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Speaker 1: Do the hard thing. And I don't know what your

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Speaker 1: hard thing is, but lean into it. Life is too short.

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Speaker 1: It's the longest, shortest time. And if the last year

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Speaker 1: hasn't shown us that, I don't know what will stop

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Speaker 1: leaving yourself behind and show up. And sometimes that is

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Speaker 1: the hardest thing ever to do, but you're worth it.

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Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, Emily, A body here and I am oh man, elated, emotional, excited, amped,

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Speaker 2: all of the adjectives. You are listening to the season

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Speaker 2: five premiere episode of Hurdle a Wellness, a focused podcast

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Speaker 2: wears it down with inspiring individuals to talk about their

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Speaker 2: big wins, tough moments, and everything in between. On the show,

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Speaker 2: you can expect vulnerability, motivation, and candid discussions with everyone

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Speaker 2: from top athletes to aspiring entrepreneurs on what it really

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Speaker 2: takes to follow your passions. My mission is simple to

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Speaker 2: inspire you to be your best self, move with intention,

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Speaker 2: and have some fun along the way. The vibe right

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Speaker 2: now is lit. Okay, as I hear myself say that

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Speaker 2: out loud, sounds kind of ridiculous. I'm not sure if

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Speaker 2: that prae should be in my vernacular, but really I

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Speaker 2: cannot shout it. From the rooftops enough just how happy

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Speaker 2: I am that we are at this point. I mean,

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Speaker 2: what's coming down the piper hurdle, the fact that we're

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Speaker 2: here in season five. This week we celebrated a huge,

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Speaker 2: huge milestone three milliion downloads. When I try to think

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Speaker 2: about like three million people listening to my voice at anytime,

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Speaker 2: I'm just like, yeah, there are no words for that. Anyway,

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Speaker 2: big week for Hurdle. I feel blessed, and I feel

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Speaker 2: extra blessed because alex Elle, author, host of the Hay

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Speaker 2: Girl podcast, is on the show today. I can almost

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Speaker 2: guarantee that you have liked one of Alex's posts on Instagram,

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Speaker 2: and that's because this woman speaks the truth. After reading

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Speaker 2: her latest book, After the Rain, it came out in December,

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Speaker 2: I finally put on my big girl pants and was like,

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Speaker 2: I need to do everything possible to get some of

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Speaker 2: this woman's time and bring her story to the show.

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Speaker 2: And so I was so elated, as an understatement, to

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Speaker 2: just have this conversation with her and that she said yes,

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Speaker 2: and just just so humbled by all of it, especially

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Speaker 2: because in today's episode we talk about how selective she

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Speaker 2: can be with her time. These days strategic let's say that,

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Speaker 2: and how many of us suffer from just like overcommitting

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Speaker 2: all of the time. We also talk about her upgringing

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Speaker 2: and how a tough childhood encouraged her to pay her

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Speaker 2: own way and believe in herself. We rap about how

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Speaker 2: both therapy and writing literally saved her life, and the

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Speaker 2: crazy story about how she met her husband and their

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Speaker 2: brutility struggles. And we also talk about the importance of

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Speaker 2: coming into your own power, setting smart boundaries without feeling

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Speaker 2: guilt or shame. I mean, this episode is loaded, you

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Speaker 2: know that. Before we get into today's conversation, I have

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Speaker 2: some fabulous offers to bring you from the hurdle sponsors

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Speaker 2: and a note on sponsors, especially on the brink of

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Speaker 2: a new season. They're so integraled with this whole process

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Speaker 2: that really help make the show possible. And I pledge

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Speaker 2: as the episodes go on that I will only bring

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Speaker 2: you products that I myself use regularly, and I know

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Speaker 2: that you're going to love them because I love them

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Speaker 2: and they make my day to day better. Starting off

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Speaker 2: this week with Athletic Greens, let me tell you I

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Speaker 2: took my first business trip in over a year up

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Speaker 2: to Boston and the last week, Oh, it felt so nice,

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Speaker 2: a little more normal quote unquote normal is normal thing anymore.

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Speaker 2: I'm not sure. The first thing on my don't forget

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Speaker 2: to pack this list Athletic Greens. And that's because I

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Speaker 2: know that, no matter how chaotic my day gets, what's

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Speaker 2: going on if I start things off first thing in

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Speaker 2: the morning with shaking up my Athletic Greens powder with

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Speaker 2: twelve ounces of cold water in a shaker bottle, that

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Speaker 2: I am doing something right, that I'm taking a step

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Speaker 2: in the right direction to feel my best. Athletic Greens

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Speaker 2: is my Goldilocks recipe. Here, what's en up? I'll cut

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Speaker 2: percent off. Lastly, before we get into it today, I

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Speaker 2: have a big announcement. What would the launch of the

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Speaker 2: new season be without a little celebration, Am I right?

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Speaker 2: So giveaways on giveaways, on giveaways on Instagram this week

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Speaker 2: I'm talking Hyperbolt, pro Lubu, Women gift cards, Athletic Greens,

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Speaker 2: Vital Proteins, Apower dot un know, Beam gift packs like

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Speaker 2: good stuff, so this is important. Make sure you are

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Speaker 2: following the show over at podcast and me over at

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Speaker 2: Emily and Body for more info. Whether you are new here,

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Speaker 2: whether you are a veteran hurdler, Thank you so much

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Speaker 2: for being a part of this community. Again, it just

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Speaker 2: means the world and you are so welcome here. With that,

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Speaker 2: let's get to hurdling today. I'm sitting down with Alex

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Speaker 2: el She is an author. Her newest book, After the Rain,

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Speaker 2: came out at the end of the last year. She's

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Speaker 2: also the host of the Hey Girl podcast what's up, Alex.

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Speaker 1: Hey, nothing much. I am hanging in there. How are you?

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Speaker 1: Thanks for having me?

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Speaker 2: I am doing well. You took my first question away

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Speaker 2: from me. I feel as though I really wanted to

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Speaker 2: start the episode off with like a real how are

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Speaker 2: you moment?

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Speaker 1: So how are you today? I'm good. It's been a

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Speaker 1: busy day of calls, back to back, kids, ripping and

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Speaker 1: running all over but over overall, I'm good. I'm having

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Speaker 1: a good.

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Speaker 2: Day ripping and running. So mother of three, yes, yes,

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Speaker 2: how's momming these days?

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Speaker 1: You know? With our oldest it's fine, she's thirteen. But

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Speaker 1: with the babies, they are just big balls of energy

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Speaker 1: and we can't get out the energy fast enough, you know,

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Speaker 1: especially because it's cold and all there. You know, it's

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Speaker 1: COVID and everything else in between. So it is interesting,

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Speaker 1: but we are doing our best with what we have

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Speaker 1: and giving ourselves grace, me and my husband through the process.

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Speaker 2: And you're outside of Washington, d C. Yeah, So it's

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Speaker 2: crazy feeling that you're feeling that cold, like I'm feeling

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Speaker 2: that cold up in New York. Yes, Oh my goodness,

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Speaker 2: right now, it's literally brutal. I would love if we

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Speaker 2: could now that we've done our how are we really

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Speaker 2: check in? If we could kick off today by giving

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Speaker 2: the audience a little bit of insight into who you are,

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Speaker 2: So I said an author, I said a podcast host.

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Speaker 2: When you talk about what you do to someone for

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Speaker 2: the first time, what do you tell them?

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Speaker 1: So, if we're talking professional introductions, which I've had to

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Speaker 1: do a couple of today, I normally say I'm an

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Speaker 1: author and a self care facilitator who is passionate about

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Speaker 1: bringing people closer to their voice by way of writing practice.

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Speaker 1: I use writing practice to help folks lean into their

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Speaker 1: self care practice. So I was, you know, thinking like

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Speaker 1: what could I call that? I want to help people

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Speaker 1: facilitate self care in their lives by way of writing,

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Speaker 1: because that's how I stumbled across it, and writing really

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Speaker 1: did save my life. So like getting back to the

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Speaker 1: basics with self care and starting with the pen in

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Speaker 1: the page to really kind of get to know ourselves better.

