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Speaker 1: Hey everyone, It's Jay Sheddy and I'm thrilled to announce

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Speaker 1: my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can

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Speaker 1: experience on purpose in person. Join me in a city

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Speaker 1: near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It

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Speaker 1: could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO

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Speaker 1: or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth,

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Speaker 1: spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to

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Speaker 1: meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences

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Speaker 1: for a private Q and a intimate meditation and a

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Speaker 1: meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now.

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Speaker 1: Head to Jaysheddy, dop Me Forward Slash Tour and get

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Speaker 1: yours today.

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Speaker 2: God, I've been through so many things that at this

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Speaker 2: point I would rather not feel than feel, because feeling

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Speaker 2: is too much for me to handle.

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Speaker 3: All right, We're right, Hi, am Kloet Kradashi.

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Speaker 1: Tony Kardash, and everybody clothe Kodash.

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Speaker 2: There would be times that I was like, I don't

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Speaker 2: even want to go out to the grocery store because

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Speaker 2: I feel like I know what they're thinking about me.

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Speaker 2: And that was scary to me because I've never been

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Speaker 2: in a dark place for that long.

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Speaker 1: You've always taken care of others. Have you discovered anything

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Speaker 1: about why you've seen yourself take on that role in

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Speaker 1: so many relationships in your world? How do you even

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Speaker 1: find the courage to trust again? The number one health

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Speaker 1: and Wellness podcast.

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Speaker 3: Jay Shetty, Jay Sheddy Only J.

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Speaker 1: Shetty Chloe, Welcome back to On Purpose.

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Speaker 3: I'm so excited to be here.

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Speaker 1: You came on the podcast in twenty nineteen. Okay, that's crazy,

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Speaker 1: which is six years ago. Yeah, we just launched at

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Speaker 1: the beginning of that year, and you were such an

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Speaker 1: important part of helping the show get to where it

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Speaker 1: is today.

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Speaker 3: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: So the kind words you were just saying to me

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Speaker 1: a moment ago about the show are so much because

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Speaker 1: of you. Well, thank you, And I'm so grateful to you.

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Speaker 1: Your beautiful and wonderful family who've just been so kind

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Speaker 1: to me over the years, your mom who I adore,

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Speaker 1: Kendall and Kim who've both been amazing guests on the show,

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Speaker 1: and people have got to spend time with offscreen as well,

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Speaker 1: And it's just you've all been so wonderful to me.

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Speaker 1: So I'm deeply grateful and deeply touched well love.

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Speaker 2: We all adore you, we really really do. And you

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Speaker 2: just have this energy about you that everyone feels safe

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Speaker 2: and talking with you, and that's a testament to the

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Speaker 2: success of your podcast obviously, but everything that you do,

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Speaker 2: it's so from the intensity of your soul and it's

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Speaker 2: beautiful and you don't even realize that you're being recorded

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Speaker 2: when talking with you. So yes, I'm so honored to

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Speaker 2: be asked to be here again.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. And the last time we were together, we

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Speaker 1: were on your podcast, Yes, which I'm so excited about.

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Speaker 1: I can't wait to talk more about it.

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Speaker 2: I cannot even believe that you Yes, I am so

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Speaker 2: grateful that you agreed to do that, but were my

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Speaker 2: second guest, and the fact that you did that and

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Speaker 2: did it just sure of course, like you never asked questions.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, this is brand new, we've never launched or

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Speaker 2: aired yet.

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Speaker 3: Thank you. It was. You're so generous and so kind.

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Speaker 1: No, I loved it. It was so much fun speaking

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Speaker 1: to you and you using your platform to talk about

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Speaker 1: important topics and themes and vulnerability. And then my favorite

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Speaker 1: thing is we were in India just around this like

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Speaker 1: kind of coming around this time last year, yes, and

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Speaker 1: being with you in India and getting to take you

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Speaker 1: to the monastery that I stayed at for.

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Speaker 3: Some time, and what an experience.

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Speaker 1: It's so beautiful to have that with you, and so

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Speaker 1: thank you for letting me have that experience with you

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Speaker 1: as well.

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Speaker 2: And I don't know when this airs, but the India

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Speaker 2: episode for us, I think airs next week, so people

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Speaker 2: are going to get to see that insight and see

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Speaker 2: a little bit of where you practiced, and just what

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Speaker 2: a beautiful experience that was for us.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you both were so gracious and kind and curious,

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Speaker 1: and I was so in awe of just how wonderfully

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Speaker 1: respectful and thoughtful and thank you And the fact that

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Speaker 1: we were on a crazy schedule at a crazy wedding. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and you guys somehow managed to wake up to go

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Speaker 1: to a temple. It's pretty impressive.

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Speaker 2: That was such We could not miss that opportunity, especially

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Speaker 2: to go with you, I mean to where you practice.

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Speaker 2: I mean that still, that's a pinch me moment.

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Speaker 1: The well, Chloe, this week on the episode when we're

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Speaker 1: recording this, at least it's your fortieth birthday and that

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Speaker 1: was soon after you got back from India last year. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and I wanted to ask you, like, what it felt

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Speaker 1: like turning forty.

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Speaker 2: I know so many people dread turning forty or just

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Speaker 2: getting older, and I am the complete opposite. I probably

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Speaker 2: talked about my excitement in turning forty for at least

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Speaker 2: three years prior to turning forty. You know, my thirties

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Speaker 2: were challenging for me, as I really do think when

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Speaker 2: I reflect back, that they are challenging for most people.

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Speaker 2: I think your thirties is that, especially for women, because

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Speaker 2: that's sort of when people feel like, oh, their biological

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Speaker 2: clock is ticking, they should be married or have kids

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Speaker 2: by this age. And the truth is people are getting

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Speaker 2: married a little later, they are having kids later in life,

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Speaker 2: and a lot of women are focusing on what their

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Speaker 2: careers should be and so they're sort of putting the

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Speaker 2: family stuff on the back burner.

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Speaker 3: At least that's what I've noticed.

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Speaker 2: And for me, I had my kids, I had not

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Speaker 2: so many great relationships in my thirties and in my

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Speaker 2: younger twenties, but a lot of career stuff wasn't going

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Speaker 2: the way that I envisioned and hoped and planned, and

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Speaker 2: I really just wanted to get out of my thirties,

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Speaker 2: I was like, I feel good. I have my kids

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Speaker 2: and that's my wonderful, beautiful takeaway. And still I also

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Speaker 2: do believe that any of those experiences, they really are formative,

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Speaker 2: and no matter how traumatic and horrible they are, you

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Speaker 2: don't think that in the moment, but later on you

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Speaker 2: do get to self reflect and be like, Okay, I

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Speaker 2: needed that for some reason. But going into my forties,

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Speaker 2: I was skipping and leaping and hopping into them.

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Speaker 1: How did you imagine your forties were going to look

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Speaker 1: when you were younger, and now that you're moving into them,

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Speaker 1: How close are they? How different are those visions?

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Speaker 2: So I don't know if you've ever seen this meme,

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Speaker 2: but it's a meme of the Golden Girls, and I

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Speaker 2: think those ladies were in their forties or early fifties

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Speaker 2: when they're ushered away somewhere in Florida, you know, have

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Speaker 2: to live together because they're so old, and then they

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Speaker 2: do side by sides with like a bunch of women

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Speaker 2: in their forties now beautiful women, and the comparison, you're like,

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Speaker 2: why was I so afraid? But the representation that we

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Speaker 2: had when we were younger was very different than what

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Speaker 2: the forties. Are we're fifties now? I mean, Gabrielle Union.

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Speaker 2: I don't exactly know how old everybody is, but Jennifer Lopez,

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Speaker 2: you see all of these gorgeous women and you're like, wait,

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Speaker 2: I think their forties fifties?

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Speaker 3: What am I afraid of?

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Speaker 2: And it's not so much even about the esthetic. It's

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Speaker 2: the lifeliness that these women and the passion that these

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Speaker 2: women have for life that you're like, that doesn't seem

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Speaker 2: so bad.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you're so right what you just said

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Speaker 1: now about how everyone has a tough thirties to forties.

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Speaker 1: I think it's really interesting. When you're going in your

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Speaker 1: twenties to thirties, you have a really high expectation and

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Speaker 1: then you kind of get brought down to reality. I

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Speaker 1: think everyone has a tougher twenties than they imagined. You're

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Speaker 1: having the pressure, the pressure of what it should be,

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Speaker 1: the pressure of starting work, the pressure of a relationship.

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Speaker 2: But you put these kids in college and they're supposed

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Speaker 2: to what is your major? What is your minor? And

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Speaker 2: then if you go awry from that when you graduate,

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Speaker 2: it's like, then what did I pay for? But how

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Speaker 2: many times have you changed your mind? About something in life, right,

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Speaker 2: and so have I. So yes, I believe in college.

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Speaker 2: I believe in that if that's the right step for you.

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Speaker 2: But I also think it's people need to know how

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Speaker 2: okay it is to not necessarily know what you want

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Speaker 2: to do when you're twenty years old.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely such great advice. I mean I look at it.

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Speaker 1: In my twenties, I first became a monk. I then

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Speaker 1: left and worked in consulting, and then left and did media,

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Speaker 1: and then since then I've done video content, podcast, wrote books. Right,

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Speaker 1: just things that I would never have imagined. If someone

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Speaker 1: told me at eighteen, Jay, this is what your life's

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Speaker 1: going to look like, I wouldn't leave them. And I

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Speaker 1: think something you said that was really important that when

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Speaker 1: you get into your thirties there's almost like this grounding

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Speaker 1: effect as well, where you start to ask yourself what

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Speaker 1: do I really want in life? But as you get

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Speaker 1: into your forties, you're almost living that of like what's

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Speaker 1: really important? What really is my priority? Am I clear

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Speaker 1: about what I want? Whereas in your twenties you don't know,

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Speaker 1: and how could you?

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Speaker 3: You don't know?

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Speaker 2: And you also have that arrogance in your twenties that

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Speaker 2: no one can tell you anything, but people have to

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Speaker 2: go through that, like I don't. I get it, And

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Speaker 2: I also get now when adults were like they sort

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Speaker 2: of roll their eyes at somebody in their twenties, and

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Speaker 2: it's rare that most people in that age are so

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Speaker 2: definitive at what they want to do and if they

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Speaker 2: are great, and that is just this old soulness in them,

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Speaker 2: I would say. But also when i've I've only been

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Speaker 2: in my forties for a few months, but it's crazy

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Speaker 2: how quickly that you're sort of like you feel so

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Speaker 2: solid in who you are or the things that maybe

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Speaker 2: made you insecure or doubt yourself, you sort of just

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Speaker 2: let it go. And I don't know what that switch

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Speaker 2: exactly is. I just know that it's that grounding term

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Speaker 2: that you said, you feel so solid within yourself and

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Speaker 2: you're like, it's okay, and I know life is going

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Speaker 2: to work out. I know everything is going to come

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Speaker 2: how I envision it, because I have that drive and

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Speaker 2: desire to. But I've stopped limiting myself to it had

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Speaker 2: to be done before I turned forty. When I was younger,

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Speaker 2: society definitely put on me, or not just me. I

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Speaker 2: think a lot of people but now life expectancy is longer.

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Speaker 2: I think we prioritize our health from within so much more,

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Speaker 2: and people realize, Okay, it's not all about just having

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Speaker 2: babies and getting married by the time you're twenty three

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Speaker 2: and then just coasting the rest or figuring it out. Now,

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Speaker 2: it's like, let's figure out what we really want at

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Speaker 2: our core and then the rest will sort of unfold.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what would you say? Because I feel like we

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Speaker 1: have such an amazing community of young women and women

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Speaker 1: who listen to this show, and so many of them,

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Speaker 1: I know, are thinking, I'm thirty years old, I'm not married,

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Speaker 1: there's so much pressure, I'm not in a serious relationship.

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Speaker 1: What words of advice, wisdom, insight, or lessons would you

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Speaker 1: share with them in that period of their life where

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Speaker 1: the societal pressure, the parental pressure, the personal pressure, the

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Speaker 1: pressure of what's happening all around them on Instagram, TikTok,

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Speaker 1: social media. How should they think about navigating that?

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Speaker 2: Number one is something I had to learn myself. As

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Speaker 2: comparison as the Thief of Joy. It takes everything out

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Speaker 2: of anything that you're doing if you're constantly comparing what

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Speaker 2: you're doing to somebody else because somebody else is only

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Speaker 2: showing you their highlight reel. Anyway, we have to remember

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Speaker 2: that what we're doing is probably someone's looking at us

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Speaker 2: and they're like, damn, that's an amazing highlight reel, Like

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Speaker 2: I want that. But we're so conditioned now to constantly

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Speaker 2: want more and more, never be satisfied. That makes me

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Speaker 2: sad for my kids, and I always try. I have

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Speaker 2: so many nieces and nephews, and three of them are

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Speaker 2: the exact same age. It's my daughter and Kylie's daughter

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Speaker 2: and Kim's daughter, and sometimes that's challenging because they each

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Speaker 2: want the same thing all the time. And I sort

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Speaker 2: of like that because I like to say, not just

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Speaker 2: because someone has that doesn't mean you get to have that.

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Speaker 2: And those are smaller lessons, but you learn that later

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Speaker 2: in life so much bigger. And you can be inspired

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Speaker 2: by others or motivated by others, but the jealousy or

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Speaker 2: the comparison is something that we or I have had

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Speaker 2: to even retrain my brain to not always look at

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Speaker 2: someone and be like, well, why don't I have that?

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Speaker 3: Or how can I get?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: It should be more from a motivational way as opposed

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Speaker 2: to an envious way. But I also think, do you

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Speaker 2: want to be married and have kids because that's what

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Speaker 2: you were taught as a kid that you're supposed to do.

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Speaker 2: Do you want that and a career? And which one

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Speaker 2: do you want to have come first? And do you

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Speaker 2: not want a career? And do you just want to

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Speaker 2: be a mother?

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Speaker 3: Like those?

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Speaker 2: Whatever the answer is is all okay, because it's your life.

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Speaker 2: But sometimes I think that we live a life so

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Speaker 2: much for other people and we forget to check in

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Speaker 2: with ourselves. And it's okay if you had a desire

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Speaker 2: in your twenties and now you're in your thirties and

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Speaker 2: you're like, wait, I actually don't want that anymore and

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Speaker 2: I changed my direction, and it's okay to admit that

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Speaker 2: to yourself.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I think You've raised so many important points there.

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Speaker 1: One of them that resonates with me is I always

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Speaker 1: say to people the only way you can purify envy

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Speaker 1: is study. What I mean by that is when you

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Speaker 1: study someone's success, you get motivated by it. When you

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Speaker 1: envy someone's success, you get demotivated by it because you

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Speaker 1: feel it's not for me. I'm not going to get

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Speaker 1: that when you study it, when you look at how

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Speaker 1: they started when you look at the challenges they've gone through,

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Speaker 1: when you look at the ups and the downs, all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden you realize you get so much inspiration

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Speaker 1: that I can do it too, right, that that person's

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Speaker 1: had a very normal human journey. And maybe I just

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Speaker 1: don't see that because I'm only seeing the success. I'm

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Speaker 1: not seeing the story.

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Speaker 2: And I think I get a very interesting take on

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Speaker 2: that because I do that with me and my sisters,

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Speaker 2: and so when I look at all of my siblings,

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Speaker 2: I know so in depthly. Also there's struggles and how

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Speaker 2: many companies we've all started that have failed, where so

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Speaker 2: many people that you look up to you don't hear

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Speaker 2: every little thing and tell they're at the top.

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Speaker 3: And then they're.

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Speaker 2: Telling you this was how they got here their success,

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Speaker 2: and sometimes you're like, okay, but you're here now and

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Speaker 2: it still seems unobtainable. But for me, I do get

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Speaker 2: I'm very lucky for my positioning because even though I

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Speaker 2: see my siblings and I see all their success, now,

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Speaker 2: I remember how much stuff we tried to do and

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Speaker 2: you know, throw spaghetti on the wall and it just

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Speaker 2: didn't stick. But I don't know if outsiders would see

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Speaker 2: that looking within our family all the time. I think,

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Speaker 2: if you can, you know, go back and google back

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Speaker 2: two thousand and eight whatever, you'll be like, oh, they

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Speaker 2: did that, and where's that company? And so everyone has

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Speaker 2: their failures, but I wouldn't even call them failures.

