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Speaker 1: Speaks to the planning.

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Speaker 2: I'll go by the name of Charlamagne of God and

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Speaker 2: guess what I can't wait to see y'all at the

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Speaker 2: third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right, We're coming

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Speaker 2: back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April twenty six at Poeman

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Speaker 2: Yards and it's hosted by none other than Decisions, Decisions

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Speaker 2: May Be Be and Weezy. Okay. We got the R

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Speaker 2: and B Money podcast with taking Jay Valentine. We got

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Speaker 2: the Women of All Podcasts with Saray Jake Roberts, we

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Speaker 2: got good Moms, Bad Choices. Carrie Champion will be there

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Speaker 2: with her next sports podcast and the Trap Nerds podcast

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Speaker 2: with more to be announced. And of course it's bigger

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Speaker 2: than podcasts. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with black

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Speaker 2: owned businesses plus the food truck court to keep you

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Speaker 2: fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you don't

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Speaker 2: want to miss this. Tapp in and grab your tickets

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Speaker 2: now at Black Effect dot Com Flash Podcast Festival Atlanta.

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Speaker 3: Guess what the good Moms are coming to your city

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Speaker 3: on April twenty six, We're pulling up at the Black

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Speaker 3: Effect Podcast Festival.

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Speaker 4: That's right, We'll be hitting the stage with other hot

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Speaker 4: podcasts like R and B, Money Trap Nerds, Naked Sports,

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Speaker 4: and Sarah Jakes.

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Speaker 3: And if you've ever been to a Good Mom's Bad

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Speaker 3: Choices show, you know it gets real, real bad, and

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Speaker 3: we have some special guests. So I'm so excited to

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Speaker 3: meet our Atlanta tribe. Make sure you pull up April

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Speaker 3: twenty six to the Black Effect Podcast Festival and get

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Speaker 3: your tickets at Black Effect dot com Slash Podcast Festival.

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Speaker 5: See you there.

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Speaker 6: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.

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Speaker 6: She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her children and the

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Speaker 6: man of the house, and of course she didn't talk back.

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Speaker 6: She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was

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Speaker 6: a good woman who always made good choices.

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Speaker 4: That shit off.

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Speaker 3: We're Good Mom's Bad Choices too, single mom who said

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Speaker 3: fuck the patriarchy, shared all their bad choices and sound

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Speaker 3: out they were so bad after all, we're expert oversharers

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Speaker 3: and your new bestie.

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Speaker 5: Sit back and near the ride.

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Speaker 4: I can do a mom. Welcome back to Good Mom's

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Speaker 4: Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Nila.

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Speaker 3: Happy Monday, It's Wednesday, Beaches, It's margin.

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Speaker 5: It's all about the women. This month. It's all about

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Speaker 5: the woman all the time, all.

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Speaker 4: The time, three six, five, twelve months a year, every season,

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Speaker 4: every day. And do you know why it's always about

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Speaker 4: us because we made all this shit, because we birth

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Speaker 4: you bitches and you sons, everybody everything. Let them know, honey,

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Speaker 4: everybody came from a woman. Unless you're a unicorn. That's different.

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Speaker 4: I mean, not unicorn corn. What's the fish a sea horse?

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Speaker 5: You know?

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Speaker 4: The fiar set be the boys be having babies.

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Speaker 5: It's baby having babies.

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Speaker 4: Uh? Why I keep on calling a unicorn horse? Sea

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Speaker 4: horses are.

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Speaker 3: Unisex sea horses.

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Speaker 4: The men birth, they can carry in birth the babies.

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Speaker 4: I don't have all my schooling, all the millions of

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Speaker 4: dollars and years are spent in school. That's what I

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Speaker 4: took with me. Sea horses, the male can have babies.

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Speaker 5: Interesting, some strong fishes.

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Speaker 4: Are those of Is it a fish a sea horse?

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Speaker 5: A fish?

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Speaker 4: I think it's a fish. Somebody looking up.

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Speaker 5: It has to be.

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Speaker 4: It lives underwater.

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Speaker 5: Sure, how are you? I'm great?

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Speaker 4: I'm great too. Uh yeah, I feel good. It's March. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: everything's good. Prepping to go to Jamaica. I'm very excited

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Speaker 4: about that. I'm getting very excited about tapping into my

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Speaker 4: Jamaican roots. I don't be surprised if I get to

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Speaker 4: Jamaica and get an accent. I don't want you to

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Speaker 4: say shit. I just want to tell you right now,

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Speaker 4: yeah man, don't. I can't guarantee that I'm telling you

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Speaker 4: right now. I'm telling you right now to shut your

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Speaker 4: fucking mouth. I'm tapping into my roots on Shockley side,

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Speaker 4: and I don't want anybody to say ship when I

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Speaker 4: start talking with accent. Not you either, Land.

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Speaker 5: I think you just start practicing now. Okay.

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Speaker 4: The other day, I was on the phone with uh

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Speaker 4: shout out to Francine, who's been helping us a part

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Speaker 4: of our tribe in Jamaica, and she was can be

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Speaker 4: like yeah man, and I will I hung up. I

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Speaker 4: was like yeah man, and Orlando looked at me and

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Speaker 4: was like, what did you just say? Shut the fuck up.

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Speaker 4: You know I'm Jamaican on my daddy's side, tapping into

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Speaker 4: my roots.

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Speaker 3: Okay, okay, you know what a friend says.

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Speaker 5: Okay that open mouth?

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Speaker 4: Okay, okay, Well that's time blood, you know in advance.

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Speaker 4: I don't want to hear one open mouth. Okay, Okay, like, yeah, man, y'aman, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I'm excited too.

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Speaker 3: I'm excited because I think my daughter is gonna come

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Speaker 3: at the end. I conceived Iri in Jamaica, hence her

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Speaker 3: name being Iri, so I'm excited to hang out with

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Speaker 3: her after the group leaves too. And I was like,

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Speaker 3: talking to my friend, she was like, so you told

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Speaker 3: your daughter that you conceived her in Jamaica, so now

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Speaker 3: she knows that you were fucking there. And then she

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Speaker 3: was made you think your daughter really gives a fuck

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Speaker 3: about that and needs to know that.

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Speaker 4: I don't think they know what conceived means.

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Speaker 3: I think well, after my Love is Blind sex talk

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Speaker 3: with Iri where I revealed the birds in the bees

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Speaker 3: via Love is Blind, I think she might know what

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Speaker 3: conceived means.

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Speaker 4: You know what this brings us to today's guest. This

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Speaker 4: is all about silence and honesty. And this is coming

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Speaker 4: from two moms that probably say too much, but you know,

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Speaker 4: fuck it, the truth is better than a lie. And

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Speaker 4: I you know, I was the type of child I

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Speaker 4: was raised kind of honest to default, and I think

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Speaker 4: it was it was good for me. But sometimes I

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Speaker 4: tell Luna shit and I'm like, should I have said that?

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Speaker 4: And so today we welcome our very good friend, author extraordinaire, wife.

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Speaker 5: Founder of the Precious Dreams Foundation.

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Speaker 4: And our second time on our show, and of course

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Speaker 4: our friend Nicole Russell, Oh the Wharton's new Hedy.

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Speaker 5: You were just a col Russell the first time.

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Speaker 3: Okay, well, Nicole for me was n Y because like

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Speaker 3: I knew. I met Nicole when I was seventh seventeen

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Speaker 3: living in New York my first year of college. Nicole

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Speaker 3: was my end to all the clubs. We would go

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Speaker 3: to the clubs underage. She was the plug. I don't

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Speaker 3: know how she became the c the plug, but back

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Speaker 3: then you were n Y c L E. And I

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Speaker 3: still have you in my phone as bad.

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Speaker 4: Wait is that is that not your you spell your name?

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Speaker 5: Oh it's not. I always was like, why is.

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Speaker 4: Nicole splawn it with Y? But I always knew how

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Speaker 4: to differentiate because it was ny.

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Speaker 1: Because I was in the city, she was that we

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Speaker 1: were outside girl falling off tables and ship.

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Speaker 4: Nicole with a Y because I'm in the city, bitch. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I literally didn't know that her name wasn't spelled with

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Speaker 3: a Y until maybe like.

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Speaker 5: Six years ago.

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Speaker 4: It's still on my phone with the Y so' seray,

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Speaker 4: I love it.

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Speaker 5: Do you know where to find me?

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Speaker 3: I remember one day you changed your Instagram name and

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Speaker 3: I was like, wait what, I got real professional?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I can't even I know, I wasn't the only

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Speaker 5: one confused.

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Speaker 4: I can't even imagine in the streets, Nicole, because you've

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Speaker 4: always been kind of like professional, Like you've always had

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Speaker 4: your shit together.

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Speaker 1: Even when I was in the streets, I was making money. Like,

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Speaker 1: so I was like, Erica, come out, but I'm getting

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Speaker 1: paid because you'll be there, because I need this many

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Speaker 1: people at my team, not.

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Speaker 4: The underage the underage bitch getting underage dollars for promoting

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Speaker 4: the club.

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Speaker 5: Wow. Yeah, yeah, it was fun. It was a good

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Speaker 5: stare Rio stair yo oh wild.

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Speaker 3: Shout out to anyone in New York who remembers the

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Speaker 3: days of stereo and those are the times.

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Speaker 4: I'm just, I'm just I think it's so beautiful. It's

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Speaker 4: such a blessing to see like your friends expand and grow.

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Speaker 4: We're just talking about all these different boyfriends and faces,

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Speaker 4: and like also to get to know friends through other friends,

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Speaker 4: because I would never known Nicole was for Erica and like,

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Speaker 4: because you moved to New York, when you were seventeen.

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Speaker 4: So it's such a beautiful like transfer of friendships and

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Speaker 4: like expansion of clicks. You know, sometimes you're like because

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Speaker 4: I've called Nicole when I always with you, like, hey, Giryl,

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Speaker 4: what you doing, I'm coming over? Yeah, So I always

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Speaker 4: think that, like it's beautiful to find friends through other friends,

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Speaker 4: and it's also like it's kind of like built in,

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Speaker 4: Like I only got to go through a lot of

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Speaker 4: a lot of he ha ha, a lot of small talk.

