker 1: new patterns and cycles can come into place, but we
Speaker 1: have to first look at the foundational pieces to know
Speaker 1: what needs to be reworked. How did the article hit you, Jen? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I I really interpreted as like these are I think
Speaker 1: whenever you have a child, you're never going to raise
Speaker 1: them perfectly like we always try to, but there's never
Speaker 1: a perfect parent for every child. Like you could have
Speaker 1: three different children and have actually like three different human beings,
Speaker 1: and you're problem and you're not going to know how
Speaker 1: to parent three different human beings exactly as they need
Speaker 1: to be parented. And so you are going to come
Speaker 1: out of your child parent relationship with some maybe like
Speaker 1: negative scripts on not just money. But we're focusing on money.
Speaker 1: So it's important to do the best we can with
Speaker 1: what we've got, and I think you can't go back
Speaker 1: in time, so you might as well identify what's going
Speaker 1: on right now to figure out how to best get
Speaker 1: through it for you, and also to have grace for
Speaker 1: your parents who really thought they were doing the best
Speaker 1: that they could and really were doing the best they could.
Speaker 1: To just cultivate some grace forgiveness and more love for
Speaker 1: what they were doing and probably understand why they were
Speaker 1: doing it. Um. So this article primarily goes through what
Speaker 1: they're calling money scripts, and this is a term coined
Speaker 1: by financial psychologists Brad and Ted Quantz. They both have
Speaker 1: the same last name, their father and son. There you Go,
Speaker 1: and they wrote a book called Mind over Money where
Speaker 1: they talk about money scripts, which are underlying assumptions or
Speaker 1: beliefs about money that are typically only partially true and
Speaker 1: are often developed in childhood and then unconsciously followed throughout adulthood.
Speaker 1: Really appreciated these different money scripts that they highlighted here,
Speaker 1: so I think it's worth going through each of them.
Speaker 1: The first one that they identify, there's four of them.
Speaker 1: The first one is money worship, so people who have
Speaker 1: this money script often believe that money buys happiness and
Speaker 1: love to flaunt their money. They obsess over money, and
Speaker 1: they feel like they ever have enough. Now again, I
Speaker 1: want to highlight what they've already said in this article
Speaker 1: that it's not necessarily all true about you or even consciously.
Speaker 1: Are you aware of this money script? Many times it's
Speaker 1: kind of underlying in the background, below the surface. But
Speaker 1: there can be people with this money script of this
Speaker 1: is what's going to make it bring me happiness. I
Speaker 1: want to show off my money. I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: never going to have enough money. That can be a
Speaker 1: money script. And the next one is is similar, but
Speaker 1: it's money status. And so whereas money worship believes money
Speaker 1: buys happiness, money status is people who who view their
Speaker 1: net worth as their self worth. And I think this
Speaker 1: for me is kind of where I in an unhealthy state,
Speaker 1: I very much revert to. And it's not that my
Speaker 1: this wasn't my parents. The this is a direct like
Speaker 1: trying to go the opposite way of my parents. So
Speaker 1: you may not get where you are as a direct
Speaker 1: result of what your parents did, but as a direct
Speaker 1: result of trying to be the opposite of them. And
Speaker 1: this is definitely for me what I feel like in
Speaker 1: an unhealthy state, I can compare my net worth to
Speaker 1: others and feel a lack of self worth because it's
Speaker 1: not where their's are. Maybe I'm not doing enough. And
Speaker 1: they also say these people want the best quality products
Speaker 1: and may overspend to look like they have more money
Speaker 1: than they do and that's out of pure like insecurity
Speaker 1: over what they're self worth is. So this is money
Speaker 1: status is a compensation for self worth that's not found
Speaker 1: where it should be. M The third money script is
Speaker 1: money avoidance, So people with this money script will want
Speaker 1: to typically avoid money altogether. They may associate the concept
Speaker 1: of money with fear, disgust, or even anxiety. They may
Speaker 1: have a belief that money is the root of all evil,
Speaker 1: like having money is greedy, it's awful. They may view
Speaker 1: wealthy people as greedy and believe it's better to have
Speaker 1: less money. Uh, it's interesting, as I've kind of thought
Speaker 1: through each of these, I can I can think of
Speaker 1: examples in my mind, and it's not always so overt
Speaker 1: again like they would be able to identify this, but
Speaker 1: in some of the behaviors that happen, you can see
Speaker 1: some of the subconscious underlying money script that's happening. So
Speaker 1: that's what money avoidance is. And then the last is
Speaker 1: money vigilance. And so these people are have a vigilant
Speaker 1: focus and they say are more frugal, but I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't like to associate us with certain money scripts.
Speaker 1: But they do say the focus is on saving their
Speaker 1: money and believe you need to work hard to earn money,
Speaker 1: and so they make this one sound like the best one,
Speaker 1: when honestly, this this is where you have parents that
Speaker 1: hoard money that never allowed you, like made four siblings
Speaker 1: share one soda, and not because they were you know,
Speaker 1: didn't have the money, just because they were like so
Speaker 1: quote unquote frugal, which is Travis. I remember that is
Speaker 1: a thing that Travis's parents did. Four kids had to
Speaker 1: share one soda. Hey, that's less sugar though, I mean
Speaker 1: that's kind of a win win. I don't disagree. My
Speaker 1: mom added water to my juice to delude it. And
Speaker 1: I feel like if I had kids, I would do
Speaker 1: that too. But so depriving like deprivation out of fear
Speaker 1: and hoarding trying to hoard money, working very hard because
Speaker 1: and this is very much where the scarcity mindset one
Speaker 1: is so money vigilance is essentially the family who grew
Speaker 1: up with a scarcity mindset where we have to hold
Speaker 1: all of our money, we can't spend it, we can't
Speaker 1: use it to enjoy, and that can cause more often
Speaker 1: than not, people to go in the opposite direction. Like
Speaker 1: that is what I see, more than than passing down
Speaker 1: frugal tendencies to people, is people just scarred by like
Speaker 1: viewing money is bad to spend and that's not frugal.
