Speaker 1: That's sorry, that's where I got if you do that
Speaker 1: while we all stage all right there, Hey guys, welcome
Speaker 1: to another episode of Horrible Decisions. I wanted to we
Speaker 1: excuse me, I forgot. I don't do the show solo,
Speaker 1: but you know I hate that anyway. UM, we are
Speaker 1: launching our Patreon account. I'm so super excited. So we
Speaker 1: what we're gonna be doing with Patreon is you guys
Speaker 1: are going to be able to subscribe UM to us
Speaker 1: and with these comes tons of goodies and do you
Speaker 1: want to talk about the tears that we're gonna offer us. So,
Speaker 1: because we're you know, a little slotty slot slots, we
Speaker 1: have named them after Basis, So if you want to
Speaker 1: go to first base with us, it's just two dollars
Speaker 1: a month, thinking um us for the free content we've
Speaker 1: been giving out nikets for six months. A second base
Speaker 1: is a bonus episode and video footage, So every single
Speaker 1: month will be providing bonus episodes. To start, it's gonna
Speaker 1: be one a month, and as we get more Patreons,
Speaker 1: we're gonna possibly doing two or maybe one every other week.
Speaker 1: So we're super hyped up to do that. UM and
Speaker 1: third base the best base. I most she really likes
Speaker 1: this space in the space is really good and I
Speaker 1: like to give. So this is the third base, final base. Um,
Speaker 1: with this base, this is going to be fifteen dollars
Speaker 1: a month, and what you're gonna get is everything before.
Speaker 1: So you're gonna get the bonus episodes, you're gonna get
Speaker 1: the video footage, and you're also going to get a
Speaker 1: T shirt. Um that's if you remember at this tier
Speaker 1: four four consecutive months. But the best, the best part
Speaker 1: of this ship. We're also going to allow you to
Speaker 1: help us plan our shows. Um, so we're gonna be
Speaker 1: able to receive topics from you guys, and whoever's topics
Speaker 1: we choose, we're gonna go ahead and shout you guys
Speaker 1: out on the show. Now. With this will possibly become
Speaker 1: longer episodes and no advertisements. We're really trying to eliminate ads.
Speaker 1: I'm kind of tired of hearing about Blue Apron and
Speaker 1: Talk space. A bitch is hungry and needs her mental
Speaker 1: health check all of the time. Now, so I really
Speaker 1: want you guys is to check this out. Um, It's
Speaker 1: not like you have to log onto a whole another
Speaker 1: website too. Um, you know listen to another episode. It's
Speaker 1: going to be in your Apple podcast just for you
Speaker 1: or SoundCloud, I don't know, don't sound clothe all of that.
Speaker 1: It'll it'll be really easy to access and I can
Speaker 1: help um some of you guys who have never heard
Speaker 1: of Patreon. I'll walk you guys through it either via
Speaker 1: my Twitter. UM, we also are getting a horrible decisions
Speaker 1: Twitter shout out, Wheezy. We are so coming to Facebook.
Speaker 1: We're getting on all the platforms, so if you guys
Speaker 1: have any questions, we will be able to answer those. Um,
Speaker 1: and I guess let's get on with the show. Okay,
Speaker 1: bye bye, Okay, So welcome yet to another episode of
Speaker 1: Horribled Scisions. We have rush. So we are here for
Speaker 1: another episode. I'm your girl, Mandy b a k A
Speaker 1: full core pumps ak that beach and and we honey crip.
Speaker 1: Um we'll get into that. But UM, I guess we
Speaker 1: can introduce our guests now. I'm gonna let Wheezy steerhead
Speaker 1: this episode for many reasons. UM, I guess what I
Speaker 1: want to go ahead and put out in the beginning
Speaker 1: of the show is a disclaimer UM for anyone a
Speaker 1: part of the l g B t Q community. I
Speaker 1: don't want to offend anyone with any of the questions
Speaker 1: that I might ask throughout this show, or with anything
Speaker 1: that I may say that can come off as offensive.
Speaker 1: I'm learning, just like you guys, and just like a
Speaker 1: lot of our listeners, I am not politically correct one
Speaker 1: percent of the time. So I just want to throw
Speaker 1: that out there. And so I just want to throw
Speaker 1: that out there before this episode begins. So we do
Speaker 1: you want to introduce who we have parties? Yourself? Please?
Speaker 1: There we go? Alright? Uh um, I'll go by RuSHA London. Um,
Speaker 1: no ship. The accent kind of says at all. You
Speaker 1: see what I like to make his access now the
Speaker 1: rings visible? Yeah, I'm sorry, definitely marry um. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: what do you like? So you do b K chat
Speaker 1: That's how we found yes. So basically I was on
Speaker 1: a platform called b k chat or back chat UM.
Speaker 1: It started off in London as a web series or
Speaker 1: a debate platform UM on YouTube basically to discuss various
Speaker 1: different topics in today's society that are controversial. It's a
Speaker 1: panel based UM that provides different opinions and perspectives on
Speaker 1: various topics UM and basically what they did is a
Speaker 1: spinoff that came to New York. UM, I auditioned. I auditioned,
Speaker 1: and I'm a cast member. I didn't know that you
Speaker 1: weren't on the UK one. I wasn't on the UK Well,
Speaker 1: I wasn't on the UK one because at the when
Speaker 1: when back chat came out, I was actually already living
Speaker 1: out here, So when I heard about a year and
Speaker 1: five months, So when I heard about it coming over here,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm down. I'm gonna audition and see
Speaker 1: see what's good at my perspective, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: let people hear my opinions and try and try and
Speaker 1: really um give people some thought provoking opinions so that
Speaker 1: the contract, the conversations not just one track minded, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. And I feel like I've done that.
Speaker 1: So it's so funny that you also say it's back
Speaker 1: chat because I had black Chat. Yeah, I thought it
Speaker 1: was Berkley. So I'm literally like posting you and people
Speaker 1: are on my Twitter like b K chat. I ain't
Speaker 1: seen that nan one of the motherfuck's in Berkeley, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I definitely thought it was b K
Speaker 1: Brooklyn Chat. So I'm glad that you kind of corrected
Speaker 1: us chat. Okay, So I remembered you because we recently
Speaker 1: interviewed Melissa and her Magical Pussy, and you guys were
Speaker 1: ready to get on us because you're like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: been just want dudes have a nicer bills, yeah, and
Speaker 1: much Why else do you listen to the show? So
Speaker 1: you were the person that said is that all? Is
Speaker 1: that all? So well? And I was like this nin
Speaker 1: is me. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah. That that kind
Speaker 1: of caught me off guard because I was like, yo,
Speaker 1: you're really saying that this is all that you have
Speaker 1: to to give, you know what I mean. It's like
Speaker 1: for me, it was more a question of not so
Speaker 1: much her man right and her man expects from from
Speaker 1: her or or requires or anything like that. It was
Speaker 1: more case of is this really like the weight of
Speaker 1: you as a woman? Like that was where I was
Speaker 1: coming from, you know what I mean, because it was like,
Speaker 1: as a woman, like, of course, your pussy is is great,
Speaker 1: it's magical, apparently, how mean it much? She she got
Speaker 1: a niggat, right, And I was saying, but at the
Speaker 1: same time, it's like, as a woman, there's so much
Speaker 1: that you'll have to offer that holds so much weight,
Speaker 1: and I feel like in society we generally hold pussy
Speaker 1: on the pedal stool. And it's like, if that's your
Speaker 1: only contributing factor to relationship, how long is this really
Speaker 1: gonna last? That was kind of my mindset, and it
Speaker 1: was like, how are you comfortable with with saying this
Speaker 1: when potentially that could be all that your relationships based
Speaker 1: on them? And I think we dug too much into
Speaker 1: that because we were like, we still don't get it,
Speaker 1: we still don't get it. We still get it and listen,
Speaker 1: it's got to be good. Um. But now you're on
Speaker 1: our show because a new video has come onto b
Speaker 1: K Chat where you came out as trans to your panel,
Speaker 1: I was curious, did you before you auditioned, did you
Speaker 1: tell them wow, what made you change? What made you
Speaker 1: decide to come out? So to be honest, it came
Speaker 1: from a selfish place and a selfless place. And I
Speaker 1: say that in a sense of coming from London, it's
Speaker 1: evident that I'm known in a sense, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Like I've been to school with people, I've
Speaker 1: been to college with people, I've worked with people. There's
Speaker 1: gonna be for me. It was like I didn't want
Speaker 1: anyone to feel like they held weight over me, like
Speaker 1: they was going to be the puppet master to my
Speaker 1: life and my story and be trying to out me,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, like on social media, be like,
Speaker 1: oh I know him, he used to be. I didn't
Speaker 1: want anyone to feel like they had that power over me.
Speaker 1: So that was the self because of real they would
Speaker 1: have never knew. No, I would never know. But we
Speaker 1: we want to get really deep into the discussion of
Speaker 1: you being a trans man and that that's the correct terminology.
Speaker 1: So we're gonna get into the trans man discussion. But
Speaker 1: prior to that, we kind of like to break the
Speaker 1: ice with I guess and kind of you know, so
Speaker 1: I adn't even questions. I don't even have your oh girl,
Speaker 1: I pass it because I got some good ones. Um So,
Speaker 1: what we like to do with our guests when they
Speaker 1: come on the show is we like to play either
Speaker 1: this or that, or have you ever? And I decided
Speaker 1: to do this or that with you because I think
Speaker 1: that would be, you know, very telling. Um So I'm
Speaker 1: gonna start off fairly simple. Okay, So would you rather
Speaker 1: your parents walk in on your masturbating or walk in
Speaker 1: on your parents, masturbait. We looked like she's thinking so hard.
