WEBVTT - The Brain Can Be A Negative Thought Engine 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.520 Please note this episode speaks on abuse, both sexual and physical. 0:00:03.600 --> 0:00:07.280 Please be prepared for any potential triggers or sensitivities that 0:00:07.360 --> 0:00:13.400 may come up while listening. The practice to alleviate negative 0:00:13.440 --> 0:00:18.119 thoughts is to actually exercise the muscle of creating and 0:00:18.200 --> 0:00:21.599 focusing on positive thoughts. The human brain is actually a 0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:25.400 negative thought engine, like, we do better at thinking about 0:00:25.400 --> 0:00:29.000 negative things, holding on to negative things, processing negative things, 0:00:29.240 --> 0:00:31.720 so we actually have to work to counter that by 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:36.040 noticing positive things. We have a tendency. If I say 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:37.800 how is your day? Just to give you an example, 0:00:37.800 --> 0:00:39.080 what I mean when I say the human brain is 0:00:39.120 --> 0:00:41.840 a negative engine, we have a tendency. If I say 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:45.599 how is your day? You think about did anything negative 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:48.680 happen today? And if the answer to that question was no, 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:50.680 then you're like, oh, it's a pretty good day. You 0:00:50.720 --> 0:00:54.760 have to be intentional about processing and thinking about positive things. 0:00:55.240 --> 0:00:58.040 You have to be intentional about thinking about your achievements, 0:00:58.280 --> 0:01:01.360 things you've accomplished, even small things. You have to be 0:01:01.400 --> 0:01:05.160 intentional about celebrating those things. You have to be intentional 0:01:05.200 --> 0:01:08.440 about giving verbiage to those things. An example of that 0:01:08.760 --> 0:01:12.000 in a relationship context is if you walked into a 0:01:12.120 --> 0:01:15.039 room and you saw your partner in there, and your 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:19.480 partner looked really really angry or really really sad, or 0:01:19.520 --> 0:01:23.600 some negative emotion. We have a tendency to say, hey, partner, 0:01:23.880 --> 0:01:27.000 what's wrong. But on the flip side, if you walked 0:01:27.000 --> 0:01:29.560 into a room and your partner looked really really happy 0:01:30.080 --> 0:01:34.479 or really really satisfied or really really content, we don't 0:01:34.680 --> 0:01:38.560 have a tendency to say, hey, partner, what's right. So 0:01:38.680 --> 0:01:42.080 the best way to alleviate negative thoughts is to create 0:01:42.160 --> 0:01:46.040 habits around positive thoughts, both thinking about them and giving 0:01:46.120 --> 0:02:00.960 verbage to them. Welcome back to Family Therapy. I'm your host, 0:02:01.040 --> 0:02:04.640 Elliot Khani. What's been better since you listened to the 0:02:04.680 --> 0:02:09.080 previous episode? This is always an important question as it 0:02:09.120 --> 0:02:12.280 shifts what we notice to things that are progressing and 0:02:12.360 --> 0:02:18.359 more desirable as opposed to problems. Today is spent directly 0:02:18.400 --> 0:02:22.280 with Jay as she shares some impactful and sensitive information. 0:02:23.040 --> 0:02:25.880 There are times when you're working with a family clinically 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:29.160 where it becomes appropriate to spend some time one on 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:32.119 one with each member of the family. The reason why 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:34.480 this is true is because a lot of times people 0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:37.720 have gone through some really sensitive things that may impact 0:02:37.760 --> 0:02:43.079 the dynamic amongst family members. This will oftentimes create anxiety, fear, 0:02:43.360 --> 0:02:47.640 and even make the psychotherapy space unsafe, So it's important 0:02:47.639 --> 0:02:51.720 for me as a clinician to always prioritize the safety 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:55.919 of the dynamic of the family and of the therapy process. 