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Speaker 2: Talk to me about growing up, Talk to me about

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Speaker 2: life before you found writing.

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Speaker 1: So I was a pretty sad kid, lost, teen, depressed, anxious, suicidal.

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Speaker 1: I had a lot of trauma growing up, and when

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Speaker 1: I turned nineteen, I decided that it was time to

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Speaker 1: go get help on my own terms, and I met

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Speaker 1: this amazing woman and she changed my life. And I've

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Speaker 1: always been a writer. I've always written in some way,

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Speaker 1: shape or form because that was my outlet, and being

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Speaker 1: an only child, storytelling and poetry was really how I

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Speaker 1: comfort and a little less loneliness. But it wasn't until

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Speaker 1: I started writing to heal in therapy that I was

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Speaker 1: able to explore what it meant to as a thirty

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Speaker 1: one year old woman. Now I have this language, but

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Speaker 1: back then I didn't really be able to stand in

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Speaker 1: my power and be my own inner expert and to

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Speaker 1: heal myself through sharing my story on the page and

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Speaker 1: getting curious about what was coming up in front of me.

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Speaker 1: And my therapist did such an amazing job encouraging me

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Speaker 1: to trust myself and to realize that I had my

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Speaker 1: answers and that she was just there to help me

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Speaker 1: guide help guide me through those answers, not to give

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Speaker 1: me my answers. So it was a really empowering therapeutic

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Speaker 1: experience and I got lucky with her, and writing has

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Speaker 1: been my healer since.

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Speaker 2: When you say you got lucky with her, what do

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Speaker 2: you mean by that?

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Speaker 1: I mean that a lot of times therapy can feel

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Speaker 1: like you're dating. I know that in my adult life,

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Speaker 1: I have gone through many a therapist just because you

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Speaker 1: know they weren't a good match. But having this woman

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Speaker 1: be my first experience with therapy in this way, and

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Speaker 1: having her be so kind and warm and understanding and

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Speaker 1: encouraging was something I had never experienced before, especially from

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Speaker 1: an adult figure, and it was really life changing how

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Speaker 1: I looked at myself and how I looked at how

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Speaker 1: I showed up in the world.

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Speaker 2: And when you said you met a woman at nineteen,

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Speaker 2: this is a indifferent than your therapist.

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Speaker 1: No, but that is my therapist.

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Speaker 2: That is my therapist.

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Speaker 1: Miss B is what I call her.

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Speaker 2: What led you away from Miss B?

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Speaker 1: So she moved, and I will never forget the dread

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Speaker 1: I felt when she told me she was moving, and

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Speaker 1: I cried, and I remember her saying, hey, look at me.

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Speaker 1: You can do this. You are doing this, and I

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Speaker 1: will give you some referrals and I trust that you

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Speaker 1: know what your next step could be. So she really

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Speaker 1: gave me my power. She really gave me permission rather

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Speaker 1: to explore what it meant to be autonomous and have

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Speaker 1: a choice and to heal in a way that was

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Speaker 1: messy but also liberating. And we kept in touch a little,

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Speaker 1: maybe the first few months of her being gone, and

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Speaker 1: then you know, we just grew apart. But I will

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Speaker 1: never and she may not remember me, but I will

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Speaker 1: never forget the impact that she's had all my life.

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Speaker 1: And she was just wonderful.

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Speaker 2: I feel as though there are probably a lot of

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Speaker 2: individuals I know so actually that feel that way about

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Speaker 2: you without having met you, because of the words that

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Speaker 2: you put into the world. I'm curious, how does that

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Speaker 2: feel for you?

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Speaker 1: It feels like a mirror in a really good way.

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Speaker 1: Because the goal as a writer, no matter the scale

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Speaker 1: of your profession or your work or whatever, is to

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Speaker 1: touch one heart and is to also show people through

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Speaker 1: the written word, that they are not alone. So to

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Speaker 1: be able to do that with my stories, with my experience,

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Speaker 1: with my healing, it means so much more than I

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Speaker 1: can ever start to put into words. And when I

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Speaker 1: feel maybe some self doubt creeping in, or some imposter

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Speaker 1: syndrome creeping in, or some oh I'm not good enough

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Speaker 1: creeping in, I'm often reminded that my worth is so

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Speaker 1: much deeper than what I may think it is, and

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Speaker 1: That's why it's so important that we lean on community,

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Speaker 1: and if folks feel like they can resonate with me

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Speaker 1: and my story and my work in a way that

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Speaker 1: feels supportive and comforting, I am always going to be

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Speaker 1: honored by that, and I hope that people feel that way.

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Speaker 1: I think that is definitely an intention of mine for

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Speaker 1: folks to resonate and know that they aren't alone and

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Speaker 1: whatever they're walking through.

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Speaker 2: I would love if you feel comfortable sharing a little

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Speaker 2: bit about it, to understand a little bit more of

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Speaker 2: perhaps what you went through before meeting your therapist at nineteen,

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Speaker 2: because of what you're saying here, which is our mutual

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Speaker 2: hope really to help others feel less alone in what

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Speaker 2: they're going through.

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Speaker 1: So I grew up in a really tumultuous, abusive home

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Speaker 1: and I'm actually back in therapy now with an awesome

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Speaker 1: woman unpacking my trauma, which is intense, especially all these

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Speaker 1: years later. And it was also a mom. I became

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Speaker 1: a mom at eighteen, and I knew that I wanted

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Speaker 1: to be a different woman and person and human being

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Speaker 1: for my then one daughter. I have three daughters now,

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Speaker 1: and it had to start with me. But I was

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Speaker 1: so broken I didn't even know how to begin, and

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Speaker 1: that's why I went to miss Be because I wanted

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Speaker 1: to know how to begin and how to heal myself

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Speaker 1: and how to do things differently and how to break

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Speaker 1: generational curses and cycles. And I didn't have that language

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Speaker 1: at eighteen, but looking back, that's exactly what I was

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Speaker 1: doing and what I intended to do. But the only

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Speaker 1: language I had around that was like, I want to change,

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Speaker 1: I want to be different. And there was a breaking

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Speaker 1: point when I was feeling really suicidal and I wanted

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Speaker 1: to kill myself and I was thinking of ways to

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Speaker 1: do it, and I was a mom, and I was

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Speaker 1: in i'm sure postpartum depression, and also on top of

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Speaker 1: all the trauma and abuse and hardship that I had

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Speaker 1: walked through earlier in my life, everything had just come

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Speaker 1: to a head. So my choice to go to therapy

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Speaker 1: was to not only save my life, but to enrich

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Speaker 1: my life. And it was kind of this rock bottom thing,

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Speaker 1: which now I don't think people should go to therapy

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Speaker 1: just because they're at their rock bottom. I'm huge for

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Speaker 1: mental health maintenance is what I call my therapy sessions

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Speaker 1: with my therapist now. But then I just really needed it.

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Speaker 1: I just really needed a neutral party to hear me

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Speaker 1: and not judge me.

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Speaker 2: Was it hard for you at first to open up

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Speaker 2: to someone who was at the time a complete stranger.

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Speaker 1: No, it was much easier. And I think it was

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Speaker 1: easier because I felt I didn't feel safe with the

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Speaker 1: adults and with the people in my life who I knew.

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Speaker 1: So I figured this person, this license professional, who had

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Speaker 1: just a really kind energy about her as well. She

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Speaker 1: was Southern, and I don't know, she was just warm,

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Speaker 1: like she just felt like a hug and I felt safe,

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Speaker 1: and I think trusting my intuition started to kick in

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Speaker 1: then too, like how do you read the room, how

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Speaker 1: do you read the energy? How are you feeling in

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Speaker 1: your body? Do you feel safe? Especially as someone who

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Speaker 1: disassociated from a lot of things and spent so much

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Speaker 1: time outside of my body? Right, So it just like

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Speaker 1: all this relearning and unlearning had to happen from age

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Speaker 1: nineteen to now thirty, and I'm still unlearning and relearning, right.