Speaker 1: Right now, my mom's walked in. She's walked in on you.
Speaker 1: What would you rather do? Like, I prefer them to
Speaker 1: walk in on me. You prefer them because you're always
Speaker 1: getting caught doing ship right. And it's like as a parent,
Speaker 1: as a parent when you have a child, Like as
Speaker 1: much as you don't ever expect to walk in on
Speaker 1: your child master being as a parent, you know that
Speaker 1: there's going to be certain things that you walk into
Speaker 1: with your child, you know what I'm saying. Whereas as
Speaker 1: a child, you don't ever think that you're gonna walk
Speaker 1: in on your parents. Oh my god, I walked into
Speaker 1: my mom jerking my dad off. One I was like
Speaker 1: eleven years old. I remember calling our first name. I
Speaker 1: said Jewel, good night. I would die. So this is
Speaker 1: another one. This is rather funny. So would you rather
Speaker 1: have sex with someone who never showers or someone who
Speaker 1: never brushes their teeth? Both bed? Yeah, that's fun. If
Speaker 1: I smote the nanny on it? Wait you bend the
Speaker 1: die over? Yeah? Would you just said? Oh okay, but
Speaker 1: like think about it, you. I'm sure everyone slept with
Speaker 1: someone they've never kissed exactly right, A lot of nigga
Speaker 1: my nose stuff up right now? Okay? And then would
Speaker 1: you rather date someone who refuses to cuddle or who
Speaker 1: refuses to go down on? You? Refused to go down? Really?
Speaker 1: That was so fast? I really like coming. I got
Speaker 1: a dog, I could get a teddy, but listen, I
Speaker 1: could get what's it called an electrical blanket that feels
Speaker 1: like a caudle? No, I guess here we go the
Speaker 1: minute the man in the room is sucking saying, I,
Speaker 1: of course, just let me get that. Okay, and I
Speaker 1: have one more. This is one that I'd like. You know,
Speaker 1: either both of you gotta answer. Would you rather have
Speaker 1: sex in front of your closest friends or have sex
Speaker 1: on a video with your face blurred out but circulated
Speaker 1: online video? How? No, you don't have to. You don't
Speaker 1: know what you gotta wear. You ask my friends to
Speaker 1: watch me. I'm not gonna lie beat in front of
Speaker 1: my friends. So you beat off in front of your
Speaker 1: friend in front of one of my friends that they
Speaker 1: walked in and they wasn't I didn't stop, and I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, cool, Oh, I know that's right. I
Speaker 1: want all of my friends to see me first. You
Speaker 1: know you don't know my about short school to get
Speaker 1: me let me come back. Okay, well, I'm glad to
Speaker 1: see we're all laughing. Now what else we like to
Speaker 1: do on our weekly shows. I'm not sure if you listen,
Speaker 1: but we have kinks of the weeks, week of the week,
Speaker 1: weeks not weeks. You have it? Um, you want me
Speaker 1: to read it? Yeah? I like the one you had
Speaker 1: because it's gross. Which one? Oh? That one? I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna lie in screenshot at one. So we're gonna go
Speaker 1: with sorts. Okay, Well, I guess that this is really
Speaker 1: um odds at galma tophilia. I want to say it
Speaker 1: like I'm not retarded atmaphilia. There we go. I say
Speaker 1: it like a mataphilia. I feel like a Wikipedia out metaphilia.
Speaker 1: It's a paraphilia in which a person gets aroused by dolls, statues,
Speaker 1: and mannequins. I watch the document or nothing. Did you
Speaker 1: see the guy in love with his car? Dude? People
Speaker 1: really fall in love with things. So anyway, you know,
Speaker 1: anytime there's a kink, they're always weird. I try to
Speaker 1: put myself in that person's shoes. I think I feel
Speaker 1: like that about my bead. Wait, I don't get aroused
Speaker 1: by it, but like I get really turned on at
Speaker 1: the idea of going to bed. I'm excited to go
Speaker 1: home to my bed. I feel like I'm in love
Speaker 1: with it. See, I don't know, So I'm gonna admit
Speaker 1: something I probably shouldn't, but it doesn't matter. I was young, Okay,
Speaker 1: so before I started having sex, Like I had this
Speaker 1: big teddy bear that I did. We all used are
Speaker 1: stuffed animals. I didn't even have to. Well, you never hunched,
Speaker 1: so you used to hunch the edge of your bed
Speaker 1: and I used to hunch this big stuffed animals. So
Speaker 1: you've never hunched anything that wasn't a post yourself again,
Speaker 1: because I feel like a little kid does that. I
Speaker 1: like really used to like grind, Like I used to
Speaker 1: ride the hell out of my fucking teddy bear growing up,
Speaker 1: and I proba, I'm not gonna lie. It used to
Speaker 1: make my pussy really wet. And I was like probably
Speaker 1: seven or eight or nine, really fucking the shot out
Speaker 1: of my teddy bear. And so when when you said
Speaker 1: that we were going to have this as a king,
Speaker 1: I was like, bro fucking statues. But I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: There's this big old statue in Columbus Circle and it's
Speaker 1: a big old it's a super Columbus naked. But no,
Speaker 1: that's not the one with Dick showing. I'm talking about
Speaker 1: the mall where you have the big guy and it's
Speaker 1: like a and I just like to look at the
Speaker 1: penis on the statue. I think it's you know, I'm
Speaker 1: not by it now, I'm not turning on it, but
Speaker 1: I was turned on by rubbing my goddamn um. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I could have it on anything. I've been doing this
Speaker 1: new thing with lover voice since he got home, so like,
Speaker 1: you know, you'd be sucking his knee. No, but you
Speaker 1: know how like when you with somebody, you already know
Speaker 1: if you wanted to be long sex, it can but
Speaker 1: could also be very short. Yep, we could like five minutes.
Speaker 1: So now I think he'd just be ready to come
Speaker 1: and go to bed. So like before we're about to,
Speaker 1: he'll go down on me and I'll get on top
Speaker 1: of him, and then he kind of just lets me
Speaker 1: sit on his chest for a little bit while we
Speaker 1: make out, or like on his stomach, and I come
Speaker 1: like that bitch rubbing on like just as long as
Speaker 1: like clip feel a little bit of dick. It's like
Speaker 1: a tease and it's kind of high. Is that weird? Okay, No,
Speaker 1: that's not weird. That makes sense. It's not a statue,
Speaker 1: but I mean it's a it's a not a option stuff.
Speaker 1: On the documentary you said people like had arousals from
Speaker 1: their cars through different objects and the statues, well, the
Speaker 1: statue one when I saw enough you saw this one
Speaker 1: where the guy was in love with the doll um
Speaker 1: it was a live doll. They pay like a thousand
Speaker 1: dollars and no, no, no, not the thousand, probably way more.
Speaker 1: They're very heavy. He would put it on I see.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I'm talking about one where like they put
Speaker 1: on these outfits. They spend mad money for it, and
Speaker 1: it's like a doll literally like they put it on
Speaker 1: and it looks like a real life walking doll and
Speaker 1: that's their thing like that. I just see people that
Speaker 1: are partners with dolls, and I heard a guy would
Speaker 1: be like, I don't want to go out in the
Speaker 1: real world and just you know, meet people and have
Speaker 1: to deal with them. Now, these dolls have actually seen
Speaker 1: in the Museum of Sex. I think it's and their
Speaker 1: eyes move and like the mouth is like softer. I
Speaker 1: think one of the dolls and there's twenty dollars that's
Speaker 1: in the skin feels real. He changes her clothes. He's like, oh,
Speaker 1: she likes to wear pain. So I guess for the listeners,
Speaker 1: I do want you guys to know that this is
Speaker 1: not the same as a blow up doll or sex
Speaker 1: toys or anything like that. This is really an affixiation
Speaker 1: with statues and option of people dolls. Really, yeah, we
Speaker 1: do not even blow up dolls, man, like those real livings.
Speaker 1: Guys that are listening, I'm gonna find these porns for you.
Speaker 1: Even since Twitter allows pretty much everything, Twitter is blocking
Speaker 1: out like, oh my god, I hope no one is
Speaker 1: looking at my phone because it's mad Dicks bron the light,
Speaker 1: mad din on the light. Because I'm a whole all
Speaker 1: day every day. I don't know who this is. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's a bill collector, so okay, um, and I think
Speaker 1: that's kind of We're gonna get into our questions, but
Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna lie, I said my disclaimer. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna let we the start off nice until I get
Speaker 1: into the questions that are probably on everybody's mother s mind.
Speaker 1: So go ahead and say that the question to get
Speaker 1: this started. But I want to know, Um, how do
Speaker 1: you describe yourself? Are you? Hey, you're a straight chance
Speaker 1: in it man? Are you? Because like people don't know?
Speaker 1: So yeah, I describe myself. I guess as a black
Speaker 1: straight man. Um, I guess for the sake of politics
Speaker 1: and being politically correct, I have to throw in trends.
Speaker 1: For a long time, I didn't, and that was because
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be identified as I didn't want to.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be put into a yet another box.
