Speaker 1: Speaks to the planning.
Speaker 2: I'll go by the name of Charlamagne of God and
Speaker 2: guess what I can't wait to see y'all at the
Speaker 2: third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right, We're coming
Speaker 2: back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April twenty six at Poeman
Speaker 2: Yards and it's hosted by none other than Decisions, Decisions
Speaker 2: May Be Be and Weezy. Okay. We got the R
Speaker 2: and B Money podcast with taking Jay Valentine. We got
Speaker 2: the Women of All Podcasts with Saray Jake Roberts, we
Speaker 2: got good Moms, Bad Choices. Carrie Champion will be there
Speaker 2: with her next sports podcast and the Trap Nerds podcast
Speaker 2: with more to be announced. And of course it's bigger
Speaker 2: than podcasts. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with black
Speaker 2: owned businesses plus the food truck court to keep you
Speaker 2: fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you don't
Speaker 2: want to miss this. Tapp in and grab your tickets
Speaker 2: now at Black Effect dot Com Flash Podcast Festival Atlanta.
Speaker 3: Guess what the good Moms are coming to your city
Speaker 3: on April twenty six, We're pulling up at the Black
Speaker 3: Effect Podcast Festival.
Speaker 4: That's right, We'll be hitting the stage with other hot
Speaker 4: podcasts like R and B, Money Trap Nerds, Naked Sports,
Speaker 4: and Sarah Jakes.
Speaker 3: And if you've ever been to a Good Mom's Bad
Speaker 3: Choices show, you know it gets real, real bad, and
Speaker 3: we have some special guests. So I'm so excited to
Speaker 3: meet our Atlanta tribe. Make sure you pull up April
Speaker 3: twenty six to the Black Effect Podcast Festival and get
Speaker 3: your tickets at Black Effect dot com Slash Podcast Festival.
Speaker 5: See you there.
Speaker 6: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.
Speaker 6: She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her children and the
Speaker 6: man of the house, and of course she didn't talk back.
Speaker 6: She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was
Speaker 6: a good woman who always made good choices.
Speaker 4: That shit off.
Speaker 3: We're Good Mom's Bad Choices too, single mom who said
Speaker 3: fuck the patriarchy, shared all their bad choices and sound
Speaker 3: out they were so bad after all, we're expert oversharers
Speaker 3: and your new bestie.
Speaker 5: Sit back and near the ride.
Speaker 4: I can do a mom. Welcome back to Good Mom's
Speaker 4: Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Nila.
Speaker 3: Happy Monday, It's Wednesday, Beaches, It's margin.
Speaker 5: It's all about the women. This month. It's all about
Speaker 5: the woman all the time, all.
Speaker 4: The time, three six, five, twelve months a year, every season,
Speaker 4: every day. And do you know why it's always about
Speaker 4: us because we made all this shit, because we birth
Speaker 4: you bitches and you sons, everybody everything. Let them know, honey,
Speaker 4: everybody came from a woman. Unless you're a unicorn. That's different.
Speaker 4: I mean, not unicorn corn. What's the fish a sea horse?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 4: The fiar set be the boys be having babies.
Speaker 5: It's baby having babies.
Speaker 4: Uh? Why I keep on calling a unicorn horse? Sea
Speaker 4: horses are.
Speaker 3: Unisex sea horses.
Speaker 4: The men birth, they can carry in birth the babies.
Speaker 4: I don't have all my schooling, all the millions of
Speaker 4: dollars and years are spent in school. That's what I
Speaker 4: took with me. Sea horses, the male can have babies.
Speaker 5: Interesting, some strong fishes.
Speaker 4: Are those of Is it a fish a sea horse?
Speaker 5: A fish?
Speaker 4: I think it's a fish. Somebody looking up.
Speaker 5: It has to be.
Speaker 4: It lives underwater.
Speaker 5: Sure, how are you? I'm great?
Speaker 4: I'm great too. Uh yeah, I feel good. It's March. Yeah,
Speaker 4: everything's good. Prepping to go to Jamaica. I'm very excited
Speaker 4: about that. I'm getting very excited about tapping into my
Speaker 4: Jamaican roots. I don't be surprised if I get to
Speaker 4: Jamaica and get an accent. I don't want you to
Speaker 4: say shit. I just want to tell you right now,
Speaker 4: yeah man, don't. I can't guarantee that I'm telling you
Speaker 4: right now. I'm telling you right now to shut your
Speaker 4: fucking mouth. I'm tapping into my roots on Shockley side,
Speaker 4: and I don't want anybody to say ship when I
Speaker 4: start talking with accent. Not you either, Land.
Speaker 5: I think you just start practicing now. Okay.
Speaker 4: The other day, I was on the phone with uh
Speaker 4: shout out to Francine, who's been helping us a part
Speaker 4: of our tribe in Jamaica, and she was can be
Speaker 4: like yeah man, and I will I hung up. I
Speaker 4: was like yeah man, and Orlando looked at me and
Speaker 4: was like, what did you just say? Shut the fuck up.
Speaker 4: You know I'm Jamaican on my daddy's side, tapping into
Speaker 4: my roots.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, you know what a friend says.
Speaker 5: Okay that open mouth?
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, Well that's time blood, you know in advance.
Speaker 4: I don't want to hear one open mouth. Okay, Okay, like, yeah, man, y'aman, Yeah,
Speaker 4: I'm excited too.
Speaker 3: I'm excited because I think my daughter is gonna come
Speaker 3: at the end. I conceived Iri in Jamaica, hence her
Speaker 3: name being Iri, so I'm excited to hang out with
Speaker 3: her after the group leaves too. And I was like,
Speaker 3: talking to my friend, she was like, so you told
Speaker 3: your daughter that you conceived her in Jamaica, so now
Speaker 3: she knows that you were fucking there. And then she
Speaker 3: was made you think your daughter really gives a fuck
Speaker 3: about that and needs to know that.
Speaker 4: I don't think they know what conceived means.
Speaker 3: I think well, after my Love is Blind sex talk
Speaker 3: with Iri where I revealed the birds in the bees
Speaker 3: via Love is Blind, I think she might know what
Speaker 3: conceived means.
Speaker 4: You know what this brings us to today's guest. This
Speaker 4: is all about silence and honesty. And this is coming
Speaker 4: from two moms that probably say too much, but you know,
Speaker 4: fuck it, the truth is better than a lie. And
Speaker 4: I you know, I was the type of child I
Speaker 4: was raised kind of honest to default, and I think
Speaker 4: it was it was good for me. But sometimes I
Speaker 4: tell Luna shit and I'm like, should I have said that?
Speaker 4: And so today we welcome our very good friend, author extraordinaire, wife.
Speaker 5: Founder of the Precious Dreams Foundation.
Speaker 4: And our second time on our show, and of course
Speaker 4: our friend Nicole Russell, Oh the Wharton's new Hedy.
Speaker 5: You were just a col Russell the first time.
Speaker 3: Okay, well, Nicole for me was n Y because like
Speaker 3: I knew. I met Nicole when I was seventh seventeen
Speaker 3: living in New York my first year of college. Nicole
Speaker 3: was my end to all the clubs. We would go
Speaker 3: to the clubs underage. She was the plug. I don't
Speaker 3: know how she became the c the plug, but back
Speaker 3: then you were n Y c L E. And I
Speaker 3: still have you in my phone as bad.
Speaker 4: Wait is that is that not your you spell your name?
Speaker 5: Oh it's not. I always was like, why is.
Speaker 4: Nicole splawn it with Y? But I always knew how
Speaker 4: to differentiate because it was ny.
Speaker 1: Because I was in the city, she was that we
Speaker 1: were outside girl falling off tables and ship.
Speaker 4: Nicole with a Y because I'm in the city, bitch. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I literally didn't know that her name wasn't spelled with
Speaker 3: a Y until maybe like.
Speaker 5: Six years ago.
Speaker 4: It's still on my phone with the Y so' seray,
Speaker 4: I love it.
Speaker 5: Do you know where to find me?
Speaker 3: I remember one day you changed your Instagram name and
Speaker 3: I was like, wait what, I got real professional?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I can't even I know, I wasn't the only
Speaker 5: one confused.