0:02:56.840 --> 0:02:59.200 Once you are able to heal from some of those 0:02:59.240 --> 0:03:02.640 past wounds while talking to the therapists individually, then it 0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:07.959 becomes appropriate to reconvene as a family and continue moving forward. Therapy, 0:03:08.040 --> 0:03:14.440 when done well, will oftentimes bring up triggers past traumas, tragedies, struggles, 0:03:15.040 --> 0:03:17.920 and those things can sometimes have a negative impact on 0:03:18.040 --> 0:03:21.400 therapy itself or the dynamic amongst the family members. So 0:03:21.560 --> 0:03:24.440 oftentimes we meet with individuals to make sure we are 0:03:24.480 --> 0:03:27.040 taking care of those sensitive topics with the level of 0:03:27.120 --> 0:03:32.240 respect that they deserve. As often happens in therapy, Jay 0:03:32.280 --> 0:03:36.680 speaks about having blocks and how it's preventing her from 0:03:36.760 --> 0:03:41.520 moving forward and implementing the tools from the therapy. But despite that, 0:03:41.720 --> 0:03:47.160 change is still prevalent. Change is always happening. It is 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:50.840 impossible to have the same day, same week, same month, 0:03:51.120 --> 0:03:54.560 over and over and over again. One of the strengths 0:03:54.560 --> 0:03:58.000 in therapy isn't so much about implementing the things that 0:03:58.080 --> 0:04:03.600 came from therapy exactly, but actually noticing change happening in 0:04:03.640 --> 0:04:06.960 your life and being able to pay extra special attention 0:04:07.360 --> 0:04:10.280 to the kind of changes that you're experiencing as desirable 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:15.120 and giving yourself credit for those desirable changes. There's currently 0:04:15.120 --> 0:04:18.760 a block happening with Jay where she's almost beating herself 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:22.560 up for not doing the things that came from therapy exactly, however, 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:25.560 not noticing that there are changes happening around her that 0:04:25.640 --> 0:04:28.560 are positive and connected to who she is and what 0:04:28.600 --> 0:04:31.520 she's doing. The process of therapy is to help her 0:04:31.600 --> 0:04:41.360 notice those changes and give herself appropriate credit for them. 0:04:41.520 --> 0:04:45.119 Other than feeling under the weather, what's been better? 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:49.080 Not much. I didn't have a great. 0:04:48.960 --> 0:04:51.279 Week, okay. What took place? 0:04:56.240 --> 0:04:58.799 I don't know? That is so much? What has taken 0:04:58.880 --> 0:05:04.039 place since? What's going to take place? So me and 0:05:04.839 --> 0:05:10.200 my partner is separating, and that's happening this weekend. The 0:05:10.279 --> 0:05:13.800 first property I bought, I'm in the process of selling it, okay, 0:05:14.000 --> 0:05:19.680 and I feel kind of down about that. So those 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:21.880 two things together, I'm not in the best mood. 0:05:22.720 --> 0:05:25.560 M How have you managed. 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:29.960 Mm hmmm, I just you know, just keep moving forward. 0:05:31.640 --> 0:05:35.760 This obviously must be a difficult thing. How are you 0:05:35.960 --> 0:05:40.160 pleased with the way you showed up during these difficult times? 0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:48.440 M hmmm, I don't know. I just I just realize 0:05:48.480 --> 0:05:50.760 what needs to happen, and I'm trying to make these 0:05:50.800 --> 0:05:55.200 things happen. I don't know that I'm please, they're displeased. 0:05:55.279 --> 0:05:57.400 I'm just doing what needs to be done. 0:05:58.560 --> 0:06:02.880 Okay, So how are you hoping today's conversation could make 0:06:02.880 --> 0:06:03.440 a different for you? 0:06:03.520 --> 0:06:03.560 Like? 