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Speaker 1: What's up, Y'all's your girl, lix Pete and it's your girl.

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Speaker 2: Drink and a.

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Speaker 1: Call, and you are tuned in to another episode of

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Speaker 1: poor Mind.

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Speaker 2: Where a drunk mind speaks sober thoughts. We gotta guest today.

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Speaker 2: We gotta guest today, and we in.

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Speaker 1: La weaday in my home too, and in your home difference,

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Speaker 1: and it's absolutely beautiful. So thank you for inviting our

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Speaker 1: ratchet asses. So we have a sex eductar got a

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Speaker 1: degree in psychology because author all the good stuff, relationship experts,

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Speaker 1: all the good things.

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Speaker 2: Share drunks.

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry we don't have drinks. We're supposed to have drinks, right,

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Speaker 3: I was, That's what It's fine, you at. I need

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Speaker 3: a little break.

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Speaker 2: We'll see.

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Speaker 1: We have a little meeting today after we leave here,

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Speaker 1: so we didn't want to be drunk on our meet.

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Speaker 1: So we're like, we're gonna actually chill today. But we've

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Speaker 1: been drinking all week, so has to take a little

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Speaker 1: break us out. We have been in l A for

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Speaker 1: a week and I'm so excited because every time we

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Speaker 1: come here, we're like, shan.

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Speaker 2: We need.

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Speaker 1: Every time they're like, okay, y'all, we got a l

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Speaker 1: A Sh'm like, Shan, Shan, what you say? Yeah, we're

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Speaker 1: adding her, so thank you?

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Speaker 2: Yeah for a while. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm happy.

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Speaker 3: If I start with this moment, you should have been like.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because we're trying to be profess I don't want toever,

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Speaker 1: but you look friends for okay, Okay, So Shann, tell

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Speaker 1: everybody you know who lives on the rock and don't

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Speaker 1: know who you are, Like how you started everything that

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Speaker 1: you're doing, all that good stuff.

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Speaker 3: I started in two thousand and five, which is a

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Speaker 3: really long time ago, and I started just because of

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Speaker 3: the same we had a conversation before, so I don't

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Speaker 3: want to keep referencing back to it.

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Speaker 4: But when we were talking before, we were.

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Speaker 3: Just saying that this is the thing that brought everybody

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Speaker 3: onto this Planet's why your mom is here, is while

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Speaker 3: you're here, It's why our pastor is here.

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Speaker 2: Is because two people fucked and curious.

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Speaker 3: Some people have a different story, but the majority of us,

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Speaker 3: that's why we're here. So the fact that we're afraid

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Speaker 3: to talk about it is really bizarre.

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Speaker 2: So I always thought it was interesting.

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Speaker 3: It's so different now because there's actually a lane now.

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Speaker 3: So I'm amazed at how far the field has gone

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Speaker 3: in a short amount of time.

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Speaker 2: But when I first.

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Speaker 3: Started, people would be like, why did you decide to

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Speaker 3: study sex?

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Speaker 2: How did you come up with this thing?

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Speaker 3: And it is almost as if I said, like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I studied the cracks of hardwood floors. It's really obscure things.

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Speaker 3: Where to me it was natural. It was essential to

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Speaker 3: a healthy and happy life. And for me, when I

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Speaker 3: started focusing on better intimate connections, sex, you know, was

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Speaker 3: a big part of that, my whole life blew open

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Speaker 3: and got better. So I just thought that the world

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Speaker 3: could benefit from somebody who was willing to to do

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Speaker 3: this out loud and find public platforms to bring necessary

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Speaker 3: conversations to light, which is what you guys now do

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Speaker 3: today and so many other incredible people. So I feel

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Speaker 3: like really grateful to be part of an emerging.

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Speaker 4: Field that I think has changed a lot of lives,

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Speaker 4: saved a lot of.

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Speaker 2: Lives, created a lot of lives. Look, you are too

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Speaker 2: up now, Yes, you know all about it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So talk a little bit about your book, because

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Speaker 1: you have a book called The Game of Desire. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and I it's so crazy because this is Dreya's like

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Speaker 1: she okay, she loves dating getting what she wants, So

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Speaker 1: it's like dating with dominant So talk about that a

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Speaker 1: little bit too, because that's a dominant dater.

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Speaker 2: I think most people are afraid to be dominant. Yes,

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Speaker 2: she is a very dominant.

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Speaker 3: D Tell me about what dominant dating means to you,

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Speaker 3: not being afraid to tell somebody exactly what you want

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Speaker 3: and also not being afraid to walk away if they're

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Speaker 3: not giving you that. Yes, that's what it means for me,

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Speaker 3: because a lot of people get turned off by that term.

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Speaker 3: And I don't mean walking up to somebody and being

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Speaker 3: like right, and that's what they picture when they hear dominance.

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Speaker 3: To me, it's dating with directiveness where I'm in the

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Speaker 3: driver's seat, like I'm not in the tower waiting to

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Speaker 3: be saved by the right person. I'm not waiting to

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Speaker 3: be picked if I am out somewhere, which I also

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Speaker 3: want to ask you prenun this because a lot of

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Speaker 3: people are a lot of women are very uncomfortable making

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Speaker 3: the first move right, And to me, I perceee the

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Speaker 3: first move as the first point of contact. So it

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Speaker 3: doesn't have to be me asking you for a number.

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Speaker 3: It could be me walking over and being like what

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Speaker 3: how does this place closed?

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Speaker 2: Do you know? That is the first move to me.

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Speaker 3: So if I see somebody that I think is interesting

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Speaker 3: that I want to know if they're worth having a crushover.

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Speaker 4: I want to know if it's.

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Speaker 3: Worth like creating space in my mind to wonder, I'm

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Speaker 3: going to go over there and start a conversation to

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Speaker 3: see are you on that time or do you prefer

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Speaker 3: to If the person likes you, they'll do that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we don't hit on in at all.

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Speaker 5: But we actually talked about these recently on another episode,

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Speaker 5: and I said, as I'm getting older, I feel like

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Speaker 5: I would be okay with being a little more assertive.

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Speaker 5: But when I was younger, absolutely not, because I don't know.

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Speaker 5: I had this idea that how do I know you

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Speaker 5: like me or you really want to date me if

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Speaker 5: you don't approach me. Yeah, but I feel like that's

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Speaker 5: not necessarily true.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 3: One of the greatest things in the book. I talked

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Speaker 3: to a bunch of different experts because the whole point

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Speaker 3: of the book was essentially to put women in a

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Speaker 3: position of directiveness. But in order to be in the

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Speaker 3: driver's seat, you know how to drive, So it was

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Speaker 3: like teaching them all the skills, and one of the

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Speaker 3: skills is learning how to talk to people. So we

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Speaker 3: talked to a pickup artist and essentially that's like a

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Speaker 3: subcommunity of men who just hyper focus on how to

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Speaker 3: get women, mostly into the bed, but in general, like

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Speaker 3: it's men who lack confidence, probably don't have the natural

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Speaker 3: esthetic that women are just drawn to. Yes, but you

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Speaker 3: know how, what's that dude's name who was the person

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Speaker 3: who needed to hitch help, like Will Smith?

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Speaker 2: It was the dumpier.

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Speaker 3: So those kind of dudes, it was a coaching service

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Speaker 3: for them to get into the game. But there's a

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Speaker 3: lot of valuable things that you can learn from pickup artistry.

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Speaker 3: But the pick up parties was saying to us that

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Speaker 3: going up to people is a skill, just like riding

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Speaker 3: a bike. Right, the more that you do it, the

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Speaker 3: better you get it in, and then you can start

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Speaker 3: adding new tricks to it. But just because you can

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Speaker 3: ride a bike does not mean you're gonna be a

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Speaker 3: good boyfriend. And that's what the aha I had to

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Speaker 3: realize is that somebody coming up to you and being

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Speaker 3: able to start a conversation had nothing to do with

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Speaker 3: how compatible that we were or even oftentimes how much

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Speaker 3: they liked me. It was just how much they were

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Speaker 3: in practice of doing that. And the dude who was

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Speaker 3: in really good practice of going up to people probably

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Speaker 3: goes up to a lot of people. So I think

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Speaker 3: that that was a good perspective shift for me. And

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Speaker 3: I made the first move.

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Speaker 2: In my marriage. Really yeah, like I made it. I did.

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Speaker 4: It was like I played a game with it, which

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Speaker 4: I think is fun.

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Speaker 2: I like games some people. I love games and dating.

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Speaker 3: I followed him and then I left a comment maybe,

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Speaker 3: and then he DMed me and then I left like

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Speaker 3: a luke warm response in return, and.

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Speaker 4: Then he didn't say anything. So I was like, oh,

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Speaker 4: that didn't work.

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Speaker 3: So I waited birthday and then I sent him a

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Speaker 3: birthday message and then he DMed me and his DM

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Speaker 3: was just do you want to hang out?

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Speaker 2: And I was like yes, So it was like yeah.

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Speaker 1: So it's not like because when I imagine like women

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Speaker 1: being a sertivement hitting on me, and like you said,

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Speaker 1: I imagine to being like oh yeah, and I just

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Speaker 1: I don't have it. I'm already awkward, so it's like

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Speaker 1: I'll walk.

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Speaker 4: You're not awkward, because real awkward people are annoyed.

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Speaker 1: Right now, I just like I just you know sometimes yeah,

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Speaker 1: but for me, it's just like I am not a

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Speaker 1: good conversation starter. Like I can talk to her, we

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Speaker 1: can do this show because she's here. This is my

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Speaker 1: best friend and she makes me feel comfortable, but like,

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Speaker 1: well we go into a room of people and like

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Speaker 1: have the network and do all that. I'm usually always

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Speaker 1: the one that and she's like, Hi, I'm driving left,

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Speaker 1: Like huh like it, yes, as much as it sounds crazy,

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Speaker 1: like it really is, like, think of it.

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Speaker 3: I don't think of he was awkward at all, but

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Speaker 3: I wouldn't. I did think that you were the more extravert,

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Speaker 3: dominant one in the pair.

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Speaker 2: No, I'm not an introverted one.

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Speaker 5: And people always respond that way too when they find out.

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Speaker 5: They're like really and we're like, yeah, you know, Lex

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Speaker 5: will just be standing there. She gets socially awkward. Yes,

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Speaker 5: very extra I think your anxiety kicks in.

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Speaker 2: Oh for sure.

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Speaker 1: Like the first time we went somewhere and people like

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Speaker 1: kind of knowing who we were. We had went to

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Speaker 1: support of Wheezy when her show had came out, and

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Speaker 1: she had like a little screening and let me not

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Speaker 1: say little, it was a big screening and there was

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Speaker 1: a lot of people there, and so many people were

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Speaker 1: lined up to take pictures, and then they started lining

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Speaker 1: up because when we were over there waiting for Weezy,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my god, and so I

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Speaker 1: just went and I like sat in the corner of

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Speaker 1: the theater so nobody.

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Speaker 2: Cause they was like, where's Lex. Yeah, where's Lex. I

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Speaker 2: was like, she's not here.

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Speaker 1: So for me, it's like I've never been a dominant dat.

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Speaker 1: I'm always the person who I'm scared to ask for

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Speaker 1: what I want, what I need, and I end up

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Speaker 1: in situations with gods like it'd be like, Okay, this

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Speaker 1: is cool, but I want so much more. And then

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Speaker 1: I look up and it's like we've been dealing with

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Speaker 1: each other for a certain amount of time and it's like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: you can't start all of a sudden asking for now,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, or asking for a switch

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Speaker 1: up now because.

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Speaker 2: They thought that you didn't require this.

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Speaker 1: So I always was finding myself in like really bad

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Speaker 1: situations because I wasn't more dominant and assertive about exactly

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Speaker 1: what I wanted. I always try to be like the

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Speaker 1: cool girl that doesn't care. Yeah, oh I don't be

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Speaker 1: tripping it's okay, and it's like damn, but you're not happy, right,

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Speaker 1: So yeah, that's something I'm definitely definitely working on because

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Speaker 1: I'm so bad at it.

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Speaker 2: I'm very bad at it. That's a big perspective.

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Speaker 3: I think a lot of us grow up thinking that

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Speaker 3: being in a healthy or successful relationship is being chosen,

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Speaker 3: not actually choosing to be there, like if you had

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Speaker 3: your pick, like do you have fun, do you feel sexy,

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Speaker 3: do you feel cool?

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Speaker 4: Do you feel wanted?

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Speaker 2: Do you feel right?

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Speaker 4: Like would you actually choose to be here?

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Speaker 3: And then if you're like no, but I am chosen

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Speaker 3: by somebody, and that's more important than it's really fucking.

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Speaker 2: Nu right, And I have asked myself that too.

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Speaker 1: I was having a conversation with my therapist one time

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Speaker 1: when we're gonna get to my toxic relationship later.

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Speaker 2: But she was talking to me.

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Speaker 1: She was like, you know, you say that you want

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Speaker 1: this man so bad, but she was like, it's an

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Speaker 1: ego thing, like you're just happy that somebody is here

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Speaker 1: and like giving you attention.

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Speaker 2: You don't really want this man.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, damn, I really know, key don't

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Speaker 1: Because I realized I was just dealing with him, and

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Speaker 1: I was waiting for somebody to come save me. That's

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Speaker 1: really how it was. I kept saying, well, he's here

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Speaker 1: for right now. I kept saying, I just can't wait

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Speaker 1: to find my man.

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Speaker 2: And people like you have a whole relationship.

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Speaker 5: I'm like, this is just not my and you can't

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Speaker 5: find your person while you're wasting time with somebody else.

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Speaker 2: That's not for you. Lord say the word amen. Amen.

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Speaker 5: Also wanted to talk to you about too, because you

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Speaker 5: know we're both in our thirties. I'm thirty two, lex

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Speaker 5: is about to be thirty four. I wanted to talk

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Speaker 5: about becoming a mom in your thirty because I recommend yes,

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Speaker 5: I do too. That's why I wanted to talk to

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Speaker 5: somebody about it, because I think that so many people

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Speaker 5: think that if you don't have a baby by thirty, like,

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Speaker 5: what's wrong with you?

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Speaker 2: And I just I wan to talk about that because

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Speaker 2: I feel like people be all up in our uteraries.

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Speaker 2: Why some people actually prefer to wait.

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Speaker 3: So I do want to add a caveat to this

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Speaker 3: because I have become more versed in this conversation recently,

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Speaker 3: and I think that that's not a bad thing because

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Speaker 3: technology is changing rapidly, so I didn't have my first

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Speaker 3: kid until thirty five and my second kid at thirty seven,

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Speaker 3: and it was the best thing for me. There isn't

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Speaker 3: a day sooner that I would have wanted to become

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Speaker 3: a mom, And even trying to conceive wasn't It took

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Speaker 3: us six months and I needed that time because each

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Speaker 3: missed period I was like, do I.

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Speaker 2: Really want this?

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Speaker 3: And then by the time I actually got pregnant, I

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Speaker 3: was like, ten toes down in it, my womb, my heart,

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Speaker 3: my soul, my spirit, this is truly what we wanted.

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Speaker 3: So everything wasn't perfect time, I think for me, and

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Speaker 3: even now as a mom, acknowledging how much sacrifice it takes,

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Speaker 3: I know I would have been resentful knowing how ambitious

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Speaker 3: I am, knowing how much I wanted to do on

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Speaker 3: this planet. If I didn't feel like I had already

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Speaker 3: accomplished as much as I already have, I think this

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Speaker 3: experience would have been totally different, because it's everything people say.

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Speaker 3: It's all the joy, all of the laughs, it's all

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Speaker 3: of the most warm and fuzzy moments with all of

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Speaker 3: the exhaustion and the draininess and the loss of connection

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Speaker 3: with friends and family member and loss of connection with

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Speaker 3: yourself and lack of time you realize, truly realized how

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Speaker 3: finite time is. I was actually saying this morning, like

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Speaker 3: I truly lust for the days where I could get

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Speaker 3: ready like you guys.

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Speaker 4: Look amazing today, No my version of amazing.

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Speaker 3: But I used to be able to put on my SCAA,

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Speaker 3: put on an outfit and be like, I don't like

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Speaker 3: this clip an extra hair, maybe get some gel that

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Speaker 3: was different colored hair to make me like to match

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Speaker 3: my vibe of the day, like it was two hours

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Speaker 3: and it was like an artful.

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Speaker 2: Time for me. And now I just don't have that.

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Speaker 3: So there are moments that I that are that can

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Speaker 3: cause you to be resentful. But because I actively chose this,

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Speaker 3: I knew what I was signing up for, and I

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Speaker 3: had my time and my time in my twenties of

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Speaker 3: looking amazing and cute. I had my time of making

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Speaker 3: my own outfits if I didn't feel like something really worked,

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Speaker 3: the time and getting out of a sewing machine like

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Speaker 3: I had that time already. So anyways, onto the nuanced part.

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Speaker 3: It is important to acknowledge that it is challenging. It

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Speaker 3: can be very challenging to have children in your thirties

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Speaker 3: and thirty.

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Speaker 4: Five plus, it gets more difficult.

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Speaker 3: And that's a reality that a lot of people you

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Speaker 3: know invest in stories like mine and then don't actually

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Speaker 3: invest in looking to see if that's possible for their bodies.

