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Speaker 1: When I first saw kay on Hofstrun News and Views,

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Speaker 1: I knew she could be big in the Oprah. What

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Speaker 1: you're taking it back to news and Views? Yes, And

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm really starting to wonder what life

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Speaker 1: is going to look like for me now that I

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Speaker 1: no longer we'll be having children. Dead as dead ass. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm Kadine and I'm Devoured and we're the Ellises. You

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Speaker 1: may know us from posting funny videos with our boys

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Speaker 1: and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

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Speaker 1: I'll make you need therby most days. Wow. Oh and

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Speaker 1: one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,

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Speaker 1: we all we created this podcast to open dialogue about

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Speaker 1: some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't

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Speaker 1: want to talk about. Do the lens of a millennium

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Speaker 1: married couple. Dead ass is the term that we say

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Speaker 1: every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually

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Speaker 1: saying facts one hundred, the truth, the whole truth, and

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Speaker 1: nothing but the truth. Were about to take pillow Talk

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Speaker 1: to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna take you guys back. I know we've talked

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Speaker 1: a lot on dead as a podcast about my vision

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Speaker 1: when we started the conversation about what I wanted to do,

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Speaker 1: and we've never really talked about all of the dreams

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Speaker 1: you had. And I'm gonna take you guys back to

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Speaker 1: when I fell in love with Condeen already. We had

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Speaker 1: a conversation when we had our first date about what

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Speaker 1: I wanted to do. And everyone's heard that conversation about

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Speaker 1: Martin Beyond TV and saying I wanted to do that,

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Speaker 1: but we never ever talk about what Cadeen says she

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Speaker 1: wanted to do. I remember watching this young, like energetic,

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Speaker 1: extremely articulate, which was this is no knock to anyone

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Speaker 1: from Brooklyn, but I was used to the Brooklyn girls

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Speaker 1: being round the way girls, even the intelligent ones were

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Speaker 1: extremely still like like hood like. You know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: And I love that you know what I'm saying. All

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Speaker 1: the West Indian women that I dated spoke with an accent.

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Speaker 1: They were you know, you could tell which island they

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Speaker 1: were from. But when I met you, you were so

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Speaker 1: articulate that I did not know you a West Indian.

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Speaker 1: Sound like I was from the Midwest. Yes, you sound

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Speaker 1: like you were from the Midwest. And then I was

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Speaker 1: trying to understand why did she talk like that? But

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Speaker 1: then you did pageants and she won a lot of pageants.

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Speaker 1: Then we get to college and she says to me

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Speaker 1: in this conversation, well, I always wanted to be a

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Speaker 1: news reporter. And I kid you not. She says she

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Speaker 1: wanted to be a news reporter and the first thing

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Speaker 1: I thought of was Oprah. Yeah, and I was just like, well,

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Speaker 1: she definitely talks well enough to be an Oprah, But

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Speaker 1: let me see if she has personality like I said

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Speaker 1: before on a bunch of other podcasts, and I'm a

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Speaker 1: very driven person. Codein says she wanted to stay on campus.

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Speaker 1: She stayed on campus the first year and we were

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Speaker 1: in the room with her roommate. Not gonna say her name,

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Speaker 1: but we had a roommate, and Codein hated the fact

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Speaker 1: that we had a roommate, so she had hers. She

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Speaker 1: was like, yo, Deval, that's what I was like. Well,

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Speaker 1: she was like, you know, if you become an RA,

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Speaker 1: you get free room and bore plus you get a

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Speaker 1: single And I was like, oh words. She was like yeah,

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Speaker 1: and she was like I'm gonna become an RA. I

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Speaker 1: was like okay, Like you know, people just say stuff codein,

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Speaker 1: went and filled out the paperwork, did the interviews, and

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Speaker 1: became an RA, then one RA of the Year. While

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Speaker 1: doing that, she maintained at that time, I think it

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Speaker 1: was a three point eight gpa point a gpa and

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Speaker 1: she was a part of Hafter News and Views. I

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Speaker 1: watched her on because I used to watch Hoftren News

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Speaker 1: and Views the same way she used to support me

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Speaker 1: in football. I used to watch Halfter News and Views

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Speaker 1: because that was my baby that was going to be

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Speaker 1: on TV. That was our news program, that the campus

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Speaker 1: news program. And I watched her become a news anchor.

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Speaker 1: Like everything she said she was going to do, she

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Speaker 1: did it. She became an r she won RA of

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Speaker 1: the Year. She said, I'm gonna go out for Hafter

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Speaker 1: News and Views. She became a news anchor, not just

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Speaker 1: a reporter. She became a news anchor on Hafter News

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Speaker 1: and Views. She then got upgraded to be an AD

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Speaker 1: when a D of the Year, then became an r D,

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Speaker 1: became r D of the Year. And the only reason

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Speaker 1: why she became an r d's because she said, what,

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Speaker 1: I want to get my master's degree and I want

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Speaker 1: to get it paid for. At that moment in our life.

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Speaker 1: I said, I loved this woman because she says what

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Speaker 1: she wants to do and she goes out and does it,

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Speaker 1: and she does it with style. At that point I

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Speaker 1: knew I was like in love and I'm not talking

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Speaker 1: about lust because we was having a lot of sex

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Speaker 1: in college. I was in lust, but I was in

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Speaker 1: love with her ambition. I love that. This might be

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Speaker 1: my favorite story time of all story times. I've got

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Speaker 1: to be free, anything free, free, Yes, I'm gonna be

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Speaker 1: no free to be me me anything me. Yeah, you

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Speaker 1: go shout out to miss Dana Ross. Yes, um definitely

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Speaker 1: didn't do with the service that she would have done it.

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Speaker 1: But I'm thinking about being free, baby, but being free

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Speaker 1: and getting back to work. So speaking of work and

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Speaker 1: paying bills, let's take a quick break, yes, and then

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Speaker 1: we can dive into whatever you're gonna be asking me today. Yes,

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Speaker 1: all right, all right, we're back back. Yes, that was

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Speaker 1: a great story time. I think like I was, you

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Speaker 1: know saying before, Sometimes it's necessary for you to remember

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Speaker 1: and feel what you were and how you felt in

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Speaker 1: those moments, right, what you are? You still are those

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Speaker 1: things right? Yes, it's a little cloudy, No, it's not

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Speaker 1: you are on them, it's Claire's day you are. And

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Speaker 1: that's when I want to ask you the questions. So

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Speaker 1: before we I'm not gonna let you just dive into

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Speaker 1: So I'm going to ask you questions specifically, Okay, go

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Speaker 1: for it. When we first met in college and you

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Speaker 1: were thinking about your life at any point during that process,

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Speaker 1: were you clear about like, I'm going to have to

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Speaker 1: take a break to have kids with this man, or

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Speaker 1: were you just like, I'll see what happens. Well, I

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Speaker 1: knew for sure when we started dating and I met you,

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Speaker 1: I knew for sure, like after about two weeks that

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Speaker 1: you were the one, right um. And I knew that

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Speaker 1: having children would require me to of course maybe possibly

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Speaker 1: take some time. But I'd seen the examples around me

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Speaker 1: in my mom and my grandmother, who were in my eyes,

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Speaker 1: super successful women who were career women, but also amazing mothers.

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Speaker 1: And I felt like, in that moment, everything that I

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Speaker 1: wanted to do in my life as a young teen,

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Speaker 1: whether it was pageants, dance, school, being editor in chief

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Speaker 1: of a newspaper at school, like, whatever it was that

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Speaker 1: I wanted to do, there was no limitations, and there

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Speaker 1: was really no distraction either. And I know my mom's

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Speaker 1: number one fear when we started dating was that I

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Speaker 1: was just going to be distracted from doing all of

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Speaker 1: the things that I wanted to do. And to her point,

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Speaker 1: I think you were, in part a distraction, But she

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Speaker 1: was right. Yeah, she was right. You were definitely a distraction,

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Speaker 1: but also too not a distraction that discouraged me from

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Speaker 1: doing the things that I wanted to do. So, knowing

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Speaker 1: that eventually we would be married and I would have children,

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Speaker 1: I just felt like it would be easy for me

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Speaker 1: to juggle a career and children and a husband, because why,

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Speaker 1: I've seen people do it, and they do it successfully

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Speaker 1: to my knowledge, right, So I thought it would just

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Speaker 1: be something that would just naturally come easy to me,

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Speaker 1: being able to juggle all of the things. I didn't

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Speaker 1: really foresee what it would look like when I did

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Speaker 1: have children, and wanting to then now take the time

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Speaker 1: to actually be at home with my children. That's something

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Speaker 1: that threw me for a loop, and I felt the

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Speaker 1: struggle once we finally had Jackson to want to continue

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Speaker 1: to be a contributing member of the family by working

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Speaker 1: and doing my own thing and still trying to find

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Speaker 1: my way into the industry that I went to school

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Speaker 1: for and so much loved. But then there's just like

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Speaker 1: this little boy at home who's completely changed my life. So,

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Speaker 1: just to be clear, growing up as a young lady

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Speaker 1: was successful mean in your family, your mom, your grandmother,

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Speaker 1: No one explained to you how difficult the balance would

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Speaker 1: be being a career woman. Even though you had these

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Speaker 1: examples to watch, No one sat you down and said

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Speaker 1: this is what it's going to take. Absolutely not it

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Speaker 1: didn't or no one did. I should say I did

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Speaker 1: see it happen where women were juggling these things around me,

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Speaker 1: like mom and grandma and my aunts and stuff, But

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Speaker 1: I didn't know the burnout that was involved in that,

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Speaker 1: or I didn't know what sacrificed or what went on

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Speaker 1: the back burner when other things thrived. So you could

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Speaker 1: be an amazing career woman and give your job one

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Speaker 1: hundred and ten percent, you can be an amazing mom

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Speaker 1: and give yourself one hundred and ten percent. Are you

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Speaker 1: going to be the same as a wife or vice versa.

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Speaker 1: You may be an amazing wife, but are you a

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Speaker 1: shitty mom because you don't feel like you can divide

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Speaker 1: the time. It's like something always suffered. So you're saying

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Speaker 1: it was three versions of you. There was three versions

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Speaker 1: of your mom that you watched. It was the wife,

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Speaker 1: the mom, the career woman, and then fourth would be

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Speaker 1: her as a person. And then okay, so for the or,

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Speaker 1: it would have to be her as a person first,

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Speaker 1: just take care of herself, right, then she has to

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Speaker 1: be what would be next? Next? She would have to

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Speaker 1: be her as a wife, her as a wife, right,

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Speaker 1: her as a mom a and then her as a

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Speaker 1: career woman. So so there was these four people that

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Speaker 1: she had to take care of. First, you have to

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Speaker 1: take care of her serf herself, then her husband and

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Speaker 1: her kids, then her career in that order, right, And

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Speaker 1: you feel I think you would think that, okay, And

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Speaker 1: when you watched her, did it seem like And then

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Speaker 1: when I watched her as I got older, I was like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 1: So she as an individual was at the very bottom

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Speaker 1: of the totem pole, okay, the very bottom. Very rarely

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Speaker 1: did I see her take the time to take care

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Speaker 1: of herself. She was supposed to be number one, right,

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Speaker 1: She was always last. She was always last. And the

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Speaker 1: reason why I said she was supposed to be number

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Speaker 1: one because at the rate that she was working at,

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Speaker 1: the rate that she was trucking me and my brother

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Speaker 1: and my sister at this event and that competition and

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Speaker 1: that pageant, and the way she was moving. I never

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Speaker 1: saw her take time to re report into herself, right

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Speaker 1: to refill her cut. So I felt like she was

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Speaker 1: always operating in a deficit lack of sleep. I would

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Speaker 1: wake up at a random three am in the morning

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Speaker 1: to use the bathroom, and she'd be up doing what

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Speaker 1: paperwork notes, catching up on stuff that she should fall

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Speaker 1: behind them because she had two jobs. She was doing

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Speaker 1: so much to make sure that we were able to

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Speaker 1: do everything that we wanted to do. So she fell

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Speaker 1: to the very bottom. So she was last. What do

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Speaker 1: you think came first, work mom or wife? I think

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Speaker 1: I think she was definitely nick and neck would have

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Speaker 1: been working mom, okay, right, because her job when we

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Speaker 1: were growing up afforded her the opportunity and the flexibility

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Speaker 1: to be able to be there for us as children

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Speaker 1: to jump in. If you know, say Kadeen has an

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Speaker 1: early practice that she has to get to, you know,

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Speaker 1: I can schedule my patients around us so I can

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Speaker 1: get that little time in between to make that pta

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Speaker 1: meeting or make that practice, so she found time to

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Speaker 1: prioritize work and motherhood. Working motherhood for sure, for sure,

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Speaker 1: And then underneath that, I would say, I wasn't too

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Speaker 1: privy to like how my parents' relationship was when I

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Speaker 1: was a teenager. You know, there certain things that you

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Speaker 1: noticed as a teenager, and you're just like, I don't

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Speaker 1: know about that, but I know for sure that my

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Speaker 1: dad and her were definitely starting to kind of as

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Speaker 1: the years went by, it seemed like there was a

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Speaker 1: disconnect happening there. So that fell as well. And I

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Speaker 1: asked that question because I think it's clear to point

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Speaker 1: out that even though you grew up in a house

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Speaker 1: with a successful woman as far as every aspect of

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Speaker 1: her life, no one ever explained to you going into

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Speaker 1: womanhood what that would look like. The reason why I

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Speaker 1: wanted to ask that question is because at any point,

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Speaker 1: when we start to get serious, did you ever say

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Speaker 1: how am I going to balance my career, my relationship

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Speaker 1: and when I'm ready to start having kids? Never? I

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Speaker 1: always just thought it was something that would just happen,

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Speaker 1: you know, when they say, oh, when a woman has

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Speaker 1: a baby, like becoming a mother is just natural instinct

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Speaker 1: is going to kick in and she will just naturally

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Speaker 1: do what she thinks is best for herself and her child.