Speaker 1: That said, though, this article does reference that when they
Speaker 1: did a study on these different money scripts, of the
Speaker 1: four money beliefs, money vigilance was the only behavior not
Speaker 1: linked to problematic financial behaviors. The other three were linked
Speaker 1: to potentially distruy ouctive ones. And I just I don't know,
Speaker 1: I'm sure, okay. Also, there's sample size with four two people,
Speaker 1: so I like to see a sample size of at
Speaker 1: least a thousand when I'm citing a study, just for
Speaker 1: a frame of reference. If you are ever looking at
Speaker 1: a study and there are fewer than a thousand people,
Speaker 1: be skeptical unless it's a very very targeted, like very
Speaker 1: niche survey. But yeah, I feel like it doesn't matter
Speaker 1: all of these can have very good and very bad
Speaker 1: outcomes for the children who experienced them. Yeah. The interesting
Speaker 1: thing to me, this is not talked about in the article,
Speaker 1: but it does seem to me as though each of
Speaker 1: these money scripts hold a relatively destructive, not super healthy
Speaker 1: outlook and probably correlated behaviors, which I suppose highlights the
Speaker 1: reality that a healthy relationship with money and financial behaviors
Speaker 1: needs to be cultivated. That we most likely were not
Speaker 1: born or raised with a perfectly curated view on money.
Speaker 1: Chances are we've got some sort of outlook or experience
Speaker 1: that has shaped things that need to be kind of
Speaker 1: honed in, some growth edges that are present that we
Speaker 1: need to kind of sand down a bit, and there's
Speaker 1: there's hope in that. I think to realize, all right,
Speaker 1: what are maybe some of the unhelpful beliefs that I
Speaker 1: have about money? How has that been instilled in me
Speaker 1: throughout childhood? What do I carry with me into adulthood,
Speaker 1: and how can I reorient redirect some of those things
Speaker 1: to aim at health and well being. I really, I
Speaker 1: do truly disagree that only money vigilance created healthy Like
Speaker 1: there are so many people do in destructive financial things
Speaker 1: because their parents were like money hoarders. And so many
Speaker 1: of the people we talked to in personal finance are
Speaker 1: where they are today and doing great things with their
Speaker 1: money because they saw the destruction not being responsible did
Speaker 1: to their parents. Like that, to me, is more common
Speaker 1: than than the alternative. Yeah. I think what I got
Speaker 1: from it is that there are there are some that
Speaker 1: could be more destructive than others. That like, if we
Speaker 1: were to view this as a spectrum, there could be
Speaker 1: some money scripts that lead to more destructive behaviors than others.
Speaker 1: Not to say that each of them are healthy, but
Speaker 1: I think recognizing what does this mindset or perspective lead
Speaker 1: to in my financial decisions, and some might have larger
Speaker 1: consequences than others. Yeah, I think if we're looking at
Speaker 1: this in thinking like okay, this how than to me,
Speaker 1: this is who I am? How do I break the
Speaker 1: cycle moving forward? I think more than just like identifying
Speaker 1: money scripts, it's being honest and open about money. I
Speaker 1: think in order to be honest and open about money,
Speaker 1: like with your children or whoever is younger in your life,
Speaker 1: that you want to pass on this wisdom too, knowing
Speaker 1: these money scripts and knowing why you you have the
Speaker 1: point of view that you do, and knowing that there
Speaker 1: are their points of view that are just as valid
Speaker 1: or just as destructive that they are out there. I
Speaker 1: think that will help you be the most honest and
Speaker 1: open about money, knowing that your money script is not
Speaker 1: the only money script, and that it's not um. Knowing
Speaker 1: what's rooted in truth and what's not rooted in truth.
Speaker 1: So I think just being aware of that so that
Speaker 1: you can not keep it to yourself but pass it
Speaker 1: on to other people. Yeah. So then that the article
Speaker 1: kind of wraps up and saying all right, now, what
Speaker 1: do we do as a result of these different approaches
Speaker 1: or understandings about money? And one of the things that
Speaker 1: can be done that they talk about here is to
Speaker 1: think about a situation or behavior you often engage in
Speaker 1: around money. What's a common experience with money that you have,
Speaker 1: And then to ask yourself the following questions. First, what
Speaker 1: are the feelings or emotions or even physical sensations you
Speaker 1: get as a result of that behavior or that situation?
Speaker 1: What is stirred in you emotionally, psychologically, psycho somatically, what
Speaker 1: what is happening inside of you? And then to be
Speaker 1: able to identify with that as a result, what do
Speaker 1: I think might be my money script of the four
Speaker 1: of these? And and maybe there's a combination. Maybe you
Speaker 1: you happen to identify a fifth money script. That's all fine,
Speaker 1: we we can be to see here. But what do
Speaker 1: you think is the underlying message that's happening there? And
Speaker 1: then what could be an alternative script or behavior or
Speaker 1: action that you could implement instead of maybe the behavior
Speaker 1: or action or mindset that's currently being implemented. This is
Speaker 1: certainly identifying patterns and cycles. This could also be drawn
Speaker 1: out even in a kind of like a circular way,
Speaker 1: if you're a visual person, being able to use a
Speaker 1: piece of paper and talk about what starts it, what's
Speaker 1: the action or situation that begins this money behavior or
Speaker 1: outlook on money, what comes next, what comes next? What
Speaker 1: comes next? Around the circle? And identifying where in that
Speaker 1: cycle can I interrupt this with what type of thought
Speaker 1: or behavior could interrupt this cycle? What is the thing
Speaker 1: that I want to aim at here instead so that
Speaker 1: I can experience a different outcome in this cycle. This
Speaker 1: is gonna take time. This is not going to happen
Speaker 1: in a day and suddenly this is all resolved and
Speaker 1: really probably this money script will never go away. I
Speaker 1: like how you referenced earlier jen in in my unhealth.
