Speaker 1: Hi, everybody, This is Wheezy. Unfortunately Mandy couldn't make it in.
Speaker 1: We've had conflicting schedules, but the next two episodes you
Speaker 1: here a solo. I wanted to tell you guys about
Speaker 1: Zozo Talk in Miami eleven seventeen, I will be there
Speaker 1: and on December eighth, I will be in Atlanta. This
Speaker 1: is an amazing show. It is a live dating game
Speaker 1: show that I do with Jessie. We had a great
Speaker 1: time in New York. It was so much fun. Someone's
Speaker 1: grandma came. Um, don't ask, but anyway, I'm super excited
Speaker 1: to bring you guys this episode, so check it out
Speaker 1: and enjoy it. Hey everyone, So I'm here and I'm
Speaker 1: with two lovely ladies, one that I've never met before
Speaker 1: and one that I went down on. So I want
Speaker 1: both of you. Um, I'm gonna start from the right.
Speaker 1: Can you tell us your name, why you're horrible, and
Speaker 1: your sexual orientation. I'm trying some new ship. Okay, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: So my name is Aisha, Why I'm horrible? Why are
Speaker 1: you here? A bitch? I love sex? I don't know.
Speaker 1: There's really no other way to put that. Don't you
Speaker 1: like all? I know, is you have a new business
Speaker 1: going surrounding sex? What is that? Uh? So I am
Speaker 1: opening a sex positive community hub that will house a
Speaker 1: porn cinema in Brooklyn. Basically I want people to get
Speaker 1: freaky in my porn cinema. Like is that legal? I
Speaker 1: don't really know. I don't think there's like, you know,
Speaker 1: it's kind of like the same way as like, are
Speaker 1: you you're like really not supposed to have more than
Speaker 1: fifteen people dancing and drinking alcohol anywhere? So like our
Speaker 1: club's legal that kind of thing, and like but unless
Speaker 1: like anybody's at my door knocking it down. I mean
Speaker 1: you were very Brooklyn bitch. I'll say that I should.
Speaker 1: I met on Tinder because we were supposed to have
Speaker 1: a threesome that never happened, but we had sex, and
Speaker 1: that was fucking Why do we only have sex one time?
Speaker 1: Is you busy? I know? Actually? You know what's crazy?
Speaker 1: I came to see you. You're dating someone? Are you
Speaker 1: still dating him? That guy when we went ice skating together? No?
Speaker 1: Not no, Well I was so fucking jealous and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, like it's weird. Every time
Speaker 1: I see you, I get super like, oh wait, yes,
Speaker 1: not ice skating. I am. I am still dating him
Speaker 1: him anyway, so we have another if you are I am.
Speaker 1: I had posted on Horrible Decisions and on my personal
Speaker 1: Instagram looking for new people that are horrible and just interesting,
Speaker 1: and Ashley reached out to me and, um, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: super excited to have you on. Ashley wanted to come
Speaker 1: on to talk about having sex wild disabled, So yeah,
Speaker 1: tell us, like how old you are, where you live
Speaker 1: with your sexual orientation. So I am from Jacksonville, Florida.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty nine. I'll be thirty in December. Uma ohay'
Speaker 1: so sash Well, well yeah, I um well, while I'm
Speaker 1: my horrible huh well okay. So I always got this
Speaker 1: like taboo conversation going on around um sex, particularly from
Speaker 1: men that will basically ask me if my vagina works.
Speaker 1: So the fact that I kept getting that question, I'm like,
Speaker 1: obviously something's not connecting where they really don't think that
Speaker 1: I can have sex um and I definitely wanted to
Speaker 1: kind of speak to that and just like my personal
Speaker 1: experiences too, um of like dating and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: I consider myself from the queer spectrum, So I have
Speaker 1: always been attracted to women I have had experiences with women,
Speaker 1: but I haven't dated a women relationship wise, you identified
Speaker 1: square by pan sexual. Okay, okay. By the way, I
Speaker 1: think my second time me and you were hanging out,
Speaker 1: you were like fleeing to leave because the Muslim ban happened.
Speaker 1: You're like, I'm about to go fucking protests and the
Speaker 1: guy you were dating was over the ship. I love
Speaker 1: you for that. So I'm really excited to have these
Speaker 1: two women here to get into this dialogue. So first
Speaker 1: kink of the week. Um, if you've never heard horrible
Speaker 1: decisions are kink of the week is always a word
Speaker 1: of paraphilia and we teach you something new. Normally it's
Speaker 1: hard to say, but not this week. This week's kink
Speaker 1: is abrasions. And I picked this kink because on a
Speaker 1: Patreon episode, my friend James told a story where he
Speaker 1: met a trans guy that like lifted his shirt up
Speaker 1: at this club and had a bunch of like scratches
Speaker 1: all over his chest and body and like to get
Speaker 1: cut up Like that was his kink. Have you guys
Speaker 1: ever seen someone that was into that or I'm aware
Speaker 1: of it, but no, I've never I've never been with
Speaker 1: anyone or talked to anyone who like, I feel like
Speaker 1: that's definitely white people. But you know king, you know Catholic, Like,
Speaker 1: what's the thing where they take flogging? Flogging that comes
Speaker 1: from what I feel like, it's like in the same
Speaker 1: vain of that. Why does religion revert to everything masculinity?
Speaker 1: All of these things in from like the minute you
Speaker 1: are like conceived of, like what's in your household, And
Speaker 1: I feel like it creates all these like manifestations, like
Speaker 1: what you think of Jesus When you see like cuts
Speaker 1: all over the body, it gets you, turns you on. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean maybe for some people he was like the
Speaker 1: first naked man that they were seeing. It's very I
Speaker 1: could see that. So don't have anything else to masturbate
Speaker 1: to Jesus up there. I don't know every guy that
Speaker 1: I want to funk that lives in Brooklyn looks like Jesus.
Speaker 1: I mean, you're staying in Brooklyn right now. And by
Speaker 1: the way, I'm so happy actually actually flew up here
Speaker 1: for this. I'm so grateful because I feel like, just
Speaker 1: to have this conversation with someone that's in a wheelchair
Speaker 1: and talking about sex, you want to know what they
Speaker 1: look like. So bad, and we're both sitting across from her.
Speaker 1: Actually whispered when you were walking. I was like, she's
Speaker 1: pretty right, like I pretty? Oh my god. And I
Speaker 1: feel bad to say that, but like that's how it comes.
Speaker 1: I couldn't help it, you know what I mean, because
Speaker 1: I think we all in our minds feel so sorry
Speaker 1: when we hear about that. But it's just like you
Speaker 1: clearly could get fucked, like but it happens several times.
Speaker 1: So for Vanilla Ship, I feel like it was very
Speaker 1: un brand. I started researching things with disabilities and sex
Speaker 1: and I found a Vice article that was titled I
Speaker 1: Give disabled People Orgasms for a living, and it was
Speaker 1: about sex surrogates. Have you heard of this? So I
Speaker 1: did a little recap. Okay, it's a company called Sensual
Speaker 1: Solutions and they're basically intimacy coaches that help people with disabilities,
Speaker 1: not like escorting or anything. It's more like kissing and touching.
Speaker 1: And because people with disabilities get horny and thousands of people,
Speaker 1: you know, want to feel human and worthy, and just
Speaker 1: that intimacy of touching and connecting with someone, I think
Speaker 1: might be really hard because other people are scared. What
Speaker 1: do we what would you call someone that is not
Speaker 1: what do we say? I don't want to use the
Speaker 1: word normal, Yeah, I don't. I don't know the term
Speaker 1: to al would use either. Always say um able body,
Speaker 1: able body, okay, perfect, I like that. UM. But yeah, basically,
Speaker 1: these people, UM go in so right there trying to
Speaker 1: figure out where the orogenous zones are on that disabled person,
Speaker 1: and if it just so happens that they're paralyzed from
Speaker 1: the waist down and they can't feel anything, they try
Speaker 1: to remap the brain with a new pleasure center. UM,
Speaker 1: and just kind of help that person access their body
Speaker 1: and what's going to feel good for them. Um. One
Speaker 1: of the men that was I think he had cerebral posy.
