Speaker 1: Hey, fam, I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the
Speaker 1: Red Table Pop podcast, all your favorite episodes from the
Speaker 1: Facebook Watch show in audio, produced by Westbrook Audio and
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review
Speaker 1: on Apple podcasts. So I'm excited, but well, how are you?
Speaker 1: Were excited because you're a big Gabrielle FA fam know
Speaker 1: you are. So this is our girlfriend Relationships show. We're
Speaker 1: talking about different women that I wanted to talk to.
Speaker 1: Gabrielle Union just kept coming into my mind and I
Speaker 1: was like, Gabrielle, Well, me and Gabrielle don't speak. Gabrielle
Speaker 1: and I were never really girlfriends. We were great associates
Speaker 1: that at some point that dissolved, and for seventeen years
Speaker 1: we have not really spoken. You don't even know what
Speaker 1: you're mad about. We don't need to know that. When
Speaker 1: we got on the phone, I was like, Gabrielle, what happened?
Speaker 1: She's like, girl, I don't know. Yeah, So today I
Speaker 1: really want to talk to Gabrielle to just figure out
Speaker 1: how we as women specifically get here and then how
Speaker 1: we reunite with them. Sometimes and sometimes and sometimes sometimes
Speaker 1: you can't heal it and this particular episode is about healing. Healing,
Speaker 1: so I know, and don't fan out on me asking
Speaker 1: for all the graphs all that know. You know you
Speaker 1: have taught me well, I don't. I try not to
Speaker 1: ask for pictures or autographs and try not to add goofy,
Speaker 1: that's hard. Hi, mother, how are you so happy to
Speaker 1: meet you? I'm so glad that you came. Come on,
Speaker 1: We're gonna go to the Red Table. House is beautiful.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Let lead because okay I got lost? Did
Speaker 1: I got lost? Were right past? So yeah, we're gonna
Speaker 1: walk on over here to the Red Table st vibes.
Speaker 1: There you go? You ready, let's clear ch up. Please.
Speaker 1: This is a very special show for me because what
Speaker 1: I decided to do was to make this about creating
Speaker 1: a new girlfriend. Gavi and I we had a bit
Speaker 1: of a break, we don't know how. And she's been
Speaker 1: open to this healing. She's been open to this conversation
Speaker 1: because everyone plays a part. Everybody plays part. Yeah. It
Speaker 1: felt so good on the phone with you to even
Speaker 1: just go, hey, I'm sorry that I didn't even take
Speaker 1: the time to talk to you, you know, and then
Speaker 1: I had to just apologize and just thinking to myself.
Speaker 1: Damn Jada. That was some pettia. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: going with us where you weren thank god you someplace
Speaker 1: else now out you know, I'm not you know, I
Speaker 1: could have been like, Okay, I know this is super uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna hop in your face and we're gonna
Speaker 1: right talk. But I was like, okay, yeah exactly. And
Speaker 1: then every time you're like, it's not gonna suck my life, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it did. And it is because you keep your
Speaker 1: brain keeps going back there. Yeah, because every time we
Speaker 1: would see each other, we were always cording, always nice,
Speaker 1: but it was always tension. I think it was last year,
Speaker 1: maybe it's two years ago. We me and my friend,
Speaker 1: we're leaving the White House. Yeah, and this is some
Speaker 1: like bougie black people. So when you're leaving the I
Speaker 1: was so I was leaving the White House rocking out
Speaker 1: of Jazz Thick and you were walking in and there
Speaker 1: was that moment of like do I he hugger? It's
Speaker 1: like hey, and it was like but it's like what
Speaker 1: was natural for both of us is to be like yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, but we were both on our just like yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, like okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you tell rocking the show, so it's up. It was cool, alright,
Speaker 1: right yeah, And even then I was just like, what
Speaker 1: the hell is that about? And then we saw each
Speaker 1: other the Double A CP Awards. There was a picture
Speaker 1: there like you guys get in yeah, and when I