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Speaker 3: I didn't do that. So go and get your ovarian

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Speaker 3: reserve tested. Go and talk to a gynecologist about your health.

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Speaker 3: Some of these tests can be one free at certain

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Speaker 3: clinics to and they can be very helpful, not just

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Speaker 3: even for your fertility journal, but your overall health. When

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Speaker 3: you realize certain hormone levels are way down, you're like,

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Speaker 3: oh shit, now I realize why I have such bad acne,

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Speaker 3: or now I realize why I get really moody, or

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Speaker 3: why my peers are so painful.

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Speaker 2: So go and do that.

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Speaker 3: Don't look at that like I don't want to take

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Speaker 3: the magic away or the mystery away. There are certain

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Speaker 3: scientific tools that are available to women today to make

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Speaker 3: more informed decisions about their fertility, and should be leaning

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Speaker 3: into those.

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Speaker 2: Yes, for sure, I would personally take my kids.

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Speaker 3: I mean, if things will progress, but if today my

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Speaker 3: kids were sixteen years old, eighteen years old, I would

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Speaker 3: take them to get their ovarian reserve tested.

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Speaker 2: I'd be like, do you.

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Speaker 4: Have the normal amount of eggs for somebody at your age?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 4: What does this information tell you?

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Speaker 3: If you're really really low, then maybe if you really

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Speaker 3: want kids, it's a dream come true for you. Let's

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Speaker 3: start having a different kind of conversation. But it's just

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Speaker 3: good to know you.

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Speaker 2: Actually talking about like.

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Speaker 1: Really soon because I'm still kind of like on the

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Speaker 1: fance if I want kids or not, you know, But

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Speaker 1: like I said, I love hearing people's stories, like you know,

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Speaker 1: you had your first kid when you were thirty five,

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Speaker 1: because I just like I just need a little time,

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Speaker 1: Like I just need some time. Yeah, And that's the

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Speaker 1: big thing for me because like you said, how you

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Speaker 1: used to get ready in the morning, and like that's

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Speaker 1: one thing that makes me feel good. It's like getting up,

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Speaker 1: going to work out, you know, running my errands and

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Speaker 1: doing and having my mee time. So how do you

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Speaker 1: find that me time? Because you're running a business, you're

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Speaker 1: a wife, your mother, you're a friend, you're all these things.

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Speaker 1: So how do you carve out that time for yourself?

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Speaker 2: That's it.

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Speaker 3: You gotta do it, that's the answer. I mean, I

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Speaker 3: wish I had a better I was giving. I was

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Speaker 3: on a podcast once and they were asking that, like

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Speaker 3: all about time with your kids, and I was like,

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Speaker 3: when I'm with my kids because I'm a working mom,

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Speaker 3: so my kids are when of my kids are in daycare,

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Speaker 3: the other one is with a nanny during the day.

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Speaker 3: But when I'm with my kids, I'm with my kids. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: Like I'm focused on that. I'm not trying to worry

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Speaker 3: about cooking. I'm not worried about cleaning. I'm just with

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Speaker 3: them that I was like, you fucking liar, you have

365
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Speaker 3: a housekeeper, Like add that in you know, like you

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Speaker 3: honestly have not found there's no way of making more hours.

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Speaker 2: There's no way of making more of you.

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Speaker 3: So the only way that I have found successful to

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Speaker 3: find balance in my life is to pay for things

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Speaker 3: that I don't want to do so I can spend

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Speaker 3: more time doing the things that I want to do.

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Speaker 2: It's coming up off that money.

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Speaker 3: I keep so much less money in my pocket because

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00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:55,960
Speaker 3: I have to hire a housekeeper. I have to hire

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377
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Speaker 3: has to come to the house. Because I don't have

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00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:08,680
Speaker 3: the time for the community size it comes to my house.

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00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:13,080
Speaker 3: But what's up, y'all is your Girl XP and it's

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Speaker 1: Y'all know, I really didn't used to put it on,

385
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Speaker 5: This episode is sponsored by Betterhelp. What's up y'all is

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Speaker 5: Yes, it's always so many decisions decisions with your relationship,

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440
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,040
Speaker 5: you can talk to and get a ice from and

441
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,960
Speaker 5: help you out. And one thing that I love the

442
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:06,879
Speaker 5: most about Better Help that I always stress is that

443
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,240
Speaker 5: you can literally do it from the comfort of your

444
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:12,840
Speaker 5: own home. So it's no excuse not to go to therapy.

445
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:14,920
Speaker 1: Yes, we ain't got no excuses no more. All y'all

446
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,919
Speaker 1: do is pick up your phone. Y'all be scrolling on

447
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:18,120
Speaker 1: the timeline anyway.

448
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:18,879
Speaker 2: Pick up your.

449
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,840
Speaker 5: Phone even if your phone off, if you got Wi Fi,

450
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 5: you could go to better Hell.

451
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, so what you're gonna do is go to better

452
00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:29,640
Speaker 1: help dot com backslash poor minds and you're gonna get

453
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:33,000
Speaker 1: ten percent off. And you're gonna say, somebody, it's no excuse,

454
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,560
Speaker 1: we all need help.

455
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:35,320
Speaker 2: Get it.

456
00:19:35,359 --> 00:19:39,280
Speaker 1: Better help dot com backslash poor Minds, and you're gonna

457
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,520
Speaker 1: get ten percent off of your first month.

458
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:45,119
Speaker 2: Go get your therapy luxuries.

459
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:49,239
Speaker 5: Until you're in your thirties and you're successful to have

460
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,480
Speaker 5: a child because you can afford all of these things.

461
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:51,760
Speaker 6: Yeah.

462
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,080
Speaker 5: Otherwise, you know a lot of people in their twenties,

463
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 5: when they're younger and they have kids, you can't afford

464
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:57,600
Speaker 5: the extra health.

465
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,160
Speaker 2: So then you're even more stressed out.

466
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:03,320
Speaker 5: And I feel like makes the parenting experience less enjoyable.

467
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 3: Yes it can, but if it's like if it was

468
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,800
Speaker 3: truly in your joy to have kids. My sister had

469
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,119
Speaker 3: her kids at twenty five, so you have a very

470
00:20:10,119 --> 00:20:12,520
Speaker 3: different experience, and that is my sister's perfect experience. She's

471
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:16,480
Speaker 3: turning forty this year, and since she was in her twenties,

472
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,040
Speaker 3: she's been looking forward to her forties because she knew

473
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,199
Speaker 3: her kids were going to be Yeah, so she's like,

474
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,040
Speaker 3: my forties will be an incredible decade for me.

475
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:25,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, going to have that experience. I'm not going to

476
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:27,000
Speaker 4: have freedom again until sixty.

477
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:27,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I mean.

478
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,920
Speaker 3: So there's a trade off that happens with that. But again,

479
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:31,919
Speaker 3: I make peace with the fact that I did my

480
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,919
Speaker 3: free shit. I moved around, I slept on couches, I

481
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,960
Speaker 3: did that, I had casual I did all the things

482
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,159
Speaker 3: I wanted to do. So when I had kids, I

483
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:43,040
Speaker 3: was like, okay, Like I obviously still have fun.

484
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:44,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, I like my life.

485
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:44,760
Speaker 1: Right.

486
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:47,960
Speaker 3: Definitely, there's a trade off there happens. But I think

487
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,000
Speaker 3: for my sister it was the perfect time for her.

488
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:52,520
Speaker 5: Is it something that you knew you always wanted, Like

489
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,560
Speaker 5: you knew eventually you always wanted to be a mom?

490
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,520
Speaker 2: Or were you on the fans? No, I didn't know.

491
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,000
Speaker 4: For she, I didn't want to have kids. For a

492
00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 4: long time.

493
00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:01,399
Speaker 3: I didn't want to have kids until I got married

494
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 3: and I was like, this is great.

495
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,720
Speaker 4: We should probably share this with somebody.

496
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:06,639
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I have hope.

497
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,919
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, I have hope because I've been like so

498
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 1: like no, no, I'm outside and it's like, as I

499
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,880
Speaker 1: get old, I'm like, you know, you know, like.

500
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 3: And you love me, so you know, I think you

501
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,240
Speaker 3: will be a great mother. You're very motherly, yes, And

502
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:26,920
Speaker 3: I like I'm my nephews like they are.

503
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,600
Speaker 2: I'll talk about mom. I'm the one that's like, oh,

504
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 2: look at them, look at it. That's definitely me.

505
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,160
Speaker 1: So now that I know that, you know you kind

506
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:34,960
Speaker 1: of it changed your mind lifn change.

507
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,760
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. I would never go back.

508
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,760
Speaker 3: I love it and I can very confidently talk to

509
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:42,280
Speaker 3: you about all the shitty parts too, even the stuff

510
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,679
Speaker 3: that's kind of hard though. I like the fact that

511
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,600
Speaker 3: I don't have as much time to work on me

512
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:50,399
Speaker 3: provide such an excuse that is very comforting, right, even

513
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:53,359
Speaker 3: for like not for feeling like I don't have to

514
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:55,520
Speaker 3: compete with like the young Hawk girls anymore.

515
00:21:55,720 --> 00:22:00,199
Speaker 4: Right, I'm in a different I'm alive there.

516
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:02,639
Speaker 2: It's okay. You know, I don't wait to get on

517
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,440
Speaker 2: that side. I'm trying to get out of this side.

518
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,000
Speaker 3: I can't imagine being my age right now and not

519
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,800
Speaker 3: having kids and then still I think feeling the pressure

520
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 3: to feel like I have to compete, Like maybe you

521
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,240
Speaker 3: don't have that, but I think in those ways it

522
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 3: has given me more self compassion and just more yeah,

523
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 3: more breaks.

524
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,760
Speaker 1: Well for me, I don't feel like I have to compete,

525
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,760
Speaker 1: but I definitely feel like I have like an image

526
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:25,639
Speaker 1: to keep up, you know what I'm saying, Like I

527
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:27,840
Speaker 1: always have to be like so when people catch me

528
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:29,800
Speaker 1: in the airport or catch me in target, they'd be like,

529
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:31,439
Speaker 1: oh my gosh. I'm like, oh god, you know, I'm

530
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,439
Speaker 1: supposed to be the dolled up and all this. So

531
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:34,960
Speaker 1: it's like it's a lot of pressure.

532
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,119
Speaker 5: But when you're a mother, But when you're a mother,

533
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:38,840
Speaker 5: it's like I can be different.

534
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 2: I got a little quick.

535
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can look a little crazy, see what's going

536
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 3: on me.

537
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:46,400
Speaker 2: A little great.

538
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,240
Speaker 4: I understand that you have time this morning.

539
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,479
Speaker 2: I understand you.

540
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 3: But when you have kids, when you I am my mother,

541
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:54,480
Speaker 3: get a little different.

542
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,800
Speaker 2: Yes, but I'm definitely gonna be an any girl.

543
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 1: So I'm glad you said it, because I always would

544
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,119
Speaker 1: feel like me too when I say that, like I

545
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:02,399
Speaker 1: know when I have a kid, like I'm gonna have

546
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,200
Speaker 1: any like yeah, straight up, people like, oh my gosh,

547
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,480
Speaker 1: well you're already setting it up so where you're not

548
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:08,440
Speaker 1: gonna be around your kids.

549
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 2: It's like, but it's not. It's kind of like, oh

550
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:12,800
Speaker 2: my god. Yeah.

551
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:15,400
Speaker 1: So do you feel like sometimes people try to take

552
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 1: away from, you know, your motherhood because you have so

553
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:18,400
Speaker 1: much help?

554
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 3: That's a I mean that has to be a location thing, yeah,

555
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:25,119
Speaker 3: because I think it's interesting that you guys live in Atlanta, right, Yeah,

556
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:29,119
Speaker 3: where I talked to Cocktails and they were both like,

557
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:31,199
Speaker 3: we'd love to quit our jobs when we have children

558
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 3: and look after them.

559
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I was like, but you have amazing jobs,

560
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:34,360
Speaker 2: you know, Like.

561
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,520
Speaker 3: I mean, as somebody who didn't quit, I love what

562
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 3: I do with do something very similar. So that's just

563
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,679
Speaker 3: I think culturally there it's more assumed that you're gonna

564
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:43,520
Speaker 3: stay at home mom.

565
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 2: We're in LA like Nanny's. Are the cultures normal, right? Yeah?

566
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 4: So continuing to work and continuing.

567
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,840
Speaker 3: To you know, strive for your own level of excellence

568
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:53,879
Speaker 3: with the caveat that you have a little bit less now.

569
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,919
Speaker 3: I think it is normal, but no, I've never had anybody.

570
00:23:57,119 --> 00:23:59,399
Speaker 3: I also don't really like I'm not.

571
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:00,480
Speaker 7: I don't.

572
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,800
Speaker 3: I don't consider myself the world's best mom. And I'm

573
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 3: doing the best that I can and I'm always trying

574
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:06,720
Speaker 3: to learn and be.

575
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:07,159
Speaker 2: Better at it.

576
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,520
Speaker 3: But yeah, it's not an area if somebody was just like,

577
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 3: you're not a good mom because of this.

578
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 2: And first and foremost, when.

579
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,760
Speaker 3: My kids ten will talk, right, I mean like, let's

580
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:16,880
Speaker 3: see what and what's good right, Like when my.

581
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,400
Speaker 2: Kid is.

582
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:23,440
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, I get the adoption papers

583
00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 1: that wasn't mine.

584
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,639
Speaker 2: I feel like ultimately that's all that matters. Anyways.

585
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 5: It's just about what your kids, right, Yeah, if they

586
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:31,359
Speaker 5: think you were.

587
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,280
Speaker 2: A great mom, and.

588
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:34,879
Speaker 4: I also just know myself, I don't.

589
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 3: And I think it's a gift if you have the

590
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,160
Speaker 3: patience to be around your kids at all times. I'm

591
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:40,720
Speaker 3: a better mom when I have a break from them,

592
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 3: and I'm a better mom when I work on me

593
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,200
Speaker 3: and I can bring that life. And that was something

594
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,159
Speaker 3: I was as a perspective should for me was this

595
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,639
Speaker 3: book that I read that said that mothers have a

596
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,720
Speaker 3: responsibility to give milk and honey, and some mothers can

597
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:57,320
Speaker 3: only give milk, which is sustenance, food, water, shelter, structure, discipline,

598
00:24:57,359 --> 00:24:58,840
Speaker 3: But honey is a lust for life.

599
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,920
Speaker 4: It's a joy, it's barkle in your eye.

600
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 3: And I get my honey from doing what I feel

601
00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:06,639
Speaker 3: like I was born to do. And I get my

602
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,679
Speaker 3: honey from having sex with my partner. I get my

603
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,479
Speaker 3: honey from going on dating, to get my honey from

604
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 3: hanging out with friends. And so that's something I bring

605
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 3: back to my children and I can look them in

606
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,240
Speaker 3: the eye and say life is good because I truly

607
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 3: believe that.

608
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, and no offense to anybody, but this is crazy.

609
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,920
Speaker 1: I can honestly say. We've done a lot of episodes

610
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 1: with people with kids and without. You are the first

611
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:30,480
Speaker 1: person to make me feel like, Okay, motherhood not that

612
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,639
Speaker 1: bad for real, like the way you just like cause you,

613
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:34,920
Speaker 1: like you said, it's a lot of bad.

614
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 2: But it's like cause that is me.

615
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,200
Speaker 1: Like I've been like I never wanted kids, and it's

616
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 1: like you kind of change your mind as you get older.

617
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:45,200
Speaker 1: So I appreciate that perspective honestly because I've never looked

618
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:46,720
Speaker 1: at it like, you know, like the milk and honey

619
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:48,959
Speaker 1: theory you just said, because I'm gonna need all that.

620
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 1: I know myself, I am going to need my vacations

621
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:53,399
Speaker 1: with just me and my man, are just me and

622
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:53,919
Speaker 1: my friends.

623
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 2: I'm gonna need that. But it's like I still want

624
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:56,640
Speaker 2: to have that time.

625
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 1: So you know, Carl, I want to give a little Jackson,

626
00:25:58,760 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 1: a little peny, little cousin.

627
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:01,680
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. Lot one two.

628
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:03,679
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's what I was about to say. Like I

629
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 5: always have known I wanted to be a mom. I

630
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 5: just haven't found the right partner yet, but I always

631
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 5: knew that when it's that time for me, I'm definitely

632
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 5: not going to want to lose myself in being a mom.

633
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:16,399
Speaker 2: I feel like so many people do that.

634
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 5: Like, of course, I want to be there for my children,

635
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,000
Speaker 5: and I want to be the best mom that I

636
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,359
Speaker 5: can be, but I don't want to lose who I

637
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 5: was before I had my child.

638
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 2: Now that I'm a mother.

639
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's so many women that once they have a child,

640
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:31,920
Speaker 5: everything is all about the child. And I do feel

641
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 5: like your child should be number one, but you still

642
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 5: need to be yourself. You still don't need to lose

643
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 5: me like other things that you enjoyed before you had your.

644
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:43,760
Speaker 3: Child, unless being a mother is your purpose, right, it

645
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:45,400
Speaker 3: is that word that's called icky guy.

646
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:46,880
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm. I think that's right.