Speaker 1: Is it cerebral or cerebral? Okay? You know one of
Speaker 1: the guys on there said that, you know, he feels
Speaker 1: like he has to be very vulnerable. I have to
Speaker 1: certain have a certain level of vulnerability to let someone
Speaker 1: have sex with you, opposed to able bodied people. UM.
Speaker 1: And then there was another company I've that basically volunteered
Speaker 1: to help people whose hands are nonfunctioning or too many
Speaker 1: spasms or something like that to help them masturbate. And
Speaker 1: we were having the conversation me and Aisha in the
Speaker 1: lobby about whether or not we could do it. I
Speaker 1: feel like I couldn't because I'd be so nervous. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I I think it was the question
Speaker 1: about volunteering because I don't free. Yeah, yes, but like
Speaker 1: could you for the greater good? Like, there's so many
Speaker 1: things I would do to volunteer, but I don't know
Speaker 1: if I could do that. I think, above a lot
Speaker 1: of things, this is probably one I would do. Like
Speaker 1: I don't want I don't mean to sound like a
Speaker 1: ship head, and I'm not really interested in like feeding
Speaker 1: the homeless. That's probably really shitty of me to say,
Speaker 1: but like I but like I could, I could. Sex
Speaker 1: is a big part. Last time, a girl that came
Speaker 1: on our show that I had sex with, she said
Speaker 1: this comment of like how she only likes fucking girls
Speaker 1: that are black and mixed with something. Now, the next
Speaker 1: girl that I find doesn't want to me homeless? What's
Speaker 1: not everybody's thing is everybody's thing. I respect that I
Speaker 1: get you, you the jerk off, someone who can't use
Speaker 1: their hands or momotor skills basically, then feed the homeless. Then, yeah,
Speaker 1: everybody's serving the homeless food. We don't need more people
Speaker 1: serving the homeless food. We need more hand jobs, more
Speaker 1: hand I can give homeless people hand jobs. Maybe that's
Speaker 1: something Actually, what about you? Did you do it? Especially
Speaker 1: being that you can, Maybe it's something that I have
Speaker 1: thought about because I feel like for me growing up,
Speaker 1: let me just get like a little background of like
Speaker 1: my my situations. Yeah, I guess we'll jump into the
Speaker 1: decisions just when you understand, like how I didn't have
Speaker 1: any education whatsoever as far as sex being disabled, so
Speaker 1: to kind of figure that shoot out on my own. Um,
Speaker 1: I had a surgery for scoliosis when I was eleven,
Speaker 1: and the thank you, Yeah, so you were not born
Speaker 1: no using a wheelchurch about anything? Okay, Yeah, So I
Speaker 1: had surgery when I was eleven. Um, and the surgeon
Speaker 1: is pinched nerve in my spinal cord and it caused
Speaker 1: paralysis from my breastline down. So yeah, So from the
Speaker 1: time that I was eleven, i'll say three to four months,
Speaker 1: I was in the hospital rehab learning how to do
Speaker 1: everything all over again. And because I was eleven, I
Speaker 1: don't even know if they do this for adults, but
Speaker 1: they don't talk about sex with you or like you know, China, like, no, nothing.
Speaker 1: The only thing that I remember them actually doing for
Speaker 1: me was shaving my legs because that's something that I
Speaker 1: did before, Like I wanted to shave my legs on
Speaker 1: very bitch, so I'd like to shave my legs. I
Speaker 1: like to shave. But as far as like anything else,
Speaker 1: like like your pubic area you're under arms, you pretty
Speaker 1: much try to do that on your own. It was
Speaker 1: pinched right, pinch nerve. So what do you feel now?
Speaker 1: Where do you start feeling sensation? It's weird. So I
Speaker 1: my breast line down, I'm split directly down the middle,
Speaker 1: so I have more filling on my left side than
Speaker 1: I do my right side. Wow. Yeah, And I mean
Speaker 1: when I say directly down the middle, my clip everything
Speaker 1: like it's shut yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, literally one side
Speaker 1: of your clip. Yes, I don't mean a smile. No, No,
Speaker 1: I'm like no, it's kind of assumed. And I think
Speaker 1: we all kind of assume, like if you don't feel
Speaker 1: like you just don't you just don't feel like I
Speaker 1: guess that. I mean, it makes sense to me that's
Speaker 1: actually not how the brain works, like how everything's wired. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you go, and that's literally what it is. It's like
Speaker 1: when you have a pinch nerve, your your brain is
Speaker 1: not able to kind of like function on which area
Speaker 1: needs to work more than other. So the way my
Speaker 1: body ended up reacting to the prosses is that I
Speaker 1: am stronger on my right side than I am my
Speaker 1: left side, but I feel more on my left side
Speaker 1: than I do my right stronger like as far as
Speaker 1: the things that you can do, like picking things up.
Speaker 1: So another thing too is that they never they told
Speaker 1: me I would never be able to walk again. I
Speaker 1: would never have any feeling I was completely paralyzed. So
Speaker 1: about three months after I got out of the hospital,
Speaker 1: I was able to wiggle my big toe. So from
Speaker 1: there it went from me wiggle with my big toe
Speaker 1: to taking steps. And now I have limited mobility. As
Speaker 1: long as I'm holding onto something, I can walk, but
Speaker 1: I still need to, you know, use a chair to
Speaker 1: get around um comfortably. Um. But yeah, like they told
Speaker 1: me and Dad would never happen. The doctor's still to this.
Speaker 1: They don't know how I'm able to do what I'm
Speaker 1: able to do, but it's happening. So it's crazy because
Speaker 1: like just walking into the studio, Never before have I
Speaker 1: ever looked for a ramp. Yeah, and I I looked
Speaker 1: at it and then I know there were stairs coming
Speaker 1: up to the studio like just you know as far
Speaker 1: like a few. And I was like, okay, so you
Speaker 1: know what, it made me nervous? So you were able
Speaker 1: to get up those stairs because yeah, well yeah, they
Speaker 1: were able to help me. So that's another thing that
Speaker 1: a lot of people think, like if you don't have
Speaker 1: a ramp or adaptive you know, services for people with
Speaker 1: disabilities that you know, that's an in all be all,
Speaker 1: like there's no way that you're going to get help,
Speaker 1: but not just not attend. People are going to help
Speaker 1: you if they see that you need help or if
Speaker 1: you go and ask them, like if they turn you away,
Speaker 1: they're just assholes. That happened. Um not particularly like they
Speaker 1: will play dumb like they don't know like that I
Speaker 1: need help, but I have to like go that extra
Speaker 1: mile to actually ask for help. I'm that I could
Speaker 1: not imagine having to be dependent on people I don't know. Yeah, scary, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that is really scary with ubers, like they always do
Speaker 1: to uber extra large, Like I don't like the Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I told them like as soon as they connect
Speaker 1: with me. I messaged him and say, hey, I'll be
Speaker 1: out on this tidewalk. I'm using a chair. I will
Speaker 1: show you how to break everything down. It'll be easy
Speaker 1: peasy because nine times and I was in especially here
Speaker 1: they see that you use a wheelchair there, Yeah, they'll
Speaker 1: cancel it. That ship should be illegal. It should be.
Speaker 1: But they do have um a wheelchair accessible like like
Speaker 1: off service from Yeah, but that's gonna take about twenty
Speaker 1: minutes for that to get to you. So I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get this uber eggs. My chair breaks down? How does
Speaker 1: it take literally two seconds? Like it doesn't take long
Speaker 1: at all, just like well mine mine is a little
Speaker 1: bit different because okay, so you have like I wanted
Speaker 1: to ask to do you have like a good chair,
Speaker 1: like this's a popping chair. This is I just got this.
Speaker 1: I just got this ship. So this is my my
Speaker 1: every day like you know, getting around chair or whatever.
