1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, and welcome back to 5 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:31,440 Speaker 1: the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. 6 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:34,120 Speaker 1: Wherever you are in the world, it is so great 7 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,239 Speaker 1: to have you here. Back for another episode as we, 8 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 1: of course break down the psychology of our twenties. Here's 9 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:44,639 Speaker 1: a question for you. How often do you find yourself 10 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:48,519 Speaker 1: thinking about the past. How often do you find yourself 11 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 1: daydreaming about your first year at college, or that like 12 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:56,080 Speaker 1: amazing summer you had five years ago, the start of 13 00:00:56,120 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 1: a relationship, your childhood in those moments, do you feel 14 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 1: happier afterwards or sad that, no matter what you do, 15 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:08,480 Speaker 1: you can't go back to that time or relive those moments. 16 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:11,280 Speaker 1: If you answered sad, or if you feel a real 17 00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:13,920 Speaker 1: deep sense of longing, you may or may not be 18 00:01:13,959 --> 00:01:17,360 Speaker 1: getting stuck in what I like to call the nostalgia trap, 19 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:21,479 Speaker 1: spending more time in the past and in your memories 20 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:25,080 Speaker 1: and in those really amazing moments than in the present, 21 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 1: and constantly feeling like it was so amazing back then, 22 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,440 Speaker 1: and it's never going to be as good as it was, 23 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 1: And I want to talk about it today because I 24 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 1: think a lot of us are finding ourselves in that 25 00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:40,880 Speaker 1: trap these days. Nostalgia is a funny emotion in our 26 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:46,920 Speaker 1: twenties because although we are still objectively so young, any 27 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:49,680 Speaker 1: person over thirty or forty would tell you that there 28 00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:52,080 Speaker 1: is still this sense that we are living out what 29 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:55,320 Speaker 1: most people would call the best year of best years 30 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 1: of our lives. You know, there's already this sense of anticipatory, 31 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:04,080 Speaker 1: noess for these moments that aren't even over yet. But 32 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,920 Speaker 1: on the other hand, we're also getting to an age 33 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:11,360 Speaker 1: where we have enough formative memories and years to look 34 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 1: back on and miss, and it can honestly leave us 35 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:18,440 Speaker 1: feeling really down about the future and whether it will 36 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 1: ever measure up to the amazing memories that we've made. 37 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,440 Speaker 1: Let me say this, Nostalgia can be really good for 38 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 1: some things. It can keep us grateful, positive, It can 39 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,240 Speaker 1: bond us to people who were in those memories and 40 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:33,000 Speaker 1: in those moments with us. There is even evidence that 41 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,959 Speaker 1: it can shield us from negative emotions. But it can 42 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:41,800 Speaker 1: also cause us to honestly feel quite stuck, to miss 43 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:43,880 Speaker 1: out on the present, to just feel a real deep 44 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:48,160 Speaker 1: sense of longing, and also to not be as optimistic 45 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 1: for the future. So in today's episode, I want to 46 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:55,160 Speaker 1: discuss why that is, Where does nostalgia really come from, 47 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:59,639 Speaker 1: what purpose does it serve, and most importantly, what happens 48 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 1: when it begins to take over. There is no doubt 49 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:06,920 Speaker 1: in my mind at least that this generation is more 50 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:11,280 Speaker 1: nostalgic than ever. We see that in the resurgence of movies, 51 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 1: TV shows, you know, picking up childhood hobbies as a 52 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 1: form of escapism. Why is that the case and how 53 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 1: do we handle this increased level of nostalgia in a 54 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:26,520 Speaker 1: healthy way. I am someone who is incredibly sentimental. I 55 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:30,240 Speaker 1: romanticize the past, probably too much. So I'm in the 56 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,680 Speaker 1: same boat as you guys. I am a twenty something 57 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,880 Speaker 1: already feeling like the best years are behind me. And 58 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:38,880 Speaker 1: I know that sounds ridiculous, but I've just been having 59 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 1: a whole lot of nostalgia recently. I think because I've 60 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 1: been traveling a lot, and I was staying at this 61 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 1: like beautiful airbnb in Bali, and I think because