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Speaker 1: Hey, professional Homegirls and men. Before we dive into this

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Speaker 1: week's episode, let's handle some housekeeping real quick. Make sure

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Speaker 1: to give me a follow at the Professional Homegirl on Instagram, TikTok,

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Speaker 1: and YouTube. Oh and don't forget to follow at the

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Speaker 1: PHG podcast on Instagram as well so we can keep

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Speaker 1: key about the episodes. And if you're loving the conversations

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Speaker 1: from the show, show some love by dropping a five

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Speaker 1: star review on Apple Podcasts. Remember hold me down, don't

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Speaker 1: hold me up. Okay, I hope you all enjoyed this

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Speaker 1: week's episode, but if the conversation starts to become triggering,

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Speaker 1: please remember to put your well being and your mental

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Speaker 1: health first. Love y'all, deep and until next time, Leada.

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Speaker 1: I am super excited about this week's episode. My guest

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Speaker 1: story is nothing short of extraordinary. Tracing back to her

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Speaker 1: challenging Childhoo, where she emerged from an environment of abuse

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Speaker 1: within a broken home. However, her journey has transformed into

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Speaker 1: something truly inspiring. She's not only a five time author

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Speaker 1: and a holder of two degrees, but she's also embarked

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Speaker 1: on a profound and courageous path of self improvement. It

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Speaker 1: is a testament to her resilience and strength, that she's

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Speaker 1: rising above adversity to create such a beautiful life for herself.

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Speaker 1: So to my guests, thank you so much for coming

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Speaker 1: on the show. How you doing feeling.

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Speaker 2: I'm all, I'm well, I'm well, good, good good.

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Speaker 1: She was just telling me earlier, y'all, she was nervous.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know why you're nervous. Don't be nervous.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna feel like we've been friends for a thousand years.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I know not.

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Speaker 1: During my research for our conversation, you know, I can't lie.

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Speaker 1: I was definitely shocked by the number of challenges you face,

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Speaker 1: which would have broken many individuals. As we reflect on

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Speaker 1: your journey, how strong is your sense of pride in yourself?

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Speaker 4: Oh? I can't actually say now. Right now, today my

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Speaker 4: pride has skyrocket. And what I mean by that is

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Speaker 4: my pride has skyrocket every once in a while, you know,

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Speaker 4: as a human, as life happens, you know, sometimes life

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Speaker 4: kind of brings you down, and then sometimes your past

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Speaker 4: kind of swing in a little bit.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but then I but then I remember.

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Speaker 4: Okay, And a lot of times I have to just

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Speaker 4: think back. I overcame that, so this little thing right

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Speaker 4: here ain't nothing. So yeah, I'm grateful for all that

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Speaker 4: I have been through. I will not change it for

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Speaker 4: nothing in the world. And I know they kind of

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Speaker 4: sound crazy. I was not nothing. You know why, because

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Speaker 4: if I change something, will I be who I am

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Speaker 4: right now?

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Speaker 1: You at now in life?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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Speaker 4: Right, So that's what I mean when I said I

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Speaker 4: would not change anything. And I absolutely believe that God

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Speaker 4: had a perfect plan in it soul. So yep, that's

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Speaker 4: where I'm at now.

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Speaker 1: So when you started to share your story with everyone,

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Speaker 1: what was some of the responses you receive? Oh my goodness,

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Speaker 1: because I know you're from the South and you know

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Speaker 1: I'm from the South. And one thing we was raised

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Speaker 1: on like whatever goes on in this house need to

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Speaker 1: stay in this house.

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Speaker 4: So you know what, I fink, I think that's all

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Speaker 4: over the board. It was fifty to fifty. I would

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Speaker 4: say I had a lot of encouragement. A lot of

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Speaker 4: people were in boxing me telling me how grateful they

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Speaker 4: were and how they went through the same thing and

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Speaker 4: how I was a voice for them. However, on the

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Speaker 4: flip side, I had people to say stuff like, how

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Speaker 4: dare you.

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Speaker 2: Bring your family business in and.

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Speaker 4: You have those kind of people, and I'm gonna be

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Speaker 4: honest with you at first, because you would think, oh,

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Speaker 4: I'm just telling my story.

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Speaker 2: This is my truth.

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Speaker 4: Can't nobody tell me nothing else? And you would think

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Speaker 4: that people would just gravitate toward. But it has complete opposite,

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Speaker 4: yet complete opposite. It has taught me that people it's

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Speaker 4: okay to have their own opinion.

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Speaker 2: That's okay.

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Speaker 4: So with all the I'm even to be honest, even

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Speaker 4: to getting out with the family thing.

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Speaker 2: My first end counsel was the family. So surprised I

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Speaker 2: had fifty to fifty.

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Speaker 4: No, I'm gonna say eighty twenty in the family. So

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Speaker 4: eighty was the negative side because no one really wants

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Speaker 4: the family business out.

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Speaker 2: But I had understand throughout my.

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Speaker 4: Just my journey, opening up this, speaking on it heals this.

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Speaker 4: So when I understood that for me, this is my story,

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Speaker 4: this is my truth.

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Speaker 2: Either you gonna ride with me or you just gone

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Speaker 2: on over there right right?

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Speaker 1: No? For real? Oh yeah, So when did the abust

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Speaker 1: from your dad begin?

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Speaker 4: I was five years old, and I remember that because

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Speaker 4: I went to therapy and the therapist had asked me,

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Speaker 4: what are you sure you was five?

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Speaker 2: I said, well, I remember going to.

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Speaker 4: Kindergarten recently, like no, doing my journey. Yeah, and she

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Speaker 4: was asking me, you know, you know, just asking. She said, well,

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Speaker 4: how do you know it was actually five years old?

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Speaker 4: And I told her because I remember I was in kindergarten.

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Speaker 4: I remember the kindergarten teacher. So that's how I know

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Speaker 4: it was five. So it started at five and did

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Speaker 4: at eleven years.

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Speaker 1: Old, right, but at eleven he tried to rape you.

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Speaker 4: Yes, as soon as I turned eleven, he attempted to

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Speaker 4: rape me. And what I call my first guardian angel,

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Speaker 4: I have a brother up under me. He passed away,

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Speaker 4: maybe twenty years ago, but he came in and he

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Speaker 4: stopped it. So that was my opportunity to run and hide.