Speaker 4: I can't even imagine in the streets, Nicole, because you've
Speaker 4: always been kind of like professional, Like you've always had
Speaker 4: your shit together.
Speaker 1: Even when I was in the streets, I was making money. Like,
Speaker 1: so I was like, Erica, come out, but I'm getting
Speaker 1: paid because you'll be there, because I need this many
Speaker 1: people at my team, not.
Speaker 4: The underage the underage bitch getting underage dollars for promoting
Speaker 4: the club.
Speaker 5: Wow. Yeah, yeah, it was fun. It was a good
Speaker 5: stare Rio stair yo oh wild.
Speaker 3: Shout out to anyone in New York who remembers the
Speaker 3: days of stereo and those are the times.
Speaker 4: I'm just, I'm just I think it's so beautiful. It's
Speaker 4: such a blessing to see like your friends expand and grow.
Speaker 4: We're just talking about all these different boyfriends and faces,
Speaker 4: and like also to get to know friends through other friends,
Speaker 4: because I would never known Nicole was for Erica and like,
Speaker 4: because you moved to New York, when you were seventeen.
Speaker 4: So it's such a beautiful like transfer of friendships and
Speaker 4: like expansion of clicks. You know, sometimes you're like because
Speaker 4: I've called Nicole when I always with you, like, hey, Giryl,
Speaker 4: what you doing, I'm coming over? Yeah, So I always
Speaker 4: think that, like it's beautiful to find friends through other friends,
Speaker 4: and it's also like it's kind of like built in,
Speaker 4: Like I only got to go through a lot of
Speaker 4: a lot of he ha ha, a lot of small talk.
Speaker 4: If you like her, I like you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we've done so much growing together. So podcast has
Speaker 1: done so much growing since my first time on it.
Speaker 3: Nicole was one of our first podcast guests, like early
Speaker 3: on first year, my one Mike sharing one mic in
Speaker 3: my dining room. I think the episode was Healing your
Speaker 3: Inner Child and we're talking.
Speaker 5: About your book.
Speaker 3: Then iPhone with an iPhone, yes, now iPhone five, maybe three.
Speaker 3: I don't even know, girl, but we made it work somehow,
Speaker 3: some way, And I'm so incredibly proud of you and
Speaker 3: all that you've been able to accomplish from from stereo
Speaker 3: till now being a mom, being an author, like creating
Speaker 3: so many like beautiful opportunities for like inner City youth
Speaker 3: and just people in foster care. If you don't know
Speaker 3: anything about the Precious Dreams Foundation, please please go check
Speaker 3: out the Precious Dreams Foundation.
Speaker 5: The work you do there is so important, so thank you.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I was just telling the ladies off camera that
Speaker 1: we have to create some type of group where we
Speaker 1: can get the good moms together and even just do.
Speaker 5: Stuff with Precious Dreams.
Speaker 1: I mean, like the kids that we're working with, a
Speaker 1: lot of them do not have parents, they don't know
Speaker 1: their moms, So like we need to get together and
Speaker 1: have your tribes come out and volunteer. I would love
Speaker 1: to bring some love and good energy to our kiddos,
Speaker 1: so we would love it.
Speaker 5: We would love it.
Speaker 4: I have big Mama Bear energy. I want to love
Speaker 4: on everybody that like you're sad, come here, let me
Speaker 4: give you a hug. Such a cancer so that as
Speaker 4: that resonates with me.
Speaker 5: Yeah, sopeak of Mama Bear.
Speaker 3: We have a segment on our show called Bad Choice
Speaker 3: of the Week, shout out to our Facebook group. If
Speaker 3: you're not part of our Facebook group, make sure you
Speaker 3: go check us out on Facebook Good Mom's Bad Choices.
Speaker 3: It's a private page, so you have to be approved. No, no,
Speaker 3: weird non mom men. Weirdos are allowed to make sure
Speaker 3: you go check that out. But we have a chat
Speaker 3: on there called bad Choices of the Week where people
Speaker 3: are sharing our bad choices weekly. But since we have
Speaker 3: you here, I would love to know what is your
Speaker 3: bad choice of the week?
Speaker 2: Bad mom not a bad mom.
Speaker 4: But a bad mom so good I'm living.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't call it a bad choice, but I know
Speaker 1: many moms who are judgmental would. So I'm an eight
Speaker 1: month year old at home named Cash and the whole
Speaker 1: sleep training thing is just not working for meat or him,
Speaker 1: and I am okay with getting him out of his
Speaker 1: crib and taking him to be with me and be
Speaker 1: in the bed with me and sleep with me whenever
Speaker 1: he needs it or wants it, and that might not
Speaker 1: always be what his dad wants, and I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1: So this week we literally cried together, like I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you don't want to go to sleep, fine, And I
Speaker 1: was like, well, We're just going to cry together and
Speaker 1: go to bed, And so I took him to bed
Speaker 1: with me and that's just what we did. And his
Speaker 1: dad was not happy about it, but he loves me still.
Speaker 5: Okay, he's gonna love you.
Speaker 1: We're gonna get through it, and he just might be
Speaker 1: in the bed with us for a little bit and
Speaker 1: that's okay.
Speaker 4: Oh it's a small window anyway. I mean, I know
Speaker 4: a lot of moms are like really hardcore, but I
Speaker 4: think you're right. I think it's trauma to just leave
Speaker 4: your baby in there and shut the door. I tried.
Speaker 3: I try to do it and did it worked? No,
Speaker 3: because I could take it. It was horrible, like, and
Speaker 3: my daughter is stubborn. She was she was gonna cry
Speaker 3: for hours and hours. And then I remember one time
Speaker 3: I let it go for like forty minutes and then
Speaker 3: I went in there and she'd thrown up everywhere.
Speaker 5: It's just fucking traumatic.
Speaker 4: She threw up.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I was like, this doesn't feel like good
Speaker 3: parenting yea to me. And I'm not saying len, I
Speaker 3: shout out to the moms who you know, they've figured
Speaker 3: it out and it's worked for them. But like, I
Speaker 3: just think that not every kid is the same, Not
Speaker 3: every kid is going to respond to that type of
Speaker 3: I guess like behavioral adjustments.
Speaker 1: And I don't know. I yes, that just wasn't what
Speaker 1: IRON needed. There's levels to independency. And I just don't
Speaker 1: think all newborns and babies are ready for it. Some
Speaker 1: might be like, oh they're not coming, okay, well I'll
Speaker 1: go to sleep.
Speaker 4: But God bless them.
Speaker 5: Oh no, mine was. Irine was holding out. She was like, okay,
Speaker 5: watch I'm awake.
Speaker 4: I was like, oh hell no, Yeah, who coined sleep training?
Speaker 4: What it really is is when mom said it, fuck
Speaker 4: this shit o'clock. She was like, and then I'm gonna
Speaker 4: call it sleep training and I'm gonna tell the other moms,
Speaker 4: but it's really called.
Speaker 1: Child sleep training is generational trauma. Somebody left me by
Speaker 1: myself and made me cry myself to sleep, and you
Speaker 1: gonna do Sue.
Speaker 4: They're gonna figure it out. Which brings us to your book. Yes,
Speaker 4: your your book that you're releasing your new baby into
Speaker 4: the world, breaking generational silence.
Speaker 3: I posted this book on Instagram, and just the title alone,
Speaker 3: I got so many people damn me, like I need
Speaker 3: that book.
Speaker 5: They didn't even know what it is.
Speaker 3: The title alone was enough for people to be like,
Speaker 3: I don't know what it is, but I need it.
Speaker 5: So I'm just so excited for it.
Speaker 1: To learn about the journey to writing this book, Can
Speaker 1: you tell us, like, Yeah, what was the inspiration behind
Speaker 1: writing it? So breaking generational silence? I, as you guys know,
Speaker 1: I do a lot of healing work with young people
Speaker 1: and teaching children at foster care and homeless shelters how
Speaker 1: to co how to self sue, teaching them ways to
Speaker 1: sustain healthy habits and make good decisions. And as a
Speaker 1: master in this whole field of like here's how to
Speaker 1: get by when you have a bad day.
