1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,520 Speaker 1: Please note this episode speaks on abuse, both sexual and physical. 2 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:07,280 Speaker 1: Please be prepared for any potential triggers or sensitivities that 3 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:13,400 Speaker 1: may come up while listening. The practice to alleviate negative 4 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:18,119 Speaker 1: thoughts is to actually exercise the muscle of creating and 5 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:21,599 Speaker 1: focusing on positive thoughts. The human brain is actually a 6 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:25,400 Speaker 1: negative thought engine, like, we do better at thinking about 7 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:29,000 Speaker 1: negative things, holding on to negative things, processing negative things, 8 00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 1: so we actually have to work to counter that by 9 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:36,040 Speaker 1: noticing positive things. We have a tendency. If I say 10 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:37,800 Speaker 1: how is your day? Just to give you an example, 11 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 1: what I mean when I say the human brain is 12 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,840 Speaker 1: a negative engine, we have a tendency. If I say 13 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:45,599 Speaker 1: how is your day? You think about did anything negative 14 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,680 Speaker 1: happen today? And if the answer to that question was no, 15 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,680 Speaker 1: then you're like, oh, it's a pretty good day. You 16 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:54,760 Speaker 1: have to be intentional about processing and thinking about positive things. 17 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:58,040 Speaker 1: You have to be intentional about thinking about your achievements, 18 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:01,360 Speaker 1: things you've accomplished, even small things. You have to be 19 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 1: intentional about celebrating those things. You have to be intentional 20 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:08,440 Speaker 1: about giving verbiage to those things. An example of that 21 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:12,000 Speaker 1: in a relationship context is if you walked into a 22 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:15,039 Speaker 1: room and you saw your partner in there, and your 23 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:19,480 Speaker 1: partner looked really really angry or really really sad, or 24 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:23,600 Speaker 1: some negative emotion. We have a tendency to say, hey, partner, 25 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:27,000 Speaker 1: what's wrong. But on the flip side, if you walked 26 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,560 Speaker 1: into a room and your partner looked really really happy 27 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:34,479 Speaker 1: or really really satisfied or really really content, we don't 28 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:38,560 Speaker 1: have a tendency to say, hey, partner, what's right. So 29 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 1: the best way to alleviate negative thoughts is to create 30 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:46,040 Speaker 1: habits around positive thoughts, both thinking about them and giving 31 00:01:46,120 --> 00:02:00,960 Speaker 1: verbage to them. Welcome back to Family Therapy. I'm your host, 32 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:04,640 Speaker 1: Elliot Khani. What's been better since you listened to the 33 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:09,080 Speaker 1: previous episode? This is always an important question as it 34 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:12,280 Speaker 1: shifts what we notice to things that are progressing and 35 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:18,359 Speaker 1: more desirable as opposed to problems. Today is spent directly 36 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:22,280 Speaker 1: with Jay as she shares some impactful and sensitive information. 37 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,880 Speaker 1: There are times when you're working with a family clinically 38 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,160 Speaker 1: where it becomes appropriate to spend some time one on 39 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:32,119 Speaker 1: one with each member of the family. The reason why 40 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:34,480 Speaker 1: this is true is because a lot of times people 41 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:37,720 Speaker 1: have gone through some really sensitive things that may impact 42 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:43,079 Speaker 1: the dynamic amongst family members. This will oftentimes create anxiety, fear, 43 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:47,640 Speaker 1: and even make the psychotherapy space unsafe, So it's important 44 00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:51,720 Speaker 1: for me as a clinician to always prioritize the safety 45 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:55,919 Speaker 1: of the dynamic of the family and of the therapy process. 46 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,200 Speaker 1: Once you are able to heal from some of those 47 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:02,640 Speaker 1: past wounds while talking to the therapists individually, then it 48 00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:07,959 Speaker 1: becomes appropriate to reconvene as a family and continue moving forward. Therapy, 49 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:14,440 Speaker 1: when done well, will oftentimes bring up triggers past traumas, tragedies, struggles, 50 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,920 Speaker 1: and those things can sometimes have a negative impact on 51 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:21,400 Speaker 1: therapy itself or the dynamic amongst the family members. So 52 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,440 Speaker 1: oftentimes we meet with individuals to make sure we are 53 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:27,040 Speaker 1: taking care of those sensitive topics with the level of 54 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:32,240 Speaker 1: respect that they deserve. As often happens in therapy, Jay 55 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:36,680 Speaker 1: speaks about having blocks and how it's preventing her from 56 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 1: moving forward and implementing the tools from the therapy. But despite that, 57 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 1: change is still prevalent. Change is always happening. It is 58 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:50,840 Speaker 1: impossible to have the same day, same week, same month, 59 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:54,560 Speaker 1: over and over and over again. One of the strengths 60 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:58,000 Speaker 1: in therapy isn't so much about implementing the things that 61 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:03,600 Speaker 1: came from therapy exactly, but actually noticing change happening in 62 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:06,960 Speaker 1: your life and being able to pay extra special attention 63 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:10,280 Speaker 1: to the kind of changes that you're experiencing as desirable 64 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:15,120 Speaker 1: and giving yourself credit for those desirable changes. There's currently 65 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 1: a block happening with Jay where she's almost beating herself 66 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:22,560 Speaker 1: up for not doing the things that came from therapy exactly, however, 67 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,560 Speaker 1: not noticing that there are changes happening around her that 68 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,560 Speaker 1: are positive and connected to who she is and what 69 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,520 Speaker 1: she's doing. The process of therapy is to help her 70 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:41,360 Speaker 1: notice those changes and give herself appropriate credit for them. 71 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:45,119 Speaker 1: Other than feeling under the weather, what's been better? 72 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:49,080 Speaker 2: Not much. I didn't have a great. 73 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:51,279 Speaker 1: Week, okay. What took place? 74 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:58,799 Speaker 2: I don't know? That is so much? What has taken 75 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:04,039 Speaker 2: place since? What's going to take place? So me and 76 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 2: my partner is separating, and that's happening this weekend. The 77 00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:13,800 Speaker 2: first property I bought, I'm in the process of selling it, okay, 78 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:19,680 Speaker 2: and I feel kind of down about that. So those 79 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,880 Speaker 2: two things together, I'm not in the best mood. 80 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,560 Speaker 1: M How have you managed. 81 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 2: Mm hmmm, I just you know, just keep moving forward. 82 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 1: This obviously must be a difficult thing. How are you 83 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:40,160 Speaker 1: pleased with the way you showed up during these difficult times? 84 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:48,440 Speaker 2: M hmmm, I don't know. I just I just realize 85 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:50,760 Speaker 2: what needs to happen, and I'm trying to make these 86 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:55,200 Speaker 2: things happen. I don't know that I'm please, they're displeased. 87 00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:57,400 Speaker 2: I'm just doing what needs to be done. 88 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 1: Okay, So how are you hoping today's conversation could make 89 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:03,440 Speaker 1: a different for you? 90 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 2: Like? 91 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,599 Speaker 1: What are your best hope from talking with me today? 92 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:10,360 Speaker 2: To be honest, I kind of feel like I'm not 93 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 2: really sure what direction we're going in. Like I feel 94 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:20,719 Speaker 2: like our conversations are really positive, but I don't know 95 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:22,800 Speaker 2: if it's enough. 