WEBVTT - How to Break Generational Silence Feat. Nicole Russell Wharton 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:00.960 Speaks to the planning. 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:02.520 I'll go by the name of Charlamagne of God and 0:00:02.560 --> 0:00:04.920 guess what I can't wait to see y'all at the 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:08.280 third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right, We're coming 0:00:08.360 --> 0:00:11.360 back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April twenty six at Poeman 0:00:11.440 --> 0:00:14.760 Yards and it's hosted by none other than Decisions, Decisions 0:00:14.840 --> 0:00:17.439 May Be Be and Weezy. Okay. We got the R 0:00:17.440 --> 0:00:20.200 and B Money podcast with taking Jay Valentine. We got 0:00:20.239 --> 0:00:22.599 the Women of All Podcasts with Saray Jake Roberts, we 0:00:22.680 --> 0:00:25.400 got good Moms, Bad Choices. Carrie Champion will be there 0:00:25.400 --> 0:00:28.200 with her next sports podcast and the Trap Nerds podcast 0:00:28.400 --> 0:00:30.520 with more to be announced. And of course it's bigger 0:00:30.560 --> 0:00:33.360 than podcasts. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with black 0:00:33.360 --> 0:00:36.600 owned businesses plus the food truck court to keep you 0:00:36.640 --> 0:00:39.200 fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you don't 0:00:39.360 --> 0:00:42.159 want to miss this. Tapp in and grab your tickets 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:46.160 now at Black Effect dot Com Flash Podcast Festival Atlanta. 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:49.000 Guess what the good Moms are coming to your city 0:00:49.159 --> 0:00:51.920 on April twenty six, We're pulling up at the Black 0:00:52.040 --> 0:00:54.360 Effect Podcast Festival. 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:56.800 That's right, We'll be hitting the stage with other hot 0:00:56.840 --> 0:01:00.639 podcasts like R and B, Money Trap Nerds, Naked Sports, 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:01.960 and Sarah Jakes. 0:01:02.120 --> 0:01:04.120 And if you've ever been to a Good Mom's Bad 0:01:04.200 --> 0:01:08.160 Choices show, you know it gets real, real bad, and 0:01:08.200 --> 0:01:10.560 we have some special guests. So I'm so excited to 0:01:10.560 --> 0:01:13.040 meet our Atlanta tribe. Make sure you pull up April 0:01:13.080 --> 0:01:16.039 twenty six to the Black Effect Podcast Festival and get 0:01:16.040 --> 0:01:19.800 your tickets at Black Effect dot com Slash Podcast Festival. 0:01:19.880 --> 0:01:20.360 See you there. 0:01:20.760 --> 0:01:24.039 Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife. 0:01:24.280 --> 0:01:27.160 She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her children and the 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:30.240 man of the house, and of course she didn't talk back. 0:01:30.360 --> 0:01:33.200 She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was 0:01:33.240 --> 0:01:36.160 a good woman who always made good choices. 0:01:37.240 --> 0:01:37.920 That shit off. 0:01:38.000 --> 0:01:40.600 We're Good Mom's Bad Choices too, single mom who said 0:01:40.600 --> 0:01:43.200 fuck the patriarchy, shared all their bad choices and sound 0:01:43.240 --> 0:01:45.920 out they were so bad after all, we're expert oversharers 0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:47.080 and your new bestie. 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:48.960 Sit back and near the ride. 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:54.200 I can do a mom. Welcome back to Good Mom's 0:01:54.200 --> 0:01:56.240 Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Nila. 0:01:56.760 --> 0:02:01.720 Happy Monday, It's Wednesday, Beaches, It's margin. 0:02:01.960 --> 0:02:04.800 It's all about the women. This month. It's all about 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:05.840 the woman all the time, all. 0:02:05.720 --> 0:02:09.000 The time, three six, five, twelve months a year, every season, 0:02:09.120 --> 0:02:11.120 every day. And do you know why it's always about 0:02:11.160 --> 0:02:13.000 us because we made all this shit, because we birth 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:18.680 you bitches and you sons, everybody everything. Let them know, honey, 0:02:19.000 --> 0:02:22.160 everybody came from a woman. Unless you're a unicorn. That's different. 0:02:22.360 --> 0:02:26.040 I mean, not unicorn corn. What's the fish a sea horse? 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:28.440 You know? 0:02:28.520 --> 0:02:30.680 The fiar set be the boys be having babies. 0:02:30.960 --> 0:02:32.079 It's baby having babies. 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:36.760 Uh? Why I keep on calling a unicorn horse? Sea 0:02:36.800 --> 0:02:37.920 horses are. 0:02:39.160 --> 0:02:42.200 Unisex sea horses. 