1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:40,080 Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. Narcissists typically 12 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:44,519 Speaker 2: black empathy, like they're not able to really feel listen 13 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,800 Speaker 2: and just empathize with other people, you know, to feel 14 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:53,040 Speaker 2: your pain, to understand it enough, and to change because 15 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 2: they don't want to make you feel a certain way right. 16 00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:00,680 Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration, 17 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:04,840 Speaker 2: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments 18 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:08,760 Speaker 2: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a 19 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,720 Speaker 2: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also, 20 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 2: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe 21 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:20,959 Speaker 2: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace dot com to access our 22 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:25,520 Speaker 2: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab. 23 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:31,679 Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting 24 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:36,399 Speaker 1: women like you. We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Broussard, a 25 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:39,119 Speaker 1: college professor and psychologist. 26 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:42,640 Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 27 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:47,680 Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 28 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:52,480 Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 29 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,640 Speaker 2: five Roads to fake friends, and create a safe space 30 00:01:55,640 --> 00:02:02,920 Speaker 2: where black women can just be Hey, lady, it's Terry 31 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:06,320 Speaker 2: here from Cultivating her Space. Are you tired of working 32 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:09,200 Speaker 2: hard for your money? Do you want your business to 33 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:12,280 Speaker 2: run smoothly when you're out of office? If you want 34 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:15,400 Speaker 2: to learn how to automate your business cash flow and 35 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:19,400 Speaker 2: increase your impact and influence, join me from our free 36 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:24,800 Speaker 2: workshop at brandw Terry dot com. Again, that's brand with 37 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:28,880 Speaker 2: Terry dot com. My name is spelled te double ri. 38 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,480 Speaker 2: I hope to see you there, lady. 39 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:36,760 Speaker 1: Our quote of the day. We live in a world 40 00:02:36,919 --> 00:02:42,400 Speaker 1: of romance and rescue, where many believe love will conquer all, 41 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:48,960 Speaker 1: and that the more we endure unacceptable behavior, the more 42 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:54,919 Speaker 1: likely that we can fix our relationship. It doesn't always 43 00:02:55,000 --> 00:03:00,440 Speaker 1: work that way, despite what the fairytale tells us. That 44 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:08,040 Speaker 1: quote comes to us from doctor Romney Durvospolo. See, that 45 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:17,120 Speaker 1: is a powerful quote. The world is not about that 46 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:25,079 Speaker 1: fairy tale. Real life relationships are not about that damsel 47 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 1: in distress being rescued. Yeah, so much comes up for 48 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:32,600 Speaker 1: me when I think about this quote. But what comes 49 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:33,160 Speaker 1: up for you? 50 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 2: Well, I can't wait to hear your perspective down because 51 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:39,360 Speaker 2: I'm wondering if we have different perspectives, which I love 52 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,080 Speaker 2: when we do. Because I'm thinking about this quote and 53 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:45,800 Speaker 2: it doesn't sound like a fairy tale for me in particular. 54 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:47,880 Speaker 2: I know it mentions fairy tales and the quote, but 55 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 2: I think about this idea of putting up with unacceptable 56 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 2: behavior for the sake of love, for the sake of 57 00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 2: the family, for the sake of the kids, for the 58 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,640 Speaker 2: sake of the image of the relationship. And I think 59 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:05,720 Speaker 2: that oftentimes people get so caught up in how a 60 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:09,560 Speaker 2: relationship looks on the outside, right, Like, oh, that's relationship 61 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,960 Speaker 2: goes on social media. Oh my gosh, they've been together 62 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,640 Speaker 2: for twenty five years. What have they been putting up 63 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:15,520 Speaker 2: with for twenty five years? 64 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:15,640 Speaker 1: You know? 65 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 2: What I mean, Like, I'm of the belief that, you know, 66 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,479 Speaker 2: I value what the relationship is like in real life 67 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:25,000 Speaker 2: versus what it appears to be to other people. And 68 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,599 Speaker 2: so when I see this quote down, it makes me 69 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,040 Speaker 2: think about I can't remember the quote or the tweet 70 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 2: that saw, but it makes me think about how people 71 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:36,360 Speaker 2: say that, you know, they had to suffer and their 72 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,400 Speaker 2: partner had five kids on them, and they got you know, 73 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,520 Speaker 2: broke up and got back together, and then the partner 74 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,479 Speaker 2: with the jail and then it's like all these things 75 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,680 Speaker 2: you went through for the sake of a relationship, when 76 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:51,560 Speaker 2: I don't think it always has to include suffering. I 77 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,839 Speaker 2: know that some of our stories do include some of 78 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:57,720 Speaker 2: less than pleasant moments or some stuff that we had 79 00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:59,320 Speaker 2: to go through, but I don't think it always has 80 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,440 Speaker 2: to be this like tragic story of suffering for the 81 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 2: sake of love and longevity. If that makes sense. 