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Speaker 4: So I called my my little brother. That's my first

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Speaker 4: guardian angel.

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Speaker 1: What did you and your brother ever talk about that?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because just to see your father and I can

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Speaker 1: only imagine how they made him feel because he's probably like, yo,

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Speaker 1: like what are you doing?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we never had the conversation.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna be honest. It was seven of us. It's

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Speaker 4: six of us now. It was seven of us in

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Speaker 4: the household. No one ever said anything, so I'm the

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Speaker 4: second oldest. I have an older brother, so I had

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Speaker 4: five siblings up under me, and no one talked about it.

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Speaker 4: No one until my book came out. I know they

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Speaker 4: was like, girls, Yeah, yess.

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Speaker 2: We gonna do it then, right, So.

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Speaker 1: Where was your moment during this time?

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Speaker 4: My mom has always been what they call the bread

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Speaker 4: winner of the family, so she always was at work.

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Speaker 2: And my mom is a church going woman.

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Speaker 4: So I'm forty six, my mom being in church all

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Speaker 4: of my life.

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Speaker 2: She has always been in church and worked church and work.

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Speaker 1: What was the relationship like between your mom and dad?

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Speaker 4: Like, honestly, it was toxic because my dad was on

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Speaker 4: drugs and he was an alcoholic and I have been

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Speaker 4: knowing that all my life and then just talking to

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Speaker 4: older cousins. He's been like that for so he's always

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Speaker 4: been So he's always been like that. And it's when

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Speaker 4: I say it's toxic because I have I have watched

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Speaker 4: my dad abuse my mom physically multiple times.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, it was a it was a toxic household.

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Speaker 1: But I know from my research on you, you was

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Speaker 1: the only one that he was abusing the sibling of

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Speaker 1: the kids.

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Speaker 2: Yes, it was three go ahead, huh go ahead.

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Speaker 4: So it was three girls and four boys, and I

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Speaker 4: was the only one that I know of so far

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Speaker 4: that I'm that I was the only one.

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Speaker 1: Do you believe you were the only one?

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Speaker 2: I believe it. Mm hmmm, I believe it.

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Speaker 4: And the reason why I say that it's due to

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Speaker 4: the relationships that he has with the other siblings.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 1: Oh so he's still alive.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, he's still alive.

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Speaker 4: I mean, you know, and him and my mom it's

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Speaker 4: still Mary.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, what.

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Speaker 4: But with the relationship, like I'm the only one, he

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Speaker 4: does not have a relationship where he still has a

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Speaker 4: relationship with my other stilblings.

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Speaker 1: See, I didn't get all that when I was doing

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Speaker 1: my research. And your mama is still with them, William still.

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Speaker 2: With him, still marry.

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Speaker 1: So how does that make you feel?

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Speaker 2: End up? Beginning? Can I be honest? I'm gonna be honest.

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Speaker 4: Maybe the past what's this twenty twenty three? I want

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Speaker 4: to say the past three years is when I came

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Speaker 4: to you know what it is? What it is, But

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Speaker 4: before that, it was it was very hurtful.

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Speaker 2: I can only imagine how it was very hurtful.

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Speaker 4: I'm talking about angry me and my mom couldn't have

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Speaker 4: conversations for real, because I'll.

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Speaker 2: Bring it up. Yeah, where was you at the and

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Speaker 2: then you know, I have children on my own?

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Speaker 1: And why is you still with him?

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Speaker 2: Yes? And I asked the question and what she saying? Nothing? Wow,

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Speaker 2: she couldn't answer it.

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Speaker 1: And you know, unfortunately a lot of people are going

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Speaker 1: to be able to relate to this because a lot

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Speaker 1: of times the mom does stay with the husband.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: So when your siblings found out about this and they

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Speaker 1: realized that you was the only or they became aware

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Speaker 1: that she was the only one that was being abused,

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Speaker 1: what was they saying?

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Speaker 2: Well, they were more.

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Speaker 4: Let me see, I'm I'm gonna honestly say, my sister

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Speaker 4: up under me because I'm the oldest daughter, so I

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Speaker 4: have two sisters up under me. So the one that's

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Speaker 4: directly up under me was literally the really the only

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Speaker 4: one that kind of had my back. She was so

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Speaker 4: much on Now he wrong and he need to you

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Speaker 4: and I he you know, he need to pay for

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Speaker 4: that now. The other siblings really never said nothing wow,

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Speaker 4: Like they never really came to me. But when the

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Speaker 4: book came out, When my first book came out, because

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Speaker 4: my first book speaks in details. They were kind of

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Speaker 4: just mad because, oh, you're telling the whole world about

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Speaker 4: our business. I'm like, this is my this is your story,

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Speaker 4: is what you went through? Yes, so it was more

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Speaker 4: like that. It wasn't like, oh you lying. It wasn't

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Speaker 4: like that. It was just they the world now know

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Speaker 4: I be what Yeah, so it's like that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So what is your relationship like with them?

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Speaker 2: Now?

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Speaker 4: I would call it we tolerate each other. I love

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Speaker 4: all of my siblings. It's only six of us left,

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Speaker 4: you know, although I do have a brother from another mother.

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Speaker 2: I love all of them.

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Speaker 4: But it's almost like we just tolerate each other because

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Speaker 4: we all have children.

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Speaker 2: So, you know, so we just tolerate each other. That's

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Speaker 2: the best way I can see it. Are you comfortable?

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Speaker 1: Okay? I'm sorry now.

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Speaker 4: Because I was about to say we don't. We don't

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Speaker 4: really talk. We don't like really conversate, but we real

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Speaker 4: big on If one fight, we all fight, we'll.

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Speaker 2: Come together for that. But we don't really do too much,

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Speaker 2: you know, not really.

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Speaker 4: And the reason why I don't is because they still

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Speaker 4: have a relationship with my father, which if they have parties,

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Speaker 4: my father is coming. I don't want to be around him.

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Speaker 4: So I kind of isolate myself in that perspective, but

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Speaker 4: you know, that's that's how that is now.

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Speaker 1: So are you I mean, I'm assuming your kids aren't

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Speaker 1: older now, but are you comfortable with your kids being

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Speaker 1: around them?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 1: No, yeah, right, no, right.

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Speaker 2: And I honestly just told my kids what happened.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 4: So I have I have a twenty eight year old daughter,

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Speaker 4: I have a twenty four year old daughter and an

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Speaker 4: eighteen year old daughter.