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Speaker 1: So it's this cycle of healing that isn't supposed to stop.

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Speaker 1: You know, we don't reach these arrival points, but we

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Speaker 1: do learn from the things that we are healing. From

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Speaker 1: and sometimes it's easier than others.

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Speaker 2: Can you recall a moment, probably or perhaps soon after

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Speaker 2: you started going to therapy that you realized that it

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Speaker 2: was all going to be okay?

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Speaker 1: No, I think for a long time I thought it

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Speaker 1: wasn't going to be okay. Even after therapy, I started

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Speaker 1: feeling like it was going to be okay when I

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Speaker 1: decided that trauma did not have to be my resting place.

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Speaker 1: And I don't think that happened until I was around

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Speaker 1: twenty three, so it had been a while.

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Speaker 2: So interesting that idea that trauma doesn't have to be

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Speaker 2: our resting place, especially coming off of a year where

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Speaker 2: that's so differently felt like the commonplace for so so

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Speaker 2: many of us. I mean, I do want to get

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Speaker 2: back to where we're going with your story, but I

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Speaker 2: also feel like now is a good time to interject

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Speaker 2: this question that I have for you. I listened to

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Speaker 2: a recent episode that you recorded with Amber Ray, and

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Speaker 2: you asked her how it is that she takes care

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Speaker 2: of herself so that she can offer care to others

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Speaker 2: like this year, specifically, how have you someone that man

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Speaker 2: people like really turned to this year? How have you

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Speaker 2: showed up for yourself? So that you can take care

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Speaker 2: of others.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's it's challenging. Self care for me has

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Speaker 1: been getting back to the basics. My two youngest daughters

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Speaker 1: are twenty months apart. So when Maximus was born.

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Speaker 2: She.

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Speaker 1: Shook up our whole world. And Ailah was only twenty

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Speaker 1: one old, and it was interesting how my self care

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Speaker 1: ritual had changed. I went from two kids who were

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Speaker 1: ten years apart to three kids with all these different

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Speaker 1: age gaps, and then the last two were close together.

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Speaker 1: So I'm just like, what am I going to do?

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Speaker 1: And I started making rituals out of This might sound silly,

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Speaker 1: but maybe other caretakers and parents listening will be able

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Speaker 1: to resonate out of like just brushing my teeth, washing

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Speaker 1: my face, locking the bathroom door, and taking a long

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Speaker 1: shower and knowing that my husband got it with the kids,

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Speaker 1: he got it. I can I have I can have

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Speaker 1: this moment. I love the locking of the door. I

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Speaker 1: know you have.

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Speaker 2: It is locked.

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Speaker 1: It is locked. Yeah, yeah, because we have a house

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Speaker 1: where you know, kids just come and go and it's like, okay,

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Speaker 1: if the door's not locked, that means you know, I

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Speaker 1: can come in. But initially I mean just essentially, it

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Speaker 1: was just getting back to the basics and making my

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Speaker 1: coffee and like creating ritual out of that, and making

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Speaker 1: or making my tea and having it be like this

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Speaker 1: moment of meditation. And I know that that may sound

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Speaker 1: like so woo woo, but we have to remember that

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Speaker 1: a lot of times we breathe through those things. We're

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Speaker 1: not present in those moments of teeth brushing or face

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Speaker 1: washing or getting the coffee, you know, or getting the

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Speaker 1: tea or making the meal. We're just kind of autopilot.

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Speaker 1: And I had to recommit to myself that I was

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Speaker 1: worthy of slow, easeful, mindful moment, even with three kids,

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Speaker 1: even with a husband, even with a busy schedule, even

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Speaker 1: with deadlines. I can pause, I can reset, and I

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Speaker 1: can have ease. And in those moments is where I

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Speaker 1: found true self care. It's where I found those fill

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Speaker 1: me up moments, so that when I show up and

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Speaker 1: I'm teaching, when I show up and I'm writing these books,

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Speaker 1: when I show up and I have meetings and zoom

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Speaker 1: calls and homeschooling and everything else in between, I can

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Speaker 1: be fully present. It does no one any justice if

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Speaker 1: we show up and we're empty. So I look at

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Speaker 1: self care too as not only getting back to basics,

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Speaker 1: but self care as an act of community care, of

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Speaker 1: community service. It is all cyclical, it all goes together.

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Speaker 1: And as a caretaker, as a mother, I have to

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Speaker 1: show up full. I want, not that I have to,

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Speaker 1: but I want to. I want to show up full

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Speaker 1: for my kids. And I know in the days when

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Speaker 1: I'm not full, So mindfulness and giving myself that gift

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Speaker 1: of slowing down has been my active acts of self care.

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Speaker 2: Taking a break from today's episode to talk to you

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Speaker 2: about blue blocks. Over the past year, I, like many

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Speaker 2: of you, have been working so much later than ever before.

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Speaker 2: I guess just because of the pandemic and feeling like

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Speaker 2: it's just it's easier to work for hours, especially when

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Speaker 2: I'm staring at my desk, spending day in and day

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Speaker 2: out in my apartment, and I began to experience headaches

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Speaker 2: regularly and my eyes were just hurting. It wasn't long

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Speaker 2: with these symtims until I figured out that these long hours,

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Speaker 2: in all the screen time, we're definitely messing with me.

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Speaker 2: And now I know that the blue light that our

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00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:10,120
Speaker 2: devices admit it damages our eyes and leads to digital

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00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:13,400
Speaker 2: eye strain. So if you are experiencing any of these

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00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:17,399
Speaker 2: things blurred vision, headaches, dry watery eyes, you could be

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00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:21,879
Speaker 2: suffering from the same. Blue Blocks was created to fix

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Speaker 2: this problem and block out the blue light with high

394
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Speaker 2: Blocks are evidence backed and made under optimal laboratory conditions

396
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Speaker 2: in Australia. I have been consciously testing Blue Blocks products

397
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Speaker 2: since November, making sure that I can truly sit here

398
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Speaker 2: and tell you that I feel better when I am

399
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Speaker 2: wearing my Blue Blocks glasses regularly. They have loads of

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Speaker 2: kurdle at checkout for fifteen percent off. I think often

407
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 2: people feel as though those small things aren't quote unquote enough.

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00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:35,959
Speaker 2: You know, they worry about what they might see someone

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00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:40,640
Speaker 2: else doing on social media or something, and they think, well,

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Speaker 2: if that person's version of self care is some crazy

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Speaker 2: indulgent X or y, and mine is like mindfully making

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Speaker 2: my coffee. Then like, is my self care not good enough?

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Speaker 1: Self care not other people care at the forefront? Right,

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Speaker 1: That's what I have to remind myself of. Self care

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Speaker 1: has to focus on this self.

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Speaker 2: I also want to tell you that I remember the

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Speaker 2: first time I heard your podcast, I think it was

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Speaker 2: in August of twenty eighteen, and something that rocked my world,

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Speaker 2: and what hooked me into your world for kind of

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Speaker 2: forever from that point forward was you asked a question,

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Speaker 2: and now knowing a little bit more about your backstory,

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Speaker 2: it really hits home here, and you said something along

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Speaker 2: the lines of, how are you going to implement your

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Speaker 2: self care or self love tools when you're feeling like

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Speaker 2: you don't want to live anymore? And how are you

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Speaker 2: going to move forward with that? Because the intention should

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Speaker 2: should always be to manifest new ways to heal stuff

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Speaker 2: that hurts, because stuff is always going to hurt. And

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Speaker 2: I found that so interesting because it really is about

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Speaker 2: not only understanding what works for you, but then having

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Speaker 2: some grace with yourself as you figure out the best

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Speaker 2: ways to implement that. In a life that is constantly

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Speaker 2: varied and ever changing.