647
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 3: But essentially it's like your wife or life, like why

648
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,880
Speaker 3: you get up in the morning and if that has

649
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 3: been children for you.

650
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:53,720
Speaker 2: And that is some people's truth, that's true.

651
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:55,639
Speaker 3: There are people who work in the ECE like that

652
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,320
Speaker 3: they want to raise the next generation.

653
00:26:58,400 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 4: That's what they love to do.

654
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:00,439
Speaker 2: Story.

655
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that's what being in my thirties

656
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:04,840
Speaker 3: allowed me to do. Is I didn't put the pressure

657
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,240
Speaker 3: on myself to become that right. You know, once I

658
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,159
Speaker 3: became a mom, I was very honest about who I was,

659
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,399
Speaker 3: who I wasn't and I invited a family into my

660
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 3: picture with that reality in mind.

661
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 2: And if I was.

662
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,879
Speaker 4: Surprised by certain things, and great, I you know, shifted

663
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:18,119
Speaker 4: with it.

664
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:20,159
Speaker 3: But I also wasn't disappointed if I didn't all of

665
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:21,800
Speaker 3: a sudden become the person who wanted to chill with

666
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:23,119
Speaker 3: my kids twenty four seconds.

667
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 4: I really don't.

668
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,199
Speaker 2: Like, I appreciate the honesty.

669
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 5: You can't have it all the career, the family, the hoods,

670
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 5: being with money.

671
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:32,439
Speaker 2: With money.

672
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:36,040
Speaker 1: That's like you and dre are right, yeah, like with money.

673
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:38,760
Speaker 1: Because we were talking about that this morning. She was like,

674
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's gonna be different from me because

675
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,760
Speaker 1: when you have money, it's gonna be a little different.

676
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:49,120
Speaker 2: It is. Life is more stressful. Money is not everything,

677
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:53,680
Speaker 2: for sure, but hardy old without the facts, I can

678
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 2: tell you my bank account. Oh Lord had mercy. What's up, y'all.

679
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,639
Speaker 2: It's your girl les pre and it's girls right in

680
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:01,040
Speaker 2: the call.

681
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 1: And y'all know Orlando, we owe y'all. So we coming

682
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 1: back in a big way. August tenth, Poor Minds is

683
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:10,840
Speaker 1: coming to Orlando for our live show.

684
00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:15,000
Speaker 5: Yes, we're coming to Orlando Improv. I cannot wait to

685
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 5: see all of y'all faces.

686
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 7: You know.

687
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:20,359
Speaker 5: Unfortunately we had to reschedule means days. So I'm super

688
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:23,879
Speaker 5: excited to come out and see y'all. Doors opening seven.

689
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:25,880
Speaker 1: Yes, and the show starts at eight, and we back

690
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:28,159
Speaker 1: a bigger than But let me tell y'all, y'all should be.

691
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:32,320
Speaker 2: Happy because this show this round is super lit.

692
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:36,679
Speaker 1: So Orlando, August tenth, Doors open at seven, show starts

693
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 1: at eight. Orlando Improv. We'll see y'all and we all

694
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 1: side bookie period. Put it on because we're coming.

695
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 2: Come on, man ja to see tea and.

696
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 8: You know what's time to get queen sitting y'all in

697
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 8: North Carolina. We're coming to the boat jagles a ring.

698
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 8: You see how side of you was. That's how excited

699
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 8: y'all better be.

700
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 2: In July six sex we.

701
00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 8: Go to the Queen comes the show. Come on, we

702
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 8: gotta walkway from the game time this see that's like

703
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 8: you're working on some things.

704
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:12,920
Speaker 2: Quc Shot July sixteen. The whole shangles are rating. Come

705
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 2: to the show.

706
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:18,920
Speaker 8: Oh, she's gonna be doing dreads part. Then she's gonna

707
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 8: be doing dread kissing upot the last schof You want

708
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 8: your dreads go sell July sixteen.

709
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:25,040
Speaker 6: She's gonna do them for you.

710
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 2: And at this kind of price and you get two tickets.

711
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 6: Today myself show maybe okay, she s my like Copo.

712
00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 8: But a maid from scratch and you set you lie

713
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,680
Speaker 8: sixteenth and shot in North Carolina, the boat.

714
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:40,400
Speaker 2: That get you.

715
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:44,600
Speaker 8: Come on in here, man, this is the third grade

716
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:47,720
Speaker 8: teacher and she gonna be giving out books. You live,

717
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 8: shot you Caroline, get your techni books.

718
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 2: For the kids. Okay, So this chanting this first topic.

719
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,960
Speaker 1: I really wanted to talk about this with you because

720
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 1: I haven't ever talked about this publicly. I think everybody

721
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 1: and of course my friends and my family know this.

722
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,400
Speaker 1: But I went through a really, really, really bad breakup

723
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 1: last year. So last year was like very hard for me.

724
00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:13,200
Speaker 1: So yes, thank you joke. Oh, I got rid of

725
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 1: that shit.

726
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 2: So at the beginning of the year, I lost my mother.

727
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 1: Then I got in a relationship and it was just

728
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 1: already a toxic relationship. But I was obviously a vulnerable state,

729
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:25,240
Speaker 1: and I kind of leaned on this person and let me,

730
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 1: this is not a time to like bash him or anything,

731
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 1: but it was kind of like I was just in

732
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 1: a vulnerable state, and I if I would have listened

733
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:37,920
Speaker 1: to my first mind, I would have never leaned on him.

734
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 1: I should have leaned on my sister. I should have

735
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 1: leaned on Dre. I should have leaned on all my

736
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 1: friends around me. So long story short, I had dealt

737
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 1: with a lot of him dealing with other women behind

738
00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 1: my back when I was one hundred percent being layed

739
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 1: to him. We were in a relationship. He like literally

740
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,160
Speaker 1: the day I went to breakfast club. It was like

741
00:30:57,200 --> 00:30:59,400
Speaker 1: a big deal. I did Breakfast Club for the first time,

742
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 1: and we had a show in New York the night before,

743
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,360
Speaker 1: and it was just so much going on, and it

744
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:08,360
Speaker 1: was like he was in Houston with another girl and

745
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:10,960
Speaker 1: breaking up with me and making me feel just so bad,

746
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 1: like I couldn't even celebrate these moments, and on top

747
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 1: of that, I'm still grieving my mother. So in the

748
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:20,480
Speaker 1: long run, it did such a number on my confidence,

749
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 1: like I felt like, Okay, maybe this is just your story.

750
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 2: You don't deserve love, you.

751
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:28,840
Speaker 1: Don't look good, you wasn't fine enough, You're not funny enough.

752
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:32,520
Speaker 1: Because I was thinking the whole time, I'm going hard

753
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:34,560
Speaker 1: in my career because this is what I want to do.

754
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:36,280
Speaker 1: But half of me was like, let me try to

755
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 1: prove to him that I'm worthy, let me show him

756
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:40,360
Speaker 1: that I can get a check, let me show him that.

757
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:40,920
Speaker 2: I'm a boss.

758
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 1: And it was like I did all of these things

759
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 1: and I felt like, You're still not good enough.

760
00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:49,000
Speaker 2: So it took a big chunk out of my confidence.

761
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 1: And so the reason I'm glad I'm actually admitting this

762
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,960
Speaker 1: on camera to all of our listeners because the number

763
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 1: one thing that they say to us the most is like,

764
00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:58,120
Speaker 1: oh my God, Lex Andrea y'all gave us so much confidence.

765
00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:00,600
Speaker 1: And you know, Dre's the kind of person she's always been, Like,

766
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 1: I'm that beach for me. It was like they saw

767
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 1: the progression of me because when we first came on

768
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 1: the show used to come no makeup, nappy ass week

769
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 1: and this and that, and it's like they saw me

770
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:15,360
Speaker 1: start you and all dragon like, Lex, you're beautiful, like

771
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:17,760
Speaker 1: look at you. And they saw her pour into me

772
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 1: and build me up to where I have this confidence.

773
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 1: And it's like, in a matter of six months, this

774
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 1: person completely took it away from me. So the first

775
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 1: like two months of this year, I was really spending

776
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 1: like building myself back up. So I'm in public talking

777
00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:35,280
Speaker 1: about yeah girl, fuck that nigga, Fuck that nigga.

778
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 2: And I could not leave my problem alone.

779
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:39,400
Speaker 1: I'm giving people advice on how to feel beautiful, and

780
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 1: I felt ugly.

781
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 2: I felt terrible about myself.

782
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 1: So getting to the point, I want to talk about

783
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 1: how to get your confidence back after a toxic relationship

784
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:53,360
Speaker 1: because I feel like I'm still working on it. You know,

785
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:57,760
Speaker 1: I'm a lot better now, but it's still a work

786
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 1: in progress and it's gonna take some time to undo

787
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,720
Speaker 1: the things you know this person did, So can you

788
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:05,480
Speaker 1: give us a little insight on like confidence and dating

789
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 1: and things like that.

790
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing that. Yes, I'm so sorry about

791
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 2: your mom. Like girl, it's been a struggle.

792
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 1: But that's what I said, because I don't want to

793
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:18,400
Speaker 1: seem like he is manipulating and conniving. But he knew

794
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 1: he caught me slipping because he knew what I was

795
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:23,960
Speaker 1: going through, and I kind of felt like he took

796
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 1: advantage of that a little bit. So for me, it

797
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 1: was just kind of like, Damn, I gotta go on

798
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:31,400
Speaker 1: here every Friday and preach to these girls to love

799
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,120
Speaker 1: their selves and don't deal with a man who don't

800
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 1: love you, and I'm dealing with a man who don't

801
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:36,320
Speaker 1: love me.

802
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 2: I felt so and I'm glad I said this too.

803
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 1: I felt so fake being on the show preaching the

804
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 1: shit I preach a lot of the times. Me and

805
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 1: Dre we send down and Dre be like this, and

806
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:49,600
Speaker 1: I'd be like, yeah, girl, fuck these niggas like no,

807
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, Damn, you're literally dating the man

808
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 1: that you're talking about, not telling these girls not to

809
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 1: do it right, you know what I mean? Yeah, So

810
00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 1: That's what I wanted to talk about today, like getting

811
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 1: your confidence back and being true to who you are

812
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 1: and what you deserve, and like you said, dating with

813
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 1: dominance and asking for what you want and what you need.

814
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:10,799
Speaker 1: And we're not talking about materialistic things. It's easy to

815
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:12,719
Speaker 1: ask somebody for you know, phone will Well, I'm talking

816
00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:15,799
Speaker 1: about what you need mentally and emotionally.

817
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:18,319
Speaker 3: I think this is one of those cases where it's

818
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:21,879
Speaker 3: good to go back, to go forward and what really

819
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:24,360
Speaker 3: helped me. I know so many people are relating to

820
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 3: you so hard right now, and I have your exact

821
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:30,720
Speaker 3: story copy and paste, probably even down to the story

822
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:33,520
Speaker 3: of you having this really high moment. My partner was

823
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 3: invited to be Teawards and he was like, oh, we

824
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 3: should go and I was like yeah, and he was

825
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:38,279
Speaker 3: like have you been before? I was like no, I

826
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 3: was supposed to go, but I didn't end up going.

827
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:41,759
Speaker 3: He was like why and I was like, oh god,

828
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:43,960
Speaker 3: my partner picked a fight with me before. And when

829
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,520
Speaker 3: you have those moments in that person takes those as

830
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,879
Speaker 3: opportunities to deflect. Yeah, you know, some of the lack

831
00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 3: that they're feeling. But anyhow, I relate to what you're

832
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,360
Speaker 3: saying deeply, and what really helped me was to go

833
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 3: back to intellectualize and understand it, to side with myself

834
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:02,840
Speaker 3: because what's difficult sometimes about building confidence out of a

835
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:05,839
Speaker 3: place of shame is that you're always trying to other

836
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:08,560
Speaker 3: yourself from who you were and what you went through,

837
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:11,759
Speaker 3: rather than hugging yourself, because if you really understood it,

838
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:16,640
Speaker 3: you'd be like, love is addictive and manipulative mind games.

839
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:17,239
Speaker 2: Are a real thing.

840
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:19,120
Speaker 3: So there's a couple of books I recommend for you

841
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:21,640
Speaker 3: that I read them, and I screamed when I read

842
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:23,960
Speaker 3: them because it was almost as if I flipped my

843
00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:27,360
Speaker 3: partner's max partner's mattress and saw a potion recipe that

844
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,919
Speaker 3: he had had on me. Because there are strategic things

845
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:33,120
Speaker 3: that people can do to get you hooked beyond reason,

846
00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 3: beyond logic. Right it's the doctor who tells people about

847
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:40,000
Speaker 3: obesity and struggles in the same place, or the addictive

848
00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:42,480
Speaker 3: therapist who also has their own addictions. It's just because

849
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 3: nobody is above these things if they're utilized with you

850
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:47,760
Speaker 3: to you in the right way at the right time.

851
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,839
Speaker 3: So love is a drug, naturally, and if you are

852
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:52,799
Speaker 3: in a low place and somebody knows how to pull

853
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:55,040
Speaker 3: your strings. And we now know words like love bombing

854
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:56,120
Speaker 3: and gash writing, and.

855
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:57,280
Speaker 2: Those are so crucial.

856
00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:00,279
Speaker 3: So I read a book that's called Dark Psychology and

857
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:02,440
Speaker 3: it breaks down the different manipulation.

858
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 2: Tactics that people can use.

859
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:06,400
Speaker 3: Read that identify the one that was happening to you

860
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:09,839
Speaker 3: and be like fucking like, lex I get it. I'm

861
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 3: so sorry right reading about evolutionary psychology and why we

862
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 3: are bond. We are bond to make we are born

863
00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:19,960
Speaker 3: to make bonds, and then be like, I get it,

864
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:22,240
Speaker 3: I get why it was so hooked on something. Because

865
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 3: our brains are not designed to be happy. They're designed

866
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:28,319
Speaker 3: for survival. And a really fucked up thing happens when

867
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:31,040
Speaker 3: we're in toxic relationships where the person that we look

868
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:34,399
Speaker 3: to for safety is also sometimes a person who harms us.

869
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:37,920
Speaker 3: So what your brain, your attachment does is when that

870
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,600
Speaker 3: person is a danger to you, you might immediately go

871
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 3: into fight or flight and want to separate. But then

872
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:44,400
Speaker 3: once you're at a place of peace, you want to

873
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,400
Speaker 3: go back to your safe space for comfort and for shelter,

874
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:49,440
Speaker 3: and the safe space is the person who hurt you.

875
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:50,440
Speaker 2: So it creates this.

876
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 3: Very bizarre cycle that happens to many people, which is

877
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,480
Speaker 3: why they have this dat takes somebody seven different times

878
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 3: to leave their abuser on average.

879
00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:00,080
Speaker 4: So give yourself a hugs. I just don't say that.

880
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:03,920
Speaker 3: Don't go and research, try to understand, try to side

881
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 3: with yourself. Siding with yourself is such an overlooked I

882
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 3: sometimes hear people on podcasts, who are you know, healed

883
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,799
Speaker 3: or born again? I used to be a ho, Now

884
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 3: I'm this right. I used to be an idiot, Now

885
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:19,440
Speaker 3: I'm really a right. It's like, why were you an idiot?

886
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:19,880
Speaker 1: Right?

887
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 2: Are you?

888
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:22,960
Speaker 4: Why are you degrading your past self?

889
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:26,560
Speaker 3: Like, if you can't side with you the past you,

890
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:28,359
Speaker 3: you're also going to have a hell of a time.

891
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:30,200
Speaker 2: I'm siding with the present you, right.

892
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:32,520
Speaker 3: So I think that bit of you, know, going back

893
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:35,879
Speaker 3: and accepting the decisions that you made and acknowledging why

894
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 3: you made them and embracing them, knowing better now and

895
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 3: doing better now with the information that you have, but

896
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 3: knowing that if you didn't have that information, how would

897
00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:43,759
Speaker 3: you know?

898
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 2: Right?

899
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,000
Speaker 1: And I'm glad you said that because that's what I've

900
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:48,279
Speaker 1: been struggling with now because like I'm in a new

901
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:53,040
Speaker 1: situation and the way he communicates is just like a

902
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:55,880
Speaker 1: complete one eighty and I'm like, okay, Like I had

903
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 1: an issue with him this weekend. He kind of made

904
00:37:57,600 --> 00:37:59,600
Speaker 1: me upset, and I was like, so worried. I kept

905
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:01,960
Speaker 1: talking to about it, and I'm like, if I say something

906
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:03,759
Speaker 1: to him, he's gonna think I'm nagging. I was worried

907
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,040
Speaker 1: about not being a cool girl that doesn't care and

908
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:08,160
Speaker 1: you know cause and then I was dealing with somebody

909
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:10,720
Speaker 1: in the past who every time I brought him an issue,

910
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:14,000
Speaker 1: it was met with resentment, Oh, you're you always tripping.

911
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:16,719
Speaker 2: I didn't even do that. You always getting mad at

912
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 2: this and X y Z.

913
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:18,759
Speaker 1: So it got to the point to where I just

914
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:21,080
Speaker 1: don't voice my problems anymore to people.