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Speaker 4: If you like her, I like you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we've done so much growing together. So podcast has

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Speaker 1: done so much growing since my first time on it.

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Speaker 3: Nicole was one of our first podcast guests, like early

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Speaker 3: on first year, my one Mike sharing one mic in

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Speaker 3: my dining room. I think the episode was Healing your

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Speaker 3: Inner Child and we're talking.

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Speaker 5: About your book.

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Speaker 3: Then iPhone with an iPhone, yes, now iPhone five, maybe three.

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Speaker 3: I don't even know, girl, but we made it work somehow,

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Speaker 3: some way, And I'm so incredibly proud of you and

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Speaker 3: all that you've been able to accomplish from from stereo

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Speaker 3: till now being a mom, being an author, like creating

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Speaker 3: so many like beautiful opportunities for like inner City youth

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Speaker 3: and just people in foster care. If you don't know

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Speaker 3: anything about the Precious Dreams Foundation, please please go check

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Speaker 3: out the Precious Dreams Foundation.

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Speaker 5: The work you do there is so important, so thank you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I was just telling the ladies off camera that

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Speaker 1: we have to create some type of group where we

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Speaker 1: can get the good moms together and even just do.

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Speaker 5: Stuff with Precious Dreams.

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Speaker 1: I mean, like the kids that we're working with, a

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Speaker 1: lot of them do not have parents, they don't know

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Speaker 1: their moms, So like we need to get together and

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Speaker 1: have your tribes come out and volunteer. I would love

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Speaker 1: to bring some love and good energy to our kiddos,

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Speaker 1: so we would love it.

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Speaker 5: We would love it.

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Speaker 4: I have big Mama Bear energy. I want to love

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Speaker 4: on everybody that like you're sad, come here, let me

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Speaker 4: give you a hug. Such a cancer so that as

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Speaker 4: that resonates with me.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, sopeak of Mama Bear.

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Speaker 3: We have a segment on our show called Bad Choice

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Speaker 3: of the Week, shout out to our Facebook group. If

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Speaker 3: you're not part of our Facebook group, make sure you

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Speaker 3: go check us out on Facebook Good Mom's Bad Choices.

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Speaker 3: It's a private page, so you have to be approved. No, no,

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Speaker 3: weird non mom men. Weirdos are allowed to make sure

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Speaker 3: you go check that out. But we have a chat

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Speaker 3: on there called bad Choices of the Week where people

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Speaker 3: are sharing our bad choices weekly. But since we have

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Speaker 3: you here, I would love to know what is your

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Speaker 3: bad choice of the week?

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Speaker 2: Bad mom not a bad mom.

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Speaker 4: But a bad mom so good I'm living.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't call it a bad choice, but I know

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Speaker 1: many moms who are judgmental would. So I'm an eight

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Speaker 1: month year old at home named Cash and the whole

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Speaker 1: sleep training thing is just not working for meat or him,

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Speaker 1: and I am okay with getting him out of his

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Speaker 1: crib and taking him to be with me and be

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Speaker 1: in the bed with me and sleep with me whenever

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Speaker 1: he needs it or wants it, and that might not

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Speaker 1: always be what his dad wants, and I'm okay with that.

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Speaker 1: So this week we literally cried together, like I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: you don't want to go to sleep, fine, And I

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Speaker 1: was like, well, We're just going to cry together and

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Speaker 1: go to bed, And so I took him to bed

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Speaker 1: with me and that's just what we did. And his

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Speaker 1: dad was not happy about it, but he loves me still.

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Speaker 5: Okay, he's gonna love you.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna get through it, and he just might be

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Speaker 1: in the bed with us for a little bit and

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Speaker 1: that's okay.

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Speaker 4: Oh it's a small window anyway. I mean, I know

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Speaker 4: a lot of moms are like really hardcore, but I

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Speaker 4: think you're right. I think it's trauma to just leave

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Speaker 4: your baby in there and shut the door. I tried.

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Speaker 3: I try to do it and did it worked? No,

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Speaker 3: because I could take it. It was horrible, like, and

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Speaker 3: my daughter is stubborn. She was she was gonna cry

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Speaker 3: for hours and hours. And then I remember one time

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Speaker 3: I let it go for like forty minutes and then

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Speaker 3: I went in there and she'd thrown up everywhere.

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Speaker 5: It's just fucking traumatic.

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Speaker 4: She threw up.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I was like, this doesn't feel like good

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Speaker 3: parenting yea to me. And I'm not saying len, I

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Speaker 3: shout out to the moms who you know, they've figured

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Speaker 3: it out and it's worked for them. But like, I

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Speaker 3: just think that not every kid is the same, Not

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Speaker 3: every kid is going to respond to that type of

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Speaker 3: I guess like behavioral adjustments.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know. I yes, that just wasn't what

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Speaker 1: IRON needed. There's levels to independency. And I just don't

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Speaker 1: think all newborns and babies are ready for it. Some

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Speaker 1: might be like, oh they're not coming, okay, well I'll

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Speaker 1: go to sleep.

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Speaker 4: But God bless them.

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Speaker 5: Oh no, mine was. Irine was holding out. She was like, okay,

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Speaker 5: watch I'm awake.

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Speaker 4: I was like, oh hell no, Yeah, who coined sleep training?

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Speaker 4: What it really is is when mom said it, fuck

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Speaker 4: this shit o'clock. She was like, and then I'm gonna

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Speaker 4: call it sleep training and I'm gonna tell the other moms,

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Speaker 4: but it's really called.

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Speaker 1: Child sleep training is generational trauma. Somebody left me by

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Speaker 1: myself and made me cry myself to sleep, and you

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Speaker 1: gonna do Sue.

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Speaker 4: They're gonna figure it out. Which brings us to your book. Yes,

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Speaker 4: your your book that you're releasing your new baby into

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Speaker 4: the world, breaking generational silence.

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Speaker 3: I posted this book on Instagram, and just the title alone,

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Speaker 3: I got so many people damn me, like I need

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Speaker 3: that book.

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Speaker 5: They didn't even know what it is.

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Speaker 3: The title alone was enough for people to be like,

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Speaker 3: I don't know what it is, but I need it.

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Speaker 5: So I'm just so excited for it.

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Speaker 1: To learn about the journey to writing this book, Can

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Speaker 1: you tell us, like, Yeah, what was the inspiration behind

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Speaker 1: writing it? So breaking generational silence? I, as you guys know,

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Speaker 1: I do a lot of healing work with young people

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Speaker 1: and teaching children at foster care and homeless shelters how

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Speaker 1: to co how to self sue, teaching them ways to

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Speaker 1: sustain healthy habits and make good decisions. And as a

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Speaker 1: master in this whole field of like here's how to

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Speaker 1: get by when you have a bad day.

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Speaker 4: I learned.

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Speaker 1: When I had a very challenging health year in twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty two that as much as I know what my

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Speaker 1: mental health needs are, I don't understand what my physical

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Speaker 1: health needs are. And it was because of two things.

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Speaker 1: A lack of understanding what was in my DNA and

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Speaker 1: what I was carrying, and a lack of conversation within

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Speaker 1: my family, a lack of understanding the reasons why my

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Speaker 1: elders had passed away. There were so many people that

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Speaker 1: I thought they died in their sleep, and that was

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Speaker 1: the final that's all I knew. That person died in

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Speaker 1: their sleep. I didn't know if there was any health

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Speaker 1: complications or challenges leading up to that, or that person

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Speaker 1: used to have heart issues. But what type of heart issues,

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Speaker 1: what were they diagnose with, what surgeries did they have?

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Speaker 1: We just were not sitting around the table talking about

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Speaker 1: health and preventative measures and things that I should be

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Speaker 1: testing for.

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Speaker 5: And so.

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Speaker 1: I found myself having six surgeries in one year and

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Speaker 1: battling to understand what was going on with me and

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Speaker 1: looking for a diagnosis, and then after I received one,

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Speaker 1: I learned that there were other women in my family

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Speaker 1: struggling with the same things, with the same symptoms, and

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Speaker 1: what I was carrying is something that I was probably

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Speaker 1: born with, and I could have prevented everything that happened

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Speaker 1: in twenty twenty two if those conversations were had so

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Speaker 1: that I could understand what was going on with my body.

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Speaker 1: So it was inspired from a very frustrating place, but

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Speaker 1: also this desire that I had to start documenting what

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Speaker 1: I was dealing with so that future generations would not

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Speaker 1: have to And I just thought about my niece, and

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Speaker 1: I thought about all the women that would come after

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Speaker 1: me who might experience some of these things, and I

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Speaker 1: wanted them to have something. Initially it was a journal.

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Speaker 1: I wanted them to have something that they could look

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Speaker 1: to and say, oh, well, my aunt or my Grandma,

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Speaker 1: you know, experienced this and this is what she was

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Speaker 1: told and these were the practices, the holistic practices, the

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Speaker 1: things she ate, the things she did, and how she

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Speaker 1: breathed through it, and this is what worked for her,

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Speaker 1: And let me try some of these things. I just

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Speaker 1: literally wanted to document this experience of trying to heal

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Speaker 1: from these health health challenges. And as I was documenting

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Speaker 1: all of this, I was like, other people need to

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Speaker 1: be doing this work.

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Speaker 5: Like asking the questions of their family.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, every time we go to the doctor, they asked,

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Speaker 1: does this run in your family?

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Speaker 4: I got to go text somebody like, hey, are you

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Speaker 4: to be making sit up? I literally have to text

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Speaker 4: my parents every fucking time. And I'm like, I don't

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Speaker 4: know shit, yeah, And it's such a like it's such

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Speaker 4: a like the tip of the iceberg of if you

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Speaker 4: don't know the physical medical things, what the fuck else

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Speaker 4: don't you know? And I think in black families, especially,

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Speaker 4: like there's not a lot of conversations about real shit, yeah,

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Speaker 4: or shit that nobody wants to talk about, and like

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Speaker 4: it just happens. People die and then that's it. And

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Speaker 4: then you're like, oh, yeah, uncle, Barry, Dad, Like but.