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Speaker 1: And that does happen to an extent, But nothing naturally

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Speaker 1: happens when you're considering another whole ass human who's an

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Speaker 1: adult aka your spouse, who has their own working mind,

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Speaker 1: their own working way of doing things, the way that

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Speaker 1: they receive things, the way they want things done, and

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Speaker 1: then having you, who was particularly demanding as just a

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Speaker 1: person in general. Right, I didn't know what that was

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Speaker 1: going to look like for me, So things that I

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Speaker 1: thought that would just naturally kind of happen and figure

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Speaker 1: themselves out never did. So then that required me to

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Speaker 1: then say, shit, like a lot more energy than I

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Speaker 1: thought now has to be placed into Kadeine as a wife,

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Speaker 1: right because now I'm not going to be considering what

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Speaker 1: I need per se. I want to be considering what

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Speaker 1: this man needs, my husband needs. And the reason why

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Speaker 1: I'm asking this question is not only just so women

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Speaker 1: can understand that, but men and understand that, or any

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Speaker 1: significant other they can understand that when you just expect

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Speaker 1: someone to come into life having both their parents, it's

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Speaker 1: watching their mom be successful. Because I remember saying to

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Speaker 1: you a lot of times, your mom worked a full

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Speaker 1: time job and I had the kids, and you should

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Speaker 1: be able to do it. Yeah, the first person to

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Speaker 1: ever have to do this. Yes, no one ever taught you,

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Speaker 1: Which means we should start having grace for women going

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Speaker 1: through this process of beginning to have children and be

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Speaker 1: a wife and be a career woman, and to understand

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Speaker 1: that no one has taught her how to balance this,

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Speaker 1: so she's learning on the job. And if I would

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Speaker 1: have known more then that I know now, I would

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Speaker 1: have been a little bit more understand well, a lot

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Speaker 1: more understanding that that shit that that transition is major.

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Speaker 1: It's a major transition because it's a whole lot of

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Speaker 1: figuring out. So not only is it now, and it

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Speaker 1: depends on what order things happen for you, right, So

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Speaker 1: for us, it was us being deliberate about we're dating,

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Speaker 1: and then we got married and we had children. So

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Speaker 1: you have children before you get married like that throws

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Speaker 1: a whole nother dynamic inst the mix. Too. But but

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Speaker 1: did you at any point say I have to a

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Speaker 1: lot time in my career to have kids. As a man,

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Speaker 1: I've never had to think about You've never had to

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Speaker 1: be like, Damn, I'm gonna be working on these films

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Speaker 1: and these projects and playing football, but if I get pregnant,

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Speaker 1: I might have to stop, right. I've never had have

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Speaker 1: you had to think about that? Of course I thought

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Speaker 1: about that, So I've thought about that a lot. And

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Speaker 1: also depending on the number of children we're going to have.

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Speaker 1: And over the course of how many years, my fear

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Speaker 1: was always being in a field like broadcasting or being

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Speaker 1: on television. First off, the way you look is your business, right,

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Speaker 1: that's your business card. That's what people see first. So

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Speaker 1: there's that pressure to make sure that you're looking and

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Speaker 1: feeling your best right. But then there's also there's never

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Speaker 1: a cookie cutter way to enter into that industry. So

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Speaker 1: when you're hot and someone knows who you are, and

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Speaker 1: your career tends to be taking off, do you really

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Speaker 1: want to now stop and take time to not have

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Speaker 1: a child, be away for six weeks or more and

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Speaker 1: then potentially be forgotten in the industry and then someone

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Speaker 1: new coming in and taking that slot. That's something that

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Speaker 1: I figured and that's what has been in the backroom,

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Speaker 1: always in the back of my mind. Something that you've

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Speaker 1: had to kind of decide, like I'm gonna make a

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Speaker 1: choice to do this or not. Right, So it's like,

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Speaker 1: am I gonna make a choice to say, Okay, we're

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Speaker 1: not going to have children. Now, let me go full

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Speaker 1: throttle into my career. Let me make some segue or

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Speaker 1: some headweight into advancing my career, and then potentially having

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Speaker 1: to stop that momentum because I know that once I

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Speaker 1: have this baby or I get pregnant, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: be out of the running for say ten months plus postpartum,

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Speaker 1: so it's potentially a year and a half. To y'all, head,

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Speaker 1: y'all head dacota do y'all had dacoda, everybody, this is

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Speaker 1: proof that we do the podcast at home when you

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Speaker 1: had the baby client in the background and then me,

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Speaker 1: I literally stopped everything and I'm listening to like, who

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Speaker 1: got them? Does anyone have them? So that's life? Right,

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Speaker 1: That's life? What was I saying? So we're so I'm

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Speaker 1: concerned about now having to take a break from that

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Speaker 1: ascension to then being out for potentially a year and

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Speaker 1: a half to two years to have a baby, go

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Speaker 1: through the postpartum phase, potentially breastfeed, nurture, all that, going

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Speaker 1: back into the workforce, not even knowing how hormonally I'm

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Speaker 1: going to feel now having to then leave my baby

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Speaker 1: to go back to work. That whole process is just

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Speaker 1: it was daunting for me and it's not anything that

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Speaker 1: I thought about prior to. So I'm about to cross

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Speaker 1: my leg because I have a very difficult question here

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Speaker 1: is this is the interview or leg cross? Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: I love it, which no socks. Was there any point

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Speaker 1: during our marriage where you were pregnant and you regret

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Speaker 1: making the choice in that moment because you felt like

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Speaker 1: you had started to make headway and had to stop

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Speaker 1: to have a baby? Does a tough question? That's a question,

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Speaker 1: and I want the truth, yes, the truth, the whole truth,

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Speaker 1: and then but the truth. So, getting pregnant with Kaz

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Speaker 1: so so soon after Cairo definitely threw me for a loop.

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Speaker 1: I don't think necessarily there was a career thing that

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Speaker 1: was happening, but it was just I just had a baby,

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Speaker 1: Like I literally just had a baby. Kiro was only

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Speaker 1: six months and then Kaz popped up as a surprise

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Speaker 1: like I am, and I was like shit, like I'm

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Speaker 1: still in the postpartum phase, like I'm still nursing Cairo,

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Speaker 1: like how can I be just having a baby and

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Speaker 1: about to have another baby at the same time. That

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Speaker 1: was an extremely stressful time for me because I was

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Speaker 1: thinking about the idea first of having two children under two.

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Speaker 1: My career wasn't even a thing at that point. Yes,

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Speaker 1: it was. I remember, see see this is this is how,

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Speaker 1: that's how cloud of my judgment probably was concerned about that.

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Speaker 1: But I remember, um, I had made the video with

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Speaker 1: Cairo and they had gone viral, and we had started

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Speaker 1: to get a lot more opportunities, and you were getting

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Speaker 1: a lot more hosting opportunities. Is that when I was

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Speaker 1: with the Hot Zone USA. No, you weren't with the House, remember,

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Speaker 1: because you had you had gotten pregnant. You had stopped

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Speaker 1: the Hot Zone. This was okay, But this was when

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Speaker 1: I had made the video in April of Cairo and

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Speaker 1: I had gone viral, and then both of our social

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Speaker 1: media started to blow up. Then we both started to

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Speaker 1: get a lot more opportunities for you to talk about

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Speaker 1: the process and talk about different things. And then Black

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Speaker 1: Love had happened. And when Black Love had happened, yes,

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Speaker 1: we had met with Tommy and Cody and I might

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Speaker 1: have just been I didn't know you didn't know, but

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Speaker 1: I remember Cody saying, Man, you would be great to

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Speaker 1: host these different segments. We had ideas for Blacky and

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Speaker 1: then you got pregnant with Cass and I was like, man, like,

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Speaker 1: we had met some people who at the time they

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Speaker 1: lived in LA. Tommy had some connections. Cody was building

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Speaker 1: out her whole idea for black Love. Yes, they were

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Speaker 1: looking for correspondence and looking for people to head these segments.

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Speaker 1: And we lived in New York, right, We're thinking about

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Speaker 1: the about the move to LA, and we were saying

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Speaker 1: we're gonna move to LA. And then you got pregnant.

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Speaker 1: We said we can't move with you being pregnant, right,

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Speaker 1: So I remember with two and a half kids. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I remember saying that, I'm just like, how are we

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Speaker 1: gonna move to LA with two and a half kids

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Speaker 1: and no help? And there were so many things that

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Speaker 1: going through our minds, and I remember saying, like, man,

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Speaker 1: like her getting pregnant might have stopped her from getting

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Speaker 1: another opportunity. The reason that's why I asked about the

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Speaker 1: regret regret question because I was like, I remember that

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Speaker 1: in particularly like, man, we were moving, we were moving,

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Speaker 1: and it's like she's pregnant again, and it was okay,

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Speaker 1: let's sit still, yeah, because we're gonna need help in

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Speaker 1: our villages here. And that was for the first time

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Speaker 1: I had felt like your our pregnancy had halted our

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Speaker 1: ascension in a different direction. Correct, well, not really our

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Speaker 1: because you were free to do whatever you wanted to,

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Speaker 1: and I was going to support you either I'm going

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Speaker 1: to move to LA and let my families. Well not

395
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,920
Speaker 1: the LA move, but I'm like you, even if something

396
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:33,600
Speaker 1: became available in the in LA. You were free to

397
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Speaker 1: go to LA and say you had to work like

398
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,920
Speaker 1: you always have the freedom to do that, and I didn't.

399
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,120
Speaker 1: But the move to LA, to me, was going to

400
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:45,320
Speaker 1: be the change that sparked other opportunities for both being

401
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:47,040
Speaker 1: in events, for both of us being at events and

402
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,280
Speaker 1: people getting a chance to meet us. It's like recently,

403
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,280
Speaker 1: you go places and people get to see you in

404
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:54,199
Speaker 1: person and then their producer or their business partner. Right,

405
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 1: so much networking is involved because this business is based

406
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,280
Speaker 1: on relationships, Yes, and it's important to say that, especially

407
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,640
Speaker 1: what we're talking about now. People always say this thing,

408
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,359
Speaker 1: you know, Well, they don't say this thing. It's not

409
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,400
Speaker 1: about what you know, what's who you know, it's even

410
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,479
Speaker 1: deeper than that. It's not even about who you know,

411
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,919
Speaker 1: it's about who knows you. Yes, right, And I felt

412
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,800
Speaker 1: like every time you had to stop and take a

413
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,479
Speaker 1: year and a half off those people who knew you

414
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,720
Speaker 1: was out of sight, out of mind. Right, I had

415
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:27,439
Speaker 1: Kaden in mind for this, right. Being in the industry

416
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:29,880
Speaker 1: is so fickle, It really is so fickle. You were

417
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:32,680
Speaker 1: in a position, I think it was three years ago,

418
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:36,200
Speaker 1: to be on a daytime talk show. We can't disclose

419
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 1: with who else, and everything was in the works. The

420
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 1: producers contacted you wanted the reel, We sent the reel

421
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Speaker 1: over everything that's moving, and she got pregnant, and then

422
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:49,160
Speaker 1: the show got canned and went in another direction, did

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Speaker 1: a whole another daytime TV show. And that's what made

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Speaker 1: me realize, like, wow, as a woman, there's so much

425
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Speaker 1: more to think about when you're starting this process of

426
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:03,360
Speaker 1: light of creating life, and everything else in your life

427
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,960
Speaker 1: has to stop, has to stop, so you know, after

428
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:09,840
Speaker 1: you know where the conflict arises. For me, So I

429
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 1: think about driven, ambitious Kadeen, who was you know, doing

430
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 1: pageants winning pageants? When I met you, I had just

431
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:21,400
Speaker 1: want a national pageants, um, you know, news and views,

432
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,760
Speaker 1: you know rd A d of the Year, all that

433
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:31,119
Speaker 1: good stuff. That passion and that vigor for career success

434
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:35,639
Speaker 1: altered for me when I started having children because it

435
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:39,639
Speaker 1: made me reassess what was my real purpose in life.

