WEBVTT - Social Media Boundaries with Comedian Vanessa Gonzalez 0:00:02.720 --> 0:00:06.600 Hey, guys, what's good? What's popping? Welcome to this show, 0:00:06.760 --> 0:00:09.320 my show. It's a girl, Amada La, and you're listening 0:00:09.360 --> 0:00:12.800 to Exactly Amada, a production of iHeart and thank you 0:00:12.920 --> 0:00:16.079 so much for tuning in. I am so grateful for 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:18.160 all the love and support. I see you guys hitting 0:00:18.160 --> 0:00:21.600 me up on the Instagram account Exactly Amata giving me 0:00:21.680 --> 0:00:25.439 you know, good comments, good reviews, and I'm loving it 0:00:25.480 --> 0:00:31.080 because this show and today, like every other episode, I 0:00:31.120 --> 0:00:33.800 always try to spice it up. Some episodes are educational, 0:00:33.840 --> 0:00:37.560 but today it come okay, a combination because I really 0:00:37.600 --> 0:00:41.000 want to know how am I supposed to handle certain situations? 0:00:41.000 --> 0:00:42.800 And I'm sure at some point you've been through it, 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:45.480 so tell me if you can relate. Look, today's topic 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:49.000 is about social media and relationship boundaries meta. It doesn't 0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:51.000 matter how beautiful you are, it doesn't matter how much 0:00:51.000 --> 0:00:54.600 money you have helped you are Oya, men will cheat regardless. 0:00:54.920 --> 0:00:57.680 It's social media flirting considered cheating. I want to know 0:00:57.720 --> 0:01:00.640 what you think. What about dming them? What about giving 0:01:00.680 --> 0:01:03.680 them legs? Hearts? I have a guest, but of course 0:01:03.720 --> 0:01:06.880 I have my producer Alex, who's gonna join me today 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:10.800 and He's gonna give me the male perspective on these 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:16.279 social media boundaries as far as relationships are concerned. And 0:01:16.480 --> 0:01:19.040 we're not alone. Just like I mentioned before, let's break 0:01:19.080 --> 0:01:21.000 down the guests that we have today. She has been 0:01:21.000 --> 0:01:25.200 featured on True TV's Laugh Mobs, Laugh Tracks. She was 0:01:25.240 --> 0:01:28.600 part of HBO's Inns and you could also catture on 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:36.640 Comedy chinnas HBO Max Vanessa Gonzalez, Welcome to the Thanks 0:01:36.640 --> 0:01:39.560 so much for having me. Guys. Of course, of course, 0:01:39.560 --> 0:01:41.760 thank you so much for coming in today, for joining 0:01:41.800 --> 0:01:47.800 because I really want to know how you feel about 0:01:47.840 --> 0:01:50.160 these things because life has changed so much in social media. 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:53.400 Are you in a relationship? Married? So that I read 0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:55.480 to mingo, what's your what's your story? I have a 0:01:55.520 --> 0:02:02.360 boyfriend and we're gonna be eight years. This justmberum, but 0:02:02.440 --> 0:02:06.840 I'm not No, I'm not married yet. Mom, calm down, everybody, 0:02:06.920 --> 0:02:13.480 but everyone keeps asking why and when and who? How 0:02:13.520 --> 0:02:16.399 does this work? A boyfriend for for eight years? Why 0:02:16.440 --> 0:02:22.600 what happened? Everything? That's the funny thing is everything's going good. 0:02:23.280 --> 0:02:26.280 He loves me, he supports me, he knows that I'm 0:02:26.320 --> 0:02:29.639 on this career path with comedy, and he's been there 0:02:29.680 --> 0:02:33.000 every step of the way. I feel like the big 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:35.080 thing that I've had to learn with being in a 0:02:35.120 --> 0:02:40.560 relationship is not letting everybody else's was that I don't know, 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:42.800 you should be married by now or he probably are 0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:47.880 like everybody else's opegative. Yeah, And I'm like, but I 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:50.919 know the truth. He's here, we're good. So who's more 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:56.080 eager to get married? You? Him, your mother? My mom? 0:02:56.240 --> 0:02:59.200 For sure. I think she she wants the wedding for 0:02:59.240 --> 0:03:02.000 her and and you know, I feel like I owe 0:03:02.000 --> 