1 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:07,560 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. Were welcome to stuff 2 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:18,800 Speaker 1: I've never told your production of I Heart Radio. So 3 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 1: if you have been listening to our Monday minies, we 4 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:25,640 Speaker 1: have been talking a lot about happiness and who are 5 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:29,040 Speaker 1: the happiest, And of course we had some interesting articles 6 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:32,080 Speaker 1: that we looked through and talked about and dissected. But 7 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:34,960 Speaker 1: we had a listener asked us a genuinely great question 8 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,839 Speaker 1: on Instagram. Hey, Arianna, I hope I said that right, 9 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:41,760 Speaker 1: And they were asking about lesbian marriages and how they 10 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:45,880 Speaker 1: affect women's happiness and just the whole marriage and happiness correlation, 11 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:50,200 Speaker 1: which had us thinking, so, yeah, who are they happier? 12 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,320 Speaker 1: Let's let's talk about it. So you know that we 13 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 1: read through that single and childless women were some of 14 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:59,080 Speaker 1: the more happier group of people. But uh, yeah, let's 15 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,640 Speaker 1: take a look at who are the happiest or at 16 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 1: least in couple them, so so that we can figure 17 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:06,960 Speaker 1: this out. We can dissect this, right Annie. And of 18 00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:08,880 Speaker 1: course it's always with this, you know, we're speaking in 19 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:13,280 Speaker 1: generalizations and from what we're able to find, right, So, 20 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:16,560 Speaker 1: there's like no one answer, but there are some some 21 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:20,560 Speaker 1: theories and some some data that's been collected, So of course, yes, 22 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:23,520 Speaker 1: when we talk about data and statistics, just a reminder 23 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,840 Speaker 1: they can be biased. Uh. It's according to where you 24 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:28,360 Speaker 1: get that information and how you look things up, and 25 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 1: apparently according to Google is according to what you like 26 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,040 Speaker 1: and what you've searched for, so it always leans that way. 27 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 1: So just to go ahead and put that caveat. But 28 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:38,479 Speaker 1: we've found some articles that we didn't want to talk 29 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:42,479 Speaker 1: about and kind of a look deeper into what they 30 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:45,880 Speaker 1: are saying and think of why not let's talk about it. 31 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:51,760 Speaker 1: So are lesbian couples happier? Well? In a pink news 32 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,840 Speaker 1: dot co dot uk article, they found that the the 33 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 1: marital strain in psychological distress in same sex and different 34 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 1: sex couple studies shows quote UH found that same sex 35 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 1: spouses generally feel more satisfied in their marriages than hetero 36 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:08,920 Speaker 1: sexual spouses do. Uh. As in fact, I think this 37 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,720 Speaker 1: is a article just so y'all know, and it's always 38 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:14,320 Speaker 1: good to know day because I feel like, especially in 39 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 1: the last three years, massive changes have happened, so it 40 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:21,240 Speaker 1: can definitely change our perspective of what is happy, what 41 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:24,000 Speaker 1: is it happy? As well as the fact when we 42 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 1: talk about in twenty six seeing versus versus twenty like 43 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:32,920 Speaker 1: all those things, those years are very vastly different. So 44 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:38,320 Speaker 1: ahead because that they are yea, that is true. So 45 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:42,960 Speaker 1: to get these results, they they worked with seven hundred 46 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:47,399 Speaker 1: fifties six US men and women and in their midlife 47 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:51,200 Speaker 1: in seventy eight gay at lesbian and heterosexual marriages and 48 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,760 Speaker 1: they catch these like daily diaries. Um. So it's self reporting, 49 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,919 Speaker 1: which is always another thing to take note of. But yeah, 50 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:02,680 Speaker 1: self reporting, um stress and how that was related to 51 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:07,119 Speaker 1: their marriage their partner. Women in different sex marriages reported 52 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,880 Speaker 1: the most stress. Uh and men in different sex marriages 53 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 1: and women in same sex marriages fell in the middle. Uh. 54 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 1: So they were about the same, reporting the same levels 55 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 1: of stress. Right. We did definitely talk a lot about 56 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 1: this when we talked about women in emotional labor during 57 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:26,200 Speaker 1: the pandemic and stress um even the Great Resignation and 58 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,639 Speaker 1: why women were quitting and what this looked like in 59 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 1: the heavy loads that they have had. And this article 60 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:34,880 Speaker 1: kind of talks about that same narrative. It says in 61 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:38,440 Speaker 1: the article most of them relate to traditional gender stereotyping, 62 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:42,080 Speaker 1: including expectations that women should take on the majority of 63 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:48,040 Speaker 1: the housework. So there's definitely that underlying uh stated gender 64 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 1: norm that is heavily laid and put a lot of 65 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:56,760 Speaker 1: responsibility onto women in heterosexual relationships and marriages. So I 66 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,280 Speaker 1: thought that was really interesting. I think I don't know 67 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,600 Speaker 1: if yeah, you're thinking the same thing, but I could 68 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,040 Speaker 1: see that being a proponent where it's what it's the 69 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,520 Speaker 1: same gender and the expectations are kind of had to 70 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 1: put to the wayside and a lot more conversation has 71 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:12,760 Speaker 1: had to have happened. Yeah, I think that's a good point. 