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Speaker 1: What's the biggest lesson you were taking into your forties,

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Speaker 1: something that you've been carrying with you into this time.

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Speaker 2: I talk to myself a lot, so I like to

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Speaker 2: be really intentional, and I like, I understand, and I

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Speaker 2: teach my daughter that happiness and positivity and all of

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Speaker 2: that is a choice. And so what I like too

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Speaker 2: is be very intentional with my days, my jobs, the

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Speaker 2: things that I choose to do and spend time on,

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Speaker 2: and not in a smug sort of way. But I

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Speaker 2: wake up a lot and I'm like, oh, I'm just

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Speaker 2: in either a melancholy mood or I'm woke up on

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Speaker 2: the wrong side of the bed. I'm not a nice

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Speaker 2: person today. And I'll look myself in the mirror and

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Speaker 2: I will have a back and forth talk with myself

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, no, I'm happy today. I'm choosing happy.

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Speaker 2: But so much of that came really when I was

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Speaker 2: in my forties. Maybe my last thirty ninth year, because

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Speaker 2: I realized how much of a dark cloud I felt

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Speaker 2: was surrounding me in my thirties. But yes, things happen

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Speaker 2: to me, but it's also my responsibility to choose how

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Speaker 2: I respond to those things.

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Speaker 3: And I think.

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Speaker 2: Because of social media maybe as well, that I let

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Speaker 2: so much of the noise make me even sadder or

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Speaker 2: make me feel like I was less worthy, less of

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Speaker 2: a person, that I needed to be so crumbled and

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Speaker 2: embarrassed about what happened to me, where yes I probably

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Speaker 2: would have had those feelings, but maybe not as long

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Speaker 2: as I did because that narration was going on for

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Speaker 2: so long, and so I finally was sort of like,

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Speaker 2: screw every dark noise I'm hearing, and I'm going to

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Speaker 2: say every day, no, I am worthy. I'm worthy of

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Speaker 2: a happy, beautiful, positive day, being intentional in that way.

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Speaker 2: And it's funny when I wake my kids up every day,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, we're going to have a happy day because

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Speaker 2: we choose to have a happy day. But embedding in

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Speaker 2: them those small little affirmations. I mean, I'm forty and

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Speaker 2: I need it, so you know, I think it's a

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Speaker 2: good thing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I can agree with you more. I always say

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Speaker 1: to myself, like, I can't make like the day doesn't

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Speaker 1: have to be great to me, but I can make

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Speaker 1: the day a great day, right, because they could be

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Speaker 1: ups and downs. It could be someone says something, someone

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Speaker 1: could mean to me, someone could cut me off in traffic,

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Speaker 1: someone could do whatever it may be to me. But

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Speaker 1: I get to choose how I respond. I get to

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Speaker 1: choose how I react, and it makes such a difference.

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Speaker 1: One of the themes in the show this year has

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Speaker 1: been all of you talking about sheddings the burdens of

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Speaker 1: the past. And I think that's such an interesting thing

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Speaker 1: because I think as you get older, you start to

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Speaker 1: notice what you've been carrying with you right right, and

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Speaker 1: you've had longer to carry it with you, and now

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Speaker 1: you're more aware what were some of those things that

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Speaker 1: came up for you? And you were like, I think

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Speaker 1: these are things that I've been holding on to that

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Speaker 1: I need to shed. What are some of those burdens.

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Speaker 2: I'm not a victim to this, but I do feel

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Speaker 2: like I was in a way victimizing myself. But again,

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Speaker 2: it sort of was more from the outside noise. I

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Speaker 2: hate that I allowed other people to have that much

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Speaker 2: control over the way I viewed myself. But I would

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Speaker 2: say just from my past dating history, and a lot

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Speaker 2: of them ended in cheating or there was just they

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Speaker 2: weren't great situations at the end. But yes, I think

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Speaker 2: even in the most private of times, if that happened

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Speaker 2: and nobody publicly knew about it, they're still shame. Within

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Speaker 2: your family, you feel embarrassed, like how you know, what

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Speaker 2: did I do? You always make it about yourself, and

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Speaker 2: that's okay because hopefully you will get stronger and reflect

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Speaker 2: and not make those same mistakes again. And for me,

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Speaker 2: they happened repeatedly, and I was like, okay, this is

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Speaker 2: about me. I'm either not paying attention, I'm sweeping something

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Speaker 2: under the rug, like I really wanted to be so

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Speaker 2: aware of what I was doing and let that go,

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Speaker 2: but let the guilt and the shame of that go

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Speaker 2: because I quote allowed it to happen more than once.

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Speaker 2: And I'm saying that because I didn't allow it to happen.

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Speaker 2: But the narrative out there was like, well, you get

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Speaker 2: what you get. You know, like I should have known better,

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Speaker 2: and yes, I probably should have, but I needed to

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Speaker 2: learn that lesson. I know, I carried so much shame

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Speaker 2: and guilt where there would be times that I was like,

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Speaker 2: I don't even want to go out to the grocery

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Speaker 2: store and look at someone in the eyes because I

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Speaker 2: feel like I know what they're thinking about me. They

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Speaker 2: probably don't know who I am, they probably never heard

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Speaker 2: this story. But the shame, this cloud that was I

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Speaker 2: felt following me everywhere that I don't know if it

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Speaker 2: was even that big to other people, but I definitely

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Speaker 2: felt like I was constantly surrounded by a gray cloud.

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Speaker 2: I would limit myself from doing a lot of things

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Speaker 2: and seeing a lot of people because I was I

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Speaker 2: felt such shame where I was like, intentionally, no, I'm

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Speaker 2: going to let this go.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special

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Speaker 1: maturity in what you're saying that requires so much and

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Speaker 1: something I want to kind of go into with you

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Speaker 1: is this idea of how do we take accountability but

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Speaker 1: not take full responsibility right it's that idea of like,

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Speaker 1: as you said, you can't you can't blame yourself, and

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Speaker 1: at the same time, you had to find a way

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Speaker 1: to recognize you wanted to make better decisions. And I

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Speaker 1: think it's such a fine line because I think we

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Speaker 1: go from saying it's not my fault, it's everyone else's fault,

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Speaker 1: to the being like, oh, it's all my fault. It's

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Speaker 1: all me. I'm the one to blame. I did this

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Speaker 1: to myself. How did you find that balance which requires

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Speaker 1: so much thoughtfulness and maturity to actually get to that

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Speaker 1: place where it's like, I'm going to take accountability to

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Speaker 1: change my life, but I'm also going to recognize that

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Speaker 1: this happened to me, but it wasn't about me. As

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Speaker 1: you said, how do you get to that?

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Speaker 2: Well, the interesting part is I think the very first

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Speaker 2: time it happened, I didn't do that and that's okay

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Speaker 2: because it's done. Yeah, And I also had to forgive

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Speaker 2: myself for that. There was a time that I was

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Speaker 2: felt very guilty, like why did I even stay? Why

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Speaker 2: why am I not forgiving myself? I would blame myself

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Speaker 2: for everything.

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Speaker 3: And then the.

436
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:27,680
Speaker 2: Second time, you know, I my surgeate was still pregnant

437
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:31,679
Speaker 2: with Tatum, and the people didn't know yet that I

438
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:37,399
Speaker 2: was having Tatum. But I felt such shame that it

439
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,479
Speaker 2: was happening again because I knew, I knew better.

440
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, as I'm listening to I'm just thinking

441
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:46,680
Speaker 1: about the amount of people that are probably listening to

442
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:51,440
Speaker 1: right now, thinking, Chloe, I had that fantasy too, and

443
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:55,120
Speaker 1: you had the courage, even though at one point, as

444
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 1: you said, you were kind of why did I stay

445
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:00,400
Speaker 1: that long or why did I keep doing that? And

446
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 1: you had to forgive yourself for that. But I think

447
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:06,160
Speaker 1: a lot of people don't know how to know when

448
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 1: something's no longer serving them. And as I'm listening to you,

449
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:13,000
Speaker 1: I'm listening to someone who's saying I finally got to

450
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,439
Speaker 1: a point where I realized this fantasy wasn't serving me,

451
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 1: it was keeping me here. We can't speed it up, no,

452
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,280
Speaker 1: we can't rush ourselves to it. You can't be forced

453
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:22,840
Speaker 1: to it, no.

454
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 3: And that's what I mean.

455
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 2: I think people also need to be patient with themselves,

456
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,800
Speaker 2: like if they don't, if you're not feeling accountable in

457
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,480
Speaker 2: some of the actions that you're making, are some what

458
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,400
Speaker 2: someone else is doing to you that's Okay, there will

459
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 2: be a day that you will wake up.

460
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 3: Listen.

461
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:42,320
Speaker 2: If I was watching me when I was in my twenties,

462
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,240
Speaker 2: I would be judging that person too and being she's

463
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:48,080
Speaker 2: so stupid it's going to happen again. I don't blame

464
00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:51,160
Speaker 2: people for their judgment. I think with life comes great

465
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:56,440
Speaker 2: wisdom and life experiences. And if my story helped anybody

466
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 2: else feel less alone, because it's such an isolating feeling.

467
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:02,160
Speaker 2: You feel like you're on this island and it doesn't

468
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:08,080
Speaker 2: happen to anybody else, and sadly it does. And I

469
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:11,119
Speaker 2: know so many people that stay longer.

470
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:11,440
Speaker 3: Than I did.

471
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:16,159
Speaker 2: And not that it's right, but you have to let

472
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:19,000
Speaker 2: go when you really feel like you're ready, or I

473
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,680
Speaker 2: think that person will always feel like, well what if

474
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 2: in this? And I really just like to live my

475
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:29,720
Speaker 2: life in this. No, I'm solid in that action. I'm

476
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:31,400
Speaker 2: solid in that choice that I made.

477
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:34,120
Speaker 1: You're making such a powerful point here, and I really

478
00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:36,040
Speaker 1: want everyone to take it home as they're listening, Like,

479
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:39,120
Speaker 1: you can only learn on your own timeline. You can't

480
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,439
Speaker 1: learn on anyone else's. You can't look at someone else's

481
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,119
Speaker 1: pace and say, oh, I should have done it like

482
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:45,320
Speaker 1: that and really.

483
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:46,199
Speaker 3: Why are they doing it?

484
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:46,399
Speaker 4: Like?

485
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,120
Speaker 1: Why are they doing it like that? And I think

486
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 1: we just don't. It's really easy to look at someone

487
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,440
Speaker 1: else's life, whoever it may be, our friends, our family,

488
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 1: people on the screen, and think we know how perfectly

489
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,199
Speaker 1: they should live. Yet we all know how hard it

490
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:05,080
Speaker 1: is to make one decision in our own life. And

491
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:10,439
Speaker 1: what I've learned from ever having any training and learning

492
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:14,480
Speaker 1: from my spirituality and non judgment was just that everything

493
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:19,440
Speaker 1: you judge in someone else, you won't fully understand until

494
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,920
Speaker 1: you have to go through it yourself. And as soon

495
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,479
Speaker 1: as you go through it yourself, you wake up and

496
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:28,480
Speaker 1: you go, I cannot believe I judge someone else for

497
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 1: how they were navigating a divorce or break up, a marriage,

498
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:33,200
Speaker 1: whatever it may have been.

499
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,920
Speaker 2: And trust me, I was that person one of us. Yes,

500
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 2: when I was younger, I used to you either read

501
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,920
Speaker 2: something and you have a comment about it or one

502
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 2: of your friends or family members and yes, and then

503
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 2: you live your life and you go through it and

504
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:49,720
Speaker 2: you're like, Okay, I get it a little bit more.

505
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, how did you learn to forgive yourself? Because I

506
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 1: think that is sometimes harder. And if I could say

507
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 1: this just from the moments I've been fortunate enough to

508
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 1: spend time with you and connect with you, and thankfully

509
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 1: they've always been very deep. And so even though we

510
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:05,800
Speaker 1: haven't spent lots of time together, I feel when we

511
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,520
Speaker 1: have it's always been deep time. It's always a meaningful

512
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:13,159
Speaker 1: conversation or an exchange. And as I'm sitting with you

513
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 1: here today versus six years ago the first time, and

514
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 1: every time I've seen you in between, I feel you've

515
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:21,440
Speaker 1: got more and more peaceful. Thank you, just in your presence,

516
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 1: You've always been wonderful and kind, but more and more

517
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:28,439
Speaker 1: peaceful in yourself. And what I see as someone who's

518
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 1: become a master in forgiveness. Your superpower is your ability

519
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:37,119
Speaker 1: to forgive, to forgive others, but even more importantly yourself.

520
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,440
Speaker 1: And so I'm really intrigued about your self part, because

521
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 1: forgiving other people is one thing, but letting yourself say, hey,

522
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 1: I moved at the right time, I moved at the

523
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:48,879
Speaker 1: right pace. I don't need to hate on myself and

524
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:51,320
Speaker 1: not getting out of it sooner or not seeing it sooner,

525
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:55,120
Speaker 1: that requires so much in a forgiveness walk us through that.

526
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 3: Gosh, that's a deep one, Jay.

527
00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 1: It is it is you're the one who's lived.

528
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 2: I mean, oh my gosh, well, I am not always

529
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 2: kind to myself, and I think I am my biggest

530
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 2: bully and critic and all of those things at times.

531
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:15,360
Speaker 2: And it is much easier for me to forgive others

532
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:19,560
Speaker 2: than myself. I will say that forgiving myself has really

533
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,960
Speaker 2: been more of the last three years of my adult life.

534
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:28,640
Speaker 2: But I was so great at giving other people grace, forgiveness,

535
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:33,800
Speaker 2: making not excuses for them, but just like always coming

536
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,359
Speaker 2: to their defense no matter how wrong they've done me,

537
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:41,080
Speaker 2: because I feel like it's not my place to judge

538
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 2: them and I don't know everything they're going through and

539
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:46,919
Speaker 2: that type of thing. And then one day I was like,

540
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:50,639
Speaker 2: but why don't I give myself the same energy that

541
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 2: I'm giving so freely to other people? And a lot

542
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:58,119
Speaker 2: of it comes through my prayer and my relationship with God,

543
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:02,640
Speaker 2: and y know, like I really had to also say

544
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,920
Speaker 2: to myself that this isn't about me, what these people

545
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:09,439
Speaker 2: have done. It's not just relationships in so many different levels,

546
00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:13,640
Speaker 2: and there are times that you feel like, Okay, what

547
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:17,800
Speaker 2: is it? Why do so many people take advantage or lie, cheat,

548
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 2: steel whatever it is you can be angry. You can

549
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:24,119
Speaker 2: have your feelings, but sometimes you feel like, oh, it

550
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:27,440
Speaker 2: must be me because it's happened so many times. And

551
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,440
Speaker 2: that's also why I feel like boundaries are so important

552
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:33,679
Speaker 2: to set and I never had boundaries before, and I

553
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:35,760
Speaker 2: think that was a big thing. But I think a

554
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:38,440
Speaker 2: lot of that is releasing it and just knowing that

555
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 2: that's not your burden to carry.

556
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 1: I think that's what it is. We start to believe

557
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:50,280
Speaker 1: deeply that there's only one problem and that's us, right right.

558
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 1: We walk around thinking that it's all because of me,

559
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 1: it's because of my weakness, it's because of my flaws,

560
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 1: it's because of whatever else it is, and we completely

561
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 1: forget that anything else to it.

562
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 2: Well, because then also if you're like, well, that's not

563
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:06,920
Speaker 2: because of me, like when people say it also in

564
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 2: that way, they're like, well, you know, like if everyone

565
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:14,240
Speaker 2: says that whatever, then it has to be you too.

566
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:17,680
Speaker 2: So there's that fine line lie in.

567
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:18,320
Speaker 3: That, for sure.

568
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:21,800
Speaker 2: But I think when you're just aware and when you're

569
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 2: solid in yourself, I really do think it's okay to

570
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:28,240
Speaker 2: release those things. And if you are doing the work,

571
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 2: if you're and the work doesn't have to be therapy

572
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 2: like with a actual therapist, if you have a group

573
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 2: of friends, and if those people really are unbiased and

574
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 2: not judgmental, and you can go to.

575
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:39,560
Speaker 3: That do that.