Speaker 1: But I want a mod A five my little chair
Speaker 1: almost some rams like not no spinners, but I want
Speaker 1: I want something like you know, yeah, like I don't
Speaker 1: want like these are stands exactly. It's like it's gonna
Speaker 1: get me companies that do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's
Speaker 1: definitely companies. So back to your tips. Yeah, I made
Speaker 1: a whole mental note of the lift. Remember it's the
Speaker 1: breast line down so I can feel up until this point,
Speaker 1: So nipples are half split this way. Yeah, I'm like
Speaker 1: now like trying to figure out in my head. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: I just really so, I'm like down here, so it
Speaker 1: starts from my prost it starts here. So did the
Speaker 1: tattoo hurt up here? Yeah? Yeah, that ship hurt. I
Speaker 1: feel like my chest was being like cut open like
Speaker 1: that Rihanna styles chat. Yeah, like it goes down. Um,
Speaker 1: you mentioned your clip things like that. Do you communicate
Speaker 1: these things to your partner? Like, what do you do
Speaker 1: to make sure that someone's pleasing you? I'm sure they do.
Speaker 1: They feel like they would ask, they don't. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think it's well, that's the thing is is that
Speaker 1: they look at me and they see that I don't
Speaker 1: fit the textbook, you know, version of what someone in
Speaker 1: the chair looks like. So I hate to say that
Speaker 1: you don't. I know, I know, I think you might
Speaker 1: be the best looking person my good I must say
Speaker 1: that now I'm the bag. But I think we can
Speaker 1: all agree like yeah, because for example, you know what
Speaker 1: this is super offensive? I don't care. Okay. I feel
Speaker 1: like when you see people right or like people may
Speaker 1: comments like oh she's hot for this, you like right
Speaker 1: and thank you about to say it, but then I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know if I'm being so I
Speaker 1: wasn't going to say it, but like there's no yeah,
Speaker 1: no to be like a safe space today. No, And
Speaker 1: that's okay, I said. I I want you to like
Speaker 1: like asked the questions because you're not asking anything that
Speaker 1: anyone else hasn't already asked. Are you insulted when dudes
Speaker 1: be like you're hot for the wheel? There, it's not
Speaker 1: the that's the first thing you say to me, then yes,
Speaker 1: if you don't ask, like approach me in a way
Speaker 1: that's like, hey, how are you doing? You know, to
Speaker 1: introduce yourself first, and then let's delve into that. I
Speaker 1: go to bars a lot. Well, I'm gonna say a
Speaker 1: lot of mean I go to bars basically, oh it's been,
Speaker 1: it's been. But I got to bars and their their
Speaker 1: approach is very different because they are probably drunk, so
Speaker 1: they see what they want, but they don't know how
Speaker 1: to kind of like gauge at So are you always
Speaker 1: in your chair at okay, because I don't know if
Speaker 1: I don't like the funk. No, when I go out,
Speaker 1: you you what you see is what you get. So
Speaker 1: I actually had an inexperience with this one guy where
Speaker 1: I've gotten into spects with people over this. But they
Speaker 1: will come up to me and either touch my chair
Speaker 1: or um ask me about like how long have I
Speaker 1: had it? And I'm like, what do you mean question?
Speaker 1: That's a yeah, I think, yeah, I feel like that's
Speaker 1: a it's a real question because first of all, I'm
Speaker 1: at a bar. So if you're asking me, um, why
Speaker 1: I'm in a wheelchair, you're asking me to delve into
Speaker 1: something that what happened to my body? Yeah? What happened
Speaker 1: to my body? I only want to ask is that rude?
Speaker 1: Because I feel like I was thinking that that gets deeper,
Speaker 1: like what happened to your body? But I feel like
Speaker 1: some people may not really like that. They yeah, they don't.
Speaker 1: And when you're drinking too, you really don't think of it. Basically,
Speaker 1: people are like dumb and they don't know to just
Speaker 1: to be like, oh you're an like you're just a human. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like I mean, men are dumb always right, They wheelchair
Speaker 1: are not they're asking question. It is what it is.
Speaker 1: But with did give back to your question? Um, I
Speaker 1: typically do not explain to them like in detail, like
Speaker 1: where I can feel versus where I can't feel? Um,
Speaker 1: why not? Well, because I know my body so for me,
Speaker 1: internally it's kind of similar to where I feel more
Speaker 1: on my love side and inside it's it's kind of similar.
Speaker 1: So if I can feel you, then I I feel
Speaker 1: like that's that's fine for me. But even with able
Speaker 1: probably like person is having sex, you're gonna have a
Speaker 1: hard time having an orgasm. Or I'm thinking, yeah, I
Speaker 1: know for a fact, dude can't make me cups. Sometimes
Speaker 1: it's okay, it's like maybe it's hard whatever, but for
Speaker 1: you almost imagine like freaking. So I would, honestly you
Speaker 1: telling me this right, if I was just gonna sleep
Speaker 1: with you, I would feel a little nervous because I
Speaker 1: would want to make sure that you're pleased you're telling me.
Speaker 1: People are sincerely not asking Guys don't because they look
Speaker 1: at me as an able body person that just uses
Speaker 1: a chair. They're not thinking about the fact that I
Speaker 1: have a paralysis. Now, see, we need to do we
Speaker 1: need to get into because my main goal show is
Speaker 1: to obviously de stigmatize stereotypes and make you calm. Can
Speaker 1: you make me a promise? Yes, I want you to
Speaker 1: text me after it happens. The next person you fuck,
Speaker 1: you tell them where what's going to turn you on
Speaker 1: and where they're going to get you off. You've got
Speaker 1: to do that. Yeah, we all have to do that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's It's definitely something that I've been like really getting
Speaker 1: to the point where it's if it's just a hookup
Speaker 1: type thing, like you know, one nice thing or whatever,
Speaker 1: then it is what it is. But I don't feel
Speaker 1: like you're maybe not saying it because you're where you're
Speaker 1: you're where you're going to scare them or make them
Speaker 1: worry of us. N They just don't. They don't. They
Speaker 1: don't think about my pleasure, so to speak. I think
Speaker 1: with the some of the men that I have been with,
Speaker 1: I do think that they are very much attracted to
Speaker 1: the idea of me and like my body, my like
Speaker 1: because you're curvous, thank you, but they're they're attracted to
Speaker 1: that um but they don't go that extra mount into
Speaker 1: trying to please someone. They are basically using my body
Speaker 1: to mascerbrate. What about women? So with the women, So
Speaker 1: I haven't actually been with a woman as an adult,
Speaker 1: so this was like, yea, yeah, I was the youngest. Um,
Speaker 1: so I haven't actually experienced that either. I'm sure if
Speaker 1: I did, like that would be a no brainer. Like
Speaker 1: I think we're just more sensitive, yeah, like just a
Speaker 1: little bit more. But I mean, I don't know, I
Speaker 1: can't really communicate. We communicate better with each other versus
Speaker 1: men and women. Community. Have you ever felt like someone
Speaker 1: wanted to fund you because you use a chair? Oh? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Those are called devotees. What devotees? Yeah, so they are
Speaker 1: people that are attracted to disabilities. Yes, yea, I think Okay,
Speaker 1: maybe we haven't, but I feel like maybe we probably. Okay,
Speaker 1: so devotees, they they they are very peculiar people. So
Speaker 1: I'm I'm one of like dating apps and stuff like that,
Speaker 1: which one Oh god, well okay, so I've been on Tender,
Speaker 1: I've been on okay, Cupid. Um, I'm currently on Hinge
Speaker 1: and Bumble. It's one better for you? Yeah, so yeah Bumble,
Speaker 1: I feel like you you kind of get your cake
Speaker 1: and eat too a little bit. Because they're they're more
Speaker 1: attractive guys on there that you will match with and
Speaker 1: actually they will communicate with you, versus with Hinge. You
Speaker 1: kind of match with them. It'll be like one or
Speaker 1: two messages and they like, you don't hear anything. So
Speaker 1: I've heard that Hinge. By the way, for those of
Speaker 1: you that don't know what Hinge is, it's an app
Speaker 1: that like connects you to mutual friends of friends in
Speaker 1: New York. It hasn't really done that for me because
Speaker 1: I guess I don't really have many friends in New
Speaker 1: York or on Facebook. But I mean, huh are we
Speaker 1: friends on Facebook? Yeah? Okay, but um yeah, it doesn't
Speaker 1: really say much. Actually, it's funny that you asked that.