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Speaker 1: Correct.

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Speaker 2: Blew my mind, Alex, thank you, blew my mind. The

436
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:24,920
Speaker 2: woman that is now a few years in to her twenties,

437
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:30,000
Speaker 2: raising a toddler, going about life. Talk to me about

438
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 2: what the journey looked like for you.

439
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 1: Then it looks like, Okay, you've got to get your

440
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,040
Speaker 1: shit together. Part of my.

441
00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 2: Friend allow it. I allow it.

442
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 1: And it looked like just staying committed to doing things differently.

443
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:55,720
Speaker 1: I talk about this in depth in my new book,

444
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 1: After the Rain, in the first chapter actually called change,

445
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 1: and I talk about the different jobs I had. I

446
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:09,840
Speaker 1: talked about everything in between that, and how I had

447
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 1: to decide what was truly important and what truly mattered,

448
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:16,760
Speaker 1: and how taking this leap of faith into being a

449
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 1: writer was not easy, but it was so much more

450
00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 1: rewarding than staying in a toxic work environment, missing out

451
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:35,880
Speaker 1: on my kids milestones and school and things. Doing this

452
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:41,200
Speaker 1: commute from Montgomery County, Maryland to DC every day. And

453
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 1: it was interesting reading, like when I was writing that chapter,

454
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:50,200
Speaker 1: like how I had to go back all those years

455
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 1: and really think about where I was and how I felt.

456
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:59,720
Speaker 1: And the first thing that came to mind was bravery

457
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:05,880
Speaker 1: me not knowing where I mustered up the courage to

458
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 1: take another you know, leap of faith on myself and

459
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 1: to also choose to do things differently than what may

460
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:22,120
Speaker 1: have been expected of me. I mean, people told me

461
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 1: all sorts of things about who I would be and

462
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 1: who I wouldn't be because I was a young mom

463
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:31,040
Speaker 1: and because I was, you know, a college drop out,

464
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 1: like all these different things. But no one was telling

465
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:42,160
Speaker 1: me you can and you will if you work hard

466
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 1: and you show up authentically. No one was telling me that.

467
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 1: So I had to choose to be my own biggest

468
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 1: advocate and to be my own validation. And I think,

469
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 1: as I look back on my life so far, that

470
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 1: has been one of the greatest gifts. I'm not only

471
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:07,040
Speaker 1: giving myself, but I'm giving my children. My oldest daughter

472
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:12,200
Speaker 1: is an artist and she is phenomenal at her craft,

473
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:16,720
Speaker 1: and she said to me last year that I inspire

474
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:21,240
Speaker 1: her to do what she loves. And we haven't had

475
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:27,240
Speaker 1: these you know, super intense talks yet, but she's watching.

476
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 1: So I didn't have that, so being able to give,

477
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:36,560
Speaker 1: just to lead by example for my children and to

478
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:43,040
Speaker 1: break these generational cycles that were unhealthy and toxic, and

479
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 1: to mother differently and to love differently and to show

480
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 1: up fully has been the most transformative thing I could

481
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:00,240
Speaker 1: have done to date.

482
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:06,360
Speaker 2: How does it feel that your daughter has chosen to

483
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 2: be an artist in her own right?

484
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 1: Oh? I love I love that she has decided to

485
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:17,320
Speaker 1: lean into her craft. And I also would love it

486
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 1: if she decided to change her mind, whatever, whatever works

487
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:25,000
Speaker 1: for her and her life, as long as she's feeling,

488
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 1: as long as she's staying safe and being you know,

489
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:34,920
Speaker 1: honest and being a good person. You know, my husband

490
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:37,600
Speaker 1: and I we don't care what she does if it

491
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 1: leaves her feeling good and confident, and if it's leaving

492
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 1: an impact on the people that she comes across, mainly

493
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 1: leaving an impact on herself in her footprint in the world,

494
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 1: that's what matters to us.

495
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 2: You just mentioned your as well. Talk to me about

496
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:04,600
Speaker 2: meeting your husband.

497
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:11,319
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, oh that thing that also happened in my twenties.

498
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:15,800
Speaker 1: Yeah. I met my husband when I was twenty three

499
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:20,239
Speaker 1: turning twenty four. He was in California, I was here.

500
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:24,520
Speaker 1: We were long distance for a while.

501
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:27,400
Speaker 2: How did you meet him, Alex don't meet out the

502
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:28,240
Speaker 2: cool stuff.

503
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 1: So I met him on Twitter, which is so funny.

504
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:35,000
Speaker 2: There's hope for all of us.

505
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 1: I don't know if there's hope now, I'm just kidding.

506
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:44,239
Speaker 1: I would not meet anybody on Twitter in twenty twenty one.

507
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:50,400
Speaker 2: Wow, Okay, that one sptimistic, real negative, real quick moment.

508
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 1: No, I have to I just have to be I

509
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 1: just I'm just being funny. Me and my husband joke

510
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:57,359
Speaker 1: about that all the time, like, if we didn't meet

511
00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:00,200
Speaker 1: back in twenty thirteen when we met, we would not

512
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 1: be anything. So we laugh about that. But no, guys,

513
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:07,960
Speaker 1: keep hope alive. Meet your love wherever your love finds you. No.

514
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:12,239
Speaker 1: But yeah, we met on Twitter and he was actually

515
00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:17,279
Speaker 1: a fan of my work, and I don't know, we

516
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 1: just it was random. We were not expecting to, I'm sure,

517
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:26,640
Speaker 1: be married with raising kids together. But I had a

518
00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:31,160
Speaker 1: trip planned to California, and it just so happened that

519
00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 1: he lived fifteen minutes away from my friend I was

520
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 1: going to go visit, so of course we met when

521
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,360
Speaker 1: I went out there. He actually picked me up from

522
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 1: the airport. We had facetimed for months before we met,

523
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,799
Speaker 1: and we're on the phone all the time, and we

524
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 1: had really just become great friends. And the rest is history.

525
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:57,399
Speaker 1: He picked me up and I had been we're now

526
00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:02,080
Speaker 1: still together, so and he's and it's just wild our

527
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:05,359
Speaker 1: love story. I don't think about it often because we're

528
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:09,000
Speaker 1: in it, you know, but like whenever people ask, I'm like, oh, yeah,

529
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:10,320
Speaker 1: that definitely did happen.

530
00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:15,560
Speaker 2: So then, looking back on the years after, you know,

531
00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:19,600
Speaker 2: meeting and marrying, when would you say in there that

532
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:25,520
Speaker 2: your career really started to go in this upward trajectory.

533
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,520
Speaker 1: I would say by the time my third book came out,

534
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:35,840
Speaker 1: I don't know what year, twenty sixteen, things really started

535
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:42,320
Speaker 1: to shift. And then when I started teaching in twenty

536
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:49,720
Speaker 1: seventeen twenty eighteen, another shift happened. So I really found

537
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:56,880
Speaker 1: my flow in not only wanting to be a writer,

538
00:36:57,080 --> 00:37:00,480
Speaker 1: but wanting to teach other people the power behind writing,

539
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 1: especially when it came to sharing their truth and healing.

540
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:12,120
Speaker 2: Did you envision as you wrote more and more as

541
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 2: a part of your healing, that it would become a

542
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 2: career that you would actually pursue.

543
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,319
Speaker 1: That's a good question. When I quit my job, I

544
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:24,360
Speaker 1: had a best selling book out and it was self published,

545
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 1: and I really wanted to explore writing for a living.

