WEBVTT - Everyone Needs a "Jay!" w/ Karamo Brown 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:01.960 The girls that I said, you know what, I bought 0:00:02.000 --> 0:00:04.320 them for you for. I'm paying attention. Girl that better 0:00:04.360 --> 0:00:06.040 not be more than a certain size girl. 0:00:06.080 --> 0:00:06.520 That means. 0:00:09.080 --> 0:00:23.279 It's a height limit. Let me you know what we 0:00:23.360 --> 0:00:27.160 do here, destroy shame around sex by talking about sex. Now, 0:00:27.240 --> 0:00:29.760 let me tell you something messy. I don't know if 0:00:29.800 --> 0:00:32.839 it's messy. It is, though, basically every time I go 0:00:33.080 --> 0:00:35.400 through the t s A it seems as though I 0:00:35.400 --> 0:00:37.400 get stopped. You know, when you go in through the 0:00:37.840 --> 0:00:40.239 big thing where you gotta put your hands up and 0:00:40.400 --> 0:00:42.320 spread your legs and you gotta spread your legs and 0:00:42.320 --> 0:00:45.720 put them on the stickers on the ground, and then 0:00:45.720 --> 0:00:48.120 that big machine goes whoosh right, and then you step 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:50.320 out and they look at their little monitor to see 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:53.479 if there's anything they gotta pat down. For whatever reason, 0:00:54.200 --> 0:00:57.640 I keep buzzing that thing off, and the area that 0:00:57.680 --> 0:01:02.520 they have to look at is my like to the 0:01:02.520 --> 0:01:05.800 point where like they I now know when the TSA 0:01:05.880 --> 0:01:07.760 agent looks at me, because they have to give me 0:01:07.800 --> 0:01:11.080 the hey, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna touch you, 0:01:11.120 --> 0:01:13.720 I'm gonna touch your dick. They don't say that because 0:01:13.760 --> 0:01:16.319 that's unprofessional, but they're like, you spread your legs and 0:01:16.400 --> 0:01:18.319 use the back of my hand, and they show me 0:01:18.360 --> 0:01:21.720 the monitor to show and it's blinking red like around 0:01:21.800 --> 0:01:24.280 my dick, and I'm like, there's nothing in there, like 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:26.679 I'm wearing you know, I don't travel crazy. I wear 0:01:26.720 --> 0:01:30.000 sweats to travel, you know, and I do wear underwear, 0:01:30.440 --> 0:01:33.320 and it's very loose underwear. So I'm like, what's going on? 0:01:33.680 --> 0:01:37.000 So I think it means my dick is too big? 0:01:37.240 --> 0:01:37.600 I don't. 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:42.680 I don't want to say that, right, Like, what, like, 0:01:42.720 --> 0:01:46.039 what else is going on? The TSA keeps stopping me 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:54.280 for this weapon. I hate this. This is so toxic, 0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:57.920 but I have no other Like I thought it was 0:01:57.960 --> 0:02:00.280 a zipper at one point, but like it's because I 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:02.480 have like one of my sweats has like zippers on 0:02:02.520 --> 0:02:04.760 the side, but it's not that because there's no zipper 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:07.360 in the front of my groin because I'm not wearing jeans. 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:09.840 They're like, I'm not. I don't, you know, I don't. 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:13.079 All that's in there is dick balls and pubes and 0:02:13.120 --> 0:02:15.720 sometimes it's not even pubes because I shaved those at times, 0:02:16.040 --> 0:02:17.760 So I don't. I don't really know what's going on. 0:02:17.800 --> 0:02:20.000 But if you know what's going on and you can 0:02:20.080 --> 0:02:23.320 support me because I'm not, like, I'm not trying to 0:02:23.480 --> 0:02:26.120 be intimate with TSA like this over and over. You 0:02:26.120 --> 0:02:28.639 know what I'm saying, I'm not. That's not that's not uh, 0:02:28.800 --> 0:02:31.200 that's not what I want for me. That's not what 0:02:31.280 --> 0:02:33.920 I see for myself. And so I just need to 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:36.520 know if if there's something I can do about my penis. 0:02:37.080 --> 0:02:38.560 Do I need to wrap it? Do I need to 0:02:38.600 --> 0:02:41.720 bind it? Do I need to You know, I was 0:02:41.720 --> 0:02:43.720 gonna say chop it off, but that seems too extreme. 0:02:44.720 --> 0:02:46.600 Not that I'm not gonna do that, but like what, 0:02:46.800 --> 0:02:48.840 like do I need to say ahead of time, Hey, 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:54.920 big dick, it's gonna buzz off. Could you imagine just 0:02:54.960 --> 0:02:58.040 like putting my stuff on the convey like, hey, big dick, hare, 0:02:58.560 --> 0:03:02.720 it's gonna the machine's gonna go off tender tender. I 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:04.440 don't know, but if you have any thoughts on why 0:03:04.440 --> 0:03:05.960 this happens, please let me know. If you are a 0:03:05.960 --> 0:03:08.840 TSA agent, or you work with those machines, if you 0:03:08.919 --> 0:03:11.680 invented those machines, I don't know. I don't know who listens. 