72 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,840 Speaker 1: I remember a few of you listeners different in about this, 73 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:19,919 Speaker 1: and I think it's a good point of the outside 74 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:23,560 Speaker 1: of our traditional heteronormative what we've been taught and what 75 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:27,200 Speaker 1: we've seen is a very heavy quotes and normal relationship. 76 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,800 Speaker 1: When you go outside of that, you have to talk 77 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 1: about things like you have to have the conversations that 78 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,599 Speaker 1: I think in a lot of hetero couples are sort 79 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 1: of taken for granted. But outside of that, you have 80 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,120 Speaker 1: to talk about it because you mant to make sure 81 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,640 Speaker 1: you're on the same page, and often you haven't seen 82 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:50,040 Speaker 1: examples perhaps of how this relationship will work. So I 83 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:53,279 Speaker 1: think there's just a lot more conversations happening. I could 84 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:57,920 Speaker 1: be wrong. This is again generalizations that we're speaking right right, 85 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 1: there is and I think it's interesting that again when 86 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,320 Speaker 1: we break it down away from that, because even sitcoms 87 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 1: and even shows are starting to show that difference of like, oh, 88 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:11,919 Speaker 1: we need to step away from this traditional household because 89 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,279 Speaker 1: it's not funny anymore. It's now just uh trit and 90 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:20,920 Speaker 1: overly used and it doesn't make sense and it should change. 91 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:24,360 Speaker 1: So you see that changing in in media in itself, 92 00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:26,839 Speaker 1: and I feel like that reflects a lot upon what 93 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:30,279 Speaker 1: is happening society obviously. And then when we talk about 94 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 1: same sex couples, the level of communications that have to happen. 95 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,560 Speaker 1: And you know, I was thinking about this too. Queer 96 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:41,040 Speaker 1: marriage wasn't legalized until not too long ago. We know this, 97 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:43,840 Speaker 1: and it's still kind of in disarray as we talk 98 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:48,920 Speaker 1: about what's happening under state legislations. But that stressor is 99 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:52,479 Speaker 1: kind of for a minute, went away. That level of discrimination, 100 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:55,800 Speaker 1: not real life discrimination, not necessarily they were discrimination, not 101 00:05:55,839 --> 00:06:01,080 Speaker 1: necessarily biases against uh A community or biases community or whatever, 102 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 1: but the federal level of stress of like, oh, we're 103 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,360 Speaker 1: actually being recognized and being able to get married that 104 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,400 Speaker 1: I had to alleviate some of that stressed us well, 105 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:11,200 Speaker 1: so that that level happiness I feel I should have 106 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,680 Speaker 1: that had a rise. I would think, again, this is 107 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,160 Speaker 1: all conjecture. This is based on my own ideas of like, well, 108 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,720 Speaker 1: at least one less thing was heavily laying on there, like, oh, 109 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:23,720 Speaker 1: we can't be arrested for being in our marriage anymore. Wonderful. 110 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:28,240 Speaker 1: That's a new stress like stress reliever, right right, And 111 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:31,880 Speaker 1: I think it's worth noting here, Samantha and I keep 112 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:35,120 Speaker 1: mentioning this mysterious project we're working on it. I think, 113 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,359 Speaker 1: you know, someday we'll will be able to tell you 114 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 1: what it is. But for it, I was researching the 115 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:44,240 Speaker 1: history of gay marriage, and I know that that's a 116 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:47,360 Speaker 1: big conversation is um, you know, no, no group or 117 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:50,919 Speaker 1: community is a monolith, and um, some people in the 118 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:55,839 Speaker 1: gay community think like marriage is already part of the heteronormative, 119 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:58,359 Speaker 1: like it's already bad or it's got all this stuff 120 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:02,320 Speaker 1: that's built into it. Not everybody again, not everybody, but like, 121 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 1: I think that that's an interesting conversation that's happening as well, 122 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:10,960 Speaker 1: because it just historically and traditionally has been kind of 123 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:15,360 Speaker 1: a real gender disparity in favor of men in our laws. 124 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 1: So that's also a conversation that's happening. And we've talked 125 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:23,320 Speaker 1: before about, um how in things like the b d 126 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:27,360 Speaker 1: SIM community or the kink community, they similarly have to 127 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,520 Speaker 1: have Like I guess, there's just no assumption that you 128 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 1: have to have these conversations write about about these things. 