Speaker 1: The girls that I said, you know what, I bought
Speaker 1: them for you for. I'm paying attention. Girl that better
Speaker 1: not be more than a certain size girl.
Speaker 2: That means.
Speaker 3: It's a height limit. Let me you know what we
Speaker 3: do here, destroy shame around sex by talking about sex. Now,
Speaker 3: let me tell you something messy. I don't know if
Speaker 3: it's messy. It is, though, basically every time I go
Speaker 3: through the t s A it seems as though I
Speaker 3: get stopped. You know, when you go in through the
Speaker 3: big thing where you gotta put your hands up and
Speaker 3: spread your legs and you gotta spread your legs and
Speaker 3: put them on the stickers on the ground, and then
Speaker 3: that big machine goes whoosh right, and then you step
Speaker 3: out and they look at their little monitor to see
Speaker 3: if there's anything they gotta pat down. For whatever reason,
Speaker 3: I keep buzzing that thing off, and the area that
Speaker 3: they have to look at is my like to the
Speaker 3: point where like they I now know when the TSA
Speaker 3: agent looks at me, because they have to give me
Speaker 3: the hey, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna touch you,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna touch your dick. They don't say that because
Speaker 3: that's unprofessional, but they're like, you spread your legs and
Speaker 3: use the back of my hand, and they show me
Speaker 3: the monitor to show and it's blinking red like around
Speaker 3: my dick, and I'm like, there's nothing in there, like
Speaker 3: I'm wearing you know, I don't travel crazy. I wear
Speaker 3: sweats to travel, you know, and I do wear underwear,
Speaker 3: and it's very loose underwear. So I'm like, what's going on?
Speaker 3: So I think it means my dick is too big?
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't want to say that, right, Like, what, like,
Speaker 3: what else is going on? The TSA keeps stopping me
Speaker 3: for this weapon. I hate this. This is so toxic,
Speaker 3: but I have no other Like I thought it was
Speaker 3: a zipper at one point, but like it's because I
Speaker 3: have like one of my sweats has like zippers on
Speaker 3: the side, but it's not that because there's no zipper
Speaker 3: in the front of my groin because I'm not wearing jeans.
Speaker 3: They're like, I'm not. I don't, you know, I don't.
Speaker 3: All that's in there is dick balls and pubes and
Speaker 3: sometimes it's not even pubes because I shaved those at times,
Speaker 3: So I don't. I don't really know what's going on.
Speaker 3: But if you know what's going on and you can
Speaker 3: support me because I'm not, like, I'm not trying to
Speaker 3: be intimate with TSA like this over and over. You
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying, I'm not. That's not that's not uh,
Speaker 3: that's not what I want for me. That's not what
Speaker 3: I see for myself. And so I just need to
Speaker 3: know if if there's something I can do about my penis.
Speaker 3: Do I need to wrap it? Do I need to
Speaker 3: bind it? Do I need to You know, I was
Speaker 3: gonna say chop it off, but that seems too extreme.
Speaker 3: Not that I'm not gonna do that, but like what,
Speaker 3: like do I need to say ahead of time, Hey,
Speaker 3: big dick, it's gonna buzz off. Could you imagine just
Speaker 3: like putting my stuff on the convey like, hey, big dick, hare,
Speaker 3: it's gonna the machine's gonna go off tender tender. I
Speaker 3: don't know, but if you have any thoughts on why
Speaker 3: this happens, please let me know. If you are a
Speaker 3: TSA agent, or you work with those machines, if you
Speaker 3: invented those machines, I don't know. I don't know who listens.
Speaker 3: Maybe you can give us a little more insight as
Speaker 3: to why my dick keeps setting off the alarms. Well,
Speaker 3: by the way, welcome to the show. This is called
Speaker 3: telling me something messy. I'm your host, Brandon Cayle Goodman.
Speaker 3: Some people call me messy mother, but you could call
Speaker 3: me okay. Well, I mean there are options here. You
Speaker 3: can call me tsass, you can call me pet down pro,
Speaker 3: you call me you call me pet down, pussy pro,
Speaker 3: My god, start the show. Start the show. You know
Speaker 3: what that sound means. That sound means that there is
Speaker 3: a foosball. If you're new here, foosball is our safe word.
Speaker 3: So if like, something happens on the show and you're like,
Speaker 3: oh that unintentionally offended or what is that? Or what foosball?
Speaker 3: So let's talk about it. A couple weeks ago over
Speaker 3: the holiday, I doe what episode was that? It was
Speaker 3: the Christmas episode? Yes, because the episode my Messy Story
Speaker 3: or my messy rant was about uh winter penis. If
Speaker 3: you recall, and somebody messaged online, they didn't call it
Speaker 3: a foosball moment. My assumption is they were a first
Speaker 3: time listener and they just took issue with what they
Speaker 3: felt I was making fun of performance anxiety and a
Speaker 3: rectal dysfunction and bragging about having a big dick what
Speaker 3: they said, So it made me want to just step
Speaker 3: this out for a moment. One When it comes to
Speaker 3: the winter penis messy story, I was not making fun
Speaker 3: of performance anxiety or a rectile dysfunction. There are things
Speaker 3: I've experienced and I've written about. I was making fun
Speaker 3: of something called winter penis and the concept of a
Speaker 3: penis receding into your your body by fifty percent because
Speaker 3: it's wintertime. Turn a thermostat, baby, we call me good. Okay.
Speaker 3: I was comparing it to blue balls, but which you know,
Speaker 3: blue walls. My husband says it's real, but I think
Speaker 3: it's a myth. Anyways, So that was my take on
Speaker 3: winter penis, that said in general, and I maybe I'm
Speaker 3: just over explaining, but we are, you know, I know
Speaker 3: there are new listeners coming in and you might be
Speaker 3: new to me completely, and so I just want to
Speaker 3: make sure that I am setting up the guardrails of
Speaker 3: this space that we're building together, our community, which is
Speaker 3: when I do the messy stories and the messy rants.
Speaker 3: A lot of times they are of course based off
Speaker 3: of true events, but this is a comedy podcast and
Speaker 3: I'm gonna make some jokes. I'm gonna be laughing, never
Speaker 3: at the expense of anyone, never at making fun of
Speaker 3: anyone unless it's myself. So when I talk about specifically
Speaker 3: having a big dick, girl, what's a big dick? Define
Speaker 3: a big dick? Define the length of a big dick,
Speaker 3: which is a different episode for the podcast, Like I'm
Speaker 3: fucking around with y'all. Okay, So I hope y'all all
Speaker 3: be thinking that I'm here bragging about having a big dick.
Speaker 3: I'm not. I don't my dick. This happened with me
Speaker 3: on a grinder. People will ask what how big are you?
Speaker 3: And people are very obsessed with the size, and I
Speaker 3: will tell y'all what I tell them, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I have not measured my penis since I was a teenager.
Speaker 3: When my dick gets hard, my first instinct is not, huh,
Speaker 3: I should measure this, And if that's yours, you know,
Speaker 3: go off. I love you, you know, know your body
Speaker 3: like that. But that is just not my instinct. And
Speaker 3: I think that there's there are conversations to have which
Speaker 3: we won't have in this episode about bde as we
Speaker 3: would call it big dick energy or what is a
Speaker 3: big dick, and what are we qualifying as a big dick,
Speaker 3: and why is that important? All that stuff. We're not
Speaker 3: doing that today though, But I just want to say,
Speaker 3: because I know the messy story I just told was
Speaker 3: me talking about big dick. We're made the jokes here.
Speaker 3: It's a joking joke. Okay, I'm not saying my dick
Speaker 3: is small, but I don't know if my dick is big.