it 62 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,400 Speaker 1: was such an oasis and my mind was so quiet 63 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:54,720 Speaker 1: I really started reflecting on all the wonderful moments in 64 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:59,720 Speaker 1: my life and panicking maybe not recreating them whilst I'm 65 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,960 Speaker 1: literally in paradise. So I get that it's quite a 66 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:06,240 Speaker 1: complex feeling, and I just want to discuss the science 67 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,560 Speaker 1: and of course the psychology behind it and the secret 68 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:13,960 Speaker 1: world of nostalgia. I'm really excited to share everything that 69 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,000 Speaker 1: I've learned with you and to help us all cope 70 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 1: a little bit more without further ado. Let's get into it. 71 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:28,120 Speaker 1: Let's get our basics downpat to begin with, before we 72 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,920 Speaker 1: dive into why we get stuck in the past. There 73 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:34,359 Speaker 1: are two types of nostalgia. There is historical nostalgia and 74 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:39,120 Speaker 1: personal nostalgia. So historical nostalgia is a little bit less common, 75 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,039 Speaker 1: and it's, you know, nostalgia for a time and a 76 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:45,120 Speaker 1: place that you've never been, that you've never existed in. 77 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 1: Even so, if you've ever seen people post about being 78 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,360 Speaker 1: born in the wrong generation, in the wrong decade, that's 79 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:56,040 Speaker 1: kind of an example of historical nostalgia, wanting to return 80 00:04:56,080 --> 00:05:00,520 Speaker 1: to a time period like the sixties or the nineties 81 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,839 Speaker 1: or wherever where people imagine life was better, even though 82 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:08,600 Speaker 1: it probably wasn't the kind of nostalgia that we're talking 83 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:13,160 Speaker 1: about today, though, is personal nostalgia, and that is wishing 84 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:16,440 Speaker 1: to return to a memory, a time, a moment that 85 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:21,400 Speaker 1: you have already experienced yourself. When we're talking about this 86 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 1: kind of nostalgia, we are talking about an emotional state 87 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:30,239 Speaker 1: that combines our memories, that combines some form of sentimentality 88 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:35,920 Speaker 1: and pleasure, kind of delight and getting to experience a 89 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:40,359 Speaker 1: small bit of a feeling and a time for ourselves again. 90 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,800 Speaker 1: But it also has this undertone. 91 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 2: Of melancholy and pain. It's a positive remembering because we 92 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 2: really can only feel nostalgia about good experiences that we 93 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 2: enjoyed or felt happy in, or that we now see 94 00:05:56,320 --> 00:06:01,720 Speaker 2: as being valuable. But it's not necessary soroughly a positive 95 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:07,280 Speaker 2: emotion because in this process of remembering, our nostalgia often 96 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:11,039 Speaker 2: stirs up this deeper feeling of like longing for a 97 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:14,919 Speaker 2: time we can never get back to and therefore feeling 98 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:19,080 Speaker 2: quite stuck. I think the aching and the subtle sadness, 99 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:23,520 Speaker 2: the longing is what really makes nostalgia nostalgia. Actually, if 100 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,040 Speaker 2: you were to look at the Greek origins of the word, 101 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,679 Speaker 2: you would find that it actually comes from two words 102 00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:33,160 Speaker 2: nostos meaning homecoming and our goss meaning pain. So in 103 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,200 Speaker 2: that way, it's also really close to the meaning of 104 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,720 Speaker 2: the word a homesickness, right. I think that that's something 105 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 2: that we can all relate to. Nostalgia is, you know, 106 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:45,039 Speaker 2: not a sickness, but a longing for a time and 107 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 2: a home that we were once in. It's really different 108 00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:53,040 Speaker 2: from emotions and feelings like happiness, sadness, anger, because they're 109 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 2: often so straightforward, right, they're very easy to identify, But 110 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,599 Speaker 2: nostalgia is nuanced. It's a mix of good and bad, 111 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:02,279 Speaker 2: which means that we can find it hard to place. 112 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:06,520 Speaker 2: But also it creates this like weird relationship where sometimes 113 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:08,800 Speaker 2: it can be pleasant when you're not like, you know, 114 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,560 Speaker 2: you're reminiscing with a friend, you're thinking back on a 115 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:14,120 Speaker 2: really nice time in your life. But then on the 116 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,600 Speaker 2: flip side, when you go too far, you get overwhelmed 117 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:20,600 Speaker 2: by these really existential anxieties about time passing, about the 118 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:25,400 Speaker 2: years slipping by, about happiness and dread and fear. So 119 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:29,480 Speaker 2: why do we actually feel this emotion? What is its purpose? 