WEBVTT - Women Without Kids with Ruby Warrington 0:00:01.160 --> 0:00:05.520 Hi Catherine, Oh Hi Chelsea. Oh my god, I would 0:00:05.559 --> 0:00:07.200 a whirlwind. I love New York City so much. I 0:00:07.320 --> 0:00:08.959 just don't know if I can leave here. I mean, 0:00:09.000 --> 0:00:11.520 I'm homeless right now anyway, So my house in la 0:00:11.600 --> 0:00:13.320 is still not ready, even though I'm going back there 0:00:13.320 --> 0:00:15.600 on Monday. I did my first two shows back at 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:19.080 the Beacon in New York City, and they weren't fucking epic. 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:21.600 In the middle of a river of water, right. 0:00:21.760 --> 0:00:23.840 Oh my god. Yeah, there was a huge storm on 0:00:23.880 --> 0:00:25.640 the first show I had Friday night. They were like, 0:00:25.680 --> 0:00:26.960 do you want to cancel? And I was like, I 0:00:27.000 --> 0:00:29.040 don't know. Once you cancel a show, it triggers so 0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:31.600 much else. So I was like, there's going to end 0:00:31.640 --> 0:00:33.680 up being more people that show up than people who 0:00:33.680 --> 0:00:36.559 can't come, you know. So we decided to just pull 0:00:36.560 --> 0:00:38.960 the trigger and do the show and it was awesome, 0:00:39.000 --> 0:00:41.960 and then Saturday Night's show was even more awesome. And 0:00:42.040 --> 0:00:44.479 I'm just so happy to be back on tour. I 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:46.920 feel so rested. I feel like I had the vacation 0:00:47.080 --> 0:00:49.560 of a lifetime, a summer of a lifetime. I Mean, 0:00:49.680 --> 0:00:52.519 I just can't believe how fucking great my life is. 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:54.800 And I'm just so grateful that I have so many 0:00:54.840 --> 0:00:58.600 people and fans that have given me this life because 0:00:59.080 --> 0:01:02.080 I just am in enjoying myself to the n degree. 0:01:02.440 --> 0:01:03.960 And I also feel like it's just time for me 0:01:04.000 --> 0:01:04.959 to move to New York City. 0:01:05.040 --> 0:01:06.880 You know what I mean, Liz, I have a second 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:07.320 home there. 0:01:07.840 --> 0:01:09.840 I know, I never lived in New York City. I'm 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:13.679 from New Jersey. I think it's time. And my business 0:01:13.720 --> 0:01:15.120 managers I told them, I go, I think I might 0:01:15.160 --> 0:01:17.560 want to move to New York soon, and they were like, 0:01:17.760 --> 0:01:19.880 your house in LA is not even done yet. And 0:01:20.000 --> 0:01:22.280 I was like, well, we're going to have to rent 0:01:22.319 --> 0:01:25.560 that out to someone or do something. But I'm just 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:28.840 much more stimulated here and I just love it. Last night, 0:01:28.840 --> 0:01:30.560 I was just out at this simple restaurant with like 0:01:30.600 --> 0:01:32.840 five girlfriends, and I'm like, this is awesome. This is 0:01:32.880 --> 0:01:34.840 what I want my life to be like. I don't 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:36.480 want to be in LA going to sleep at eight 0:01:36.480 --> 0:01:39.679 o'clock every night like an elderly woman. I want to 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:41.319 live it up. It's time. 0:01:41.600 --> 0:01:42.920 Yeah, and you have a lot of friends in New 0:01:42.959 --> 0:01:45.040 York too, so it's like pop by see people. 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:48.160 I like making new friends too. I make friends wherever 0:01:48.240 --> 0:01:50.880 I go. I mean, I am just on fire with 0:01:50.880 --> 0:01:54.520 my new friendships, my old friendships and new friendships. But 0:01:54.600 --> 0:01:56.760 that's the one and great thing about traveling too and 0:01:56.800 --> 0:02:00.560 bopping around. There's so many people to meet and interesting 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:03.320 people who add and contribute to your life and joyfulness 0:02:03.320 --> 0:02:06.400 and experience and point of view, and it's just all 0:02:06.440 --> 0:02:07.440 so interesting. 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:09.960 Yeah, especially with as many places as you went this summer, 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:12.200 I'm sure you got lots of different experiences. 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:12.800 Yeah. 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:15.280 Yeah, I dosed a lot of people capting this summer. 