Speaker 1: Whenever I'm with match with the guy on Tender or something,
Speaker 1: is that Brooklyn Boylo, it's always at the bottom one
Speaker 1: mutual friend is You're welcome? Um oh, so like Hinge
Speaker 1: right matches friends of friends. But I feel like maybe
Speaker 1: it's like that because it's not an actively used app
Speaker 1: like ten. Yeah, you know it definitely is Are there
Speaker 1: any sites for people that are disabled? Not that I
Speaker 1: know of. Um, I personally don't think that I would
Speaker 1: be interested though, because then it's like you're like looking
Speaker 1: for me, well, yeah, and I feel like with different devotees,
Speaker 1: they are attracted to the disability. Um, some of them
Speaker 1: feel like they have to be attracted to the person
Speaker 1: first and then the disability comes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, so
Speaker 1: they like ask you why, Like they get off on that.
Speaker 1: They like the fact that, um, okay, it's it's a
Speaker 1: whole range of different types of the time. It's a
Speaker 1: whole different range cars like damn, yeah, yeah, tell us
Speaker 1: it's it's a whole different range of people. So you have, um,
Speaker 1: devotees that are attracted to the devices. So it could
Speaker 1: be like your assistant devices. So it could be the wheelchair,
Speaker 1: it could be the crutches, it could be prosthetic. I know,
Speaker 1: I know. So it does a human even need to
Speaker 1: be attached to those things? Are those people who are
Speaker 1: just good? Question? In order for them to actually have
Speaker 1: a sexual relationship, then yes, they need to be like
Speaker 1: a human needs to be a chat to the object.
Speaker 1: Like you're saying, yeah, they want to like I don't
Speaker 1: want to say it. I want to say it. Let's
Speaker 1: say it like they want to come on it and
Speaker 1: they probably do. Now. I I purposely when I I
Speaker 1: when I first realized what was happening. So there is
Speaker 1: a couple of people that would hit me up and okay, Cupid.
Speaker 1: I don't know how they found me or whatever, but
Speaker 1: I'm in Florida. They're all the way in like California.
Speaker 1: There is nothing that you can search in reference to
Speaker 1: someone having a disability, So I don't know what they're
Speaker 1: really going through. They were going picture. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: know what they were doing, but they were they were
Speaker 1: finding me. So I would get messages like, um, your
Speaker 1: your wheelchairs like really sexy? Or how are how is you?
Speaker 1: How is how are your legs? Like so full? Because
Speaker 1: some of them are attracted to extra free like the slimness. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so it's when your your muscles aren't um developed, so
Speaker 1: your legs tend to be thinner. I wanted to ask
Speaker 1: you after that is one of my questions, like your body,
Speaker 1: how are you saying shape? But I don't do anything
Speaker 1: I eat, Like you know what that that right titty
Speaker 1: might not feel my No, I am you know what
Speaker 1: it's that you say that? Because when I was younger,
Speaker 1: I was really skinny. So if if a guy at
Speaker 1: that time, I would say around the ages of like
Speaker 1: sixteen to eighteen nineteen years old. I was very thin,
Speaker 1: Like I think I weighed the most was a hundred pounds.
Speaker 1: So at that yeah, at that time, if a devotee
Speaker 1: saw me, they would have loved that ship because I
Speaker 1: looked disabled. Oh I hear you. So did you have
Speaker 1: to learn about all of these things very early to
Speaker 1: kind of protect yourself from these people? Or like is
Speaker 1: it something that you've been collecting whatever came along the way,
Speaker 1: like with the whole the boatie thing, like it was
Speaker 1: people like finding me. And then I think I saw
Speaker 1: a vice article like a vice or broadly um that
Speaker 1: actually went more into detail about devotees. There's wannabes and
Speaker 1: then there's pretenders. So yeah, so you got your wannabes.
Speaker 1: One of these are people that are psychologically want to
Speaker 1: be disabled. Get the fuck out of here for me,
Speaker 1: they wanted me to say. So they attracted to the
Speaker 1: immobility of it. I think it's a little bit of
Speaker 1: it's something that has happened to them when they were younger.
Speaker 1: They were exposed to something that it just kind of
Speaker 1: like clicked in their mind, like, oh my gosh, I
Speaker 1: like the way this looks so like when you think
Speaker 1: about a kid and like you know, maybe they just
Speaker 1: want to be helpless. I feel like it's not wanted episode.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you'll ever saw this, but it
Speaker 1: was this guy that he was kept feeding this woman
Speaker 1: he was with, short, black eyed, fat white girl, and
Speaker 1: he was like, I want her to be so big
Speaker 1: that she can't move. Remember that. He's like, I have
Speaker 1: to watch her. I want to be able to do
Speaker 1: everything for her. That's how like big I want her
Speaker 1: to get. And he got turned onto the fact that
Speaker 1: that ship that is that gives me that isn't a
Speaker 1: level of devoteism like when you people are when yeah,
Speaker 1: when you are actually in um. Some of them liked
Speaker 1: the idea of someone being helpless and they want to
Speaker 1: help them. So when when men find out that you
Speaker 1: can like your body, yeah, that you can move around
Speaker 1: a little bit, are they like surprised? Like how does
Speaker 1: that happen? You go home with a guy one night stand?
Speaker 1: Bone Like let's walk through that, yeah, yeah, because do
Speaker 1: they not know what to do? Are they don't? They
Speaker 1: don't really they don't know in in the moment what
Speaker 1: to do. But when they see like how I am
Speaker 1: able to move, then they kind of like go with
Speaker 1: my flow. Do you ask them if they've been with anyone? Nah,
Speaker 1: because they not. They haven't. They haven't, they haven't. You're
Speaker 1: not like Latina, No they haven't. You know three had attention,
Speaker 1: No they haven't, and they haven't. No, they have it,
Speaker 1: And I think that they assume that I'm like, okay.
Speaker 1: So there's this idea too that when you are in
Speaker 1: a wheelchair that your vagina doesn't work, so in the
Speaker 1: sense of that that you can't get what that you um,
Speaker 1: you're there's no like muscle like you know, contractions at all.
Speaker 1: But I had to like kind of explore my own
Speaker 1: body to figure out like what actually works for me.
Speaker 1: So clatoral simulation is definitely like a huge thing for me,
Speaker 1: like it I feel like what most women it is
Speaker 1: like you have to have like clatoral simulation. So then
Speaker 1: I I okay, So from eleven, I'm masturbated a lot
Speaker 1: before eleven. From eleven, so I'll say about sixteen, I
Speaker 1: didn't masturbate at all because I thought that my I
Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to fill it and I didn't want
Speaker 1: to try to do it and and then be disappointed.
Speaker 1: So I think, no, no, no, don't, don't. But like
Speaker 1: when I got to sixteen, Oh, look, you know what
Speaker 1: this ship like, it's my name and vagina like if
Speaker 1: if it if, it doesn't happen, and it doesn't happen.
Speaker 1: So I started trying to like, you know, masturbate more
Speaker 1: and kind of like figure out what works to me.
Speaker 1: I was ordering toys, um, which is kind of embarrassing
Speaker 1: because I was hoping my parents didn't opened my package.
Speaker 1: But but like, I was ordering toys because I knew,
Speaker 1: like even before the surgery, that tooral stimulation was my thing.
Speaker 1: So I, um, I ordered toys and then I realized, Okay,
Speaker 1: I like the clip thing, but now let me try
Speaker 1: not let me try something with like insertion. So I
Speaker 1: started getting vibrators for insertion. And once I did that,
Speaker 1: and then I made myself orgasm. There's no excuse as
Speaker 1: of why another person that I'm having sex with cannot
Speaker 1: make me. What about your ass? So because it looks
Speaker 1: because you know, when I got a big booty, you
Speaker 1: can tell even when they're sitting down, I can see it.
Speaker 1: You just I can see it. And so I'm interested
Speaker 1: in knowing because I'm sure somebody's wanted to suck you
Speaker 1: the ass. How do you feel like, how does it feel?
Speaker 1: It is it still left and right side? How does
Speaker 1: that feel? Have you ever fingers? There's more nerve endings
Speaker 1: in in your asshole, in like your clear areas. So
Speaker 1: I definitely I've done an noble for so I have
Speaker 1: in like the same process, like you need to have lube,
Speaker 1: like you need to take it easy, like you don't
Speaker 1: want to go on full throttle. Um, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I can't really see that it's the same because I
Speaker 1: feel like that area is more than I have more nerves. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I don't know if it's the same as my
Speaker 1: vagina and like my my feeling being left and right,
Speaker 1: I'm not sure, but this is this is bullshit. Yeah
Speaker 1: telling me you're disabled. I'm able bodied and I'm not
Speaker 1: sucking in the ass on the regular, bro, why not?