Speaker 4: I learned.
Speaker 1: When I had a very challenging health year in twenty
Speaker 1: twenty two that as much as I know what my
Speaker 1: mental health needs are, I don't understand what my physical
Speaker 1: health needs are. And it was because of two things.
Speaker 1: A lack of understanding what was in my DNA and
Speaker 1: what I was carrying, and a lack of conversation within
Speaker 1: my family, a lack of understanding the reasons why my
Speaker 1: elders had passed away. There were so many people that
Speaker 1: I thought they died in their sleep, and that was
Speaker 1: the final that's all I knew. That person died in
Speaker 1: their sleep. I didn't know if there was any health
Speaker 1: complications or challenges leading up to that, or that person
Speaker 1: used to have heart issues. But what type of heart issues,
Speaker 1: what were they diagnose with, what surgeries did they have?
Speaker 1: We just were not sitting around the table talking about
Speaker 1: health and preventative measures and things that I should be
Speaker 1: testing for.
Speaker 5: And so.
Speaker 1: I found myself having six surgeries in one year and
Speaker 1: battling to understand what was going on with me and
Speaker 1: looking for a diagnosis, and then after I received one,
Speaker 1: I learned that there were other women in my family
Speaker 1: struggling with the same things, with the same symptoms, and
Speaker 1: what I was carrying is something that I was probably
Speaker 1: born with, and I could have prevented everything that happened
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty two if those conversations were had so
Speaker 1: that I could understand what was going on with my body.
Speaker 1: So it was inspired from a very frustrating place, but
Speaker 1: also this desire that I had to start documenting what
Speaker 1: I was dealing with so that future generations would not
Speaker 1: have to And I just thought about my niece, and
Speaker 1: I thought about all the women that would come after
Speaker 1: me who might experience some of these things, and I
Speaker 1: wanted them to have something. Initially it was a journal.
Speaker 1: I wanted them to have something that they could look
Speaker 1: to and say, oh, well, my aunt or my Grandma,
Speaker 1: you know, experienced this and this is what she was
Speaker 1: told and these were the practices, the holistic practices, the
Speaker 1: things she ate, the things she did, and how she
Speaker 1: breathed through it, and this is what worked for her,
Speaker 1: And let me try some of these things. I just
Speaker 1: literally wanted to document this experience of trying to heal
Speaker 1: from these health health challenges. And as I was documenting
Speaker 1: all of this, I was like, other people need to
Speaker 1: be doing this work.
Speaker 5: Like asking the questions of their family.
Speaker 1: Yeah, every time we go to the doctor, they asked,
Speaker 1: does this run in your family?
Speaker 4: I got to go text somebody like, hey, are you
Speaker 4: to be making sit up? I literally have to text
Speaker 4: my parents every fucking time. And I'm like, I don't
Speaker 4: know shit, yeah, And it's such a like it's such
Speaker 4: a like the tip of the iceberg of if you
Speaker 4: don't know the physical medical things, what the fuck else
Speaker 4: don't you know? And I think in black families, especially,
Speaker 4: like there's not a lot of conversations about real shit, yeah,
Speaker 4: or shit that nobody wants to talk about, and like
Speaker 4: it just happens. People die and then that's it. And
Speaker 4: then you're like, oh, yeah, uncle, Barry, Dad, Like but.
Speaker 1: How yeah, and what were those hard issues or what
Speaker 1: was the how did he get the cancer and how
Speaker 1: did he respond to it? Just we don't sit around
Speaker 1: and talk about these things. It's just like inevitable. Death
Speaker 1: is inevitable, and this person died from this, and we're
Speaker 1: just going to move on.
Speaker 5: But we could all live longer.
Speaker 1: Lives if we look back at our elders and our
Speaker 1: ancestors and see what they faced and what they carried
Speaker 1: which we're now carrying in our DNA, and do the
Speaker 1: work on ourselves so that we could have better outcomes.
Speaker 5: Can you share what it was that you What was
Speaker 5: the medical.
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: So my lung collapsed and I had no idea. I
Speaker 1: thought I had COVID. I was like, is this what
Speaker 1: COVID is? It's like hard to breathe, my chest is hurting. Erico,
Speaker 1: you were actually at my house.
Speaker 5: And you're picking up from the airport and you're like,
Speaker 5: I'm not feeling good. Yeah, I'm like, I'm not that breathing.
Speaker 4: Picking of her from the airport.
Speaker 1: It felt like I had been underwater and like there
Speaker 1: was water trapped and I just knew something was wrong,
Speaker 1: but I didn't know what. And I was hoping each
Speaker 1: day would get better. I went to the hospital and
Speaker 1: they checked my heart and then they did an X ray,
Speaker 1: and the doctor rushed in the room and was like,
Speaker 1: you have a lung collapse and we need to cut
Speaker 1: through your chest and put a chest tube in right
Speaker 1: now to save your lung. And I'm like okay, and
Speaker 1: he's like, what are you confused about? People die from this,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, so my mind might die.
Speaker 4: Okay, I guess that was zero to one hundred really quick.
Speaker 5: Yes, I have so.
Speaker 1: I have no idea what is happening. I have no
Speaker 1: idea why or how my lung would collapse in the
Speaker 1: first place. And so my first experience with a chest
Speaker 1: tube was so traumatic. I was treated so poorly. I
Speaker 1: don't know if it was because of the color of
Speaker 1: my skin, or because I am a woman, or because
Speaker 1: the physicians and the people who were working on my
Speaker 1: body were uneducated. So I was not giving any type
Speaker 1: of painkillers, any numbers. They literally cut me with a
Speaker 1: knife and stuck a chest too in between my ribs.
Speaker 1: It was the most and I've had a child. It
Speaker 1: was the most painful experience of my life.
Speaker 4: They didn't put you under no, oh, my Are you
Speaker 4: kidding me?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And I literally tried to fight, Like there was at
Speaker 1: one point when they like jabbed the chest tube in me.
Speaker 1: I remember like like trying to grab the nurse and
Speaker 1: they held me back and were like, you have to
Speaker 1: let us.
Speaker 4: It was because of just the timing. It was just
Speaker 4: it had to be happening so quickly. They didn't have
Speaker 4: time to put you under, Like what the hell?
Speaker 1: There could have been a lot of reasons. I have reasons.
Speaker 1: I think I was treated the way that I was.
Speaker 1: But twenty eight days later, after having the first lung collapse,
Speaker 1: my lung collapsed again. I went to a different hospital
Speaker 1: so I can get better treatment. And the first question
Speaker 1: the doctor asked was are you on your period? And
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, actually I got my period yesterday.
Speaker 1: And he was like, the last time your lung collapsed,
Speaker 1: were you on your period? And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it had just started the day before.
Speaker 4: You wouldn't even think these two things are so far
Speaker 4: anything to do with each other.
Speaker 1: And he was like, I'm going to bring in a specialist.
Speaker 1: He's like, we're obviously gonna, you know, have to put
Speaker 1: in a chest tube and do the whole procedure. He's like,
Speaker 1: don't worry, it won't be painful. We'll numb the area.
Speaker 1: We'll give you pain medicine will make you feel comfortable.
Speaker 1: But we're going to bring in a specialist just so
Speaker 1: they can take a look and see what's going on.
Speaker 1: And an endometriosis specialist came to the hospital and told
Speaker 1: me that what they see is endometriosis. It was something
Speaker 1: I had never heard of in my entire life, but
Speaker 1: apparently endometriosis is a disease, a chronic disease that can
Speaker 1: spread through the body, and mine had spread to my
Speaker 1: lungs and it was attacking my lungs with every menstrual period.
Speaker 1: And so that is how I came to find out
Speaker 1: that I had endometriosis.
Speaker 5: Can you can you explain what endometriosis is?