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Speaker 2: Then I have a fifteen year old son.

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Speaker 4: So as they were getting older, and of course they

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Speaker 4: were trying to wonder, like what's going on?

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Speaker 3: You know?

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Speaker 2: So I found line.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I foundly told them a couple of years ago, Look,

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Speaker 4: this is what happened. This is what's going on. And

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Speaker 4: so they understand are we not going around here?

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Speaker 2: You know?

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Speaker 1: So but do they go around your siblings and your mom?

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Speaker 1: Because I feel way towards them too.

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Speaker 2: When whenever, like how can I see it?

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Speaker 4: For instance, like my daughter just graduated, my eighteen year old,

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Speaker 4: so a couple of my siblings came, so we'll celebrate

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Speaker 4: each other like that, like of something going on with

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Speaker 4: the children like birthday pois or something like that. But

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Speaker 4: my kids say, because I had to explain to them.

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Speaker 4: The siblings have their own way.

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Speaker 2: Of thinking, you know.

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Speaker 4: But my more my concern is my father, because my

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Speaker 4: father he still drinks, he's still on drugs.

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Speaker 2: He's still has not stop. Yes, but I'm.

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Speaker 1: Gonna send me your dad. It's probably like what like

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Speaker 1: in his seventies.

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Speaker 4: He is sixty six, I want to say, sixty six

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Speaker 4: or sixty seven, one of those.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what drug's he doing?

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Speaker 3: Yes?

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Speaker 4: The last I heard hair Ron Wow say he's still

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Speaker 4: an alcoholic. So I don't trust my daughters around him,

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Speaker 4: and not my son either.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow, that is crazy sixty six doing heron.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean sixty six doing anything.

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Speaker 5: Yes, That's why I love talking to our people because like.

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Speaker 1: It ain't funny, but it's funny because.

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Speaker 2: It's like you'd be like, grow up, it's time for

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Speaker 2: you to change. You got a grandkids, Yeah, grandkids, great grandkids.

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Speaker 1: Like, but sixty six is young too, but that's still

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Speaker 1: old to be doing some drug steel. But sixty six

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Speaker 1: is young too, But that's still.

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Speaker 2: Old to be doing some drull deel Oh.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because at this point he's functional, like it seems

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Speaker 1: like he I would be afraid if he was a stop,

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Speaker 1: he might that might be it.

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Speaker 4: I thought about that too, Yeah, I said, because he's

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Speaker 4: self functioning alcoholic and drug addict.

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Speaker 1: You know, So I don't know because I had I

284
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Speaker 1: never met my father, but we've been like having conversations

285
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Speaker 1: here and there over the phone. And you know, my

286
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:24,120
Speaker 1: father is a functional drug addict as well, and he's

287
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,440
Speaker 1: been doing drugs since whatever. So I'm like at this point, yeah,

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Speaker 1: like we're hearing that right, Yeah, because I'm afraid if

289
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:33,280
Speaker 1: you stop it might not work out.

290
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Speaker 2: So it may not work Yeah, So.

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Speaker 1: What proper you to confine in your teacher about what

292
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Speaker 1: was happening with your father?

293
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,240
Speaker 2: That is so funny?

294
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Speaker 4: So what what was what was going on at the time?

295
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Speaker 4: The teacher that I had, she was talking to us

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Speaker 4: about safe touching.

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Speaker 2: Mmmm.

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Speaker 1: So that was real.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So with that, I kind of like asked the

300
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,080
Speaker 2: question out loud. I said, well, is it okay for

301
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,040
Speaker 2: your dad to touch you right there? Oh? When I

302
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:11,600
Speaker 2: said that, she was like, come, come, come hurt. So

303
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,520
Speaker 2: that's how that came about.

304
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Speaker 1: What made you ask that question?

305
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:22,040
Speaker 2: You know, I'm gonna be honest, I maybe I knew

306
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:24,960
Speaker 2: something was wrong, but I really didn't know if it

307
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,879
Speaker 2: was wrong or now. That's why I asked her, because.

308
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:29,159
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask you, did you know what was

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Speaker 1: going on?

310
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Speaker 2: I really I think I was kind of confused.

311
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Speaker 1: You don't like it because you were so young?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I was.

313
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Speaker 2: I was young, and it was going on forever forever,

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Speaker 2: you know.

315
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Speaker 4: And then to her to finally hear somebody else say well, no,

316
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,840
Speaker 4: that's a no right, he should not be touching you there,

317
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Speaker 4: you know, and then I just.

318
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Speaker 2: It was just one of those questions and she pulled

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Speaker 2: me out, She pulled me out, the social worker and wow,

320
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:05,000
Speaker 2: the police came up to the school. So it was

321
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Speaker 2: just so that's when I said, oh, yeah, this is

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00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,359
Speaker 2: this is it? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And at this point you got removed from the house.

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Speaker 2: Yes, So I'm sorry.

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Speaker 4: Going back, So, what had happened when I asked that

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00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:23,480
Speaker 4: question the night before is when he attempted to ripe me. Wow,

327
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:27,920
Speaker 4: so with me I told my mom that same day,

328
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Speaker 4: of course, nothing happened. He was telling my mom I

329
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:34,639
Speaker 4: was lying and all that stuff. That same night he

330
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:40,880
Speaker 4: proceeded to come in my room. Still, so whenever morning came,

331
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Speaker 4: I almost wanted to say I was kind of tired

332
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:46,920
Speaker 4: I was just tired, like you know what you yeah,

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00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:47,720
Speaker 4: you know, like.

334
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Speaker 2: I just I can't do this no more. So that's

335
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,680
Speaker 2: how all of that happened.

336
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:58,760
Speaker 1: Yeah right, that's pretty wow. So at this time you

337
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,120
Speaker 1: was lioving with your grandmother, which was his mother.

338
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Speaker 4: Yes, well, before I got with her, I was in

339
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:08,360
Speaker 4: a group home. So they sent me to a group

340
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:12,240
Speaker 4: home first. And I can't remember, I wasn't there that long,

341
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:14,760
Speaker 4: maybe a couple of months. But even in a group home,

342
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,560
Speaker 4: it was me and maybe six or seven other girls

343
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Speaker 4: and the maintenance man. The maintenance man, it was just

344
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Speaker 4: one man.