Speaker 3: My dick is dick. And I love her down. Whatever
Speaker 3: she is, however she is qualified, I love her down. Okay,
Speaker 3: Now let's get the show started. Okay, baby, you know
Speaker 3: what that means. It is time for a guest. Now,
Speaker 3: while they get situated, we'll get our MESSI Kiki started
Speaker 3: with a ho manifesto. Repeat after me aloud or in
Speaker 3: your head. Grant me the serenity to unpack my shame,
Speaker 3: the courage to heal, the wisdom to that sex is
Speaker 3: not just about penetration, The audacity to advocate for my
Speaker 3: pleasure and boundaries. The strength to not call my ex
Speaker 3: that fuck boy, fuck girl, or fuck bay, for it
Speaker 3: is better to masturbate by myself in peace than to
Speaker 3: let someone play in my motherfucking face. Let the community
Speaker 3: say Oh helujah. I am so excited to have Karamo
Speaker 3: on the show. The Emmy nominated hosts and culture expert
Speaker 3: on Netflix's international hit series Queer Eye, Karamo is a
Speaker 3: sympathetic talk therapist wrapped inside a life coach and zipped
Speaker 3: into a fast fashion bomber jacket. According to The New Yorker,
Speaker 3: Karamo draws from his work in social services to show
Speaker 3: how he both discovered and learned to explore his many
Speaker 3: different identities, whether as a black man, openly gay man,
Speaker 3: a son of immigrant parents, a Christian, or a single father.
Speaker 3: Karama strategically utilizes the strength of his numerous identities to
Speaker 3: achieve success and teaches others to do the same. Y'all
Speaker 3: please help me. Welcome Karama, Hi, Garama, how are you.
Speaker 2: I'm really great.
Speaker 3: I'm so happy you're here. This happen. Thank you, gorgeous?
Speaker 3: Thank you. Okay, before we get into the messy ki ki,
Speaker 3: we have some messy mandates, all right, Okay, here we go.
Speaker 3: Things get to be on process. Any thoughts or opinion
Speaker 3: shared have the right to shift, evolve or change today, tomorrow,
Speaker 3: ten years from now. And if during the kiki something
Speaker 3: feels too personal or unintentionally offense. We use the safe
Speaker 3: word foosball, which gives us a moment to pivot or
Speaker 3: address accordingly. Okay, sound good. Let's start with the loue breaker.
Speaker 3: Okay again, it's perfect, all right, smash or pass? You
Speaker 3: know how this goes.
Speaker 2: Yes, let's say something.
Speaker 3: You tell me if you smash your pass it? Okay,
Speaker 3: smash or past? Camping pass great wine?
Speaker 2: Because I hate the outdoors.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what are the outdoors? I also do not like
Speaker 1: the outdoors because I'm black. There's ancestors that are whispering
Speaker 1: in my ears. Yes, no, no, we're not doing this ship. Yeah.
Speaker 3: People love to camp for days at a time. My
Speaker 3: husband can do it for three days max. But then afterwards,
Speaker 3: the showering of it all, he really can't.
Speaker 2: And your husband is Caucasian, and that is why, that
Speaker 2: is why, that is.
Speaker 3: That is absolutely correact and I never go camping. I'm
Speaker 3: not doing smash your past being verbal and during sex
Speaker 3: in the bedroom, like, do you like quiet?
Speaker 2: Do you smash?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: I'm not verbal, but I love someone verbal.
Speaker 3: You love someone verbal? So you like when they talk?
Speaker 3: You like when they moan?
Speaker 2: All of them scream, moan.
Speaker 1: Tell me what you like what I do was I
Speaker 1: love to I like to whisper in ears and say like,
Speaker 1: this is fucking mine, Like, tell me this moment, this
Speaker 1: belongs to me.
Speaker 2: Whisper.
Speaker 1: I do a lot of that that's verbal as yeah,
Speaker 1: but like I'm a whisper. Whisper and sex yeah, but
Speaker 1: I like I like them to be like as loud
Speaker 1: as possible.
Speaker 3: I love that. I was at a sexpert the other
Speaker 3: day and there was a moment where I forgot myself
Speaker 3: and I was like, wow, I'm a squeaking murder. It's
Speaker 3: a lower my voice. I'm a smash on spit play yes, yes,
Speaker 3: smash sorry yea. Also you can also smash if it's
Speaker 3: like a smash mast.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a smash. It's a smash.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's because I'd love to like do a slight
Speaker 1: little in someone else's mouth. Yes, but if you spit
Speaker 1: on me again again their ancestors. Yes, okay, I got
Speaker 1: whisper in my ears, like you just said what happened.
Speaker 3: Yes, okay, I'm with you. I like spit a but
Speaker 3: if you spit on me, I have to like remind
Speaker 3: myself that we're not about to fight, because initially I'm
Speaker 3: like and oh wait, no, no, no, we're having a
Speaker 3: little Yes. So it's a smass smash or pass fingering
Speaker 3: smash smash. Do you like to finger or be fingered
Speaker 3: or both?
Speaker 1: I like to only finger. Yes, Yes, I'm very rare
Speaker 1: when things are near my booty hoole.
Speaker 3: That's love. It's love. When it's love, it's only love.
Speaker 3: I can't say the same uh often. But fingering is
Speaker 3: I have like a I have a smass relationship. I
Speaker 3: feel like if somebody can do it and knows how
Speaker 3: to do it, it's great. But I think that some people,
Speaker 3: like the finger and the dick do not feel the same,
Speaker 3: and people try to work it the same way and
Speaker 3: it's like no, no, no, Like the finger needs to
Speaker 3: be gentler. And I also don't always want to inside
Speaker 3: like play with the whole. Yes, yeah, you're a little sneaking,
Speaker 3: but you can't. I'm not.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's it's actually one of the ways that I
Speaker 1: learned to be a better top was learning how to
Speaker 1: finger first, Oh, tell me about it, eating ass and
Speaker 1: learning how to top and being patient and also understanding
Speaker 1: what your partner needs.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 1: Also allows you to be more in tuned with their feelings.
Speaker 1: They're what they're what they're going to enjoy them out of.
Speaker 1: And someone who's not a good top is going to
Speaker 1: treat an asshole with a finger the same way they
Speaker 1: would treat it with their penis.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So it's like like you just said, like sometimes it's
Speaker 1: not about jamming it in, it's sometimes about like how
Speaker 1: am I massaging it?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I'm playing with the hole in the process at the
Speaker 1: same time with my thumb, Like are we going a
Speaker 1: little bit?
Speaker 2: Do we need to make it a little bit wetter?
Speaker 2: Do we need to eat it a little bit? Do
Speaker 2: we need to do these things?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: How did you learn to become a better top? Like
Speaker 3: who taught you? Or did you go searching? Or did
Speaker 3: somebody to the bottom was like.
Speaker 1: A really good bottom, a really good, really good bottom. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna call him Jay. Yeah please and Jay still
Speaker 1: he's married with a beautiful kid now. And Jay really
Speaker 1: was like, I'm ten years older than you and I'm
Speaker 1: to sell your little fucking twenty three year ass Ye
Speaker 1: pay attention, girl, Yes.
Speaker 2: Now I need you to ask me what is this?
Speaker 2: Do you need to And thenes he.
Speaker 1: Said no, girls ask her, yes, she wants that to
Speaker 1: And I'm like Okay, Oh I love Jay.
Speaker 3: Yeah, everyone needs a Jay. I feel like everyone needs,
Speaker 3: especially queer folks because you know, I feel like straight
Speaker 3: sexes is no straight men also need I think the
Speaker 3: ladies listening here like, yes, please get them. I'll be
Speaker 3: the Jay. But like, yeah, I think we all need
Speaker 3: because it's wild, like we're kind of tossed into sex
Speaker 3: and expected to know how to do it based off
Speaker 3: of what we saw on a TV show or we
Speaker 3: saw on porn, but that there's no there's such a
Speaker 3: fear of asking. There's such a fear of admitting that
Speaker 3: you don't know what to do. We're asking how to be,
Speaker 3: how to do it well. So to have a Jay
Speaker 3: who doesn't dismiss you but goes let me actually work
Speaker 3: you through this is so loving and liberty.