576
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 2: For me, I really enjoy writing. It's not for people

577
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 2: to see, it's just it's a form of expression for me,

578
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:48,320
Speaker 2: and I feel like I'm really getting this energy out

579
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 2: of my system.

580
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:49,600
Speaker 1: Wow.

581
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,719
Speaker 2: And sometimes I'll write and I'm like, I'm tearing this

582
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 2: up so no one ever sees it, and I don't

583
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 2: even know what I'm going to start writing. I'm like,

584
00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 2: I just got to get this on from pen to paper.

585
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:04,040
Speaker 2: It's such a release. And sometimes that's the quote therapy

586
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:07,320
Speaker 2: that I need, or the conversation that I need a

587
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 2: lot of the times it's the gym, it's whatever. But

588
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:11,200
Speaker 2: once I get to that point that I'm like okay,

589
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:14,000
Speaker 2: light bulb goes off, I'm like, yes, I could have

590
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 2: done things differently, but I'm not the reason why this

591
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 2: happened to me, Like there's really no excuse for certain behavior.

592
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 2: But yes, I probably could have handled things differently or

593
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:29,360
Speaker 2: saw things differently. But you know, I think people have

594
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 2: to be fair and not just play the victim, but

595
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:38,400
Speaker 2: not also play that they're this champion and this crusader

596
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 2: there definitely has to be. There's good and bad to

597
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:44,479
Speaker 2: all of us, if we want to admit it or not.

598
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And I think it's that it's being able to

599
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 1: accept that I was weak, but I am not weak, right.

600
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,240
Speaker 1: There's a difference in that language, even in the way

601
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:57,840
Speaker 1: you're speaking about it. There's a difference in I made

602
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:02,080
Speaker 1: a mistake versus the mistake exactly. And I think as

603
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:05,400
Speaker 1: soon as it becomes internalized to believe that that's who

604
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:08,160
Speaker 1: I am, that's who I've always been, and I won't

605
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:11,440
Speaker 1: be anything else, then we don't allow ourselves to say no.

606
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 1: It's almost like looking back at an outfit of yours

607
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,520
Speaker 1: and going, god, I don't know why I was wearing that, right, right,

608
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 1: And you're like, why did I wear that? Like those

609
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 1: two things don't even go together, right, But you know

610
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 1: you're not your clothes, so you forgive yourself and you go, Okay,

611
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 1: that was a bad day, and I'll wear something else today,

612
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:27,480
Speaker 1: and I can make sure that you're not.

613
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:30,480
Speaker 2: Able to laugh about it exactly. Yes, And the same

614
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 2: sentiment should be held for our past mistakes, like haven't

615
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 2: you ever done anything? And then it mortified you where

616
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:40,480
Speaker 2: you were so angry at yourself, and then five years

617
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 2: later you will hysterically laugh about it with your wife

618
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 2: or whatever.

619
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:44,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's the best.

620
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 3: Yes, And that's.

621
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 2: How I think most of our failures, mistakes in life

622
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:54,360
Speaker 2: should be. Sure at the moment, they're horrible and they

623
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 2: make you feel really bad, but how beautiful is it

624
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 2: when you have so much growth from that and you're

625
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 2: a completely different person in a beautiful way. And then

626
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 2: you look back and you can laugh at that at

627
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 2: something that made you sob cry in a corner and

628
00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 2: you were, you know, in a fetal position you don't

629
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 2: want to see anyone, And then you're like, no, Okay,

630
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:18,000
Speaker 2: I had a bad moment. It's not a bad life,

631
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,000
Speaker 2: and I can move on and be stronger and better.

632
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 2: But sometimes we let those moments consume us and we

633
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 2: never get out of them. And for me, that's a

634
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 2: place that I never want to be, because I felt

635
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 2: like I was in that for a few years, and

636
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:36,080
Speaker 2: that was scary to me because I've never been in

637
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 2: a dark place for that long, of a place of

638
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 2: shame and guilt and all of that. And then finally

639
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:46,160
Speaker 2: I just said to myself, Okay, enough, no one wants

640
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:48,240
Speaker 2: to be around someone and you're like, how's your day?

641
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:50,160
Speaker 3: Fine?

642
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 2: And not that I was that person, but internally I

643
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 2: felt like I was that person. I love being happy

644
00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 2: and joyful and like life is so great if you

645
00:32:59,000 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 2: look for the.

646
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:02,520
Speaker 1: Good, you just hit on something that's really important. I

647
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 1: think a lot of people kind of get into that lull,

648
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 1: like that feeling of a long period of I don't

649
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 1: see light at the end of a tunnel. And was

650
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:13,800
Speaker 1: it like that for you? I mean, you're so committed

651
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:18,480
Speaker 1: to the work, whether it's your prayer, you're journaling. We

652
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 1: were just talking earlier when you came in about how

653
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:25,200
Speaker 1: you need a few hours every week just by yourself. Yes,

654
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 1: and that's a practice that you've maintained with children, with

655
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 1: your businesses, with your responsibilities. That carving out that time

656
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,280
Speaker 1: is so important to you. Talk to me about that

657
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:37,960
Speaker 1: about like how much the work helped you even in

658
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,920
Speaker 1: the darkest times. Were you able to maintain it or.

659
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:43,560
Speaker 2: I mean, the work is what got me out of

660
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 2: the darkest times. I think it's it's really easy to

661
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:52,560
Speaker 2: turn to God or whoever you're higher being. Is it's

662
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,320
Speaker 2: really easy to turn there when you're in this low time.

663
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 2: And like get me out, and you know, and you

664
00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 2: just think magically they're going to send you a ladder

665
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:03,160
Speaker 2: and like pull you out of this ditch. But yes,

666
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:06,160
Speaker 2: he will maybe give you signs and tools, but you

667
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 2: have to do the work. He can give you the recipe,

668
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:10,440
Speaker 2: but you got to put all the cake mix and

669
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:13,279
Speaker 2: everything together and bake the cake. And I think so

670
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:16,720
Speaker 2: many times people expect it just like to be magic,

671
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:18,600
Speaker 2: get me out of there, and they don't want to

672
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 2: do the work. So the work is scary. Being alone

673
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:24,759
Speaker 2: is scary with the self reflection and writing and all that, like,

674
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:28,000
Speaker 2: because you're like, oh, I have to face myself and

675
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:31,520
Speaker 2: that seems a little daunting. And people like to distract

676
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:34,840
Speaker 2: and not come to terms with who they are. For me,

677
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 2: and again, being in my twenties, I did a lot

678
00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 2: of distracting. It's fun to distract, especially at that age

679
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:44,880
Speaker 2: and you don't have kids and you can do whatever.

680
00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:49,080
Speaker 2: And so I remember that after my divorce or even

681
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 2: when my dad died, my dad dad. When I was nineteen,

682
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:56,120
Speaker 2: I remember going out every night because I was an avoidant.

683
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:59,440
Speaker 2: Let me avoid these feelings. If it's if I'm not

684
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 2: feeling them, they're not happening. Well, that didn't work too well.

685
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:07,840
Speaker 2: I remember losing all my hair, gaining so much weight, hyperventilating,

686
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 2: like when I would be alone when I got a divorce,

687
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:15,240
Speaker 2: very similar, Let me go out, let me party, drink,

688
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 2: hang out with new guys. What does that get me?

689
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 1: You know?

690
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:23,600
Speaker 2: I realized, Okay, these ways of coping didn't work for

691
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,919
Speaker 2: so many years that when this time happened, and maybe

692
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:32,799
Speaker 2: a little help of COVID, it was around twenty twenty two,

693
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 2: twenty twenty one, twenty twenty two, but still things were

694
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:38,920
Speaker 2: still sort of locked down a little bit, and I

695
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:42,040
Speaker 2: just said, no, I'm not going to date anyone now

696
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,320
Speaker 2: I have kids too, I'm not going to a club.

697
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 2: Like what am I doing? But having to face myself

698
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:55,440
Speaker 2: and intentionally be alone, intentionally do the work intentionally. Every day,

699
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:57,319
Speaker 2: I wake up at five am because I need that

700
00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:01,520
Speaker 2: alone time, to have my coffee, do my prayers, listen

701
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:04,800
Speaker 2: to my Bible app like whatever it is that makes

702
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 2: you whole, I need that, and I know when I

703
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:11,239
Speaker 2: don't have that, how different my day feels. I like

704
00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:14,360
Speaker 2: to set my intentions for the day or my workouts,

705
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:17,279
Speaker 2: the clarity I get just whatever it is everyone's going

706
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:20,239
Speaker 2: to be different. If you need to be outside, you

707
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:23,040
Speaker 2: have to decide that. But it did take me a

708
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:27,040
Speaker 2: long time of doing other things and seeing how horrible

709
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:31,319
Speaker 2: those things served me for me to find, Okay, this

710
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:34,879
Speaker 2: I like. And yes, it's easy for me to go

711
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:37,680
Speaker 2: and date a man and be an avoidant and distract

712
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:40,360
Speaker 2: these real feelings. But then what, the same thing is

713
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:42,880
Speaker 2: probably going to happen to me again because I don't

714
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:47,080
Speaker 2: know what I'm doing, and I'm just willy nilly going

715
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:50,279
Speaker 2: through life, and what because somebody is cute or this,

716
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:53,040
Speaker 2: I'm not paying attention to the core of people and

717
00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:55,960
Speaker 2: even to the core of myself. And I just started

718
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:59,080
Speaker 2: listening to myself and finding the things that really made

719
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:04,959
Speaker 2: me feel whole but alone. And I know so many

720
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,759
Speaker 2: of my friends cannot be alone because they don't want

721
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 2: to hear their own thoughts, they don't want to start

722
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:14,920
Speaker 2: working on themselves. And I'm not judging that, but I

723
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:18,360
Speaker 2: know how amazing it is to be alone with myself

724
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:20,319
Speaker 2: and to like who I am.

725
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:24,479
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you talked about that, because I think

726
00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:26,840
Speaker 1: that's one of the challenges we have today in the world,

727
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:31,200
Speaker 1: is our inability to be alone. And again I come

728
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:32,960
Speaker 1: at it from the same point of view as you.

729
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:37,520
Speaker 1: It's not about being judgmental. It's coming from a place

730
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 1: of compassion and empathy. That you can't break a pattern

731
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,360
Speaker 1: if you simply avoid it and pretend it doesn't exist.

732
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:48,040
Speaker 1: And when we're alone, we're breaking the pattern because we

733
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:50,440
Speaker 1: have to look at those assumptions. We have to look

734
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:52,480
Speaker 1: at all those beliefs. We have to look at the

735
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:55,320
Speaker 1: hardwired truths that we're living by. And we've got to

736
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:58,239
Speaker 1: look at way a minute every decision I make. Where

737
00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 1: in the past did that seed get planned? And I'm

738
00:38:01,719 --> 00:38:04,319
Speaker 1: now eating the fruit from that? And what seed do

739
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 1: I want to plant today? Because I want to eat

740
00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 1: a different fruit in the future. Others we keep eating

741
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:11,960
Speaker 1: the fruits from the past and never plant any new seeds.

742
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:15,200
Speaker 2: I understand how difficult it is to change your mindset.

743
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:16,280
Speaker 2: Your mind is a muscle.

744
00:38:16,520 --> 00:38:17,359
Speaker 3: I get it.

745
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:21,840
Speaker 2: And we are humans by nature, like they love a routine.

746
00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:25,480
Speaker 2: You find comfort in that. I totally get that. So

747
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 2: I'm not saying, oh, it's so easy, go ahead and

748
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:30,759
Speaker 2: do this, No, but it's little practices every day.

749
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:34,120
Speaker 1: Yeah. I always say to people, there's two questions you

750
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:37,320
Speaker 1: have to ask yourself. The first is I use someone

751
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:40,759
Speaker 1: who seeks discomfort or someone who needs to build confidence.

752
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 1: So if you're someone who needs to seek discomfort, you

753
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 1: should start with the hardest thing first. And if you're

754
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:49,560
Speaker 1: someone who needs to build confidence, you should start with

755
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:51,920
Speaker 1: the easiest thing first. Because some of us want to

756
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:53,719
Speaker 1: wake up in the morning and jump into a cold

757
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,359
Speaker 1: plunge because that sets us up for the day. Yeah,

758
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:57,799
Speaker 1: and some of us just need to wake up and

759
00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:00,120
Speaker 1: make our bed. And if we do that now we

760
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:02,520
Speaker 1: feel we can do harder things. And all of us

761
00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:04,839
Speaker 1: are one or the other. And the second thing is

762
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 1: are you an extremist or are you a balanced person?

763
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:11,400
Speaker 1: So for someone like me, I'm really good at being extreme.

764
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 1: So if I make a decision and a commitment, I

765
00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:16,759
Speaker 1: can be really extreme and cut it out tomorrow. My

766
00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:19,440
Speaker 1: wife is more balanced. If you asked her to eat

767
00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:22,400
Speaker 1: one tiny piece of chocolate to day, she could do that.

768
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:25,279
Speaker 1: Me I could either the whole bar and the whole

769
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:28,360
Speaker 1: box or nothing, because that's who I am as a person.

770
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:30,520
Speaker 1: And so it all comes back to what you're saying

771
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:33,239
Speaker 1: that when you're spending time alone, you get a real

772
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:35,560
Speaker 1: sense of who you are, and then you get to

773
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:39,240
Speaker 1: make better habits and decisions for yourself. For you, as

774
00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:41,440
Speaker 1: we're talking about all of this and your commitment to

775
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:46,120
Speaker 1: the work, your commitment and continued commitment to it, why

776
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:49,120
Speaker 1: was traditional therapy a path that you wanted to go

777
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 1: down and take part in? As you mentioned, why was

778
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 1: that something that you open the door to?

779
00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:58,759
Speaker 2: So for me, I never really thought I needed to

780
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:05,279
Speaker 2: go the conventional. Kimberly was also anti therapy for her

781
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 2: own reasons, and I want to say maybe two years ago,

782
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:11,360
Speaker 2: maybe a little bit longer, she started seeing a therapist

783
00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:16,360
Speaker 2: that she really really liked, and she just suggested I

784
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:20,040
Speaker 2: meet with her, and I actually really liked her. I

785
00:40:20,120 --> 00:40:24,840
Speaker 2: really enjoy speaking with her. This might sound silly, but

786
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 2: she is you know, she's like from our neighborhood. Like

787
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 2: there's so many things that she gets us on. And

788
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:36,920
Speaker 2: I also love how chill she is. Like at the beginning,

789
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:39,319
Speaker 2: she would when I would talk to her, she was like,

790
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:41,239
Speaker 2: I think I need to see you three days a week.

791
00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:42,799
Speaker 2: And I was like three days a week. And I

792
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 2: remember telling Kendall, and Kendall was like, I've never heard

793
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:49,080
Speaker 2: of someone seeing a therapist three days a week. Do

794
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:50,920
Speaker 2: you need to go to a mental institution, like are

795
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:53,400
Speaker 2: you okay? And I was like, oh my gosh, is

796
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:57,719
Speaker 2: that not normal? And we started talking, me and the

797
00:40:57,719 --> 00:40:59,560
Speaker 2: therapist more and more, and she was like, okay, I

798
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 2: think you're like, you're actually really self aware and you're great.

799
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 2: I just I had this little hump that I think

800
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:09,279
Speaker 2: I needed her a little bit more, maybe because I

801
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:10,280
Speaker 2: was just getting started.

802
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:10,920
Speaker 3: I'm not sure.

803
00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:14,600
Speaker 2: And I love that she's also very chill. She's liked

804
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:16,239
Speaker 2: call me when you need me, she checks in on

805
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:18,920
Speaker 2: me by tech. She's more like a friend, and you

806
00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 2: just feel I feel like I could trust her, and

807
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:25,800
Speaker 2: that's very rare for me. And I also think because

808
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:29,400
Speaker 2: of her relationship with Kim, she felt like more of

809
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:33,359
Speaker 2: a friend as opposed to this traditional therapist. And that's

810
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:36,719
Speaker 2: not bad or good, but because of my experience with

811
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:40,799
Speaker 2: past therapists, I didn't want something that was very traditional

812
00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:45,440
Speaker 2: because I couldn't trust that. So I don't see her

813
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:47,839
Speaker 2: on a weekly basis anymore. I know when I need

814
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,160
Speaker 2: to see her, I will, but we do our check

815
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:53,160
Speaker 2: ins every now and again. But I honestly feel like

816
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 2: I'm in such a good place. And I also don't

817
00:41:56,560 --> 00:42:01,759
Speaker 2: think that there's one which way that people can or

818
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:05,720
Speaker 2: need to get any help or life coaching if you will.