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:13.679 Maybe you can give us a little more insight as 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:18.240 to why my dick keeps setting off the alarms. Well, 0:03:18.280 --> 0:03:19.639 by the way, welcome to the show. This is called 0:03:19.639 --> 0:03:22.000 telling me something messy. I'm your host, Brandon Cayle Goodman. 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:24.600 Some people call me messy mother, but you could call 0:03:24.680 --> 0:03:28.359 me okay. Well, I mean there are options here. You 0:03:28.360 --> 0:03:33.320 can call me tsass, you can call me pet down pro, 0:03:33.639 --> 0:03:36.320 you call me you call me pet down, pussy pro, 0:03:37.960 --> 0:03:43.520 My god, start the show. Start the show. You know 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:45.240 what that sound means. That sound means that there is 0:03:45.240 --> 0:03:48.680 a foosball. If you're new here, foosball is our safe word. 0:03:49.080 --> 0:03:51.400 So if like, something happens on the show and you're like, 0:03:51.480 --> 0:03:57.800 oh that unintentionally offended or what is that? Or what foosball? 0:03:59.200 --> 0:04:00.920 So let's talk about it. A couple weeks ago over 0:04:00.960 --> 0:04:04.160 the holiday, I doe what episode was that? It was 0:04:04.480 --> 0:04:08.080 the Christmas episode? Yes, because the episode my Messy Story 0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:12.680 or my messy rant was about uh winter penis. If 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:17.440 you recall, and somebody messaged online, they didn't call it 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:19.560 a foosball moment. My assumption is they were a first 0:04:19.560 --> 0:04:22.520 time listener and they just took issue with what they 0:04:22.560 --> 0:04:25.719 felt I was making fun of performance anxiety and a 0:04:25.760 --> 0:04:30.560 rectal dysfunction and bragging about having a big dick what 0:04:30.600 --> 0:04:33.400 they said, So it made me want to just step 0:04:33.440 --> 0:04:35.440 this out for a moment. One When it comes to 0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:37.640 the winter penis messy story, I was not making fun 0:04:37.680 --> 0:04:40.719 of performance anxiety or a rectile dysfunction. There are things 0:04:40.760 --> 0:04:43.640 I've experienced and I've written about. I was making fun 0:04:43.839 --> 0:04:47.760 of something called winter penis and the concept of a 0:04:47.760 --> 0:04:52.400 penis receding into your your body by fifty percent because 0:04:52.440 --> 0:04:56.599 it's wintertime. Turn a thermostat, baby, we call me good. Okay. 0:04:56.640 --> 0:05:00.160 I was comparing it to blue balls, but which you know, 0:05:00.200 --> 0:05:02.840 blue walls. My husband says it's real, but I think 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:07.359 it's a myth. Anyways, So that was my take on 0:05:07.440 --> 0:05:10.800 winter penis, that said in general, and I maybe I'm 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:12.760 just over explaining, but we are, you know, I know 0:05:12.880 --> 0:05:15.320 there are new listeners coming in and you might be 0:05:15.440 --> 0:05:17.520 new to me completely, and so I just want to 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:20.400 make sure that I am setting up the guardrails of 0:05:20.440 --> 0:05:23.600 this space that we're building together, our community, which is 0:05:23.600 --> 0:05:25.599 when I do the messy stories and the messy rants. 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:28.520 A lot of times they are of course based off 0:05:28.520 --> 0:05:32.159 of true events, but this is a comedy podcast and 0:05:32.400 --> 0:05:34.960 I'm gonna make some jokes. I'm gonna be laughing, never 0:05:35.040 --> 0:05:37.360 at the expense of anyone, never at making fun of 0:05:37.400 --> 0:05:40.880 anyone unless it's myself. So when I talk about specifically 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:43.279 having a big dick, girl, what's a big dick? Define 0:05:43.320 --> 0:05:45.159 a big dick? Define the length of a big dick, 0:05:45.640 --> 0:05:51.800 which is a different episode for the podcast, Like I'm 0:05:52.000 --> 0:05:54.520 fucking around with y'all. Okay, So I hope y'all all 0:05:54.920 --> 0:06:00.560 be thinking that I'm here bragging about having a big dick. 0:06:00.720 --> 0:06:04.600 I'm not. I don't my dick. This happened with me 0:06:04.760 --> 0:06:08.600 on a grinder. People will ask what how big are you? 0:06:08.800 --> 0:06:11.240 And people are very obsessed with the size, and I 0:06:11.920 --> 0:06:14.200 will tell y'all what I tell them, I don't know. 