345
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Speaker 2: He came in and telling us that he know why

346
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Speaker 2: we was here and he gonna protect us.

347
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Speaker 4: And he proceeded to touch on us, telling us, if

348
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:35,320
Speaker 4: you let me do this, I will protect you because.

349
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,680
Speaker 2: I already know why all the hour here. Wow.

350
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,440
Speaker 4: So in the group home, I was getting molested by

351
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:46,280
Speaker 4: the maintenance man. So now at this time, my mind

352
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,879
Speaker 4: is kind of the only thing I can think of

353
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,639
Speaker 4: is my mind was just numb to Okay, you know what,

354
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,880
Speaker 4: maybe this is just what's supposed to happen. So I've

355
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:59,080
Speaker 4: never said nothing about him, I never reported him nothing.

356
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Speaker 4: So then leaving a group home, happened to go to court.

357
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Speaker 1: Wait did he ever get caught like for what he

358
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:08,360
Speaker 1: was doing to the girls in the group? Ho, No, Yo,

359
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:12,120
Speaker 1: you're not that I know of, never these niggas.

360
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:12,560
Speaker 2: I was.

361
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,200
Speaker 1: I literally had a conversation with this woman last night.

362
00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:18,040
Speaker 1: She was sharing her story about church abuse and it's

363
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:19,000
Speaker 1: coming out next week.

364
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:19,960
Speaker 2: And she was just.

365
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:26,240
Speaker 1: That one so and she was just telling me about

366
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,399
Speaker 1: like how you know she was molested in raped by

367
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,879
Speaker 1: the pastor the elder, the boys in the church, like

368
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,040
Speaker 1: so on and so forth. And I'm just like, Yo,

369
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,240
Speaker 1: these men. And I'm not saying that women because women

370
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,920
Speaker 1: have also been sexual predators as well, but yeah, I'm

371
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,600
Speaker 1: just like, how can you do this to kids? Like

372
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:48,080
Speaker 1: it's so disgusting, so discussed.

373
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,560
Speaker 2: Because the men, even though women it's not.

374
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,480
Speaker 4: I would say it probably a eighty twenty were men

375
00:20:56,560 --> 00:21:01,080
Speaker 4: and women and eighty is the men only because it's

376
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,160
Speaker 4: just I feel.

377
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,800
Speaker 1: Like it may be a little woman, maybe a little higher.

378
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:04,879
Speaker 1: We just don't talk about it.

379
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:07,240
Speaker 2: We don't talk about it. Okay.

380
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:09,960
Speaker 4: I never thought about that and did what I was

381
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:13,400
Speaker 4: just thinking. It's just my opinion where me and men

382
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:17,520
Speaker 4: are more aggressive, so they do more.

383
00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 2: Grooming and threatening. That makes sense, Yeah, because my dad

384
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,840
Speaker 2: did that. He did a lot of groomy. Well, you

385
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,800
Speaker 2: need to do this. If you don't do this, no

386
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,200
Speaker 2: man would love you. And you need to do this

387
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 2: and do that.

388
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,840
Speaker 4: And then it went to if you tell your mama,

389
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:41,840
Speaker 4: she gonna hate you and she's going to seeing you

390
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:42,840
Speaker 4: away from the home.

391
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,800
Speaker 2: It was just stuff like that. So me as a kid,

392
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:47,360
Speaker 2: don't want to make my mama mad.

393
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,480
Speaker 1: So, yeah, do you feel like something happened to your mom?

394
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:56,040
Speaker 5: Like and.

395
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:02,520
Speaker 2: Girl? Because I asked her, she honestly, well she said never.

396
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:04,879
Speaker 2: She said no, I never experienced it.

397
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:09,200
Speaker 4: And and then then I proceeded to tell her, you

398
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:13,040
Speaker 4: would never understand my pain, so you can't just tell

399
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 4: me to stop talking about something. And you never was

400
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:20,080
Speaker 4: there for me, like you never was there for me.

401
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:24,360
Speaker 4: Now she say, nothing ever happened. I have a cousin

402
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:27,159
Speaker 4: that's my mom's niece. And my cousin said, and she

403
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:31,720
Speaker 4: said she has always been protected. She had older siblings

404
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:33,879
Speaker 4: and they always protected her. So she was like, no,

405
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 4: nothing ever happened to her like that, so she would

406
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:37,440
Speaker 4: not understand.

407
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:42,719
Speaker 1: Yo hurt m nah, I know it gotta be eating up,

408
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,359
Speaker 1: eating up at her man, it may be.

409
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:49,159
Speaker 2: It may be now because I see a lot of it.

410
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:52,199
Speaker 2: This is just my perspective.

411
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:56,720
Speaker 4: She goes out and above for my children, and so

412
00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,199
Speaker 4: with me, I'm like, yeah, so she probably trying her

413
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,560
Speaker 4: you know, make up or whatever, because I would tell

414
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,439
Speaker 4: her some stuff like you ain't got.

415
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:06,120
Speaker 2: To do that for now.

416
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:08,640
Speaker 4: I mean, she's like no. I mean when I say

417
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 4: go out in the bus, she goes over to the

418
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,840
Speaker 4: point where I'll be telling my kids leave my mama,

419
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 4: and I won't stop asking her for stuff, you.

420
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 1: Know, but yeah, is that enough for you? Or would

421
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,560
Speaker 1: you want to have a conversation And I want to

422
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 1: have a conversation, Yeah, because there ain't no toys in

423
00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:27,879
Speaker 1: the world. Girl, we need to have that tie.

424
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,119
Speaker 2: And the only thing I would love for her to

425
00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 2: say is I'm.

426
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:36,560
Speaker 1: Sorry, Yeah, acknowledge it.

427
00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 2: We ain't even we don't even have to go into

428
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,080
Speaker 2: the details on why you staying with him? I already

429
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:42,920
Speaker 2: asked that question.

430
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 4: None of that aren't thing I would want her to

431
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,400
Speaker 4: ever tell me is I'm sorry I wasn't there.

432
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:50,200
Speaker 2: Yeah.

433
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 4: I never got that from my mom. And mind you,

434
00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:56,160
Speaker 4: that was like over thirty years ago. I never got

435
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,439
Speaker 4: that from her. Are you okay If you never get

436
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:06,040
Speaker 4: it though, I'm gonna have to be just like I'm

437
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 4: okay with my father never telling me he's sorry.