Speaker 1: I don't have to, however, and a lot of terms
Speaker 1: of raising awareness I feel like I have. That's that's
Speaker 1: the selfless part of me. I have to because there's
Speaker 1: so many other little boys and girls that feel the
Speaker 1: same way that I did as a child and didn't
Speaker 1: have an adult to identify with, or an adult to
Speaker 1: to have these kinds of discussions with. Didn't have anyone
Speaker 1: around him that was raising awareness in regards to what
Speaker 1: it's like to be trans and the trials and relations
Speaker 1: of being a young black or brown or person of color.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? That identifies as trend. So
Speaker 1: I feel like it's very important for me and now
Speaker 1: as an adult, to be the adult that I needed
Speaker 1: as a child. So you said that no one, um
Speaker 1: like a lot of people are listening and young adults
Speaker 1: don't understand what it's like to go through this. So
Speaker 1: can you explain how it was that you felt as
Speaker 1: a child. Well, what you were born? Yeah, you were
Speaker 1: born a female, correct, What was it like growing and
Speaker 1: how did you deal with the trans how? Yeah, what
Speaker 1: prompted you to transition? And I'm going to start with
Speaker 1: your question first, which was age. I was eight years
Speaker 1: old when I was first attracted to another female. So
Speaker 1: not even when you know you were the wrong girl, No,
Speaker 1: I had no idea at that point. All that I
Speaker 1: knew was that the boys and girls playing kiss chase
Speaker 1: in the playground, and I went on being kissed or
Speaker 1: chased by no guy we're fighting from like what do
Speaker 1: you mean? You know what I mean? But I knew
Speaker 1: that I was attracted to a female, and for me,
Speaker 1: it was like I couldn't comprehend it because I grew
Speaker 1: up in a in a in a home where my
Speaker 1: mom was with my stepdad at the time, had been
Speaker 1: for years, and my older brother, who six years older
Speaker 1: than me, had only ever been with females. Females. That's good, ROMI.
Speaker 1: So I had never seen any interaction between any anyone
Speaker 1: else other than males and females. So what city did
Speaker 1: you grow up in? London? Okay? Okay? Now I felt
Speaker 1: like London was progressive? Was it not? How do you
Speaker 1: by the way six? Um? So at that time, London
Speaker 1: is very progressive. London is very similar to New York
Speaker 1: and in various senses. Um, it's very diverse, and yes,
Speaker 1: it is very progressive. Um. However, back in those days,
Speaker 1: there wasn't that like look look even here now in
Speaker 1: the in the state's the same, even in the nineties.
Speaker 1: We're just now progressing to where we can even have
Speaker 1: this converse. There's still going to be something that do say.
Speaker 1: And it is where it is, and this is where
Speaker 1: this Conversations like this are very important to be heard. UM.
Speaker 1: But but then and and also it depends on what
Speaker 1: area you grow up. And I'm sure you guys are
Speaker 1: aware of this. In New York. If you grew up
Speaker 1: in a certain area in New York, there's certain things
Speaker 1: that you're gonna be exposed to. UM. And there certain
Speaker 1: things that you're you're definitely not going to be exposed
Speaker 1: to you, you you know what I mean? And that was
Speaker 1: very much so high. It was where I was living.
Speaker 1: I grew up in a hood essentially speaking, and what
Speaker 1: I was aware of and what I was exposed to
Speaker 1: um wasn't anything close to the LGBTQ community. UM. In fact,
Speaker 1: in terms of my friends at that moment in time,
Speaker 1: you know, if we would even see anything like that,
Speaker 1: and even me, like I was, I was a product
Speaker 1: of my environment. If you could see anything like a
Speaker 1: gamel was like, oh you're batty boy and what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: And I'm from the Caribbean. Also my family is from
Speaker 1: the Caribbean. So that was a big influence. Even after
Speaker 1: the music bashment, a lot of bashment is that. So
Speaker 1: now that's interesting because I'm like super curious because you
Speaker 1: mentioned actually after Mike that you just said you were
Speaker 1: from the hood, and you were like, you know, this
Speaker 1: is not only culture, but race and race influences culture.
Speaker 1: You think the black community, I think that the black
Speaker 1: community is in this unfortunate bubble exactly that the word
Speaker 1: real my mouth, in this bubble where they have this
Speaker 1: um forced concept that it doesn't exist, that the LGBTQ
Speaker 1: community does not exist in the Black community. And it's
Speaker 1: like no, like first and foremost, but all of those
Speaker 1: guys out there that are screaming Black lives matter, you
Speaker 1: only need to understand that Black Lives Matter was created
Speaker 1: by queer and gay folks that identified with the LGBTQ community,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So you can't be out
Speaker 1: here screaming Black lives matter but not accepting the fact
Speaker 1: that all black lives matter. And that doesn't matter how
Speaker 1: you identify it, you know what I mean. It doesn't
Speaker 1: matter whether you're part of the or GBTQ community or not.
Speaker 1: You are you you're screaming that you're part of this
Speaker 1: movement and that you want to raise awareness for this
Speaker 1: movement and you want justice for this movement, But yet
Speaker 1: you're not accepting everyone in the whole entity. You know,
Speaker 1: you think that's a masculinity issue, Like when talking about
Speaker 1: toxic masculinity, do you think that the black community has
Speaker 1: a masculinity issue? And it's like, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think that's a that's a that plays a huge part,
Speaker 1: but on a bigger scale, I think it's about awareness.
Speaker 1: Now you look at the media. The media plays a
Speaker 1: big part in what we understand and what we're exposed to.
Speaker 1: If you only ever see white folks. Actually, Like, one
Speaker 1: of my questions is for you is how do you
Speaker 1: feel about Calin I mean as a as a white transmant. Well,
Speaker 1: then that would be a transferment transforment, correct, So going
Speaker 1: from a male to a female would be considered a
Speaker 1: trans woman. How do you feel about the I guess
Speaker 1: the attention that she's got, not even that, but she's
Speaker 1: like the face, well, we know she's not people that
Speaker 1: I feel like every anybody that's down. No, she's not.
Speaker 1: But and that goes back to the racial there's a
Speaker 1: conversation and part of things because when you check it,
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, everyone has everyone gets
Speaker 1: to a point in life where they find themselves and
Speaker 1: it doesn't. Age is not a factor in this. We can't.
Speaker 1: People are looking at it like, oh, but she she's
Speaker 1: had kids and being married and and you know she
Speaker 1: was living her life as a man for so long.
Speaker 1: What made her do it? Now? That's that's not that's
Speaker 1: neither here nor there. I agree with you on that one.
Speaker 1: A lot of people think that it's bullshit. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I think it's real. It's real. You find, like everyone
Speaker 1: has their points in their life where you find yourself
Speaker 1: and age. Age isn't a factor in that, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like, you find your authentic self and
Speaker 1: you want to live your authentic truth whenever you feel
Speaker 1: ready to do so. Whether that means that now society
Speaker 1: has become more progressive and opened the door for you
Speaker 1: to be able to do so, whether you're you're more
Speaker 1: accepting of yourself, you've done more research, whatever it may be.
Speaker 1: That's even like for me, age isn't a factor. The
Speaker 1: problem I have is that she's not the first trans
Speaker 1: woman right ever. Right in fact, like there are other
Speaker 1: trans women of color out there that have been out
Speaker 1: there that have been advocating hard for for for trans
Speaker 1: folks of color that have never had Janet mock Domain
Speaker 1: was saying like, I can't tell you this is not
Speaker 1: a beautiful when I was this podcast, Like I can't
Speaker 1: tell you, like there's been people that's been doing it,
Speaker 1: so it's it's just for me. It's just like, now
Speaker 1: you've got this white woman of you know that's got
Speaker 1: somewhere well, we know that that's standard white I guess, right, woman,
Speaker 1: as long as you white, you've got that. You know,
Speaker 1: people have to you know, learn to understand that. And
Speaker 1: but anyway, that's a whole different conversation. But um, you've now,
Speaker 1: I've got this white woman that's come from money, that
Speaker 1: holds some form of power in the social um in
Speaker 1: a in a social like economic situation, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. And all of a sudden, it's like all
Speaker 1: the media is just focused on on her. And that's cool,
Speaker 1: don't get me wrong, because you're living your truth and
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like you've got the platform
Speaker 1: to somewhat be an advocate for it. But that to me,
Speaker 1: But little every other woman of color that's been out
Speaker 1: here doing this, you know what I mean, And I'm
Speaker 1: still not today getting the recognition that they should be getting.
Speaker 1: And that goes back to the media and propaganda feeding
Speaker 1: us looking at one of that, right, Well, I really
Speaker 1: enjoy that we're even discussing the progression that we have
Speaker 1: been made. But what I really want to do is
Speaker 1: get back to your story. So when eight he realized
Speaker 1: you liked women, at what was the next phase, Um
Speaker 1: that you feel like that you went through through your
Speaker 1: transition so you realize I'm different. I don't like the
Speaker 1: opposite sex. What was the next phase? The next phase
Speaker 1: for me was puby pubes, impub pubs. I mean I
Speaker 1: was like pubes. Okay, puberty hits you canybe hit me,
Speaker 1: and it was like, oh my gosh, like this is
Speaker 1: not my body anymore, you know what I mean? Like
Speaker 1: for a long time for me, gender and sex because
Speaker 1: sex and gender two completely different things. Mind. I'm sorry
Speaker 1: this segway, but I do want people to understand that
Speaker 1: sexual orientation and gender identity. So sexual orientation is one
Speaker 1: thing completely. Sexual orientation is who you're attracted to, what
Speaker 1: you're attracted to. Gender identity. Gender identity is a mental thing.
Speaker 1: It's whether you are. It's how you identify in social circles.
Speaker 1: So whether you identify as a man in society right
Speaker 1: and then? And then sex is in terms of anatomy,
Speaker 1: and that's what makes you a straight man. No, because
Speaker 1: you identify yourself that way. Yes, But look, sex is
Speaker 1: so you was born, he was born a male or female.
Speaker 1: That's six. Gender is man and woman. Ah, so sex
Speaker 1: gender sexual you have female, so you have sex gender sexuality.
