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Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, it's Bill Courtney with an army of normal folks.

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Speaker 1: And we continue with part two of our conversation with

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Speaker 1: Troy and Erica Andrews right after these brief messages from

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Speaker 1: our general sponsors. Now, let's return to Erica and Troy

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Speaker 1: on how they process being asked to adopt another child

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Speaker 1: after a failed adoption.

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Speaker 2: And I mean, he says it a little. It took

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Speaker 2: me a couple of days of just it was.

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Speaker 3: It was, yeah, you know, I mean, obviously I'm not

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Speaker 3: as emotional as she is, and she's very empathetic and

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Speaker 3: I'm more pragmatic, and you know, so you know, we

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Speaker 3: come from a different perspective as it relates to that.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, for her, you know, she was all in

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Speaker 3: emotionally and I kind of like dip my toe in.

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Speaker 2: It, Carly. Yeah, and then we said, okay, throw our

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Speaker 2: book in. There were five families. He was looking at, Okay,

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Speaker 2: if it's meant to be, it'll be, you know, he'll

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Speaker 2: pick our book. Well over the course of the next

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Speaker 2: four days, so this was like on a Wednesday or Thursday,

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Speaker 2: he was going to come to town. He didn't live

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Speaker 2: in the town we lived in. On the Sunday. Well,

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Speaker 2: one by one he eliminated four other families, the last

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Speaker 2: one on Saturday night, and so come Sunday there was

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Speaker 2: only one family he wanted to talk to and it

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Speaker 2: was us. So that was pretty clear that we couldn't

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Speaker 2: say no. And so that was that's true.

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Speaker 3: I mean it was like, well, let's just see how

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Speaker 3: this plays out. I mean, we didn't we were in line,

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Speaker 3: we were in a group.

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Speaker 2: Yes, did we want to be considered? And that was

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Speaker 2: even a hard you know, hard to say yes to.

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Speaker 2: But I thought, oh my gosh, there's there's four other

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Speaker 2: families including us.

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Speaker 1: You know, that almost feels like shark tank to me.

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Speaker 1: I mean that's crazy. So so he he meaning the

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Speaker 1: birth father, then chooses you guys as what has the

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Speaker 1: people to adopt his child.

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Speaker 2: Yes, at the time, yes, that was what he was

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Speaker 2: looking for. He had been kind of single parenting her

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Speaker 2: for about a year and a half. Uh, wasn't maybe

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Speaker 2: going as well, he'd kind of left her with family

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Speaker 2: members off and on. Wasn't going. I think it wasn't

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Speaker 2: easy for him. Of course, he also had other influences

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Speaker 2: in life that I think were making him come to

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Speaker 2: this decision. But he liked that CPO offered an open adoption,

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Speaker 2: so he still wanted to, you know, be involved, and

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Speaker 2: so we met her and then agreed to have a

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Speaker 2: weekend with her the following weekend. And so, I mean,

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Speaker 2: as she was adorable. I mean I remember asking my friend,

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Speaker 2: you know, what, did you know, what does she look like?

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Speaker 2: And and I.

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Speaker 3: Met I was supposed to tell us that, yeah, and they.

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Speaker 2: Don't really you know, they're like, we're not at CPO

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Speaker 2: as a ministry. It's Christian ministry, Like, you don't you

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Speaker 2: don't get to pick and shoot. So there's not a

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Speaker 2: book of babies, you know. And she's like, oh, you know,

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Speaker 2: we can't. Yes, she said, you know, we can't. I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I know, I know, but she did say she goes.

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Speaker 2: She called me back. I just said, tell me about Sophia.

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Speaker 2: And he said she's blonde hair, blue eyes, and tall

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Speaker 2: for age. And I know we're all talking, this is

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Speaker 2: all audio, but Troy's like almost six seven and I

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Speaker 2: was a blonde hair, blue eyed baby, and and you know,

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Speaker 2: and our other girls, I always said we're little traders

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Speaker 2: because they didn't look like me. So it was just

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Speaker 2: kind of this, It was sort of like it was

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Speaker 2: just meant to be, and and so we took her

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Speaker 2: for a weekend, which then turned into he wanted us

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Speaker 2: to have her for a few weeks, but he was

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Speaker 2: going to sign paperwork. There had to be some paperwork.

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Speaker 3: That had to be She was like ready to do it,

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Speaker 3: but I'm going to get all this paperwork signed and

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Speaker 3: do all this stuff, but can you guys keep her?