Speaker 1: Yes, So it's when tissue similar to the tissue in
Speaker 1: your uterus, starts to form outside of the uterus, and
Speaker 1: so when you have your period, typically the blood would
Speaker 1: come out for this type of tissue. With endometriosis, the
Speaker 1: blood is trapped because it's outside of the uterus, so
Speaker 1: it starts to just spread and it attaches to different
Speaker 1: organs on the body, and it causes damage, It causes scarring,
Speaker 1: it causes all types of issues. Mine unfortunately had spread
Speaker 1: to multiple organs, but was able to somehow get up
Speaker 1: into my lung cavity and cause the collapse. Endometriosis is
Speaker 1: something that affects ten percent of women and girls. So
Speaker 1: if you are a young girl who is fourteen years
Speaker 1: old and you have your mental period, you can have endometriosis.
Speaker 1: It's something that runs in the family.
Speaker 3: And these are obviously like you've had this probably your
Speaker 3: whole life, and I had no symptoms or no or what.
Speaker 5: Are the symptoms that they had? Symptoms like life.
Speaker 1: So when you have endometriosis, a lot of times you
Speaker 1: deal with difficult mental periods, severe pain, long periods sometimes
Speaker 1: that's seven days or more, extremely heavy bleeding. And I
Speaker 1: have so many family members who have this, have these symptoms,
Speaker 1: but they think it's normal, or even after I got
Speaker 1: my diagnosis, they're like, oh, I know, I don't have endometriosis,
Speaker 1: but I'm like, but you're changing your path every hour.
Speaker 1: You don't think that's abnormal. So there's you know, during
Speaker 1: your mentrual period, there are signs there, painful sex, that's
Speaker 1: something that I didn't start to experience until my third
Speaker 1: and I was gas lit when I told my gynecologists,
Speaker 1: she was like, are you sure it's not mental? You
Speaker 1: sure you know you're not dealing with difficulties with sex
Speaker 1: because of some past trauma. And I'm like, I've been
Speaker 1: having sex my whole life. Fine, So why would this
Speaker 1: just suddenly it happen out of nowhere. It could be
Speaker 1: back pain, it could be shoulder pain. Shoulder pain is
Speaker 1: something I dealt with in my twenties and I didn't
Speaker 1: know why. I thought it was because I was always
Speaker 1: carrying heavy stuff. So there were so I had all
Speaker 1: of the symptoms of endometriosis, but none of my gynecologists
Speaker 1: caught it.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: And now with this information, did you find out that
Speaker 4: there's other people in your family who also have this
Speaker 4: or have had this condition?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Which is very frustrating to be someone who had to
Speaker 1: pick up the phone and ask other people like what
Speaker 1: are your periods? Like have you ever been checked for endometriosis?
Speaker 1: And finding out that on both sides of my family
Speaker 1: there are women with endometriosis. It's so common, it's so common,
Speaker 1: and a lot of people have it but don't get checked.
Speaker 3: For it, we would say that's probably more than ten percent. Yes,
Speaker 3: because I feel like so many women and like I hear,
Speaker 3: I've heard so many women with these symptoms in general,
Speaker 3: and it's it's women. I don't want to make it
Speaker 3: a race thing, but there is a racial thing here.
Speaker 3: Whereas Black women, we're so used to dealing with pain and.
Speaker 5: We gaslight ourselves.
Speaker 3: We're so used to dealing with pain, and that goes
Speaker 3: back to slavery, is just dealing and numbing ourselves. And
Speaker 3: then we're gas lit when we express our pain and
Speaker 3: we're like, oh, it's not that big of a deal,
Speaker 3: or maybe or maybe it's that it's anything but what
Speaker 3: it could possibly be by just deeper, taking a deeper dive,
Speaker 3: a deeper look into whatever it is. Yeah, And I
Speaker 3: just think about so many women probably listening to this
Speaker 3: right now that are like.
Speaker 1: It sounds like me, yeah, or thinking my periods are bad,
Speaker 1: but oh, they're not that bad. Like I don't think
Speaker 1: I'm not experiencing all of those symptoms until you're in.
Speaker 4: The one day with a collapsed look.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So one person of women with ENDO will have
Speaker 1: the racic endo and that's the type that I have Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: if this is something that I caught sooner, I could
Speaker 1: have done different procedures. There's no excision surgery where you
Speaker 1: can have it removed.
Speaker 5: There's just different.
Speaker 4: There's preventive like what if you know early, if you
Speaker 4: catch it, and you can kind of do preventive measures.
Speaker 1: So yeah, this point, yeah, but I mean I would
Speaker 1: be on the floor crawling and pain on the first
Speaker 1: day of my period.
Speaker 5: I would call out of work.
Speaker 1: I was taking as many pain pills as I possibly
Speaker 1: could to get through that first day. And I thought
Speaker 1: that was normal. I was like, some women just have
Speaker 1: bad periods. But one other symptom of ENEMYTROS is this infertility.
Speaker 1: And there were times where I said to myself, Wow,
Speaker 1: I got away with that one, Like how did I
Speaker 1: not get pregnant? Just like many women, I've made mistakes, oh.
Speaker 4: Right, thinking that you just like, oh, I'm just And I.
Speaker 1: Was like, wow, I got lucky. And then I found
Speaker 1: the person that I wanted to be with and I
Speaker 1: wanted to spend my life with who's now my husband.
Speaker 1: And I was like, wait a minute, are we going
Speaker 1: to be able to have children? Am I able to
Speaker 1: have children? Like just looking back, it's so weird that
Speaker 1: some of my other friends got pregnant so easily and
Speaker 1: all of these things happened and I've never been in
Speaker 1: their shoes. And so after learning about endometriosis, my doctor
Speaker 1: had to sit with me and she's like, if you
Speaker 1: want children, I can help you. There are ways that
Speaker 1: you can still conceive and have endometriosis. So don't think
Speaker 1: that this is the end and you have to have
Speaker 1: a hysterectomy and like life is over.
Speaker 5: It does not have to be God.
Speaker 3: For that doctor, because I'm sure there's other doctors that
Speaker 3: would have advised differently. Yeah, oh there are there at
Speaker 3: are ready to just take take it out.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, that's the.
Speaker 4: Whole thing of the hysterectomy is just with no effort,
Speaker 4: just taking women to uteruses, especially black women.
Speaker 5: Yes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that was something that I prayed on. I
Speaker 1: was afraid. I didn't know what the outcomes would be.
Speaker 1: I literally had to talk to my husband and say
Speaker 1: we might not be able to have children, and I
Speaker 1: need to know that you're still gonna love me and
Speaker 1: want to be with me even if I can't do that,
Speaker 1: And he was like, I stuck with by your side
Speaker 1: through all these surgeries.
Speaker 5: I'm gonna be here right.
Speaker 1: So, yeah, it's been a journey, and this book kind
Speaker 1: of documents that full journey, but also just getting to
Speaker 1: the root of it's bigger than health, Like there are
Speaker 1: so many issues that I've had to deal with, things
Speaker 1: I've had to unlearn, reasons why my healing has been
Speaker 1: challenging as an adult because of childhood trauma, but also
Speaker 1: because of epigenetics and because of things that I don't
Speaker 1: understand about my mother or my grandmother or the women
Speaker 1: who have come up before me and what they carried,
Speaker 1: not just health, but like you know, their finances, just
Speaker 1: thinking about like limited dreams and aspirations, what they we're shown,
Speaker 1: what we've been taught since the beginning of time in
Speaker 1: this country is as black people, any oppressed people, like
Speaker 1: what we are taught about ourselves.
Speaker 4: Or not taught or not spoken about.
Speaker 1: It exactly, and why we handle things the way that
Speaker 1: we do. And so silence is the consistent factor in
Speaker 1: this book with every different topic, because it all stems
Speaker 1: from us suppressing our stories, our emotions and all of
Speaker 1: the things that we.
Speaker 5: Were told.
Speaker 1: Needed to be kept to ourselves. We needed to just
Speaker 1: move on, We needed to just deal with it, and
Speaker 1: that's not that's not actually how we heal or help
Speaker 1: future generations have better outcomes.