82 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:10,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, it makes perfect sense. And as you were talking, 83 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:13,360 Speaker 1: it made me think of a conversation that I had 84 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,400 Speaker 1: with a friend a while ago, and we were talking 85 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:20,520 Speaker 1: about the lessons that we saw and things that we 86 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:24,960 Speaker 1: learned from relationships, from our family members, from our elders, 87 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 1: from our ancestors, right, And we were having this conversation 88 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:35,919 Speaker 1: about how many folks do we know that have family 89 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:40,159 Speaker 1: like they grew up in a family where big Daddy 90 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:46,200 Speaker 1: had like a whole nother side family or had other 91 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:50,120 Speaker 1: children maybe it wasn't an entire side family, but had 92 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 1: other children by other women, right. And so we did 93 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,320 Speaker 1: some digging in the middle of our conversation because we 94 00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,160 Speaker 1: were like, you know, nerd out, like let's go to 95 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,480 Speaker 1: Google and figure it out, right, like why is this so? 96 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:06,000 Speaker 1: And what we were found was that so there was 97 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:09,800 Speaker 1: a law that passed in nineteen seventy five that basically 98 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:14,120 Speaker 1: changed That's what changed the game. So in prior to 99 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 1: nineteen seventy five, you couldn't just get divorced. There was 100 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:22,719 Speaker 1: a short list of reasons that made it acceptable for 101 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:26,880 Speaker 1: you to get a divorce in America. So prior to 102 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:31,960 Speaker 1: nineteen seventy five, a woman couldn't say, well, my husband 103 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: is cheating and not have to have proof, right, Because 104 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,560 Speaker 1: that's the other piece too, is that you often to 105 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,919 Speaker 1: get a divorce, you often had all had to have 106 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,240 Speaker 1: all this proof, which essentially in some cases this still 107 00:06:43,279 --> 00:06:46,160 Speaker 1: exists where essentially it has to boil down to that, 108 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:50,840 Speaker 1: you have film, you have pictures or video footage of 109 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:54,800 Speaker 1: your partner having sex with the other person to prove 110 00:06:55,720 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 1: that they were cheating. Right, So there were all these 111 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,240 Speaker 1: steps in place. And then the other thing too that 112 00:07:02,279 --> 00:07:04,600 Speaker 1: we have to think about is that during that time 113 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:09,960 Speaker 1: period as well, women often needed to have their husband, 114 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:14,040 Speaker 1: their father or brother, some other male in their life 115 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 1: sign off on financial things such as creating a bank account, 116 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:26,280 Speaker 1: credit cards, purchasing a car, all of these things that 117 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:30,360 Speaker 1: allow for financial freedom. So when we think about that 118 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 1: intergenerational piece of why people stayed in unhealthy relationships, a 119 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:43,160 Speaker 1: lot of that, in addition to keeping up an image, 120 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 1: a lot of it was also tied to the legal 121 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:52,200 Speaker 1: system that was set up that was preventing that from happening. 122 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,840 Speaker 1: We don't have that anymore, not at least not to 123 00:07:55,920 --> 00:08:03,840 Speaker 1: the same extent. Right, Wow, So now we don't necessarily 124 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:13,440 Speaker 1: have to remain in unhealthy situations. I mean, and we 125 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:17,760 Speaker 1: get that there are reasons why folks stay in abusive relationships, right, 126 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:27,000 Speaker 1: but we don't necessarily have laws that are in place 127 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,240 Speaker 1: that make it completely prohibitive from us doing so. 128 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good point, and I'm glad that you 129 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,640 Speaker 2: had that conversation with your friend, and you were able 130 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,400 Speaker 2: to bring that insight into the conversation, because that does 131 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:40,000 Speaker 2: add a lot of perspective. And I think many of 132 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:42,439 Speaker 2: us know, like you said, if you look back at 133 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,560 Speaker 2: the family, you'll see that people have been married for 134 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,199 Speaker 2: you know, especially the older generation. 135 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:46,520 Speaker 1: Right. 136 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:49,680 Speaker 2: People always tend to mention this nowadays they're like, dang, 137 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,440 Speaker 2: why did people back in the day, Why were they 138 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,360 Speaker 2: able to stay together for so long? And it's like 139 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:57,000 Speaker 2: a lot of times, if we're being honest, Okay, like 140 00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:00,319 Speaker 2: you said, not saying this is everybody, lady, but like, 141 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:03,199 Speaker 2: if we're really being honest, there are hard topics to discuss, right, 142 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:05,720 Speaker 2: Like you go into your grandparents and your great grandparents 143 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,960 Speaker 2: and talking about infidelity and the things they put up 144 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,440 Speaker 2: with and potential abuse. It's like those are not easy 145 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:14,160 Speaker 2: conversations to have. But I know, like you and having 146 00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:17,200 Speaker 2: conversations with girlfriends looking at my own families, like people 147 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:18,640 Speaker 2: put out with a lot of shit, and a lot 148 00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:22,120 Speaker 2: of times it was because of their livelihood and the necessity. Right, 149 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:24,920 Speaker 2: women didn't always have the same rights and weren't able 150 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,840 Speaker 2: to just get up and go like they might be today, 151 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:31,600 Speaker 2: and so lady, we're going to have a conversation today 152 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:37,280 Speaker 2: about narcissism and whether or not your partner is a narcissist. 