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Speaker 2: So we basically moved her in and thought this was

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Speaker 2: going to totally move forward, and kept checking have you

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Speaker 2: been have you gotten the papers notarized? Have you sent

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Speaker 2: him in? No? No, I didn't have time today, you know,

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Speaker 2: and kind of kept putting off. Well, then a few

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Speaker 2: weeks into it, he was going to come to visit her,

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Speaker 2: and he came in, he took her. They took her

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Speaker 2: to McDonald's for a little bit and she walked out

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Speaker 2: saying bye mom, bye dad. And then when she walked in,

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Speaker 2: she was calling me Erica. So I'm like, yeah, all right,

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Speaker 2: what's up something that something's changed here? And so we

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Speaker 2: kind of got the story from him. Everyone that said,

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Speaker 2: you know, he had people that wanted to help him,

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Speaker 2: that this is he just had changed his mind and

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Speaker 2: he wanted to go into kind of the whole store.

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Speaker 2: And I said, also, I know, are you taking her tonight?

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Speaker 2: And he said yes, And I stood up and walked

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Speaker 2: upstairs and started packing her up. Well, I kind of

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Speaker 2: left Troy down there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she was upset, but she was upset, not she

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Speaker 3: was angry and righteously angry. And so she just basically

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Speaker 3: packed up all of her stuff. We put it in

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Speaker 3: the car.

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Speaker 2: And I saw him outside and I said, if we

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Speaker 2: had to, if I had to go, we had to

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Speaker 2: go through this, My children had to go through this.

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Speaker 2: You were going to say that, sorry, baby, I didn't

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Speaker 2: know if you were. She and said, if we all

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Speaker 2: had to go through this, and she did too. I said,

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Speaker 2: she needed you make sure she knows what I say.

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Speaker 2: She's she was not kicked out of this house, that

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Speaker 2: she was wanted that she was not kicked out his

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Speaker 2: house because she had made a comment that she'd been

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Speaker 2: kicked out of Grandma's house.

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Speaker 3: And yeah, because he would what he would do is

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Speaker 3: and I mean he would drop her off places for

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Speaker 3: like a long period of time and then come back

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Speaker 3: and get her. So he would so he dropped so

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Speaker 3: he's passing her around.

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Speaker 1: And her perspective is she's not wanted there either, and

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Speaker 1: every time she leaves a place, she feels less and

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Speaker 1: less wanted, which is more and more trauma on this child.

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Speaker 3: It was just so so destructive on her. I mean,

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Speaker 3: she was to the age you know, when you get

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Speaker 3: to you're so impressionable in those early years until you're

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Speaker 3: four war and she was almost four, you know, she

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Speaker 3: was left at grandma's house for I don't know months,

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Speaker 3: and she said Grandma called me a menace, and you

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Speaker 3: know those sorts of I mean, she remembered all of

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Speaker 3: these things. And already at her young age, she was

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Speaker 3: used to getting her own meals. I mean she would

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Speaker 3: she'd go in and get herself something to eat and

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Speaker 3: get some cereal, and you know, just it was crazy.

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Speaker 3: I mean, you know what she would learn to have

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Speaker 3: to do on her own, just to take care of

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Speaker 3: herself because he couldn't, you know, I mean.

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Speaker 1: So obviously she came back. How how did that happen?

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Speaker 3: So he had her for I don't know a couple

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Speaker 3: of months maybe, and then he called us back and

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Speaker 3: he wanted to bring her back.

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Speaker 2: Everybody that was going to everybody.

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Speaker 1: Did you tell her? Did you tell him we're not

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Speaker 1: your grandmother. I mean, that's not how this is going

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Speaker 1: to work.

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Speaker 3: Well, this is what I this is what I took over.

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Speaker 3: I kind of uh, I took over from here because Ericauld,

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Speaker 3: you know, this is not I had to be very

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Speaker 3: direct with him and just said, look, I can't. You're

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Speaker 3: not going to do this to her. You're not going

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Speaker 3: to do this to my family. You're not going to

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Speaker 3: do this to my wife. I said, so, you're going

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Speaker 3: to sign every single document before we take her back.

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Speaker 3: And he was desperate. He was like, you know, yeah,

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Speaker 3: so so you know, we had to hire a private

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Speaker 3: investigator to go find the birth mother.

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Speaker 1: I'd swear to you try. I was just about to say, Plus,

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Speaker 1: y'all still aren't over the staying of Carly, and you're

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Speaker 1: still considering putting yourself in this position to potentially be

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Speaker 1: hurt again. And I haven't heard a word about the

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Speaker 1: birth mother yet. And given what you went through with

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Speaker 1: the birth father and the birth mother on Carly, I'm

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Speaker 1: sitting here thinking, what are you doing about the birth mother?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah we did. We didn't. We did not bring

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Speaker 3: Sophia back into our house until everything was done, and

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Speaker 3: so we hired a private investigator. We found the birth mother.