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:45.440 The men birth, they can carry in birth the babies. 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:48.040 I don't have all my schooling, all the millions of 0:02:48.120 --> 0:02:50.280 dollars and years are spent in school. That's what I 0:02:50.400 --> 0:02:54.079 took with me. Sea horses, the male can have babies. 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:57.880 Interesting, some strong fishes. 0:02:57.560 --> 0:02:59.720 Are those of Is it a fish a sea horse? 0:02:59.720 --> 0:03:00.240 A fish? 0:03:00.320 --> 0:03:03.040 I think it's a fish. Somebody looking up. 0:03:05.040 --> 0:03:05.520 It has to be. 0:03:05.560 --> 0:03:06.280 It lives underwater. 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:09.400 Sure, how are you? I'm great? 0:03:10.000 --> 0:03:16.720 I'm great too. Uh yeah, I feel good. It's March. Yeah, 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:20.560 everything's good. Prepping to go to Jamaica. I'm very excited 0:03:20.560 --> 0:03:24.000 about that. I'm getting very excited about tapping into my 0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:27.600 Jamaican roots. I don't be surprised if I get to 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:29.600 Jamaica and get an accent. I don't want you to 0:03:29.600 --> 0:03:30.880 say shit. I just want to tell you right now, 0:03:33.520 --> 0:03:38.080 yeah man, don't. I can't guarantee that I'm telling you 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:40.640 right now. I'm telling you right now to shut your 0:03:40.640 --> 0:03:44.600 fucking mouth. I'm tapping into my roots on Shockley side, 0:03:44.840 --> 0:03:46.400 and I don't want anybody to say ship when I 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:48.440 start talking with accent. Not you either, Land. 0:03:48.520 --> 0:03:50.840 I think you just start practicing now. Okay. 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:54.240 The other day, I was on the phone with uh 0:03:54.480 --> 0:03:58.000 shout out to Francine, who's been helping us a part 0:03:58.040 --> 0:04:00.240 of our tribe in Jamaica, and she was can be 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:01.800 like yeah man, and I will I hung up. I 0:04:01.840 --> 0:04:04.040 was like yeah man, and Orlando looked at me and 0:04:04.120 --> 0:04:08.480 was like, what did you just say? Shut the fuck up. 0:04:08.520 --> 0:04:11.240 You know I'm Jamaican on my daddy's side, tapping into 0:04:11.240 --> 0:04:11.800 my roots. 0:04:11.920 --> 0:04:16.520 Okay, okay, you know what a friend says. 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:18.240 Okay that open mouth? 0:04:18.360 --> 0:04:22.680 Okay, okay, Well that's time blood, you know in advance. 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:29.279 I don't want to hear one open mouth. Okay, Okay, like, yeah, man, y'aman, Yeah, 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:30.080 I'm excited too. 0:04:30.080 --> 0:04:32.480 I'm excited because I think my daughter is gonna come 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:35.159 at the end. I conceived Iri in Jamaica, hence her 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:37.960 name being Iri, so I'm excited to hang out with 0:04:38.000 --> 0:04:41.000 her after the group leaves too. And I was like, 0:04:41.080 --> 0:04:43.920 talking to my friend, she was like, so you told 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:46.479 your daughter that you conceived her in Jamaica, so now 0:04:46.480 --> 0:04:48.080 she knows that you were fucking there. And then she 0:04:48.200 --> 0:04:50.520 was made you think your daughter really gives a fuck 0:04:50.520 --> 0:04:51.960 about that and needs to know that. 0:04:52.080 --> 0:04:53.919 I don't think they know what conceived means. 0:04:54.279 --> 0:04:57.680 I think well, after my Love is Blind sex talk 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:00.359 with Iri where I revealed the birds in the bees 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:03.240 via Love is Blind, I think she might know what 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:04.080 conceived means. 0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:07.120 You know what this brings us to today's guest. This 0:05:07.160 --> 0:05:11.000 is all about silence and honesty. And this is coming 0:05:11.040 --> 0:05:14.440 from two moms that probably say too much, but you know, 0:05:14.600 --> 0:05:17.040 fuck it, the truth is better than a lie. And 0:05:17.080 --> 0:05:18.800 I you know, I was the type of child I 0:05:18.839 --> 0:05:22.120 was raised kind of honest to default, and I think 0:05:22.160 --> 0:05:24.400 it was it was good for me. But sometimes I 0:05:24.480 --> 0:05:26.320 tell Luna shit and I'm like, should I have said that? 0:05:26.640 --> 0:05:33.000 And so today we welcome our very good friend, author extraordinaire, wife. 0:05:32.760 --> 0:05:35.080 Founder of the Precious Dreams Foundation. 