96 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: Okay, what direction would be like the conversations are go in. 97 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:30,400 Speaker 2: I don't I'm Hi'm not a therapist, so I don't 98 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 2: know what needs to happen or what or what would 99 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:40,680 Speaker 2: be best. But I guess I'm just wondering. I just 100 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:43,240 Speaker 2: wonder if it's enough, like if it's gonna get me, 101 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:48,640 Speaker 2: I guess in a better space by the time we'll finished. 102 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:52,840 Speaker 1: I got you. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. 103 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:57,080 Speaker 1: I guess I would need your your feedback like, how 104 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,599 Speaker 1: would you know you were heading in a direction that 105 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 1: worked for you and we're like in a better space, 106 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:03,720 Speaker 1: Like how would you know it was enough? You know 107 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,840 Speaker 1: what I mean? Like? What would you be experiencing that 108 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:06,599 Speaker 1: would tell you that? 109 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,280 Speaker 2: Well? I feel like you're give me good ideas and 110 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 2: some tools, but I haven't really implemented them, and I 111 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:21,640 Speaker 2: don't know like they're good tools, but the block is 112 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 2: still there as far as me applying them to my life. 113 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,000 Speaker 2: So I don't know, like how do I get past 114 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:32,880 Speaker 2: that block in order to use the tool that you're 115 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 2: giving me? 116 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:35,720 Speaker 1: What are you experiencing that tells you there's a block? 117 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:42,800 Speaker 2: Because I think about what our discussions and I see 118 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:46,520 Speaker 2: like there's chances of opportunities for me to do the 119 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:51,080 Speaker 2: things that you talk about, but I don't do them. 120 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,120 Speaker 1: How come? What do you think the block is? 121 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 2: I don't know. 122 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:02,440 Speaker 1: How long have you been aware of the block? It's 123 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,320 Speaker 1: gonna be a weird question, but how do you know 124 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:05,240 Speaker 1: there's a block there? 125 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 2: It's been a while years? 126 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:14,600 Speaker 1: Gosh, okay, And I'm gonna guess that you don't like 127 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 1: this block, right, like you'd prefer this to be removed? Yeah, Okay, 128 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:26,200 Speaker 1: I gotta push you a little bit. What do you 129 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:28,320 Speaker 1: think is the cause of the block, Like, if you 130 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:32,040 Speaker 1: were to dig deep and really think about it, what 131 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:33,400 Speaker 1: do you think has caused the block? 132 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:41,840 Speaker 2: M Hm, I don't know. I guess it's like a 133 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,840 Speaker 2: self ware, self value kind of thing. 134 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:53,079 Speaker 1: Okay, mm hmm. 135 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,319 Speaker 2: At some point in life, I guess I just stopped 136 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,400 Speaker 2: believing that I was worth that effort. 137 00:09:04,559 --> 00:09:06,800 Speaker 1: M That sounds hard. 138 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:08,000 Speaker 2: Mm hmmm. 139 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,440 Speaker 1: Do you know when that happened? 140 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:17,800 Speaker 2: I don't know that it's one situation. I think it's 141 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:20,920 Speaker 2: just like a multiple, like over the course of time. 142 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:28,960 Speaker 2: So I don't know. I mean, I don't know why 143 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 2: I keep saying I don't know, but I do know. 144 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:35,600 Speaker 1: No, No, it's okay. 145 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:35,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I just know. It's like one of those 146 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,760 Speaker 2: feelers that I tend to use. Is I don't know, 147 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 2: but you kind of do. 148 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:39,679 Speaker 1: No. 149 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:52,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, uh, that's just situations over the course of a lifetime, 150 00:09:54,640 --> 00:10:05,880 Speaker 2: situations like what I guess, Like, you know, dealing with 151 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:08,000 Speaker 2: abuse at a young age. 152 00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:12,000 Speaker 1: Can I ask you a question about that? 153 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:13,400 Speaker 2: Mm hmm. 154 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:19,480 Speaker 1: When was the age you remember? Like you remember the 155 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:28,000 Speaker 1: abuse starting, don't? 156 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:31,560 Speaker 2: Are you eleven eleven twelve? Like that? 157 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:38,240 Speaker 1: How did you get through it. 158 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:47,880 Speaker 2: Mm hmmm, mm hmm. How did I get through it? 159 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:53,640 Speaker 2: I mean I did have therapy counseling at some point 160 00:10:55,520 --> 00:11:02,360 Speaker 2: to kind of deal with those feelings of being a 161 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:10,840 Speaker 2: victim or whatever. So I guess when I was going 162 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 2: through it, I was just going through it, but I 163 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,880 Speaker 2: don't know that I really dealt with it at that time. 164 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:21,080 Speaker 2: But as I got older, I realized, you know, there's 165 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:28,120 Speaker 2: some things happening that, you know, maybe rooted in those experiences. 166 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:31,079 Speaker 2: So I went to therapy at that time. 167 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,840 Speaker 1: By the way, like I have to ask you some 168 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,720 Speaker 1: of these questions because it's my job, but if you 169 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:39,280 Speaker 1: don't want me to, you can just tell me that, 170 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:40,720 Speaker 1: you know, it's none of my business. 171 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,959 Speaker 2: It's fine, It's totally fine. That's what we're here for. 172 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 1: How long did the abuse last? 173 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:02,360 Speaker 2: Well, lived with the abuser for a couple of years. 174 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 2: I don't remember exactly. How long was he family or no, 175 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:12,400 Speaker 2: my mom's ex boyfriend. 176 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:21,080 Speaker 1: Was he ever held accountable? No? Does your mom know 177 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 1: that this happened? 178 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:28,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, she does. But because he wasn't just like sexually abusive, 179 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:33,400 Speaker 2: but he also was a very violent person, So it 180 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:38,600 Speaker 2: wasn't just that experience. It was him also you know, 181 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:45,600 Speaker 2: hitting and punching, choking, whatever he felt like to. 182 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:51,000 Speaker 1: Wow, was it just you or any of your other 183 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:52,600 Speaker 1: siblings targets. 184 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:53,640 Speaker 2: They did experience? 185 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:58,679 Speaker 1: Gotcha? And then you said something really powerful a minute ago, 186 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:01,320 Speaker 1: and you said, like, while it was happening, you don't 187 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:04,920 Speaker 1: know that you dealt with it, right m hm? And 188 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:09,600 Speaker 1: then at some point later you realized that some of 189 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:13,160 Speaker 1: the things that were happening in your life maybe because 190 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:14,360 Speaker 1: of that. Right did I hear that? 191 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:15,600 Speaker 2: M hm? 192 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:19,320 Speaker 1: When did you realize that? 193 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:25,440 Speaker 2: When I was in undergrad college? 