436
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:45,240
Speaker 1: It made me reassess how important career ascension was for

437
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:50,920
Speaker 1: me when I eventually had now three children. Extremely confused,

438
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 1: extremely confused, Still confused a bit to this day. But

439
00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,520
Speaker 1: I think the relief that I have now life after

440
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:04,399
Speaker 1: the v sectimyum, No, Well, first of all, that's what

441
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:09,480
Speaker 1: let's be clear. Life hasn't really officially begun after visits

442
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:10,960
Speaker 1: sect to me until the val goes to get the

443
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,439
Speaker 1: sample checked. Y'all. De Val has not been back to

444
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,520
Speaker 1: get his sample checked. And until I know that the

445
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 1: pipes are clear and the swimmers ain't swimming no more,

446
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:20,280
Speaker 1: we ain't really in the clear yet. Okay, Because if

447
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,400
Speaker 1: you recall season eight or nine, I had my best

448
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:26,240
Speaker 1: friend Bianca here, and Bianca told the story about her

449
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:29,960
Speaker 1: having her fifth child after v sectomy that was not clear.

450
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:32,520
Speaker 1: So we're gonna do that first. Well, I like how

451
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,080
Speaker 1: she says, devoted and go back to get his sample checked.

452
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 1: We did this together as a team. Someone has to

453
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 1: help me get the sample out. I've been helping you. Okay, listen, listen,

454
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,080
Speaker 1: I've been helping you. The doctor said, twenty to twenty

455
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 1: five times, approximately six to eight weeks, you would have

456
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 1: gotten you're twenty to twenty five times within at least

457
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,280
Speaker 1: twenty to twenty five days. This is where the kid

458
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:55,680
Speaker 1: the cap starts. CoDeeN said to me a couple of

459
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 1: weeks ago. Yo, this day, we're gonna wake up. I'm

460
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 1: gonna get that sample out and we gonna go. Did

461
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 1: you wake me up to get the sample out? Miss

462
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:07,159
Speaker 1: missus right then? Don't let it all up to me

463
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,520
Speaker 1: and be like de viol ain't do this. No, she

464
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 1: didn't get up with me to help me get the

465
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:15,560
Speaker 1: sample out, Because we want out several times. We just

466
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:17,720
Speaker 1: have to collect it and take the specimen in. So

467
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 1: once this did we once this round the sample like

468
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 1: we had planned once this round of podcasting? Question? You see,

469
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,960
Speaker 1: I'm answering the question. No, no no, no, no no, did we

470
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 1: get up collect the sample together like morning? Right then?

471
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 1: So don't say devout didn't we didn't? We over me?

472
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 1: We not d over me. We Well, I won't be

473
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:44,199
Speaker 1: over that d until we make sure we get that

474
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,920
Speaker 1: sample cleared and I can get off for this mini

475
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,520
Speaker 1: pill because I am technically not in the clear either.

476
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 1: I got on the mini pill just in case, just

477
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:57,120
Speaker 1: in case. Devot Swimmers is over the hard part. Already,

478
00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:00,119
Speaker 1: get the hard part already, I got snip snippity, the

479
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:04,359
Speaker 1: stipties is done. We supposed to collectively collective say this,

480
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,520
Speaker 1: like I was trying to say once, this round of

481
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:10,320
Speaker 1: podcasting is done. This week Monday morning, take the kids

482
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:13,560
Speaker 1: to school. Let's just get the sample out and we'll go. Deal.

483
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 1: Can we shake on that? We shake on? He enjoys

484
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:20,919
Speaker 1: this whole sample collection process because so many times we

485
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 1: want to collect the sample and the sample has ended

486
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:27,480
Speaker 1: up elsewhere. TM I, you didn't get the cup out.

487
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 1: It's not on me. You have one job, but you

488
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 1: made me completely lose my training throat. What were we

489
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,040
Speaker 1: talking about again? No? No, but you you were talking

490
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:37,880
Speaker 1: about how And it's actually going to lead me into

491
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 1: a question. I've never had that thought process of I'm

492
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:43,479
Speaker 1: going to be doing all these things and I may

493
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 1: have to stop to have children, right, but life after

494
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 1: of a sector me? Now is the time to feel free?

495
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:52,880
Speaker 1: Yes you no, longer. Right you, you feel like you

496
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,600
Speaker 1: have done your part for humanity. You've contributed four new

497
00:25:56,640 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 1: lives into the world. Right now, you don't have to

498
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:03,160
Speaker 1: be concerned with that anymore. Do you feel like your

499
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,240
Speaker 1: thoughts are clearer? Do you feel like your vision is clear?

500
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 1: Don feel like That's really what I wanted to get to,

501
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,120
Speaker 1: because that takes me back. I wanted to ask those

502
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:15,160
Speaker 1: questions first because I need both young women to understand

503
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:18,400
Speaker 1: what that thought process is and to understand that how

504
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,760
Speaker 1: easy you think is done. For example, people say this

505
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 1: all the time, Oh, you guys, how you balance life

506
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:25,359
Speaker 1: and work? You guys make it look so seamless and easy.

507
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:28,480
Speaker 1: It's not. And what happens is we as people watch

508
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,159
Speaker 1: other people do it, and they make it look easy

509
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:33,399
Speaker 1: that we think that once it happens for us, it's

510
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 1: gonna be easy until we hear stories and they're like,

511
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,400
Speaker 1: wait a minute, y'all were going through all of that,

512
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,960
Speaker 1: how come nobody never said it. Well, we're gonna say it.

513
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:46,160
Speaker 1: It's not easy. We're being here struggling, we being here tired,

514
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:48,239
Speaker 1: we being here not liking each other, we being here

515
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:51,080
Speaker 1: not liking our kids. The kids don't be liking us

516
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:54,400
Speaker 1: like it'd be a lot going on. It's a day

517
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,080
Speaker 1: by daycase by case scenario. But what I can say,

518
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:01,119
Speaker 1: we were talking about confusion, right, having that confusion round Cadeen,

519
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:04,360
Speaker 1: who I knew, and I was very in touch with

520
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:08,640
Speaker 1: three kids pre marriage, that young, vibrant teen, late twenties.

521
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 1: That's just like yo, I could do all of these things.

522
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 1: I didn't anticipate or understand or know how much of

523
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 1: that was going to shift once I had children, because

524
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 1: then there's desire to then be there for every moment

525
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,359
Speaker 1: in all those moments with my children, and now you

526
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 1: have multiple children, there's four different people like I mean,

527
00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 1: and I'll be honest and admit to you guys that

528
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:31,440
Speaker 1: after we had Dakota, even prior to having Dakota, while

529
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 1: I was pregnant with Dakota, devout, I debated about having

530
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 1: a fifth child. Yes, we literally said we'd pull another

531
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:39,960
Speaker 1: Cairo and Kaz right because we felt like we were

532
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,080
Speaker 1: in a space where we had the help, we had

533
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,120
Speaker 1: the resources where if we had one more child, we'll

534
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 1: be fine, you know. So Dakota was going to have

535
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 1: a little playmates soon after I might have been pregnant

536
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,920
Speaker 1: now based off of how we were trying to plan everything,

537
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,160
Speaker 1: and then I felt like God kind of knew better

538
00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:58,400
Speaker 1: and was like, girl, I'm gonna give you a little

539
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:01,520
Speaker 1: bit of this postpartum preclampshits. You could know that y'all

540
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 1: are good, you know. And it's funny how I was

541
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 1: very conflicted in this moment because I was telling Trivile

542
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:11,120
Speaker 1: the other day that I felt like I didn't officially

543
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 1: made the decision to stop having children or to be done,

544
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:15,879
Speaker 1: because I know we were debating on a fifth I

545
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,159
Speaker 1: felt like the decision was made for me because of

546
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:20,439
Speaker 1: my health. Yeah, so I did feel a little bit

547
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 1: of a way because I felt like as just a

548
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:24,359
Speaker 1: woman who was in control of my body. So I

549
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 1: think that I wasn't officially being able to say I'm

550
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:31,600
Speaker 1: done having children. You know, it was just made for me.

551
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:35,200
Speaker 1: But I said, you know, God truly knows best. Because

552
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,280
Speaker 1: I then wonder if I would have even had the

553
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 1: capacity to deal with and to love on and to

554
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:46,280
Speaker 1: give the utmost attention to one more person in my life,

555
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 1: Like I already feel like I have to divide myself

556
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:53,239
Speaker 1: into five for you and then our four boys, and

557
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:57,240
Speaker 1: then whatever I get left for myself I would not

558
00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 1: have been able to do that with one more person,

559
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 1: But I mean I think you would have if it

560
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:06,720
Speaker 1: was plans. I do feel like this. You didn't ask

561
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 1: to come here. God allowed that. Well. God created that

562
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 1: moment for you to be here. So in that sense,

563
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 1: God doesn't have to tell you what's next for you.

564
00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:18,200
Speaker 1: He does it the same way he didn't have to

565
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:20,840
Speaker 1: ask your permission to be here. True, So if we

566
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 1: start to allow that to be our reality and say

567
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 1: when things happen to us that are out of our control,

568
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 1: for example, don't say why we're not why wasn't I

569
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 1: able to control that? Instead, God has gotten me here gracefully.

570
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 1: I'm doing well, living in an abundance, listening to His

571
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 1: order and walking in the footsteps he provided. Let me

572
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:43,400
Speaker 1: continue out of that path so I could continue to

573
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 1: be prosperous, instead of saying, why didn't God allow me

574
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 1: to do this on my terms? Nothing here has been

575
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:52,320
Speaker 1: on your terms. Nothing. Absolutely, as much as we try

576
00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:54,720
Speaker 1: to control nothing and didn't choose your money and choose

577
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 1: your dad, you didn't choose when we were going to

578
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:59,080
Speaker 1: meet each other. All of these things are divine intervention.

579
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:01,760
Speaker 1: And then you have to make choices throughout that and

580
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:05,440
Speaker 1: that that leads me to my next question. Do you

581
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:11,520
Speaker 1: feel now that the thought of pregnancy not childrearing because

582
00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 1: that's never gonna end. We're gonna be rearing children until

583
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 1: they're in their thirties and forties. Like that's never ends, right, right. Yeah,

584
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 1: so not so much childrearing, but the thought of having

585
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 1: to stop to grow someone inside of you, deal with

586
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 1: the hormonal changes, and breastfeed after the child is here

587
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 1: and postpartum in prenatal the thought that that is no

588
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:35,240
Speaker 1: longer in the picture for you. Does that make you

589
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:40,840
Speaker 1: feel any different as a woman. It makes me feel free. Yeah,

590
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 1: it goes back to me feeling free, But it also

591
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:47,240
Speaker 1: makes me feel like I am now like I've done

592
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:49,800
Speaker 1: I've done my fair share, right. I was blessed to

593
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,479
Speaker 1: be able to conceive naturally. My body did everything it

594
00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 1: was supposed to do. I feel successful in that. It's

595
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 1: almost like I can now check that off my list

596
00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 1: of things. Right. We talk about the list of things

597
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 1: that better everyone has, particularly women, there's these age rangers.

598
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 1: You want things to happen, and I can officially like

599
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 1: just put a goal star and say Cadine, job, well done.

600
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:11,720
Speaker 1: On that. So now I have to refocus and shift

601
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:14,120
Speaker 1: to Okay, what am I going to do next? I

602
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:18,880
Speaker 1: have had a bad habit of self sabotaging over the years, right,

603
00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 1: because let's be real, and I can be real with

604
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:26,000
Speaker 1: myself now as I reflect, there were moments after having Jackson,

605
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:30,760
Speaker 1: after having Cairo Katz where I could have probably and

606
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 1: more than likely progressed career wise. Absolutely talked about this

607
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 1: because of different moments or opportunities that I could have

608
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 1: capitalized on, and I didn't because I fell back into

609
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 1: this comfort zone of feeling like, but yeah, I can

610
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:48,080
Speaker 1: I can use the kids in his excuse, or I

611
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 1: know that I'm probably going to have another kid, so

612
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:53,680
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just sit and wait until I get pregnant

613
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 1: had this baby, and then I'll pick it up. That's

614
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 1: part of my procrastination style question. So what you're saying

615
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 1: is is that you you the fact that you were

616
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,080
Speaker 1: going to have more kids as a reason not to

617
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:08,560
Speaker 1: move forward as fast as you can in your career. Yes,

618
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:13,640
Speaker 1: because you just was like fear, fear, fear of failing,

619
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 1: fear of being an adequate, fear of not being able

620
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,840
Speaker 1: to be there for my children in the capacity that

621
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 1: I want to be because I would have work obligations.

622
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 1: The thing that's so amazing to me now about the

623
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 1: career space that I'm in is that I have the flexibility.