Speaker 1: was like, I want to make her feel weird, being like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's the stiffest picture, y'all. Oh man, it's
Speaker 1: a trip. It's a trip. And it's not even about
Speaker 1: having to be the best of friends or best girlfriends
Speaker 1: and what have you, just simple consideration, respect and knowing, Ay,
Speaker 1: we're in this together. It's our own personal healing. One
Speaker 1: of the things I found really powerful you did a
Speaker 1: speech at Essence just about your journey as far as
Speaker 1: you're healing with female relationships. I used to shrink in
Speaker 1: the presence of other dope, beautiful women. I used to
Speaker 1: revel in gossip and rumors. I took joy in people's pain,
Speaker 1: and I tap danced on their misery. Real fierce and
Speaker 1: fearless women celebrate and compliment other women, and we recognize
Speaker 1: and embrace the notion that they're shine in no way
Speaker 1: diminishes our life, and that it actually makes our lights
Speaker 1: shine brighter. I listened to you speak and I'm like
Speaker 1: Gabs on the past, she's figuring it out, She's in
Speaker 1: a process. So I really want to know what was
Speaker 1: that moment for you when you realize, Okay, I lof
Speaker 1: is enough. I had to hit rap bottom. I had
Speaker 1: to lose everything for me. That was my first marriage,
Speaker 1: going through the divorce process. I lost my show. My
Speaker 1: show was canceled, and I was having difficult relationships with
Speaker 1: my BFFs. You know my day once and it was
Speaker 1: everyone's fault but my own, and I literally found myself
Speaker 1: under my bed with my dog. It was I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't think I can get a news. This is
Speaker 1: probably what people mean they say they've hit rock bottom.
Speaker 1: And I started working with A J. Johnson. Can you
Speaker 1: just explain to our Red Table family who A J.
Speaker 1: Johnson is. A J. Johnson is a physical trainer and
Speaker 1: life coach and also an actress and she's been a
Speaker 1: host at times um but she is a changer of
Speaker 1: many lives in Hollywood. Yes she is. She's been around Lanta.
Speaker 1: We love her and with A J. It was a
Speaker 1: combination of working out okay and while in the middle
Speaker 1: of working out, she would kind of be shouting out questions,
Speaker 1: and so one day she said, um, make a happy list.
Speaker 1: But right we were boxing, got it? She said, tell
Speaker 1: me ten things that make you happy. And I'm I'm
Speaker 1: I'm punching, but I can't think of anything that makes
Speaker 1: me happ not one thing that makes me happy. And
Speaker 1: so she's like, give me something, give me something, anything, Okay,
Speaker 1: um butter um uh imitation crab ground beef. So butter
Speaker 1: imitation crab and crown beef. And she stopped and she
Speaker 1: she said, okay, of course your marriage failed. Wow, you
Speaker 1: don't know what makes you happy. Why would you think
Speaker 1: somebody else knows how to make you happy when you
Speaker 1: don't know what makes you happy? That part, so we
Speaker 1: started doing the work. I'm feeling amazing. I'm starting to
Speaker 1: feel a lot better about myself. And we go to
Speaker 1: a party and this, you know, this woman walks in
Speaker 1: hot l a girl, and I start to feel like
Speaker 1: I'm shrinking, and I start reverting to my usual, which
Speaker 1: is when I feel like I'm shrinking and attention is
Speaker 1: being taken away, when I feel like I've got a
Speaker 1: good outfit on, like my hair is done I've got
Speaker 1: enough credits. If you've seen my IMDb page, I am
Speaker 1: deserving of attention, right. You know when Michelle Obama said,
Speaker 1: you know the high road, I hate the high roup.
Speaker 1: I hate It's like getting on the four, five and
Speaker 1: four o'clock on Friday because you don't get the instant gratification. No,
Speaker 1: you don't know what your mind. No, it is not
Speaker 1: tone and no. So I get the attention back on
Speaker 1: me because I'm talking about the hot girl. How is
Speaker 1: she at this party? Who did she do? X, Y
Speaker 1: and Z too? You know, start you start to assassinate
Speaker 1: someone's character and a j She said, okay, wait, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna stop you right there. Did you get the job
Speaker 1: that you wanted? I'm like, huh right, she said, did
Speaker 1: did your house get bigger? Did your bank account grow?