Speaker 1: This is what I tend towards. We will all have that.
Speaker 1: Whatever your money script is, it will probably be carried
Speaker 1: with you for the rest of life. It's just a
Speaker 1: matter of how can I actively be aware of that
Speaker 1: and interrupt it so that that's not the script that
Speaker 1: I'm actively living out of, but can find better alternatives
Speaker 1: for myself. I think that pretty much sums up this article,
Speaker 1: so you can kind of get a feel for Okay,
Speaker 1: this is maybe why my parents are where they are,
Speaker 1: and again give them grace because they probably got their
Speaker 1: money script from their parents and it is just a
Speaker 1: cycle that perpetuates. And now we're going to look at
Speaker 1: an article that says what to do if your parents
Speaker 1: were not money vigilant. I guess if you were any
Speaker 1: if you had any other type of parent besides the
Speaker 1: money vigilant kind, they probably didn't save for their future.
Speaker 1: They probably did not They were, you know, struggling with
Speaker 1: self worth and spending on expensive things. They were trying
Speaker 1: to buy happiness. They were trying to avoid having money
Speaker 1: for whatever. That looks like those are very generalized terms.
Speaker 1: But so if your parents were one of those, they
Speaker 1: probably didn't say for retirement, and that affects you. You
Speaker 1: don't want it to and it shouldn't, but it does,
Speaker 1: because it does, it will. We're all in it. We
Speaker 1: Social security is a thing, and yes, your parents will
Speaker 1: probably get it, but their expenses that go above and
Speaker 1: beyond that, and there are emergencies you cannot plan for,
Speaker 1: and there are just regular expenses that come up with
Speaker 1: age that when some expenses from our youth leave, these
Speaker 1: expenses replace them, and we don't always plan for them.
Speaker 1: So now we're gonna look at some practical things to
Speaker 1: do if your parents didn't save for retirement. What did
Speaker 1: you think of this, Jill, As we both have parents
Speaker 1: who may you know, this article may hit close to
Speaker 1: home for both of us. I really appreciated this one.
Speaker 1: I thought it was really helpful in filling in the
Speaker 1: gaps because we don't know what we don't know. We
Speaker 1: could have a sense of Yes, I want to have
Speaker 1: a conversation with my parents, but I'm still figuring out
Speaker 1: my own personal finances. I'm not of retirement age yet,
Speaker 1: so it's almost like playing catch up with my own self.
Speaker 1: But then also what needs to be considered for the
Speaker 1: loved one in my life who is of retirement age.
Speaker 1: And if they didn't know what they were doing, then
Speaker 1: how do we help to collaborate and prompt and ensure
Speaker 1: that there is quality of life as our parents age.
Speaker 1: So I think this article did a really great job
Speaker 1: of kind of scratching the surface but giving this kind
Speaker 1: of good overview of here's what you need to consider,
Speaker 1: because again that a r P study where almost half
Speaker 1: of caregivers are younger than fifty is crazy, that is
Speaker 1: not so. Yeah, and most people do not work until
Speaker 1: their desired retirement age, yeah, which I mean the the
Speaker 1: This is our listenership you all. Again, you probably clicked
Speaker 1: on this because you're feeling it, because our listenership is
Speaker 1: that eighteen to forty five, you're probably caregiving. So here
Speaker 1: we go. We're with you. So this article from The Balance,
Speaker 1: which is titled what to Do if your parents Didn't
Speaker 1: say for retirement, references that up to half of all
Speaker 1: adults between the ages of fifty five and sixty five
Speaker 1: have no meaning zero retirement savings, according to the US
Speaker 1: Census Bureau. And we all know that not everybody responds
Speaker 1: to the U. S. Census. So let's just assume. Let's
Speaker 1: just if they did not respond, they probably did not
Speaker 1: for retirement either to save demographic. These people just reject
Speaker 1: all organized things and they're living off the grid and
Speaker 1: like more power to them. Good for them. But until
Speaker 1: they fall in the category, oh man, we make ourselves laugh.
Speaker 1: So we all we're going to feel this in some way,
Speaker 1: shape or form, even if it's just helping our parents
Speaker 1: to get in order the things that they have already
Speaker 1: set up. If you are in the amazing situation where
Speaker 1: your parents have done very well, you're still they're still
Speaker 1: going to most likely be some involvement as adult children
Speaker 1: for our aging parents. So all of this is worth considering.
Speaker 1: And they do give some helpful pointers on where to begin,
Speaker 1: and that is just having a conversation. Yeah, and so
Speaker 1: this is where that episode with Cameron Huddleston will really help.
Speaker 1: We dive a lot into how to have the conversation
Speaker 1: respectfully with honor, because if your parents has not saved
Speaker 1: anything for retirement, or has not saved enough, there's probably
Speaker 1: going to be some shame around that they are not
Speaker 1: going to be proud of that, they are not going
Speaker 1: to be happy about the position that they are potentially
Speaker 1: putting you in and they're not gonna want to talk
Speaker 1: about it and so and I know this from experience,
Speaker 1: so it is definitely a conversation to tread lightly to
Speaker 1: avoid shame, blame feelings, avoid making this about you, and
Speaker 1: really hone in on the fact that like, hey, let's
Speaker 1: let's just start talking about your financial details so that
Speaker 1: we so I can help you as much as I can,
Speaker 1: and I can let you know how much I can
Speaker 1: help you if you let me know where you are.
Speaker 1: Some parents are gonna want help, and so in that case,
Speaker 1: you've got to change up the conversation a little more
Speaker 1: and just be like, hey, we want to know what there.