153 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,160 Speaker 2: And the thing about this is we are not the 154 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:43,839 Speaker 2: experts here. But next week we have the expert one 155 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 2: of our faiths, doctor rominy Javasa, who's going to join us. 156 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,520 Speaker 2: But we just want to initiate the conversation and dive 157 00:09:49,559 --> 00:09:53,240 Speaker 2: into one of the surveys from her book should I 158 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:56,080 Speaker 2: Stay or Should I Go? And we want to go 159 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,840 Speaker 2: over some of the key traits of a narcissist in 160 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:01,320 Speaker 2: addition to some of our I want to say favorite 161 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,400 Speaker 2: questions that really stood out to us from the book. 162 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:05,760 Speaker 2: And you can always take a look at the show 163 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,640 Speaker 2: notes so that you can look at the full quiz 164 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 2: that we're going to review, because we're only going to 165 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,200 Speaker 2: cover a few questions the quiz, like thirty questions, and 166 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 2: after reading this quiz or completing the quiz, you'll be 167 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:19,280 Speaker 2: able to ideally see, like if my partner a narcissist, 168 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,960 Speaker 2: And then we'll be able to also ask doctor Rominey 169 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,640 Speaker 2: some questions about this topic in general, because next week 170 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:28,120 Speaker 2: we're going to talk about how to actually leave, how 171 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:32,559 Speaker 2: to finally leave the narcissistic partner. So dom one thing 172 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,800 Speaker 2: I saw is that it says that this quiz it 173 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 2: really focuses on some of the core narcissistic I want 174 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,400 Speaker 2: to say, traits. And so maybe as we read off 175 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,080 Speaker 2: some of the traits and the questions, you may personally 176 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,040 Speaker 2: identify with some. I know when I was reading this, 177 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,840 Speaker 2: domb I was like, oh shit, I'm a narcissist because 178 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:53,320 Speaker 2: I was like, identify this or I've done this before. 179 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 2: But I think the quiz says if you answer yes 180 00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:59,520 Speaker 2: to fifteen or more of the questions, and you've got 181 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,599 Speaker 2: to look at yourself or your partner like, oh, I 182 00:11:01,679 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 2: might be with the narcissist or I might be the narcissist. 183 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,120 Speaker 2: So I think, without further ado, we should just go 184 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:11,080 Speaker 2: ahead and jump on in and take a look at 185 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,520 Speaker 2: some of these characteristics and questions. 186 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,240 Speaker 1: Yes, and I you know, and I do want to 187 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:20,320 Speaker 1: stress that point that you made that like all of 188 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:25,160 Speaker 1: us can look at this quiz and find some questions 189 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:30,440 Speaker 1: that you know we're answering yes to and see that 190 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:33,920 Speaker 1: they're definitely all of us may have a couple of 191 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:38,079 Speaker 1: narcissistic traits within us, but the thing that we want 192 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:42,200 Speaker 1: to really remember is that there's a difference between having 193 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:45,880 Speaker 1: a couple of narcissistic traits and truly being a narcissist. 194 00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 1: In our episode next week with doctor Romnie will definitely 195 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:56,760 Speaker 1: help us really parse out and identify what it is 196 00:11:57,040 --> 00:12:02,440 Speaker 1: like to truly be with some one who is a narcissist. 197 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:05,520 Speaker 2: Yes, that is spot on, dim And I will say 198 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,200 Speaker 2: as far as a key characteristics that I you know, 199 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,960 Speaker 2: we both probably heard Doctor Romney talk about. The one 200 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 2: comes to mind is grandiosity, and like this person that 201 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:19,000 Speaker 2: is really big on the perception, right like how do 202 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,079 Speaker 2: I look? How does my family look? It's all about 203 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,800 Speaker 2: the appearance and what how things look on the outside, 204 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,360 Speaker 2: you know, wanting to be friends with the person with 205 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,440 Speaker 2: a nice car, or you know, being more concerned about 206 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:33,520 Speaker 2: how your partner makes you look versus how they make 207 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:36,480 Speaker 2: you feel. That's a huge distinction, right, Like. 208 00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:43,520 Speaker 1: That is that is I think that there are lots 209 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:47,079 Speaker 1: of moments where some of us can get caught up 210 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:54,120 Speaker 1: in materialism. Mm hmm. So our friend just got a 211 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 1: new masoriety, Well, yeah, I'm excited for my homegirl with 212 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:03,000 Speaker 1: that new MATHORIATI So, yes, I want to go and 213 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 1: check out that neuma sooriety, because what's the likelihood that 214 00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:08,880 Speaker 1: I'm going to have that in my life? Right right? 215 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:16,640 Speaker 1: There's a difference between that, and I'm parading it off 216 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:22,280 Speaker 1: like that's mine and I am now all of a sudden, 217 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 1: this bigger, better batter person because I'm connected to this 218 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,880 Speaker 1: person who owns this material item. 219 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:34,360 Speaker 2: Mm hmm. That's a good point. And the next one 220 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,560 Speaker 2: we have here is entitlement, and I think this one 221 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,160 Speaker 2: is just who I mean, lady, do you know someone 222 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:44,640 Speaker 2: who just feels entitled to get better treatment. It's so 223 00:13:44,679 --> 00:13:46,600 Speaker 2: crazy when you hear about this top of down because 224 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,880 Speaker 2: it makes me think about people that I know, people 225 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,520 Speaker 2: my family, things I've witnessed growing up, and I'm like, 226 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,400 Speaker 2: oh my gosh, that s's an entitlement where you get 227 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 2: special treatment but not everyone else needs to get special treatment. 