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Speaker 3: She was living in Indiana, and we set a court

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Speaker 3: hearing date. We notified her, she came, she drove all

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Speaker 3: the way down from Indiana to the court hearing date

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Speaker 3: in Oklahoma, contested it to contest it or you know,

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Speaker 3: I mean, you know, and so she showed up.

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Speaker 2: She she contested and that ended that part that that day.

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Speaker 2: So that was like early July, I think of that year.

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Speaker 2: And then we I sat outside the courtroom with her

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Speaker 2: for about an hour and a half, two hours, her

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Speaker 2: asking me questions, and because we knew we didn't want

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Speaker 2: to yes, we said, we can't just take this child.

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Speaker 2: If there's this mom out there who might be looking

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Speaker 2: for a child or whatever. But she showed up with

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Speaker 2: a black guy and missing front teeth. I was like, okay,

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Speaker 2: we're going to rescue this child.

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Speaker 3: Yeah she was, she was a little mess.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she was coming from hard time. And so I

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Speaker 2: talked to her about an hour and a half two

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Speaker 2: hours that day and just talked her about what had

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Speaker 2: to open adoption. Look like she had she had another

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Speaker 2: son that was older than Sophia that was being cared

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Speaker 2: for by her parents. So she had a lot of

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Speaker 2: questions and house. Yeah, So I get halfway home because

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Speaker 2: this took place in a town about forty five minutes away,

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Speaker 2: and she about halfway home and I get a call

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Speaker 2: and she said, so, if I would decide to do this,

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Speaker 2: could I come and see where she would live? And

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Speaker 2: so she drove would have been out of her and

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Speaker 2: she had to be back to work the next day.

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Speaker 1: Like that.

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Speaker 2: Her plan was her and this boyfriend was to be

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Speaker 2: all the way back to Indiana by the next day.

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Speaker 2: So she came out of her way and drove to

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Speaker 2: our house and came and stayed for about an hour

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Speaker 2: or so, just wanted to see, like if I decided

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Speaker 2: to do this, you know. And so of course the

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Speaker 2: room was still intact, everything was still kind of as

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Speaker 2: it was. And so she did that and said she

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Speaker 2: was going to think about it. And then it was

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Speaker 2: about three or four days later she contacted our attorney

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Speaker 2: and said that she would agree to the adoption. And

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Speaker 2: so then that next court hearing was set for the

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Speaker 2: end of July, and that's when everything got finalized.

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Speaker 3: And Adam had already signed, birth father had already signed

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Speaker 3: all of the documents and everything, so we just needed

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Speaker 3: her to agree.

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Speaker 1: So she agreed, Sophia is now your daughter. You're past

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Speaker 1: the legal part, which means everything's perfect and rosy and

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Speaker 1: beaver cleaver right.

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Speaker 2: For the most part.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh, come on, guys, there's no way a child

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Speaker 1: that has been through all of that and is already

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Speaker 1: how old at this point, three or four?

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Speaker 2: She had just had her fourth Yeah, she turned forward

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Speaker 2: just a few weeks after we Meeteah, there's no.

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Speaker 1: Way a four year old that knows how to go

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Speaker 1: get her own cereal gets put into this new environment

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Speaker 1: and acclimates immediately. This had to have been tough. We'll

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Speaker 1: be right there.

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Speaker 2: We we thought though we already had a planned vacation

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Speaker 2: with multiple families, you know, Disney World, Disney Cruise, and

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Speaker 2: just thought this is going to be so amazing.

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Speaker 1: Took my kids. It's the most miserable nine days of

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Speaker 1: my life.

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Speaker 2: Oh, bite your tongue.

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Speaker 1: Hold it, are you saying? Shortly after the adoption, you

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Speaker 1: guys decided to take everybody to Disney.

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Speaker 2: Yes, apparently I didn't read the part in the book

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Speaker 2: that says, you know, you should cocoon for a year

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Speaker 2: when especially when you bring an older child, and you

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Speaker 2: shouldn't do anything that's a big you know vacation and

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Speaker 2: lots of you know, stimulation, and we didn't I didn't

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Speaker 2: see that part in the book. So yeah, we took

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Speaker 2: our you know, on a Disney cruise and on a

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Speaker 2: like two a month or month and a half, like

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Speaker 2: it was September, so like the next month did this

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Speaker 2: whole thing. And as Troy you can, I always tell.

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Speaker 3: People, every single girl and our family cried on that trip.