129 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 1: And I think that's so good. I think everybody should 130 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:39,040 Speaker 1: be doing that, right. Yeah, And in that same article, 131 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:42,400 Speaker 1: the same study talks about the level of miscommunication that 132 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:44,880 Speaker 1: was happening and who was willing to talk and who 133 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:48,160 Speaker 1: was willing to work things out. But a lot of 134 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:51,559 Speaker 1: that in that this heteronormative idea, especially when it comes 135 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:57,760 Speaker 1: to since uh, heterosexual relationships that uh, there's this mystery 136 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,360 Speaker 1: and gameplay that's been kind of a part of it, 137 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,880 Speaker 1: that you're supposed to allow the mel to be dominant 138 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:06,080 Speaker 1: in a relationship and therefore you never question, you never 139 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,920 Speaker 1: pushed back, and all of these narratives that were so 140 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 1: toxic and I'm using that word don't come at me, 141 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:15,560 Speaker 1: but it was, and it is when you can't when 142 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 1: you feel like you can't communicate and have a open conversation. 143 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,120 Speaker 1: And I will say that was one of my bigger 144 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 1: things growing up that I was willing to accept these norms. 145 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,800 Speaker 1: But I made sure to put out if you're willing 146 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,160 Speaker 1: to listen to me, even though I was under this 147 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:32,880 Speaker 1: whole understanding with the religion and all of these things, 148 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,160 Speaker 1: like okay, that's the way it works. But if he 149 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,800 Speaker 1: is a truly good man and I'm yes, I'm putting 150 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,840 Speaker 1: this all in like again head a normative ways of speaking, 151 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,960 Speaker 1: then he's listening and we are compromising. I will allow 152 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:47,880 Speaker 1: him to quote unquote speak for me, which makes me 153 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,800 Speaker 1: a kind of nauxious is thinking about now if he 154 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:54,040 Speaker 1: hears me and if we're talking about it behind closed doors, 155 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,800 Speaker 1: if that's not happening, this is not a fulfilling relationship. 156 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,160 Speaker 1: But I knew that as like I think, I said 157 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:01,120 Speaker 1: this is a twelve year old to my father because 158 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,400 Speaker 1: we were talking about what was happening in in our 159 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:07,200 Speaker 1: church at that point. He asked me, which was weird 160 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,800 Speaker 1: because he had more respect for me than I can't say. 161 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 1: It seemed like he had more respect for me than 162 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:14,880 Speaker 1: my own mother. I was at times um, but him 163 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,720 Speaker 1: coming to like, what do you think and I said, 164 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:19,000 Speaker 1: these are these things, and he was like, Okay, do 165 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:20,360 Speaker 1: you trust me to say that for him? Like, I 166 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,400 Speaker 1: trust you because we're having a conversation and you said 167 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:24,200 Speaker 1: you're listening. He's like, you're right, I will. It's like, 168 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:28,040 Speaker 1: then that's a good relationship, you know, like coming down 169 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:30,439 Speaker 1: to that wire of like if it truly worked out 170 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 1: that way, then these are the things that would happen 171 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:36,640 Speaker 1: and come into play. Right. Yeah. I think that's a 172 00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:38,720 Speaker 1: really good point because if you can't trust somebody to 173 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,680 Speaker 1: listen to you, then that you're already starting at an unequal, 174 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:45,480 Speaker 1: right part, you already off to a bad foot in 175 00:09:45,520 --> 00:10:02,880 Speaker 1: this was right, right. So one study did show at 176 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:08,000 Speaker 1: least the queer community in marriages maybe happier, that's what. 177 00:10:08,679 --> 00:10:12,439 Speaker 1: But we also found another article. And in this article 178 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,720 Speaker 1: it talks about, um, what makes couples happier or the 179 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 1: happiest And it's from inc dot com. So they had 180 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:23,000 Speaker 1: this whole list of these are the top characteristics that 181 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:26,839 Speaker 1: make for a happy relationship, UM. And they had different studies. 182 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:29,959 Speaker 1: So it's from inc dot com, I n C dot com, UM, 183 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: And we wanted to read the list. We're not gonna 184 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 1: get all We're not going to give create to all 185 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,760 Speaker 1: of them. We're not gonna sit and discuss all of them. 186 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,200 Speaker 1: But I found them interesting and I thought it would 187 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,040 Speaker 1: be something to talk about because if you're trying to 188 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:44,000 Speaker 1: seek that happy relationship, maybe these are some of the things. Uh. 189 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:48,120 Speaker 1: Number one, don't fight over texts. So I thought that 190 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,640 Speaker 1: was pretty funny because I'm like, oh, that's the only 191 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:54,480 Speaker 1: way i have to communicate, though, I feel like that's 192 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:58,560 Speaker 1: the best way I can get my point across without 193 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 1: breaking down and sounding ridiculous. It's interesting that you say that, 194 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,280 Speaker 1: because I too, feel like I like to think things out. 195 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,360 Speaker 1: I'll write things down because you know, you lose so 196 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:10,960 Speaker 1: much over text. With that your like emojis or whatever, 197 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:16,960 Speaker 1: the emotion is lost. So sometimes I'll write because I'm 198 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 1: bad about I'll react emotionally, I'll get defensive. I know this, 199 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,720 Speaker 1: it's a problem, but if I'm unprepared, so I like 200 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:27,440 Speaker 1: to be prepared, I write the thing down and then 201 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,240 Speaker 1: we can talk about it. But I don't like going 202 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:31,720 Speaker 1: into a fight unprepared, which I know sounds ridiculous because 203 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,680 Speaker 1: a lot of times they just happen. But if there's 204 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,520 Speaker 1: something that you know you need to talk about and 205 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,680 Speaker 1: there's probably going to be a disagreement. I will write 206 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:42,080 Speaker 1: it out, write down my thoughts, and then I'll go 207 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:45,640 Speaker 1: in and we can. I mean, I feel it makes sense. 