Speaker 4: When you think about it, like on a metaphysical level,
Speaker 4: you know, I'm a firm believer of like trauma that's
Speaker 4: held in your body, it becomes physical if it's not treated,
Speaker 4: you know, like emotional illness, and like you know, it
Speaker 4: eventually will manifest physically. But then you think about something
Speaker 4: like a secret, you know, and like something like in
Speaker 4: demetriosis that essentially spreads. It's like it's if you're something
Speaker 4: is ignored or suppressed or a truth is kept from you,
Speaker 4: then it gets bigger and bigger and more problematic. And
Speaker 4: I think we, uh, this isn't like this is a
Speaker 4: really good way of having a like a visual, a
Speaker 4: physical visual of what that looks like. Like you know,
Speaker 4: we think like, oh, hushah, don't top up Auntie so
Speaker 4: and so or Daddy so and so, don't say this,
Speaker 4: don't mention this because it's not favorable even though it's
Speaker 4: the truth. But then what happens when over generations and
Speaker 4: generations and generations and generations, those truths are suppressed. We
Speaker 4: are dealing in things that we have no fucking idea
Speaker 4: we're dealing in, and like we're showing up in a
Speaker 4: way that we don't even know where we're showing up
Speaker 4: that way, and like just to even know the stories,
Speaker 4: know the truth, It's like it kind of is like
Speaker 4: a representation of how shit spreads and becomes such a massive,
Speaker 4: big something collapses essentially because you weren't told, You didn't
Speaker 4: even have preventive measures. You couldn't if you don't know
Speaker 4: something exists or something happened in your family, how do
Speaker 4: you go about healing that thing? So like that is
Speaker 4: like this is one example of that, but I'm sure
Speaker 4: this is there's other ailments and physical things that manifest
Speaker 4: in families all the time because we're not talking to
Speaker 4: each other or we're not in tune with our bodies
Speaker 4: enough to identify and then get the help to tell
Speaker 4: our children. So it's just like and you don't or
Speaker 4: you don't know, you don't even know great Grandma to
Speaker 4: even fucking ask, and you know, and like your mom
Speaker 4: didn't tell you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think as children we are told not
Speaker 1: to ask too many questions and to stay in a
Speaker 1: child's place, And so when we become adults, we forget
Speaker 1: to go back to those questions that we have that
Speaker 1: we wanted to Now, can I ask when we were seven?
Speaker 5: Any airmark that right?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 4: And I'm eighteen ask this question? Yeah.
Speaker 1: And So as I was writing this book, I started
Speaker 1: to ask my mother about her tears. I wanted to
Speaker 1: know what were some of the few she had when
Speaker 1: I was in her womb and she was carrying you know,
Speaker 1: what were her insecurities and what were her biggest challenges
Speaker 1: when I was a baby, and who supported her and
Speaker 1: what lack of support and resources did she have? Just
Speaker 1: questions that we would have never had when.
Speaker 4: They're in the room. When you gave birds, did you
Speaker 4: have was your labor? It was your label easeful, labor, easeful?
Speaker 4: What place where you're in because all of that matters
Speaker 4: where you're conceived, and people are always like, what the
Speaker 4: fuck you're talking about? Like no, like energetically, like realistically, cellularly,
Speaker 4: if you're in your mom's womb and she's going through shit,
Speaker 4: you're already carried.
Speaker 3: Yeah, How because this journey really started from the place
Speaker 3: of extreme pain, discomfort. How how did your family and
Speaker 3: your mother receive all of these questions because they've been
Speaker 3: locked up because there it hasn't been discussed because it's
Speaker 3: almost been normalized, and the silence is kind of just like, yeah,
Speaker 3: a normal, normal experience in your family, Like, was your
Speaker 3: mom open to like answering all of these questions and
Speaker 3: then even just like, I'm sure you've gone down the
Speaker 3: path of now not just stopping with your mom, your
Speaker 3: father and other people and your family.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I had to take very different approaches with
Speaker 1: both of my parents. My mother is someone that I
Speaker 1: can have uncomfortable conversations with.
Speaker 5: My father is not.
Speaker 1: He's a silent one. From my mother, going through this
Speaker 1: experience was very freeing.
Speaker 3: She probably like was not waiting, but like didn't even
Speaker 3: know she needed to be asked these questions.
Speaker 1: She was so grateful that I was asking these questions
Speaker 1: that she would hang up the phone with me and
Speaker 1: then call. She was finding that there were things she
Speaker 1: couldn't answer because she didn't know the answers, and so
Speaker 1: she would call other people in her family to try
Speaker 1: to find the answer. She learned so much about herself,
Speaker 1: and she learned about her parents, even my grandmother who's deceased.
Speaker 1: She learned so much just from this journey of us talking.
Speaker 1: My mother went her whole life and didn't know her
Speaker 1: father's real name because she had never questioned anything until
Speaker 1: I started questioning everything, and yeah, yeah, no, so what's
Speaker 1: his real name? I never thought to ask, you know.
Speaker 1: I said to my mom, do you think one of
Speaker 1: your parents struggled with any mental illness or were they
Speaker 1: diagnosed at any point? And she's like, oh, I would
Speaker 1: never ask my parents that. I mean, I saw signs
Speaker 1: and symptoms, but I would never.
Speaker 5: Ask because he's just respectful. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So from my mother, it was extremely healing. And it's
Speaker 1: still challenging accepting the truth because not everybody is ready
Speaker 1: for it. Some people are okay with the stories they've
Speaker 1: been told and what they don't know. And from my father,
Speaker 1: I found that I needed to approach him differently. I
Speaker 1: couldn't just walk in the door with some open ended questions.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, I feel like that that dynamic is probably
Speaker 3: more so what people face. So I am curious how
Speaker 3: what were the questions or how did you lead up
Speaker 3: to that, because there's a lot of people I'm sure
Speaker 3: listening that are like, I don't even know where to
Speaker 3: how I would even begin to frame a question like that.
Speaker 3: That's deeply personal. Yeah, perhaps even triggering.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I think the one thing that I learned immediately
Speaker 1: is that my parents don't know a lot about themselves
Speaker 1: and about their parents and where they come from. And
Speaker 1: so for my father, I saw this as an opportunity
Speaker 1: to educate him and teach him things about the family.
Speaker 1: And so I would call him. I was pulling up
Speaker 1: death certificates. I was like doing DNA testing, and I
Speaker 1: would call him and say, hey, Dad, did you know
Speaker 1: that your grandmother had nine kids?
Speaker 5: And he's like, no, she didn't.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yes she did, and I'm reading off the
Speaker 1: names and he's like whooo yes. And so it started
Speaker 1: with me just sharing information and that just kind of
Speaker 1: opened up the door of him responding to things like oh,
Speaker 1: well I was told this.
Speaker 5: And so you know, we would had to come out
Speaker 5: the fact had the receipts.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had to lay out the papers on the
Speaker 1: table printed.
Speaker 4: Like, no, this is real, right yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So for him, he started to see the benefit in
Speaker 1: having conversations because he was able to learn some things
Speaker 1: about himself. And so for me, I was teaching, but
Speaker 1: I also had to be really gentle. I had to
Speaker 1: gently challenge both of them. And that's what therapists do
Speaker 1: really well, right They gently challenge you with open ended
Speaker 1: questions to help you get unstuck. And that's why you
Speaker 1: pay big money for therapists. And so I gave myself
Speaker 1: this role of being that person in my family. Did
Speaker 1: you feel like I had to step outside of being
Speaker 1: nicole and like get into a different role to do
Speaker 1: that because I feel like being gentle with I feel
Speaker 1: like asking questions in a gentle way to people that
Speaker 1: you've known all your life or that you have all
Speaker 1: these other like I don't know just you have history
Speaker 1: with can feel a little bit different than like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not your I'm not your daughter in this moment,
Speaker 1: I'm actually like your therapist in per se. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: have to put on like another hat to do that,
Speaker 1: or no, I think it's really thinking about what you need, right,
Speaker 1: Like you think about like what you need from a
Speaker 1: therapist or what you need from a girlfriend, from a sister.
Speaker 1: You want someone to create a safe space for you
Speaker 1: in order for you to be vulnerable, and you have
Speaker 1: to do the same thing when you're having these conversations
Speaker 1: with family. You have to put your emotions to the side.