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Speaker 3: Oh it was terrible. God, it was terrible. And we

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Speaker 3: got back. I mean, she was a nightmare and it

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Speaker 3: was it was unbelievable. She was so adorable and my giant,

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Speaker 3: big blue eyes, and we put her in a Cinderella

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Speaker 3: outfit and she just looked.

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Speaker 2: Charming and people would just like gasp when they saw her,

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Speaker 2: and she looked so beautiful and they didn't know. Back

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Speaker 2: in our stateroom, you know, we were all like pulling

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Speaker 2: our hair out and and all that kind of stuff.

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Speaker 2: But we get home, and we got home really late.

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Speaker 2: The night before, we crash and go to bed. The

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Speaker 2: next morning, get up. She's of course hungry, because that

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Speaker 2: was always her first thing in the morning. I'm hungry, hungry,

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Speaker 2: And so she's sitting up at the little bar in

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Speaker 2: the kitchen and I haven't had my coffee yet, and

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Speaker 2: she kind of makes it wow, and I go what

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Speaker 2: And some people had kind of gotten a little stomach bug,

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Speaker 2: and I thought, oh, no, she's not feeling did. I go,

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Speaker 2: what's the matter? She goes, Man, she goes, I'm so

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Speaker 2: glad to be home. And it was the first time

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Speaker 2: that I thought, oh my gosh, like maybe, well, you.

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Speaker 3: Know, when you think about it, here's what, here's what

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Speaker 3: would happen to her. Every time Adam would drop her

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Speaker 3: off somewhere, he would build that place up. It's going

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Speaker 3: to be awesome. You're going to be great. You're gonna

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Speaker 3: have so much fun with Grandma. You're gonna and then

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Speaker 3: he would leave her for three months or how.

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Speaker 1: She thought she might be left at Disney.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he was waiting for us to leave her somewhere.

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Speaker 2: Fight or flight the whole time we were there.

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Speaker 3: Bless her little heart, she was she and she can't

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Speaker 3: control that. I mean, she was just in complete frazzle mode.

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Speaker 3: And to be to be honest with you, to this

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Speaker 3: very day, we go to Disney every year at least once,

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Speaker 3: and they all really are nuts. Yeah, yeah, that we are.

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Speaker 3: And she's still still struggles unregulated, unregulated when we go,

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Speaker 3: when we go on trips, and she's fourteen, you know, And.

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Speaker 1: If that doesn't to at the top of this show,

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Speaker 1: we talked about, you know, the trauma of abandonment for children,

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Speaker 1: if that doesn't speak to it, despite the fact that

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Speaker 1: she's been ten years in a loving carrying home with

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Speaker 1: sisters and and all that she needs and probably a

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Speaker 1: lot that she wants in Disney trips once a year,

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Speaker 1: but she still struggles with that the pain of the

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Speaker 1: abandonment that she learned as a child. And it's a

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Speaker 1: very real thing, and I believe it's a it's a

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Speaker 1: it's a trauma in our society.

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Speaker 3: Today, absolutely, and she doesn't And the worst part about

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Speaker 3: it is she can't recognize it. I mean she does.

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Speaker 3: She knows that I'm off and I'm I don't, I

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Speaker 3: don't like this, you know, but it's it's so ingrained

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Speaker 3: in her mind and so deeply seated that it's not

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Speaker 3: like she's aware, like there's self awareness there, Like she

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Speaker 3: doesn't understand that she's being snappy and snippy and talking

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Speaker 3: back to us and argumentative, and you know, she just is.

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Speaker 3: And she's really just happy to go sit in the room.

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Speaker 3: I mean, if we kind of get into a situation

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Speaker 3: where it's like where she's kind of escalated things, she

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Speaker 3: really just wants to go back. She'll be like, I'm

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Speaker 3: running on a vacation. I just want to go back

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Speaker 3: to the room and just you know, and she'll spend

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Speaker 3: a day in the room or so and she'll get

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Speaker 3: regulated and then she's fine.

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Speaker 1: You know why, because at the end of the day,

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Speaker 1: she knows that you guys will always be a constant

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Speaker 1: for her.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true. You know. One of the things that

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Speaker 3: we used to do after we kind of figured this

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Speaker 3: out early on, you know, is is if she would

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Speaker 3: get unregulated, we would just grab her face and get

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Speaker 3: in her face and say, you're coming home with us.

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Speaker 3: We're not leaving you here. You're you're going to be fine.

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Speaker 3: We're going to have fun, you know. And she likes

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Speaker 3: to she really likes to know what the plan is

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Speaker 3: because she wants to know, Okay, what do we do.