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Speaker 1: How yeah, and what were those hard issues or what

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Speaker 1: was the how did he get the cancer and how

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Speaker 1: did he respond to it? Just we don't sit around

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Speaker 1: and talk about these things. It's just like inevitable. Death

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Speaker 1: is inevitable, and this person died from this, and we're

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Speaker 1: just going to move on.

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Speaker 5: But we could all live longer.

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Speaker 1: Lives if we look back at our elders and our

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Speaker 1: ancestors and see what they faced and what they carried

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Speaker 1: which we're now carrying in our DNA, and do the

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Speaker 1: work on ourselves so that we could have better outcomes.

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Speaker 5: Can you share what it was that you What was

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Speaker 5: the medical.

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Speaker 4: Yes?

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Speaker 1: So my lung collapsed and I had no idea. I

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Speaker 1: thought I had COVID. I was like, is this what

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Speaker 1: COVID is? It's like hard to breathe, my chest is hurting. Erico,

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Speaker 1: you were actually at my house.

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Speaker 5: And you're picking up from the airport and you're like,

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Speaker 5: I'm not feeling good. Yeah, I'm like, I'm not that breathing.

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Speaker 4: Picking of her from the airport.

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Speaker 1: It felt like I had been underwater and like there

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Speaker 1: was water trapped and I just knew something was wrong,

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Speaker 1: but I didn't know what. And I was hoping each

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Speaker 1: day would get better. I went to the hospital and

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Speaker 1: they checked my heart and then they did an X ray,

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Speaker 1: and the doctor rushed in the room and was like,

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Speaker 1: you have a lung collapse and we need to cut

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Speaker 1: through your chest and put a chest tube in right

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Speaker 1: now to save your lung. And I'm like okay, and

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Speaker 1: he's like, what are you confused about? People die from this,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, so my mind might die.

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Speaker 4: Okay, I guess that was zero to one hundred really quick.

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Speaker 5: Yes, I have so.

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Speaker 1: I have no idea what is happening. I have no

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Speaker 1: idea why or how my lung would collapse in the

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Speaker 1: first place. And so my first experience with a chest

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Speaker 1: tube was so traumatic. I was treated so poorly. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if it was because of the color of

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Speaker 1: my skin, or because I am a woman, or because

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Speaker 1: the physicians and the people who were working on my

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Speaker 1: body were uneducated. So I was not giving any type

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Speaker 1: of painkillers, any numbers. They literally cut me with a

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Speaker 1: knife and stuck a chest too in between my ribs.

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Speaker 1: It was the most and I've had a child. It

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Speaker 1: was the most painful experience of my life.

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Speaker 4: They didn't put you under no, oh, my Are you

401
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Speaker 4: kidding me?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And I literally tried to fight, Like there was at

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Speaker 1: one point when they like jabbed the chest tube in me.

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Speaker 1: I remember like like trying to grab the nurse and

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Speaker 1: they held me back and were like, you have to

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Speaker 1: let us.

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Speaker 4: It was because of just the timing. It was just

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Speaker 4: it had to be happening so quickly. They didn't have

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Speaker 4: time to put you under, Like what the hell?

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Speaker 1: There could have been a lot of reasons. I have reasons.

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Speaker 1: I think I was treated the way that I was.

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Speaker 1: But twenty eight days later, after having the first lung collapse,

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Speaker 1: my lung collapsed again. I went to a different hospital

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Speaker 1: so I can get better treatment. And the first question

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Speaker 1: the doctor asked was are you on your period? And

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Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, actually I got my period yesterday.

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Speaker 1: And he was like, the last time your lung collapsed,

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Speaker 1: were you on your period? And I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it had just started the day before.

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Speaker 4: You wouldn't even think these two things are so far

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Speaker 4: anything to do with each other.

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Speaker 1: And he was like, I'm going to bring in a specialist.

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Speaker 1: He's like, we're obviously gonna, you know, have to put

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Speaker 1: in a chest tube and do the whole procedure. He's like,

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Speaker 1: don't worry, it won't be painful. We'll numb the area.

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Speaker 1: We'll give you pain medicine will make you feel comfortable.

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Speaker 1: But we're going to bring in a specialist just so

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Speaker 1: they can take a look and see what's going on.

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Speaker 1: And an endometriosis specialist came to the hospital and told

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Speaker 1: me that what they see is endometriosis. It was something

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Speaker 1: I had never heard of in my entire life, but

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Speaker 1: apparently endometriosis is a disease, a chronic disease that can

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Speaker 1: spread through the body, and mine had spread to my

435
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Speaker 1: lungs and it was attacking my lungs with every menstrual period.

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Speaker 1: And so that is how I came to find out

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Speaker 1: that I had endometriosis.

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Speaker 5: Can you can you explain what endometriosis is?

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00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:21,480
Speaker 1: Yes, So it's when tissue similar to the tissue in

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Speaker 1: your uterus, starts to form outside of the uterus, and

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Speaker 1: so when you have your period, typically the blood would

442
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:32,439
Speaker 1: come out for this type of tissue. With endometriosis, the

443
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,199
Speaker 1: blood is trapped because it's outside of the uterus, so

444
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:39,600
Speaker 1: it starts to just spread and it attaches to different

445
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:44,880
Speaker 1: organs on the body, and it causes damage, It causes scarring,

446
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 1: it causes all types of issues. Mine unfortunately had spread

447
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:54,120
Speaker 1: to multiple organs, but was able to somehow get up

448
00:20:54,600 --> 00:21:01,480
Speaker 1: into my lung cavity and cause the collapse. Endometriosis is

449
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:06,159
Speaker 1: something that affects ten percent of women and girls. So

450
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 1: if you are a young girl who is fourteen years

451
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:12,920
Speaker 1: old and you have your mental period, you can have endometriosis.

452
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:14,400
Speaker 1: It's something that runs in the family.

453
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,840
Speaker 3: And these are obviously like you've had this probably your

454
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,160
Speaker 3: whole life, and I had no symptoms or no or what.

455
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,760
Speaker 5: Are the symptoms that they had? Symptoms like life.

456
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,879
Speaker 1: So when you have endometriosis, a lot of times you

457
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:31,280
Speaker 1: deal with difficult mental periods, severe pain, long periods sometimes

458
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 1: that's seven days or more, extremely heavy bleeding. And I

459
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 1: have so many family members who have this, have these symptoms,

460
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,320
Speaker 1: but they think it's normal, or even after I got

461
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,120
Speaker 1: my diagnosis, they're like, oh, I know, I don't have endometriosis,

462
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,200
Speaker 1: but I'm like, but you're changing your path every hour.

463
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:53,200
Speaker 1: You don't think that's abnormal. So there's you know, during

464
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:57,000
Speaker 1: your mentrual period, there are signs there, painful sex, that's

465
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,920
Speaker 1: something that I didn't start to experience until my third

466
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:03,480
Speaker 1: and I was gas lit when I told my gynecologists,

467
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:06,199
Speaker 1: she was like, are you sure it's not mental? You

468
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:09,720
Speaker 1: sure you know you're not dealing with difficulties with sex

469
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,440
Speaker 1: because of some past trauma. And I'm like, I've been

470
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:16,679
Speaker 1: having sex my whole life. Fine, So why would this

471
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:21,359
Speaker 1: just suddenly it happen out of nowhere. It could be

472
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,399
Speaker 1: back pain, it could be shoulder pain. Shoulder pain is

473
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:25,200
Speaker 1: something I dealt with in my twenties and I didn't

474
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:26,440
Speaker 1: know why. I thought it was because I was always

475
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:30,160
Speaker 1: carrying heavy stuff. So there were so I had all

476
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:33,960
Speaker 1: of the symptoms of endometriosis, but none of my gynecologists

477
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:34,840
Speaker 1: caught it.

478
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 5: Yeah.

479
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,199
Speaker 4: And now with this information, did you find out that

480
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,159
Speaker 4: there's other people in your family who also have this

481
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:42,320
Speaker 4: or have had this condition?

482
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:43,200
Speaker 2: Yeah?

483
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:47,199
Speaker 1: Which is very frustrating to be someone who had to

484
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:50,639
Speaker 1: pick up the phone and ask other people like what

485
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:54,360
Speaker 1: are your periods? Like have you ever been checked for endometriosis?

486
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,879
Speaker 1: And finding out that on both sides of my family

487
00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 1: there are women with endometriosis. It's so common, it's so common,

488
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 1: and a lot of people have it but don't get checked.

489
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,760
Speaker 3: For it, we would say that's probably more than ten percent. Yes,

490
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,400
Speaker 3: because I feel like so many women and like I hear,

491
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,800
Speaker 3: I've heard so many women with these symptoms in general,

492
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:16,639
Speaker 3: and it's it's women. I don't want to make it

493
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 3: a race thing, but there is a racial thing here.

494
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,760
Speaker 3: Whereas Black women, we're so used to dealing with pain and.

495
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:22,919
Speaker 5: We gaslight ourselves.

496
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 3: We're so used to dealing with pain, and that goes

497
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:28,720
Speaker 3: back to slavery, is just dealing and numbing ourselves. And

498
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,280
Speaker 3: then we're gas lit when we express our pain and

499
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:32,680
Speaker 3: we're like, oh, it's not that big of a deal,

500
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:36,000
Speaker 3: or maybe or maybe it's that it's anything but what

501
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:39,040
Speaker 3: it could possibly be by just deeper, taking a deeper dive,

502
00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:42,119
Speaker 3: a deeper look into whatever it is. Yeah, And I

503
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 3: just think about so many women probably listening to this

504
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 3: right now that are like.

505
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:50,120
Speaker 1: It sounds like me, yeah, or thinking my periods are bad,

506
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,919
Speaker 1: but oh, they're not that bad. Like I don't think

507
00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:55,680
Speaker 1: I'm not experiencing all of those symptoms until you're in.