915
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:23,520
Speaker 2: I just swallow it, sweep it under the rug, and

916
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:23,880
Speaker 2: move on.

917
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:26,560
Speaker 3: So because if bringing up your problem, because it is

918
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:27,880
Speaker 3: a bigger problem, right.

919
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 1: And then it would just make me feel like why

920
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 1: did I even say anything? So I was like Dre

921
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:33,920
Speaker 1: was like you know what, she was like, you can't

922
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:36,400
Speaker 1: put on him things that people have done to you

923
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,799
Speaker 1: in the past, and you can't assume what you think

924
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,399
Speaker 1: you can't gonna say or how he's gonna respond. Are

925
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:43,759
Speaker 1: actually having a conversation with him and giving him the

926
00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:47,040
Speaker 1: opportunity to respond he might respond in a positive way,

927
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,080
Speaker 1: and he did. Yeah, So it was kind of like

928
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 1: I swallowed my pride and it was crazy because I

929
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:52,880
Speaker 1: was so nervous.

930
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:54,520
Speaker 2: I talked to him about it, and I still even

931
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 2: wasn't saying it. I was kind of like beating around

932
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:56,919
Speaker 2: the bush.

933
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:59,600
Speaker 1: She was like, Babe, tell me exactly what tell me

934
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,400
Speaker 1: exactly what I did and exactly how you felt.

935
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:03,319
Speaker 2: I need you to say it.

936
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:06,279
Speaker 1: And I was like, Okay, I'm upset because you did

937
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,480
Speaker 1: this and it made me feel like this. He was like,

938
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:11,960
Speaker 1: I am so sorry. He was like I had no idea.

939
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:13,879
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing that with me. He was like,

940
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:16,719
Speaker 1: I don't know these things if you don't tell me,

941
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 1: you know, And it was very like a healthy conversation.

942
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh shit, yes, what is this? You know

943
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:22,719
Speaker 2: what I'm saying.

944
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:25,759
Speaker 1: So now I'm in the point where I was having

945
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:28,719
Speaker 1: a conversation with my friend this morning, and I'm glad

946
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:31,120
Speaker 1: you said that, as far as like forgiving myself because

947
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 1: now that I'm dealing with him and even you know,

948
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:34,319
Speaker 1: if we work out me and him or if we

949
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:36,720
Speaker 1: don't he's teaching me how to communicate and that's something

950
00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:38,920
Speaker 1: I can use for the rest of my life. So

951
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:42,400
Speaker 1: now I'm like mad at myself for last year for

952
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 1: letting my ex letting that situation go on. So it's like,

953
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:48,560
Speaker 1: now I'm just dealing with being mad at myself and

954
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,799
Speaker 1: I'm trying to forgive myself and give myself grace, but

955
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:55,600
Speaker 1: it's so hard because I'm like, I cannot believe I

956
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 1: let myself hit rock bottom like that when I was

957
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:04,560
Speaker 1: already going through something that needed I'm sorry, y'all, I'm

958
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:06,839
Speaker 1: gonna get emotional, but it was I was going through

959
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:09,520
Speaker 1: something so bad that I needed my people around me,

960
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 1: and instead of me leaning on my people, I leaned

961
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:15,200
Speaker 1: on something that was so bad. And it's like, so

962
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:16,799
Speaker 1: now I have to go through the motions of like

963
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:19,120
Speaker 1: even forgiving him, and he doesn't. I had to block

964
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,160
Speaker 1: him on everything, you know, I had to. My therapist

965
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:23,560
Speaker 1: was like, we gotta, we gotta get past this. So

966
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:25,680
Speaker 1: now I'm in the like I said, I'm trying to

967
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 1: forgive myself and I'm trying to get past it, and like, really,

968
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 1: sometimes you gotta forgive people for things that they're not

969
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:34,200
Speaker 1: sorry for. Yeah, So that is what I'm dealing with

970
00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:36,279
Speaker 1: as far as, like, you know, getting my confidence back

971
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:37,480
Speaker 1: and just letting it go.

972
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:38,879
Speaker 2: I feel like, you know.

973
00:40:39,239 --> 00:40:42,720
Speaker 5: The crazy party. It's just crazy how things flow into

974
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 5: one another. Cause that's actually a really good segue into

975
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:49,240
Speaker 5: our next topic, which is practicing detachment. And I think

976
00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:52,200
Speaker 5: that even going back to what you were saying earlier,

977
00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:54,879
Speaker 5: with your new relationship, in new situation that you're in,

978
00:40:55,239 --> 00:40:57,719
Speaker 5: I think it's like a trauma type of thing to

979
00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:01,360
Speaker 5: start practicing detachment with a person who actually is willing

980
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:03,959
Speaker 5: to do the work and actually really cares about you. Yeah,

981
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:06,799
Speaker 5: but you're so afraid because of this previous situation that

982
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:07,360
Speaker 5: you've been in.

983
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:11,400
Speaker 1: Because I look, I'm a leo now, so when I date,

984
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, girl, is my man, my man, my man?

985
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:15,920
Speaker 2: And we in love? So ever, mun't it with the

986
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 2: wrong people? Yeah?

987
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 1: So it's like, I think you need a little balance

988
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 1: when you first start dating.

989
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:22,399
Speaker 2: So I wanted to talk about that too.

990
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 1: So, like it's when you're date, you can't be like, oh,

991
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:27,240
Speaker 1: I'm in love with this person with like the first

992
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 1: day or two. So how do you practice dating with

993
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 1: like detachment If you're like a person who is used

994
00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:34,799
Speaker 1: to love bombing and falling in love, and you fall

995
00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:35,800
Speaker 1: hard in the beginning.

996
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:40,040
Speaker 3: I'm a big fan of slow love strategies, which are

997
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:43,120
Speaker 3: ways to delay commitment and then that means that you

998
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:46,120
Speaker 3: implement hard rules. Like I started out with my partner

999
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:48,680
Speaker 3: as fuck buddies. It wasn't a strategy for us to

1000
00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:51,919
Speaker 3: become anything more than that, but it ended up being

1001
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:57,360
Speaker 3: the Yes, definitely we were. I was coming out of

1002
00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:00,320
Speaker 3: a very toxic relationship. I knew emotionally I didn't have

1003
00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:02,239
Speaker 3: what it took to get together with somebody else because

1004
00:42:02,239 --> 00:42:04,840
Speaker 3: I had to go back to go forward. And I

1005
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,239
Speaker 3: was actually at the time that I was with my ex,

1006
00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:11,000
Speaker 3: I was in school for sexology, and sometimes in toxic relationship,

1007
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:12,719
Speaker 3: sex is one of the first things to go or

1008
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:14,640
Speaker 3: one of the last. In our cases, we stopped having sex.

1009
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 3: It was an awful relationship, but I was learning all

1010
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:18,080
Speaker 3: this cool shit. So when I got out of it,

1011
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:20,680
Speaker 3: I'm like, I know I'm not ready for an emotional bond,

1012
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:22,960
Speaker 3: but god damn it, someone has to see this cool

1013
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:23,680
Speaker 3: shit that I've learned.

1014
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 4: So I was like, and I deserve pleasure.

1015
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:28,000
Speaker 3: So I just wanted to invite a sexual partner in

1016
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:28,759
Speaker 3: my life, and so.

1017
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:30,000
Speaker 2: It ended up being that.

1018
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:33,520
Speaker 3: But that is something I've learned about later of just

1019
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:35,879
Speaker 3: the importance of slow love, keeping in mind that were

1020
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:37,879
Speaker 3: born to bond and that your brain wants to make

1021
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:42,279
Speaker 3: fast decisions, and some of the things from an evolutionary

1022
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:47,239
Speaker 3: perspective that we might find attractive, like aggression, which would

1023
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 3: have been helpful two hundred years ago, are actually not

1024
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:52,720
Speaker 3: that helpful today. So you also have to give yourself

1025
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 3: a chance for logic to kick in.

1026
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:57,640
Speaker 2: So I think dating lots of people is great.

1027
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:02,759
Speaker 3: Setting up parameters for yourself because knowing you knowing what

1028
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 3: makes you go to the next level with somebody, and

1029
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:07,200
Speaker 3: then stopping yourself before you get there.

1030
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:08,640
Speaker 2: If that's sleepovers, don't.

1031
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:11,000
Speaker 3: Have sleepover, right, Okay, there's little things I did, like

1032
00:43:11,040 --> 00:43:14,080
Speaker 3: I changed my partner's ringtone in my phone, so if

1033
00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:16,719
Speaker 3: he called, I wouldn't always be doing that thing where

1034
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:18,879
Speaker 3: I'd like, oh is it you, and then feeling sad if.

1035
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:21,239
Speaker 2: It's not so because that's me. That'd be mean.

1036
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:25,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, because there's ways that your body can trick you

1037
00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:27,160
Speaker 3: to feeling like somebody is more important to you and

1038
00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:29,400
Speaker 3: that you're closer than you actually, Right, So if you

1039
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 3: know that about yourself. It's like kind of setting up

1040
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:35,120
Speaker 3: those guardrails. I think dating multiple people is very important

1041
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:38,080
Speaker 3: for a very long time, just to allow yourself the

1042
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:41,480
Speaker 3: space to not get to and also it's the benefits

1043
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:42,200
Speaker 3: of that person too.

1044
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:44,600
Speaker 4: It allows me to show up more relaxed.

1045
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:46,880
Speaker 3: We talked about this before, how that's like one of

1046
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:49,240
Speaker 3: the no brainer tips in great sex, like just fucking relax.

1047
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:51,879
Speaker 3: It's the same thing with dating too, And it's hard

1048
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:53,680
Speaker 3: to relax if you do, Like the steaks are really

1049
00:43:53,719 --> 00:43:55,480
Speaker 3: really high, and this is all you've got, this is

1050
00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:56,560
Speaker 3: your shot at love.

1051
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:57,400
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1052
00:43:57,480 --> 00:43:59,319
Speaker 4: So I mean, but you're already with somebody, so this

1053
00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 4: is all null and void for you.

1054
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:02,680
Speaker 1: So but it's still kind of fresh too, you know

1055
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:04,920
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So it's like it's something new for me.

1056
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:08,080
Speaker 1: So I still do want to take things and I

1057
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:09,960
Speaker 1: want us to enjoy this moment, Like I don't want

1058
00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 1: us to be looking okay, like are we getting married?

1059
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:13,279
Speaker 1: And are we Like I don't want to do that. Yeah,

1060
00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:15,319
Speaker 1: I just want to enjoy us in this new thing,

1061
00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 1: you know. But I know how my brain can get

1062
00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:19,359
Speaker 1: and see my.

1063
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:22,320
Speaker 5: Problem is I have detachment down to a science to

1064
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:25,319
Speaker 5: where it's unhealthy, like to the point that me and

1065
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:29,360
Speaker 5: my current partner we have issues with that because it's like,

1066
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 5: anytime something happens and I don't like it, I'm always

1067
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:32,960
Speaker 5: ready to walk away.

1068
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:36,840
Speaker 2: Yes, so I'm not really ever willing to work through things.

1069
00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:40,959
Speaker 3: Yeah, I got married thinking about divorce really, but that's

1070
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:43,000
Speaker 3: because that's the way that I was brought up to

1071
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:45,640
Speaker 3: and also from my past relationship. It was like, oh,

1072
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:47,760
Speaker 3: I'm going to get married, but I can always get divorced.

1073
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:51,480
Speaker 5: I always say I'm going to have two marriages, and

1074
00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:52,799
Speaker 5: that's terrible to say that.

1075
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:54,759
Speaker 2: I shouldn't even be thinking like that, but we laugh

1076
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:56,279
Speaker 2: about it. But I'm always like.

1077
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:59,799
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm gonna get married twice, because why are you

1078
00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:02,120
Speaker 5: are already planning for your first marriage to not work out?

1079
00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:05,200
Speaker 3: Right, because of your experiences, what you've seen and you

1080
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:09,480
Speaker 3: know you're and that's valid too. I think as long

1081
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:12,400
Speaker 3: as you're you're aware of it, and that's what's really important.

1082
00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:15,160
Speaker 2: Now, only because I feel like this relationship has made

1083
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 2: me aware of it and that's great.

1084
00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:21,640
Speaker 3: That's when it's time to reevaluate, right, Like you have

1085
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:25,440
Speaker 3: developed certain ways of coping and of protecting yourself based

1086
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:28,480
Speaker 3: on the environments and relationships that you've been in, and

1087
00:45:29,040 --> 00:45:31,120
Speaker 3: you keep those up until you're in a different relationship

1088
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:33,160
Speaker 3: and environment. I don't need it anymore, right, Like I'm

1089
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:35,479
Speaker 3: going to keep my spear with me if I'm living

1090
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:37,319
Speaker 3: in the wild, and then once I get into a

1091
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 3: home and I've been there and it's proven to be safe.

1092
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:42,040
Speaker 2: For me, that I put my spear down now. Right.

1093
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:45,400
Speaker 3: So I think that being aware that the shift has happened,

1094
00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:48,600
Speaker 3: but also being kind to yourself and siding with yourself

1095
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:51,080
Speaker 3: and acknowledging that you have this spear here for a reason,

1096
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Like, you're not crazy, you're

1097
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:56,879
Speaker 3: not avoidant, you're not afraid of commitments, like you love

1098
00:45:56,960 --> 00:45:58,600
Speaker 3: yourself and you want to do the best by you.

1099
00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:00,880
Speaker 2: I think I feel am a little right of commitment.

1100
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:03,280
Speaker 5: I've always been the type of person where I feel

1101
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:06,440
Speaker 5: like if I'm dating one person for too long, I

1102
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 5: start to feel like, well, am I missing out on something?

1103
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:09,440
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1104
00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:11,120
Speaker 5: But then I'm also not the type of person that

1105
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:13,880
Speaker 5: feels like I can share somebody either, Like I'm also

1106
00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:16,560
Speaker 5: still kind of possessive. But then if we're dating for

1107
00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:18,880
Speaker 5: like two three years, I can't help but feel like, Okay,

1108
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:21,560
Speaker 5: maybe is it something better out there? And that's something

1109
00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:23,880
Speaker 5: that I really struggle with too, because I don't know

1110
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:25,440
Speaker 5: why I'm like that, Like I don't know why I'm

1111
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 5: always wanting more salacious Yes, never continue.

1112
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:33,000
Speaker 3: It's called the hedonistic treadmill, and that's something to be

1113
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:34,839
Speaker 3: aware of yourself too, because there's some people who are

1114
00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:36,840
Speaker 3: on that. But then also naturally, I don't know, I

1115
00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:39,799
Speaker 3: kind of feel like when you're with somebody you like

1116
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:41,920
Speaker 3: best friends, You've done this before in your life in

1117
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:45,200
Speaker 3: other places, right, you have met multiple people and decided that,

1118
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 3: like are you perfect?

1119
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 4: Are you the absolute best person in the world?

1120
00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:49,000
Speaker 2: Yes?

1121
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:52,120
Speaker 4: But you know what I'm saying, But I think, yeah,

1122
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:53,200
Speaker 4: there be other people.

1123
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:55,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, but right when I look at you as a whole,

1124
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 3: and when I look at myself as a whole, and

1125
00:46:57,239 --> 00:47:00,000
Speaker 3: I acknowledge the fact that not only is it hard

1126
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:01,520
Speaker 3: hard to find someone to.

1127
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:04,000
Speaker 4: Love, it's also hard to love me. And I found somebody.

1128
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:06,040
Speaker 3: Who's willing to do that right and willing to commit

1129
00:47:06,080 --> 00:47:09,160
Speaker 3: to that that's not really worth gambling over. So could

1130
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:11,839
Speaker 3: there be yes, But I also on the other side

1131
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:14,320
Speaker 3: of staying here, No, I'm going to have a great life,

1132
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 3: and I know I'm going to stand by this decision.

1133
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:19,279
Speaker 3: So what's the danger in letting yourself fall?

1134
00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 1: And I told her too, because I have known Dred

1135
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:24,919
Speaker 1: for a very long time. Obviously I've seen her through

1136
00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:27,479
Speaker 1: you know, her handful of men, and I keep telling her.

1137
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:29,200
Speaker 2: Like, this is very dupe, I be gone, I be

1138
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:30,719
Speaker 2: is very different, Like.

1139
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:32,160
Speaker 1: This is the first time I actually feel like I've

1140
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:34,480
Speaker 1: seen her like in love, like I've seen like we

1141
00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 1: have love for people, and this is the first time

1142
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 1: she's been in love. And I keep telling her that,

1143
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:41,680
Speaker 1: just like, give yourself patience and give yourself time. But

1144
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:44,240
Speaker 1: there's no way that you're going to be like willing

1145
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:45,760
Speaker 1: to risk this person.

1146
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:46,760
Speaker 2: I don't think she should.

1147
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:50,359
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, like I it makes me extremely happy her

1148
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:51,000
Speaker 1: and this person.

1149
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:54,440
Speaker 2: So I'll be like, don't risk your girl, don't risk

1150
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:59,879
Speaker 2: you I've been hanging on. Okay, so very new.

1151
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:06,160
Speaker 1: Okay, So now we gonna get into the bow bow

1152
00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:09,399
Speaker 1: bow bow bow bow bow.

1153
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:10,200
Speaker 2: Okay.