624
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:34,440
Speaker 1: Like all people ultimately want is autonomy over their time

625
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 1: to do the things that they want to do, that

626
00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 1: they love to do. Like what are we all really

627
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:41,560
Speaker 1: searching for? What is this whole like rat race of

628
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 1: working and trying to make money? Why so we can

629
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 1: have the time to do the things that we want

630
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,920
Speaker 1: to do. And my fear was always that I would

631
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:52,840
Speaker 1: be in a deficit as a mom where as a wife,

632
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 1: and I struggle constantly with that balance between family and

633
00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 1: work because I never want to have to continually pull

634
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:05,480
Speaker 1: myself away from my family for work obligations because my

635
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 1: kids may need me or my husband may need me.

636
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 1: And it's particularly interesting for us in our dynamic because

637
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,160
Speaker 1: you are in a career field that will require you

638
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:15,360
Speaker 1: to be a way for extended period of time. So

639
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 1: there's going to be for example, when you were in

640
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:21,479
Speaker 1: Ottawa filming for three weeks, Imagine if I had a

641
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 1: job or I was on a daytime television show where

642
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 1: I had to be required to sit and be in

643
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:29,680
Speaker 1: studio at this particular time, I couldn't just up and

644
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 1: pick up the kids and bring us spend to Canada

645
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 1: to see you for that family time. We don't function

646
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:36,480
Speaker 1: well that way. But that doesn't have anything to do

647
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:39,080
Speaker 1: with pregnancy though. That's using the fact that you have

648
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:41,400
Speaker 1: kids as a way to procrastinate on what you Really

649
00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:42,800
Speaker 1: that's not going to change the fact that I have

650
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 1: a vasectomy, because you can always use the kids as

651
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 1: it was excused for sure, And that's my conflict now.

652
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 1: So that's what I'm saying. So, do you feel like

653
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:53,120
Speaker 1: you have a greater fear now that you don't have

654
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 1: an excuse to say, well, I'm gonna get pregnant. That's

655
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:59,760
Speaker 1: exactly it. That's exactly it. It's a greater fear and

656
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 1: it's even more of an uncomfortable space that I've been

657
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,960
Speaker 1: and like people have been asking me recently, like so,

658
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:05,400
Speaker 1: how does it feel to be done? And like what

659
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 1: are you going to be doing next? Like that's the

660
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 1: question everybody wants to know, like what are you going

661
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:11,680
Speaker 1: to be doing next? And that is a bigger fear

662
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,240
Speaker 1: for me now. It's like, damn, as I now approach

663
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 1: what is going to be the beginning of the rest

664
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:19,319
Speaker 1: of my life. My children are only going to get

665
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:21,560
Speaker 1: older and more demanding. Absolutely, they're only going to be

666
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:23,279
Speaker 1: involved in more activities that they're gonna want me to

667
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:25,680
Speaker 1: be there for. Like it broke my heart when Jackson

668
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 1: was like, you know, damn, I wish daddy was here

669
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:29,839
Speaker 1: at my banquet, Like this is exactly why I don't

670
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 1: want to be an actor. And I was like what,

671
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:35,239
Speaker 1: and He's just like, yeah, because you miss moments like this.

672
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:38,759
Speaker 1: And to him or to us, it might have been like, oh,

673
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:41,400
Speaker 1: he's gonna have more football banquets, gonna be at more banquets.

674
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 1: To him, it was his first and he wanted you there.

675
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,880
Speaker 1: So I just fear that both of us, also doing

676
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 1: this career thing in this particular industry, that it may

677
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:53,960
Speaker 1: force either of us or both of us at times

678
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:56,480
Speaker 1: to be away from home. So that's something that I

679
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:59,800
Speaker 1: struggle with now as I'm looking towards life after the visseect.

680
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:02,839
Speaker 1: To me, it's no longer delaying because of pregnancy. It's

681
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 1: now trying to figure out how we're going to be

682
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 1: the best parents that we could be, how I can

683
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:09,440
Speaker 1: be the best wife that I can be, and how

684
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:12,800
Speaker 1: I could still be of service to myself and max

685
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:15,239
Speaker 1: out on the potential and the talent that I have.

686
00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 1: Like I have the ability to do so many things,

687
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,280
Speaker 1: but what is going to take precedence over the other.

688
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:25,240
Speaker 1: You know what I'm learning right now that your fear

689
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:30,080
Speaker 1: of it was never your fear of pregnancy. So even

690
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 1: me having to a sect to me and you're not

691
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:34,240
Speaker 1: getting pregnant, it has eliminated a fear of you getting

692
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 1: pregnant again, But it will never eliminate the fear you

693
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 1: have of being inadequate as a mom, which is what

694
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:45,840
Speaker 1: I'm learning, which is crazy, right. I have small fear

695
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:49,239
Speaker 1: of being inadequate as a father, which is why I

696
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:50,799
Speaker 1: work so hard to try to be the best that

697
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:53,080
Speaker 1: I can be. But that's not going to stop me

698
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 1: from doing what I have to do to provide, because

699
00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 1: I feel like my greater responsibility is to be a provider,

700
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 1: not which is gonna sound crazy, right, not to be

701
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:05,319
Speaker 1: present all the time, To be a provider so that

702
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:07,719
Speaker 1: I can give my children and my wife autonomy to

703
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:10,799
Speaker 1: do the things they want. Where you feel like your

704
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 1: greater responsibility is to be present, yes, and not so

705
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:16,719
Speaker 1: much to be a provider, But that's so us though, right,

706
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 1: because historically not historical well, historically yes, historically and traditionally

707
00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:24,680
Speaker 1: us being I would say, having a pretty traditional dynamic

708
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 1: with our relationship and the way we want to do things.

709
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 1: You always are utmost in forefront about being the provider. Yes,

710
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:33,960
Speaker 1: So if that means, like you said, you have to

711
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,160
Speaker 1: be away, I'm going to be away. I'm gonna face

712
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:37,880
Speaker 1: him my kids every day when I'm here, I'm going

713
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,479
Speaker 1: to be super present because when you are home, you're

714
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:43,680
Speaker 1: super present, and I just allow that time because I'm like,

715
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:45,279
Speaker 1: you know what devils know when he's gonna be up

716
00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:48,440
Speaker 1: and going again, but in your absence, aside from having

717
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:51,040
Speaker 1: my parents here twenty four seven, to be that the

718
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 1: kids ultimately want their parents. So now that's going to

719
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 1: be my new struggle moving into what's the rest of

720
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 1: Kadeen's life going to look like? Because I want to

721
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:01,919
Speaker 1: be able to maximize the potential that I have as

722
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:05,640
Speaker 1: you know, a coast, as a potential daytime talks or host,

723
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 1: as an actor. I want to be able to do

724
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 1: all those things. But my struggle is like, how am

725
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:12,400
Speaker 1: I going to do those things but then maintain the

726
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,759
Speaker 1: presence in my household? For my children. It's funny how

727
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:19,200
Speaker 1: we both have the same struggle we do, but we

728
00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 1: lean onto what's our biggest priorities. Yes, and it also

729
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:28,279
Speaker 1: makes me wonder if these priorities were social constructs that

730
00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:31,359
Speaker 1: we just brought into For example, the more traditional thing

731
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 1: like for me, my priority is always going to be

732
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:37,680
Speaker 1: protect and provide, even if I'm not as present, where

733
00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:40,319
Speaker 1: some people will feel like, well, less a fucked up

734
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:42,240
Speaker 1: thought process because you have to be there for your kids.

735
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:44,000
Speaker 1: And my thing is, yeah, I could always be home

736
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 1: for my kids, and my kids and I could be struggling.

737
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:48,359
Speaker 1: I could be home all the time, right, and they

738
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 1: could be struggling. Or right, I could be away fifty

739
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:54,480
Speaker 1: forty five percent of the time and my kids can

740
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:56,879
Speaker 1: be able to have the ability to do what they want.

741
00:37:56,880 --> 00:38:01,520
Speaker 1: What's more important for me, being a traditional person, my

742
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:03,560
Speaker 1: job is not to be here all the time, like

743
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:09,880
Speaker 1: um Fences and Troy says, I'm not supposed to you.

744
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 1: You don't I'm not supposed to like you, like you

745
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:13,279
Speaker 1: don't have to like me. My job is to put

746
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 1: a roof over your head, right, you got food in

747
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:19,080
Speaker 1: your belly, right, that's my job. I honestly feel like

748
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:22,200
Speaker 1: that's my job and to hear you talk even though

749
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:24,839
Speaker 1: you can't get pregnant again. You know, when we get

750
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:28,840
Speaker 1: the you know, everything checked out right, your biggest concern

751
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 1: is going to always be are you adequate as a mom?

752
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:35,800
Speaker 1: As a mom? And that's and that requires your presence

753
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:39,240
Speaker 1: as a mom, like you said on a previous episode,

754
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 1: And you've always said that, seeing as though your parents

755
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 1: were absent from home when you guys had to come

756
00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:46,080
Speaker 1: home from school, for example, and no one was there

757
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:48,000
Speaker 1: to receive you, and you had to be big brother

758
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:51,879
Speaker 1: to like oversee, and you wanted a wife who would

759
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,600
Speaker 1: be home when their children get home. I always wanted

760
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:56,400
Speaker 1: the same thing, like I want to be able to

761
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:57,840
Speaker 1: pick my kids up from school. I want to be

762
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 1: in the carpool line those days, Like those are things

763
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,160
Speaker 1: that I want to be able to do. And we

764
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 1: lean heavily on my parents now because they're here and

765
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 1: it's just two extra set of two extra setsive hands

766
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:10,560
Speaker 1: to help. But I don't think there's anything more than

767
00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:12,879
Speaker 1: the light in the eyes of our children when they

768
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 1: see that it's mommy picking me up today, it's Daddy

769
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 1: picking me up today. Do you do you know how

770
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:23,080
Speaker 1: much This conversation has helped me understand your thought process

771
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:27,160
Speaker 1: because like, no, I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you why

772
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:30,600
Speaker 1: when I met you, think about where I'm coming from.

773
00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 1: We were both super ambitious, right, we were both killing

774
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:37,880
Speaker 1: it in the grades academically may being a Division one athlete,

775
00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:39,960
Speaker 1: you're getting r D of the Year idea, Like, we

776
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:42,359
Speaker 1: were both killing it. In my mind, I've never thought

777
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:44,719
Speaker 1: about stopping to get pregnant. So in my mind is

778
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 1: that we're just gonna keep going and going and going

779
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 1: and going. In your mind, you've always thinking like at

780
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:49,880
Speaker 1: some point, I'm gonna have to stop it because we

781
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:52,560
Speaker 1: both say we want kids, somebody's gonna have to be there.

782
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,080
Speaker 1: Every time you used to stop or sit back to

783
00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:57,520
Speaker 1: make sure that that was taking care of. I used

784
00:39:57,560 --> 00:40:01,240
Speaker 1: to be like, oh, she's procrastinating. Oh she's excuses because

785
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:03,560
Speaker 1: like you, I used to look at my mom, who

786
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:06,480
Speaker 1: my mom was a full time career woman and she

787
00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:09,200
Speaker 1: was a mom. But then I also remember now like

788
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:10,800
Speaker 1: it clicks back to me, there were days when my

789
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,799
Speaker 1: dad cooked and my mom didn't cook with My mom

790
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 1: came home late because she was working and she had

791
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:17,719
Speaker 1: staff meetings late, and then she came home late, and

792
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,880
Speaker 1: then my dad had already made dinner. So when I

793
00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:23,040
Speaker 1: think about it now, all the things I used to

794
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:25,200
Speaker 1: judge you for and say, like she just don't want

795
00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:28,320
Speaker 1: her dreams enough and she procrastinates, it's just a completely

796
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:31,360
Speaker 1: different mindset because as a woman, your priorities aren't have

797
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 1: never been just my career. And this is you, not

798
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:37,360
Speaker 1: all women, because some women like I don't want to

799
00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:40,200
Speaker 1: have kids. That's even if I have children. I'm gonna

800
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:41,920
Speaker 1: hire this nanny and there's no shame to that. But

801
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:43,480
Speaker 1: they're like, yo, this is my career, this is what

802
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:45,760
Speaker 1: I want. I need my ascension to happen in this route.

803
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:48,799
Speaker 1: I need to provide my kids this lifestyle. So I'm

804
00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:50,719
Speaker 1: gonna hire this nanny and they're gonna take good care

805
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:52,400
Speaker 1: of my children. And I'm gonna pop in when I can.

806
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:54,839
Speaker 1: And that's fine and that works for them, But I

807
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:56,560
Speaker 1: know I always wanted to be more of a hands

808
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:59,000
Speaker 1: on mom. I think I also too. Just look at

809
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 1: how time is just a thief. Yeah, Time is a thief.

810
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 1: And I'm like Jackson already like just knowing that more

811
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:10,400
Speaker 1: than half of his life with us, it's gone, it's gone.