Speaker 1: You cannot go in with your feelings on the table
Speaker 1: of how you feel about the decisions that you made.
Speaker 1: You have to be able to ask the wise to
Speaker 1: understand the behavior and be okay with whatever those responses
Speaker 1: are and not take it personal. And so I really
Speaker 1: wanted to figure out how to create space. It was
Speaker 1: a challenge that I had put on myself, like how
Speaker 1: do I create space for my dad where he can
Speaker 1: feel okay speaking for the first time to someone about
Speaker 1: how it felt to have a father that was murdered
Speaker 1: when he was a child become a father that didn't
Speaker 1: have the tools and figure it out, you know, like
Speaker 1: questions that no one had ever asked him. I wanted
Speaker 1: to ask that I knew they were things that he
Speaker 1: had thought about. And so, yeah, that was one of
Speaker 1: the most challenging things and trying to figure it out.
Speaker 1: But I think learning people's preferred communication style is the
Speaker 1: most important thing when you are having these conversations with family,
Speaker 1: because some people will open up to you more through
Speaker 1: text or an email or a letter than they will
Speaker 1: face to face. And so I would ask my mom, Hey,
Speaker 1: are you comfortable with us getting on a call or
Speaker 1: would you rather like FaceTime or text like what do
Speaker 1: you want and she's like, oh, you could just call me,
Speaker 1: And my dad's like, well text me what you need.
Speaker 4: Yeah, let me read it out loud, right, yeah.
Speaker 5: Let me mentally prepare.
Speaker 1: So yeah, it was getting comfortable with other people's preferred
Speaker 1: communication styles, because if you want to break through, you
Speaker 1: have to meet them where they are, and.
Speaker 4: Also probably understanding and accepting like with this experience, this
Speaker 4: traumatic experience that you went through in this like physical
Speaker 4: you know, at thirty five, you think you know you
Speaker 4: know everything about yourself, especially medically. That's so it's so
Speaker 4: you have to deal with yourself gently. So then when
Speaker 4: you go talk to your parents, you can only imagine
Speaker 4: how confusing it is for them to be like the
Speaker 4: person I birth is coming to me with things that
Speaker 4: I don't have the answers to, you know, and like
Speaker 4: going about it in a gentle way, and like being
Speaker 4: compassionate because it's it's like, yeah, like damn, I didn't
Speaker 4: know this about my dad. Damn I didn't know this.
Speaker 4: I actually had a reading recently from god Iss Jesse
Speaker 4: because we're in this queen healing program and it's all
Speaker 4: about like lineage and your ancestry and something came up
Speaker 4: for me. It was like, do you have like a
Speaker 4: relative like that just showed up back in your life?
Speaker 4: And I was like no, and she I was like, actually,
Speaker 4: before my grandmother died, like maybe a year or two
Speaker 4: before she if, she mentioned like a fourth child that
Speaker 4: she had given up for adoption. And I was like,
Speaker 4: what the fuck are you talking about? And she's like yeah,
Speaker 4: I try to look for her, but I couldn't find her.
Speaker 4: And everybody seemed to know, like my parents were like
Speaker 4: oh yeah, But like I was just like, what are
Speaker 4: you talking about? And she had told me like back
Speaker 4: when you're in a certain which is just as my grandmother,
Speaker 4: so it's not like my great girt grandmother. She was
Speaker 4: pregnant young, like a teenager. They pulled out of school
Speaker 4: and this is what they did to teenage girls who
Speaker 4: got pregnant at the time, because abortion was not an option.
Speaker 4: She stayed in the house with other teenage girls who
Speaker 4: were pregnant, and she was like, yeah until they had
Speaker 4: had the baby, and then they gave the baby away
Speaker 4: from adoption and then they'd take them back to school.
Speaker 4: But she expressed to me that she was the one
Speaker 4: responsible for cleaning up the labor and delivery room after
Speaker 4: each girl gave birth, and I was like, did you
Speaker 4: get therapy? And she was like no, and I was
Speaker 4: just like looking at her. She was looking at me,
Speaker 4: and I was like, that's crazy. And this reading she
Speaker 4: was like asking me if there's a like a relative
Speaker 4: that I didn't know that came back. And then that
Speaker 4: she also is like there's something with you in birth,
Speaker 4: and I was like, well, then I told her this story,
Speaker 4: you know, and it's like, these are things that you
Speaker 4: wouldn't even think that consider that resonate to you personally,
Speaker 4: are on a cellular level. But that's some rough shit
Speaker 4: to even have to experience, as you know, as a human,
Speaker 4: like as a woman, you know, and then you're cleaning up,
Speaker 4: you're scared, you're teenager, you have to give birth, you
Speaker 4: have to be rid of your baby, especially for Black
Speaker 4: women who if there's such deep history with having to
Speaker 4: separate from your child. And I've always had like a
Speaker 4: very deep connection with birth and like labor, I love it,
Speaker 4: oddly enough, but just having these conversations it just like
Speaker 4: it was so you know, like having the conversation with
Speaker 4: somebody else put like a lot of light on things
Speaker 4: that I hadn't acknowledged that live inside of me too,
Speaker 4: and like yeah, asking my mom, like where were you?
Speaker 4: Like my mom gave birth alone because she gave birth
Speaker 4: in Alabama, it was super racist, and because my parents
Speaker 4: weren't married, they made my dad sit in the waiting room.
Speaker 4: And she's like twenty one years old in CA giving
Speaker 4: birth with a bunch of people she doesn't know, And
Speaker 4: like I just can't even imagine, but like this lives
Speaker 4: in me because I was there, but just not in
Speaker 4: this realm yet and so you know, and just even
Speaker 4: having regrets about like my grandmother being here and not
Speaker 4: having these conversations and having a microphone, having a computer,
Speaker 4: I could have just been like, hey, what's up, you know,
Speaker 4: and like just just assuming they're always going to be there,
Speaker 4: assuming you're going to get the answers, But then you
Speaker 4: start looking and maybe you don't have access to the answers,
Speaker 4: maybe your mom or your dad doesn't know, and just
Speaker 4: like taking the time to have the conversations now and
Speaker 4: remembering like you're not a child and you're allowed to ask,
Speaker 4: you know, even if it's uncomfortable for you and uncomfortable
Speaker 4: for other people, but just understanding like you don't always
Speaker 4: have all the time.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's one of the biggest things that we that
Speaker 1: we resent during grief. It's the hardest challenge with grief.
Speaker 1: It's the words that were left unsaid and the questions
Speaker 1: that weren't asked. And we get so hard on ourselves
Speaker 1: about not being able to have just one more conversation
Speaker 1: with someone. And it's like, I'm looking at you right now,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, but this is such a teaching moment
Speaker 1: for your daughter of showing her, you know, how to
Speaker 1: take advantage of you while you're here and your mother
Speaker 1: while she's here, and how you guys can sit around
Speaker 1: and talk about all of the things that you can
Speaker 1: share with her, everything that you do, know, all of
Speaker 1: the pieces that you have been able to put down
Speaker 1: to put the puzzle together.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm going to cry now too, because
Speaker 3: because this is something too that I know I've mentioned
Speaker 3: I was supposed to interview my grandmother January of this
Speaker 3: last year, and I haven't, And I think part of
Speaker 3: it I keep putting it off too, because it's like
Speaker 3: you want to know, but then there's like there's a curiosity,
Speaker 3: but then there's like a resistance, and there's like this
Speaker 3: weird resistance and fear of even knowing what could potentially
Speaker 3: be stored inside of inside of you that you don't
Speaker 3: even know is stored. And like you said, like a
Speaker 3: lot of people, are you are okay with just living
Speaker 3: with the stories that they've been told and not diving
Speaker 3: deeper into the past. I know that my even my
Speaker 3: own grandmother has a very like a similar story about
Speaker 3: pregnancy and hiding it and getting sent away and giving
Speaker 3: her baby up for adoption. And she refuses to even
Speaker 3: talk about this, Like she told my mom, when when
Speaker 3: your grandfather dies, I'll tell you he's dead. We're still
Speaker 3: refuses to talk about it. So it's like, how that
Speaker 3: stores in your body? How that then stored in my
Speaker 3: mom's body? How that then stores in my body? Yeah,
Speaker 3: and so on and so on and so on and
Speaker 3: so and.