546
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 1: But I was extremely nervous about that, but needless to say,

547
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 1: I ended up going for it. And after I quit

548
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 1: my job, I got my first speaking engagement at Ohio

549
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:50,400
Speaker 1: State University, and that too was another I guess I

550
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,800
Speaker 1: have to rewind a bit. That too was another tick

551
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:58,440
Speaker 1: of huh, like, this is something that I really enjoyed doing,

552
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:03,399
Speaker 1: sharing my story, but also encouraging other people to share

553
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:06,600
Speaker 1: their to share theirs as well. So I did a

554
00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:08,839
Speaker 1: lot of speaking in the beginning. I did a lot

555
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:14,560
Speaker 1: of writing books and speaking engagements, but the speaking engagements

556
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:17,840
Speaker 1: weren't really hitting the same. And the reason why I

557
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:20,440
Speaker 1: say that is because I don't like to be the

558
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:23,640
Speaker 1: expert of anyone else's life. I want to encourage people

559
00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:26,880
Speaker 1: to be the expert of their own life. And oftentimes

560
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:30,440
Speaker 1: with speaking engagements, you know you're talking at people, and

561
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 1: I prefer to talk with people. So when I was

562
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:40,760
Speaker 1: going through that shift of okay, yes to book writing

563
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:44,600
Speaker 1: and also yes, I'm not quite yet yes to community

564
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,440
Speaker 1: and people, but I don't really want to talk at people.

565
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,320
Speaker 1: I want to talk with people. That was another shift

566
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 1: that happened when I actually started teaching and being in

567
00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:56,799
Speaker 1: community and in classrooms and retreats and all of that

568
00:38:57,440 --> 00:39:02,320
Speaker 1: with folks. So I don't know if I answered your question,

569
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:05,799
Speaker 1: but just thinking through that out loud, that's kind of

570
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:06,719
Speaker 1: the trajectory.

571
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:10,200
Speaker 2: No, you did, I mean, basically, twenty sixteen was the

572
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 2: year that you both married the love of your life

573
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:15,960
Speaker 2: and your career took off. So it's really just giving

574
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:22,160
Speaker 2: me hope that this year is on my personal personal horizon.

575
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 2: You mentioned doing some speaking and doing keynotes and whatnot.

576
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:32,480
Speaker 2: Do you recall now what some of those earlier keynotes

577
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 2: were about.

578
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:37,399
Speaker 1: What most of them were about were just remembering your

579
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 1: worth and standing in your power and also taking care

580
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:44,719
Speaker 1: of yourself through it all.

581
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 2: When we talk about someone coming into their own power,

582
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:52,719
Speaker 2: what does that really mean?

583
00:39:54,000 --> 00:40:00,279
Speaker 1: It means showing up as you are, without shame and

584
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:01,000
Speaker 1: without guilt.

585
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:06,560
Speaker 2: I'm thinking about just the idea of having shame over

586
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:09,440
Speaker 2: you know who it is that we are as people,

587
00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:15,400
Speaker 2: and I think that as someone who has a lot

588
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:19,719
Speaker 2: of people following along with her, you have probably had

589
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:27,160
Speaker 2: to do many exercises yourself, working on setting aside whatever

590
00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 2: shame you may have, or finding some way not to

591
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:36,480
Speaker 2: worry about the judgments of others. Talk to me about

592
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:40,879
Speaker 2: what that has looked like for you, it looks I.

593
00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 1: Don't know, it doesn't it doesn't look too brilliant or

594
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:56,400
Speaker 1: magical or I know sometimes people have like intense answers

595
00:40:56,440 --> 00:41:01,840
Speaker 1: for certain things. For me, I really don't. I think

596
00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:09,360
Speaker 1: being able to show up without shame or guilt is

597
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:14,200
Speaker 1: an extension of our human experience and giving ourselves grace

598
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:20,120
Speaker 1: and self forgiveness. And I've released a lot of the

599
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:23,440
Speaker 1: shame that I carry that I have carried in the past.

600
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:25,880
Speaker 1: And I noticed as I was doing some of my

601
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:29,120
Speaker 1: soul work and my therapy and my writing practice, is

602
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:33,319
Speaker 1: that a lot of the emotional baggage and shame and

603
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:37,840
Speaker 1: guilt that I had in my emotional suitcase is what

604
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 1: I like to call it when I'm talking to my students,

605
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 1: was not mine to carry in the first place. So

606
00:41:45,239 --> 00:41:52,719
Speaker 1: there's been a lot of unpacking and repacking what belongs

607
00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:57,880
Speaker 1: and what doesn't. And because we are human, of course

608
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,400
Speaker 1: we're gonna have moment. We're gonna have shameful moments or

609
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 1: embarrassing moments or regretful moments, and that doesn't define us.

610
00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:15,000
Speaker 1: Our missteps don't always have to define us. Our shameful

611
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 1: moments aren't the only thing in our story that deserves

612
00:42:23,239 --> 00:42:27,880
Speaker 1: to be spoken about or seen, you know. So it's

613
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:33,520
Speaker 1: a really delicate balance of showing up authentically and also

614
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:37,879
Speaker 1: remembering that you might have a shameful moment, you might

615
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 1: have something in your past that you really freaking regret,

616
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:44,799
Speaker 1: but to just take it easy on yourself. And when

617
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:49,520
Speaker 1: I learned to take it easy on myself, even when

618
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:53,400
Speaker 1: things felt really big or heavy or hard, there was

619
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:55,839
Speaker 1: some wiggle room to see the light at the end

620
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:56,480
Speaker 1: of the tunnel.

621
00:42:57,239 --> 00:42:59,759
Speaker 2: I would imagine that it was probably a little bit

622
00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:02,040
Speaker 2: hot hard to see the light at the end of

623
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 2: the tunnel. When it came to having your second child,

624
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:10,000
Speaker 2: I know you've spoken openly about the difficulties that came

625
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,640
Speaker 2: hand in hand with that. I'd love it if you

626
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:17,399
Speaker 2: could share a little bit about that experience. And you're

627
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:19,640
Speaker 2: now Rainbow Baby, as you call her.

628
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:27,959
Speaker 1: Yeah. So Aila just turned three actually on the twenty.

629
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 2: Fourth, happy belated. I always ask my friends that are

630
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:37,520
Speaker 2: mom's this When your kids have a birthday? Does it

631
00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 2: also feel a little bit like your day or is

632
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:41,520
Speaker 2: it just their day?

633
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:48,799
Speaker 1: No, it's definitely both days. Yeah, And for us it's

634
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:53,399
Speaker 1: really special. We had some fertility issues. My husband had

635
00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:59,280
Speaker 1: male factor in fertility, where in a nutshell, his sperm

636
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 1: was low and low is what they call it, and

637
00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 1: we just could not get pregnant. And we tried and

638
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:10,800
Speaker 1: tried for almost a year, and then we got pregnant,

639
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:15,279
Speaker 1: but that ended in a miscarriage and we were back

640
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:18,400
Speaker 1: to square one, and we would then try another two

641
00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:24,800
Speaker 1: years to conceive and nothing. So we ended up having

642
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:29,960
Speaker 1: IVF for Isla. So they had to work their magic

643
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 1: with my egg and his low and slow sperm and

644
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:38,040
Speaker 1: they made her little beautiful self in a petri dish

645
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:41,319
Speaker 1: and then inserted her into my body, which was the

646
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:50,440
Speaker 1: wildest experience. Science is so wild, but extremely emotional and

647
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:53,480
Speaker 1: stretching experience for my husband and I like it. Really,

648
00:44:54,320 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 1: the infertility itself almost just tore us apart. Not in divorce,

649
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:05,319
Speaker 1: but like emotionally we were just like, oh my god,

650
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 1: like this is so much miscarriage and healing from loss

651
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:11,640
Speaker 1: and then still trying to get this baby and then

652
00:45:11,719 --> 00:45:15,319
Speaker 1: like having to have fertility support to get her. It

653
00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:18,520
Speaker 1: was challenging, and we were young. We were very young,

654
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:22,839
Speaker 1: so of course people would like look at us kind

655
00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:25,719
Speaker 1: of sideways when we walked into the fertility clinic and

656
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:30,440
Speaker 1: it was just it was odd, but it taught us

657
00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 1: so much about patience. So we had Aila and she

658
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:39,919
Speaker 1: was the light of our life, me and her big

659
00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:43,720
Speaker 1: sister and my husband, and it was just amazing and awesome.