Speaker 1: I'm like, what are you talking? She's like, what did
Speaker 1: you accomplish by tearing that woman down? All you did
Speaker 1: is revealed to everyone in this party what low self
Speaker 1: esteem you have or that right, and it just that
Speaker 1: was That's what it took. She got me right between
Speaker 1: the eye. It was harsh in the moment, but then
Speaker 1: it was like, damn, I have been communicating through negativity.
Speaker 1: I've been shrinking other people, hoping that I'm growing. Yes,
Speaker 1: I will be the super friend, supermother, super freak, super chefs, whatever.
Speaker 1: And when you do all of that, you have nothing
Speaker 1: left for yourself. We've all been there. We've all been there.
Speaker 1: Somebody else comes along and we feel threatened in some
Speaker 1: form and we feel like we have to shrink somebody
Speaker 1: else down in order to feel bigger. I have had
Speaker 1: so much revelation and just the idea of what what
Speaker 1: it takes to connect to other women and what creates
Speaker 1: within us the inability to do that. What was the
Speaker 1: process that you took on in order to I had
Speaker 1: to call a thing a thing first, and what was that?
Speaker 1: I'm a hater, I'm a troll. Okay, you know now
Speaker 1: you would say you're an natroll come to life? Got it?
Speaker 1: The worst part of the comment section of social media.
Speaker 1: And she's like, all those negative things that had been
Speaker 1: happening in your life, it's exactly what you're putting out,
Speaker 1: you're getting back, got it? So is that reflection that
Speaker 1: mirror and I had to see myself clearly right, and um,
Speaker 1: it's ugly, it's it's hard, it's painful to recognize that
Speaker 1: you are the common denominator for the vast majority of
Speaker 1: your problems. Let me tell you something. I've had a
Speaker 1: couple of years of that looking at somebody else and
Speaker 1: go oh no, no, no, you're the problem. You're the problem.
Speaker 1: You're the problem. But people will tell you that you're
Speaker 1: keeping it real. Yes, they love it when you point
Speaker 1: out other people. Absolutely, and while you just think it
Speaker 1: yeah and drowning. Yes, exactly. And let me tell you
Speaker 1: that was an aha moment when I had to do this.
Speaker 1: Oh no, baby girl, all that you created and so yeah,
Speaker 1: it's so hard. It's so hard. It's isn't that just hard?
Speaker 1: It's devastating, and it's a more in that death of
Speaker 1: you thought you were that cart. We do need to
Speaker 1: have girlfriends that are willing to pull our coat tails,
Speaker 1: but in a loving way. Well, there's some girlfriends I'll
Speaker 1: use my finger quotes who want to squash you. The
Speaker 1: goal isn't to watch you evolve. The goal is to
Speaker 1: watch you be miserable. And there's something that is appealing
Speaker 1: about your misery to that right. And then there are
Speaker 1: the real girlfriends who can be honest in a loving way,
Speaker 1: because the goal isn't to squash you. The goal is
Speaker 1: to watch you evolve into the woman that you want,
Speaker 1: actually want to be and again, but we also have
Speaker 1: to be in a space of receiving it in that
Speaker 1: now here. That's a whole another thing. We gotta be
Speaker 1: ready because what does what does ready even look like?
Speaker 1: What does it look like? What does it mean? Well,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what it was for me, and that
Speaker 1: was to be ready to receive someone looking at me
Speaker 1: and going, nah, you're better than that. And I realized
Speaker 1: that in my life, I just was not willing to
Speaker 1: have that. It's like no, no, no, no. And it
Speaker 1: came out of fear because you know, if you take
Speaker 1: all that, then we got to be responsible for it.
Speaker 1: And it's like no, no, no, I'd rather play victim
Speaker 1: because that is where I get to play small humphiate.
Speaker 1: Isn't I call it the cloak of victimhood? You don't
Speaker 1: want to take it off. It's like a snuggie and
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, it's so good, and and people will
Speaker 1: let you be a victim for your entire life and
Speaker 1: you wake up in your seventy and you're like, well
Speaker 1: it's been great, and they're like, well, you know she was.
