1
00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:05,840
Speaker 1: This is John, this is them Okay Storytime podcast hosts, and.

2
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:09,840
Speaker 2: We have some good story is coming up for you.

3
00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:10,640
Speaker 2: That's right.

4
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,280
Speaker 1: But before that, we have a little morsel of a

5
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:15,360
Speaker 1: two minute outbreak from the sponsors keeping the show delicious.

6
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:20,080
Speaker 3: My girlfriend wanted to marry to fix her expired visa.

7
00:00:20,239 --> 00:00:22,160
Speaker 2: This is a business transaction.

8
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,600
Speaker 3: I twenty nine mail, came out of a long relationship

9
00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:29,240
Speaker 3: amicably in January last year, and three weeks later went

10
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,440
Speaker 3: on a date with a girl twenty seven female from

11
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:36,200
Speaker 3: okay Cupid, my only ever online date. I'm European, che's Asian.

12
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:38,960
Speaker 3: We had a great time and things progressed. We became

13
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,240
Speaker 3: a couple and continue to have fun. By the way,

14
00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:43,479
Speaker 3: this comes from in one and if you want to

15
00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:45,200
Speaker 3: smit your own stories, go to the r slush Okay

16
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,479
Speaker 3: Storytime Subrenette, I'm Sophia.

17
00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:50,440
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice.

18
00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:52,560
Speaker 3: Goofy, but we don't have all the answers. We only

19
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,200
Speaker 3: know what we'd do, So let us know what you

20
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,000
Speaker 3: would do in the comments and op says. After being

21
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,800
Speaker 3: together only a month, I moved countries for my job.

22
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,120
Speaker 3: I had already been planning this. We stayed together via Skype,

23
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,560
Speaker 3: and a few months later, when her visa expired, she

24
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,000
Speaker 3: joined me. It seems like a good idea to let

25
00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:10,119
Speaker 3: her stay with me, since we were getting along well

26
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:10,759
Speaker 3: and the new.

27
00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:11,560
Speaker 2: City is expensive.

28
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:13,400
Speaker 3: I didn't ask her to pay rent for the first

29
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,640
Speaker 3: few months, as she didn't have a job, but now

30
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:18,640
Speaker 3: she's paying and on the contract with me. Ford a

31
00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,720
Speaker 3: couple of months and I found out pretty quickly that

32
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:25,960
Speaker 3: she has very strong emotions during her period, at least

33
00:01:25,959 --> 00:01:27,920
Speaker 3: stronger than other girls I have spent a lot of

34
00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:30,880
Speaker 3: time with. Normally, she gets very depressed and shouts and

35
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:34,200
Speaker 3: blames me for a lot of problems. Probably some are true.

36
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:37,559
Speaker 3: I've tried to adjust my behavior to accommodate this. Movie

37
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:40,960
Speaker 3: nights in massages, flowers, chocolate, and do all I can

38
00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:44,920
Speaker 3: to comfort her in these times. Real quick pause. Honestly,

39
00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:47,720
Speaker 3: it might be a hormone imbalance if this is like

40
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:51,240
Speaker 3: really intense, because obviously you know you're gonna have some

41
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,880
Speaker 3: kind of emotional things when you're on your period. But

42
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:57,160
Speaker 3: if it's like huge disparity from how she acts to

43
00:01:57,520 --> 00:01:59,840
Speaker 3: you know this, then it might be like she should

44
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,560
Speaker 3: go to a doctor and you know, see if her

45
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:02,920
Speaker 3: hormones are okay.

46
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:04,840
Speaker 2: I was just gonna say, y'all shouldn't hate that apple.

47
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:10,160
Speaker 2: That's a much more real than ope. That apple tasted good.

48
00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:14,240
Speaker 2: It's delicious. Wow, I'm so smart now. But I tell

49
00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:17,919
Speaker 2: her an English major the apple of English major.

50
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:21,160
Speaker 3: But I tell her, usually tactfully, a few days before

51
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:24,040
Speaker 3: the event, that I can comfort her. But I cannot

52
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:27,040
Speaker 3: engage these tantrums. For want of a better word, you

53
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,840
Speaker 3: really got to pick a better word. If you're telling

54
00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:33,880
Speaker 3: us that she goes like nuclear when she's on her period,

55
00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:37,600
Speaker 3: we cannot be using the word tantrums, and we have

56
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:39,800
Speaker 3: to wait until she calms down. I feel like a

57
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,519
Speaker 3: bit of a butt, But sometimes I just have to

58
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,280
Speaker 3: leave until she's less upset, at which point we can

59
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:47,280
Speaker 3: normally resolve the issue. I don't think she likes this.

60
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:49,960
Speaker 3: She'd rather hash it out in a big argument, but

61
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,440
Speaker 3: that just doesn't work for me. I can't function in

62
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:55,840
Speaker 3: a heated discussion. So all this I can basically deal with.

63
00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:58,320
Speaker 3: I just thought i'd mention it as it seems relevant.

64
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:01,600
Speaker 3: The reason I'm asking you guys for is this month,

65
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:04,480
Speaker 3: she has been more upset than usual because her student

66
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,720
Speaker 3: visa expires in six months. It's also coming up to

67
00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:10,880
Speaker 3: her birthday and our one year anniversary. As an Asian,

68
00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:13,000
Speaker 3: she doesn't feel that there is any way to continue

69
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,560
Speaker 3: living in Europe as she can't find a job.

70
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:16,560
Speaker 2: What does that mean?

71
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,200
Speaker 3: Well, you got six months to find a job.

72
00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:21,480
Speaker 2: Just don't understand what as an Asian she feels like

73
00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,960
Speaker 2: she can't find a job in Europe. No is that?

74
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:24,200
Speaker 3: No?

75
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:25,280
Speaker 2: No? What does that mean?

76
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:25,760
Speaker 3: No?

77
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,000
Speaker 2: Read that again? I continued, Yeah, you.

78
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,799
Speaker 3: Did not understand that as an Asian, she doesn't feel

79
00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:33,760
Speaker 3: that there is any way to continue living in Europe

80
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,120
Speaker 3: as she can't find She's saying, but she she doesn't

81
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,520
Speaker 3: have a means of getting a visa because she's been

82
00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:41,040
Speaker 3: looking for a job. But if she can't find a job,

83
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,440
Speaker 3: that gives her a work visa.

84
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,520
Speaker 2: I just say, I was like, they just they don't

85
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,040
Speaker 2: just hate Asians in Europe, right, that'd be crazy.

86
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,200
Speaker 3: And she asked me what I think we should do.

87
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,520
Speaker 3: I said, I'm sure we can do the research and

88
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,480
Speaker 3: find a way for her to get a visa, perhaps

89
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,480
Speaker 3: another student one, enabling her more time to find work,

90
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,360
Speaker 3: and I will spend as much time helping her as necessary.

91
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,480
Speaker 3: After finish a list of options. We spent most of

92
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,520
Speaker 3: the evening doing this. She burst into tears and asked

93
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:09,280
Speaker 3: why I hadn't put marriage on the list. My responses

94
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,680
Speaker 3: were something along the lines of, I know that would

95
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:14,360
Speaker 3: be an option for getting your visa, but I only

96
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,719
Speaker 3: want to marry for the right reasons and I'm just

97
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,760
Speaker 3: not ready for that. But I'll help with the visa

98
00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:21,120
Speaker 3: any other way I can. Can we please have this

99
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,839
Speaker 3: discussion when you're a calmer. This has not gone down?

100
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,960
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, oh, it's so biz brutal.

101
00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:30,039
Speaker 3: Firstly, she is offended that it's even a possibility that

102
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:31,479
Speaker 3: she wants to marry for the visa.

103
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:32,800
Speaker 2: Well, she she's offended.

104
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,680
Speaker 3: That's yeah, that's that's it.

105
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,600
Speaker 2: Shed But she just said she just said that. I'm confused.

106
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,479
Speaker 3: She says, after one year together, she's sure I'm the

107
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,560
Speaker 3: one and is ready to marry and wants to do

108
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,120
Speaker 3: it now because it will be convenient to solve visa

109
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:45,760
Speaker 3: proper case.

110
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,000
Speaker 2: So you're literally, what do you I don't understand you

111
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:48,719
Speaker 2: just said that.

112
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,200
Speaker 3: Secondly, she says that if I don't want to marry now,

113
00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:52,159
Speaker 3: will I ever?

114
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:54,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't marry this girl.

115
00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:58,120
Speaker 3: I mean, like most people take a couple of years

116
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:00,800
Speaker 3: before they make that decision. Why is one year not

117
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,120
Speaker 3: enough to think about marriage? I wonder if there's like

118
00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:06,080
Speaker 3: a cultural kind of difference. What will happen in six

119
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,599
Speaker 3: months when she leaves? Do I not care? If I

120
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:10,480
Speaker 3: love her, I should do anything to keep her.

121
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,880
Speaker 2: But there's other things you can do, right.

122
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,159
Speaker 3: I mean, like, oh, he's trying to, you know, help.

123
00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,919
Speaker 3: My response was that I would consider it in the future,

124
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:21,080
Speaker 3: but I'm pretty sure that I will not be ready

125
00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:24,560
Speaker 3: to commit like that in the next six months. And anyway,

126
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:27,080
Speaker 3: right now, I can't really give a sane response, one

127
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,880
Speaker 3: because I hadn't really thought about it, and two because

128
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:32,040
Speaker 3: she was crying and shouting at me. This was a

129
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,039
Speaker 3: few days ago, and now I think about it, I

130
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,400
Speaker 3: feel pretty much the same. I love her, I like

131
00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:39,159
Speaker 3: being with her. I can imagine a future together, but

132
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:42,200
Speaker 3: I am not ready to commit. I told her as much,

133
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:45,080
Speaker 3: and she doesn't accept this. She thinks I will never commit.

134
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:48,000
Speaker 3: She deserves more commitment than I show her, and that

135
00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:51,159
Speaker 3: I have commitment issues, she's got other issues.

136
00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:54,320
Speaker 2: He literally sat down and helped you, like make a

137
00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,880
Speaker 2: whole game plan to keep you a visa to stay

138
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:58,200
Speaker 2: in the country. That's a commitment.

139
00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,919
Speaker 3: Absolutely, he didn't have to do that.

140
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:02,120
Speaker 2: He literally just doesn't want to marry you for the

141
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,160
Speaker 2: technicality of getting you a visa.

142
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,359
Speaker 3: So sorry for the wall of text. But what do

143
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,720
Speaker 3: you think am I being an ahole? If I'm not

144
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:10,600
Speaker 3: ready to marry and the thought of it makes me

145
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:13,440
Speaker 3: even think of breaking up rather than doing that, then

146
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:16,120
Speaker 3: should we break up? I also factor in that we

147
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:18,080
Speaker 3: live together and made all our friends in this new

148
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,840
Speaker 3: city together. On the contrary, does it sound like, admittedly

149
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,359
Speaker 3: completely from my side of the story, she's just trying

150
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:26,760
Speaker 3: to get a visa. I'm fairly sure it's not through malice.

151
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,360
Speaker 3: She's sincere. I've met all her family who probably want

152
00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:30,960
Speaker 3: her to come back to Asia, but are happy that

153
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,159
Speaker 3: she's happy, and I'm sure she's in love with me.