508
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:58,040
Speaker 4: The one day with a collapsed look.

509
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, So one person of women with ENDO will have

510
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,760
Speaker 1: the racic endo and that's the type that I have Unfortunately,

511
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,680
Speaker 1: if this is something that I caught sooner, I could

512
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:12,600
Speaker 1: have done different procedures. There's no excision surgery where you

513
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:13,680
Speaker 1: can have it removed.

514
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:14,760
Speaker 5: There's just different.

515
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 4: There's preventive like what if you know early, if you

516
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:18,720
Speaker 4: catch it, and you can kind of do preventive measures.

517
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,920
Speaker 1: So yeah, this point, yeah, but I mean I would

518
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,720
Speaker 1: be on the floor crawling and pain on the first

519
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:25,399
Speaker 1: day of my period.

520
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 5: I would call out of work.

521
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:31,359
Speaker 1: I was taking as many pain pills as I possibly

522
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,440
Speaker 1: could to get through that first day. And I thought

523
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,439
Speaker 1: that was normal. I was like, some women just have

524
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 1: bad periods. But one other symptom of ENEMYTROS is this infertility.

525
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 1: And there were times where I said to myself, Wow,

526
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:47,719
Speaker 1: I got away with that one, Like how did I

527
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:52,560
Speaker 1: not get pregnant? Just like many women, I've made mistakes, oh.

528
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,680
Speaker 4: Right, thinking that you just like, oh, I'm just And I.

529
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:58,480
Speaker 1: Was like, wow, I got lucky. And then I found

530
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 1: the person that I wanted to be with and I

531
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,320
Speaker 1: wanted to spend my life with who's now my husband.

532
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,879
Speaker 1: And I was like, wait a minute, are we going

533
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 1: to be able to have children? Am I able to

534
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 1: have children? Like just looking back, it's so weird that

535
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:16,200
Speaker 1: some of my other friends got pregnant so easily and

536
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 1: all of these things happened and I've never been in

537
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:24,199
Speaker 1: their shoes. And so after learning about endometriosis, my doctor

538
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,040
Speaker 1: had to sit with me and she's like, if you

539
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:30,439
Speaker 1: want children, I can help you. There are ways that

540
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 1: you can still conceive and have endometriosis. So don't think

541
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:37,159
Speaker 1: that this is the end and you have to have

542
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,399
Speaker 1: a hysterectomy and like life is over.

543
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,600
Speaker 5: It does not have to be God.

544
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 3: For that doctor, because I'm sure there's other doctors that

545
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,159
Speaker 3: would have advised differently. Yeah, oh there are there at

546
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:49,160
Speaker 3: are ready to just take take it out.

547
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, that's the.

548
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:53,160
Speaker 4: Whole thing of the hysterectomy is just with no effort,

549
00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 4: just taking women to uteruses, especially black women.

550
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:56,320
Speaker 5: Yes.

551
00:25:56,600 --> 00:26:00,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that was something that I prayed on. I

552
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:03,119
Speaker 1: was afraid. I didn't know what the outcomes would be.

553
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,120
Speaker 1: I literally had to talk to my husband and say

554
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,679
Speaker 1: we might not be able to have children, and I

555
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 1: need to know that you're still gonna love me and

556
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:11,399
Speaker 1: want to be with me even if I can't do that,

557
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,720
Speaker 1: And he was like, I stuck with by your side

558
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:15,880
Speaker 1: through all these surgeries.

559
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 5: I'm gonna be here right.

560
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:23,439
Speaker 1: So, yeah, it's been a journey, and this book kind

561
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:27,439
Speaker 1: of documents that full journey, but also just getting to

562
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:30,960
Speaker 1: the root of it's bigger than health, Like there are

563
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:34,400
Speaker 1: so many issues that I've had to deal with, things

564
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 1: I've had to unlearn, reasons why my healing has been

565
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 1: challenging as an adult because of childhood trauma, but also

566
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:45,960
Speaker 1: because of epigenetics and because of things that I don't

567
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 1: understand about my mother or my grandmother or the women

568
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,240
Speaker 1: who have come up before me and what they carried,

569
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:56,720
Speaker 1: not just health, but like you know, their finances, just

570
00:26:56,760 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 1: thinking about like limited dreams and aspirations, what they we're shown,

571
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,600
Speaker 1: what we've been taught since the beginning of time in

572
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:07,959
Speaker 1: this country is as black people, any oppressed people, like

573
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 1: what we are taught about ourselves.

574
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 4: Or not taught or not spoken about.

575
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 1: It exactly, and why we handle things the way that

576
00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:22,119
Speaker 1: we do. And so silence is the consistent factor in

577
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 1: this book with every different topic, because it all stems

578
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:31,359
Speaker 1: from us suppressing our stories, our emotions and all of

579
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:33,400
Speaker 1: the things that we.

580
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:33,640
Speaker 5: Were told.

581
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:38,159
Speaker 1: Needed to be kept to ourselves. We needed to just

582
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 1: move on, We needed to just deal with it, and

583
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 1: that's not that's not actually how we heal or help

584
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,080
Speaker 1: future generations have better outcomes.

585
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,840
Speaker 4: When you think about it, like on a metaphysical level,

586
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:53,400
Speaker 4: you know, I'm a firm believer of like trauma that's

587
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:57,119
Speaker 4: held in your body, it becomes physical if it's not treated,

588
00:27:57,240 --> 00:28:00,399
Speaker 4: you know, like emotional illness, and like you know, it

589
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:05,320
Speaker 4: eventually will manifest physically. But then you think about something

590
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:07,840
Speaker 4: like a secret, you know, and like something like in

591
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:12,120
Speaker 4: demetriosis that essentially spreads. It's like it's if you're something

592
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 4: is ignored or suppressed or a truth is kept from you,

593
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:17,879
Speaker 4: then it gets bigger and bigger and more problematic. And

594
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 4: I think we, uh, this isn't like this is a

595
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:24,399
Speaker 4: really good way of having a like a visual, a

596
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 4: physical visual of what that looks like. Like you know,

597
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 4: we think like, oh, hushah, don't top up Auntie so

598
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 4: and so or Daddy so and so, don't say this,

599
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:34,320
Speaker 4: don't mention this because it's not favorable even though it's

600
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 4: the truth. But then what happens when over generations and

601
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:41,200
Speaker 4: generations and generations and generations, those truths are suppressed. We

602
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 4: are dealing in things that we have no fucking idea

603
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 4: we're dealing in, and like we're showing up in a

604
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,440
Speaker 4: way that we don't even know where we're showing up

605
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:51,480
Speaker 4: that way, and like just to even know the stories,

606
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 4: know the truth, It's like it kind of is like

607
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 4: a representation of how shit spreads and becomes such a massive,

608
00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 4: big something collapses essentially because you weren't told, You didn't

609
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 4: even have preventive measures. You couldn't if you don't know

610
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:06,040
Speaker 4: something exists or something happened in your family, how do

611
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:08,800
Speaker 4: you go about healing that thing? So like that is

612
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,760
Speaker 4: like this is one example of that, but I'm sure

613
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 4: this is there's other ailments and physical things that manifest

614
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:18,920
Speaker 4: in families all the time because we're not talking to

615
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 4: each other or we're not in tune with our bodies

616
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 4: enough to identify and then get the help to tell

617
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:27,000
Speaker 4: our children. So it's just like and you don't or

618
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:28,960
Speaker 4: you don't know, you don't even know great Grandma to

619
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:30,920
Speaker 4: even fucking ask, and you know, and like your mom

620
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 4: didn't tell you.

621
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think as children we are told not

622
00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 1: to ask too many questions and to stay in a

623
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 1: child's place, And so when we become adults, we forget

624
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 1: to go back to those questions that we have that

625
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 1: we wanted to Now, can I ask when we were seven?

626
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 5: Any airmark that right?

627
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:49,800
Speaker 7: Yeah?

628
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:52,920
Speaker 4: And I'm eighteen ask this question? Yeah.

629
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 1: And So as I was writing this book, I started

630
00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:58,960
Speaker 1: to ask my mother about her tears. I wanted to

631
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:00,760
Speaker 1: know what were some of the few she had when

632
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,880
Speaker 1: I was in her womb and she was carrying you know,

633
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 1: what were her insecurities and what were her biggest challenges

634
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:10,520
Speaker 1: when I was a baby, and who supported her and

635
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 1: what lack of support and resources did she have? Just

636
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 1: questions that we would have never had when.

637
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 4: They're in the room. When you gave birds, did you

638
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 4: have was your labor? It was your label easeful, labor, easeful?

639
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:23,120
Speaker 4: What place where you're in because all of that matters

640
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 4: where you're conceived, and people are always like, what the

641
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 4: fuck you're talking about? Like no, like energetically, like realistically, cellularly,

642
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:31,920
Speaker 4: if you're in your mom's womb and she's going through shit,

643
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:33,280
Speaker 4: you're already carried.

644
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, How because this journey really started from the place

645
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 3: of extreme pain, discomfort. How how did your family and

646
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:46,719
Speaker 3: your mother receive all of these questions because they've been

647
00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 3: locked up because there it hasn't been discussed because it's

648
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:55,160
Speaker 3: almost been normalized, and the silence is kind of just like, yeah,

649
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 3: a normal, normal experience in your family, Like, was your

650
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,760
Speaker 3: mom open to like answering all of these questions and

651
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:03,640
Speaker 3: then even just like, I'm sure you've gone down the

652
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:06,280
Speaker 3: path of now not just stopping with your mom, your

653
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 3: father and other people and your family.

654
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I had to take very different approaches with

655
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 1: both of my parents. My mother is someone that I

656
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 1: can have uncomfortable conversations with.

657
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:17,960
Speaker 5: My father is not.

658
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:22,880
Speaker 1: He's a silent one. From my mother, going through this

659
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 1: experience was very freeing.