194 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,000 Speaker 1: What was your clue? How did you How did you 195 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,600 Speaker 1: know at that age set like. 196 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:41,520 Speaker 2: Some of the stating someone and he wanted to break 197 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,880 Speaker 2: up and I didn't want him to and I hit 198 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:54,040 Speaker 2: him and I realized that wasn't me, and I didn't 199 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:58,120 Speaker 2: want to be that person. But I knew, like you know, 200 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:01,600 Speaker 2: some of the things that I experienced what was making 201 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:07,480 Speaker 2: me violent at that point. So that was kind of 202 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:08,280 Speaker 2: the first clue. 203 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,040 Speaker 1: What did you do about it? When you realize like 204 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:13,199 Speaker 1: I'm being violent and I don't want to be, or 205 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:14,800 Speaker 1: I got this trait and I don't want to have it, 206 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:15,719 Speaker 1: What did you do about it? 207 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:21,400 Speaker 2: I went to therapy. They had like free therapy on campus, 208 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:22,360 Speaker 2: so I went. 209 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:24,680 Speaker 1: Did you find it useful? 210 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:32,840 Speaker 2: It was useful. I don't know that I I probably 211 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:34,960 Speaker 2: could have kept going for a longer period of time, 212 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,280 Speaker 2: but I went for several sessions and I found that 213 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:39,000 Speaker 2: it was helpful. 214 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:42,640 Speaker 1: What was the therapist doing that you found helpful or 215 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:44,360 Speaker 1: what came of it that you found helpful? 216 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:49,360 Speaker 2: I guess, you know, she was just connecting some of 217 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:56,240 Speaker 2: the dots for me with my childhood and the things 218 00:14:56,240 --> 00:15:01,480 Speaker 2: that I was doing, and as not minded, it was 219 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:05,480 Speaker 2: like this is like over twenty years ago, but right 220 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,720 Speaker 2: she you know, she just kind of gave me a 221 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:12,320 Speaker 2: space to talk through some of those things that I 222 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:13,760 Speaker 2: was dealing with at that time. 223 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:18,760 Speaker 1: Gotcha, did you feel after that like you could live 224 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,480 Speaker 1: a life in the way you wanted to or were 225 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: you still kind of held back by those experiences? 226 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,680 Speaker 2: I felt, I mean I felt at that time that 227 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:31,480 Speaker 2: you know, I was moven in the right direction. Yeah, 228 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,960 Speaker 2: I felt I felt that the councilman was helpful. 229 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:42,240 Speaker 1: And yeah, how did you know back then that you 230 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:46,000 Speaker 1: were moving in the right direction? So you knew there 231 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:49,160 Speaker 1: was a problem because and I think the way you 232 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:52,760 Speaker 1: were said that that wasn't me, and you addressed the 233 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,640 Speaker 1: problem of going to counseling, and you got the opportunity 234 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:59,280 Speaker 1: to like speak and talk through it. And then you 235 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 1: said I was in the right direction. How did you 236 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,840 Speaker 1: know you were going in the right direction. 237 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:10,400 Speaker 2: Because I was making better choices as far as relationships 238 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:11,920 Speaker 2: went after that. 239 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,320 Speaker 1: How did you know they were good choices? 240 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:25,560 Speaker 2: Because I felt that there wasn't like if something happened, 241 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:28,000 Speaker 2: I wasn't letting the anger get the best of me. 242 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:33,280 Speaker 2: I wasn't letting you know what someone was doing trouble 243 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:34,200 Speaker 2: me so much? 244 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:39,120 Speaker 1: Can I tell you why I'm a counselor have I 245 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:39,840 Speaker 1: ever told you this? 246 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:42,120 Speaker 2: Yeah? 247 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:43,960 Speaker 1: Do you remember what I said? 248 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:48,040 Speaker 2: It is that you had a difficult childhood and you 249 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:51,200 Speaker 2: wanted to help people figure things out the way you 250 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:53,760 Speaker 2: figure things out for yourself. It's something along his lines. 251 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,680 Speaker 2: Everybody said a little bit bit more eloquently. 252 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,400 Speaker 1: No, No, that was perfectly eloquent. That's what I said. 253 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,760 Speaker 1: But I don't think I was specific. My father was 254 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:06,240 Speaker 1: very abusive, and when people ask me for how long, 255 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:10,720 Speaker 1: I say from the formation of my memory tw when 256 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,199 Speaker 1: I was nineteen, So I don't remember a time in 257 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,120 Speaker 1: between there where there was an abuse in my home. 258 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:18,160 Speaker 1: And the reason I'm telling you this is because you've 259 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:23,240 Speaker 1: now done something really incredible, because I know personally firsthand 260 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:27,760 Speaker 1: how hard it is to go through those experiences. And 261 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,440 Speaker 1: then I had anger issues too in my you know, 262 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:34,520 Speaker 1: teenage years and early twenties. And you're saying I started 263 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:38,840 Speaker 1: making good decisions and when when like difficult things happened, 264 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:42,400 Speaker 1: I didn't let them bother me. How did you do that? 265 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:48,040 Speaker 2: I guess it's just the mindsetshift of like taking ownership 266 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:52,800 Speaker 2: and accountability for your actions, and that's it. You know, 267 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:57,159 Speaker 2: you can't really control what anybody else does, right, you know, 268 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:02,679 Speaker 2: just can't point the finger, you know, like, this is 269 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:06,399 Speaker 2: my life and I'm with a enjoy it and make 270 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,240 Speaker 2: the best out of it, and I'm not gonna let 271 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:14,840 Speaker 2: what other people are doing compromise my experience. Not to 272 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,600 Speaker 2: say I didn't get angry after that. I'm sure you're healing, 273 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:23,560 Speaker 2: but I think at that age I started to kind 274 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,840 Speaker 2: of shift my mindset. 275 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:32,679 Speaker 1: Okay, now you said to me today like, I'm not 276 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,800 Speaker 1: sure this is gonna be enough, and I'm not sure 277 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:39,679 Speaker 1: it's going in the right direction. If your mindset shifted again, 278 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 1: how would you notice it? Like if your mindset shifted 279 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:49,920 Speaker 1: now to make you like I'm responsible for my own actions. 280 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:55,720 Speaker 1: I'm gonna enjoy my life. I'm gonna make decisions I 281 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,760 Speaker 1: can be pleased with. How would you notice it if 282 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:02,159 Speaker 1: that same kind of a mind shift happen now? How 283 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:03,040 Speaker 1: would you be aware of it? 284 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:08,040 Speaker 2: Mm hmm. I mean, I guess I'd be implementing some 285 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,680 Speaker 2: of the things to talk about and taking a little 286 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,280 Speaker 2: bit better care of myself. 287 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 1: Okay, and taking better care of yourself. How like? What 288 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:20,800 Speaker 1: what things would you notice yourself doing that would feel 289 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,240 Speaker 1: to you like you were taking better care of yourself? 290 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 2: Mm hmm. 291 00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:32,120 Speaker 1: Exercising, praying, it's like the it's like the working out 292 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:33,320 Speaker 1: we were talking about. 293 00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:42,919 Speaker 2: Before, Yeah, working out, praying more, being more present, some 294 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:46,359 Speaker 2: of those Aboucin eighty that we talked about, things like. 295 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:50,159 Speaker 1: That, Yeah, what would you pray for? You said praying? 296 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,280 Speaker 1: I don't think i've ever heard you say that. What 297 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,040 Speaker 1: would you what would you pray about? 