154
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,800
Speaker 3: I think that maybe she is just more inexperienced than

155
00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:38,280
Speaker 3: I realized. As far as I know, she's had one

156
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:41,080
Speaker 3: one year and one two is year relationship in Asia

157
00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,680
Speaker 3: and a four month one in Europe with the guy

158
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,919
Speaker 3: who sounds like an ale from her stories, But she

159
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,280
Speaker 3: never lived with a guy. I don't think she's really

160
00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:52,880
Speaker 3: experienced in relationships. Okay, how old is she let me check. Dude,

161
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:54,159
Speaker 3: this is like when you have to get like a

162
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,880
Speaker 3: freaking PhD to get a job. How is that not experienced?

163
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,360
Speaker 4: Twenty seven female.

164
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:03,160
Speaker 2: A year a two year long and that's because they

165
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,920
Speaker 2: haven't lived with their partner before.

166
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,839
Speaker 3: But she just he said experience in relationships. She's twenty seven,

167
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,440
Speaker 3: she's absolutely experienced relationships in that bar.

168
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,440
Speaker 2: You're right, though, I think I mean.

169
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,160
Speaker 3: Three relationships, three long term relationships.

170
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,320
Speaker 4: Well, we don't know when those long term relationships were.

171
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,560
Speaker 4: Like if she says, like high school.

172
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:24,160
Speaker 3: But one year and two is year, I I don't know.

173
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:28,080
Speaker 3: To me, that's experience. I feel like that's not the issue.

174
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,440
Speaker 4: Though I don't know high school mes so different from

175
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:31,480
Speaker 4: me naturally.

176
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,640
Speaker 3: But more so, my point is like I think he's

177
00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,720
Speaker 3: blaming this on inexperience when I don't think that's the case.

178
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,400
Speaker 4: No, I agree, I agree, Like.

179
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:40,720
Speaker 3: I feel like she has experience in relationships. I think

180
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:45,040
Speaker 3: that she is just very focused on one BA visa

181
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:48,360
Speaker 3: and probably has different ideas about marriage and relationships and stuff.

182
00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:50,320
Speaker 2: I think she got to get them hormones checked.

183
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,960
Speaker 3: I agree. So my opinion is that all this, with

184
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:56,320
Speaker 3: the added pressure of the period, has just made her explode.

185
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:58,720
Speaker 3: I just don't know what to do next. Sorry again

186
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,080
Speaker 3: for all the text, but it's been quite therapeutic to

187
00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:04,320
Speaker 3: write it out. Any comments at all are appreciated, and

188
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:07,440
Speaker 3: comment one says, actually, you have to wait for common one.

189
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:09,239
Speaker 3: What do you think though?

190
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,000
Speaker 2: I don't know. It just doesn't feel like the time

191
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:14,080
Speaker 2: to be talking about this. Probably.

192
00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:16,880
Speaker 3: I think it's just you gotta hold her off until

193
00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:18,640
Speaker 3: she's off the period, just got to do a couple

194
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:19,040
Speaker 3: of days.

195
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,800
Speaker 2: I don't know. Man, If I'm getting yelled and screamed

196
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,720
Speaker 2: at every month, I don't like that.

197
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that the yelling and screaming is is pretty.

198
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:32,480
Speaker 2: H and if it's like a you know, genuine hormone

199
00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:35,400
Speaker 2: imbalance issue, didn't got that checked out.

200
00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:37,520
Speaker 3: But I also think that like OPI's question of like,

201
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,360
Speaker 3: if I'm not ready to marry her, should I just

202
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,600
Speaker 3: break off? I think it's you know, I if this

203
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:46,040
Speaker 3: were a normal situation and someone was like, you know,

204
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:47,800
Speaker 3: I want to marry and you were like, no, I

205
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,719
Speaker 3: don't think that you necessarily have to break up with

206
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,000
Speaker 3: that person. I think that not wanting to marry a

207
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:55,280
Speaker 3: person right now does not mean that the relationship is over.

208
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,720
Speaker 3: It just means that you're not ready for merit. However,

209
00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:00,600
Speaker 3: with her, it seems like this is an ongoing issue

210
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:04,760
Speaker 3: and if she doesn't listen to you and compromise in

211
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,400
Speaker 3: any way, then yeah, maybe this relationship.

212
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,840
Speaker 2: Can't work out. I think if this conversation continues to

213
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,199
Speaker 2: be like like this.

214
00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:14,040
Speaker 4: I know someone who was like that, where everyone in

215
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:17,320
Speaker 4: their family got married and they're the youngest they were.

216
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,199
Speaker 4: They're like probably around your age, maybe when year younger

217
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:23,520
Speaker 4: or so, and their long term boyfriend's like, let's get married,

218
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,640
Speaker 4: and she said, you know, I'm not ready for that.

219
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:27,720
Speaker 2: Yeah. They broke up.

220
00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, they broke up. There. They were a great couple.

221
00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:33,760
Speaker 4: I was happy for them, but she wasn't ready and

222
00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:36,360
Speaker 4: and he was, and it was like an imbalance on

223
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:37,600
Speaker 4: the thing. They tried to work it out, but it

224
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,400
Speaker 4: was like, yeah, when is it going to be And

225
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:42,360
Speaker 4: she's like, I don't know, I can't give you a date. Yeah,

226
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:43,920
Speaker 4: and that's not fair to me, and that's not fair

227
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:44,200
Speaker 4: to you.

228
00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:45,640
Speaker 2: Kind of thing that's tricky.

229
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:46,280
Speaker 4: It is tricky.

230
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:48,840
Speaker 3: Common one says you're not in the wrong. However, I

231
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,960
Speaker 3: do understand why she may be a bit hurt and

232
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,640
Speaker 3: nervous about the whole situation. She probably sees you as

233
00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:57,000
Speaker 3: willing to risk the relationship ending because let's face it, it's

234
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,200
Speaker 3: got to be problematic if she goes back to Asia.

235
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,880
Speaker 3: Not only that, but she probably also really does want

236
00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,040
Speaker 3: to get married to you. It is most likely not

237
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,720
Speaker 3: just about the visa, but also about her wanting to

238
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:08,720
Speaker 3: take the next step. That your partner does not feel

239
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,120
Speaker 3: the same, well, it's bound to hurt. That being said,

240
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,920
Speaker 3: of course, you should not marry her if you are

241
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,720
Speaker 3: not ready. I know it depends on which European country

242
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,280
Speaker 3: you guys live in, but I would really give it

243
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,480
Speaker 3: another Try to find a job, absolutely. I mean, you've

244
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:24,040
Speaker 3: got six months. Let's start looking. Look up cleaning positions.

245
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,760
Speaker 3: They are usually more accessible because many people find it

246
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,640
Speaker 3: beneath them to clean, at least where I live. Otherwise, Yeah,

247
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:32,559
Speaker 3: try to get another student visa and that could be

248
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,640
Speaker 3: a good solution. Op. He says, I think you have

249
00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:37,240
Speaker 3: it spot on. I really don't believe she just wants

250
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,880
Speaker 3: a visa. She is really lovely and really loves me

251
00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:43,240
Speaker 3: before all this last month period argument. Huh she said,

252
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:45,000
Speaker 3: I wish you love me as much as I love you.

253
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:50,600
Speaker 2: Oof. Uh oh, Ooh, trouble's on the horizon. Yikes, man, Captain.

254
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:53,760
Speaker 3: I can see how it looks bad, and perhaps it's true.

255
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,200
Speaker 3: I am more willing to risk the end of the

256
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,760
Speaker 3: relationship than to get married when I don't feel ready.

257
00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:02,200
Speaker 3: Is that wrong? No? Oh, do not get married just

258
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,600
Speaker 3: to stop a relationship from ending, you know.

259
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,200
Speaker 2: Uh, not a very good move.

260
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,520
Speaker 3: As for the cleaning job, she is an artist and

261
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,200
Speaker 3: very picky about what work she does, which is making

262
00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:14,640
Speaker 3: it doubly hard to even suggest work options. Plus, it's

263
00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:17,480
Speaker 3: staying hard. Companies do not want to pay for non

264
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:20,000
Speaker 3: Europeans as far as I can see. I know people

265
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,800
Speaker 3: can get visas for jobs legally, I just don't know

266
00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:25,520
Speaker 3: how or what. Doing a language or art course at

267
00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:28,360
Speaker 3: university to get a student visa seems the best option.

268
00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:31,200
Speaker 3: Comma two says she needs an immigration lawyer, not a

269
00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:34,640
Speaker 3: justice of the piece. There are options for her besides marriage.

270
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:38,040
Speaker 3: Don't take responsibility for her lack of initiative. Common three

271
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:41,680
Speaker 3: says I think she should absolutely exhaust all other options

272
00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:44,199
Speaker 3: of staying in the country legally without turning to a

273
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:47,320
Speaker 3: quickie marriage. It's really the best call for everyone involved.

274
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,520
Speaker 3: You don't want immigration breathing over your shoulder, checking if

275
00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:51,800
Speaker 3: the relationship.

276
00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:52,000
Speaker 2: Is real or not.

277
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,120
Speaker 3: That said, no, I don't think she's just using you

278
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,679
Speaker 3: for a visa. Different people have different cultural standards. In

279
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,880
Speaker 3: some parts of the world, people get married after a

280
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:03,440
Speaker 3: year or so, and some parts they stopped getting married

281
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,560
Speaker 3: at all. You shouldn't be writing off her desire to

282
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,800
Speaker 3: get married as a lack of experience or immaturity, but

283
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:12,160
Speaker 3: rather a product of her cultural upbringing, what I was saying.

284
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,400
Speaker 3: And in this case, it's easy to see how marriage

285
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,480
Speaker 3: appears to be the easiest solution for her to stay

286
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:18,920
Speaker 3: with you. The fact is, it doesn't really sound like

287
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:22,400
Speaker 3: you particularly respect your girlfriend. That's probably a bigger problem

288
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:24,920
Speaker 3: for the long run success of your relationship than this

289
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:29,079
Speaker 3: visa issue. And there is an update, folks, But yeah,

290
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,240
Speaker 3: I don't know if it's like necessarily respect or anything,

291
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:35,360
Speaker 3: but it doesn't sound like you necessarily like her in

292
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,959
Speaker 3: a way that could you know, make it through this

293
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:40,800
Speaker 3: kind of troublesome time, or not like her enough.

294
00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:42,640
Speaker 2: To get through it. I think y'all break it up.

295
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,839
Speaker 3: Just I mean, like, I mean, just from how P

296
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,079
Speaker 3: described like all of this stuff. With the period, it

297
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,120
Speaker 3: seems like that's a monthly thing, and then you have

298
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:52,319
Speaker 3: this and it seems like it's just you know, I.

299
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:55,640
Speaker 2: Might as well call it an exclamation point. Yeah, why,

300
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,960
Speaker 2: because that period's extreme. But there is an update, so

301
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:02,240
Speaker 2: we broke up there it is, folks, give me the dollar,

302
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:04,800
Speaker 2: give me the cookie. I earned it?

303
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:05,480
Speaker 3: What cookie?

304
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:07,400
Speaker 2: The cookie I earned for being right?

