1 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:05,400 Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and iHeartRadio. 2 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:10,880 Speaker 2: Podcast with it being October and Domestic Violence Awareness Month, 3 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:17,160 Speaker 2: or I really wanted to bring more awareness to it 4 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:21,440 Speaker 2: talk about it. And one of the people that reached 5 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:24,000 Speaker 2: out that we talked about when I was doing Dancing 6 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 2: with the Stars and I came out about my domestic 7 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:30,760 Speaker 2: violence history and being a DV victim. One of the 8 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:34,559 Speaker 2: daughters that I didn't know about, had reached out to 9 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,760 Speaker 2: me when I was on Dancing with the Stars and 10 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,440 Speaker 2: obviously I was at the time going through turmoil with 11 00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:45,880 Speaker 2: my then husband. You know, we had it believed emailed, 12 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:50,080 Speaker 2: but it was I kind of just had to distance 13 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 2: because it was just too much. And then she had 14 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,000 Speaker 2: reached out about coming on the podcast, and you know, 15 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 2: we discussed it on here, like yeah, it was her 16 00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:01,760 Speaker 2: motivation and what was the reasoning, and you know, so 17 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:05,880 Speaker 2: we had a conversation. I called her, well she'd emailed 18 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:08,360 Speaker 2: me and then with the help of the producer and 19 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:12,039 Speaker 2: then I said, yeah, let's get on the phone, like 20 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:16,000 Speaker 2: let's have a conversation. And we had a conversation and 21 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 2: it was so just like I thought, I didn't need 22 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:25,360 Speaker 2: any more pieces really from it. Sure, but there was 23 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 2: things that I've still discovered about him that blew my 24 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 2: mind but also gave me validation and like an Okay, 25 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,800 Speaker 2: maybe this was I wasn't crazy. 26 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:45,560 Speaker 3: I think that's the the key piece is people owning 27 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:52,080 Speaker 3: it and validating I sit in a seat coming from 28 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:57,480 Speaker 3: a home that had violence, and so the part that 29 00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 3: I think I'm always missing is is probably the connective 30 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:05,760 Speaker 3: tissue that you and Brittany are getting from that conversation. Yeah, 31 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:08,960 Speaker 3: and I'm very much living a life that was my reality, 32 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:11,800 Speaker 3: but it doesn't seem to be anybody else's reality. Right 33 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,720 Speaker 3: is a very lonely place to. 34 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:17,160 Speaker 2: Be, And I think I once we talked, I said, 35 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:20,760 Speaker 2: you know what, this is actually how she's been able 36 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:25,720 Speaker 2: to move through her life and piecing the pieces together. 37 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,160 Speaker 2: I said, this is actually I think people do need 38 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:31,680 Speaker 2: to hear this. I agree, but there are I do 39 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:34,239 Speaker 2: have a couple more questions that I want to ask her, 40 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:37,160 Speaker 2: and I'm open to the question she wants to ask me. 41 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:40,600 Speaker 2: So she's here, but I also have this, like yet. 42 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,280 Speaker 3: I wanted like a temperature check on how you know. 43 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:45,600 Speaker 2: I've never seen her, so it's like, well, she had 44 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:48,280 Speaker 2: resemblance of my abuser, Like every time I see his 45 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,760 Speaker 2: and I just says, as, this is the piece that 46 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:54,400 Speaker 2: I struggle with is on you know, on Google or whatever, 47 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,520 Speaker 2: like his face, and I instantly just get this like 48 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:01,040 Speaker 2: oh yeah, like gut punch when I see his face. 49 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,079 Speaker 2: So I want I hopefully I can look at her 50 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:10,840 Speaker 2: and see a beautiful side of someone that was a 51 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 2: monster to me. But the IAW can I say that 52 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,680 Speaker 2: to her when she's like the beautiful piece of it? 53 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,480 Speaker 2: So it's like I think it'll be good. Yeah, you know, 54 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,799 Speaker 2: it's like I can re look at something I could 55 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,640 Speaker 2: put a I could put a different face to it. 56 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe this is the piece of the healing. Yeah. 57 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:27,120 Speaker 3: I also think it's worth noting just for people listening 58 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 3: that like we're jumping right in today, but like there 59 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:34,519 Speaker 3: has been my turn to cry. Yeah, very prayerful conversations 60 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 3: around every piece of what we're going to do in 61 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:45,760 Speaker 3: these episodes, because this isn't light and I mean even 62 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,280 Speaker 3: like the text exchange and like the temperature checks with 63 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,720 Speaker 3: each other and with you know, Amy Alexander, who's going 64 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,560 Speaker 3: to be in one of these episodes. Like just how 65 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:57,360 Speaker 3: prayerful we are trying to be in the way that 66 00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,280 Speaker 3: we do this like we know it needs to be 67 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:02,200 Speaker 3: done and that it needs a voice, and it needs 68 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 3: all of the validation and the recognition and awareness. And 69 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:13,560 Speaker 3: also it's really heavy topics that haven't been so open 70 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 3: for us. Probably before we've talked high level about it, 71 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,840 Speaker 3: but to get in the depth of it. So it's 72 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:22,479 Speaker 3: been very prayerful and very thought out and I'm just 73 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:30,840 Speaker 3: really proud of you already. So well, let's get Brittany on. Hi. Hi, Brittany, Hey, Brittany. 