120 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:32,600 Speaker 2: I think that's the biggest question of the day. Nostalgia 121 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:36,080 Speaker 2: is in part caused by this thing called rosy retrospection, 122 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:40,800 Speaker 2: the tendency to recall the past more positively then it 123 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:45,520 Speaker 2: was actually experienced. Basically, the word rosy retrospection comes from 124 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 2: putting rose colored classes on. I think about this all 125 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:52,240 Speaker 2: the time and how often I fall into this form 126 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:56,880 Speaker 2: of false or incorrect remembering just recently, I caught up 127 00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:59,280 Speaker 2: with my old friend Sam, who I was really really 128 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 2: close to it, and we were just telling, you know, 129 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,520 Speaker 2: like stories about the good old days over coffee in 130 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:07,720 Speaker 2: Surrey Hills and thinking about those times in our lives. 131 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:11,640 Speaker 2: And of course, you know, we weren't thinking about the 132 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:15,680 Speaker 2: times when we were super stressed or heartbroken or socially anxious, 133 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:18,560 Speaker 2: or when you know, we drank too much or we 134 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 2: were in fights with people. We only thought about the 135 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:25,800 Speaker 2: good things. We only could really hone in on the 136 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 2: laughter and the positive memories. And even when we were 137 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:31,880 Speaker 2: kind of like when I was leaving and I was like, Wow, 138 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:34,319 Speaker 2: that was really really nice, and I'm thinking back on 139 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:37,319 Speaker 2: all these times, I kind of like was calling myself 140 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:39,040 Speaker 2: out a bit. I was like, well, it wasn't all 141 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 2: like that, and I know that it wasn't all like that, 142 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,079 Speaker 2: But no matter how hard I tried, I can't really 143 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:50,160 Speaker 2: remember many of those details. That is rosy retrospection. The 144 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:54,560 Speaker 2: reason this happens is because our brain has adapted to 145 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 2: kind of weed out the bad memories over time if 146 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:01,200 Speaker 2: they don't particularly serve us. If you've ever seen the 147 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:04,840 Speaker 2: movie Inside Out, there is the scene in which the 148 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:08,760 Speaker 2: emotion joy basically is like, Oh, we don't need these memories, 149 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,360 Speaker 2: these bad memories. I'm just gonna get rid of them, 150 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,160 Speaker 2: because you know, it's kind of better to have more 151 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:17,800 Speaker 2: happy memories than sad memories. Anyway, that's a movie, but 152 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:21,719 Speaker 2: it's also something that does really happen. This helps us 153 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 2: maintain a more positive sense of self, which is what 154 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:27,600 Speaker 2: we want. So nostalgia on some level can stop us 155 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:31,400 Speaker 2: reminiscing and all the bad and terrible times and keep 156 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,000 Speaker 2: us focused on the good times. I think this theory 157 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:37,080 Speaker 2: does get a little bit complicated when we start thinking 158 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:41,800 Speaker 2: about PTSD, because in those instances, people only focus on 159 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:46,040 Speaker 2: their negative memories and their intense trauma. That is just 160 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:49,960 Speaker 2: a whole other episode. But on a similar note, there 161 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,839 Speaker 2: was a research paper published back in twenty fourteen that 162 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:58,440 Speaker 2: also suggests that based on this rosy retrospection principle, Nostalgia 163 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:04,760 Speaker 2: can be men cognitively emotionally protective because of the warm, 164 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:08,920 Speaker 2: fund fuzzy feelings that it produces and that we can 165 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 2: voluntarily tap into. So, of course, nostalgia is sometimes triggered 166 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,960 Speaker 2: by a smell or a movie or a song, or 167 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 2: returning to like a city that you used to live in, 168 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:22,760 Speaker 2: but we can also call on it deliberately, and so 169 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:26,200 Speaker 2: when we're going through periods of isolation or things are 170 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:29,480 Speaker 2: just kind of not working out for us, nostalgia acts 171 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,920 Speaker 2: as a sort of mental time travel, and so, as 172 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,560 Speaker 2: one researcher suggests, it also helps us feel like we 173 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:39,520 Speaker 2: are more in control. Let me explain that for a moment. 