819
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 2: I think that it's not a one size fits all.

820
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:12,480
Speaker 2: I think everyone whatever you're willing to try, try it,

821
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,120
Speaker 2: and whatever you feel like really speaks to your soul,

822
00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:16,719
Speaker 2: and that's that's the way to go.

823
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:19,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, Yeah, there's such a value when you can

824
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:23,239
Speaker 1: trust someone in speaking to someone who's not connected to

825
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 1: your life right and almost doesn't feel the pressure to

826
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 1: remind you, hey, you're doing great, or like you know

827
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:32,440
Speaker 1: that's trying to fill all those other ways. But the

828
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:35,000
Speaker 1: thing that stood out to me is, you know you

829
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,080
Speaker 1: talked earlier about the romantic relationships where your trust was broken.

830
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:41,760
Speaker 1: How do you even find the courage to trust again.

831
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 2: That's really hard And it took me over ten years

832
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:48,480
Speaker 2: to see a therapist again. And so many people I

833
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:50,759
Speaker 2: think you need therapy, and I was like, well, I'm

834
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:53,960
Speaker 2: sure I do, but I don't feel comfortable talking to anybody.

835
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:58,839
Speaker 2: And definitely, at first, I would talk to her so monotone,

836
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:02,160
Speaker 2: so matter of fact. She would even say, you don't

837
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:06,080
Speaker 2: have emotion when you're speaking, And for me, I had

838
00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:09,759
Speaker 2: to turn off the emotional switch in me and I

839
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:12,520
Speaker 2: would tell stories because they are a matter of fact

840
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:14,399
Speaker 2: when I'm giving you the facts. But it was more

841
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:18,600
Speaker 2: like I'm it wasn't me. I'm just reading off somebody's

842
00:43:18,719 --> 00:43:23,600
Speaker 2: life story. And one of our activities or homework assignments

843
00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:29,480
Speaker 2: basically was me writing some like from the mini traumas

844
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:31,879
Speaker 2: to the big traumas in my life and writing them down.

845
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:33,880
Speaker 2: And the more I would write them down, it's like

846
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:38,400
Speaker 2: this is ridiculous, like how many many to major traumas

847
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:40,839
Speaker 2: there are? And then we would go line by line

848
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:42,920
Speaker 2: and talk about them, as opposed to just being like

849
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:46,320
Speaker 2: this happened and this and throwing everything under the rug.

850
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:51,759
Speaker 2: She wanted to dissect everyone, not to be nosy, not

851
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:54,200
Speaker 2: for I felt it like there's some people I meet

852
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 2: with and I'm like, I do not trust this person.

853
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 2: I'm not going to give them anything. And she really

854
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 2: worked hard to earn my trust. That made me feel

855
00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 2: safer with her and just to sort of get why

856
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:10,239
Speaker 2: I am so dead about some of the things that

857
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:13,400
Speaker 2: I should probably be crying about if I'm telling somebody

858
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:17,000
Speaker 2: this story that I'm telling. But the trust took a

859
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:20,839
Speaker 2: long time. But I will say because I trust all

860
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:24,279
Speaker 2: of my siblings with everything, in me that normally if

861
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:27,200
Speaker 2: it is an introduction through them, course, my guards do

862
00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 2: go down. And Kim has had her own crazy things

863
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:34,600
Speaker 2: that she's not very trusting with either, So for her

864
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:37,239
Speaker 2: to trust I was like, Okay, I think I'm a

865
00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:38,000
Speaker 2: little safe here.

866
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, what did you find about that? Because I think

867
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,400
Speaker 1: that's so true for so many people who go to

868
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:46,839
Speaker 1: therapy that when you first go, you do recount your

869
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:50,000
Speaker 1: life as if it's a biography, right right, you talk

870
00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:52,799
Speaker 1: about it is if it's another person, right, because we

871
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:56,759
Speaker 1: have disassociated and disconnected some of that emotion as a

872
00:44:56,760 --> 00:45:00,600
Speaker 1: protective mechanism, as a mechanism of not internalized all of it.

873
00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:03,239
Speaker 1: What did you find when you started to kind of

874
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:06,880
Speaker 1: go through the less salacious parts and these more and

875
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:11,240
Speaker 1: to be honest, I also imagine it's rarely those moments

876
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:13,840
Speaker 1: that are the really defining moments. The defining moments happened

877
00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:16,360
Speaker 1: much earlier, right, well, the unseen things. What did you

878
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:18,799
Speaker 1: discover as you started to almost as you said in

879
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:20,759
Speaker 1: your words, you were dead. How did you become more

880
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:23,600
Speaker 1: alive to the emotion of those moments? What did you discover?

881
00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 2: I remember, I would just like I wrote everything down

882
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:29,440
Speaker 2: and I would read them as if I was reading,

883
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:34,080
Speaker 2: like you said, somebody's biography and I'm like okay. She

884
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 2: would just keep asking me, you don't have any feeling

885
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:40,239
Speaker 2: when you read these? And I was like, well yeah,

886
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 2: and I would start laughing and she's like, okay, well

887
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:48,080
Speaker 2: not laughter because I would feel so uncomfortable, and then

888
00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:52,239
Speaker 2: that's my nervousness. And I realized once I was I

889
00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:54,960
Speaker 2: would be like okay, sort of get my own ego

890
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:57,200
Speaker 2: out of the way, like I had to strip myself down.

891
00:45:57,320 --> 00:46:00,480
Speaker 2: And it took a few times. Like she did want

892
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:02,919
Speaker 2: me to cry and relive this, she just was more

893
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:07,400
Speaker 2: fascinated how I was so numb to so many things,

894
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:11,960
Speaker 2: and it really made me more sad for myself because

895
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,360
Speaker 2: I felt as if, God, I've been through so many

896
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:18,840
Speaker 2: things that at this point I would rather not feel

897
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:22,760
Speaker 2: than feel, because feeling is too much for me to handle.

898
00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:26,480
Speaker 2: And what is life if you don't feel things like

899
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:31,120
Speaker 2: I want to feel. I do want to feel sadness too,

900
00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:34,560
Speaker 2: like I love feeling joy and happiness. But then why

901
00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 2: am I so get I know why I'm so okay

902
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:42,280
Speaker 2: with that feeling. But also, grief is also a beautiful

903
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 2: thing because it's an expression of love. And I think

904
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:49,680
Speaker 2: being sad or hurt means that there was once something

905
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:52,200
Speaker 2: or someone that you valued and cared about so much.

906
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:54,640
Speaker 2: And those were things that I had to learn and

907
00:46:54,719 --> 00:46:58,520
Speaker 2: be like, it's okay, you're safe here. So it really

908
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:02,440
Speaker 2: just taught me to remind myself, like, we don't have

909
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 2: to be numb to everything. And I use humor as

910
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:10,120
Speaker 2: an escape, as a defense mechanism. I do love to

911
00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:12,480
Speaker 2: laugh and I do love humor, but I realize in

912
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 2: really dark situations I do tend to make a joke

913
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:19,840
Speaker 2: of it at some point, like that's just my personality,

914
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:23,520
Speaker 2: and I have to remind myself it's okay to cry,

915
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:25,960
Speaker 2: or it's okay to have feelings. That doesn't make me weak.

916
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:28,759
Speaker 2: And I don't even that's not even a thought I'm having, like,

917
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 2: oh are they going to think I'm weak? But whenever

918
00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:35,120
Speaker 2: I do cry, I tend to apologize afterwards for some reason.

919
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:37,360
Speaker 1: Have you figured out why? No?

920
00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:38,839
Speaker 3: I should probably ask her about that.

921
00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:42,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I think Bartley, it's because we're I mean,

922
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:45,680
Speaker 1: you probably know it as a mother. I think whenever

923
00:47:45,719 --> 00:47:47,799
Speaker 1: we were crying as kids, most people just said to it,

924
00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:50,440
Speaker 1: it's okay, don't cry, Yeah, it's okay, don't cry. Whatever

925
00:47:50,520 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 1: it was right and not that our parents had bad

926
00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:57,879
Speaker 1: intentions or anything like that. Time it's a natural thing

927
00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:00,239
Speaker 1: to say. But it's like, I think we've always been

928
00:48:00,239 --> 00:48:03,520
Speaker 1: made to feel like if you cried, it was almost

929
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:07,320
Speaker 1: wrong or it wasn't needed, or it wasn't necessary, and

930
00:48:07,440 --> 00:48:08,239
Speaker 1: it's so weird.

931
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:11,279
Speaker 2: My mom cried, Like I wish I was more like that.

932
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 2: She cries at anything and everything, like but happy.

933
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:15,640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

934
00:48:16,080 --> 00:48:20,000
Speaker 2: I don't know if I've cried happy tears ever, but

935
00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:22,800
Speaker 2: I wish I was that type of person that I'm like, oh,

936
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:25,840
Speaker 2: my goodness, the joy, Like I wish I had a

937
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:27,719
Speaker 2: little bit of that. She maybe has too much. I

938
00:48:27,760 --> 00:48:31,239
Speaker 2: wish she could sprinkle a little onto me. But I

939
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 2: am more all different.

940
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:34,880
Speaker 1: I'm that person I can like get teary to it.

941
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:37,160
Speaker 1: Like if I get asked to speak of someone's birthday

942
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:39,400
Speaker 1: that I love, or someone's wedding or whatever it is,

943
00:48:39,920 --> 00:48:42,840
Speaker 1: I am just holding back tears. I've had the opportunity

944
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:46,960
Speaker 1: to officiate some weddings, and whenever I'm phishating, I'm just

945
00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:50,279
Speaker 1: literally going, Jay, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, because

946
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:52,480
Speaker 1: I just when I see people in love and I

947
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:55,399
Speaker 1: see you know all families, and that's my dream. Yeah,

948
00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:58,080
Speaker 1: I like I'm holding back the whole time.

949
00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:00,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, that's my dream to be Like I I

950
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:02,040
Speaker 2: have a heart, I have emotions.

951
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:03,920
Speaker 3: This is beautiful like I wish.

952
00:49:04,200 --> 00:49:06,480
Speaker 1: But you're so expressive with your words. I know. I

953
00:49:06,520 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 1: feel like every time we talk we've connected, whether we're

954
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:12,480
Speaker 1: messaging or whatever it is, you're so expressive. You're so

955
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:15,520
Speaker 1: loving through your words. Thank you, like you would feel that,

956
00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:17,239
Speaker 1: and that's so natural and genuine to you.

957
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:20,920
Speaker 2: So it's that I feel all those things, like I'm

958
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:25,440
Speaker 2: probably too expressive with words sometimes, but maybe it's because

959
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:29,600
Speaker 2: I'm not a great I don't cry very often at all,

960
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:33,279
Speaker 2: and maybe that's why I don't know. Like sometimes I

961
00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 2: turn on a sad movie just because I'm like, get

962
00:49:35,680 --> 00:49:38,279
Speaker 2: the tears out, and sometimes they don't come out, Like

963
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:39,920
Speaker 2: there's what is wrong with me?

964
00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:41,879
Speaker 1: My wife will look over at me because I'm crying

965
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:44,399
Speaker 1: in every moment. She's like, how are you crying at this?

966
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:48,160
Speaker 1: Like nothing's even happened to I know what's gonna happen? Yeah, exactly.

967
00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 1: So it seems like one of the things I noticed

968
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:53,680
Speaker 1: with you is you're such a rock for your family,

969
00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:59,160
Speaker 1: for your children, even for your ex partners. Like you've

970
00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:02,360
Speaker 1: been such a raw and in one sense, it seems

971
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:04,439
Speaker 1: like one of your patterns is you've always taken care

972
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:08,480
Speaker 1: of others and other people. Have you discovered anything about

973
00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 1: why you've seen yourself take on that role in so

974
00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:13,120
Speaker 1: many relationships in your life?

975
00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:17,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, it's definitely my love language. And I am

976
00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:21,560
Speaker 2: such a maternal person. I've always been that person and

977
00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:26,200
Speaker 2: no one's ever said this to me. And my parents

978
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:31,279
Speaker 2: are so loving and so incredible. But I used to

979
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:35,160
Speaker 2: feel but I like, I still love taking care of people,

980
00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:37,120
Speaker 2: but I used to feel like I wasn't worthy of

981
00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:40,200
Speaker 2: like so many other things. But I knew if I

982
00:50:40,239 --> 00:50:44,320
Speaker 2: took care of someone or was support like, then maybe

983
00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:47,120
Speaker 2: I'd be worthy of them loving me back. And that's

984
00:50:47,160 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 2: how I used to feel. And I don't know where

985
00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:53,719
Speaker 2: that came from, but it's almost like I have to

986
00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:56,120
Speaker 2: earn my place in this person's life. So if I'm

987
00:50:56,280 --> 00:51:00,360
Speaker 2: there for them, then maybe like that's enough because what

988
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:01,520
Speaker 2: else do I have to offer?

989
00:51:01,640 --> 00:51:02,480
Speaker 3: Was how I used to.

990
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:06,799
Speaker 2: Feel when it comes to all the kids, I was

991
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:10,160
Speaker 2: very not by my family, but by other people. I

992
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:12,839
Speaker 2: was always talked about my looks, always told that I

993
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:16,560
Speaker 2: was chubby. No one ever believed that I was my

994
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:21,279
Speaker 2: sibling's sibling. They would always say, oh, look, words she'd

995
00:51:21,280 --> 00:51:24,160
Speaker 2: come from her, She's related to you, from like teachers

996
00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:28,600
Speaker 2: that I remember so vividly, and that feeling of being

997
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:33,880
Speaker 2: always compared to them, but always not good enough to

998
00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:38,160
Speaker 2: be considered their sibling. And I don't think these adults

999
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:40,440
Speaker 2: maliciously knew what they were doing, but it was so

1000
00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:45,640
Speaker 2: impactful that for children, I will do everything to include

1001
00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:48,840
Speaker 2: them for them to never feel like that, and for

1002
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:51,880
Speaker 2: adults too. But like with kids, I don't play and

1003
00:51:51,920 --> 00:51:54,360
Speaker 2: I never want someone to feel the way I did,

1004
00:51:54,800 --> 00:51:56,840
Speaker 2: and so I want to be that rock for everyone.

1005
00:51:57,480 --> 00:52:00,080
Speaker 2: And you know, I think also having so many brothers

1006
00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:02,719
Speaker 2: and sisters, you know, we were raised with my stepdad's

1007
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:06,640
Speaker 2: kids too, being in and out. We had four stepsiblings,

1008
00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:08,879
Speaker 2: so there was eight of us and then at one

1009
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:12,120
Speaker 2: point ten of us, and there's a lot and sometimes

1010
00:52:12,239 --> 00:52:15,640
Speaker 2: people just don't feel as seen as others and parents

1011
00:52:15,680 --> 00:52:18,440
Speaker 2: are doing the best that they can, and so I

1012
00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:22,040
Speaker 2: always have just wanted everyone to feel seen and supported

1013
00:52:22,160 --> 00:52:26,880
Speaker 2: and from every sister and exes like it's just I

1014
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:29,320
Speaker 2: feel like they're always in our lives, that God puts

1015
00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:32,719
Speaker 2: people in our lives for a reason. But I don't

1016
00:52:32,719 --> 00:52:35,120
Speaker 2: know it's a part of me that I actually really

1017
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:38,200
Speaker 2: love about myself. Because we've talked about it in therapy.

1018
00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:42,359
Speaker 2: She thinks I give my love. What did she say?

1019
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:43,600
Speaker 2: I don't want to mess it up. She's like, I

1020
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:46,279
Speaker 2: think you give your love to others because you've never

1021
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:49,800
Speaker 2: really felt that love yourself. But I know I've felt

1022
00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:53,960
Speaker 2: that from my parents. It's mainly from outside people that

1023
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:57,719
Speaker 2: I've never really felt real genuine love. It was like, oh,

1024
00:52:57,719 --> 00:53:01,880
Speaker 2: they'll take me because they wanted Courtney Kim and or whatever.