74 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:32,600 Speaker 1: I'm already going to get emotional. 75 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:39,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, we've already cried, so I want to hold both 76 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:39,240 Speaker 3: of you. 77 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,280 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, No, I'm sorry too. 78 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,680 Speaker 3: Maybe I could start by just saying how brave I 79 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,479 Speaker 3: think it is a both of you to how brave 80 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:52,120 Speaker 3: and open it is for both of you to have 81 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:56,040 Speaker 3: a heart willing to hear somebody else when it seems 82 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:59,480 Speaker 3: like the common Denominator was probably rooted in some really 83 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:04,919 Speaker 3: dark things, and so I think it's just worth like 84 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:09,280 Speaker 3: maybe opening by saying, I think it's brave and I'm 85 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:11,320 Speaker 3: really honored to share space with both of you when 86 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:14,640 Speaker 3: you have hard conversations and share it in a way 87 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:17,359 Speaker 3: that hopefully can bring some healing impact and awareness to 88 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 3: everybody that's listening, and I just have to say, you 89 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:23,080 Speaker 3: are the most beautiful piece of him. Oh thank you, 90 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:23,799 Speaker 3: You're beautiful. 91 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:25,440 Speaker 1: Thank you. I appreciate that. 92 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:27,160 Speaker 3: Well. 93 00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:30,160 Speaker 2: So, you know just happened in you know, I we 94 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,760 Speaker 2: just spoke about how you know, we had a conversation, 95 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,279 Speaker 2: and you know, there were things in that conversation where 96 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:38,200 Speaker 2: I thought, you know, this could be really helpful for 97 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 2: other people to hear this, and you know, I'll just 98 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,200 Speaker 2: give you the opportunity to to to kind of tell 99 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,839 Speaker 2: me what you were also wanting and why you wanted 100 00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:48,800 Speaker 2: to also talk about it too, because I think what 101 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:52,279 Speaker 2: you said was so beautiful as well, and you know 102 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 2: how you are trying to piece things together, so I'll 103 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,839 Speaker 2: just let you take that away. 104 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:00,480 Speaker 1: Definitely a hard topic to talk about because at the 105 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:04,719 Speaker 1: end of the day, this person was my father, and 106 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,680 Speaker 1: even though I didn't know him and I've known all 107 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:13,239 Speaker 1: the bad things, I think it's still like you hope 108 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,240 Speaker 1: there's some good in there, but you know there's not. 109 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,320 Speaker 1: So I guess I've always been hopeful that someone would 110 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,680 Speaker 1: say something good, you know, but at the end of 111 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,240 Speaker 1: the day, there's nothing. And I think I've learned to 112 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:28,240 Speaker 1: be okay with that, because that's not who I am 113 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:29,039 Speaker 1: at the end of the day. 114 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:31,960 Speaker 3: Did you ever get to meet your dad? 115 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, that was a question too that I when I 116 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,360 Speaker 2: hung up the phone, I'm like, I didn't even ask her. 117 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 2: I know, you said he wrote you letters that you 118 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,600 Speaker 2: now kind of have traced back to when he was 119 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:44,840 Speaker 2: in prison, But yeah, you never You actually never got 120 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:46,760 Speaker 2: to physically meet him. 121 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 1: No, I chose not to. He asked to meet me 122 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,000 Speaker 1: when he was writing me those letters, and I was like, no, 123 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 1: this is not going to happen. I had a child. 124 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,760 Speaker 1: I wasn't going to put that child into a situation 125 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,280 Speaker 1: could not be good at one point because the way 126 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:08,760 Speaker 1: he was talking to me was very manipulative. Also, so 127 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:12,760 Speaker 1: even in messages I look back now being older, when 128 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:15,600 Speaker 1: I'm younger, I'm like, oh, he's just trying to get 129 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,880 Speaker 1: to know me. He's just you know, it's just the 130 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,800 Speaker 1: way he talks. Now now looking back to him, like, 131 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,160 Speaker 1: that's not how your father's supposed to talk to you. 132 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,200 Speaker 2: What was your mom like, I guess I didn't even 133 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,840 Speaker 2: know were they together, did or was it kind of 134 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:29,080 Speaker 2: a I. 135 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:32,480 Speaker 1: Have no idea. Unfortunately, me and my mom have a 136 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:36,080 Speaker 1: great relationship, but we just don't talk about it. It's 137 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:41,239 Speaker 1: hard on her, is hard on you. We've little things 138 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: here and there that I've heard from grandparents, but besides. 139 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:47,000 Speaker 3: That nothing they were never married or anything. 