438
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:13,280
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, I'm gonna eventually have to be okay with them.

439
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, right now. When you went to go live with

440
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:19,400
Speaker 1: his mom, who was your grandmother, she was treating you horrible.

441
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:23,480
Speaker 2: She was horrible girl. She was horrible.

442
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:30,840
Speaker 1: Yeah on her son. He didn't do this girl.

443
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:34,360
Speaker 2: She was calling me all everything, but I was all

444
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,800
Speaker 2: kind of names. It was times I.

445
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:39,119
Speaker 4: Wouldn't eat, she wouldn't let me eat. I was go

446
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 4: to sleep, you know, hungry. She never laid hands on me,

447
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:48,960
Speaker 4: and I believe only because I was in the system. Yes,

448
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:53,120
Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying, leave some kids in the system, right,

449
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:58,040
Speaker 4: But I had found out that she was getting a

450
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,880
Speaker 4: check from me, and she was still making my mom

451
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:05,320
Speaker 4: like do extra stuff, Like if I needed something, she

452
00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:08,320
Speaker 4: would still make my mom buy it for me, and

453
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:09,879
Speaker 4: she was still getting a check for me.

454
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,120
Speaker 2: But yeah, that was horrible. And I think I only

455
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:13,720
Speaker 2: stayed with her for like a year.

456
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:18,960
Speaker 4: And a half because you ran. I ran away, And

457
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:24,359
Speaker 4: then that that was the beginning of me having a

458
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 4: hard heart, because now I'm like, nobody is for me. Yeah,

459
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:32,240
Speaker 4: you know, nobody like I had in the house that

460
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:36,399
Speaker 4: that were. You know, they was cruel, but they wasn't

461
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:40,360
Speaker 4: as bad as their mother was. But I'm at that time,

462
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,440
Speaker 4: I'm just like, you know what it's all about. Me

463
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 4: guess that that was the beginning of me having a

464
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:46,920
Speaker 4: hard heart.

465
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 1: I ain't gonna lie, we're gonna get into your gang life.

466
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:56,120
Speaker 1: But I was like not, because ain't no way. Every

467
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:59,199
Speaker 1: time somebody saw you, they was raised, they was they

468
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:01,280
Speaker 1: was coming for you, Like she must have been a problem.

469
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:06,440
Speaker 2: Not really, I'm gonna be honest.

470
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:11,000
Speaker 4: I think it's because I was the smallest person. Okay,

471
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:14,920
Speaker 4: So with you being the smallest person, people kind of

472
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:17,520
Speaker 4: like they kind of lash out at you.

473
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,199
Speaker 3: So I had to be.

474
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:24,680
Speaker 2: Grown into how to befeel myself because I was the smallest.

475
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:27,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I said, nah, she must have had them hiss

476
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 1: the way they was coming at you.

477
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:33,119
Speaker 2: Man, I had to learn them hands right right.

478
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:35,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

479
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 1: Now, I saw in one of your interviews that you

480
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,720
Speaker 1: had a conversation with your dad when he went to

481
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,920
Speaker 1: jail and you was nineteen, So how was that because

482
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 1: I think at that point he acknowledged what he did to.

483
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 2: You not really, So this was the conversation he was.

484
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:57,120
Speaker 2: He actually had got out of jail and you when

485
00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 2: I believe this. But I was driving him somewhere.

486
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,879
Speaker 4: I was taking him somewhere because in the back of

487
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:09,359
Speaker 4: my mind, I'm still this little girl who wants her dad.

488
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:15,439
Speaker 4: You want the love or her father. I was still angry.

489
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,240
Speaker 4: I was still mad and full the rage, but I

490
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 4: still wanted my father. So I was taking him somewhere

491
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,760
Speaker 4: I can't even remember. And we were in the car

492
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,560
Speaker 4: and I happy. I asked him, I said, can I

493
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 4: ask you a question? He said, go ahead? I said,

494
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 4: he said go ahead like he don't know what he

495
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:37,440
Speaker 4: said go ahead? Yeah, I said, why would you hurt

496
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 4: me like you did? And I'm your daughter?

497
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,840
Speaker 2: Can I tell you what he did? We do? That

498
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:48,399
Speaker 2: man opened up that door and jump out of the

499
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 2: cor Now I'm driving. I'm still driving because I'm trying to,

500
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:57,400
Speaker 2: I said. He just jumped He literally jumped out.

501
00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:00,200
Speaker 4: Well before I take that back, before he jumped out

502
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:02,520
Speaker 4: the car, he said, because I was mad at your mother.

503
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 2: And then he jumped out the car.

504
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:08,680
Speaker 1: He thought you was gonna say him over something, probably,

505
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 1: and the car was going you was drying but.

506
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 4: Before I realized that he jumped out, I was like,

507
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 4: what is what's happening? So I'm trying to reach over

508
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,120
Speaker 4: to shut the door. So I made a U turn.

509
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,439
Speaker 2: But by the time I did all that, he was gone.

510
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:27,240
Speaker 1: And what was he mad about?

511
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:32,120
Speaker 2: Ain't nonna tell him.

512
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 1: I mean, it don't even matter, because it doesn't even matter,

513
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:36,200
Speaker 1: right because it shouldn't.

514
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:40,960
Speaker 2: Didn't make you mad? Why your child? You know?

515
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 1: Wow, that is something. So when did you become involved

516
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 1: in the game?

517
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 2: I kind of slid in her? And what what I

518
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 2: mean by that? It was just one of those things.

519
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 4: It was me and a couple of other girlfriends of

520
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:07,440
Speaker 4: mine and we were hanging out with these guys.

521
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 2: And they were gang members.

522
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 1: And so when were you you a blood?

523
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:19,320
Speaker 2: I can't say that. I can't say that.

524
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, I feel like you were. We're talking about

525
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:25,720
Speaker 1: our screens.

526
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 2: Nah, I was blue? Really mm hmmm.

527
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 1: I don't know too many the way you was giving

528
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 1: it up, like, I don't know.

529
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm gonna be out my friends far more

530
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 2: than me.

531
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 1: Really, I don't know. When I think of crips, I

532
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:49,840
Speaker 1: think of them being like intellectual, like they are like

533
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 1: they are, and they really are like they give it up.

534
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 1: But I just feel like they just be more like,

535
00:29:56,800 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 1: you know, just vibe like yeah, I mean most of

536
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 1: the crips I know are like that.