1025
00:53:01,960 --> 00:53:04,160
Speaker 2: Like I always had to like I was always the

1026
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:07,160
Speaker 2: funny one because I felt like that was how I

1027
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:09,799
Speaker 2: would get attention, because it wasn't because oh she's so

1028
00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:12,759
Speaker 2: cute or this or that, because people always made such

1029
00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:15,279
Speaker 2: a point to tell me how much I did not

1030
00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:19,400
Speaker 2: look like them or things like that. So I felt like, well,

1031
00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:21,880
Speaker 2: those were the things that people praised me on, so

1032
00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:22,799
Speaker 2: let's keep them up.

1033
00:53:23,080 --> 00:53:25,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it is such a beautiful thing to be

1034
00:53:25,200 --> 00:53:28,239
Speaker 1: able to say I love this about myself, and yes,

1035
00:53:28,360 --> 00:53:33,000
Speaker 1: maybe it's made me overgive or over love or overshare

1036
00:53:33,120 --> 00:53:35,359
Speaker 1: or whatever it may be. But at the same time,

1037
00:53:35,400 --> 00:53:37,959
Speaker 1: there's a beauty in this helps me be an amazing mom,

1038
00:53:38,400 --> 00:53:40,640
Speaker 1: helps me protect these children like which is such a

1039
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:43,440
Speaker 1: beautiful gift. And I think sometimes that's so true that

1040
00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:47,839
Speaker 1: our greatest gifts and our greatest superpowers come from how

1041
00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:50,080
Speaker 1: we were loved and what we experienced, what we had

1042
00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:53,000
Speaker 1: or didn't have, and it starts figuring out how that

1043
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:55,919
Speaker 1: superpower can still live in our life and not trip

1044
00:53:56,040 --> 00:53:59,080
Speaker 1: us up. I think as time's gone on, as we

1045
00:53:59,120 --> 00:54:03,239
Speaker 1: start to set bound a boundary should never put a

1046
00:54:03,239 --> 00:54:06,440
Speaker 1: boundary on your ability to love. It's a boundary to

1047
00:54:06,520 --> 00:54:09,320
Speaker 1: protect you from loving the wrong person. And there's a

1048
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:12,279
Speaker 1: difference in that right you wanting to share love and

1049
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:14,800
Speaker 1: give love should never be limited.

1050
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:17,239
Speaker 3: But who you are not a bad thing and not a.

1051
00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:19,759
Speaker 1: Bad thing and not a bad thing. And I think

1052
00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:23,560
Speaker 1: we all can become closed hearted and you know, darker

1053
00:54:23,600 --> 00:54:26,319
Speaker 1: and bitter about it because of what we've experienced. But

1054
00:54:26,680 --> 00:54:28,359
Speaker 1: I love that you've held onto that. And I think

1055
00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:34,160
Speaker 1: the biggest challenge for a good hearted, good person is

1056
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:37,240
Speaker 1: that we believe everyone loves the way we do yes,

1057
00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:39,879
Speaker 1: and then when they don't, we feel hurt. By it,

1058
00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:44,239
Speaker 1: and then we can become closed and unloving. But that's

1059
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:46,920
Speaker 1: the biggest loss for the world. It's the biggest loss

1060
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:50,760
Speaker 1: for our lives, because, as you said, there's so much joy.

1061
00:54:50,800 --> 00:54:53,440
Speaker 1: If you can feel joy in being that person, it's

1062
00:54:53,480 --> 00:54:54,239
Speaker 1: a beautiful thing.

1063
00:54:54,560 --> 00:54:58,040
Speaker 2: People are always so surprised that I'm not more cynical

1064
00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:01,359
Speaker 2: when it comes to love. I always asked, you ever

1065
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:03,959
Speaker 2: think you're going to get married again? And I go, yes,

1066
00:55:04,440 --> 00:55:06,160
Speaker 2: I hope, I'm want to get married again. I think

1067
00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:09,960
Speaker 2: marriage is the most beautiful union that there is. And

1068
00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:13,160
Speaker 2: I love that. I love family. I mean, look at

1069
00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:16,279
Speaker 2: our family. We can't get away from each other. And

1070
00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:21,000
Speaker 2: I love every aspect of love, whether it be just

1071
00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:24,960
Speaker 2: for a friendship, love or like I value that respect

1072
00:55:25,040 --> 00:55:28,319
Speaker 2: and that secrecy and that loyalty and whatever it is.

1073
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:31,479
Speaker 2: And people are always surprised that I believe in love.

1074
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:37,759
Speaker 2: I probably am more joyful now, especially with love, than

1075
00:55:38,040 --> 00:55:41,200
Speaker 2: maybe five years ago. And it's because I feel like

1076
00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:46,600
Speaker 2: I know how to control myself more, where before, you know,

1077
00:55:46,640 --> 00:55:50,759
Speaker 2: you just give things so freely. And I love giving love.

1078
00:55:50,960 --> 00:55:55,160
Speaker 2: I love loving myself, loving my family and others. But

1079
00:55:55,840 --> 00:55:58,120
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm a little bit wiser with maybe

1080
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:01,600
Speaker 2: whom I give it to so innocently.

1081
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:03,759
Speaker 1: I think the amazing thing about love is we think

1082
00:56:03,840 --> 00:56:06,560
Speaker 1: love is also something we only feel when we receive it,

1083
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:09,000
Speaker 1: But love you actually feel it when you get to

1084
00:56:09,040 --> 00:56:12,000
Speaker 1: give it. Yes, there's like a joy in giving love

1085
00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:14,480
Speaker 1: that isn't there even in receiving it.

1086
00:56:14,600 --> 00:56:17,800
Speaker 2: I could not worry more like I cannot accept gifts

1087
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:21,880
Speaker 2: from people. I feel so uncomfortable, but giving somebody a

1088
00:56:21,960 --> 00:56:27,440
Speaker 2: gift I love, and I get so excited just for

1089
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:29,440
Speaker 2: because I like to give really thoughtful gifts.

1090
00:56:29,600 --> 00:56:32,360
Speaker 3: It's just the joy that you give to people. I love.

1091
00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:35,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just love. And I do have a problem

1092
00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:37,880
Speaker 2: where I love people. I was one of those kids.

1093
00:56:37,920 --> 00:56:40,320
Speaker 2: My mom was like, I could never leave you alone.

1094
00:56:40,360 --> 00:56:42,480
Speaker 2: You would just go talk to everyone and I but

1095
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:45,279
Speaker 2: I've always been a people person, so and I never

1096
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:48,200
Speaker 2: want to see people in pain. I want to be

1097
00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:51,160
Speaker 2: that love and support for someone if and when I can.

1098
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:54,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's beautiful. I mean, speaking of marriage. Obviously recently

1099
00:56:54,400 --> 00:56:57,399
Speaker 1: on the show, you had Lamar on the show, and

1100
00:56:57,480 --> 00:56:59,080
Speaker 1: I believe it was the first time you'd seen each

1101
00:56:59,120 --> 00:57:02,520
Speaker 1: other in nine years, almost ten almost ten years. Yes,

1102
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:06,800
Speaker 1: I wonder why did you feel now? Was the time

1103
00:57:07,760 --> 00:57:11,520
Speaker 1: to reconnect and was it you initiated? Was him? Where

1104
00:57:11,520 --> 00:57:12,400
Speaker 1: did that come from?

1105
00:57:12,680 --> 00:57:16,120
Speaker 2: So yeah, Lamar and I. The last time I saw him,

1106
00:57:16,160 --> 00:57:20,400
Speaker 2: I believe was twenty sixteen. Wow, And it never spoke.

1107
00:57:21,120 --> 00:57:25,640
Speaker 2: Nothing since twenty sixteen, if my memory serves correctly. I

1108
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:29,680
Speaker 2: was actually at Super Bowl last year, the one in

1109
00:57:29,760 --> 00:57:33,640
Speaker 2: Las Vegas, and my best friend Malika was there and

1110
00:57:33,680 --> 00:57:36,800
Speaker 2: she was staying somewhere else and she ran into him

1111
00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:39,800
Speaker 2: in a hotel lobby and they both just started like

1112
00:57:39,960 --> 00:57:42,800
Speaker 2: crying because they were really close and just embraced and

1113
00:57:42,840 --> 00:57:47,600
Speaker 2: they exchanged numbers and so that's how the first intro happened.

1114
00:57:48,200 --> 00:57:54,000
Speaker 2: And for Lamar I I've when we divorced, Lamar was

1115
00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:57,440
Speaker 2: not in a good headspace. But Lamar's a seven foot

1116
00:57:57,440 --> 00:58:00,440
Speaker 2: tall man. We had all this custom furniture and he

1117
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:02,160
Speaker 2: was like, just get rid of it all. I don't

1118
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:03,440
Speaker 2: want to just sell the house.

1119
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,600
Speaker 3: And I'm like what. I didn't know what to do.

1120
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:08,720
Speaker 2: With that, So for years I kept a storage unit

1121
00:58:08,760 --> 00:58:11,560
Speaker 2: of all of his furniture, thinking one day he would

1122
00:58:11,560 --> 00:58:17,720
Speaker 2: want it, and years ago before I had kids, thank you, Well,

1123
00:58:17,800 --> 00:58:20,520
Speaker 2: it's his and expensive and he's a big guy, like

1124
00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:23,320
Speaker 2: you're going to want it, and I remember he was

1125
00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:28,120
Speaker 2: before I had true I think I was just pregnant.

1126
00:58:28,120 --> 00:58:29,760
Speaker 2: I was like, you know what, I just I don't

1127
00:58:29,800 --> 00:58:32,880
Speaker 2: need to hold on to this storage unit anymore. And

1128
00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:38,040
Speaker 2: he said, through his friend who will go unnamed, said

1129
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:42,000
Speaker 2: give him the storage keys and he'll take it for me.

1130
00:58:42,040 --> 00:58:44,360
Speaker 2: And I was like, cool, Fine, I did so, and

1131
00:58:44,440 --> 00:58:48,320
Speaker 2: I found out later down the line that this friend

1132
00:58:48,360 --> 00:58:51,680
Speaker 2: of his sold everything that was in the unit and

1133
00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:55,000
Speaker 2: without Lamar knowing, and that broke my heart because I

1134
00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:57,960
Speaker 2: was like, I've saved these things for years. I could

1135
00:58:57,960 --> 00:58:59,480
Speaker 2: have got rid of it then, but these were his

1136
00:58:59,560 --> 00:59:03,880
Speaker 2: belongings and memorabilia from all of his sports stuff and whatever.

1137
00:59:03,960 --> 00:59:05,240
Speaker 3: So that broke my heart.

1138
00:59:05,560 --> 00:59:09,400
Speaker 2: When I moved from my last house during COVID, I

1139
00:59:09,440 --> 00:59:12,760
Speaker 2: think it was twenty twenty or twenty twenty one, I

1140
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:15,320
Speaker 2: didn't think I had a thing of Lamar's. I found

1141
00:59:15,360 --> 00:59:18,360
Speaker 2: Lamar's six Man of the Year trophy. I found his

1142
00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:22,120
Speaker 2: mom passed away when he was twelve. I believe I

1143
00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:24,640
Speaker 2: found stuff of his mother's. They were all in my

1144
00:59:24,720 --> 00:59:28,400
Speaker 2: attic jewelry, all this stuff, and I held on to

1145
00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:30,200
Speaker 2: it and I said, I'm never going to give this

1146
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:33,760
Speaker 2: to somebody else unless it's Lamar. I'm going to hold

1147
00:59:33,760 --> 00:59:37,680
Speaker 2: onto these things because now I don't trust his people

1148
00:59:37,720 --> 00:59:43,000
Speaker 2: around him. And when Malika reached out. When Malika told

1149
00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:45,760
Speaker 2: me she saw him, I said, that's so weird. I

1150
00:59:46,040 --> 00:59:49,480
Speaker 2: just found his mom's driver's license last week and I

1151
00:59:49,520 --> 00:59:51,320
Speaker 2: was like, okay. She's like, well, why don't you give

1152
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:52,720
Speaker 2: it to him? I was like, let me think this over.

1153
00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:56,880
Speaker 2: And it took a few months for me to want

1154
00:59:56,920 --> 00:59:59,600
Speaker 2: her to reach out to say, like, do you want

1155
00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:01,640
Speaker 2: to met up with me? Because I wanted to do it.

1156
01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:04,160
Speaker 2: I didn't want to just drop it off. I didn't

1157
01:00:04,640 --> 01:00:06,960
Speaker 2: I wanted to see him and make sure still that

1158
01:00:07,040 --> 01:00:11,120
Speaker 2: he was doing okay. And at the time I didn't

1159
01:00:11,280 --> 01:00:14,120
Speaker 2: have any feelings. I was like, yeah, let's hang let's

1160
01:00:14,200 --> 01:00:15,960
Speaker 2: come over, Let's go to Malika's house. I didn't want

1161
01:00:15,960 --> 01:00:17,640
Speaker 2: to do it in public where it would be a

1162
01:00:17,640 --> 01:00:19,680
Speaker 2: big spectacle. I didn't want to do it at my

1163
01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:24,120
Speaker 2: house because my kid's there, and he knew about the cameras.

1164
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:27,240
Speaker 2: He picked the time of the date. I never would

1165
01:00:27,240 --> 01:00:30,520
Speaker 2: have ambushed somebody about that, and he picked the time

1166
01:00:30,520 --> 01:00:33,360
Speaker 2: of the date. He flew in for it, and it's

1167
01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:37,040
Speaker 2: so weird. When I thought I was totally cool, and

1168
01:00:37,120 --> 01:00:41,600
Speaker 2: when he came in, he was so nervous, and I

1169
01:00:41,680 --> 01:00:44,960
Speaker 2: was trying to reassure him, like we're fine and whatever.

1170
01:00:46,240 --> 01:00:50,320
Speaker 2: And there would be times in our conversation that I

1171
01:00:50,520 --> 01:00:54,520
Speaker 2: started getting these feelings. I don't know if they're triggers

1172
01:00:54,800 --> 01:00:57,920
Speaker 2: or because we've both experienced a lot of trauma together,

1173
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:03,120
Speaker 2: Lamar and I, and there would be either little mannerisms

1174
01:01:03,200 --> 01:01:07,680
Speaker 2: or things that would flash me back to ten fifteen

1175
01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:11,120
Speaker 2: years ago, and I didn't realize how triggered I was

1176
01:01:11,120 --> 01:01:12,400
Speaker 2: getting from Lamar.

1177
01:01:12,920 --> 01:01:16,000
Speaker 1: What did it bring up for you? And was it

1178
01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:20,440
Speaker 1: useful in giving moreclosure? Did it feel like it moved

1179
01:01:20,480 --> 01:01:22,440
Speaker 1: it on or was it kind of like pulling you back?

1180
01:01:22,440 --> 01:01:24,120
Speaker 1: Because I'm thinking about all the people in the world

1181
01:01:24,160 --> 01:01:26,760
Speaker 1: to have the courage festival to even not talk to

1182
01:01:26,800 --> 01:01:29,600
Speaker 1: someone for nine years, because that's hard enough as it is,

1183
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:32,320
Speaker 1: but then to kind of throw yourself back into it

1184
01:01:32,360 --> 01:01:33,360
Speaker 1: that much time later.

1185
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:35,720
Speaker 2: Well, I could only say this because he I would

1186
01:01:35,720 --> 01:01:38,320
Speaker 2: never tell somebody else's story. But I'm saying this because

1187
01:01:38,360 --> 01:01:41,160
Speaker 2: he said it on the episode. We didn't talk for

1188
01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:46,400
Speaker 2: ten years because after his overdose, Lamar couldn't walk or

1189
01:01:46,440 --> 01:01:49,200
Speaker 2: talk and he had a significant amount of seizures and

1190
01:01:49,240 --> 01:01:53,440
Speaker 2: strokes and needed to be rehabilitated, and I helped him

1191
01:01:53,480 --> 01:01:56,480
Speaker 2: through that journey, and then when he was at a

1192
01:01:56,560 --> 01:02:00,800
Speaker 2: decent place, he started using again, and he said that

1193
01:02:00,880 --> 01:02:01,360
Speaker 2: on the show.

1194
01:02:01,400 --> 01:02:03,320
Speaker 3: That's why I'm saying it now.