305
00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:10,880
Speaker 3: Okay, this common really hit home. If thinking about marriage

306
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:14,320
Speaker 3: makes you think anything other than if, yes, you shouldn't

307
00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:18,040
Speaker 3: do it, end of discussion. Anything else is a secondary concern.

308
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,719
Speaker 3: I took some time to think about my life and

309
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,600
Speaker 3: my hopes and fears, and what it means to leave

310
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,600
Speaker 3: a lovely girl who is ready to join her life

311
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,480
Speaker 3: to you. I realized that I really do want to

312
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,960
Speaker 3: marry someone, and I'm scared of loneliness and being too

313
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,959
Speaker 3: old to have children. But despite that, I don't want

314
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,040
Speaker 3: to rush, and I want to be sure to find

315
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:38,160
Speaker 3: the right person, and sadly, that is not her. I

316
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:39,960
Speaker 3: don't know what would have happened if we had stayed

317
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,840
Speaker 3: together longer, but I honestly don't think my feelings would

318
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:44,840
Speaker 3: have changed for the better. It was really hard to

319
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:47,840
Speaker 3: do because nothing was specifically wrong in our relationship, but

320
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,800
Speaker 3: As I said before, I just can't imagine marriage and

321
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,240
Speaker 3: a long term future. So I chose my moment and

322
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,880
Speaker 3: just did it. But there is a little bit left

323
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,360
Speaker 3: to this story. Any final thoughts.

324
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:02,120
Speaker 2: Good luck in the future. Brother, you're there now.

325
00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:05,360
Speaker 3: I think this was the right decision. I think again,

326
00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:07,680
Speaker 3: you don't if someone wants to get mary or brings

327
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:11,360
Speaker 3: up marriage and you're not ready, that doesn't necessarily mean breakup.

328
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:14,280
Speaker 3: But in this case, it seems like she was very adamant,

329
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,160
Speaker 3: wasn't willing to compromise, so yeah, it's not gonna work out.

330
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:20,200
Speaker 3: She was really upset, and I tried to explain myself,

331
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,520
Speaker 3: but in the end she just got caught up on

332
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,520
Speaker 3: the little details and was too emotional.

333
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:27,480
Speaker 2: But in the end, it doesn't even matter. You tried

334
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,800
Speaker 2: so hard and got so far singing a song, but

335
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,000
Speaker 2: in the end it doesn't even matter.

336
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:36,200
Speaker 3: Matter anyway. I think now she has begun to accept it,

337
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,440
Speaker 3: but I still feel a bit bad for not having

338
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,760
Speaker 3: a solid reason. I would also say that it's not

339
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,320
Speaker 3: just about the marriage issue. That was just the catalyst

340
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,440
Speaker 3: to make me think this through. It's been a month

341
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,680
Speaker 3: and it's been tough on her. She's moving out of

342
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,640
Speaker 3: her apartment bit by bit, and I feel terrible for

343
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:53,040
Speaker 3: hurting her. She'll probably move to another country in a

344
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:55,360
Speaker 3: couple of months, but I'm confident I have made the

345
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,120
Speaker 3: right decision for both of us, and I hope she'll

346
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,200
Speaker 3: come to see it that way. I'm happy to have

347
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,520
Speaker 3: some space to myself to figure out what I want

348
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:06,040
Speaker 3: from a relationship. And that is the end of that story, folks.

349
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,040
Speaker 3: But yeah, I think I think you just got to

350
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,080
Speaker 3: find someone new.

351
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:16,920
Speaker 2: I think you moved through that experience very cogently, very cohesively. Indeed,

352
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:18,000
Speaker 2: doesn't feel good.

353
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,440
Speaker 3: It never feels good to someone someone who've.

354
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,280
Speaker 2: Been dating hurts from the breakup.

355
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:25,160
Speaker 3: But it's it's worse to just kind of postpone it

356
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:27,680
Speaker 3: and have all those feelings of I don't know if

357
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,000
Speaker 3: this is gonna work out. I don't know if I'm

358
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,720
Speaker 3: as invested as she is.

359
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't build a marriage off of just the

360
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:39,240
Speaker 2: sense of obligation to like, I go last the visa process. Yeah,

361
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:42,240
Speaker 2: I didn't feel right. No surre she'd have been like,

362
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:44,560
Speaker 2: you can pay me, dang, you need twenty.

363
00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:47,120
Speaker 3: Five baoo so they can get arrested for that.

364
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,360
Speaker 2: You need twenty five boo.

365
00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,000
Speaker 3: AnyWho, though we've got another.

366
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,240
Speaker 2: Story, folks, don't don't call it a payment, just called

367
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:59,040
Speaker 2: a dowry d a dow repaid by my partner. Interesting

368
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:05,720
Speaker 2: technic an extension of the parents twenty five k dowry boom.

369
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:09,520
Speaker 2: My family hired an investigator to make me leave my boyfriend.

370
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,560
Speaker 2: He must suck. There is a trigger warning for emotional

371
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:15,760
Speaker 2: and verbal abuse. I twenty five female, met my partner

372
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,760
Speaker 2: twenty nine male in twenty twenty while I was finishing

373
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,800
Speaker 2: my undergrad studies and we were both in the same field.

374
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:26,560
Speaker 2: Our first conversations were deep about our personal philosophies, culture, faith,

375
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,440
Speaker 2: and our views on the world, and we quickly realized

376
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,000
Speaker 2: that our values aligned so well. By the way, this

377
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,320
Speaker 2: comes from user I want to break And if you

378
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,640
Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

379
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:39,640
Speaker 2: slash Okay storytime subreddit and we're here to give you

380
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,600
Speaker 2: good advice. Goofully. But we don't have all the answers.

381
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,160
Speaker 2: We only know what we would do, so if you

382
00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:46,040
Speaker 2: would do something different, let us know in the comments.

383
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:52,960
Speaker 2: As op says, he's funny, attentive, smart, talented, and ambitious.

384
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,800
Speaker 2: And I was so in love and I still Am.

385
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:58,680
Speaker 2: We made it official two months in low Ki. We

386
00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:01,480
Speaker 2: both knew we wanted to make each other already, but

387
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:04,040
Speaker 2: of course we didn't rush as we were still finishing

388
00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:07,639
Speaker 2: up school sart Genius even, Yeah, what school are going to? Harvard?

389
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,000
Speaker 2: The Harvard Yale School of.

390
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:10,800
Speaker 3: The Harvard Yale School, the.

391
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:15,840
Speaker 2: Harvard Yale School of Dartmouth, Oxford Medicine of Dartmouth, Oxford.

392
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:18,520
Speaker 4: Mit, No, it's of Colgate. Don't forget about that.

393
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:22,800
Speaker 2: Ah, the Toothpaste University. Yes, we have the same religious background,

394
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,560
Speaker 2: but not the same ethnicity. For this reason, both of

395
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,639
Speaker 2: us were nervous to tell our parents about our relationship

396
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,600
Speaker 2: because we didn't know how they'd react. Most ethnic parents

397
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,800
Speaker 2: would want their kids to keep it within the culture,

398
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,080
Speaker 2: so to speak. But from what I know, they may

399
00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:39,080
Speaker 2: be stubborn at first, but will come round eventually. Right

400
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:45,040
Speaker 2: right For me, ethnicity is a non issue. We're both religious,

401
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:47,800
Speaker 2: so having the same faith is more important in my opinion.

402
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,520
Speaker 2: I thought my parents would think the same because if

403
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:54,040
Speaker 2: they're so religious too, then they shouldn't place their cultural

404
00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:57,480
Speaker 2: values over their faith. My partner didn't wait too long

405
00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:01,360
Speaker 2: to tell his parents. They end his were very supportive

406
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,280
Speaker 2: and welcomed me with open arms. I, on the other hand,

407
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:07,199
Speaker 2: hesitated for the longest time because I really had no

408
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:10,680
Speaker 2: idea how my parents would react. I'm a bit fearful

409
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:13,840
Speaker 2: of them, and honestly, my relationship with my parents isn't

410
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,840
Speaker 2: that close. Of course, they're caring and all, but not

411
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,359
Speaker 2: in an emotional way where I can come up to

412
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:22,600
Speaker 2: them and be vulnerable about something definitely not my dad.

413
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,399
Speaker 2: This is where I'm at fault, because even if it

414
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,199
Speaker 2: was hard for me to be honest with them, I

415
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:30,080
Speaker 2: should have just done so instead of hiding my relationship

416
00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:33,360
Speaker 2: from them. My siblings knew before my parents did. They

417
00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:36,280
Speaker 2: didn't care. But my sister twenty nine, on the other hand,

418
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:39,800
Speaker 2: being the eldest, was too panicked about it and advised

419
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:43,440
Speaker 2: me to just end the relationship because an interracial marriage

420
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:48,159
Speaker 2: is going to be complicated. That's insane. But that's not

421
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,280
Speaker 2: the advice I needed, and I didn't want to just

422
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,560
Speaker 2: end the relationship either. I truly believe he's my soulmate.

423
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,800
Speaker 2: Her entire attitude towards it was just kind of I

424
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:58,919
Speaker 2: gave you my two cents. I don't want to be

425
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,639
Speaker 2: involved in this mesas. I think it was a year

426
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:04,400
Speaker 2: into our relationship when my mom found a birthday card

427
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,800
Speaker 2: from my partner in my room. She found my stash

428
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:10,240
Speaker 2: of greeting cards from him and read them. All What who.

429
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:13,880
Speaker 3: Reads birthday cards? Who reads one? Who reads other people's

430
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,920
Speaker 3: birthday cards? That's so weird?

431
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,240
Speaker 2: Apparently, Oh he's Mom's all.

432
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:21,320
Speaker 3: Right, not not like who reads anybody like reads birthday cards?

433
00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:23,560
Speaker 2: I just open them and if money doesn't fall out,

434
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:25,560
Speaker 2: I don't I burn them.

435
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,000
Speaker 3: No, who reads other people's birthday cards?

436
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,000
Speaker 2: She confronted me with them, and she wasn't even mad,

437
00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:35,320
Speaker 2: but when I told her about his ethnicity, she freaked out.

438
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:38,520
Speaker 2: She made me tell my dad, and he just laughed

439
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,800
Speaker 2: in my face and didn't even let me talk. It

440
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,960
Speaker 2: took a couple of days for my mom to calm down,

441
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:46,560
Speaker 2: because honestly, she really was overreacting. The conclusion was they

442
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,240
Speaker 2: weren't happy with the relationship and wanted me to end it.

443
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,120
Speaker 2: I didn't want to, of course, Well there you go,

444
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,560
Speaker 2: there we go, there we go. Then it was swept

445
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:56,720
Speaker 2: under the rug and for the next three years, my

446
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:59,119
Speaker 2: partner and I continued our relationship and even went on

447
00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:01,680
Speaker 2: some trips together, but my parents were in the dark.

448
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:04,440
Speaker 2: About the specifics of it all. Of course, the dishonesty

449
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,960
Speaker 2: is very wrong, but in my mind, they didn't create

450
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,000
Speaker 2: a safe space for me to be honest with them. Yeah,

451
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,680
Speaker 2: the dishonesty is not wrong. Your parents are like racist.

452
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean like immediately after you told them, they

453
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,560
Speaker 3: were like, ha, no, no you're not you're not dating him.