Speaker 1: Why people went in on us for saying that women
Speaker 1: are female. Probably Yeah, this is that conversation that we
Speaker 1: had with Sam White where everyone was like, how can
Speaker 1: y'all know know the difference? Which excuse me, So let
Speaker 1: me break this down for a listeners, because you did
Speaker 1: a great job. So sex is male or female, gender
Speaker 1: is man or woman, and in sexuality is what you're
Speaker 1: attracted is attraction? Okay, exactly. Good to know. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: we clearly was like, nigga, female woman, what you're talking about? Like,
Speaker 1: I'm like what you're still call a female? We really
Speaker 1: didn't understand. Okay. So during puberty is when you realize
Speaker 1: you were identifying you want to identify with another gender.
Speaker 1: You didn't like that your voice was changed, Well, no,
Speaker 1: look I'm looking at you like a man. I'm like
Speaker 1: your voice was changing. No, you're a female. So you
Speaker 1: ain't like that you started bleeding out your vagina basically,
Speaker 1: like I lightened none of that saying like pube was
Speaker 1: definitely a realization for me that came out a young
Speaker 1: came out twelve, um. So for me, I was still
Speaker 1: at a point my central orientation was still women, that's
Speaker 1: the females um. But my gender did not align with
Speaker 1: my with my sex with what you were looking exactly
Speaker 1: the question like, uh so, and don't take this wrong way.
Speaker 1: It's because it's why I wanted you want here so badly.
Speaker 1: I sent your picture to some friends, was like, I'm
Speaker 1: so excited and they're like what, but no fucking way.
Speaker 1: I was curious to know have you always had that look?
Speaker 1: Had you always had you been in drogyn this because
Speaker 1: like so a lot of people don't transition this like
Speaker 1: you look like a straightening into me. I mean, I'll
Speaker 1: just saying no offense. I told you I don't want
Speaker 1: to and people don't say things like but you look
Speaker 1: like right and for yes, I have always looked this way.
Speaker 1: Um in terms of like facial hair and stuff like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, like we're gonna get into that right now.
Speaker 1: But you've always had no shape November okay, And so
Speaker 1: daring back back to the puberty standpoint, so he started
Speaker 1: getting teddies at this point where you hiding your breast?
Speaker 1: Were you hiding the parts that automatically come with with
Speaker 1: being a woman. Yeah, And at this point I was
Speaker 1: hiding that part of my identity, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And and also because I've always looked this way and
Speaker 1: presented this way. Females was automatically would automatically assume that
Speaker 1: I was a guy. Oh, they didn't question where I
Speaker 1: was a girl because you had your hair cut, you
Speaker 1: addressed at way I had. But then you know you're young, um,
Speaker 1: so you know, um, having a deep voice and and
Speaker 1: and having facial hair wasn't the thing. I'm younger that stage.
Speaker 1: You're like a little bit. So I'm imagining a little
Speaker 1: bit right now because I was killed. I mean, and
Speaker 1: you know they all say, you know, like little mama,
Speaker 1: because it's like you fluctuate what did your family think?
Speaker 1: Because I feel like people the scariest thing to do
Speaker 1: is come out to your friends and family like where
Speaker 1: they support it. It took me a very long time
Speaker 1: to come out to my to my family. To be honest,
Speaker 1: I'm my friends, like I like my mom. One thing
Speaker 1: that I'm never gonna forget. My mom wishes I would,
Speaker 1: but I can't get stuck with me because from a
Speaker 1: very young age, you know, your mom buys your clothes.
Speaker 1: You don't really get much of a choice. So I
Speaker 1: don't know abou anyone else, but we don't have job.
Speaker 1: I didn't really get much of a choice, but my
Speaker 1: mom would always kind of let me choose one or
Speaker 1: two things, and I choose like attract suit kicks, the
Speaker 1: baggage jeans or something, you know what I mean. And
Speaker 1: I would wear that like all the time, and my
Speaker 1: mom would be like, why are you wearing that? Where
Speaker 1: something else? You know what I mean? And this is
Speaker 1: this is like under the age of ten, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. And I'll just be the an't going
Speaker 1: out to play. I feel comfortable. And I was very
Speaker 1: active like I was. I was. I participated in a
Speaker 1: lot of sports. Um, I was always out playing well guys,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So like in that sense,
Speaker 1: I was that was my excuse. Oh I'm going not
Speaker 1: to play football. I'm going not to play basketball, so
Speaker 1: I can't be wearing you know, the type dresses and
Speaker 1: the skirts, you know what I mean. But for a
Speaker 1: long time, my mom used to say to me, like,
Speaker 1: you know, do you want me to get your sex change.
Speaker 1: It's like you want me to you know, It's like
Speaker 1: you got me working out here to say about all
Speaker 1: my money to pay for a sex chafee. And at
Speaker 1: that age, I didn't even know what that what that
Speaker 1: man if I had, I would have went to my
Speaker 1: mom and been like, yes, that's what I wanted, absolutely
Speaker 1: pleased tomorrow. And so now you've hit here ready high school.
Speaker 1: High school is where I feel like a lot of us,
Speaker 1: um not only judging were now then yeah, we're going
Speaker 1: into adulthood and we're starting to have sex. Um we
Speaker 1: were early like. But so transition into high school? Were
Speaker 1: you picked on where you like? Did people understand where
Speaker 1: you were coming from? So? And also at this point
Speaker 1: we were looking at pictures on your Instagram and I
Speaker 1: made the reference again, shoot me if I'm wrong. He
Speaker 1: looked like a stud um and so we accept studs,
Speaker 1: I feel like with no problem. So is that how
Speaker 1: you identified in high school and then transition past that?
Speaker 1: Or explain that for us? So disclaimer to anyone that
Speaker 1: might be listening. For a long period of time, I
Speaker 1: lied to females, Oh oh, this is good, because we
Speaker 1: can't ask this question from the age of about fourteen
Speaker 1: to at least sixty. And I would say I au
Speaker 1: thirteen at because I was definitely about sixty. I was.
Speaker 1: You know, they would assume and I wouldn't correct them,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And and after some long
Speaker 1: like thinking about my life and and how things panned
Speaker 1: out and my transition thus far. I've got to the
Speaker 1: realization that I feel like that part of me, that
Speaker 1: part of me that was that was lying to females
Speaker 1: and and had this like this, this kind of that
Speaker 1: point of deception. I would say, you know what I mean, like,
Speaker 1: I feel like that was me creating an alter ego
Speaker 1: to allow me to be free to identify as who
Speaker 1: I knew I was. But I was start in the
Speaker 1: social like in the social struggle of identifying with what
Speaker 1: is socially normal? Do you know what I mean? And
Speaker 1: and so in saying that, I just want to put
Speaker 1: out there, I don't for any young person that's listening,
Speaker 1: whether you identify as trans or where you trying to
Speaker 1: find yourself, Um, I would never want you to do
Speaker 1: that because the backlash that you see, like the the
Speaker 1: hardship that you see the female on the other end
Speaker 1: go through. And we were just talking about that. So
Speaker 1: he was just saying in a whole bunch of person
Speaker 1: because well, you know, I was fingering still eating, but
Speaker 1: at this point there wasn't there could have been a
Speaker 1: right And so we talked about this on an episode
Speaker 1: with um, James, which is one of these really close friends.
Speaker 1: So James is super liberal, fuck you trans people don't
Speaker 1: have to tell you ship blah blah blah. So Mandy
Speaker 1: and James got into it because He's like, they don't
Speaker 1: owe you anything. They don't have to tell you about
Speaker 1: their genitals. Mandy's like, but I still deserve that. So
Speaker 1: coming back and he said what he said about killing somebody,
Speaker 1: I wanted to know from you specifically, do you feel
Speaker 1: like it needs to be discussed when it does? How
Speaker 1: soon it basically is it your writer? There's because you
Speaker 1: also have the right to be private and that so
Speaker 1: that's kind of where our questions aren't like how soon
Speaker 1: a first date, when they get your number, when they
Speaker 1: hauler at you. So I don't feel like I need
Speaker 1: to disclose to anyone upon me and the trends. I
Speaker 1: don't feel like that to various reasons because I disagree,
Speaker 1: but cool, we can get into that. But I don't
Speaker 1: feel like, you know, at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: that's that's that's that's a part of me. And I
Speaker 1: feel as though there's various things, not just transition centered,
Speaker 1: but there's various things in people's lives that they don't
Speaker 1: reveal upon meeting a person. Why, because where's this going?
Speaker 1: Do I know that it's going anywhere? Why am I
Speaker 1: going to reveal the deep? Why am I going to
Speaker 1: reveal some of the deepest parts of me that are
Speaker 1: so sacred to me to you? And I don't even
Speaker 1: know where this is going this, this may not be
Speaker 1: going anywhere. Why am I investing so much into you?
Speaker 1: And I don't know how much you got invested in me.
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I want to be that
Speaker 1: invested in you yet, you know what I mean? And
Speaker 1: I just feel like this notion, this forced notion that
Speaker 1: trans people have to declare it. No, they do not.
Speaker 1: They do not have to declare anything upon meeting someone,
Speaker 1: upon a first date with someone. However, however, what I
Speaker 1: will say is it is important to have these kinds
Speaker 1: of discussions prior to intercourse. Oh, of course, that is
Speaker 1: my standpoint on it. And I say that because, as
Speaker 1: I said, the hardship that you see females go through
Speaker 1: after finding out maybe and this sense of you took
Speaker 1: something from me, you know what I mean, which you
Speaker 1: took a part of me that perhaps I wasn't ready
Speaker 1: to give you I didn't want to give you, and
Speaker 1: it's it's that deception, you know what I mean. And
Speaker 1: I feel like it's important before you you're intimate with
Speaker 1: someone on that level, you give them the option to
Speaker 1: say whether this is what they want, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. And a lot of transfolk might be listening
Speaker 1: to me, and I feel like I'm not really rooting
Speaker 1: for the team kind of thing because you know, at
Speaker 1: the same time, there's a lot of trans folks and
Speaker 1: we have to discuss. This's a lot of transpolks, predominantly
Speaker 1: of color, that are being murdered, uh, pretty much every week.