1195
01:02:03,680 --> 01:02:07,960
Speaker 2: And from that moment was when I was paying for

1196
01:02:08,000 --> 01:02:10,600
Speaker 2: a house firm to be in, I was taking care

1197
01:02:10,640 --> 01:02:14,520
Speaker 2: of him, and I said, I can never see you again,

1198
01:02:14,960 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 2: not that it was anything ever romantic. I love Lamar

1199
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:23,240
Speaker 2: with all my heart even today, I love, love, love him,

1200
01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:25,920
Speaker 2: and I know he was like one of the greatest

1201
01:02:25,920 --> 01:02:28,720
Speaker 2: loves of my life. It just other circumstances took over.

1202
01:02:30,080 --> 01:02:34,360
Speaker 2: So I really sincerely wanted the best for him. When

1203
01:02:34,440 --> 01:02:38,640
Speaker 2: he started using again after such a horrific accident where he,

1204
01:02:39,360 --> 01:02:42,240
Speaker 2: in my opinion, is a miracle that he is alive today.

1205
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:46,880
Speaker 2: I couldn't understand how someone would go and do that again.

1206
01:02:47,360 --> 01:02:50,680
Speaker 2: And I get it's a disease, but it felt like

1207
01:02:50,800 --> 01:02:53,680
Speaker 2: you punched me in my stomach. And I put so

1208
01:02:53,800 --> 01:02:56,840
Speaker 2: much of my life on hold to take care of

1209
01:02:57,240 --> 01:03:00,600
Speaker 2: this person, just for them to be like, well, that's fine,

1210
01:03:00,720 --> 01:03:03,920
Speaker 2: Like I'm not sure how he felt about himself. It

1211
01:03:04,040 --> 01:03:07,080
Speaker 2: made me feel that he had no respect for his

1212
01:03:07,120 --> 01:03:11,120
Speaker 2: own life and for anything that I did for him

1213
01:03:11,200 --> 01:03:15,320
Speaker 2: as well. And so from that moment on, I said, no,

1214
01:03:15,440 --> 01:03:19,680
Speaker 2: I'm not speaking to this person anymore because it does

1215
01:03:19,760 --> 01:03:23,520
Speaker 2: nothing for me. There's no benefit in this. I felt

1216
01:03:23,760 --> 01:03:26,600
Speaker 2: more like I would be taking care of him but

1217
01:03:26,760 --> 01:03:29,480
Speaker 2: being lied to. I just I had so many negative thoughts.

1218
01:03:30,200 --> 01:03:33,240
Speaker 2: So that ten year break, as sad as it was,

1219
01:03:33,240 --> 01:03:37,120
Speaker 2: it wasn't that hard for me because I it was,

1220
01:03:37,480 --> 01:03:39,760
Speaker 2: but it was sad, and I thought about him all

1221
01:03:39,760 --> 01:03:42,480
Speaker 2: the time and always wanting to make sure he's okay.

1222
01:03:43,320 --> 01:03:48,360
Speaker 2: And then when I saw him, like I loved seeing him,

1223
01:03:48,360 --> 01:03:51,080
Speaker 2: it was great. It was really sad at the same

1224
01:03:51,160 --> 01:03:56,560
Speaker 2: time seeing someone I thought I would never outgrow. I

1225
01:03:56,640 --> 01:04:02,720
Speaker 2: realized how much I outgrew him, and that made me sad.

1226
01:04:02,840 --> 01:04:05,280
Speaker 2: But I wonder if we were still married, would we

1227
01:04:05,320 --> 01:04:08,360
Speaker 2: have grown together? And there were so many things that

1228
01:04:08,480 --> 01:04:11,880
Speaker 2: made me wonder even more, like would we have grown

1229
01:04:11,920 --> 01:04:15,920
Speaker 2: together if we did stay together, would this have stopped?

1230
01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:19,400
Speaker 2: Or would it would that beast always you know, be

1231
01:04:19,520 --> 01:04:22,160
Speaker 2: needing to be fed. But you can't live your life

1232
01:04:22,160 --> 01:04:26,800
Speaker 2: in the what ifs of it all. But it definitely

1233
01:04:27,680 --> 01:04:30,760
Speaker 2: made me sad because I just felt like we were

1234
01:04:31,080 --> 01:04:33,720
Speaker 2: two totally different people and I never thought we would

1235
01:04:33,760 --> 01:04:37,960
Speaker 2: get to that place. Yeah, I'm happy for him. I

1236
01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:41,880
Speaker 2: am so happy that he's so Bernie's doing these great

1237
01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:44,840
Speaker 2: things with his life, and those are things that anyone

1238
01:04:44,920 --> 01:04:45,919
Speaker 2: should be rooting for.

1239
01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:47,760
Speaker 3: I'm also proud of.

1240
01:04:47,800 --> 01:04:53,360
Speaker 2: Him for meeting with me, because as much as scary

1241
01:04:53,400 --> 01:04:57,600
Speaker 2: as or as nerve wracking and yeah, scary as it

1242
01:04:57,680 --> 01:05:00,480
Speaker 2: was for me to meet with him, I could only

1243
01:05:00,520 --> 01:05:03,720
Speaker 2: imagine how he felt because we left on really bad

1244
01:05:03,800 --> 01:05:06,760
Speaker 2: terms on his end, so I'm sure it was scarier

1245
01:05:06,800 --> 01:05:07,200
Speaker 2: for him.

1246
01:05:07,400 --> 01:05:10,280
Speaker 1: Does it make you feel like there's more healing for

1247
01:05:10,360 --> 01:05:14,080
Speaker 1: you to do in regard to that relationship, like resentment, anger,

1248
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:17,120
Speaker 1: or that the forgiveness that you had is kind of

1249
01:05:17,120 --> 01:05:18,200
Speaker 1: felt more concrete.

1250
01:05:18,680 --> 01:05:24,000
Speaker 2: I don't have any anger or resentment. I really really don't.

1251
01:05:23,400 --> 01:05:26,680
Speaker 2: And I don't know if this is a bad or

1252
01:05:26,720 --> 01:05:31,280
Speaker 2: a good thing. But me and all my siblings, my

1253
01:05:31,360 --> 01:05:33,000
Speaker 2: mom could be on the fence with this one, but

1254
01:05:33,040 --> 01:05:36,680
Speaker 2: definitely me and my siblings. When we will be mad

1255
01:05:36,680 --> 01:05:39,160
Speaker 2: in the moment and curse someone out and YadA YadA,

1256
01:05:39,240 --> 01:05:41,680
Speaker 2: you give us a year and we're like, we love

1257
01:05:41,760 --> 01:05:43,800
Speaker 2: that person. What do you like, we don't ever hold

1258
01:05:43,840 --> 01:05:47,320
Speaker 2: on to that bad stuff, and we don't know if

1259
01:05:47,360 --> 01:05:51,840
Speaker 2: that's necessarily good, because you sometimes you need to remember

1260
01:05:51,880 --> 01:05:54,640
Speaker 2: what people are capable of, but we're like, oh, but

1261
01:05:54,760 --> 01:05:59,000
Speaker 2: they're great, and we'll recite these great things. But I

1262
01:05:59,040 --> 01:06:01,120
Speaker 2: also think it is a beautif thing because I want

1263
01:06:01,120 --> 01:06:03,680
Speaker 2: to remember the good. I know what you are capable of,

1264
01:06:03,760 --> 01:06:06,840
Speaker 2: but I don't need to hold on to all of

1265
01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:09,360
Speaker 2: the stuff that happened too, because I also feel like

1266
01:06:10,120 --> 01:06:13,800
Speaker 2: that was their journey that was for them to experience

1267
01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:16,320
Speaker 2: and go through and I was just a bystander. Yes

1268
01:06:16,360 --> 01:06:19,000
Speaker 2: I went through it as well, but that journey is

1269
01:06:19,160 --> 01:06:20,400
Speaker 2: really for that other person.

1270
01:06:21,120 --> 01:06:26,360
Speaker 1: I'm mind blown, honestly. I mean, it's just and I

1271
01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:28,680
Speaker 1: believe you so deeply. I can I can feel it

1272
01:06:28,760 --> 01:06:31,120
Speaker 1: just sitting with you in your presence. But it's so

1273
01:06:31,400 --> 01:06:35,040
Speaker 1: hard to do what you're saying for just in general.

1274
01:06:35,920 --> 01:06:39,200
Speaker 1: And people always say forgive and forget, but I think

1275
01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:41,200
Speaker 1: for you it's forgiven. Don't forget.

1276
01:06:41,480 --> 01:06:44,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, forgive and don't forget. And I think so

1277
01:06:44,320 --> 01:06:49,120
Speaker 2: much of it is empathy. I think that that's.

1278
01:06:49,000 --> 01:06:52,040
Speaker 1: Huge, Chloe. It's huge, Like I want, I really hope

1279
01:06:52,080 --> 01:06:55,280
Speaker 1: you I really hope you allowed that to sit with

1280
01:06:55,360 --> 01:06:57,520
Speaker 1: you and take that incident of just how huge it.

1281
01:06:57,440 --> 01:07:01,160
Speaker 2: Is well because most people say, oh, because you're so week, No,

1282
01:07:01,240 --> 01:07:03,760
Speaker 2: I think of it, and I think it is a strength.

1283
01:07:03,800 --> 01:07:09,080
Speaker 2: Like whenever I remember when Tristan's mother passed away, and

1284
01:07:09,400 --> 01:07:14,600
Speaker 2: Tristan has a brother that's disabled and his mother was

1285
01:07:14,920 --> 01:07:18,440
Speaker 2: Amari is Tristan's brother's name. Tristan's mom was a Mari's

1286
01:07:18,440 --> 01:07:23,720
Speaker 2: sole caretaker and she passed away. Tristan's house was under construction,

1287
01:07:23,920 --> 01:07:26,520
Speaker 2: we had all these crazy rains, his roof caved in.

1288
01:07:27,040 --> 01:07:30,200
Speaker 2: Tristan and I were not speaking at this time, like

1289
01:07:31,240 --> 01:07:33,360
Speaker 2: there was not a chance I would speak to him.

1290
01:07:34,360 --> 01:07:38,520
Speaker 2: And when Andrea passed away, I remember having a Mari

1291
01:07:38,640 --> 01:07:41,720
Speaker 2: and Tristan move in with me, because yes, he could

1292
01:07:41,720 --> 01:07:45,000
Speaker 2: have gone to a hotel, but he need Tristan and

1293
01:07:45,040 --> 01:07:48,320
Speaker 2: Amari both needed to be not isolated. They both lost

1294
01:07:48,360 --> 01:07:55,200
Speaker 2: their mother. Amari needs special living arrangements, caretakers. There's a

1295
01:07:55,240 --> 01:07:58,200
Speaker 2: lot that comes with Amari. And so I was like,

1296
01:07:58,360 --> 01:08:01,720
Speaker 2: live here, your kids are here. I got so much

1297
01:08:01,760 --> 01:08:04,960
Speaker 2: crap for that, and I'm thinking, do you guys think

1298
01:08:05,520 --> 01:08:10,240
Speaker 2: this is weak? I wasn't speaking to this man fifteen

1299
01:08:10,280 --> 01:08:12,800
Speaker 2: minutes ago, and now I'm offering to give my house here,

1300
01:08:12,840 --> 01:08:17,200
Speaker 2: and that to me takes so much more strength. And

1301
01:08:17,320 --> 01:08:19,320
Speaker 2: also to walk around the house in front of my

1302
01:08:19,400 --> 01:08:22,479
Speaker 2: kids and smile. And because I'm not fighting in front

1303
01:08:22,479 --> 01:08:24,200
Speaker 2: of my kids, I don't do stuff like that. But

1304
01:08:24,680 --> 01:08:29,000
Speaker 2: and with Lamar, like for Lamar, when his accident happened,

1305
01:08:29,720 --> 01:08:32,840
Speaker 2: his overdose happened at a brothel, and you know it's

1306
01:08:32,880 --> 01:08:37,080
Speaker 2: not like the like I showed up at the hospital

1307
01:08:37,160 --> 01:08:39,880
Speaker 2: not because I'm weak, because I was strong and I

1308
01:08:40,000 --> 01:08:42,320
Speaker 2: needed to take care of him because who else would have.

1309
01:08:42,840 --> 01:08:46,679
Speaker 2: And I think people don't realize how much strength comes

1310
01:08:46,680 --> 01:08:49,680
Speaker 2: in those things. And it doesn't mean I forget. It

1311
01:08:49,840 --> 01:08:52,559
Speaker 2: just means there's something bigger here that's going to take precedence,

1312
01:08:52,600 --> 01:08:55,920
Speaker 2: and I need my moral compass says I need to

1313
01:08:55,960 --> 01:08:57,120
Speaker 2: show up and honor that.

1314
01:08:57,680 --> 01:08:58,639
Speaker 3: And that's just mine.

1315
01:08:59,320 --> 01:09:01,720
Speaker 1: Don't ever let anyone tell me it's weak. It's so

1316
01:09:01,920 --> 01:09:05,200
Speaker 1: not weak. It's it's so powerfully strong. And you can

1317
01:09:05,240 --> 01:09:07,599
Speaker 1: see it in your heart and just that a heart

1318
01:09:07,640 --> 01:09:11,280
Speaker 1: full of compassion and empathy and context and understand, I

1319
01:09:11,320 --> 01:09:13,800
Speaker 1: mean you did that for a Mari. Right. The other

1320
01:09:13,840 --> 01:09:16,800
Speaker 1: situation you're going if you're not talking to someone and

1321
01:09:16,800 --> 01:09:18,840
Speaker 1: you're going against all of this, but you're recognizing that

1322
01:09:18,880 --> 01:09:24,080
Speaker 1: there's someone here who's vulnerable, unable to care for themselves, right, And.

1323
01:09:24,400 --> 01:09:26,639
Speaker 3: Yeahstan could have got a hotel, you know.

1324
01:09:26,960 --> 01:09:30,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but with Amari And then and I wanted

1325
01:09:30,880 --> 01:09:33,559
Speaker 2: Tristan to be with his brother because I've been with

1326
01:09:33,680 --> 01:09:37,200
Speaker 2: that family for years. But Amari knows he just lost

1327
01:09:37,200 --> 01:09:39,320
Speaker 2: his mother. He needs to be around his brother. And

1328
01:09:39,640 --> 01:09:42,519
Speaker 2: there were so many things. But you know, I think

1329
01:09:43,560 --> 01:09:46,599
Speaker 2: I think where some people call it weakness, they don't

1330
01:09:46,680 --> 01:09:50,000
Speaker 2: realize how much strength goes into putting your own personal

1331
01:09:50,040 --> 01:09:53,160
Speaker 2: feelings aside for the betterment of somebody else.

1332
01:09:53,400 --> 01:09:55,559
Speaker 1: Yeah, and the biggest thing is you're you're better off

1333
01:09:55,560 --> 01:09:58,639
Speaker 1: because of it internally, And I think that's ultimately what

1334
01:09:58,720 --> 01:10:01,360
Speaker 1: no one sees apart from you, is you have to

1335
01:10:01,400 --> 01:10:04,240
Speaker 1: go to when you're when your eyes closed at night

1336
01:10:04,400 --> 01:10:06,479
Speaker 1: and you go to sleep, you go to sleep with

1337
01:10:06,520 --> 01:10:09,400
Speaker 1: that feeling of what you did and how you felt right,

1338
01:10:09,760 --> 01:10:12,040
Speaker 1: and if you were in bed that night going I

1339
01:10:12,040 --> 01:10:14,360
Speaker 1: should have done this, I should have helped. I wish

1340
01:10:14,439 --> 01:10:16,200
Speaker 1: I did this, But I'm going to look strong and

1341
01:10:16,400 --> 01:10:19,439
Speaker 1: I don't want to be weak right, But then you're weak.

1342
01:10:19,520 --> 01:10:22,120
Speaker 1: You've just you know, stayed up all night trying to

1343
01:10:22,160 --> 01:10:24,280
Speaker 1: solve this issue in your head. Yeah, yeah, I know

1344
01:10:24,320 --> 01:10:28,519
Speaker 1: it's huge. You brought up your beautiful children, who I

1345
01:10:28,560 --> 01:10:33,360
Speaker 1: love seeing you with and the cutest and I was

1346
01:10:33,400 --> 01:10:35,280
Speaker 1: just thinking that being a mom for you is just

1347
01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:37,599
Speaker 1: such a it feels like such a natural role. As

1348
01:10:37,640 --> 01:10:40,280
Speaker 1: you said earlier, it's my favorite thing, but it's your

1349
01:10:40,280 --> 01:10:42,639
Speaker 1: favorite thing, and it comes across and seeing all the

1350
01:10:42,760 --> 01:10:46,160
Speaker 1: kids together and everything. What do you hope as they

1351
01:10:46,240 --> 01:10:49,080
Speaker 1: grow up do they learn about you and seeing you?