812
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:12,719
Speaker 1: He spent eleven years us already he only has seven

813
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:14,640
Speaker 1: years left before he goes to college. Shit makes me

814
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:17,680
Speaker 1: so emotional because I'm just like, I know what, I know,

815
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 1: I know, you know, Like what have I done substantial

816
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 1: enough for him in eleven years? Like I haven't done

817
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:30,480
Speaker 1: enough that he's gonna be like my mom used to

818
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:33,879
Speaker 1: and my mom I know, I know. Now I want

819
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 1: him to be able to look back and say, my

820
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:38,920
Speaker 1: mom taught me this. Like now I see he's getting

821
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:40,879
Speaker 1: more interested in the kitchen. For example, I and pulling

822
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:42,200
Speaker 1: him in the kitchen for a couple of years and

823
00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:44,040
Speaker 1: now he like last night, he's like, Mama, want to

824
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 1: be from broccoli, And I'm like, okay, we're not gonna

825
00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:48,560
Speaker 1: order chinese food. I'm gonna find a recipe to make

826
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 1: it together. And we made it together and it was

827
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:54,279
Speaker 1: our first time doing it, and he kind of just

828
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 1: loosely watched me when he came home for practice. But like,

829
00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:58,240
Speaker 1: I want to be there for moments when he's showing

830
00:41:58,239 --> 00:41:59,719
Speaker 1: interests and things like that so he can look back

831
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:04,200
Speaker 1: at my mom, she did this, she was here, you know. Okay,

832
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:07,040
Speaker 1: let me tell you something. We did a podcast and

833
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 1: I cried thinking about Jackson, Right, But think about what

834
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:14,759
Speaker 1: we cried about. You cried about did I spend enough

835
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:17,839
Speaker 1: time that he's going to remember my presence there? I

836
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:20,400
Speaker 1: cried about did I prepare my son to be a

837
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:24,000
Speaker 1: productive man in society? Think about our mindsets and why

838
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:27,120
Speaker 1: we as a couple sometimes can't get on the same

839
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:30,080
Speaker 1: page about what we want for each other. Because I'm

840
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:33,840
Speaker 1: looking at you through my male lens and saying that

841
00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:36,400
Speaker 1: if she thought like me, she would be more successful

842
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:38,960
Speaker 1: in her career. Right, you know what I'm saying, And

843
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:41,680
Speaker 1: then you'll be looking at me through your female lens

844
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 1: saying Devout needs to slow down and think about the

845
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:47,719
Speaker 1: time he's spending or not spending with his family. And

846
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:51,040
Speaker 1: we often get at each other not realizing that your

847
00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:56,319
Speaker 1: perspective is rooted in your your reality. Like you, what

848
00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:59,840
Speaker 1: you want for yourself, it's completely different than what I

849
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:03,359
Speaker 1: wanted for you, right, And it's this moment right here

850
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:07,200
Speaker 1: is kind of creating some clarity, yeah, as to why

851
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:09,640
Speaker 1: it is that way. And you know it's also particularly

852
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 1: hard for me is when people look at me who

853
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:15,360
Speaker 1: know me the best, That would be like you, or

854
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:18,240
Speaker 1: my mom or my dad, or my siblings or just family.

855
00:43:18,719 --> 00:43:21,680
Speaker 1: Who knows Kadein the go getter, the ambitious one, the

856
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:26,279
Speaker 1: ambitious one, the one who is always achieving everything and

857
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:28,320
Speaker 1: being like like my mom literally is always just like

858
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 1: I can't wait till you're doing this. I can't wait

859
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:32,160
Speaker 1: till in your own daytime TV. And you know the

860
00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:34,239
Speaker 1: view they're looking for someone new, like you know, and

861
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:36,239
Speaker 1: she's always looking at me with this like, okay, so

862
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:38,440
Speaker 1: what's next for you? Kdein, like what's next for you?

863
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 1: And I understand that she is speaking from a lens

864
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:45,880
Speaker 1: of probably in her own way saying I invested everything

865
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:50,680
Speaker 1: in y'all, everything in y'all, And she is in a

866
00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:52,080
Speaker 1: sense it's probably like, well, what do I have to

867
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:53,880
Speaker 1: show for it as a human being, as a woman,

868
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:55,680
Speaker 1: as a person who am I as a woman? Now

869
00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:58,040
Speaker 1: that I've raised my children, y'all are doing your own things.

870
00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:00,440
Speaker 1: Because also to kids have a way of doing their

871
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:03,040
Speaker 1: own thing and eventually probably disappointing you, Like you know,

872
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:04,960
Speaker 1: you put so much into children, you just never know

873
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:07,880
Speaker 1: sometimes what's going to happen regardless of how you've raised them.

874
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:10,040
Speaker 1: So I think she also looks at it like Kadean,

875
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:11,960
Speaker 1: like you have so much potential, like she probably knew

876
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 1: she had so much potential that was untapped. She doesn't

877
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:15,800
Speaker 1: want me to miss that moment. And I feel like

878
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 1: I disappoint The adults around me look at me and

879
00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:21,160
Speaker 1: say like, damn, KaDee, like you could be doing so

880
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:24,279
Speaker 1: much more. I'm glad you brought this up. Your your mom,

881
00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:28,840
Speaker 1: and your perspective is completely different. This now, this is

882
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:32,360
Speaker 1: gonna blow minds. Check this out right, what we feel

883
00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:35,400
Speaker 1: and what we want is not specific to our gender.

884
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 1: Think about your parents, right, Your dad doesn't care about ascension.

885
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:42,960
Speaker 1: Your dad cares about the time he spends with his

886
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:46,839
Speaker 1: kids and making sure his family is good. Whereas your

887
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:50,759
Speaker 1: mom's very career driven. She cares about titles. She wanted

888
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:52,640
Speaker 1: to get her master's degree, she wants to be director

889
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,120
Speaker 1: of nurse and she wanted to ascend to different places

890
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 1: and continue to make more money to have the autonomy

891
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:01,279
Speaker 1: so that her kids, yeah, can do more things. Right,

892
00:45:01,520 --> 00:45:03,719
Speaker 1: And that's not gender specific, because your mom was the

893
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:07,760
Speaker 1: more ambitious one and was like, I want more, whereas

894
00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 1: your dad was like, we have enough to sustain and

895
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:13,279
Speaker 1: maintain to why are we pushing more? Right? But that

896
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:17,040
Speaker 1: also shows because the two of them never took time

897
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:20,719
Speaker 1: to consider the other one's wants and needs, not as

898
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:23,400
Speaker 1: a wife, not as a husband, and what the gender

899
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:25,840
Speaker 1: role was supposed to be, but what they want as

900
00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:28,799
Speaker 1: an individual. They started to kind of separate because they

901
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:32,000
Speaker 1: couldn't understand each other. Your mom kept saying, why didn't

902
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 1: your dad more ambitious? He's a man, a man should

903
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:36,359
Speaker 1: do this. Your dad used to be like, your mom

904
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:37,879
Speaker 1: is a woman, Why don't she just be at home

905
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:40,080
Speaker 1: and cook? Remember? Why don't she do these and things?

906
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:43,800
Speaker 1: And it's like, yo, let's stop putting gender specific roles

907
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:47,920
Speaker 1: on people. Let's start trying to understand where they are

908
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:50,960
Speaker 1: mentally going into this thing called life, so that when

909
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:53,239
Speaker 1: pivots happened, you're not saying, well, you're not being the

910
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:55,799
Speaker 1: person I expected you to be right or thought you

911
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:57,839
Speaker 1: were going to be, or not the standard as an

912
00:45:57,840 --> 00:45:59,799
Speaker 1: eighteen year old, like you continue to look at me

913
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:01,400
Speaker 1: like and you have moments where you're just like, damn,

914
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:03,200
Speaker 1: but when we were in college, k, you used to

915
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:05,560
Speaker 1: do this, this, that. In the third I just like,

916
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:08,799
Speaker 1: look out much as fucking change since college money, You're like,

917
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 1: hs been formal people. We added to the family. We

918
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:14,080
Speaker 1: have a whole career. We have a whole team of

919
00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:15,799
Speaker 1: people we work with, we have a whole man Like,

920
00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:18,440
Speaker 1: there's so many things that are so different, and when

921
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 1: you look at me sometimes you're just like, damn, I

922
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 1: just missed like my girlfriend. That's why now I'm more

923
00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:25,640
Speaker 1: deliberate about going back to those sweet spots and moments

924
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:29,560
Speaker 1: and trying to recreate that for us, because we need

925
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:33,520
Speaker 1: that balance, like you need your girlfriends sometimes, right, and

926
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:36,359
Speaker 1: sometimes I need to focus in and be mom and

927
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:39,120
Speaker 1: be on it. Sometimes I need like just at the

928
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:40,960
Speaker 1: top of the year, I felt like the house was

929
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:43,160
Speaker 1: not in shambles, but there was so much stuff to

930
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:45,600
Speaker 1: be done in the house that I, as a mom

931
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 1: and wife and someone who wants to keep a home,

932
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:49,360
Speaker 1: wasn't able to do in the past year because we

933
00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:52,440
Speaker 1: were so insanely busy with work and travel. So it's

934
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 1: like sorting through clothes and taking stuff to goodwill and

935
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:58,440
Speaker 1: donations and you know, sorting through closets and refolding clothes

936
00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:00,279
Speaker 1: and organizing. I'm like, I couldn't do any any of

937
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 1: that because I was literally doing everything else. You know.

938
00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:07,320
Speaker 1: It's just and you wonder sometimes while you're just like, well,

939
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:09,160
Speaker 1: you know, we have a deadline for this. The Nori says,

940
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:10,560
Speaker 1: this is doing. I was able to get this done

941
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:11,960
Speaker 1: and you weren't able to get done. And it's like,

942
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:14,880
Speaker 1: it's because I had so many other things that are

943
00:47:14,920 --> 00:47:16,279
Speaker 1: on the back of my brain that I'm thinking of

944
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:17,840
Speaker 1: that I'm just like Dan, like all these things in

945
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:19,759
Speaker 1: the house, all these things for the kids. Say, it's

946
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 1: okay to say it just was not as important as

947
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:24,440
Speaker 1: the other thing. It wasn't. But here's the thing. When

948
00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:27,080
Speaker 1: we first met, I thought we were in alignment about

949
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:29,319
Speaker 1: what was most important, and at that moment, it was

950
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:34,319
Speaker 1: our career. It was and to me being being the

951
00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 1: next Tyler Perry or bigger than Tyler Perry, the next

952
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:40,719
Speaker 1: Will Smith, bigger than Will Smith, the next Kevin Hart,

953
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 1: bigger than Kevin Hart, to me, that's still my priority,

954
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:46,799
Speaker 1: whereas to you being the next Oprah or being the

955
00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:49,759
Speaker 1: next Lane or like, that's just not as important to you.

956
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:53,520
Speaker 1: And I think it just made me realize that I

957
00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:57,879
Speaker 1: have to stop expecting all of the dreams we talked

958
00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:00,920
Speaker 1: about at eighteen to still be the same the same. Yeah, well,

959
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:02,359
Speaker 1: I know we were supposed to be talking about life

960
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:04,120
Speaker 1: after the sect of me and how much has changed

961
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:06,359
Speaker 1: and how much, But I'm realizing not much is going

962
00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:11,160
Speaker 1: to change because you still prioritize being a mom more

963
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:13,799
Speaker 1: than you do being a career woman. I even see

964
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:15,279
Speaker 1: it on your social media post. I'd be like, yo,

965
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:18,400
Speaker 1: you ain't posting five or six days and you'd be like,

966
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:22,319
Speaker 1: so like you, like you have so much other things

967
00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 1: that you've done. I've been and I've just I've just

968
00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 1: been enjoying present time with the kids, Like I see

969
00:48:27,560 --> 00:48:29,600
Speaker 1: how important that is. I see how much they needed,

970
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:31,759
Speaker 1: how much they enjoy it when we just sit, Like

971
00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:34,800
Speaker 1: when you were away for the Sherry Shepherd Show, Jackson

972
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 1: and spent a lot of time together that day, and

973
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:38,759
Speaker 1: it was just great to have conversation with him. Yoh,

974
00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:40,440
Speaker 1: He's a freaking dope ass human being. It's like you

975
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:42,840
Speaker 1: learn something new about your kids every day. And I

976
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:44,839
Speaker 1: passed the ACS to him and he's playing these songs

977
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:46,479
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, yeah, what you know about this music?

978
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:49,160
Speaker 1: Like it's just so interesting to see and connect with

979
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:51,239
Speaker 1: your children on that level. And I just love And

980
00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:53,799
Speaker 1: it may be in part because I can say them

981
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:55,719
Speaker 1: to say because they they're my children, but we have

982
00:48:55,800 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 1: some children likes as humans learning who they are. I

983
00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:02,560
Speaker 1: just want to continue to tap into that. And I

984
00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:05,120
Speaker 1: feel like the career things that come organically that make

985
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:07,600
Speaker 1: sense for me, I'm going to go for it. I

986
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:10,560
Speaker 1: would never pass up on those opportunities because I still

987
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:12,920
Speaker 1: want to be able to be active in that and

988
00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:16,640
Speaker 1: utilize my ability and potential, but not to a detriment

989
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:19,840
Speaker 1: of you, and not to the detriment of my children.