Speaker 1: One of my favorite things that I try to remind
Speaker 1: people now is like especially when like, if you really
Speaker 1: want to make sure that your sex life is good,
Speaker 1: I'm I love a pause in the middle where we start,
Speaker 1: get up, get up from the space you're fucking stand, kiss, embrace,
Speaker 1: and then within that say.
Speaker 2: Did you like that?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: What do you want more of? What do you not?
Speaker 2: You know? And like it's it can be very sexy.
Speaker 1: It's not because people think like to ask is to
Speaker 1: take away the mood, right, but actually a pause with
Speaker 1: an embrace and kissing in the middle and being like
Speaker 1: did you like?
Speaker 3: What do you like?
Speaker 1: Is like you're you're making sure that we're all aligned,
Speaker 1: the intimacy is there, and then you're now paying attention
Speaker 1: to their needs. I love, And that's my favorite fucking
Speaker 1: thing to do.
Speaker 3: That is such a great recommendation, and I appreciate like
Speaker 3: stepping that out like a check in, check in during
Speaker 3: the sex, but then like a really big step out of.
Speaker 2: The step out, step out, and we're not laying not
Speaker 2: like it's.
Speaker 3: Like we're taking a moment. We're taking a moment.
Speaker 2: We're going to breathe, We're gonna embrace, like what did
Speaker 2: you like?
Speaker 3: You know what I think is people are white people
Speaker 3: don't do that as because I also I often feel
Speaker 3: like people are going once we penetrator and this is it,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, sex is like it's a journey, journey, journey.
Speaker 3: I just went on a roller coaster yesterday, so I'm
Speaker 3: going to describe it as a roller coaster, which is
Speaker 3: that like they are ups and downs, there are loops.
Speaker 3: There's moments that it's super fast moments, but like having those,
Speaker 3: like understanding that sex should be a journey and not
Speaker 3: just like one linear linear path. I agree.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that we have you, and then you
Speaker 1: have this podcast me too, and that you are like
Speaker 1: on a national platform talking about these things. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I just got to give you some flowers. I mean, seriously,
Speaker 1: I got. I mean, I've always loved your career and
Speaker 1: I always supported you, But when I saw you the
Speaker 1: other day, I watch What Happens Live and you talking
Speaker 1: so freely and openly and confidently about you your relationships,
Speaker 1: I literally got emotional because as black men, as black
Speaker 1: queer men, yeah, we don't have those examples. We do
Speaker 1: not have enough of those examples. And this is not
Speaker 1: to discredate anyboy online, it's not. But I feel like
Speaker 1: more straight black women have those Black women have those,
Speaker 1: but I don't feel like queer black men have what
Speaker 1: you are providing us.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's the queers and the black queers. There's not
Speaker 3: a space necessarily for us all to go to to
Speaker 3: go to watering holes like.
Speaker 1: You are it.
Speaker 2: And I'm getting full and I'm enjoying every moment of it.
Speaker 2: And I've just said to give your flowers?
Speaker 3: Can I give your flowers back? Though? Because you have
Speaker 3: supported me from the very beginning and seeing you is
Speaker 3: also given me courage. Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 3: Like seeing somebody that looks like me out there, who
Speaker 3: is openly queer living their fabulous life like that is
Speaker 3: he Let mean, that's not something I grew up with,
Speaker 3: even like you know the Coromo show right now, Like
Speaker 3: that wasn't to see a black queer with their own
Speaker 3: daytime show. That wasn't a thing. That wasn't even like
Speaker 3: it was so radical to conceive of that. And so
Speaker 3: giving you your flowers as.
Speaker 1: Well, I can't wait, and well I can't wait, but
Speaker 1: I can't wait for two hundred years from now when
Speaker 1: there's two of us here, They're gonna be calling on
Speaker 1: the ancest and we're gonna be standing over.
Speaker 3: To get it, baby, get it. We are so proud, Okay,
Speaker 3: get it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're proud of y'all. Keep achieving, keep sucking.
Speaker 3: Absolutely we will be there, will be absolutely. Absolutely. You
Speaker 3: won the game by the way you did the smash
Speaker 3: your paths. You want to you win. My unconditional love
Speaker 3: if y'all have any prompts or ideas for loop breakers,
Speaker 3: email tell me something messy at gmail dot com. Speaking
Speaker 3: of which, Chroma, can you tell me something messy?
Speaker 1: What I am is an open book, and what I
Speaker 1: am now is I want to be more of an
Speaker 1: open book about all parts of me. Is because there's
Speaker 1: been a very as a as a queer man, as
Speaker 1: a gay black man, there has been a place where
Speaker 1: like I had to be sort of squeaky a sort
Speaker 1: of way because of the show I was on, and
Speaker 1: we were looked at as like these five gays who
Speaker 1: can never do anything in the representative Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: do not want to be like I want to be
Speaker 1: me and live my career and so and you and
Speaker 1: I didn't know each other very personally.
Speaker 2: She's a hoe.
Speaker 3: I'm we're both.
Speaker 2: I claim it and I love it.
Speaker 1: I love my body and I love I love consensual
Speaker 1: sex and respect and like nastiness at all. And sometimes
Speaker 1: there's not a space for I'm a professional, but also
Speaker 1: I'm a sexual being.
Speaker 3: And then we'll do it. So pretty friends, these are
Speaker 3: your submissions, and remember everything gets to remain anonymous. Okay,
Speaker 3: this one says recently discovered I like getting my pussy
Speaker 3: juice spit in my mouth?
Speaker 2: What do you think of?
Speaker 3: Well, so like we don't have necessarily pussy juice or
Speaker 3: I guess do you like complays?
Speaker 2: So I had a girlfriend is speaking of oh back
Speaker 2: in the way, who like this? She loved it. She
Speaker 2: loved for me to eat her out and then go
Speaker 2: back in her mouth. She's probably the catalyst for me
Speaker 2: never going back to girls ever.
Speaker 1: By the way, because you're like, there, listen, and this
Speaker 1: is no vagina shaming.
Speaker 2: I'm not one of those girls.
Speaker 1: The vagina is gorgeous's beautiful, love it powerful. She's just
Speaker 1: not for me, absolutely, and when she is leaking at
Speaker 1: her best, she's definitely not.
Speaker 3: You're like, I can't do that.
Speaker 1: She's definitely like for me. I've never been a friend
Speaker 1: of a great food. I've never I've never like, give
Speaker 1: me something that like squirts.
Speaker 3: In my mouth and yeah I want to ice cream?
Speaker 2: Want But she liked when I would like. It started
Speaker 2: off where that was eighteen.
Speaker 1: You would eat her out and then she would say
Speaker 1: kiss me, and then it got to more like playing
Speaker 1: with her clitorists.
Speaker 2: She came and then she'd be like, put.
Speaker 3: In my mouth, Oh what for some for some, hey,
Speaker 3: for some, for I feel like I mean, I do
Speaker 3: love swallowing. I'm a you know, I'm an overachiever in
Speaker 3: that way, but I've never like put come in my
Speaker 3: mouth and then like spirit or let them or come
Speaker 3: in somebody's mouth and let them put in my mouth.
Speaker 3: I'll try it, and then I'll let you know, because
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Maybe dependent on how much the person orgasms.
Speaker 3: Sure like if they're a big coming, yeah, I famously
Speaker 3: understand it. I have smaller loads. Famously. There are times
Speaker 3: where it's a big load, but usually i'd be getting
Speaker 3: sucked for a long time. Yes, but if it's just
Speaker 3: like a masturbation, it's because I'm a dribbler, like down there,
Speaker 3: look at me, knowing sports. But I'm gonna try this.
Speaker 3: My boyfriend does couple lot, so I don't know I
Speaker 3: can do it with him, but yes, I'm gonna try this.