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:18.200 I have not measured my penis since I was a teenager. 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:22.479 When my dick gets hard, my first instinct is not, huh, 0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:26.160 I should measure this, And if that's yours, you know, 0:06:26.400 --> 0:06:29.119 go off. I love you, you know, know your body 0:06:29.200 --> 0:06:31.600 like that. But that is just not my instinct. And 0:06:31.720 --> 0:06:34.039 I think that there's there are conversations to have which 0:06:34.040 --> 0:06:38.680 we won't have in this episode about bde as we 0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:40.600 would call it big dick energy or what is a 0:06:40.640 --> 0:06:42.880 big dick, and what are we qualifying as a big dick, 0:06:42.960 --> 0:06:45.600 and why is that important? All that stuff. We're not 0:06:45.720 --> 0:06:48.080 doing that today though, But I just want to say, 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:50.760 because I know the messy story I just told was 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:54.880 me talking about big dick. We're made the jokes here. 0:06:55.160 --> 0:06:57.960 It's a joking joke. Okay, I'm not saying my dick 0:06:58.040 --> 0:06:59.440 is small, but I don't know if my dick is big. 0:06:59.480 --> 0:07:04.000 My dick is dick. And I love her down. Whatever 0:07:04.160 --> 0:07:07.720 she is, however she is qualified, I love her down. Okay, 0:07:08.240 --> 0:07:10.600 Now let's get the show started. Okay, baby, you know 0:07:10.720 --> 0:07:13.280 what that means. It is time for a guest. Now, 0:07:13.360 --> 0:07:16.280 while they get situated, we'll get our MESSI Kiki started 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:19.960 with a ho manifesto. Repeat after me aloud or in 0:07:20.040 --> 0:07:23.000 your head. Grant me the serenity to unpack my shame, 0:07:23.400 --> 0:07:26.200 the courage to heal, the wisdom to that sex is 0:07:26.320 --> 0:07:29.800 not just about penetration, The audacity to advocate for my 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:33.560 pleasure and boundaries. The strength to not call my ex 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:36.480 that fuck boy, fuck girl, or fuck bay, for it 0:07:36.640 --> 0:07:39.560 is better to masturbate by myself in peace than to 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:43.320 let someone play in my motherfucking face. Let the community 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:48.160 say Oh helujah. I am so excited to have Karamo 0:07:48.360 --> 0:07:51.840 on the show. The Emmy nominated hosts and culture expert 0:07:51.960 --> 0:07:55.640 on Netflix's international hit series Queer Eye, Karamo is a 0:07:55.720 --> 0:07:59.280 sympathetic talk therapist wrapped inside a life coach and zipped 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:02.920 into a fast fashion bomber jacket. According to The New Yorker, 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:06.680 Karamo draws from his work in social services to show 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:09.560 how he both discovered and learned to explore his many 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:13.080 different identities, whether as a black man, openly gay man, 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:16.520 a son of immigrant parents, a Christian, or a single father. 0:08:16.800 --> 0:08:20.600 Karama strategically utilizes the strength of his numerous identities to 0:08:20.760 --> 0:08:24.720 achieve success and teaches others to do the same. Y'all 0:08:24.760 --> 0:08:31.360 please help me. Welcome Karama, Hi, Garama, how are you. 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:32.840 I'm really great. 0:08:32.920 --> 0:08:36.960 I'm so happy you're here. This happen. Thank you, gorgeous? 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:39.160 Thank you. Okay, before we get into the messy ki ki, 0:08:39.240 --> 0:08:41.400 we have some messy mandates, all right, Okay, here we go. 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:44.080 Things get to be on process. Any thoughts or opinion 0:08:44.200 --> 0:08:47.439 shared have the right to shift, evolve or change today, tomorrow, 0:08:47.559 --> 0:08:50.280 ten years from now. And if during the kiki something 0:08:50.280 --> 0:08:53.000 feels too personal or unintentionally offense. We use the safe 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:55.880 word foosball, which gives us a moment to pivot or 0:08:55.920 --> 0:08:59.400 address accordingly. Okay, sound good. Let's start with the loue breaker. 0:08:59.520 --> 0:09:04.719 Okay again, it's perfect, all right, smash or pass? You 0:09:04.800 --> 0:09:05.400 know how this goes. 0:09:05.520 --> 0:09:06.680 Yes, let's say something. 