454
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,880
Speaker 2: It's not not the most you know, you're literally twenty five.

455
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:25,439
Speaker 2: They have no business or I mean, you're not to

456
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:28,280
Speaker 2: dictate who you're in LG whether or you're dating, especially

457
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,920
Speaker 2: if it's because like they don't look like you. Yeah,

458
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,119
Speaker 2: you can't date them. They don't look like that good reason.

459
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,399
Speaker 2: They did not come from the same place as your ancestors.

460
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:40,639
Speaker 3: Lame, pretty bad reasoning, lame go.

461
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:43,600
Speaker 2: To the place, go to the place in the sun.

462
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:44,560
Speaker 3: AnyWho.

463
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,600
Speaker 2: I couldn't just tell them, oh, hey, I'm going out

464
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:49,480
Speaker 2: for dinner and he's gonna be there. Bye, I love

465
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,400
Speaker 2: you x X gossip girl.

466
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,560
Speaker 3: Oh do wait does if you live with them?

467
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:58,600
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't maybe because oh wait, yeah

468
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,520
Speaker 2: she said that her mom went into her room. Oh

469
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:02,920
Speaker 2: that will Yeah, that's fair.

470
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,159
Speaker 3: To live with them, So that makes it a lot harder.

471
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,679
Speaker 2: H The conversation about us would only be brought up

472
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,560
Speaker 2: occasionally in those three years, because at this point me

473
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,040
Speaker 2: and him are ready to get engaged and we just

474
00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:16,919
Speaker 2: need my dad's blessing. Would always end in an argument,

475
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,760
Speaker 2: feelings hurt, and no blessings given. They refused to even

476
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,640
Speaker 2: meet him. I'm still being patient and holding out open

477
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,040
Speaker 2: my dad will come around or something. By mid twenty

478
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,719
Speaker 2: twenty four, my dad hadn't properly spoken to me in

479
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:31,080
Speaker 2: like two years. But my mom, on the other hand,

480
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,800
Speaker 2: is a lot more understanding. I wouldn't say she's supportive,

481
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:37,160
Speaker 2: but understanding, at least in her words. She just wants

482
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:40,879
Speaker 2: to help me avoid an unsuccessful marriage because in her mind,

483
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:44,040
Speaker 2: interracial marriages just don't work.

484
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:46,840
Speaker 3: Well, that's just full on not true.

485
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,000
Speaker 2: I don't know where she getting. I don't know where

486
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:53,240
Speaker 2: you are, but you need to leave. Yeah, wherever your

487
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:57,120
Speaker 2: parents are, leave, Gotta go. I don't know, man, Gotta

488
00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,440
Speaker 2: go your own way. She continued that if I'm so

489
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 2: sure about him, though, then she will be by my side,

490
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 2: and if it fails, she will be there with open arms.

491
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,640
Speaker 2: My parents are traditional, but she's always been the more

492
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:14,520
Speaker 2: level headed one between them. Now the catastrophe. No. End

493
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:17,760
Speaker 2: of twenty twenty four, my sister suddenly stepped in and

494
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,360
Speaker 2: asked to meet my partner.

495
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,120
Speaker 3: Pretty insane that they haven't met him in this whole time.

496
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 2: Well, I mean not really given how which I mean yes,

497
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,359
Speaker 2: I mean not really in terms of how right, but

498
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 2: like you know, it's insane. Yeah, she's my dad's favorite

499
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 2: and if there's one person that could sway his thoughts,

500
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:36,359
Speaker 2: it would be her. This opportunity excited me and my

501
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,919
Speaker 2: partner because it finally felt like there's light at the

502
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,679
Speaker 2: end of this tunnel. We've been patient, but the stress

503
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,480
Speaker 2: of all this was starting to put a strain on

504
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,399
Speaker 2: our relationship, especially in the last two years. But we

505
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 2: loved each other a lot and didn't want to let

506
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,680
Speaker 2: go no matter what, and we would always work things

507
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,760
Speaker 2: out with communication. Sister and him met up and talked

508
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,919
Speaker 2: for hours. I wasn't there, but it went well. He

509
00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,720
Speaker 2: left a good impression on her and she said, chill

510
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:00,679
Speaker 2: talk to my dad.

511
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 3: Interesting she met up alone with your boyfriend. I yeah,

512
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:04,600
Speaker 3: the first time.

513
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,160
Speaker 2: Okay, now she's going to report back to father. Him

514
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 2: and I discussed beforehand that we don't need to disclose

515
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:13,280
Speaker 2: how many times we saw each other or what trips

516
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 2: he was involved with. We know that dishonesty in hiding

517
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 2: was wrong, but we felt like we were entitled to

518
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,119
Speaker 2: that privacy at the very least. He's the type that

519
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 2: loves honesty and just says f what people think. But

520
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 2: I just didn't believe honesty works with my parents. I

521
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,240
Speaker 2: think when the reality is that if you're honest with

522
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:31,560
Speaker 2: your parents they like disown you or tell you that

523
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:35,400
Speaker 2: your boyfriend is the wrong per culture, then you.

524
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:37,080
Speaker 3: Don't have to her. You don't have to you don't

525
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 3: owe them all of that information. Yeah, I think there

526
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:41,720
Speaker 3: is certain information that you do not owe to people

527
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,880
Speaker 3: if you know that they're going to react badly.

528
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,919
Speaker 2: Especially my dad, because he's someone that's very critical and

529
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,480
Speaker 2: will shame you for your different values. Now, I thought

530
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,760
Speaker 2: things would be dandy from here on, but my sister

531
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:55,120
Speaker 2: was acting weird and distant, and when I would ask

532
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,399
Speaker 2: her what's wrong, she would brush it off. Three weeks

533
00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:00,159
Speaker 2: of this past and it's the new year now. My

534
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 2: mom sent me off to do some errands for her

535
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:05,399
Speaker 2: at a suspicious time of the day, and I really

536
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,199
Speaker 2: felt like something was off. I come back home and

537
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 2: my parents and siblings are all in the living room

538
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:14,000
Speaker 2: telling me sit down, we need to talk. My heart dropped.

539
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,560
Speaker 2: I'm sorry if this is not very detailed, because honestly,

540
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:20,720
Speaker 2: the event was traumatizing. They said they hired an investigator

541
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,399
Speaker 2: to find out everything about my partner and what our

542
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:27,960
Speaker 2: relationship entailed. That was a lie. Of course, my parents

543
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 2: didn't want to admit. It was my sister that went

544
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:32,560
Speaker 2: through my devices and looked through all my messages and

545
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:36,320
Speaker 2: emails and ransacked my entire room. She proudly admitted to

546
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 2: it later. From their findings, they concluded that he's a gaslighter,

547
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:42,720
Speaker 2: a liar, a manipulator, and that I'm a victim of

548
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,719
Speaker 2: this relationship. They said they found out about all our

549
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,160
Speaker 2: dates and trips and are holding him accountable for it.

550
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:50,119
Speaker 2: That I was forced to lie and do things against

551
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:52,200
Speaker 2: my will, and that him showering me with gifts is

552
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,359
Speaker 2: just a way to manipulate me. A lot was said,

553
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 2: and I just felt embarrassed and humiliated. It was six

554
00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 2: against one, and I couldn't say anything to defend myself

555
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,320
Speaker 2: or him. I would have just laughed.

556
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,919
Speaker 3: Yeah, you should have loled in their faces just like

557
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:08,120
Speaker 3: your dad did and been like Wow, Yeah, okay.

558
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,720
Speaker 2: I don't know. I might even hit my hit the

559
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:10,440
Speaker 2: lama if.

560
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:10,959
Speaker 3: He gave me.

561
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 2: I might have done a little spitting manipulative if Yeah,

562
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 2: that's disgusting.

563
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 3: Yeah at that point, if you like, are just getting

564
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,239
Speaker 3: harassed and you can't reason with these people, then you

565
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:21,800
Speaker 3: just walk out.

566
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:25,200
Speaker 2: You're just like, Okay, so we we can't just be racist.

567
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 2: So how do we? Oh, we'll try to convince her

568
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:29,640
Speaker 2: she's in a toxic relationship.

569
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:33,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, we be racist in a way where she doesn't

570
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 3: think we're being racist, but we're still being rasied.

571
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,399
Speaker 2: I've just concerned all the time that you've spent together,

572
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,359
Speaker 2: and all the trips that you've gone on, and all

573
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 2: of the notes that he sent you, and they're all

574
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:47,719
Speaker 2: actually just a tactic for him, Yeah, to trick you

575
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 2: into forgetting that he is the wrong kind of person.

576
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,240
Speaker 4: I guarantee you. The investigator is not even a real investigator.

577
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:58,400
Speaker 4: It's like as her sister. No, no, they hired apparently hired.

578
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,640
Speaker 2: No it was that's what they said, but it was

579
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,159
Speaker 2: sister who did it. That's even funnier. Yeah, no, exactly,

580
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 2: it's like I dabble.

581
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 4: I guarantee you all of them were like this will

582
00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 4: surely open Opie's eyesight. I guarantee you it.

583
00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,879
Speaker 2: Did, though I felt like I was being a stripped

584
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 2: bear as they went on and on and on about

585
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,600
Speaker 2: what they uncovered and what conclusions they drew from them.

586
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,840
Speaker 2: Him and I are semi long distance, so most of

587
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 2: our talks are through texts for them to read everything,

588
00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:27,400
Speaker 2: like my vulnerable side that I only felt comfortable showing him.

589
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:30,760
Speaker 2: Our intimate conversations are arguments where we both showed some

590
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 2: really ugly sides of us. It just felt so invasive.

591
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:36,360
Speaker 2: They claimed he's putting a wedge between me and them

592
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:39,520
Speaker 2: and that I was ruining the family piece. They wanted

593
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:41,639
Speaker 2: me to feel shame, and it worked in the end.

594
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,679
Speaker 2: I was given an ultimatum, and I felt like I

595
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,200
Speaker 2: had no other choice but to just agree with them

596
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 2: and leave it. I was numb. They made me block him,

597
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:51,960
Speaker 2: and my sister texted him that we're over and threatened

598
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:53,680
Speaker 2: to file a restraining order if he were to come

599
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,320
Speaker 2: near me. He didn't answer that text.

600
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 3: Good she texted from your phone or from her phone?

601
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,560
Speaker 3: Are they like trying to convince your boy friend that

602
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:01,520
Speaker 3: you're saying this?

603
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:03,920
Speaker 2: What's going on? Yeah? No, it was it was through

604
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 2: her phone. Hmmmm. I was numb and I couldn't even

605
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 2: cry anymore. I surrendered. I couldn't even fight anymore. At

606
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 2: that point, I was just nodding and agreeing to whatever

607
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,960
Speaker 2: they say. The following days, they were so nice to

608
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 2: me because I was a good daughter and I complied

609
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 2: with them, and they were the heroes that saved me

610
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,760
Speaker 2: from a toxic man. But I'm on house, arrested and

611
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:28,399
Speaker 2: on a close watch. That's abusive. Yeah, that's so funny.

612
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,680
Speaker 3: All the things that they're accusing your boyfriend of being,

613
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:34,160
Speaker 3: they're being. Yeah, at this point, you're twenty five years old.