Speaker 3: Hour report back. Okay, this one says, my boyfriend's office
Speaker 3: door locks you in. We fucked while the kids were
Speaker 3: in the room on their phones. The five year old
Speaker 3: tried to save us and picked the lock. Now I'm
Speaker 3: always thinking about because the holidays were coming, like having
Speaker 3: like parents having sex with the kids. You have two kids, Yes,
Speaker 3: you're navigated sex with kids in the house.
Speaker 1: Yes, How do you do it about especially once they
Speaker 1: start getting to like twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and they could fully be aware its kids ruined sex.
Speaker 3: Do you have to have a conversation about it?
Speaker 2: Do you? Like, how do you win kids?
Speaker 3: Well, like yeah, like if you're like, okay, you're a
Speaker 3: ven age having sex me and no, no.
Speaker 1: I mean like maybe you should be able to have
Speaker 1: a conversation, but like I still and I know how
Speaker 1: to talk about relationships. I know, have a conversation with
Speaker 1: kids about them being safe with their sex. It's been
Speaker 1: about exploring, but like there's always this boundary of like
Speaker 1: I'm your dad, I can't tell you what I'm doing,
Speaker 1: Thus you can't hear what I'm.
Speaker 2: Doing, and you can't you can't know.
Speaker 1: You can't I don't do anything any single thing. And
Speaker 1: so it's so like like when I was in when
Speaker 1: we were I was in this ten year relationship, and
Speaker 1: when the kids were in the house, it was like no,
Speaker 1: no sex, or we.
Speaker 2: Have to go in the bathroom. The bathroom door that
Speaker 2: was in the bedroom already, So.
Speaker 3: There was like a double double.
Speaker 1: Usually the shower would be on or we'd have to
Speaker 1: wait till they were sleep, and it was always silent,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: We just talked about like yeah, yeah, And so I
Speaker 2: feel for them. They are always gonna want to be
Speaker 2: They want to know what's.
Speaker 3: Hayah, I have the clothes I have? Is the dog?
Speaker 3: The dog really wants to be?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm like, you have to.
Speaker 3: I'm okay with people like to have sex with the
Speaker 3: animals in the room. God bless you. That is not me.
Speaker 2: I don't mean either when you turn right, Oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: we wanted to.
Speaker 3: Not doing talk in the living room, will be in
Speaker 3: the bedroom. Yea, yeah, I don't.
Speaker 2: I wish I wish parents the best of luck. Though
Speaker 2: that I wish them the best.
Speaker 3: I wish you have. You have to negotiate it.
Speaker 1: It's like real conversation about how we're gonna do that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you know that's probably also like what I like
Speaker 1: straight couples, they end up having sexless marriages because they
Speaker 1: get into a pattern where it's like it's about the kids. Yes,
Speaker 1: we can't have intimacy unto their sleep. And then now
Speaker 1: we've just lost learning how to have connection.
Speaker 3: Yes, we talked about that. I interview Danielle Schneider and
Speaker 3: we were talking just about like motherhood and how that
Speaker 3: shifts when you have a kid and now your attention
Speaker 3: becomes about the kid. How that can kind of play
Speaker 3: with your sex drive and like having to learn a
Speaker 3: new way of connecting. Yes, actually yeah, because you're like
Speaker 3: there's a new child or several children, and that's gonna
Speaker 3: it's not gonna be as easy as it was.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: But I also think with gay men and I can
Speaker 1: speak from that. For me, I think like seeing as
Speaker 1: how and not allah, there is the way our parties,
Speaker 1: you know, like a circuit party or like even like
Speaker 1: a festival or a pride can like sometime you know,
Speaker 1: allow you know, more open sexual environments, like navigating that
Speaker 1: when you have kids as well, like you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, because like we know that a friend can
Speaker 1: also be a.
Speaker 3: Could be a friend. Kids, kids pick up on certain
Speaker 3: yeah energy.
Speaker 2: And so having those those conversations were also like how
Speaker 2: did you do that?
Speaker 3: Did were you able to do that? Are you still
Speaker 3: forget that? No?
Speaker 2: At somebody? What's the email address?
Speaker 4: At?
Speaker 2: Message?
Speaker 1: Tell me something amail dot com? Can y'all tell us
Speaker 1: gay parents out of the trenches now?
Speaker 3: But the ones that are in there, how y'all doing that,
Speaker 3: How y'all doing how y'all navigating the circuit parties and
Speaker 3: the full.
Speaker 2: And they're coming home with the kids.
Speaker 1: Because have you ever seen that little bor on social
Speaker 1: media where he like mimics his two gay his parents
Speaker 1: are bears, and oh yes, I like, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I love them. Like he's going to pick up on
Speaker 1: something soon.
Speaker 3: They're not intentionally trying to put that phone down, so
Speaker 3: that's see. Okay. This one says, I went to my
Speaker 3: first Sniffy's orgy on Saturday, a success, which sniffy is,
Speaker 3: by the way, for you who don't know, it's an app,
Speaker 3: it's it's an app as far as I understand, that's
Speaker 3: just on a desktop. And I would say, as my understanding,
Speaker 3: Sniffy's they nasty and grinder. They in the parks.
Speaker 1: So you know why it can't be because like, you
Speaker 1: can't confirm my identity. So that's why they can't. They
Speaker 1: don't reach those guidelines because.
Speaker 3: Anonymous, and that's part of the I like to know
Speaker 3: who I like.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be on it.
Speaker 3: I don't want to.
Speaker 1: I'm not showing up to see who is the person.
Speaker 1: I like the surprise, you know. I used to love
Speaker 1: like when the door opens. That's not how I like
Speaker 1: to do my No, no, that's my TV shows. Do
Speaker 1: you remember your first orgy?
Speaker 2: Mine?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, what was it?
Speaker 3: What was your experience in your first orgy?
Speaker 1: It was overwhelming because everyone I talked about it like
Speaker 1: there was a strong period of my life where like
Speaker 1: I was heavy on like drugs and whatever. But at
Speaker 1: this point for my first urgy, I was sober, and
Speaker 1: so it was overwhelming because there was nothing but a
Speaker 1: lot of high bottoms that all were like you know,
Speaker 1: everyone else who could have been a top was unable
Speaker 1: to perform because we were too high.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So it was like a lot of pressure of life.
Speaker 3: It was you and your day.
Speaker 1: It was like I'm like, girl, I go, let's go.
Speaker 1: But then it was like, okay, I don't. It's like
Speaker 1: I'm not connecting anymore. Yeah, and for me, I need connection.
Speaker 1: I need a bit of connection.
Speaker 3: I'm with you just a little bit, even though you're
Speaker 3: just like do you like that song? I like that
Speaker 3: song too, Yeah, let's follow it.
Speaker 2: You need a little bit of connection.
Speaker 3: So a little bit. Yes, you know, let me define
Speaker 3: orgy because I was thinking about, like, what is the
Speaker 3: difference between an orgy and a sex party, which they
Speaker 3: have crossover, but they're I think slightly different. Do you
Speaker 3: know the difference I would think would you describe it?
Speaker 3: I would think that.
Speaker 1: Sex party is more a lot more strangers and also
Speaker 1: usually is coming after a club or there could be
Speaker 1: more drugs involved, where orgy is more we're aware of
Speaker 1: the people that are coming and that you know, like
Speaker 1: this is specifically for us to have a certain type
Speaker 1: of enjoyment and there's.
Speaker 2: Less drugs involved. Yes, is what I would assume that
Speaker 2: would So this.
Speaker 3: Is this is I googled it and it said an
Speaker 3: orgy is This one says a sex party where guests
Speaker 3: freely engage and open and unrestrained sexual activity of group sex.
Speaker 3: This other one says a wild party, especially one involving
Speaker 3: excessive drinking and unrestrained sexual activity. I'm kind of more
Speaker 3: with you. Where I think an orgy, I would describe
Speaker 3: it as group sex, which you know, like is like
Speaker 3: five or more, uh, And I would say that like
Speaker 3: we're all in the same room. Ye.
Speaker 2: Sex party is like the girls.
