Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me.
Speaker 2: You know it.
Speaker 1: This podcast is all about the choices we make and
Speaker 1: where they lead us. You know my guest today from
Speaker 1: his roles in so many things, Rules of Engagement, Nashville,
Speaker 1: Splitting Up Together, and I recently had the best conversation
Speaker 1: with him over on his podcast that he co hosts
Speaker 1: with his sister, Kate Hudson, sibling Revelry, and I just
Speaker 1: think he's funny. He's self deprecating and completely unfiltered, which
Speaker 1: I think is absolutely why I enjoy talking to him
Speaker 1: so much. Please welcome Oliver Hudson to the podcast.
Speaker 2: Oh key dookey, Arta, chokey, are chokey? Here we all are.
Speaker 1: Hey, I heard you just left the dentist. What happened?
Speaker 1: Did your tooth? Thirty? Get it?
Speaker 2: I had a root canal like a while back this
Speaker 2: summer in Greece. I ate a caramel and it pulled
Speaker 2: my whole tooth out, and so I have been existing
Speaker 2: without a tooth.
Speaker 1: For months and great which tooth?
Speaker 2: Well, now you can see it. It's it was this. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: it was far back enough to where you don't notice it.
Speaker 2: But you can also think that I could be like
Speaker 2: a meth head or something like. Yeah, it could go
Speaker 2: either way. I've done Drew Barrymore her show a few
Speaker 2: times with the with the tooth out. But now I'm
Speaker 2: doing this Netflix movie and it's like a Christmas movie
Speaker 2: and I can't smile.
Speaker 1: You need your teeth for a Christmas movie for sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So I'm leaving shortly and I had to go
Speaker 2: to go get it done.
Speaker 1: Well good because it feels weird when you are missing
Speaker 1: a tooth just in your head, in your mind. Ye wait,
Speaker 1: something's wrong.
Speaker 2: It does until it doesn't. Meaning if you're lazy like
Speaker 2: I am, and you've you've had this missing tooth. Now
Speaker 2: it feels strange to have a tooth in my mouth.
Speaker 2: So I'm in the process of getting used to a
Speaker 2: full a full head of teeth right now. Good.
Speaker 1: I'm glad. I feel I feel like that's a good
Speaker 1: thing all around.
Speaker 2: Okay, not only not only that, but I'm I'm in
Speaker 2: like stage dad hell, because I'm doing a show. I'm
Speaker 2: doing a movie and my son auditioned for and he
Speaker 2: did four or five auditions and he's never done anything yet.
Speaker 2: He's been acting class for six weeks. He wants to
Speaker 2: be in at weeks. Yeah, six weeks, and he ends
Speaker 2: up getting this part and it's in Toronto. And it's
Speaker 2: not a small little part. It please plays my son.
Speaker 2: It's like throughout the whole movie. It's it's like a
Speaker 2: big part.
Speaker 1: It's oh my gosh, this is a big deal.
Speaker 2: It's a big deal. But now I have to go
Speaker 2: through all of the processes, processeds of being like a
Speaker 2: stage dad. I can't DaPron him. I have to have
Speaker 2: someone who's there. Apparently when he's not working, they have
Speaker 2: to like be with him at the hotel, you know,
Speaker 2: or the Airbnb. He's seventeen and extremely self sufficient, and
Speaker 2: I kind of made a bit of a promise. I said, look,
Speaker 2: I know he's not Canadian, I know he's under eighteen,
Speaker 2: but you know, if you like him, I will help
Speaker 2: cover some of the costs of the tutoring in this,
Speaker 2: this and that. So I've just dug myself a hole
Speaker 2: and now I am become something that I don't know
Speaker 2: how to be, which is Yeah, it's tricky.
Speaker 1: I did a movie with my daughter Luca once and
Speaker 1: it was a weird feeling because you're like acting, and
Speaker 1: you're in that mode and you're not in watching over
Speaker 1: your kid mode or making sure that they're feeling like
Speaker 1: they're doing a good job, or you know, supporting them
Speaker 1: in the way they need to. It's tricky.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's tricky. It's tricky. We're just right on the edge,
Speaker 2: you know, because he's seventeen. I mean, he's almost mean.
Speaker 2: He's almost completely legal, you know, so he's very self sufficient.
Speaker 2: He doesn't really need someone to watch over him. I
Speaker 2: understand their Netflix policies, not Canadian policies necessarily, but Netflix.
Speaker 2: So it's me and Alicia Silverstone and Jamila Jamil. I
Speaker 2: think that's how you pronounce it. Who's awesome. I just
Speaker 2: talked with it and get named. Steve Carr is directing it,
Speaker 2: and it's fun. It's really sweet, it's adorable. You know,
Speaker 2: it's Christmas y. It's that kind of vanilla Christmas movie
Speaker 2: that's you go and you do it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I am ready for it. I love those movies.
Speaker 2: Yes, I said, as long as I don't have to
Speaker 2: take my shirt off, you know, dance on a pole
Speaker 2: or something. Because a lot of these new Christmas movies
Speaker 2: are like hot. Frost is one of them where they're
Speaker 2: you know, the guy's like shirtless and chiseled and he's
Speaker 2: I don't know, I mean, you know, Chad Michael Murray's
Speaker 2: in one where he's like a dancing and some sort
Speaker 2: of a tool belt with his shirt off. My I'm
Speaker 2: forty eight, man, Like this is not going to look.
Speaker 2: People will throw up if you're stop.
Speaker 1: It, stop it you you I saw you posted something
Speaker 1: on your Instagram where you were shirtless.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was probably expressing sort of how I need
Speaker 2: I'm gone from an A cup to a B cup,
Speaker 2: you know, and I need support in my.
Speaker 1: Like literal yeah, support, yes, exactly.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm not afraid to be naked, but on
Speaker 2: my own terms.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's all right. So first off, Oliver, that you
Speaker 1: know our city right now, I know, and the fires.
Speaker 1: How are you? How are your how's your family?
Speaker 2: How are you good? Everyone's good? You know, my brother,
Speaker 2: my brother's house, not why my other brother, Boston, his
Speaker 2: house went he was living, you know, in sort of
Speaker 2: that Tahitian Terrace mobile home community that went up. Everyone
Speaker 2: else is okay, and you know, at the end of
Speaker 2: the day, it's incredibly devastating. I mean, it's the city
Speaker 2: that I grew up in the town honestly, the Palisades,
Speaker 2: and it's just it's gone. I mean, it is completely gone.
Speaker 2: And it's still surreal for me. I haven't gone and
Speaker 2: looked at it personally, and I think that's when it
Speaker 2: will even get even more real. But right now, it's
Speaker 2: just unbelievably surreal. At the same time, thankful that everyone's safe,
Speaker 2: you know, they're just things, but feel for so many people.
Speaker 2: I can't tell you how many people I know who
Speaker 2: don't have homes, Like that's how close it all is.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's unbelievable. I it's pushing one hundred people,
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, Like, it's just it's crazy.
Speaker 2: It's just crazy, and everyone wants to move out of town.
Speaker 2: And I'm trying to figure out air quality. I mean,
Speaker 2: you know, there's things to sort of figure out. But
Speaker 2: you were you were You're not close, right.
Speaker 1: We were evacuated or you were we were closer to
Speaker 1: the eating fire?
Speaker 2: Right? Okay?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, very scary.