140 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 1: No, they were never married. I don't believe he was 141 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:53,040 Speaker 1: married to any of my siblings' moms. 142 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 2: That's also news to me. I thought he was married 143 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 2: to the first one. 144 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:57,440 Speaker 1: So no, I don't think so. 145 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,640 Speaker 3: I mean, Brittany, I'm and this is no offense to 146 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 3: either parent. But that's like a lot for a child 147 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 3: to carry, right because place of origin matters. Right there, 148 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 3: you find a lot of adult children that even went 149 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,960 Speaker 3: through adoption at some point, neither the closure of just 150 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,000 Speaker 3: like seeing a face or knowing a name or knowing 151 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:16,640 Speaker 3: the story, like belonging is like one of the basic 152 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 3: human needs, right, yeah, significance and belonging. So if you 153 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:23,560 Speaker 3: have a mom, if you have a dad that you 154 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,040 Speaker 3: don't know, and then you have a mom who you are, 155 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:29,600 Speaker 3: in the sweetest, most bravest way possible, trying to protect 156 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:33,000 Speaker 3: I can tell already, you know, because you want to 157 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:36,600 Speaker 3: not break her heart wide open again? What does that 158 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:41,640 Speaker 3: do to you, especially because you're a mom now, So 159 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 3: like I like in my own experience, I felt like 160 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,319 Speaker 3: I gave my parents a lot of grace, probably way 161 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,920 Speaker 3: too much grace, And then I felt like when I 162 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,760 Speaker 3: became a mom, all of a sudden, I had no 163 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:54,480 Speaker 3: grace because I thought, I know what it feels like 164 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:59,920 Speaker 3: now to have this person, and I can't imagine ever 165 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,920 Speaker 3: letting them feel unsafe or unseen or unheard or unprotected, 166 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:06,960 Speaker 3: and you are now a mom, And it had a 167 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:08,880 Speaker 3: little bit of both of those things. Even if your 168 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:11,880 Speaker 3: mom means well, she's still doing that a little bit 169 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,280 Speaker 3: on that side too. So how does that change when 170 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,080 Speaker 3: you become a mom for you? 171 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:20,559 Speaker 1: I think it's just changed because it's so much of 172 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:25,600 Speaker 1: you want to raise your kids as Okay, you have 173 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:30,559 Speaker 1: a grandma and that's all you have, right, Well, they 174 00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:32,880 Speaker 1: can only go to that to a certain age, a 175 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,040 Speaker 1: certain age. Then they're starting to ask questions, well, why 176 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,560 Speaker 1: don't I have a grandpa? Where's your dad? Where is this? 177 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:40,600 Speaker 1: And it's kind of a thing where do you tell 178 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:42,640 Speaker 1: them or you just leave out the blackburn and say, oh, 179 00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:45,440 Speaker 1: he's not here, he left. He left when I was young. 180 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,240 Speaker 1: I've been very open with my children as I have 181 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:56,040 Speaker 1: older ones and they know everything pretty much, and it 182 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,040 Speaker 1: is just is what it is. I tell them everything. 183 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,679 Speaker 1: I'm open with them because there's no point of hiding 184 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:04,920 Speaker 1: it from them when eventually they're going to see things 185 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:08,440 Speaker 1: from either pictures and be like, well, why is your 186 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,080 Speaker 1: dad here in one picture the one picture I have, 187 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:12,920 Speaker 1: but he's not another place? 188 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:14,880 Speaker 3: You do have one? One picture of them. 189 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:18,400 Speaker 1: One photo? I have it right here, But yeah. 190 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:18,600 Speaker 3: You're a baby in that photo. 191 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,120 Speaker 1: I'm only two months old because he left when I 192 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:22,560 Speaker 1: was two months. 193 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:24,880 Speaker 3: And when he left, where did he go? 194 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:30,920 Speaker 1: No idea, no idea. I know he tried to take me, 195 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 1: essentially kidnapped me, and that's pretty much it. And then 196 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:40,480 Speaker 1: my mom was like no, and my grandparents. 197 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:56,560 Speaker 2: Ah, wow, I forgot to also ask this question, and 198 00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:01,240 Speaker 2: I don't know if I want to. A piece of 199 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:02,320 Speaker 2: me was like, I don't even know if I want 200 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,680 Speaker 2: to know the answer, because I don't want to be 201 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:07,360 Speaker 2: the only one. But I knew there was one after 202 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:09,480 Speaker 2: me that had I'd spoke to you about that wrote 203 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 2: to me that said he pushed it down the stairs 204 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:16,920 Speaker 2: and that she was pregnant. Did you know of any 205 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:18,839 Speaker 2: other girls that were abused that he was with? 206 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, I know of two others. 207 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:27,679 Speaker 3: How many siblings do you have that I know of? Yeah? 208 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:28,240 Speaker 1: Four? 209 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 3: Okay, so you and four others. 