1352
01:10:49,160 --> 01:10:51,519
Speaker 1: What's your hope for them to understand about their.

1353
01:10:51,479 --> 01:10:53,760
Speaker 2: Mom Oh my gosh, I wish my phone's in the

1354
01:10:53,800 --> 01:10:56,400
Speaker 2: other room. But I dropped her off at school today

1355
01:10:56,920 --> 01:11:01,559
Speaker 2: and they each wrote something about someone, and True wrote,

1356
01:11:02,120 --> 01:11:06,360
Speaker 2: I love my mommy because there's kindness in her soul.

1357
01:11:07,120 --> 01:11:09,839
Speaker 2: And she's six, and I help her do her homework,

1358
01:11:10,000 --> 01:11:14,519
Speaker 2: which both for sweet but the sentence there's kindness in

1359
01:11:14,560 --> 01:11:17,479
Speaker 2: her soul. I was like, what a profound thing to

1360
01:11:17,520 --> 01:11:18,759
Speaker 2: say and a deep thing.

1361
01:11:18,640 --> 01:11:19,519
Speaker 3: For a six year old.

1362
01:11:19,600 --> 01:11:25,920
Speaker 2: It was so beautiful and that makes me feel, you know,

1363
01:11:26,080 --> 01:11:30,160
Speaker 2: like that I'm doing something right that they don't love

1364
01:11:30,160 --> 01:11:33,720
Speaker 2: their mommy. Because she gives me presents or this or that.

1365
01:11:33,920 --> 01:11:36,920
Speaker 2: Like I try to be as present with my children

1366
01:11:36,960 --> 01:11:40,400
Speaker 2: as possible. We all have our phones, we all I'm

1367
01:11:40,439 --> 01:11:43,240
Speaker 2: not saying I'm never on my phone, but when we

1368
01:11:43,280 --> 01:11:45,920
Speaker 2: do have our time, I want to be on the

1369
01:11:45,960 --> 01:11:47,800
Speaker 2: floor with them playing games. I'm not just going to

1370
01:11:47,840 --> 01:11:50,759
Speaker 2: buy them all these games, and that's what they care about,

1371
01:11:51,240 --> 01:11:55,840
Speaker 2: and they care about just the routine, the memories, the dinners,

1372
01:11:55,960 --> 01:11:58,920
Speaker 2: the the little things that doesn't have to be all

1373
01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:02,280
Speaker 2: day every day. I know everyone's working and everyone's juggling

1374
01:12:02,280 --> 01:12:04,559
Speaker 2: a million things, but if you even only have thirty

1375
01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:06,880
Speaker 2: minutes with your kids, make sure to put your phone

1376
01:12:06,920 --> 01:12:09,800
Speaker 2: down for the thirty minutes because your kids will remember that,

1377
01:12:10,360 --> 01:12:12,919
Speaker 2: and that thirty minutes you can build such a connection.

1378
01:12:13,560 --> 01:12:16,040
Speaker 2: And me and my kids we talk and they take

1379
01:12:16,120 --> 01:12:19,120
Speaker 2: baths together, both of them, and that's our time. And

1380
01:12:19,600 --> 01:12:22,599
Speaker 2: how loving both my kids are with each other that

1381
01:12:23,000 --> 01:12:26,839
Speaker 2: I take such pride in because I always hear stories

1382
01:12:26,840 --> 01:12:29,360
Speaker 2: about you know, and I don't think I was that

1383
01:12:29,479 --> 01:12:30,960
Speaker 2: nice to my brother when I was little.

1384
01:12:31,400 --> 01:12:33,599
Speaker 3: But I just want.

1385
01:12:33,400 --> 01:12:36,080
Speaker 2: Them to know that this is a house of love,

1386
01:12:36,360 --> 01:12:39,120
Speaker 2: and like for me, love is the foundation love and

1387
01:12:39,160 --> 01:12:41,439
Speaker 2: faith is the foundation for everything.

1388
01:12:42,439 --> 01:12:45,000
Speaker 1: That's so beautiful. I mean it shows I mean, that

1389
01:12:45,120 --> 01:12:46,920
Speaker 1: is such a profound thing for a six year old

1390
01:12:46,960 --> 01:12:47,840
Speaker 1: to write.

1391
01:12:47,680 --> 01:12:48,000
Speaker 3: Isn't it.

1392
01:12:48,120 --> 01:12:49,720
Speaker 2: I got it this morth. I took a picture of

1393
01:12:49,760 --> 01:12:53,120
Speaker 2: it this morning. I was like, I am, I was shocked.

1394
01:12:53,400 --> 01:12:55,320
Speaker 2: I like, what a deep thing to say.

1395
01:12:55,560 --> 01:12:58,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so sweet. We were talking about earlier societies,

1396
01:12:58,240 --> 01:13:01,519
Speaker 1: expectations and pressures as you up, and as you said,

1397
01:13:01,520 --> 01:13:04,240
Speaker 1: it's so much harder on children today. Yes, because of

1398
01:13:04,280 --> 01:13:07,759
Speaker 1: the axis right before, you knew what your class was doing. Today,

1399
01:13:07,800 --> 01:13:09,479
Speaker 1: you know what the whole world is doing right. There

1400
01:13:09,479 --> 01:13:11,719
Speaker 1: are also kids that the whole world knows what they're

1401
01:13:11,720 --> 01:13:14,360
Speaker 1: doing right. So it creates so many How do you

1402
01:13:14,600 --> 01:13:17,200
Speaker 1: what does it look like when you're thinking about this

1403
01:13:17,600 --> 01:13:20,479
Speaker 1: and you're figuring out how they navigate the world that

1404
01:13:20,479 --> 01:13:22,240
Speaker 1: they're growing up and what are the thoughts that come

1405
01:13:22,280 --> 01:13:22,840
Speaker 1: to your mind.

1406
01:13:23,120 --> 01:13:27,640
Speaker 2: We went to a restaurant the other night and the

1407
01:13:27,720 --> 01:13:29,639
Speaker 2: waitress kept calling me by my name.

1408
01:13:29,880 --> 01:13:31,799
Speaker 3: She was like, Chloe, do you want another drink? Whatever?

1409
01:13:32,160 --> 01:13:34,679
Speaker 2: And true was going, how does she know who you are?

1410
01:13:35,200 --> 01:13:37,120
Speaker 2: And I go, oh, I just come here all the time,

1411
01:13:37,280 --> 01:13:41,439
Speaker 2: which I don't. But they don't realize that we're on

1412
01:13:41,520 --> 01:13:43,800
Speaker 2: TV or anything, like, they don't know the difference because

1413
01:13:43,840 --> 01:13:45,439
Speaker 2: I'm not talking about it.

1414
01:13:45,840 --> 01:13:47,559
Speaker 3: And I just think that's that's impressive.

1415
01:13:47,640 --> 01:13:50,320
Speaker 2: I think that's so funny to me that she's like,

1416
01:13:50,520 --> 01:13:51,480
Speaker 2: how does somebody.

1417
01:13:51,200 --> 01:13:53,000
Speaker 3: Know your name? Or she'll say why do they want

1418
01:13:53,000 --> 01:13:55,559
Speaker 3: a picture with you? They go maybe she likes my hair?

1419
01:13:55,720 --> 01:13:58,479
Speaker 3: Like I always try to say like something and brush

1420
01:13:58,560 --> 01:13:59,400
Speaker 3: it off. I don't know.

1421
01:13:59,479 --> 01:14:01,320
Speaker 2: I don't want to make a big deal out of it,

1422
01:14:01,840 --> 01:14:04,400
Speaker 2: you know, for my kids. True, she has an iPad

1423
01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:08,120
Speaker 2: that they can watch shows or whatever when doing her hair,

1424
01:14:08,200 --> 01:14:11,960
Speaker 2: but I have limited iPad time, and I tell her

1425
01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:14,599
Speaker 2: she can't have a phone until she's twelve, and who

1426
01:14:14,640 --> 01:14:15,599
Speaker 2: knows about keep that.

1427
01:14:15,760 --> 01:14:19,160
Speaker 3: But that's I don't think kids need it. Other than that.

1428
01:14:19,320 --> 01:14:22,080
Speaker 2: I think they have these amazing phones that are just

1429
01:14:22,200 --> 01:14:25,600
Speaker 2: for calling. Now I forget what they're called. Yeah, but

1430
01:14:25,600 --> 01:14:29,320
Speaker 2: there's no internet access, and so I'm like, yes, if

1431
01:14:29,360 --> 01:14:31,519
Speaker 2: you you know, you could have one of those phones,

1432
01:14:31,600 --> 01:14:34,080
Speaker 2: but just to call me. But otherwise, why, I don't

1433
01:14:34,360 --> 01:14:37,559
Speaker 2: want you looking at these things. They're not on the internet,

1434
01:14:37,600 --> 01:14:41,880
Speaker 2: Like she's not on Instagram or TikTok or that kind

1435
01:14:41,920 --> 01:14:44,439
Speaker 2: of stuff. I don't think that's necessary at this age.

1436
01:14:44,479 --> 01:14:47,320
Speaker 2: I think it's really damaging. But I try to not

1437
01:14:47,400 --> 01:14:50,320
Speaker 2: be on those things when I'm around them. Like we'll

1438
01:14:50,360 --> 01:14:53,760
Speaker 2: film videos and I post them later, but we just

1439
01:14:53,800 --> 01:14:56,720
Speaker 2: think we're making like dance videos. But I try not

1440
01:14:57,160 --> 01:14:59,200
Speaker 2: to be on those things around them because they see that.

1441
01:15:00,200 --> 01:15:01,519
Speaker 2: I picked up the phone when we were at a

1442
01:15:01,520 --> 01:15:05,439
Speaker 2: red light and True was like, Mommy, no texting and driving.

1443
01:15:05,520 --> 01:15:07,400
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh my gosh, she's right, I

1444
01:15:07,439 --> 01:15:10,000
Speaker 2: was at a red light, but she They will also

1445
01:15:10,080 --> 01:15:12,800
Speaker 2: remind you if you're doing anything illegal. They love to

1446
01:15:12,880 --> 01:15:16,040
Speaker 2: yell at you. But I don't know what the world

1447
01:15:16,080 --> 01:15:18,599
Speaker 2: looks like for that. I'm not someone that covers their

1448
01:15:18,640 --> 01:15:22,040
Speaker 2: faces and does all that. I feel like I don't

1449
01:15:22,120 --> 01:15:26,240
Speaker 2: want to not be out with my kids and or

1450
01:15:26,240 --> 01:15:27,760
Speaker 2: feel like I have to hide them. I feel like

1451
01:15:27,800 --> 01:15:31,320
Speaker 2: that would make my kids more anxious or ask more questions.

1452
01:15:31,840 --> 01:15:34,599
Speaker 2: If my kids ever wanted to do something on TV

1453
01:15:34,760 --> 01:15:37,320
Speaker 2: or anything like that, we would talk it through. But

1454
01:15:37,640 --> 01:15:40,760
Speaker 2: I don't push it. I don't necessarily want them to,

1455
01:15:41,479 --> 01:15:44,479
Speaker 2: but if they want to, then we can talk about it.

1456
01:15:44,720 --> 01:15:48,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, you were also saying that dating something that you'd

1457
01:15:48,800 --> 01:15:51,240
Speaker 1: be open to at least one day in your forties

1458
01:15:51,240 --> 01:15:51,720
Speaker 1: and then you.

1459
01:15:51,720 --> 01:15:53,639
Speaker 3: Said ten years.

1460
01:15:53,840 --> 01:15:57,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's amazing. And I was thinking, like, this idea

1461
01:15:57,280 --> 01:16:00,160
Speaker 1: of dating as a mom is hard, I'm sure, with

1462
01:16:00,280 --> 01:16:03,479
Speaker 1: time and energy and fn everything else, Like, how does

1463
01:16:03,560 --> 01:16:07,240
Speaker 1: that even fit into that wheelhouse as you're thinking about

1464
01:16:07,240 --> 01:16:09,760
Speaker 1: it for all the moms out there who are thinking

1465
01:16:09,760 --> 01:16:11,959
Speaker 1: about dating in their voys, which is very real.

1466
01:16:12,000 --> 01:16:13,760
Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm the best one to ask,

1467
01:16:13,880 --> 01:16:18,320
Speaker 2: because I genuinely I have young My kids are younger yea,

1468
01:16:18,520 --> 01:16:22,040
Speaker 2: and so I am loving that I get to have

1469
01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:24,519
Speaker 2: so much time with them right now, and there's going

1470
01:16:24,560 --> 01:16:26,599
Speaker 2: to be a time that no matter how much they

1471
01:16:26,600 --> 01:16:29,080
Speaker 2: love me, they're not going to want to be with me,

1472
01:16:29,520 --> 01:16:31,120
Speaker 2: you know. They're like, I want to be with my friends,

1473
01:16:31,560 --> 01:16:34,280
Speaker 2: and yes, that's going to hurt, but I get it.

1474
01:16:34,360 --> 01:16:35,200
Speaker 3: I was that kid.

1475
01:16:35,640 --> 01:16:40,439
Speaker 2: And right now I'm truly happy and I don't feel lonely.

1476
01:16:40,920 --> 01:16:43,839
Speaker 2: I've like, I'm so fulfilled with work and my kids,

1477
01:16:43,960 --> 01:16:46,640
Speaker 2: and once they're asleep, like I get a little bit

1478
01:16:46,680 --> 01:16:48,240
Speaker 2: of a lone time, and then I go to sleep

1479
01:16:48,240 --> 01:16:49,280
Speaker 2: and I start again.

1480
01:16:49,240 --> 01:16:54,040
Speaker 1: Listening to I'm thinking, like there's such a just even

1481
01:16:54,040 --> 01:16:55,760
Speaker 1: what you're saying and just being happy with it you

1482
01:16:55,840 --> 01:17:00,360
Speaker 1: are happy with yourself. I wonder does the evolved version

1483
01:17:00,360 --> 01:17:03,000
Speaker 1: of you that's been doing all this work. How do

1484
01:17:03,040 --> 01:17:05,439
Speaker 1: you think about the right partner now versus how you

1485
01:17:05,520 --> 01:17:07,280
Speaker 1: used to think about it and then you know the

1486
01:17:07,360 --> 01:17:10,880
Speaker 1: quick before, Like, how is that impacted what you look for,

1487
01:17:11,000 --> 01:17:12,120
Speaker 1: what you think about?

1488
01:17:12,240 --> 01:17:15,360
Speaker 2: What I do love is that now I am forced

1489
01:17:15,400 --> 01:17:19,320
Speaker 2: to take my time with someone. Where before I would

1490
01:17:19,400 --> 01:17:21,880
Speaker 2: love a good love bombing. I'm like, you love me, okay,

1491
01:17:21,960 --> 01:17:23,880
Speaker 2: like and I would just like roll with it, where

1492
01:17:24,600 --> 01:17:27,920
Speaker 2: now I think we could, you know, mildly love bomb.

1493
01:17:27,920 --> 01:17:30,479
Speaker 2: But I can't do much about it because I do

1494
01:17:30,560 --> 01:17:31,679
Speaker 2: love the love.

1495
01:17:31,479 --> 01:17:33,240
Speaker 3: And the affirmations. I do love all that.