0:03:04.800 her because I didn't have a concinea and that was 0:03:04.880 --> 0:03:08.200 heartbreaking for her because I'm the only girl, and so 0:03:08.240 --> 0:03:10.760 that was a big deal. And she was now with 0:03:10.840 --> 0:03:13.000 a wedding. She's like, don't do this to me. Don't 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:16.560 take that from me. Please, you have to have a wedding, right, 0:03:16.680 --> 0:03:20.000 So she wants that, But me and him, I told 0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:23.880 them I don't want a surprise, Like I'm not here 0:03:23.880 --> 0:03:28.160 waiting for somebody to ask me, will you marry me? No, 0:03:28.440 --> 0:03:31.760 we're adults. We're gonna talk. If you want to marry me, 0:03:32.200 --> 0:03:34.800 let's have the conversation. I don't want to be surprised 0:03:34.840 --> 0:03:38.240 in a park and it's all cold or whatever, okay, 0:03:38.360 --> 0:03:42.360 And we have had conversations and we both do want 0:03:42.400 --> 0:03:45.760 to get married, and you know, every every day we 0:03:45.920 --> 0:03:49.160 kind of like, will you marry me? Will you marry me? Well, 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:51.839 then I'll ask you this much. In these eight years 0:03:51.840 --> 0:03:55.640 of relationship, honestly, has it been a rollercoaster of emotions 0:03:55.760 --> 0:03:58.320 or do you think that your relationships? You know, it's 0:03:58.360 --> 0:04:00.640 been neutral, We've been good or been like up and 0:04:00.680 --> 0:04:03.760 down all over the place. Oh, it's been a lot 0:04:03.800 --> 0:04:07.280 of ups and downs. You know. We we live when 0:04:07.440 --> 0:04:10.920 we met, three months later we moved in together. It 0:04:11.120 --> 0:04:18.120 was hap and then about three years after that, I 0:04:18.200 --> 0:04:20.839 was like, I'm moving to la I want to pursue comedy. 0:04:21.200 --> 0:04:23.520 So he wasn't ready yet. So then we did long 0:04:23.600 --> 0:04:27.480 distance for two years, and then the pandemic hit and 0:04:27.520 --> 0:04:31.679 then I came back and then so we're living together again. 0:04:31.760 --> 0:04:34.919 So we've been through it all. Have you had Have 0:04:35.040 --> 0:04:39.080 you had any social media inconveniences anything that has cost 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:42.040 you know, your relationship to be have a little friction 0:04:42.080 --> 0:04:47.680 because of social media? No, thankfully, No. I get more dms, 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:50.599 you know from guys, a lot of older guys that 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:52.800 are like, I want to take care of you and 0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:56.480 I just show him to him and we laugh about it. 0:04:56.600 --> 0:04:58.680 And you're also on the road a lot, right, So 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:02.200 tell us a little about your your comedy career, because 0:05:02.240 --> 0:05:04.239 you did mention it your alluded to in the beginning 0:05:04.279 --> 0:05:07.320 of the episode, so like for us, tell us a 0:05:07.320 --> 0:05:10.280 little about a little background on this because obviously the 0:05:10.279 --> 0:05:12.320 people won't know. Guys are gonna get into your dms 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:15.960 because you are in entertainment just like I'm outa is 0:05:16.080 --> 0:05:19.599 and you're out there putting yourself, you know, in front 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:23.120 of thousands of people. So yeah, I mean, well, I 0:05:23.160 --> 0:05:26.000 am on the road right now with Chelsea Handler. I've 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:28.880 been opening for her and I've been doing my own 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:32.960 headlining dates. But um, yeah, I mean I get those dms, 0:05:32.960 --> 0:05:37.920 but I don't answer them. I don't even I just delete, delete, delete, 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:41.960 block delete, because for what I don't. I feel like 0:05:42.000 --> 0:05:45.360 if if my mind was trailing off and I did 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:49.159 want to have those thoughts, I would gather. I think 0:05:49.160 --> 0:05:51.839 that's why people do it when they're like Puss on board, 0:05:51.920 --> 0:05:56.039 I'm going to talk to this stranger or whatever. But 0:05:56.240 --> 0:06:00.240 I don't. I don't ever go there. And yeah, because 