660
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:28,200
Speaker 3: She probably like was not waiting, but like didn't even

661
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 3: know she needed to be asked these questions.

662
00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 1: She was so grateful that I was asking these questions

663
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 1: that she would hang up the phone with me and

664
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 1: then call. She was finding that there were things she

665
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 1: couldn't answer because she didn't know the answers, and so

666
00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 1: she would call other people in her family to try

667
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 1: to find the answer. She learned so much about herself,

668
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:52,400
Speaker 1: and she learned about her parents, even my grandmother who's deceased.

669
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:56,240
Speaker 1: She learned so much just from this journey of us talking.

670
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 1: My mother went her whole life and didn't know her

671
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 1: father's real name because she had never questioned anything until

672
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 1: I started questioning everything, and yeah, yeah, no, so what's

673
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:11,040
Speaker 1: his real name? I never thought to ask, you know.

674
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 1: I said to my mom, do you think one of

675
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:15,800
Speaker 1: your parents struggled with any mental illness or were they

676
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 1: diagnosed at any point? And she's like, oh, I would

677
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:22,000
Speaker 1: never ask my parents that. I mean, I saw signs

678
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 1: and symptoms, but I would never.

679
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 5: Ask because he's just respectful. Yeah.

680
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 1: So from my mother, it was extremely healing. And it's

681
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 1: still challenging accepting the truth because not everybody is ready

682
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 1: for it. Some people are okay with the stories they've

683
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 1: been told and what they don't know. And from my father,

684
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 1: I found that I needed to approach him differently. I

685
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 1: couldn't just walk in the door with some open ended questions.

686
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, I feel like that that dynamic is probably

687
00:32:56,000 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 3: more so what people face. So I am curious how

688
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:02,440
Speaker 3: what were the questions or how did you lead up

689
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:03,840
Speaker 3: to that, because there's a lot of people I'm sure

690
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 3: listening that are like, I don't even know where to

691
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:09,440
Speaker 3: how I would even begin to frame a question like that.

692
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:12,240
Speaker 3: That's deeply personal. Yeah, perhaps even triggering.

693
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:13,200
Speaker 5: Yeah.

694
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:16,040
Speaker 1: So I think the one thing that I learned immediately

695
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 1: is that my parents don't know a lot about themselves

696
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:21,920
Speaker 1: and about their parents and where they come from. And

697
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,480
Speaker 1: so for my father, I saw this as an opportunity

698
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:29,400
Speaker 1: to educate him and teach him things about the family.

699
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 1: And so I would call him. I was pulling up

700
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 1: death certificates. I was like doing DNA testing, and I

701
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 1: would call him and say, hey, Dad, did you know

702
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 1: that your grandmother had nine kids?

703
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 5: And he's like, no, she didn't.

704
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:46,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, yes she did, and I'm reading off the

705
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:50,880
Speaker 1: names and he's like whooo yes. And so it started

706
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 1: with me just sharing information and that just kind of

707
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 1: opened up the door of him responding to things like oh,

708
00:33:57,880 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 1: well I was told this.

709
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 5: And so you know, we would had to come out

710
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 5: the fact had the receipts.

711
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had to lay out the papers on the

712
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:07,280
Speaker 1: table printed.

713
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,200
Speaker 4: Like, no, this is real, right yeah.

714
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:09,720
Speaker 5: Yeah.

715
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:12,239
Speaker 1: So for him, he started to see the benefit in

716
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:16,080
Speaker 1: having conversations because he was able to learn some things

717
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:19,840
Speaker 1: about himself. And so for me, I was teaching, but

718
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:21,799
Speaker 1: I also had to be really gentle. I had to

719
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,719
Speaker 1: gently challenge both of them. And that's what therapists do

720
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 1: really well, right They gently challenge you with open ended

721
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 1: questions to help you get unstuck. And that's why you

722
00:34:31,239 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 1: pay big money for therapists. And so I gave myself

723
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:38,279
Speaker 1: this role of being that person in my family. Did

724
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:39,920
Speaker 1: you feel like I had to step outside of being

725
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:41,799
Speaker 1: nicole and like get into a different role to do

726
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 1: that because I feel like being gentle with I feel

727
00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 1: like asking questions in a gentle way to people that

728
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:49,600
Speaker 1: you've known all your life or that you have all

729
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:53,040
Speaker 1: these other like I don't know just you have history

730
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:56,640
Speaker 1: with can feel a little bit different than like, Okay,

731
00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:59,120
Speaker 1: I'm not your I'm not your daughter in this moment,

732
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:02,799
Speaker 1: I'm actually like your therapist in per se. Yeah, you

733
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:04,719
Speaker 1: have to put on like another hat to do that,

734
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 1: or no, I think it's really thinking about what you need, right,

735
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 1: Like you think about like what you need from a

736
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 1: therapist or what you need from a girlfriend, from a sister.

737
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:16,759
Speaker 1: You want someone to create a safe space for you

738
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:18,759
Speaker 1: in order for you to be vulnerable, and you have

739
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:21,319
Speaker 1: to do the same thing when you're having these conversations

740
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 1: with family. You have to put your emotions to the side.

741
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:29,280
Speaker 1: You cannot go in with your feelings on the table

742
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:32,280
Speaker 1: of how you feel about the decisions that you made.

743
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 1: You have to be able to ask the wise to

744
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:39,759
Speaker 1: understand the behavior and be okay with whatever those responses

745
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:43,800
Speaker 1: are and not take it personal. And so I really

746
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:46,239
Speaker 1: wanted to figure out how to create space. It was

747
00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:48,920
Speaker 1: a challenge that I had put on myself, like how

748
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:51,600
Speaker 1: do I create space for my dad where he can

749
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:56,360
Speaker 1: feel okay speaking for the first time to someone about

750
00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:58,800
Speaker 1: how it felt to have a father that was murdered

751
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:02,000
Speaker 1: when he was a child become a father that didn't

752
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:04,440
Speaker 1: have the tools and figure it out, you know, like

753
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,240
Speaker 1: questions that no one had ever asked him. I wanted

754
00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:09,279
Speaker 1: to ask that I knew they were things that he

755
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:13,880
Speaker 1: had thought about. And so, yeah, that was one of

756
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,680
Speaker 1: the most challenging things and trying to figure it out.

757
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 1: But I think learning people's preferred communication style is the

758
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:26,840
Speaker 1: most important thing when you are having these conversations with family,

759
00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:29,879
Speaker 1: because some people will open up to you more through

760
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:34,080
Speaker 1: text or an email or a letter than they will

761
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:39,799
Speaker 1: face to face. And so I would ask my mom, Hey,

762
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:42,279
Speaker 1: are you comfortable with us getting on a call or

763
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:44,400
Speaker 1: would you rather like FaceTime or text like what do

764
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 1: you want and she's like, oh, you could just call me,

765
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:48,440
Speaker 1: And my dad's like, well text me what you need.

766
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:51,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, let me read it out loud, right, yeah.

767
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:52,360
Speaker 5: Let me mentally prepare.

768
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:58,760
Speaker 1: So yeah, it was getting comfortable with other people's preferred

769
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:02,920
Speaker 1: communication styles, because if you want to break through, you

770
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:05,279
Speaker 1: have to meet them where they are, and.

771
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 4: Also probably understanding and accepting like with this experience, this

772
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 4: traumatic experience that you went through in this like physical

773
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:13,279
Speaker 4: you know, at thirty five, you think you know you

774
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:17,920
Speaker 4: know everything about yourself, especially medically. That's so it's so

775
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:20,880
Speaker 4: you have to deal with yourself gently. So then when

776
00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 4: you go talk to your parents, you can only imagine

777
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 4: how confusing it is for them to be like the

778
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:28,600
Speaker 4: person I birth is coming to me with things that

779
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:30,920
Speaker 4: I don't have the answers to, you know, and like

780
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:33,520
Speaker 4: going about it in a gentle way, and like being

781
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:37,680
Speaker 4: compassionate because it's it's like, yeah, like damn, I didn't

782
00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:39,440
Speaker 4: know this about my dad. Damn I didn't know this.

783
00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:42,959
Speaker 4: I actually had a reading recently from god Iss Jesse

784
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 4: because we're in this queen healing program and it's all

785
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:48,120
Speaker 4: about like lineage and your ancestry and something came up

786
00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:49,800
Speaker 4: for me. It was like, do you have like a

787
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:52,839
Speaker 4: relative like that just showed up back in your life?

788
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:55,800
Speaker 4: And I was like no, and she I was like, actually,

789
00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:58,799
Speaker 4: before my grandmother died, like maybe a year or two

790
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:03,239
Speaker 4: before she if, she mentioned like a fourth child that

791
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 4: she had given up for adoption. And I was like,

792
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:07,399
Speaker 4: what the fuck are you talking about? And she's like yeah,

793
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,279
Speaker 4: I try to look for her, but I couldn't find her.

794
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 4: And everybody seemed to know, like my parents were like

795
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:13,359
Speaker 4: oh yeah, But like I was just like, what are

796
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:16,600
Speaker 4: you talking about? And she had told me like back

797
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 4: when you're in a certain which is just as my grandmother,

798
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:20,840
Speaker 4: so it's not like my great girt grandmother. She was

799
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:24,160
Speaker 4: pregnant young, like a teenager. They pulled out of school

800
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 4: and this is what they did to teenage girls who

801
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 4: got pregnant at the time, because abortion was not an option.

802
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:30,480
Speaker 4: She stayed in the house with other teenage girls who

803
00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:34,040
Speaker 4: were pregnant, and she was like, yeah until they had

804
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:36,279
Speaker 4: had the baby, and then they gave the baby away

805
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:38,080
Speaker 4: from adoption and then they'd take them back to school.