Speaker 1: Like still okay? So like I sucked in the ass once,
Speaker 1: but I keep every time it happens, I don't try
Speaker 1: it because it's not a whole dick, it's like a tip.
Speaker 1: So I feel like I'm not getting sucked me. I mean.
Speaker 1: The thing is you've never you have never been approached
Speaker 1: by someone or someone has never approached it in a
Speaker 1: way that you're comfortable, because once you do it, you're
Speaker 1: gonna want to say yeah, yeah, that might be it. Actually,
Speaker 1: had I thought you picked me, I'll do it right. Hey,
Speaker 1: I've never had a girl tell me she would pick me.
Speaker 1: I feel like you were just talking to this drama.
Speaker 1: We never talked about the traffic ones. No, actually they
Speaker 1: weren't necessary. Also, we did have sex for three hours.
Speaker 1: I was exhausted. I thought my wrist was going to
Speaker 1: break out. Something that might help too, is a warming lube,
Speaker 1: something that's like stimulative, so you when you're like, first
Speaker 1: of all, I asked him, this is my show. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying. I just say I would to say because
Speaker 1: that's like for for me, like with simulation and a
Speaker 1: thing I realized like a warming loube definitely does help
Speaker 1: me more. Um, is there any kind of products that
Speaker 1: you do use UM to help entice the feeling, Like
Speaker 1: do you use like theatoral Joel? I know, not not
Speaker 1: necessarily the gel, but I've gotten toys that I feel
Speaker 1: like definitely works best for me. So there's this one
Speaker 1: I got UM. I can't remember the name of it,
Speaker 1: but it's supposed to be a like flickering tongue, but
Speaker 1: it looks like a little tulip. So it's about the
Speaker 1: fun factory. That's um, I forget the name of it,
Speaker 1: but it's about the fun factory. And it's split down
Speaker 1: the middle and the two flaps are like flickering back
Speaker 1: and forth with a vibration. So what I personally like
Speaker 1: to do is use it as um an insurgent because
Speaker 1: the way it curves, it can sit like on my
Speaker 1: clip and also be inserted as well too. It's kind
Speaker 1: of like my we've I feel yeah yeah, so it's
Speaker 1: I feel like that. That definitely was like I love
Speaker 1: that thing. Speaking of heightening things, what positions are best
Speaker 1: for you and which are very difficult for you? Um,
Speaker 1: Missionary of Horse, Um, doggy, that's good that those are good. Um,
Speaker 1: doggy is good for you. Doggie is good. Um, and
Speaker 1: it's and it's doggy good because you can hold yourself
Speaker 1: with your arms and it feels more secure, Like why
Speaker 1: is doggie good? Kind of but I feel like my
Speaker 1: my pelvic floor drops more too, so I can feel more,
Speaker 1: but I can I can also take more to in
Speaker 1: doggy positions. Yeah yeah yeah, so yeah, now what what
Speaker 1: is difficult? So on top I haven't really like figured
Speaker 1: that out as much yet as far as like me
Speaker 1: having control on top, because I feel like that's typically
Speaker 1: what that position is for, is you having that control.
Speaker 1: So usually if I am on top, the guy is
Speaker 1: doing the work. Yeah, he's doing Like now, do you
Speaker 1: use toys? Um, I've used toys, but for whatever reason,
Speaker 1: it's still doesn't work. They end up coming to you,
Speaker 1: guys because they get they they're feeling the vibration from
Speaker 1: the toy too. I thought she was like using this
Speaker 1: time to have a humble flex like, I mean, I
Speaker 1: couldn't do this, so like one second, dick, right, Like, Okay,
Speaker 1: what's most comfortable for you? Because for me, I get
Speaker 1: on my knees when I'm giving a blowjob. Okay, but
Speaker 1: I'm very curious to know that when you give blow jobs,
Speaker 1: are you are they lying down? Are you? Like? How
Speaker 1: does that work out for you? Because you said that
Speaker 1: you're able to move while you're holding onto things. Yes,
Speaker 1: so for me, I will either be on my side
Speaker 1: and basically kind of like over their waist. So wait wait,
Speaker 1: wait wait wait, So if they're laying this way, let's
Speaker 1: pretend Yeah, I'm gonna be the guy. So they're laying
Speaker 1: this way. Yes, you're laying on the side. Yes, but
Speaker 1: I put my arm over to the other side, and
Speaker 1: so put your arm. You're gonna rest your arm there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So that way I'm able to support myself. So if
Speaker 1: I get like, you know, tired or whatever, I'm resting
Speaker 1: my head and my my arm, like yeah, because I've
Speaker 1: been getting tired. And these bitches out here, yeah, their knees.
Speaker 1: You were doing it wrong. What I mean too much?
Speaker 1: That's a lot of words. So like I'll be wanting
Speaker 1: to like, you know, rest And have you ever gotten
Speaker 1: annoyed with how a guy was like trying to be
Speaker 1: too careful when they were sucking you and you're like,
Speaker 1: god damn. Yeah. Yeah, it's annoying because they think they're
Speaker 1: gonna hurt me. That's that's another thing too, is like
Speaker 1: they don't want to hurt me, so they're like, is
Speaker 1: it am I doing? It's like is this okay? There
Speaker 1: has been and guys that don't think about that. And
Speaker 1: I have one guy that just like just yank my
Speaker 1: damn legs. I'm not Oh no, like like no, you
Speaker 1: can't do that. My I have pins and rons in
Speaker 1: my spinal cords, so my back doesn't bend, so you
Speaker 1: try to bend my legs back like I'm literally about
Speaker 1: to be folded up like a lawn chair, like you can't,
Speaker 1: like you know, like so like when you're moving, you
Speaker 1: said your favorite position is from behind, So when you're
Speaker 1: turning around, right, you just said your back doesn't been
Speaker 1: too well, Like are you even communicating to let them
Speaker 1: know how sensitive you are with certain things? Yeah, like
Speaker 1: I'll let them know like if that's not if it
Speaker 1: doesn't feel right or they're doing too much, Like yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm very very about that. But like the pre like talk,
Speaker 1: if they don't initiate it, I'm gonna see how well
Speaker 1: they listen to my body and what I say to
Speaker 1: them during sex um to that basically tells me whether
Speaker 1: or not I'm gonna suck you again. Like if you
Speaker 1: if you're not that attentive enough to actually like make
Speaker 1: sure that you're you're not hurt, you're not hurting me,
Speaker 1: you're not um making me uncomfortable, then I'm kind of like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'll this is I want the sex, but also I'm
Speaker 1: probably not gonna suck you again now, So I think
Speaker 1: we went I don't know if we got sidetracked, but
Speaker 1: we talked about one night stand. So I'm curious to
Speaker 1: know with Florida. By the way, there's some drinks over
Speaker 1: there and those cups if you want to be hospitable anybody,
Speaker 1: Um okay in Florida. I used to live in Florida
Speaker 1: and I lived there for eighteen years. We're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, twenty three years of my life, maybe more,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I can't add right now. So I've
Speaker 1: lived in a lot of exterior apartments. How many times
Speaker 1: have you wanted to go home with someone and they
Speaker 1: had a second floor apartment and no elevator? And then
Speaker 1: when you gonna carry my own subd like if if
Speaker 1: you want this pussy, you're going to carry me up
Speaker 1: them downstairs, Like it's like like a dude like picking
Speaker 1: me up. Yeah, they do that, and then it'll be
Speaker 1: like that, and that that lets me know like how
Speaker 1: far man will go just to give fun low literally
Speaker 1: like they are literally physically exerting themselves to get pussy.
Speaker 1: I mean, I haven't funked up people had to carry
Speaker 1: me up this Listen, that's a there's definitely a different
Speaker 1: level of fun up if you carry me up to
Speaker 1: flights the stairs. Now do you do you live with anyone?