0:06:00.240 --> 0:06:02.640 I feel like it's just a messy, messy road. You're 0:06:02.640 --> 0:06:05.120 walking in mud at that point, and if you start 0:06:05.680 --> 0:06:08.279 texting people back, yeah, I'm sure, I'm mana. Have you 0:06:08.320 --> 0:06:11.240 had Uh we're gonna get into the whole Adam Levine thing, 0:06:11.279 --> 0:06:15.920 but how close I'm out. Have you been to to 0:06:16.240 --> 0:06:19.360 something similar to Vanessa? I mean, like you, your dms 0:06:19.440 --> 0:06:22.839 must be blowing up on the daily. Yeah, I mean 0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:26.560 my dms be crazy. And I'm not gonna lie. I 0:06:26.680 --> 0:06:29.479 have cheated. I have social media cheated. I Am going 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:32.280 to be honest, and I know it's terrible, but Domina, 0:06:32.520 --> 0:06:35.400 I mean, this is exactly a matter known filters uncensored. 0:06:35.720 --> 0:06:39.560 I didn't think that social media necessarily was cheating till 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:41.760 somebody else did it to me, because I just felt like, 0:06:42.000 --> 0:06:44.039 sometimes you just want to feel like Mina, I just 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:46.440 want to feel I still got it. Go get talk 0:06:46.520 --> 0:06:48.159 to me, me and them like, oh my god, yourself. 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:53.800 I'm like, thank you. Only messages, no patris or nothing, 0:06:54.200 --> 0:06:57.200 no WhatsApp, no exchanging the phone numbers, no, none of that. 0:06:57.680 --> 0:07:00.279 But you know, I've had had convert Wall being in 0:07:00.279 --> 0:07:03.800 a relationship. I have had certain conversations that I feel 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:06.000 if he would have done it, I would have felt 0:07:06.000 --> 0:07:10.560 like that was mad, disrespectful, mad and unappropriate. So social 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:13.200 media didn't necessarily get me in trouble per se, or 0:07:13.280 --> 0:07:16.560 sometimes it did because it would accuse me of cheating 0:07:16.640 --> 0:07:19.240 or talking to like the most random person that I'm like, 0:07:19.600 --> 0:07:21.320 only if you knew that I am talking to somebody, 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:24.840 but is that that person? And unfortunately, those little conversations 0:07:24.920 --> 0:07:27.560 can lead up if you don't know how to control it, 0:07:28.320 --> 0:07:30.480 it can lead up to other things. So it can 0:07:30.560 --> 0:07:32.240 be a little bit dangerous because I do get a 0:07:32.240 --> 0:07:37.240 lot of messages from like politicians, rappers. Yeah I'm not 0:07:37.400 --> 0:07:39.400 only if you knew all types of people ec no 0:07:40.040 --> 0:07:43.840 ayo mandun. They'll send somebody to you know, hit me 0:07:43.960 --> 0:07:46.160 up and then be like, okay, this information is actually 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:49.440 for a political Blase Blase of Puerto Rico or something, 0:07:49.640 --> 0:07:52.840 and I'm like, oh yeah, okay, well, I mean I 0:07:53.120 --> 0:07:56.120 guess it's different. It gets intense in them DM. Yeah, 0:07:56.160 --> 0:07:59.800 because guys with money are hollering at you. I'm getting 0:07:59.800 --> 0:08:16.840 the four ones, yes, so this is that. That's what's funny, right, 0:08:16.840 --> 0:08:20.320 because you just mentioned someone else is writing these messages 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:23.720 for someone with money or whatever of some type of celebrity. 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:27.600 So that happened that was not the case for Levine. 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:31.720 He wrote his own messages, He sent his own messages. 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:35.400 These girls kept these messages and then publicly put it 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:38.520 out there for everyone to see that he was, you know, 0:08:38.640 --> 0:08:42.560 sneaking into dms. He was talking about what he was 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:45.160 going to name his daughter via these DMS, like he 0:08:45.200 --> 0:08:47.640 was getting deep into these conversations and he was lying. 0:08:47.640 --> 0:08:49.959 Then I didn't say that part. I said everything else, 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:53.240 but I didn't say that bit shit, your your lying ass. 