Speaker 1: That's gonna be such a light tread for parents who
Speaker 1: refuse help. But also to say like I, hey, they're
Speaker 1: going to be forms that I need um to have
Speaker 1: filled out if for forever some reason you end up
Speaker 1: in the hospital and I want to be able to
Speaker 1: find out what's wrong with you, We're going to need
Speaker 1: to have some just legal documents signed and notarized. That's
Speaker 1: maybe a very low barrier to entry thing, to be
Speaker 1: like very practical. They're helping you, but not in um, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're they feel like they're helping you, um, and so
Speaker 1: like to not dive into the financial stuff right at first,
Speaker 1: but maybe think of maybe some lower barrier to entry
Speaker 1: conversations you can have yeah, or and and just yeah,
Speaker 1: like open ended conversations like how saving for retirement going? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that can kind of give you because there's a range,
Speaker 1: there's a spectrum here of what information needs to be gathered,
Speaker 1: how much you may already know, how much you don't know,
Speaker 1: and so depending on where you're at with your parents,
Speaker 1: what communication looks like, what you do and don't know,
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to identify what those questions are going
Speaker 1: to be. But if you know nothing and yeah, what
Speaker 1: does retirement savings look like for you? That's that's a
Speaker 1: great place to start. But I think, similar to how
Speaker 1: we're not going to reorient our own personal finances in
Speaker 1: a twenty four hour time span, it's not going to
Speaker 1: happen with our parents very quickly, and so I think
Speaker 1: we really need to as adult children, tread carefully but
Speaker 1: also recognize that this is a hopefully a little bit
Speaker 1: of a long game, and hopefully if you start early enough,
Speaker 1: you've got time to space this out, recognize and don't
Speaker 1: come in with like hot hot, hot fire, thinking all
Speaker 1: of this is going to get figured out in one sitting.
Speaker 1: But pace yourself and say, here's the most what's the
Speaker 1: most important thing, And it's probably going to be figuring
Speaker 1: out power of attorney and what happens in a medical crisis,
Speaker 1: and to keep going from there as you get some
Speaker 1: of these things figured out and to there and your
Speaker 1: comfort level. And in the day they're grown, adult humans
Speaker 1: and so if they don't want to let you into
Speaker 1: this space, then we cannot pry no. And if you
Speaker 1: go in hot, it will backfire on you and make
Speaker 1: this whole process take so much longer. Trust me. And
Speaker 1: another thing you could also do, and I think this
Speaker 1: is probably for the parents that won't accept help. This
Speaker 1: is probably where I would start is just ask them
Speaker 1: for help. You may not need the help. Ask them,
Speaker 1: what do you think about four oh one K? What
Speaker 1: should I do about four ohwe K? Ask them questions
Speaker 1: you already know the answer to, like what should I
Speaker 1: do about an I RA? What do you think about
Speaker 1: I RA S? What is it like an index fund?
Speaker 1: Ask them, get the answers, and then ask them questions
Speaker 1: already gonna answer that's not gonna have a personal finance podcast,
Speaker 1: but it could work for you. It could work for
Speaker 1: you listening and then you kind of get I mean,
Speaker 1: once they answer, you kind of can get a feel
Speaker 1: for where they're at just by their answers. So if
Speaker 1: you're looking for a real, low bared entry way to start,
Speaker 1: ask them for help that you don't really need. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think to recognize that who the messenger is is important.
Speaker 1: So it is possible that we are not the best ones,
Speaker 1: but it's also very possible we will be the ones. Yes,
Speaker 1: we may be the only ones are ones. We are
Speaker 1: definitely not the best ones. So there could be a
Speaker 1: scenario where you begin to broach this conversation, you come
Speaker 1: up against a wall, but you at least pass along
Speaker 1: resources and say, well, here is where my understanding is
Speaker 1: is a good place to begin, or here's the things
Speaker 1: that would be good to have set up, maybe even
Speaker 1: where where your parents could go to have these phone calls.
Speaker 1: There's someone else, is there a professional that they might
Speaker 1: trust to have these things set up? And you just say,
Speaker 1: could you get these things set up by the time
Speaker 1: you are age whatever, and just give me the information
Speaker 1: for it. If if you trust me to do it,
Speaker 1: maybe there's another sibling that's better to handle these things
Speaker 1: if you're not an only child. Sorry, Jen, Yeah, it's fine. Okay.
Speaker 1: So once you've had the conversation depending that went start
Speaker 1: started a decade long conversation. You opened that door, and
Speaker 1: hopefully it's a door that you opened, or maybe a
Speaker 1: window and not a floodgate. Let's make sure it's not
Speaker 1: a flood open with a towel, say keep it open.
Speaker 1: Then the next thing that could be considered is talking
Speaker 1: about a retirement budget, and essentially what that is is
Speaker 1: a retirement spending plan or considering how much is retirement
Speaker 1: going to cost? And so this is definitely going to
Speaker 1: be a conversation where you've got adult children and parents
Speaker 1: who are very open about talking about these things. So
Speaker 1: if this is you here, we've got we're going to
Speaker 1: keep moving through this writing out a budget should include
Speaker 1: looking at retirement income. So what is going to be
Speaker 1: brought in from an estimated Social security is their pension?
Speaker 1: Is their income that can be generated from savings or
Speaker 1: retirement accounts? Do they have if for owen k i
Speaker 1: RA a rath i RA a taxable investment accounts, annuities,
Speaker 1: what are we talking about here? Where are they held?
Speaker 1: What could retirement income look like really important place to
Speaker 1: start for all of us. What about liquid retirement savings?
Speaker 1: What available resources for investing are there that could be
Speaker 1: used for expenses or ongoing income needs? And of course,
Speaker 1: what are the monthly expenses going to look like? This
Speaker 1: of all of this is going to be an estimate,
Speaker 1: especially as far as monthly expenses go. We don't know
Speaker 1: exactly what the future is going to hold. We don't
Speaker 1: know really what exactly your parents life expectancy is going
Speaker 1: to be. You can take an educated guess and also
Speaker 1: include inflation, right, I think that that's like one of
Speaker 1: the biggest mistakes that the Fire movement at least previously made.