228 00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 2: So you walk into the room like our eyes on me, 229 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:04,200 Speaker 2: or you know, you're out and you're at dinner and 230 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,840 Speaker 2: something didn't come out right and you got to make 231 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,000 Speaker 2: this big scene like you know, how could you mess 232 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:09,599 Speaker 2: up my order? And it's like this big thing and 233 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,520 Speaker 2: I'm thinking, like, oh my gosh, I've been at the 234 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:14,200 Speaker 2: table when this person has done this, and they just 235 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 2: have this sense of entitlement where people need to treat 236 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 2: me this way, treating with the utmost respect, that I 237 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,840 Speaker 2: don't have to reciprocate that. 238 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:26,920 Speaker 1: Right, Right, And I think that's the key, right, is 239 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:31,120 Speaker 1: that like the expectation that you don't have to reciprocate. 240 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:35,880 Speaker 1: And then it makes me think about this newer generation 241 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:44,160 Speaker 1: what are they called Gen Z And they're not millennials. 242 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:48,400 Speaker 1: They come after the millennials, or they're like the late millennials, 243 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,480 Speaker 1: like the ones that were born like right on the 244 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:54,720 Speaker 1: cuffs of the new generation. I hear a lot of 245 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 1: folks say that that generation. Call that generation entitled, right, 246 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 1: And so I do want to make that distinction too, right, 247 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:09,200 Speaker 1: that that generation, as I'm reflecting on these different narcissistic traits, 248 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:13,760 Speaker 1: people may use that and call that generation entitled from 249 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:19,200 Speaker 1: a space of considering them maybe narcissistic, right. But to me, 250 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 1: as I really reflect on it and do that comparison 251 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:29,400 Speaker 1: between someone who is narcissistic and this generation, to me, 252 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:33,840 Speaker 1: the entitlement that comes from this generation, it feels like 253 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:38,480 Speaker 1: it's more so from them advocating for themselves and advocating 254 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:42,840 Speaker 1: for themselves in a way that some of us aren't 255 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:48,040 Speaker 1: used to. That's not how we were raised, right, and 256 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:52,600 Speaker 1: so we may look at it as entitlement, but really 257 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 1: a lot of the things that they might be asking 258 00:15:55,560 --> 00:16:02,160 Speaker 1: for are truly things that they earned and they deserve. 259 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,400 Speaker 1: Is debatable. I know, I know people might come for 260 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:08,840 Speaker 1: me for it, but I do want to make it 261 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:13,920 Speaker 1: clear that that distinction for us, right, Yeah, that them 262 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,640 Speaker 1: advocating for things that they want is different from that 263 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,200 Speaker 1: person who's making the scene in the restaurant, because they 264 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:23,920 Speaker 1: feel that it is old them this extra quality, this 265 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:28,880 Speaker 1: extra level of service, right, these things and serve in 266 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:34,400 Speaker 1: as they're at a restaurant that seem excessive, but they 267 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:38,640 Speaker 1: they feel like it's the minimum that they that they deserve. 268 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:44,840 Speaker 1: That's different than this gen Z group of folks. 269 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really good point. That is a really 270 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,480 Speaker 2: good point. And I can definitely see that, and it 271 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,400 Speaker 2: makes me think about the nuances of entitlement, right, Like 272 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,440 Speaker 2: it's like, how do you add advocating for yourself and 273 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:59,080 Speaker 2: what you deserve and even like boundaries that you might 274 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:03,240 Speaker 2: have as opposed to just having this. I want to say, 275 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:05,679 Speaker 2: I don't know if baseless is the right word, but 276 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,280 Speaker 2: just the sort of I guess I'm going to use 277 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:12,520 Speaker 2: baseless just sense yeah, yeah, unfounded, Like oh I just 278 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,119 Speaker 2: I deserve this without anything that I guess show for it, 279 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,920 Speaker 2: if that makes sense or the rest of the polity. 280 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,000 Speaker 2: The next one, though, domb I think is really interesting 281 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,000 Speaker 2: because doctor Romney talks about empathy a lot and how 282 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,920 Speaker 2: narcissists typically lack empathy, like they're not able to really 283 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 2: feel listen and just empathize with other people, you know, 284 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 2: to feel your pain, to understand it enough and to 285 00:17:35,359 --> 00:17:37,560 Speaker 2: change because they don't want to make you feel a 286 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 2: certain way, right. And I've definitely experienced that in life 287 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:46,760 Speaker 2: where you're just like, damn, you really don't care? Are 288 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,199 Speaker 2: you really not listening? Right? Like? Are you really? Like 289 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,480 Speaker 2: I know, sometimes when I interact with folks that I 290 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,720 Speaker 2: am like, I know, you can't like diagnose someone. I 291 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,639 Speaker 2: know there's like a narcissistic disorder down, but there are 292 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:02,920 Speaker 2: something personality disorder. And I know I'm not a doctor 293 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:05,240 Speaker 2: and can't die you know someone, but lady, I feel 294 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,119 Speaker 2: like sometimes you see the traits and you're like, I 295 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:11,640 Speaker 2: know this person is a nurses I'm just saying or 296 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,720 Speaker 2: allegedly they're a narcissist. 