Speaker 2: It's scary. It was scary, you know. I got to
Speaker 2: say though, and I'm only just speaking just me personally,
Speaker 2: and I was lucky enough that the house is still standing,
Speaker 2: but I'm not really attached to things so much. You know,
Speaker 2: my family obviously, like my possessions are kind of like yah,
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know, I'm.
Speaker 1: Were you like that before this?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure without a doubt.
Speaker 2: You know. It's like, oh, if something goes away, or
Speaker 2: if something is low us or you know, I'm like, oh, okay.
Speaker 2: You know. I wear this bracelet that the Dalai Lama
Speaker 2: gave me when I was nineteen years old, and it's
Speaker 2: been lost a thousand times and it has come back
Speaker 2: to me in one way or another, and these are
Speaker 2: this is something that is a really prized possession of
Speaker 2: mine because he blessed it and I met him in
Speaker 2: Dharmsala and it was an incredible moment and I was
Speaker 2: crying and feeling things and I was nineteen and trying
Speaker 2: to figure out my life out at the same time.
Speaker 2: When it goes, it just goes, and was like, okay,
Speaker 2: you know, I mean, it's probably one of my most
Speaker 2: prize possessions, but I just kind of let it go.
Speaker 2: What are you going to do about it? You know? Right,
Speaker 2: So at the same time, I have yet to experience
Speaker 2: anything that is devastating is obviously losing your entire home,
Speaker 2: but the feeling wasn't fear of losing my house. It
Speaker 2: was more of just getting everyone to a safe place,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, but it was crazy.
Speaker 2: It is it is crazy, so yeah, think about it. Honestly,
Speaker 2: got a sight out of mind.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, I was just saying in the
Speaker 1: intro that I was just on your podcast. If you
Speaker 1: guys haven't listened to it, you got to listen to
Speaker 1: it because we had great talk. We talked about ghosts
Speaker 1: and cemeteries and all the emotions involved. It was really
Speaker 1: good talk. But I have to ask you since our conversation,
Speaker 1: have you looked in the mirror and said I love you?
Speaker 1: Remember we talked about that.
Speaker 2: Yes, It's so funny because I did a podcast today
Speaker 2: and I do these little rants, you know, and other
Speaker 2: than what we did, and it was all half of
Speaker 2: it was about that. It's funny you're even asking me.
Speaker 2: It was about looking in the mirror, getting up, saying
Speaker 2: I love you, You're the best, getting and then and
Speaker 2: then you know, saying this is going to be the
Speaker 2: greatest day. It's going to be the greatest day, even
Speaker 2: if it's not the greatest day, you know, so I
Speaker 2: was just talking about this. The answer is yes, and no,
Speaker 2: am I looking in the mirror. No, I don't like
Speaker 2: to look in the mirror generally. Why not.
Speaker 1: You're a beautiful man, Like why wouldn't you want to
Speaker 1: look at yourself in the mirror just to say I
Speaker 1: love you?
Speaker 2: Not to be like whoa, yeah, I love you. But
Speaker 2: then you say I love you, and all of a
Speaker 2: sudden you start to get critical, you know, and you're
Speaker 2: looking in Oh my god, I'm getting old and you
Speaker 2: see this and you see that, and then I'm puffy
Speaker 2: and what about this I? And how come this eye
Speaker 2: is higher than this I? You know, I get a
Speaker 2: little you know, you get a little nuts. But no,
Speaker 2: I need I need to do that more more.
Speaker 1: But yeah, you don't have to look in the mirror.
Speaker 2: You could just it's still positive. I'm still a positive
Speaker 2: affirmations trying.
Speaker 1: You're doing it? Okay, Yes, that's good. That's that's all.
Speaker 1: That's growth right there, Yes, it is.
Speaker 2: It is growth. And you know, this new experience with
Speaker 2: my son and having this moment, which to me is
Speaker 2: almost like a deathbed moment. You know, it's bucketless beyond
Speaker 2: like work with your son. You've experienced it us living
Speaker 2: in Toronto for six weeks in the same place. I mean,
Speaker 2: it's just very, very exciting to me. Yeah, it is
Speaker 2: so I love that. I feel lucky, definitely feel lucky,
Speaker 2: especially now, very lucky.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure. I think when you when you start
Speaker 1: doing the practice looking at yourself in the eye and
Speaker 1: saying you love yourself, I think you just have to
Speaker 1: shut up those voices of like, oh look at my
Speaker 1: eyes lower than the other one, Like You've got to
Speaker 1: just disallow it.
Speaker 2: Yes, now, it's true. It is true. We are highly
Speaker 2: critical of ourselves.
Speaker 1: Are you a journal er, Yes, you do journal.
Speaker 2: I used to journal like a madman, and now it's
Speaker 2: every once in a while, you know. But I try
Speaker 2: to do my you know again, my gratitudes every day.
Speaker 2: And I think we talked about this, but the problem
Speaker 2: is my gratitudes like I do ten of them and
Speaker 2: they seem to be the same every day. So now
Speaker 2: I'm trying to I'm almost out of my head. I'm
Speaker 2: in my head now. Well, I've already done the ocean,
Speaker 2: and I've done love for the kids, and I've done
Speaker 2: that a thousand times, Like what else you know? Now,
Speaker 2: I'm wrap my brain around, like, Okay, is there anything else?
Speaker 2: And I'm grateful for it can't be the same shit
Speaker 2: every day? But yeah, but it can?
Speaker 1: Why not?
Speaker 2: It can? It? Can? I hear it?
Speaker 1: You you get a little bored. Yeah, yeah, with your journaling.
Speaker 2: You know this year for you know, New Year's Resolution, Right,
Speaker 2: We have an amazing New Year's Eve party every year
Speaker 2: in Colorado and we invite a ton of people over
Speaker 2: and we tentt it and we have music and it's
Speaker 2: really fun and we build this like twenty five foot
Speaker 2: bonfire and it's huge. I mean it's massive, and everyone's
Speaker 2: out there. At New Year's they do the countdown. And
Speaker 2: the ideas is that you write your resolutions. You know,
Speaker 2: you have your resolutions, but you also have the things
Speaker 2: that you want to get rid of. You know. You
Speaker 2: put them in the fire and you watch them go
Speaker 2: up and smoke, and it's just it's very ritualistic, you know.
Speaker 2: And I every year I write sort of my my
Speaker 2: resolutions in a journal since like nineteen ninety eight, and
Speaker 2: I went back and looked at my journals, like this
Speaker 2: last year and every resolution they're all the same, and
Speaker 2: they've been the same since nineteen ninety eight. I'm making
Speaker 2: no progress, is what I'm trying to say. I don't
Speaker 2: understand it. It's the same shit. It was the same resolutions.
Speaker 2: So this year I said, you know what, I'm not
Speaker 2: doing any resolutions. Okay, I'm just going to be free,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm just going to be free of sort
Speaker 2: of trying to attach myself to things that I want
Speaker 2: to change and accomplish. Because it's been twenty five years
Speaker 2: and I have the same resolutions, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, maybe it's time to just let them go
Speaker 1: and give it up.
Speaker 2: Yeah to the the part journaling goes. I was heavy,
Speaker 2: heavy into it. It's gotten me through a ton of stuff.