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Speaker 1: To make sure the shoes not dropping at the end

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Speaker 1: of it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she can't help it. I mean, she really can't.

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Speaker 3: And she's she's at least old enough now where she's

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Speaker 3: aware of I'm a little unregulated and I'm making everybody mad,

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Speaker 3: and I'm mad, and just let me stay in the room,

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Speaker 3: you know, today, And she'll just stay in the room

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Speaker 3: and watch cartoons or listen to a book or draw

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Speaker 3: or whatever, and then she's fine. But she doesn't want

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Speaker 3: to ruin our vacation. I mean, she's extremely kind spirited,

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Speaker 3: like she cares about people, you know, very empathetic, and

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Speaker 3: so she's she's pretty amazing.

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Speaker 1: So I know that Sophia, you know, was a challenge

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Speaker 1: at first, and the first Disney was a disaster, but

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Speaker 1: she is a gift. Also, tell me about tell me

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Speaker 1: about what she's what she did in those early days

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Speaker 1: or or as she became more and more comfortable with

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Speaker 1: you as her constant family. Tell me about one of

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Speaker 1: your proudest moments.

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Speaker 3: Well, I think our proudest moment has just happened.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I was gonna say, oh, bless her heart. She

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Speaker 2: is so sweet and do you want to tell her?

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Speaker 2: Do you want me to please? I mean, just you know,

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Speaker 2: she again, very empathetic. And my ninety eight year old

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Speaker 2: great grandmother just passed away last week and I was

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Speaker 2: fortunate enough to be there when she crossed over to heaven,

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Speaker 2: and before I left, I ran upstairs to tell Sophia, Hey,

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Speaker 2: Daddy got me an early flight. I'm leaving in the morning,

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Speaker 2: so I probably won't see you, but I'm going to

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Speaker 2: go be with Grandma. And the next morning, Troy woke up,

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Speaker 2: I'm trying to get ready. I'm showering. He had gone

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Speaker 2: out to the coffee pot and there was a note

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Speaker 2: a little post. It said give this to mommy, and

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Speaker 2: it was a letter written by her. So I had

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Speaker 2: said good night to her at ten and I don't

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Speaker 2: know how long it took her, but she had taken

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Speaker 2: a devote out of her Bible and wrote the whole

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Speaker 2: devotional out about a girl who had had loss in

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Speaker 2: her life. And then she said, she said, in Mommy,

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Speaker 2: here's some Bible verses for you for on the plane.

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Speaker 2: And then at the end of it, she said, you

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Speaker 2: know you've always been there for me, mom, and I

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Speaker 2: wanted to return the favor. And it was it was

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Speaker 2: just this, I mean it was it was four pages

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Speaker 2: long in this tiny, tiny writing, and just that she

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Speaker 2: had spent I don't know how long that night writing

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Speaker 2: that to make sure I had that in the morning.

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Speaker 2: So I had something on the plane and it was

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Speaker 2: just it's one of those things, I mean, proud of her,

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Speaker 2: but also just kind of like, oh, this is this

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Speaker 2: is working, you know, like's she's coming into her own

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Speaker 2: and and really acknowledging. You know, this can be a

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Speaker 2: very thankless job in a lot of ways because you're

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Speaker 2: the adults, and they're the you know, they're the trauma child,

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Speaker 2: or they're the ones that have been come from a

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Speaker 2: hard place, and you're the changes and the improvement sometimes

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Speaker 2: are so incremental it's hard to see it when you're

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Speaker 2: day to day, and then sometimes big things like that

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Speaker 2: happen and it makes you just realize. It gives you

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Speaker 2: that energy, It gives you that reassurance. You know.

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Speaker 1: That ball I.

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Speaker 3: Mean yeah, let me just tell you she Ball's a

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Speaker 3: a Hallmark commercial. So yeah, she ball.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not that would have I would have

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Speaker 1: toward me. Yes, it was what it is, y'all. It's

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Speaker 1: proof positive that you're doing it right because being a

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Speaker 1: constant for her, she she's paying that forward to her,

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Speaker 1: to her mom. I mean that's so sweet.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it was precious. I can't even tell you she

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Speaker 2: you know, one of the.

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Speaker 3: Things I take her to school a lot, and then

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Speaker 3: Erica picks her up and uh, you know, it's a

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Speaker 3: it's a twenty minute drip to the school. And you know,

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Speaker 3: she always talks about how she wants to be a mom.

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Speaker 3: I want to be a mom and I want to

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Speaker 3: have this many kids, and I'm gonna wow, she hasn't

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Speaker 3: all planned out.

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Speaker 1: That's awesome, that really is. So you know, the story

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00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:25,679
Speaker 1: is amazing, y'all. You know, an army of normal folks.