1154
00:48:10,239 --> 00:48:11,160
Speaker 4: So I tried to force it.

1155
00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:14,440
Speaker 2: Okay.

1156
00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:16,080
Speaker 1: So first, you know, you said you went to school

1157
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:19,239
Speaker 1: for sexology, so exactly define what that is for us.

1158
00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:22,360
Speaker 3: First, sexology is the study of sex as it relates

1159
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:25,400
Speaker 3: to biology, psychology, sociology.

1160
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:25,919
Speaker 2: M hmm.

1161
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:28,719
Speaker 3: So there's multiple different ways that a psychologists can show up.

1162
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:31,400
Speaker 3: I often say a psychologist is to sex what a

1163
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:32,680
Speaker 3: nutritionist is to food.

1164
00:48:32,840 --> 00:48:36,040
Speaker 1: Okay, gotcha, Okay, perfect, because you can really help us

1165
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 1: with this, Okay. So we talked about this a little

1166
00:48:38,200 --> 00:48:39,880
Speaker 1: bit on the episode that we just recorded with you,

1167
00:48:39,920 --> 00:48:44,800
Speaker 1: and I was saying, how whenever I have sex with someone,

1168
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:47,680
Speaker 1: sometimes I can check out in a relationship, like I'm

1169
00:48:47,719 --> 00:48:50,759
Speaker 1: not very emotionally and the sex just becomes physical for me.

1170
00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 1: If sex is just physical for me, I don't enjoy it.

1171
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:56,759
Speaker 1: Like I am a very emotional person. I have to

1172
00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:59,960
Speaker 1: mentally connect with you, spiritually, emotionally and physical.

1173
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:00,839
Speaker 2: I need it all.

1174
00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:03,200
Speaker 1: So you know, in your twenties, you know you meet

1175
00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:05,080
Speaker 1: a god at the club, y'all go home, y'all have sex,

1176
00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:06,759
Speaker 1: and it's cool, y'all can go y'all separate ways.

1177
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:08,239
Speaker 2: In my thirties, I cannot do that.

1178
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:13,879
Speaker 1: So talking about my past relationship again, he had done

1179
00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:15,719
Speaker 1: so much stuff to me, But in my mind, I

1180
00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:18,200
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, I'm his girlfriend. I have to give

1181
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:19,719
Speaker 1: him sex, cause if I don't give him sex, he's

1182
00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:22,359
Speaker 1: gonna get it. From somebody else, and I don't want

1183
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:24,319
Speaker 1: to have sex, but I'm going to give him sex

1184
00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:26,920
Speaker 1: because he wants it. And it got to a point

1185
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:29,560
Speaker 1: to where it was just like it was like a job,

1186
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:33,759
Speaker 1: Like I wasn't enjoying it anymore, And I want to

1187
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:35,160
Speaker 1: talk to people now.

1188
00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:37,200
Speaker 2: Now I was in a toxicic situation.

1189
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:40,640
Speaker 1: But for people who are, like say, in healthy relationships

1190
00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 1: and they just have so much going on and they're

1191
00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:46,520
Speaker 1: having sex with their partner, but they've checked out emotionally mentally,

1192
00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:49,480
Speaker 1: how can you check back in if you love your partner,

1193
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:52,279
Speaker 1: y'all have a healthy relationship, because sometimes it's hard to

1194
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:54,600
Speaker 1: check back in emotionally with your partner in the bed,

1195
00:49:54,640 --> 00:49:57,120
Speaker 1: and sometimes they check out physically as well. So how

1196
00:49:57,160 --> 00:49:59,080
Speaker 1: do you and your partner meet back up in the

1197
00:49:59,080 --> 00:50:01,440
Speaker 1: bedroom when y'all have gone separate ways.

1198
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:03,280
Speaker 3: I think a lot of people are in the practice

1199
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:07,080
Speaker 3: of being checked out in their life overall, and inviting

1200
00:50:07,120 --> 00:50:10,080
Speaker 3: sensuality into your life as a practice, which is just

1201
00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 3: being with your body and engaging in your five senses

1202
00:50:13,920 --> 00:50:16,239
Speaker 3: six if you believe in that. So that's a very

1203
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 3: simple thing you could do to ground yourself in this moment.

1204
00:50:18,239 --> 00:50:19,920
Speaker 3: If I'm starting to drift off. I'm talking to you

1205
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:21,640
Speaker 3: to think about like, oh time, Ohm, I kid, this

1206
00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:24,040
Speaker 3: is the third like the sound of your voice.

1207
00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:25,200
Speaker 2: Let me focus on that.

1208
00:50:25,320 --> 00:50:26,840
Speaker 3: Let me focus in the way that the chair feels

1209
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:29,640
Speaker 3: against my leg right now, let me focus on my breathing.

1210
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:31,880
Speaker 3: What can I do in this moment that brings me

1211
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:34,920
Speaker 3: back to my body? And so I think, start that

1212
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:37,440
Speaker 3: practice out of the bedroom. Do that at the DMV.

1213
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:39,839
Speaker 3: I'm pissed, I'm mad, I'm here for so long, like,

1214
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:41,360
Speaker 3: kind of me get into my body. I'm going to

1215
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:43,520
Speaker 3: just use my thumb against the palm of my hands

1216
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:45,160
Speaker 3: and just feel this and focus on this. I'm going

1217
00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:47,120
Speaker 3: to bring pleasure into my moment and my life in

1218
00:50:47,160 --> 00:50:50,440
Speaker 3: this moment, despite the fact that maybe the circumstances aren't optimal.

1219
00:50:50,719 --> 00:50:52,840
Speaker 3: And then when I'm in the bedroom and it's optimal

1220
00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:55,399
Speaker 3: to experience that, and I still don't I can invite

1221
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:57,080
Speaker 3: that same practice, but now at least I've gotten a

1222
00:50:57,120 --> 00:50:59,719
Speaker 3: bit more practice at it. Breathing is also a huge one,

1223
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 3: actually kind of new for me. I was talking to

1224
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:05,160
Speaker 3: a sex expert about the sounds we make during sex,

1225
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:07,960
Speaker 3: and I was like, Okay, you know, sex kind of sounds.

1226
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:08,600
Speaker 4: The same for a lot of people.

1227
00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:13,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, like that company that sound. Yeah.

1228
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:15,279
Speaker 4: And then he was like, oh, that's not how sex

1229
00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:17,279
Speaker 4: sounds for me. I was like, what does it sound

1230
00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:24,640
Speaker 4: like for you? He's like, really, that's interesting and I

1231
00:51:24,680 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 4: was like.

1232
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 2: What, yeah, like that's how sex sounds.

1233
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:31,680
Speaker 3: He was like, yes, it creates a head high, it

1234
00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:35,080
Speaker 3: brings more sensation to sex. It grounds me in the moment,

1235
00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:37,400
Speaker 3: it gives something to focus on, and it puts me

1236
00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:39,600
Speaker 3: and my partner. It gives us an audible track to

1237
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:42,400
Speaker 3: get in sync with each other. And I was like, oh,

1238
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:45,799
Speaker 3: have you tried now? Kind of yeah, but it's not

1239
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:47,400
Speaker 3: quieter confident yet.

1240
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,960
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, I think we can start like that. They're

1241
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:51,680
Speaker 1: like breathing together with your partner.

1242
00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:53,080
Speaker 2: More so, like you don't.

1243
00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:54,879
Speaker 3: Really do it very loud, because when he was talking

1244
00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:56,680
Speaker 3: about doing it, he said, get as loud as you

1245
00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:58,560
Speaker 3: think you can possibly go to see what your voice

1246
00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 3: could even sound like. The and like, and so I'm

1247
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:03,879
Speaker 3: gonna do it during masturbation. I'm actually going away from

1248
00:52:03,880 --> 00:52:06,120
Speaker 3: my husband for a couple of months and I'm gonna

1249
00:52:06,120 --> 00:52:08,279
Speaker 3: have lots of time. So I think I'm gonna try

1250
00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:11,320
Speaker 3: it first with me and I feel like it's cool

1251
00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:15,759
Speaker 3: for you first practice, whether you're partnered or you're married,

1252
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:17,400
Speaker 3: or you're single or whatever it is you.

1253
00:52:17,520 --> 00:52:18,720
Speaker 2: I do think it's really important.

1254
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:20,200
Speaker 3: It's nice to have a partner you can engage your

1255
00:52:20,160 --> 00:52:22,560
Speaker 3: stuff in, like first figure out if you fucking like

1256
00:52:22,600 --> 00:52:23,520
Speaker 3: that stuff, right.

1257
00:52:24,400 --> 00:52:27,520
Speaker 5: They kind of remind me of the conversations, the conversation

1258
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 5: we were having that time when you say you had

1259
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:31,720
Speaker 5: sex with that guy and he starts screaming like hard, Yeah,

1260
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:32,319
Speaker 5: it was not.

1261
00:52:32,640 --> 00:52:36,239
Speaker 2: He was screaming like screaming. I was like, Okay, I

1262
00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:37,839
Speaker 2: noticed pussy is not that good.

1263
00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:40,560
Speaker 5: But I'm laughing only because, like she said, like sex

1264
00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:43,520
Speaker 5: sounds different for something, because that's insane.

1265
00:52:43,640 --> 00:52:49,000
Speaker 2: The way you said he was like, he just kept

1266
00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:52,920
Speaker 2: going like holding along. He was serious, he was. I

1267
00:52:52,960 --> 00:52:53,759
Speaker 2: was like this thing.

1268
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:55,960
Speaker 1: But you know what, I think, I don't know if

1269
00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:57,840
Speaker 1: I could be that confident like you said to do that,

1270
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:01,440
Speaker 1: because my mag of aways kind of deep, and that

1271
00:53:01,440 --> 00:53:03,520
Speaker 1: would kind of scare me because sometimes he'd be growling

1272
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:06,160
Speaker 1: a little beaten. But I actually like the idea of

1273
00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 1: us like breathing together, yes, and breathing and sync together.

1274
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:12,319
Speaker 2: I think I would actually be okay with trying that.

1275
00:53:12,719 --> 00:53:16,080
Speaker 3: But then if the pleasure is better, the connection is better.

1276
00:53:16,640 --> 00:53:19,120
Speaker 3: Both you're seeing your partner twitch and ways you haven't

1277
00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:21,080
Speaker 3: seen before the fact that they're breathing is a little

1278
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:23,439
Speaker 3: annoying is not going to be the most important thing, right,

1279
00:53:23,480 --> 00:53:26,920
Speaker 3: So that's the pathway that unlocks a new pleasure potential

1280
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:27,560
Speaker 3: for both of you.

1281
00:53:27,719 --> 00:53:28,880
Speaker 4: Then you'll get over it.

1282
00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:32,160
Speaker 3: And even that Tarzan thing, Like I think maybe in

1283
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:34,400
Speaker 3: my tunnies I would have started maybe even five years ago,

1284
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:35,680
Speaker 3: I would have sided with you like that was kind

1285
00:53:35,680 --> 00:53:37,520
Speaker 3: of weird. Right now, I would be like, I'm with

1286
00:53:37,560 --> 00:53:40,919
Speaker 3: an amazing sexual partner who's authentic, because sex never gets

1287
00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:43,880
Speaker 3: boring if I know how to authentically respond to what's happening.

1288
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:46,480
Speaker 3: And I can't do that if I'm running social scripts

1289
00:53:46,520 --> 00:53:48,480
Speaker 3: in my brain. Yeah, I'm supposed to sound what I'm

1290
00:53:48,480 --> 00:53:50,080
Speaker 3: supposed to look like, what I'm supposed to do next,

1291
00:53:50,120 --> 00:53:53,200
Speaker 3: what I'm supposed to say. So if I'm genuinely reacting

1292
00:53:53,200 --> 00:53:55,080
Speaker 3: to you and you're reacting to me, it's gonna be

1293
00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:55,920
Speaker 3: different every single time.

1294
00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:57,680
Speaker 2: O fact, I'm not gonna lie.

1295
00:53:57,760 --> 00:53:59,880
Speaker 1: Like we're kind of into like recording each other now,

1296
00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:01,480
Speaker 1: and I was like watching I was like, damn, that's

1297
00:54:01,520 --> 00:54:01,960
Speaker 1: what I was saying.

1298
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:04,000
Speaker 2: That's because in my head and.

1299
00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:07,319
Speaker 1: When I'm doing it, it sounds way sexy. But actually, like

1300
00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:08,440
Speaker 1: watching I'm like damn.

1301
00:54:08,880 --> 00:54:11,879
Speaker 2: So maybe I'll do sound like Tarzan Man. I see,

1302
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:14,400
Speaker 2: I'm probably sound like him. So he was probably watching

1303
00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:19,080
Speaker 2: this like bit we Twins or something poky.

1304
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:22,360
Speaker 1: So I think that's a good method to try to

1305
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:24,360
Speaker 1: Is there anything that you do dress like when you

1306
00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:27,000
Speaker 1: kind of like emotionally checked out or like you're mad

1307
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:29,319
Speaker 1: at your boot and like, you know, y'all kind of

1308
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:30,800
Speaker 1: reconnect in the bedroom.

1309
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:33,719
Speaker 5: I think that that's something that me and you, we

1310
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:35,920
Speaker 5: both differ in that way. And I think we actually

1311
00:54:36,040 --> 00:54:37,440
Speaker 5: used to talk about that when you used to talk

1312
00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:39,560
Speaker 5: to me about your last relationship, and you would say

1313
00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:41,239
Speaker 5: like I never tell him no.

1314
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:42,480
Speaker 2: I'm never gonna tell him no.

1315
00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:45,919
Speaker 5: Like, if I'm not emotionally there, I can't have sex

1316
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:47,919
Speaker 5: with you. I don't even want to because I also

1317
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:50,200
Speaker 5: feel like it's just not fair for you either because

1318
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:52,640
Speaker 5: I'm not even enjoying it. I'm just doing it just

1319
00:54:52,719 --> 00:54:55,120
Speaker 5: because I feel like I have to, And to me,

1320
00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:57,360
Speaker 5: that's not healthy. You have to take time for yourself

1321
00:54:57,360 --> 00:54:59,359
Speaker 5: if you're not feeling like your best self. I don't

1322
00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:01,759
Speaker 5: even want to get that to my partner. So I

1323
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:04,719
Speaker 5: don't have a problem telling somebody like, look, no, I'm

1324
00:55:04,719 --> 00:55:07,000
Speaker 5: not in the mood to have sex today or even

1325
00:55:07,080 --> 00:55:09,919
Speaker 5: and maybe just not even telling them that, but also

1326
00:55:09,960 --> 00:55:12,240
Speaker 5: letting them know what's going on and why I feel

1327
00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:14,440
Speaker 5: right way, instead of just telling them straight up like

1328
00:55:14,480 --> 00:55:16,600
Speaker 5: now I'm not having sex with you, Like I don't.

1329
00:55:16,719 --> 00:55:18,640
Speaker 5: I'm not in the mood to have sex today, And

1330
00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:20,920
Speaker 5: this is why I haven't been feeling like myself.

1331
00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:23,239
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm off. I feel like my energy.

1332
00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:23,919
Speaker 4: Is we're off.

1333
00:55:24,120 --> 00:55:25,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like we're.

1334
00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:26,640
Speaker 5: Off, and I just I don't even want to put

1335
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 5: that on you because energy is transferred.

1336
00:55:31,239 --> 00:55:33,880
Speaker 2: So yeah, I mean, I just I can't do it right,

1337
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:34,680
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say no.

1338
00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:37,600
Speaker 1: That goes back into being like you said, like dominance

1339
00:55:37,719 --> 00:55:40,680
Speaker 1: in your dating and telling somebody because I felt like

1340
00:55:41,239 --> 00:55:43,000
Speaker 1: if I ever would tell him no, be like, oh,

1341
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 1: I don't feel like having sex today because you made

1342
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:48,239
Speaker 1: me feel like x y Z. He was the type

1343
00:55:48,239 --> 00:55:49,759
Speaker 1: of person to be like okay and just roll over

1344
00:55:50,400 --> 00:55:53,120
Speaker 1: and be having an attitude and be mad yeah, not like

1345
00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:55,960
Speaker 1: instead of asking me, like, what's wrong. How can I

1346
00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:57,880
Speaker 1: fix this? I want to make you feel better. Be Like,

1347
00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:00,600
Speaker 1: he's in his head. He don't care about what made

1348
00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:03,680
Speaker 1: me upset. He's mad because we're not having sex. Don't

1349
00:56:03,719 --> 00:56:06,000
Speaker 1: give a damn about why I'm not having sex with him.

1350
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:07,040
Speaker 2: So that's why I just.

1351
00:56:07,080 --> 00:56:09,719
Speaker 1: Never would let it get there. I would just you know,

1352
00:56:09,880 --> 00:56:11,720
Speaker 1: have sex and go to sleep, and then I'm.

1353
00:56:11,560 --> 00:56:13,640
Speaker 2: Still mad, like like, like, that's what I said.

1354
00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:16,360
Speaker 1: I'm recognizing the problem now, But you did tell me

1355
00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:17,919
Speaker 1: that you'd be like, girl, you crazy if I look

1356
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:18,520
Speaker 1: like having sex.

1357
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:20,040
Speaker 2: I'm not having sex because I'm not.