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:57.439 You know you said it better way. So the only 0:08:57.480 --> 0:09:00.199 thing that happened was that he got caught because get 0:09:00.200 --> 0:09:03.320 the nick without them being meta. If I learned anything 0:09:03.360 --> 0:09:07.120 from my past two relationships, shit, is that you have 0:09:07.240 --> 0:09:10.040 to be with somebody that has something more to lose 0:09:10.080 --> 0:09:13.880 than you do. You can be with if you're going cheat, 0:09:14.200 --> 0:09:16.080 it's gonna sound terrible. That's why a lot of people 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:20.440 cheat with married men, because you have more to lose. 0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:26.400 You're gonna make sure that I mean not Pino relaxation. Now, 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:29.080 if you'll go with a single girl that's young, that 0:09:29.200 --> 0:09:31.800 has nothing going for her life besides the fact that 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:34.560 you are a huge celebrity and huge name, or you 0:09:34.640 --> 0:09:37.720 have money, of course she's gonna make sure that everybody 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:41.480 knows that they smashed and Tone said she went in 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:44.040 the memo Hillo trying to get views in life that 0:09:44.200 --> 0:09:46.880 he'll went, No, I agree, and I just I don't know. 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:49.680 I don't understand why, Like, you know, when you're that 0:09:49.880 --> 0:09:53.840 famous in this age with screen shots and recording. Now, 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:56.960 I'm like, why would you risk it? Why, if anything, 0:09:57.080 --> 0:10:01.760 just go with another famous person at least? Oh my god. Right, yeah, 0:10:01.760 --> 0:10:05.800 he just went straight for although quote unquote models on Instagram. 0:10:05.800 --> 0:10:07.320 I think that's what that's what got to him. And 0:10:07.360 --> 0:10:09.760 it's just it's just crazy how I don't have any 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:11.880 of you ever, and it doesn't have to do with dms. 0:10:11.920 --> 0:10:15.520 Have any of you had that problem where someone screenshot 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:19.440 at something and shared it. I'll tell you this, Um, yes, 0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:21.200 I've had people to do They've done that to me, 0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:23.880 like even comments or messages that we've shared and they've 0:10:23.880 --> 0:10:25.920 shared it, like oh my god. My other nigga just 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:28.000 answered me and she said, and I'm like, wow, you're 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:29.960 such a groupie. Okay, I know not to a message 0:10:29.960 --> 0:10:33.760 you no more battle. I did make sure that on 0:10:33.840 --> 0:10:38.800 my past relationship, he sent an NDA moving forward, It's 0:10:38.800 --> 0:10:40.480 like you want to date me, you have to send 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:43.880 an NBA. That's why if I speak, I say certain 0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:46.160 things and I do it very lightly because you know, 0:10:46.200 --> 0:10:49.480 I want to be fair. But legally, you can't say 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:53.200 anything about our relationship, what we did, what happened, because 0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:55.679 I will sue you. I will sue you for everything 0:10:55.679 --> 0:10:57.160 that you don't have, and I'll make sure that your 0:10:57.160 --> 0:11:00.719 life is miserable because we had an agreement. So if 0:11:00.760 --> 0:11:02.600 you want to stick it to me, Bobby Meeta signed 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:05.560 this paper right here. Yeah, okay, I love that, see 0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:09.400 too that Unfortunately, we live in this world where you 0:11:09.400 --> 0:11:11.600 can't trust anybody even if you're in love right now, 0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:13.720 you don't know what can happen tomorrow. You have to 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:16.520 do that stuff. Whenever I got my first big check, 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:20.320 