660
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:46,799
Speaker 1: And we were told, you know, whenever you're ready, you

661
00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:50,160
Speaker 1: have five more embryos come back. And we were planning

662
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:57,839
Speaker 1: on having another baby the month our little daughter, our

663
00:45:58,200 --> 00:46:00,799
Speaker 1: new baby, our youngest was born. I keep calling her

664
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:03,480
Speaker 1: new baby. She's sixteen months, she's not new, but our

665
00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:07,720
Speaker 1: youngest daughter was born. We were planning on trying again

666
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:13,120
Speaker 1: the month she was actually born, so that was interesting

667
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:16,000
Speaker 1: getting that surprise. I was on the phone with my

668
00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 1: nurse the day before talking about getting the embryos tested

669
00:46:20,239 --> 00:46:23,200
Speaker 1: and making our appointments to do the IVF round again

670
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:25,920
Speaker 1: and getting all the scheduling in, and I had to

671
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:28,799
Speaker 1: call her back, I think a week later and tell

672
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:32,600
Speaker 1: her just kidding, and she was like, what's going on?

673
00:46:32,719 --> 00:46:35,080
Speaker 1: Everything okay? And I said, oh, yeah, we're pregnant, and

674
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:39,400
Speaker 1: the team everyone was so happy, and me and my

675
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:41,880
Speaker 1: husband were so happy because we had thought for so

676
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:45,920
Speaker 1: long that just how you make a baby the regular

677
00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 1: way wasn't going to happen for us, but the fact

678
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:53,600
Speaker 1: that it happened for us randomly, it's still laughable. Like

679
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:55,719
Speaker 1: we still talk about it like it happened yesterday, Like

680
00:46:55,960 --> 00:46:59,040
Speaker 1: we'll look at Maxie and be like, what are you

681
00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 1: even doing here? Like you had other plans and it

682
00:47:03,239 --> 00:47:05,880
Speaker 1: was And that was also really beautiful because we had

683
00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:09,919
Speaker 1: It was just a celebratory moment of like I don't

684
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 1: know of love and ease, an alignment and that we

685
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 1: can overcome, Like we've overcome some hard things, and infertility

686
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:29,680
Speaker 1: was definitely one of them.

687
00:47:29,719 --> 00:47:32,640
Speaker 2: Taking a break from today's episode to give some love

688
00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:37,840
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692
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693
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694
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695
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Speaker 2: run over the weekend. One of my closest friends. She

696
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:05,640
Speaker 2: tried them on and fell absolutely in love on the spot,

697
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Speaker 2: ordered them the second we were done. I am personally

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707
00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 2: highlighted in that recount of what happened that even the

708
00:48:54,640 --> 00:49:02,839
Speaker 2: most difficult, emotionally testing thing. You said, but we learned

709
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:06,279
Speaker 2: a lot of patience from this, And I think that's

710
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 2: really important because oftentimes in the struggle, we're so focused in,

711
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:17,640
Speaker 2: you know, trying to stay afloat that we forget to

712
00:49:17,719 --> 00:49:20,839
Speaker 2: take a step back and look at what this adversity

713
00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:21,879
Speaker 2: is giving us. Right.

714
00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:25,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's hard, Don't get me wrong. There

715
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:29,360
Speaker 1: was many of nights where it was hard. It was hard.

716
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:34,359
Speaker 1: Infertility is hard. That's the really that's really the only

717
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,920
Speaker 1: word that I can I can say. But being on

718
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:40,040
Speaker 1: the other side of it with these with the double

719
00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:45,920
Speaker 1: rainbow is wild, and we're grateful and we know that

720
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:52,680
Speaker 1: we are truly blessed by our kids.

721
00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:57,280
Speaker 2: Any advice for any other fellow mamas that are dealing

722
00:49:57,560 --> 00:49:59,920
Speaker 2: with two babies so close in a.

723
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:07,120
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, breathe through it, because there are some

724
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:11,640
Speaker 1: moments in here where it's like, wow, this is life,

725
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:16,040
Speaker 1: this is wild, this is intense, and we all have

726
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:18,960
Speaker 1: to come back home to our breath, me, my husband,

727
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:23,800
Speaker 1: and the three kids. So yeah, just pace, breathe through it.

728
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:27,280
Speaker 1: You're doing the best you can, especially in this pandemic.

729
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:32,200
Speaker 1: It's really challenging with little ones and not having our

730
00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 1: you know, typical activities and things. It's challenging. So I

731
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:39,640
Speaker 1: just want the parents out there to just give yourself

732
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:41,320
Speaker 1: some grace. It's okay.

733
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:47,920
Speaker 2: I want to talk to you now about building boundaries.

734
00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 2: I can safely say that boundary making. Building boundaries was

735
00:50:54,120 --> 00:50:56,920
Speaker 2: something that I don't even want to say like I

736
00:50:57,040 --> 00:51:00,719
Speaker 2: excel at it now, let's like not exaggerate, but it

737
00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:04,000
Speaker 2: was something that I had a lot of trouble doing

738
00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:09,360
Speaker 2: without feeling guilt or shame until probably the last couple

739
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:14,000
Speaker 2: of years when someone comes to you and they say

740
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:18,160
Speaker 2: to you that kind of same sentiment that they don't

741
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:21,799
Speaker 2: know how to put up boundaries, that they're a compassionate

742
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:23,279
Speaker 2: person and they want to go out of their way

743
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,920
Speaker 2: to help people, and in that they neglect themselves. Like,

744
00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:29,680
Speaker 2: what do you say to them or what advice do

745
00:51:29,719 --> 00:51:31,839
Speaker 2: you have to offer to someone who feels as though

746
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:34,879
Speaker 2: they're just not good at putting up boundaries.

747
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:42,319
Speaker 1: Practice creates ritual. You have to practice setting boundaries, You

748
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:46,120
Speaker 1: have to practice honoring your own boundaries. And it's not

749
00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:51,120
Speaker 1: going to happen overnight. It's nothing more than practice and

750
00:51:51,280 --> 00:51:57,360
Speaker 1: exercising your voice, naming your needs, and being very clear

751
00:51:57,680 --> 00:52:02,399
Speaker 1: about what those boundaries are you, yourself and others.

752
00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:07,280
Speaker 2: For you, What would you say professionally? First, personal life

753
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:12,120
Speaker 2: has been a boundary that you've had to exercise that

754
00:52:12,239 --> 00:52:15,319
Speaker 2: has helped you be a better you.

755
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:20,680
Speaker 1: Not over committing good one, not over committing as major.

756
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:25,920
Speaker 1: And I actually had an instance last week where I

757
00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:29,840
Speaker 1: had to like enforce my boundary and say it actually

758
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:34,320
Speaker 1: in an email, which was which was really interesting. I

759
00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:37,520
Speaker 1: don't like if I say I can't do something, I

760
00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:40,480
Speaker 1: don't normally have people come back and say, well, can

761
00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:44,840
Speaker 1: you just give me five minutes, you know, like people

762
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 1: normally honor that the you know, calendar is soul. I'm

763
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:50,560
Speaker 1: not taking on any new commitments. Thank you so much

764
00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:54,480
Speaker 1: for your consideration. You know, it's it's pretty easy, but

765
00:52:54,640 --> 00:53:01,240
Speaker 1: this person, she was persistent, and I had to say,

766
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:05,840
Speaker 1: this sounds so amazing, but I am committed to not

767
00:53:06,120 --> 00:53:08,680
Speaker 1: over committing myself in twenty twenty one. I did that

768
00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:12,680
Speaker 1: a lot in twenty twenty And I appreciate you in

769
00:53:12,719 --> 00:53:15,800
Speaker 1: advance for accepting and honoring my boundary on that.