1358
00:56:20,120 --> 00:56:22,640
Speaker 5: Why would I make a sacrifice for you right when

1359
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:24,719
Speaker 5: you don't even give a damn why I'm upseck Right,

1360
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:27,200
Speaker 5: y'all don't even care to explore why I'm in my

1361
00:56:27,280 --> 00:56:30,000
Speaker 5: feelings or why I'm not feeling like being intimate right now,

1362
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,439
Speaker 5: you're gonna roll over. So why am I gonna even

1363
00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:34,319
Speaker 5: go out of my way to try to please.

1364
00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:37,759
Speaker 2: You in that moment? Because you're addicted? Yes, yes it was.

1365
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:39,920
Speaker 2: I was so addicted and it was just it was

1366
00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:43,839
Speaker 2: nasty work. Yeah you did say y'all had amazing sex.

1367
00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:45,640
Speaker 1: I mean, we did have amazing sex, But like I

1368
00:56:45,680 --> 00:56:48,880
Speaker 1: said towards the NFL, like a job, like as amazing

1369
00:56:48,880 --> 00:56:50,560
Speaker 1: as it was, like it was still good, but I'm

1370
00:56:50,600 --> 00:56:51,480
Speaker 1: still just like.

1371
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:54,000
Speaker 2: Were you having sex with that girl like this?

1372
00:56:54,239 --> 00:56:57,400
Speaker 1: Like I became obsessed, right, I was like out of

1373
00:56:57,440 --> 00:56:59,080
Speaker 1: my body. And it's crazy because one of my best

1374
00:56:59,120 --> 00:57:01,400
Speaker 1: guy friends, he's like my best friend, we actually dated

1375
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:05,359
Speaker 1: and we're platonic friends now, and I was telling him

1376
00:57:05,360 --> 00:57:07,160
Speaker 1: about a fight that me and my ex had got

1377
00:57:07,160 --> 00:57:08,920
Speaker 1: into and how I was yelling and this and that.

1378
00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:11,160
Speaker 2: He was like, I dated this man for two years.

1379
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:13,480
Speaker 1: I never yelled at him and never He was like,

1380
00:57:13,520 --> 00:57:15,200
Speaker 1: I can't even see you getting that upset.

1381
00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:17,240
Speaker 2: Even with my friends, I don't yell at y'all.

1382
00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:19,360
Speaker 1: So it was like he was bringing out a sight

1383
00:57:19,480 --> 00:57:21,840
Speaker 1: of me that everybody who are the closest people to me,

1384
00:57:21,840 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 1: they're like.

1385
00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:24,000
Speaker 2: That's not even you, you know.

1386
00:57:24,080 --> 00:57:26,200
Speaker 1: So it's like I had to recognize, like he's bringing

1387
00:57:26,240 --> 00:57:30,080
Speaker 1: out like a monster that I didn't even know existed.

1388
00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:32,000
Speaker 1: So it's like it took things like that for me

1389
00:57:32,080 --> 00:57:36,040
Speaker 1: to recognize, like, Okay, you have completely checked out of this,

1390
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:39,160
Speaker 1: like in every manner. But the first sign for me

1391
00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:42,800
Speaker 1: was the sex, Like I was emotionally checked out. It's

1392
00:57:42,840 --> 00:57:45,000
Speaker 1: like I said, I'm a very sexual person. I love

1393
00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:47,080
Speaker 1: to have sex. So for me not to want to

1394
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:49,440
Speaker 1: have sex with you, you done did some shit. Okay, you

1395
00:57:49,520 --> 00:57:51,400
Speaker 1: done did some shit cause one thing about me, I'm

1396
00:57:51,440 --> 00:57:55,320
Speaker 1: mother fuck all right, so for me to check out emotionally.

1397
00:57:55,360 --> 00:57:58,000
Speaker 1: But that's a situation I shouldn't have checked back in,

1398
00:57:58,040 --> 00:58:00,400
Speaker 1: and I'm glad I didn't. But for the people who

1399
00:58:00,400 --> 00:58:02,360
Speaker 1: have checked out emotionally, right, the.

1400
00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:06,280
Speaker 2: Breathing is a good tip. You know, we're not doing

1401
00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:12,480
Speaker 2: it at all. We're first, Yeah, have a conver We're

1402
00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:44,160
Speaker 2: big on talking. Amen, we definitely are. What's up, y'all?

1403
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:46,720
Speaker 2: Is your girl lex Peace and it's your girls writing

1404
00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:52,160
Speaker 2: a call and Miami we're coming to turn up. I'm excited.

1405
00:58:52,520 --> 00:58:53,480
Speaker 2: I'm excited too.

1406
00:58:53,760 --> 00:58:56,800
Speaker 5: We've been long overdue for a Miami show and I

1407
00:58:56,840 --> 00:58:59,640
Speaker 5: can't wait to see y'all. It's a perfect way to

1408
00:58:59,720 --> 00:59:02,000
Speaker 5: kind of, I guess in the summer, because the summer

1409
00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:06,640
Speaker 5: almost be and it's like August thirteenth, y'all, we're gonna

1410
00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:10,120
Speaker 5: be in Miami, Miami and prov shows doors open at

1411
00:59:10,160 --> 00:59:11,800
Speaker 5: Sibbing show starts today.

1412
00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:13,680
Speaker 1: Yes, And I'm telling y'all, look, this is right before

1413
00:59:13,680 --> 00:59:15,480
Speaker 1: my birthday too. So y'all know I'm finna be.

1414
00:59:15,440 --> 00:59:16,480
Speaker 2: Listing the net.

1415
00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:20,520
Speaker 1: I'm I'm finna put it on for Miami. I'm telling

1416
00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:25,800
Speaker 1: y'all listen. August thirteenth. Doors open at seven, show starts

1417
00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:28,959
Speaker 1: at eight, Miami and prov y'all please do not miss

1418
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:31,160
Speaker 1: this show. Y'all know we're gonna have people popping up,

1419
00:59:31,240 --> 00:59:32,720
Speaker 1: rolling up on us Miami.

1420
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:37,840
Speaker 2: It's gonna be fun. Welcome to Miami, Perrie. So I'm Miami. Yes,

1421
00:59:38,200 --> 00:59:40,280
Speaker 2: not see y'all. What's the all people need to study

1422
00:59:40,280 --> 00:59:47,120
Speaker 2: to be there or be square? What was all right?

1423
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:47,600
Speaker 1: Right?

1424
00:59:48,880 --> 00:59:52,040
Speaker 2: What's up? Y'all? Is show Girl XP and it's Showgirl

1425
00:59:52,120 --> 00:59:54,240
Speaker 2: Dre and the Call and we just wanted to come and.

1426
00:59:54,120 --> 00:59:55,960
Speaker 5: Talk to y'all and let y'all know that we do

1427
00:59:56,040 --> 01:00:00,320
Speaker 5: have sponsor packages available for this tour. Come out enough,

1428
01:00:00,440 --> 01:00:04,800
Speaker 5: yes for Richard, for Poor two. We do have sponsorship

1429
01:00:04,840 --> 01:00:07,640
Speaker 5: packages available. If you would like to be a sponsor

1430
01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:10,280
Speaker 5: for the live tour, all you need to do is

1431
01:00:10,360 --> 01:00:13,480
Speaker 5: hit us up at Drea and Lex show at gmail

1432
01:00:13,600 --> 01:00:14,160
Speaker 5: dot com.

1433
01:00:14,200 --> 01:00:17,080
Speaker 2: That's c R E A A N D L E

1434
01:00:17,400 --> 01:00:18,240
Speaker 2: X s.

1435
01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:22,240
Speaker 5: H O W at gmail dot com and all of

1436
01:00:22,240 --> 01:00:24,520
Speaker 5: the details will be provided to you bys if you

1437
01:00:24,560 --> 01:00:26,320
Speaker 5: want to be a sponsor, if you have a small business,

1438
01:00:26,320 --> 01:00:28,400
Speaker 5: if you have a big business, whatever type.

1439
01:00:28,200 --> 01:00:29,960
Speaker 2: Of business you got, we all of our business.

1440
01:00:30,640 --> 01:00:33,280
Speaker 5: Go ahead and hit us up and we're gonna send

1441
01:00:33,280 --> 01:00:35,160
Speaker 5: you all of the details so that you can keep

1442
01:00:35,200 --> 01:00:37,120
Speaker 5: your business sponsored with us.

1443
01:00:37,320 --> 01:00:37,960
Speaker 2: For Richard, for.

1444
01:00:37,960 --> 01:00:41,160
Speaker 1: Port Yes, and like she said, we have different packages

1445
01:00:41,200 --> 01:00:44,880
Speaker 1: available for purchase, so make sure y'all email us Drea

1446
01:00:44,920 --> 01:00:47,360
Speaker 1: Alec Show at gmail dot com and we'll see y'all

1447
01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:48,640
Speaker 1: on the road period.

1448
01:00:49,960 --> 01:00:52,280
Speaker 2: Now we're gonna go ahead and get into the.

1449
01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:58,280
Speaker 5: Buy the buye a love, y'all.

1450
01:01:01,320 --> 01:01:01,800
Speaker 1: I like that.

1451
01:01:01,960 --> 01:01:06,320
Speaker 2: We're gonna call that the shan now pegment.

1452
01:01:06,360 --> 01:01:08,480
Speaker 3: We normally talk about, you know what we've been listening to?

1453
01:01:08,600 --> 01:01:10,800
Speaker 3: So what music have you been listening to, ladies. I

1454
01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:14,400
Speaker 3: really do like Denbo a lot. I'm going back to

1455
01:01:14,400 --> 01:01:16,960
Speaker 3: Toronto for the summer, my first time really being back

1456
01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:20,080
Speaker 3: since the pandemic. So Soka, I'm going for Carnival. So

1457
01:01:20,080 --> 01:01:22,320
Speaker 3: I'm doing like the Soka mixes, Happy.

1458
01:01:22,000 --> 01:01:25,760
Speaker 2: Ship, Yeah music.

1459
01:01:27,280 --> 01:01:29,760
Speaker 1: So I'm an R and B girl, right, y'all know,

1460
01:01:29,840 --> 01:01:31,280
Speaker 1: I just dropped my playlist the other day.

1461
01:01:31,320 --> 01:01:34,040
Speaker 2: I hope y'all are really liking it. But I found this.

1462
01:01:34,080 --> 01:01:36,800
Speaker 1: Artist and it's crazy because he hasn't released music in

1463
01:01:36,840 --> 01:01:39,920
Speaker 1: like two years, and he has a really good song

1464
01:01:39,960 --> 01:01:41,080
Speaker 1: called Intoxicated Truth.

1465
01:01:41,480 --> 01:01:44,760
Speaker 2: His name is Mazzai. He's from Dallas and he's so dope.

1466
01:01:44,960 --> 01:01:47,320
Speaker 1: But it's basically talking about, you know, just being honest

1467
01:01:47,320 --> 01:01:50,000
Speaker 1: with yourself about your relationship and it being okay to

1468
01:01:50,080 --> 01:01:53,560
Speaker 1: move on and you know, forgiving yourself. So it's called

1469
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:56,439
Speaker 1: Intoxicated Truth. Is Bob Mazzotti Like, I got a good

1470
01:01:56,560 --> 01:01:58,640
Speaker 1: R and B list for y'all.

1471
01:01:58,720 --> 01:02:00,320
Speaker 2: Y'all gonna love it. I'm gonna put the link below.

1472
01:02:00,920 --> 01:02:01,680
Speaker 2: Get your bop on.

1473
01:02:01,720 --> 01:02:04,000
Speaker 1: You know, I like a little wine session at night,

1474
01:02:04,080 --> 01:02:06,360
Speaker 1: you know, when you get off the shower and you're

1475
01:02:06,360 --> 01:02:07,560
Speaker 1: doing your nightly routine.

1476
01:02:07,600 --> 01:02:10,160
Speaker 2: So this is definitely that type of playlist. Yes, what

1477
01:02:10,280 --> 01:02:11,360
Speaker 2: you already know what you did.

1478
01:02:12,440 --> 01:02:15,480
Speaker 5: But the funny thing is, I actually just listened to

1479
01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:18,440
Speaker 5: the album maybe like two days ago. I knew it

1480
01:02:18,440 --> 01:02:20,520
Speaker 5: had came out. Gunna has a new album. I knew

1481
01:02:20,560 --> 01:02:22,760
Speaker 5: it had came out, but I hadn't listened to it

1482
01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:25,120
Speaker 5: yet until we were at our live show on Friday

1483
01:02:25,160 --> 01:02:27,480
Speaker 5: and Cliff, one of our agents, was telling me how

1484
01:02:27,520 --> 01:02:29,200
Speaker 5: good the album was. And I listened to it and

1485
01:02:29,240 --> 01:02:31,240
Speaker 5: I was like, okay, and we were just talking in

1486
01:02:31,240 --> 01:02:33,120
Speaker 5: the car about how good fuck you mean is?

1487
01:02:33,240 --> 01:02:34,640
Speaker 2: Yes, that's my favorite song.

1488
01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:37,160
Speaker 5: That's my favorite song too, And so I just want

1489
01:02:37,200 --> 01:02:38,680
Speaker 5: to say, you know, because it's been a lot of

1490
01:02:38,680 --> 01:02:41,760
Speaker 5: controversy surrounding Gunna, I ain't got nothing to do with that.

1491
01:02:41,880 --> 01:02:48,520
Speaker 2: I am. I ain't in that world. I'm still he

1492
01:02:49,160 --> 01:02:51,560
Speaker 2: made a fire album, he did, and I really loved

1493
01:02:51,560 --> 01:02:51,959
Speaker 2: that song.

1494
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:56,400
Speaker 1: So yeah, Okay, So now we're gonna get into our

1495
01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:58,160
Speaker 1: favorite segment of the week.

1496
01:02:58,200 --> 01:02:59,439
Speaker 2: It's called for your Heart Out.

1497
01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:01,640
Speaker 1: If you want your question answered on the show, make

1498
01:03:01,640 --> 01:03:04,160
Speaker 1: sure you email us at ask poor Minds at gmail

1499
01:03:04,160 --> 01:03:06,520
Speaker 1: dot com. If you're a Patreon member, make sure you

1500
01:03:06,520 --> 01:03:08,280
Speaker 1: put that in the subject lines. You get to skip

1501
01:03:08,360 --> 01:03:10,680
Speaker 1: the line. Okay, So we're gonna give some advice. Now

1502
01:03:10,680 --> 01:03:12,960
Speaker 1: we know you give good advice, Brave. Okay, So you

1503
01:03:12,960 --> 01:03:14,400
Speaker 1: want to read the first one dream.

1504
01:03:14,200 --> 01:03:15,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll read it. Okay.

1505
01:03:15,480 --> 01:03:18,320
Speaker 5: Hey, ladies, Well I've done the unthinkable. I've fallen for

1506
01:03:18,440 --> 01:03:21,080
Speaker 5: my sneaky link. I met him about seven years ago

1507
01:03:21,120 --> 01:03:23,880
Speaker 5: at work. Everything was strictly friends at first. We were

1508
01:03:23,960 --> 01:03:26,680
Speaker 5: bff's for about two years. During those years, I had

1509
01:03:26,720 --> 01:03:29,640
Speaker 5: developed a secret crush on him, but then life happened

1510
01:03:29,680 --> 01:03:32,000
Speaker 5: and he went to another job. I would think of

1511
01:03:32,080 --> 01:03:34,000
Speaker 5: him often and wanted to reach out, but I was

1512
01:03:34,040 --> 01:03:37,200
Speaker 5: still in a relationship with my son's father. Oh fast

1513
01:03:37,240 --> 01:03:39,480
Speaker 5: forward three years and my baby daddy and I had

1514
01:03:39,480 --> 01:03:42,680
Speaker 5: broken up after being together for sixteen years, y'all, and

1515
01:03:42,800 --> 01:03:44,200
Speaker 5: all I could think about was him.

1516
01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:46,360
Speaker 2: We would call him Wayne.

1517
01:03:46,800 --> 01:03:49,120
Speaker 5: I finally got brave enough to reach out to Wayne,

1518
01:03:49,400 --> 01:03:51,439
Speaker 5: and it was like we never stopped talking. Three days

1519
01:03:51,520 --> 01:03:53,600
Speaker 5: later and I found myself in a hotel room with

1520
01:03:53,680 --> 01:03:55,720
Speaker 5: my ass in the air, getting the best dick I

1521
01:03:55,760 --> 01:03:56,880
Speaker 5: ever had.

1522
01:03:57,200 --> 01:03:59,800
Speaker 2: We have been spending time in building a situationship.

1523
01:04:00,760 --> 01:04:03,200
Speaker 5: We never talk about being in a full out relationship,

1524
01:04:03,240 --> 01:04:05,720
Speaker 5: but as time goes on, I'm falling harder each day.

1525
01:04:06,160 --> 01:04:08,320
Speaker 5: Do you think I should just ask about moving forward

1526
01:04:08,360 --> 01:04:10,560
Speaker 5: with a relationship or just sit and be patient.

1527
01:04:10,680 --> 01:04:13,640
Speaker 2: I need help. I hate the water are we conversation?

1528
01:04:14,480 --> 01:04:14,680
Speaker 9: Yeah?