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Speaker 1: Where an army of normal folks comes is I'm of

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Speaker 1: the mindset that the government has proven woefully inadequate and

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Speaker 1: caring for the most disadvantaged among us, and the smart

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Speaker 1: talking heads and suits in DC and on the press

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Speaker 1: are not going to be the answer to what ails

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Speaker 1: our culture and society. Rather, it's just going to be

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Speaker 1: folks like you who decide that that they have the

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Speaker 1: means and the willingness to fight through some of their

399
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Speaker 1: own emotional scars and pain to do something good in

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Speaker 1: the world and in your words, to be a constant

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Speaker 1: for someone else. And you know, I am, and I

402
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Speaker 1: think the people to hear this will just be in

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Speaker 1: awe of the of the grace and the love that

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Speaker 1: you that you've that you've shown, We'll be right back.

405
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Speaker 1: A friend of mine, I'd like to get your reaction

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Speaker 1: to this. A friend of mine has said repeatedly that

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Speaker 1: there's over four hundred thousand places of worship in the

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Speaker 1: United States, and there's four hundred thousand children in the

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Speaker 1: United States and foster care, and if simply one person

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Speaker 1: from each place of worship in the United States took

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Speaker 1: in a foster child and made them their own, that

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Speaker 1: there would be no need for foster care and there

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Speaker 1: would be no orphans in our country anymore. What do

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Speaker 1: you think about that comment?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's interesting. I do think that you

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Speaker 3: have to be called to do this. I mean, God

417
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:25,159
Speaker 3: clearly called us, and as such, I believe equipped us

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Speaker 3: and we're not. We haven't been perfect. We've failed a lot,

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Speaker 3: and we've had to come to Sophie and ask for

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Speaker 3: forgiveness and lots of times to be honest with you,

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Speaker 3: and we've looked at each other and have said, what

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Speaker 3: did we do? What are we doing to our family?

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Speaker 3: Why are we doing? I mean, there's lots of those days,

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Speaker 3: but there's a lot of good days too. But I

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Speaker 3: would tell you that probably our favorite verse in the

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Speaker 3: Bible is James one twenty seven, What is pure and

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Speaker 3: undefiled religion? To feed the orphans and widows and to

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Speaker 3: keep them pure from the world. And that's you know,

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Speaker 3: to me, you know, if I look at it from

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Speaker 3: a different perspective and just reading that, it's like, to me,

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Speaker 3: that says that almost all other practices of religion are

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Speaker 3: defiled by man in some way, but this is pure,

433
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 3: this is you know. So we've just that's always been

434
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:30,480
Speaker 3: kind of our verse that we've focused on really early

435
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 3: on in our marriage, to be honest with you, and

436
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,919
Speaker 3: it's just, uh, you know, so I guess, I guess

437
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 3: I'm taking a long way about it to agree with

438
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 3: what you say is that people can do it and

439
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,400
Speaker 3: they're and I just I never want people to feel

440
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:47,919
Speaker 3: like they're they feel guilty if they don't do it.

441
00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:51,479
Speaker 1: I get that, you know. I I've coached a lot

442
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:55,679
Speaker 1: of football and volunteered and and had some success with

443
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,880
Speaker 1: not only on the field, which is not the important part,

444
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,960
Speaker 1: but the kids off the field, and often get asked,

445
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:04,359
Speaker 1: you know, how do you do that or you know,

446
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,080
Speaker 1: and to me, it was pretty simple, that's what I

447
00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:10,480
Speaker 1: felt called to do. And it's primarily because of something

448
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 1: Erica said earlier, shit the now on the head. The

449
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,680
Speaker 1: men in my life that were constant and that were

450
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,800
Speaker 1: my mentors and that mattered to me the most were

451
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 1: my coaches. And so when you go into the inner

452
00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:28,439
Speaker 1: city and volunteer in places that there's large fatherlessness, it's

453
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 1: it's it's a it's a it's a it's a it's

454
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:35,000
Speaker 1: a give back for me, and it's also very easy

455
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 1: for me. But I wouldn't suggest a lot of people

456
00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:40,280
Speaker 1: do it, because it's really hard as heck to do

457
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,679
Speaker 1: and to do well, and and there's a lot of

458
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:45,960
Speaker 1: misery involved in it. And so I hear you. What

459
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:49,040
Speaker 1: you're saying is what you've done is not for everybody.

460
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:52,159
Speaker 1: But what I did was not for everybody. But the

461
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 1: thing about being a part of the army of normal

462
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 1: folks is not doing what I did or what you did.