298 00:19:58,640 --> 00:19:59,480 Speaker 2: I'm sorry, what's that? 299 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 1: It's okay? Is it okay that I asked that? Mm 300 00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:08,399 Speaker 1: hmm okay. 301 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:14,879 Speaker 2: I guess I would pray to be to live my 302 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:23,800 Speaker 2: fullest best life mm hmmm. That I would want to 303 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:31,360 Speaker 2: be person that when God looks at my life, he says, 304 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,040 Speaker 2: I gave you all these talents, I gave you all 305 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:40,440 Speaker 2: these blessings and you used them and I'm proud of you. 306 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:49,199 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, Jalen. Who how would you impact your 307 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,000 Speaker 1: life to be saying a prayer like that? 308 00:20:56,200 --> 00:21:01,720 Speaker 2: Mhm, man, I will hope that it would encourage me 309 00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 2: to live that type. 310 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:09,040 Speaker 1: Of life, right, And how would impact your life to 311 00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:15,359 Speaker 1: know that the like God was proud of you for 312 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:20,760 Speaker 1: using the talents and blessings the way He intended you 313 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:27,400 Speaker 1: to use them. 314 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,600 Speaker 2: I mean, that would be beautiful. That would be a 315 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:32,080 Speaker 2: great thing. 316 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,879 Speaker 1: Have you Have you always been a person that that 317 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,160 Speaker 1: praise throughout your life? 318 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:46,439 Speaker 2: Yes? But I don't work. I guess I'm just working 319 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,320 Speaker 2: on trying to find my own words in prayer because 320 00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:55,159 Speaker 2: sometimes I pray, you know, like the Lord's Prayer or 321 00:21:55,240 --> 00:22:02,280 Speaker 2: Psalm switting three and things like that. But I would 322 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:08,440 Speaker 2: like to become a I would like to use words 323 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:15,000 Speaker 2: that I connect with that I feel are empowering. And 324 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:18,719 Speaker 2: I mean, obviously, you know, Lord's Prayer is an excellent 325 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:22,000 Speaker 2: prayer and that's what God gave us. But I also 326 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:25,560 Speaker 2: want to be able to pray over myself and my 327 00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:29,679 Speaker 2: family with the words that I choose on my own. 328 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:33,040 Speaker 1: Gotcha, how long have you had that desire? 329 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:41,159 Speaker 2: It's been a while. I mean, I feel like I 330 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:45,840 Speaker 2: do it. But it's so funny, Like there's are so 331 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:47,560 Speaker 2: many things in this world I guess you could be 332 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:51,119 Speaker 2: jealous of. But there's this girl that I've known for 333 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:54,920 Speaker 2: a very long time, and we always end up kind 334 00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:57,840 Speaker 2: of going to the same churches, not as girls. She 335 00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:01,640 Speaker 2: ain't no girl, She's grown woman. She can pray her 336 00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:06,320 Speaker 2: butt off like she be praying, and I'm like, whatever 337 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:11,600 Speaker 2: she's praying for is gonna happen. She know how to pray. 338 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:16,080 Speaker 1: I am. I am a whole forty seven years old. 339 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:20,640 Speaker 1: I've heard people jealous of other people's house, money, card. 340 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:24,879 Speaker 1: I've never in my life heard anybody jealous about somebody 341 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:25,480 Speaker 1: else praise. 342 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,159 Speaker 2: Let me tell you you heard her pray and be like, 343 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:30,040 Speaker 2: I won't pray like. 344 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:34,520 Speaker 1: That too, Okay. So I've got to ask you, though, 345 00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:38,440 Speaker 1: what what is she doing when she prays that makes 346 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:42,359 Speaker 1: you say whatever she's praying for is gonna happen. What 347 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,040 Speaker 1: is she doing that makes you think. 348 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:49,080 Speaker 2: She just so passionate? And the words that she chooses, 349 00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:54,080 Speaker 2: they're just like they're just so powerful. It's like, I 350 00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:55,920 Speaker 2: don't know, she just seems like she's choosing all the 351 00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:59,600 Speaker 2: right words and she just really truly believes and what 352 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,200 Speaker 2: she's and it's beautiful. 353 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:05,440 Speaker 1: Does she know that you think this about the way 354 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,000 Speaker 1: she praise me? You just kind of are you just jealous? 355 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:09,080 Speaker 1: In silence watching? 356 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, I never told her. 357 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:16,879 Speaker 1: Okay, maybe do you consider her a friend or is 358 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,159 Speaker 1: it just somebody you just kind of see in passing. 359 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:24,520 Speaker 2: She's kind of like, I mean, like we don't talk 360 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:26,480 Speaker 2: on the phone or anything like that. But I've known 361 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:28,920 Speaker 2: her for a very long time, very long. 362 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:33,080 Speaker 1: Gotcha? And what about you? Where'd you learn how to pray? Who? 363 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,400 Speaker 1: Who taught you that this was really important? 364 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:41,280 Speaker 2: Oh? My grandmother actually talked me to the Lord's prayer 365 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:46,520 Speaker 2: when I was very young, so I've known it for 366 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:49,040 Speaker 2: a long time. And then I went to a Catholic 367 00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:54,120 Speaker 2: high school, so as I learned a little bit there, 368 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:58,840 Speaker 2: and I used to go to church with my aunt 369 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:02,560 Speaker 2: and only way because I wanted to hang out with 370 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,640 Speaker 2: my cousin. But I guess I picked up a little 371 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,720 Speaker 2: bit along the way while I was at church too. 372 00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:11,119 Speaker 1: Were you close to your grandma. 373 00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:20,840 Speaker 2: Mm hmm, not really my grandmother. I think when I 374 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,240 Speaker 2: think about the things in my life, like I said, 375 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,040 Speaker 2: there's been multiple things that I think have chipped away 376 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:31,160 Speaker 2: at myself worth, my self value, and I would say 377 00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:34,720 Speaker 2: she kind of has done a little bit of that. 378 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,560 Speaker 1: One of those things. Huh. 379 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:43,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, she definitely contributed in her own way. I don't 380 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:44,359 Speaker 2: know if she's. 381 00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:46,560 Speaker 1: Well. 382 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:48,960 Speaker 2: I think she has some mental health issues. I would 383 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:58,359 Speaker 2: say she's probably bipolar and just never been diagnosed. But 384 00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:03,399 Speaker 2: she is a woman that can build you up, and 385 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,320 Speaker 2: she is a woman that can tear you down. 386 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:15,399 Speaker 1: But she's the one who introd introduced you to prayer, yes, 387 00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:17,919 Speaker 1: and specifically taught you the Lord's Prayer? 388 00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:19,159 Speaker 2: Yes. 389 00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:21,840 Speaker 1: Would you mind sharing the Lord's Prayer real quick? Can 390 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:22,320 Speaker 1: I hear it? 391 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:23,960 Speaker 2: Seriously? 392 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:28,080 Speaker 1: Yeah? You know? 393 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,840 Speaker 2: Oh my god. My son knows it too. His father 394 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,119 Speaker 2: taught it to him and he sounds so cute when 395 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,640 Speaker 2: he says it. I'm not gonna probably sound as cute 396 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:40,640 Speaker 2: as he does, but I'll share it. Our Father, who 397 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:43,479 Speaker 2: are in heaven, ill will be thy name, the Kingdom 398 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,399 Speaker 2: come and will be done on earth as it doesn't Heaven, 399 00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:51,679 Speaker 2: give us this day our daily prayer, and forgive us 400 00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:54,919 Speaker 2: how TransPasses, as we forget those who transpass against us. 401 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,439 Speaker 2: Lead it's not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. 