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:05.599 What are your best hope from talking with me today? 0:06:06.680 --> 0:06:10.360 To be honest, I kind of feel like I'm not 0:06:10.440 --> 0:06:14.080 really sure what direction we're going in. Like I feel 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:20.719 like our conversations are really positive, but I don't know 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:22.800 if it's enough. 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:27.000 Okay, what direction would be like the conversations are go in. 0:06:28.320 --> 0:06:30.400 I don't I'm Hi'm not a therapist, so I don't 0:06:30.440 --> 0:06:34.120 know what needs to happen or what or what would 0:06:34.160 --> 0:06:40.680 be best. But I guess I'm just wondering. I just 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:43.240 wonder if it's enough, like if it's gonna get me, 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:48.640 I guess in a better space by the time we'll finished. 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:52.840 I got you. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. 0:06:52.920 --> 0:06:57.080 I guess I would need your your feedback like, how 0:06:57.120 --> 0:06:59.599 would you know you were heading in a direction that 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:02.400 worked for you and we're like in a better space, 0:07:02.440 --> 0:07:03.720 Like how would you know it was enough? You know 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:05.840 what I mean? Like? What would you be experiencing that 0:07:05.880 --> 0:07:06.599 would tell you that? 0:07:07.720 --> 0:07:10.280 Well? I feel like you're give me good ideas and 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:16.360 some tools, but I haven't really implemented them, and I 0:07:16.400 --> 0:07:21.640 don't know like they're good tools, but the block is 0:07:21.680 --> 0:07:25.960 still there as far as me applying them to my life. 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:29.000 So I don't know, like how do I get past 0:07:29.040 --> 0:07:32.880 that block in order to use the tool that you're 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:33.280 giving me? 0:07:33.560 --> 0:07:35.720 What are you experiencing that tells you there's a block? 0:07:37.080 --> 0:07:42.800 Because I think about what our discussions and I see 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:46.520 like there's chances of opportunities for me to do the 0:07:46.520 --> 0:07:51.080 things that you talk about, but I don't do them. 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:53.120 How come? What do you think the block is? 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:55.920 I don't know. 0:07:59.560 --> 0:08:02.440 How long have you been aware of the block? It's 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:04.320 gonna be a weird question, but how do you know 0:08:04.360 --> 0:08:05.240 there's a block there? 0:08:07.320 --> 0:08:09.440 It's been a while years? 0:08:10.520 --> 0:08:14.600 Gosh, okay, And I'm gonna guess that you don't like 0:08:14.720 --> 0:08:21.800 this block, right, like you'd prefer this to be removed? Yeah, Okay, 0:08:23.280 --> 0:08:26.200 I gotta push you a little bit. What do you 0:08:26.240 --> 0:08:28.320 think is the cause of the block, Like, if you 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:32.040 were to dig deep and really think about it, what 0:08:32.080 --> 0:08:33.400 do you think has caused the block? 0:08:36.160 --> 0:08:41.840 M Hm, I don't know. I guess it's like a 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:43.840 self ware, self value kind of thing. 0:08:44.960 --> 0:08:53.079 Okay, mm hmm. 0:08:55.400 --> 0:08:58.319 At some point in life, I guess I just stopped 0:09:00.640 --> 0:09:03.400 believing that I was worth that effort. 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:06.800 M That sounds hard. 0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:08.000 Mm hmmm. 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:10.440 Do you know when that happened? 