208 00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:47,720 Speaker 1: I mean, text can be bad, especially if you're just 209 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:50,840 Speaker 1: exploding conversations back and forth. I'm sure. But like if 210 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:54,280 Speaker 1: I'm having like a moment and I'm coming back and 211 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,200 Speaker 1: this is how I need to tell you, it's gonna 212 00:11:56,240 --> 00:12:07,800 Speaker 1: be like fifteen texts that's wanted. Probably should be an email. 213 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:10,319 Speaker 1: It makes the communicate better, but hey, who knows it 214 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,160 Speaker 1: says take it to the place where you can actually 215 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:16,640 Speaker 1: talk to their faces. But uh yeah, that's not always 216 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:18,839 Speaker 1: great if you're a high emotion, high stress. This is 217 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:20,800 Speaker 1: kind of I feel like that's similar to the narrative 218 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 1: like don't go to bed angry, Like that doesn't work. 219 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:26,040 Speaker 1: I thought, if I need to calm down or I'm 220 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 1: going to say something I'm gonna regret, right, And a 221 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaker 1: lot of times, exhaustion it's not good when you're having 222 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,439 Speaker 1: a fight and you're tired, it's going to be worse, right, 223 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:39,400 Speaker 1: So not always, But okay, that's one number two, And 224 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:42,920 Speaker 1: we've talked about this before. Don't have kids, that's what 225 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:44,680 Speaker 1: it says. By the way, I'm not telling you to 226 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,080 Speaker 1: do this. It just says don't have kids. We are 227 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:51,400 Speaker 1: just the messenger. That makes sense to me too. I 228 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:55,640 Speaker 1: think that it's lovely and the word this article you 229 00:12:55,760 --> 00:13:00,240 Speaker 1: just fulfilling. As having children can be stressful. I don't 230 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:05,679 Speaker 1: like anybody who fight about that. I think that especially 231 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:08,920 Speaker 1: in a relationship where there can be these kind of 232 00:13:09,559 --> 00:13:14,920 Speaker 1: inconsistencies and responsibilities and that money. That's what gets me 233 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,880 Speaker 1: all the time, the cost of raising a child, and 234 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,800 Speaker 1: especially in a lot of like the times we're living 235 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 1: through now and just so much stress on parents. Like 236 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:28,800 Speaker 1: it makes sense to me. We're not saying yes again, 237 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:32,559 Speaker 1: we're like not anti chual, but again we've talked about 238 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,959 Speaker 1: the many times the different articles who were like these 239 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:37,520 Speaker 1: may be the happiest people, and it may be because 240 00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:41,320 Speaker 1: it's less responsibility. I mean, let's just be real honest. Yeah, 241 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:45,240 Speaker 1: there's a lot of responsibility and kudos to those parents. Kudos. Yes, 242 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:51,360 Speaker 1: I'm not goodness, this one's interesting. Uh have friends who 243 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:57,200 Speaker 1: stay married? Mm hmm. I feel like that's the same 244 00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,640 Speaker 1: kind of narrative of like your parents they stay Uh 245 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,600 Speaker 1: just kind of like that level of like oh, it 246 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:06,600 Speaker 1: can be done. Maybe. Yeah, I thought that too, And 247 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 1: then my parents had a real rough period and I 248 00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:11,320 Speaker 1: was like, I would just rather have been divorced, right, 249 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,880 Speaker 1: but the definitely moment like that, like just YEA would 250 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:17,679 Speaker 1: have been happier, we all would have been happier. Yeah, 251 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 1: And I just think, like, I totally get this point, 252 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:23,040 Speaker 1: but I think it is very risky just to put 253 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,160 Speaker 1: your kind of I don't know, faith or belief in 254 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,320 Speaker 1: something into someone else. It makes sense to me that 255 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 1: you're like, because we've talked about that before. You know, 256 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,520 Speaker 1: we're mostly friends with single people because for the same 257 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,280 Speaker 1: parts in our lives. Um, But to be like, well, 258 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,680 Speaker 1: they're still together, and so that means I can't be too. 259 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:41,680 Speaker 1: I think that's a risk. Yes. And also even the perfect, 260 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,240 Speaker 1: most perfect marriages, you don't realize there's a lot of 261 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:48,840 Speaker 1: its happening. Yeah. Oh yeah, Um, here's another interesting one 262 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 1: fight at the beginning, then not a lot. I feel 263 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:57,320 Speaker 1: like I've done this. I'm winning, right, I'm sure looking 264 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:01,240 Speaker 1: at relationships in terms of winner losses definitely the way 265 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:04,480 Speaker 1: I think this makes sense too, though, because you want 266 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,040 Speaker 1: to kind of get those prickly fights out at the 267 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:12,600 Speaker 1: beginning right, um, and hopefully that will give you indication 268 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:15,120 Speaker 1: of whether or not you can work together. Do you 269 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:19,200 Speaker 1: think And this is like it's strange to say, but 270 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:23,720 Speaker 1: there's a skill in fighting without hurting somebody. Um, I 