770
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:21,239
Speaker 2: Ooh, that language though, Alex the like I appreciate you

771
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:26,160
Speaker 2: for accepting my boundary. It becomes a non negotiable.

772
00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:30,280
Speaker 1: Yeah. And it also I think that gave.

773
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:32,160
Speaker 2: Me chills because that was so well worded.

774
00:53:33,360 --> 00:53:33,759
Speaker 1: Thank you.

775
00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:37,400
Speaker 2: And I know that language isn't something that just like

776
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:40,400
Speaker 2: happens overnight. Like that language and like understanding the importance

777
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:42,960
Speaker 2: of your own boundaries is something that you have probably

778
00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:44,800
Speaker 2: worked on for years now.

779
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:47,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm still working on. And that was really

780
00:53:47,719 --> 00:53:49,759
Speaker 1: hard for me because if I would have gotten that

781
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:53,239
Speaker 1: email last year with someone really wanting some of my

782
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:56,640
Speaker 1: time and me saying no, and then them saying well please,

783
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:59,959
Speaker 1: I would have just done it, so I'm still aware

784
00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:02,879
Speaker 1: in progress, but I I just couldn't do it this time.

785
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 1: I didn't want to do it this time. That's another

786
00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:10,200
Speaker 1: thing too, is not saying yes to things that I

787
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:14,719
Speaker 1: do not really want to do. Because I was the

788
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:18,399
Speaker 1: queen of that too, just yes, sure yes, sign me up,

789
00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:21,800
Speaker 1: sure yes, and then I the day before the event

790
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:25,640
Speaker 1: or the workshop or the phone call, I'm dreading it

791
00:54:26,040 --> 00:54:28,680
Speaker 1: because I said yes. And my husband actually actually had

792
00:54:28,680 --> 00:54:32,280
Speaker 1: to put this in perspective for me. He goes, well,

793
00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:35,040
Speaker 1: you probably should stop saying yes to things that you

794
00:54:35,120 --> 00:54:37,759
Speaker 1: don't really want to do, And I say, you know,

795
00:54:37,920 --> 00:54:40,640
Speaker 1: you probably right, You are probably right.

796
00:54:41,880 --> 00:54:44,680
Speaker 2: I mean, I think what's challenging about that though, and

797
00:54:44,840 --> 00:54:47,440
Speaker 2: I can totally sympathize with where you're coming from. It's

798
00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:50,719
Speaker 2: because a you want to be a people pleaser, but

799
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:54,960
Speaker 2: b it that lingering thought is always in the back

800
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:57,000
Speaker 2: of your mind is like is this going to be

801
00:54:57,040 --> 00:55:00,080
Speaker 2: the thing that opens the door. And obviously sometime and

802
00:55:00,120 --> 00:55:02,440
Speaker 2: it's very clear that some of these things that we're

803
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:03,920
Speaker 2: saying yes to you aren't going to be the thing

804
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:08,040
Speaker 2: that opens door. But that has definitely been my own

805
00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:10,880
Speaker 2: personal issue is like what if this is the thing,

806
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:12,359
Speaker 2: and I'm passing up the thing.

807
00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:13,520
Speaker 1: Hmm.

808
00:55:14,960 --> 00:55:16,000
Speaker 2: Did you ever struggle with that?

809
00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:19,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say early on for sure when I

810
00:55:19,880 --> 00:55:22,840
Speaker 1: thought that, you know, I had. I just had to

811
00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:26,240
Speaker 1: do things to kind of get in people's good graces.

812
00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:30,520
Speaker 1: But I don't do that anymore because it's it's not

813
00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:34,480
Speaker 1: it's not in alignment with being in my own good graces.

814
00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:36,760
Speaker 2: What brings you joy? Right now?

815
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:37,720
Speaker 1: My air fryer?

816
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:45,080
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm what are your what are you air frying everything?

817
00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:49,640
Speaker 1: Girl? No?

818
00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:52,000
Speaker 2: But really give me something specific because I'm on the

819
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:53,960
Speaker 2: fence if I need one, But you're gonna tell.

820
00:55:53,800 --> 00:55:56,960
Speaker 1: Me you need one. Yes. It cooks chicken, breast, chicken

821
00:55:57,040 --> 00:56:03,320
Speaker 1: thighs in twenty minutes, crispy, amazing goodness, bacon six minutes.

822
00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:05,880
Speaker 1: If you eat meat, sorry for your the non meat eaters,

823
00:56:05,920 --> 00:56:09,280
Speaker 1: but I eat meat, asparagus. I'm gonna throw some veggies

824
00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:15,040
Speaker 1: in there, kale, chips, salmon in twelve minutes. It is

825
00:56:15,719 --> 00:56:18,600
Speaker 1: so wild. I just got it, clearly because I'm super

826
00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:21,640
Speaker 1: pumped about it. But I've had it for maybe a month,

827
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:26,880
Speaker 1: and it makes cleanup so easy. You're cooking with less oil.

828
00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:31,400
Speaker 1: It's delicious, tasty food and I love it like that

829
00:56:31,560 --> 00:56:34,959
Speaker 1: really brings me joy deep joy Yoh.

830
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:39,600
Speaker 2: Someone that manufactures air fryers hit up Alex because she

831
00:56:39,920 --> 00:56:42,640
Speaker 2: is ready for the ad read that is.

832
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:45,560
Speaker 1: An email I will answer too.

833
00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:49,120
Speaker 2: Okay, aside from air frying, talk to me about twenty

834
00:56:49,160 --> 00:56:50,759
Speaker 2: twenty one. What's on the horizon for you?

835
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:57,719
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Working on four new projects, two of

836
00:56:58,040 --> 00:57:01,040
Speaker 1: which will be out in twenty twenty two, so that's exciting.

837
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:06,080
Speaker 1: I'm teaching virtually again, so I taught virtually quarterly all

838
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:10,080
Speaker 1: last year and I was able to reach over four

839
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:13,280
Speaker 1: thousand people, so that was really amazing having the course

840
00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:17,320
Speaker 1: community of folks for their journaling work online, so I'll

841
00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:20,520
Speaker 1: be doing that again. I just wrapped up Pathway to Peace,

842
00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:22,760
Speaker 1: which is my Inner Child journaling course. That was the

843
00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:26,040
Speaker 1: first kickoff of twenty twenty one. And the next course

844
00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:29,800
Speaker 1: is called Healing Your Heart, which will start in March,

845
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:33,160
Speaker 1: and the wait list for that is open and I'm

846
00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:39,600
Speaker 1: hoping to also when if it is safe to do so,

847
00:57:41,120 --> 00:57:44,280
Speaker 1: maybe teach in person. But that of course is all

848
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:50,840
Speaker 1: contingent on the state of the world. So that's what

849
00:57:50,840 --> 00:57:56,920
Speaker 1: I'm doing, writing and teaching, and that's it.

850
00:57:57,800 --> 00:58:02,360
Speaker 2: For those that struggle to get into a regular journaling process. Obviously,

851
00:58:02,440 --> 00:58:06,200
Speaker 2: we can definitely see that for you. It has helped

852
00:58:06,240 --> 00:58:08,440
Speaker 2: immensely for those that have struggled to get into a

853
00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:14,120
Speaker 2: regular journaling process, what would you suggest to them? What

854
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:15,880
Speaker 2: tip would you offer them to get started?