Speaker 1: So you still have all your old journals like I
Speaker 1: do too. Yeah, when you go back and read them,
Speaker 1: are you like, wait, is who is this person? How
Speaker 1: could I have been in this at this point in
Speaker 1: my life? And maybe you think and I'm still at
Speaker 1: this point?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, Well, I mean, I you know, I don't
Speaker 2: know if we talked about sort of my anxiety, dealing
Speaker 2: with heavy anxiety back in my twenties and stuff, and
Speaker 2: you know that that meditation and journaling when I went
Speaker 2: through my first about my twenties is what got me
Speaker 2: through so much. And I would hike up to the
Speaker 2: spot and I had this rock that I would sit
Speaker 2: on and I would have a meditation and then just write,
Speaker 2: and I write poetry, I write what I was feeling
Speaker 2: or anything. And it definitely, it definitely was I needed
Speaker 2: that in order to sort of get through whatever I
Speaker 2: was getting through, along with therapy and everything else. But
Speaker 2: you know, my time involved getting my feelings out through
Speaker 2: the written word. And you know, for me, it's much
Speaker 2: easier to express myself through writing than it is actual,
Speaker 2: you know, verbal communication, because I feel strangely insecure being
Speaker 2: vulnerable in person, but I'm very easily vulnerable with a
Speaker 2: pen and writing. How writing sort of my feelings.
Speaker 1: You know, what do you feel about like podcasting because
Speaker 1: you seem like you can get pretty real and yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, without a doubt.
Speaker 1: Is that different? Like I was just talking about this
Speaker 1: to someone else, like podcasting is a different way you
Speaker 1: meet somebody but you're not in person, but you have
Speaker 1: these great connections with them. But there's something that doesn't
Speaker 1: You don't have that anxiety, because I know you and
Speaker 1: I suffer both from anxiety. You don't have that anxious
Speaker 1: feeling of like being in person with them.
Speaker 2: No oh yeah, I mean the minute you have like
Speaker 2: a microphone in front of your face or or you know.
Speaker 2: There's something about it and it's hard to even explain,
Speaker 2: because I can honestly say that it's even opened up
Speaker 2: my relationship with my sister because there are certain things
Speaker 2: that I may have one of us. I've said to her,
Speaker 2: positive and negative, but I haven't been able to because
Speaker 2: you either don't want to rock the boat or you
Speaker 2: don't want to feel too vulnerable. But the minute the
Speaker 2: microphone goes up, for some strange reason, with Kate, I'm
Speaker 2: able to sort of express myself to her better. I
Speaker 2: don't know why. It's this weird thing that overcomes me
Speaker 2: where I feel a confidence to say, either you know,
Speaker 2: I've always respected you and loved you and looked up
Speaker 2: to you, even though you're my little sister, which is
Speaker 2: not easy to say in person, or it's in person
Speaker 2: but without the microphone, or you know, I feel like
Speaker 2: you've been condescending to me at times because of whatever.
Speaker 2: You know, When that mic is there, it's easier to
Speaker 2: say it. If we push, we push stop and we're
Speaker 2: not longer recording, I would be harder for me to express.
Speaker 1: Myny you just stop talking.
Speaker 2: Actually, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: Do you ever worry if somebody's going to read your journals?
Speaker 2: Though? No, honestly because I don't have like deep dark
Speaker 2: secrets in there. You know. It's more about my feelings
Speaker 2: and sort of what I'm going.
Speaker 1: Through and nothing like I buried.
Speaker 2: It's. Well, the funny thing is this journaling for me?
Speaker 2: You know, And I've always I've said this to myself.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm always journaling when I'm going through something,
Speaker 2: and I'm not journaling when things are good. So every
Speaker 2: entry has some sort of you know, negative attachment to
Speaker 2: it or something I'm trying to work through. It's never like,
Speaker 2: you know, it was an incredible day to day, I
Speaker 2: feel amazing, life is great? Like, who wants to journal
Speaker 2: about that shit?
Speaker 1: I know I've read my entries that are like that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, next, so bored with myself? I need
Speaker 1: the drama.
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, yeah, oh for sure. You know I think
Speaker 2: that's the arcis. But I would I would venture to
Speaker 2: say that, you know, writing all the positive things and
Speaker 2: the good things in your life is probably more beneficial
Speaker 2: than even even getting rid of all the bad. You know,
Speaker 2: it's like what you said, going back to looking in
Speaker 2: the mirror. You know, we need those self positive affirmations.
Speaker 2: So maybe I'll start writing more positive entries. But you
Speaker 2: know what I love doing with stream of consciousness. Writing
Speaker 2: was one of my favorite things to do.
Speaker 1: Oh it was so fun. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Ah, well, you just do and don't pick up the pen,
Speaker 2: and you just keep going and it could be complete horseshit.
Speaker 2: But then all of a sudden things come out and
Speaker 2: I've read some of those back while I'm like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, I'm rarely impressed with myself, but I'm like, damn, Oliver,
Speaker 2: like that was pretty good. You got deep. I got
Speaker 2: deep and not even knowing what I was doing.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm going to try that again because I
Speaker 1: kind of have fallen in and out of the journaling
Speaker 1: thing too, And I do feel better when I do it.
Speaker 1: I feel like I've gotten the stuff off of my
Speaker 1: my brain, out of my mind, off my chest in
Speaker 1: a really safe way. But yeah, it's sort of like
Speaker 1: meditating too, Like it you go in, you come off
Speaker 1: of it sometimes and just need a little break.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. Well, the meditating is as far as
Speaker 2: time consumption is probably the easiest thing you can do
Speaker 2: in your day, Yet for some crazy reason, it's the
Speaker 2: hardest thing for me to do and sit down for
Speaker 2: ten minutes. I don't, I don't. I have so much
Speaker 2: resistance to it. And I have had moments in my
Speaker 2: life where meditation again was bringing me through a lot
Speaker 2: of stuff. And it's a practice, obviously, So once you practice,
Speaker 2: once you get through two weeks like solid you're in,
Speaker 2: then it's like, oh, I got it.
Speaker 1: I want to do it like you have yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh gosh, because it feels incredible when
Speaker 2: you can like actually drop in. But once you let
Speaker 2: it go, it's just like I got to sit down
Speaker 2: for ten minutes, and I am I doing.
Speaker 1: It's so true. Speaking of the anxiety you used to journal,
Speaker 1: you resist meditating, Like what is it that you do
Speaker 1: on a daily, weekly basis to help you with your anxiety.
Speaker 2: I'm just aware of it, you know, when it when
Speaker 2: it rears its head, I'm just kind of aware of it.
Speaker 2: And I'm almost like a seasoned vet, meaning it doesn't
Speaker 2: scare me anymore like you scare me, you know. I
Speaker 2: know when I'm feeling it, I'm like, oh, shit, there
Speaker 2: it is. Okay, now why Okay I can, I can,
Speaker 2: I can try to assess why, or I can say,
Speaker 2: you know, it doesn't matter, I'm feeling it right now
Speaker 2: and just accept it and let it. Let just feel it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's something so relieving about just acknowledging something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because we want to diagnose ourselves. Okay, wait a minute,
Speaker 2: what's going on? Okay, what happened to my day to day? Okay,
Speaker 2: maybe this isn't it. It's like, okay, yeah, you can
Speaker 2: do that, but is that really going to help you
Speaker 2: in the moment or or is it best to say
Speaker 2: I don't know right now, here's what I feel, and
Speaker 2: let yourself feel it. And you're not going to die
Speaker 2: like back in the day when you thought you were
Speaker 2: literally going to drop dead. You know that's not going
Speaker 2: to happen. You know, you are not your anxiety. You
Speaker 2: are feeling it, but this isn't who you are, and
Speaker 2: just to try to separate yourself from it.