Speaker 3: And there's like maybe perhaps I don't know if it's
Speaker 3: I would say, like a sex party. Sometimes he has
Speaker 3: a little more structure because you're like, I feel like
Speaker 3: I get invited to a sex party and somebody's like,
Speaker 3: on Friday night, we're doing this. Yeah, there will be lub.
Speaker 1: Well, I feel like orgy is more structured. Okay, is
Speaker 1: girls after people are coming, yes, in my opinion, but
Speaker 1: the sex party is also.
Speaker 3: But I guess the clear different delineation is that a
Speaker 3: sex party would be y'all were just in this space
Speaker 3: wherever you are.
Speaker 1: Orgy we're all coming all together together. Were more it's
Speaker 1: more concise.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what I mean. That's what I think.
Speaker 2: But expert, whatever you do.
Speaker 3: It is what was my first orgy? So my very
Speaker 3: first orgy, by this description, would have been in college,
Speaker 3: eight of us that were freshmen, several of us, several
Speaker 3: men and women, and I don't remember, I like didn't
Speaker 3: know what was happened. It was like my first six
Speaker 3: you know you've seen it important. I can't remember if
Speaker 3: we got naked, like all in the bed, touching and
Speaker 3: stroke and kissing. But then what was my first real
Speaker 3: I guess that was a real orgy, but like as
Speaker 3: an adult, am I have been a dark room more so,
Speaker 3: which I guess that's an orgy more than a sex
Speaker 3: party because we're all in one space.
Speaker 2: It's surprising that you like dark rooms when you don't
Speaker 2: like a Sniffy's so okay.
Speaker 3: So I've learned this about myself. Okay, So I like
Speaker 3: a dark room if I feel emotionally connected outside of
Speaker 3: the dark room. So if my relationships and my like
Speaker 3: roster is doing well outside, then I can do whatever
Speaker 3: in the dark But if my roster or my sex
Speaker 3: is not doing well outside, then there becomes too much
Speaker 3: pressure in the dark room. Got it? Does that make sense?
Speaker 3: I'm if my cup is full and then I can
Speaker 3: move in there, because I think in the dark room
Speaker 3: you gotta have like your confidence, You got to have
Speaker 3: like a You got to just be able to go
Speaker 3: with the flow of what's happening. And if my ship
Speaker 3: is not correct outside, I'm two in my head.
Speaker 2: See, I've never enjoyed it dark You've never enjoyed a
Speaker 2: dark room.
Speaker 3: There's a connection.
Speaker 2: There's a small piece of me that's demisexual.
Speaker 3: Oh and let me can I let me just define demisexual? Uh,
Speaker 3: which is a sexual orientation, where a person only experiences
Speaker 3: sexual attraction after forming a close emotional connection with someone.
Speaker 3: I need you want to know who they are.
Speaker 2: I need to know who you are. I mean, sex
Speaker 2: is beautiful. I love it. I love it when it's
Speaker 2: free and everyone is enjoying it.
Speaker 1: Yes, but like I also like, so I'm I'm one
Speaker 1: of these girls that if we have sex, like and
Speaker 1: it's random, like I still want to like.
Speaker 2: Follow you on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like most people could go to my followers list
Speaker 1: and be like, oh okay, because girl, Like if a
Speaker 1: random person had picked up, it's because I'm not as
Speaker 1: gonna be like, oh girl, I'm like.
Speaker 3: That's gonna I hate why people don't like to say
Speaker 3: hello at the gym after her. It's like, babe, I
Speaker 3: was inside you, like hello, Hello, how are you? How
Speaker 3: are you? People really get like in their head like yeah.
Speaker 1: But no, And so I think that for me is
Speaker 1: why the experience of like dark rooms those places aren't
Speaker 1: as exciting. Yes, because it's like, well, like what you
Speaker 1: just said, if you're a build up on the outside,
Speaker 1: it's sexy now it can follow through for me. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: Like even if the build up is sexy outside I
Speaker 1: don't want to go on there because again I can't see.
Speaker 3: I can't see, and it's true, I do love. I
Speaker 3: do love to dance with somebody. I'm so my friends
Speaker 3: make fun of me because I feel like I get
Speaker 3: a boyfriend at a party, like a dance for a boyfriend,
Speaker 3: so like where my friends will bounce around from guy
Speaker 3: to guy. I've seen it, You've seen me like with one.
Speaker 3: I love it. I'm like I'm in my loan and
Speaker 3: my one night relationship.
Speaker 1: You are giving what I else I love about you
Speaker 1: is you dance and you give us a sexy, beautiful show.
Speaker 1: You're like you're like it's like very like the way
Speaker 1: I can describe you in a club if you don't
Speaker 1: mind you please is Janet jackson if video.
Speaker 4: Wow, this is pray you like but like just but
Speaker 4: like also sexy, but it's like I'm gonna hit that
Speaker 4: but all eyes on you.
Speaker 1: I love.
Speaker 3: I love a dance for I love owning my power
Speaker 3: and I love I love you. That's my like ursula moment.
Speaker 3: I feel like I lure the boys you do.
Speaker 1: That's that's why the only only thought I could have
Speaker 1: was Janet Jackson If. Because it's like I'm here looking
Speaker 1: at me and like everyone is watching.
Speaker 3: I'm okay with that. I know it took a little bit,
Speaker 3: but I love it. My dance for boyfriend Ye. And
Speaker 3: then I go in out the dark room with them, Yes,
Speaker 3: and I find that to be the sexiest. Okay. This
Speaker 3: one says there's a girl who's really into me and
Speaker 3: I like her, but I think I'm afraid of intimacy. Help.
Speaker 3: So I thought we could talk about intimacy because we
Speaker 3: were talking about emotional connection this time. Yeah, I'll define
Speaker 3: intimacy first, and then we can get into how one
Speaker 3: does it. I guess Okay. This says intimacy close familiarity
Speaker 3: or friendship, closeness or a private, cozy atmosphere can be
Speaker 3: an intimate act, especially sexual intercourse, an intimate remark, closeness
Speaker 3: of observation or knowledge of a subject. I think it's
Speaker 3: interesting that intimacy often gets called sexual act, but I
Speaker 3: don't think that every sexual act is intimate.
Speaker 2: It's not not. Yeah, intimacy is.
Speaker 1: It's literally what I just said about earlier, about the
Speaker 1: taking a moment outside of the space yes and standing Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm embracing you and figuring out what you need yes,
Speaker 1: that's intimacy.
Speaker 2: That's to me is when real intimacy happens.
Speaker 3: I agree, what is your desires? What do you want?
Speaker 2: Who are you?
Speaker 3: Who are you? It's a desire to know someone, which
Speaker 3: I find and I've learned this over time. But it
Speaker 3: can be difficult for people to want to have that
Speaker 3: intimacy with a stranger or with someone they're new with.
Speaker 3: And I think that that's exactly when you should be
Speaker 3: trying to agree, Tomcy. But I think that because people
Speaker 3: are so afraid and think that they have to go deep. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's like we have to get married now, we have
Speaker 1: to get an intimate Yes, Like intimacy is just like
Speaker 1: I'm just curious to have a little bit more of
Speaker 1: a connection.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that we're losing a bit of that curiosity,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean of like who are you?
Speaker 3: Yeah? What are you about? And what do you like?
Speaker 1: And like I don't have to then all of a
Speaker 1: sudden say I want more sure because I want to
Speaker 1: be a little bit more intimate with you. And I
Speaker 1: think people need to reframe that in their minds that
Speaker 1: intimacy doesn't mean long term connection. Intimacy can mean, I
Speaker 1: just want to know a bit about you for this moment, Yes,
Speaker 1: so that we can have a better connection.