210 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:32,400 Speaker 1: Those me and four others from him? 211 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,080 Speaker 3: And do you have you had any interaction with them? 212 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,319 Speaker 1: I've met them all, Okay? 213 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:39,760 Speaker 3: Are they lovely like you? 214 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,200 Speaker 1: Yes? I have a relationship with two of them. 215 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:46,240 Speaker 3: That's really special for you? Was it? 216 00:11:46,559 --> 00:11:48,120 Speaker 2: And you know, I think one of the reasons why 217 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:49,880 Speaker 2: we talked to is that you've just been trying to 218 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,120 Speaker 2: like put the pieces together. And has that been a 219 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:57,080 Speaker 2: part of you being able to heal or is it 220 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,640 Speaker 2: more of a like just like trying to understand or 221 00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 2: trying to connect or I think he's. 222 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:06,880 Speaker 1: Trying to understand And at the end of the day, 223 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:11,280 Speaker 1: we all know he wasn't a good person. But I 224 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:14,079 Speaker 1: think I look at it as unfortunately that man is 225 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:17,120 Speaker 1: still my father. So I want to know, even if 226 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:19,440 Speaker 1: it's the bad things, I want to know, do. 227 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:22,640 Speaker 3: You find any There's no right or wrong answer, and 228 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:25,320 Speaker 3: no judgment either way. So I just want to preface 229 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:27,720 Speaker 3: this because it could be feel deep. But do you 230 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,520 Speaker 3: have any grace towards him? Is there any parts of 231 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:33,960 Speaker 3: you that start to go, like you know, I wonder 232 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 3: what his life like, was, what his life was like 233 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,960 Speaker 3: growing up, and what made him so angry and what 234 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:43,400 Speaker 3: and listen, no excuse for any of this, right, we 235 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,640 Speaker 3: all know that, but I do think it's worth just noting. 236 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:49,240 Speaker 3: But you know, usually they'll say it's like very cliche, 237 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 3: but like hurt people, hurt people, So like what happened 238 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:55,480 Speaker 3: to your dad before he was a dad? 239 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:59,160 Speaker 1: Yeah? I question that all the time. I mean, I've 240 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,440 Speaker 1: gotten told that he would adopted, so it's like, oh, 241 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:06,760 Speaker 1: was it because you were adopted supposedly? Or is it 242 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:09,640 Speaker 1: like what happened? You can ask so many whys, but 243 00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:11,319 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, I can't. I can't 244 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:14,440 Speaker 1: do that to myself either emotionally of why this, why this, 245 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:17,840 Speaker 1: why this happened to me? So I think I've learned 246 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:21,640 Speaker 1: to just be like, this is what happened, and this 247 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,000 Speaker 1: is my life now, and I could take it as 248 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:24,920 Speaker 1: it is. 249 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:34,720 Speaker 3: When you two spoke previously, did you feel what was 250 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:36,640 Speaker 3: like one thing that kind of like did you feel 251 00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:39,120 Speaker 3: when you when you got off the phone? Was it relief? 252 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:42,240 Speaker 3: Was it like I just want to know from each of. 253 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:46,280 Speaker 1: You this put time or the first time. 254 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 3: Well. 255 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:49,559 Speaker 2: This time. 256 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,760 Speaker 3: Just in general because you know, you saw Janna on 257 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,720 Speaker 3: Dancing with the Stars, and so you reach out and 258 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:58,920 Speaker 3: you say, listen, that was my dad, and I want 259 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:02,560 Speaker 3: to connect, and you know, listen, seasons of life are crazy, 260 00:14:02,559 --> 00:14:06,560 Speaker 3: and Jana wasn't a really tumultuous one. So yeah, probably 261 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:13,560 Speaker 3: at capacity at that point. But when you spoke to 262 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,560 Speaker 3: her like the first time, did it just feel like 263 00:14:15,679 --> 00:14:18,400 Speaker 3: you got just another puzzle piece or did you have 264 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:19,600 Speaker 3: more questions or both. 265 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,520 Speaker 1: I think it was a puzzle piece. And then I 266 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,480 Speaker 1: used to like write down all the questions. I'm like, oh, 267 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,440 Speaker 1: maybe if we talked another time, then I could asked 268 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,400 Speaker 1: for all this stuff. And then I think I realize 269 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:37,160 Speaker 1: growing older that I shouldn't keep this because it's hurtful 270 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,600 Speaker 1: for her at the end of the day, like it 271 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:42,320 Speaker 1: happened to her, it didn't happen to me, like the 272 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:46,400 Speaker 1: traumatic experience that my father did happened to Jana. 273 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,280 Speaker 2: But you're also trying to give you some grace, and 274 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:53,720 Speaker 2: you're also trying to have a connection or a piece 275 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:57,000 Speaker 2: or connect the dots with your with your father, and 276 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,200 Speaker 2: so you know, there's a piece of me that's you know, 277 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:02,360 Speaker 2: when I sa with you, it's like I just I 278 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,280 Speaker 2: hear that and like you being like, can you just 279 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:06,560 Speaker 2: kind of tell me the things he did? It's like 280 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:12,120 Speaker 2: you want to like to connect, and you know, I 281 00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,280 Speaker 2: hope that I was able to give you some of 282 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:16,920 Speaker 2: those pieces. But yeah, I mean it's it's obviously it's 283 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:20,000 Speaker 2: it's not easy. And the last time that but also 284 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,480 Speaker 2: you know, hearing the things like I didn't know how 285 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,880 Speaker 2: he actually died and it wasn't am I allowed to 286 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:26,600 Speaker 2: share how the. 287 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's okay, okay. 288 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:29,320 Speaker 3: I just wanted to be mindful of that. 289 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:30,120 Speaker 1: You know. 290 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,040 Speaker 2: There were so many times when he would come back 291 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,120 Speaker 2: from being out in the club, and again I'm not 292 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:36,160 Speaker 2: I was never a club person. I didn't I didn't 293 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 2: like it, and he would come back and be really violent. 