537
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:06,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, very intelligent.

538
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 4: Very I don't know, because I know a couple of

539
00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:13,200
Speaker 4: beloved us they very intelligent too. Now to the point

540
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 4: you'll be thinking, like, so you're want to accomplish, right,

541
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:21,360
Speaker 4: So that's how I kind of slid in there is

542
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:25,840
Speaker 4: by association, right, because I knew some people, you know,

543
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:29,120
Speaker 4: and then when you walking in the streets with the

544
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 4: people or or y'all fighting, and so people just as

545
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 4: song you with them. So that's what would happened with

546
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:38,560
Speaker 4: me not knowing.

547
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 2: That people see my face.

548
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 4: I never even you know, even thought therefore like okay,

549
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 4: oh it was it was horrible.

550
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 1: No, we're gonna get into it, because I was like,

551
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 1: I said, nah, this girl, can I catch no break?

552
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:56,520
Speaker 1: Not for you, but do you feel like the game

553
00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:59,520
Speaker 1: offer you something different or provided you doing this time

554
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 1: of your life? Because I feel like this is like

555
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:04,040
Speaker 1: the first time you actually feel like you belonged somewhere.

556
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 4: A couple of a couple of them did. So when

557
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 4: I say a couple, they was like the younger, like

558
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 4: the younger generation. So they kind of gave me that

559
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:22,680
Speaker 4: sense of oh, that's my little sis. My only reason

560
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,800
Speaker 4: why I say that because we had, uh we had

561
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 4: like a semi game fight.

562
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 3: My game fight, my game game, and they were.

563
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 4: Like in front of me, like, no, it's not gonna happen,

564
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:57,960
Speaker 4: y'all not about to fight her. So I just thought

565
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 4: at that time that oh they really care about me, right, yeah, right.

566
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 1: So being involved in the game led you to many

567
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 1: challenging experiences, and one of them was when you doing

568
00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:15,760
Speaker 1: your sophomore year, you was sexually assaulted by a member

569
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:16,680
Speaker 1: from the Rubber Game.

570
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:21,680
Speaker 4: Yes, and that's when I started realizing, like, oh, they

571
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:26,440
Speaker 4: straight putting my face. But I didn't think, you know,

572
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:29,320
Speaker 4: I'm just right. I'm just I'm cool with the people,

573
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 4: and you know, I'm not really.

574
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:34,480
Speaker 2: Doing too much, you know.

575
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 4: But yeah, he knew the people that I was hanging

576
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 4: out with, and that was that was his thing. When

577
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,120
Speaker 4: he came up to my locker, he was like, yeah,

578
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 4: so you want to be so and so and so

579
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 4: and so. Yeah, I'll be at your house this evening.

580
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 4: Me thinking like, boy, you ain't coming to my house,

581
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 4: you know, I don't care what you're talking about. But

582
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:59,960
Speaker 4: he did wow to my house and put a gun

583
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 4: into my stomach. That was the only way he got

584
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:06,800
Speaker 4: me out the house. And then of course he threatened

585
00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:08,600
Speaker 4: if you don't, if you don't come with me, I'm

586
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:09,800
Speaker 4: going to kill your family.

587
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 1: So, and how old were you?

588
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 2: We were like sophomore, So how old are you as

589
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 2: a sophomore.

590
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 1: I ain't been a sophomore in a minute, so I

591
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 1: don't know.

592
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:25,560
Speaker 2: So my son is fifteen, he's a sophomore sixteen.

593
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:29,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay. And then another situation happened was when you

594
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:33,280
Speaker 1: was eight months eight months pregnant and someone from the

595
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,400
Speaker 1: different games saw you, did you turn and ran up

596
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:36,640
Speaker 1: on you?

597
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 3: Yeah?

598
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:45,760
Speaker 2: So, I it's so much. So the household my household.

599
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 2: All so it's seven of us, right, and we were.

600
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 1: All in games, right, So was this somebody house like

601
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 1: one of the game members househoord?

602
00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 2: No, I'm just saying for is my mama children?

603
00:33:58,160 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 1: Okay?

604
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 4: We were all in okay, but but all of my

605
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 4: siblings gangs were affiliated. I was the only one that

606
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:15,680
Speaker 4: was that was an affiliated. So when one of the

607
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:21,239
Speaker 4: guys from the neighborhood once again seeing my face, yeah,

608
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:22,160
Speaker 4: I seen.

609
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:25,960
Speaker 2: You, and I'm looking like, whoy you?

610
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:30,400
Speaker 4: But it came, it came, It came from there, and

611
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 4: of course I was eight months pregnant. He didn't care,

612
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:39,839
Speaker 4: you know, once again it was another angel. So they

613
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 4: so I was at the bus stop, I was on

614
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 4: my way to the doctor's office, and they drove past,

615
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:47,120
Speaker 4: and then they made a U time.

616
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 2: I still didn't think nothing because I'm pregnant. Who's going

617
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:52,359
Speaker 2: to hurt a pregnant girl?

618
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,520
Speaker 1: You know, people don't came pregnant women no more.

619
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:59,440
Speaker 2: Man. So he jumped out. I couldn't even tell you

620
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,160
Speaker 2: what kind of gun it was. It was a big gun.

621
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 4: And all I know is one of the guys jumped

622
00:35:05,719 --> 00:35:07,880
Speaker 4: out the cord to stop him, like you not, and

623
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 4: and they said that you're not about to hurt her.

624
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:14,759
Speaker 2: She's pregnant, and he was just going off, just going off.

625
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:19,760
Speaker 2: She did, and she did, and I stood in shock

626
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:22,920
Speaker 2: because I knew it. I said, I'm gonna dan, I'm

627
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:27,840
Speaker 2: go die today. Do you think no, I was just

628
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:29,360
Speaker 2: gonna say, trying to be something.

629
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:32,120
Speaker 1: Do you think if his friend wasn't there then he

630
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 1: would have pulled the trigger.

631
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:35,879
Speaker 2: He would have pulled it because we fought before.

632
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 1: Wigs.

633
00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:43,040
Speaker 4: Well, I had to fight him because he ran up

634
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:45,719
Speaker 4: on my porch once again. He ran up on my

635
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:48,919
Speaker 4: porch and because he's seen my face, and I guess

636
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:51,080
Speaker 4: he just thought because I was a female, I wann't

637
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:53,279
Speaker 4: gonna fight him back. But I had to fight him back.