0:05:34.839 --> 0:05:37.160 And our second time on our show, and of course 0:05:37.160 --> 0:05:43.640 our friend Nicole Russell, Oh the Wharton's new Hedy. 0:05:43.880 --> 0:05:45.880 You were just a col Russell the first time. 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:48.360 Okay, well, Nicole for me was n Y because like 0:05:48.560 --> 0:05:51.800 I knew. I met Nicole when I was seventh seventeen 0:05:52.040 --> 0:05:54.560 living in New York my first year of college. Nicole 0:05:54.680 --> 0:05:56.680 was my end to all the clubs. We would go 0:05:56.760 --> 0:05:59.240 to the clubs underage. She was the plug. I don't 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:01.520 know how she became the c the plug, but back 0:06:01.560 --> 0:06:04.520 then you were n Y c L E. And I 0:06:04.600 --> 0:06:05.880 still have you in my phone as bad. 0:06:06.000 --> 0:06:08.080 Wait is that is that not your you spell your name? 0:06:08.120 --> 0:06:10.279 Oh it's not. I always was like, why is. 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:12.320 Nicole splawn it with Y? But I always knew how 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:14.320 to differentiate because it was ny. 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:16.240 Because I was in the city, she was that we 0:06:16.240 --> 0:06:18.480 were outside girl falling off tables and ship. 0:06:18.800 --> 0:06:21.960 Nicole with a Y because I'm in the city, bitch. Yeah. 0:06:22.080 --> 0:06:24.599 I literally didn't know that her name wasn't spelled with 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:25.880 a Y until maybe like. 0:06:25.839 --> 0:06:26.560 Six years ago. 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:28.520 It's still on my phone with the Y so' seray, 0:06:28.640 --> 0:06:29.239 I love it. 0:06:29.880 --> 0:06:30.840 Do you know where to find me? 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:33.240 I remember one day you changed your Instagram name and 0:06:33.240 --> 0:06:36.000 I was like, wait what, I got real professional? 0:06:36.200 --> 0:06:38.320 Yeah, I can't even I know, I wasn't the only 0:06:38.320 --> 0:06:39.000 one confused. 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:41.560 I can't even imagine in the streets, Nicole, because you've 0:06:41.600 --> 0:06:44.040 always been kind of like professional, Like you've always had 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:44.640 your shit together. 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:46.640 Even when I was in the streets, I was making money. Like, 0:06:46.680 --> 0:06:48.239 so I was like, Erica, come out, but I'm getting 0:06:48.240 --> 0:06:50.320 paid because you'll be there, because I need this many 0:06:50.360 --> 0:06:51.279 people at my team, not. 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:55.120 The underage the underage bitch getting underage dollars for promoting 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:55.479 the club. 0:06:55.600 --> 0:06:58.400 Wow. Yeah, yeah, it was fun. It was a good 0:06:58.440 --> 0:07:01.919 stare Rio stair yo oh wild. 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:05.159 Shout out to anyone in New York who remembers the 0:07:05.200 --> 0:07:07.720 days of stereo and those are the times. 0:07:07.960 --> 0:07:10.480 I'm just, I'm just I think it's so beautiful. It's 0:07:10.480 --> 0:07:12.960 such a blessing to see like your friends expand and grow. 0:07:12.960 --> 0:07:15.120 We're just talking about all these different boyfriends and faces, 0:07:15.560 --> 0:07:18.160 and like also to get to know friends through other friends, 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:20.920 because I would never known Nicole was for Erica and like, 0:07:20.960 --> 0:07:23.280 because you moved to New York, when you were seventeen. 0:07:23.840 --> 0:07:26.600 So it's such a beautiful like transfer of friendships and 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:29.880 like expansion of clicks. You know, sometimes you're like because 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:32.040 I've called Nicole when I always with you, like, hey, Giryl, 0:07:32.040 --> 0:07:34.559 what you doing, I'm coming over? Yeah, So I always 0:07:34.600 --> 0:07:37.480 think that, like it's beautiful to find friends through other friends, 0:07:37.520 --> 0:07:39.480 and it's also like it's kind of like built in, 0:07:39.560 --> 0:07:40.920 Like I only got to go through a lot of 0:07:41.360 --> 0:07:43.360 a lot of he ha ha, a lot of small talk. 0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:45.200 If you like her, I like you. 0:07:46.120 --> 0:07:50.720 Yeah, we've done so much growing together. So podcast has 0:07:50.760 --> 0:07:53.560 done so much growing since my first time on it. 0:07:53.840 --> 0:07:57.640 Nicole was one of our first podcast guests, like early 0:07:57.680 --> 0:08:01.320 on first year, my one Mike sharing one mic in 0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:03.800 my dining room. I think the episode was Healing your 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:05.240 Inner Child and we're talking. 