Speaker 3: I love that. I think that you're saying that, and
Speaker 3: that makes me think that the fear around intimacy is
Speaker 3: that you're losing something. Yeah, right, Like my fear to
Speaker 3: give this intimacy is that I feel like I'm going
Speaker 3: to lose something or that I'm going to be seen
Speaker 3: and rejected, which sorry, I'm processing real time. Which then
Speaker 3: I would be curious if you are intimate with yourself.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Well, the journey always tells with ourselves. I mean,
Speaker 1: and when this goes into emotional sexual how well do
Speaker 1: you know yourself?
Speaker 2: Like, Yeah, I know my body. I know the parts
Speaker 2: that I like.
Speaker 1: I know the parts that make me feel uncomfortable, and
Speaker 1: I'm falling in love with the parts that make me
Speaker 1: feel uncom I know what's going to make me orgasm.
Speaker 1: I know what is going to make me feel giddy,
Speaker 1: and it's you know, childlike in this instance of like
Speaker 1: when we're playful and yeah, for sure, And it's because
Speaker 1: I'm intimate with myself. I have the hard conversation with myself.
Speaker 1: I get close with myself and a lot of people
Speaker 1: don't do that.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
Speaker 3: You know how I learned to be intimate with myself.
Speaker 3: Nothing about it was learning how to douche because there's
Speaker 3: something about that's like you have to learn your body,
Speaker 3: like you have to know when you can do it.
Speaker 3: How how long is.
Speaker 2: But like for me, I've never done in my life.
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, I want you to do it, just
Speaker 3: to do it, I cannot. I can't. Okay, you might listen,
Speaker 3: life is long. You might at one point be like,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna learn how to do Why not said.
Speaker 1: The girls that I said that that in my life,
Speaker 1: I've said, you know what, I bought them for you
Speaker 1: for I'm paying attention. Girl, that better not be more
Speaker 1: than a certain size.
Speaker 2: Girl. That means you, I'm very specific girl, Like was it's.
Speaker 3: The height limit?
Speaker 2: Let me mention very small.
Speaker 3: I feel like douching really because the process of learning
Speaker 3: how to do it and like learning my like learning
Speaker 3: my gut health was required me to be really in
Speaker 3: touch with my body. And so that I think started
Speaker 3: or helped to contribute to a journey of like being
Speaker 3: into with myself. And I do think that the fear
Speaker 3: because this person let me read you exactly what they said.
Speaker 3: They said, I'm afraid of intimacy, and I think that
Speaker 3: that's another way of saying I'm afraid of myself. Because
Speaker 3: if you don't know, if you don't know what's going
Speaker 3: on here, then of course it feels like you're going
Speaker 3: to lose something when you're Whereas for me, because I
Speaker 3: feel like I know what this, what my body is
Speaker 3: and my emotions are, I don't feel like I'm losing
Speaker 3: anything intimate with somebody, even if it's for a moment,
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm expanding into something.
Speaker 1: I agree that's what you are with it. Yeah, right,
Speaker 1: if I can tell you, if I can. Hearing you
Speaker 1: say that, it reminded me that I think the first
Speaker 1: time that I realized that I was intimate with myself
Speaker 1: is through Jagon, who told me to match the right
Speaker 1: in front of them ah and directed me. And this
Speaker 1: is young twenty two year old me twenty three. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that said he was like, touch yourself, m because I
Speaker 1: most men when they're having when they're watching porn, it
Speaker 1: is about me playing only with my penis.
Speaker 3: Yes, that's it.
Speaker 1: I'm going to here, I'm playing with this and then
Speaker 1: maybe nipples. That's it, yes, but how many of us
Speaker 1: have ever caressed ourselves while we're doing it, enjoying ourselves,
Speaker 1: maybe choked yourself a little, did anything to yourself to
Speaker 1: make yourself feel more connected with your own body in
Speaker 1: this act. And then secondly, when he told me to
Speaker 1: do that, it was like it was changing for me
Speaker 1: because I had never caressed my own self. And then
Speaker 1: afterwards the porn that I was watching, he said, so,
Speaker 1: why do you think you enjoyed that? And it was
Speaker 1: the first time someone ever asked me versus just being like,
Speaker 1: oh because it was hot, ask me, what was the intensionality?
Speaker 1: What was my connection to that? What does that else
Speaker 1: wo say about where I'm at mentally, physically, emotionally. And
Speaker 1: it sounds so wild, but I would encourage everyone to
Speaker 1: do it once for once in your life, when you're
Speaker 1: about to have an intimate moment with yourself, touch yourself,
Speaker 1: embrace yourself, feel yourself up as you're also masturbating, and
Speaker 1: then when you're done, take a second before you like
Speaker 1: get up and start your day. And while you had that,
Speaker 1: post that clarity and say, what was it about that
Speaker 1: that I enjoyed and why?
Speaker 3: And where am I? Like?
Speaker 2: Why was this group sex or this this fist thing
Speaker 2: play or whatever it is. Why was that?
Speaker 3: Yeah? And it's not with judgment, right, It's a curiosity.
Speaker 1: With yourself about yourself. It's not a group thing because
Speaker 1: that is now intimacy. And the more you can get
Speaker 1: comfortable in that this person here, you will then find yourself.
Speaker 1: When someone says I want to know more about your body,
Speaker 1: You're like explore, yes, And when they say what are
Speaker 1: you into, You're like, I know what I'm I know,
Speaker 1: And these intimacy questions are going to be so intimidating. Again,
Speaker 1: going to your point, it's about expanding because now I
Speaker 1: can let you in because I'm fully aware of who
Speaker 1: I am.
Speaker 3: Yes, And also like if you don't know, I think
Speaker 3: that's also intimacy. It's like, oh, I actually don't know
Speaker 3: in this and I want to explore. I want to
Speaker 3: expe you are.
Speaker 1: But even that being most people are not afraid to
Speaker 1: say that. Yeah, but that starts with again, like that
Speaker 1: that just taking a moment with yourself. Everything starts at home. Yeah,
Speaker 1: everything starts with you.
Speaker 3: I would also suggest, and this is what I've been
Speaker 3: working on, especially suggested for men or male body and
Speaker 3: anyone's like kind of raising that indoctrinated with that is
Speaker 3: I'm working on being more intimate with my male friends,
Speaker 3: which is not sexual.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but like you know, I was with my best.
Speaker 3: Friend the other day. I was just holding his hand,
Speaker 3: not sexual. It's like I'm here, like, just what are
Speaker 3: those things that we're taught don't do because that's not
Speaker 3: manly or that's whatever. How can I like let me
Speaker 3: run my hand through my best friends? Like it's not sexual,
Speaker 3: but it's intimate.
Speaker 2: So my publicist is here yea.
Speaker 1: And literally when I pulled up the first thing, I
Speaker 1: rolled down the window and said, you are stunning and
Speaker 1: there is there is no sexual between us. We have
Speaker 1: never had anything like that, And but I make it
Speaker 1: a priority. Yes, say intimate beautiful things. Yes, to make
Speaker 1: sure he's aware. Yes, like you're one of the most
Speaker 1: beautiful people.
Speaker 2: You deserve the like and he is.
Speaker 1: Do we not have that like shared like respect of
Speaker 1: like I agree with you, like in finding ways to hug, embrace,
Speaker 1: hold a hand.
Speaker 2: Yes, with a male friend that doesn't turn into sex
Speaker 2: is also gorgeous.
Speaker 3: I love that. Yeah, It's like you can work on
Speaker 3: your intimacy with yourself and with your platonic relationships, and
Speaker 3: I think that will bleed into the romantic or the
Speaker 3: sexual relationships because we're like, what is the fact.
Speaker 2: That so thank you?
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, al conversations.
Speaker 2: All generation this girl. You have no idea.
Speaker 3: We didn't have this girl. We didn't have it. We
Speaker 3: did not have it. We did not have conversation we
Speaker 3: need to be having.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So for this person, I would say, uh.
Speaker 2: One.
Speaker 3: I would also say you can say to that girl,
Speaker 3: I'm afraid of intimacy. I think that's another thing that's
Speaker 3: an intimate that's an intimate act. It's an intimate it's
Speaker 3: to say to the person I'm afraid of intimacy. I
Speaker 3: like you, I really enjoy this, but I'm afraid to.