0:09:06.800 --> 0:09:08.520 You tell me if you smash your pass it? Okay, 0:09:08.800 --> 0:09:12.839 smash or past? Camping pass great wine? 0:09:13.280 --> 0:09:14.320 Because I hate the outdoors. 0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:16.800 Yeah, what are the outdoors? I also do not like 0:09:16.880 --> 0:09:21.160 the outdoors because I'm black. There's ancestors that are whispering 0:09:21.200 --> 0:09:24.560 in my ears. Yes, no, no, we're not doing this ship. Yeah. 0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:26.640 People love to camp for days at a time. My 0:09:26.760 --> 0:09:30.319 husband can do it for three days max. But then afterwards, 0:09:30.480 --> 0:09:32.120 the showering of it all, he really can't. 0:09:32.160 --> 0:09:35.360 And your husband is Caucasian, and that is why, that 0:09:35.520 --> 0:09:36.880 is why, that is. 0:09:39.280 --> 0:09:42.440 That is absolutely correact and I never go camping. I'm 0:09:42.480 --> 0:09:47.240 not doing smash your past being verbal and during sex 0:09:47.280 --> 0:09:48.960 in the bedroom, like, do you like quiet? 0:09:49.040 --> 0:09:49.600 Do you smash? 0:09:49.960 --> 0:09:50.120 Yes? 0:09:50.400 --> 0:09:52.880 I'm not verbal, but I love someone verbal. 0:09:52.960 --> 0:09:54.560 You love someone verbal? So you like when they talk? 0:09:54.640 --> 0:09:55.480 You like when they moan? 0:09:55.720 --> 0:09:58.080 All of them scream, moan. 0:09:58.240 --> 0:10:00.319 Tell me what you like what I do was I 0:10:00.440 --> 0:10:03.679 love to I like to whisper in ears and say like, 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:06.480 this is fucking mine, Like, tell me this moment, this 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:07.240 belongs to me. 0:10:08.120 --> 0:10:08.480 Whisper. 0:10:09.320 --> 0:10:12.320 I do a lot of that that's verbal as yeah, 0:10:12.400 --> 0:10:16.640 but like I'm a whisper. Whisper and sex yeah, but 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:18.959 I like I like them to be like as loud 0:10:18.960 --> 0:10:19.520 as possible. 0:10:19.720 --> 0:10:21.880 I love that. I was at a sexpert the other 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:24.079 day and there was a moment where I forgot myself 0:10:24.120 --> 0:10:28.000 and I was like, wow, I'm a squeaking murder. It's 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:33.440 a lower my voice. I'm a smash on spit play yes, yes, 0:10:33.800 --> 0:10:36.640 smash sorry yea. Also you can also smash if it's 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:37.640 like a smash mast. 0:10:37.520 --> 0:10:39.560 Yeah, it's a smash. It's a smash. 0:10:39.880 --> 0:10:44.520 Yeah, it's because I'd love to like do a slight 0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:47.240 little in someone else's mouth. Yes, but if you spit 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:53.760 on me again again their ancestors. Yes, okay, I got 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:57.120 whisper in my ears, like you just said what happened. 0:10:57.280 --> 0:11:00.360 Yes, okay, I'm with you. I like spit a but 0:11:00.920 --> 0:11:03.400 if you spit on me, I have to like remind 0:11:03.480 --> 0:11:08.439 myself that we're not about to fight, because initially I'm 0:11:08.480 --> 0:11:10.719 like and oh wait, no, no, no, we're having a 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:16.200 little Yes. So it's a smass smash or pass fingering 0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:20.319 smash smash. Do you like to finger or be fingered 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:20.800 or both? 0:11:21.080 --> 0:11:24.520 I like to only finger. Yes, Yes, I'm very rare 0:11:24.880 --> 0:11:26.600 when things are near my booty hoole. 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:30.160 That's love. It's love. When it's love, it's only love. 0:11:31.559 --> 0:11:38.880 I can't say the same uh often. But fingering is 0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:41.800 I have like a I have a smass relationship. I 0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:43.440 feel like if somebody can do it and knows how 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:46.160 to do it, it's great. But I think that some people, 0:11:47.120 --> 0:11:49.720 like the finger and the dick do not feel the same, 0:11:50.080 --> 0:11:51.719 and people try to work it the same way and 0:11:51.800 --> 0:11:53.719 it's like no, no, no, Like the finger needs to 0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:57.439 be gentler. And I also don't always want to inside 0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:01.280 like play with the whole. Yes, yeah, you're a little sneaking, 0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:02.120 but you can't. I'm not. 