990
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 1: That's a that's a good wrap up, Like I understand,

991
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:26,640
Speaker 1: I understand now, Like you still want to be a

992
00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 1: career woman and in that space, but you're not chasing

993
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:36,480
Speaker 1: this never ending pursuit conquering conquering titles, and yes, yeah,

994
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:39,480
Speaker 1: and then with more and you are. I know you are.

995
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:41,200
Speaker 1: I know you are. And it's like, as much as

996
00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:43,640
Speaker 1: I enjoy what we do and I enjoy, you know,

997
00:49:43,719 --> 00:49:46,799
Speaker 1: people knowing who we are and interacting with people, I

998
00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:48,400
Speaker 1: have the moments where I'm like, I'm going to shut

999
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:50,640
Speaker 1: it off and I want to be able to do that,

1000
00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:53,200
Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm missing out on that moment

1001
00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:57,319
Speaker 1: in this fickle ass industry. You know. So there we are.

1002
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:01,560
Speaker 1: I get you, I get you now. I think constant conversations, y'all,

1003
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:04,399
Speaker 1: we learned something new every episode about something each other.

1004
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:07,080
Speaker 1: It's like the light bulb like literally went off. And

1005
00:50:07,120 --> 00:50:10,240
Speaker 1: I have to I have to thank you for always

1006
00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:13,080
Speaker 1: constantly pushing and driving conversations for us to have because

1007
00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:15,760
Speaker 1: I was never always, over the course of our relationship,

1008
00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:19,480
Speaker 1: very able to or articulate enough each articulate, yes, but

1009
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:22,920
Speaker 1: not able to organize my thoughts in an eloquent way

1010
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:26,000
Speaker 1: sometime so that it made sense. So I appreciate you

1011
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:27,920
Speaker 1: trying to walk me through that so that you can

1012
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:31,840
Speaker 1: get an understanding of how I feel. And I'm continuing

1013
00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 1: to work on that and being concise and eloquent with

1014
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:36,960
Speaker 1: my thoughts. So marriage is a never ending conversation, never

1015
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 1: ending conversation. All right, let's take a quick break, I

1016
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:42,879
Speaker 1: think we should take. I get you now, I'm getting

1017
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:45,200
Speaker 1: all sniffily and emotional, So let's take a break, and

1018
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:47,040
Speaker 1: then we'll come back and get into y'all's business as

1019
00:50:47,080 --> 00:51:01,279
Speaker 1: I just talked about all mine. All right, and does

1020
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:04,239
Speaker 1: the letter number one we walk with you today? Yeah?

1021
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:07,839
Speaker 1: I believe you. Go ahead, and number one, my wife

1022
00:51:07,840 --> 00:51:10,440
Speaker 1: and I have been together twelve years, married seven Her

1023
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:12,840
Speaker 1: mother never accepted our relationship and took the stance that

1024
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:16,240
Speaker 1: her daughter my wife continued in this relationship, or if

1025
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:19,200
Speaker 1: her daughter my wife continued in this relationship, she would

1026
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:21,880
Speaker 1: not talk to her. That hurt my wife immensely, and

1027
00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:24,480
Speaker 1: I encouraged my wife to build back that relationship. Her

1028
00:51:24,520 --> 00:51:27,879
Speaker 1: mother was her best friend. They overtime started talking again

1029
00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:30,560
Speaker 1: and mending that relationship, which was awesome for me because

1030
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:33,520
Speaker 1: my wife wasn't as sad. I could care less if

1031
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:35,800
Speaker 1: her mom liked me. In fact, the only reason and

1032
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:39,440
Speaker 1: the only reason any of it bothered me is because

1033
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:42,239
Speaker 1: my wife was hurt and to see someone who supposedly

1034
00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:45,480
Speaker 1: has unconditional love for you throw up conditions was is

1035
00:51:45,640 --> 00:51:49,319
Speaker 1: dumb to me. Never bother me until we had kids.

1036
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:53,359
Speaker 1: Because her mother still does not care about the relationship still, wow,

1037
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:56,000
Speaker 1: come on, lady, get the fuck over it. Because her

1038
00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:58,520
Speaker 1: mother still does not care about the relationship. Still, her

1039
00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:00,919
Speaker 1: mom calls and acts like she is not in one.

1040
00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:05,440
Speaker 1: But this is making me mad, but still wants to

1041
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:08,120
Speaker 1: talk to my kids and visit them to what my

1042
00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:11,400
Speaker 1: answer is a resounding no. My wife turns the phone,

1043
00:52:11,480 --> 00:52:15,520
Speaker 1: generalizes conversations as if I am in the room, and

1044
00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:18,200
Speaker 1: concedes to me to act like I am not existing

1045
00:52:18,239 --> 00:52:21,160
Speaker 1: in my own home when her mom calls, wow, I

1046
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:26,600
Speaker 1: have resentment in my being about it, and what I

1047
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:29,880
Speaker 1: have resentment in my being about it, and my mind says,

1048
00:52:29,920 --> 00:52:32,960
Speaker 1: if she wants to act like you don't exist, then

1049
00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:35,680
Speaker 1: neither do these kids, because these kids are from you.

1050
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:40,040
Speaker 1: Give me perspective because my wife gets defensive every time

1051
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:42,520
Speaker 1: I try to grasp and understanding of why she gets

1052
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:45,320
Speaker 1: to build a relationship with our kids and they halfway

1053
00:52:45,360 --> 00:52:48,120
Speaker 1: come from there's no fucking way like this is making

1054
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:50,920
Speaker 1: me mad, feels kind of disrespectful that my wife allows it.

1055
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:53,680
Speaker 1: That is disrespectful. But what are some thoughts you can

1056
00:52:53,719 --> 00:52:56,880
Speaker 1: share from this? Appreciate you ps not trying to be

1057
00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:59,000
Speaker 1: right or wrong, just trying to I'm glad you said

1058
00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:00,880
Speaker 1: you're not trying to be right a wrong, just just

1059
00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:03,040
Speaker 1: trying to see what is the problem with me also

1060
00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:06,120
Speaker 1: putting conditions on her getting not fuck that and to

1061
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:09,120
Speaker 1: know my kids, the kids that come from a relationship

1062
00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:13,120
Speaker 1: a person she decides to ignore. Hell yeah yo yo,

1063
00:53:14,160 --> 00:53:17,960
Speaker 1: signed by I really don't like her, but I'll be trying. Yo.

1064
00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:22,640
Speaker 1: My g No, you can't talk to me years. I'm

1065
00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:24,320
Speaker 1: taking care of your daughter. Your daughter's good or you

1066
00:53:24,360 --> 00:53:26,240
Speaker 1: want to have a conversation to meet with my kids.

1067
00:53:26,239 --> 00:53:29,960
Speaker 1: Fuck no, that is a hard fuck no, Like I

1068
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:34,799
Speaker 1: have the same issue with my grandfather, my mother's dad.

1069
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:37,560
Speaker 1: Like he's not trying to build no relationship with me.

1070
00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:39,840
Speaker 1: He has an issue with my dad and then my

1071
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:41,479
Speaker 1: mom always trying to be like you know, you should

1072
00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:43,880
Speaker 1: take your sons over to see your grandfather. Fuck no,

1073
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:46,880
Speaker 1: Like there has to be you could tell is triggering

1074
00:53:46,920 --> 00:53:49,719
Speaker 1: to me, but there has to be a respect factor,

1075
00:53:49,760 --> 00:53:53,440
Speaker 1: Like you you don't get to choose to be parts

1076
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:55,799
Speaker 1: of the people life who matter the most to me.

1077
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:59,839
Speaker 1: Why you ignore me and disrespect me? That's not gonna happen, bro.

1078
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:04,759
Speaker 1: And to be honest, your wife's wrong for that man. Like,

1079
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:07,720
Speaker 1: if we're gonna hold people accountable, you as a woman

1080
00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:10,040
Speaker 1: can't say I want to build a life with this man,

1081
00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:13,840
Speaker 1: but then ignore her, ignore the man when it's convenient

1082
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:15,960
Speaker 1: for you because you're trying to have a relationship with

1083
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:18,800
Speaker 1: your mother. People like throwing out the Bible. The Bible

1084
00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:21,400
Speaker 1: says when the wife leaves her family and gets married,

1085
00:54:21,440 --> 00:54:23,719
Speaker 1: that is now her new family. That means you can't

1086
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:26,440
Speaker 1: choose to be with your mom over your husband, and

1087
00:54:26,440 --> 00:54:28,239
Speaker 1: then take your kids to be with your mom and

1088
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:31,160
Speaker 1: ignore your husband. That's just wrong, right, Like how you

1089
00:54:31,239 --> 00:54:32,920
Speaker 1: gonna be on the phone with your mom and then

1090
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:35,360
Speaker 1: ask him to be quiet in the background. Essentially what

1091
00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:38,120
Speaker 1: he's saying, you gotta make yourself small in your own

1092
00:54:38,120 --> 00:54:41,759
Speaker 1: house while she's on speaker phone where b And the

1093
00:54:41,800 --> 00:54:46,279
Speaker 1: thing is, you are building a union together and your

1094
00:54:46,320 --> 00:54:49,160
Speaker 1: mom needs to respect that. If your mom can't respect that,

1095
00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:51,279
Speaker 1: then you cannot be around my kids. Because this is

1096
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:54,680
Speaker 1: what happens. People like to plant seeds in children's mind

1097
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:58,000
Speaker 1: of things being wrong. You're not gonna plant any seeds

1098
00:54:58,000 --> 00:55:00,719
Speaker 1: in my children's head of anything that could be that

1099
00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:03,600
Speaker 1: you may seem wrong with me and my wife. I

1100
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 1: don't care what your thought processes. That's wrong, yo. And

1101
00:55:06,520 --> 00:55:08,440
Speaker 1: the thing is, if you can't agree with our union,

1102
00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:09,959
Speaker 1: then you don't need to talk to our kids because

1103
00:55:09,960 --> 00:55:12,160
Speaker 1: these kids came from this union. You know what I'm saying,

1104
00:55:12,160 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 1: And I'm traditional aspect, but come on, give me a break.

1105
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:18,960
Speaker 1: People like yeah, yo, people be wild selfish when it

1106
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:21,279
Speaker 1: comes to stuff like that, Like I'm not talking like

1107
00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:24,840
Speaker 1: that's the most childish shit ever. Don't talk to me,

1108
00:55:24,920 --> 00:55:26,719
Speaker 1: you don't exist. But those kids I'm gonna talk to

1109
00:55:26,719 --> 00:55:29,399
Speaker 1: those kids, man, kiss my ass, lady, And I don't

1110
00:55:29,440 --> 00:55:31,239
Speaker 1: get like this, but that shit is triggering to me,

1111
00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:34,359
Speaker 1: Like how you disregard somebody like that? Right, that's just

1112
00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:37,080
Speaker 1: completely you know what I'm saying. I mean, I don't

1113
00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:39,440
Speaker 1: know if the relationship she has, she never accepted the relationship,

1114
00:55:39,520 --> 00:55:41,160
Speaker 1: so is that she doesn't accept her or is it

1115
00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:43,480
Speaker 1: that she doesn't accept that they may be a same

1116
00:55:43,520 --> 00:55:45,880
Speaker 1: sex couple? Could be gave to us that they're a

1117
00:55:45,960 --> 00:55:48,920
Speaker 1: same sex couples. More than likely her mom doesn't accept

1118
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:51,480
Speaker 1: the fact that there are same sex couples and her

1119
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:54,399
Speaker 1: mom needs to right her mom is choosing to take

1120
00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:57,319
Speaker 1: that out on her significant other, still trying to build

1121
00:55:57,320 --> 00:55:59,560
Speaker 1: a relationship with her daughter once. I have a relationship

1122
00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:02,200
Speaker 1: with the kids, but the partner I'm not talking to, Like,

1123
00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:03,759
Speaker 1: but does that even makes sense? Because if you do

1124
00:56:03,840 --> 00:56:05,440
Speaker 1: have an issue with your child being in the same

1125
00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:07,600
Speaker 1: sex relationship and have the issue with your child, not

1126
00:56:07,719 --> 00:56:10,000
Speaker 1: the person that she's in the relationship with, as if

1127
00:56:10,080 --> 00:56:12,120
Speaker 1: what she converted her or like, but you know how

1128
00:56:12,160 --> 00:56:14,440
Speaker 1: people had that weird like mindset about it. No, I'm

1129
00:56:14,440 --> 00:56:18,360
Speaker 1: gonna say, now, have an issue with yourself Okay, I

1130
00:56:18,440 --> 00:56:20,799
Speaker 1: have four boys. If one of my boys came out today,

1131
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:24,360
Speaker 1: say dad, I'm gay. Okay you gay. I'm not gonna

1132
00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:27,120
Speaker 1: stop loving you and choose to make your life right

1133
00:56:27,320 --> 00:56:30,880
Speaker 1: fucking miserable and at whoever it is that you ll

1134
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:33,960
Speaker 1: both of y'all. All right, that's just what it is, yo.