I before I asked my boyfriend to marry me, I said, 0:11:20.679 --> 0:11:24.559 will you sign this prenup for sure? That's what I 0:11:24.600 --> 0:11:27.000 was going to ask you, Vanessa. Have you have you 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:31.680 said those boundaries within the not only the relationship, but 0:11:31.800 --> 0:11:34.960 with anything else right Like you're um, you're in the 0:11:34.960 --> 0:11:38.080 public eye, So how far and how much do you 0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:40.920 guys share on social media? And how much you know 0:11:41.280 --> 0:11:45.640 of that is allowed when the relationship? Yeah, I feel 0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:48.480 like we're both kind of with in terms of our 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:52.760 private life and our relationship. We're both private about that. 0:11:52.920 --> 0:11:55.839 You know, he's a photographer, I'm a comedian. So we 0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:59.640 stick to just posting what we do and our brand 0:11:59.720 --> 0:12:03.600 and all that stuff. But yeah, I feel like what's 0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:06.520 helped us is that, you know, we share. I see 0:12:06.600 --> 0:12:10.800 his phone, he sees my phonduct. Here we go. She 0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:12.720 was going to jump in here, here we go. I 0:12:12.720 --> 0:12:16.839 don't have anything that h Okay, you check his phone, 0:12:16.920 --> 0:12:21.480 he checks your phone? Huh, not checking, not checking, not 0:12:21.640 --> 0:12:25.000 snooping like that, but like we'll sit next to each 0:12:25.040 --> 0:12:28.280 other and be like, oh, look at this message I got, 0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:31.760 and next to each other, look at this message. Because 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:33.680 you know, when they're not going to send you a message, 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:41.360 you put it plate moone. No, nobody's texting me. I 0:12:41.400 --> 0:12:44.079 don't know. I don't have that many dms coming in 0:12:44.120 --> 0:12:47.079 like you. I'm still over here, Like I say, it's 0:12:47.120 --> 0:12:51.920 just the snooped. Have you ever snooped in his phone? Never? 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:57.400 You've never not, not any inclination or anything, even past relationships. No, 0:12:57.640 --> 0:13:01.080 I mean past ones. Yeah for sure. And get because 0:13:01.120 --> 0:13:05.040 that intuition was right and they were fucking around and 0:13:05.080 --> 0:13:07.880 doing all that, like your natural intuition is it when 0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:10.880 when when he's sleeping, where he's sleeping next to you, 0:13:11.040 --> 0:13:14.439 behind the bonus right there, it's right there, like you 0:13:14.520 --> 0:13:17.160 know he's not even going to roll over. You never 0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:21.199 feel like, let me just commo. No, and he falls 0:13:21.240 --> 0:13:23.440 asleep with it in his hand too, so I just 0:13:23.520 --> 0:13:27.040 always I have to put it away. No. No, I 0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:31.880 feel like we have very open trusting you know, we talk, 0:13:32.040 --> 0:13:35.320 we communicate, and it's just a feeling. Like I said, 0:13:35.400 --> 0:13:38.080 with those guys where your heart is telling you he's 0:13:38.080 --> 0:13:41.840 fucking around, then yeah, you fucking check the phone. But 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:45.720 when you find that person where you really communicate shit 0:13:46.280 --> 0:13:48.400 and or that they know how to do it or 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:50.120 that they know how to do it better, I am 0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:53.400 definitely there. Go. Now, let me ask you this in 0:13:53.440 --> 0:13:55.960 your relationship, right, since you guys are so open as 0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:58.280 far as your phones and things like that are concerned, 0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:02.079 do you have any social media boundaries with him? Is 0:14:02.120 --> 0:14:05.079 there anything that you're like, mita, you can't like this 0:14:05.240 --> 0:14:09.200 bitch pictures, don't talk to her or have you ever 