Speaker 1: She was an amazing singer, but you know that thing happened, yes,
Speaker 1: back in the sixty two. This is you know where
Speaker 1: we're at, but people will let you be there because
Speaker 1: being a victim is also comfortable for everybody else. Because
Speaker 1: when you take accountability for yourself and your own healing,
Speaker 1: a lot of people lose a little bit of control.
Speaker 1: It's easier to control a victim than it is to
Speaker 1: control a healed, evolved person. In this process of growth,
Speaker 1: there have been friends of mine who have kind of
Speaker 1: fallen off. So have you found that they had to go?
Speaker 1: And I have zero regret. I'm still working on that process.
Speaker 1: I have not But if you're I'm ready, I'll be
Speaker 1: over here living my best life and enjoying who I
Speaker 1: really am. And I see that you are enjoying your
Speaker 1: misery and I'm gonna leave you to that, and I
Speaker 1: have zero guilts about that. So what has been your
Speaker 1: process in regards to finding your true self? What? What
Speaker 1: a therapy? And silence? Yeah, silence and being okay with
Speaker 1: my own company and in the stillness, just sitting there
Speaker 1: and really finding comfort in being alone. I want to
Speaker 1: tell you that has been for me The greatest gift
Speaker 1: to find is that me time. And I'm talking about
Speaker 1: that real deal me time. I'm not talking about an
Speaker 1: hour in a bathtime. I'm talking about days. Because I
Speaker 1: did have to get with the fact that I'm a
Speaker 1: people pleaser. And let me tell you that was my mother.
Speaker 1: She's like, you know you codependent, right, and that's with everybody,
Speaker 1: that's what your girlfriends, that's with everybody. That's what you
Speaker 1: really need to look at, your codependent. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm not codependent. I just like people to be happy,
Speaker 1: and I expect right and my sanity and ps and
Speaker 1: you want people to like you. So you say, yes, Yes,
Speaker 1: I will sacrifice my own career to and you know,
Speaker 1: to enhance my husband's. Yes, I will be the super friends, supermother,
Speaker 1: super freak, super chefs, sir whatever. Also donate time for
Speaker 1: you know, giving blood and the and the homeless and
Speaker 1: and and when you do all of that so people
Speaker 1: can call you a good woman or a good friend
Speaker 1: or a good wife or whatever it is that it
Speaker 1: takes to be considered amazing. You have nothing left for yourself.
Speaker 1: So how have you dealt with that? Just in order
Speaker 1: to say no? And no used to be so terrifying
Speaker 1: because no means a boundary, and if you put up
Speaker 1: boundaries and maybe people won't come back. They're both wives,
Speaker 1: we have our own careers and our own thing. But
Speaker 1: then we also happen to have husbands that have their
Speaker 1: careers and have their own thing, because when you talk
Speaker 1: about those sacrifices, that will make for our husbands partners
Speaker 1: life partners. But I think as women, we have this
Speaker 1: fear of, oh, man, if I don't do this, he'll
Speaker 1: find somebody else he'll do it. And I hate that messaging.
Speaker 1: And I got to the point in my own situation
Speaker 1: I was like, well, if you can find somebody else
Speaker 1: to do it, then by god, let go do it,
Speaker 1: because for real, I can't do that like that anymore.
Speaker 1: I have to do more for myself. I have to
Speaker 1: having the partner that I have. Thank God he came
Speaker 1: along on the train. I became an a woman. I
Speaker 1: really did. It was quite free. Have you had that
Speaker 1: kind of process in your situation because we went through
Speaker 1: so much in the dating phase. Yeah, that's true. And
Speaker 1: the idea that a good woman or a good future
Speaker 1: wife should have the propensity to handle enormous amounts of
Speaker 1: pain and that's what makes you a good wife. When
Speaker 1: we got married, we had to redefine that as an
Speaker 1: evolved person, as a healed person. Um, I'm not interested
Speaker 1: in pain and I'm not interested in hurting you either.