Speaker 1: Sorry to knock on the fire movement, but it just
Speaker 1: seems like inflation was never accounted for their let's consider that.
Speaker 1: But what and and we don't want to say, okay, mom,
Speaker 1: how many lattes do you hope to buy in your entirement? Like,
Speaker 1: that's not what we're looking at here. We want to
Speaker 1: look at the biggest expenses of housing, healthcare, transportation, and food,
Speaker 1: just like for our own selves. We want to look
Speaker 1: at the heavy hitters. This is what's going to make
Speaker 1: up six of a retire aria's budget. So we need
Speaker 1: to consider these important costs, and then beyond that, of
Speaker 1: course insurance, personal care, travel. We can certainly be looking
Speaker 1: back at what is the trend of spending in the past,
Speaker 1: what does that look like for the future? Where can
Speaker 1: things be cut. We don't have to do all of
Speaker 1: the work here, and actually I would encourage all of
Speaker 1: us not to. Again, we've got adult parents. This is
Speaker 1: just a part of the conversation. These are the things
Speaker 1: that we should be looking at. Part of it, while
Speaker 1: we don't want to make it about us, is definitely
Speaker 1: having an understanding of Okay, if there's not enough money here,
Speaker 1: what does that mean for me as your child and
Speaker 1: potential caretaker? What gaps might I need to be filling
Speaker 1: in here? What do I need to be considering? What
Speaker 1: do you want from me as the parent in this scenario?
Speaker 1: And what can I reasonably give to you in this situation.
Speaker 1: But all of this will be helpful in recognizing the
Speaker 1: expenses and the income that could be coming in during retirement. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and a lot of people will take for granted what
Speaker 1: their expenses will be They will think, oh, I've got this,
Speaker 1: but it's going to go down by like one or
Speaker 1: two grand a month in retirement and it might drop
Speaker 1: a little bit, but you you really have to be
Speaker 1: cognizant of other expenses that come up. So like, yes,
Speaker 1: your parents may pay off their house and expect to
Speaker 1: only owe taxes, but what if something happens and they
Speaker 1: need to go to assisted living or even nursing home care,
Speaker 1: which is very expensive. So while you may not need
Speaker 1: to save for the worst case scenario, you do need
Speaker 1: to save something for maybe like a middle bad case scenario.
Speaker 1: And also recognize that property taxes go up as well. Yeah,
Speaker 1: by scenario they nearly double and like this and of
Speaker 1: two years. Yeah, so so yeah, we we do need
Speaker 1: to be thinking about this stuff because a lot of
Speaker 1: times our parents will not want to think about it
Speaker 1: and it's not something to dwell on, it's just something
Speaker 1: or to think about all the time. This is really
Speaker 1: something that you can think about once a year. Honestly,
Speaker 1: just think about it once a year. Make sure things
Speaker 1: are in line with you, make sure you're updated on
Speaker 1: the you know, ambiguity of your parents situation and uh,
Speaker 1: because if you pry too much, they may lie to you.
Speaker 1: So it is better to have ambiguous information than to
Speaker 1: have false information. Don't ask me how. I know that
Speaker 1: at least an ability to know where to find stuff
Speaker 1: in the event that that there. And I think if
Speaker 1: there is some barriers in this conversation, I think that
Speaker 1: could be a good entryway point too, of just in
Speaker 1: the event of a crisis, where is the information that
Speaker 1: I need to have? What do you want me to
Speaker 1: know in the event that you are not able to
Speaker 1: advocate for yourself. I think nearly any person is going
Speaker 1: to want someone in their corner given that situation. So
Speaker 1: at least at least that Yeah, and the last one
Speaker 1: I'll mention are kind of two in encourage your parents
Speaker 1: to minimize debt. Honestly, these are grown adults and they
Speaker 1: are going to do what they want to do, and
Speaker 1: they're probably not going to listen to their child on
Speaker 1: like telling them what to do. Again, you may be
Speaker 1: the only person who cares, but you are the wrong person.
Speaker 1: You are not a person that they are probably going
Speaker 1: to listen to. And that stinks like it's and then
Speaker 1: and it is this is payback, This is retribution for
Speaker 1: all the times they told you what to do, and
Speaker 1: you didn't just send this is this, this is what
Speaker 1: this is. So this is also a fine line, Like
Speaker 1: if your parents have a lot of debt, then you
Speaker 1: can kind of say, I guess you can encourage them
Speaker 1: to minimize it. They probably already know they should be
Speaker 1: minimizing it, and if they wanted to, they would. There's
Speaker 1: definitely oftentimes an idea or opinion that then I'm too
Speaker 1: far gone, it's too to turn the ship around. And
Speaker 1: if you honestly, if you have had this in your
Speaker 1: life with your finances, think of how many times your
Speaker 1: parents has had it. So I think the best thing
Speaker 1: we can do is just to continue like asking those
Speaker 1: questions and to say, like to honestly just talk about
Speaker 1: other people, but not in a way that makes your
Speaker 1: parents feel guilty. Just be like, oh, I was listening
Speaker 1: to this podcast and they were talking about this, and
Speaker 1: it seems like a good idea, Like what do you think?
Speaker 1: Just really open ended stuff like that, until if you
Speaker 1: are blessed enough to get to the point where you
Speaker 1: can have those real, honest, in depth conversations, then take
Speaker 1: advantage of that, and you then you have the right
Speaker 1: to encourage your parents to minimize debt, to maximize income,
Speaker 1: reduce expenses, all of that. But that's a privilege, not
Speaker 1: a right that you have as a child of a person. Yeah,
Speaker 1: not that you are a child. And depending on how
Speaker 1: much time you have before your parents enter into retirement,
Speaker 1: we can be chatting about encouraging them to have retirement accounts,
Speaker 1: whether they already have them, and it's can you up
Speaker 1: your contributions to them or open them? And then I
Speaker 1: know that there's this kind of concept of it's too late,
Speaker 1: it's too late, but really something is better than nothing.