402 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:02,479 Speaker 2: For thou or the kingdom, the power in the glory 403 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:03,960 Speaker 2: forever or never came in. 404 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:13,520 Speaker 1: Wow, you you do know it? That's that's that's lying. No, No, 405 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,320 Speaker 1: I wanted to see if you could make me jealous 406 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:19,639 Speaker 1: with the way you pray. No, I'm just kidding. No, 407 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:21,879 Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. 408 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:23,359 Speaker 2: That's funny. 409 00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:26,040 Speaker 1: How often do you say that prayer? 410 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:34,920 Speaker 2: Pretty often because we say it with our kid at night. 411 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:40,520 Speaker 2: So it's not my favorite prayer, though, to be honest. 412 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:41,800 Speaker 1: With you, it's your favorite. 413 00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:48,680 Speaker 2: It's not. I think it's important, but I think there's 414 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,960 Speaker 2: other prayers in the Bible that I connect more with. 415 00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:55,200 Speaker 1: Right, I won't make you say another one. But what what? 416 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:56,720 Speaker 1: What would you say is your favorite prayer? 417 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,560 Speaker 2: Oh? Son swety three? 418 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,040 Speaker 1: How do you know when God is answering your prayer? 419 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:06,399 Speaker 1: You know? 420 00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:19,680 Speaker 2: Mm hmmm, He's been answering my prayer all my life? 421 00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:25,120 Speaker 1: How do you know that? That's an interesting answer. He's 422 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:28,120 Speaker 1: been He's been answering my prayers all my life. How 423 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:28,800 Speaker 1: do you know that. 424 00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:35,760 Speaker 2: Because I'm here. I'm here like I've had too many 425 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:43,600 Speaker 2: things happen that could have went so different, and I 426 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:49,440 Speaker 2: know that somebody protecting me, and I want to say 427 00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:51,880 Speaker 2: it to him, you know, I do think, you know, 428 00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:55,120 Speaker 2: the ancestors have a part in that too, But I 429 00:28:55,200 --> 00:29:01,920 Speaker 2: definitely feel like it's definitely been things that could have 430 00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:06,880 Speaker 2: been a whole lot worse and it weren't. And even 431 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:10,120 Speaker 2: the things that were bad, I feel like I've been 432 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:17,160 Speaker 2: able to still maintain some type of hope, some type 433 00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:25,360 Speaker 2: of instanity. So so I would say, you know, it's 434 00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:26,320 Speaker 2: been present. 435 00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:31,120 Speaker 1: What happens to you when you remind yourself of that 436 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:33,760 Speaker 1: that even in the bad moments, somebody must be protecting me. 437 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,960 Speaker 2: I mean, it's a it's a it's a good thing 438 00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:47,920 Speaker 2: to know. It makes me feel like I could do anything. 439 00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:07,760 Speaker 1: I've had some really bad things happen to me, and sometimes, 440 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:13,600 Speaker 1: if I'm being totally honest, sometimes I feel like like 441 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,000 Speaker 1: a victim mentality, like why that happened to me? Like 442 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,600 Speaker 1: I just want to be a regular person, and it 443 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:21,760 Speaker 1: felt like I was getting challenges that people around me 444 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:25,120 Speaker 1: weren't getting right. Does that resonate with you? 445 00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:28,040 Speaker 2: Yes? Yes, absolutely, And. 446 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:33,200 Speaker 1: Then you just said something that really touched me. And 447 00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:36,280 Speaker 1: you said, like I asked you, how do you know 448 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:38,160 Speaker 1: when your prayers be an answered? You said, they're always 449 00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:40,920 Speaker 1: be an answer because everything I've been through, the fact 450 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,560 Speaker 1: that I'm here, somebody must be watching over me, like 451 00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:48,360 Speaker 1: you did say that, right, m Yeah, And it really 452 00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,160 Speaker 1: touched me when you said that, Like I could feel 453 00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:56,680 Speaker 1: myself getting emotional because when I think about, even in 454 00:30:56,760 --> 00:31:02,440 Speaker 1: my darkest moments, I'm still being and protected. And then 455 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,360 Speaker 1: a word I'm going to introduce that you didn't say, 456 00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:05,960 Speaker 1: but I just want to share this with you, and 457 00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:10,000 Speaker 1: then you respond, I'm also being prepared for something. 458 00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:11,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's good. 459 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:16,120 Speaker 1: When I remind myself of that, it makes me feel 460 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:20,000 Speaker 1: more resilient and more hopeful when I'm When I'm not 461 00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:25,120 Speaker 1: as in contact with that thought, it's easier to sink down. 462 00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:25,880 Speaker 1: Does that make sense? 463 00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:27,239 Speaker 2: Mm hm. 464 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:29,560 Speaker 1: So that's why I wanted to know from you, Like 465 00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:33,840 Speaker 1: when you remind yourself even in my dark, difficult moments, 466 00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:42,360 Speaker 1: I'm still being covered and protected. What happens to you 467 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:43,400 Speaker 1: when you remember that? 468 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,080 Speaker 2: I mean, I want to say that it encourages me, 469 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:50,000 Speaker 2: and it inspires me, and it makes me want to 470 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:53,880 Speaker 2: go out and just live my best life. But honestly, 471 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:57,880 Speaker 2: that's not where I am right now. Okay, I think 472 00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:04,880 Speaker 2: in the past has made me feel that way, but 473 00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:09,080 Speaker 2: right now I just feel like I do know those things, 474 00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:16,840 Speaker 2: and I do I believe they're important and but I 475 00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:19,800 Speaker 2: guess that's why I started crying when you asked me about, 476 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:21,960 Speaker 2: you know, the prayer that I said that I wi't 477 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,840 Speaker 2: want God to be proud of me because I don't 478 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:30,240 Speaker 2: know how to navigate this space that I'm in. So 479 00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:34,160 Speaker 2: I'm just like you do you do? You know? You 480 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:38,040 Speaker 2: do have talents and you have been blessed, but you're 481 00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:46,440 Speaker 2: still not over these thoughts feelings. So that bothers me 482 00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,200 Speaker 2: because I don't want to be like this. 483 00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:52,720 Speaker 1: How would you rather be? 484 00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:58,560 Speaker 2: Still working on that? What? That? What that looks like? 485 00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:04,520 Speaker 2: I just know I don't want this, but I'm still 486 00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:08,200 Speaker 2: trying to figure out what. You know, what is it 487 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:09,840 Speaker 2: that I really really really want? 488 00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:16,360 Speaker 1: What do you think God wants for you? 489 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:31,560 Speaker 2: I think he wants me to not worry when he 490 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:43,600 Speaker 2: wants me to YEA, he told us he has a 491 00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:45,960 Speaker 2: plan for our life, right it is a good plan, 492 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:50,280 Speaker 2: So I think he wants us to people want me 493 00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:55,800 Speaker 2: to believe in that and not worry about just kind 494 00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:58,520 Speaker 2: of let things just kind of don't let it go. 495 00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:02,560 Speaker 2: But he stops stressing and over stuff. I'll stress it 496 00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:03,320 Speaker 2: over the future. 