1529
01:04:14,800 --> 01:04:19,680
Speaker 5: Me too, but it's necessary. Yeah if she want a relationship.

1530
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:23,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think now I will say this. I don't

1531
01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:25,760
Speaker 1: have a problem telling people my intentions. Like on the

1532
01:04:25,800 --> 01:04:27,200
Speaker 1: first day, they're like, oh, what are you looking for

1533
01:04:27,240 --> 01:04:29,840
Speaker 1: I'm looking for a man, I mean, that's what I want,

1534
01:04:29,920 --> 01:04:32,880
Speaker 1: So I think you should tell him what your intentions are, like,

1535
01:04:32,960 --> 01:04:37,640
Speaker 1: you know, so, yeah, I.

1536
01:04:37,560 --> 01:04:41,000
Speaker 3: Think intentions and intentions for you are different, right, Like,

1537
01:04:41,160 --> 01:04:42,720
Speaker 3: just because I'm looking for a partner doesn't mean that

1538
01:04:42,760 --> 01:04:45,360
Speaker 3: I look at you as partner material yet collecting.

1539
01:04:45,080 --> 01:04:45,840
Speaker 2: Information on you.

1540
01:04:46,200 --> 01:04:47,920
Speaker 3: But I think if it's a part of the fabric

1541
01:04:47,960 --> 01:04:49,880
Speaker 3: of the culture of your relationship, it's not hard to

1542
01:04:49,880 --> 01:04:50,320
Speaker 3: bring up.

1543
01:04:50,440 --> 01:04:53,560
Speaker 4: So you need to create that culture from now.

1544
01:04:54,800 --> 01:04:56,800
Speaker 3: It's a little harder now, and you could admit that

1545
01:04:56,840 --> 01:04:59,480
Speaker 3: it's okay to admit that you fucked up, right, you

1546
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:01,920
Speaker 3: know what, I really wish that we started off just

1547
01:05:01,960 --> 01:05:03,720
Speaker 3: by doing what we didn't do before. I just like

1548
01:05:03,760 --> 01:05:05,880
Speaker 3: talking about where we're at. This is an opportunity for

1549
01:05:05,920 --> 01:05:07,680
Speaker 3: me to set both of us up for success and

1550
01:05:07,680 --> 01:05:09,760
Speaker 3: to make sure we're both enjoying this. Where are you

1551
01:05:09,800 --> 01:05:11,880
Speaker 3: at right now? How do you feel about me? How

1552
01:05:11,880 --> 01:05:14,919
Speaker 3: do you feel about relationships in general? Okay, cool, here's

1553
01:05:14,920 --> 01:05:16,880
Speaker 3: what time I'm on. If the fact that we're on

1554
01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:19,920
Speaker 3: very different times is a problem for us moving forward,

1555
01:05:20,120 --> 01:05:22,600
Speaker 3: then maybe we have to stop or I have to

1556
01:05:22,680 --> 01:05:26,520
Speaker 3: adjust the way that we engage with each other to

1557
01:05:26,520 --> 01:05:28,800
Speaker 3: give myself a fighting chance to get out of this

1558
01:05:29,080 --> 01:05:31,720
Speaker 3: alive and to feel good about what we have and share.

1559
01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:34,200
Speaker 3: So I think you have to. It's awkward because you

1560
01:05:34,240 --> 01:05:36,720
Speaker 3: don't have the culture. I loved the fact that in

1561
01:05:36,760 --> 01:05:41,680
Speaker 3: my friends of benefits, my husband literally daily he would

1562
01:05:41,720 --> 01:05:44,280
Speaker 3: remind me he didn't want anything more, and we would

1563
01:05:44,280 --> 01:05:47,320
Speaker 3: have the competition so frequently, just so you know, this

1564
01:05:47,400 --> 01:05:48,000
Speaker 3: isn't anything.

1565
01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:48,720
Speaker 2: And I remember he.

1566
01:05:48,720 --> 01:05:52,080
Speaker 3: Invited me to go watch like a football game with

1567
01:05:52,120 --> 01:05:54,240
Speaker 3: his friends, and I was stressed out about it. I

1568
01:05:54,240 --> 01:05:56,440
Speaker 3: comment found like, this is fucking weird. My friends have

1569
01:05:56,480 --> 01:05:57,640
Speaker 3: benefits trying to make this name more.

1570
01:05:57,640 --> 01:05:58,560
Speaker 4: I don't want to meet his friends.

1571
01:05:58,560 --> 01:06:00,920
Speaker 3: I don't want this, And so I just said to him,

1572
01:06:00,920 --> 01:06:03,160
Speaker 3: I'm like, I want to come because I think it'd

1573
01:06:03,160 --> 01:06:04,680
Speaker 3: be a good time and I'm free, but I'm a

1574
01:06:04,680 --> 01:06:07,440
Speaker 3: little uncomfortable with the idea of meeting your friends. How

1575
01:06:07,440 --> 01:06:09,920
Speaker 3: are you going to introduce me? And he was like, oh,

1576
01:06:10,280 --> 01:06:12,520
Speaker 3: there's tons of people coming. Someone else will be there.

1577
01:06:12,520 --> 01:06:14,360
Speaker 3: I probably had sex with two it will be other thing.

1578
01:06:14,400 --> 01:06:15,840
Speaker 3: It was just like and we cleared the air and

1579
01:06:15,880 --> 01:06:17,720
Speaker 3: it was comfortable, and I went. I had a great time,

1580
01:06:17,760 --> 01:06:19,680
Speaker 3: and I was like this was good. And I was

1581
01:06:19,800 --> 01:06:22,240
Speaker 3: only able to do that because I had that conversation,

1582
01:06:22,520 --> 01:06:24,080
Speaker 3: but it was a part of the fabric of again,

1583
01:06:24,120 --> 01:06:26,120
Speaker 3: the culture that we shared with each other. So I

1584
01:06:26,120 --> 01:06:28,400
Speaker 3: think that she has to introduce that into it and

1585
01:06:28,480 --> 01:06:30,720
Speaker 3: acknowledge the fact that you guys have made a mistake

1586
01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:32,000
Speaker 3: by not doing that from the jump.

1587
01:06:32,200 --> 01:06:34,040
Speaker 2: Right, So let me ask you a question.

1588
01:06:34,080 --> 01:06:37,400
Speaker 5: How did y'all go from we have the same I

1589
01:06:37,520 --> 01:06:40,080
Speaker 5: was literally just how did all transitions?

1590
01:06:40,080 --> 01:06:42,040
Speaker 1: How did y'all transition from somebody be like, hey, this

1591
01:06:42,160 --> 01:06:45,680
Speaker 1: is casual. Now I like you, So how did y'all

1592
01:06:45,720 --> 01:06:48,040
Speaker 1: even get to because to go from a sneaky link

1593
01:06:48,080 --> 01:06:52,040
Speaker 1: to marriages, right, yes, it's wild, and how are you saying?

1594
01:06:52,040 --> 01:06:56,080
Speaker 1: He was like reminding you, I'm like, okay, I did.

1595
01:06:57,480 --> 01:06:59,400
Speaker 4: It was really I loved it. It was Actually it

1596
01:06:59,480 --> 01:07:00,560
Speaker 4: got a little knowing kind.

1597
01:07:00,440 --> 01:07:02,320
Speaker 3: Of midway through. I was like, I don't even I'm

1598
01:07:02,320 --> 01:07:04,640
Speaker 3: not interested you in that way. But I look back

1599
01:07:04,640 --> 01:07:07,040
Speaker 3: and think it was very beneficial and like again, like

1600
01:07:07,200 --> 01:07:10,280
Speaker 3: I had a fuck buddy and I had a cuddle buddy,

1601
01:07:10,880 --> 01:07:13,320
Speaker 3: so I had sex with him and then I would

1602
01:07:13,760 --> 01:07:15,800
Speaker 3: drive and go sleep at somebody else's house.

1603
01:07:15,800 --> 01:07:17,080
Speaker 4: Who I wasn't having sex with and.

1604
01:07:17,120 --> 01:07:20,080
Speaker 3: Just cuddled with that person because I acknowledged that if

1605
01:07:20,120 --> 01:07:22,080
Speaker 3: I cuddled my fuck buddy, then I would start to

1606
01:07:22,080 --> 01:07:25,240
Speaker 3: get confused. So it happened where he actually told me

1607
01:07:25,360 --> 01:07:28,400
Speaker 3: he loved me, and then at that moment, I was

1608
01:07:28,440 --> 01:07:30,320
Speaker 3: reflecting and I was like, do I feel the same way,

1609
01:07:30,320 --> 01:07:33,520
Speaker 3: because I'd never even let myself think like that, because.

1610
01:07:33,280 --> 01:07:36,240
Speaker 1: I just like in casual.

1611
01:07:36,560 --> 01:07:36,600
Speaker 8: No.

1612
01:07:36,680 --> 01:07:38,560
Speaker 4: He texted me I was in a different state. I

1613
01:07:38,600 --> 01:07:39,200
Speaker 4: was in New York.

1614
01:07:39,200 --> 01:07:42,920
Speaker 3: He was in California, and I had tweeted something about

1615
01:07:43,160 --> 01:07:45,000
Speaker 3: because I was in New York, I had an amazing

1616
01:07:45,040 --> 01:07:47,840
Speaker 3: club makeout, like the most like hottest, coolest club.

1617
01:07:47,640 --> 01:07:48,280
Speaker 2: Makeout was you.

1618
01:07:48,960 --> 01:07:50,400
Speaker 3: And I was tweeting and I was like, yeah, I'm

1619
01:07:50,440 --> 01:07:53,439
Speaker 3: learning so much about love not being in aeroslove. And

1620
01:07:54,080 --> 01:07:55,680
Speaker 3: he saw that and he admitteds like I had to

1621
01:07:55,680 --> 01:07:58,040
Speaker 3: google what arrows meant, and then he was like, aeros

1622
01:07:58,080 --> 01:08:00,000
Speaker 3: means romantic and he was like so he text me

1623
01:08:00,000 --> 01:08:01,720
Speaker 3: and he was like is our love not romantic?

1624
01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:04,360
Speaker 2: And I was like, now he got his feelings high?

1625
01:08:04,200 --> 01:08:08,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, but do you love?

1626
01:08:08,080 --> 01:08:09,760
Speaker 2: But do you love me? He was like yeah?

1627
01:08:10,040 --> 01:08:12,560
Speaker 3: And then I was like, oh so, and I think

1628
01:08:12,560 --> 01:08:14,760
Speaker 3: that there wasn't a big gap for him between when

1629
01:08:14,760 --> 01:08:17,200
Speaker 3: he started to feel that and when he expressed that. Okay,

1630
01:08:17,720 --> 01:08:20,000
Speaker 3: but again, we were in the culture of constantly having

1631
01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:22,640
Speaker 3: that conversation, and I think that these relationships can go

1632
01:08:22,800 --> 01:08:25,160
Speaker 3: really well. I think you can have a very successful

1633
01:08:25,160 --> 01:08:28,240
Speaker 3: friends of benefits. But as we were talking about, your

1634
01:08:28,439 --> 01:08:30,960
Speaker 3: biology is not set up for you to have this

1635
01:08:31,040 --> 01:08:33,280
Speaker 3: kind of dynamic, So you have to be a little

1636
01:08:33,360 --> 01:08:35,240
Speaker 3: bit more pragmatic and robotic about it.

1637
01:08:35,280 --> 01:08:36,200
Speaker 2: You can't just let it flow.

1638
01:08:36,400 --> 01:08:41,800
Speaker 1: Got you, got you? That's great advice. Okay, so we

1639
01:08:41,840 --> 01:08:45,160
Speaker 1: got one more question. It says I am a single

1640
01:08:45,160 --> 01:08:48,559
Speaker 1: female team no kids, who recently turned thirty about four

1641
01:08:48,600 --> 01:08:50,960
Speaker 1: months ago, and I'm currently thinking about leaving the nursing

1642
01:08:51,000 --> 01:08:54,840
Speaker 1: field to pursue a career in entertainment, television, podcast, et cetera.

1643
01:08:55,120 --> 01:08:56,760
Speaker 1: I'm from a small Louisiana town.

1644
01:08:56,920 --> 01:09:02,320
Speaker 2: Where what does that say, Drea, A small louise In town.

1645
01:09:03,240 --> 01:09:06,280
Speaker 5: Mutani monotony, monotony, monotony.

1646
01:09:07,040 --> 01:09:08,200
Speaker 4: It's the same thing over and over again.

1647
01:09:08,280 --> 01:09:09,960
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, look cause y'all know I don't know these

1648
01:09:10,000 --> 01:09:12,080
Speaker 1: big words now. I'm just working every day and going

1649
01:09:12,120 --> 01:09:13,160
Speaker 1: back in the house is the norm.

1650
01:09:13,160 --> 01:09:14,000
Speaker 2: But it's so draining.

1651
01:09:14,200 --> 01:09:16,280
Speaker 1: I always wanted to move away, but life has always

1652
01:09:16,360 --> 01:09:18,840
Speaker 1: kept me stuck here. I feel like I'm behind in

1653
01:09:18,880 --> 01:09:20,880
Speaker 1: life and wanted to take the first steps towards my

1654
01:09:20,960 --> 01:09:24,080
Speaker 1: actual dream of becoming successful in the industry. What kind

1655
01:09:24,080 --> 01:09:26,400
Speaker 1: of advice do y'all have for making moves and strides

1656
01:09:26,439 --> 01:09:28,719
Speaker 1: in the right directions for my dream to come true?

1657
01:09:28,960 --> 01:09:31,599
Speaker 2: Sign was so much love a young old bitch.

1658
01:09:33,040 --> 01:09:34,559
Speaker 1: So what do you have advice for people who kind

1659
01:09:34,560 --> 01:09:36,200
Speaker 1: of want to get in the entertainment industry?

1660
01:09:36,280 --> 01:09:38,800
Speaker 2: Podcasting and things like that.

1661
01:09:39,600 --> 01:09:42,080
Speaker 3: I think anything in lifey in relationships is just taking

1662
01:09:42,240 --> 01:09:46,599
Speaker 3: one step at a time, pausing, feeling good, getting grounded there,

1663
01:09:46,840 --> 01:09:49,080
Speaker 3: and then being like do I should I go back?

1664
01:09:49,360 --> 01:09:51,679
Speaker 3: Should I move forward? Should I stay here for a while?

1665
01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:55,960
Speaker 3: And so I moved to La. But I moved to

1666
01:09:56,160 --> 01:09:59,000
Speaker 3: La to pursue my dreams, and I moved with my car,

1667
01:09:59,080 --> 01:10:01,840
Speaker 3: and I did all that, But I was a wedding

1668
01:10:01,840 --> 01:10:04,880
Speaker 3: photographer in Canada. I saved up enough money to make

1669
01:10:04,920 --> 01:10:07,519
Speaker 3: the transition happen. And when I came here, I got

1670
01:10:07,560 --> 01:10:11,040
Speaker 3: a job working photo boots and so everything I did

1671
01:10:11,120 --> 01:10:13,160
Speaker 3: just kind of made sense. I was making big moves,

1672
01:10:13,200 --> 01:10:15,920
Speaker 3: but they were like surrounded by like a logical setup.

1673
01:10:15,960 --> 01:10:16,880
Speaker 2: Yes you had a plan.

1674
01:10:17,120 --> 01:10:21,320
Speaker 3: I had a plan, and then I also had backup

1675
01:10:21,360 --> 01:10:23,800
Speaker 3: plans one and also I was okay with acknowledge that

1676
01:10:23,880 --> 01:10:26,320
Speaker 3: may have to go back. So I feel like, make

1677
01:10:26,360 --> 01:10:29,840
Speaker 3: those big leaps of faith, but make a big make

1678
01:10:29,840 --> 01:10:33,800
Speaker 3: a big leap, and then stop, get grounded, and then

1679
01:10:34,040 --> 01:10:36,920
Speaker 3: collect your shit, and then before you leap forward again,

1680
01:10:37,400 --> 01:10:39,880
Speaker 3: make sure that you have your footing. So I think

1681
01:10:39,920 --> 01:10:42,280
Speaker 3: that people can get tripped up when they just they

1682
01:10:42,320 --> 01:10:43,040
Speaker 3: go all the.

1683
01:10:42,960 --> 01:10:44,920
Speaker 2: Way start trying to do like this, like this, like this,

1684
01:10:45,000 --> 01:10:45,519
Speaker 2: like this, like this.

1685
01:10:45,560 --> 01:10:47,479
Speaker 1: It's like you have to take one step at a time,

1686
01:10:47,880 --> 01:10:50,519
Speaker 1: complete it, and then go to the next one, like right,

1687
01:10:50,600 --> 01:10:52,519
Speaker 1: because a lot of times people want that story of

1688
01:10:52,640 --> 01:10:54,720
Speaker 1: like packing up your car and going to the city

1689
01:10:54,720 --> 01:10:56,640
Speaker 1: and the next thing you know, you're on tour with

1690
01:10:56,720 --> 01:10:57,519
Speaker 1: Rihanna and it's like.

1691
01:10:57,640 --> 01:11:00,799
Speaker 2: You have it like that. It could it could could, because.