271 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:25,200 Speaker 1: think you learned that when you get older. Because I 272 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,760 Speaker 1: don't want people to like just go out and be 273 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:30,200 Speaker 1: raging and hurting other people, right, but to have like 274 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,120 Speaker 1: a good, healthy fight. Yeah, it's not a bad that. 275 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,880 Speaker 1: That's what I think is interesting because that's what I 276 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:39,040 Speaker 1: was talking about. How I know if you get me 277 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,120 Speaker 1: what I'm angry, I'm gonna black out and say something 278 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:44,240 Speaker 1: really mean because I am cruel, Like I can be cruel, 279 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,440 Speaker 1: and I see your weaknesses and I'll come at it. 280 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,160 Speaker 1: So I need a moment so I don't go below 281 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,200 Speaker 1: the belt. Like I said this many times, I'm like, 282 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,800 Speaker 1: if you don't leave me alone, I'm going to say 283 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,040 Speaker 1: something that's gonna be so hurtful and I'm gonna feel 284 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:57,520 Speaker 1: bad about it, and you're gonna feel bad about it 285 00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:58,920 Speaker 1: and we're never gonna be able to forget it, and 286 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,000 Speaker 1: then it's gonna be even more. You need to let 287 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,840 Speaker 1: me calm down so I can push that aside and 288 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:07,240 Speaker 1: be the nicer me. But I also think about, like 289 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:12,360 Speaker 1: how people talk about marriages, that the first year can 290 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:16,240 Speaker 1: be the roughest, and if you can survive that, then 291 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 1: you're okay essentially working things out, readjusting essentially into what 292 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:25,440 Speaker 1: is now a coupledom and being hopefully an equal partnership, 293 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,880 Speaker 1: and how that can look at it the beginning fairly 294 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,960 Speaker 1: rough and if you can get through those and you 295 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:33,680 Speaker 1: can actually establish how to communicate, actually established boundaries, being 296 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,440 Speaker 1: able to know, uh, this is the moment we need 297 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,400 Speaker 1: time out that type of thing, then possibly, So that 298 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,040 Speaker 1: makes sense to me because I've I've heard that all 299 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:42,680 Speaker 1: my life the first year is the roughest, and I'm like, 300 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:45,360 Speaker 1: that supposed to be the honeymoon period, but it's actually not. 301 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,400 Speaker 1: And another one are I guess this is more of 302 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:55,560 Speaker 1: a like a logistatistic as opposed to a strategy. So 303 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:59,920 Speaker 1: it says are comprised of one firstborn child and one 304 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:04,320 Speaker 1: lastborn child, which I feel like it's so specific. Yeah, 305 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,040 Speaker 1: I want to know how they got these numbers. Uh, 306 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 1: that is so specific. I have nothing really to say 307 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,480 Speaker 1: on that because I don't know if that could be true. 308 00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:17,320 Speaker 1: I guess I'm like out for the count you just 309 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:28,639 Speaker 1: dRIT sexuality. Okay, because you're the middle child, you can't 310 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:33,800 Speaker 1: have anybody, so that you're not supposed to be with anybody. 311 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,480 Speaker 1: I will. I'll just always be kind of middling, never great. 312 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 1: I guess that is interesting. I have some theories why 313 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,360 Speaker 1: that might be. It's almost like the opposites taking care 314 00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:46,520 Speaker 1: of each other. Yeah. Then, yeah, where does the middle 315 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,159 Speaker 1: child club? Who companies are they? They feel like I 316 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,160 Speaker 1: feel like, if that's this is what we're to say, 317 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,840 Speaker 1: then the middle child can be with anyone because they 318 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:57,200 Speaker 1: are the neutral negative. Yeah, yeah, there you go. There's 319 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:01,919 Speaker 1: the universal lovely one. I'll take it. I'll tell you 320 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,840 Speaker 1: it probably just means they're boring. And then this one. 321 00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:06,560 Speaker 1: And I feel like we talked about this at the 322 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 1: beginning with the gender roles. I know who does what 323 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:13,160 Speaker 1: when it comes to housework, Um, I think that's very 324 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,840 Speaker 1: good and talking about it, but that that would be 325 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,399 Speaker 1: a little too organized for my scattered brains. I'm like, 326 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,440 Speaker 1: sometimes I'm in the mood to do this, sometimes I'm not. 327 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,520 Speaker 1: I am never in the mood to fold laundry. So 328 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,679 Speaker 1: if my partner wants to do that, I will be 329 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,000 Speaker 1: glad for them. To do that. I'll wash it, I'll 330 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:30,959 Speaker 1: bring it back up. You folded and put it up. 331 00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:36,560 Speaker 1: I'm the same with dishes. I hate doing tshues. I 332 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,240 Speaker 1: mean and we've talked about that before. Uh. And I 333 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,760 Speaker 1: think we used to joke. Bridget used to joke with me, 334 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,920 Speaker 1: never move in unless they have a dishwasher. Uh. Then 335 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:48,000 Speaker 1: you can definitely put stressors on relationships these kind of tasks. 336 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,359 Speaker 1: I've only had one again for the first time in 337 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:54,480 Speaker 1: five years in the last three months. Love it, Love 338 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:57,760 Speaker 1: it so much. Yeah, it's pretty good. It's pretty good. 339 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:03,560 Speaker 1: Here's an interesting one. Are gay or straight and feminist? 