174 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,640 Speaker 2: So if, for example, you know you've just had an 175 00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:46,880 Speaker 2: awful friendship breakup, you're feeling really stuck in your job, 176 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:50,880 Speaker 2: you're feeling stuck in life. A lot of these circumstances 177 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 2: are beyond your control. But when you consciously tap into 178 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:58,880 Speaker 2: your old memories, they are within your control because they 179 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:02,160 Speaker 2: have already happened. You know what to expect, you know 180 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,160 Speaker 2: what feeling they're going to elicit, and that is a 181 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:09,120 Speaker 2: positive one. So it helps you regulate your emotional experience. 182 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 2: Think about why we reminisce so much at funerals or graduations. Yes, 183 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,959 Speaker 2: obviously it's like the context is the end of something. 184 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:22,559 Speaker 2: But you know, the end of something stings and it hurts, 185 00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:25,640 Speaker 2: and it's out of our control. But we can lessen 186 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:28,559 Speaker 2: that sting by thinking about all the good things that 187 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 2: have come from that experience and shielding ourselves from the 188 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:35,360 Speaker 2: brunt of it, using our nostalgia to stop us getting 189 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 2: really bogged down in the grief in the end. If 190 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,360 Speaker 2: you want a study that kind of backs this up, 191 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 2: there was this author, doctor Yang, who conducted a series 192 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 2: of experiments on people a few years back, and he 193 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 2: found that when participants in his study were asked to 194 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,600 Speaker 2: reminisce on a really beautiful time in their life, they 195 00:11:55,640 --> 00:12:00,600 Speaker 2: were encouraged to be nostalgic. They were less likely to 196 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:04,559 Speaker 2: perceive the pain or the sting of a small electric 197 00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:07,320 Speaker 2: current versus people who were asked to just think about 198 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:11,280 Speaker 2: the future. So it was almost like sitting back in 199 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,920 Speaker 2: the memories of your past. Going back to that time 200 00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:18,160 Speaker 2: stopped you from feeling the pain of the present. And 201 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 2: you know what that sounds like to me? That sounds 202 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:25,840 Speaker 2: like nostalgia, maybe a form of escapism. It is a 203 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 2: way to distance ourselves from our lives. Another explanation comes 204 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:37,400 Speaker 2: from possibly the biggest academic in this specific domain of 205 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:42,040 Speaker 2: nostalgia psychology. Her name is doctor Christine Barcher, and I 206 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 2: love what she has to say about this because I've 207 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:47,040 Speaker 2: never thought about it in this way before. But on 208 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:51,040 Speaker 2: the Speaking of Psychology podcast, which is another amazing psychology 209 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:54,360 Speaker 2: podcast if you're sick of mine, she was interviewed and 210 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:58,840 Speaker 2: she explains how nostalgia helps unite our sense of self. 211 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:02,000 Speaker 2: It helps unite who we were before and who we 212 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:05,000 Speaker 2: are now and create this like a line or sense 213 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:09,520 Speaker 2: of continuity between the different versions of ourselves. I have 214 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,800 Speaker 2: never thought about it in that way that nostalgia may 215 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,719 Speaker 2: be a form of identity preservation. But it makes a 216 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,800 Speaker 2: lot of sense. Right If we never thought about who 217 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 2: we were in the past, the memories that have made 218 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,120 Speaker 2: us who we are today, what we were like the 219 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:23,880 Speaker 2: happy times, I think we would be a lot more 220 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:27,360 Speaker 2: shallow as people and also a little bit lost because 221 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:30,600 Speaker 2: we aren't able to tap into how our past self 222 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:35,960 Speaker 2: treated a situation or what makes us us. The final 223 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:41,400 Speaker 2: theory about why we experience nostalgia is that being able 224 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:45,079 Speaker 2: to look back at old memories gives us the opportunity 225 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,760 Speaker 2: to connect with others. Like I was telling you this 226 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,400 Speaker 2: example of me meeting up with an old friend, we 227 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:54,200 Speaker 2: tapped into those joint experiences that we felt so funnly 