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:05.880 Yes, it's it's actually one of the ways that I 0:12:06.080 --> 0:12:07.800 learned to be a better top was learning how to 0:12:07.880 --> 0:12:10.679 finger first, Oh, tell me about it, eating ass and 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:13.800 learning how to top and being patient and also understanding 0:12:13.840 --> 0:12:14.880 what your partner needs. 0:12:15.040 --> 0:12:15.280 Yes. 0:12:15.520 --> 0:12:17.920 Also allows you to be more in tuned with their feelings. 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:19.920 They're what they're what they're going to enjoy them out of. 0:12:20.160 --> 0:12:23.240 And someone who's not a good top is going to 0:12:23.480 --> 0:12:26.000 treat an asshole with a finger the same way they 0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:27.040 would treat it with their penis. 0:12:27.240 --> 0:12:27.440 Yeah. 0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:31.120 So it's like like you just said, like sometimes it's 0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:33.080 not about jamming it in, it's sometimes about like how 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:33.920 am I massaging it? 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:34.280 Yeah? 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:35.839 I'm playing with the hole in the process at the 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:38.040 same time with my thumb, Like are we going a 0:12:38.120 --> 0:12:38.480 little bit? 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:40.120 Do we need to make it a little bit wetter? 0:12:40.200 --> 0:12:41.280 Do we need to eat it a little bit? Do 0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:42.120 we need to do these things? 0:12:42.200 --> 0:12:42.400 Yeah? 0:12:42.760 --> 0:12:44.360 How did you learn to become a better top? Like 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:46.480 who taught you? Or did you go searching? Or did 0:12:46.520 --> 0:12:47.680 somebody to the bottom was like. 0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:51.040 A really good bottom, a really good, really good bottom. Yeah, 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:54.000 I'm gonna call him Jay. Yeah please and Jay still 0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:57.680 he's married with a beautiful kid now. And Jay really 0:12:57.880 --> 0:12:59.959 was like, I'm ten years older than you and I'm 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:02.960 to sell your little fucking twenty three year ass Ye 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:05.199 pay attention, girl, Yes. 0:13:05.280 --> 0:13:07.040 Now I need you to ask me what is this? 0:13:07.480 --> 0:13:10.480 Do you need to And thenes he. 0:13:10.520 --> 0:13:13.599 Said no, girls ask her, yes, she wants that to 0:13:13.720 --> 0:13:16.000 And I'm like Okay, Oh I love Jay. 0:13:16.360 --> 0:13:19.240 Yeah, everyone needs a Jay. I feel like everyone needs, 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:21.880 especially queer folks because you know, I feel like straight 0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:29.400 sexes is no straight men also need I think the 0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:33.640 ladies listening here like, yes, please get them. I'll be 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:35.679 the Jay. But like, yeah, I think we all need 0:13:35.720 --> 0:13:39.160 because it's wild, like we're kind of tossed into sex 0:13:39.559 --> 0:13:41.520 and expected to know how to do it based off 0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:43.280 of what we saw on a TV show or we 0:13:43.320 --> 0:13:45.760 saw on porn, but that there's no there's such a 0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:48.400 fear of asking. There's such a fear of admitting that 0:13:48.440 --> 0:13:51.480 you don't know what to do. We're asking how to be, 0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:53.720 how to do it well. So to have a Jay 0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:57.319 who doesn't dismiss you but goes let me actually work 0:13:57.400 --> 0:13:59.960 you through this is so loving and liberty. 0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:01.680 One of my favorite things that I try to remind 0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:04.559 people now is like especially when like, if you really 0:14:04.600 --> 0:14:06.360 want to make sure that your sex life is good, 0:14:06.920 --> 0:14:11.720 I'm I love a pause in the middle where we start, 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:16.560 get up, get up from the space you're fucking stand, kiss, embrace, 0:14:17.000 --> 0:14:18.559 and then within that say. 