806
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,640
Speaker 4: But she expressed to me that she was the one

807
00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 4: responsible for cleaning up the labor and delivery room after

808
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:48,880
Speaker 4: each girl gave birth, and I was like, did you

809
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:51,480
Speaker 4: get therapy? And she was like no, and I was

810
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:54,200
Speaker 4: just like looking at her. She was looking at me,

811
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:56,759
Speaker 4: and I was like, that's crazy. And this reading she

812
00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 4: was like asking me if there's a like a relative

813
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:01,319
Speaker 4: that I didn't know that came back. And then that

814
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 4: she also is like there's something with you in birth,

815
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 4: and I was like, well, then I told her this story,

816
00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:08,840
Speaker 4: you know, and it's like, these are things that you

817
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 4: wouldn't even think that consider that resonate to you personally,

818
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:14,959
Speaker 4: are on a cellular level. But that's some rough shit

819
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 4: to even have to experience, as you know, as a human,

820
00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 4: like as a woman, you know, and then you're cleaning up,

821
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 4: you're scared, you're teenager, you have to give birth, you

822
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:24,960
Speaker 4: have to be rid of your baby, especially for Black

823
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 4: women who if there's such deep history with having to

824
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:30,120
Speaker 4: separate from your child. And I've always had like a

825
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 4: very deep connection with birth and like labor, I love it,

826
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:38,920
Speaker 4: oddly enough, but just having these conversations it just like

827
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:41,920
Speaker 4: it was so you know, like having the conversation with

828
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:44,239
Speaker 4: somebody else put like a lot of light on things

829
00:39:44,239 --> 00:39:46,640
Speaker 4: that I hadn't acknowledged that live inside of me too,

830
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:49,239
Speaker 4: and like yeah, asking my mom, like where were you?

831
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 4: Like my mom gave birth alone because she gave birth

832
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 4: in Alabama, it was super racist, and because my parents

833
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:57,799
Speaker 4: weren't married, they made my dad sit in the waiting room.

834
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:00,839
Speaker 4: And she's like twenty one years old in CA giving

835
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:02,560
Speaker 4: birth with a bunch of people she doesn't know, And

836
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:05,360
Speaker 4: like I just can't even imagine, but like this lives

837
00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 4: in me because I was there, but just not in

838
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 4: this realm yet and so you know, and just even

839
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 4: having regrets about like my grandmother being here and not

840
00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:18,280
Speaker 4: having these conversations and having a microphone, having a computer,

841
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 4: I could have just been like, hey, what's up, you know,

842
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:25,319
Speaker 4: and like just just assuming they're always going to be there,

843
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 4: assuming you're going to get the answers, But then you

844
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 4: start looking and maybe you don't have access to the answers,

845
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,239
Speaker 4: maybe your mom or your dad doesn't know, and just

846
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:38,040
Speaker 4: like taking the time to have the conversations now and

847
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:42,040
Speaker 4: remembering like you're not a child and you're allowed to ask,

848
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,640
Speaker 4: you know, even if it's uncomfortable for you and uncomfortable

849
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:48,320
Speaker 4: for other people, but just understanding like you don't always

850
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 4: have all the time.

851
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:49,960
Speaker 2: You know.

852
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's one of the biggest things that we that

853
00:40:56,000 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 1: we resent during grief. It's the hardest challenge with grief.

854
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:05,200
Speaker 1: It's the words that were left unsaid and the questions

855
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 1: that weren't asked. And we get so hard on ourselves

856
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:11,799
Speaker 1: about not being able to have just one more conversation

857
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:15,879
Speaker 1: with someone. And it's like, I'm looking at you right now,

858
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,120
Speaker 1: and I'm like, but this is such a teaching moment

859
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:21,640
Speaker 1: for your daughter of showing her, you know, how to

860
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:25,320
Speaker 1: take advantage of you while you're here and your mother

861
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:28,720
Speaker 1: while she's here, and how you guys can sit around

862
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:30,560
Speaker 1: and talk about all of the things that you can

863
00:41:30,600 --> 00:41:33,200
Speaker 1: share with her, everything that you do, know, all of

864
00:41:33,239 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 1: the pieces that you have been able to put down

865
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 1: to put the puzzle together.

866
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

867
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:42,360
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm going to cry now too, because

868
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:46,480
Speaker 3: because this is something too that I know I've mentioned

869
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:49,400
Speaker 3: I was supposed to interview my grandmother January of this

870
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:53,840
Speaker 3: last year, and I haven't, And I think part of

871
00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 3: it I keep putting it off too, because it's like

872
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:59,080
Speaker 3: you want to know, but then there's like there's a curiosity,

873
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:01,239
Speaker 3: but then there's like a resistance, and there's like this

874
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:04,600
Speaker 3: weird resistance and fear of even knowing what could potentially

875
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:07,839
Speaker 3: be stored inside of inside of you that you don't

876
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:09,400
Speaker 3: even know is stored. And like you said, like a

877
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:12,760
Speaker 3: lot of people, are you are okay with just living

878
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:15,560
Speaker 3: with the stories that they've been told and not diving

879
00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:18,160
Speaker 3: deeper into the past. I know that my even my

880
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:21,000
Speaker 3: own grandmother has a very like a similar story about

881
00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:24,319
Speaker 3: pregnancy and hiding it and getting sent away and giving

882
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:26,879
Speaker 3: her baby up for adoption. And she refuses to even

883
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:30,080
Speaker 3: talk about this, Like she told my mom, when when

884
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:32,719
Speaker 3: your grandfather dies, I'll tell you he's dead. We're still

885
00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 3: refuses to talk about it. So it's like, how that

886
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:36,799
Speaker 3: stores in your body? How that then stored in my

887
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:39,319
Speaker 3: mom's body? How that then stores in my body? Yeah,

888
00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:41,520
Speaker 3: and so on and so on and so on and

889
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:42,200
Speaker 3: so and.

890
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,320
Speaker 4: Like how popular was this story that this is happening

891
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:45,600
Speaker 4: everybody's grandma? Apparently?

892
00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:48,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, But I mean, even look at you two and

893
00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:50,440
Speaker 1: where you are right now. A lot of times people

894
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:53,239
Speaker 1: say you are your ancestors wildest dreams. And when we're

895
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 1: trying to find our purpose, sometimes it's looking back at

896
00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:59,759
Speaker 1: the stories of our ancestors, and like just hearing this

897
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:03,000
Speaker 1: story that of what your mother had to deal with,

898
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:06,279
Speaker 1: and now seeing that you advocate for moms, that you've

899
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 1: created this space and you just said that there's something

900
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:11,799
Speaker 1: about birth that you love, that you want to see

901
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:14,040
Speaker 1: the beauty and the joy and the experience, and like

902
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:15,719
Speaker 1: that didn't just start with you.

903
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:17,239
Speaker 5: It's all of.

904
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:20,640
Speaker 1: The things that the women before you wish they could

905
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 1: have done and how they wish they could have shown

906
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,719
Speaker 1: up in the world. And so there's just so much

907
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:28,920
Speaker 1: gratitude I think that we need to hold space for

908
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:32,160
Speaker 1: on a daily basis of looking back, all of those

909
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:35,719
Speaker 1: sacrifices that those women made and the mistakes that they

910
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:41,920
Speaker 1: made have taken part in who we are as women today,

911
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:44,520
Speaker 1: all of it, all of it. Like we're carrying so

912
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:48,399
Speaker 1: much of it. And it's a beautiful thing when you

913
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:51,200
Speaker 1: look back and now you see they're smiling down on you.

914
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:54,879
Speaker 1: Your grandmother is so proud of you, she really is.

915
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 1: I mean, if I can sit here and say I'm

916
00:43:56,600 --> 00:44:02,600
Speaker 1: proud of you, imagine how what do you think is

917
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:05,840
Speaker 1: the biggest lesson or takeaway from writing this book throughout

918
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,480
Speaker 1: this process of an earth thing? I'm sure so much

919
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:12,759
Speaker 1: information about your family and your history. I think the

920
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:17,480
Speaker 1: biggest takeaway is that although you can choose silence, the

921
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:21,839
Speaker 1: silence can harm you, and it will at some point.

922
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:26,800
Speaker 1: Everyone is not ready for the truth. But the truth,

923
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:31,160
Speaker 1: as difficult as it is to face, is what helps

924
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 1: you heal, and their healing is a very trendy thing.

925
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:36,840
Speaker 1: We talk about self care, we talk about going to

926
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:40,759
Speaker 1: the spa, but you are not truly healing if you

927
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:44,920
Speaker 1: are not willing to uncover the things and have the

928
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:51,040
Speaker 1: difficult conversations and interview your grandmother. You are becoming complacent

929
00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:54,000
Speaker 1: with what you know and you're okay with what you

930
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:57,560
Speaker 1: don't know. And it's not enough if you want to

931
00:44:57,640 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 1: thrive in this life and be your best self for

932
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:05,239
Speaker 1: yourself and also for your children. They deserve to know

933
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,759
Speaker 1: everything that you have been through and everything you have

934
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:13,800
Speaker 1: worked on to be the best version of yourself for them.

935
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:20,319
Speaker 4: I mean, accept the truth so that you can heal

936
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:24,080
Speaker 4: from it. And like just sitting here with my like

937
00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:27,200
Speaker 4: my peers, my friends, and like we all have things

938
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:31,239
Speaker 4: in the world. We all have written documented stories, memoirs

939
00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:34,920
Speaker 4: of our deep seated family things that you know, you know,

940
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:37,640
Speaker 4: like you're not supposed to write about you're not supposed

941
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:41,839
Speaker 4: to talk about, and how medicinal that is, you know,

942
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:43,759
Speaker 4: how beautiful it is, and like even going back like

943
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:47,200
Speaker 4: not very far. And you know, in our history, women

944
00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:50,000
Speaker 4: aren't even allowed to write, let alone record their stories.

945
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:53,720
Speaker 4: Like there are so many women's stories that we will

946
00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:56,520
Speaker 4: never know. They just live inside of us. And so

947
00:45:56,600 --> 00:45:58,400
Speaker 4: there's like even for us, I think, and I know

948
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:03,480
Speaker 4: for you too, like having a platform and talking brutally honestly,

949
00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:06,320
Speaker 4: like we were told not to do that, Like that's crazy.