Speaker 1: Do you do you live alone? Um? Is there certain
Speaker 1: things in your house that you need to be comfortable?
Speaker 1: Like what like what do you look for in front
Speaker 1: of frontment? Or like am I thinking too much? Are
Speaker 1: we all thinking too much? For me, I don't need
Speaker 1: that much so but for other people, I can't say
Speaker 1: you know that My experience is you know the same
Speaker 1: as theirs. So for me, all I need is wide doorways,
Speaker 1: a light, low countertaps for me to reach stuff. Um.
Speaker 1: But then that as long as my bathroom is it sussed,
Speaker 1: my room is accessible, I'm good. It's literally just doorway
Speaker 1: space and no steps at all. So in the dating profile,
Speaker 1: and I want you to be honest, I feel like
Speaker 1: a lot of women kind of bullshit with their bodies.
Speaker 1: For example, they use pictures of like their face and
Speaker 1: maybe not the rest of it to let you know
Speaker 1: they look. Have you ever had a time because you
Speaker 1: seem very confident right now to me in this moment,
Speaker 1: but also almost thirty, have never been a time where
Speaker 1: you've only used your face and not told people you
Speaker 1: had a chair in fear that they I've done it all,
Speaker 1: so I had to It was to the point where
Speaker 1: I had to do my research if other people were
Speaker 1: experiencing the same thing that I was experiencing. So I
Speaker 1: went through the first stage of posting the wheelchair first
Speaker 1: like a photo of me and the wheelchair, um, and
Speaker 1: then face pictures and then maybe another wheelchair pick. I
Speaker 1: won't say anything in the profile, but you can see
Speaker 1: the damn chair in the pictures, so they'll swipe right
Speaker 1: and then they'll message me or whatever, and I'm you
Speaker 1: get to the point where like, okay, do you want
Speaker 1: to hang out? Like what are you about to do?
Speaker 1: And I had to make a like I had to
Speaker 1: double check to make sure that they saw that I
Speaker 1: use a chair. Don't tell me somebody I can, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1: They will literally be like you can see when you
Speaker 1: got a cock sucking wheelchair. I'm literally sitting in ship.
Speaker 1: Let me show you just up and down that profile.
Speaker 1: How tall they am? Yeah, I'm like, are you serious?
Speaker 1: Like I'm literally sitting in my my wheelchair and this
Speaker 1: is like one of the pictures that I use on
Speaker 1: my profile in general, Like yeah, you see see the wheels,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, why would I be sitting in front
Speaker 1: of the fucking mirror. So then they got to the
Speaker 1: point where I was like, okay, they're not paying attention.
Speaker 1: Let me yeah, y yeah, I'm looking at your ask
Speaker 1: so much. I don't know where. He says, Okay, you're
Speaker 1: out in the party, like we see the full visual,
Speaker 1: like we see the rim, but see there. I don't
Speaker 1: see no spit vinnors. I'm looking at it, and I'm
Speaker 1: just like okay. So then then I thought, okay, maybe
Speaker 1: maybe maybe the chair is not, you know, as prominent
Speaker 1: in the pictures as they need to be. So then
Speaker 1: I started putting in my profile, um, if you have
Speaker 1: an issue with me using a chair, don't even bother
Speaker 1: swiping right. But yes I use a wheelchair, do not
Speaker 1: swipe right if that bothers you, exactly, So they don't read.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, I can't win for losing, like y'all,
Speaker 1: it's just so I hear you in the profile. I
Speaker 1: used to something else trump, I took that off, and
Speaker 1: I then I put if you're on that all Lives
Speaker 1: Matter ship, And I was talking to a guy for
Speaker 1: weeks that later said, oh, I went to look on
Speaker 1: your Tinder profile to show my friends a picture you
Speaker 1: and why do you have this? And I'm like, you've
Speaker 1: been in my house with Malcolm X pinchers on the wall,
Speaker 1: and now you want to go, yeah, that was too
Speaker 1: niggerish for you today. Stop dating guys. I should. That's
Speaker 1: how me and you matched on Tinder. And by the way,
Speaker 1: I haven't a white guy the last two dicks. Wait,
Speaker 1: the last dick, so it's like last half. No, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna tell you. I don't know what it is that's
Speaker 1: clicking to me that like I just can't do it
Speaker 1: anymore anywhere forever. But I'm not right now. My white
Speaker 1: friends are like that, you gotta stop now. I feel
Speaker 1: like it's just like I had to stop too. I'd
Speaker 1: like right there with you. I'm just really sensitive in
Speaker 1: this climate. Why don't you say that when like you
Speaker 1: what we do. I'm curious because I know the last
Speaker 1: guy you dated you felt like he wasn't I hate
Speaker 1: the word woke out socially conscious enough for you. You
Speaker 1: said that that really bothers you when you guys watched
Speaker 1: your white people. Now, now, how do you feel about
Speaker 1: it now, about him specifically, or about like dating white guys?
Speaker 1: When do you find that just that there are way
Speaker 1: better ones out there than other ones. I don't know
Speaker 1: how else to say that. Like right now, my partner
Speaker 1: is wonderful and he is extremely socially conscious and even
Speaker 1: if you know you grow up with certain things, and
Speaker 1: he still will say some ship and I'll just check
Speaker 1: him real hard and he's like, cool, got it? Have
Speaker 1: you had? I've always wanted to ask you. I remember
Speaker 1: telling someone about you and your party, right, and he's like,
Speaker 1: like Indian she is, and I'm like, well, half, but
Speaker 1: I mean I'm so confused. She looks, and I like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know about it. I feel like like it
Speaker 1: to me like you look in maybe I'm confused with
Speaker 1: in me in the East West, but like, yeah, what happens?
Speaker 1: Do you ever have like guys who are like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, my first need? Oh no? If that ever
Speaker 1: fucking happened to me, I don't know what I would
Speaker 1: do because I have found that a lot of times
Speaker 1: people will tell me I'm there first something not. But
Speaker 1: it's bothered me so much now. And I think men
Speaker 1: that typically like me typically have dated other women who
Speaker 1: are like me. What's the good point? Like they like
Speaker 1: you look at their past history and they're all like
Speaker 1: some something of something. Yeah. So I'm trying to think
Speaker 1: of some final thoughts because I know, I feel like
Speaker 1: this is such an important episode and I don't want
Speaker 1: to let the hour go by and someone's like, how
Speaker 1: the fund? Could you have not asked her? That does
Speaker 1: anyone in the room. We have a few people in
Speaker 1: the room have a question that you think I missed
Speaker 1: or that you're wondering right now. You guys are a
Speaker 1: little like you weren't here the whole time, but well,
Speaker 1: would yeah tell it sounds like the ground rate I
Speaker 1: walked in late. I'm sorry, it's okay here. Your episode
Speaker 1: isn't coming yet. Do they how do they eat your ass? No? No,
Speaker 1: we answered the basic question, what do you no? No, no,
Speaker 1: whole thing. That's a good question with me, like being
Speaker 1: able to do doggie, like I can get on all fours?
Speaker 1: Oh oh, so so Loki asked how do they eat
Speaker 1: Ashley's ass? And it's funny because I wanted to talk
Speaker 1: about oral sex, but I was kind of thinking, like
Speaker 1: you on your back? Yeah, yeah, but like are you
Speaker 1: feeling so you get on all fours? That is that
Speaker 1: what you prefer when someone's going down to you not
Speaker 1: necessarily that, but if someone wanted to eat my ass,
Speaker 1: that that will be the position because when you were
Speaker 1: saying your legs, yeah, I have to put them to yeah,
Speaker 1: exactly exactly by masks eaten all for too. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I just feel like you have like access to both
Speaker 1: easily so you can go back and for b. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: have you ever had sex with someone that was disabled?
Speaker 1: To know, I wanted to ask that question. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: I think that that would not was harder, I want
Speaker 1: to say necessarily harder, but you that definitely will have
Speaker 1: more of a dialogue prior to having sex because we
Speaker 1: need to know what each person is able to do
Speaker 1: and what works for them versus what works for me.