Speaker 1: So if they're still employed, encouraging your parents to open
Speaker 1: an employer sponsored plan that that includes contributing to a
Speaker 1: four oh one K traditional or wrath i RA a
Speaker 1: health savings account, and after age fifty, your parents can
Speaker 1: accelerate their retirement savings by making catch up contributions. It's
Speaker 1: not going to make a massive difference if they're that
Speaker 1: close to retirement, but it still is something they can
Speaker 1: be adding more past fifty than they could before fifty.
Speaker 1: So these are important things to be considering, Yeah, and
Speaker 1: to take advantage of, I mean, be be cognizant of
Speaker 1: when they're going to take advantage of their government resources.
Speaker 1: So I'm sure that they are already looking into this.
Speaker 1: But taking out Social Security earlier means you get less
Speaker 1: per month then if you wait. So this is also
Speaker 1: something a conversation you can have with them and just
Speaker 1: be like, hey, are you planning on taking Social Security now?
Speaker 1: Are you waiting? What are your thoughts on that and
Speaker 1: all of the other benefits that come with it too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and lastly, maximizing in common reducing expenses. We're all familiar
Speaker 1: with this concept, and so that's just looking at what
Speaker 1: are all the different ways to have income and maximize
Speaker 1: that income when it comes to retirement. You just mentioned
Speaker 1: that gen with Social Security, and when you take that out,
Speaker 1: it could include considering downsizing, looking at homes and whether
Speaker 1: or not they're going to sell. Are they going to
Speaker 1: be relocating to um to a different state, whether that's
Speaker 1: a more retirement friendly state or relocating into a retirement community.
Speaker 1: Are they going to consider finding a side hustle in retirement?
Speaker 1: Depending on how healthy your parents are, that could be
Speaker 1: UM something worth consider ring as well. Yeah, we had
Speaker 1: a lift driver in Nashville who was just retired and
Speaker 1: he just drove for lift just to I think be
Speaker 1: able to talk to someone granted that vehicle as fast
Speaker 1: as possible. I think his wife set him out of
Speaker 1: the house. Um, there wasn't enough room. There was barely
Speaker 1: enough room for our bags in the trunk of his
Speaker 1: lift because he had all of his golf clubs back there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so all things to consider. You know what, you don't
Speaker 1: have to worry about or be ambiguous about. It is
Speaker 1: for sure, it's out front. It happens every week. We
Speaker 1: don't tell you the the week. That's right, it's time
Speaker 1: for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a
Speaker 1: baby was born and his name is Williams. Maybe you
Speaker 1: paid off your mortgage. Maybe your car died and you're
Speaker 1: happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. That's
Speaker 1: Bill Buffalo Bills, Bill Clinton. This is the bill of
Speaker 1: the week. Hello Jan and Jill. This is Lisa from
Speaker 1: the Pop Fashion podcast, also previous guest on Frugal Friends,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to share with you my bill of
Speaker 1: the week. It is my car that I fixed without
Speaker 1: spending too much money. I recently discovered that the little
Speaker 1: nubbin on the top of the car that gets the
Speaker 1: radio um fell off. The car took an extended stay
Speaker 1: at the car wash or something, and I was told
Speaker 1: that to get it replaced at the dealership it was
Speaker 1: gonna cost about two seventy dollars. To buy the part
Speaker 1: myself for about twenty bucks and get it installed by
Speaker 1: somebody else, it was gonna be another Instead, I watched
Speaker 1: a YouTube video. I bought the part online for about
Speaker 1: twenty bucks. I bought some JB weld, which is a
Speaker 1: great like a POxy adhesive, for about ten bucks, and
Speaker 1: I put that sucker back on myself. Okay, there's one
Speaker 1: radio station where sometimes it mixes in with another country station,
Speaker 1: so like I get like some rock and some country
Speaker 1: in the same it's like a matchup. It's just a matchup.
Speaker 1: It's a feature, not a bug. But other than that,
Speaker 1: it works. And I saved myself like two, I'm thrilled.
Speaker 1: That's it. I love you guys, goodbye. I saw the nubbin.
Speaker 1: I saw the job she did, and it looks great.
Speaker 1: You wouldn't know. I actually when we had lunch together
Speaker 1: and she told me this, and I was like, Lisa,
Speaker 1: please call this in as a bill of a week.
Speaker 1: So I knew what it was gonna be as soon
Speaker 1: as I saw her name and yeah, it's great. It's fine.
Speaker 1: The nubbin that gets the radio. It's for the Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I know, yeah, the nbbin for it. I
Speaker 1: mostly love that you still care about whether or not
Speaker 1: your car can get the radio. I didn't know people
Speaker 1: still listen to the radio. I mean, because you know,
Speaker 1: we have a podcast, so I just assume everyone tunes
Speaker 1: into The Frugal Friends on whatever platform they usually because
Speaker 1: she loves no, I don't know to hear all of
Speaker 1: her wise thoughts. That is not true. That is not true.