0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:13.120 had those moments there was Well, it's funny because a 0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:19.560 lot of them are my friends. No. Wait, he's liking 0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:23.440 your friend's pictures. Okay, that's it. Yeah, where I'm like, well, 0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:26.640 you know he follows my friends, And I'm like, well, 0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:29.320 you know a lot of the pictures are titties out, 0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:32.600 ass out and I'm like, well, I guess I liked 0:14:32.600 --> 0:14:38.600 it too. So you're saying he can't like any of 0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:43.200 your friend's photos. He can't like any woman photo. Lady, 0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:49.840 Hold up, let me tell you something. If if yo 0:14:49.920 --> 0:14:54.200 man my man meal and meal that his mother gave 0:14:54.240 --> 0:14:58.400 birth to him for me, If my man starts to 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:02.760 follow my friends, okay, cool, my friends better be ugly, 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:06.720 because like she better be like missing all her tea. 0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:08.760 She better be all the way messed up. If you want, 0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:11.240 if you want to be my friend's friend, she better 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:13.480 not be fine. None of my fine friends you can follow. 0:15:13.840 --> 0:15:16.240 And if you follow them, I better not. No, you 0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:19.240 can't follow them. You just can't follow them. And you 0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:21.320 better not be liking her pictures. And if you like 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:24.120 her pictures, she better be dressed conia with a dress 0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:26.440 all the way covering her ankles. If I see you 0:15:26.560 --> 0:15:31.640 liking her pictures, we got a problem. We got a problem. 0:15:31.800 --> 0:15:34.120 You can like somebody that we don't know that we 0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:35.920 don't have in common, but if somebody that can come 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:38.160 to my house that we hang out with you, you 0:15:38.160 --> 0:15:40.960 guys are like liking each other and you guys are 0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:43.720 dming each other. What's happening? Are you guys having conversations 0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:45.640 that I don't know about because you can still have 0:15:45.720 --> 0:15:50.560 them without following each other. But the main thing, do 0:15:50.680 --> 0:15:54.480 it discreetly that I don't even suspect that something funky 0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:56.960 is happening. And I'm saying that to say this. At 0:15:57.160 --> 0:15:59.960 the West Scene recently, I was talking to this guy. 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:01.760 I really wasn't into him, but he wasn't too me 0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:06.920 and I basically, you know, after my father, my daughter's 0:16:07.280 --> 0:16:10.440 biological father, I kind of felt traumatized and I just 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:12.480 chose not to be with anybody else. I haven't had 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:14.760 sex with anybody else, I haven't gone out on dates 0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:18.560 with anybody else. Nothing. So he was so come, okay, 0:16:18.600 --> 0:16:20.920 pushy hit that mean whatever, But I'm not going on 0:16:21.040 --> 0:16:22.880 with you on a date. I am going to be working. 0:16:22.920 --> 0:16:25.680 If you want you to just tag along, tag along 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:30.840 with my kids and my mom and my mom's godmother combos. 0:16:30.880 --> 0:16:33.480 Not just to get two of us. It's not happening. Whatever. 