Speaker 1: I'm married. Somebody's dream. It was like, I'm married d
Speaker 1: Wade and I have a marriage with Dwayne Tyrone Wade Jr.
Speaker 1: There you go, and I'm still getting to know him. Yes,
Speaker 1: and I'm in a amazing friendship marriage with this beautiful
Speaker 1: man that I didn't even know existed. Just explained to
Speaker 1: me a little bit gab of why the Me Too
Speaker 1: movement it is important to you. It's incredibly personal. Um,
Speaker 1: me too. Write When I was nineteen, I was raped
Speaker 1: at gunpoint at my after school job, and it speaks
Speaker 1: to me because I had to figure out how to
Speaker 1: go from victim to survivor and kind of at times
Speaker 1: feeling very alone in that, feeling like I was screaming
Speaker 1: into a hurricane and no one was was hearing me.
Speaker 1: And with the Me Too movement, I feel like I
Speaker 1: found my people. It's a tribe I never wanted to
Speaker 1: be in, but now that I'm here, and I'm so
Speaker 1: happy to know that there's other people who want to
Speaker 1: be healed, who want to get justice, who want to
Speaker 1: unleash and unload their pain. UM. And I want to
Speaker 1: be a voice UM for some of the voiceless. But yeah,
Speaker 1: thank god for the Me Too movement because so many
Speaker 1: people have just been suffering in silence. I want you
Speaker 1: to know, I really I commend you for having the
Speaker 1: courage to UM talk about it in the way that
Speaker 1: you have. I really thank you for that. It's working.
Speaker 1: Like I told you on the phone, this is my
Speaker 1: year of growth. I'm really just in my life just
Speaker 1: cleaning up a lot of stuff and you were one
Speaker 1: of them. Having this moment with you is helping me
Speaker 1: in that process. Well, I told you on the phone,
Speaker 1: it was like a gorilla hopped off my back that
Speaker 1: I didn't even know it was there, right And I
Speaker 1: needed I needed that, I need I needed I needed you.
Speaker 1: So thank you, Thank you. This has been beautiful and
Speaker 1: I hope from here on out that we have a
Speaker 1: bond and you know you can call on me for anything.
Speaker 1: And thank you for just being open to this rank
Speaker 1: and thank you guys for being here with us at
Speaker 1: the Red table. And please comments about what you saw
Speaker 1: today and you know, tell us your story and I
Speaker 1: want to hear. I'm here, I want to see I
Speaker 1: wanted I want to know. Yeah, for sure, So just
Speaker 1: let us know. He's our tough journeys, but they're they're
Speaker 1: worth it. They are worth it most definitely. All right,
Speaker 1: let's get gab out here. She's been here long enough.
Speaker 1: Like hips, thank you guys for making this easy. I
Speaker 1: hope it was easy. Yes, I hope it was easy. Mama.
Speaker 1: What's happening On our next red table talk? We are
Speaker 1: talking about parenting. Will and I were worrying over Jaden.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be like everybody else. I get it.
Speaker 1: It's just so simple. I remember Will called me and
Speaker 1: he was like, have you talked about this with Jada
Speaker 1: and him wearing a skirt? That wanted you to have
Speaker 1: something super special when you came here, something special that
Speaker 1: just reminded you always of how special you are, how
Speaker 1: grateful I am that you have been so open to
Speaker 1: this process, and so I wanted to give you something
Speaker 1: as a memory. Oh my god, oh my gosh, are
Speaker 1: you kidding me? No, thank you. I want to put
Speaker 1: it on you. Let this key be a reminder that
Speaker 1: you are the key to your power. Yay, that looks
Speaker 1: so beautiful on you. You are so welcome, so gab
Speaker 1: before you leave, can I get a picture? Of course? Okay.
Speaker 1: To join the Red table Talk family and become a
Speaker 1: part of the conversation, follow us at facebook dot com
Speaker 1: slash red table talk. Thanks for listening to this episode
Speaker 1: of Red Table Talk podcast produced by Facebook Watch, Westbrook Audio,
Speaker 1: and I Heart Radio.