Speaker 4: Like how popular was this story that this is happening
Speaker 4: everybody's grandma? Apparently?
Speaker 1: Yeah, But I mean, even look at you two and
Speaker 1: where you are right now. A lot of times people
Speaker 1: say you are your ancestors wildest dreams. And when we're
Speaker 1: trying to find our purpose, sometimes it's looking back at
Speaker 1: the stories of our ancestors, and like just hearing this
Speaker 1: story that of what your mother had to deal with,
Speaker 1: and now seeing that you advocate for moms, that you've
Speaker 1: created this space and you just said that there's something
Speaker 1: about birth that you love, that you want to see
Speaker 1: the beauty and the joy and the experience, and like
Speaker 1: that didn't just start with you.
Speaker 5: It's all of.
Speaker 1: The things that the women before you wish they could
Speaker 1: have done and how they wish they could have shown
Speaker 1: up in the world. And so there's just so much
Speaker 1: gratitude I think that we need to hold space for
Speaker 1: on a daily basis of looking back, all of those
Speaker 1: sacrifices that those women made and the mistakes that they
Speaker 1: made have taken part in who we are as women today,
Speaker 1: all of it, all of it. Like we're carrying so
Speaker 1: much of it. And it's a beautiful thing when you
Speaker 1: look back and now you see they're smiling down on you.
Speaker 1: Your grandmother is so proud of you, she really is.
Speaker 1: I mean, if I can sit here and say I'm
Speaker 1: proud of you, imagine how what do you think is
Speaker 1: the biggest lesson or takeaway from writing this book throughout
Speaker 1: this process of an earth thing? I'm sure so much
Speaker 1: information about your family and your history. I think the
Speaker 1: biggest takeaway is that although you can choose silence, the
Speaker 1: silence can harm you, and it will at some point.
Speaker 1: Everyone is not ready for the truth. But the truth,
Speaker 1: as difficult as it is to face, is what helps
Speaker 1: you heal, and their healing is a very trendy thing.
Speaker 1: We talk about self care, we talk about going to
Speaker 1: the spa, but you are not truly healing if you
Speaker 1: are not willing to uncover the things and have the
Speaker 1: difficult conversations and interview your grandmother. You are becoming complacent
Speaker 1: with what you know and you're okay with what you
Speaker 1: don't know. And it's not enough if you want to
Speaker 1: thrive in this life and be your best self for
Speaker 1: yourself and also for your children. They deserve to know
Speaker 1: everything that you have been through and everything you have
Speaker 1: worked on to be the best version of yourself for them.
Speaker 4: I mean, accept the truth so that you can heal
Speaker 4: from it. And like just sitting here with my like
Speaker 4: my peers, my friends, and like we all have things
Speaker 4: in the world. We all have written documented stories, memoirs
Speaker 4: of our deep seated family things that you know, you know,
Speaker 4: like you're not supposed to write about you're not supposed
Speaker 4: to talk about, and how medicinal that is, you know,
Speaker 4: how beautiful it is, and like even going back like
Speaker 4: not very far. And you know, in our history, women
Speaker 4: aren't even allowed to write, let alone record their stories.
Speaker 4: Like there are so many women's stories that we will
Speaker 4: never know. They just live inside of us. And so
Speaker 4: there's like even for us, I think, and I know
Speaker 4: for you too, like having a platform and talking brutally honestly,
Speaker 4: like we were told not to do that, Like that's crazy.
Speaker 4: You don't say certain things like why do you have
Speaker 4: to talk about these things? And just for some reason
Speaker 4: just knowing like fuck it, I'm going to keep doing it,
Speaker 4: Like something about this feels good and necessary for me.
Speaker 4: And so like having a having given that gift to
Speaker 4: my child of like it's not not inheriting silence, not
Speaker 4: keeping secrets for anyone, you know, Like it is such
Speaker 4: a huge, tremendous thing. And it's like sometimes we look
Speaker 4: at our lives and we think that they're just our
Speaker 4: own and it's not. It's so much deeper than that.
Speaker 4: Like we're in a very delicate time in history. We're
Speaker 4: in a very weird time. It's very strange times, but
Speaker 4: we have all been given the gift of our voices.
Speaker 4: We've all been given the gift of the pen, We've
Speaker 4: all been given the gift of publishing. You know, like it,
Speaker 4: it's much deeper when you've been your people have been
Speaker 4: silenced or told not to say anything. And even like
Speaker 4: when you have family members that may not accept or
Speaker 4: be happy about what you put in the book, at
Speaker 4: the end of the day, it is the truth and
Speaker 4: it is necessary, and even if they don't recognize it
Speaker 4: now or ever, it is actually healing them too.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Something I would just add to that is protecting your
Speaker 1: words wherever they live, because with the times that we're
Speaker 1: living in right now, we have to think about erasure.
Speaker 1: We have to think about book bands. And there may
Speaker 1: be a time where future generations cannot access your book
Speaker 1: or my book if there is a mention of slavery
Speaker 1: or what we have been through as African Americans in
Speaker 1: this country, those books may not be available at some point.
Speaker 1: Good Mom's Bad Choices is available on every platform right now,
Speaker 1: that might not be the case in ten twenty years,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So holding on to recordings,
Speaker 1: holding on to books, holding on to your journal, locking
Speaker 1: it away somewhere, just making sure that protector generations can
Speaker 1: access this information.
Speaker 5: Important.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is such a scary time right now, and
Speaker 3: it is important, and it is important for the people listening.
Speaker 3: Like you can be the catalyst to so much healing,
Speaker 3: But you have to unsilence yourself.
Speaker 5: You have to be brave enough to ask the questions.
Speaker 5: And what I love.
Speaker 3: About your book, Breaking Generational Silence is that you actually
Speaker 3: do pose the questions to ask. So it is in
Speaker 3: a lot of ways a guide for people that don't
Speaker 3: even know where to start, that don't know what questions
Speaker 3: to ask. You have to get this book, you guys,
Speaker 3: please get this book and start asking the questions, if
Speaker 3: not only just for yourself, but for your family, for
Speaker 3: your children, for the future generations, because if you don't,
Speaker 3: and it just becomes you just perpetuating the cycle and
Speaker 3: not understanding. Why is why do people in my family
Speaker 3: always seem to die in their sleep? Why is it
Speaker 3: that you know I have inherited depression? What is this depression?
Speaker 3: What is the source?
Speaker 5: What are these.
Speaker 3: Physical ailments that keep coming up in my body that
Speaker 3: I've seen up and my cousins or my grandmother, Like
Speaker 3: it's not by chance, like these are these are real
Speaker 3: things that can be unearthed by not staying silent.
Speaker 4: What a gift. And I think sometimes people forget, like
Speaker 4: what are the questions that I would even ask? But
Speaker 4: then you can like get inspired.
Speaker 5: Yea, you have it right here, right here.
Speaker 3: Well I have a final question, so I know, like
Speaker 3: we were talking and we're talking about this in the
Speaker 3: car about just like I know, this journey really started
Speaker 3: because of your endometriosis and asking even your doctor, like
Speaker 3: posing this question of whether or not you're gonna have
Speaker 3: children or any more children. Obviously now you have an
Speaker 3: eight month year old, Yeah.
Speaker 5: You can't have any more babies? Are you gonna bless
Speaker 5: us with any more babies?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: The hardest part of dealing with health battles is and
Speaker 1: now I'm gonna cry, the hardest part of dealing with
Speaker 1: health battles is thinking about your future because you can't
Speaker 1: imagine it when you're in survival mode. And for so
Speaker 1: long I was in survival mode of not being able
Speaker 1: to think about the future because I didn't know if
Speaker 1: I were to make it through each surgery, and having
Speaker 1: my son Cash was such a miracle. It felt like
Speaker 1: such a miracle, and I was like, I was meant
Speaker 1: to have this baby. And I don't know how many
Speaker 1: more years I have here, but I was meant to
Speaker 1: have this baby. And God is really good because I'm
Speaker 1: pregnant now and we're having another.