950
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:08,279
Speaker 4: You don't say certain things like why do you have

951
00:46:08,320 --> 00:46:10,840
Speaker 4: to talk about these things? And just for some reason

952
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:12,719
Speaker 4: just knowing like fuck it, I'm going to keep doing it,

953
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:15,200
Speaker 4: Like something about this feels good and necessary for me.

954
00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 4: And so like having a having given that gift to

955
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:23,279
Speaker 4: my child of like it's not not inheriting silence, not

956
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:26,839
Speaker 4: keeping secrets for anyone, you know, Like it is such

957
00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:29,359
Speaker 4: a huge, tremendous thing. And it's like sometimes we look

958
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:32,359
Speaker 4: at our lives and we think that they're just our

959
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:35,480
Speaker 4: own and it's not. It's so much deeper than that.

960
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:38,560
Speaker 4: Like we're in a very delicate time in history. We're

961
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 4: in a very weird time. It's very strange times, but

962
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:45,000
Speaker 4: we have all been given the gift of our voices.

963
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:47,879
Speaker 4: We've all been given the gift of the pen, We've

964
00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 4: all been given the gift of publishing. You know, like it,

965
00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:55,560
Speaker 4: it's much deeper when you've been your people have been

966
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:58,440
Speaker 4: silenced or told not to say anything. And even like

967
00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:01,080
Speaker 4: when you have family members that may not accept or

968
00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 4: be happy about what you put in the book, at

969
00:47:03,719 --> 00:47:05,440
Speaker 4: the end of the day, it is the truth and

970
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:08,239
Speaker 4: it is necessary, and even if they don't recognize it

971
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 4: now or ever, it is actually healing them too.

972
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:12,040
Speaker 5: Yeah.

973
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 1: Something I would just add to that is protecting your

974
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 1: words wherever they live, because with the times that we're

975
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:21,960
Speaker 1: living in right now, we have to think about erasure.

976
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:25,520
Speaker 1: We have to think about book bands. And there may

977
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:28,720
Speaker 1: be a time where future generations cannot access your book

978
00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:32,879
Speaker 1: or my book if there is a mention of slavery

979
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:35,600
Speaker 1: or what we have been through as African Americans in

980
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:39,240
Speaker 1: this country, those books may not be available at some point.

981
00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:42,960
Speaker 1: Good Mom's Bad Choices is available on every platform right now,

982
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:46,600
Speaker 1: that might not be the case in ten twenty years,

983
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:49,960
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So holding on to recordings,

984
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 1: holding on to books, holding on to your journal, locking

985
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:56,640
Speaker 1: it away somewhere, just making sure that protector generations can

986
00:47:56,719 --> 00:47:58,520
Speaker 1: access this information.

987
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:00,480
Speaker 5: Important.

988
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:03,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is such a scary time right now, and

989
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:06,400
Speaker 3: it is important, and it is important for the people listening.

990
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:10,480
Speaker 3: Like you can be the catalyst to so much healing,

991
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:12,480
Speaker 3: But you have to unsilence yourself.

992
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:14,240
Speaker 5: You have to be brave enough to ask the questions.

993
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:15,160
Speaker 5: And what I love.

994
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:19,720
Speaker 3: About your book, Breaking Generational Silence is that you actually

995
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:23,480
Speaker 3: do pose the questions to ask. So it is in

996
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:25,319
Speaker 3: a lot of ways a guide for people that don't

997
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:27,240
Speaker 3: even know where to start, that don't know what questions

998
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:30,160
Speaker 3: to ask. You have to get this book, you guys,

999
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 3: please get this book and start asking the questions, if

1000
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:36,239
Speaker 3: not only just for yourself, but for your family, for

1001
00:48:36,280 --> 00:48:40,320
Speaker 3: your children, for the future generations, because if you don't,

1002
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:43,719
Speaker 3: and it just becomes you just perpetuating the cycle and

1003
00:48:43,719 --> 00:48:46,479
Speaker 3: not understanding. Why is why do people in my family

1004
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 3: always seem to die in their sleep? Why is it

1005
00:48:48,719 --> 00:48:53,840
Speaker 3: that you know I have inherited depression? What is this depression?

1006
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:54,640
Speaker 3: What is the source?

1007
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:56,480
Speaker 5: What are these.

1008
00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:59,080
Speaker 3: Physical ailments that keep coming up in my body that

1009
00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:02,440
Speaker 3: I've seen up and my cousins or my grandmother, Like

1010
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:05,919
Speaker 3: it's not by chance, like these are these are real

1011
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:09,240
Speaker 3: things that can be unearthed by not staying silent.

1012
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:14,360
Speaker 4: What a gift. And I think sometimes people forget, like

1013
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:16,799
Speaker 4: what are the questions that I would even ask? But

1014
00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:18,320
Speaker 4: then you can like get inspired.

1015
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:20,680
Speaker 5: Yea, you have it right here, right here.

1016
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:24,960
Speaker 3: Well I have a final question, so I know, like

1017
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:26,600
Speaker 3: we were talking and we're talking about this in the

1018
00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:29,040
Speaker 3: car about just like I know, this journey really started

1019
00:49:29,920 --> 00:49:35,319
Speaker 3: because of your endometriosis and asking even your doctor, like

1020
00:49:35,880 --> 00:49:37,560
Speaker 3: posing this question of whether or not you're gonna have

1021
00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:39,400
Speaker 3: children or any more children. Obviously now you have an

1022
00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:40,920
Speaker 3: eight month year old, Yeah.

1023
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:42,879
Speaker 5: You can't have any more babies? Are you gonna bless

1024
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:44,000
Speaker 5: us with any more babies?

1025
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:46,400
Speaker 2: You know?

1026
00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:51,520
Speaker 1: The hardest part of dealing with health battles is and

1027
00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:55,560
Speaker 1: now I'm gonna cry, the hardest part of dealing with

1028
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:58,800
Speaker 1: health battles is thinking about your future because you can't

1029
00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:03,719
Speaker 1: imagine it when you're in survival mode. And for so

1030
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:07,600
Speaker 1: long I was in survival mode of not being able

1031
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:10,399
Speaker 1: to think about the future because I didn't know if

1032
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:14,840
Speaker 1: I were to make it through each surgery, and having

1033
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:18,960
Speaker 1: my son Cash was such a miracle. It felt like

1034
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 1: such a miracle, and I was like, I was meant

1035
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:24,200
Speaker 1: to have this baby. And I don't know how many

1036
00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:26,080
Speaker 1: more years I have here, but I was meant to

1037
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:30,279
Speaker 1: have this baby. And God is really good because I'm

1038
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:32,080
Speaker 1: pregnant now and we're having another.

1039
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:39,080
Speaker 5: Yes, congratulates you. Wonder too. I'm doing it.

1040
00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:42,880
Speaker 1: Maybe that's a bad decision, but I'm a good mom.

1041
00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:46,719
Speaker 5: Thank you.

1042
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:50,000
Speaker 1: I'm so excited for you pregnancy announcement.

1043
00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:53,440
Speaker 3: We heard it here first, and now you came and

1044
00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:55,120
Speaker 3: made all the good mom's cry.

1045
00:50:56,440 --> 00:50:57,720
Speaker 5: Crying therapy session.

1046
00:50:58,280 --> 00:51:02,000
Speaker 3: Well, I'm I'm so happy for you, Nicole, and I've

1047
00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:04,879
Speaker 3: always been inspired by you. You've always been kind of

1048
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:06,640
Speaker 3: a mother to so many.

1049
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:08,680
Speaker 4: I think in our first episode you said you didn't

1050
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:09,320
Speaker 4: want kids.

1051
00:51:09,560 --> 00:51:10,000
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1052
00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:12,040
Speaker 4: I think in that first episode you're like, I don't

1053
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:14,200
Speaker 4: really want kids. I mother all these other children. And

1054
00:51:14,239 --> 00:51:14,920
Speaker 4: that's what I'm saying.

1055
00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:18,880
Speaker 3: You've been a mother to so many, including Miracle, and

1056
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:21,719
Speaker 3: including all the children that you support and also your friend.

1057
00:51:21,760 --> 00:51:23,680
Speaker 3: I feel like you just have a motherly energy just

1058
00:51:23,719 --> 00:51:25,319
Speaker 3: in general. When I was in New York, you took

1059
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:27,840
Speaker 3: care of me. Yeah, but I didn't know. I'm not

1060
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:29,479
Speaker 3: talking about the first time. I'm talking about the second

1061
00:51:29,480 --> 00:51:31,240
Speaker 3: time when I came back and I was like help,

1062
00:51:31,400 --> 00:51:33,240
Speaker 3: I needed help, and you're like I got you.

1063
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:33,800
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1064
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:37,160
Speaker 1: Like, and I was telling myself that I didn't want

1065
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:39,759
Speaker 1: kids because I wasn't sure if I was capable of

1066
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:44,880
Speaker 1: having them, and I was trying to train myself to

1067
00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:48,320
Speaker 1: believe that I would be okay either way. So now

1068
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:50,640
Speaker 1: that I have kids, I can look back and admit

1069
00:51:50,719 --> 00:51:53,120
Speaker 1: that that I just didn't think I would be able

1070
00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:53,800
Speaker 1: to have kids.

1071
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 4: And you're not even knowing the diagnosis, just just just

1072
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:03,000
Speaker 4: knowing that something was wrong. And also like don't don't

1073
00:52:03,080 --> 00:52:07,640
Speaker 4: underestimate the innate thing, like even things in childhood, things

1074
00:52:07,640 --> 00:52:10,080
Speaker 4: that you love, things that you draw to, things that

1075
00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:12,719
Speaker 4: you know knowingly if something's wrong, like go check it out.