855
00:58:20,920 --> 00:58:24,200
Speaker 1: Guided journaling is so much easier than sitting down with

856
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:29,600
Speaker 1: a blank page, So shameless plug here. I have guided

857
00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:33,000
Speaker 1: journals out that I encourage you to use, but I

858
00:58:33,080 --> 00:58:36,520
Speaker 1: also have freebies on my website. You can just download

859
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:41,600
Speaker 1: some writing practices to try. And if you're a newbie

860
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:43,840
Speaker 1: and you're like, journaling's really not my thing, I don't

861
00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:46,560
Speaker 1: really want to sit down and answer these questions. Make

862
00:58:46,600 --> 00:58:49,920
Speaker 1: a gratitude list. Every day, write down one thing you're

863
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:52,360
Speaker 1: grateful for, and by the end of the month you'll

864
00:58:52,360 --> 00:58:59,080
Speaker 1: have a list that is beautiful and meaningful and a

865
00:58:59,120 --> 00:59:05,280
Speaker 1: good reminder to stay in a grateful space, especially when

866
00:59:05,320 --> 00:59:09,040
Speaker 1: things get challenging. So journaling and writing doesn't have to

867
00:59:09,080 --> 00:59:16,080
Speaker 1: be this dear diary experience. It can be a refuge

868
00:59:16,440 --> 00:59:21,400
Speaker 1: and something that brings you closer to yourself and offers

869
00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:24,120
Speaker 1: you more clarity about the life you have.

870
00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:30,400
Speaker 2: When someone goes to your Instagram page, they see your writings.

871
00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:33,000
Speaker 2: They may see snippets of your life with your family.

872
00:59:33,160 --> 00:59:36,720
Speaker 2: They see that you have over a million followers. Now,

873
00:59:36,960 --> 00:59:40,720
Speaker 2: when you look in the mirror, what is it that

874
00:59:40,760 --> 00:59:42,240
Speaker 2: you see looking back at you?

875
00:59:44,560 --> 00:59:50,680
Speaker 1: I see a student of life. And I think a

876
00:59:50,720 --> 00:59:55,640
Speaker 1: lot of folks look at people with platforms and books

877
00:59:55,720 --> 01:00:03,120
Speaker 1: and everything right that they or we have it all

878
01:00:03,160 --> 01:00:06,320
Speaker 1: figured out. We have these answers that they haven't quite

879
01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 1: yet gotten to, and I'm here to say that we

880
01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:13,880
Speaker 1: don't that any I don't believe in being anyone else's expert.

881
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:16,960
Speaker 1: I mentioned that earlier, and any expert will tell will

882
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:20,040
Speaker 1: tell you that they know little to nothing, that there

883
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:24,480
Speaker 1: is always something more to learn, always something more to

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01:00:24,640 --> 01:00:29,360
Speaker 1: explore and to get curious about. So that is how

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01:00:29,400 --> 01:00:32,600
Speaker 1: I see myself. I see myself as a student of life,

886
01:00:32,640 --> 01:00:34,680
Speaker 1: and I just hope that the lessons that I'm learning

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01:00:34,720 --> 01:00:38,400
Speaker 1: along the way and that I share will resonate and

888
01:00:38,480 --> 01:00:41,600
Speaker 1: settle into the hearts of those that come across it.

889
01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:45,200
Speaker 2: What they may not see on Instagram is you sitting

890
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:48,280
Speaker 2: in the closet recording this podcast.

891
01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:50,680
Speaker 1: They may not see that. Well, they might see it

892
01:00:50,680 --> 01:00:53,080
Speaker 1: all my stories. People are very familiar with my closet.

893
01:00:53,200 --> 01:00:59,840
Speaker 3: Actually, oh man, oh man, Okay, I before I ask

894
01:00:59,880 --> 01:01:03,400
Speaker 3: you the final question, I'd actually love and I've never

895
01:01:03,440 --> 01:01:06,600
Speaker 3: done this before, but it just feels right in this

896
01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:10,040
Speaker 3: moment because I have garnered so much inspiration and motivation

897
01:01:10,160 --> 01:01:12,160
Speaker 3: from you over the last couple of years.

898
01:01:12,840 --> 01:01:18,600
Speaker 2: Is there anything you feel compelled to say or to share.

899
01:01:19,960 --> 01:01:27,320
Speaker 1: I feel compelled to say, do the hard thing. And

900
01:01:27,360 --> 01:01:31,960
Speaker 1: I don't know what your hard thing is, but lean

901
01:01:32,040 --> 01:01:37,720
Speaker 1: into it. Life is too short, It's the longest shortest time.

902
01:01:38,480 --> 01:01:43,880
Speaker 1: And if the last year hasn't shown us that, I

903
01:01:43,880 --> 01:01:48,120
Speaker 1: don't know what will. So don't start tomorrow, start today.

904
01:01:48,520 --> 01:01:57,080
Speaker 1: Micro steps, micro steps, stop leaving yourself behind and show up.

905
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:03,000
Speaker 1: And sometimes that is the hardest thing ever to do,

906
01:02:03,880 --> 01:02:04,720
Speaker 1: but you're worth it.

907
01:02:05,240 --> 01:02:11,960
Speaker 2: Right now, Alex, you have an opportunity to offer that

908
01:02:12,280 --> 01:02:17,320
Speaker 2: nineteen year old who was having some scary thoughts a

909
01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:23,000
Speaker 2: piece of advice. Looking back on that hurdle moment, right now,

910
01:02:23,880 --> 01:02:26,360
Speaker 2: what do you tell her?

911
01:02:26,960 --> 01:02:28,120
Speaker 1: Don't give up on yourself.

912
01:02:30,120 --> 01:02:35,040
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for saying yes to me, for

913
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:39,480
Speaker 2: giving me your time. I am so and I can't

914
01:02:39,480 --> 01:02:42,680
Speaker 2: say it enough. Just grateful for the good that you're doing.

915
01:02:43,440 --> 01:02:46,960
Speaker 2: Aligned with you and wanting to in whatever way I

916
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:49,800
Speaker 2: can help as many people as possible, and I know

917
01:02:49,880 --> 01:02:53,720
Speaker 2: that I am certainly not the only one who who

918
01:02:53,720 --> 01:02:54,400
Speaker 2: feels that way.

919
01:02:55,240 --> 01:02:57,960
Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Thank you so much, Emily, This was

920
01:02:58,200 --> 01:03:00,240
Speaker 1: really great. Lex.

921
01:03:00,280 --> 01:03:02,520
Speaker 2: How do the hurdlers keep up with you? How do

922
01:03:02,560 --> 01:03:06,400
Speaker 2: they follow along with you? Where can they find your books?

923
01:03:06,560 --> 01:03:08,880
Speaker 2: Give me all of the details.

924
01:03:09,200 --> 01:03:13,840
Speaker 1: Okay, so Alex underscore L E L L E on Instagram.

925
01:03:14,760 --> 01:03:18,600
Speaker 1: We'd love to have you join the community alexl dot

926
01:03:18,640 --> 01:03:25,760
Speaker 1: com for book info and freebies for your writing practice.

927
01:03:26,600 --> 01:03:31,560
Speaker 1: And my books are sold wherever books are sold. If

928
01:03:31,600 --> 01:03:35,640
Speaker 1: you're looking for the Encourage journal that's out just the

929
01:03:35,680 --> 01:03:38,520
Speaker 1: companion journal to my book After the Rain. It is

930
01:03:38,560 --> 01:03:42,160
Speaker 1: actually in targets nationwide. You can pop into a target

931
01:03:42,240 --> 01:03:45,280
Speaker 1: with your mask on safely while you're getting your toilet paper.

932
01:03:45,320 --> 01:03:48,720
Speaker 1: Look in the book aisle and you will see Encourage

933
01:03:49,360 --> 01:03:53,400
Speaker 1: and the Heygirl podcast where I am talking to some

934
01:03:53,520 --> 01:03:56,760
Speaker 1: really awesome women about their stories.

935
01:03:58,200 --> 01:04:00,880
Speaker 2: I love it. I am over at Emily a body

936
01:04:01,120 --> 01:04:06,120
Speaker 2: an at Hurdle podcast, Another Hurdle conquered. Catch you guys

937
01:04:06,120 --> 01:04:06,560
Speaker 2: next time.