1135
00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:36,399
Speaker 1: You know what bothers me so much about people? Son?

1136
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:41,280
Speaker 1: People want it to just project all of their issues

1137
00:56:41,400 --> 00:56:44,200
Speaker 1: on other people and then expect those people to move

1138
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:47,040
Speaker 1: how they want them to move, even though they wrong,

1139
00:56:47,840 --> 00:56:50,520
Speaker 1: like you wild wrong right now? Yeah, and then you

1140
00:56:50,600 --> 00:56:53,680
Speaker 1: want to demand the respect. Don't talk to me, but

1141
00:56:53,920 --> 00:56:58,839
Speaker 1: let me have your kids. That is the most wildest yo. Nah,

1142
00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:01,759
Speaker 1: this is your wife speak to her mom about that

1143
00:57:02,040 --> 00:57:04,920
Speaker 1: big time facts and you need to have a conversation

1144
00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:06,600
Speaker 1: with your wife like this is not cool, you know,

1145
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:09,319
Speaker 1: because she can't continue to make you feel less than

1146
00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:13,080
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. And this is triggering to me, guys,

1147
00:57:13,120 --> 00:57:15,440
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest, it's triggering to me because I

1148
00:57:15,560 --> 00:57:18,480
Speaker 1: feel like like that within my family, and my whole

1149
00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 1: family is full of heterosexual relationships, but there are certain

1150
00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:24,360
Speaker 1: things about certain family members where they don't approve of

1151
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:26,560
Speaker 1: certain relationships. So they take it out on the kids,

1152
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:28,959
Speaker 1: or they take it out on generations that have nothing

1153
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:31,360
Speaker 1: to do with it, and then they be so selfish

1154
00:57:31,440 --> 00:57:34,360
Speaker 1: and so egotistical in their own life that everyone has

1155
00:57:34,440 --> 00:57:36,080
Speaker 1: to bend to me, and if they don't bend to me,

1156
00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:39,080
Speaker 1: then I'm going to disregard that person, but then still

1157
00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:43,000
Speaker 1: asks for that's works. I never talked about this because

1158
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 1: I never wanted to put my family out there, but

1159
00:57:44,760 --> 00:57:47,120
Speaker 1: it does hurt me and it bothers me that my

1160
00:57:48,360 --> 00:57:52,760
Speaker 1: maternal grandfather chooses to not have a relationship with people

1161
00:57:52,800 --> 00:57:56,000
Speaker 1: in my family, my father, me and my brother, because

1162
00:57:56,040 --> 00:57:58,760
Speaker 1: of the choices he made in his life. He made

1163
00:57:58,800 --> 00:58:00,560
Speaker 1: the choices, he didn't want to own up to the choices,

1164
00:58:00,560 --> 00:58:02,960
Speaker 1: and he continued to be disrespectful, and when people say

1165
00:58:03,280 --> 00:58:04,720
Speaker 1: could we not take it in the more he choose

1166
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:07,160
Speaker 1: to not talk to people, but then still ask my

1167
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:11,160
Speaker 1: mom to bring my kids over there, no like, have

1168
00:58:11,320 --> 00:58:14,120
Speaker 1: you lost your mind? Yeah? And maybe I took this

1169
00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:16,640
Speaker 1: away from them and it is about them, It should

1170
00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:18,600
Speaker 1: be about them. But it triggered me how you will

1171
00:58:18,640 --> 00:58:20,360
Speaker 1: ask for my kids, but you don't talk to me.

1172
00:58:21,320 --> 00:58:27,920
Speaker 1: Do y'all see how wrong that is? Period period period period. Please,

1173
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:32,040
Speaker 1: Oh my god, she's making me tight right now, maybe

1174
00:58:32,080 --> 00:58:34,880
Speaker 1: you want to fight somebody ain't gonna lie because that's

1175
00:58:34,920 --> 00:58:40,280
Speaker 1: just got a picture. Yes, from perspective, her mom is

1176
00:58:40,320 --> 00:58:43,000
Speaker 1: wrong right, period, Like we don't talk about who's right

1177
00:58:43,040 --> 00:58:44,240
Speaker 1: or wrong. And you said you didn't want to be

1178
00:58:44,360 --> 00:58:46,560
Speaker 1: right or wrong, but her mom is wrong, period. That's it.

1179
00:58:46,840 --> 00:58:49,360
Speaker 1: And continue to have conversations with your significant other so

1180
00:58:49,520 --> 00:58:52,480
Speaker 1: y'all can find an amicable way to make the relationship

1181
00:58:52,520 --> 00:58:54,920
Speaker 1: work between y'all within that house. She continued to be.

1182
00:58:57,440 --> 00:58:59,880
Speaker 1: I let my grandfather be, let her be. It's fine

1183
00:58:59,880 --> 00:59:01,280
Speaker 1: to let people know that, you know what, We don't

1184
00:59:01,320 --> 00:59:03,680
Speaker 1: need you am out here. That's a whole fact. That's

1185
00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:08,360
Speaker 1: a whole fact. All. I'm all right now let's let's

1186
00:59:08,400 --> 00:59:10,960
Speaker 1: let's really back in now. Baby. It's so good, it's

1187
00:59:10,960 --> 00:59:13,600
Speaker 1: so good. I get you. No, this is fine, it's fine.

1188
00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:16,200
Speaker 1: This is what we do. We can relate situations to

1189
00:59:16,880 --> 00:59:19,040
Speaker 1: how they make us feel a based off of our experiences. Right.

1190
00:59:20,560 --> 00:59:23,040
Speaker 1: Next up, my husband grew up in a large group

1191
00:59:23,080 --> 00:59:25,520
Speaker 1: of friends, some from high school, some from his childhood.

1192
00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:27,720
Speaker 1: They all have families, full time careers, and still find

1193
00:59:27,760 --> 00:59:29,520
Speaker 1: time to go out for a bear every now and then.

1194
00:59:29,840 --> 00:59:31,960
Speaker 1: My friendship circle, on the other end, has been more

1195
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:34,400
Speaker 1: of a struggle over the years. I'm just now getting

1196
00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:37,160
Speaker 1: in a good place with my relationships. I have different

1197
00:59:37,200 --> 00:59:39,160
Speaker 1: friend groups that I connect with for different things, and

1198
00:59:39,200 --> 00:59:42,040
Speaker 1: I feel like that's okay. My husband, however, tends to

1199
00:59:42,160 --> 00:59:45,120
Speaker 1: think that because my friends don't hang out as consistently

1200
00:59:45,200 --> 00:59:47,520
Speaker 1: as his friends do, that equates to them not being

1201
00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:50,520
Speaker 1: my quote unquote real friends. He's a firm believer that

1202
00:59:50,560 --> 00:59:52,640
Speaker 1: people make time for what they want, so if he

1203
00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:54,840
Speaker 1: sees one of my friends hanging out via social media

1204
00:59:54,920 --> 00:59:57,320
Speaker 1: with other friends, he then questions why I don't get

1205
00:59:57,360 --> 01:00:00,080
Speaker 1: an invite as well. Although I feel more secure my

1206
01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:02,160
Speaker 1: relationships than I've ever felt in my life, I tend

1207
01:00:02,200 --> 01:00:05,200
Speaker 1: to struggle with how he views my friendships, wondering does

1208
01:00:05,280 --> 01:00:08,439
Speaker 1: he have a point. I feel like I'm always trying

1209
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:11,200
Speaker 1: to convince him that my friendships are genuine. He loves

1210
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:13,600
Speaker 1: me and is very protective over my heart. I know

1211
01:00:13,840 --> 01:00:16,240
Speaker 1: it used to bother him seeing me upset In the

1212
01:00:16,320 --> 01:00:18,760
Speaker 1: past when I experienced flaky friends who didn't put the

1213
01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:21,640
Speaker 1: same effort in as I did with them, I have

1214
01:00:21,760 --> 01:00:24,640
Speaker 1: cried many tears over disappointment if I didn't get invited

1215
01:00:24,800 --> 01:00:26,640
Speaker 1: or friends they're not coming through for me, or I

1216
01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:29,280
Speaker 1: did not have friends coming through for me. My husband

1217
01:00:29,320 --> 01:00:31,160
Speaker 1: had a front row seat to it all. Now that

1218
01:00:31,240 --> 01:00:34,240
Speaker 1: I'm older and wiser, I really have introduced myself to

1219
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:37,080
Speaker 1: people regarding how I expect to be treated as a friend.

1220
01:00:37,520 --> 01:00:40,600
Speaker 1: My prospective revolves around meeting people where they are and

1221
01:00:40,760 --> 01:00:43,520
Speaker 1: lowering my expectation for people in general. Would you kind

1222
01:00:43,520 --> 01:00:46,840
Speaker 1: of have to do to avoid disappointment? Right? If they

1223
01:00:46,880 --> 01:00:49,120
Speaker 1: can hang out, that's great. If they can't, I have

1224
01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:51,920
Speaker 1: a backup plan. Anyway. I now believe it's okay to

1225
01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:54,480
Speaker 1: have different friends for different purposes in life. Sometimes I

1226
01:00:54,520 --> 01:00:56,520
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm adapting this mindset as a defense

1227
01:00:56,560 --> 01:01:00,240
Speaker 1: mechanism or if my perspective is actually realistic. Looking forward

1228
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:02,680
Speaker 1: to hearing your thoughts, You're absolutely right. I think that

1229
01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:05,120
Speaker 1: your husband, in the circumstance is just trying to be

1230
01:01:06,120 --> 01:01:08,480
Speaker 1: kind of your pitbull in the sense because he's seen

1231
01:01:08,560 --> 01:01:11,400
Speaker 1: how these relationships have hurt you in the past, so

1232
01:01:11,560 --> 01:01:14,240
Speaker 1: now he's trying to make sure that you're not embarking

1233
01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:16,960
Speaker 1: on those situations again. But I feel the same way

1234
01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:19,880
Speaker 1: you feel, Sis. I feel like the friends that I

1235
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:22,600
Speaker 1: have who are my solid group of friends, my core

1236
01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:24,560
Speaker 1: group of friends who was very very few and far

1237
01:01:24,640 --> 01:01:28,120
Speaker 1: in between. They understand and we have a mutual understanding

1238
01:01:28,200 --> 01:01:30,520
Speaker 1: that we were able to hand a lot in the past.

1239
01:01:31,640 --> 01:01:34,200
Speaker 1: Now life is busy. We all have children, we all

1240
01:01:34,240 --> 01:01:37,240
Speaker 1: have careers, we all have husbands, some don't. But it's

1241
01:01:37,280 --> 01:01:39,960
Speaker 1: okay because we know that even if we spoke for

1242
01:01:40,360 --> 01:01:42,880
Speaker 1: a week straight or we went six months without speaking,

1243
01:01:43,200 --> 01:01:45,480
Speaker 1: when we finally do reconnect, it's like we pick up

1244
01:01:45,560 --> 01:01:48,040
Speaker 1: right where we left off and there's no hard feelings there.

1245
01:01:48,360 --> 01:01:50,320
Speaker 1: But I can see why your husband might feel like, damn,

1246
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:53,440
Speaker 1: you know, let me be hypercritical of these relationships now

1247
01:01:53,520 --> 01:01:58,160
Speaker 1: because in the past you've been crying over them. You

1248
01:01:58,200 --> 01:01:59,760
Speaker 1: got to watch out for people who want to spend

1249
01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:01,320
Speaker 1: time with your kids who don't want to talk to

1250
01:02:01,400 --> 01:02:06,920
Speaker 1: you first. Sorry, that's bothering me, Yeah, because I remember.

1251
01:02:07,160 --> 01:02:10,000
Speaker 1: I remember time's going to my grandfather house and we're

1252
01:02:10,040 --> 01:02:12,440
Speaker 1: doing stuff and him making comments about like, you know,

1253
01:02:12,480 --> 01:02:14,040
Speaker 1: I fixed up myself like a real man. You know,

1254
01:02:14,080 --> 01:02:15,520
Speaker 1: I don't just call people to do that. He was

1255
01:02:15,560 --> 01:02:17,919
Speaker 1: taking shot to my pops. You know what I'm saying

1256
01:02:18,200 --> 01:02:23,680
Speaker 1: that people Yo, oh, I'm sorry. Don't let people people

1257
01:02:23,720 --> 01:02:25,400
Speaker 1: don't talk to you, don't let them around your kids.

1258
01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:29,880
Speaker 1: That's a fact because because that's people be evil contaminations exactly.