638
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 4: So I follow him back. But I told you I

639
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 4: was grown a certain way.

640
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:04,080
Speaker 2: So I cut him. I used to carry blaze and

641
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,279
Speaker 2: you know, knaves and stuff because I had to. So

642
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:08,200
Speaker 2: I cut him.

643
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 4: And he always was like I'm gonna get you when

644
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:12,280
Speaker 4: I get and you know, get a chance or whatever.

645
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:15,439
Speaker 4: And it had got so bad he tried to fight

646
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 4: me again. Then my brother and my I think I

647
00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:22,960
Speaker 4: was like six months pregnant maybe my brother and my

648
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 4: daughter's father both of them had to beat him up

649
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:28,040
Speaker 4: because he was trying to fight me again. So he

650
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:32,000
Speaker 4: he he wanted you was after me. Yeah, so yeah,

651
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:36,280
Speaker 4: if that boy will know, yeah, And I kept remember

652
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 4: him saying, she's pregnant. Why were you want to hurt her?

653
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:45,239
Speaker 4: And she's pregnant? So yeah, And then he pulled him

654
00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 4: in the car and then they draw off and I

655
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:48,520
Speaker 4: was just I was just shocked.

656
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:51,800
Speaker 3: I was just like wow.

657
00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:55,600
Speaker 1: And then you also mentioned that you were game rape

658
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:57,920
Speaker 1: by the same friends that told you that you were

659
00:36:58,000 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 1: safe with them.

660
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, so not the younger boys, not them, but the

661
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:06,960
Speaker 4: ones that were maybe a couple of years older than them.

662
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:11,760
Speaker 4: But still, you know, I looked at them as we cool,

663
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:17,080
Speaker 4: you know, we people, and so it was just this.

664
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:18,239
Speaker 3: So one of the.

665
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 2: Guys, we were calling ourselves liking each other. So that's

666
00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:22,640
Speaker 2: how he lured me in.

667
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:25,920
Speaker 4: So he lured me in because we're supposed to, you know,

668
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 4: been liking on each other or whatever. But then with him,

669
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 4: I'm starting I'm looking like, who is all these other

670
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:39,680
Speaker 4: people coming in? And it was a good fight that

671
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:42,879
Speaker 4: I counted for a good five and they big men.

672
00:37:43,239 --> 00:37:45,440
Speaker 3: I can't I ain't no, you know.

673
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:48,719
Speaker 1: So yeah, so at what point did you leave the game?

674
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:50,719
Speaker 1: Did you leave the game after that game, after that.

675
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 4: Or see that's what I'm saying. I was never like initiated.

676
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 4: It was just like my association now.

677
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:01,759
Speaker 2: So when I stopped dealing with them, that was it,

678
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 2: you know that, that was really just it. And I'm

679
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:08,319
Speaker 2: gonna be honest, I believe.

680
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:13,400
Speaker 4: Changing my environment also because people were still looking at

681
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:16,800
Speaker 4: my fights, you know, people were still seeing my fights,

682
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:17,640
Speaker 4: you know, saw.

683
00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, change of environment.

684
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:23,440
Speaker 1: Up until this point in your life. What were some

685
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:26,759
Speaker 1: of the emotions you experienced, because I just can't even

686
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:30,960
Speaker 1: imagine how you was feeling at this point, especially during

687
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 1: some of the stories we share. You were pregnant as well.

688
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:34,319
Speaker 3: Yeah.

689
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:36,120
Speaker 2: I was full of rage.

690
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:41,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I say rage because angry wasn't really it

691
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:44,800
Speaker 4: for me. Rage because I was I was out for blood.

692
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:48,680
Speaker 4: Now I'm out for blood, you know. Not another man

693
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 4: will hurt me. That's just all I was feeling. Now

694
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:53,440
Speaker 4: another man will hurt me, I will hurt him.

695
00:38:53,600 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 2: First. I was full of murder. Yeah, not not only

696
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:02,799
Speaker 2: was I for the rage, I was out to kill.

697
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:10,719
Speaker 1: You know, I feel like you lowkey called a body's smile, you.

698
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 2: Know, I was. I was damaged.

699
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 4: I was damaged material like yeah, yeah, that's the best

700
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:20,320
Speaker 4: way I can think of it.

701
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:24,080
Speaker 2: Like for the rage, I was damaged. I was broken. Yeah,

702
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 2: still searching for this father, Still searching now, manager.

703
00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:35,279
Speaker 4: I had four brothers, but we were all like isolated.

704
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 4: So I don't have my brothers, you know, I have

705
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:42,399
Speaker 4: a million mill cousins. So it just seemed like every

706
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:46,720
Speaker 4: time I turned around, men were the cause of my pain.

707
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:49,480
Speaker 2: So now I'm I'm out. I'm out.

708
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:50,440
Speaker 3: I'm out to.

709
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,439
Speaker 2: Kill, to kill men. I had. I had a love

710
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:56,839
Speaker 2: and hate relationship with men. You know what I'm saying.

711
00:39:57,320 --> 00:40:00,280
Speaker 2: And I say, look, I say love and hate because

712
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:01,320
Speaker 2: I got four kids.

713
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:04,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's still don't mean you don't hate these But

714
00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:05,719
Speaker 1: I hated me.

715
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:11,560
Speaker 2: I hated men. I've been Mary twice.

716
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:16,200
Speaker 4: And I think I was really bad for them because

717
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,759
Speaker 4: I believe both of my husbands really really loved me,

718
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 4: but because I was so damaged, so the smallest thing

719
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:24,600
Speaker 4: would throw me over.

720
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:27,960
Speaker 2: I used to beat my first husband up. It's time

721
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:28,920
Speaker 2: he say something.

722
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 1: No, this is not funny, becaustic.

723
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:35,840
Speaker 2: Every time he say something was punch him in his face,

724
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:39,359
Speaker 2: like punching in his lips, and what would he do back?

725
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:42,680
Speaker 1: I would be called the police off He wasn't.

726
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:45,120
Speaker 2: He did not fight when so he used to just

727
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 2: be like, would you stop hitting me? And I like

728
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:49,759
Speaker 2: shut up? When I say shut up, shut up? But

729
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:51,440
Speaker 2: I was. I was just damaged.