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:05.880 About your book. 0:08:06.040 --> 0:08:11.880 Then iPhone with an iPhone, yes, now iPhone five, maybe three. 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:14.360 I don't even know, girl, but we made it work somehow, 0:08:14.440 --> 0:08:16.920 some way, And I'm so incredibly proud of you and 0:08:16.960 --> 0:08:20.320 all that you've been able to accomplish from from stereo 0:08:20.880 --> 0:08:25.240 till now being a mom, being an author, like creating 0:08:25.400 --> 0:08:30.400 so many like beautiful opportunities for like inner City youth 0:08:30.560 --> 0:08:33.280 and just people in foster care. If you don't know 0:08:33.480 --> 0:08:36.120 anything about the Precious Dreams Foundation, please please go check 0:08:36.160 --> 0:08:37.280 out the Precious Dreams Foundation. 0:08:37.360 --> 0:08:40.120 The work you do there is so important, so thank you. 0:08:41.240 --> 0:08:43.680 Yeah. I was just telling the ladies off camera that 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:46.400 we have to create some type of group where we 0:08:46.440 --> 0:08:48.199 can get the good moms together and even just do. 0:08:48.160 --> 0:08:49.360 Stuff with Precious Dreams. 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:51.559 I mean, like the kids that we're working with, a 0:08:51.640 --> 0:08:53.640 lot of them do not have parents, they don't know 0:08:53.679 --> 0:08:56.520 their moms, So like we need to get together and 0:08:56.720 --> 0:08:59.600 have your tribes come out and volunteer. I would love 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:02.120 to bring some love and good energy to our kiddos, 0:09:02.360 --> 0:09:03.560 so we would love it. 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:04.280 We would love it. 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:06.000 I have big Mama Bear energy. I want to love 0:09:06.000 --> 0:09:08.520 on everybody that like you're sad, come here, let me 0:09:08.640 --> 0:09:12.040 give you a hug. Such a cancer so that as 0:09:12.040 --> 0:09:13.080 that resonates with me. 0:09:13.280 --> 0:09:14.600 Yeah, sopeak of Mama Bear. 0:09:15.000 --> 0:09:17.240 We have a segment on our show called Bad Choice 0:09:17.280 --> 0:09:20.120 of the Week, shout out to our Facebook group. If 0:09:20.160 --> 0:09:22.080 you're not part of our Facebook group, make sure you 0:09:22.120 --> 0:09:24.440 go check us out on Facebook Good Mom's Bad Choices. 0:09:24.520 --> 0:09:27.680 It's a private page, so you have to be approved. No, no, 0:09:27.760 --> 0:09:31.800 weird non mom men. Weirdos are allowed to make sure 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:33.880 you go check that out. But we have a chat 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:35.560 on there called bad Choices of the Week where people 0:09:35.559 --> 0:09:37.520 are sharing our bad choices weekly. But since we have 0:09:37.679 --> 0:09:40.640 you here, I would love to know what is your 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:42.000 bad choice of the week? 0:09:42.320 --> 0:09:44.120 Bad mom not a bad mom. 0:09:43.920 --> 0:09:51.920 But a bad mom so good I'm living. 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:57.280 I wouldn't call it a bad choice, but I know 0:09:57.360 --> 0:10:01.680 many moms who are judgmental would. So I'm an eight 0:10:01.720 --> 0:10:06.480 month year old at home named Cash and the whole 0:10:06.520 --> 0:10:09.320 sleep training thing is just not working for meat or him, 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:14.120 and I am okay with getting him out of his 0:10:14.160 --> 0:10:16.400 crib and taking him to be with me and be 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:18.680 in the bed with me and sleep with me whenever 0:10:18.720 --> 0:10:21.640 he needs it or wants it, and that might not 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:24.400 always be what his dad wants, and I'm okay with that. 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:28.400 So this week we literally cried together, like I was like, Okay, 0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:30.360 you don't want to go to sleep, fine, And I 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:31.800 was like, well, We're just going to cry together and 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:33.440 go to bed, And so I took him to bed 0:10:33.440 --> 0:10:36.360 with me and that's just what we did. And his 0:10:36.440 --> 0:10:39.640 dad was not happy about it, but he loves me still. 