614
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 3: They cannot keep you there. You have to if you

615
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 3: have any means of moving out, staying with your boyfriend

616
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 3: for a little bit until you move out, just get

617
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 3: out of there, because this is not This is terrible,

618
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 3: terrible situation.

619
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,280
Speaker 2: I had to hand over my phone when they asked,

620
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 2: so that they made sure I never reached that twenty five.

621
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 3: This is abusive their kid, like, this is.

622
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:54,959
Speaker 2: Like kidnapping, am coercion.

623
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,959
Speaker 3: I mean, well, they've taken her phone and won't let

624
00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 3: her leave.

625
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 4: The fact that everyone they were cheating, like because she

626
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 4: complied to what they wanted and they're still doing this

627
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:07,520
Speaker 4: is insane too. Yeah, yeap, was it like this before?

628
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,360
Speaker 2: No, I guess when OP was very odd when they

629
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 2: weren't aware. Yeah, it's crazy. Your sister's the all time OP.

630
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:18,360
Speaker 2: Yeah she sucks your sister ooohh snitched snitched, sister, schnitched her.

631
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:20,959
Speaker 2: My soulmate was ripped away from me, and I didn't

632
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:23,000
Speaker 2: know what to do. Two or three weeks later, I

633
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:26,120
Speaker 2: woke up a little from my numbness. I was angry.

634
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,560
Speaker 2: I was angry at my sister for betraying my trust.

635
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,800
Speaker 2: I was angry at my father for being so bigoted,

636
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 2: and I was angry at all of them for invading

637
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 2: my privacy. I was angry at the entire situation because

638
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 2: it's not my fault. They never gave me the support

639
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 2: and comfort to even be honest with them. I made mistakes,

640
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:44,480
Speaker 2: but I blame them for it. I cried to my

641
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:46,200
Speaker 2: mom about it, and I told her, you know what,

642
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 2: I don't care if you guys think he's a bad person.

643
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 2: I would rather learn that on my own than to

644
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 2: be forced to leave him and regret it my entire life.

645
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 2: They treat me like an effing kid. I told her

646
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 2: I will always be angry at them for what they did.

647
00:28:58,080 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 2: She urged me to talk to my dad again and

648
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 2: tell him. When I told her, she told me I

649
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:04,720
Speaker 2: should just proceed with marrying my partner against their wishes

650
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,960
Speaker 2: and accept any consequences. She told me she'll be by

651
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,360
Speaker 2: my side. Before I talked to my dad, I sent

652
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,840
Speaker 2: him a letter through text. We're both non confrontational people,

653
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 2: so I felt like this would be a good way

654
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 2: to express my feelings. I apologized deeply for everything. I

655
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 2: clarified I never meant to disrespect him or my family members.

656
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,400
Speaker 2: I put anger aside for this letter because anger doesn't

657
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 2: work with a stubborn man like my dad. I tried

658
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 2: to be vulnerable. I tried to tell him that all

659
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 2: I want is their support and trust in me. My

660
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:34,920
Speaker 2: dad didn't give an answer to that letter, but he

661
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 2: forwarded it to my sister and she blew up on

662
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:40,960
Speaker 2: me over text, called me a manipulator for sending the letter.

663
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:44,160
Speaker 2: Her words were so nasty. She had never made me

664
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 2: cry as much as she did back then. Your dad's

665
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 2: a little coward and alsop.

666
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,760
Speaker 3: He was like, yeah, my dad's not very confrontational. I'm

667
00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:55,760
Speaker 3: like they literally locked you in their like, they put

668
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,720
Speaker 3: you on a house arrest, took your phone. Like that's

669
00:29:58,760 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 3: pretty confrontational.

670
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's not. Why would he have to

671
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:03,560
Speaker 2: confront you when he has your sister? That's true.

672
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:05,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, he like sends your sister at you.

673
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 2: He goes, he goes get her. My dad came to

674
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 2: my room afterwards to talk or rather yell at me.

675
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 2: I had never cried so much. Whoever that was in

676
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 2: front of me wasn't my dad. I never knew he

677
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 2: could be so cruel. He threatened to leave my mom

678
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,800
Speaker 2: and tear this family apart if I chose to be

679
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 2: with my partner. Okay, oh wow, I thought that.

680
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 3: Uh. Marriage is when you were with the same ethnicity

681
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 3: were successful.

682
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:31,360
Speaker 2: That's the weirdest threat too. He's like, I'll.

683
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:35,560
Speaker 3: Divorce your mom and marry a person who's not of

684
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 3: my ethnicity if you leave.

685
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:40,680
Speaker 2: She's like, did you do you want to do that?

686
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 2: It's like the guy like he's like no, he's got

687
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 2: the hammer and he's like, I swear I'll break my TV,

688
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:50,520
Speaker 2: I'll break all the kitchen appliances. And it's just like, wait,

689
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 2: that's you would be doing that?

690
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, that would be kind of worse for you and

691
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 3: doesn't really affect me.

692
00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 2: Why do I have a little frog in my throat

693
00:30:59,520 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 2: right now?

694
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:01,720
Speaker 3: Yeah? I feel like it's like you got like the

695
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 3: villain and like he's tied a bunch of people to

696
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 3: train tracks, and he's like, I've got I've tied my

697
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 3: own mother to the train tracks.

698
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 2: And you know, it's like, what why would you do

699
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 2: such a thing?

700
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:12,800
Speaker 3: Do that?

701
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 2: Unless you stop it.

702
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:18,720
Speaker 4: You're the hero my mother gets, save her, save save

703
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 4: a do it, do it?

704
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:23,040
Speaker 2: Do it now? Please? It just goes from like the

705
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 2: manhan to like just.

706
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,840
Speaker 3: Please, please, please, say my mama.

707
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 2: I didn't think this through. I am broken and numb

708
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,040
Speaker 2: and I've never felt so alone. I don't know what

709
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:37,880
Speaker 2: to do. Advice please. Sounds like your mom would be

710
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:39,720
Speaker 2: better off not being married to this guy as well.

711
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 3: I think that you.

712
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 2: Need to get out of here.

713
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:47,040
Speaker 3: You need to get out of this place, and honestly,

714
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:49,680
Speaker 3: maybe go no contact with a lot of these people.

715
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:51,080
Speaker 3: If not all agreed.

716
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 2: Educational Sugar fifteen fifty one. Go be with your partner,

717
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 2: or you will be miserable for the rest of your life.

718
00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:01,200
Speaker 2: You are an adult. Leave if your partner loves you,

719
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:03,600
Speaker 2: He'll accept you with open arms. You can make your

720
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 2: own family. Jubang Yangon says, yeah, sorry, Op, but why

721
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 2: in the living f are you still living with these

722
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:15,000
Speaker 2: people and letting them control you to the extent where

723
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:18,200
Speaker 2: they force you to block him? Are you fifteen? No,

724
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:21,840
Speaker 2: you're a grown woman who's taken to holidays with him

725
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,680
Speaker 2: and gone on dates and studied. Grow a spine and

726
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 2: pull up your big girl pants. You have two very

727
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 2: obvious choices here. One, live a life of newfound freedom, healthy,

728
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:34,920
Speaker 2: supportive love and happiness, except that his family adores you

729
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 2: and will support you. Marry the man you love and

730
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:42,440
Speaker 2: see just how amazing your life can be. Two Stay miserable, controlled, mistreated, belittled,

731
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 2: and constantly stuck in an impossible effort for your a

732
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:50,680
Speaker 2: whole family and their approval. Be disrespected, keep making lousy,

733
00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 2: pathetic excuses for them, and live knowing your life isn't

734
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 2: your own, it's theirs. Lose the man you love and

735
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,040
Speaker 2: the happiness you felt. I don't know about you, but

736
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:02,720
Speaker 2: I would choose options one. This comment is a little cheeky, huh.

737
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 2: I don't know about you. Watching one sound pretty I

738
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 2: don't know about you, but I think I choose the

739
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:13,120
Speaker 2: one where I don't have the worst life ever. I

740
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:15,959
Speaker 2: know this is blunt, but even the way you've written

741
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:19,920
Speaker 2: this entire post, you know your family are pretty much monsters.

742
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,960
Speaker 2: Be your own human, make your own choice. I hope

743
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:25,280
Speaker 2: the next post I see is about how happy you

744
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 2: are with your partner and your freedom, not another pathetic

745
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:31,240
Speaker 2: post trying to excuse your family and their monstrous behavior.

746
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:34,760
Speaker 2: Dogs Ducks says, I just read on another post about

747
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 2: a toxic relationship that there are victims and there are volunteers.

748
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 2: Ope was a victim for many years. It seems like

749
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 2: she was trapped in bigotry and racism, veiled under the

750
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,959
Speaker 2: guise of religion and culture. Pretty much every major religion

751
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 2: is centered around the concept of loving one another, acceptance, growth,

752
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:54,480
Speaker 2: and inclusion. It's toxic, greedy and fixed minded people that

753
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 2: choose to use it as a weapon. So she's twenty five,

754
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,520
Speaker 2: well on our way to thirty, and still speaks like

755
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:03,920
Speaker 2: a small child about the stronghold of her family's judgment. Ope,

756
00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:07,440
Speaker 2: at this point, it sounds like you're volunteering to remain enmeshed.

757
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 2: To be honest, everyone reading this knows what the right

758
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 2: thing to do is and so do you. But the

759
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 2: way you speak sounds like you're just not going to

760
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 2: break the cycle of abuse and you'll continue to volunteer

761
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:20,080
Speaker 2: to remain under their toxic thumbs. But I truly deeply

762
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:22,600
Speaker 2: hope that you do not. Life is so much better

763
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,200
Speaker 2: when we have our own good comment All but a

764
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:28,239
Speaker 2: crazy cat Lady says, has Opie even talk to her

765
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 2: ex in six months? Does he know what happened as

766
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 2: he moved on? And is he willing to accept her toxic,

767
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 2: controlling family and her weak, spineless nature even if he's

768
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:38,280
Speaker 2: still single.

769
00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:41,400
Speaker 3: Dang dude, I didn't like this comment as much as

770
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:41,960
Speaker 3: the last one.

771
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 2: Well, some commenters just like, well, clearly didn't grow up

772
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:46,439
Speaker 2: in this kind of environment. But it's like when you're

773
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:50,399
Speaker 2: brought up like that, Yeah, it's hard to get out. Yeah.

774
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 3: I feel like when those are the cultural and also

775
00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:55,719
Speaker 3: just like religious norms that you are raised in, it's

776
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 3: super hard to go against them because you're raised that

777
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:02,160
Speaker 3: this is like everything. You have to honor this, and

778
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:05,360
Speaker 3: if you don't, then you're cast out and you lose

779
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 3: the love of your family.

780
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:10,320
Speaker 2: Personally, I think Op's ex dodged a bullet well, a

781
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:14,359
Speaker 2: whole family of them. Wow op, he replies, says, Nah,

782
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,640
Speaker 2: I could never do six months without him. I reached

783
00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:18,759
Speaker 2: out to him maybe like three days later. But you

784
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,120
Speaker 2: guys are right. I don't deserve to keep him by

785
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 2: my side.

786
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:25,120
Speaker 3: WHOA, don't listen to the commenters. Don't let everyone win.