228 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:57,479 Speaker 2: about and it gave us a chance to really reinforce 229 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:01,440 Speaker 2: an old bond. But it can also help us problems 230 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,640 Speaker 2: solve as well, Like there is a lot of knowledge 231 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:07,640 Speaker 2: and a lot of information in the past, and nostalgia 232 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:10,960 Speaker 2: is our way of tapping into those to benefit our 233 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,880 Speaker 2: current selves, to benefit our current relationships, to benefit our 234 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:19,640 Speaker 2: current mental states. So, yes, a few explanations, most of 235 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:23,720 Speaker 2: them good or at least showing how nostalgia serves some 236 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:27,520 Speaker 2: function when we look at it that way. What's really interesting, 237 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,800 Speaker 2: and I did mention this at the beginning, though, is 238 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:33,840 Speaker 2: that for all of those benefits, there has been a 239 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:38,640 Speaker 2: lot of suggestions from researchers and psychologists that this generation 240 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:42,720 Speaker 2: is experiencing more nostalgia than ever, so they are relying 241 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:48,160 Speaker 2: on its function and its utility for emotional protection, for 242 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:53,960 Speaker 2: social connection more than any other generation ever has. Think 243 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:58,240 Speaker 2: about this in terms of pop culture, last year we 244 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:02,960 Speaker 2: saw Barbie break every single box office record like therever 245 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:06,600 Speaker 2: is there you are. Currently, you know, Hollywood is releasing 246 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:12,640 Speaker 2: a bunch of movies based around childhood nostalgia. Childhood TV 247 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:17,000 Speaker 2: shows objects, you know, things from the past. We're all 248 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:20,360 Speaker 2: listening to like early two thousand throwbacks. We're like getting 249 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:24,840 Speaker 2: back into childhood hobbies like getting digital cameras or journaling 250 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:28,400 Speaker 2: or scrapbooking or collecting trinkets. And you know, even on 251 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,080 Speaker 2: a personal level, I have so many friends who have 252 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,800 Speaker 2: like said to me recently, like, oh, remember the good 253 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,040 Speaker 2: old days. I just can't stop thinking about it. We 254 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:38,480 Speaker 2: should go back to where we went to Uni. We 255 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,520 Speaker 2: should go back to these times. Here's why I think 256 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,359 Speaker 2: this is happening, and it comes down to two elements. 257 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 2: The world is just really, really tough right now. We 258 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:51,280 Speaker 2: are more stressed than ever. We are more overwhelmed by 259 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:57,080 Speaker 2: just like literally the chaos of living, and we're very disconnected. 260 00:15:57,120 --> 00:16:00,520 Speaker 2: So we are resorting to nostalgia as a pretty detective 261 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:05,240 Speaker 2: defense mechanism. We know from a twenty sixteen study that 262 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:10,080 Speaker 2: we experience nostalgia more when our mood is lower because 263 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:13,480 Speaker 2: it helps us feel better. It can also leave us 264 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:16,640 Speaker 2: feeling like we've returned somewhere safe that is familiar. And 265 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,640 Speaker 2: you know, it's a tough world out there. Maybe we 266 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:21,360 Speaker 2: need more of that. We really want the comfort of 267 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:25,560 Speaker 2: the past. And secondly, I think that it's a lingering 268 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:30,760 Speaker 2: effect of the pandemic and how that whole time in 269 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:34,080 Speaker 2: our lives put us in a weird limbo state for 270 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,480 Speaker 2: a few years when a lot of us were just 271 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:41,080 Speaker 2: starting out as adults. There was a before and there 272 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:44,440 Speaker 2: was an after, and it really kind of threw a 273 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,600 Speaker 2: spanner in the works of our timelines and our memories, 274 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:51,240 Speaker 2: and for many of us that experienced that in our 275 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,440 Speaker 2: in our early twenties, it kind of feels like this 276 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,240 Speaker 2: decade is now split into two parts. So we are 277 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:01,280 Speaker 2: feeling nostalgic a lot sooner for what life was before 278 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,600 Speaker 2: because of what some researchers are calling the pandemic skip, 279 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,240 Speaker 2: feeling like we skipped a lot of our life and 280 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:12,240 Speaker 2: our milestones because of those lockdowns that were obviously absolutely 281 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:16,960 Speaker 2: necessary because of that period of disease and fear, And 282 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:21,240 