Speaker 1: Oliver, We've learned so much, I say, we I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, exercise, yes, exercise yes, yes, So that is
Speaker 1: that something that's getting you helping you?
Speaker 2: Now what do you EXI run? You know, running and
Speaker 2: you know, I'm doing a.
Speaker 1: Little wait you run like outside?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean I'm not like a crazy run,
Speaker 2: run like you know, a few miles. You know, when
Speaker 2: I do my runs, that's impressive. You know I'm doing
Speaker 2: I'm doing a little pilates now.
Speaker 1: Whoa yeah, yeah, do you have the socks too, I.
Speaker 2: Have the socks. I have the sock. And then for me,
Speaker 2: it's also just about the anxiety. It's about just it's
Speaker 2: health related to when when when you're waking up and
Speaker 2: you're you're you're getting great sleep and you're eating properly
Speaker 2: and you're working out, and you're not drinking booze, you know,
Speaker 2: and you're not smoking cigarettes or doing whatever. I mean,
Speaker 2: you just feel on top of the world, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. It's huge. The minute I fall back
Speaker 2: into sort of that party that party guide mode where
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh man, it exacerbates that anxiety.
Speaker 1: And it gets harder and harder as you get older. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: so like rebounder the next day, feel good in any way?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, but that's rough. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So we all do, we all change so much, We
Speaker 1: have all these different chapters in our life. What would
Speaker 1: you say is your chapter right now, Like what era
Speaker 1: is Oliver Hudson.
Speaker 2: In right now? This is a good question. I love
Speaker 2: this question because I've never really had to answer it,
Speaker 2: you know, because we do find ourselves in these moments
Speaker 2: and you have to sort of step back and again
Speaker 2: assess yourself, Like where am I right now? I feel like,
Speaker 2: at almost the age of fifty, that I am probably
Speaker 2: in the most creative space in my life, probably the
Speaker 2: most confident space in my life, even though I definitely
Speaker 2: have my crazy insecurities. I think as I get older,
Speaker 2: I just stop giving a fuck, you know, I mean,
Speaker 2: stop airing as much trying to, you know, impress or
Speaker 2: feel like I'm less than when I'm speaking to executives
Speaker 2: or I'm pitching an idea. You know, I'm like, these
Speaker 2: are just human beings. I'm not going to do it
Speaker 2: by the book. I'm going to do it my way.
Speaker 2: You know. If I want to call the head of
Speaker 2: the studio, you know, I'm going to call I'm gonna
Speaker 2: call them. Oh, maybe you should go through the channels. Nah,
Speaker 2: it gives it. He's a human. These are human beings,
Speaker 2: you know. As far as being an actor too, I
Speaker 2: just I'm excited for what the second half of my
Speaker 2: life holds, just because of the confidence level of the again,
Speaker 2: the attitude of like, you know what, just go for it.
Speaker 1: What have you got to lose?
Speaker 2: What have you got to lose? Honestly, like that is
Speaker 2: that is definitely sort of the period that I'm in.
Speaker 2: And my company, my production company is called slow burn,
Speaker 2: you know, because that's what I am and that's what
Speaker 2: I feel like I've always been, is this kind of
Speaker 2: slow burn. You know my sister do you mean, well,
Speaker 2: my sister hit it white hot, right, I mean, he
Speaker 2: got almost famous, nominated for Golden Globes boom. You know,
Speaker 2: my younger brother, Wyatt, you know, worked hard, but bang
Speaker 2: it takes off like this that this everything in my
Speaker 2: life has just been sort of slower paced, slower moving,
Speaker 2: I mean not just career like everything, you know, even maturity.
Speaker 2: Why still you.
Speaker 1: Think you were in your own way like you do?
Speaker 1: Do you think that was the reason you were a
Speaker 1: slow burner?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I do. I think part of it was that,
Speaker 2: and part of it is my personality, you know. I
Speaker 2: mean I feel like I'm a very talented person. I
Speaker 2: have a lot of like ambition, I just don't have drive,
Speaker 2: you know, if that makes sense, like, oh, I want
Speaker 2: to do this. I know I can do this, and
Speaker 2: I'll probably win an Academy Award as a director because
Speaker 2: that's what I really want to do. And I know
Speaker 2: I can write, and I start discript and then I
Speaker 2: just kind of like it peters off.
Speaker 1: And I know exactly what you're talking about.
Speaker 2: Put fun and family in front of everything, you know.
Speaker 2: That's the other thing we talk about, sort of that
Speaker 2: deathbed scenario or I Am not going to remember awards
Speaker 2: and fame and any of that shit. I mean at all.
Speaker 2: That does not define me in any way. I would
Speaker 2: rather take a trip with my family and pass on
Speaker 2: a movie that could advance my career, you know, rather
Speaker 2: than miss whatever those moments might hold that I will
Speaker 2: remember for the rest of my life, you know. And
Speaker 2: That's the way I've operated, and I don't I don't
Speaker 2: hate it. At the same time, I think that it
Speaker 2: has created this slower pace for.
Speaker 1: Me, and I think I think that's okay because look
Speaker 1: at you now, like you're turning into white hot now,
Speaker 1: Like I feel like you feel it in your bones,
Speaker 1: like you have arrived, you know, for yourself.
Speaker 2: So there's definitely energy there for me, there's a weird momentum.
Speaker 2: I don't know why. I can't put my finger on
Speaker 2: it necessarily, but it just feels good, you know, it
Speaker 2: just feels good. And it's just kind of, you know,
Speaker 2: just kind of letting go but working harder. Honestly, for me,
Speaker 2: it's work ethic. I have to work harder, you know.
Speaker 2: And that's my new phase. That's the new sort of
Speaker 2: era that I want to into, which is still have
Speaker 2: family as a priority, but you know, work your ass
Speaker 2: off more. You know.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I saw that happen for me when I turned
Speaker 1: fifty fifty one and I realized, like, as a woman
Speaker 1: in this industry, I was like, I I feel as
Speaker 1: if I might choose to have a shelf life, I
Speaker 1: might choose to get the hell out of town at
Speaker 1: some point because I just don't want it for myself.
Speaker 1: I didn't. I haven't really enjoyed it, that the fame
Speaker 1: and all of that of it. So I want to
Speaker 1: be able to leave town, get out at age sixty.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, I got to do as much as
Speaker 1: I can. Yeah, while I can do it, Yeah, no.
Speaker 2: For sure. And there's so many different other things to experience, like,
Speaker 2: you know, even the podcast. It's been so fun. Yeah,
Speaker 2: no talking.
Speaker 1: You've had probably so much growth from doing the podcast.
Speaker 2: I know I have, oh yeah, oh oh for sure.
Speaker 2: And the people that you meet and the stories that
Speaker 2: you hear. And my favorite thing about doing podcasts is
Speaker 2: getting a guest you don't know much about and you're
Speaker 2: kind of like poop poo it in a way, You're like, god,
Speaker 2: I mean, because we all have to fill it either
Speaker 2: a lot of episodes that have to get done, and
Speaker 2: oh man, it's so and so I don't even know.
Speaker 2: And then after an hour you're like, wow, that was amazing.
Speaker 2: That was incredible talking to this person who I didn't
Speaker 2: really know and maybe had a preconceived idea of and
Speaker 2: then that all shifts, you know, and then doing the
Speaker 2: Drew Drew Show, you know, going on there and being
Speaker 2: a part of that kind of world. You know, I'm
Speaker 2: leaving tomorrow to do another one. That's been really really
Speaker 2: fun as well.