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:19.240 Did you like that? 0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:19.920 Yes? 0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:22.160 What do you want more of? What do you not? 0:14:22.360 --> 0:14:24.440 You know? And like it's it can be very sexy. 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:27.400 It's not because people think like to ask is to 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:30.400 take away the mood, right, but actually a pause with 0:14:30.520 --> 0:14:32.480 an embrace and kissing in the middle and being like 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:32.920 did you like? 0:14:33.080 --> 0:14:33.600 What do you like? 0:14:34.320 --> 0:14:36.520 Is like you're you're making sure that we're all aligned, 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:39.440 the intimacy is there, and then you're now paying attention 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:42.200 to their needs. I love, And that's my favorite fucking 0:14:42.240 --> 0:14:42.520 thing to do. 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:45.800 That is such a great recommendation, and I appreciate like 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:48.840 stepping that out like a check in, check in during 0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:50.920 the sex, but then like a really big step out of. 0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:54.600 The step out, step out, and we're not laying not 0:14:54.720 --> 0:14:55.840 like it's. 0:14:55.720 --> 0:14:57.360 Like we're taking a moment. We're taking a moment. 0:14:57.400 --> 0:14:59.640 We're going to breathe, We're gonna embrace, like what did 0:14:59.680 --> 0:14:59.880 you like? 0:15:00.240 --> 0:15:02.760 You know what I think is people are white people 0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:04.720 don't do that as because I also I often feel 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:07.360 like people are going once we penetrator and this is it, 0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:11.520 and I'm like, sex is like it's a journey, journey, journey. 0:15:11.600 --> 0:15:14.880 I just went on a roller coaster yesterday, so I'm 0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:16.600 going to describe it as a roller coaster, which is 0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:18.720 that like they are ups and downs, there are loops. 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:22.920 There's moments that it's super fast moments, but like having those, 0:15:23.400 --> 0:15:25.320 like understanding that sex should be a journey and not 0:15:25.440 --> 0:15:27.640 just like one linear linear path. I agree. 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:29.600 I'm so glad that we have you, and then you 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:32.280 have this podcast me too, and that you are like 0:15:32.640 --> 0:15:35.800 on a national platform talking about these things. Yeah, and 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:38.160 I just got to give you some flowers. I mean, seriously, 0:15:38.600 --> 0:15:40.920 I got. I mean, I've always loved your career and 0:15:40.920 --> 0:15:42.600 I always supported you, But when I saw you the 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:45.080 other day, I watch What Happens Live and you talking 0:15:45.200 --> 0:15:49.920 so freely and openly and confidently about you your relationships, 0:15:50.400 --> 0:15:53.680 I literally got emotional because as black men, as black 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:56.560 queer men, yeah, we don't have those examples. We do 0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:59.240 not have enough of those examples. And this is not 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:02.880 to discredate anyboy online, it's not. But I feel like 0:16:03.160 --> 0:16:06.120 more straight black women have those Black women have those, 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:07.880 but I don't feel like queer black men have what 0:16:08.040 --> 0:16:09.000 you are providing us. 0:16:09.160 --> 0:16:12.240 Yeah, there's the queers and the black queers. There's not 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:14.880 a space necessarily for us all to go to to 0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:16.360 go to watering holes like. 0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:17.360 You are it. 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:20.720 And I'm getting full and I'm enjoying every moment of it. 0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:22.280 And I've just said to give your flowers? 0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:24.400 Can I give your flowers back? Though? Because you have 0:16:24.520 --> 0:16:28.120 supported me from the very beginning and seeing you is 0:16:28.200 --> 0:16:30.600 also given me courage. Do you know what I'm saying? 