297 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:18,800 Speaker 1: They are showing, they are showing, showing agencies, and all 298 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,040 Speaker 1: signs are leading to all. 299 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:24,320 Speaker 2: The are leading because you just think about like, damn, 300 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,680 Speaker 2: you are really not self aware, like you really don't 301 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:30,040 Speaker 2: realize that you just lack empathy right now, you. 302 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:34,080 Speaker 1: Know, to me that one feels like one of the 303 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:41,080 Speaker 1: telltale signs, right that the world for them, it is 304 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:48,160 Speaker 1: it's almost it's damn near impossible for them to show 305 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:55,040 Speaker 1: any compassion or understanding for other people's experiences, right, Yes, 306 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,800 Speaker 1: that it becomes like they're the ones who would be 307 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:06,000 Speaker 1: to me more likely to engage in victim blaming mm hmmm, 308 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:10,119 Speaker 1: in combination with all the other traits. Right, because we 309 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,679 Speaker 1: know lots of folks who engage in victim blaming, but 310 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:19,679 Speaker 1: they're engaging in this behavior because they lack empathy. Like 311 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,040 Speaker 1: I know folks who can engage in victim blaming, but 312 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:26,080 Speaker 1: who can show empathy in other situations. Right, to me, 313 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:30,280 Speaker 1: that person is not narcissistic, but that person who is 314 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:36,359 Speaker 1: engaging in victim blaming or just a complete lack of 315 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:41,680 Speaker 1: understanding or compassion for other folks, Yeah, tell tale sign. 316 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 2: And to add to that down. One other thing that 317 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,399 Speaker 2: doctor Romilly talked about in this interview that I listened to. 318 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,040 Speaker 2: She said that sometimes they even sort of get a 319 00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:52,280 Speaker 2: kick out of other people's misery and pain. I'm just like, damn, 320 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:56,120 Speaker 2: you a whole savage. You're like excited because somebody is 321 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:59,479 Speaker 2: you know, It's like, ooh damn. The next one is 322 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:04,479 Speaker 2: admir and validation seeking. And this is one that is 323 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,520 Speaker 2: tricky because many of us are on social media and 324 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,480 Speaker 2: we like to post. I know, I have to post 325 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,600 Speaker 2: some wins and like to post a cute little selfie sometimes, 326 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,400 Speaker 2: you know. So this one right here, we definitely might 327 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,800 Speaker 2: have you thinking, lady like, oh damn, it's me. I'm 328 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:21,440 Speaker 2: the narcissist. It's me. But again they called out, but no, 329 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:24,520 Speaker 2: you have to definitely identify with more of the traits 330 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,640 Speaker 2: here in order to I guess, you know, be identified 331 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:30,280 Speaker 2: as a narcissist. But when I think about admiration and 332 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,640 Speaker 2: validation seeking, for me, it really makes me think about 333 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:36,800 Speaker 2: those people who, again, are really concerned with the public 334 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:41,600 Speaker 2: perception of who they are. Like I've seen people that 335 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:48,520 Speaker 2: post stuff and they're either seeking validation or admiration, and 336 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,840 Speaker 2: it's a facade because behind the scenes. I'm like, I 337 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,920 Speaker 2: actually know what's going on behind the scenes, and you're 338 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,480 Speaker 2: so mean and nasty behind the scenes, like you'll post 339 00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,679 Speaker 2: this amazing like, oh I did this amazing thing. I 340 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,159 Speaker 2: want to go feed the homeless or something, you know, 341 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,560 Speaker 2: and then I know that you was like I don't 342 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:05,480 Speaker 2: not just like talking about people behind the scenes, and 343 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,120 Speaker 2: just like, dang, really you just did this for likes 344 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,080 Speaker 2: or it's like the cloud chaser online, whereas like you 345 00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:13,440 Speaker 2: did this for attention. 346 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:13,920 Speaker 1: You know. 347 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,639 Speaker 2: It makes me think about those situations. 348 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 1: And I think too that it goes beyond that, right, 349 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:24,160 Speaker 1: because you raise a valid point that to some extent, 350 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:29,959 Speaker 1: any of us who are on social media maybe seeking 351 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:35,000 Speaker 1: validation and to some extent right or admiration. Right, it's 352 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:38,600 Speaker 1: an iffy question, right if he it's a fine line 353 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,880 Speaker 1: between being on social media, like your reasons for being 354 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:45,959 Speaker 1: on social media. But I think that person who is 355 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:49,320 Speaker 1: truly narcissistic, like we said, has a combination of that 356 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:55,520 Speaker 1: admiration and validation seeking along with the other traits, but 357 00:21:55,640 --> 00:22:02,240 Speaker 1: their validation and admiration seeking goes beyond social media, so 358 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:06,720 Speaker 1: they can be in regular conversation with you and they 359 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:13,600 Speaker 1: will intentionally say something to you to generate a compliment 360 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:17,600 Speaker 1: from you, and they do it in such this sly 361 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:23,399 Speaker 1: manipulative way that oftentimes you don't even realize it that 362 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:26,720 Speaker 1: you're doing it. That's a huge difference to me. 363 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,160 Speaker 2: I was gonna say that down. But even I've met 364 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,520 Speaker 2: some people who are they'll just like blatantly like they 365 00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:35,080 Speaker 2: are just thirsty for the compliment, or they're just like 366 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,280 Speaker 2: don't you like my x y Z, Like don't you 367 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:39,560 Speaker 2: like this? Or like, oh yeah, I gave this person 368 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,440 Speaker 2: this much money. Like I'm thinking about those situations where 369 00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:45,159 Speaker 2: it's just like okay, And again I go back to like, 370 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,760 Speaker 2: then you are really not self aware? Do you not 371 00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:49,280 Speaker 2: realize what you're doing right now and how you look? 372 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:52,080 Speaker 2: But apparently not. This takes us to the next one, 373 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:57,880 Speaker 2: which is projection, where they are projecting their feelings, beliefs, 374 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:02,480 Speaker 2: and securities, the lack of trust they're protecting it onto you. 375 00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:05,359 Speaker 2: So the thing that I think about right here is 376 00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:07,320 Speaker 2: like jealousy and cheating. That's the first thing that comes 377 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,879 Speaker 2: to mind for me. So it's like this person they 378 00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,600 Speaker 2: might actually be out doing the dirt, but they come 379 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,960 Speaker 2: to you, and because you had to stay late for work. 380 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,880 Speaker 2: It's like, oh, now you're with somebody else or you're 381 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,479 Speaker 2: doing it and you're like, I didn't even do anything. 