1692
01:11:00,680 --> 01:11:02,839
Speaker 1: I mean I see some people going viral on TikTok

1693
01:11:02,880 --> 01:11:06,120
Speaker 1: and they dancing with right now, Yeah, it could happen, But.

1694
01:11:06,360 --> 01:11:08,360
Speaker 2: I just am I'm a person with a plan.

1695
01:11:08,520 --> 01:11:10,360
Speaker 1: Like, yes, I did pack up my car and I

1696
01:11:10,400 --> 01:11:12,040
Speaker 1: moved to Atlanta, but I also had a friend that

1697
01:11:12,120 --> 01:11:13,439
Speaker 1: was there that I could live with. I had a

1698
01:11:13,560 --> 01:11:16,679
Speaker 1: job already set up. I wasn't just like, oh my gosh,

1699
01:11:16,760 --> 01:11:18,679
Speaker 1: I don't have nothing and I'm gonna make it happen.

1700
01:11:18,960 --> 01:11:21,920
Speaker 1: I'm a planing out person. I don't like to jump

1701
01:11:21,960 --> 01:11:22,599
Speaker 1: in the dark.

1702
01:11:22,720 --> 01:11:27,559
Speaker 2: You see, I'm not what I did. I just move

1703
01:11:27,680 --> 01:11:30,160
Speaker 2: up and moved to Atlanta with an O plan. Yeah,

1704
01:11:30,400 --> 01:11:33,320
Speaker 2: here we are. But it works out. But I mean

1705
01:11:33,360 --> 01:11:33,880
Speaker 2: it does.

1706
01:11:33,920 --> 01:11:36,880
Speaker 3: But I always say whenever people write us, don't do

1707
01:11:36,960 --> 01:11:37,439
Speaker 3: what I did.

1708
01:11:37,640 --> 01:11:40,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you just never know do what.

1709
01:11:40,280 --> 01:11:42,479
Speaker 4: You did if you're comfortable with either outcome.

1710
01:11:42,880 --> 01:11:45,000
Speaker 3: Like this is the thing when I I didn't have

1711
01:11:45,000 --> 01:11:47,000
Speaker 3: any kids, I didn't have any attachments, I didn't have

1712
01:11:47,040 --> 01:11:49,080
Speaker 3: any debt, I didn't have sick parents who relied on me.

1713
01:11:49,280 --> 01:11:54,559
Speaker 3: Like it was an irresponsible, crazy, responsible decision, and then

1714
01:11:54,560 --> 01:11:56,320
Speaker 3: if I had to go back, it wasn't gonna be

1715
01:11:56,360 --> 01:11:58,640
Speaker 3: the worst thing ever. And I also think like that

1716
01:11:58,680 --> 01:12:01,840
Speaker 3: whole like, quit your job and devote yourself. I know

1717
01:12:02,000 --> 01:12:04,840
Speaker 3: it's you can find time. There's a lot of things

1718
01:12:04,880 --> 01:12:07,400
Speaker 3: that you probably do that you can chip out before

1719
01:12:07,600 --> 01:12:08,639
Speaker 3: you chip out the job.

1720
01:12:08,800 --> 01:12:11,600
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm glad you said that, because it was so

1721
01:12:11,640 --> 01:12:13,840
Speaker 1: many people that we were working with, like before we

1722
01:12:13,880 --> 01:12:15,960
Speaker 1: saw fly like quit your job, quit your job.

1723
01:12:18,360 --> 01:12:20,519
Speaker 2: But it's just like, no, I have time to work.

1724
01:12:20,600 --> 01:12:21,360
Speaker 2: I can do both.

1725
01:12:21,479 --> 01:12:24,000
Speaker 1: Like I didn't quit my job until the very very last,

1726
01:12:24,120 --> 01:12:26,679
Speaker 1: Like they kind of forced me out because I didn't

1727
01:12:26,680 --> 01:12:29,160
Speaker 1: have time to do both. But I was making enough

1728
01:12:29,200 --> 01:12:31,760
Speaker 1: money to quit. I was just scared. But you can

1729
01:12:31,800 --> 01:12:32,639
Speaker 1: work your job.

1730
01:12:32,520 --> 01:12:35,320
Speaker 4: And your toxic social media habits.

1731
01:12:35,400 --> 01:12:37,720
Speaker 3: Ye, that friendship that you never actually have a good

1732
01:12:37,720 --> 01:12:40,360
Speaker 3: time with, that person with, that fuck buddy that you

1733
01:12:40,360 --> 01:12:42,400
Speaker 3: don't actually enjoy the sex with, but you're hoping they'll

1734
01:12:42,439 --> 01:12:44,559
Speaker 3: turn into more like quit a lot of there's a

1735
01:12:44,560 --> 01:12:48,560
Speaker 3: lot of area to make more time, right facts.

1736
01:12:48,240 --> 01:12:50,439
Speaker 2: Because I was not Look, I was not leaving my job.

1737
01:12:50,760 --> 01:12:53,519
Speaker 1: Was like quit girl, fuck you, I'm going to work.

1738
01:12:53,920 --> 01:12:55,599
Speaker 1: One thing about me and I was on time.

1739
01:12:55,960 --> 01:12:58,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you have quit now?

1740
01:12:58,479 --> 01:13:02,120
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, oh I've been quit when it just was

1741
01:13:02,240 --> 01:13:02,840
Speaker 3: a no brainer.

1742
01:13:03,000 --> 01:13:03,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1743
01:13:03,680 --> 01:13:05,559
Speaker 2: Later, leave me a choice though. Look, I'll still be

1744
01:13:05,560 --> 01:13:08,240
Speaker 2: clocking in right now. They let me. I like that

1745
01:13:08,320 --> 01:13:10,720
Speaker 2: consistent check now. But no, I love my job and

1746
01:13:10,760 --> 01:13:11,479
Speaker 2: I'm very blessed.

1747
01:13:11,479 --> 01:13:13,360
Speaker 1: But like I said, I always go to work, Go

1748
01:13:13,400 --> 01:13:16,000
Speaker 1: to work. It's okay to work. Everybody was like everybody

1749
01:13:16,000 --> 01:13:18,040
Speaker 1: feels like it's embarrassing to have a job for some reason,

1750
01:13:18,040 --> 01:13:18,960
Speaker 1: and I don't know why.

1751
01:13:19,160 --> 01:13:21,160
Speaker 2: Right for me, it was just like, yeah, I'm at work.

1752
01:13:21,160 --> 01:13:23,599
Speaker 2: People be walking like, oh my god, Lanx from Poormones.

1753
01:13:23,600 --> 01:13:24,960
Speaker 2: I'd be like, yep, what you need? What can I

1754
01:13:24,960 --> 01:13:26,880
Speaker 2: help you with today? Like I'm at work, you know

1755
01:13:26,920 --> 01:13:27,439
Speaker 2: what I'm saying.

1756
01:13:27,520 --> 01:13:30,000
Speaker 1: So I think if you have, you know, a good

1757
01:13:30,040 --> 01:13:32,439
Speaker 1: income right now, you can still follow your dreams.

1758
01:13:32,479 --> 01:13:33,960
Speaker 2: But you can definitely do both.

1759
01:13:34,000 --> 01:13:34,880
Speaker 4: You can strategize though.

1760
01:13:34,920 --> 01:13:37,439
Speaker 3: I mean I quit doing wedding photography and then came

1761
01:13:37,439 --> 01:13:39,720
Speaker 3: here and did photo boots because wedding photography takes a

1762
01:13:39,720 --> 01:13:41,680
Speaker 3: lot of mental time. You have to build a clientele,

1763
01:13:41,840 --> 01:13:44,519
Speaker 3: Like it took an investment that I didn't have, So

1764
01:13:44,560 --> 01:13:47,120
Speaker 3: I just took the skill and applied it to something.

1765
01:13:46,800 --> 01:13:48,880
Speaker 4: That I could just go clock in and clock out now.

1766
01:13:49,240 --> 01:13:51,000
Speaker 3: So I think that maybe for her, if it's nursing,

1767
01:13:51,040 --> 01:13:52,599
Speaker 3: maybe like the way that you're doing it right now

1768
01:13:52,680 --> 01:13:55,320
Speaker 3: is too intensive. Is there a lesser way to use

1769
01:13:55,320 --> 01:13:57,479
Speaker 3: your skills to make the money that gives you the

1770
01:13:57,520 --> 01:14:00,120
Speaker 3: brain space after you clock out to focus on on

1771
01:14:00,160 --> 01:14:00,599
Speaker 3: your passion.

1772
01:14:00,800 --> 01:14:02,880
Speaker 2: Because I used to work on poor minds at work

1773
01:14:03,360 --> 01:14:05,519
Speaker 2: in the computer. Yeah, I used to be doing it. Yeah,

1774
01:14:05,600 --> 01:14:07,760
Speaker 2: way to make it work grow for sure.

1775
01:14:07,840 --> 01:14:11,080
Speaker 5: I'm saying, tell everybody where they can follow you and

1776
01:14:11,120 --> 01:14:13,400
Speaker 5: find you and everything that you're working on right now.

1777
01:14:13,479 --> 01:14:15,960
Speaker 3: You guys are so good at this. I just have

1778
01:14:16,000 --> 01:14:18,160
Speaker 3: a podcast. It's called Lovers and Friends. You guys were

1779
01:14:18,160 --> 01:14:22,280
Speaker 3: a guest on it. It's about decoupling orgasm from good sex.

1780
01:14:22,360 --> 01:14:24,479
Speaker 3: Now they don't have to always happen in order for

1781
01:14:24,520 --> 01:14:27,320
Speaker 3: sex to be great, and yeah, that's where people can go.

1782
01:14:27,640 --> 01:14:30,600
Speaker 1: Yes, So thank you so much for it was like

1783
01:14:30,680 --> 01:14:32,519
Speaker 1: a good therapy session for me, Like.

1784
01:14:32,680 --> 01:14:34,400
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, that was beautiful.

1785
01:14:34,439 --> 01:14:36,840
Speaker 1: You know, we had a moment today, So I really

1786
01:14:36,920 --> 01:14:37,720
Speaker 1: appreciate you.

1787
01:14:37,800 --> 01:14:38,000
Speaker 2: Thanks.

1788
01:14:38,000 --> 01:14:40,439
Speaker 3: It is a great episode, inviting us into your home.

1789
01:14:41,280 --> 01:14:42,559
Speaker 3: Introduce you to my baby.

1790
01:14:42,680 --> 01:14:44,759
Speaker 2: Yes, we have best friends.

1791
01:14:45,000 --> 01:14:45,360
Speaker 6: Tell us.

1792
01:14:47,040 --> 01:14:51,120
Speaker 1: Got Auntie, got we outside, So we'll see y'all next week.

1793
01:14:52,560 --> 01:14:55,360
Speaker 2: What's up, Y'all's your girl? XP? Is your girls ding

1794
01:14:55,400 --> 01:14:57,400
Speaker 2: the call? And we are here to talk to y'all

1795
01:14:57,439 --> 01:14:59,400
Speaker 2: about good Day since.

1796
01:14:59,200 --> 01:15:02,760
Speaker 5: Dot com is I love me a good candle and

1797
01:15:02,800 --> 01:15:05,840
Speaker 5: good day sense candlesmells so good and their soy based

1798
01:15:05,840 --> 01:15:07,439
Speaker 5: scandles my face.

1799
01:15:07,560 --> 01:15:11,240
Speaker 1: So there's nothing better than getting your house super clean,

1800
01:15:12,040 --> 01:15:15,160
Speaker 1: my fans, sweeping all that good stuff and lighting a candle.

1801
01:15:15,160 --> 01:15:18,120
Speaker 1: And let me tell you, my favorite scent is black love.

1802
01:15:18,479 --> 01:15:20,679
Speaker 1: I like to manifest that in the air because that's

1803
01:15:20,680 --> 01:15:21,360
Speaker 1: what I want.

1804
01:15:21,680 --> 01:15:24,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, and so what is vanilla you? I feel like

1805
01:15:24,320 --> 01:15:26,479
Speaker 5: you can never go wrong with the vanilla candle.

1806
01:15:26,600 --> 01:15:28,519
Speaker 2: I mean it's fall time. That's the kind of sense

1807
01:15:28,560 --> 01:15:29,040
Speaker 2: we need.

1808
01:15:29,080 --> 01:15:32,960
Speaker 1: So also, you can use code po you are, that's

1809
01:15:33,439 --> 01:15:36,599
Speaker 1: core and get twenty five percent off of your orders.

1810
01:15:37,400 --> 01:15:40,200
Speaker 1: So go to good Daycents dot com and get your

1811
01:15:40,320 --> 01:15:43,599
Speaker 1: candle and use our discount code and have your house

1812
01:15:43,600 --> 01:15:44,280
Speaker 1: smelling good.

1813
01:15:52,080 --> 01:15:54,200
Speaker 2: I was twenty one, twenty years old right now.

1814
01:15:54,200 --> 01:15:57,200
Speaker 9: So for me with that kind of money, still living

1815
01:15:57,240 --> 01:15:59,679
Speaker 9: in the project, we had to figure it out.

1816
01:16:00,880 --> 01:16:06,240
Speaker 2: What's happened Phoenish?

1817
01:16:06,360 --> 01:16:08,040
Speaker 6: Where the fuck did all.

1818
01:16:07,920 --> 01:16:09,879
Speaker 2: These black people come from in Phoenix?

1819
01:16:12,200 --> 01:16:13,000
Speaker 6: What's hard way?

1820
01:16:13,080 --> 01:16:13,200
Speaker 2: Yea?

1821
01:16:14,600 --> 01:16:18,640
Speaker 9: And I'm not speaking for every man. And if I

1822
01:16:18,800 --> 01:16:22,439
Speaker 9: make it to be making two hundred million, nigga, I

1823
01:16:22,439 --> 01:16:24,320
Speaker 9: can make two hundred thousand. I feel like I was

1824
01:16:24,320 --> 01:16:26,920
Speaker 9: supposed to suck in the bitch I want. So if Zion,

1825
01:16:27,000 --> 01:16:28,880
Speaker 9: if you want to do that. Live your life.

1826
01:16:29,200 --> 01:16:33,760
Speaker 2: What's up y'all? It's your girl lets peak.

1827
01:16:34,200 --> 01:16:37,800
Speaker 1: And it's Sugarl Drey and the Call, and you aren't

1828
01:16:37,840 --> 01:16:50,760
Speaker 1: tuned in to another episode? All right, show these nigga

1829
01:16:50,800 --> 01:16:53,880
Speaker 1: the trick now then mile I don'll take y'all air well,

1830
01:16:54,479 --> 01:16:55,479
Speaker 1: now come on over.

1831
01:16:59,240 --> 01:17:02,599
Speaker 2: All them vying and ship mold days and ship.

1832
01:17:05,960 --> 01:17:06,120
Speaker 6: Well.

1833
01:17:06,160 --> 01:17:09,600
Speaker 7: We got right here this grand daddy man, This, this

1834
01:17:09,640 --> 01:17:12,200
Speaker 7: is what I got for my fortieth. I ain't doing

1835
01:17:12,240 --> 01:17:15,080
Speaker 7: nothing to it. Usually I put forties on everything I got.

1836
01:17:16,040 --> 01:17:18,240
Speaker 7: I ain't do nothing to this but put some music

1837
01:17:18,280 --> 01:17:20,120
Speaker 7: in there. You know what I'm saying? Did you do

1838
01:17:20,200 --> 01:17:20,640
Speaker 7: the do on it?

1839
01:17:22,320 --> 01:17:27,960
Speaker 6: Did you was hitting on that joint? Yeah? A god

1840
01:17:28,080 --> 01:17:31,080
Speaker 6: damn okay. That's living the life when you want to

1841
01:17:31,120 --> 01:17:33,120
Speaker 6: hold on, when you stand on a blow up mattress

1842
01:17:33,200 --> 01:17:34,360
Speaker 6: and you can get a girl. Look at your ass,

1843
01:17:34,360 --> 01:17:45,120
Speaker 6: Eat your ass. You're bad, You're cold, bluddy Hey, no

1844
01:17:45,520 --> 01:17:48,160
Speaker 6: ship nigga be broken and bitch man, think about it.

1845
01:17:48,920 --> 01:17:50,840
Speaker 7: You ever been so broke you just feel like you're

1846
01:17:50,840 --> 01:17:52,599
Speaker 7: about to pass away sometime soon.

1847
01:17:58,960 --> 01:18:00,680
Speaker 6: You'd be like, I know, got it. Ain't got me

1848
01:18:00,720 --> 01:18:01,640
Speaker 6: out here living.

1849
01:18:01,439 --> 01:18:04,840
Speaker 2: Like this berryer native. Yes than me. You got this.

1850
01:18:05,040 --> 01:18:07,240
Speaker 2: You gotta get this monkey off your back. Yes, Stan,

1851
01:18:07,360 --> 01:18:10,080
Speaker 2: mean if you ain't never broke a female off, No chicken.

1852
01:18:10,400 --> 01:18:12,760
Speaker 1: Now, it's nothing that you know me and should glorify

1853
01:18:12,880 --> 01:18:13,640
Speaker 1: and be proud of.

1854
01:18:13,880 --> 01:18:15,439
Speaker 6: But you know, it's just culture.