Speaker 1: You know, that's a fun environment.
Speaker 2: Fun, it's fun, and it's not dissimilar to what we're
Speaker 2: doing right now.
Speaker 1: It's just on kids talking talking, Yeah, just being humans.
Speaker 1: So cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I have to ask you, okay, because I know you
Speaker 1: have two sons. Yeah, do you feel like there is
Speaker 1: a rise in sort of this masculine world right now
Speaker 1: with you know, some certain podcasters, our government, There's a
Speaker 1: lot more masculinity coming. I'm just curious, like, as a guy,
Speaker 1: as a dad of boys, how do you raise them
Speaker 1: to be decent human beings and have that level of
Speaker 1: understanding and educating them to you know, the right way
Speaker 1: to behave out there in the world.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think that there's a few different There's there's
Speaker 2: there are lessons that you teach, and then there is
Speaker 2: just being who you are because at the end of
Speaker 2: the day, those lessons matter. But I feel like our
Speaker 2: kids are emulating us more than learning from us. As
Speaker 2: far as specific lessons go. Yes, you can lecture them
Speaker 2: on certain you know, ideas and certain things that you
Speaker 2: might believe, at the same time allowing them the space
Speaker 2: to have their own opinions and feelings. But at the
Speaker 2: end of the day, when you're living in a healthy
Speaker 2: you know family, they see you all the time and
Speaker 2: they're there are imprint You're imprinting upon them. Whether I'll
Speaker 2: just completely unconsciously, you know, consciously and unconsciously. As the
Speaker 2: boys get older, you get to see more of yourself
Speaker 2: in them, which is so interesting. You're like, wow, they
Speaker 2: they are were listening or they were taking on a
Speaker 2: lot of who I am. So I think that's a
Speaker 2: big that's a big thing. At the same time, you know,
Speaker 2: you can only show them and tell them so much
Speaker 2: and help them with so many things. At some point
Speaker 2: they're they're gonna have to make their own decisions, you know.
Speaker 2: As far as this sort of masculine world, I think
Speaker 2: there's a way to be masculine, but to also sort
Speaker 2: of be sensitive and thoughtful and vulnerable. I mean, vulnerability
Speaker 2: to me is masculine. Now, you know, I think twitched
Speaker 2: whereas the soft man is not the strong man. And
Speaker 2: I couldn't disagree with that more, you know. And I
Speaker 2: think that my kids, at least hopefully they see me
Speaker 2: being like that, because I'm no different with them than
Speaker 2: I am with anyone else. And you watch them and
Speaker 2: how they deal with people, and you know, how they
Speaker 2: look you in the they look them in the eye,
Speaker 2: and they're polite and all of these things, and you
Speaker 2: watch that translate and it's the most proud that you
Speaker 2: are when your kids, when you get praise from on
Speaker 2: your kids, like oh man, your kids are so great, You're.
Speaker 1: Like, it's degraded, my work is done. Yes, it's the
Speaker 1: best feeling. I say that too, because my sometimes, my
Speaker 1: one mostly one, my daughters can be real hard at home,
Speaker 1: real hard on me specifically, and then I get these
Speaker 1: messages from her teachers or her friend's moms and I
Speaker 1: and they're like, she's such a great Like really.
Speaker 2: Why don't you come home with me? And day?
Speaker 1: I know, I'm always like, why don't you aviote your
Speaker 1: friends over more often? Because you're a lot different when they're.
Speaker 2: Yeah, now I know. And then you know, as far
Speaker 2: as the boy thing goes, I mean again, I know
Speaker 2: a lot of their friends, a lot of them. You know,
Speaker 2: they all try to flex, They all try to be cool,
Speaker 2: they all try to feel masculine, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I think do you think in that flexing though, are
Speaker 1: we in danger of losing that the sort of respect
Speaker 1: for women and the chivalrous sort of mask, because like,
Speaker 1: I love a guy that opens the door for me,
Speaker 1: of course, yeah, but I'm not. I know, I can
Speaker 1: open the door for myself.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well that's the thing is I hopefully am showing
Speaker 2: them that, you know what I mean? Then I I
Speaker 2: I do house. Shit, I did this. I'm with mom,
Speaker 2: I open up the door, like there's so much love,
Speaker 2: like and we're very physical, like I'm always on hugging
Speaker 2: Aaron and kissing and then no, no, no, you know, these
Speaker 2: are the things that hopefully they see and want to emulate,
Speaker 2: you know. I also think, but you know, you're dealing
Speaker 2: with primal beings as well. And boys. Boys, you know,
Speaker 2: boys are sometimes crazy, you know, and watching boy my
Speaker 2: boys grew up versus my daughter and then my nephews
Speaker 2: who are young, you know, like boys and girls, and
Speaker 2: some of these boys, just like my nephews, were crazy,
Speaker 2: running around, crazy, crazy, crazy shit, you know. So it's
Speaker 2: just about directing it. And then you've got TikTok and
Speaker 2: social media, which is feeding them all kinds of horseshit.
Speaker 2: And that's when my kids like, dad, did you know
Speaker 2: that pyramids? I'm like, you, guys, this is not true,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, like quiet, because they're getting
Speaker 2: fed so much of this misinformation. I'm like, you need
Speaker 2: to learn to sift this shit out, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean. I tell them that you guys are nuts.
Speaker 2: Go read something, you know, just scroll and believe everything
Speaker 2: that that's going on there.
Speaker 1: Wait, do you read?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I like to read. I definitely try to again.
Speaker 2: That's the thing that I want to do more and
Speaker 2: more of eight thousand books by my bedside, because every
Speaker 2: time I go into a bookstore, I buy a new book.
Speaker 1: What kind of books do you buy? Oh gosh, my self,
Speaker 1: I love books.
Speaker 2: I have self help. I've done all, I've done that.
Speaker 2: I just read a book that's this rare it's sort
Speaker 2: of this rare sort of book. It was it's called
Speaker 2: Hard Rainfalls by an author that's kind of obscure, but
Speaker 2: I heard it on Instagram and fucking amazing. I tend
Speaker 2: to gravitate towards, you know, sort of woman struggle, strangely
Speaker 2: adversity and maybe overcoming it or or not. You know,
Speaker 2: but just like tough times.
Speaker 1: That in itself is sort of like self help because yeah,
Speaker 1: you're you're like familiar with those feelings that that character
Speaker 1: is going through and they learn something and you're like, hey, yeah,
Speaker 1: that works for me, yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you know, right now,
Speaker 2: I'm actually reading Jerry Wine Robb's book, which is amazing.
Speaker 1: What's the title of it.
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, it's Yeah, this autobiography and it's got to
Speaker 2: forget the exact name of it. But he's just such
Speaker 2: an amazing, interesting career. You know, for those of you
Speaker 2: who don't know, Jerry wintrub was like was if he
Speaker 2: passed away. It was like a titan of industry as
Speaker 2: far as being a producer, but also was in the
Speaker 2: music scene, you know, with Bob Dylan, and I mean
Speaker 2: he was just an amazing man growing up in Brooklyn,
Speaker 2: the Bronx and just coming out of nothing, and yeah,
Speaker 2: pretty cool story. I try to read. I just try to.
Speaker 2: I try to. I need to read more. I need
Speaker 2: to read more. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I heard recently that if you read twenty minutes a day,
Speaker 1: it helps sort of reset something in your brain. And
Speaker 1: it makes perfect sense because I'm sure you're familiar with
Speaker 1: like EMDR therapy where your eyes go back and forth.