1259
01:02:29,960 --> 01:02:31,960
Speaker 1: People be evil, and they the only reason why. It's

1260
01:02:32,000 --> 01:02:34,160
Speaker 1: a real vindictive thing. The only reason why they want

1261
01:02:34,160 --> 01:02:36,520
Speaker 1: to be around your kids and is to get access

1262
01:02:36,560 --> 01:02:39,720
Speaker 1: to them so they can do things. And it's real evil. Yo,

1263
01:02:39,800 --> 01:02:43,760
Speaker 1: and YO, protect your piece, protect your kids, and protect

1264
01:02:43,800 --> 01:02:45,680
Speaker 1: your heart against friends who ain't shit. But sis, I

1265
01:02:45,720 --> 01:02:48,840
Speaker 1: think you're very realistic. Going back to the second listed

1266
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:52,320
Speaker 1: letter bad I got you, I got you, but I

1267
01:02:52,440 --> 01:02:54,520
Speaker 1: got the second one here. I think you're very realistic

1268
01:02:54,600 --> 01:02:56,840
Speaker 1: in your expectations that you have for people. Now, the

1269
01:02:56,920 --> 01:03:00,560
Speaker 1: easiest way to avoid disappointment is to not have expectations.

1270
01:03:00,640 --> 01:03:03,040
Speaker 1: So if you have friends that you put in particular

1271
01:03:03,160 --> 01:03:06,320
Speaker 1: boxes because you know that there's certain friends that you

1272
01:03:06,360 --> 01:03:09,200
Speaker 1: can do certain things with, keep it that way for

1273
01:03:09,320 --> 01:03:11,560
Speaker 1: your own sanity. If it's a I don't think it's

1274
01:03:11,560 --> 01:03:14,880
Speaker 1: as much of a defense mechanisism as it is being

1275
01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:19,160
Speaker 1: older and wiser and understanding how people work and how friendships.

1276
01:03:19,360 --> 01:03:21,520
Speaker 1: As you get older in life continues to progress and

1277
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:24,360
Speaker 1: things happen, and life evolves and you add more things

1278
01:03:24,400 --> 01:03:26,240
Speaker 1: to your play as an adult, you're wise enough to

1279
01:03:26,320 --> 01:03:28,240
Speaker 1: know that, listen, a good friend is gonna be a

1280
01:03:28,280 --> 01:03:32,800
Speaker 1: good friend regardless, regardless, I do agree with that. I'm sorry.

1281
01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:37,400
Speaker 1: I just a lot of stuff that's still unresolved. Maybe

1282
01:03:37,440 --> 01:03:40,520
Speaker 1: another podcast episode, we'll see, we'll talk about that. Like see,

1283
01:03:40,560 --> 01:03:42,440
Speaker 1: I love how we sometimes have a hard time coming

1284
01:03:42,520 --> 01:03:44,880
Speaker 1: up with new exciting topics for y'all, but they kind

1285
01:03:44,920 --> 01:03:48,600
Speaker 1: of kind of rear themselves as we as we talk

1286
01:03:48,640 --> 01:03:52,480
Speaker 1: about different things. You know, I'd be trying to keep

1287
01:03:52,560 --> 01:03:55,640
Speaker 1: like inside, I completely understand talk about because I'm like,

1288
01:03:56,880 --> 01:03:59,320
Speaker 1: fuck that. Yeah, I don't need the expermission for that.

1289
01:03:59,440 --> 01:04:02,000
Speaker 1: You you know what, you know what she don't need

1290
01:04:02,080 --> 01:04:05,280
Speaker 1: permission for. You don't need permission. You don't need permission

1291
01:04:05,280 --> 01:04:08,360
Speaker 1: to write into us. Okay, you don't need permission, Just

1292
01:04:08,440 --> 01:04:10,520
Speaker 1: write Okay. If you want to be featured as a

1293
01:04:10,600 --> 01:04:13,560
Speaker 1: listener letter, email us at dead Ass Advice at gmail

1294
01:04:13,600 --> 01:04:16,240
Speaker 1: dot com. That's d E A d as A d

1295
01:04:16,400 --> 01:04:19,760
Speaker 1: v I C E at gmail dot com. No permission needed,

1296
01:04:20,520 --> 01:04:22,520
Speaker 1: all right, Mowing the truth. I feel like we spoke

1297
01:04:22,560 --> 01:04:25,120
Speaker 1: about so many different things in this episode between the

1298
01:04:25,160 --> 01:04:27,640
Speaker 1: listener letters and then everything that we spoke about regarding

1299
01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:29,960
Speaker 1: life after the vasectomy with me, and I think the

1300
01:04:30,080 --> 01:04:32,240
Speaker 1: moment of truth here is this revelation that I had

1301
01:04:32,360 --> 01:04:35,880
Speaker 1: in talking things out with you, and it's that I

1302
01:04:36,160 --> 01:04:40,200
Speaker 1: was foolish to believe that pregnancy was the only thing

1303
01:04:40,320 --> 01:04:44,919
Speaker 1: holding me back from achieving certain things in my life

1304
01:04:45,080 --> 01:04:48,640
Speaker 1: or ascension within my career. It wasn't just pregnancy. And

1305
01:04:48,720 --> 01:04:51,640
Speaker 1: then the idea of having to stop and restart a

1306
01:04:51,840 --> 01:04:55,120
Speaker 1: career in an already fickle industry. I think it's just

1307
01:04:55,320 --> 01:04:57,640
Speaker 1: me realizing now that the things that I may have

1308
01:04:57,840 --> 01:05:04,240
Speaker 1: wanted when I was younger, as that young, ambitious, vibrant teenager,

1309
01:05:04,880 --> 01:05:07,560
Speaker 1: has shifted a bit now, rightfully so, because I now

1310
01:05:07,880 --> 01:05:12,360
Speaker 1: will be raising for vibrant, beautiful boys who will eventually

1311
01:05:12,400 --> 01:05:15,240
Speaker 1: become teenagers and men. And I'm doing that with my

1312
01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:18,440
Speaker 1: life partner, who is you that I value your opinion,

1313
01:05:18,520 --> 01:05:20,720
Speaker 1: I value how you feel. I value your goals and

1314
01:05:20,840 --> 01:05:23,560
Speaker 1: dreams as well as mine. So it's me now trying

1315
01:05:23,600 --> 01:05:26,080
Speaker 1: to find a way to make sure that I'm finding

1316
01:05:26,120 --> 01:05:29,320
Speaker 1: a way to style step around what needs to be

1317
01:05:29,400 --> 01:05:32,240
Speaker 1: done in those particular moments so that I'm successful across

1318
01:05:32,320 --> 01:05:35,120
Speaker 1: the board with everything. So my children can feel like man,

1319
01:05:35,160 --> 01:05:36,800
Speaker 1: my mom was there for me when I needed her.

1320
01:05:36,920 --> 01:05:38,600
Speaker 1: My husband can be like man, my wife has been

1321
01:05:38,640 --> 01:05:41,120
Speaker 1: there for me. And then when my career moves come

1322
01:05:41,200 --> 01:05:44,080
Speaker 1: and those opportunities come and they present themselves, that I'm

1323
01:05:44,120 --> 01:05:46,600
Speaker 1: able to jump into the ones that make the most

1324
01:05:46,640 --> 01:05:48,760
Speaker 1: sense for me and still gives me the autonomy over

1325
01:05:48,840 --> 01:05:51,480
Speaker 1: the time that I so desperately need for my family

1326
01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:54,080
Speaker 1: because I've realized, much like my dad, who is the

1327
01:05:54,160 --> 01:05:58,840
Speaker 1: simple one, that my family comes first. My moment of

1328
01:05:58,880 --> 01:06:00,840
Speaker 1: truth is that that was a long ask moment of truth.

1329
01:06:01,840 --> 01:06:04,360
Speaker 1: You got nerves after going back to the first listen

1330
01:06:04,480 --> 01:06:10,920
Speaker 1: letter after the second one, We're ready on. But my

1331
01:06:11,360 --> 01:06:14,440
Speaker 1: listener letter is truly truly this. If you are your

1332
01:06:14,480 --> 01:06:16,800
Speaker 1: moment of truth or you listening letter, yeah, you see,

1333
01:06:16,840 --> 01:06:20,240
Speaker 1: I'm still on it out. My moment of truth is

1334
01:06:20,440 --> 01:06:24,000
Speaker 1: simple and is this regardless of who you are or

1335
01:06:24,040 --> 01:06:26,680
Speaker 1: what type of relationship you exist in. Right. If you're

1336
01:06:26,720 --> 01:06:29,360
Speaker 1: trying to be of service to a woman who plans

1337
01:06:29,400 --> 01:06:31,640
Speaker 1: on having children, the best way you can be of

1338
01:06:31,720 --> 01:06:34,160
Speaker 1: service to her in her career is to continuously listen

1339
01:06:34,200 --> 01:06:37,760
Speaker 1: to what her true wants and needs are. Don't implant

1340
01:06:37,880 --> 01:06:40,080
Speaker 1: what you think their version of what it looks like

1341
01:06:40,320 --> 01:06:43,600
Speaker 1: should be. Just listen to what they're saying. Yeah, because

1342
01:06:43,800 --> 01:06:46,040
Speaker 1: our whole life, you've been telling me that your family's

1343
01:06:46,120 --> 01:06:49,320
Speaker 1: most important, and I've been seeing in my own self

1344
01:06:49,400 --> 01:06:52,840
Speaker 1: that she could be bigger in her career. Rather than

1345
01:06:52,960 --> 01:06:55,880
Speaker 1: listening to what you're actually telling me every day, and

1346
01:06:56,040 --> 01:06:58,920
Speaker 1: instead of putting fault on you for telling me what

1347
01:06:59,080 --> 01:07:00,920
Speaker 1: it is that's important. If I truly want to be

1348
01:07:01,000 --> 01:07:03,000
Speaker 1: of service and anybody truly wants to be of service

1349
01:07:03,080 --> 01:07:06,760
Speaker 1: to a woman who is bringing forth life, listen to

1350
01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:09,280
Speaker 1: her when she's telling you what it's truly important to her.

1351
01:07:09,480 --> 01:07:11,280
Speaker 1: I love that because when I really think back on

1352
01:07:11,360 --> 01:07:13,920
Speaker 1: it as a kid, when I envisioned my life, the

1353
01:07:14,080 --> 01:07:15,800
Speaker 1: number one thing that I always knew I wanted to

1354
01:07:15,880 --> 01:07:18,360
Speaker 1: be with a mom and wife, And you guys have

1355
01:07:18,480 --> 01:07:22,280
Speaker 1: fulfilled that for me. Surpassed my wildest dreams. Oh yeah,

1356
01:07:22,280 --> 01:07:24,200
Speaker 1: and I'm living in bliss because of that. I'm glad

1357
01:07:24,240 --> 01:07:27,200
Speaker 1: you added that too. Listen to your husband when he

1358
01:07:27,240 --> 01:07:29,920
Speaker 1: says the same thing, because your dad has been very

1359
01:07:29,920 --> 01:07:32,400
Speaker 1: clear about what's important to him. Absolutely, your mom wanted

1360
01:07:32,440 --> 01:07:34,680
Speaker 1: him to be more ambitious because he's a man, right,

1361
01:07:34,920 --> 01:07:38,080
Speaker 1: don't put your gender expectations on somebody just because you

1362
01:07:38,240 --> 01:07:40,400
Speaker 1: think they can do that better, right, or they should

1363
01:07:40,480 --> 01:07:43,080
Speaker 1: do that better according to societal this is what's important

1364
01:07:43,120 --> 01:07:45,480
Speaker 1: to him. Let that be important to him, and let

1365
01:07:45,560 --> 01:07:47,560
Speaker 1: him thrive in that, and let him thrive in that,

1366
01:07:48,040 --> 01:07:50,200
Speaker 1: all right, y'all? Be sure to follow us on Patreon

1367
01:07:50,280 --> 01:07:54,440
Speaker 1: to see exclusive dead Ass podcast video content We got

1368
01:07:54,680 --> 01:07:57,400
Speaker 1: extra clips, we got extended video, and find us on

1369
01:07:57,480 --> 01:08:00,240
Speaker 1: social media at dead Ass the podcast. You can find

1370
01:08:00,280 --> 01:08:02,760
Speaker 1: me at Kadeen I am on Instagram and TikTok that's

1371
01:08:02,880 --> 01:08:04,880
Speaker 1: right and I'm at at i am devout, And if

1372
01:08:04,880 --> 01:08:07,680
Speaker 1: you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review

1373
01:08:08,000 --> 01:08:12,920
Speaker 1: and subscribe dead Ass Baby. Dead Ass is a production

1374
01:08:12,960 --> 01:08:16,680
Speaker 1: of iHeartMedia podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and

1375
01:08:16,960 --> 01:08:19,920
Speaker 1: Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as,

1376
01:08:20,080 --> 01:08:21,720
Speaker 1: to podcasts and never miss a Thing,