294 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 2: I would always think to myself, like was he on drugs? 295 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:47,840 Speaker 2: And when he there was a worn out for his arrest. 296 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:53,240 Speaker 2: What I was told was that he had committed suicide 297 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,800 Speaker 2: by like splitting his wrists, and there was a time 298 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,680 Speaker 2: when he had faked his suicide with a potato and 299 00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:00,200 Speaker 2: ketchup and like sent me a photo of it. The 300 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 2: first time I called him, the first time I called 301 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,480 Speaker 2: the cops on him, and obviously I went back and 302 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,880 Speaker 2: was with him, and you know, two weeks later was 303 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:14,760 Speaker 2: when the actual incident, bigger incident went down. But what 304 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,000 Speaker 2: I was told was that his brother found him like 305 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:21,240 Speaker 2: committing suicide. And then when I got the call when 306 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,560 Speaker 2: I was in Texas that he had actually killed himself, 307 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:28,960 Speaker 2: I just thought that he had shot himself. And Brittany 308 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:32,520 Speaker 2: had told me that it was a heroin overdose both times, 309 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:38,440 Speaker 2: and it was a for me this I got a 310 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:42,080 Speaker 2: piece of, Oh my god, like I had just like 311 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,000 Speaker 2: a whole body like chills, like I knew he was 312 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,840 Speaker 2: on drugs and I just I but I also don't 313 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,360 Speaker 2: know like what the signs of that were. I was 314 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,360 Speaker 2: so young that I wouldn't have even known where to 315 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,160 Speaker 2: look or what to but it's like I was kind 316 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,120 Speaker 2: of thought he was bipolar. Like that was where it 317 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:59,520 Speaker 2: was very much like one minute, he would be kind 318 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:05,159 Speaker 2: and everyone loved him, like my parents loved him, you know, 319 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,600 Speaker 2: and which made me be thinking that I was the 320 00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:11,520 Speaker 2: crazy one, because two seconds later he would you know, 321 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,600 Speaker 2: I bought some tilan al and some milk, and I 322 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:18,000 Speaker 2: remember him screaming at me for buying this tilent on 323 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:22,240 Speaker 2: milk and then shoving me in this stairwell of the 324 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:26,240 Speaker 2: archdone apartments and being like, what like because I bought 325 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,320 Speaker 2: milk and Thailand all like, and he just was like 326 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:31,879 Speaker 2: he would have this like switch that would just go 327 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:35,679 Speaker 2: from like nice to evil within moments, and it was 328 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,040 Speaker 2: just like I didn't, which is why I just was. 329 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,760 Speaker 3: Like, I don't. 330 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:43,720 Speaker 2: I just wanted to please him because I didn't want 331 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,840 Speaker 2: to get hit or choked or you know, slammed up 332 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:51,040 Speaker 2: against something. But it's so unpredictable. Yeah, And so I 333 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,239 Speaker 2: was like maybe that was a drug thing or I 334 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:53,679 Speaker 2: don't know. 335 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,560 Speaker 3: Well, and I think too, like, so I grew up 336 00:17:56,600 --> 00:18:01,240 Speaker 3: in a household that had a lot of raid, some 337 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:06,560 Speaker 3: domestic violence, lots of alcoholism, drug addiction, and so I'll 338 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:10,880 Speaker 3: never know either. And I there's such an imbalance, right, 339 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,399 Speaker 3: So you wouldn't even know if if that person was 340 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,159 Speaker 3: clean and sober, would they have an imbalance? We don't know. 341 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,560 Speaker 3: But then they're also self medicating in a way that 342 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,840 Speaker 3: never gives you a consistency. So and trying to predict 343 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:26,520 Speaker 3: rage is actually impossible. In my experience as a child, 344 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:30,200 Speaker 3: it would be you can't predict the things that would 345 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,360 Speaker 3: set someone off or what would make them go over 346 00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:35,360 Speaker 3: the top. So that's like a helpless feeling in itself. 347 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:38,959 Speaker 1: Yeah, because even in like our messages back and forth, 348 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,639 Speaker 1: like it's one minute like, oh sweetie, I wish I 349 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:45,720 Speaker 1: could be there, Oh sweetye, this too all caplocks texting 350 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:48,840 Speaker 1: me of why can't you have a relationship with me? 351 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,199 Speaker 1: Why don't you love me? Why can't you talk to me? 352 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:55,000 Speaker 1: And it's like, well, how does it go from this? 353 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:58,480 Speaker 1: So I can completely see the bipolarness or drug. 354 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:01,399 Speaker 2: Use, right, Yeah, And so that was like that was 355 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:06,720 Speaker 2: do you have any you think any other things that 356 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,719 Speaker 2: you would be like that. I want to like, I 357 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,040 Speaker 2: want to know this piece, like I think you are 358 00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:14,040 Speaker 2: trying to search for it was their goodness in him? 359 00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:14,919 Speaker 3: Is that like? 360 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,760 Speaker 2: Or what else is like if you were like I 361 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,800 Speaker 2: really want to know this piece, like do you feel 362 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:22,600 Speaker 2: like you've gotten that from the family members that you've 363 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,680 Speaker 2: talked to or cause again and I and I want 364 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,960 Speaker 2: to I know it's my story, but this is also 