1496
01:17:33,840 --> 01:17:36,720
Speaker 2: I'm not going to deny it. But I have to

1497
01:17:36,760 --> 01:17:40,400
Speaker 2: move slow because of my children, and that is a

1498
01:17:40,439 --> 01:17:43,000
Speaker 2: good thing for me. I am so used to my

1499
01:17:43,120 --> 01:17:46,320
Speaker 2: routine right now. I'm such a structured person. I don't

1500
01:17:46,360 --> 01:17:48,519
Speaker 2: do a lot of socializing unless it's with my same

1501
01:17:48,560 --> 01:17:52,160
Speaker 2: group of people. And someone said to me, why don't

1502
01:17:52,160 --> 01:17:55,240
Speaker 2: you throw like an event at your not an event,

1503
01:17:55,280 --> 01:17:57,920
Speaker 2: but like I host a dinner at my house once

1504
01:17:57,920 --> 01:18:02,479
Speaker 2: a month and have your friends invite another friend and

1505
01:18:02,520 --> 01:18:05,920
Speaker 2: not even about for romantic reasons, but just for the fact,

1506
01:18:06,000 --> 01:18:09,360
Speaker 2: because dating is a skill, or even socializing, Like my

1507
01:18:09,560 --> 01:18:13,559
Speaker 2: social battery is empty all the time because I'm not

1508
01:18:13,680 --> 01:18:16,519
Speaker 2: used to using it anymore. If it's not in the daytime,

1509
01:18:16,560 --> 01:18:19,719
Speaker 2: I'm like, you want me up past nine? That's crazy?

1510
01:18:19,800 --> 01:18:21,400
Speaker 2: Like to me, I'm like, how do you stay awake?

1511
01:18:22,360 --> 01:18:25,759
Speaker 2: I have to get used to staying up a little later,

1512
01:18:26,040 --> 01:18:30,000
Speaker 2: entertaining people hanging out. So I loved that idea of

1513
01:18:30,040 --> 01:18:33,400
Speaker 2: like maybe once a month having a little dinner party

1514
01:18:33,439 --> 01:18:35,840
Speaker 2: with my friends. If it's a group of people, I

1515
01:18:35,880 --> 01:18:38,160
Speaker 2: don't mind if they are around my kids because it's

1516
01:18:38,320 --> 01:18:43,000
Speaker 2: a group and just meeting people. It could be romantic

1517
01:18:43,080 --> 01:18:45,519
Speaker 2: if someone brought someone that was like, okay, like this person,

1518
01:18:45,680 --> 01:18:48,840
Speaker 2: or it could just be me, you know, sharpening the

1519
01:18:48,880 --> 01:18:51,320
Speaker 2: tool of socializing with people again.

1520
01:18:51,560 --> 01:18:53,800
Speaker 1: But see, I love that idea because I think you've

1521
01:18:53,920 --> 01:18:55,640
Speaker 1: just hit on something for a lot of people. I

1522
01:18:55,640 --> 01:18:58,640
Speaker 1: think so many people almost we do the extreme. So

1523
01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:01,439
Speaker 1: one extreme is we love bombing, we get love bombed,

1524
01:19:01,439 --> 01:19:03,960
Speaker 1: we love it, it doesn't work out. But then the

1525
01:19:04,000 --> 01:19:06,840
Speaker 1: other extreme is we get so comfortable being alone, yes,

1526
01:19:07,000 --> 01:19:10,040
Speaker 1: that we don't even know how to engage with others.

1527
01:19:10,560 --> 01:19:13,120
Speaker 1: And I think we kind of oscillate between these two

1528
01:19:13,200 --> 01:19:15,479
Speaker 1: things where we just go back and forth as opposed

1529
01:19:15,520 --> 01:19:17,360
Speaker 1: to I love what you're doing, which is, hey, let's

1530
01:19:17,360 --> 01:19:20,320
Speaker 1: create an opportunity for a connection, whether it's romantic or not.

1531
01:19:21,000 --> 01:19:23,719
Speaker 1: And I'm practicing my skill. It's not going to feel

1532
01:19:23,760 --> 01:19:26,160
Speaker 1: like this really daunting thing now when I have a

1533
01:19:26,160 --> 01:19:28,880
Speaker 1: conversation with someone, and it kind of keeps it fresh

1534
01:19:28,880 --> 01:19:30,880
Speaker 1: for us. And I think that's so important for people

1535
01:19:30,920 --> 01:19:33,720
Speaker 1: because we get so confident and comfortable being alone.

1536
01:19:33,520 --> 01:19:34,600
Speaker 3: Totally because that was me.

1537
01:19:35,000 --> 01:19:38,920
Speaker 2: I have been alone for three years and I love it,

1538
01:19:39,120 --> 01:19:42,000
Speaker 2: like I'm scared, yeah, and I'm like, okay, I have to.

1539
01:19:42,120 --> 01:19:44,880
Speaker 2: I love this maybe too much where that worries me

1540
01:19:44,920 --> 01:19:46,920
Speaker 2: because I could do this for another five years and

1541
01:19:46,960 --> 01:19:49,840
Speaker 2: be so happy about it, but that's not normal, Like

1542
01:19:49,960 --> 01:19:53,360
Speaker 2: I need to push myself and for people that if

1543
01:19:53,360 --> 01:19:54,960
Speaker 2: you don't want to bring people to your home, you

1544
01:19:54,960 --> 01:19:57,000
Speaker 2: guys could do this at a restaurant and have it

1545
01:19:57,080 --> 01:19:59,800
Speaker 2: be a monthly thing or every other month thing, like

1546
01:19:59,800 --> 01:20:03,200
Speaker 2: what what ever's workable for your schedule. I just loved

1547
01:20:03,280 --> 01:20:06,400
Speaker 2: that lesson and I can't do it weekly like I

1548
01:20:06,400 --> 01:20:08,679
Speaker 2: would love to in my brain, but that's too much

1549
01:20:08,720 --> 01:20:09,479
Speaker 2: social battery.

1550
01:20:09,560 --> 01:20:09,800
Speaker 1: For me.

1551
01:20:10,240 --> 01:20:11,880
Speaker 2: So I'm like, I could do once a month where

1552
01:20:11,920 --> 01:20:14,320
Speaker 2: I just have a little gathering at my house, and

1553
01:20:14,439 --> 01:20:16,680
Speaker 2: it is a skill that I want to work on.

1554
01:20:16,840 --> 01:20:18,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, I love that. For you, that's such a great

1555
01:20:19,080 --> 01:20:21,479
Speaker 4: it's brilliant. You might be invited to one. Oh, I'd

1556
01:20:21,479 --> 01:20:24,320
Speaker 4: loved let me know when, I'd love that. I'd love that.

1557
01:20:24,320 --> 01:20:26,479
Speaker 4: That'd be so much fun. No, that sounds beautiful. And

1558
01:20:26,920 --> 01:20:29,640
Speaker 4: one thing I noticed about you throughout this whole conversation

1559
01:20:29,720 --> 01:20:34,120
Speaker 4: that I admire so deeply is you just lean into discomfort.

1560
01:20:34,520 --> 01:20:38,280
Speaker 1: Just lean into it. Oh my god, that's so hard

1561
01:20:38,360 --> 01:20:38,760
Speaker 1: to do.

1562
01:20:39,479 --> 01:20:40,639
Speaker 3: Wow, I didn't think of that.

1563
01:20:40,840 --> 01:20:43,800
Speaker 1: You just lean into it, whether it's the discomfort of forgiveness,

1564
01:20:43,920 --> 01:20:47,200
Speaker 1: the discomfort of moving on, the discomfort of accepting where

1565
01:20:47,200 --> 01:20:50,240
Speaker 1: you are, the discomfort of raising a family, the discomfort

1566
01:20:50,240 --> 01:20:52,600
Speaker 1: of people seeing you as being weak, the discomfort of

1567
01:20:53,040 --> 01:20:56,280
Speaker 1: doing external judgment. You just lean into it. Where does

1568
01:20:56,320 --> 01:20:58,240
Speaker 1: that come from? Where did you see it? Where did

1569
01:20:58,240 --> 01:21:00,880
Speaker 1: you experience it? Now that seeing ady supposed to.

1570
01:21:00,840 --> 01:21:04,080
Speaker 3: Be he Yeah, no, my wheels are turning right now.

1571
01:21:04,200 --> 01:21:04,880
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1572
01:21:05,400 --> 01:21:07,640
Speaker 2: I mean, I sound like a broken record, but so

1573
01:21:07,800 --> 01:21:12,080
Speaker 2: much of it is my faith. But also be but

1574
01:21:12,160 --> 01:21:15,000
Speaker 2: it is, But I was raised in such a faith

1575
01:21:15,560 --> 01:21:20,000
Speaker 2: heavy household my mom and my dad. Faith is the

1576
01:21:20,040 --> 01:21:24,080
Speaker 2: foundation of everything. And my dad we went to Sunday

1577
01:21:24,120 --> 01:21:27,719
Speaker 2: school every Sunday, like everything was always about faith, Prayers

1578
01:21:27,720 --> 01:21:30,760
Speaker 2: every night, prayers before food. And I think when you're

1579
01:21:30,800 --> 01:21:33,080
Speaker 2: just raised that way, you learn to rely and lean

1580
01:21:33,360 --> 01:21:36,839
Speaker 2: on your faith whenever you need to. And I'm someone

1581
01:21:36,920 --> 01:21:39,960
Speaker 2: that it's so easy to rely on faith when you're

1582
01:21:39,960 --> 01:21:43,479
Speaker 2: struggling and when something's bad. But I, yes, I go

1583
01:21:43,640 --> 01:21:46,679
Speaker 2: to God when I'm struggling, but I go to God

1584
01:21:46,760 --> 01:21:48,920
Speaker 2: so much more when I'm happy because I am so

1585
01:21:49,040 --> 01:21:52,160
Speaker 2: grateful and I'm telling Him, thank you for bringing me

1586
01:21:52,240 --> 01:21:54,080
Speaker 2: out of that spot. And I think so many people

1587
01:21:54,120 --> 01:21:57,280
Speaker 2: forget to go to your higher power when you're in

1588
01:21:57,479 --> 01:21:59,960
Speaker 2: the best of times, because that's when he wants to

1589
01:22:00,200 --> 01:22:03,799
Speaker 2: acknowledge them too, not just when you need them that's easy,

1590
01:22:03,880 --> 01:22:06,439
Speaker 2: like don't just call me for help, like I want

1591
01:22:06,439 --> 01:22:08,479
Speaker 2: you to call me too when you're joyful and there's

1592
01:22:08,520 --> 01:22:12,080
Speaker 2: so much greatness going on, and so I do the same.

1593
01:22:12,120 --> 01:22:14,120
Speaker 2: And I think the more that you talk about greatness,

1594
01:22:14,120 --> 01:22:16,120
Speaker 2: the more greatness then surrounds you.

1595
01:22:16,479 --> 01:22:20,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think faith is just such an underestimated part

1596
01:22:20,320 --> 01:22:20,879
Speaker 1: of life.

1597
01:22:21,200 --> 01:22:24,800
Speaker 2: It's sad. I was watching the Academy Awards the other

1598
01:22:24,880 --> 01:22:29,320
Speaker 2: night and I barely heard anybody thank God. And at

1599
01:22:29,320 --> 01:22:32,360
Speaker 2: the end Adrian Brody he was I think one of

1600
01:22:32,400 --> 01:22:34,880
Speaker 2: the last speeches, and the very first thing he said

1601
01:22:35,000 --> 01:22:36,040
Speaker 2: was I just want to thank God.

1602
01:22:36,080 --> 01:22:37,920
Speaker 3: And I don't know that just me.

1603
01:22:38,080 --> 01:22:40,720
Speaker 2: I was like, it was sad to me that not

1604
01:22:40,840 --> 01:22:43,479
Speaker 2: that many people lead with faith anymore, and not that

1605
01:22:43,520 --> 01:22:45,439
Speaker 2: you have to, but it was a big thing that

1606
01:22:45,479 --> 01:22:45,840
Speaker 2: I noticed.

1607
01:22:46,040 --> 01:22:48,400
Speaker 1: You get scared. Now there's like this worry, and I

1608
01:22:48,439 --> 01:22:50,719
Speaker 1: feel like things are coming back around again. It almost

1609
01:22:50,720 --> 01:22:53,920
Speaker 1: feels like there was a time when you almost couldn't

1610
01:22:54,160 --> 01:22:56,439
Speaker 1: talk about it because you would be judged for they'd

1611
01:22:56,479 --> 01:23:00,519
Speaker 1: be connotations or right, you know, things like that around it.

1612
01:23:00,560 --> 01:23:02,559
Speaker 1: And I definitely felt that as well, where it's just

1613
01:23:02,600 --> 01:23:06,360
Speaker 1: like okay, and I think now that's coming back around

1614
01:23:06,400 --> 01:23:08,600
Speaker 1: where I think a lot of younger people in the

1615
01:23:08,600 --> 01:23:12,479
Speaker 1: world today are turning towards spirituality and faith and for

1616
01:23:12,520 --> 01:23:17,000
Speaker 1: that which you're seeing in trends and conversations where I

1617
01:23:17,000 --> 01:23:18,880
Speaker 1: think people are having to look for higher purpose and

1618
01:23:18,960 --> 01:23:22,679
Speaker 1: higher meaning now because it's really hard to find meaning

1619
01:23:22,720 --> 01:23:25,599
Speaker 1: and purpose around us and I think what you talk

1620
01:23:25,640 --> 01:23:28,439
Speaker 1: about it so beautifully is that it's a conversation. It's real,

1621
01:23:28,560 --> 01:23:31,240
Speaker 1: it's natural, it's good and bad. It's not like this

1622
01:23:31,400 --> 01:23:38,200
Speaker 1: ritualistic process. There's a genuine relationship that exists there, which

1623
01:23:38,200 --> 01:23:41,160
Speaker 1: is what we're all looking for as well. Yeah. Yeah, Chloe,

1624
01:23:41,160 --> 01:23:43,360
Speaker 1: it's been such a joy talking to you today. Honestly,

1625
01:23:43,439 --> 01:23:45,439
Speaker 1: I love every moment I get to spend with you,

1626
01:23:45,960 --> 01:23:50,200
Speaker 1: and you've just reminded us of how we can be

1627
01:23:50,280 --> 01:23:54,040
Speaker 1: strong in tough times, how you can look back on

1628
01:23:54,080 --> 01:23:57,559
Speaker 1: your life and move forward, how you can reflect and

1629
01:23:57,600 --> 01:24:01,519
Speaker 1: still feel so much growth, and that we shouldn't be

1630
01:24:01,520 --> 01:24:04,519
Speaker 1: scared to do the work, and that we can be scared,

1631
01:24:04,800 --> 01:24:06,320
Speaker 1: but then we still have to follow through.

1632
01:24:06,520 --> 01:24:07,080
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1633
01:24:07,120 --> 01:24:09,720
Speaker 1: And I'm so thankful that my community and I get

1634
01:24:09,720 --> 01:24:12,920
Speaker 1: to learn from you and sit with you and really

1635
01:24:13,800 --> 01:24:16,559
Speaker 1: dive into so much stuff that people have seen play

1636
01:24:16,560 --> 01:24:19,840
Speaker 1: out for them publicly, but to really understand how you've

1637
01:24:19,840 --> 01:24:22,719
Speaker 1: been processing it behind the scenes is really a gift.

1638
01:24:22,840 --> 01:24:23,960
Speaker 1: So thank you so much.

1639
01:24:24,040 --> 01:24:25,040
Speaker 3: Well, thank you, Ja.

1640
01:24:25,800 --> 01:24:28,200
Speaker 2: It's so easy to talk to you, and I love

1641
01:24:28,240 --> 01:24:30,639
Speaker 2: and adore you and being in this safe space, So

1642
01:24:31,080 --> 01:24:33,679
Speaker 2: thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable and feel

1643
01:24:33,680 --> 01:24:34,400
Speaker 2: so safe with you.

1644
01:24:35,080 --> 01:24:36,880
Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you.

1645
01:24:37,280 --> 01:24:40,120
Speaker 1: If you love this episode, you will also love my

1646
01:24:40,240 --> 01:24:44,640
Speaker 1: interview with Kendall Jenna on setting boundaries to increase happiness

1647
01:24:44,960 --> 01:24:45,599
Speaker 1: and healing.

1648
01:24:45,800 --> 01:24:48,080
Speaker 4: You're in a child You could be reading something that

1649
01:24:48,080 --> 01:24:49,720
Speaker 4: someone is saying about you and being like.

1650
01:24:49,720 --> 01:24:51,880
Speaker 2: That is so unfair because that's not who I am

1651
01:24:52,120 --> 01:24:54,080
Speaker 2: and that really gets to me sometimes.

1652
01:24:54,120 --> 01:24:55,880
Speaker 3: But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like,

1653
01:24:55,960 --> 01:24:58,400
Speaker 3: but I know who I am. Why does anything else matter?