787
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 2: We've had that conversation many times and I've always told

788
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:31,160
Speaker 2: him he doesn't deserve to deal with this, but he's

789
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:33,200
Speaker 2: willing to wait and fight this with me. So no,

790
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:36,720
Speaker 2: he's not my ex. We're still in contact, getting therapy

791
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 2: and making plans to get out of this. Thank you

792
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:41,719
Speaker 2: guys for the harsh words. I do need to hear them.

793
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 2: And there's an update from two months later. I hope

794
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:46,720
Speaker 2: you're out of this. I think they are with Yeah.

795
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:50,680
Speaker 3: My dream is that you're You've gone no contact with

796
00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:53,920
Speaker 3: your family and you're living with your boyfriend and you're

797
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:55,080
Speaker 3: planning marriage.

798
00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:58,160
Speaker 2: There's an update woo two months later. Hey y'all, it's

799
00:35:58,239 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 2: John og Host here.

800
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:00,799
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to this, but here's a quick

801
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 1: three minute break from ask for more sponsors.

802
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 2: When I wrote that first post, I was emotional and depressed,

803
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,200
Speaker 2: so reading it now even I can sense the oh

804
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:11,680
Speaker 2: poor me tone in it. January Me was probably expecting

805
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:13,720
Speaker 2: lots of sympathy or whatever, but you guys were harsh,

806
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:15,640
Speaker 2: and to be honest, I needed to hear that you

807
00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:18,759
Speaker 2: were completely right. Wow, what my family did was even

808
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 2: and wrong. My life is in my hands, and it's

809
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:24,600
Speaker 2: my fault for not standing up for myself and my partner. Sooner.

810
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:27,160
Speaker 2: I can't keep expecting things to be done for me.

811
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 2: I wanted to make this post to clarify some things

812
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 2: and update you about what has happened since January. It

813
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,040
Speaker 2: may not be the most satisfying update, but I have

814
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:37,920
Speaker 2: at least changed a lot since then. First of all,

815
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 2: I am still in contact with my partner. I don't

816
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:44,280
Speaker 2: blame you for assuming otherwise, since that post was uploaded

817
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:47,160
Speaker 2: months later, so it was pretty confusing. But when my

818
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 2: family made me block him everywhere and took my devices

819
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 2: and basically threatened me not to talk to him. That

820
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 2: lasted all of three days. It was in the middle

821
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,399
Speaker 2: of the night. I was crying hard because I missed him,

822
00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:00,840
Speaker 2: but also because I was here alone, extremely heartbroken, just

823
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 2: wishing someone would hold me and show real care towards

824
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:07,760
Speaker 2: what I was going through I realized, Wow, my family

825
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:09,200
Speaker 2: really doesn't give an f about me.

826
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:12,320
Speaker 3: It sucks, but I'm glad that you're having that realization

827
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:16,000
Speaker 3: because I think it is necessary for you to get

828
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 3: out of here.

829
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,400
Speaker 2: They could have at least checked up on me, but

830
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:22,000
Speaker 2: when they did it was more of a just making

831
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,600
Speaker 2: sure you still know your place type of check in.

832
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:26,840
Speaker 2: So I reached out to him and told him everything.

833
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 2: There was a lot of I told you so from him,

834
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:31,320
Speaker 2: and I really do give him a lot of credit

835
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 2: for putting up with my bs my entire life. I

836
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 2: was trained like a monkey. As one of the comments said,

837
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 2: to be obedient of minimal reward. I thought if I

838
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:42,600
Speaker 2: was gentle with my approach and still did everything they wanted,

839
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:44,600
Speaker 2: I would get what I wanted in the end because

840
00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:47,480
Speaker 2: I earned it right. No, and this is not a

841
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:51,000
Speaker 2: unique experience. Unfortunately, this is so common with people in

842
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 2: many cultures because parents believe they're entitled to make choices

843
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:58,759
Speaker 2: for their adult children. My partner was understanding and helped

844
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:01,239
Speaker 2: me finally see that the environment I'm living in is

845
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 2: toxic and harmful. No amount of obedience and kindness is

846
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:07,000
Speaker 2: going to make them respect me. I've been getting therapy

847
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:10,439
Speaker 2: for months now, and shocker, it really helps. I would

848
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:12,919
Speaker 2: always question what I did wrong and how I could

849
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:15,200
Speaker 2: approach them differently to get better results. I would always

850
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:18,040
Speaker 2: question why my sister betrayed me like that. I would

851
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:20,920
Speaker 2: always question why my father told me I deserve to

852
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:23,839
Speaker 2: be hurt. I had so many other questions. But I've

853
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 2: let go of caring about any sort of answer now.

854
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:28,920
Speaker 2: I've let go of the idea that I need approval

855
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:31,360
Speaker 2: from them. I've let go of ever having a civil

856
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 2: conversation with them. I've let go of any expectations. Yeah, amazing,

857
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:36,879
Speaker 2: I think.

858
00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:39,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think once you do that, once you stop

859
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 3: expecting things from people who will never give you those things,

860
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:45,920
Speaker 3: you lose that kind of you know, it's like the

861
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:49,120
Speaker 3: hope that that unalives you kind of feeling, or you're

862
00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 3: just hoping for something that's never going to happen.

863
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,840
Speaker 4: Also, op started off with this update saying it's not

864
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:55,160
Speaker 4: going to be a great update, or it's not like

865
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 4: a big update. This is a huge update. This is

866
00:38:58,120 --> 00:38:58,920
Speaker 4: all positive.

867
00:38:59,040 --> 00:38:59,719
Speaker 2: It's a good update.

868
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:02,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're you're still with your partner. You're cutting off

869
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 4: your family pretty much, at least you realize your family sucks.

870
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:07,720
Speaker 4: You're going to therapy.

871
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:11,239
Speaker 3: I mean I think I think finding realizing that about

872
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:14,040
Speaker 3: your family, I think hopefully it brings you some measure

873
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:14,640
Speaker 3: of like peace.

874
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:17,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, I still live with them. Unfortunately, I don't talk

875
00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 2: to my dad and I don't talk to my sister.

876
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 2: Damn that sucks.

877
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 4: Well, yeah, I imagine that war zone. Oh oh man,

878
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:27,200
Speaker 4: home is it not where the heart is at?

879
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:30,759
Speaker 2: No, boy, I keep things cordial with my mom, but

880
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 2: I don't trust confiding in her anymore because at the

881
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:34,919
Speaker 2: end of the day, she feels the need to side

882
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,400
Speaker 2: with her husband. And we have a little bit left

883
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:39,920
Speaker 2: in this story. Yeah, I would just say work on

884
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:42,239
Speaker 2: moving out, finding a way you find a way you

885
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:43,760
Speaker 2: and your partner to be closer together.

886
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:46,560
Speaker 3: I think, Yeah, I think that you have done a

887
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 3: lot of the big you know, you've made a lot

888
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 3: of big moves just in your life, and then you're

889
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:55,399
Speaker 3: like emotionally with your parents, with your relationships. I think

890
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:58,920
Speaker 3: now it's time to move physically away from these people

891
00:39:58,960 --> 00:39:59,560
Speaker 3: that suck.

892
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:03,239
Speaker 4: You've taken major steps, huge steps. You gotta take one

893
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 4: giant leap. Yeah, I mean it's hard, because it's scary.

894
00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:07,279
Speaker 4: It's hard.

895
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:07,880
Speaker 2: It's scary.

896
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 4: But you gotta do that giant leap. It do be

897
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,400
Speaker 4: scary out there, at least progressing to make that giant

898
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:13,760
Speaker 4: leap to get out of that place.

899
00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 2: It gets scary out here. Her sixty year old manchild

900
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:21,359
Speaker 2: of a husband has been verbally abusing her for years

901
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:24,840
Speaker 2: and throwing tantrums anytime things didn't go his way. Instead

902
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:27,719
Speaker 2: of making him aware of himself, my sister and mom

903
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:30,800
Speaker 2: just choose to give him what he wants, no matter

904
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 2: who it hurts.

905
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:36,240
Speaker 3: Maybe now that you're deciding to stay with your boyfriend, he'll.

906
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 2: Leave your mom. Yeah, hopefully he'll implode the entire family

907
00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:44,280
Speaker 2: unit and it'll be like that was all my daughter's fault. Actually, yeah,

908
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 2: it wash my daughter's fault. Booooooo. I still have two

909
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:51,080
Speaker 2: years of education with no income, and I need this

910
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:54,239
Speaker 2: degree for my career. It wouldn't make sense to drop

911
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:57,360
Speaker 2: out temporarily, but I'm working on trying to find something

912
00:40:57,480 --> 00:40:59,960
Speaker 2: on the side to depend on, and I will move

913
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,600
Speaker 2: move out as soon as I can. To everyone's saying

914
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:05,520
Speaker 2: he should leave me, I agree. Any man would have

915
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:10,359
Speaker 2: good thing. He's an angel ah stab but I'm gonna

916
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:15,440
Speaker 2: throw up. I love that disgusting discussing. It's so disgustingly cute,

917
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:17,879
Speaker 2: and I can't sing that song Lips of an Angel,

918
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:20,480
Speaker 2: because that's actually about cheating on your partner. Yikes.

919
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:24,520
Speaker 3: But Janny Elliott says, I'm sorry. This entire time, she

920
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:27,440
Speaker 3: was saying that he's not confrontational. Where on the story

921
00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:29,040
Speaker 3: did he not seem competational?

922
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 2: That was my point.

923
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:31,839
Speaker 3: She was like, Yeah, me and my dad are both

924
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:36,040
Speaker 3: not confrontational. He's been confrontational every step of the way.

925
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 2: Maybe she just like said that because that's what she's

926
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:42,719
Speaker 2: been told. Yeah, yeah, he says he's non confrontational.

927
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:46,359
Speaker 3: But we got another story, folks, we do, and we're

928
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:47,520
Speaker 3: gonna get into it.

929
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,040
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.

930
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:51,840
Speaker 2: But here's three minutes SPADs from our sponsors.

931
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:56,560
Speaker 3: My boyfriend inherited a house and it's burying us in debt.

932
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:58,480
Speaker 2: Well, grab a shovel, honey.

933
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:02,520
Speaker 3: Trigger warning for substance dependency and this comes directly from

934
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:06,200
Speaker 3: the r slash Okay storytime subred it. So me, thirty female,

935
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:09,640
Speaker 3: and my partner, thirty male, have been together for seven years,

936
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 3: living together for five. Our relationship is beautiful and we

937
00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:17,239
Speaker 3: care very much for each other right now. I'm in

938
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:19,759
Speaker 3: desperate need of advice on this matter. By the way,

939
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:24,480
Speaker 3: this comes from Siano Sianova inversion and if you want

940
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:26,200
Speaker 3: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

941
00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:28,719
Speaker 3: Okay storytime subpreated it and we're here to give good advice.

942
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:29,200
Speaker 2: Goofully.

943
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

944
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:33,439
Speaker 3: what we do, so let us know what you would

945
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 3: do in the comments. And oh p says we are

946
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 3: from the same country but met abroad while working together.

947
00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:41,759
Speaker 3: After being friends for a while, we started dating and

948
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:45,719
Speaker 3: we've been together ever since without any major problems. We

949
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:49,960
Speaker 3: rarely fight. We are both laid back. We basically hate

950
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 3: drama and fights. We share fundamental values like political views,

951
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 3: being child free, having lots of pets, and not really

952
00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:01,280
Speaker 3: being interested in marriage. It seems like y'all are perfect

953
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:01,839
Speaker 3: for each other.