Speaker 1: And people don't realize that, Yes, even saying the thing
Speaker 1: that's hard is an intimate act.
Speaker 3: And when you say the hard thing to me, it
Speaker 3: gives you all the information you need by the way
Speaker 3: the person responds or reacts, and it's like, oh is
Speaker 3: this If the person who responds in a way that
Speaker 3: holds it, you're like, oh, this is somebody I can
Speaker 3: continue pursuing.
Speaker 2: What listen?
Speaker 3: If they don't, then you're like, save you some time
Speaker 3: save you to ye.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you what I learned very early on
Speaker 1: is that an action can be closure for me. I
Speaker 1: don't need to have forty conversations with you to get
Speaker 1: my closure.
Speaker 3: Come on, that takes time for you.
Speaker 1: To understand that. Like your response in this moment gives
Speaker 1: me the closure I need to know. This is never
Speaker 1: gonna work.
Speaker 3: You can just leave people where they are. Where they are,
Speaker 3: You can say I feel like there's these memes are
Speaker 3: like just say lol, like the girls.
Speaker 2: Feel like I need to call you, I need conversation.
Speaker 2: Your action just gave me the closure I had.
Speaker 3: Absolutely thank you. And even if you had that conversation,
Speaker 3: the frustration you might come up against is that person
Speaker 3: is what I always say, reacting versus responding. So when
Speaker 3: somebody's reacting an attack, it has nothing to do with you.
Speaker 3: It's the baggage that they've brought and it's being projected
Speaker 3: onto you. So you're never gonna get the clear answer
Speaker 3: that you want because it has nothing to do with
Speaker 3: it nothing.
Speaker 2: So take that as your closure.
Speaker 3: Take the Actually, my angel, when somebody shows you they
Speaker 3: are believe that your side, you did that fuck shit,
Speaker 3: that's all that's.
Speaker 2: All I needed.
Speaker 1: I'm so quick on telling people thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: People are so confused when they do something that is negative. Yes,
Speaker 1: say thank you people for the past decade. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: they're like what, and I'm like, no, thank you, gratitude.
Speaker 1: And then I'm like and then the scorpio pops in.
Speaker 1: I'm like, bye, have a good day.
Speaker 3: When I go on a date and somebody's rude to
Speaker 3: a waiter, it is a thank you moment for me.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 3: It's like, oh, you're our first date and you be
Speaker 3: mean to people who are helping us.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 3: I don't need to thank you.
Speaker 2: You go there.
Speaker 3: You mean to me. Eventually, thank thank you, goodbye, goodbye.
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 3: That's team. Let me ask you the last two questions
Speaker 3: that we asked here, which is, have you ever had
Speaker 3: sex and a porta potty? No?
Speaker 2: Girl, No, she is not doing it.
Speaker 3: I'm neither.
Speaker 2: But some people have Okay, hold on, talk to me
Speaker 2: or have you Oh my gosh, oh realized this.
Speaker 3: Think about it.
Speaker 2: So I have house parties and I have portaties. Yes,
Speaker 2: and they're fancy.
Speaker 3: They're fancy.
Speaker 1: They're fancy, they're not they're not the usual pour out
Speaker 1: the construction, construction, they're facing music playing everything.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like a little bit of room. Very nice,
Speaker 3: and so I have Okay, okay, I just oral or
Speaker 3: in one of my to be honest, I might have
Speaker 3: had something to do. Actually, see I did the first
Speaker 3: time I getting over. I did have a little moment.
Speaker 2: About the lie.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've been lying on this podcast. I had sex
Speaker 3: and I did all right, here we go.
Speaker 2: Girl.
Speaker 3: It's not festival and it doesn't stay. That's what's crazy.
Speaker 3: It stays. Yeah, okay. The last question is what could
Speaker 3: you learn to love more about yourself?
Speaker 2: What can I learn? That's a hard question because I'm
Speaker 2: the self work I do daily.
Speaker 1: I bet, I mean, I really am constantly talking to myself,
Speaker 1: having conversation with.
Speaker 3: Myself, Like what's the thing that you worked on the
Speaker 3: most that you were like, oh this is this was
Speaker 3: the thorn. Maybe you love your love you you love
Speaker 3: it now, but it was originally a thorn.
Speaker 1: I wasn't patient with myself and and now I'm more
Speaker 1: patient with myself and I love that I'm in that
Speaker 1: journey right now, makes sense, makes perfect sense. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: am also relationships wise, I am also in a space
Speaker 1: where if we are not planning our partnership, then I
Speaker 1: don't want it. It has to be both of us
Speaker 1: planning our partnership. And when I say planning our partnership,
Speaker 1: I mean are we both actively engage in how we're
Speaker 1: going to be emotionally, partnership, healthy, financially everything. Because the
Speaker 1: girls don't like to always talk about and you have
Speaker 1: one person who's doing more than the other, and that
Speaker 1: why don't they?
Speaker 3: That is so such tea because I have data people
Speaker 3: where I'm like trying to have the emotional conversation and.
Speaker 1: They don't want to. They don't want to have that
Speaker 1: such conversation. They're not They might want to talk one
Speaker 1: part of how we're moving forward, but they don't want
Speaker 1: to talk about the other day. Absolutely, And so if
Speaker 1: you're not planning your partnership with me intentionally, then girl,
Speaker 1: I don't need to be around you.
Speaker 3: I also think that you're saying partnership is so important,
Speaker 3: and I try to specify that like I'm never looking
Speaker 3: for a spouse or a boyfriend or this, I'm looking
Speaker 3: for a partner. It's different, yes, like we're building something well,
Speaker 3: the way you have a business partner, the way you
Speaker 3: have a co host what it's like. That is the
Speaker 3: partnership that I'm looking for building. You said, not just
Speaker 3: trying to be like your passive husband, wife or boyfriend girlfriend,
Speaker 3: but like, let's build, let's build. And that is a
Speaker 3: different level of relationship or just like different approach to
Speaker 3: relationship that requires you to be emotional, to be intimate,
Speaker 3: to be vulnerable, to say what you want what you
Speaker 3: don't want, to like, to have some tension that you
Speaker 3: work through because I think if you're because you know,
Speaker 3: a lot of us grew up, you know, all of
Speaker 3: us grew up watching husband wife and in that dynamic,
Speaker 3: the man is the this and the woman submits, and
Speaker 3: we hate that version of things, but well, I think
Speaker 3: we should all be striving for no matter what the
Speaker 3: gender is. The partnership is the person that says, I
Speaker 3: want to build with you. What you have to say
Speaker 3: is a value here? What I have to say is
Speaker 3: a value here? How do we and we're going to
Speaker 3: find that?
Speaker 2: Yeah, emostly, mentally, physically, come on, sexually, come on, And I.
Speaker 1: Am all about that because I am tired of doing
Speaker 1: the work in a partnership and another nigga is not.
Speaker 3: And you know what that is? That is uh, there's
Speaker 3: a version of yourself that could hate that standard and
Speaker 3: like fight against that and learning too, because I feel
Speaker 3: like that's been me with just emotional connection, learning to
Speaker 3: love that I enjoy emotional connection that I needed it,
Speaker 3: you know. So it's like, oh, I need partnership. I
Speaker 3: need this type of relationship and I don't. That's not
Speaker 3: a bad thing because it's gays. You were like, I'm
Speaker 3: supposed to just be able to put my dick out
Speaker 3: and fuck and like it's like no, no, girl, Yeah,
Speaker 3: I love that. Thank you for being here.
Speaker 2: I will come anytime you want.
Speaker 3: Literally, don't make my pussy clap before I leave, clip plat.
Speaker 3: I love you so much, thank you for having me.