Speaker 5: Yes, congratulates you. Wonder too. I'm doing it.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's a bad decision, but I'm a good mom.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited for you pregnancy announcement.
Speaker 3: We heard it here first, and now you came and
Speaker 3: made all the good mom's cry.
Speaker 5: Crying therapy session.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm I'm so happy for you, Nicole, and I've
Speaker 3: always been inspired by you. You've always been kind of
Speaker 3: a mother to so many.
Speaker 4: I think in our first episode you said you didn't
Speaker 4: want kids.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I think in that first episode you're like, I don't
Speaker 4: really want kids. I mother all these other children. And
Speaker 4: that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: You've been a mother to so many, including Miracle, and
Speaker 3: including all the children that you support and also your friend.
Speaker 3: I feel like you just have a motherly energy just
Speaker 3: in general. When I was in New York, you took
Speaker 3: care of me. Yeah, but I didn't know. I'm not
Speaker 3: talking about the first time. I'm talking about the second
Speaker 3: time when I came back and I was like help,
Speaker 3: I needed help, and you're like I got you.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Like, and I was telling myself that I didn't want
Speaker 1: kids because I wasn't sure if I was capable of
Speaker 1: having them, and I was trying to train myself to
Speaker 1: believe that I would be okay either way. So now
Speaker 1: that I have kids, I can look back and admit
Speaker 1: that that I just didn't think I would be able
Speaker 1: to have kids.
Speaker 4: And you're not even knowing the diagnosis, just just just
Speaker 4: knowing that something was wrong. And also like don't don't
Speaker 4: underestimate the innate thing, like even things in childhood, things
Speaker 4: that you love, things that you draw to, things that
Speaker 4: you know knowingly if something's wrong, like go check it out.
Speaker 4: If someone tells you you're fine and you know something's
Speaker 4: not fine, go fucking ask somebody else. Like you keep
Speaker 4: going until you know because no one knows you like yourself,
Speaker 4: and like instinctually, like don't downplay the things that on
Speaker 4: a like intuitive level, you know about yourself, Like there
Speaker 4: are things like even in this reading again, she was like,
Speaker 4: you're part of the fairy people. You have like a
Speaker 4: feline spirit. I was like, bitch, I am a cat,
Speaker 4: Like I feel this way. I know this is silly,
Speaker 4: but there are things that, like whatever you felt in
Speaker 4: childhood or whatever you feel deeply in your body, there
Speaker 4: are things that that you belong to and that you know.
Speaker 4: There's a knowing because your ancestors live inside of you.
Speaker 4: You never know your lineage. A lot of us don't
Speaker 4: know as black women, as black people, but like trust that,
Speaker 4: trust that, and like, don't let anybody tell you shit
Speaker 4: about yourself that you know to be true. Yeah, I'll
Speaker 4: pick out a card. Nikki, Did I call you that?
Speaker 2: H one?
Speaker 4: It's too masive one?
Speaker 5: Nicole, you've always been kind of a witch. I am.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I remember all of our friends are witches.
Speaker 5: She would she was.
Speaker 3: She's really good at like knowing what sign people are
Speaker 3: like immediately when she meets them.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I used to have this thing in my early twenties.
Speaker 1: I was bartending, and I would just walk up to
Speaker 1: people and tell them their birthday. It was so I
Speaker 1: used to just be like January third, if you like, who.
Speaker 6: The are you?
Speaker 4: It's real you'd be knowing.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I had something the other like a couple of
Speaker 4: weeks ago, and I was like, I'm thinking of something,
Speaker 4: figure it out, and we like it was so on
Speaker 4: and it was like only like two guesses and I
Speaker 4: was like I knew, like when you talk like telepathically,
Speaker 4: we are always exchanging energy, always speaks before words do
Speaker 4: and like, don't underestimate that shit. And I think especially
Speaker 4: women like we again, we rebirth all this shit. We
Speaker 4: are the womb. We are the portal between heaven and
Speaker 4: like life. So yes, the Ace of Wands as an ace,
Speaker 4: this Wan's card brings you pure potential. This time is
Speaker 4: the spiritual, energetic realm. Ideas are flowing to you, motivating
Speaker 4: and inspiring you to pursue a new path. You're open
Speaker 4: to receiving new opportunities that align with your higher self.
Speaker 4: A whole world of possibilities available to you. The Ace
Speaker 4: of Wands encourages you to follow your heart and live
Speaker 4: in your passion. If you feel a strong pull towards
Speaker 4: a new project or path that are questioning whether it
Speaker 4: will work, this is the card that gives you gentle
Speaker 4: nudge to pursue your passion. You can always start out small,
Speaker 4: treating the project or idea as experiment or trial. Then
Speaker 4: then if it feels good, keep doing it and if
Speaker 4: it doesn't, make a judgments and try again. Let your energy, dedication,
Speaker 4: and motivation be your guides. Love it, Listen to your
Speaker 4: fucking self.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 5: And also, that new project is brewing inside you know,
Speaker 5: tell me too, girl, the project is, the project is
Speaker 5: are brewing. How many months are ye? I'm three and
Speaker 5: a half months.
Speaker 4: Yay. Oh my god, I'm so excited for you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I am.
Speaker 1: I am so excited and scared. So all of the
Speaker 1: moms who've done two under two please centips.
Speaker 3: I got pretty honey. I don't know nothing about that life, Nicole.
Speaker 3: I love you, I love you. Thank you for coming
Speaker 3: on our show. You guys, make sure you get Nicole's book,
Speaker 3: Breaking Generational Silence, available.
Speaker 5: Everywhere old places, Yes, everywhere. And can you tell people
Speaker 5: where they can find you on social Yes? You can
Speaker 5: find me at Nicole Russell with an idol.
Speaker 1: Hi.
Speaker 5: But if you're looking for me.
Speaker 1: With the way I see what is it Nicole Russell?
Speaker 1: What just at Nicole Rust at Nicole Wrestle.
Speaker 3: Maybe you know where to find us, y'all at Good
Speaker 3: Mom's Bad Choices. Make sure you go subscribe to our
Speaker 3: YouTube channel. Make sure you download this episode, leave us
Speaker 3: a review on Apple. Check out The Good Vibe Retreat.
Speaker 3: We have a summer retreat coming up July thirty first
Speaker 3: and August eighth.
Speaker 4: And postford that. I also have a couple's retreat with
Speaker 4: our men's and with the couples, because you know we're
Speaker 4: want to be more loving to the world. That's a
Speaker 4: tangent retreat called the Good Lover Tree. We're gonna do
Speaker 4: so much fun. We have a lot of play, a
Speaker 4: lot of tips and tools to deepen your connection with
Speaker 4: your pat net. That's in June, So drop those kids
Speaker 4: off and compail and pick the mumps a man, and.
Speaker 5: We'll see you next week.
Speaker 7: Ye please? Yeah, I'm living so good.
Speaker 4: Can't you tell?
Speaker 7: I went through it drought. That's until I find a
Speaker 7: well maym have been known art? I used to be
Speaker 7: broken tail now got the blues hands and might be
Speaker 7: Yon say just sell throat shots or pop and it's
Speaker 7: car We're in our voices. Patriarchy kept it in the
Speaker 7: box to it's for this. Women put the pee in power,
Speaker 7: so what's pointless? They want me to be good, so
Speaker 7: I make that choice.
Speaker 5: It's bad mom.
Speaker 7: Not a bad mom, but a bad mom. Itters in
Speaker 7: on p Cannapus in her bath. Bon walked in Boston's
Speaker 7: cap and I.
Speaker 6: Blew his cat balls.
Speaker 7: Hot dog.
Speaker 5: Now I'm immune to the cat calls.
Speaker 4: Her being no waisted straight to it like a dollar sign.
Speaker 7: Mother, rent the lover, when too what It's like a
Speaker 7: water summer where you're rent the winter essential will when
Speaker 7: the summertime, I do what all ain't no one that
Speaker 7: needs to run it by