365 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,520 Speaker 2: your story. And I do want to apologize. It's got 366 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,880 Speaker 2: to be hard having someone that you don't know speak 367 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:36,320 Speaker 2: about someone that is your father, and so I apologize 368 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:39,720 Speaker 2: if that's ever been something that's been challenging for you 369 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:43,120 Speaker 2: to walk through because I I, you know, I don't 370 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:45,200 Speaker 2: know what that feels like to not to have someone 371 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,680 Speaker 2: talk about someone that I have. I've like you're like 372 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:49,720 Speaker 2: when you've never met me, you know, and like someone 373 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:52,240 Speaker 2: that you've also never met to Yeah. 374 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,320 Speaker 1: I feel like, first of all, an apology for me. 375 00:19:54,359 --> 00:20:01,000 Speaker 1: It was not needed whatsoever. It's a hard suchuation. It's 376 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:05,439 Speaker 1: definitely not something you thought one day it would be, 377 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:09,640 Speaker 1: like in public or anything. And I think when I 378 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:14,080 Speaker 1: heard it for the first time, I was like, no, 379 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:18,880 Speaker 1: that's not my dad, Like what, And then hearing more 380 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,960 Speaker 1: from other people, it kind of weighs heavy on you 381 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:25,760 Speaker 1: a little bit because you're like, what is what? Why 382 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:26,600 Speaker 1: did he do that? 383 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:26,680 Speaker 2: What? 384 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:31,120 Speaker 1: All? You go through the whys again, and I think 385 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:37,320 Speaker 1: you have to realize that what he did to you 386 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:39,520 Speaker 1: is not okay. What he did to the other people 387 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:43,520 Speaker 1: was not okay, and he had to live with that, 388 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:49,479 Speaker 1: and it's just so hard. I have questions, But I 389 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,919 Speaker 1: don't have questions because we've talked. We talked the other 390 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,320 Speaker 1: day and I got the story from you, which I 391 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,240 Speaker 1: thank you for telling me because I know how hard 392 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:02,720 Speaker 1: it is for you to tell that story again. And 393 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:10,800 Speaker 1: how easy it isn't so I think when I saw 394 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,040 Speaker 1: what happened, when I knew found out it was my dad. 395 00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 1: I saw it on the People magazine. So I was working, 396 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:20,120 Speaker 1: and on the People magazine was your picture and then 397 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:25,000 Speaker 1: his mug shot. So that's how I was like, that's 398 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:25,600 Speaker 1: my dad. 399 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:31,040 Speaker 3: Wow. Sorry, no, I'm sorry. 400 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:37,040 Speaker 1: Still strikes a little something. 401 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:55,000 Speaker 2: Sure, absolutely, I am remembering too that like when i've 402 00:21:56,080 --> 00:22:00,760 Speaker 2: because when we went to court, we never had an 403 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,920 Speaker 2: actual trial. It was like, I don't know what it's called. 404 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:06,280 Speaker 2: It was like a it was his I was with 405 00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:10,240 Speaker 2: the DA, his attorney. There was no jury. It was 406 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,199 Speaker 2: like the trial before it would go to that. But 407 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:17,240 Speaker 2: he had pleaded whatever that's called, like he like no, 408 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:22,400 Speaker 2: like he like they gave him a bargain, yeah, which 409 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:24,719 Speaker 2: is why I didn't go to an actual like trial 410 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:28,040 Speaker 2: trial with a juror and stuff. But I do remember 411 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,200 Speaker 2: at that time finding out that he was in jail 412 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,800 Speaker 2: I didn't which I didn't know about for money laundering. 413 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:36,520 Speaker 2: And then I do remember they said domestic I think 414 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:40,080 Speaker 2: it was domestic abuse against somebody else to do. But 415 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:45,640 Speaker 2: that's like all I do remember. Kind of I don't 416 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 2: know if there was anything else, But I mean there 417 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,240 Speaker 2: was like the DA was like get ready, there's like 418 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:51,440 Speaker 2: a whole rap sheet of it all. 419 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:57,960 Speaker 1: There's definitely multiple money launderings. I know that he money 420 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,439 Speaker 1: laundered from pretty much anybody he was with, is what 421 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:06,679 Speaker 1: I've heard. Yeah, and the DV like I said, I 422 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:15,760 Speaker 1: know two people that that happened to mhm. And I 423 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,040 Speaker 1: know the money laundering on my side of the family 424 00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,520 Speaker 1: was a lot. 425 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,320 Speaker 3: Do you know any does he had Did he have siblings? 426 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,400 Speaker 1: He had half half siblings, Yes. 427 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:28,919 Speaker 3: Which I didn't really. 