0:02:15.320 --> 0:02:18.400 I gave a lot of people microdosing of whatever I 0:02:18.520 --> 0:02:22.840 had excellent. I love, especially strangers. There was this old 0:02:22.880 --> 0:02:26.639 couple walking outside my house in MAYORCA, like a German couple, 0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:30.360 not old but older, and they were holding hands and 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:33.360 we started talking. I don't know why, and they're like, 0:02:33.360 --> 0:02:35.800 it's our anniversary, our thirtieth anniversary. And I was like, 0:02:35.840 --> 0:02:38.120 oh my god, you guys should take some microdose of LSD, 0:02:38.360 --> 0:02:40.560 Like I have a whole sheet of it, and you 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:42.520 guys should do that. And they both looked at each 0:02:42.520 --> 0:02:44.160 other and they're like, we will. I go take one 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:46.520 of my kayaks, take it out and put it, go 0:02:46.639 --> 0:02:48.920 right out there and go have a good night. I 0:02:48.960 --> 0:02:51.160 go just have fun with each other. And they came 0:02:51.200 --> 0:02:53.520 back four hours later. I was kind of like, are 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:56.120 they still out there? And they came out and they 0:02:56.360 --> 0:02:58.400 left the kayak and they left this little note on 0:02:58.440 --> 0:03:00.480 the kayak and it was just the cutest thing. And 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:03.480 so I just want to give drugs to everybody. And 0:03:03.520 --> 0:03:05.799 I know not everybody can do drugs, so I wanted 0:03:05.800 --> 0:03:08.320 to say that it's not for everybody, but there is 0:03:08.360 --> 0:03:09.720 something for almost everybody. 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:13.720 And sometimes it's kayaking on LSD. 0:03:13.880 --> 0:03:16.040 Yes, that's my favorite activity in my ARCHI I like 0:03:16.120 --> 0:03:18.480 to get up. One night, I got up from dinner. 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:20.160 It was like nine thirty. I was like, I took 0:03:20.200 --> 0:03:23.640 my Mango dakery and I ran outside. I was like, 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:26.080 it's time to get on a paddle board. And I 0:03:26.120 --> 0:03:28.000 went because if the water is because we live in 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:30.000 this port and it's like I don't know who we are. 0:03:30.200 --> 0:03:32.840 I'm alone, a single woman. I live there with all 0:03:32.840 --> 0:03:34.440 the men that I have to hire to take care 0:03:34.440 --> 0:03:37.480 of me, which is also a great irony in my life. 0:03:37.880 --> 0:03:39.680 And I can go out there and paddle you know, 0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:42.640 it's so still and placid at night, and just going 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:45.160 out there with my cocktail and my paddle board or 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:47.080 my kayak. I'm like, I just look up at the 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:49.520 stars and I'm like, oh God, I believe in you. 0:03:49.880 --> 0:03:52.560 I believe in you now. Thank you, thank you. 0:03:52.680 --> 0:03:54.440 Do to you. 0:03:55.040 --> 0:03:57.520 Yeah, you've been there, you know. I'm just trying to 0:03:57.560 --> 0:03:59.520 figure out if it's too late to go to Antarctica. 0:04:00.160 --> 0:04:01.080 You've been everywhere else. 0:04:01.280 --> 0:04:03.560 I know, I know, but it just feels like every 0:04:03.560 --> 0:04:05.160 time I have an opportunity to go there, it just 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:08.200 doesn't seem like it's going to be I hate to 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:11.080 say this, but luxurious. Like I want to be on 0:04:11.160 --> 0:04:15.320 a comfortable boat, and all these boats are like it's 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:18.440 like an exploration and I'm not an explorer. 0:04:18.680 --> 0:04:21.920 No, those are some of the choppiest seas on the planet. 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:24.320 I don't have a problem with that. I have a 0:04:24.360 --> 0:04:26.680 problem with being comfortable, Like I want to be on 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:31.400 a yacht, not an exploration boat, because they're bare bones 0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:35.080 and then you're living basically like sleeping on cement like 0:04:35.080 --> 0:04:36.360 a Maxi pad on top of it. 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:37.760 Yeah, you have to have like an ice break. 0:04:38.920 --> 0:04:41.359 I'm like, do I care that much? Like I'd like 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:43.400 to go, Oh god, I have these bruises on the 0:04:43.400 --> 0:04:46.720 back of my neck because Dennis Colonello, who has two 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:50.159 meatballs for hands. My chiropractor, but he doesn't he doesn't 0:04:50.160 --> 0:04:53.880 crack me. He got into my neck so deeply yesterday 0:04:54.279 --> 0:04:56.520 because I have so much tension in my neck for 0:04:56.640 --> 0:05:00.040 my I have some slip disc in my neck and 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:02.440 and I was washing my hair this morning in the 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:05.400 shower and I was like ah ah, And then I 0:05:05.480 --> 0:05:07.400 texted him, I said, you know, you assaulted me. 0:05:07.440 --> 0:05:09.280 Yesterday in your bruise. 0:05:09.400 --> 0:05:11.560 But he's like that he's happy that he hurt me, 0:05:12.120 --> 0:05:13.760 because that's his kind of personality. 0:05:14.080 --> 0:05:19.400 Chiropractors, Okay, I feel like they it's not a popular profession. 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:20.719 They're all a little. 0:05:20.400 --> 0:05:22.240 Weird, but like I feel like at some point they 0:05:22.279 --> 0:05:24.680 go two different directions. There's okay, i'll crack your back, 0:05:24.720 --> 0:05:27.480 make you feel better whatever, and the other direction they 0:05:27.520 --> 0:05:28.960 just go so wooo. 0:05:28.960 --> 0:05:29.640 It's like naughty. 0:05:29.880 --> 0:05:32.560 Yeah, he's pretty woo woo. But he doesn't ever crack me. 0:05:32.680 --> 0:05:37.719 He just realigns me. And it's very painful because I 0:05:37.800 --> 0:05:40.040 have a situation where I hold all my tension in 0:05:40.120 --> 0:05:42.800 my chest and neck like, so he gets in there. 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:45.279 I mean he literally is like digging into my boobs. 0:05:45.320 --> 0:05:47.719 He puts a pad there yea to like try and 0:05:47.760 --> 0:05:50.120 pretend that it's not you know what it is in you, 0:05:50.400 --> 0:05:53.480 which is him basically feeling me up. So shout out 0:05:53.520 --> 0:05:54.479 to Dennis Colonello. 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:55.840 Thanks Ennis. 0:05:56.000 --> 0:05:58.640 But I have a great chiropractor and whistler who cracks 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:01.200 me because when I ski, my ribs pop out all 0:06:01.240 --> 0:06:03.880 the time, like this right ram bobbys pops out, and 0:06:04.120 --> 0:06:06.520 he cracks me all the time. His name is Keith, 0:06:06.560 --> 0:06:08.440 and he's a fucking awesome. 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:09.679 I bet he gets a lot of business. 0:06:09.839 --> 0:06:12.080 Oh not only does I probably carry him through the 0:06:12.080 --> 0:06:14.520 whole year, because when my family comes up, we have 0:06:14.600 --> 0:06:17.120 Keith come every night at six before dinner, and everyone 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:20.239 lines up and sits around and watches each other get cracked. 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:22.760 He's like, God, I feel like I'm in like a theater. 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:25.680 He goes, I can't, I'm performing for all of these people. 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:28.080 I'm like, yeah, I know, but it's so good when 0:06:28.120 --> 0:06:30.240 you're out of whack to get cracked. Oh I love 0:06:30.279 --> 0:06:32.920 it when it rings through your whole body. I never 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:36.359 cracked my neck because women there's danger in women cracking 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:39.080 their neck really anyone, but more so for women. But 0:06:39.520 --> 0:06:41.760 I like sometimes for my hips to get adjusted because 0:06:41.760 --> 0:06:44.360 they get out of whack, you know. But yeah, one 0:06:44.440 --> 0:06:46.480 night we were all this is years ago, my whole 0:06:46.480 --> 0:06:48.680 family was like over Christmas, we're all up in Whistler 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:52.880 and we're all so stoned. Everyone is as high as 0:06:52.880 --> 0:06:55.600 a kite, and so we were all just like watching him. 0:06:55.839 --> 0:06:57.960 We set him up in the living room and everyone's 0:06:58.040 --> 0:07:02.120 just like around watching him, drinking and just like staring 0:07:02.160 --> 0:07:03.960 at him. And I was like, God, he must think 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:06.440 we are a one hot mess of a family. Did 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:07.440 you explain why? 0:07:07.560 --> 0:07:08.800 Well, now, who cares? 0:07:09.000 --> 0:07:10.840 You know what I mean? Who cares? 0:07:10.880 --> 0:07:12.520 He's like these guys we're not. 0:07:12.640 --> 0:07:15.240 Yeah, it's better to be quiet and high than to 0:07:15.360 --> 0:07:19.520 be loud and obnoxious. Yeah, that's what I tell myself. Anyway, 0:07:20.640 --> 0:07:22.840 I saw Barry Manilow on my flight yesterday. 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:25.040 You did, Yeah, how's he looking? 0:07:25.520 --> 0:07:29.720 Exactly the same, exactly the same. I was like, oh, 0:07:30.240 --> 0:07:32.680 you look like it's almost like he's frozen in time. 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:35.520 And I'm glad Barry Mallows did great. 0:07:35.640 --> 0:07:38.600 Yeah, he seems to be thriving. Maybe he was lying around, Yeah, 0:07:38.840 --> 0:07:41.520 lying around he was. He walked to the bathroom all 0:07:41.560 --> 0:07:43.960 by himself. That's when I noticed him. 0:07:44.040 --> 0:07:46.480 Did you know al Pacino as. 0:07:46.480 --> 0:07:48.920 Having a baby, a baby. I'm so sick of all 0:07:48.960 --> 0:07:49.840 of this grossness. 0:07:49.880 --> 0:07:52.200 And there's another one. It's al Pacino and de Niro. 0:07:52.680 --> 0:07:56.320 Yes, yeah, how fun for that baby. 0:07:56.480 --> 0:07:57.680 One of them is eighty three. 0:07:57.720 --> 0:07:59.280 I'm like, you would be one hundred and one when 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:02.160 your kid graduated high school. If I'm doing my math correctly. 0:08:01.760 --> 0:08:03.600 Well, you don't need to make the math because he 0:08:03.680 --> 0:08:07.320 won't be there, so don't worry about it. It's really gross. 0:08:07.360 --> 0:08:11.360 Rupert Murdoch has seven children or six or they all. 0:08:11.400 --> 0:08:13.000 Elon Musk has like fourteen. 0:08:14.120 --> 0:08:17.600 Elon Musk's dad just had a baby with his stepdaughter. 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:18.240 What. 0:08:18.680 --> 0:08:22.720 Yeah, Elon Musk's dad had a baby with his step 0:08:22.840 --> 0:08:24.560 daughter and. 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:27.520 It's a secret child. But it came out like. 0:08:27.720 --> 0:08:29.720 Well, that explains a little bit about Elon. 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:31.840 Musk, I know, like it's got a little weird, weird 0:08:31.880 --> 0:08:32.480 shit going on. 0:08:32.679 --> 0:08:33.480 Well that family. 0:08:33.600 --> 0:08:36.000 Yeah, yeah, actually I think they just had their second 0:08:36.080 --> 0:08:38.199 child together. I think that's what just came out recently. 0:08:39.360 --> 0:08:40.760 It's pretty on that note. 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:44.000 What do you think is worse a stepdaughter or your 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:48.839 adopted daughter Like Woody Allen and his daughter Sunny, they 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:51.280 just keep having babies, in my opinion, to prove that 0:08:51.440 --> 0:08:54.760 they were really meant to be all along. Meanwhile you're like, no, no, 0:08:54.840 --> 0:08:55.640 you were meant not. 0:08:55.720 --> 0:08:56.320 To be No. 0:08:57.080 --> 0:08:59.240 Our next guest, I've been following on social media for 0:08:59.280 --> 0:09:02.240 a while because she is an advocate for not having 0:09:02.320 --> 0:09:04.400 children as well. I don't know if you know that 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:08.280 about me, but I don't want children, So I've been 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:10.319 following her and then I saw I got her book, 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:12.600 which was called Women Without Kids, and I thought, hm, 0:09:12.920 --> 0:09:16.480 we may have something to talk about. Please welcome Ruby Warrington. 0:09:17.320 --> 0:09:22.000 Good morning, good afternoon. Hi, good morning, good afternoon, good evening. 0:09:22.280 --> 0:09:23.280 Point us, no chairs. 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:25.400 I am in Miami. 0:09:25.760 --> 0:09:26.280 Oh you are? 0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:27.400 Yes? 0:09:27.760 --> 0:09:29.680 Are you hanging out with Ron DeSantis? 0:09:30.240 --> 0:09:30.880 Absolutely? 0:09:30.920 --> 0:09:33.080 He invited me for dinner this weekend. 0:09:33.240 --> 0:09:34.840 Oh that's fun. I hope there's a bunch of drag 0:09:34.880 --> 0:09:37.280 queens and transgender people there totally so that they can 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:38.600 enjoy his presence as well. 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:41.360 Thanks so much for having me on, guys. I'm so excited. 0:09:41.640 --> 0:09:42.480 Yes are we? 0:09:42.760 --> 0:09:45.840 As are we? I received your book Women Without Kids, 0:09:46.280 --> 0:09:48.679 and obviously we have that in common. 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:49.280 We do. 0:09:49.679 --> 0:09:52.400 So talk to us. Talk to us about how you 0:09:52.440 --> 0:09:54.720 came to that decision. Talk to us about the book, 0:09:54.840 --> 0:09:58.040 about everything, your stance on being child free. 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:01.600 Well, I think that I was born this way. Honestly, 0:10:01.720 --> 0:10:04.400 That's kind of where I've landed now. I've actually recently 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:08.320 started using the term a reproductive to describe how I 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:12.360 feel about having children, kind of like asexual, as in 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:16.160 like no desire to engage with the reproductive element of 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:18.760 my sexuality. Right, That's a term that I only came 0:10:18.800 --> 0:10:21.120 up with more recently. But honestly, I feel like I 0:10:21.200 --> 0:10:23.360 was born this way, you know, I just never had 0:10:23.400 --> 0:10:26.600 a desire to have a child. This was something that 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:30.960 was questioned intensely throughout my twenties and thirties, to the 0:10:31.000 --> 0:10:34.200 extent that I questioned it in myself, like why don't 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:35.920 I want to do this thing? Am I sure? I 0:10:35.960 --> 0:10:38.040 don't want to do this thing? Will I regret not 0:10:38.160 --> 0:10:40.839 doing this thing? And then I got to my early 0:10:40.920 --> 0:10:44.080 forties and I honestly was looking ahead to menopause, and 0:10:44.160 --> 0:10:47.360 I realized I was quite excited actually about what might 0:10:47.440 --> 0:10:49.280 lie on the other side of this kind of monthly 0:10:49.320 --> 0:10:53.200 hormonal roller coaster. And within that realized, no, I have 0:10:53.320 --> 0:10:56.240 no regrets about not having had a child. There is 0:10:56.280 --> 0:10:59.679 not one minute of panic kind of sounding in my 0:10:59.720 --> 0:11:02.520 book body at this moment, like this was always the 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:06.520 right path for me. And how fortunate I am to 0:11:06.679 --> 0:11:09.000 have been born in a country and in an era 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:11.480 where I actually got to make the choice not to 0:11:11.520 --> 0:11:13.360 have a child, and I actually got to really live 0:11:13.400 --> 0:11:17.240 true to myself, you know. And so I wanted to 0:11:17.240 --> 0:11:19.880 write this book because it felt like the path of 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:23.120 non motherhood, no matter how a person finds themselves, there 0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:26.440 is still so stigmatized. It's still seen as so other, 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:30.360 so unusual. People get so many questions about it. And 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:34.679 actually the statistics will show that women without kids are 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:39.240 rising in numbers dramatically all around the world and happier 0:11:39.480 --> 0:11:41.959 and often happier and richer, richer. 0:11:42.160 --> 0:11:44.400 There was a study that came out that said men 0:11:44.480 --> 0:11:47.520 who are married are the happiest men, women who are 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:49.000 single are the happiest women. 0:11:52.120 --> 0:11:55.120 Right, there are all of these kind of contradictions between 0:11:55.160 --> 0:11:58.439 our actual lived experiences as women without kids and what 0:11:58.520 --> 0:12:01.080 the society tells us our life are supposed to be. Like, 0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:03.199 so I wanted to write the book to first and 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:06.120 foremost just validate the path of non motherhood, like again, 0:12:06.120 --> 0:12:09.640 no matter whether it's by choice, by circumstance, not by choice. 0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:12.360 Because a lot of people who've tried and failed to 0:12:12.400 --> 0:12:15.400 have kids even there failed right like they see themselves 0:12:15.480 --> 0:12:17.680 or they're often told that, like you just you failed 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:21.439 at this important thing, this most important thing. But beyond that, 0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:24.880 you know, the statistics will show that the birth rate 0:12:24.960 --> 0:12:29.160 is actually decreasing massively in every single country around the world. 0:12:29.440 --> 0:12:31.600 The number one reason this is happening is because women 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:36.040 are getting more access to education, more access to financial freedom, 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:40.000 and more empowerment basically. And yet there are plenty of 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:42.600 forces who do not see this as a good thing, 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:45.840 who would really prefer for women to continue having lots 0:12:45.880 --> 0:12:49.600 of children, to keep boosting the birth rate and essentially 0:12:49.720 --> 0:12:51.920 keep our economy kind of ticking on as it is. 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:54.960 And a lot of the time, the quote unquote blame 0:12:55.040 --> 0:12:57.240 for the falling birth rates is put very squarely at 0:12:57.240 --> 0:13:00.960 the feet of silly, selfish women who are choosing to 0:13:01.000 --> 0:13:03.640 do other things with their lives then have kids. And 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:06.840 so it just felt like this really juicy area to 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:08.880 dive into in book format. 0:13:09.240 --> 0:13:12.200 And what has the response been for you with other women? 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:16.040 I've been getting just countless DM, so many women who 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:19.040 reflect back to me what I so often felt I 0:13:19.080 --> 0:13:21.360 thought I was the only one. Thank you, so much 0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:24.040 for showing me that I'm not a weirder, I'm not 0:13:24.080 --> 0:13:26.720 a freak. I haven't failed. Thank you for giving me 0:13:26.800 --> 0:13:29.480 so many different ways to think about why I don't 0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:31.520 want to be a mother, or even why I'm questioning 0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:33.720 if that is right for me. So just a real 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:37.800 sense of solidarity and support and people feeling seen and 0:13:37.920 --> 0:13:40.640 understood when they're reading the book. Of course, there has 0:13:40.679 --> 0:13:44.760 also been you know, the occasional this book is poison, 0:13:45.559 --> 0:13:48.280 you ridiculous, selfish person. You're going to regret this when 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:50.960 you're old, Like I kind of expected. I actually expected 0:13:50.960 --> 0:13:53.959 more of those sorts of comments actually, but yeah, there 0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:55.120 have been a few of those as well. 0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:57.720 I get a lot of backlash, a lot of backlash 0:13:57.720 --> 0:13:59.920 from men, conservative men. While I live in a Marria, 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:02.160 so we have you know, this is a hot mess 0:14:02.200 --> 0:14:05.280 situation and a hot button topic here because men would 0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:07.800 like to force us to have children here in this country. 0:14:07.840 --> 0:14:11.480 So the backlash from women mostly it's supportive from women 0:14:11.520 --> 0:14:14.560 and especially mothers are like, yeah, to each his own, 0:14:14.640 --> 0:14:16.960 you know, why would you ever force this on somebody else? 0:14:17.000 --> 0:14:20.160 But when I do get these messages from mothers going 0:14:20.200 --> 0:14:22.680 you're such a sad person or they comment on my posts. 0:14:22.680 --> 0:14:25.480 You're such a sad person, Chelsea. You're so sad and 0:14:25.520 --> 0:14:28.120 you're just covering it up with humor, and you're gonna 0:14:28.160 --> 0:14:31.200 be miserable. You're gonna die alone. I'm like, I hope 0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:33.560 I do die alone. I don't want to die with 0:14:33.640 --> 0:14:36.640 a bunch of other people. What are you talking about? 0:14:36.840 --> 0:14:39.200 You're gonna die alone? You think the reason to have 0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:41.720 a child is so that you don't die alone. I 0:14:41.760 --> 0:14:44.720 don't want anyone dealing with my death. I want to 0:14:44.760 --> 0:14:48.360 be shut and just put down or whatever. Like if 0:14:48.400 --> 0:14:51.200 I'm sick, shoot me and bury me, or actually light 0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:54.000 me on fire and cremate me, whatever's best for the environment, 0:14:54.040 --> 0:14:56.680 because I think cremating is bad. Now they can liquefy 0:14:56.720 --> 0:14:59.840 your body I heard recently, right, But anyway, those aren't 0:14:59.840 --> 0:15:03.040 the reasons. And to speak to the main issue that 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:05.360 everyone brings up, which is in a more loving way, 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:07.840 is you're going to miss out on the most beautiful 0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:11.120 love of your life. It is the most transcendent. You 0:15:11.160 --> 0:15:14.320 can't describe how somebody feels when they give birth to 0:15:14.360 --> 0:15:16.640 a baby and the love that they feel. Of course 0:15:16.680 --> 0:15:20.680 I believe that to be true, but I'm okay with that, 0:15:21.000 --> 0:15:23.240 and if I'm okay with missing out on that kind 0:15:23.280 --> 0:15:25.360 of love. Just like some people will never have pets, 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:27.760 some people will never experience that kind of love. And 0:15:27.800 --> 0:15:29.880 that's not the same as a kid, but for some people, 0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:32.880 that's even better than a kid. The most common thing 0:15:33.240 --> 0:15:37.000 that I hear among mothers is no one said it 0:15:37.040 --> 0:15:39.160 was going to be this hard. No one said it 0:15:39.200 --> 0:15:40.160 was going to be this hard. 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:42.040 I hear that all the time, and I'm like, are 0:15:42.080 --> 0:15:44.480 you kidding me? Literally, everyone always talks about how it is. 0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:46.480 All I ever hear is this is really hard, This 0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:47.160 is so hard. 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:49.440 And then everyone I know who becomes a mom is like, 0:15:49.480 --> 0:15:51.120 no one tells you how hard this is going to be. 0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:53.240 I'm like, what if you've been what channel have you 0:15:53.280 --> 0:15:53.680 been listening? 0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:57.240 I think there is an overwhelming chorus of people talking 0:15:57.320 --> 0:16:00.640 about how beautiful it is, how one wonderful it is. 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:02.120 They don't say, hey, you're going to be up for 0:16:02.120 --> 0:16:04.520 the first six months of their lives fifteen times a 0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:07.000 night or whatever it is three times a night. I 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:10.480 guess I'm exaggerating breastfeeding, or that you're beholden that you 0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:13.240 have no life for six months. People talk about it, 0:16:13.280 --> 0:16:16.120 but the overwhelming chorus is one of positivity rather than 0:16:16.160 --> 0:16:17.000 of negativity. 0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:20.360 I think, and I do actually think that the physical experience. 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:21.960 You can read all that stuff and you can hear 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:24.200 about it, but then the physical experience and I think, 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:27.640 actually what a lot of women find really hard, especially 0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:30.440 women who have grown up with a degree of agency 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:33.000 and freedom to kind of live our lives on our 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:36.320 own terms thanks to the different waves of the feminist movement, 0:16:36.640 --> 0:16:38.560 becoming a mother means say goodbye to all of that. 0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:40.480 So it kind of means a loss. It actually means 0:16:40.480 --> 0:16:43.920 a loss of privilege in a way. If freedom, autonomy, 0:16:44.000 --> 0:16:48.320 self authorship, bodily sovereignty, these are privileges which have been 0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:52.160 fought for by the feminist movement. Women of Gen X 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:55.160 Millennials gen zs were the first generations of women to 0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:57.560 really kind of experience that in our lives, and so 0:16:57.680 --> 0:16:59.680 of course, becoming a mother means a loss of so 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:03.240 many of those privileges, privilege which used to be only 0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:05.679 applied to men. And so I think that it's actually 0:17:05.680 --> 0:17:09.960 maybe even harder to weigh up the kind of sacrifices 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:13.040 and responsibilities of becoming a mother against the kind of 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:15.920 freedoms that we now have the opportunity to go after 0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:18.000 in our lives. So I think that's something that when 0:17:18.040 --> 0:17:20.679 I get that kind of feedback, it often does feel 0:17:20.720 --> 0:17:23.159 like a projection. I think that can be quite a 0:17:23.480 --> 0:17:25.959 envy in those kind of comments as well. Maybe if 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:28.879 someone is feeling a bit like I don't enjoy this 0:17:28.960 --> 0:17:31.680 nearly as much as I should do, or the love 0:17:31.760 --> 0:17:34.920 actually doesn't make up for all the sacrifices, but they're 0:17:34.920 --> 0:17:36.320 not allowed to say. 0:17:36.040 --> 0:17:38.720 That, Or you don't feel the love that everyone's telling 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:41.119 you you're going to feel, you don't feel that you 0:17:41.200 --> 0:17:43.720