954
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:04,759
Speaker 2: All right, We're starting pretty strong here.

955
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 3: We also bonded because we both like to shmoke devils

956
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:10,800
Speaker 3: let us and don't go out that often. We like

957
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 3: staying home and chilling. I've always been the one that

958
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:16,640
Speaker 3: worries about finances, and I feel more comfortable knowing that

959
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:19,200
Speaker 3: we are not struggling being rich is not our goal,

960
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 3: but I stress a lot if we need to ask

961
00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 3: for help. We were living our best life in the

962
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:26,120
Speaker 3: country where we met. We were living paycheck to paycheck,

963
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:29,040
Speaker 3: but we also treated ourselves often, and we never had

964
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 3: any debts or needed economic help. Suddenly, in twenty twenty two,

965
00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 3: we had to return to our country because his father's

966
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:40,080
Speaker 3: health was declining, and not long after he passed. It

967
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 3: was difficult for both of us since we returned without

968
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:46,360
Speaker 3: jobs and without savings. He inherited the two hundred square

969
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 3: meter house his parents were divorced, than he's the only

970
00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 3: child and his father's savings. I found a good job,

971
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:55,600
Speaker 3: and I've been working part time since then because it's

972
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:57,759
Speaker 3: the best option for us. With many pets to take

973
00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:01,319
Speaker 3: care of. We split tours equally. Cook's eye clean since

974
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:03,960
Speaker 3: I'm a terrible cook and he's a terrible cleaner. We

975
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:07,040
Speaker 3: both pay bills and groceries according to our income. He

976
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,320
Speaker 3: didn't work for one full year because of the trauma

977
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:12,399
Speaker 3: of losing his father and the disgust of being back

978
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:15,320
Speaker 3: in this country. Even though I was worried, I understood

979
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:17,239
Speaker 3: and didn't push too much for him to go back

980
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:19,640
Speaker 3: to work. For one year my low income was the

981
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:22,680
Speaker 3: only one. We finished his dad's savings, and then he

982
00:44:22,719 --> 00:44:23,719
Speaker 3: found a good full.

983
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:24,480
Speaker 2: Time job nearby.

984
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:28,880
Speaker 3: The main issue. We kept our lifestyle of chillin' and shmokin'

985
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:31,360
Speaker 3: daily even though our incomes were way lower.

986
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:33,520
Speaker 2: I know, stupid behavior.

987
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:36,680
Speaker 3: When he inherited the house, he also inherited the mortgage

988
00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:40,000
Speaker 3: calculated on his father's high income. The bank messed up

989
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 3: the succession practice and it took over two years to complete,

990
00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:46,880
Speaker 3: all while we were paying a monthly mortgage way too

991
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:49,640
Speaker 3: high for our pockets. The mortgage was still under his

992
00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 3: father's name, and my boyfriend had to email the bank

993
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 3: every month to know the variable rate. After fighting with

994
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:59,160
Speaker 3: a bank, we decided to stop paying temporarily so maybe

995
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 3: they would wake up up and do their job faster.

996
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:05,879
Speaker 2: That Oh it worked, surprising. Wow. I was about to say,

997
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:09,040
Speaker 2: that's probably not going to work. The early bird makes

998
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:10,080
Speaker 2: the worms.

999
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:13,560
Speaker 3: And we are at ninety percent completion now. But this

1000
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 3: took a toll on us, and I had to get

1001
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:17,600
Speaker 3: a loan to pay what we owed and avoid delays.

1002
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 3: Since I care very much about having a good credit score,

1003
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:23,000
Speaker 3: I also have a car loan and need to pay

1004
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:25,480
Speaker 3: back my parents, who helped me buy it. Ten k

1005
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 3: is a lot for me. His mother doesn't have many

1006
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:30,600
Speaker 3: savings either, so we didn't want to burden her with

1007
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:33,960
Speaker 3: no savings and the increasing cost of living. We're still

1008
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:37,880
Speaker 3: living paycheck to paycheck. We don't treat ourselves anymore except

1009
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:40,600
Speaker 3: for the devil's lettuce. I feel so guilty when we

1010
00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:43,200
Speaker 3: smoke and have asked him multiple times to reduce or

1011
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 3: cut it completely. Since it's not necessary.

1012
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:49,800
Speaker 2: You can do that without him, Like you can choose

1013
00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:50,560
Speaker 2: to do that as well.

1014
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:52,360
Speaker 3: I do want to say, like, I mean, I guess

1015
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:55,319
Speaker 3: they agreed that they didn't really want to marry, but

1016
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:56,640
Speaker 3: y'all aren't married.

1017
00:45:56,719 --> 00:45:58,160
Speaker 2: Like, why is this debt?

1018
00:45:58,239 --> 00:45:59,839
Speaker 3: It seems like a lot of the debt is falling

1019
00:45:59,880 --> 00:46:02,880
Speaker 3: on you, Like a lot of this uh financial pressure

1020
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:04,720
Speaker 3: has been falling on you for a long time.

1021
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 2: That is that is very very eyebrow raising.

1022
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:11,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, like it's not it's not joint debt. It's his debt.

1023
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,080
Speaker 3: And he didn't have a job for you. Yeah, I

1024
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:16,120
Speaker 3: understand that he was dealing with the loss of his father,

1025
00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:17,440
Speaker 3: but why were you paying that?

1026
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:19,880
Speaker 2: You know, need some kind of contract.

1027
00:46:20,080 --> 00:46:23,279
Speaker 3: We stop for some time, but then he comes home

1028
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:26,160
Speaker 3: with more, and I'm weak and can't say no. My

1029
00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:28,040
Speaker 3: problem is that if I have it around, I'm not

1030
00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:31,080
Speaker 3: able to say no and start smoking. Then I completely

1031
00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:33,279
Speaker 3: switch off my brain, unable to do much around the

1032
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 3: house except waste my time being a couch potato. And

1033
00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:37,000
Speaker 3: I'm ashamed of this.

1034
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:40,160
Speaker 2: It's the shame cycle that keeps you going back.

1035
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:42,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, it sounds a bit like you're dealing with some

1036
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:43,880
Speaker 3: sort of addiction here.

1037
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:47,359
Speaker 2: Yes, the shame, the cycle of shame will continue to

1038
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 2: push you back to the smoke, Yeah, to subside the shame.

1039
00:46:51,719 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 2: But it's just a uruboros. Yeah, that eats its own tail.

1040
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:57,360
Speaker 3: I think a lot of people talk about like weed

1041
00:46:57,440 --> 00:47:00,319
Speaker 3: and stuff not being addictive, which it doesn't. Know, it's

1042
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:02,279
Speaker 3: not like addictive in the same way that nicotine is,

1043
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:05,040
Speaker 3: but like that feeling can be you know, you keep

1044
00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:07,399
Speaker 3: going back to that feeling of calm.

1045
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:10,440
Speaker 2: And yeah, I mean often addiction isn't really the substance

1046
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:15,759
Speaker 2: in yeah, the underlying uh motivation behind wanting to be

1047
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:19,160
Speaker 2: you know, yeah, in in this in like an altered

1048
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:20,680
Speaker 2: state of some kind.

1049
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:23,040
Speaker 3: Like it might not you know, if you stop taking it,

1050
00:47:23,080 --> 00:47:26,080
Speaker 3: and you might not have like a terrible reaction like

1051
00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:29,319
Speaker 3: you do with nicotine, but but it's still still something

1052
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 3: that you want to keep going back to. When we

1053
00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 3: don't have anything, I make peace with it and keep

1054
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:36,080
Speaker 3: living my life, even if I'm moody for the first

1055
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 3: two to three days. His problem is that when he's

1056
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:41,520
Speaker 3: not smoking, he has the worst mood, and I can't

1057
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 3: speak to him about anything serious. His way of answering

1058
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:47,200
Speaker 3: annoys me so much that we fight because I ask

1059
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:49,240
Speaker 3: him to be less rude, but he says it doesn't

1060
00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:51,800
Speaker 3: matter how he says things, only what he says.

1061
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:55,560
Speaker 2: I'm I love him. I thought, how thank you so

1062
00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:57,719
Speaker 2: much that I love that.

1063
00:47:58,080 --> 00:48:01,160
Speaker 3: Lately we're having more fights because with this huge house,

1064
00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:03,839
Speaker 3: I can't keep it up to my standards. But it's

1065
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 3: also the perfect house for all our pets with a

1066
00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:08,560
Speaker 3: big garden, and I don't want to leave it. I

1067
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 3: don't want to ask him for help because he's working

1068
00:48:10,719 --> 00:48:14,080
Speaker 3: full time and his job is very physically demanding, so

1069
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 3: he's tired when he comes home and he doesn't know

1070
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:19,239
Speaker 3: how to clean properly. However, he never complains if he

1071
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:21,479
Speaker 3: has to do something. A few days ago, he told

1072
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:23,960
Speaker 3: me his bank account was under zero because the monthly

1073
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:26,520
Speaker 3: rate went down and he didn't have enough money to

1074
00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:28,719
Speaker 3: pay it. I told him I got the loan also

1075
00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 3: to avoid this situation, and I was very disappointed in

1076
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:35,280
Speaker 3: him not being able to manage his finances. It shows

1077
00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:38,520
Speaker 3: disrespect and disregard for me and for the efforts I

1078
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:38,960
Speaker 3: made to.

1079
00:48:38,920 --> 00:48:39,640
Speaker 2: Keep us afloat.

1080
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:42,760
Speaker 3: We discussed how to solve it, and eventually he asked

1081
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:45,080
Speaker 3: his employer to pay out his holidays to have some

1082
00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:47,440
Speaker 3: money for the next payment and not mess up the

1083
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:50,000
Speaker 3: credit score. But there is a little bit left to

1084
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 3: the story.

1085
00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 2: Yes, any final show, who the dude, it's his financial audit.

1086
00:48:57,640 --> 00:48:58,440
Speaker 2: I don't know, man, Like.

1087
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:04,120
Speaker 3: I think that you need to your boyfriend needs to

1088
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:04,960
Speaker 3: take over on this.

1089
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:07,160
Speaker 2: There's a lot of responsibility being taken by you. Where

1090
00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:10,640
Speaker 2: it's like where you know, if down the line, you know,

1091
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:12,680
Speaker 2: things were not to work out. It's like, what do

1092
00:49:12,719 --> 00:49:14,759
Speaker 2: you take away from all this. It's like you put

1093
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:17,400
Speaker 2: all this money and assets into the house. I mean

1094
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:19,920
Speaker 2: you're taking out alone for the mortgage that does not

1095
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:21,719
Speaker 2: have it's not in your name, that's the thing.

1096
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:24,479
Speaker 3: It's like, you don't own this house. It's not under

1097
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:27,680
Speaker 3: your name, so you don't have any like tie to it.

1098
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:30,239
Speaker 3: As you said if you were to break up, so

1099
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:31,400
Speaker 3: so why are you paying?