Speaker 2: Have you done that?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Is it great? I was thinking about it.
Speaker 1: It's you feel like ridiculous because you're just sitting there
Speaker 1: watching a light bar and keep keeping your focus on
Speaker 1: the lights. But there's something about the back and forth
Speaker 1: of your eyeballs that changes something connection wise in your brain,
Speaker 1: and it really does like open up some space in there.
Speaker 2: You feel you feel that.
Speaker 1: Yes, definitely. So I heard that reading can have that
Speaker 1: same effect. So I've been trying to read twenty minutes
Speaker 1: a day.
Speaker 2: That's what they say. Nothing but read anything. It doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: You can read anything. It's reading the eyeballs back and forth.
Speaker 2: So it can be on a screen or like book
Speaker 2: or does it matter because.
Speaker 1: I like, I'm going to go with book because we
Speaker 1: got enough screen time. No, I know, we shut it down.
Speaker 2: I need a book. My mom. My mom is all
Speaker 2: about the Kindle. She reads everything on a like I
Speaker 2: can't I need like A can't. No. I love the
Speaker 2: physical book.
Speaker 1: And the pages and the smell.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And going back to kids, here's the look. We've
Speaker 2: been very lenient parents as far as letting our kids
Speaker 2: experience what life is now, you know, obviously trying to
Speaker 2: you know, balance it all out, because balance is everything.
Speaker 2: I'm never going to take them away from social media.
Speaker 2: Like this is the world that we live in. And
Speaker 2: this is just my own philosophies where a lot of
Speaker 2: my other friends sort of are very strict about things.
Speaker 2: And I've sometimes seen kids who are not allowed to
Speaker 2: experience anything, whether it be sugar at a young age,
Speaker 2: whether it be, you know, TikTok or whatever it is.
Speaker 2: They crave it and it almost because an obsession because
Speaker 2: they can't have it. If I ever saw that my
Speaker 2: kids were going off the deep end with anything, yes,
Speaker 2: but right now everything seems to be okay. But reading
Speaker 2: is just gone. Kids don't fucking read anymore. And it's
Speaker 2: the most you do not light up your imagination more
Speaker 2: than when you read a book. I don't care what
Speaker 2: you watch, I don't care anything. I don't care about it,
Speaker 2: a movie, anything. When you get into a book and
Speaker 2: you are ensconced in those words, your imagination is firing.
Speaker 2: You're picturing it, you're wondering, you're feeling. I wish that
Speaker 2: that would come back. I wish kids would read more.
Speaker 2: I tried. I'm like, read a book and I'm like what,
Speaker 2: it's not even there, you know. And in school these days,
Speaker 2: they're not being made to read like we were made
Speaker 2: to read.
Speaker 1: No, they're reading on iPads. They're yeah, so different. I'm
Speaker 1: of the same mind of as you too. I think
Speaker 1: I probably appear very lenient as a parent, but also
Speaker 1: I'm so on top of it. But I do agree,
Speaker 1: like you've got to let them experience and figure out
Speaker 1: how to exist in this current world instead of holding
Speaker 1: onto the morals and values that we had or like
Speaker 1: what we spent our time doing when we were younger.
Speaker 1: Thingse are just different, and you need to make sure
Speaker 1: that your kids are able to thrive with what they
Speaker 1: have right now.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, without a doubt, and also understanding that it's
Speaker 2: not real and they're a major pitfalls. And you know,
Speaker 2: don't believe everything that you see, you know what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 2: if you're curious about something you might see on TikTok,
Speaker 2: don't take it at face value. How about google it,
Speaker 2: dig in a little bit, you know, maybe see what
Speaker 2: you're reading is actually true or if it's just you know,
Speaker 2: complete misinformation and false, especially with AI, which I've completely resisted,
Speaker 2: by the way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you see, I.
Speaker 2: I need to and I want to, and my sister
Speaker 2: like loves it, and you know, I know writer friends
Speaker 2: who are like, dude, this is scarier but it's incredible.
Speaker 2: But I don't know, I have an aversion to it,
Speaker 2: you know, I.
Speaker 1: Feel like, does it feel like lazy?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Now I feel weirdly scarier. I just don't want
Speaker 2: to be a part of it. I don't know. It's
Speaker 2: not lazy, it's more of it. Just like I don't
Speaker 2: want to I don't want to touch it. I don't
Speaker 2: want to touch.
Speaker 1: It because once you open that box.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of hard to resist.
Speaker 2: Yeah no, I know, I'm sure it's incredible.
Speaker 1: I know my kids use it and also one of
Speaker 1: their boyfriends uses it and he just sits and talks
Speaker 1: to it, and it says like the most create a
Speaker 1: picture of a goat wearing a Mumo sipping on a
Speaker 1: seven eleven slurpee in the iceberg, on an iceberg, and
Speaker 1: then two seconds later it will.
Speaker 2: Show you that. I know, I think I'm scared.
Speaker 1: That's scary, I think. And also use your time for
Speaker 1: something productive? Please? What value?
Speaker 2: Is that so scary? I know? But I did. I
Speaker 2: did download the chat GPT you know app, and I
Speaker 2: was like, I let mass around with it. I'm my house.
Speaker 2: Pretty incredible. I mean, it's pretty, it's pretty amazing. I'm scary.
Speaker 2: You can just say, you know, from a creative standpoint too,
Speaker 2: I mean like I'm stuck. You know, I need to
Speaker 2: help help get me out of this writer's block. I
Speaker 2: need this, this, this and that yeah, ideas come up.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It is very helpful in that respect, but also very scary.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, do you have see that movie Wally?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, this. I always say this. It's funny you do.
Speaker 2: Oh this is my fucking seventh saying this for years.
Speaker 2: Like I said, that is the most prophetic movie in
Speaker 2: the last fifty years.
Speaker 1: And nobody's seen it. Like, people don't watch that movie.
Speaker 1: I don't know why.
Speaker 2: That's so funny you say that. I always say that.
Speaker 2: I said, that's the most geniusly prophetic movie. You know,
Speaker 2: this is what our.
Speaker 1: Society is and you look around and you see it happening.
Speaker 1: I tell my kids all that, I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm living in Wally World.
Speaker 2: Yeah no, I know.
Speaker 1: All the trash is on the earth and we all
Speaker 1: have to go to some man made place in the sky.
Speaker 1: And when we sit there and stare at our screens,
Speaker 1: the screens and an order room service or whatever, you know.
Speaker 2: Likestates, it's just crazy. It's just it's the lazy culture.
Speaker 2: And when my kids are here in the house doing
Speaker 2: and they're not moving, I'm like out. I literally kick
Speaker 2: them outside. I'm like outside, get outside. But that I'm like,
Speaker 2: I don't care. I said, go get arrested, go get
Speaker 2: in trouble. Honestly, I don't even care. I would rather
Speaker 2: a police officer bring you home right now, like you've
Speaker 2: got to get outside. You know.
Speaker 1: Oh that's good. You know I'm going to tell them
Speaker 1: that tonight, you guys go get arrested. I've got some
Speaker 1: sound parenting advice from.
Speaker 2: My friend all exact. I have all kinds of weird
Speaker 2: things I say that people like what you said that
Speaker 2: you say that to your kids? Like another one real
Speaker 2: quick is you know I I would rather my kids
Speaker 2: cheat in school than not try at all. Like I've
Speaker 2: literally said this. I said, I would rather you cheat
Speaker 2: than just say I'm not going to do the assignment.