382 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:22,640 Speaker 2: Oh gosh. I actually had a partner like this back 383 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:28,439 Speaker 2: in the daytime. It was so controlling and also projected 384 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,879 Speaker 2: like it was insane. I mean, throughout the whole relationship, 385 00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,280 Speaker 2: I just felt like I was questioning myself and I 386 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,919 Speaker 2: was like crazy or something to the point where I 387 00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:40,520 Speaker 2: was like I need to actually start documenting conversations because 388 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,080 Speaker 2: I just felt like every time I said something, it's like, 389 00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:45,760 Speaker 2: oh no, I didn't say that, or that didn't happen, 390 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,320 Speaker 2: or there was just this projection and I'm like, I 391 00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:50,160 Speaker 2: didn't even I don't even feel that way, Like why 392 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:51,240 Speaker 2: are you putting that on me? 393 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:58,479 Speaker 1: You know, like there Hella, am secure and they are 394 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,639 Speaker 1: putting that on you. So they're making you feel like 395 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:06,359 Speaker 1: you're the one who's insecure, like they're like, no, what 396 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:10,800 Speaker 1: are you doing. They get you into this space where you, 397 00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:16,679 Speaker 1: like you said, like you are questioning yourself, and sometimes 398 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,119 Speaker 1: that projection can lead to gas lighting, which is a 399 00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:24,639 Speaker 1: whole other topic, but that projection can feel like gas lighting. 400 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,960 Speaker 1: That's a clear sign that you need to pay attention, 401 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:32,680 Speaker 1: because even if this person isn't narcissistic, if they are 402 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:37,800 Speaker 1: constantly projecting onto you, then that may be signs of 403 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:41,959 Speaker 1: emotional abuse. Like I get that we all show up 404 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,840 Speaker 1: with our trauma sometimes if we haven't worked on our healing, 405 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:49,760 Speaker 1: and so we may unintentionally project onto someone else. But 406 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:55,119 Speaker 1: someone who's a narcissist and or an emotional abuser will 407 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,639 Speaker 1: consistently project onto you. 408 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, so sad too what that does to someone mentally, 409 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:05,560 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like, especially when they can 410 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,720 Speaker 2: be so charming and things can be so good and 411 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,720 Speaker 2: this other side is turned on. It's just it's really 412 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:12,920 Speaker 2: such a mind fuck, you know, it's so unfortunate when 413 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:16,000 Speaker 2: these people, especially when they link up with people that 414 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,040 Speaker 2: are so empathetic and so you know, open and willing 415 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,480 Speaker 2: to make it work. It's a very sad situation. And 416 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:25,199 Speaker 2: the last one here is avoidance of responsibility. So it's like, 417 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,280 Speaker 2: I mean, they just don't take accountability at all. You know, 418 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,000 Speaker 2: you try to bring up you might even be the 419 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:34,240 Speaker 2: one that's apologizing and taking responsibility for what you've done, 420 00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:36,959 Speaker 2: and sometimes it may not even be your fault, but 421 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:40,720 Speaker 2: they just avoid responsibility. Or I've noticed that. Sometimes they 422 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:44,480 Speaker 2: might even minimize, you know, like a couple of things 423 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,720 Speaker 2: that I've heard, like, well, okay, that happened. I can't 424 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:48,800 Speaker 2: focus on the past forever, you know what I mean. 425 00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:50,840 Speaker 2: It's just like damn, like you didn't even take the 426 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,680 Speaker 2: time to like think about my feelings and like address 427 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,320 Speaker 2: you know what happened. And it's like, oh, I apologize. 428 00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:58,760 Speaker 2: I can't focus on that forever, Like it's it's over 429 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:02,000 Speaker 2: and done with, right, or you know you deserved it right, 430 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,159 Speaker 2: stuff like that. Damn. 431 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, So they go into like you like you just 432 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,200 Speaker 1: the example you just gave. They will avoid it by 433 00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:14,840 Speaker 1: going into victim blaming, or they will avoid it by projecting. 434 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:21,600 Speaker 1: They will do anything to make it feel like they 435 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:26,760 Speaker 1: are not in the wrong, and oftentimes in this narcissistic relationship, 436 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,679 Speaker 1: what can end up happening is they will turn it 437 00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:33,639 Speaker 1: around and make you feel like you are the one 438 00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:38,560 Speaker 1: in the wrong when actually it was them the whole time. 439 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:42,200 Speaker 2: And one thing doctor Romney also said was how sometimes 440 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,160 Speaker 2: when you're when a narcissists with a good I want 441 00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,840 Speaker 2: to say good in air quotes like a caring, empathetic person, 442 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,480 Speaker 2: it can one make you feel like you're crazy, that's 443 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,080 Speaker 2: the language that she use. But also it makes you 444 00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:56,040 Speaker 2: question yourself. So now you're like, wait, did I do 445 00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:58,560 Speaker 2: something wrong here? And it just it just brings me 446 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,520 Speaker 2: back to those moments like reallyquestioning myndself because this person 447 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,960 Speaker 2: sometimes it's so convincing. Right. So