497 00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:12,680 Speaker 1: How what difference would it make in your life if 498 00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:17,560 Speaker 1: you replaced belief in the plan even if you don't 499 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:21,000 Speaker 1: understand the plan. But if you replace belief in the 500 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:32,080 Speaker 1: plan with that fear and worry that you currently have, 501 00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:33,680 Speaker 1: how would that make a difference in your life? 502 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:50,680 Speaker 2: Yes, I would be just a little less stress, a 503 00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:53,799 Speaker 2: little less stress, a little more lighthearted, a little more 504 00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,279 Speaker 2: I don't know. I mean, when you live off of 505 00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:06,919 Speaker 2: faith and belief, you don't you don't have to worry, right, 506 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:10,880 Speaker 2: you don't have to because you believe that everything's going 507 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:14,319 Speaker 2: to work out. And I do believe that. I do 508 00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:22,200 Speaker 2: believe that, But I still be stressed out because I'm 509 00:35:22,239 --> 00:35:24,920 Speaker 2: trying to I'm trying to do I'm trying to do something. 510 00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:30,000 Speaker 2: You know, I'm trying to. I want to. I want 511 00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,160 Speaker 2: to be happy, and I want to be healthy, and 512 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:37,480 Speaker 2: I want to be someone that my children look up to. 513 00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:41,040 Speaker 2: And I also want to make sure that they're in 514 00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:44,719 Speaker 2: a different position financially that than we were when we 515 00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:49,400 Speaker 2: were younger. So I'm trying. I'm really trying to work 516 00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:55,239 Speaker 2: on something here, and but sometimes it's just really hard 517 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,759 Speaker 2: for me to not get stressed over that because I 518 00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:02,319 Speaker 2: feel like my time is is limited. Like I'm in 519 00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,879 Speaker 2: my forties. There's a lot of shit that I need 520 00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:10,480 Speaker 2: to get done, you know, and I'm I feel like 521 00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:14,360 Speaker 2: I've wasted a lot of time with my current relationship, 522 00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:18,839 Speaker 2: and I just I feel like now I gotta like 523 00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:22,480 Speaker 2: go faster and go harder because I've wasted time with 524 00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:30,279 Speaker 2: this guy, and I don't I don't know, like these 525 00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:32,399 Speaker 2: are serious things that I feel like I need to do, 526 00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:36,880 Speaker 2: and it's hard for me sometimes to just be like chill, 527 00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:38,960 Speaker 2: like everything's gonna be okay. 528 00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,200 Speaker 1: What do you think God wants you to do with 529 00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:49,640 Speaker 1: that thought? Because I if you and I wonder what 530 00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:52,759 Speaker 1: you think about this, But like if I trust and 531 00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:54,719 Speaker 1: believe in the plan, then that means there's no such 532 00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:57,640 Speaker 1: thing as wasted time because everything we did was a 533 00:36:57,640 --> 00:36:59,120 Speaker 1: part of the plans. That makes sense. 534 00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:00,560 Speaker 2: Mm hmmm. 535 00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:04,640 Speaker 1: So how do you imagine God would want you to 536 00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:08,040 Speaker 1: think about these things? Because I don't imagine he'd want 537 00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:10,480 Speaker 1: you to think you were wasting your time, and you 538 00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:11,960 Speaker 1: got to hurry up and make up for it. Like 539 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,600 Speaker 1: if it's if it's all part of the plan, there's 540 00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:16,960 Speaker 1: no waste of time, right. 541 00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:19,239 Speaker 2: But are my bad decisions part of the plan? 542 00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:24,480 Speaker 1: I would say yes, m. 543 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:30,080 Speaker 2: Well, I guess I need to sit with that a 544 00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:31,000 Speaker 2: little bit, you know. 545 00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:33,680 Speaker 1: And can I tell you why I would say yes, 546 00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:40,440 Speaker 1: mm hmm, Because in those bad decisions, do you remember 547 00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:42,040 Speaker 1: early when I said I'm going to introduce a word 548 00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:44,960 Speaker 1: you didn't say, and I use the word prepare mm hmm. 549 00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:49,160 Speaker 1: In those bad decisions are lessons that you get to 550 00:37:49,239 --> 00:37:54,600 Speaker 1: apply further down the road. And I've made so many 551 00:37:54,640 --> 00:38:01,239 Speaker 1: bad decisions I didn't want to tell you, but it all. 552 00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:05,759 Speaker 1: Sometimes I've made a bad decision and then later on 553 00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:08,320 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that's why I needed that lesson. 554 00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:11,520 Speaker 1: Like at the time I made the bad decision, I 555 00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:15,560 Speaker 1: was frustrated, I was disappointed in myself sometimes ashamed and embarrassed, 556 00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,400 Speaker 1: And then down the road, I would literally be like, 557 00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:24,000 Speaker 1: oh that's why I needed that lesson, And it turned 558 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,319 Speaker 1: out it wasn't a bad decision. It was just part 559 00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:32,440 Speaker 1: of the overall plan, you know, right. So I was 560 00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:38,720 Speaker 1: wondering what happened when you when you start thinking about 561 00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:42,600 Speaker 1: those things in that context, I don't think. I don't 562 00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:46,800 Speaker 1: think God wants us to worry and stress. 563 00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:51,719 Speaker 2: He doesn't, he tells us. He tells us specifically that 564 00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:57,759 Speaker 2: he doesn't want us to Okay, he tells us right there, 565 00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:00,960 Speaker 2: it's like, who have you both? Worrying can add one 566 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,480 Speaker 2: single moment to your life or one day to your life. 567 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:06,840 Speaker 2: It tells us, like I take care of the birds, 568 00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:11,680 Speaker 2: I take care of grass in the field. Why wouldn't 569 00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:12,840 Speaker 2: I take care of you? 570 00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:15,719 Speaker 1: You know, even hearing you said that, like it did 571 00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:17,920 Speaker 1: something to me. What was it like for you to 572 00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:19,480 Speaker 1: say that, because I can tell you what it was 573 00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:20,480 Speaker 1: like for me to even hear it. 574 00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:25,560 Speaker 2: I mean, it's dope. It's like, yo, you know you 575 00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:28,959 Speaker 2: know you're taking care of you know that no matter 576 00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:33,719 Speaker 2: what you go through, you know, the Higher Power is 577 00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:37,600 Speaker 2: concerned about you, and it's concerned about your well being. 578 00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:42,480 Speaker 2: And that's no matter what you go through, right, And 579 00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:50,239 Speaker 2: no matter how insignificant you think you are, you're not 580 00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:52,080 Speaker 2: You're not insignificant. 581 00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:57,680 Speaker 1: No, No, I'm so grateful that I got to sit 582 00:39:57,719 --> 00:40:01,640 Speaker 1: here with you today and hear you say that I 583 00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:05,879 Speaker 1: took care of the birds and the grass. What makes 584 00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:15,759 Speaker 1: you think I wouldn't take care of you? Huh? How 585 00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:16,960 Speaker 1: often do you read the Bible? 586 00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:22,680 Speaker 2: I don't, actually, which is why I probably jacked up 587 00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:23,319 Speaker 2: that verse. 588 00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:31,480 Speaker 1: But but I used to. I didn't expect you to 589 00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:40,200 Speaker 1: say that. Maybe you say that. Okay, so we just 590 00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:45,399 Speaker 1: have a couple of minutes left. What if what if 591 00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:51,480 Speaker 1: Jade getting on the right path and taking care of 592 00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:59,560 Speaker 1: herself isn't about like exercise. What if it's about prayer? 