Speaker 3: Of course you've already know we're hoes here, but hose
Speaker 3: with heart. So before we get out of here, let
Speaker 3: me speak to yours. I love that everyone should find
Speaker 3: a jay that is t you need your fairy home mother.
Speaker 3: And perhaps I am a fairy home mother for some
Speaker 3: of you or for a lot of you, and I'm honored,
Speaker 3: but yeah, I think that everyone needs to find a jay.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: The I am team saying I don't know. I have learned,
Speaker 3: and this is about sex is about anything. I have
Speaker 3: learned that there is such power in saying I don't know,
Speaker 3: you know, asking questions, being curious, but saying I do
Speaker 3: not know, because baby, it's your first time doing life.
Speaker 3: You don't need to know everything. You don't have to
Speaker 3: know everything. It does not make you a better person
Speaker 3: because you know everything. It does not make you a
Speaker 3: smarter person or or dumb person because you don't everything.
Speaker 3: Say I don't know, because that actually creates space for
Speaker 3: some learning and growth and expansion is inside of your learning.
Speaker 3: But also specifically with sex, finding somebody you can learn
Speaker 3: with is everything. Finding a partner you can learn with,
Speaker 3: or you know teachers. You know porn is poor, so
Speaker 3: you know that's not my teacher. But like finding sex
Speaker 3: educators or sexual influencers or people who sexual columnists, or
Speaker 3: you know, even your own life, your friends, your partners,
Speaker 3: and being able to talk to them openly more and more.
Speaker 3: I hope that this show inspires you to just talk
Speaker 3: more and more about your sex and to help you
Speaker 3: find your Jay or maybe you are the Jay. And
Speaker 3: if you are the Jay, baby, don't be like. If
Speaker 3: you got the knowledge, don't be afraid to share, don't
Speaker 3: be afraid to guide. You know, I think I think
Speaker 3: we all want to learn how to have better, hotter,
Speaker 3: more connected sex. Also, intimacy is not something to be
Speaker 3: scared of, and it's not something to reserve just for
Speaker 3: your sexual relationships. I think that intimacy is something that
Speaker 3: can happen across any of your relationships, and I would
Speaker 3: encourage you to practice intimacy with your friends, intimacy with yourself.
Speaker 3: If you are afraid of intimacy, I would I would
Speaker 3: re translate that into you might be afraid of yourself.
Speaker 3: There's nothing to judge about that there's something wrong. Listen,
Speaker 3: There's a lot we There's a lot that goes into
Speaker 3: making up who we are, and it can be overwhelming,
Speaker 3: especially when you are navigating stories of rejection, stories of
Speaker 3: not feeling good enough, not being worthy, things that people
Speaker 3: have put on you. But I always say, you know,
Speaker 3: instead of coming out, I've been thinking about this journey,
Speaker 3: whether it's you know, saying that I'm gay and non binary,
Speaker 3: I'm a hoe as coming home to myself. You know,
Speaker 3: there was a version of you that didn't give a
Speaker 3: fuck what anybody thought. You were just a cute, little
Speaker 3: bouncy baby doing your shit, and then people started to
Speaker 3: tell you, Oh, you're to this, You're to that, You're
Speaker 3: not enough of this, you should do this. You can't
Speaker 3: do that, you know. I always say this question, who
Speaker 3: would I be? A society never got its hands on me.
Speaker 3: That is a great way to begin becoming intimate with yourself,
Speaker 3: coming back home to who you really are, shedding all
Speaker 3: of the weight that other people put on you. Don't
Speaker 3: be afraid of intimacy. It will save your life. It
Speaker 3: will also expand and evolve and transform your life. Also,
Speaker 3: I wanted to give you an updated definition for orgy
Speaker 3: versus sex party, and to do that, I reached out
Speaker 3: to my friend and friend to our show, Zachary Zay
Speaker 3: and you might have heard him on our show on
Speaker 3: the episode Find Your Covens of Doms on November twenty
Speaker 3: first see look at Me. I'm giving you all the details. Anyways,
Speaker 3: Zach says, and orgy is when five or more people
Speaker 3: all have sex together. While everyone doesn't need to fuck
Speaker 3: everyone in the orgy, there should be some form of
Speaker 3: interaction between orgy yours. I love that word. It can
Speaker 3: be as simple as just acknowledging and looking at the
Speaker 3: other people fucking in the room. There's some debate about
Speaker 3: how many people there needs to be to be considered
Speaker 3: an orgy. I said five, because three sims and foursomes
Speaker 3: are real words, and fivesome is not. I love that,
Speaker 3: and I actually agree. I think an orgy, you know,
Speaker 3: because if it's three of y'all, it's a three, it's
Speaker 3: a four y'all, it's a foursome. That makes sense to me.
Speaker 3: That's like, you know, two couples, but five some that's
Speaker 3: not real. That's an orgy. I agree, Zach, I agree? Okay.
Speaker 3: Zach says a sex party is a designated event people
Speaker 3: attend to presumably have sex, but you may partner off
Speaker 3: alone in a room with a single person and not
Speaker 3: have multi person sex at a sex party. Not to mention,
Speaker 3: some people don't have sex at a sex party, so
Speaker 3: an orgy is more of the act of multiperson fucking,
Speaker 3: whereas a sex party is a space where sex can
Speaker 3: happen and is celebrated. Thank you, Zach. Zach is also
Speaker 3: now officially the Grinder sex and relationship expert. Yay, Zachy,
Speaker 3: you know, I also really love the definition because the
Speaker 3: one that I read during the episode talks about like
Speaker 3: drugs and alcohol being part of it, and joins and
Speaker 3: alcohol absolutely do not need to be part of a
Speaker 3: sex party or an orgy. To me, saying that just
Speaker 3: reveals how much anything around sex is so villainized in
Speaker 3: our puritanical culture that an orgy or a sex party,
Speaker 3: which can actually be beautiful, healing, transformative experiences, gets you know,
Speaker 3: the definition that is floating around that most people are
Speaker 3: probably gonna find online will include drugs and alcohol, which
Speaker 3: is something wrong with drugs and alcohol, But there is,
Speaker 3: of course a puritanical judgment. You can hear it, you know,
Speaker 3: you know, you know what I'm talking about. There's a tone,
Speaker 3: there is a tone to the definition that says people
Speaker 3: gotta be fucked up.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: There's a tone to that, and so I want to
Speaker 3: So I really like Zach's definition, and that's what we
Speaker 3: will be using here on the show. Okay, Well that's it.
Speaker 3: I love you so much. Let's do some homekeeping. You
Speaker 3: can find Karama on Instagram at Karamo k r Amo.
Speaker 3: You can find me on Instagram as well at Brandon
Speaker 3: Kyle Goodman. You can find our podcast at tell Me
Speaker 3: Something Messy, and you can join our community on the
Speaker 3: Messy Monday's substack. When you subscribe, you'll get weekly posts,
Speaker 3: recommendations on sex and self and so much more. Also,
Speaker 3: I want to hear from you, so send your topic ideas,
Speaker 3: your messy stories, your submissions, your game ideas to tell
Speaker 3: Me Something Messy at gmail dot com. You can also
Speaker 3: call us at six six nine sixty nine messy That
Speaker 3: is six six nine six nine six three seven seven nine.
Speaker 3: Rate review and share this podcast with all your hoe
Speaker 3: and aspiring hoe friends. Really really helps the show out,
Speaker 3: all right. Until next time, ask about the politics of
Speaker 3: that dick before you make it spit, make sure they
Speaker 3: eat the kitty before they beat the kitty, before fucation
Speaker 3: or succation. Communication. And in case you haven't heard it yet,
Speaker 3: today you are so deeply loved. I love you, ye,
Speaker 3: thank you so much for listening to tell Me Something Messy.
Speaker 3: If you all enjoyed the show, send me episode to
Speaker 3: someone else who might like it. Tell Me Something Messy
Speaker 3: was executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins and Yours Truly.
Speaker 3: Our producer and editor is Vince Dejohnny. For more podcasts
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