Speaker 1: But we have a retraction on that. But Lisa, this
Speaker 1: is amazing. You have fixed your car or the nubbin
Speaker 1: on your car without spending too much money. You really,
Speaker 1: YEI wide this thing. You problem solved it. You said, hey,
Speaker 1: I could probably do that myself and get a rock
Speaker 1: mixed with country station all around town. And I honestly
Speaker 1: don't think that has anything to do with the nubbin
Speaker 1: because I also had a Hundai and the radio on
Speaker 1: it was jank. Like, I think it's just the car.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's the nubbin. Well, if you're out
Speaker 1: here not listening to podcasts but instead listening to the
Speaker 1: radio and order to fix the radio and the nubbins
Speaker 1: all on your vehicles. Or you've got a regular bill
Speaker 1: about paying off a bill or saving on a bill,
Speaker 1: or again you are Bill. Goodness, we've had bills. We've
Speaker 1: had people call in about people named Bill, and you
Speaker 1: know those are some of my faves. We have yet
Speaker 1: children named actually Bill. I don't think we've ever had
Speaker 1: a person themselves named Bill call in a bill. We
Speaker 1: are still wait today in it'll break podcasting and you'll
Speaker 1: have to listen to the radio. So hopefully yours works.
Speaker 1: Visit Frugal Friends podcast dot com slash Bill to leave
Speaker 1: us your bill. We're here for it, and now it's
Speaker 1: time for shoo yeah something. You won't have to wait
Speaker 1: two hundred episodes for these sick dope sound effects. So
Speaker 1: today's Lightning Round is from courtesy of Goldier Podcast Manager.
Speaker 1: Did you know your parents are family's financial situation when
Speaker 1: you were growing up? And in what way did that
Speaker 1: influence you? I played the fifth This is the vulnerability room.
Speaker 1: There are no vulnerability You get to choose who, when, where,
Speaker 1: what and why. There is no protection, only exploitation. I
Speaker 1: am going to choose my own path and Okay, my
Speaker 1: own ending in this and tell a funny story. Okay,
Speaker 1: something that I thought really teaching the people way the
Speaker 1: way to go. So I okay, I will say this,
Speaker 1: yes and no. I had a general awareness of money.
Speaker 1: I will say oftentimes the thing that was communicated verbally
Speaker 1: was we don't have money for that, and I believe
Speaker 1: it was accurate. I think that there were some really
Speaker 1: great things that I learned as a result of managing
Speaker 1: resources and figuring out how to have what you need
Speaker 1: when you only have a little. There were some really
Speaker 1: great things that I would not change about some of
Speaker 1: the ways in which I understood how we manage money
Speaker 1: and yeah, make the most of the resources available to us.
Speaker 1: But because that was often said like no, we can't
Speaker 1: get that, like we don't have the money for it,
Speaker 1: or we can only get that if we have a coop.
Speaker 1: On my mom and her coops, she had the whole
Speaker 1: accordion file. She was an organized woman who who fed
Speaker 1: us well. Other than the lentils and rice. Mom, I
Speaker 1: did not like the lentils and rice, You know, like
Speaker 1: lentils and rice. Was it just lentils and rice? I
Speaker 1: don't know. She she says, she made it one time
Speaker 1: and some child said that it tasted like pizza. I
Speaker 1: know it wasn't me. And then she decided to put
Speaker 1: it on like a regular rotation, and every single time
Speaker 1: would be like, we don't like this, and she'd be like,
Speaker 1: you said it tasted like pizza, and a lot of
Speaker 1: I think my sister said that one time. But I've
Speaker 1: never liked it anyhow. I lived. I lived to see
Speaker 1: another day, obviously, and but I have not lintels and
Speaker 1: rice in adulthood. But maybe I should try it again. Okay.
Speaker 1: There was a time when we were at the grocery store,
Speaker 1: and I remember seeing this often where we would we
Speaker 1: would be checking out, and in my little little child brain,
Speaker 1: my mom would say we didn't have money for things.
Speaker 1: But what I saw was she would swipe her credit
Speaker 1: card or whatever card, maybe it was a debit card,
Speaker 1: and then the cashier would give her money back. And
Speaker 1: I was always so confused by this interaction, like You're
Speaker 1: not only are we walking away with groceries, but we're
Speaker 1: also walking away with money, like cash in hand. Why
Speaker 1: is going on here? I'm like, she's like, you don't
Speaker 1: have money. I'm like, why not use the money that
Speaker 1: the cashier gives you like it finally got to the
Speaker 1: point where I act like where like I said this, like,
Speaker 1: but they give you money, Like we walk out with
Speaker 1: groceries and they give you money. This is a really
Speaker 1: I love going to the grocery store. This seems awesome.
Speaker 1: And I she probably tried to explain it to me.
Speaker 1: I don't think I understood. She's like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: that's cash back, and I'm like, yeah, they're giving you
Speaker 1: cash back, and it wasn't. I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: know when I finally understood what cash back was. But
Speaker 1: I know as a child, I thought you go to
Speaker 1: the grocery store, you get food, and you get money,
Speaker 1: and that was my understanding of finance. That is confusing,
Speaker 1: you don't know because it's not an a t M.
Speaker 1: It's not a bank, it's an yeah, and there are
Speaker 1: And then sometimes it confused me when they were when
Speaker 1: like someone would ask do you want cash back and
Speaker 1: she would say no. I'd be like elbowing, or like
Speaker 1: what do you mean, mom? You just don't know you
Speaker 1: don't have any money to take the cash that cash back?
Speaker 1: Oh that's so good, that is so good. Oh what
Speaker 1: about you? Jen? So I don't have any like as
Speaker 1: funny stories. I do remember, probably now as an adult
Speaker 1: it's funny, but I didn't fully understand it when I
Speaker 1: was a kid. Is that my my parents didn't have debt.
Speaker 1: And I thought that was like a good thing. You know.
Speaker 1: It's like, okay, we we don't have debt. And it's
Speaker 1: because they couldn't get any debt. They couldn't take out
Speaker 1: any loans or get any credit cards because they had
Speaker 1: really bad credit and so, and I don't know how
Speaker 1: I found that out. Maybe my grandmother told me. I
Speaker 1: don't know. So I asked my mom about it, and
Speaker 1: she's like, we don't have bad credit, we have slow credit.