463
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 1: It's just doing what you're good at so that you

464
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:05,439
Speaker 1: can be a constant for someone else, so that you

465
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,920
Speaker 1: can be a positive influence for somebody else. And if

466
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:12,040
Speaker 1: we had an army of people I talk about the

467
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 1: four hundred thousand houses of worship, that would be an

468
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 1: army of people if we had an army of people

469
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:22,960
Speaker 1: just serving simply serving one more person in their community

470
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,240
Speaker 1: and being a constant in your words, for them, think

471
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,800
Speaker 1: about the positive effect we could have in society culture today.

472
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:31,439
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah.

473
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:37,440
Speaker 1: And you guys have done that not once, but twice.

474
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,480
Speaker 1: And I would argue that you're crazy for having done

475
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:43,920
Speaker 1: it twice considering the first thing that you went through.

476
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:47,680
Speaker 1: But you're crazy in a beautiful, wonderful way, and it's

477
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:51,320
Speaker 1: inspiring what you've done, and your family's awesome.

478
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 3: Well, you know, the thing about it is is I

479
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:56,440
Speaker 3: think what we another thing that we learned going through

480
00:25:56,440 --> 00:26:00,480
Speaker 3: what we went through, even as young, like like going

481
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,919
Speaker 3: through the trauma of divorce and all those things, is

482
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:08,359
Speaker 3: through hard things, there's always good and so there's always

483
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:10,000
Speaker 3: good that's going to come of it, and you look

484
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 3: back on it. I mean, if we wouldn't have made

485
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 3: the decision, we wouldn't have Sophia in our lives. We

486
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:18,119
Speaker 3: wouldn't see you know, we are truly convinced that we've

487
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 3: saved her. You know, we don't know. You know, she

488
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 3: has dyslexia, she has ADHD and and you know we've

489
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:31,199
Speaker 3: been able to help her with that, and you know,

490
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:38,439
Speaker 3: so she's extremely gifted and extremely intelligent. But if but

491
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:41,719
Speaker 3: a lot of a lot of kids that have dyslexia

492
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:44,680
Speaker 3: and ADHD, if they don't have the tools or somebody

493
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:50,360
Speaker 3: to help them with the way their mind works, then

494
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 3: they think that they're stupid, and they they just embraced

495
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:58,439
Speaker 3: the stupid and they live their life that way. But

496
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 3: she's she's you know, there's a lot of people out

497
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:06,160
Speaker 3: there that are extremely gifted, amazingly gifted, that have dyslexic

498
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 3: because they're so they're complex problem solvers, and she has

499
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 3: that ability in her to think outside the box and

500
00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 3: to you know, never stop trying to figure stuff out.

501
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,760
Speaker 3: And hopefully we've been able to help her with that.

502
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:28,919
Speaker 1: Well, and you know, I hear that, and what a

503
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 1: blessing she's been to you because those are things you

504
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 1: now know about the human condition that you would have

505
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:35,560
Speaker 1: not known had not and so true.

506
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 3: You know, it's crazy that I have after her and

507
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:43,280
Speaker 3: all that we've been through with figuring this out. I

508
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,160
Speaker 3: literally have about eight friends of mine that I didn't

509
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 3: even know that they were dyslexic and ADHD because they

510
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:49,840
Speaker 3: never would tell me that.

511
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:54,120
Speaker 1: And isn't that the payoff y'all that when you do,

512
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,919
Speaker 1: when you do step out and you do join the

513
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:01,520
Speaker 1: army of normal folks, and you do try to do

514
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:05,320
Speaker 1: small extraordinary things, and you do try to be a

515
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:08,359
Speaker 1: constant for somebody, and you do try to give back.

516
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 1: Isn't it true that the payoff is it comes back

517
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:13,440
Speaker 1: to you in spades?

518
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:17,199
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, I mean the hard things bring good things,

519
00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 3: you know, right, and it does pay off. It's there's

520
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:26,680
Speaker 3: no question participate in life, you know. Yep.

521
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,840
Speaker 2: I do remember this one moment I told you Carly

522
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 2: was a little on the callicky side, and I remember

523
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 2: rocking her in the rocking chair that I'd rocked my

524
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 2: other girls in and just sitting there, you know, and

525
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:41,600
Speaker 2: just kind of going, Lord, how did I get here?

526
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:45,800
Speaker 2: You know? It was really pretty amazing. And I just

527
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 2: remember him gently just telling me that I did not

528
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:51,040
Speaker 2: call you to the mission field of Africa. I called

529
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 2: you to a rocking chair.

530
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 1: That is, yeah.