Speaker 1: And I'm glad that you really like your perspective because
Speaker 1: that was the one I had. I would want someone
Speaker 1: to tell me before sex, but I don't feel like
Speaker 1: they owe me that. No, if I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: going on a date with a man, I am. I mean,
Speaker 1: the only thing that I thinks, and it's just like
Speaker 1: if you had. I hate comparing it to this, but
Speaker 1: something to tell during sex is if you've got an
Speaker 1: STD right, I don't need to know that when I
Speaker 1: meet you or a dinner and we it's crazy because
Speaker 1: we had um Ella who has her pies and she
Speaker 1: came out openly and was like a couple of guys
Speaker 1: who she has met on the first time, She's like, hey,
Speaker 1: I have herpes. I'm known as the Herpe's girl. You know.
Speaker 1: Well she's got ted talks about it. She has ted
Speaker 1: talks about it. Yeah, but that was something I think
Speaker 1: that's different, like, oh, how's the calumari? Good? I got
Speaker 1: down here? See, I don't know. To me, that's something
Speaker 1: that's private, like just about like just like living with HIV,
Speaker 1: which part of being in the LGBT community. This this
Speaker 1: happens and I know about it. No, you don't need
Speaker 1: to tell someone when you meet them your status in
Speaker 1: that way because you haven't sucked them yet and you
Speaker 1: don't know if you want to, and it's something that's
Speaker 1: so revealing in private. I think that a lot more
Speaker 1: people on the other shot side should be sensitive to that.
Speaker 1: If you had a first day and see, to me,
Speaker 1: I'll sit here and break it down this way. I
Speaker 1: feel like the same way with with progress, we're learning
Speaker 1: to be sensitive to you know, you your transition, how
Speaker 1: you identify. I feel like as a trans man trans woman,
Speaker 1: you also need to be sensitive to the heterosexuals who
Speaker 1: a are not fully comfortable with with what you're going through.
Speaker 1: They don't understand, they don't know how to respond to it.
Speaker 1: And with the hyper masculinity and men women are a
Speaker 1: little different. I feel like it may be easier for you,
Speaker 1: but on the other end of the spectrum, men have
Speaker 1: a different idea. We had an engineering here before, and
Speaker 1: that was his very first question, like, um, when when
Speaker 1: when do they tell me that he was a nigga
Speaker 1: at one point? And this is again from a trans woman,
Speaker 1: but it's just like for straight people, I feel like
Speaker 1: you need to have the respect and be just as
Speaker 1: sensitive to kind of letting them in. What would be
Speaker 1: your ideal situation He just said when meeting somebody, which
Speaker 1: if you do date, we're sitting here someone's number in
Speaker 1: the club, do you agree with that party? He doesn't
Speaker 1: have to you can get getting someone's number, But I'm
Speaker 1: comfortable with at the end of date one, if we're
Speaker 1: going on a second date, that means you're progressing to
Speaker 1: me as a female like myna. We're not going on
Speaker 1: another day if I don't want to see you. And
Speaker 1: men kind of the same way, if they're not really
Speaker 1: digging a female, they're not going to see them. You
Speaker 1: need him to tell you that, Like at the end
Speaker 1: of the first day, if we sum or not the
Speaker 1: exact day before, if we're on the phone planning a
Speaker 1: second day, to me, that's progress. To me, we're going
Speaker 1: in a direction to see each other more than once.
Speaker 1: That's where I draw the line to where, Okay, I
Speaker 1: see us now moving forward one day. Okay, we're meeting
Speaker 1: at the end of day one. If we plan to
Speaker 1: see each other again, that's when I feel like you
Speaker 1: should let me know because as a as a straight person,
Speaker 1: well I'm not even straight, I like, but I'm talking
Speaker 1: from my straight people as someone who would be straight
Speaker 1: and may not go both ways or like both, you know,
Speaker 1: I think that that's when you should let them know. Listen,
Speaker 1: I'm this, I've transitioned to this. I'd like to see
Speaker 1: you again. What was your What were you going to
Speaker 1: say when you start? What she was saying that because
Speaker 1: you looked at and they looked like I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: what do you not feel like the end of first day?
Speaker 1: Do you think that? I feel like it's I feel
Speaker 1: like it's when that person's comfortable enough to tell you
Speaker 1: that's some bullshit. Yeah, I feel like that that person
Speaker 1: should have the space and time too, and that's just
Speaker 1: what if you were missing Wait, wait what? First of all,
Speaker 1: this is something that you're not going to find out
Speaker 1: until you see me naked. This is something that you're
Speaker 1: not going to know about me until and it's something
Speaker 1: that's like a part of the sexual being that you
Speaker 1: could be attracted to or maybe not want to sleep me.
Speaker 1: For when would you tell somebody you were missing a titty?
Speaker 1: You're sick, you really are, because who picks this ship?
Speaker 1: Because I'm trying. I didn't think of saying, don't titty
Speaker 1: what I'm gonna ask maybe on the first day as
Speaker 1: a joke you a titty man like like, because if
Speaker 1: he's an ask man, he might not give a funk
Speaker 1: about my one titty. So a trance should be like
Speaker 1: but I wouldn't and maybe, but I know I wouldn't care,
Speaker 1: and I know you wouldn't know. I have never been
Speaker 1: attracted to studs because to me, they still have that
Speaker 1: girly like do when they hate that I'm bisexual, Britney grindery.
Speaker 1: But if I've been someone fully transition and they told
Speaker 1: me on the date three or four, I might be
Speaker 1: like I mean, I know you're gonna strap up, So
Speaker 1: what do I here's fine with them strapping up because
Speaker 1: you like both, you like what everybody. But my question
Speaker 1: what I'm gonna say, No, you gotta strap You sleep
Speaker 1: with men, you sleep with women. Yes, I am shocked
Speaker 1: that you're telling me if someone you liked by date
Speaker 1: three like, that's me. However, I'm saying this because your
Speaker 1: friends with a lot of members of the LGBT could community.
Speaker 1: You you're your that's what your friends are. I'm friends
Speaker 1: with a lot of people who aren't. Okay, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm friends with a lot of black people. Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm friends with niggas, and my friends a lot of
Speaker 1: them don't swing both ways. A lot of them would
Speaker 1: never peg their man. A lot of men that I'm
Speaker 1: around are like good good ship from me. So they
Speaker 1: are the little duvalls. Those are a lot of my friends.
Speaker 1: So when I'm speaking, I'm speaking for them. Um of
Speaker 1: course I like men and women, and I identify as bisexual.
Speaker 1: But I'm speaking from them because I'm talking about you, right,
Speaker 1: But I'm speaking both of us. Can't speak up for them.
Speaker 1: I want to speak up for my friends. That when
Speaker 1: I have these conversations with them. They say the ship
Speaker 1: like Little Duvall said, if I was on a date
Speaker 1: and the female with a nigga and that ship like that,
Speaker 1: those are my type of friends. So that's why when
Speaker 1: I come to you and I ask these questions and
Speaker 1: I say after date one, I'm speaking for for a
Speaker 1: lot of people who aren't comfortable with this Conversation's been
Speaker 1: on dates with guys that I've asked if it's ever
Speaker 1: happened to the Montendo and you man, I've been out
Speaker 1: with Google guy who I went to sex club with.
Speaker 1: He was like, I went on a date. Towards the
Speaker 1: end of the day, she told me and he said
Speaker 1: the only kind of clue he had was that she
Speaker 1: was like five eleven, which but he said it was
Speaker 1: still it's New York everywhere. Um, And I said, how
Speaker 1: did you take it? And he was like, honestly, I
Speaker 1: said he was like a part of me instantly got
Speaker 1: mad that I didn't know before, But then I thought
Speaker 1: why she couldn't tell me. Then he's like, what the
Speaker 1: fun is she gonna do? Just be like, oh, by
Speaker 1: the way, on the ray that like He's like, she
Speaker 1: I thought she did it in the right time. Okay,
Speaker 1: so that's cool, and you leave somebody that choice. Not
Speaker 1: has any woman ever told you know after you've came
Speaker 1: out to them, that's a good question. No, damn your
Speaker 1: tongue game was No. No, I don't even think. It's
Speaker 1: not about the tongue games. So you're very very You're
Speaker 1: a handsome man, um, And so I want to get
Speaker 1: into that because Okay, you're saying that no one's ever
Speaker 1: turned you down for being a woman. But but listen
Speaker 1: to this, so in terms of me, in terms of me,
Speaker 1: so I've only heard um, three serious relationships in through
Speaker 1: my marriage today. Okay, prior to that, I've been with
Speaker 1: with females who perhaps I didn't tell them straight up, um,
Speaker 1: and there was how did you get around that? Lights off?
Speaker 1: You know? I had a real good no. But people
Speaker 1: saying that that like, what does that mean? That funny?
Speaker 1: Though ain't funny? Definitely worn. So I was, I was,
Speaker 1: I was, I was dating, I was young, I was sixteen,
Speaker 1: I was dating a female and she didn't know. I
Speaker 1: used to give her nine months in total, whoa hold up?
Speaker 1: Wait for him? About three months in she found out?
Speaker 1: How did she find out? Well, there was other people.
Speaker 1: There was people in the area that knew me obviously
Speaker 1: went to school. Me and word go out and you
Speaker 1: know how it goes. Word is the fastest way to
Speaker 1: spread news. So she questioning me, and I was like, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I don't know what you're talking about. The chain shit,
Speaker 1: let me phone the phone. You know, when you get aggy,
Speaker 1: make it seem ready, niggas line, you had a down pat.