593 00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:03,960 Speaker 1: What if it's about the Bible? What if it's about 594 00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:10,319 Speaker 1: reminding yourself that God is with you and taking care 595 00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:15,759 Speaker 1: of you even in the hard moments. What if we 596 00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:18,480 Speaker 1: were what if we were just missing the boat altogether. 597 00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:22,279 Speaker 1: Maybe it has nothing to do with worldly things, and 598 00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:25,160 Speaker 1: maybe it has everything to do with spiritual things. I'm 599 00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:27,200 Speaker 1: just curious. I'm just you know, wondering. 600 00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:35,719 Speaker 2: I think it's both. I think, you know, the spiritual 601 00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:39,200 Speaker 2: part is very important, right, But if I'm not taking 602 00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:43,160 Speaker 2: care of myself. This is this body that God gave me. 603 00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:45,360 Speaker 2: It was the only home I'm ever going to have 604 00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:51,120 Speaker 2: it right here, right If I'm not taking care of that, 605 00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:54,560 Speaker 2: I mean, that's I just feel like they both kind 606 00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:55,880 Speaker 2: of serve their purpose. 607 00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:59,000 Speaker 1: I completely agree with you, But I guess my point 608 00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:02,759 Speaker 1: would be, or my wonderment would be, what if the 609 00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:06,440 Speaker 1: spiritual taking care of Jay leads to the physical taking 610 00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:12,080 Speaker 1: care of Jay? Right right, It's possible, because it's very different. 611 00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:15,160 Speaker 1: I mean, even the way you worded that, it's very different. 612 00:42:16,239 --> 00:42:18,920 Speaker 1: If someone would say, hey, Jay, wake up tomorrow and exercise, 613 00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,560 Speaker 1: that's very different than hey, j wake up and take 614 00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:26,279 Speaker 1: care of the body God gave you. Those are two 615 00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:31,000 Speaker 1: very different things. Yeah, you know what I mean. But 616 00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:33,360 Speaker 1: I noticed in our comment, like something happens to you 617 00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:39,600 Speaker 1: when you remember that you're being taken care of, like 618 00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:42,960 Speaker 1: something I could. There's an energy like a charisma and 619 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:46,719 Speaker 1: a smile and like something that something happens to you. 620 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:50,280 Speaker 1: I don't know describe it, and I think it's wonderful. 621 00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:53,879 Speaker 1: I think it's beautiful. I think it's amazing this thing 622 00:42:53,880 --> 00:43:00,440 Speaker 1: that happens when you sit in that space for a minute. 623 00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:03,000 Speaker 1: Because I've never heard you describe your body in that way, 624 00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:05,080 Speaker 1: like this is the body God gave me. Now you 625 00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:09,280 Speaker 1: have talked about I need to move more and the basement, 626 00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:13,000 Speaker 1: but you've never described your body as the only thing 627 00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:18,680 Speaker 1: you're ever going to like you're only home, and that's 628 00:43:18,719 --> 00:43:22,759 Speaker 1: a very different experience. So I just wonder, can we 629 00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:26,399 Speaker 1: just spend some time between now and the next time 630 00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:31,640 Speaker 1: we meet of you, like engaging in the spiritual part 631 00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:36,279 Speaker 1: of your journey and seeing what that does to your experience, 632 00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:42,080 Speaker 1: Because I believe, very very passionately, even the bad things 633 00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:44,120 Speaker 1: that happen and the hard things that happen and the 634 00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:48,879 Speaker 1: challenges we face are part of the experience, and they're 635 00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:52,200 Speaker 1: part of the journey and there to prepare us for 636 00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:55,239 Speaker 1: something or to teach us something or to and there 637 00:43:55,280 --> 00:43:57,200 Speaker 1: is no such thing as wasted time because it was 638 00:43:57,239 --> 00:44:02,919 Speaker 1: all part of the journey, right, Yeah, Can we would 639 00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:06,719 Speaker 1: that be okay? Can we just measure success between now 640 00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:10,080 Speaker 1: and the next time we talk by how you think 641 00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:15,640 Speaker 1: about your experience spiritually and we'll let that lead to 642 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:19,320 Speaker 1: the physical manifestation of exercising and you know all the 643 00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:20,000 Speaker 1: other things. 644 00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:25,799 Speaker 2: I will work on that over the next week, and. 645 00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:27,160 Speaker 1: The next time I talk to you, I'm going to 646 00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:30,319 Speaker 1: ask you. I want to know. I want to know 647 00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:32,440 Speaker 1: about your prayers, and I want to know about your 648 00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:38,080 Speaker 1: relationship with Christ, and I want to know I want 649 00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:41,360 Speaker 1: to know how you're perceiving your experiences when you start 650 00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:46,160 Speaker 1: remembering that everything that happens is for the purposes of 651 00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:49,480 Speaker 1: the journey. It's all a part of the plan. And 652 00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:52,600 Speaker 1: I and I can't tell you how many times something 653 00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:54,799 Speaker 1: really bad has happened that I did not understand. And 654 00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:58,239 Speaker 1: sometimes it's my fault. I made a stupid, silly decision. 655 00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:00,960 Speaker 1: Da da da, And then a little while later I 656 00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:04,480 Speaker 1: was like, Oh, that's why that thing had to happen. 657 00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:08,359 Speaker 1: So now I don't frint over whether it's a good 658 00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,040 Speaker 1: experience or a bad experience. I just accept it's all 659 00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:12,960 Speaker 1: part of the plank. 660 00:45:16,719 --> 00:45:21,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm trying to get to that that way of thinking. 661 00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:25,799 Speaker 1: Well, that's exactly what we asked you the next time 662 00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:26,440 Speaker 1: we talk. 663 00:45:27,239 --> 00:45:29,640 Speaker 2: Okay, all right, thank you. 664 00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:43,120 Speaker 1: For Jay and people like Jay. Growth is a challenge, 665 00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:46,040 Speaker 1: or probably more specifically, a better way to say that is, 666 00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:53,560 Speaker 1: recognizing your growth is a challenge. When you've had pain, trauma, abandonment, struggles, abuse, 667 00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:57,520 Speaker 1: tragedy in your past, you have a tendency to be 668 00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:01,720 Speaker 1: far more aware of your flaws than you are your talents. 669 00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:05,440 Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever met a person more deserving 670 00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:09,480 Speaker 1: of having her strengths recognized than Jay. The woman is 671 00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:16,640 Speaker 1: incredibly ambitious, incredibly talented, incredibly educated and accomplished, but yet 672 00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:20,600 Speaker 1: because of her past experiences, she has a tendency to 673 00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:24,520 Speaker 1: only notice her flaws and failures when she looks at herself. 674 00:46:25,480 --> 00:46:30,800 Speaker 1: True growth is recognizing the strength in the overcoming rather 675 00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:34,600 Speaker 1: than paying too much attention to the struggles themselves. That 676 00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:39,120 Speaker 1: is the block that Jay is experiencing, and I suspect 677 00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:44,919 Speaker 1: the block that many people experience in their pursuit of progress. 