Speaker 2: If you're cheating, you're actively trying to get by, You're
Speaker 2: actively trying to get it in. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2: You're just saying, like I don't give a shit. That
Speaker 2: is that is extremely complacent. I'm not I'm not saying
Speaker 2: cheating is where I want you to go, but I
Speaker 2: would that at least says you're.
Speaker 1: Trying, You're doing something, You're trying to cheat.
Speaker 2: You're trying. It's like, oh shit, I didn't get this
Speaker 2: in what's your homework? Calling a friend? What is this?
Speaker 2: Rather than being like I don't, I don't, I don't care.
Speaker 1: You know so true?
Speaker 2: You tell you said that to your kids, and like.
Speaker 1: Do you write a book of your parenting tips and tricks?
Speaker 2: These are no, it's it's called fear and bribery, and
Speaker 2: it's it's like a pamphlet.
Speaker 1: A pamphlet.
Speaker 2: That's all you got, parenting pamphlet.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you were kind of in the same boat as
Speaker 1: my husband. Surrounded by strong women except for your two boys.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you have been raised by strong women. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what is the biggest I mean, if you can even
Speaker 1: narrow it down to like one, what's the biggest lesson
Speaker 1: that you have learned from being around these amazing women,
Speaker 1: your wife, your mom, your and my wife.
Speaker 2: Mom, Kate. You know, well, I have such respect first
Speaker 2: of all, my mother. I mean, there's so much pride.
Speaker 2: I mean when we look at how she came up
Speaker 2: in this business, you know, truly a man's world, and
Speaker 2: being one of the first female producers to have like
Speaker 2: a real studio deal and having to go into boardrooms
Speaker 2: with a bunch of dudes and saying the things that
Speaker 2: she said and having to stand up for herself. I mean,
Speaker 2: she has incredible stories.
Speaker 1: You know, he's a trailblazer, oh for sure.
Speaker 2: I mean super a trail, big time trailblazer. And there's
Speaker 2: a lot of pride there for me, you know, a lot,
Speaker 2: a lot just that iconic, that iconic female, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And then I think, obviously it's rubbed off on sort
Speaker 2: of what I want. You know, what I wanted in
Speaker 2: a woman and a partner, no doubt. You know, someone
Speaker 2: who's unafraid, someone who has their own life, you know,
Speaker 2: will kick me in the ass when I need to
Speaker 2: get kicked in the ass. You know, there's a mutual respect,
Speaker 2: and honestly, there's no codependency. You know. I like that.
Speaker 2: I don't want anyone having to rely on me. I
Speaker 2: don't want to have to rely on any one else emotionally,
Speaker 2: of course, you know what I'm saying. And then you
Speaker 2: look at Kate, and you know, I look up to
Speaker 2: her tremendously in the sense of her no fear attitude.
Speaker 2: You know, like she just has no fear, she's unafraid,
Speaker 2: she doesn't care if she offends along the way, because
Speaker 2: it's not intentional she's just a badass woman who's gonna
Speaker 2: sort of get what she wants. And and again you know,
Speaker 2: just fearless.
Speaker 1: Yeah, both role models of mine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so yeah, and then my daughter, you know, and
Speaker 2: then and then that all translates to my daughter, you know,
Speaker 2: and just making sure that she knows that she's in control,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. You're gonna like boys, and
Speaker 2: they're gonna like you back, but you you wear the
Speaker 2: pants like you're ye, like, yeah, you call the shots
Speaker 2: because you can, you know. And it's just sort of
Speaker 2: led into me in the way that I look at
Speaker 2: the world, the way that I parent, you know, even
Speaker 2: my boys, even the way that I parent my boys,
Speaker 2: you know, and how they've seen strong women. And Wilder's
Speaker 2: girlfriend right now of two years, how awesome she is
Speaker 2: and how badass she is. You know, love her, she's
Speaker 2: the greatest. She'll just say whatever she thinks. You know.
Speaker 1: I was just so rad that's such a good thing
Speaker 1: for women. All this talk about being strong. When's the
Speaker 1: last time you cried?
Speaker 2: You got to cry all the time, cry all the time.
Speaker 2: The dentist today, ver emotional person. No, No, I didn't cry,
Speaker 2: the dentist. I you know, when was I, Oh, when
Speaker 2: was I just losing it?
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, sometimes you just got to release it.
Speaker 2: Oh just recently, I was just a complete mess. I
Speaker 2: forgot Oh god, I wish I could remember. And I
Speaker 2: called Aaron because she wasn't with me. Oh I was
Speaker 2: in Colorado. Oh, and I was just bawling. I don't
Speaker 2: know what was going on, you know, I was calling, like,
Speaker 2: I don't know why, I'm so like, I'm just like
Speaker 2: losing it, you know, over weird things. Triumph is big
Speaker 2: for me too. Overcoming adversity is huge, Like when I
Speaker 2: see someone who has, you know, fallen to the bottom
Speaker 2: but has worked their ass off to sort of get
Speaker 2: back to where they were, or you know, even if
Speaker 2: it's like a personal victory, that kills me every time.
Speaker 2: And then of course father son related, I'm done.
Speaker 1: Yeah, at least you know what you're where you need
Speaker 1: to stay.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, oh yeah yeah yeah. I cry. I'm a crier.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because people think guys don't cry. Is that still
Speaker 1: a thing?
Speaker 2: Is? I think it's getting better again. I think that's
Speaker 2: where like sort of guy's cry, that's where the old
Speaker 2: the It's okay to be a vulnerable dude now you're
Speaker 2: allowing allowing dudes to cry. I don't think I never
Speaker 2: thought of it as a thing. You know, even growing up,
Speaker 2: I would imagine, like Kurt, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you also had those women around you to bring
Speaker 1: out that sort of emotional Yeah.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, Yes, there's.
Speaker 1: Nothing better than being in touch with your emotional being
Speaker 1: and being confident to let it come out if it
Speaker 1: needs to.
Speaker 2: No, I know, I know, and I need. It's funny
Speaker 2: because I told you I went to this place called
Speaker 2: the Hoffman Institute Hoffmann Process, and you come out of
Speaker 2: that place realizing the potential that you have as a
Speaker 2: human being.
Speaker 1: When did you go there?
Speaker 2: Oh man? Eight years ago now seven?
Speaker 1: Did you chop wood?
Speaker 2: Chopped wood? Yeah? Chop would I did? I mean all
Speaker 2: of it? I mean it was extremely intensive. Did you
Speaker 2: go to No, I want.
Speaker 1: To since you mentioned it. I was on your pod.
Speaker 2: It's incredible.
Speaker 1: I was intrigued and I looked it up and I'm like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a good time. And I've never I've
Speaker 2: never cried so much in my life with being at
Speaker 2: the Hoffmann Process. I mean, it's a it was a breakdown,
Speaker 2: but it allowed me to sort of realize the potential
Speaker 2: of me as a human, as a man, as a
Speaker 2: husband is everything, and then you know, it wanes, it wanes.
Speaker 2: You know, all this to say that I want to
Speaker 2: get back to being okay with my emotions.
Speaker 1: You know, I've been called emotional, and I've always felt
Speaker 1: like that's such a derogatory sort of judgy term, especially
Speaker 1: when it came from the men in my life. But
Speaker 1: I for the longest time, I'm like, I'm not emotional.