Speaker 1: So she's like a cool babe. So we had never
Speaker 1: done this oral thing, right remember six D mean she
Speaker 1: ain't never gone down to me. I ain't never gone
Speaker 1: down to her. So cool, it's so good. And then
Speaker 1: out of nowhere, like she was like, let me give
Speaker 1: you a head. So I'm spitting bars and I'm like,
Speaker 1: my my wife, my wife, man, you don't need to
Speaker 1: do all of that. You get me. I got respected,
Speaker 1: you know that ship two twos. We went out one night,
Speaker 1: I got drunk, went back to a grand's house. I
Speaker 1: hope she ain listening, just too yeah, like taco Tuesday.
Speaker 1: No No, I thought like a transition word like like
Speaker 1: to like I don't even know how to translate that
Speaker 1: out here, like two twos like and the next thing next, Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I was turning Tuesday. It's Wednesday anyway, Okay. So we
Speaker 1: went back to her grand's house and and we're chilling
Speaker 1: or whatever, and she's like, I want to keep your head.
Speaker 1: And obviously back then, because I knew that was because
Speaker 1: I was with her and she didn't know. I was
Speaker 1: always strapped, like I never I would never go out
Speaker 1: in public and not have my strap on because I
Speaker 1: was prepared, like ship might get right here, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, I'm gonna be ready. So she was like,
Speaker 1: let me stuck at dick and I was yack. So
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, Oh god, fucking turn
Speaker 1: off the lights. She was sing plastic she's doing that thing. No,
Speaker 1: obviously I'm not at me all the noise effects. I'm like,
Speaker 1: a cool must be about time to bust night at me.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, yeah, I done my thing. She got out.
Speaker 1: She was like, she telling like she do you think
Speaker 1: I'm a fucking dickhead? You know? When the alcohol just
Speaker 1: just left my system? I was like, I was like what.
Speaker 1: She was like, do you think I don't know? Do
Speaker 1: you think I haven't known? Do you think I ever?
Speaker 1: So like a fucking dick I was like, oh shit,
Speaker 1: wake up, found quick, wake up, get with it. She
Speaker 1: knew the whole time. She she was basically saying that
Speaker 1: she had known for a minute and she wanted to
Speaker 1: just and she wanted to rock with me. Her her
Speaker 1: explanation was, my sex was good. Oh so she was
Speaker 1: with it. But for me, it was kind of like,
Speaker 1: how do we progress from here? You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And and she was the first female that even though
Speaker 1: she we stayed together after that point, were together nine
Speaker 1: months in total, and she she found out, well she
Speaker 1: let me know she knew at the three months mark roughly. Um,
Speaker 1: but even up to today, she's kind of like, she
Speaker 1: feels like I betrayed her, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And I made her question her sexuality up until now.
Speaker 1: And that's crazy because that was gonna be my next
Speaker 1: question to you. You've been in three serious relationships, one
Speaker 1: being your wife. Now do they identify as lesbians like
Speaker 1: my wife or as in the women that you dealt with,
Speaker 1: because even though you identify as a male, you still
Speaker 1: have female parts. So do they do do they like
Speaker 1: women or do they like like how do the people
Speaker 1: that you deal with identify? So the two previous partners
Speaker 1: I have been with they one of them doesn't identify
Speaker 1: as lesbian. UM. In fact, she she we had been
Speaker 1: friends for three years prior to again together and UM,
Speaker 1: and she was basically like it was me. She felt
Speaker 1: for me as a as a person. I wasn't about
Speaker 1: you know, male or female, man or woman. It was
Speaker 1: the fact that she she was attracted to me as
Speaker 1: a person, and we went from there. But then when
Speaker 1: it came down to me telling her that I was,
Speaker 1: I wasn't happy and content as as a female. You know,
Speaker 1: that's kind of when things started going left. She wasn't
Speaker 1: really down for this, for being with a trance, although
Speaker 1: she wasn't really down for also letting her friends and
Speaker 1: family too much know that UM she was also with
Speaker 1: Because at that moment time I was identifying as a start,
Speaker 1: I was in the social circle and not so I was.
Speaker 1: I was trying to label myself as what society accepted
Speaker 1: exactly what I said at that time, because I was
Speaker 1: eighteen at that point. So you know, we're still to
Speaker 1: more a few years ago when you know, progression wasn't
Speaker 1: quite a way it was not um so uh and
Speaker 1: then the female before after that storry, UM, I was
Speaker 1: here for four years, and she did identify as a
Speaker 1: lesbian and again the same thing. But but you know,
Speaker 1: when it came down to using pronouns and stuff, she
Speaker 1: was good with that because I pretty much told her
Speaker 1: from the off, But at the same time, when it
Speaker 1: came when when she hit the fan and it was
Speaker 1: really time for me to start transition, and she wasn't
Speaker 1: really down with it. She couldn't really understandish. That's interesting, yeah,
Speaker 1: because she's like, no, for you, I'm curious because I
Speaker 1: haven't had a friend that was a transmail and he
Speaker 1: talked about not enjoying women wanting to like his pussy.
Speaker 1: He's like, I don't like that. I don't like people
Speaker 1: talking to me like that. Like so for her to say, lesbian,
Speaker 1: did you not enjoy because that's the part that she
Speaker 1: liked about it seems especially if she didn't like that
Speaker 1: you were transitioning, so because they're not more girl on there,
Speaker 1: so I can understand how she was attracted to it,
Speaker 1: Like that's it's almost gone. So in terms of like
Speaker 1: how she identified, um, that was a problem for me
Speaker 1: because her her identifying as a lesbian of course right
Speaker 1: meant that she was with a woman and that wasn't me.
Speaker 1: I was. I felt trapped in the in the body
Speaker 1: that I had. UM. I felt like nature did this
Speaker 1: justice to me. Um And I wasn't comfortable with that
Speaker 1: at all. Um. And in terms of like sexual like
Speaker 1: sexual interaction and stuff, there was like back then as
Speaker 1: a stud I guess I would be classes are touched
Speaker 1: me not Um. Yes, in terms of like you know,
Speaker 1: I can strap up, I can do all that, but
Speaker 1: you ain't gonna touch me. There's there's none of that
Speaker 1: rabbit playing. I mean, there's none of that dildos and
Speaker 1: all that kind of study ain't gonna be doing all
Speaker 1: of that on me. And I'm saying so I was
Speaker 1: very much so I touched me not. I have a
Speaker 1: question about that. So how do you you get pleasure?
Speaker 1: Because I've worn a strap on before and I meant
Speaker 1: I might get wet, but it doesn't make me come.
Speaker 1: It doesn't really please me more as it does you know, mentally,
Speaker 1: I'm stimulated, but it doesn't really please me. So if
Speaker 1: you're a touch me not or you're you know, how
Speaker 1: do you become how do you get pleasured? You just don't?
Speaker 1: That is that is my pleasure, that's your pleasure. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that's a misinception for a lot of people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we don't because we get in another way exactly. I mean,
Speaker 1: I really like penetration. Okay, they don't need to be tops, don't.
Speaker 1: I mean we take it like game and like tops
Speaker 1: don't need it. Yeah, but but tops feel the pleasure
Speaker 1: of going in a pussy. When you have a strap on,
Speaker 1: you don't feel the pleasure of going inside of the pussy,
Speaker 1: but you get the mental stimulation. And I guess in
Speaker 1: that sense that's what gives you that that stimulation in
Speaker 1: other ways, you know what I mean, Like from time.
Speaker 1: For me, it's like a lot of people say, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm aroused by the intelligence of another being, right,
Speaker 1: Like a lot of people are like that. They're like um,
Speaker 1: saipo sexual sexual um. And that is how they're They're
Speaker 1: turned on by by feeding on for someone else's knowledge
Speaker 1: a mind, right, And a lot of people find that weird,
Speaker 1: But that's that's a mental thing. It's a mental stimulation
Speaker 1: which stimulates them in other ways. Um. And for me
Speaker 1: it's very much so. Because I do not identify as
Speaker 1: a female. I don't want any association to that. So
Speaker 1: for me, like penetrating my my wife or you know,
Speaker 1: back in the day, penetrating any woman with with my
Speaker 1: strap was enough for me and it still is enough
Speaker 1: for me. Okay, And so I want to talk now
Speaker 1: briefly because we're running out of time, unfortunately, I know,
Speaker 1: but I do want to ask you now, um as
Speaker 1: an adult the transition. I'm not like my nigger. You
Speaker 1: look like a straight man. Um. So I want to
Speaker 1: talk about like you facial hair, your voice is rather deep. Um.
Speaker 1: I know my mama got a deep voice, but not
Speaker 1: like this. Um. So, what what is it like to transition?
Speaker 1: What have you gone through? What? What? What do you
Speaker 1: have to take people you know that don't understand how
Speaker 1: this works? I would love for you to break you
Speaker 1: Like I think you're you're like the epitome of that's
Speaker 1: ready to transition. Like so yeah, like the beard, you have,
Speaker 1: the voice. What have you had to do to undergo
Speaker 1: this transition physically? So? Um, in terms of the physical journey,
Speaker 1: the the you know in this thus far at um
Speaker 1: in terms of like facial features and well, not so
Speaker 1: much facial feature because my face hasn't really changed, No,
Speaker 1: I mean like in that sense. By in terms of
Speaker 1: like um, growing hair and voice deepen in or dropping
Speaker 1: um and weight shift because these these are because you
Speaker 1: have muscles, right, your arms look really like a real
Speaker 1: much like you've always been. To be honest, like before
Speaker 1: I transition, like when I when I started my journey,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask you a question first, all right, So
Speaker 1: it starts. It goes like you have to go and
Speaker 1: see a therapist first or psychologist first, UM. And then
Speaker 1: once you do that, they this is in England at least,
Speaker 1: and then they will refer you to something called the
Speaker 1: Gender Identity Clinic. Once they referred you to the gender
Speaker 1: gender Identity you don't have to see another psychologist in
Speaker 1: in that center. Once you've done that, then they will
Speaker 1: assess whether you're ready to start your hormone therapy. Hormo
Speaker 1: therapy UM as in physically is UM something called testosterone.