340 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:08,880 Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, yeah, I could see this. I can see 341 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:12,080 Speaker 1: this too. Oh so the study they got this from 342 00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:15,680 Speaker 1: it is called feminism and romance go hand in hand 343 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,520 Speaker 1: like that. This is a pamphlet to hand it out 344 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:39,120 Speaker 1: to people. Yeah, yeah, I mean too. All right. Here's 345 00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:41,080 Speaker 1: another one that is very interesting, and we have talked 346 00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:44,480 Speaker 1: about this before. If hetero are comprised of a lovely 347 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:47,880 Speaker 1: lady in and not as lovely man, which is sort 348 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,879 Speaker 1: of what we were talking about with this kind of 349 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:54,560 Speaker 1: traditional sitcom couple. How I just find this so interesting. 350 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,040 Speaker 1: I was watching a movie the other day where this 351 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,199 Speaker 1: came out. But they made it as if it was 352 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:03,199 Speaker 1: like we should be the woman is so nice and 353 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:07,000 Speaker 1: kind she can be with this not attractive man, right, 354 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,840 Speaker 1: which I have a lot of I actually have a 355 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,040 Speaker 1: happy hour. I want to talk about this. I have 356 00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,240 Speaker 1: a lot of thoughts about this, but like it's paint 357 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,760 Speaker 1: it is it's a great trait for her, which it is. 358 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:19,280 Speaker 1: You shouldn't really judge people by their looks. But at 359 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:23,000 Speaker 1: the same time, it's like he's not like that was 360 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,280 Speaker 1: the thing he said about her, And the thing he 361 00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:28,600 Speaker 1: said was she could see past all of my terrible 362 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:33,520 Speaker 1: qualities and looks. That's always what they say. I just 363 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,399 Speaker 1: heard that a lot. What movie was I watching? And 364 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,080 Speaker 1: there they said that, you see. So the show that 365 00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:40,800 Speaker 1: I keep telling you about essentially is the Bell The 366 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,359 Speaker 1: beauty is in love with rubble, still skin, the dude 367 00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:45,639 Speaker 1: that's super ugly, and like he keeps saying, because you 368 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:49,160 Speaker 1: can see past the monster and it's the same level. 369 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,959 Speaker 1: But I do want to read from this the article. 370 00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:54,320 Speaker 1: So the study came from the Journal of Personality and 371 00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:58,480 Speaker 1: Social Psychology, and it says, quote, when husband's view their 372 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:01,359 Speaker 1: wives as the more attractive of the pair, not only 373 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,480 Speaker 1: are they more satisfied in the relationship, but the wives 374 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:08,200 Speaker 1: are too. The opposite was not true. When husbands thought 375 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:12,640 Speaker 1: they were better looking, they weren't as happy. I still 376 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:15,359 Speaker 1: like that has a lot to do with male fragility. Uh. 377 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,280 Speaker 1: And we should come back to this and have this 378 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:21,480 Speaker 1: conversation because this, and again it may be on the 379 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,720 Speaker 1: side of social media that I'm on where we see 380 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:25,440 Speaker 1: a lot of women just really taking on the part 381 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,920 Speaker 1: of I don't need men, I am who I am 382 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:31,520 Speaker 1: and whatever. Uh. And being a single is not a threat, 383 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,240 Speaker 1: So I don't know why you pretend like it is. 384 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:38,040 Speaker 1: But so many men are so angry when women say 385 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:41,200 Speaker 1: they are attractive. They find that offensive, even though that's 386 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,720 Speaker 1: what they want. But they they want to be the 387 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 1: ones to tell them that they want this whole like 388 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:50,120 Speaker 1: song level of oh, she doesn't know she's beautiful type 389 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,520 Speaker 1: of conversation was like, but they do, and they should, 390 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,320 Speaker 1: and they should appreciate themselves as you appreciate them as well. 391 00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,119 Speaker 1: Why is that a bad thing? Technoledge that you might 392 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,400 Speaker 1: be like you might look of that day like, I 393 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,560 Speaker 1: love that confidence. And it took me forever to realize 394 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,199 Speaker 1: that's not a fault to have friends who are like, oh, 395 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,560 Speaker 1: all good today, And I was like, how dare you 396 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:15,320 Speaker 1: like yourself? Yeah? Bragging? It was appreciating what yes, yeah. 397 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,840 Speaker 1: I also think like this is a commentary or or 398 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:22,320 Speaker 1: just a piece of our bigger conversation of women's value 399 00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:26,160 Speaker 1: still being like largely in their looks um and men's 400 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:30,600 Speaker 1: value kind of being and more of the economic strength level, 401 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,720 Speaker 1: so that it's more acceptable to have a more attractive 402 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,720 Speaker 1: woman with a less attractive man than the other way around. 403 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,600 Speaker 1: When I think it'd be like, oh, he must pity 404 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,439 Speaker 1: her as opposed to a man, and with a more 405 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:47,120 Speaker 1: attractive woman it's like good for him. He yeah, bagged 406 00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:51,400 Speaker 1: of a hot lady or whatever like have that sentiment 407 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:55,399 Speaker 1: was today phrasing bagged and then you went all schooled 408 00:22:55,480 --> 00:23:01,359 Speaker 1: like a hot lady. I'm not good with the phrases today. 