1076
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:14,840
Speaker 4: If someone tells you you're fine and you know something's

1077
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:17,879
Speaker 4: not fine, go fucking ask somebody else. Like you keep

1078
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:20,280
Speaker 4: going until you know because no one knows you like yourself,

1079
00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:23,880
Speaker 4: and like instinctually, like don't downplay the things that on

1080
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:27,160
Speaker 4: a like intuitive level, you know about yourself, Like there

1081
00:52:27,160 --> 00:52:29,520
Speaker 4: are things like even in this reading again, she was like,

1082
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:31,239
Speaker 4: you're part of the fairy people. You have like a

1083
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:33,960
Speaker 4: feline spirit. I was like, bitch, I am a cat,

1084
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:35,760
Speaker 4: Like I feel this way. I know this is silly,

1085
00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:38,560
Speaker 4: but there are things that, like whatever you felt in

1086
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:41,480
Speaker 4: childhood or whatever you feel deeply in your body, there

1087
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:44,600
Speaker 4: are things that that you belong to and that you know.

1088
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:47,720
Speaker 4: There's a knowing because your ancestors live inside of you.

1089
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:49,719
Speaker 4: You never know your lineage. A lot of us don't

1090
00:52:49,719 --> 00:52:53,680
Speaker 4: know as black women, as black people, but like trust that,

1091
00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:56,319
Speaker 4: trust that, and like, don't let anybody tell you shit

1092
00:52:56,400 --> 00:52:59,399
Speaker 4: about yourself that you know to be true. Yeah, I'll

1093
00:52:59,560 --> 00:53:02,560
Speaker 4: pick out a card. Nikki, Did I call you that?

1094
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:17,680
Speaker 2: H one?

1095
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:24,120
Speaker 4: It's too masive one?

1096
00:53:25,200 --> 00:53:28,600
Speaker 5: Nicole, you've always been kind of a witch. I am.

1097
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:30,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, I remember all of our friends are witches.

1098
00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:31,640
Speaker 5: She would she was.

1099
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:35,120
Speaker 3: She's really good at like knowing what sign people are

1100
00:53:35,239 --> 00:53:36,800
Speaker 3: like immediately when she meets them.

1101
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:37,160
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1102
00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:40,960
Speaker 1: I used to have this thing in my early twenties.

1103
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:42,920
Speaker 1: I was bartending, and I would just walk up to

1104
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:46,640
Speaker 1: people and tell them their birthday. It was so I

1105
00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:52,160
Speaker 1: used to just be like January third, if you like, who.

1106
00:53:51,640 --> 00:53:52,640
Speaker 6: The are you?

1107
00:53:52,960 --> 00:53:54,879
Speaker 4: It's real you'd be knowing.

1108
00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:55,560
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1109
00:53:55,880 --> 00:53:58,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I had something the other like a couple of

1110
00:53:58,200 --> 00:54:00,000
Speaker 4: weeks ago, and I was like, I'm thinking of something,

1111
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:02,719
Speaker 4: figure it out, and we like it was so on

1112
00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:04,400
Speaker 4: and it was like only like two guesses and I

1113
00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:07,600
Speaker 4: was like I knew, like when you talk like telepathically,

1114
00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:10,520
Speaker 4: we are always exchanging energy, always speaks before words do

1115
00:54:11,040 --> 00:54:13,400
Speaker 4: and like, don't underestimate that shit. And I think especially

1116
00:54:13,480 --> 00:54:16,600
Speaker 4: women like we again, we rebirth all this shit. We

1117
00:54:16,640 --> 00:54:18,920
Speaker 4: are the womb. We are the portal between heaven and

1118
00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:25,120
Speaker 4: like life. So yes, the Ace of Wands as an ace,

1119
00:54:25,280 --> 00:54:28,520
Speaker 4: this Wan's card brings you pure potential. This time is

1120
00:54:28,560 --> 00:54:32,480
Speaker 4: the spiritual, energetic realm. Ideas are flowing to you, motivating

1121
00:54:32,480 --> 00:54:34,719
Speaker 4: and inspiring you to pursue a new path. You're open

1122
00:54:34,719 --> 00:54:38,200
Speaker 4: to receiving new opportunities that align with your higher self.

1123
00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:40,799
Speaker 4: A whole world of possibilities available to you. The Ace

1124
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:42,839
Speaker 4: of Wands encourages you to follow your heart and live

1125
00:54:42,880 --> 00:54:45,680
Speaker 4: in your passion. If you feel a strong pull towards

1126
00:54:45,719 --> 00:54:48,480
Speaker 4: a new project or path that are questioning whether it

1127
00:54:48,520 --> 00:54:50,320
Speaker 4: will work, this is the card that gives you gentle

1128
00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:53,560
Speaker 4: nudge to pursue your passion. You can always start out small,

1129
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:57,440
Speaker 4: treating the project or idea as experiment or trial. Then

1130
00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:00,239
Speaker 4: then if it feels good, keep doing it and if

1131
00:55:00,239 --> 00:55:03,880
Speaker 4: it doesn't, make a judgments and try again. Let your energy, dedication,

1132
00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:09,759
Speaker 4: and motivation be your guides. Love it, Listen to your

1133
00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:10,359
Speaker 4: fucking self.

1134
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:11,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1135
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:14,040
Speaker 5: And also, that new project is brewing inside you know,

1136
00:55:14,120 --> 00:55:17,120
Speaker 5: tell me too, girl, the project is, the project is

1137
00:55:17,120 --> 00:55:19,120
Speaker 5: are brewing. How many months are ye? I'm three and

1138
00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:19,839
Speaker 5: a half months.

1139
00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:22,920
Speaker 4: Yay. Oh my god, I'm so excited for you.

1140
00:55:23,040 --> 00:55:24,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, I am.

1141
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:27,200
Speaker 1: I am so excited and scared. So all of the

1142
00:55:27,280 --> 00:55:30,840
Speaker 1: moms who've done two under two please centips.

1143
00:55:30,880 --> 00:55:35,040
Speaker 3: I got pretty honey. I don't know nothing about that life, Nicole.

1144
00:55:35,480 --> 00:55:37,600
Speaker 3: I love you, I love you. Thank you for coming

1145
00:55:37,640 --> 00:55:40,480
Speaker 3: on our show. You guys, make sure you get Nicole's book,

1146
00:55:40,840 --> 00:55:43,600
Speaker 3: Breaking Generational Silence, available.

1147
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:48,799
Speaker 5: Everywhere old places, Yes, everywhere. And can you tell people

1148
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:51,200
Speaker 5: where they can find you on social Yes? You can

1149
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:53,720
Speaker 5: find me at Nicole Russell with an idol.

1150
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:54,920
Speaker 1: Hi.

1151
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:56,520
Speaker 5: But if you're looking for me.

1152
00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:01,520
Speaker 1: With the way I see what is it Nicole Russell?

1153
00:56:01,560 --> 00:56:04,360
Speaker 1: What just at Nicole Rust at Nicole Wrestle.

1154
00:56:06,800 --> 00:56:08,919
Speaker 3: Maybe you know where to find us, y'all at Good

1155
00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:13,200
Speaker 3: Mom's Bad Choices. Make sure you go subscribe to our

1156
00:56:13,239 --> 00:56:16,640
Speaker 3: YouTube channel. Make sure you download this episode, leave us

1157
00:56:16,640 --> 00:56:19,360
Speaker 3: a review on Apple. Check out The Good Vibe Retreat.

1158
00:56:19,360 --> 00:56:22,240
Speaker 3: We have a summer retreat coming up July thirty first

1159
00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:24,000
Speaker 3: and August eighth.

1160
00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:26,480
Speaker 4: And postford that. I also have a couple's retreat with

1161
00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:29,600
Speaker 4: our men's and with the couples, because you know we're

1162
00:56:29,600 --> 00:56:31,120
Speaker 4: want to be more loving to the world. That's a

1163
00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:33,440
Speaker 4: tangent retreat called the Good Lover Tree. We're gonna do

1164
00:56:33,600 --> 00:56:35,160
Speaker 4: so much fun. We have a lot of play, a

1165
00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:38,080
Speaker 4: lot of tips and tools to deepen your connection with

1166
00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:40,600
Speaker 4: your pat net. That's in June, So drop those kids

1167
00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:43,640
Speaker 4: off and compail and pick the mumps a man, and.

1168
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:44,359
Speaker 5: We'll see you next week.

1169
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:48,640
Speaker 7: Ye please? Yeah, I'm living so good.

1170
00:56:48,680 --> 00:56:49,319
Speaker 4: Can't you tell?

1171
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:51,600
Speaker 7: I went through it drought. That's until I find a

1172
00:56:51,719 --> 00:56:53,840
Speaker 7: well maym have been known art? I used to be

1173
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:56,160
Speaker 7: broken tail now got the blues hands and might be

1174
00:56:56,280 --> 00:56:58,799
Speaker 7: Yon say just sell throat shots or pop and it's

1175
00:56:58,840 --> 00:57:01,400
Speaker 7: car We're in our voices. Patriarchy kept it in the

1176
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 7: box to it's for this. Women put the pee in power,

1177
00:57:04,360 --> 00:57:06,400
Speaker 7: so what's pointless? They want me to be good, so

1178
00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:07,640
Speaker 7: I make that choice.

1179
00:57:07,680 --> 00:57:08,480
Speaker 5: It's bad mom.

1180
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:11,040
Speaker 7: Not a bad mom, but a bad mom. Itters in

1181
00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:14,280
Speaker 7: on p Cannapus in her bath. Bon walked in Boston's

1182
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:14,719
Speaker 7: cap and I.

1183
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:15,719
Speaker 6: Blew his cat balls.

1184
00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:16,360
Speaker 7: Hot dog.

1185
00:57:16,480 --> 00:57:18,320
Speaker 5: Now I'm immune to the cat calls.

1186
00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:20,919
Speaker 4: Her being no waisted straight to it like a dollar sign.

1187
00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:22,880
Speaker 7: Mother, rent the lover, when too what It's like a

1188
00:57:22,920 --> 00:57:25,360
Speaker 7: water summer where you're rent the winter essential will when

1189
00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:27,720
Speaker 7: the summertime, I do what all ain't no one that

1190
00:57:27,840 --> 00:57:28,640
Speaker 7: needs to run it by