428 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:35,080 Speaker 2: Maybe spent maybe up up one hand a time with them, 429 00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:38,680 Speaker 2: like a couple of times, like there was an Have. 430 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,680 Speaker 3: Either of you talked to those people, those siblings, Yeah, 431 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,880 Speaker 3: she has since then. 432 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,280 Speaker 1: Since he commits his side. 433 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:50,040 Speaker 3: Yes, Has that been a helpful piece of the puzzle 434 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:54,199 Speaker 3: to know? You know, like, we know adult of your dad, right, 435 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,080 Speaker 3: we know the adult version of your dad. I'm not 436 00:23:57,359 --> 00:23:59,520 Speaker 3: This is not me searching for closure for either of you, 437 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:01,520 Speaker 3: or he for either of you. I just know there's 438 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,680 Speaker 3: there was a place I got to when I could 439 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:06,840 Speaker 3: understand the little boy version of my dad that helped 440 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:13,639 Speaker 3: me personally just feel like like bigger than grace, like 441 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:18,000 Speaker 3: a deeper compassion, maybe not excusing his behavior, but like 442 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:23,480 Speaker 3: starting to understand how young him could become anger and 443 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:26,960 Speaker 3: outrage him. Right, Yeah, when you met the siblings, did 444 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:28,879 Speaker 3: you get any pieces of the story. Did either of 445 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:32,639 Speaker 3: you feel like you got a better understanding of the 446 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:33,720 Speaker 3: younger version of him? 447 00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:37,359 Speaker 1: No? I don't think so. I had never heard anything 448 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:38,479 Speaker 1: about when he was younger. 449 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:40,400 Speaker 3: Yeah I didn't. 450 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:42,560 Speaker 2: I mean, he had told me his dad died, which 451 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,840 Speaker 2: she said it was not true. So that's that was, 452 00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:47,080 Speaker 2: you know, when wow, when I had come back from 453 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,760 Speaker 2: my silly Vegas trip and I was like. 454 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:51,879 Speaker 3: What did a hidjus Britney spears? Do you know? 455 00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:56,520 Speaker 2: I was like, you know, I went to Romania and 456 00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,639 Speaker 2: he disappeared, like he literally disappeared. And I remember writing 457 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,680 Speaker 2: in my like I have a husband out there that 458 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:03,880 Speaker 2: I don't even know where he's at, Like I mean, 459 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:05,760 Speaker 2: like why I made the raious mistake in my life. 460 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:06,199 Speaker 3: I think I was. 461 00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:11,280 Speaker 2: Nineteen ynny young, young, like the I don't really remember that, 462 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:19,480 Speaker 2: like twenty maybe twenty one. Yeah, so yeah, but it 463 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,600 Speaker 2: was and he was older, like I don't even know, 464 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,560 Speaker 2: like when was I don't even know when he was 465 00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:24,760 Speaker 2: born because I. 466 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,920 Speaker 3: Don't know well, and if you knew, was it accurate? 467 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:28,360 Speaker 1: Right? 468 00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:32,440 Speaker 3: Exactly? But yeah, I mean it wasn't. 469 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:33,360 Speaker 1: Yeah. 470 00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:35,359 Speaker 2: Again, he had told me his dad died, so nothing 471 00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:39,639 Speaker 2: that was ever coming from him was factual and that 472 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,240 Speaker 2: and I think that's the hard piece. But for listeners 473 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:46,959 Speaker 2: out there, how that have gone through something similar, that 474 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:52,760 Speaker 2: don't have their dad present, that have maybe abandonment issues 475 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,879 Speaker 2: or feeling not good enough or feeling like they weren't chosen. 476 00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:01,760 Speaker 2: What has been the best thing for you to know 477 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:05,960 Speaker 2: your worth and to not go down? You know, like 478 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 2: what have you done like therapy? Like what other things 479 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,480 Speaker 2: help you in those moments when that Maybe that's not 480 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,440 Speaker 2: your belief or thought, but that's just what I would 481 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,320 Speaker 2: make up would come up for me. I mean, I 482 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:17,200 Speaker 2: know when my parents got divorced, I was like, Oh, 483 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,280 Speaker 2: I'm not worthy of my dad to stay here. I'm 484 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:22,000 Speaker 2: not I don't deserve that love, Like he's going to 485 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,119 Speaker 2: go be with another family. So that's that was So 486 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,119 Speaker 2: maybe that's me putting on my stuff on you, But 487 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,239 Speaker 2: I guess what did that make you feel? And how 488 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:29,560 Speaker 2: have you been able to overcome that? 489 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:31,000 Speaker 1: Therapy? 490 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:35,960 Speaker 3: Lots, yeah, therapy, Yeah, And what is your belief. Now 491 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,160 Speaker 3: with it, I. 492 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:43,320 Speaker 1: Believe that I am not him and his actions aren't me. 493 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:48,679 Speaker 1: At the end of the day, I am who I 494 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:53,200 Speaker 1: make myself be, and whatever he did is not who 495 00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,120 Speaker 1: I am. 496 00:26:55,200 --> 00:27:01,560 Speaker 3: Definitely, Yeah, a pretty mature and powerful statement to make. 497 00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:02,879 Speaker 1: Thank you. 498 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,919 Speaker 2: Is there anything else that you would want people to 499 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,359 Speaker 2: know or anything that y else? You just a'm like 500 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:11,720 Speaker 2: you just like you want to share this piece. 501 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:18,280 Speaker 1: That if you are blaming yourself for your parents' actions, 502 00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:24,600 Speaker 1: to not blame yourself and to start therapy and talk 503 00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:28,560 Speaker 1: to somebody. Always talk to somebody because closing down and 504 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:33,000 Speaker 1: I used to close down a lot and not speak 505 00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:38,520 Speaker 1: and push people away and abandonment issues. And definitely talk 506 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,880 Speaker 1: to people because people care. 507 00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:46,000 Speaker 3: Framer. Is there anything that you would want to pass along? 508 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:47,360 Speaker 3: This is a pretty. 