678 00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:48,800 Speaker 1: What I want Jay to recognize and so many others 679 00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:54,880 Speaker 1: is when you start noticing and giving yourself credit for 680 00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:59,480 Speaker 1: your progress in spite of challenges, you actually feel even 681 00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:03,200 Speaker 1: better because now you start celebrating not only did I 682 00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:06,960 Speaker 1: accomplish something, but I accomplish something while there was an 683 00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:11,879 Speaker 1: obstacle present. That is the tool, that is the challenge, 684 00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:16,600 Speaker 1: That is the task that I want all people, including Jay, 685 00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:20,480 Speaker 1: to recognize, because once you're able to do that, your 686 00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:24,240 Speaker 1: self esteem, your progress, your growth, and your mental health 687 00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:34,360 Speaker 1: will all get better. I think a victim mentality is 688 00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:38,840 Speaker 1: a real thing, but I think people talking about it 689 00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:44,480 Speaker 1: and pointing it out is so absent of compassion. If 690 00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:48,160 Speaker 1: I've had a childhood where there wasn't a lot of 691 00:47:48,239 --> 00:47:50,600 Speaker 1: cheerleading going on, and there wasn't a lot of support 692 00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:57,080 Speaker 1: around me, and it seemed like I was experiencing an overfrequent, 693 00:47:57,200 --> 00:48:01,799 Speaker 1: like an overly frequent amount of pay and struggle. You 694 00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:05,520 Speaker 1: start feeling like life is happening to you instead of 695 00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:09,799 Speaker 1: for you, And I think of victim mentality is believing 696 00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:12,520 Speaker 1: that I don't really have a lot of control over 697 00:48:12,520 --> 00:48:15,160 Speaker 1: what happens to me. But here's the important thing I 698 00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:19,720 Speaker 1: want everybody to hear. There are justifiable reasons for people 699 00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:23,280 Speaker 1: to believe that. Because if at a very very young age, 700 00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:25,840 Speaker 1: when you don't have a lot of control over your circumstances, 701 00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:30,719 Speaker 1: it seemed like you were getting hit with life struggle 702 00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:34,120 Speaker 1: after life's struggle, then it makes sense that you grow 703 00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:38,360 Speaker 1: up thinking life is happening to me instead of for me. 704 00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:42,160 Speaker 1: On the contrary, if you grew up with a lot 705 00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:46,440 Speaker 1: of praise and support and warmth and love, you develop 706 00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:49,360 Speaker 1: the ability to a think positively of yourself and b 707 00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:55,080 Speaker 1: find opportunities as you navigate through life. But there is 708 00:48:55,120 --> 00:48:59,800 Speaker 1: a large amount of people that at very important developmental stages, 709 00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:06,880 Speaker 1: every time they turned around there was trauma, tragedy, abuse, 710 00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:12,000 Speaker 1: and struggle. How can we possibly anticipate that that person 711 00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:16,239 Speaker 1: would grow up with an internal locus of control. How 712 00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:19,680 Speaker 1: could we possibly expect that person to grow up believing 713 00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:24,520 Speaker 1: that they can just do things, that they could just 714 00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:28,160 Speaker 1: create things, that they could just make life what they 715 00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:31,480 Speaker 1: want it to be. So that is where the victim 716 00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:35,960 Speaker 1: mentality usually comes from, an overexposure to pain and trauma 717 00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:40,440 Speaker 1: during very key developmental stages in life, specifically in childhood. 718 00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:43,440 Speaker 1: So what we have to do is help people to 719 00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:47,840 Speaker 1: overcome that and realize regardless of your past, regardless of 720 00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:51,319 Speaker 1: your circumstances, life can still be whatever it is you 721 00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:56,279 Speaker 1: make it. You can still create a future that you 722 00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:59,960 Speaker 1: would be pleased to have. You just have to get 723 00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:04,440 Speaker 1: into a space where you are healed from what happened 724 00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:07,359 Speaker 1: to you in the past, and then you'll be able 725 00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:10,600 Speaker 1: to see opportunity even in your struggle. I think in 726 00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:14,040 Speaker 1: this session we paid a lot of attention to and 727 00:50:14,080 --> 00:50:19,399 Speaker 1: focused a lot on faith and God and those sorts 728 00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:22,840 Speaker 1: of things. Because that's a reference point in Jay's life. 729 00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:26,960 Speaker 1: It might not be a reference point in everyone's life, 730 00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:31,640 Speaker 1: and that's okay. I think the reason why is because 731 00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:34,560 Speaker 1: therapy needing to be about change. We have to talk 732 00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:37,360 Speaker 1: about the things in people's lives that they use to 733 00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:42,040 Speaker 1: drive them towards change. For some people, it's faith and 734 00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:45,799 Speaker 1: it's God, and it's a desire to live in congruence 735 00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:49,799 Speaker 1: to your spiritual beliefs. In other people, it might be 736 00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:53,600 Speaker 1: what your grandmother believes about you, or it might be 737 00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:57,440 Speaker 1: the thing that drives you most is proving people who 738 00:50:57,440 --> 00:50:59,840 Speaker 1: have doubted you wrong or proving people who believed in 739 00:50:59,880 --> 00:51:02,719 Speaker 1: you right. It doesn't really matter, Like I don't want 740 00:51:02,719 --> 00:51:06,399 Speaker 1: people to get hung up on The technique in this 741 00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:09,960 Speaker 1: session was to focus on God. That's not true. The 742 00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:13,360 Speaker 1: technique in this session was to focus on the things 743 00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:18,040 Speaker 1: that are strong levers towards change. And in one person 744 00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:20,880 Speaker 1: it might be living a life of faith and living 745 00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:23,920 Speaker 1: congruent to your spiritual beliefs, and in another person, it 746 00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:26,360 Speaker 1: might be working as hard as you possibly can to 747 00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:30,200 Speaker 1: prove somebody who believes in you right. So if you 748 00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:34,239 Speaker 1: don't resonate with a religious or spiritual message, that is 749 00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:38,319 Speaker 1: perfectly okay. Just think about what are the things that 750 00:51:38,400 --> 00:51:44,839 Speaker 1: are the strongest drives towards your change in your life life. 751 00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:48,239 Speaker 1: This is not just a podcast that I want you 752 00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:51,320 Speaker 1: to consume and be entertained by I actually want you 753 00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:54,600 Speaker 1: to be inspired. I want you to be impacted by this, 754 00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:58,200 Speaker 1: and in fact, we can't help but be impacted by 755 00:51:58,239 --> 00:52:00,880 Speaker 1: the content we consume. What I would like for you 756 00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:03,640 Speaker 1: to do is come on this healing journey with us. 757 00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:08,480 Speaker 1: Come on this journey of change rediscovery with us. And 758 00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:10,840 Speaker 1: the way to do that is to just pay attention 759 00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:13,839 Speaker 1: to the things going on in your life as a 760 00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:17,840 Speaker 1: consequence of listening to this podcast. Pay attention to things 761 00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:20,879 Speaker 1: in your life shifting in a more desirable way. Pay 762 00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:24,800 Speaker 1: attention to your desirable outcome becoming your reality. Pay attention 763 00:52:24,840 --> 00:52:28,640 Speaker 1: to evidence of your success, your resilience, and your strength. 764 00:52:28,840 --> 00:52:31,840 Speaker 1: And let us know in the comments what you're noticing 765 00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:34,239 Speaker 1: in your life as a result of listening to this 766 00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:37,480 Speaker 1: podcast and as a result of paying attention to these things. 767 00:52:38,440 --> 00:52:41,240 Speaker 1: I would love to hear from you about your healing journey, 768 00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:44,840 Speaker 1: your family, and your feedback. Leave a review, send a DM, 769 00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,440 Speaker 1: connect with me on socials at Elliott Speaks, and you 770 00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:49,640 Speaker 1: can also send me a text message to nine seven 771 00:52:49,719 --> 00:52:53,440 Speaker 1: two four two six two six four zero. Family Therapy 772 00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:57,440 Speaker 1: is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Podcast Network. 773 00:52:57,480 --> 00:53:00,680 Speaker 1: Special Thanks to our assistant Glendelle Sepe. It's produced by 774 00:53:00,800 --> 00:53:04,560 Speaker 1: jac Quise Thomas and the executive producer Dolly S. S Bisham. 775 00:53:05,120 --> 00:53:08,440 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio 776 00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:12,000 Speaker 1: app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The 777 00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:14,920 Speaker 1: content presented on The Family Therapy Podcast serves solely for 778 00:53:15,080 --> 00:53:17,840 Speaker 1: educational and informational purposes. It should not be considered a 779 00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:20,759 Speaker 1: replacement for personalized medical or mental health guidance and does 780 00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:23,960 Speaker 1: not constitute a provider patient relationship. It is advisable to 781 00:53:24,040 --> 00:53:26,719 Speaker 1: consult with your healthcare provider or health team for any 782 00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:28,600 Speaker 1: specific concerns or questions you may have.