Speaker 1: We are aware of it. And then for the trans
Speaker 1: women they're taking a strangers, they will take a students pills.
Speaker 1: I believe, but I can't speak to you heavily on
Speaker 1: that just because I'm for transman. You take yes, it
Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily have to be shot straight away. It might
Speaker 1: be a jail for a pill. No, there's no pill
Speaker 1: for testos. It might be a jail you rub it,
Speaker 1: so you rub it in certain places on the body
Speaker 1: and that that seeps into the into the bloodstream, um,
Speaker 1: the same way those packets, but it's not they're not
Speaker 1: as effective. Um, but they're not as the shots because
Speaker 1: the shots, uh enter your muscle, and obviously a muscle
Speaker 1: is a quick, fastest way to get through the body. Um.
Speaker 1: Do they have to do you have to do this
Speaker 1: for the rest of your life? Yes, okay, okay, of
Speaker 1: course it's it's you know, um, I don't know if
Speaker 1: it was ten. No, it is for the rest of
Speaker 1: your life. However, you know, Um, there's certain things that
Speaker 1: are irreversible. Right, so in terms of like my voice hair, um,
Speaker 1: weightshift isn't irreversible. But but there's certain things that are irreversible.
Speaker 1: So they could get for me or anyone, they could
Speaker 1: get to a point in their life where they're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I've seen as much physical changes as I could possibly get.
Speaker 1: I'm going to stop here. But if they haven't had
Speaker 1: a hysterect to me yet, they're obviously going to have
Speaker 1: periods after right, right, that's w Yeah, that's so anyone
Speaker 1: any trans mail probably wouldn't stop taking testosterone unless they
Speaker 1: had a hystereict to me, so the testosterone doesn't stop
Speaker 1: the period, but the hystorrect me does. No testosterone doest
Speaker 1: which maybe I need to if you if you stop
Speaker 1: taking the testosterone and you haven't had a history to me,
Speaker 1: then you all go to have period. Have you had
Speaker 1: a v sectomy? Okay? But to me is just for
Speaker 1: me is okay? I'm sorry? Sorry? Sorry, yes, I mean,
Speaker 1: uh am I wrong? Is that not what it is? Okay?
Speaker 1: So what historrect to me is your warm removed. Must
Speaker 1: sect to me is getting your breast removed, and thus
Speaker 1: sect to me is getting your balls removed. Correct. V
Speaker 1: Sectomy is balls, right, preach? Yeah, but what sectomy is
Speaker 1: when you eliminate your ball so that you can't get
Speaker 1: that's cutting out they ain't go. No, that have drained
Speaker 1: them that they can't get in a pregnant Yeah. Oh wait,
Speaker 1: I think I'm thinking of neutering when you neuter an animals.
Speaker 1: But sectmy is just draining of the sperm, cut the cords, sorry,
Speaker 1: and then must activy is cutting out the tissue. So
Speaker 1: have you cut out the tissue of your breath? But
Speaker 1: we to surgery in the community. But yet Okay, okay, wow,
Speaker 1: this is a lot of information. She's just really happy
Speaker 1: because you don't understand, like me and Mandy have actually
Speaker 1: argued on air. My word did you say? I think
Speaker 1: I said training or trailing or trams. So let's talk
Speaker 1: real quick before we go. I want to talk about, Yeah,
Speaker 1: what are the slurs or things that are offensive to
Speaker 1: the trans community? Now, she said on our horrible decisions.
Speaker 1: And I'm not calling you out. I'm taking serious. My
Speaker 1: friends call me. It was like, listen, I need to
Speaker 1: talk to you before you guys do this because Mandy
Speaker 1: just went on and said, we're going to have a
Speaker 1: transgender on Is that not a to me? This is
Speaker 1: my argument. I said, if we were going to have
Speaker 1: a female on a mail on, a escort on, goddamn,
Speaker 1: everything would be a So I don't know how else
Speaker 1: I would have said that. I guess because trained to think,
Speaker 1: because I didn't say trans man like, so explain to
Speaker 1: us what what is offensive and what is not. So
Speaker 1: I feel like there's certain things that are definitely perception based, right,
Speaker 1: and for you to say, sorry, what was it you said?
Speaker 1: Tans we're having a transgender on the show. If you
Speaker 1: have any questions in regard to this police sentiment pretty
Speaker 1: much so I don't. I don't know. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of people that probably would say that's derogatory. Um. I
Speaker 1: feel like for someone that probably hasn't been made aware
Speaker 1: of some of the slurs, I guess I wouldn't take
Speaker 1: defense to that. Perhaps some folks would, And as I said,
Speaker 1: that's perception, right, that's certain things that people are susceptible
Speaker 1: to and a certain things that people aren't. For me personally,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't. I personally wouldn't take defense to that. If
Speaker 1: you said tranny, which you know certain of my cast
Speaker 1: members have said, I had to holder at them like
Speaker 1: and be like, yo, you gotta take off your off
Speaker 1: your Instagram and all that kind of stuff, because that's
Speaker 1: throwing like okay, so training and trainese derrovaty term. It's
Speaker 1: like you know what I'm saying, it's it's it's just
Speaker 1: on the minds everything that we've we were going through,
Speaker 1: we've been through like now the better word I wanted
Speaker 1: to ask because it's it's a real men men love it.
Speaker 1: Every when I went to Amsterdam, we got red light
Speaker 1: blue lights they were saying tea girls and a lot
Speaker 1: of especially I don't know if I'm saying away, but
Speaker 1: two girls like told me that they have enjoyed like
Speaker 1: I love having a dick like and you know, having
Speaker 1: tips and you know something they enjoy about their body
Speaker 1: and they don't want to change it. Is ta girl
Speaker 1: an okay thing to say? Or what is the proper
Speaker 1: thing to say? Um? From what I'm I can't speak
Speaker 1: too much from that. I don't really like to give
Speaker 1: out false information in terms of like what like. I
Speaker 1: like to speak on what I'm aware of rather than
Speaker 1: gisson because I don't want to be the person that
Speaker 1: um somewhat represents the community and doesn't even know understand
Speaker 1: right And you know, you're you're all gonna be comfortable
Speaker 1: different things. The person that heard it thought a transgender
Speaker 1: wasn't good enough. You are understanding enough to say, okay,
Speaker 1: well she doesn't know right, and and that's kind of
Speaker 1: what I said. And I just like, even to me, like,
Speaker 1: I don't know the whole I had a conversation with
Speaker 1: my friend about the the stud the dyke, the things
Speaker 1: that we can say stud but we can't say dyke.
Speaker 1: We could say transgender, but we can't say training. We
Speaker 1: can and it's just like, I don't know all this
Speaker 1: guy damned politically correct now like um, in the UK
Speaker 1: people use that word, and is it I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: The only time that's used this towards white women, really
Speaker 1: it's not. It's not used in the black in the
Speaker 1: black LGBTQ community because we say stud I mean, but
Speaker 1: here I heard. I couldn't get it off. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: So I think it's just I guess it's how people
Speaker 1: receive it as to if it's going to be offensive
Speaker 1: or not, except for the word of course, training. Okay.
Speaker 1: So I guess that's good for our listeners to know.
Speaker 1: And I haven't heard that word, and I'm like, okay it.
Speaker 1: I think I'm somebody go off of me about that.
Speaker 1: I've got a lot of learning to do myself, because,
Speaker 1: as I said, I feel like I said off air,
Speaker 1: I didn't identify with with I didn't want to be
Speaker 1: put in yet another books. I didn't. I didn't for
Speaker 1: a long time. I didn't want to identify as a
Speaker 1: transmil right. And we talk about labels here. A lot
Speaker 1: felt guilty when you were saying it because I want
Speaker 1: you on so badly because I want people to get it.
Speaker 1: I want people to understand it. And most of our
Speaker 1: listeners are male, which is why this is very important
Speaker 1: to me, because I feel like women are going to
Speaker 1: be like, oh yeah, I understand it, but men don't,
Speaker 1: and I just want them to. But it's also you know,
Speaker 1: you just said to me like, I don't need to
Speaker 1: tell someone I identify as a black straight male. I
Speaker 1: don't need a black straight man I don't know. But
Speaker 1: not only that, but then I do feel the guilt
Speaker 1: of asking you to do it because it makes you
Speaker 1: open this thing up. But not only that, I think
Speaker 1: even for our female listeners, they can literally sit here
Speaker 1: and think if I was put in this position, how
Speaker 1: would I respond? Um? And I think that's even good
Speaker 1: with how we talked about where you feel like you
Speaker 1: should announce um your gender identity as far as dating UM.
Speaker 1: So for different women, like for me, it might not
Speaker 1: bother me. I like pussy, I do strap on. It's
Speaker 1: all cool. But for the listeners who maybe identify as
Speaker 1: straight straight straight straight straight, just for them to be
Speaker 1: able to listen to this episode and think, how would
Speaker 1: I respond if I was put into this, you know,
Speaker 1: into a day where where it's true, it's private, sacred.