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:36.280 Then I have a little get together in the house 0:16:37.080 --> 0:16:40.440 at the apartment. We were celebrating my new purchase from 0:16:40.440 --> 0:16:42.840 one of my airbnbs in the Dominican Republic, and I 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:46.000 invited a friend. Tell me that we're not really close 0:16:46.240 --> 0:16:48.640 like that, we've seen each other a couple of times, 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:50.360 and she was like, oh, you're here in dr let's 0:16:50.400 --> 0:16:51.880 hang out. I was like, all right, come, I'm doing 0:16:51.880 --> 0:17:03.600 a get together. Let me tell you this bitch starts 0:17:03.640 --> 0:17:07.800 having shots, having a thousand shots. I had a little 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:11.480 shot that's say, because I'm a lady and I'm hosting 0:17:11.520 --> 0:17:15.800 the I'm hosting the party. Yes, and those she started 0:17:15.800 --> 0:17:18.240 to get bending over. She went there in boodhish shots 0:17:18.400 --> 0:17:26.439 come thud, she started bending over. I never said anything. 0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:33.560 I was just looking at her, like, bitch, what the 0:17:33.600 --> 0:17:38.680 point was that? Then he asked her for her Instagram 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:44.239 in my house and he was like, oh no, just 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:46.439 so that. Um. I found that later because you know, 0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:49.480 my intuition said go see if they're following each other. 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:52.520 Boom they were following Eachet And I said, why is 0:17:52.600 --> 0:17:55.760 y'all following each other? Anyways? Then she told me d 0:17:55.880 --> 0:17:57.840 k Oh I was in the elevator, and he told 0:17:57.880 --> 0:17:59.439 me to hit him up in the DM and just 0:17:59.480 --> 0:18:01.160 to say hi, so that he can follow me back 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:03.399 and say it cost. And then it's weird to me 0:18:03.440 --> 0:18:05.760 because every time he writes me, he deletes the messages. 0:18:06.119 --> 0:18:09.240 Every time I write him, he'll he'll just read it, 0:18:09.400 --> 0:18:11.159 answer me, but then he'll delete the things that he 0:18:11.440 --> 0:18:14.159 that he says. And he gave me his number, but 0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:16.040 I didn't answer in time and I saw that he 0:18:16.080 --> 0:18:21.919 deleted it. Oh. So my question is what are really 0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:25.160 the boundaries for social media when it comes to your 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:28.000 relationship or when it comes to your even your own friends. 0:18:28.480 --> 0:18:32.280 What are the things you're not supposed to do? For example, one, 0:18:32.920 --> 0:18:35.879 if you have a friend and your friend has a 0:18:36.000 --> 0:18:39.800 man or a girlfriend or whatever, don't follow them on 0:18:39.880 --> 0:18:43.120 social media just out of bidding seep your morals, don't 0:18:43.160 --> 0:18:46.920 follow them if you follow them only like family pictures 0:18:47.200 --> 0:18:49.959 or pictures with your homeboys is any or you know 0:18:50.040 --> 0:18:54.000 your home girls any. Just those pictures don't give likes 0:18:54.040 --> 0:18:57.160 and they're by themselves looking sexy or not that shit. 0:18:57.640 --> 0:19:02.480 Don't do it, okay. Rule number one thousand, don't let 0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:05.560 up into d ms. Okay. So there's rules to it. 0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:07.880 Are there any rules for you, Vanessa that you would 0:19:07.920 --> 0:19:11.040 like your man to follow? Yeah, I mean I agree. 0:19:11.119 --> 0:19:14.800 I agree that, like I let him follow and stuff. 0:19:14.800 --> 0:19:17.680 But if he's like texting him like, oh I wanna, 0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:20.560 how are you and how's the I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, 0:19:20.600 --> 0:19:23.360 we're not we're not trying to talk to them. I'm 0:19:23.400 --> 0:19:27.200 okay with the follow, but I relate to you with like, 0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:30.320 you know, I had a lot of past trauma, dealing 0:19:30.359 --> 0:19:33.720 with bullshit guys who lie a lot and they tell 0:19:33.760 --> 0:19:36.159 you and you're the only one, you're the world, and 0:19:36.200 --> 0:19:38.760 then it's it's hard to get over that shit and 0:19:38.800 --> 0:19:42.280 it's hard to finally trust someone. That was the biggest 