409 00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:07,560 Speaker 1: I've never been cool with either. I appreciated it, well, 410 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:14,440 Speaker 1: thank you, thank you? Yeah. Another one, uh is our 411 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:18,280 Speaker 1: best friends, which again that makes sense to me, right, 412 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,520 Speaker 1: But you know I could never do this, So people 413 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:24,040 Speaker 1: that I friended, I couldn't date. I never I still 414 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,639 Speaker 1: to this day, if I am friends with you, you 415 00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:29,080 Speaker 1: go beyond that and you become a sibling, and I 416 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:31,760 Speaker 1: don't know if it's not protective barrier and like I 417 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:35,119 Speaker 1: need you to remain safe for me or what. But 418 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,680 Speaker 1: that was never a thing if you're like maybe after 419 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,480 Speaker 1: the fact, yes, after the fact that we started the relationship, 420 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,080 Speaker 1: we grew and then you become a confident parts and 421 00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:46,080 Speaker 1: I trust absolutely, But I could never be with someone 422 00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:49,600 Speaker 1: who was a friend first. Yeah, I feel like it's 423 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:54,199 Speaker 1: sort of always backfired for me where and this is 424 00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:57,280 Speaker 1: a lot more to do with like my own sexuality 425 00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:00,240 Speaker 1: and stuff. But I thought we were friends and then 426 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:05,159 Speaker 1: he did not think that, um, and then moment. I 427 00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,240 Speaker 1: don't have those moments. I have a few, but I 428 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:11,920 Speaker 1: think I shut it down so quickly that it becomes like, okay, yeah, 429 00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:15,120 Speaker 1: we NI could never I have this weird like, oh 430 00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:17,080 Speaker 1: you're my best friend. I would never touch you, like 431 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:20,919 Speaker 1: immediately type of conversation And I don't mean to, but 432 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:25,600 Speaker 1: it's just an automatic response for me. Uh. Speaking of 433 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,080 Speaker 1: which they have a lot of friends in common is 434 00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:30,439 Speaker 1: what's also on the list, And I feel like that's 435 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:32,480 Speaker 1: a good and bad thing because what happens if you 436 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:35,720 Speaker 1: break up exactly you kind of know though, like where 437 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:38,159 Speaker 1: it's gonna split. You've got it in your head, like 438 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,560 Speaker 1: the divorce, and I think I made a list. It's like, 439 00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:43,240 Speaker 1: these are the people you will not see ever again. 440 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:49,040 Speaker 1: If we break up, you just say you were aware. 441 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:52,960 Speaker 1: I feel like I have, like a lot of times 442 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,240 Speaker 1: I've had like my group of friends. They're a group 443 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,640 Speaker 1: of friends and we all become friends, but then when 444 00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:01,560 Speaker 1: we break up, it's over. It's no longer. Yeah, sad, 445 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:06,480 Speaker 1: but you know it happens. Spends money in similar ways. 446 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,359 Speaker 1: I feel like that's a lot of practical applications, so 447 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,400 Speaker 1: that although that could also be a detriment if one 448 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,119 Speaker 1: person likes to spend a lot and the other person 449 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,159 Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, me too, then you just both run 450 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:18,800 Speaker 1: out of money. Yeah, there could be problems for sure, 451 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,199 Speaker 1: But again I think there are a lot of a 452 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:24,359 Speaker 1: lot of fights do you stem from money or financial issues? 453 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,800 Speaker 1: So that also makes sense to me. That's always been 454 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:28,600 Speaker 1: one of those things where I might maybe because I 455 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,960 Speaker 1: remember coming in young seeing good relationships that we have 456 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,360 Speaker 1: different finances we keep. I was like, I think that's 457 00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 1: smart too, I was that was never a question. I 458 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,399 Speaker 1: was like, no, this is like we can have one 459 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:43,439 Speaker 1: account where we put all of our utilities and all 460 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,920 Speaker 1: of that, but everything else. My paycheck comes to mind, 461 00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,560 Speaker 1: paycheck goes to yours, and then we put our little 462 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:54,360 Speaker 1: bits here. I agree, I agree. Well, here's an interesting one. 463 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:59,160 Speaker 1: Have sex at least once a week? Yeah, yeah, sure, 464 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,479 Speaker 1: why not? This one came from two thousand four, So 465 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,520 Speaker 1: I feel like it's a little dated, um, especially when 466 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:07,640 Speaker 1: we talk about the queer world actually coming out and 467 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:11,400 Speaker 1: having a conversation about what their sexuality means to them 468 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:15,720 Speaker 1: or it doesn't, and we're acknowledging and recognizing the differences. 469 00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:17,720 Speaker 1: Maybe it's just my world because you're in my world, 470 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,560 Speaker 1: but I feel like we've become a lot more open 471 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,240 Speaker 1: and aware, um, and that sex shouldn't be the basis. 