Speaker 1: At the end of the day, there's a lot of
Speaker 1: things in life that we are not going to be
Speaker 1: able to understand. Right, that's just impossible, And I get that.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, like there's this common denominat
Speaker 1: I believe between all humans which kind of um allows
Speaker 1: us to to feel able and liberate and expressing ourselves,
Speaker 1: which is just room for respect. And and at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, you're not understanding your person's decisions
Speaker 1: or choices in life, is okay as long as you
Speaker 1: can still respect that person for living their authentic life
Speaker 1: and and and being the authentic self. UM. I don't
Speaker 1: feel like any trans person or person that identifies as
Speaker 1: trans is anyone anything in terms of an explanation as
Speaker 1: to why they're transitioning. Um, But I do feel like
Speaker 1: it is important to have these kinds of conversations because
Speaker 1: people that have identified as transgender, non binary, queer, it's
Speaker 1: not a new wave. It's not this new thing that's
Speaker 1: just happening like, oh my god tomorrow. It's not it's
Speaker 1: all bullshit. Like my grandfather was trans. I was born
Speaker 1: in San France, a lot of people don't know that.
Speaker 1: My mom she passed. But yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: In San Francisco gay and LGBT community is so open
Speaker 1: and uh, maybe that's why I'm so used to it.
Speaker 1: But I mean I knew that in history. It's documented
Speaker 1: in ancient history, kings and queens in Egypt identified as
Speaker 1: trans and non binary, you know what I'm saying. So
Speaker 1: that's what I mean. This is not new. It's just that, um,
Speaker 1: I feel like we're talking about it. We're more some
Speaker 1: of us are more open with with education in others.
Speaker 1: Um and there is more resources available to educate others.
Speaker 1: Um And I feel like media and technology plays a
Speaker 1: big part in that and bringing that to the forefront. UM.
Speaker 1: But that's needless to say that, Like this isn't something new,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like people are like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, the world's gonna end all these transgender people
Speaker 1: pack out what they wanted. That's too much. Yea and
Speaker 1: n that's a great headline the other day that said
Speaker 1: where are these imaginary rapists coming from? That people keep saying,
Speaker 1: there's always I don't like what because the bathroom argument
Speaker 1: is that somebody's going to go in there and rape
Speaker 1: and rape you. Yeah, it's just like if someone wants
Speaker 1: to go in the bathroom emery are in fact, I
Speaker 1: think that's it's that that's really really stupid because at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, you've got, as I said,
Speaker 1: I brought up briefly, there are transgender folks being murdered weekly.
Speaker 1: We are. There's twenty five today that have been murdered
Speaker 1: this year alone, predominantly of color and predominantly trans women.
Speaker 1: And if we're not going to create safe spaces, what
Speaker 1: we're doing is basically accepting the fact that these women
Speaker 1: and men that identify as trands are being murdered. And
Speaker 1: that's okay. We ask you before we go. I watched
Speaker 1: Boys Don't Cry. Oh my mom made me watch that
Speaker 1: from a young age. She did my mom, You know what,
Speaker 1: Me and mamma were good friends. Now like like she's
Speaker 1: not my best friend. She wants you to watch it
Speaker 1: for you to feel better, or she wanted for me
Speaker 1: to be scared. Do you remember Boys Don't Cry? We're
Speaker 1: on a writer or no um where she was I
Speaker 1: don't know what No No from the Hands and Stranger thing.
Speaker 1: It is an amazing movie, but basically she's living as
Speaker 1: a man. I haven't seen it in some years. But
Speaker 1: gets a girlfriend. The girl's cool with it, she felt
Speaker 1: it new, didn't give a fuck. Um, but she hung
Speaker 1: out with some guys. Huh. That was Hillary splaining that
Speaker 1: more no a right, all right, Oh I movies, Well
Speaker 1: you incorrectly ship. I didn't know I from that movie. Um,
Speaker 1: I just watched Stranger Thing. It was probably my se
Speaker 1: no no, but anyway, she was hanging out with some
Speaker 1: men and when they found out, I don't remember if
Speaker 1: they beat her up and raped her and killed him. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was a scary as place to be, but it
Speaker 1: taught you so much. And I remember watching it with
Speaker 1: my mom and she was like, if you ever have
Speaker 1: friends that are scared to come out and blah blah blah,
Speaker 1: you should make sure they have someone to talk to
Speaker 1: and be safe. I wish my mom did. I'm just
Speaker 1: my mom did it as a scared tactic. I think
Speaker 1: that she saw that I was, you know, constantly. For her,
Speaker 1: it was like, oh, I'm constantly wearing boys clothes or
Speaker 1: masculine clothes. And for her it's just like and and
Speaker 1: And It's funny because fast forward a little bit and
Speaker 1: I'll come back to the first forward a little bit
Speaker 1: um when I was in my teens and I was,
Speaker 1: you know, dating females and they didn't know, and then
Speaker 1: they found out. My mom too found out. And when
Speaker 1: my mom found out, she was like, say, these little
Speaker 1: girls brothers and cousins, and dad wants to come and
Speaker 1: do what what happened? And boys don't cry? And she
Speaker 1: was very fearful of my s. She was, she was,
Speaker 1: she she still was scared. Watched and I'm a grown
Speaker 1: man now and I can you know, I mean, I'm good,
Speaker 1: but in terms of like I don't fear yeah, but
Speaker 1: my mom was really like after I watched, and she's like,
Speaker 1: you know, she she sent me a voice, no, I
Speaker 1: I should play, and she's like, let me see a please.
Speaker 1: That would be I would love to know that, because
Speaker 1: just looking at you, I wonder if your mom is like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, he is so handsome and he's got
Speaker 1: he's kind of me and MO. Mom didn't have a
Speaker 1: good relationship up. It was strange, said, we do know
Speaker 1: we didn't growing up, We didn't have a good good
Speaker 1: relationship because I was trying to find myself. She was
Speaker 1: obviously hoping that she would have a relationship with her daughter. UM,
Speaker 1: and that never came, you know, I mean that never
Speaker 1: came to fruition. And for a long time we we
Speaker 1: didn't have a good relationship. And I remember when when
Speaker 1: you know, she started coming to me, coming with me
Speaker 1: to appointments and starting to learn about, you know, what
Speaker 1: it is that I'm going through. Um. She was like,
Speaker 1: I just hope that I have a better relationship with
Speaker 1: my son than I did with my door, you know.
Speaker 1: And I was like, Yeah, that's exactly what I needed
Speaker 1: to hear kind of thing. That's exactly what I want,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And that's exactly what we have.
Speaker 1: We have a great relationship. And it's like finding myself
Speaker 1: was the first step to me loving myself, and prior
Speaker 1: to that, I didn't love myself. And in turn, it
Speaker 1: meant that my relationships with everyone and anyone around me
Speaker 1: was strained due to that. I'm scrolling through my phone
Speaker 1: trying to find um this um she she sent me
Speaker 1: so many. I said, well, we're gonna end with your
Speaker 1: voice note. If we can't, can you go ahead and
Speaker 1: let our listeners know where they can find you? Wait,
Speaker 1: I think did you find it? Listeners? You can find
Speaker 1: me on Instagram at Rush London, Twitter at Rush London.
Speaker 1: I ain't gonna give out my Snapchat, but don't hurt
Speaker 1: your information. Um in the link of this episode. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and if you want to see more of Rush, he
Speaker 1: is on d b K chat episodes on YouTube. You've
Speaker 1: seen Jelissa and Flee who we had on. Um. I'm
Speaker 1: just so grateful that he came and he is just
Speaker 1: as hot as he looks in pictures. I already stuck
Speaker 1: a little video because I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 1: Look at that myself later. Sorry, Russia's wife. All right,
Speaker 1: so this is what my mom said because she's still
Speaker 1: very much so fearful for my safety. Okay, yeah, I
Speaker 1: want to hear this. It's quite hold it up to
Speaker 1: the mike. I don't even know, like making new friends,
Speaker 1: meeting new people, just nine you know who who you really?
Speaker 1: You know, you know me? You know, stuff like that. Okay.
Speaker 1: In other ways, what she would saying in is after
Speaker 1: being on backchat, she's sure that a lot of people
Speaker 1: are going to be reaching out. It sounds very supportive.
Speaker 1: It still doesn't know how to word it exactly. You
Speaker 1: could definitely hear the kind of caution. Yeah, but my mom,
Speaker 1: she is cautious because what she's trying to say is
Speaker 1: basically just be aware of like who's reaching out to
Speaker 1: you in terms of one wanting to befriend you because
Speaker 1: of the ship like that. Again, a lot of trans
Speaker 1: folks are murdered. Yeah, she's quite fearful of the fact
Speaker 1: that being in the States where you know, coming out here,
Speaker 1: she's quite fearful of who who may seem as though
Speaker 1: they have good, good intentions about going to meet them,
Speaker 1: that may not be the case. Thank you well, Thank
Speaker 1: you mom, and thank you so much Rush for coming
Speaker 1: to You were an amazing guest and I hope that
Speaker 1: our listeners on this episode umption they hated us last one,
Speaker 1: but thank you again so much for coming on. We'll
Speaker 1: put all of your social media links in the link
Speaker 1: of this bio. We will also post you on our
Speaker 1: Horrible Decisions page and for you guys listening, you guys
Speaker 1: can continue to follow us on Instagram at Horrible Underscore Decisions.
Speaker 1: Um every ch out to us again, Thank you again
Speaker 1: for all of the love on iTunes, SoundCloud, I heart radio,
Speaker 1: everywhere that you guys listen to us, and thank you.
Speaker 1: Um oh and bitch, we slow me off with this
Speaker 1: motherfucking live show hole, so we will see you guys.
Speaker 1: You'll have to come and see you guys December one
Speaker 1: here in NYC for our very first live show that
Speaker 1: is sold out. Bitches. Anyways, this has been another episode
Speaker 1: of horrible decisions