Speaker 1: And I have brought that with me. I just I
Speaker 1: don't remember the day that it became funny, but now
Speaker 1: I bring it with me, um whenever I think about credit.
Speaker 1: I was like, we just have slow credit. We pay
Speaker 1: our bills, but it takes us a while. And meanwhile,
Speaker 1: every weekend we're going to the mall and buying stuff
Speaker 1: at j C. Penny and bath and body Works. Penny,
Speaker 1: Do j C Penny still exists, Yes, it's still exists.
Speaker 1: And the radio my mom, my mom just went to
Speaker 1: J c Penney the other week and got kai some stuff.
Speaker 1: Did she listen to the radio on her way probably yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: because she definitely doesn't listen to this podcast. So so
Speaker 1: that was that's probably my funniest like story, which isn't
Speaker 1: really funny. But I don't have to have credit. We
Speaker 1: have slow credit, slow credit. And that was the first
Speaker 1: of the many deceitful things she told me about her finances.
Speaker 1: So she might have thought she was being protective, and
Speaker 1: that's exactly what way, yes, And that's that was where
Speaker 1: I was going with this, is that I my parents
Speaker 1: did not talk about money with me because they thought
Speaker 1: they were protecting me by not saying anything about money. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they would fight about money and I would be in
Speaker 1: the same house and when I would walk in, they
Speaker 1: would say, we're not fighting, we're having a discussion, and
Speaker 1: I was like a very loud discussion. So they there
Speaker 1: thought of how to protect me was to not talk
Speaker 1: about money at all. And I think from I mean,
Speaker 1: I was a kid, but I still knew that was
Speaker 1: a bad idea. So like, I went to college and
Speaker 1: immediately got a credit card, um because my parents didn't
Speaker 1: have credit cards, and I was like, well, I need
Speaker 1: to build credit, so I don't have slow credit. I
Speaker 1: mean that's credit, I mean that fast pace speed credit.
Speaker 1: And thank god it was just a five limit because
Speaker 1: I max that thing out very quickly. So yeah, that
Speaker 1: was really I went against my what my parents had done,
Speaker 1: what I had seen them do with money, because they
Speaker 1: never talked to me about money, and I only got
Speaker 1: to interpret what I saw, and what I saw was negative,
Speaker 1: and I got a lot more perspective as an adult,
Speaker 1: and you don't have to be and and honestly, I
Speaker 1: did not want full transparency from my parents. That's not
Speaker 1: what I wanted, and that's honestly not always healthy for
Speaker 1: a child. So you're not wrong in thinking that if
Speaker 1: that's you know, something you're protecting your children from, but
Speaker 1: also doing the opposite, just like not talking about it
Speaker 1: at all is just as unhealthy as full transparency. There
Speaker 1: is a radical middle. We're only going to let our
Speaker 1: kids into something if we feel we've got a good
Speaker 1: crasp on it, Like I'm only going to be able
Speaker 1: to teach my kid how to read to the extent
Speaker 1: that I know how to read, Otherwise for sure, I'm
Speaker 1: going to avoid it. So I think the best things
Speaker 1: parents can do for their kids in this regard is
Speaker 1: to do well themselves, to rework some of those money narratives,
Speaker 1: to make wise decisions, and as you feel confident about it,
Speaker 1: to let your kids in on it, and of course
Speaker 1: still some of the vulnerability. Right. You don't have to
Speaker 1: be perfect yet, but it is going to have to
Speaker 1: begin with you taking steps before you're going to be
Speaker 1: anywhere close to comfortable in showing your kid the right path.
Speaker 1: You're not going to be able to do that if
Speaker 1: you don't have any understanding of it. Absolutely anyway, we
Speaker 1: hope that this episode gave you some tangible, actionable steps.
Speaker 1: We know this is a difficult journey. There are landlines
Speaker 1: all over this, so be kind to yourself, be kind
Speaker 1: to your parents in it. And thanks for listening. Thanks
Speaker 1: for listening to a podcast instead of the radio today.
Speaker 1: Many of you know. In addition to this podcast, we
Speaker 1: also have a membership for our listeners who are paying
Speaker 1: off debt where we do monthly money challenges and offer
Speaker 1: accountability groups, which is super important in the debt payoff journey.
Speaker 1: And we want to congratulate and highlight one of our
Speaker 1: members for a big win. This comes from Katie who
Speaker 1: recently shared my husband needed a new credit card. He
Speaker 1: just called me from the bank. This is a national bank,
Speaker 1: very well known. They told him debit cards. Oh, sorry,
Speaker 1: a debit card, I say, credit card. He need a
Speaker 1: new debit card. They told him debit cards are no
Speaker 1: longer safe and to not only and to only do
Speaker 1: a credit card. What he called me and I told
Speaker 1: him debit card only. Because we've been in credit card
Speaker 1: debt before. I can't believe that a huge bank is
Speaker 1: doing this. They even told him he could get a
Speaker 1: two hundred dollar bonus. I don't want ever be in
Speaker 1: debt again. I know we can pay it off each month,
Speaker 1: but trust me, I don't have the discipline to not
Speaker 1: go crazy its behavior. And I know I can have
Speaker 1: a credit card, I can't have a Yeah, congrats Christie
Speaker 1: for knowing your boundaries, that knowing that it's not the
Speaker 1: financial product that is the enemy or is evil. But
Speaker 1: just like knowing your boundaries, identifying them and being confident
Speaker 1: in them and not letting uh big old bank people
Speaker 1: intimidate you go to good for him to yes, good
Speaker 1: job Christie again, Thank you all for tune and in
Speaker 1: and if you want to check out our membership where
Speaker 1: we have all the courses, interviews, challenges. Then head to
Speaker 1: Frugal Friends podcast dot com slash club you can just
Speaker 1: check it out. Just check it out see if it's
Speaker 1: something you want to join in on m See you
Speaker 1: next time. Frugal Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni