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Speaker 1: Talk. We're just too unapologetically black women with an opinion

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Speaker 1: who talks. I just got off a flight. This was

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Speaker 1: the most scary, the scariest flight I've ever been on

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Speaker 1: in my life. I might not fly for a little while.

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Speaker 1: Place it was like smooth sailing, we're just selling just

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Speaker 1: nice and the friendly skies. That felt like and then

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, it's just like boom boom, were

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Speaker 1: bouncing up and down like this. The pilot is like,

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Speaker 1: flight attendis, please take your seats. They running today. They

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Speaker 1: run into their seats. They're not walking fast. These bitches

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Speaker 1: is running and that's what made me scared. I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: they're moving. Different babies crying. Some people was screaming out

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Speaker 1: cuss words. It might have been me. I think it

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Speaker 1: was me. She was so scary, y'all, I could now

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Speaker 1: wait to touch that ground. I was praying. Was that

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Speaker 1: as soon as y'all got out of the ground and

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Speaker 1: started happening. No, this was in uh when we were

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Speaker 1: landing in Charlotte. Oh, Shane, we just went through some

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Speaker 1: real big clouds. Um was it raining or anything? It

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Speaker 1: wasn't raining, Shane. I'm glad, thank you. I'm so grateful

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Speaker 1: to be here. Anyway, Thank you guys for tuning there

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Speaker 1: for a new episode that we talked back. It's your

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Speaker 1: girl a J It's Tim Bam y'all. I love y'all.

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Speaker 1: I'm still alive. I love y'all even more this time,

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Speaker 1: and then you gotta live a couple of times. In

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Speaker 1: the last couple of weeks. I need to go to

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Speaker 1: church for real. We have a guest today. Tell everybody

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Speaker 1: who you are. Hey, So what's going on? Good people?

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Speaker 1: My name is James Hurst. I am located in Richmond, Virginia.

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Speaker 1: I'm a therapist, I'm my father, I'm a veteran, I'm

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Speaker 1: an entreprene nore and I founded a movement called Men

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Speaker 1: to Hell, which focus on men's over a wellness, that

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Speaker 1: mental health as well, it's that physical health. And I'm

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Speaker 1: also the author of a book called Man, Just Express Yourself,

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Speaker 1: which is the interactive Planner Guy for boys and men

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Speaker 1: and better express themselves. You can find that Amazon, Bonds

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Speaker 1: and over Saget, Walmart, pretty much anywhere books and sold,

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Speaker 1: including my website Men to Hell dot com, www. M

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Speaker 1: E N T O h e A l dot com,

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Speaker 1: that elevator pictures, Hell of fue gotta get it in there,

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Speaker 1: got to get it in there. I'm gonna buy that

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Speaker 1: book for all the minute. I know doesn't do that.

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Speaker 1: It's interactive, like exercises, crying to me after they made listen,

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Speaker 1: So that that's pretty much the premise of it. It's

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Speaker 1: um over sixty five different chop top topics in there,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of wives been getting this book, a

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Speaker 1: lot of partners being in this book and giving it

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Speaker 1: to that significant other like that highlight, A couple of

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Speaker 1: different chop give it to him, he do a couple

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Speaker 1: of exercises, then a process over dinner or day night.

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Speaker 1: So now it doesn't feel like a chore to him

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Speaker 1: or feel like he's you know, being signaled out. It

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Speaker 1: feels like an enhancement for the relationship, which is beneficial.

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Speaker 1: So I've been fortunate. UM And of course parents get

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Speaker 1: it for the sons and stuff like that, but a

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Speaker 1: lot of men get it as well to enhance what

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Speaker 1: they are and then just you know, try to uncover

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Speaker 1: different layers and take the ultimate step of seeking services,

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Speaker 1: whether that's through a therapist or um, you know, trying

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Speaker 1: to navigate that journey. But it's it's definitely a lot

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Speaker 1: of conversation starters, and there was talking about trauma, grief, abandonment, displacement,

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Speaker 1: which a lot of people have that they don't know, um, ego, pride,

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Speaker 1: just so many tough topics, you know, crying, uh, confidence,

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Speaker 1: you know, just a lot of stuff that men talk

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Speaker 1: about it in the bobby shops, so at the mechanic shop,

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Speaker 1: but not in the company of other people who whether

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Speaker 1: they feel they'll be judged for the vulnerability. So it's

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Speaker 1: been a good thing about it in the barbershop though,

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Speaker 1: because I just I just have a thing that I

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Speaker 1: don't don't think men really communicate with each other. So community, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: communication is like it can be different, right, So communication

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Speaker 1: to us is a two way screak. When I say us,

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Speaker 1: I may either people on here, so you're talking about

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Speaker 1: to give other message, to receive other message. But sometimes

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Speaker 1: we have to check and make sure that people are

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Speaker 1: comprehending what the actual messages, you know. So that's the

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Speaker 1: main point. And then on on certain aspects. Men display

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Speaker 1: different things differently as far as that communication. So that

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Speaker 1: display may be anger it maybe aggression, it may be

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Speaker 1: silent treatment, it just may be ignoring it, maybe reckless behavior.

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Speaker 1: Being promiscuous or drinking substance use you know. So those

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Speaker 1: things are him screaming out or communicating the way you

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Speaker 1: know how. Um so those are some of the things too.

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Speaker 1: Within session. Um, if I'm doing a session with the

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Speaker 1: individual or couple, we break those things down. Mmmmm, I'm interesting. Yea, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: any time when a man feels like comfortable enough to

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Speaker 1: cry in front of me and make I've heard that

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Speaker 1: a lot from a lot of different women. So I'm single,

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Speaker 1: so married because that one the ones that I've heard

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Speaker 1: it from. They feel like Dave became that safe place

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Speaker 1: for him to land. Yeah, exactly, Like, so let me

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Speaker 1: cherish this moment that you're you're willing to be open

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Speaker 1: and vulnerable with me. I know, for my lady, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm expressive. I'm open, like if something not right,

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Speaker 1: I'm letting her know. If something is right, I'm letting

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Speaker 1: her know too. I think oftentimes people feel like I

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Speaker 1: only got to let you know when things are wrong,

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Speaker 1: you know, but now you all that needs to be communicated.

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Speaker 1: Something often to say is, uh, feel your feelings, and

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Speaker 1: especially to the men, because oftentimes they only feel those

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Speaker 1: negative ones right, Like I don't mind, like I know

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Speaker 1: that I'm peace. I know that about myself, right, and

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Speaker 1: I don't want to say that like I just I

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Speaker 1: know I am I'm you know what I'm saying. I

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Speaker 1: can facilitate peace and I can maintain peace. Right. So

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Speaker 1: I want a man on my man to be comfortable

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Speaker 1: enough to tell me what's going on, tell me about

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Speaker 1: your pass present future, whatever it is, though, but don't

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Speaker 1: come to me as if I could be your therapist.

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Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of men, like they do

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Speaker 1: want to be vulnerable with the woman there with, but

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Speaker 1: they think that that vulnerability means that they can place

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Speaker 1: all of this heavy load on this woman. Yes, and

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Speaker 1: she's supposed because even your therapist has a therapist oftentimes.

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Speaker 1: So now if your woman is working on any type

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Speaker 1: of healing she has going on, and maybe she has

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Speaker 1: seen a therapist, and then you come unload your childhood

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Speaker 1: ship that's happened to you and kind of try to

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Speaker 1: use it to justify what's going on now in a relationship.

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Speaker 1: How is a woman supposed to process? And um, make him,

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Speaker 1: you know, not to dismiss what he's saying, but make

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Speaker 1: him feel comfortable enough to continue to come to come

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Speaker 1: to you with the ship. But how does that's a

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Speaker 1: slippery slow many I'm not a therapist, so yeah. And

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Speaker 1: in many instances though, to be real with you, like

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Speaker 1: especially in compass counseling, um, you you have to know

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Speaker 1: whether regardless of which partner it is, like and some

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Speaker 1: things transpired within your past or your childhood and things

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Speaker 1: like that and you bring into their relationship now because

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Speaker 1: oftentime it does that like unresolved trauma, complex trauma, unreserved grief,

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Speaker 1: those things manifest itself into a lack of emotional maturity,

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Speaker 1: like within relationships, within your social relationships, within the workplace,

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Speaker 1: but especially in your relationship. I definitely tell either partner,

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Speaker 1: the wife or the husband or if they you know,

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Speaker 1: an individual, you gotta take care of your emotional and

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Speaker 1: your your physical safety first because if you are in

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Speaker 1: a place to where you're taking all of this from

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Speaker 1: your partner, it can be damaging and draining. So you

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Speaker 1: have to ensure that you're doing your self care or

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Speaker 1: you're you're not only setting your boundary, but you're enforcing

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Speaker 1: your boundary and letting them know like hey, I support you,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to enable you. I'm gonna try to

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Speaker 1: help you the best that can, and sometimes helping you

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Speaker 1: the best that can is falling back because I know

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be drained. So let me refer you to

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Speaker 1: X y Z or let me see you this website

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Speaker 1: or this workbook or you know, go to this group.

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Speaker 1: You know, so those things are here for as well.

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Speaker 1: But I think in those instances the woman probably get

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Speaker 1: fed up to and be like, yo, I'm I don't

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Speaker 1: know to do. I don't have to tell you, and

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Speaker 1: then it starts turning into a contanker, you know, it

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Speaker 1: becomes contakerous. So now they're arguing, this is about in

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Speaker 1: my safe space. I can't come to you because you're

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Speaker 1: not having me, you're nagging me, or you know, you're

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Speaker 1: throwing it back up like my ex did or like

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Speaker 1: my mom did. So those things are the issue. But

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Speaker 1: if if I think it's difficult because she or he

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Speaker 1: probably wasn't taught how to you know, nurture somebody and

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Speaker 1: take care of them in certain instances, there's so many

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Speaker 1: women now who would saying, oh no, you saw if

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Speaker 1: you're crying, you weak, you know, and that right there

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Speaker 1: can be demonizing and can hurt him to come to

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Speaker 1: her further or it can be her accepting him all

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Speaker 1: those things and constantly draining herself, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: So it's definitely a slipper slope like town Bam said.

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Speaker 1: But find that fine balance. Definitely make sure that you

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Speaker 1: are well enough and equipping enough to handle those things

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Speaker 1: or a system and getting the help that he needs. Right,

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Speaker 1: that's the part for me, because you know, some things

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Speaker 1: I feel like I don't need to know, Like if

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Speaker 1: you're my man, Like, do I need to know that

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Speaker 1: you're afraid of the dark? Tell your therapist because I

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Speaker 1: need to feel protected by you. You know, I don't

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Speaker 1: want to know that you're scared of the dark because

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Speaker 1: I don't know if that diminishing at the dark. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: well you some of these niggas, you need to be

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Speaker 1: scared of it at the dark for real. But no,

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Speaker 1: I get you. You want certain information. You feel that

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Speaker 1: it should be offloaded on somebody else and that it

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Speaker 1: should be compartmentalized. You know what I mean. You want

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Speaker 1: certain information, but you want to still feel that I

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Speaker 1: got safety. Yeah, safety and security. I'm gonna give a

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Speaker 1: big one. You can't tell me that you were abused

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Speaker 1: by a woman where you were younger, Right, and you

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Speaker 1: never because I know a lot of men who have

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Speaker 1: been abused by women. But like just say, for instance,

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Speaker 1: a man telling you that he was abused by women

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Speaker 1: when he were younger. Now we're having intimacy issues and

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Speaker 1: I keep telling you, hey, you're not delivering on this,

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Speaker 1: You're not doing this that at all? What's up? You

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Speaker 1: finally offload that onto me? Right, You've never seek the

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Speaker 1: professional help and regarding it, And now I'm supposed to

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Speaker 1: take that information and use it now to to to

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Speaker 1: just be okay with why I'm having intimacy issues now

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Speaker 1: in our relationship and we're gross. I'm like, at some

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Speaker 1: point you gotta take self responsibility and you gotta go

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Speaker 1: do the work, you know. Tammy allays be like, what's

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Speaker 1: the work? Like, you know what is? You have to

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Speaker 1: get past what that issue is, so so you don't

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Speaker 1: carry it on into relationships with other people. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: they definitely manifest them. That says in relationships, especially those

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Speaker 1: issues like that, because it's so common for a young

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Speaker 1: man to have a sexual experience at an early age

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Speaker 1: and him not know that those things are a traumatic

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Speaker 1: experience or or experience that can impact him in different settings,

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Speaker 1: and one of those settings being his relationship or being

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Speaker 1: his within his parenting style, because now realistically he can

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Speaker 1: revert back to like, oh man, I don't want my

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Speaker 1: young kids to do this because this happened to me.

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Speaker 1: Like and that's why a lot of parents are guarded

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Speaker 1: um of something that happened to them in the past,

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Speaker 1: and or they're trying to shield them and prevent them

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Speaker 1: from things, or of course the opposite, Like you said,

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Speaker 1: it's just pretty much. Now I'm in this relationship, I

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Speaker 1: finally offloaded. For me, it's peaceful, but now my partner

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Speaker 1: got to deal with it, you know, next to you

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Speaker 1: and you scared it the dart Now both of y'all

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Speaker 1: living is scared because listen, please close the bathroom doors.

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Speaker 1: All doors got to be closed because I don't like

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Speaker 1: looking down on dark goal. Yeah no, I like the

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Speaker 1: door open. Door closed. Yes, door locked actually because if

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Speaker 1: somebody coming to his house at least something to hear

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Speaker 1: you suddenly with the door, I may had a pistol

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Speaker 1: by the time you get there. That's my thought process.

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Speaker 1: I'm with you. Yeah, that's dopey. I feeling like I

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Speaker 1: need to see people coming. But yeah, you made it

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Speaker 1: easy for him to say, you like my house, you

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Speaker 1: gotta navigate this big they're gonna find me. I got

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Speaker 1: a nice size, you know house. So if it's dark,

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Speaker 1: My my theory is, you know, like now you got

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Speaker 1: to navigate, I'm gonna hear something you mump or whatever.

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Speaker 1: And by that time, like you said, I already got

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Speaker 1: the tool. So let's get it. Still chicken, y'all get

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Speaker 1: you will see our therapists gotta go grilling girl period. Okay,

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Speaker 1: with even more now, So I mean, I feel like

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Speaker 1: we can relate. And that's the and that's the whole

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Speaker 1: premise of my therapist because me as a therapist, um

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Speaker 1: and and that ironically, that's how I got into the field.

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Speaker 1: Like when I was younger, I was again group home

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Speaker 1: and therapy was like a poor experience because one that

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Speaker 1: was mandatory then too. All the therapists was older white people.

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Speaker 1: I'm just young kid from the projects, you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. So it fell forced. It wasn't authentic. And

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Speaker 1: now me as a therapist, I can be authentic. I

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Speaker 1: can be myself. You see the jays behind me, the

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Speaker 1: phones behind me. I'm relating to that young kid in

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Speaker 1: the projects. You know what I mean, that young kid

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Speaker 1: who always missed the herd. You dressed like my uncle,

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Speaker 1: but you don't smell like we or this mom that

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Speaker 1: comes and say, oh man, you're the first therapist. He

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Speaker 1: don't have fat therapists before you. And he's talking out,

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Speaker 1: you know, like it's relatable because I looked like him.

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Speaker 1: And then of course as a veteran, I did army

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Speaker 1: um eight years to deployments when Iraq, when I afghanistand

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Speaker 1: and I appreciate that, and a lot of veterans tend

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Speaker 1: to only go to the group's opposed to the the individual

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Speaker 1: therapy because those therapists don't have combat experience. So it's like, yo,

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Speaker 1: we're in here, we're talking to somebody who's only process

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Speaker 1: of information from the book, you know. So the groups

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Speaker 1: are more better because they got that shared experience that

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Speaker 1: karadi we with somebody who've been through it. So for me,

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Speaker 1: I touched on all those platforms by being authentically me,

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Speaker 1: and it's been paying off. Of course, the older people,

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Speaker 1: you know, the season therapists, they have something to say

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Speaker 1: at conferences and stuff like that. But exactly exactly, so

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Speaker 1: you know, I've been fortunate. Um, how my movement has grown,

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Speaker 1: how it how it's been accepted, you know. Um, But

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Speaker 1: of course with everything changes, um, one of those things

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Speaker 1: that people have to adapt to. Right before we move

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Speaker 1: into the next segment, here's a ward from our sponsors.

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Speaker 1: So look, we uh tam and I I'm pretty sure

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Speaker 1: all y'all saw what was going on ambarose last weekend.

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Speaker 1: We wanted to discuss the situation. We wanted to discuss

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Speaker 1: the relationship. We wanted to just to discuss narcissism, you know,

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Speaker 1: because she's basically calling her her last son's Day. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if they're married or not. Well I was

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Speaker 1: reading some articles and they said that they referred to

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Speaker 1: each other as husband and wife, but there's no proof

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Speaker 1: that they are actually married. So then she her living pain.

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Speaker 1: We wanted to talk about narcissism, but we wanted a

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Speaker 1: professional on the show as at the same time, just

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Speaker 1: so we can, um you know that professional input exactly.

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Speaker 1: So that's where Mr Harris comes in. I just want

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Speaker 1: to read what Amber wanted the tweets or actually was

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Speaker 1: on her Instagram story last week. She said, when you're

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Speaker 1: in love with a narcissist, your brain tells you to

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Speaker 1: turn and run. Your heart says, stay, unanswered questions, gas lighting,

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Speaker 1: stonewall and deflecting, projecting. I wish it was easy to

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Speaker 1: fix him, but that's not for me to do. The

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Speaker 1: pain cuts so deep, especially when children are involved. I

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Speaker 1: will always love him so much, but I know I

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Speaker 1: can't heal him. Only he can do that. I knew

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Speaker 1: I had to set myself free publicly, or I would

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Speaker 1: have stayed forever, never receiving the love I craving begged

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Speaker 1: for it. Tough choice because it hurts so bad, but

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Speaker 1: I chose me. I didn't want to have to do

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Speaker 1: this all. I just wanted my family, my husband. She

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Speaker 1: put that in all caps on this my husband. There's

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Speaker 1: only so many times I can ask a man to

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Speaker 1: just be transparent, on honest and love me wholeheartedly. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if I'll get the happy ending I wanted,

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Speaker 1: but maybe I'll get the happy ending I deserve. Mother.

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Speaker 1: So just one quick thing. It seems like Amber is

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Speaker 1: using the public too basically hold her accountable going forward.

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Speaker 1: So she said she put this out there basically because

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Speaker 1: if if she hadn't done it publicly, she would have

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Speaker 1: never leaved. So now she's making us responsible for her,

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Speaker 1: she's sinking exactly because you know, the first thing, if

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Speaker 1: she do go back to him, the first thing people

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Speaker 1: gonna say, Oh, she's a dumb bitch, so dumb you

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Speaker 1: are really god. But I mean, I guess, but she

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Speaker 1: don't really care. I don't believe that people really follow that,

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Speaker 1: because you're gonna do what you want to do no

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Speaker 1: matter what public opinions is, excially when it comes to

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Speaker 1: matters of matters of the heart. Because he was already

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Speaker 1: on he went live with some guys Big Vaughan and

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Speaker 1: something from some radio station, and he basically said, she

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Speaker 1: messaged him instead of he apologizes publicly she would take

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Speaker 1: him back, and he basically told her like no, like

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Speaker 1: he don't want to keep hurting her. He loved his family,

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Speaker 1: he loves her, but he also loves himself and he

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Speaker 1: just loves women. So I guess loving himself is you know,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, however, just say that in translation he

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Speaker 1: still wants to have extras or whatever. He said he

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Speaker 1: would be able to sustain for about six months, but

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Speaker 1: then he would probably be back at it. That that's

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Speaker 1: something that he asked the process that I mean that

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Speaker 1: that's his truth. But that's also some damage there. You know,

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Speaker 1: that's some has taken place within his lifestyle to where

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Speaker 1: he feels that that's acceptable. Um, and I'm not saying

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Speaker 1: that's right or wrong, because there's so many different lifestyles

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Speaker 1: that are acceptable. Some people feel they need multiple people.

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Speaker 1: Some people feel that one person is solely enough for

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Speaker 1: them to live there in ton of uh, you know,

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Speaker 1: the rest of their life with, so it all depends

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Speaker 1: on them. The issue is he wrung her in thinking

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Speaker 1: that it was just gonna beat them too, you know.

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Speaker 1: So the lack of communication, on the lack of understanding,

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Speaker 1: that lack of agreement hinder that process. And now that's

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Speaker 1: why it's a public disagreement because he maybe he tried,

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Speaker 1: maybe he tried to be with just one person. Maybe

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Speaker 1: he was like, I love her, I'm gonna try my

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Speaker 1: best to be with Yeah, all of that we definitely

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Speaker 1: can take in consideration all of that, But the issue

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Speaker 1: is now we agree to just be or not were

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Speaker 1: in her man anyway? So either way, it wasn't clear

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Speaker 1: because he very well can find somebody to say, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm cool with you having an additional part I'm cool

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Speaker 1: with it has been a trio I'm cool, would have been,

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Speaker 1: but it sounds like she is saying, it's supposed to

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Speaker 1: be being you on the kids, you know, so turn

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Speaker 1: into Carl Thomas when you love someone, you just man,

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Speaker 1: that's not Carled Thomas. My bad Karl and don Hey.

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Speaker 1: But either way, I think the topic here was narcissistic.

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Speaker 1: But I didn't hear like she didn't give a lot

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Speaker 1: of examples of him being okay, so okay. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if you're seen a video with him and these guys,

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Speaker 1: she didn't give the examples, but he definitely displays narcissistic behaviors.

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Speaker 1: He has no empathy whatsoever for what's going on right now.

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Speaker 1: She's embarrassed u UM, and I mean we would have

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Speaker 1: never known, right But the women that he's been cheating with,

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Speaker 1: obviously it's some people that probably some public people he's

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Speaker 1: been been sleeping with. Um because she basically called him

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Speaker 1: out first. So based on the interview, he are really

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Speaker 1: not an interview. He just pulled up and did live

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Speaker 1: with some guys after after she put the ship on Instagram,

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Speaker 1: and just his attitude about it about it all, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he was giggling, he was, and these guys were getting

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Speaker 1: like it was funny and this woman is clearly hurting. Hmm. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so his lack of remorse, Um, for him, it's probably

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Speaker 1: again like where he was was probably acceptable behavior to

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Speaker 1: have those type of relationships or to be dogmatic and

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Speaker 1: have those you know, situations to where he's sleeping with

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Speaker 1: them out to women. It's praised in some areas, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, So it probably sounds like he

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Speaker 1: was on on that being in that spotlight or being

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Speaker 1: in that the vicinity of those people he would selling

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Speaker 1: the story to further enabled his behavior to make him

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Speaker 1: feel comfortable enough to not display that that certain remorse,

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Speaker 1: you know. And for me it's like accountability, um, not

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Speaker 1: not even on a celebrity standpoint, but just somebody in

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Speaker 1: the neighborhood. If I see a brother doing something that's unbecoming,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm letting them know, you know. Or if I see, yeah,

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Speaker 1: men do that enough with each other when it comes

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Speaker 1: I do, I think it's not. I think it's not

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Speaker 1: displayed enough. But I definitely I can only speak for

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Speaker 1: me and my circle and the people I engage with.

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Speaker 1: I know accountability is big with the people I associated with.

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Speaker 1: Uh So if it is something like you know you're engaged,

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Speaker 1: but you talking to somebody else, or you murdered and

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Speaker 1: you're trying to do X y Z. Now we're checking you.

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Speaker 1: We're letting you know um that that's inappropriate, you know,

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Speaker 1: or we you know, we handle it within within us

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Speaker 1: um and letting you know how it can be a

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Speaker 1: different situation like what you're putting on the land. We're

397
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Speaker 1: just holding your accountable. We're letting you know the things

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Speaker 1: that you can potentially rest and the people that you

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Speaker 1: can potentially hurt, right I you know, I left a

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Speaker 1: guy alone one time and I really liked him, but

401
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,200
Speaker 1: we went and met with his friend and his friend

402
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Speaker 1: was telling the story about how he had to slap

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Speaker 1: a bit. Really, this is what was the story he

404
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:19,800
Speaker 1: was taking saying right in front of me at the table,

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Speaker 1: and I got really upset about the conversation. So I

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Speaker 1: got up and left. And then the guy was seeing

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Speaker 1: came and he's like, why did you leave the table?

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Speaker 1: I was like, I was very uncomfortable with that conversation.

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Speaker 1: He was like, well, I was like, that's that's the

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Speaker 1: type of people you hanging with. He was like, that's

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Speaker 1: a grown man. What I'm supposed to be and and

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Speaker 1: that's wow, bro, Like, how can you have your boys

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Speaker 1: one be confortable enough? Like I don't have I don't

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Speaker 1: associate with nobody right now. That's comfortable enough telling me

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Speaker 1: that he was comfortable enough touching a woman like that,

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Speaker 1: or you know, even even if even I don't got

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Speaker 1: nobody in my socker right now as a grown man,

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty five years old and say, hey, man, I

419
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:57,880
Speaker 1: just got to fight, Like you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: if you wasn't defending yourself that alone, hitting the woman,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like, what are we doing? Bro?

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Speaker 1: We thirty five, We got stopped to lose, We got families,

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Speaker 1: we got careers, Like why are you are fighting in

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Speaker 1: the streets, letting alone what you're talking about? Yeah, exactly so,

425
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,159
Speaker 1: so so I'm going to call me a uber. I

426
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:15,560
Speaker 1: was like, man, I'm getting the funk up out of

427
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:20,760
Speaker 1: your Get the guy friend, I guess he told him

428
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:22,480
Speaker 1: I was leaving because of the things he was saying.

429
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,800
Speaker 1: So the friend came to try to stop me, right

430
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:28,080
Speaker 1: he was like, don't leave. I wasn't trying to be disrespectful,

431
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:31,199
Speaker 1: but you gotta understand some of these women don't feel

432
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,920
Speaker 1: like you love them unless you beat them. Um, this

433
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 1: is what this man said to me. He's like, it's

434
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,560
Speaker 1: a real thing, Like I love you talking about a

435
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 1: trauma bond. If she don't, if I don't hear her,

436
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,480
Speaker 1: she gonna feel like I don't love her. And see,

437
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:49,000
Speaker 1: she probably experienced abuse when she was younger, you know,

438
00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:53,440
Speaker 1: so she does. It can be people who associate abuse

439
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:57,000
Speaker 1: with love who you know, have those things anonymous and

440
00:23:57,359 --> 00:24:00,439
Speaker 1: equivalent depending on the type of attack when they grew

441
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,199
Speaker 1: up with all the type of parents and style they

442
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,280
Speaker 1: grew up with, so those things can be detrimental. So

443
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,240
Speaker 1: all the parents out there listening, make sure that you

444
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,960
Speaker 1: understand that how you're raising your kids and the attachment

445
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:12,639
Speaker 1: style and the parents and style that you're us and

446
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:16,359
Speaker 1: can affect them now as a as a child or adolescent,

447
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,919
Speaker 1: but also as an adult. And if you aren't familiar

448
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,880
Speaker 1: with that. On my YouTube channel, I got both those

449
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 1: videos parenting styles as well as um attachment styles, So

450
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 1: check that out. YouTube is men to Hell. Yeah, I

451
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 1: definitely have experienced, uh trauma bon not trauma the trauma

452
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 1: bonds of course, but like where I feel like this

453
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,600
Speaker 1: man doesn't know I love him unless I'm yelling at him.

454
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:43,879
Speaker 1: So like, I'll be here all day long and you

455
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 1: just keep doing ship to get me up, and then

456
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:51,000
Speaker 1: when I start going crazy, then you get calm. It's like,

457
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 1: what happened? Why are you want to exchange this ill

458
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:57,119
Speaker 1: ass energy like this? So but that that what we

459
00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:01,199
Speaker 1: talked about earlier. Communication that to him, this communication was

460
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 1: if I get her aroused at a certain point, she's

461
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,960
Speaker 1: displayed that she cared, you know, so, and that was

462
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,760
Speaker 1: the negative side opposed to just saying, hey babe, I

463
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:12,879
Speaker 1: did X Y Z or hey baby, let's talk about

464
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:16,359
Speaker 1: you know, his was let me take you off. Yeah,

465
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:20,119
Speaker 1: he's exactly. But here's what's to tick you off? And

466
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 1: now that you're ticked off. Oh yeah, she's showing me

467
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 1: all attention. I need you know. I used to pick

468
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:29,440
Speaker 1: fights to have angry six. Yeah, that's not a common either.

469
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:35,800
Speaker 1: This ain't your therapy. I'm sorry, we're supposed to be

470
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:43,160
Speaker 1: talking about ever Rose hopefully what is happening. I'm not

471
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 1: doing that anymore to do that. I'm glad you're grown.

472
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:57,639
Speaker 1: That's good. That's good. Grow. But okay, what are some

473
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,360
Speaker 1: trades of it? Because okay, if y'all on club I'm

474
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:04,560
Speaker 1: a clubhouse all the time Instagram. Everybody swears a god

475
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 1: that they were the narcissist or experience a narcissist. It's

476
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:10,760
Speaker 1: easy to go on because the traits that she listed,

477
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,040
Speaker 1: like the gas lighting and all that stuff, those are

478
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:17,680
Speaker 1: all easy traits of somebody trying to manipulate you. But

479
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:22,120
Speaker 1: there's a difference between someone having narcissistic traits and someone

480
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:28,159
Speaker 1: that could possibly be, yeah, clinically diagnosed as a narcissist.

481
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:32,560
Speaker 1: So I think in reference, like within society, it's a

482
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 1: couple of different ones that people use improperly, like anti

483
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 1: social personality, like somebody to say, I'm antisocial, but now

484
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 1: you're not anti socialists, like a real psychotic disorder. Um.

485
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 1: But I guess they thinking like I don't like talking

486
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 1: to people engaging in social STIs, so they use that

487
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:53,359
Speaker 1: but the same way I think she used, um, he

488
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 1: was a narcissist, you know, within that term, just using

489
00:26:56,000 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 1: it loosely as as to what she understand it to be. Um.

490
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 1: But realistically it's a mental disorder in which people have

491
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 1: like inflated self uh entitlement within ourselves. Yeah, you know,

492
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,880
Speaker 1: they feel superior have little regard for other people feelings

493
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 1: depending on what they are. They need that admiration, they

494
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,920
Speaker 1: need that praise. You know, it can be understanding by

495
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:21,120
Speaker 1: different unique characteristics. And and this is something that has

496
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:26,119
Speaker 1: taken place from childhood at aolescing hood to now adulthood

497
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 1: and especially within those relationships that we're talking about. So

498
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 1: as a parent, you definitely can promote your child to

499
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:38,520
Speaker 1: be a narcissistic uh or getting narcissistic personality. You know,

500
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 1: those things can be developed, and of course the trade

501
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 1: can be picked up in many different aspects too. So

502
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:48,480
Speaker 1: some people have an unrealistic sense of entitlement. They expect

503
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 1: others to cater to their needs and wants all the time,

504
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 1: you know, like not only within relationships, but of course

505
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:56,879
Speaker 1: in the in the work setting as well. You know,

506
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 1: like you're not even a boss, and you acting like

507
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:01,480
Speaker 1: you the boss. You're trying to fill in. You're trying

508
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 1: to get all this the people to glorify you, like chill,

509
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,640
Speaker 1: we get the same salary, you know, So it all

510
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,840
Speaker 1: all those type of things UM can affected. But I

511
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:14,080
Speaker 1: think also if I understand correctly what you read that

512
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 1: she wrote was or that you said it was his

513
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 1: lack of empathy, fulfilling the way for not feeling a

514
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:24,680
Speaker 1: certain way based on how she's feeling. She's upset, she's

515
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 1: with the kids. You know, he I guess validated her trust,

516
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 1: it seems like. So those things are definitely characteristics um

517
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 1: and of course a narcissist. A true narcissist is a

518
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 1: person who wants to get you know, they display envy,

519
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:43,640
Speaker 1: they want to get revenge, or they feel that others

520
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,960
Speaker 1: are all together them. So he could feel like, you know,

521
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:49,480
Speaker 1: I'm not even entertaining because she is using the public

522
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:52,239
Speaker 1: to make me out to be the bad guy, you know,

523
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 1: So that can be another another reason why he felt like,

524
00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna display like vulnerability for the word.

525
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 1: So let's rewind a little bit. So I'm always I'm

526
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 1: a firm believer that we you are what you eat,

527
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:12,240
Speaker 1: Thus you are who you beat. So when you date somebody,

528
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 1: you marry somebody, you kind of see yourself in them

529
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 1: a little bit. Is it possible that she's a narcissist

530
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 1: because why would she publicly put that out there? Because

531
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:24,840
Speaker 1: I won't say that. He felt like somebody brought him

532
00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:27,360
Speaker 1: out because he took ownership of what happened. But it's

533
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 1: the giggling and the childish like you know, ship arounding it.

534
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 1: So he acknowledged that he fucked up, right, and he

535
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 1: acknowledged that he had been sucking up. And you know,

536
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 1: she's been going through his stuff, found out he's in cheating.

537
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:43,920
Speaker 1: But to try and control somebody in a way too,

538
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 1: especially because you have such a large platform larger than his,

539
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 1: to put that out publicly in that way, and that's

540
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:53,640
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, that could have been one his NBA

541
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:56,400
Speaker 1: is thinking like, oh, she's out to get me, or

542
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:59,280
Speaker 1: it could have been like you're saying, you know, she

543
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,840
Speaker 1: can have that feature as well. But um, that's the

544
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:06,960
Speaker 1: difference between narcissistic personalities order narcissistic trait because a lot

545
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:10,720
Speaker 1: of people have the trait, you know, so certain criteria

546
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 1: pulled here and there of those specific behaviors. And she

547
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,480
Speaker 1: said for her mama too, because she's a narcissisition. She

548
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 1: also used to date Kanye And that's the thing, like

549
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:24,320
Speaker 1: it's one So in many different settings, of course, people

550
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 1: sitting behind the keyboard or or it glued to that phone,

551
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:31,080
Speaker 1: so it's hard to see if she's doing it for attention,

552
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:33,840
Speaker 1: or he's doing it for attention or is it something

553
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,520
Speaker 1: that they need to definitely process and uncover in the

554
00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 1: in the therapeutic setting, I feel like I'm learning a

555
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:43,680
Speaker 1: lot about myself just talking about what's the difference between

556
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 1: a narcissist. So listen, it can be some overlapping features,

557
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:53,160
Speaker 1: but a sociopath is pretty much, uh, somebody with anti

558
00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:57,360
Speaker 1: personality disorder, Like they lack feelings of understanding, they break

559
00:30:57,360 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 1: all the rules, they're making possive decisions. Um, they don't

560
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 1: feel guilty when they harm other people. You know. So's

561
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:08,680
Speaker 1: so many different characteristics of a sociopath for somebody with

562
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:13,479
Speaker 1: antisocial personality, like disrespect for norms to laws and rules

563
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:16,720
Speaker 1: and regulations. Um. And they also you know, they are lied,

564
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:19,520
Speaker 1: that deceive if you they don't care about nobody but

565
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 1: themselves and getting on top um. They live in a

566
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 1: moment as far as explaining aggression, you know, just being

567
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,280
Speaker 1: disregard for authority and safety and stuff like that. They

568
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:35,440
Speaker 1: can be cold and and and shield themselves from actual reality.

569
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:38,520
Speaker 1: More of a narcissist. They want that attention, They want

570
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:41,880
Speaker 1: the admiration, that glorifying. You know, I'm not trying to

571
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 1: push you away because I need you to continue to

572
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:47,960
Speaker 1: lift me up. That's more of a narcissist. The antisocial

573
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 1: person or the social path They don't care, like I'm

574
00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:53,200
Speaker 1: gonna hurt your feelings. I want you to know that

575
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,719
Speaker 1: I ain't going to intentionally hurt you because I know

576
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 1: you're not going nowhere. I know it's nothing you can do.

577
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 1: I'm big a moment, tell that I'm big, you're a little.

578
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:04,840
Speaker 1: I'm smart, you're dumb. I'm big, you're little, I'm right,

579
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:07,160
Speaker 1: you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it.

580
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 1: And now you're sending that question like you right, ain't

581
00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 1: gonna or you start to question yourself um and then

582
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 1: you know, all of that comes back to your personal

583
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 1: self esteem, your personal journey that you have to develop. UM.

584
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 1: So that's pretty much a difference though that the narcissistic person,

585
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:23,959
Speaker 1: they want you to uplift them, build them up, get

586
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:28,480
Speaker 1: them admiration. Just sociopath or the personal anti social behavior

587
00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 1: they don't care. They know they're gonna hurt you. They

588
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 1: know that they're gonna deceive you, lie to you, like

589
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 1: disregard for authority and laws and your norms, all that, No,

590
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:42,280
Speaker 1: none of that matter to them. So let's say you

591
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:46,200
Speaker 1: discover that you are a narcissist, what what do you do?

592
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 1: What kind of do the work? What kind of no?

593
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 1: And then that's a good question. So it all depends

594
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:54,000
Speaker 1: on where you are, too, like depending on your age,

595
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 1: depending on when you got diagnosed, um, depending on where

596
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:01,400
Speaker 1: you are, you know, because it's it's a few different

597
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:06,280
Speaker 1: methods that you can do. UM. You know, I guess

598
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,280
Speaker 1: it all depends. So if you're a young person, you

599
00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 1: definitely you definitely want to ensure that your parents are

600
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:14,240
Speaker 1: giving you the proper support and care that you that

601
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:17,680
Speaker 1: you can possibly have. UM. But if you're older person,

602
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:20,160
Speaker 1: now pretty much is stuck in your ways. You've probably

603
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:22,880
Speaker 1: been this way for a minute. So you probably still

604
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:26,040
Speaker 1: want the admiration whether you are let's say now in

605
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 1: the workplace, because when you were younger, you was in

606
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:30,720
Speaker 1: all kinds of sports and everybody praised you for being

607
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 1: a good athlete or a good cheerleader and stuff like that.

608
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 1: So now in the workplace, you feel that you should

609
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 1: get those same praises. UM. So now it's pretty much

610
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:43,000
Speaker 1: you gotta uncover those things. We gotta figure out where

611
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 1: to start, you know. So it all depends you got

612
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:50,360
Speaker 1: to maintain how to maintain personal relationships without offending people,

613
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,840
Speaker 1: without needing that admiration from people, without just you know,

614
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 1: being in the room and being comfortable without somebody's give

615
00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 1: me your compliment on your shoe was or your hair

616
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 1: or oh man, you donated so much money. You know

617
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:07,720
Speaker 1: you don't need that. So pretty much taking you from UM,

618
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:12,520
Speaker 1: a certain level of being praise and admiration, like reducing

619
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 1: those feelings, increasing your understanding and how to regulate your feelings.

620
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:19,680
Speaker 1: Like all of those things can be treatment within therapy. UM.

621
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 1: And of course it's it's potential medication out there as well. UM.

622
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 1: But we have to understand or or assist you in

623
00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:29,800
Speaker 1: making sure that you can obtain certain goals within the

624
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:34,359
Speaker 1: therapy process, like whether it's a go of um, you know,

625
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:36,719
Speaker 1: going to work this week and and not having your

626
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 1: coworkers UM compliment you. You know, so those things are important.

627
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,399
Speaker 1: I don't like when bitches compliment because I feel like, girl,

628
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 1: I know I was cute if I left the house, Like,

629
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 1: I don't need you every time I see you tell me,

630
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:50,960
Speaker 1: oh you look cute. First of all, cut is for kids, bitch,

631
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:57,040
Speaker 1: you know, I love all of that, I have toted,

632
00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:59,719
Speaker 1: but then I like to celebrate. And that's the difference too.

633
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 1: That's part of it, because this narcissistic person is in

634
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:05,759
Speaker 1: the office and if you're not saying, oh man, Mike,

635
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:07,719
Speaker 1: that's a nice time, or da siel it, that's a

636
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:11,600
Speaker 1: dope dress, you know, they're they're gonna intentionally come around

637
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:14,160
Speaker 1: your earth like hey keep this tied, you know, or

638
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 1: just so you can uplift them. Yeah. So, so those

639
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:19,319
Speaker 1: are some of the things we work with. Well, we'll

640
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:22,000
Speaker 1: assist you know, well, we'll put a number on it.

641
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,399
Speaker 1: We'll put a quantified number on it, so you can

642
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:29,239
Speaker 1: reduce those behaviors. Hey, you you you normally want five

643
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:32,640
Speaker 1: different people to compliment you. If you only get two

644
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 1: completed compliments, is we want you not to react in

645
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 1: an upsetting manner. We don't want you to walk back

646
00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:40,840
Speaker 1: Susie desks to make sure that she sees you or

647
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:43,479
Speaker 1: you know. So we do different things like that within

648
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 1: within the different setting. Um so it all depends. Okay,

649
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:53,800
Speaker 1: So out of ten couples, how many of those couples

650
00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 1: would you say a narcissist exists out of ten? Like

651
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 1: somebody like you know, I don't even want to. I

652
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:03,840
Speaker 1: don't even want to get it. So I wouldn't say that.

653
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:07,600
Speaker 1: I would say, it's a lot of different sessions where

654
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:11,360
Speaker 1: somebody to google something or heard something the podcast or

655
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 1: a club house on the way and now they and

656
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,759
Speaker 1: now my my degree in my case, studies don't mean nothing,

657
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, because they already got the answer.

658
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:24,279
Speaker 1: So I mean, I wouldn't put a number on, you know,

659
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:28,080
Speaker 1: a certain couple of sessions out of time. But some

660
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,319
Speaker 1: of the things we're hearing there, or at least I

661
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 1: hearing session is um at somebody on clubhouse at X

662
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:37,239
Speaker 1: y Z. So I'm personally not on clubhouse for those

663
00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:39,360
Speaker 1: reasons because you can't get those people, you know what

664
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:43,440
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, and different states got different laws regarding ethics,

665
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,239
Speaker 1: and you know, different jurisdictions. So I don't even want

666
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,880
Speaker 1: the red tape, Like, don't even tell me what somebody

667
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:51,959
Speaker 1: said on Earth because it might not even contain something

668
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:55,440
Speaker 1: that I'm even dealing with or too much information, but

669
00:36:55,600 --> 00:37:00,879
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean it's the correct information. So it all depends. Yeah,

670
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,920
Speaker 1: So I would attend people five of them Martins, because

671
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:08,480
Speaker 1: you ask every woman right now, right now, ask a woman.

672
00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:19,760
Speaker 1: Because it was a narcissist, that's my favorite ship. To say,

673
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:27,759
Speaker 1: that's my favorite ship, so toxic, I would be a

674
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:31,200
Speaker 1: terrible therapist. I could imagine me telling like my clients

675
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,319
Speaker 1: like if they were a narcissist, I would tell him

676
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 1: to wake up in the morning and look in the

677
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:40,080
Speaker 1: mirror and tell yourself that you ain't ship. So you know, uh,

678
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:44,759
Speaker 1: taking it back though education purposes. Uh, that's how narcissist.

679
00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:48,440
Speaker 1: That's how it was formed. Um, the guy name was

680
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:51,319
Speaker 1: narc maybe narcissists or something like that. But he's seen

681
00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:54,839
Speaker 1: this reflection in a in a pool and fell in

682
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:58,879
Speaker 1: love with it. That's how Yeah. Yeah, okay, so maybe

683
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:01,360
Speaker 1: that would work. You ain't ship, say the hundred times

684
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:04,439
Speaker 1: a day. Listen, I mean that interventional like you gotta

685
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:07,080
Speaker 1: say it like that. You can definitely be tactful, but

686
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 1: you need a little bit of narco when you dog.

687
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:11,440
Speaker 1: You need a little bit like so you know you

688
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:13,480
Speaker 1: that bit you know you the ship, Like everybody need

689
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:15,920
Speaker 1: a little bit of narcissism. Right, Well, it's a difference

690
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:21,720
Speaker 1: between confidence and and you know, so you can be confident,

691
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:24,880
Speaker 1: you can reassure yourself, you can be you know, ensure

692
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,360
Speaker 1: that you are uplifting yourself, but you don't have to

693
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:31,040
Speaker 1: be as arrogant and standards. Most millionaires are narcissist, right,

694
00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:34,120
Speaker 1: A lot of them are. They just cut throat, no empathy, Like,

695
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:35,879
Speaker 1: whatever I gotta do to get to the top, I'm

696
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:37,759
Speaker 1: doing it. I'm shipping on whoever I feel like you

697
00:38:37,800 --> 00:38:40,520
Speaker 1: have to have you have in order to be a billionaire.

698
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:42,799
Speaker 1: You gotta shoot on a lot of people along the

699
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 1: way and not have re not in some cases. So

700
00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:48,760
Speaker 1: it's a it's probably a list that you can google,

701
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:52,480
Speaker 1: but it's certainly professions suit that promote a lot of

702
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:57,239
Speaker 1: different narcissists, like the military, like police force, like lawyers, boxers.

703
00:38:57,280 --> 00:39:00,160
Speaker 1: Every boxer is a bit of a narcis So, I

704
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 1: mean it's a couple of different professions. You probably can

705
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 1: google it on your downtown or your listeners. Um, you know,

706
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:09,160
Speaker 1: in a real narcissist is dangerous. So we got these

707
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:11,879
Speaker 1: people in law enforcement. That's why we have so many

708
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:15,480
Speaker 1: problems potentially, Yeah, because they want that one up. They

709
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:19,680
Speaker 1: want that you know, admiration of Okay, you the authority figure,

710
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:23,320
Speaker 1: you know, so those things can translate to that m

711
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:33,360
Speaker 1: scary now word from our sponsors. All right, so we

712
00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 1: have our same series, which which would be equivalent to

713
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:40,080
Speaker 1: our Dumb Bitch Story, which is a segment where women

714
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:42,719
Speaker 1: can you know, hit us up. Let us tell us

715
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:44,239
Speaker 1: a time where you are a dumb bit and now

716
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 1: how you are recovered? Right, and the same series would

717
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:49,880
Speaker 1: be equivalent to that. So guy tells the time where he,

718
00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:53,840
Speaker 1: you know, maybe was consistently played by a woman knowingly.

719
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:57,840
Speaker 1: I would say, knowingly if you unknowingly participate in some

720
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:00,960
Speaker 1: some ship, like you just got used, but knowing that

721
00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:03,880
Speaker 1: somebody's playing with you, you stay in a situation, I

722
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 1: would say, it would have to be a situation where

723
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 1: you knowingly knew. So I mean, yeah, I'll be real

724
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:15,040
Speaker 1: with you, like I've never had a situation to where

725
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 1: I was like blind like that. You know. Um And

726
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 1: me personally, I've been on my owner since sixteen. I'm

727
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:23,759
Speaker 1: inspected myself at sixteen, so everything for me has been

728
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:27,719
Speaker 1: hustled and getting to myself. So I just I made

729
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:29,759
Speaker 1: sure that I didn't put myself in a position to

730
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:33,000
Speaker 1: where I'm being used because I'm a majority of part

731
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,120
Speaker 1: of my life, I didn't have much like I wasn't

732
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 1: gonna give you my lads, and you planned me so

733
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:40,239
Speaker 1: for me. You know, I've been fortunate not to be

734
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:43,880
Speaker 1: in those situations. Now I am in a situation or

735
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 1: have been a situation to where I cater because I care,

736
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 1: because I know this is what you know, This is

737
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:53,640
Speaker 1: my heart, Like, regardless of what you're giving me, I'm

738
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:56,880
Speaker 1: giving you because I know these things are gratifying to you.

739
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:58,960
Speaker 1: I know this is what I suppose as a partner.

740
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:02,360
Speaker 1: So I mean, and that is sepping or being a

741
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,040
Speaker 1: sent Oh yeah, well I'm good now that's not a simping.

742
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:09,680
Speaker 1: Yeah you know. But again where I'm from, like, oh man,

743
00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 1: you you don't did x y z and this person

744
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 1: ain't give you nothing, you know. So restiprosly mean a lot,

745
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:17,160
Speaker 1: you know, and you can be it can be a

746
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:21,120
Speaker 1: fat line depending on where you are, right. And I

747
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:24,359
Speaker 1: have an interesting dumbing story for you guys. All right,

748
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:27,239
Speaker 1: here goes hi tam bam and a g Okay. So,

749
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 1: about three months ago I ran into a dude at

750
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:32,120
Speaker 1: work who approached me and asked for my number in

751
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 1: the sexiest way. He was so damn fine and his

752
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,799
Speaker 1: approach was it for me. Whatever. Fast forward, we go

753
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 1: out a few times and start smashing. We have a

754
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:44,759
Speaker 1: convoy about only sleeping with one another because we were

755
00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:48,600
Speaker 1: fucking wrong. This is her exact words, and he begins

756
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:52,160
Speaker 1: to admit that he has feelings for me. Soon after this,

757
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 1: things start getting thrown off a little because he doesn't

758
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:57,400
Speaker 1: trust that I have no relations with my baby daddy

759
00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 1: and thinks that I lie. He goes on vacation and

760
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 1: tells me he's going alone, but it doesn't sit right

761
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,719
Speaker 1: with me, and I was definitely thinking he was out

762
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:09,719
Speaker 1: there with another bitch. We also barely talked while he's

763
00:42:09,719 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 1: on vacation. I begin taking it as he's kind of

764
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:15,560
Speaker 1: off of it now boom. Here's where she gets messy.

765
00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 1: I have a good friendship with one of his friends,

766
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 1: who I thought they were just cool co workers. We

767
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:23,879
Speaker 1: flirted a lot at work, but it's never gone past that,

768
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:27,000
Speaker 1: and I knew him before original boom. So I end

769
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:29,640
Speaker 1: up getting drunk one night and called the friend. Let's

770
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:33,040
Speaker 1: call him for an ex to bring me home because

771
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:36,280
Speaker 1: I can't drive. He brings me home. We pinky promise

772
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 1: we won't do anything. I tell him that I'm involved

773
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:42,160
Speaker 1: with someone who I really like, and he knows him

774
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 1: so we don't do anything. But then it happened, and

775
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:48,680
Speaker 1: good as ship was bombed. Me and Friend asked, talked

776
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:51,480
Speaker 1: about how we shouldn't have fucked and agree it will

777
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:54,840
Speaker 1: never happen again, also that we were taking this ship

778
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 1: to the grave with us. Original Boo returns from vacaing

779
00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:01,319
Speaker 1: and we're kicking it again and just don't seem the same.

780
00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 1: So I fall back in with Friend X, who provides

781
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:09,160
Speaker 1: me with all that Original Bull doesn't, such as conversations, communication,

782
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:12,319
Speaker 1: and we goofy as funk with each other. At this point,

783
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:14,960
Speaker 1: Original Boot just blah, but I don't want to let

784
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 1: it go, So now I'm rotating between the two friends.

785
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 1: Friend X knows about it, but Original Boo doesn't, so

786
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:24,319
Speaker 1: I assume they both give me great dick and I

787
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:26,719
Speaker 1: think I'm stupid over Original Boob because he is so

788
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 1: damn fine, while freen Necks just really is the nastiest,

789
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:33,200
Speaker 1: freakiest nigger I've ever had been with. Plus our chemistry

790
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,799
Speaker 1: is just fire. I'm not dating either of them, nor

791
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:39,319
Speaker 1: do I see myself in a relationship with either. I

792
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:41,880
Speaker 1: don't know if I should just keep smashing it too

793
00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 1: and say fuck it or cut one of them off

794
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:46,759
Speaker 1: or both, which I don't want to do. L O L.

795
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:49,360
Speaker 1: I'm so stuck and I have no clue what I

796
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 1: need to do. I need you'll help, Sincerely, the accidental

797
00:43:53,400 --> 00:44:04,800
Speaker 1: homie hopper. Yeah, girlfriend's first of all, second off, a

798
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:11,239
Speaker 1: third of all? Right them nig slashing both of it?

799
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:18,040
Speaker 1: Baby girl? Is uh? Baby girl? Like? Why was it? Raw? Squirrel?

800
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 1: Like so immediate? You know what I'm saying? Like why

801
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 1: you you know, protect yourself because even and you have

802
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:27,480
Speaker 1: any thoughts about him doing something else, and you still

803
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:31,600
Speaker 1: have my unprotected sex. Um and just once you started

804
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,319
Speaker 1: you can't stop it, but you added somebody else to

805
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:36,440
Speaker 1: it as well, So you know what I mean, like

806
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 1: protect yourself? Like it's just so many, so many different

807
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 1: things within that I think that she has to uncover

808
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:47,040
Speaker 1: within herself. Um, But bouncing between two partners, I don't

809
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:49,279
Speaker 1: think that's it, you know. I think she definitely needs

810
00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:53,680
Speaker 1: to decide on one of them. Um. If not, it's

811
00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:56,440
Speaker 1: gonna reveal itself and then how she gonna figure out

812
00:44:56,520 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 1: what the outcome would be? Like what happens when they

813
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 1: do find out? You know what I'm like? Now their

814
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:05,600
Speaker 1: friendship or coworkership or whatever they them to the two

815
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:08,120
Speaker 1: males are can be a jeopardy. You know, that can

816
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:10,840
Speaker 1: become a different situation as well, whether it's balance or

817
00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 1: them to just having a fallen out and turn to

818
00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:16,279
Speaker 1: something else. And now she used to you know, she's

819
00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:19,279
Speaker 1: gonna be feel guilty that she was the cause of that.

820
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 1: So it's just so many different things like that, that

821
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:26,360
Speaker 1: immediate gratification that she's getting from having both those partners,

822
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:32,279
Speaker 1: with that amazing you know, sexual chemistry that she's doing.

823
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:34,919
Speaker 1: I don't I don't think. I think now she's living

824
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 1: in the moment, but it could be a regrettable decision

825
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 1: if you don't figure out which one she wants. But

826
00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:42,920
Speaker 1: I think with the original guy, if she's having doubts

827
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:46,200
Speaker 1: of him being faithful, then they need to identify the

828
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:49,759
Speaker 1: lands of within the context of that relationship because if

829
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 1: they don't have a title, what are you worrying about

830
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:54,680
Speaker 1: what I'm doing? You know what I'm saying, or because

831
00:45:56,120 --> 00:46:01,239
Speaker 1: that's what it is we studing. Condom did once you

832
00:46:01,239 --> 00:46:03,120
Speaker 1: take that condom off, you're my whole man, You're my

833
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 1: whole boyfriend. Let's make sure that I or he the

834
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:13,640
Speaker 1: person the original guy understands that you know, because it

835
00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 1: couldn't to him. It's probably was when they said, hey,

836
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:20,080
Speaker 1: we were just smashing. It couldn't for him. It probably

837
00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:21,960
Speaker 1: was all right, we're just smashing. It don't matter. But

838
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:24,640
Speaker 1: to her is yo, we're smashing all of all of

839
00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:27,239
Speaker 1: what you guys said. So they have been short down

840
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:29,759
Speaker 1: the same page. So what I think she's this is

841
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 1: what she's going through. So original guy, he's obviously dating

842
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:37,040
Speaker 1: other people. You may not be having raw sex with

843
00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:39,480
Speaker 1: the second guy, but you have been. You're now attached

844
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 1: to the man you've been having sex with without the condom, right,

845
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:45,960
Speaker 1: But this man seems unattainable. He goes out on vacation

846
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:49,520
Speaker 1: with other women. This is why you think you like him.

847
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:52,360
Speaker 1: This is why he lacks communication. He's barely talking to you.

848
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:55,759
Speaker 1: So it's the unattainability of that man that you think

849
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:58,800
Speaker 1: you like. But you got this other guy who's giving

850
00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 1: you everything. He's giving you the good nasty sex, is

851
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:06,400
Speaker 1: communicating your laugh y'all? Kick items, what's up? Why wouldn't

852
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:08,719
Speaker 1: you choose him? You only think you like this other

853
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:11,000
Speaker 1: guy because you can't get him well for an accident

854
00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 1: like he not may not be as physically attractive. To

855
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:15,839
Speaker 1: her as well, because she's like the other guys, So

856
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:19,920
Speaker 1: damn fine, is he though? That's what she's saying that.

857
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:22,600
Speaker 1: I mean, I ain't seen him, but I mean it's

858
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:25,839
Speaker 1: it's so it's attraction worth that though like what you having.

859
00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:29,000
Speaker 1: She it sounds like she would have rather have an

860
00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:32,680
Speaker 1: attractive person with none of those other qualities over this

861
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:35,960
Speaker 1: other guy with all the other qualities and features that

862
00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:38,720
Speaker 1: she seemed right, you know, she getting that, she getting

863
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:41,360
Speaker 1: their attention, she gets it sounds like it sounds like

864
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:44,759
Speaker 1: both of them, That's what it sounds like. Well, yeah,

865
00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:48,799
Speaker 1: that too, but it sounds I mean, okay, but I'm

866
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:51,719
Speaker 1: sorry to read your story. We got a therapist on now.

867
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:57,600
Speaker 1: He dissected your as bit. So yeah, it's not okay,

868
00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:00,439
Speaker 1: but it sounds like that. Uh. The second guy has

869
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 1: every quality, or at least enough qualities for her to

870
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:08,560
Speaker 1: be comfortable within the situation, opposed to just that physical

871
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:11,120
Speaker 1: attraction that she has for the first guy. You know,

872
00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:15,080
Speaker 1: if she's getting the conversation, she's getting the sexual gratification.

873
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:17,719
Speaker 1: The chemistry is good like all of those traits who

874
00:48:17,719 --> 00:48:20,839
Speaker 1: are half her comfortable with the relationship. But the weird

875
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:22,560
Speaker 1: thing is, like, now, she can't even be in a

876
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:27,239
Speaker 1: relationship because you know, how are you going maneuver through that? Like,

877
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:29,400
Speaker 1: I know they probably talked about you like women we

878
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:32,120
Speaker 1: Why wouldn't you think these guys they work together and

879
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:34,240
Speaker 1: I listen's just go out on the limb. They're probably

880
00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:37,160
Speaker 1: working on cars in it somewhere, some type of office setting, right,

881
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 1: whereas maybe only a couple of guys in anyway, So

882
00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:42,440
Speaker 1: they're probably tapping all the women that's in there, Like

883
00:48:42,560 --> 00:48:44,919
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure they communicate, and they know they're both

884
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:47,879
Speaker 1: smashing you. So the guy thinks you're lying about still

885
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:50,239
Speaker 1: smashing your baby daddy, because he probably knows who you

886
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:55,000
Speaker 1: are actually smashing. Yeah, and and well she say one guy.

887
00:48:55,120 --> 00:48:57,560
Speaker 1: The second guy know about the first guy, so he's

888
00:48:57,600 --> 00:49:00,160
Speaker 1: probably not gonna slip up and say, you know, I'm

889
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:02,799
Speaker 1: smashing so and so you know what I mean. But

890
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 1: he's probably listening to Guy one. You know, he's probably

891
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:10,560
Speaker 1: listening to Guy one saying, yo, dog, I was on

892
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:16,240
Speaker 1: the trip with and he's thinking like, yeah, exactly, like

893
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:18,759
Speaker 1: why you was over there? Yeah, why you was over

894
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:20,480
Speaker 1: there with some one? So I took you all home

895
00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:22,600
Speaker 1: and that, you know, So it could be one of

896
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:29,439
Speaker 1: those situations. So that's I think that's more plausible. Well yeah,

897
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:32,480
Speaker 1: but but hope hopefully a little baby figure it out though,

898
00:49:32,480 --> 00:49:36,160
Speaker 1: and she just the sad on because right now, like realistically,

899
00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:38,719
Speaker 1: it's it's even the safety issue just from all the

900
00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 1: additional sex. Because if guy one is sleeping with somebody

901
00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:44,239
Speaker 1: else and he's sleeping with you raw, you don't you

902
00:49:44,239 --> 00:49:47,040
Speaker 1: don't know or you can't control if he's sleeping with

903
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:50,480
Speaker 1: the other chick, you know, and you introduced guy to

904
00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 1: you know, hopefully you guys are that raw, but you

905
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:55,160
Speaker 1: don't know who has hes sleeping with. So now there's

906
00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:59,440
Speaker 1: some mulchiple people. That's multiple potential diseases. Uh, in addition

907
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:02,000
Speaker 1: to the hazard of if I'm too found out now

908
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:05,319
Speaker 1: they beefin one up? What the other guy one, how

909
00:50:05,360 --> 00:50:07,680
Speaker 1: he's gonna react knowing that, you know, I laughed in

910
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:09,640
Speaker 1: this guy face he was smashing a whole time like

911
00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:12,480
Speaker 1: that can be a trouble situation. So one thing that

912
00:50:12,719 --> 00:50:16,440
Speaker 1: Mr Harris here in a j did not mention. But

913
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:20,440
Speaker 1: I'm going to quote Walker Flocker, I sucked my money up.

914
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:23,719
Speaker 1: Now I can't read up. Don't be sucking all these

915
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:27,080
Speaker 1: nicks at your job, you're gonna mess you'll checker girl.

916
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 1: I ain't even cast too. No, she she wrote that

917
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:39,160
Speaker 1: on this. I thought she said there was all coworkers.

918
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:43,120
Speaker 1: Oh no, yeah yeah, yeah, wait I thought you were

919
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:46,040
Speaker 1: saying she said to walk the fun that's me her

920
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:54,839
Speaker 1: money up. Oh yeah, you definitely three the office. I've

921
00:50:54,880 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 1: seen it happen. That's what happens. This is interesting. Did

922
00:51:02,719 --> 00:51:04,719
Speaker 1: we give her something? Oh yeah, he look I was

923
00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:07,600
Speaker 1: about to say, did we give her advice? And her advice,

924
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:09,919
Speaker 1: but we know you're gonna keep sucking both of them

925
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:16,960
Speaker 1: to something blow up because it's fun, right, happens, And

926
00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:19,640
Speaker 1: that's why more exists, because now she's gonna how you

927
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:22,080
Speaker 1: gonna know who that is? How you gonna know? It's

928
00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:25,680
Speaker 1: just so many. If you're gonna keep if you're gonna

929
00:51:25,760 --> 00:51:31,680
Speaker 1: keep going doing this, you got to, I mean, because

930
00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:34,080
Speaker 1: now guy one, don't gonna feel weird, like yeah, we've

931
00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:36,120
Speaker 1: been going all the sign without the kind of you

932
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:38,920
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, But now that's her excuse, Like, hey, listen,

933
00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:41,480
Speaker 1: I don't know who you would We're not exclusive or

934
00:51:41,520 --> 00:51:44,120
Speaker 1: I'm exclusive, You're not exclusive. You know she can trick

935
00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:46,680
Speaker 1: it up how you need to but realistically, like if

936
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:49,359
Speaker 1: his if his responses, Hey, we've been going this whole

937
00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:52,520
Speaker 1: time without want why we do want wound now? Well,

938
00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:58,000
Speaker 1: because you you know, don't Yeah, you're going Yeah, So

939
00:51:58,160 --> 00:52:03,200
Speaker 1: all that the vacation she can use. She can easily

940
00:52:03,239 --> 00:52:06,600
Speaker 1: tell guy to to use one. You know what I'm saying, like, Hey,

941
00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:10,080
Speaker 1: I'm still smashing guy one, so let's use his protection.

942
00:52:10,719 --> 00:52:14,279
Speaker 1: Hang in there, girl, I mean, get all the digy

943
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:16,000
Speaker 1: can I guess? I don't know what to tell you.

944
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:18,160
Speaker 1: Listen to the therapist. She got more things to me,

945
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:22,600
Speaker 1: I know, So I mean to what to be real

946
00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:24,719
Speaker 1: If I was her therapist, I'll try to figure out

947
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:27,239
Speaker 1: what she's running from or why she feels like she

948
00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:29,799
Speaker 1: needs that validation from both now. But is it that

949
00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:32,680
Speaker 1: or that she's just she's single, And I think that

950
00:52:32,719 --> 00:52:35,000
Speaker 1: men getting more get more of a pass with this

951
00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:37,520
Speaker 1: type of thing, Like it's okay for a man to

952
00:52:37,719 --> 00:52:41,560
Speaker 1: desire some multiple women, but for a woman it's like, oh,

953
00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:44,920
Speaker 1: she has trauma for some reason. No, my response wouldn't

954
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:48,080
Speaker 1: be based on gender. Remember our conversation earlier before we

955
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:51,600
Speaker 1: start Gotta get we went live. My response wouldn't be

956
00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:53,960
Speaker 1: based on gender. It would be based on the fact

957
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:56,640
Speaker 1: of like what are you trying to escape? Being promisco

958
00:52:57,040 --> 00:52:59,839
Speaker 1: is a sign of so many different things, you know,

959
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:05,919
Speaker 1: so we I would dissect that thing, and no you can.

960
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:09,040
Speaker 1: But it can be a different feature though, you know,

961
00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:12,680
Speaker 1: whether it's self esteem, whether it's you feeling yo now

962
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,000
Speaker 1: that I gave this person that they valued me. It

963
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:17,520
Speaker 1: can be so many things. That's why I say, That's

964
00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:19,880
Speaker 1: why I say, we wouldn't uncover that, you know, and

965
00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:24,520
Speaker 1: who knows exactly? Who knows, you know, because a lot

966
00:53:24,520 --> 00:53:28,200
Speaker 1: of people have reckless behavior at Being promiscuous is one

967
00:53:28,200 --> 00:53:30,600
Speaker 1: of those things like if you look at like where

968
00:53:30,600 --> 00:53:33,560
Speaker 1: I grew up at, you know, like just this man

969
00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:35,239
Speaker 1: had a family here and then they had a family

970
00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:40,120
Speaker 1: two blocks down. You know, those things were he was

971
00:53:40,200 --> 00:53:43,000
Speaker 1: running from something or he was trying to find something else,

972
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:45,640
Speaker 1: and sex was the outlet, just like substance, you know,

973
00:53:45,760 --> 00:53:48,759
Speaker 1: like drinking. The result of drinking and driving is you

974
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:50,520
Speaker 1: can get in the correct you can get locked up

975
00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:54,800
Speaker 1: or whatever du are. But the result of being promiscuous

976
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:58,359
Speaker 1: is on playing pregnancies, diseases and stuff like that. And

977
00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:02,440
Speaker 1: people don't you those through yeah, exactly yours. You know,

978
00:54:02,520 --> 00:54:06,000
Speaker 1: people don't view those things as as as a you know,

979
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:09,719
Speaker 1: as a potential symptom of something. But you know, as

980
00:54:09,719 --> 00:54:12,280
Speaker 1: a therapist that have to you have to unscover everything.

981
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:16,279
Speaker 1: It always starts with you. So if you're in a

982
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:19,480
Speaker 1: bad relationship or you know, always think like would in me,

983
00:54:20,160 --> 00:54:24,319
Speaker 1: it's causing why am I willing to accept this? Like

984
00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:27,520
Speaker 1: you know, if that's the life stock you choose and cool,

985
00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:30,279
Speaker 1: But I know deep down a lot of people feel like, no,

986
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:33,240
Speaker 1: I can't have one person. Some people do feel like, okay,

987
00:54:33,239 --> 00:54:35,880
Speaker 1: I'm cool with the poly thing. I can have multiple women.

988
00:54:35,960 --> 00:54:38,759
Speaker 1: But the thing is like, let me ensure that this

989
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:42,439
Speaker 1: other people know that this is the situation. I think

990
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:44,719
Speaker 1: that's where the issue come in that like, because now

991
00:54:44,760 --> 00:54:46,920
Speaker 1: you've being deceitful, like you're not even being honest en

992
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:49,200
Speaker 1: up front. But if everybody is on the same page,

993
00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:51,879
Speaker 1: then you're good because the safety is taking girls, you know,

994
00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:55,160
Speaker 1: but behind the back and sneaking and doing it, you know,

995
00:54:55,280 --> 00:54:57,560
Speaker 1: those things that you got to figure out, Like, you know,

996
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:00,160
Speaker 1: if I got to do this, then it's not even

997
00:55:00,239 --> 00:55:01,800
Speaker 1: situation I need to get a part of. But it

998
00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:04,560
Speaker 1: do make it more fun. Oh yeah, that thrill is

999
00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:06,560
Speaker 1: definitely something that's you know what I mean. I get

1000
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:11,560
Speaker 1: a lot of few with the sneaky link. Sneaky link.

1001
00:55:12,120 --> 00:55:14,520
Speaker 1: I'm scaredy, I'm too old for sleep. Sleepy Lincoln Man,

1002
00:55:14,719 --> 00:55:20,320
Speaker 1: Sleepy linkol, I say sleep sleep. That's how you know,

1003
00:55:20,120 --> 00:55:23,600
Speaker 1: you know, That's how you know your old bitch. Can

1004
00:55:23,640 --> 00:55:27,880
Speaker 1: we do this and lead get together? It's can we

1005
00:55:27,880 --> 00:55:32,719
Speaker 1: get together? The second nap Mrs tire Girl. That's intimate.

1006
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:35,560
Speaker 1: That's an intimate athlete taking a nap with a good Yes,

1007
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:44,960
Speaker 1: I would love that. That's fun. Leepy Link, I want

1008
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:48,200
Speaker 1: to Sleepy Lank. That's my new ship. So Mr Harris,

1009
00:55:48,200 --> 00:55:51,800
Speaker 1: plug yourself again. Tell us all your information about your website.

1010
00:55:51,800 --> 00:55:53,560
Speaker 1: That book that I'm going to buy for all the

1011
00:55:53,600 --> 00:55:56,440
Speaker 1: men in my life, can you tell us that, Yeah,

1012
00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:58,920
Speaker 1: so he got the whole Still he got it? I

1013
00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:01,040
Speaker 1: mean the easy way to find at me um definitely.

1014
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:03,200
Speaker 1: If you've got questions about anything that was said on

1015
00:56:04,040 --> 00:56:07,800
Speaker 1: this wonderful podcast with these two levetly long ladies, tonight

1016
00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:11,200
Speaker 1: hit me directly. My website is mental here dot com.

1017
00:56:11,400 --> 00:56:14,600
Speaker 1: Www m E n t o h e A l

1018
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:17,200
Speaker 1: dot com. You can from there you can subscribe to

1019
00:56:17,239 --> 00:56:20,480
Speaker 1: my YouTube channel, mental Hell. You can purchase the book. Man.

1020
00:56:20,600 --> 00:56:23,480
Speaker 1: Just express yourself, UM, and of course you can follow

1021
00:56:23,480 --> 00:56:25,880
Speaker 1: me on social media from there as well. My I

1022
00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:29,960
Speaker 1: g is men Underscore, t O underscore h e a

1023
00:56:30,239 --> 00:56:33,040
Speaker 1: L Email me your questions if you have them. UM.

1024
00:56:33,440 --> 00:56:35,520
Speaker 1: Also go to my YouTube channel if you do want

1025
00:56:35,560 --> 00:56:40,800
Speaker 1: to UM view those videos on communication, on parenting styles

1026
00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:46,640
Speaker 1: on UM, narcissistic trade versus narcisistic personality disorder, and attachment styles.

1027
00:56:46,920 --> 00:56:50,239
Speaker 1: All those things are important. You appreciate you coming on

1028
00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:53,000
Speaker 1: the show. We enjoy you. You were great. Yeah. Yeah,

1029
00:56:53,040 --> 00:56:54,799
Speaker 1: I mean I'm trying to come back, man, because I'm

1030
00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:57,120
Speaker 1: sure it's gonna be a segment to where y'all probably

1031
00:56:57,120 --> 00:56:59,839
Speaker 1: gonna need we need to do a whole episode where

1032
00:56:59,880 --> 00:57:02,279
Speaker 1: we bring some men on and just have you on

1033
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:05,600
Speaker 1: as a little quick therapist. Right. Let me know. I'm

1034
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:08,879
Speaker 1: definitely interested, and uh, it's been a pleasure. I wish

1035
00:57:08,920 --> 00:57:11,960
Speaker 1: you guys continue success, keep up to do work, definitely

1036
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:16,680
Speaker 1: continue to thank you. Really appreciate you. All Right, that's

1037
00:57:16,760 --> 00:57:21,200
Speaker 1: Mr Harris's y'all man to here ship. If y'all bitches

1038
00:57:21,280 --> 00:57:25,760
Speaker 1: enjoyed this episode, please tune in every Thursday on an

1039
00:57:25,800 --> 00:57:28,400
Speaker 1: I Heart radio app or whatever. The fun you get

1040
00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:31,360
Speaker 1: your podcast that this is your co host. If we

1041
00:57:31,520 --> 00:57:35,080
Speaker 1: talked back a j holiday to point and it's tam Bam.

1042
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:37,600
Speaker 1: You can find me on Instagram at official tam Bam.

1043
00:57:37,680 --> 00:57:40,160
Speaker 1: Y'all Love, Y'allus