531
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:57,200
Speaker 2: And I think that that just what you're doing with

532
00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:01,080
Speaker 2: with your mission here. I hope it. The coaching and

533
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 2: just even doing this podcast is just it is to

534
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:07,040
Speaker 2: inspire people to do what they can where they are,

535
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,120
Speaker 2: you know, do with you what abilities you've been blessed

536
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 2: with and what means you have and I it doesn't have.

537
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 2: I think we sometimes get caught up. Well, I could

538
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:18,239
Speaker 2: never do that. I could never you know. I mean

539
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:21,080
Speaker 2: we have friends that have sold everything and moved to Africa,

540
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 2: moved overseas, and I just think, oh my gosh, I

541
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,840
Speaker 2: could never do that. And like you said, with your coaching,

542
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 2: I could never do that. But there is I think

543
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 2: God has a special mission for all of us in

544
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:34,239
Speaker 2: some way or another. And sometimes it's just being a

545
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 2: mom sitting on the floor with their kids and you know,

546
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 2: day after day, or it's you know, it can be

547
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 2: something little. It doesn't have to be big. But I like,

548
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:46,080
Speaker 2: I love what you're doing with your project as well,

549
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:48,600
Speaker 2: because the government is not the solution, but it is

550
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 2: people out there, I think, just doing their best for humankind.

551
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 1: Well, you guys are doing your part and you're inspirational

552
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:05,240
Speaker 1: and and I think that is profound that you weren't

553
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 1: called to the fields of Africa. You were called to

554
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:11,479
Speaker 1: a rocking chair. And if that doesn't say that the

555
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 1: most average person doing the most average thing can have

556
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 1: profound effects on another person's life in the simplest ways.

557
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 1: Nothing does and it's it's a beautiful example of what

558
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 1: we're talking about.

559
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:25,360
Speaker 3: Appreciate that.

560
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 1: I want to ask one more thing for any listeners

561
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 1: out there he is thinking, you know what I'd like

562
00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 1: to I'd like to actually consider and step up and

563
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:40,960
Speaker 1: and at least examine what what you guys have done.

564
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:43,120
Speaker 1: Is there is there any way that they could reach

565
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 1: out to you? Would you be willing so that anybody

566
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 1: listening to us that that might want to to step

567
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:53,360
Speaker 1: out and do this in their own lives, Maybe there's

568
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 1: an outlet for them to find out more.

569
00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,840
Speaker 2: Probably I'm the probably better contact in my email. Some

570
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 2: I would like to reach out is Andrews ninety three

571
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 2: at macmac dot com.

572
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, Erica does a lot of support group work with

573
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:14,640
Speaker 3: with uh you know families that are you know.

574
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:18,840
Speaker 2: They started a foster and adoptive mom support group when

575
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:21,000
Speaker 2: I moved here. I had a group of moms when

576
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,280
Speaker 2: we lived in Tulsa. Now we're in the Dallas area,

577
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:26,360
Speaker 2: and that was just something that was missing. I thought

578
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 2: for me, it was having other moms and other moms

579
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:30,800
Speaker 2: to walk through and have kind of safe space because

580
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:34,479
Speaker 2: it is not easy to foster or adopt. But so

581
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 2: I do have a support group here in the in

582
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:38,280
Speaker 2: the Dallas area too as well.

583
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:42,720
Speaker 1: Awesome. Okay, Well we know how to reach you, we

584
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,640
Speaker 1: know how to find out how to do it, and

585
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 1: we now have a unbelievable story about selflessness and giving

586
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 1: and grace and unconditional love and a commitment to simply

587
00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 1: being constant for somebody. You guys are amazing and I've

588
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:00,840
Speaker 1: enjoyed our time together.

589
00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 2: Oh we've enjoyed it to you. Thank you so much.

590
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,120
Speaker 3: You would ask us to tell our stories?

591
00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:14,600
Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, and thank you for joining us this week.

592
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 1: If Erica and Troy or another guest has inspired you

593
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 1: in general, or better yet, to take action by starting

594
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:27,400
Speaker 1: the adoption process, supporting an adoptive family, or something else entirely,

595
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:30,400
Speaker 1: please let me know. I'd love to hear about it.

596
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 1: You can write me anytime at Bill at normalfolks dot

597
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:38,480
Speaker 1: us and I will respond. And if you enjoyed this episode,

598
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 1: share it with friends and on social, subscribe to the podcast,

599
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 1: rate and review it, Become a premium member at normalfolks

600
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:48,560
Speaker 1: dot us. All these things that will help us grow

601
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 1: an army of normal folks. I'm Bill Courtney. I'll see

602
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:53,800
Speaker 1: you next week.