1100
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:36,080
Speaker 2: I think in an adult world, like y'all can still

1101
00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:37,920
Speaker 2: not be married and still continue to do this and

1102
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:39,680
Speaker 2: still try to improve, but there needs to be some

1103
00:49:39,719 --> 00:49:42,440
Speaker 2: sort of legal framework in place that like, if you know,

1104
00:49:42,520 --> 00:49:45,800
Speaker 2: things don't work out, that you can be compensated based

1105
00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:48,360
Speaker 2: on the amount of money that you've put into the property.

1106
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:51,839
Speaker 2: That is, because it's legally not yours. Yeah, it might

1107
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:53,840
Speaker 2: be a weird thing to be presented with as like

1108
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:56,279
Speaker 2: a partner in a relationship, but like, ye, there's like

1109
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:58,920
Speaker 2: two paths for it. It's like you either like okay,

1110
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:03,600
Speaker 2: either get put on the property as you know, an

1111
00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:07,319
Speaker 2: owner as well, and you guys navigate that. Or it's like,

1112
00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:09,920
Speaker 2: you know, because it just seems like he's just kind

1113
00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:14,200
Speaker 2: of really comfortable taken, but not very comfortable like given

1114
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 2: financially maybe another aspect, you know, the relationship seems like

1115
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:18,719
Speaker 2: it's not that bad, Like he comes home, he works

1116
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:21,680
Speaker 2: on the house whatever. Sometimes he works now and it's demanding,

1117
00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:23,760
Speaker 2: but like it needs to be fair.

1118
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:27,520
Speaker 3: Every day I feel more stressed. Not smoking doesn't help

1119
00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:30,520
Speaker 3: because of the situation. I don't sleep well anymore. I

1120
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:33,520
Speaker 3: often have panic attacks and I cry a lot by myself.

1121
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:35,800
Speaker 3: When I speak to him about my feelings and worries,

1122
00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:38,400
Speaker 3: it seems like I am the most panic woman on

1123
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:41,399
Speaker 3: the planet and I should just chill because everything will

1124
00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:45,880
Speaker 3: settle eventually. This is such an annoying take, like for

1125
00:50:46,560 --> 00:50:48,640
Speaker 3: to be right, but not right now. No, but it

1126
00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:51,440
Speaker 3: feels like a very like stoner. Fine, let's just like.

1127
00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:53,360
Speaker 2: Smoke and everything will be chilled.

1128
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:56,800
Speaker 3: No, She's like, no, I'm paying for your mortgage.

1129
00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:00,839
Speaker 2: Sometimes things are not fine. I need attention, but sometimes

1130
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:01,879
Speaker 2: you right.

1131
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:03,920
Speaker 3: Sometimes yeah you can't have a little chi just got

1132
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:06,600
Speaker 3: to chew. But it won't if he keeps being careless

1133
00:51:06,640 --> 00:51:08,440
Speaker 3: with his money. I don't want to tell him how

1134
00:51:08,480 --> 00:51:10,840
Speaker 3: to spend his money, but he's an adult. But I

1135
00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:13,479
Speaker 3: can't keep living like this. I'm also not the type

1136
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:15,919
Speaker 3: to give or take ultimatums. Not my style at all.

1137
00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:19,040
Speaker 3: I'm at a breaking point now. I don't feel comfortable

1138
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:22,160
Speaker 3: with the person I am now, always worried and never happy.

1139
00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:24,719
Speaker 3: I don't have hobbies anymore because it feels like a

1140
00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 3: waste of time when I should focus on more important things.

1141
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:28,480
Speaker 2: What do I do?

1142
00:51:28,719 --> 00:51:30,880
Speaker 3: Should I start being controlling and take care of all

1143
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:33,400
Speaker 3: the finances. I don't want to it's not my place,

1144
00:51:33,680 --> 00:51:35,920
Speaker 3: it's not your place, because they're not You shouldn't have

1145
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:37,520
Speaker 3: to be paying those finances.

1146
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:40,200
Speaker 2: I think go to him and versus present with the

1147
00:51:40,320 --> 00:51:43,800
Speaker 2: question of like, so, what does this feel fair? Yeah, ma'am,

1148
00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:47,080
Speaker 2: does it feel fair that what's going on financial where

1149
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:49,080
Speaker 2: it's like, okay, so let's break it down. Break it

1150
00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:51,600
Speaker 2: down now, y'all. Don't know I would seriously consider it.

1151
00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:54,640
Speaker 2: You know, dude, if my girlfriend took out a how

1152
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:55,399
Speaker 2: much was the loan?

1153
00:51:55,760 --> 00:51:56,320
Speaker 3: I'm not sure.

1154
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 2: If my girlfriend took got a loan to pay my mortgage,

1155
00:51:59,239 --> 00:52:01,920
Speaker 2: do you know how how much I'd be, Like, I

1156
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:04,279
Speaker 2: every dollar of that I will pay you back.

1157
00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:07,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, because this is because this is my house.

1158
00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:10,040
Speaker 2: Every cent that you have given me for that loan

1159
00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 2: I will be repaying in full. Yeah. And so for

1160
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:15,279
Speaker 2: him to not immediately be on that is like, I

1161
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:17,560
Speaker 2: don't know, it's it feels like it's moving into a

1162
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:21,080
Speaker 2: place where he just kind of expects to be paid

1163
00:52:21,160 --> 00:52:23,839
Speaker 2: for in a way and then it's, oh, it's all chill,

1164
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:26,480
Speaker 2: it all work out, yeah, because because you're your there

1165
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:31,520
Speaker 2: for it. And if that's the vibe I don't know.

1166
00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:33,200
Speaker 2: The really doesn't sound healthy.

1167
00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:35,359
Speaker 3: But that is the end of that story. And we've

1168
00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:37,280
Speaker 3: got some comments.

1169
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:39,240
Speaker 2: From a previous video. No freaking way.

1170
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:43,080
Speaker 3: Comments from the video my fiance dumped me while pregnant

1171
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:47,719
Speaker 3: and this was posted September twelfth, twenty twenty five TLDR.

1172
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:50,960
Speaker 3: OP thirty five female was engaged to a man thirty

1173
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:53,680
Speaker 3: nine mail with a teen daughter who never liked her.

1174
00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:56,759
Speaker 3: When op got pregnant, the daughter faked messages to make

1175
00:52:56,760 --> 00:53:01,080
Speaker 3: it look like Ope hated her fiance, OPI out and

1176
00:53:01,160 --> 00:53:04,360
Speaker 3: ended the engagement. Later, the lie was exposed and he

1177
00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:07,520
Speaker 3: begged OPI to come back. Now Ops to decide if

1178
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:10,160
Speaker 3: she can trust him again or if the betrayal ruined

1179
00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:13,040
Speaker 3: everything for good. If you're curious to know the full story,

1180
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:14,360
Speaker 3: you can go watch the full video.

1181
00:53:14,600 --> 00:53:18,400
Speaker 4: We have comment one and two by crunch Berry Blue.

1182
00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:22,560
Speaker 4: It's a life altering lie. The daughter needs to be

1183
00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 4: held accountable and immediately taken for an evaluation and follows

1184
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:29,799
Speaker 4: up with what kind of father would I be? In

1185
00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:31,759
Speaker 4: front of the season with a question mark llol, what

1186
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:32,840
Speaker 4: kind of husband are you?

1187
00:53:33,120 --> 00:53:33,640
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1188
00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:36,840
Speaker 3: Trash bad one bad one didn't even do any It

1189
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:39,480
Speaker 3: didn't do your due diligence dude.

1190
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:42,000
Speaker 4: As the baby of a second marriage whose preteen half

1191
00:53:42,040 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 4: sister was not happy about it. My sister did awful

1192
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:48,000
Speaker 4: things to me as a baby, no abuse. She would

1193
00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:51,960
Speaker 4: trash things and blame me, leading to me being punished. Absolutely,

1194
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:54,200
Speaker 4: an angry fourteen year old who would actively try to

1195
00:53:54,239 --> 00:53:57,000
Speaker 4: wreck a marriage needs to be considered a serious risk

1196
00:53:57,160 --> 00:53:58,960
Speaker 4: unsupervised around a baby one.

1197
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:02,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean if she was already pulling this

1198
00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:03,720
Speaker 3: type of stuff, I would be worried.

1199
00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 2: Again.

1200
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:07,520
Speaker 4: As siblings, you and I, I mean you're the younger one,

1201
00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:09,840
Speaker 4: I'm the older one. But did Sam like ever do

1202
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:11,440
Speaker 4: that for you or vice.

1203
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:13,480
Speaker 3: Versa, like jealousy stuff, Not.

1204
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:16,359
Speaker 4: Jealousy per se, but like when you were younger and

1205
00:54:16,480 --> 00:54:17,120
Speaker 4: you would know.

1206
00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:19,520
Speaker 3: No, Sam was always good brother.

1207
00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:23,640
Speaker 4: I got him in trouble, you got him, Okay, So yeah,

1208
00:54:23,640 --> 00:54:24,360
Speaker 4: my sister got me.

1209
00:54:25,280 --> 00:54:27,160
Speaker 3: I got him. I just would I would like did

1210
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:29,000
Speaker 3: you do? I would like stub my toe and like

1211
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:31,400
Speaker 3: and be like, Sam.

1212
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:32,120
Speaker 2: Why would you do that?

1213
00:54:32,239 --> 00:54:33,560
Speaker 4: Yeah? My sister was the same way.

1214
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:34,040
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1215
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:37,319
Speaker 4: Man, Like my parents get upset. They would get upset

1216
00:54:37,320 --> 00:54:39,480
Speaker 4: at me for doing things. But then if my sister

1217
00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:39,919
Speaker 4: did it.

1218
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:41,640
Speaker 3: I like one time. I've told the story before, but

1219
00:54:41,640 --> 00:54:43,839
Speaker 3: there was like that was easy, buttons like that.

1220
00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:45,800
Speaker 2: Was that was that was my mom's.

1221
00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:48,800
Speaker 3: Like stop hord tiet and I had sam great stuff.

1222
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:52,200
Speaker 4: And we have a final comment here by MIA's thirteen

1223
00:54:52,239 --> 00:54:55,880
Speaker 4: eighty five and s one therapy therapy, therapy for the

1224
00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:59,600
Speaker 4: daughter and he punted his bragger's wife out. Tell me

1225
00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:02,120
Speaker 4: he ben over backwards for the daughter and has let

1226
00:55:02,200 --> 00:55:05,600
Speaker 4: the resentment fester. I think Opie should bounce. She's not

1227
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:07,839
Speaker 4: the a hole. If she does give him a chance,

1228
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:10,160
Speaker 4: it would be while she stays with her family and

1229
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:13,279
Speaker 4: he starts making serious changes with that family dynamic, because

1230
00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:16,120
Speaker 4: what happens if she goes back is this gonna be

1231
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:19,560
Speaker 4: a yo yo situation. Nah, for that sharks, I'm out.

1232
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:23,080
Speaker 2: And for that sharks, I throw you to the sea.

1233
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:27,040
Speaker 3: But folks, that is the end of those comments, uh,

1234
00:55:27,040 --> 00:55:30,400
Speaker 3: and the end of this episode. So if you love us,

1235
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:31,600
Speaker 3: make sure to subscribe

1236
00:55:31,719 --> 00:55:34,480
Speaker 2: We love you and see it alone.