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:40.920 Okay, he's gonna love you. 0:10:42.559 --> 0:10:44.120 We're gonna get through it, and he just might be 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:45.520 in the bed with us for a little bit and 0:10:45.559 --> 0:10:46.920 that's okay. 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:49.160 Oh it's a small window anyway. I mean, I know 0:10:49.160 --> 0:10:51.560 a lot of moms are like really hardcore, but I 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:54.240 think you're right. I think it's trauma to just leave 0:10:54.280 --> 0:10:56.360 your baby in there and shut the door. I tried. 0:10:56.960 --> 0:10:59.079 I try to do it and did it worked? No, 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:02.040 because I could take it. It was horrible, like, and 0:11:02.120 --> 0:11:05.360 my daughter is stubborn. She was she was gonna cry 0:11:05.520 --> 0:11:07.760 for hours and hours. And then I remember one time 0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:09.960 I let it go for like forty minutes and then 0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:12.040 I went in there and she'd thrown up everywhere. 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:13.360 It's just fucking traumatic. 0:11:14.040 --> 0:11:14.679 She threw up. 0:11:14.960 --> 0:11:17.920 Yeah, And I was like, this doesn't feel like good 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:20.559 parenting yea to me. And I'm not saying len, I 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:22.560 shout out to the moms who you know, they've figured 0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:24.560 it out and it's worked for them. But like, I 0:11:24.640 --> 0:11:27.280 just think that not every kid is the same, Not 0:11:27.360 --> 0:11:29.560 every kid is going to respond to that type of 0:11:30.080 --> 0:11:32.960 I guess like behavioral adjustments. 0:11:32.960 --> 0:11:36.120 And I don't know. I yes, that just wasn't what 0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:39.640 IRON needed. There's levels to independency. And I just don't 0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:43.600 think all newborns and babies are ready for it. Some 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:45.800 might be like, oh they're not coming, okay, well I'll 0:11:45.800 --> 0:11:46.679 go to sleep. 0:11:46.440 --> 0:11:47.320 But God bless them. 0:11:47.840 --> 0:11:51.400 Oh no, mine was. Irine was holding out. She was like, okay, 0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:52.559 watch I'm awake. 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:58.040 I was like, oh hell no, Yeah, who coined sleep training? 0:11:58.480 --> 0:12:00.480 What it really is is when mom said it, fuck 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:02.800 this shit o'clock. She was like, and then I'm gonna 0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:04.360 call it sleep training and I'm gonna tell the other moms, 0:12:04.400 --> 0:12:06.240 but it's really called. 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:12.160 Child sleep training is generational trauma. Somebody left me by 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:14.520 myself and made me cry myself to sleep, and you 0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:16.040 gonna do Sue. 0:12:16.040 --> 0:12:19.040 They're gonna figure it out. Which brings us to your book. Yes, 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:22.800 your your book that you're releasing your new baby into 0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:25.040 the world, breaking generational silence. 0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:29.640 I posted this book on Instagram, and just the title alone, 0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:32.040 I got so many people damn me, like I need 0:12:32.040 --> 0:12:32.320 that book. 0:12:32.360 --> 0:12:33.240 They didn't even know what it is. 0:12:33.880 --> 0:12:35.960 The title alone was enough for people to be like, 0:12:36.000 --> 0:12:37.520 I don't know what it is, but I need it. 0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:39.520 So I'm just so excited for it. 0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:41.800 To learn about the journey to writing this book, Can 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:44.319 you tell us, like, Yeah, what was the inspiration behind 0:12:44.360 --> 0:12:52.040 writing it? So breaking generational silence? I, as you guys know, 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:54.920 I do a lot of healing work with young people 0:12:55.360 --> 0:12:58.679 and teaching children at foster care and homeless shelters how 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:02.680 to co how to self sue, teaching them ways to 0:13:02.720 --> 0:13:07.760 sustain healthy habits and make good decisions. And as a 0:13:07.800 --> 0:13:10.240 master in this whole field of like here's how to 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:11.720 get by when you have a bad day. 0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:14.000 I learned. 