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:17.800 I don't know that it's one situation. I think it's 0:09:17.880 --> 0:09:20.920 just like a multiple, like over the course of time. 0:09:22.480 --> 0:09:28.960 So I don't know. I mean, I don't know why 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:30.760 I keep saying I don't know, but I do know. 0:09:31.120 --> 0:09:35.600 No, No, it's okay. 0:09:33.760 --> 0:09:35.400 Yeah, no, I just know. It's like one of those 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:37.760 feelers that I tend to use. Is I don't know, 0:09:38.000 --> 0:09:39.480 but you kind of do. 0:09:39.640 --> 0:09:39.679 No. 0:09:41.160 --> 0:09:52.400 Yeah, uh, that's just situations over the course of a lifetime, 0:09:54.640 --> 0:10:05.880 situations like what I guess, Like, you know, dealing with 0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:08.000 abuse at a young age. 0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:12.000 Can I ask you a question about that? 0:10:13.000 --> 0:10:13.400 Mm hmm. 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:19.480 When was the age you remember? Like you remember the 0:10:19.520 --> 0:10:28.000 abuse starting, don't? 0:10:28.320 --> 0:10:31.560 Are you eleven eleven twelve? Like that? 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:38.240 How did you get through it. 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:47.880 Mm hmmm, mm hmm. How did I get through it? 0:10:49.760 --> 0:10:53.640 I mean I did have therapy counseling at some point 0:10:55.520 --> 0:11:02.360 to kind of deal with those feelings of being a 0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:10.840 victim or whatever. So I guess when I was going 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:13.400 through it, I was just going through it, but I 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:16.880 don't know that I really dealt with it at that time. 0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:21.080 But as I got older, I realized, you know, there's 0:11:21.120 --> 0:11:28.120 some things happening that, you know, maybe rooted in those experiences. 0:11:28.160 --> 0:11:31.079 So I went to therapy at that time. 0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:34.840 By the way, like I have to ask you some 0:11:34.880 --> 0:11:37.720 of these questions because it's my job, but if you 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:39.280 don't want me to, you can just tell me that, 0:11:39.480 --> 0:11:40.720 you know, it's none of my business. 0:11:42.400 --> 0:11:44.959 It's fine, It's totally fine. That's what we're here for. 0:11:46.760 --> 0:11:48.600 How long did the abuse last? 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:02.360 Well, lived with the abuser for a couple of years. 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:08.760 I don't remember exactly. How long was he family or no, 0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:12.400 my mom's ex boyfriend. 0:12:14.520 --> 0:12:21.080 Was he ever held accountable? No? Does your mom know 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:21.920 that this happened? 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:28.760 Yeah, she does. But because he wasn't just like sexually abusive, 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:33.400 but he also was a very violent person, So it 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:38.600 wasn't just that experience. It was him also you know, 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:45.600 hitting and punching, choking, whatever he felt like to. 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:51.000 Wow, was it just you or any of your other 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:52.600 siblings targets. 0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:53.640 They did experience? 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:58.679 Gotcha? And then you said something really powerful a minute ago, 0:12:58.720 --> 0:13:01.320 and you said, like, while it was happening, you don't 0:13:01.360 --> 0:13:04.920 know that you dealt with it, right m hm? And 0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:09.600 then at some point later you realized that some of 0:13:09.600 --> 0:13:13.160 the things that were happening in your life maybe because 0:13:13.200 --> 0:13:14.360 of that. Right did I hear that? 