Speaker 1: I'm emotion full, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2: Mm hm oh yeah, oh for one hundred percent. Yeah,
Speaker 2: emotional seems derogatory when it said like emotional.
Speaker 1: So some people just can't handle emotionful people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, well, there's also to be fair
Speaker 2: to whatever the other side of that is. There are
Speaker 2: people probably who need to rein it in, you know.
Speaker 2: I mean there was there was a woman who was
Speaker 2: in my Hoffmann class and she was just almost so
Speaker 2: open where she was everything was filled with emotion and
Speaker 2: just the simplest things. And I went to my small
Speaker 2: group teacher and was ed and I'm like, ed, let
Speaker 2: me ask a question. I know, I'm sort of having
Speaker 2: trouble just letting go. But you know so and so,
Speaker 2: would you say that she needs to kind of get
Speaker 2: it together.
Speaker 1: You took your teacher to the side.
Speaker 2: I did. I did, and just to understand, try to understand,
Speaker 2: like there is the other side of the spectrum too,
Speaker 2: and he goes one hundred percent. People come in like, oh,
Speaker 2: it's like so much, and you like, all right, it's
Speaker 2: time to bring that in. Maybe you've used that as
Speaker 2: a crutch your home.
Speaker 1: You know that's that's probably not going to get you
Speaker 1: where you want to go.
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm mm hmmm mm hmm. But yeah, the more,
Speaker 2: the more emotional, the better.
Speaker 1: I love talking to you. I think you're amazing and
Speaker 1: I just love what's happening for you in your life,
Speaker 1: in your family's life. Like this a good time.
Speaker 2: I think it's a good time. I think it's a
Speaker 2: good time. It's exciting.
Speaker 1: I have to ask you a question before I let
Speaker 1: you go, though, Ye, what was your last I choose
Speaker 1: me moment?
Speaker 2: Mmm, this is a good question.
Speaker 1: It's the last time you said I'm going to do
Speaker 1: this for myself.
Speaker 2: I choose Okay. This is great because I think there
Speaker 2: are little things I think you have to choose yourself
Speaker 2: at times, many times in the day, little things I
Speaker 2: really do. I'm going to take this moment for myself.
Speaker 2: They're the big ones. But I think every day you
Speaker 2: have to choose yourself, even if you have kids, even
Speaker 2: if you're busy, even if you're you know, in a workplace,
Speaker 2: there are the moments where you're choosing you. Every day.
Speaker 2: You have to find that, you know. I think my
Speaker 2: big choose me moment was probably in November. I go
Speaker 2: on these big fishing trips. Ten days. I'm out to
Speaker 2: see you can barely get a hold of me and
Speaker 2: leave out of San Diego. I'm on a boat, don't
Speaker 2: get off the boat near in the middle of the ocean,
Speaker 2: just catching tuna and with the twenty eight people, you know,
Speaker 2: random people who now I know after being on this
Speaker 2: specific trip, and again Aaron's amazing and she knows it's
Speaker 2: a passion of mine. But you know, I'm choosing that
Speaker 2: this is something that I need to do. It's personal.
Speaker 2: I love it, it's cleansing. It's the most as cathartic
Speaker 2: as you can get in the middle of the ocean,
Speaker 2: doing what I love to do and just separating, you know.
Speaker 2: So that my last like big choose me moment and
Speaker 2: I'm gone for ten plus days, and it's it's a
Speaker 2: long time to be away from the family when I'm
Speaker 2: not working, and you know, I do it all. It
Speaker 2: fills you up here, oh my gosh, yeah, one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: And then her, she has hers too. You know, she's
Speaker 2: big on her friends, and she goes to the sleepovers,
Speaker 2: you know, for two or three nights, and I'm with
Speaker 2: the kids, or you know, she just did a whole
Speaker 2: trip to New York with all of her girlfriends for
Speaker 2: four four nights, you know. And and you know, I
Speaker 2: think relating it to relationships, you have to let your
Speaker 2: partner have those choose me moments whenever the hell they want,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've learned that kind of the hard way. I
Speaker 1: used to be like I felt left out. I don't
Speaker 1: know if that's jealousy.
Speaker 2: I felt.
Speaker 1: I would feel left out, I would feel like unincluded,
Speaker 1: like you know, I had all those very unhelpful feelings.
Speaker 1: And then something just sort of changed where I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you are your own person, you have your own needs.
Speaker 1: I have my own needs, and there's nothing wrong with
Speaker 1: each of us having the things that you know, fill
Speaker 1: us up and they don't they're not always going to
Speaker 1: be the same things. Of course, of course we're different people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, one pillar, that codependency. That one. If you're going
Speaker 2: to hold up a big stone, you know, slab, one
Speaker 2: pillar right, there's going to be effected, the wind might blow.
Speaker 2: That ship is much easier, it's easier, going to be
Speaker 2: easier to tip. And that's the codependency. If you've got two,
Speaker 2: that ship is going to stand strong, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, whether that's family, relationship, whatever it is. You know,
Speaker 2: that's why you need to have separate lives. You need
Speaker 2: to have dependent and relationships independent of each other gets
Speaker 2: way too messy. And I've seen it so much with
Speaker 2: friends or it's like, dear, what it's up. You know,
Speaker 2: like you need to have your own ship. I mean
Speaker 2: it's so important and refreshing and you know it's energizing.
Speaker 2: You know, it's energizing.
Speaker 1: Well, I love it that you take your fishing trips.
Speaker 1: I saw you holding up fish that was like as
Speaker 1: big as you. Yeah, what do you do with that fish? Like,
Speaker 1: I'm curious. Do you eat it?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah yeah, chop it all up and you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they put it underneath the boat, you know, which
Speaker 2: has a cooling system, and then you're out for ten
Speaker 2: days and then they when you get back to land,
Speaker 2: there's a fish processor and you have it all processed
Speaker 2: and cut and frozen all beautifully, and then you take
Speaker 2: it home and you've got hundreds of pounds of fish.
Speaker 2: And then I like to can a lot of the stuff.
Speaker 2: You know, you jar it with olive oil and rosemary
Speaker 2: or garlic or different spices, and so now you've got tuna,
Speaker 2: yellow fin tuna, and then whatever else you're catching, you know,
Speaker 2: that is preserved in these amazing jars, these Mason jars.
Speaker 2: So yeah, it's it's there's the whole process to it
Speaker 2: is fun. And I have a boat.
Speaker 1: Love it.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 2: My fish SMA on boat.
Speaker 1: You're a fisherman.
Speaker 2: I'm a fisherman. I'm a fish. Yeah, that's right. Fishermen
Speaker 2: now with it with a tooth, with a too.
Speaker 1: Thank god. It's nothing worse than a toothless fisherman.
Speaker 2: I don't know, or is there anything? Is there? I
Speaker 2: don't know because that seems the work, if you know
Speaker 2: what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, you're a good time Oliver. Good luck
Speaker 1: on your movie with your son, that's so exciting. You're
Speaker 1: gonna have a great time.
Speaker 2: You're gonna bond, it's gonna be amazing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, good stuff.
Speaker 2: Well, be well, I will thank you toffee or anything. No, no,
Speaker 2: I know that's what he said. He's like, do not
Speaker 2: eat anything hard, don't eat anything sticky.
Speaker 1: Yeah we're old now we can we can only eat
Speaker 1: like fish.
Speaker 2: A straw. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Good times. Okay, have fun with that.
Speaker 2: Okay later bye,