Speaker 2: so we are consequently more nostalgic for the past for 283 00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:24,479 Speaker 2: a time before the pandemic. But it also feels like 284 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:27,000 Speaker 2: because we lived through that like one two year period 285 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,679 Speaker 2: where we weren't really doing anything that suddenly we like 286 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,400 Speaker 2: put a stop to everything that was making us experience 287 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:34,920 Speaker 2: our youth and our joy so much and kind of 288 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,920 Speaker 2: were pushed straight into the adult world. We feel more 289 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:42,359 Speaker 2: nostalgic for that time before. Hopefully that makes sense. Hopefully 290 00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:45,320 Speaker 2: you can resonate with that. But this can create problems though, 291 00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:50,520 Speaker 2: because whilst feeling nostalgic, maybe instinctial, maybe in these circumstances, 292 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:54,000 Speaker 2: is actually quite beneficial and is protecting us from some 293 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:59,840 Speaker 2: kind of negative mental state, it can definitely go too far. 294 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,600 Speaker 2: It can definitely become, as I said before, a form 295 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,320 Speaker 2: of escapism, and that is what I've been hearing a 296 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:09,320 Speaker 2: lot from you guys from the listeners. I had this 297 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,560 Speaker 2: story from someone the other day. He was like, I 298 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 2: don't even want to go out anymore, Like why would 299 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,800 Speaker 2: I keep living this life that I have? Why would 300 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,600 Speaker 2: I invest in new memories where my old memories are 301 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,800 Speaker 2: so good. Let's talk about it, because that is no 302 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:25,280 Speaker 2: way to live your life. You only get one of them. 303 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,879 Speaker 2: I feel like we all want to be more present. 304 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,520 Speaker 2: How can we do that? How can we break out 305 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:32,960 Speaker 2: of the nostalgia chap. We're going to talk about all 306 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:40,919 Speaker 2: of that and more after this short break. The saying 307 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,120 Speaker 2: always goes too much of anything, even a good thing 308 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:47,280 Speaker 2: can quickly become a bad thing, And the same goes 309 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,919 Speaker 2: for our nostalgia. There is always a point for me 310 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:53,960 Speaker 2: when it switches from reminiscing and feeling really happy about 311 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,639 Speaker 2: all the memories that I've made with the people that 312 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:59,800 Speaker 2: I love to wondering and getting really stuck in this 313 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,720 Speaker 2: quite dark bubble of like, is it ever going to 314 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:06,560 Speaker 2: get as good as that? Is it ever going to 315 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,520 Speaker 2: be like it was then? And the answer is like, 316 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,240 Speaker 2: I don't know, And that answer is a scary one 317 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:16,360 Speaker 2: because it's quite uncertain. It's also really tapping into a 318 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,919 Speaker 2: big fear that a lot of us twenty somethings have. 319 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:22,000 Speaker 2: This decade is depicted as the best years of our 320 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:25,240 Speaker 2: lives and full of spark and our greatest moments. The 321 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:28,280 Speaker 2: older we get, the more scary it becomes, and the 322 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:33,640 Speaker 2: more detached we feel from this period and from these golden, 323 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 2: amazing years that everyone is telling us to enjoy. It 324 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,560 Speaker 2: can be hard to not want to hold onto that 325 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:46,040 Speaker 2: and to not want to be careless and youthful and enthusiastic. 326 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,440 Speaker 2: But I don't think that's a healthy way to think. 327 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,280 Speaker 2: I don't think it's healthy to think that our twenties 328 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,439 Speaker 2: are the best that it's ever going to be, because 329 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,679 Speaker 2: a lot of research actually says that it's not. And 330 00:19:56,720 --> 00:20:02,159 Speaker 2: this is exactly when our nostalgia becomes maladaptive, being harmful, counterproductive. 