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:15.600 M hm? 0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:19.320 When did you realize that? 0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:25.440 When I was in undergrad college? 0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:29.000 What was your clue? How did you How did you 0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:31.600 know at that age set like. 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:41.520 Some of the stating someone and he wanted to break 0:13:41.600 --> 0:13:44.880 up and I didn't want him to and I hit 0:13:44.960 --> 0:13:54.040 him and I realized that wasn't me, and I didn't 0:13:54.080 --> 0:13:58.120 want to be that person. But I knew, like you know, 0:13:58.280 --> 0:14:01.600 some of the things that I experienced what was making 0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:07.480 me violent at that point. So that was kind of 0:14:07.520 --> 0:14:08.280 the first clue. 0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:11.040 What did you do about it? When you realize like 0:14:11.080 --> 0:14:13.199 I'm being violent and I don't want to be, or 0:14:13.240 --> 0:14:14.800 I got this trait and I don't want to have it, 0:14:14.800 --> 0:14:15.719 What did you do about it? 0:14:17.600 --> 0:14:21.400 I went to therapy. They had like free therapy on campus, 0:14:21.520 --> 0:14:22.360 so I went. 0:14:23.680 --> 0:14:24.680 Did you find it useful? 0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:32.840 It was useful. I don't know that I I probably 0:14:32.840 --> 0:14:34.960 could have kept going for a longer period of time, 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:38.280 but I went for several sessions and I found that 0:14:38.400 --> 0:14:39.000 it was helpful. 0:14:40.120 --> 0:14:42.640 What was the therapist doing that you found helpful or 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:44.360 what came of it that you found helpful? 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:49.360 I guess, you know, she was just connecting some of 0:14:49.400 --> 0:14:56.240 the dots for me with my childhood and the things 0:14:56.240 --> 0:15:01.480 that I was doing, and as not minded, it was 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:05.480 like this is like over twenty years ago, but right 0:15:06.640 --> 0:15:08.720 she you know, she just kind of gave me a 0:15:08.760 --> 0:15:12.320 space to talk through some of those things that I 0:15:12.360 --> 0:15:13.760 was dealing with at that time. 0:15:14.520 --> 0:15:18.760 Gotcha, did you feel after that like you could live 0:15:18.800 --> 0:15:20.480 a life in the way you wanted to or were 0:15:20.520 --> 0:15:23.200 you still kind of held back by those experiences? 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:26.680 I felt, I mean I felt at that time that 0:15:27.160 --> 0:15:31.480 you know, I was moven in the right direction. Yeah, 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:33.960 I felt I felt that the councilman was helpful. 0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:42.240 And yeah, how did you know back then that you 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:46.000 were moving in the right direction? So you knew there 0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:49.160 was a problem because and I think the way you 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:52.760 were said that that wasn't me, and you addressed the 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:55.640 problem of going to counseling, and you got the opportunity 0:15:55.680 --> 0:15:59.280 to like speak and talk through it. And then you 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:01.280 said I was in the right direction. How did you 0:16:01.360 --> 0:16:03.840 know you were going in the right direction. 