Speaker 1: So I think with with having sex with another person
Speaker 1: that is they say disabled, definitely there would be more
Speaker 1: a dialogue before sex. Have you ever been attracted to
Speaker 1: someone who's there for me? There? Because I was wondering that,
Speaker 1: like I feel like there might be a community or
Speaker 1: like some kind of Facebook or anything, right, And so
Speaker 1: that's what made me wonder if you've ever met someone
Speaker 1: that you've been into and it's never it's never been
Speaker 1: like on a community type thing. It'll just be like
Speaker 1: out in public because okay, being that I am from Jacksonville,
Speaker 1: like I'm usually like I still got like a sore thumb,
Speaker 1: so I'm usually the only person in that area that
Speaker 1: had that uses a wheelchair. So when I when you
Speaker 1: say that area, but do you I do want to
Speaker 1: ask do you get to black club? Specifically? Do you
Speaker 1: get to a certain like are you in a certain group?
Speaker 1: I've been too, so I feel like people like see
Speaker 1: you when they know that you're Yeah, I don't want
Speaker 1: to say it the pretty girl in the chair? Yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah that I've gotten that since high school, Like I went,
Speaker 1: I went to a predominantly black high school. It's a
Speaker 1: huge high school, but I was the only person in
Speaker 1: the wheelchair, so I was known as the pretty girl
Speaker 1: in the wheelchair. I hate that ship And the only
Speaker 1: reason why I hated at that time is because that
Speaker 1: the fact that um other girls shooting me like ship
Speaker 1: because of that. Yeah is yeah, because listen, not only
Speaker 1: did I have to deal with colorism, I had to
Speaker 1: deal with able is m as well. So you're not
Speaker 1: only light skinned, you are what I guess traditionally pretty.
Speaker 1: Why you use a wheelchair like that, bitch ain't better
Speaker 1: than me, like she in a wheelchair like what like, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was that that mentality that I kind of had
Speaker 1: to deal with throughout high school. Sitting here in my
Speaker 1: mouth because people blow my fond yea, even even as
Speaker 1: a kid, I feel like I had empathy. I don't
Speaker 1: feel like that took me time to learn at all.
Speaker 1: So it just really fucking blows my mind. I'm sure
Speaker 1: someone told you, like fuck you, like, yeah, you think
Speaker 1: you're pretty like you because you're in this. I had
Speaker 1: a dude recently. He's a local repriangle say no names
Speaker 1: in Jacksonville. Do I know what it is? You might?
Speaker 1: I don't know. He's a Jacksonville rapper though. Anyways, he
Speaker 1: had been hitting me up for longest on Facebook like
Speaker 1: he but it'll be like that, it's not poking anymore.
Speaker 1: They wave at your ass. So he'd be waving one
Speaker 1: of things yeah, just like yeah, yeah right. So I
Speaker 1: got to the point where I'm like, yo, like stop
Speaker 1: waving at me. If you want to speak speak, stop
Speaker 1: doing that ship. So it was like a little small
Speaker 1: talk of what I'm like, why you hit me up?
Speaker 1: You fine? I'm like, okay, what else? Like is that? It?
Speaker 1: Like is that all you gotta say. So we got
Speaker 1: to the point where he kept doing that, and then
Speaker 1: he actually asked me to come over, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I know what you're trying to do. Like you're used
Speaker 1: to getting bitches, you know, dropping a dime on you.
Speaker 1: Whenever you say come through, they come through. I'm not
Speaker 1: that bitch. So, yes, you're attractive. All I know about
Speaker 1: you is that you do music. That's it. I need
Speaker 1: some type of like it, like dialogue, like stimulate my
Speaker 1: damn mind first song. I mean, has has anyone ever
Speaker 1: said to you that, like you're lucky because you're pretty,
Speaker 1: Like it would be a lot harder for you to date.
Speaker 1: It's still been. I mean, I feel like it's I
Speaker 1: don't pretty. I feel like it's would be difficult. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it is because they are single right now? Are Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm single. I'm I'm dating, but I'm definitely single. Um.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of what has happened is they,
Speaker 1: like I said before, they liked the idea of me,
Speaker 1: so they'll get into it and don't realize his word.
Speaker 1: Then now it ain't even work. They ain't gotta do ship.
Speaker 1: You don't gotta do ship for me. They don't have
Speaker 1: to do a damn thing. It's all about image. It's
Speaker 1: literally all about image. I was dating a guy i'll
Speaker 1: say about three or four years ago, and I realized
Speaker 1: after the fact, like he posted his previous girlfriends on
Speaker 1: social media, he posted girls after me on social media
Speaker 1: and never posted me. Yeah, so it's like me kind
Speaker 1: of like taking into count Like, Okay, some guys are
Speaker 1: going to feel shame. Well what is What it is
Speaker 1: is that it's not necessarily them. They're they're probably okay
Speaker 1: with you know, me being in a chair. It's what
Speaker 1: they think society would think about them by dating someone
Speaker 1: in the share Society will say like, oh, you're a pervert,
Speaker 1: like you're taking advantage um all these Yeah, you can't
Speaker 1: give un Yeah yeah, because people would think like the
Speaker 1: pretty men in this room, I'll tell you right now,
Speaker 1: they've all checked you. They how Um I guess my
Speaker 1: last question before we get into homemail. Um, how is it?
Speaker 1: I don't know right now, like currently dating, Like you've
Speaker 1: learned that this has happened. Is there anything that you
Speaker 1: won't take? Are there things that you're willing to work through?
Speaker 1: Like what are the things that are like absolute knows
Speaker 1: for you? When it comes to like men, and I
Speaker 1: think at this point, um, I really don't. It's not
Speaker 1: even with the me in a chair. It's men that
Speaker 1: will say to me that they've never been with the
Speaker 1: black girl before. So as soon as I get that,
Speaker 1: I'm like, like, I don't want to hear that ship.
Speaker 1: I don't want Yeah, it is gross, but what's crazy
Speaker 1: with black men they seem to enjoy that. I feel
Speaker 1: like there's a white woman who comes to them and says,
Speaker 1: I've never been Obviously, I'm not speaking for all, but
Speaker 1: I can only speak for my experiences with asking that
Speaker 1: question of fetishizing. I feel like black women constantly have
Speaker 1: that question to ask and they feel so disrespected by
Speaker 1: And I can completely understand why I've been offended by
Speaker 1: questions things like that. But with men, they're like conquer
Speaker 1: the white girl type of thing. It's fucking porn. I'm
Speaker 1: telling you, it's like all the way that porn has
Speaker 1: rewired our brains because that's that is such a fucking
Speaker 1: storyline in porn and things that you see played out
Speaker 1: all the time, and it sucks, but that kind of
Speaker 1: porn is marketed towards young men, and then they're seeing
Speaker 1: it and then they're wanting to act that out. You
Speaker 1: can't come to something a bunch of times and then
Speaker 1: not like, you know, I have any kind of like
Speaker 1: mental affiliation. I don't know if I but I think
Speaker 1: I hear you because it's you don't want anybody to
Speaker 1: come on your face. Yeah, but not like twenty people.
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be twenty people. Oh I definitely
Speaker 1: want someone to come on my face. Yeah, So where
Speaker 1: you think you learned that from? You came out the
Speaker 1: wound being like, yeah, I want everybody come on my face.
Speaker 1: So you're saying blue Cockey made me want facials. The
Speaker 1: porn you watch has absolutely relatism too, the things that
Speaker 1: you like. I don't need you to read me right now.
Speaker 1: I have my own therapist. It doesn't even have to
Speaker 1: be that that extreme though. I think a lot of
Speaker 1: men learn how to fun from porn. I don't know
Speaker 1: how from porn, but come on, but I feel like
Speaker 1: it's it's different when you are actually like having like
Speaker 1: sex with someone. The mannerisms, the things that they say,
Speaker 1: like there's no telling if I'm actually gonna like you
Speaker 1: talking to me, calling me a bit or splut or whatever, like,
Speaker 1: but because they washed us have a porn they think
Speaker 1: that that that's what bites why like that. I'm going
Speaker 1: to say this actually in my next episode, I want
Speaker 1: to discuss a little bit like women feeling guilty for
Speaker 1: enjoying those things as well. So for whole mail, I
Speaker 1: have one that I did pick for you and one
Speaker 1: for you. So the one I picked for you. Um, yes,
Speaker 1: So I've always known you to be Polly. You've always
Speaker 1: told me that, um, and I remember being very confused
Speaker 1: because when you and I first met and like so
Speaker 1: to speak, dating right and going out, you invited me
Speaker 1: out with your boyfriend at the time, and I remember
Speaker 1: being jealous. Remember we went on to them because in restaurant,
Speaker 1: because I wanted to be with you alone. But I
Speaker 1: also had to understand, like if I want to date you,
Speaker 1: he's got to be okay with this, and I was
Speaker 1: very confused with how it would work. So I want
Speaker 1: you to kind of just maybe just run us through Polly.