730
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 1: But did he know about their past and stuff?

731
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:58,040
Speaker 4: He knew, but I didn't think he he didn't know

732
00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:00,200
Speaker 4: the intent of my past. I think the only think

733
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 4: he knew it was probably let me think. I think

734
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:06,840
Speaker 4: I kind of told him about my dad, but he

735
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:09,439
Speaker 4: probably didn't know about the anger report that came.

736
00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:12,400
Speaker 2: They came with it. You know. So I met my

737
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:17,319
Speaker 2: first husband in church, so he probably looked like, oh,

738
00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 2: was she in church? Yeah?

739
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 1: It took a minute, demon baby.

740
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:31,320
Speaker 2: Yes, And so my second husband came in.

741
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:33,839
Speaker 1: But wait, did you apologizee your friend's husband though?

742
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 3: Like I did?

743
00:41:36,239 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, that's so ironic. You asked me that

744
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:41,879
Speaker 4: because I apologizing him a couple of years ago.

745
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:44,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I know we laughed for y'all. But this

746
00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:45,360
Speaker 1: is I don't want us to.

747
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,920
Speaker 2: Sad too, because you have children by him. I have

748
00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:52,960
Speaker 2: two children by him, and so I was tired of

749
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:55,000
Speaker 2: just being mad, you know what I'm saying.

750
00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:58,080
Speaker 4: So I said, you know what't don't be apologized girl.

751
00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:00,800
Speaker 4: I think that freak time a though, yes.

752
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:01,120
Speaker 2: He ain't.

753
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:01,760
Speaker 3: You see.

754
00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:06,040
Speaker 2: He said everything okay.

755
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:09,680
Speaker 4: I was like, everything fine, I just want to apologize

756
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:11,759
Speaker 4: because I know I put you through and then we

757
00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 4: were young, we were like twenty two.

758
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:17,359
Speaker 2: Oh oh, I said, I know I put you through

759
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:17,759
Speaker 2: the ring.

760
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:22,120
Speaker 4: I was your first girlfriend, I'm your first wife, your

761
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:23,560
Speaker 4: first baby mama.

762
00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:25,920
Speaker 1: You know, how are we all together?

763
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:27,840
Speaker 2: We?

764
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:31,880
Speaker 4: Well, we dated for four years before we got married. Okay,

765
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:34,440
Speaker 4: so we dated for four years and then we were

766
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 4: only married for a good year that then I worked.

767
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 1: Did he filed for divorce?

768
00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:41,879
Speaker 3: I did.

769
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:46,560
Speaker 2: He didn't want to, but I'm like, boy, it.

770
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:48,080
Speaker 1: Made have turned them on. You know, some man like

771
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:48,640
Speaker 1: get as.

772
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:54,520
Speaker 2: Crazy.

773
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:56,960
Speaker 1: So what happened with the second husband.

774
00:42:57,400 --> 00:43:00,560
Speaker 2: Well, the second husband, well, I need to go back

775
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:01,719
Speaker 2: so you can understand.

776
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 1: You're ready, I'm already pouring my drink.

777
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:13,360
Speaker 4: So my first daughter, who I had at eighteen, was

778
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:18,480
Speaker 4: my second husband's daughter. But we was young, so we

779
00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:21,319
Speaker 4: was young when we met each other. Then we kind

780
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 4: of dismissed when I know I was pregnant.

781
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:23,840
Speaker 2: You know how they go.

782
00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:26,320
Speaker 4: You're young, you don't want to bother no more. So

783
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:30,040
Speaker 4: then I met my first husband after the fact. So

784
00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:33,279
Speaker 4: then that's when my second daughter came in. So we

785
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:37,680
Speaker 4: got married and everything that didn't work. So then the

786
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:43,200
Speaker 4: second husband came back into my life while we was older,

787
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 4: so maybe our late twenties, I want to say. So,

788
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:49,000
Speaker 4: then that's when my eighteen year old came in there.

789
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:53,479
Speaker 4: Now I married him at that time, right, that didn't

790
00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:56,799
Speaker 4: work out. I think that only last for ball maybe a.

791
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:57,319
Speaker 2: Year or two.

792
00:43:57,520 --> 00:44:03,279
Speaker 4: But he was abusel oh. Yeah, he already knew that

793
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:08,879
Speaker 4: that weren't happening with me. So that so we separated.

794
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:11,880
Speaker 4: But the good thing about him, we understand that we

795
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:15,560
Speaker 4: wasn't good for each other because we're the best friends now,

796
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:21,279
Speaker 4: isn't that crazy? So when we separated and he went

797
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:23,239
Speaker 4: on about his life, I went out by my life.

798
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 2: The first husband came back in the picture. So that's

799
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:29,520
Speaker 2: why my son comes from.

800
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 1: I'm telling us that first husband. He liked that energy,

801
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:38,719
Speaker 1: I think because I don't know how many men that's getting.

802
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 1: They asked with that's coming back.

803
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:46,560
Speaker 2: And we wasn't together. It was just like a we

804
00:44:46,719 --> 00:44:50,280
Speaker 2: became friends and then something happened. Then I got preading

805
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:52,920
Speaker 2: in it. So that's how that happened.

806
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:53,120
Speaker 3: Girl.

807
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:54,919
Speaker 2: That's why I said, because when I tell that story,

808
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:58,920
Speaker 2: people be like, how you do that? It's not planing?

809
00:44:59,040 --> 00:44:59,520
Speaker 3: It was not.

810
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:04,839
Speaker 1: This concludes part one of this week's episode. Part two

811
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:09,560
Speaker 1: will be dropping next week and Chow What a story.

812
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:13,760
Speaker 1: Stay connected by following me on ig TikTok and YouTube

813
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 1: at the Professional Homegirl, as well as on ig again

814
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:20,000
Speaker 1: at the PHG podcast, and don't miss out on my

815
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:24,879
Speaker 1: monthly love Lettershall title. They all the one at www

816
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:28,960
Speaker 1: dot t h e y A l l t h

817
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:34,520
Speaker 1: e o n e dot com. Until next time, everyone Later.

818
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 1: The Professional Homegirl podcast is a production of the Black

819
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:42,840
Speaker 1: Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the

820
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:46,080
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

821
00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:49,399
Speaker 1: favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show,

822
00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:52,120
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823
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:53,440
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