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:10.400 Because I was making better choices as far as relationships 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:11.920 went after that. 0:16:15.400 --> 0:16:17.320 How did you know they were good choices? 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:25.560 Because I felt that there wasn't like if something happened, 0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:28.000 I wasn't letting the anger get the best of me. 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:33.280 I wasn't letting you know what someone was doing trouble 0:16:33.360 --> 0:16:34.200 me so much? 0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:39.120 Can I tell you why I'm a counselor have I 0:16:39.120 --> 0:16:39.840 ever told you this? 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:42.120 Yeah? 0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:43.960 Do you remember what I said? 0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:48.040 It is that you had a difficult childhood and you 0:16:48.120 --> 0:16:51.200 wanted to help people figure things out the way you 0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:53.760 figure things out for yourself. It's something along his lines. 0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:55.680 Everybody said a little bit bit more eloquently. 0:16:56.080 --> 0:16:58.400 No, No, that was perfectly eloquent. That's what I said. 0:16:58.800 --> 0:17:01.760 But I don't think I was specific. My father was 0:17:01.920 --> 0:17:06.240 very abusive, and when people ask me for how long, 0:17:06.520 --> 0:17:10.720 I say from the formation of my memory tw when 0:17:10.760 --> 0:17:13.199 I was nineteen, So I don't remember a time in 0:17:13.200 --> 0:17:15.120 between there where there was an abuse in my home. 0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:18.160 And the reason I'm telling you this is because you've 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:23.240 now done something really incredible, because I know personally firsthand 0:17:23.960 --> 0:17:27.760 how hard it is to go through those experiences. And 0:17:27.800 --> 0:17:30.440 then I had anger issues too in my you know, 0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:34.520 teenage years and early twenties. And you're saying I started 0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:38.840 making good decisions and when when like difficult things happened, 0:17:39.280 --> 0:17:42.400 I didn't let them bother me. How did you do that? 0:17:44.320 --> 0:17:48.040 I guess it's just the mindsetshift of like taking ownership 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:52.800 and accountability for your actions, and that's it. You know, 0:17:53.000 --> 0:17:57.159 you can't really control what anybody else does, right, you know, 0:17:57.560 --> 0:18:02.679 just can't point the finger, you know, like, this is 0:18:02.720 --> 0:18:06.399 my life and I'm with a enjoy it and make 0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:08.240 the best out of it, and I'm not gonna let 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:14.840 what other people are doing compromise my experience. Not to 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:17.600 say I didn't get angry after that. I'm sure you're healing, 0:18:19.160 --> 0:18:23.560 but I think at that age I started to kind 0:18:23.560 --> 0:18:25.840 of shift my mindset. 0:18:27.400 --> 0:18:32.679 Okay, now you said to me today like, I'm not 0:18:32.720 --> 0:18:34.800 sure this is gonna be enough, and I'm not sure 0:18:34.800 --> 0:18:39.679 it's going in the right direction. If your mindset shifted again, 0:18:41.680 --> 0:18:44.000 how would you notice it? Like if your mindset shifted 0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:49.920 now to make you like I'm responsible for my own actions. 0:18:50.800 --> 0:18:55.720 I'm gonna enjoy my life. I'm gonna make decisions I 0:18:55.720 --> 0:18:58.760 can be pleased with. How would you notice it if 0:18:58.760 --> 0:19:02.159 that same kind of a mind shift happen now? How 0:19:02.160 --> 0:19:03.040 would you be aware of it? 0:19:04.760 --> 0:19:08.040 Mm hmm. I mean, I guess I'd be implementing some 0:19:08.080 --> 0:19:11.680 of the things to talk about and taking a little 0:19:11.680 --> 0:19:13.280 bit better care of myself. 