one thing, yeah, before 448 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:08,080 Speaker 2: we dive into the questions, lady, one of the things 449 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,280 Speaker 2: that doctor Romney says in the article that we're put 450 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,280 Speaker 2: in the show notes is no one will have a 451 00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:16,280 Speaker 2: partner for whom all of these questions will be no. 452 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:19,720 Speaker 2: So again, there may be questions that you go through 453 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 2: and you're like the answers yes, oh my gosh, But 454 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:24,919 Speaker 2: she says, you know, all of us have some of 455 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,840 Speaker 2: these characteristics. So you may be a sweet, empathetic person, 456 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,880 Speaker 2: or your partner may be sweet and empathetic, but they 457 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:34,200 Speaker 2: also happen to like a very clean car or closet, right, 458 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,240 Speaker 2: So they're definitely different traits here. So take a look 459 00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:39,679 Speaker 2: at her book. Be sure to also tune in next 460 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,159 Speaker 2: week for the interview because she'll add more insight. But 461 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:44,879 Speaker 2: we're just going to quickly jump into the questions that 462 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,160 Speaker 2: really stood out to us, and the first one here, 463 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,800 Speaker 2: we'll just kick it off is, does your partner often 464 00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:52,320 Speaker 2: think that people are out to get them or take 465 00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:55,200 Speaker 2: advantage of them? What comes up for you don when 466 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:56,040 Speaker 2: you hear this question. 467 00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:02,000 Speaker 1: So to me, that sounds like paranoia, right. That is 468 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:06,880 Speaker 1: a trait of paranoia, right, that a person who is 469 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:16,600 Speaker 1: paranoid will often think that the world is against them. 470 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:22,600 Speaker 1: And sometimes what we found with some of these diagnoses 471 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:27,560 Speaker 1: of personality disorders is that there may be some traite overlap. Right. 472 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:33,720 Speaker 1: So to me, this question of paranoia us kind of 473 00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:38,240 Speaker 1: overlap with someone who may be narcissistic, because if this 474 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:46,040 Speaker 1: person is afraid of other people not liking them or 475 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:51,520 Speaker 1: being out to get them, when their whole world view 476 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:56,520 Speaker 1: is about people admiring and being in worship of them, 477 00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:01,080 Speaker 1: then it makes sense that like the paranoia would come 478 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,760 Speaker 1: up if there's any inkling that someone might not like 479 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 1: them and it feels heightened. Like perfect example, Let's say 480 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:15,360 Speaker 1: you and your partner are at dinner and you're having 481 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:21,680 Speaker 1: dinner with several coworkers, right, colleagues, it's a huge dinner 482 00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:30,080 Speaker 1: pre COVID world huge dinner, and someone in passing says 483 00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:35,880 Speaker 1: to your partner, I'm not a fan of XYZ sports 484 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:43,960 Speaker 1: team fast forward to y'all being at home. Your partner says, well, 485 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,920 Speaker 1: you know you're so and so coworker who brought up 486 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:50,160 Speaker 1: not being a fan of XYZ sports team? Did they 487 00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:56,440 Speaker 1: know that I am in an administrative position at that team? Like, 488 00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,440 Speaker 1: are they saying that they now don't that they don't 489 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:03,640 Speaker 1: like me because I work for that team, that sports team. 490 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:08,760 Speaker 1: So now it's a question of wait, hold on. That 491 00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:11,720 Speaker 1: was a comment made in passing, but the way they 492 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:17,520 Speaker 1: presented it feels as if it's a bigger deal, right right. 493 00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:20,080 Speaker 2: That's a good one. I'm gonna have to think about 494 00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:22,720 Speaker 2: this one because I'm trying to think of the folks 495 00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:26,240 Speaker 2: that I know who exhibit a lot of these narcissistic traits. 496 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:27,719 Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, I never thought about this one, 497 00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,000 Speaker 2: So I'm gonna have to pay attention for that one. 498 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:33,920 Speaker 2: The next question here is is your partner frequently jealous 499 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:37,520 Speaker 2: of you and your friendship's relationships, successes and opportunities. I've 500 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:40,520 Speaker 2: definitely experienced this firsthand with the person who you know 501 00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:43,360 Speaker 2: in the past that I believe who's definitely narciss Oh 502 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:45,600 Speaker 2: my gosh, I'm just thinking about it. It makes me just 503 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,840 Speaker 2: like cringe. Because of, you know, even where I was 504 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:50,800 Speaker 2: in life and the low self esteem that I had 505 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:53,520 Speaker 2: been because I didn't believe it took a long time 506 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:54,880 Speaker 2: to get out of it, like I didn't really know 507 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:59,000 Speaker 2: how to really leave initially. And I thought about this 508 00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:01,760 Speaker 2: person just being very jealous, wanting to kind of keep you, 509 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:04,080 Speaker 2: at least in my experits, wanted to keep me in 510 00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:06,719 Speaker 2: a box and confine me and kind of you know, 511 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:10,680 Speaker 2: just very paranoid about other people being around and just 512 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:14,080 Speaker 2: jealous and just wanted to always have control. So, yeah, 513 00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:16,719 Speaker 2: that one. There any other questions stand out to you? 514 00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:24,080 Speaker 1: Dom So is your partner an expert showman making a 515 00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:28,720 Speaker 1: big show of everything that they do, including parties, the 516 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:32,760 Speaker 1: car they drive, the places they go, the way they 517 00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:38,920 Speaker 1: portray their life to other people? Damn like to me 518 00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:43,520 Speaker 1: that person, I could see where some folks may be 519 00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:48,040 Speaker 1: like because at least the initial reaction I had was well, 520 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:51,400 Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of celebrities on Instagram do 521 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:54,120 Speaker 1: that or just in their everyday lives. It feels like 522 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:55,880 Speaker 1: they are constantly showing off. 523 00:31:56,800 --> 00:32:00,040 Speaker 2: I don't know, Hollywood is full of narcissist too. I 524 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:01,200 Speaker 2: wouldn't be surprised. 