Speaker 1: But this is a question about it. Um, Hey, ladies,
Speaker 1: how are you doing. I'm writing to say thank you
Speaker 1: and asked for more details. I've recently realized that I'm
Speaker 1: one maybe by I've only had one woman partner and
Speaker 1: I don't mind having a relationship with her. Two that
Speaker 1: I can be happy only in a Polly relationship. The
Speaker 1: woman I'm with is still married and her husband doesn't
Speaker 1: know about us, and at least not yet according to her.
Speaker 1: I'm currently dating men, but if things don't work between
Speaker 1: the woman and I, I feel like I'd be open
Speaker 1: to having relationship with another woman. I know it's not
Speaker 1: just sex, it's more of the connection with someone. When
Speaker 1: I came to the realization that I'm okay with being
Speaker 1: in the Polly lifestyle, I quickly went to the episode
Speaker 1: that I first heard with details about on episode thirty
Speaker 1: four with King Noir. I was my favorite when I
Speaker 1: first heard it last year, and now I have a
Speaker 1: clear vision. Well anymore? Will you have any more Polly
Speaker 1: Lifestyle couples or guests in the show? What are some
Speaker 1: advice to newbies in the Polly world I'm dating, I
Speaker 1: would love some advice. When's a good time to bring
Speaker 1: up on Polly um and how do I deal with
Speaker 1: the girl and her husband? A lot of questions there,
Speaker 1: but first of all, what is probably and what are
Speaker 1: what's the advice you have for Nubi in the Polly World?
Speaker 1: So polly um. Polyamorous is kind of an all encompassing word,
Speaker 1: and then you bring into words like open relationships and
Speaker 1: non monogamy, and they all mean kind of the same
Speaker 1: thing because I can I tell you what I think
Speaker 1: and I want you to correct me. I don't tell
Speaker 1: people I'm Polly because I don't really care to have
Speaker 1: a relationship between all of us. I say I'm more
Speaker 1: non monogamous because I'm okay with you having sex with
Speaker 1: someone else, but I don't necessarily want all of us
Speaker 1: to connect. Is that right? So there's aspects of that,
Speaker 1: and like the thing is, like none of them have
Speaker 1: a very defined like terminology. Polly just means that you
Speaker 1: are open to being in love with more than one
Speaker 1: person or having love feelings for more than one person.
Speaker 1: Love is the main thing then, so amorous, right that
Speaker 1: that's like okay, yeah, but that's kind of like that
Speaker 1: has like the you know that word love in it,
Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean that everybody involved has to be
Speaker 1: in love with each other. Wan they call it polygamy,
Speaker 1: and it's not like, yeah, I got a sister, but
Speaker 1: we don't love each other. I don't know. Let me
Speaker 1: pull out my Latin you right now and go through
Speaker 1: all of these terms. But it just means that like
Speaker 1: you are you yourself are open to having to being
Speaker 1: having love with more than one person. Doesn't mean that
Speaker 1: everybody involved has to be in love. It has like
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter like a triad, quadruple, you know, anything
Speaker 1: like that. It just means like you could potentially fall
Speaker 1: in love with more than one person. It doesn't even
Speaker 1: mean that you are. You could be in love with
Speaker 1: one person and having sex with five other people and
Speaker 1: not be in love with them and still say, but
Speaker 1: I would be open to falling in love with another person.
Speaker 1: So it just means that, like the love is more
Speaker 1: apart open relationships. There's all kinds of different aragements in that.
Speaker 1: What about the her saying what is she saying there
Speaker 1: that I'm getting stuck? Oh? How do I tell people? So?
Speaker 1: I mean, for me, honestly is the best policy? And
Speaker 1: you don't want to start going down a road with
Speaker 1: someone who doesn't want that whatsoever? Are you talking about
Speaker 1: it on the first date? Yeah? Are you putting it
Speaker 1: in the dating profile? I was, It was in my
Speaker 1: dating profile. Um. I think that the more open you
Speaker 1: are with those things about yourself, the more, you're going
Speaker 1: to attract in people who are going to fulfill that
Speaker 1: part of you, and you shouldn't be trying to bring
Speaker 1: in people and then convince them of this other thing.
Speaker 1: Believe me, I've tried. It doesn't work. And like you
Speaker 1: may think that it's something that everybody is really interested in,
Speaker 1: but it's not, and it really can freak people out
Speaker 1: and it can do all types of things to relationships.
Speaker 1: And so being forthright with that in the very beginning,
Speaker 1: I think it's very important because someone saying you're an
Speaker 1: attracting the energy that you're putting out, so you're Polly,
Speaker 1: how many people are you dating right now? One? Okay?
Speaker 1: Asking you never text me anymore? We are going out
Speaker 1: on Wednesday together? But are you going out on wedn
Speaker 1: to talk about porn? So? Yeah, we got invited to
Speaker 1: an event by Erica Lust. I don't know if you've
Speaker 1: heard of her. She's a porn director, but she only
Speaker 1: does um covinist porn and like user submitted porn. So
Speaker 1: I'm really excited. I want you to come because obviously
Speaker 1: you're a sucking porn theater ou um okay, So I
Speaker 1: know we don't have too much time for the next question.
Speaker 1: But I want to thank you Ashley, And how would
Speaker 1: you would you be open to people sending in questions? Yeah, so,
Speaker 1: like I don't want to just put out her email
Speaker 1: or something like that. Are we cool with giving out
Speaker 1: your grahams because I know y'all want to know what
Speaker 1: she looks like. And they're gonna take a picture together
Speaker 1: so you'll see it. But I know they're sucking. One
Speaker 1: question somebody asked you in his room was on the down,
Speaker 1: what's your graham? So my m is at SILSA so
Speaker 1: s I h L s A. So it's basically a
Speaker 1: s H O I S spelled backwards. What it is?
Speaker 1: That's Ashley with an elaspace? Yeah, got it? Yeah? So yeah,
Speaker 1: definitely go if you're in Jacksonville and maybe you know
Speaker 1: you want to take her on on a lovely day
Speaker 1: or from somewhere else. And she says she travels a lot,
Speaker 1: so and I should, Like, I want you guys to
Speaker 1: keep posted with I mean, keep updated with her page.
Speaker 1: I know I'll definitely become into her grand opening of
Speaker 1: the Portant Cinema. Maybe we can make it a horrible night.
Speaker 1: Told them where to find you, even though you're very
Speaker 1: bad at Instagram. I am very bad at Instagram, and
Speaker 1: I keep getting shut down because I'm posting filthy as
Speaker 1: pictures on my ship and they don't want anyone who's
Speaker 1: like talking about female sexuality posting their stuff. But if
Speaker 1: you all want to see some dirty pictures, you can
Speaker 1: find me at UM the Violet Underscore b K. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna post both of those. Two guys can check
Speaker 1: them out. UM, when do you think you're cinema be open?
Speaker 1: So that's definitely coming late, but I have all kinds
Speaker 1: of pop ups and coming going. Okay, I'm excited, so
Speaker 1: we can definitely all go to one together. You guys,
Speaker 1: if you enjoyed this episode, UM, please leave some comments
Speaker 1: on iTunes that you're happy with it instead of how
Speaker 1: much we sucked it. Come check out me and Jesse
Speaker 1: Winds also talk eleven seventeen in Miami and twelve uh
Speaker 1: eight in Atlanta. And I'm hoping by the time this
Speaker 1: airs that Andrew Gillen is governor of Florida, because that's
Speaker 1: what I say, That's what I said needs to happen
Speaker 1: in order for us to come to Orlando. So crossing
Speaker 1: my fingers, UM, Yeah by Hi