0:19:14.680 --> 0:19:18.080 Okay, and taking better care of yourself. How like? What 0:19:18.080 --> 0:19:20.800 what things would you notice yourself doing that would feel 0:19:20.800 --> 0:19:23.240 to you like you were taking better care of yourself? 0:19:25.600 --> 0:19:26.000 Mm hmm. 0:19:28.359 --> 0:19:32.120 Exercising, praying, it's like the it's like the working out 0:19:32.160 --> 0:19:33.320 we were talking about. 0:19:33.359 --> 0:19:42.919 Before, Yeah, working out, praying more, being more present, some 0:19:43.080 --> 0:19:46.359 of those Aboucin eighty that we talked about, things like. 0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:50.159 That, Yeah, what would you pray for? You said praying? 0:19:50.280 --> 0:19:52.280 I don't think i've ever heard you say that. What 0:19:52.320 --> 0:19:54.040 would you what would you pray about? 0:19:58.640 --> 0:19:59.480 I'm sorry, what's that? 0:20:00.160 --> 0:20:07.280 It's okay? Is it okay that I asked that? Mm 0:20:07.359 --> 0:20:08.399 hmm okay. 0:20:10.800 --> 0:20:14.879 I guess I would pray to be to live my 0:20:15.040 --> 0:20:23.800 fullest best life mm hmmm. That I would want to 0:20:23.840 --> 0:20:31.360 be person that when God looks at my life, he says, 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:35.040 I gave you all these talents, I gave you all 0:20:35.040 --> 0:20:40.440 these blessings and you used them and I'm proud of you. 0:20:41.440 --> 0:20:49.199 Oh my goodness, Jalen. Who how would you impact your 0:20:49.240 --> 0:20:51.000 life to be saying a prayer like that? 0:20:56.200 --> 0:21:01.720 Mhm, man, I will hope that it would encourage me 0:21:01.880 --> 0:21:04.000 to live that type. 0:21:03.720 --> 0:21:09.040 Of life, right, And how would impact your life to 0:21:09.119 --> 0:21:15.359 know that the like God was proud of you for 0:21:15.520 --> 0:21:20.760 using the talents and blessings the way He intended you 0:21:20.840 --> 0:21:27.400 to use them. 0:21:29.680 --> 0:21:31.600 I mean, that would be beautiful. That would be a 0:21:31.640 --> 0:21:32.080 great thing. 0:21:33.320 --> 0:21:35.879 Have you Have you always been a person that that 0:21:36.000 --> 0:21:39.160 praise throughout your life? 0:21:40.480 --> 0:21:46.439 Yes? But I don't work. I guess I'm just working 0:21:46.480 --> 0:21:49.320 on trying to find my own words in prayer because 0:21:49.359 --> 0:21:55.159 sometimes I pray, you know, like the Lord's Prayer or 0:21:55.240 --> 0:22:02.280 Psalm switting three and things like that. But I would 0:22:02.320 --> 0:22:08.440 like to become a I would like to use words 0:22:08.480 --> 0:22:15.000 that I connect with that I feel are empowering. And 0:22:15.280 --> 0:22:18.719 I mean, obviously, you know, Lord's Prayer is an excellent 0:22:18.760 --> 0:22:22.000 prayer and that's what God gave us. But I also 0:22:22.040 --> 0:22:25.560 want to be able to pray over myself and my 0:22:25.680 --> 0:22:29.679 family with the words that I choose on my own. 0:22:30.160 --> 0:22:33.040 Gotcha, how long have you had that desire? 0:22:36.400 --> 0:22:41.159 It's been a while. I mean, I feel like I 0:22:41.280 --> 0:22:45.840 do it. But it's so funny, Like there's are so 0:22:45.920 --> 0:22:47.560 many things in this world I guess you could be 0:22:47.640 --> 0:22:51.119 jealous of. But there's this girl that I've known for 0:22:51.160 --> 0:22:54.920 a very long time, and we always end up kind 0:22:54.920 --> 0:22:57.840 of going to the same churches, not as girls. She 0:22:58.359 --> 0:23:01.640 ain't no girl, She's grown woman. She can pray her 0:23:01.800 --> 0:23:06.320 butt off like she be praying, and I'm like, whatever 0:23:06.400 --> 0:23:11.600 she's praying for is gonna happen. She know how to pray. 0:23:13.040 --> 0:23:16.080 I am. I am a whole forty seven years old. 0:23:16.600 --> 0:23:20.640 I've heard people jealous of other people's house, money, card. 0:23:21.040 --> 0:23:24.879 I've never in my life heard anybody jealous about somebody 0:23:24.880 --> 0:23:25.480 else praise. 