525 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:08,920 Speaker 1: Exactly. It's so exactly. So that's that is precisely what 526 00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:13,080 Speaker 1: came to mind for me, right that for those of 527 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:17,280 Speaker 1: us in regular regular folks land, that person in your 528 00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:23,080 Speaker 1: life who is constantly trying to like show off, right 529 00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:27,440 Speaker 1: that everything that they have that they own is the best, 530 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:32,200 Speaker 1: is the grandest. And social media, I think now makes it, 531 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,680 Speaker 1: like you mentioned before, makes it easy for folks to 532 00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:38,680 Speaker 1: do that, right, to show off stuff that's not theirs 533 00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:43,400 Speaker 1: right to show off, or stuff that they haven't earned, 534 00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:50,360 Speaker 1: but trying to portray this life of grandeur and luxury 535 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,960 Speaker 1: to make themselves feel better ultimately, and but then to 536 00:32:55,200 --> 00:33:00,160 Speaker 1: have folks in constant admiration of them, like it's all 537 00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:00,920 Speaker 1: tied together. 538 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:04,400 Speaker 2: That's right at a spot on down and Lady, I 539 00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:07,880 Speaker 2: will say, this conversation is just the tip of the iceberg. 540 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,760 Speaker 2: I mean, we're going to dive in much deeper with 541 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:15,160 Speaker 2: doctor Romeny in next week's episode. And so yeah, definitely 542 00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:17,160 Speaker 2: take a look at the show notes, take a look 543 00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,520 Speaker 2: at the Surfy. We only covered I think three questions 544 00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:22,800 Speaker 2: or so from the article, so you can take a 545 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:24,720 Speaker 2: look at all thirty questions. You can take a look 546 00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,080 Speaker 2: at doctor Romeny's book Should I Stay or should I go. 547 00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:29,120 Speaker 2: We'll add a link to that in the show notes. 548 00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:31,040 Speaker 2: And one of the things I really want to ask 549 00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:34,120 Speaker 2: doctor Romeny when we chat with her, don I want 550 00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:37,760 Speaker 2: to ask her about if it's possible for a narcissist 551 00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:42,480 Speaker 2: to recover, because it sounds like it's tricky. You know. 552 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,800 Speaker 2: She talks about how if you are she talks about 553 00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:49,080 Speaker 2: how narcissists are not born, they're raised, and so typically 554 00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:52,200 Speaker 2: it's because of your environment, and you know, the way 555 00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:54,560 Speaker 2: that you are parented, the way that you grew up, right, 556 00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:57,080 Speaker 2: And so I'm thinking, like, damn, if someone is an 557 00:33:57,080 --> 00:34:02,800 Speaker 2: adult now and they were this way, how do they change? 558 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:05,520 Speaker 2: You know, how do you become an empathetic a truly 559 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:09,759 Speaker 2: empathetic and sincere person. So, yeah, I'm curious. We'll have 560 00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:10,319 Speaker 2: to ask her. 561 00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:13,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll definitely have to ask her about that, because 562 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,239 Speaker 1: that feels like a lot. 563 00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:19,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, it feels impossible, and I'm one very optimistic I 564 00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:23,640 Speaker 2: believe that anything's possible, but based on personal experience with 565 00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:26,480 Speaker 2: narcissist as well, I'm like, I don't know about this one. 566 00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:28,279 Speaker 2: So we'll have to ask her. But Lady, again, you 567 00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:30,000 Speaker 2: got to tune in next week because we are talking 568 00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:34,920 Speaker 2: about how to finally leave your narcissistic partner. All right, 569 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,520 Speaker 2: we'll catch you next week. 570 00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:42,680 Speaker 1: Hey, Lady's doctor Dom here from a Cultivating her Space podcast. 571 00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:45,319 Speaker 1: Do you have a burning question you're dying to get 572 00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:49,160 Speaker 1: feedback on? Do you want an unbiased perspective on a 573 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:55,040 Speaker 1: situation you're facing? If so, visit cultivatinghirspace dot com and 574 00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:59,680 Speaker 1: click ask doctor Dom under the start here option. Every 575 00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:05,720 Speaker 1: two I'll choose a few questions and answer them at random. 576 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:10,080 Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show 577 00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:16,080 Speaker 1: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and 578 00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:19,319 Speaker 1: mental health, but is by no means meant to be 579 00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:23,640 Speaker 1: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained 580 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:27,719 Speaker 1: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is 581 00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:31,080 Speaker 1: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy 582 00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:37,040 Speaker 1: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider. 583 00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:39,600 Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 584 00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:44,200 Speaker 2: the conversation going, visit our website, cultivatingherspace dot com and 585 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:46,840 Speaker 2: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get access 586 00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:51,719 Speaker 2: to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show and 587 00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:54,959 Speaker 2: before we meet again, repete after me I am doing 588 00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:58,680 Speaker 2: the best I can with the understanding, knowledge and awareness 589 00:35:58,719 --> 00:35:59,919 Speaker 2: I have at this moment.