509 00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:51,080 Speaker 2: Both of you when you just said that though I'll 510 00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:53,359 Speaker 2: never forget something that your dad had said to me 511 00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:55,160 Speaker 2: that was not a nice thing, but he said be seen, 512 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,560 Speaker 2: not heard, and you know it just like spoke when 513 00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:02,400 Speaker 2: you said, like speak your like to speak and be heard. 514 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:04,800 Speaker 2: It's like that just like spoke to me and was 515 00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:09,240 Speaker 2: like a redirection like be heard, you know, and speak 516 00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:12,800 Speaker 2: your truth and don't just be in the shadows of 517 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:19,400 Speaker 2: of that, and I just I want I always go 518 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,679 Speaker 2: to like there's got to be And I know you 519 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,120 Speaker 2: were trying to get at this a little bit too, 520 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:27,320 Speaker 2: like there's I don't want to say that every that 521 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,560 Speaker 2: anybody is all bad or all evil. You know, I 522 00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:32,639 Speaker 2: think they've gone through things they didn't know how to cope. 523 00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:35,000 Speaker 2: They maybe he had a sickness, you know, obviously he 524 00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:39,200 Speaker 2: was addicted to drugs. But you are again, you can 525 00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,160 Speaker 2: take that. You are the beautiful piece out of this, 526 00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:46,040 Speaker 2: you and your sisters. And I think that is the 527 00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:49,520 Speaker 2: goodness of him is in you, Like that, that is you, 528 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,360 Speaker 2: That what he created, maybe not who he is, but 529 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:54,560 Speaker 2: is is you. 530 00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:58,960 Speaker 1: That's why I believe he made four girls and no 531 00:28:59,080 --> 00:28:59,720 Speaker 1: other voice. 532 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:06,800 Speaker 3: So I would agree that's a really powerful redirection from God. Yeah, 533 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:08,120 Speaker 3: that's really powerful. 534 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:10,120 Speaker 2: And in a way now, I mean even we spoke 535 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:13,040 Speaker 2: about this pre show, was that I get to have 536 00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,240 Speaker 2: a different face to him now too, because always like 537 00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:16,960 Speaker 2: seeing his face would give me like that. 538 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:20,280 Speaker 3: You know, reaction. 539 00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:22,160 Speaker 2: But now it's like I have I have you to 540 00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,120 Speaker 2: look at and go like, there is there is beauty 541 00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,400 Speaker 2: in what he was. 542 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:29,240 Speaker 1: Thank you. I appreciate that yeah. 543 00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:31,120 Speaker 2: And I really appreciate you coming on. I'm glad we've 544 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:35,680 Speaker 2: been able to reconnect. And I am here so same. 545 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,000 Speaker 1: I am here whenever you need me. 546 00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:40,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know, being being a mom and we 547 00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:43,240 Speaker 2: are not We're quite close in age. I am older 548 00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 2: than you a bit, but we are. 549 00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:46,240 Speaker 1: I think it's only six years. Yeah. 550 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:48,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, so I'm like we are we are very close. 551 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:54,360 Speaker 3: So that is interesting. Again, he was older issues. No, 552 00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:56,440 Speaker 3: there's no judgment. Yeah. 553 00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:58,800 Speaker 2: So the fact that we can even you know, laugh 554 00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:02,880 Speaker 2: and have you know, healing is is a beautiful thing. 555 00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:04,840 Speaker 2: And I just really appreciate you coming on, reaching out 556 00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:09,480 Speaker 2: and being persistent enough to put the pieces together for you. 557 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:11,000 Speaker 2: And I think that says a lot about you and 558 00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:13,920 Speaker 2: your and your you know who you are. 559 00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:17,840 Speaker 1: Thank you, Thanks, Brett, and I appreciate you guys taking 560 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:19,600 Speaker 1: me and having me talk about this. 561 00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:21,640 Speaker 3: I'm really proud to know you both. 562 00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:22,920 Speaker 1: Thank you. 563 00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:27,960 Speaker 2: All Right, girl, we'll chat soon, Yes, we will, Okay, Bye, Brittany, Bye. 564 00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:34,760 Speaker 3: How are we feeling? You look like him? Yes? That weird? 565 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:35,560 Speaker 3: That was tough. 566 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:38,600 Speaker 2: Yeah. I came over both of you. Yeah, it was 567 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:40,200 Speaker 2: like that. When I saw her, I was like I 568 00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:43,240 Speaker 2: could see it. Yeah, but I just like kept looking 569 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,560 Speaker 2: at her and was like, that's why I meant what 570 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,200 Speaker 2: I said to her, Like, look at the she is 571 00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:50,480 Speaker 2: the most beautiful piece of him, you know. But it 572 00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:54,880 Speaker 2: was Yeah, that was that was tough. But I'm I'm 573 00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:55,880 Speaker 2: proud of her for coming on. 574 00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:57,480 Speaker 3: She's beautiful. 575 00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,640 Speaker 2: Okay, Ah, I'm really proud of you. We're going to 576 00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:04,160 Speaker 2: part to it and we're gonna have Amy Alexander come 577 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:07,040 Speaker 2: on and talk about DV E, M, d R other 578 00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:10,400 Speaker 2: ways to heal. So stay tuned for the next episode 579 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:14,520 Speaker 2: because it'll be one of one of the ways that 580 00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:20,960 Speaker 2: anyone going through emotional, verbally, physical, any kind of abuse, 581 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:25,080 Speaker 2: and just therapy healing tips. Stay tuned for the next one. 582 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:29,320 Speaker 2: Thanks for holding space, KB always, friend forever, my honor. 583 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:31,640 Speaker 1: Bye.