472 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,560 Speaker 1: And then again, the pandemic has taught us quite a 473 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 1: bit about whether to do or we do without. Yeah, 474 00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:33,439 Speaker 1: the numbers have changed a lot during this pandemic, which 475 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,600 Speaker 1: could be for stress reasons, could be for tons of stuff. 476 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,920 Speaker 1: But right, that's an interesting see. Oh and I love 477 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:41,560 Speaker 1: this last one because I feel like it should be 478 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:45,680 Speaker 1: with every relationship and not just couples, but celebrates each 479 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:49,719 Speaker 1: other's achievements and yes, if you're wanted to be jealous, 480 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:54,040 Speaker 1: then that's a problem. Yeah, for sure. I definitely dated 481 00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:55,960 Speaker 1: the guy who never like every time I'd be like, 482 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,800 Speaker 1: oh I gotta raise, would be like silence, And then 483 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,480 Speaker 1: I think I might get job promotion. So he never 484 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:06,400 Speaker 1: would acknowledge any of my things that I accomplished. That's 485 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:10,040 Speaker 1: not cool. No, that's not cool. Remember it clearly many 486 00:27:10,119 --> 00:27:12,399 Speaker 1: years ago, obviously. Like I think about this with my 487 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,679 Speaker 1: friends too, Like there are moments where I'm super jealous 488 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,639 Speaker 1: of my other friends and I'm like, oh my god, 489 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:19,600 Speaker 1: whatever whatnot, but also celebrating with them because you want 490 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:21,640 Speaker 1: them to have the best life. Just because you don't 491 00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,040 Speaker 1: get that doesn't mean that they shouldn't either, Like it's 492 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:27,000 Speaker 1: such a weird thing, but yeah, but jealousy does occur. 493 00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:33,080 Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's me. But congrats. Yeah, I feel 494 00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:35,639 Speaker 1: like I have a pretty I didn't used to. I 495 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,359 Speaker 1: was a pretty jealous kid when I was younger, but 496 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:39,720 Speaker 1: now I feel like I've got a healthy Like I 497 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,880 Speaker 1: am jealous for you, but happy for you. But yes, 498 00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,359 Speaker 1: but yeah, I think it's always good to celebrate each other. 499 00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,560 Speaker 1: And if you can't celebrate together, then what the freak's 500 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,239 Speaker 1: the point you know of being together? Like that's what 501 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,320 Speaker 1: you want, right, I feel like that makes things happy. Um, 502 00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:57,480 Speaker 1: I will say right now, I'm in the process of 503 00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:01,040 Speaker 1: possibly buying a house, y'all. Uh, my partner has been 504 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,560 Speaker 1: really great in my stressful moments of like can we 505 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,600 Speaker 1: celebrate though you're about to buy house, you know, like 506 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,800 Speaker 1: trying to remind me this is a good thing, even 507 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:09,919 Speaker 1: though I'm about to have a paintic attack every thirty seconds. 508 00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:12,760 Speaker 1: So stuff like that. I feel like that's what makes 509 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,920 Speaker 1: a great relationship in general, not to brag that I 510 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,200 Speaker 1: have a great relationship, just in general, like knowing this 511 00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:21,320 Speaker 1: is like, Okay, that's a plus, that's a great flag. Yes, 512 00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:26,720 Speaker 1: you know, yeah, absolutely absolutely. Obviously, as we were talking 513 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:30,200 Speaker 1: about before, the number of statistics are ever changing. We 514 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,760 Speaker 1: talked a little bit about how the pandemic has affected couples, 515 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,400 Speaker 1: and many studies can be biased, like I said earlier, 516 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,000 Speaker 1: so it's always good to keep in mind when comparing 517 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:41,080 Speaker 1: your own situations to what we're talking about, because like, 518 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:42,880 Speaker 1: as we even talked about, like I don't think this 519 00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:47,080 Speaker 1: is true for us individually, but that's always important to 520 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:51,120 Speaker 1: know that even though we have a generic, overarching like 521 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:57,840 Speaker 1: conversation about it, it doesn't fit everyone right right, absolutely absolutely, 522 00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:01,239 Speaker 1: And happiness can look different way. Happy I can look 523 00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 1: different ways. And clearly we had a lot to say 524 00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,560 Speaker 1: about this, and in fact we have even more to 525 00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:10,240 Speaker 1: say about of course. Yes, I feel like this is 526 00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:12,760 Speaker 1: part four. By now it's part four. We're doing a 527 00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:16,520 Speaker 1: lot of the talk about happy yes, happy yes, well 528 00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,040 Speaker 1: it's very important, um. And in part four we're going 529 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:23,640 Speaker 1: to talk about the happiest cities to be for women. 530 00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:27,400 Speaker 1: So keep an eye out and ear out for that. UM. 531 00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,200 Speaker 1: In the meantime, if you have any thoughts about this, 532 00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:31,200 Speaker 1: you can emails the stuff me your mom stuff at 533 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:32,760 Speaker 1: ihart me dot com. You can find us on Twitter 534 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:34,480 Speaker 1: at months to podcast or on Instagram and stuff I 535 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:36,880 Speaker 1: ever told you. Thanks it's always to our super producer Christina. 536 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:40,200 Speaker 1: You make us happy. Christina, Yes, and thanks to you 537 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:42,320 Speaker 1: for listening stuff And I told the protection I high 538 00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,800 Speaker 1: radio for more podcast in my heart radio radio app 539 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:46,959 Speaker 1: Apple podcast, we'll revul listening to your favorite shows.