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:18.040 When I had a very challenging health year in twenty 0:13:18.080 --> 0:13:21.320 twenty two that as much as I know what my 0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:25.120 mental health needs are, I don't understand what my physical 0:13:25.160 --> 0:13:28.520 health needs are. And it was because of two things. 0:13:28.559 --> 0:13:31.480 A lack of understanding what was in my DNA and 0:13:31.480 --> 0:13:35.959 what I was carrying, and a lack of conversation within 0:13:35.960 --> 0:13:40.440 my family, a lack of understanding the reasons why my 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:43.600 elders had passed away. There were so many people that 0:13:43.720 --> 0:13:46.440 I thought they died in their sleep, and that was 0:13:46.480 --> 0:13:48.960 the final that's all I knew. That person died in 0:13:49.000 --> 0:13:51.400 their sleep. I didn't know if there was any health 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:54.640 complications or challenges leading up to that, or that person 0:13:54.720 --> 0:13:57.400 used to have heart issues. But what type of heart issues, 0:13:57.400 --> 0:13:59.640 what were they diagnose with, what surgeries did they have? 0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:03.080 We just were not sitting around the table talking about 0:14:03.720 --> 0:14:07.000 health and preventative measures and things that I should be 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:07.880 testing for. 0:14:08.600 --> 0:14:09.120 And so. 0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:15.319 I found myself having six surgeries in one year and 0:14:15.679 --> 0:14:18.800 battling to understand what was going on with me and 0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:23.680 looking for a diagnosis, and then after I received one, 0:14:23.760 --> 0:14:25.760 I learned that there were other women in my family 0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:29.240 struggling with the same things, with the same symptoms, and 0:14:29.360 --> 0:14:32.120 what I was carrying is something that I was probably 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:37.120 born with, and I could have prevented everything that happened 0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:41.480 in twenty twenty two if those conversations were had so 0:14:41.480 --> 0:14:44.720 that I could understand what was going on with my body. 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:49.520 So it was inspired from a very frustrating place, but 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:53.240 also this desire that I had to start documenting what 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:56.280 I was dealing with so that future generations would not 0:14:56.480 --> 0:14:58.800 have to And I just thought about my niece, and 0:14:58.800 --> 0:15:00.800 I thought about all the women that would come after 0:15:00.920 --> 0:15:04.040 me who might experience some of these things, and I 0:15:04.080 --> 0:15:07.520 wanted them to have something. Initially it was a journal. 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:09.600 I wanted them to have something that they could look 0:15:09.720 --> 0:15:12.680 to and say, oh, well, my aunt or my Grandma, 0:15:13.040 --> 0:15:15.360 you know, experienced this and this is what she was 0:15:15.360 --> 0:15:18.320 told and these were the practices, the holistic practices, the 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:20.920 things she ate, the things she did, and how she 0:15:21.080 --> 0:15:23.040 breathed through it, and this is what worked for her, 0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:24.920 And let me try some of these things. I just 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:29.080 literally wanted to document this experience of trying to heal 0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:34.360 from these health health challenges. And as I was documenting 0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:36.680 all of this, I was like, other people need to 0:15:36.720 --> 0:15:38.200 be doing this work. 0:15:38.200 --> 0:15:40.440 Like asking the questions of their family. 0:15:40.760 --> 0:15:43.320 Yeah, every time we go to the doctor, they asked, 0:15:43.360 --> 0:15:44.720 does this run in your family? 