0:23:26.520 --> 0:23:29.159 Let me tell you you heard her pray and be like, 0:23:29.200 --> 0:23:30.040 I won't pray like. 0:23:30.000 --> 0:23:34.520 That too, Okay. So I've got to ask you, though, 0:23:35.119 --> 0:23:38.440 what what is she doing when she prays that makes 0:23:38.480 --> 0:23:42.359 you say whatever she's praying for is gonna happen. What 0:23:42.480 --> 0:23:44.040 is she doing that makes you think. 0:23:45.480 --> 0:23:49.080 She just so passionate? And the words that she chooses, 0:23:49.119 --> 0:23:54.080 they're just like they're just so powerful. It's like, I 0:23:54.119 --> 0:23:55.920 don't know, she just seems like she's choosing all the 0:23:56.040 --> 0:23:59.600 right words and she just really truly believes and what 0:23:59.680 --> 0:24:02.200 she's and it's beautiful. 0:24:03.359 --> 0:24:05.440 Does she know that you think this about the way 0:24:05.480 --> 0:24:08.000 she praise me? You just kind of are you just jealous? 0:24:08.040 --> 0:24:09.080 In silence watching? 0:24:10.640 --> 0:24:12.720 Yeah, I never told her. 0:24:13.480 --> 0:24:16.879 Okay, maybe do you consider her a friend or is 0:24:16.920 --> 0:24:19.159 it just somebody you just kind of see in passing. 0:24:20.880 --> 0:24:24.520 She's kind of like, I mean, like we don't talk 0:24:24.560 --> 0:24:26.480 on the phone or anything like that. But I've known 0:24:26.520 --> 0:24:28.920 her for a very long time, very long. 0:24:29.480 --> 0:24:33.080 Gotcha? And what about you? Where'd you learn how to pray? Who? 0:24:33.520 --> 0:24:35.400 Who taught you that this was really important? 0:24:37.840 --> 0:24:41.280 Oh? My grandmother actually talked me to the Lord's prayer 0:24:42.160 --> 0:24:46.520 when I was very young, so I've known it for 0:24:46.560 --> 0:24:49.040 a long time. And then I went to a Catholic 0:24:49.359 --> 0:24:54.120 high school, so as I learned a little bit there, 0:24:54.280 --> 0:24:58.840 and I used to go to church with my aunt 0:24:59.240 --> 0:25:02.560 and only way because I wanted to hang out with 0:25:02.600 --> 0:25:05.640 my cousin. But I guess I picked up a little 0:25:05.640 --> 0:25:07.720 bit along the way while I was at church too. 0:25:09.920 --> 0:25:11.119 Were you close to your grandma. 0:25:13.359 --> 0:25:20.840 Mm hmm, not really my grandmother. I think when I 0:25:20.840 --> 0:25:23.240 think about the things in my life, like I said, 0:25:23.280 --> 0:25:26.040 there's been multiple things that I think have chipped away 0:25:26.160 --> 0:25:31.160 at myself worth, my self value, and I would say 0:25:31.320 --> 0:25:34.720 she kind of has done a little bit of that. 0:25:35.640 --> 0:25:37.560 One of those things. Huh. 0:25:37.640 --> 0:25:43.360 Yeah, she definitely contributed in her own way. I don't 0:25:43.400 --> 0:25:44.359 know if she's. 0:25:46.359 --> 0:25:46.560 Well. 0:25:46.640 --> 0:25:48.960 I think she has some mental health issues. I would 0:25:48.960 --> 0:25:58.359 say she's probably bipolar and just never been diagnosed. But 0:25:58.600 --> 0:26:03.399 she is a woman that can build you up, and 0:26:03.480 --> 0:26:05.320 she is a woman that can tear you down. 0:26:09.520 --> 0:26:15.399 But she's the one who introd introduced you to prayer, yes, 0:26:15.760 --> 0:26:17.919 and specifically taught you the Lord's Prayer? 0:26:18.840 --> 0:26:19.159 Yes. 0:26:19.440 --> 0:26:21.840 Would you mind sharing the Lord's Prayer real quick? Can 0:26:21.880 --> 0:26:22.320 I hear it? 0:26:23.480 --> 0:26:23.960 Seriously? 0:26:24.760 --> 0:26:28.080 Yeah? You know? 0:26:28.320 --> 0:26:30.840 Oh my god. My son knows it too. His father 0:26:30.920 --> 0:26:33.119 taught it to him and he sounds so cute when 0:26:33.160 --> 0:26:35.640 he says it. I'm not gonna probably sound as cute 0:26:35.680 --> 0:26:40.640 as he does, but I'll share it. Our Father, who 0:26:40.680 --> 0:26:43.479 are in heaven, ill will be thy name, the Kingdom 0:26:43.560 --> 0:26:46.399 come and will be done on earth as it doesn't Heaven, 0:26:48.240 --> 0:26:51.679 give us this day our daily prayer, and forgive us 0:26:51.680 --> 0:26:54.919 how TransPasses, as we forget those who transpass against us. 0:26:55.680 --> 0:26:58.439