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:33.720 Like seeing somebody that looks like me out there, who 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:37.320 is openly queer living their fabulous life like that is 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:39.520 he Let mean, that's not something I grew up with, 0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:41.520 even like you know the Coromo show right now, Like 0:16:41.800 --> 0:16:44.000 that wasn't to see a black queer with their own 0:16:44.080 --> 0:16:46.720 daytime show. That wasn't a thing. That wasn't even like 0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:49.640 it was so radical to conceive of that. And so 0:16:50.360 --> 0:16:51.440 giving you your flowers as. 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:53.320 Well, I can't wait, and well I can't wait, but 0:16:53.360 --> 0:16:55.280 I can't wait for two hundred years from now when 0:16:55.640 --> 0:16:58.560 there's two of us here, They're gonna be calling on 0:16:58.600 --> 0:16:59.960 the ancest and we're gonna be standing over. 0:17:01.960 --> 0:17:07.200 To get it, baby, get it. We are so proud, Okay, 0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:07.680 get it. 0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:10.960 Yeah, we're proud of y'all. Keep achieving, keep sucking. 0:17:12.160 --> 0:17:16.040 Absolutely we will be there, will be absolutely. Absolutely. You 0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:20.840 won the game by the way you did the smash 0:17:20.880 --> 0:17:26.040 your paths. You want to you win. My unconditional love 0:17:28.280 --> 0:17:30.959 if y'all have any prompts or ideas for loop breakers, 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:33.719 email tell me something messy at gmail dot com. Speaking 0:17:33.720 --> 0:17:35.560 of which, Chroma, can you tell me something messy? 0:17:36.000 --> 0:17:38.040 What I am is an open book, and what I 0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:40.959 am now is I want to be more of an 0:17:40.960 --> 0:17:44.920 open book about all parts of me. Is because there's 0:17:44.960 --> 0:17:48.360 been a very as a as a queer man, as 0:17:48.440 --> 0:17:51.080 a gay black man, there has been a place where 0:17:51.240 --> 0:17:54.200 like I had to be sort of squeaky a sort 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:56.320 of way because of the show I was on, and 0:17:56.400 --> 0:17:58.080 we were looked at as like these five gays who 0:17:58.080 --> 0:18:00.720 can never do anything in the representative Yeah, and I 0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:03.080 do not want to be like I want to be 0:18:03.240 --> 0:18:05.520 me and live my career and so and you and 0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:06.919 I didn't know each other very personally. 0:18:07.000 --> 0:18:07.520 She's a hoe. 0:18:07.600 --> 0:18:10.800 I'm we're both. 0:18:11.400 --> 0:18:12.720 I claim it and I love it. 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:16.080 I love my body and I love I love consensual 0:18:16.200 --> 0:18:20.760 sex and respect and like nastiness at all. And sometimes 0:18:20.960 --> 0:18:23.840 there's not a space for I'm a professional, but also 0:18:24.359 --> 0:18:25.240 I'm a sexual being. 0:18:31.640 --> 0:18:33.720 And then we'll do it. So pretty friends, these are 0:18:33.760 --> 0:18:37.200 your submissions, and remember everything gets to remain anonymous. Okay, 0:18:37.520 --> 0:18:40.959 this one says recently discovered I like getting my pussy 0:18:41.080 --> 0:18:42.639 juice spit in my mouth? 0:18:43.280 --> 0:18:43.760 What do you think of? 0:18:43.880 --> 0:18:45.960 Well, so like we don't have necessarily pussy juice or 0:18:45.960 --> 0:18:47.680 I guess do you like complays? 0:18:47.760 --> 0:18:50.080 So I had a girlfriend is speaking of oh back 0:18:50.119 --> 0:18:53.119 in the way, who like this? She loved it. She 0:18:53.320 --> 0:18:56.080 loved for me to eat her out and then go 0:18:56.200 --> 0:18:58.840 back in her mouth. She's probably the catalyst for me 0:18:58.920 --> 0:18:59.880 never going back to girls ever. 0:19:01.560 --> 0:19:05.600 By the way, because you're like, there, listen, and this 0:19:05.800 --> 0:19:07.040 is no vagina shaming. 0:19:07.119 --> 0:19:08.120 I'm not one of those girls. 0:19:08.680 --> 0:19:12.879 The vagina is gorgeous's beautiful, love it powerful. She's just 0:19:12.960 --> 0:19:15.800 not for me, absolutely, and when she is leaking at 0:19:15.840 --> 0:19:17.520 her best, she's definitely not. 0:19:17.680 --> 0:19:18.520 You're like, I can't do that. 0:19:18.680 --> 0:19:21.080 She's definitely like for me. I've never been a friend 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:24.840