0:15:44.960 --> 0:15:46.720 I got to go text somebody like, hey, are you 0:15:46.760 --> 0:15:51.680 to be making sit up? I literally have to text 0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:54.200 my parents every fucking time. And I'm like, I don't 0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:56.960 know shit, yeah, And it's such a like it's such 0:15:56.960 --> 0:16:00.360 a like the tip of the iceberg of if you 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:03.760 don't know the physical medical things, what the fuck else 0:16:03.800 --> 0:16:06.480 don't you know? And I think in black families, especially, 0:16:06.600 --> 0:16:10.400 like there's not a lot of conversations about real shit, yeah, 0:16:10.480 --> 0:16:13.000 or shit that nobody wants to talk about, and like 0:16:13.080 --> 0:16:15.240 it just happens. People die and then that's it. And 0:16:15.240 --> 0:16:18.000 then you're like, oh, yeah, uncle, Barry, Dad, Like but. 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:21.760 How yeah, and what were those hard issues or what 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:24.440 was the how did he get the cancer and how 0:16:24.480 --> 0:16:27.480 did he respond to it? Just we don't sit around 0:16:27.520 --> 0:16:29.880 and talk about these things. It's just like inevitable. Death 0:16:30.000 --> 0:16:32.600 is inevitable, and this person died from this, and we're 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:33.360 just going to move on. 0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:36.200 But we could all live longer. 0:16:35.920 --> 0:16:38.520 Lives if we look back at our elders and our 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:41.520 ancestors and see what they faced and what they carried 0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:45.200 which we're now carrying in our DNA, and do the 0:16:45.240 --> 0:16:47.640 work on ourselves so that we could have better outcomes. 0:16:48.200 --> 0:16:50.240 Can you share what it was that you What was 0:16:50.280 --> 0:16:51.440 the medical. 0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:53.120 Yes? 0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:58.920 So my lung collapsed and I had no idea. I 0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:01.400 thought I had COVID. I was like, is this what 0:17:01.440 --> 0:17:05.040 COVID is? It's like hard to breathe, my chest is hurting. Erico, 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:06.440 you were actually at my house. 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:07.879 And you're picking up from the airport and you're like, 0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:10.520 I'm not feeling good. Yeah, I'm like, I'm not that breathing. 0:17:12.119 --> 0:17:13.600 Picking of her from the airport. 0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:16.640 It felt like I had been underwater and like there 0:17:16.720 --> 0:17:19.679 was water trapped and I just knew something was wrong, 0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:22.880 but I didn't know what. And I was hoping each 0:17:22.960 --> 0:17:26.439 day would get better. I went to the hospital and 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:29.560 they checked my heart and then they did an X ray, 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:33.280 and the doctor rushed in the room and was like, 0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:37.840 you have a lung collapse and we need to cut 0:17:38.119 --> 0:17:41.240 through your chest and put a chest tube in right 0:17:41.320 --> 0:17:45.639 now to save your lung. And I'm like okay, and 0:17:45.680 --> 0:17:48.520 he's like, what are you confused about? People die from this, 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:51.400 and I'm like, so my mind might die. 0:17:51.520 --> 0:17:54.640 Okay, I guess that was zero to one hundred really quick. 0:17:54.800 --> 0:17:55.720 Yes, I have so. 0:17:55.760 --> 0:17:57.639 I have no idea what is happening. I have no 0:17:57.720 --> 0:18:00.240 idea why or how my lung would collapse in the 0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:04.560 first place. And so my first experience with a chest 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:09.760 tube was so traumatic. I was treated so poorly. I 0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:11.960 don't know if it was because of the color of 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:13.840 my skin, or because I am a woman, or because 0:18:13.920 --> 0:18:15.919 the physicians and the people who were working on my 0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:21.439 body were uneducated. So I was not giving any type 0:18:21.600 --> 0:18:25.840 of painkillers, any numbers. They literally cut me with a 0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:29.720 knife and stuck a chest too in between my ribs. 0:18:29.800 --> 0:18:32.399 It was the most and I've had a child. It 0:18:32.480 --> 0:18:35.560 was the most painful experience of my life. 0:18:35.680 --> 0:18:38.359 They didn't put you under no, oh, my Are you 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:38.879