0:19:42.280 --> 0:19:45.520 issue in the relationship I have now is me getting 0:19:45.600 --> 0:19:50.040 over that trauma because I kept putting it on him. Wait, 0:19:50.119 --> 0:19:53.480 as a as a male perspective, here on the round table, 0:19:53.520 --> 0:19:57.679 here Vanessa and a Mada, I want to know, like, like, 0:19:57.840 --> 0:20:01.480 I have a best friend in his life. Does sexy 0:20:01.520 --> 0:20:06.040 costplay on only fans right? Nothing? No nudes, no, nothing, 0:20:06.119 --> 0:20:08.600 just you know, she dresses up like characters from X 0:20:08.640 --> 0:20:13.800 Men or whatever? So is it bad? And we're boys, 0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:19.520 Like we're like really close, can I like his wife's 0:20:19.560 --> 0:20:22.520 picture on Instagram. There's nothing. It's like like wearing a 0:20:22.520 --> 0:20:25.760 bathing suit. Is that bad? No? No? No, yeah, yeah, No. 0:20:26.359 --> 0:20:29.000 Is your homeboy your boy? Is he in that picture 0:20:29.040 --> 0:20:31.600 with her? Most of the time, he's not. Most of 0:20:31.640 --> 0:20:34.720 the time he's not. No, no, no, we're not. No, 0:20:34.760 --> 0:20:37.600 we're not doing it. So but no, that's a liotle 0:20:37.640 --> 0:20:42.800 question too, Okay, okay, So is it okay for you 0:20:42.880 --> 0:20:46.600 to follow your girlfriends or your homeboys girl on like 0:20:46.640 --> 0:20:49.600 an only fans page just to support You're just being 0:20:49.640 --> 0:20:52.400 there as a support system because you know she's making money. 0:20:52.680 --> 0:20:55.280 This is to support the family. Look for a twelve 0:20:55.400 --> 0:20:59.639 ninety nine every month. No, you can support her family 0:21:00.040 --> 0:21:03.080 through her only fans and that's your homeboy probably. So 0:21:03.200 --> 0:21:07.200 if they're okay for you to follow, I just want 0:21:07.200 --> 0:21:09.320 to know, I don't. And you know, only fans is 0:21:09.359 --> 0:21:12.240 a part of social media. Is just a closed paywall, 0:21:12.480 --> 0:21:15.160 social media wall sectional social media because Instagram is doing 0:21:15.200 --> 0:21:19.320 the same thing. They have now a paywall for your Yeah, 0:21:19.359 --> 0:21:22.879 So for me, it's a no, I'm not gonna do that, obviously. 0:21:23.000 --> 0:21:25.160 I am definitely not gonna do I drink that crosses 0:21:25.200 --> 0:21:28.840 a line when you're paying money to see someone else's 0:21:28.920 --> 0:21:32.840 wife naked. No, you're supporting that. You're supporting your girl, 0:21:33.359 --> 0:21:39.879 your Homeboys girls, aren't. She got a business business. I 0:21:39.960 --> 0:21:45.080 have a business too, Send me twelve dollars. Okay. So so, okay, 0:21:45.080 --> 0:21:47.760 So only fans is off limits. So we already had 0:21:47.800 --> 0:21:50.760 that established. Only fans is off limits, even if they're 0:21:50.760 --> 0:21:54.639 just wearing costumes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so too, 0:21:54.720 --> 0:21:57.760 because you can ever know, like if if you happen 0:21:57.880 --> 0:22:00.440 to if they happen to take that next step. And 0:22:00.600 --> 0:22:03.840 last year we had Ali Rayon here. She has definitely 0:22:03.880 --> 0:22:07.439 taken that next step, right, So, so, for instance, if 0:22:07.720 --> 0:22:11.040 they were to do that, then you know that that 0:22:12.200 --> 0:22:13.760 local media if you guys are gonna go have a 0:22:13.800 --> 0:22:16.480 couple of drinks or everything, how awkward would that be? Right? 0:22:16.520 --> 0:22:20.200 You're like, hey, so I've seen your bits. No, I'll 0:22:20.200 --> 0:22:22.960 ask you this. How about this? What about if you 0:22:23.320 --> 0:22:26.840 find out that your Homeboys girl has an only fans 0:22:26.840 --> 0:22:29.920 and he don't know about it? Would you say something? Man? 0:22:30.320 --> 0:22:32.480 It's the same thing as if you see your Homeboys 0:22:32.560 --> 0:22:34.600 girl out with another man in the street, would you 0:22:34.600 --> 0:22:36.840 say something to your homeboy like, that's not my business. 0:22:36.840 --> 0:22:38.240 I'm just gonna act like I didn't see it, but 0:22:38.280 --> 0:22:41.080 you said, Vanessa, I'll let you answer this because this 0:22:41.119 --> 0:22:43.439 one's kind of tough. I'm like, I'm on the border 0:22:43.440 --> 0:22:45.439 for that, and I'm like, I don't know, like do 0:22:45.560 --> 0:22:48.679 I step in? Yeah, Vanessa, what do you think? I 0:22:48.800 --> 0:22:52.320 think if I think if if it's your homeboy, I 0:22:52.359 --> 0:22:55.720