331 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:06,920 Speaker 2: It distances you from reality because if your present isn't 332 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,639 Speaker 2: as good as the past, why would you want to 333 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:13,240 Speaker 2: spend more time there when you can just keep replaying 334 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:16,639 Speaker 2: what's already happened. It's a cycle. The more time you 335 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:21,160 Speaker 2: spend in your memories, the worse your present feels, which 336 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:24,600 Speaker 2: causes you to revert back to nostalgia even more, and 337 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,199 Speaker 2: then you know, the cycle continues to begin to perceive 338 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:31,679 Speaker 2: your daily life even worse, and it just never ends, 339 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,080 Speaker 2: despite the fact that actually you're probably not remembering those 340 00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:39,560 Speaker 2: moments all that accurate anyway. That's what the whole principle 341 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,639 Speaker 2: of rosy retrospection is telling us. As much as we 342 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:46,520 Speaker 2: like nostalgia, can we really trust nostalgia? That is the 343 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:50,440 Speaker 2: key thing. To remember the times you feel nostalgic for 344 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:54,360 Speaker 2: were they necessarily that much better than where you are now? 345 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,880 Speaker 2: And even if they were, what's to say that it's 346 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,840 Speaker 2: not going to be like that again, just because you're 347 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:05,600 Speaker 2: in a tough spot regardless moving on from that, it 348 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,399 Speaker 2: stops us from, i think, trying to make do with 349 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,760 Speaker 2: what our current circumstances are, and it can leave us 350 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:16,199 Speaker 2: feeling quite detached. I had a friend from university that 351 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,680 Speaker 2: I lost touch with a few years back. Super lovely guy, 352 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:22,439 Speaker 2: so intelligent, but he was someone who would always, without 353 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:25,240 Speaker 2: fail when we would catch up, he would just want 354 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:32,439 Speaker 2: to talk about specifically our first year of university, even five, six, 355 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,600 Speaker 2: seven years on, he would bring up like the same 356 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:39,720 Speaker 2: five memories or moments of us drinking at our college bar, 357 00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:43,240 Speaker 2: or the time that we all were like running around 358 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,879 Speaker 2: and I don't know what we were doing, just like 359 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,960 Speaker 2: funny stuff, crazy stuff, and it almost kind of like 360 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,119 Speaker 2: became a joke between us, like I would tease him. 361 00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:52,760 Speaker 2: I was like, oh my gosh, which memories are you 362 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:54,920 Speaker 2: going to pull out today? Like I can't wait to reminisce. 363 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:58,960 Speaker 2: And the older I've gotten, the more I realized that 364 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,480 Speaker 2: still he's not been able to really let go of 365 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:07,480 Speaker 2: those times. But I think that those memories let him 366 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,600 Speaker 2: get back to a happy place and his life, you know, 367 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,840 Speaker 2: wasn't as good as it was then, and so it 368 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:17,399 Speaker 2: was a coping mechanism. This often goes hand in hand 369 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:21,080 Speaker 2: with a phenomenon known as peter Pan syndrome. Peter Pan 370 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:24,760 Speaker 2: syndrome describes people who don't want to grow up or 371 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:29,280 Speaker 2: accept responsibility except the future. Maybe an element of that 372 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:33,160 Speaker 2: is because they are very infatuated with their youth and 373 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:37,920 Speaker 2: staying young and infatuated with the past. It's a very 374 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:41,679 Speaker 2: extreme consequence of chronic nostalgia. But it's not like we 375 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,760 Speaker 2: don't see it. Something interesting here that I read about 376 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:48,280 Speaker 2: the other day was a twenty thirteen report released by 377 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:52,119 Speaker 2: Georgetown University which spoke about how peter Pan syndrome is 378 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:56,399 Speaker 2: becoming more common now because of how hard it is 379 00:22:56,440 --> 00:23:00,159 Speaker 2: to transition into adulthood in recent decades, you know, becoming 380 00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:03,280 Speaker 2: financially independent. I think that's one domain where we can 381 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:06,760 Speaker 2: all relate. It's really hard. It's a lot harder than 382 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:10,199 Speaker 2: it was for our parents' generation, and it kind of 383 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,040 Speaker 2: means that we want to stay a kid a little 384 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:15,399 Speaker 2: bit longer before having to face the reality that, oh, yeah, 385 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:16,800 Speaker 2: you know, I'm probably never going to be able to 386 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,760 Speaker 2: afford a home, I have to pay bills like it's 387 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:23,800 Speaker 2: this never ending cycle of adult responsibilities that might feel 388 00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:26,480 Speaker 2: really comfortable for a while, but I think we all 389 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:32,000 Speaker 2: know that sometimes avoidance and suppressing reality, like trying to, 390 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,720 Speaker 2: I don't know, create the illusion that you can stop 391 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:39,160 Speaker 2: the clock, is you know that illusion is inevitably going 392 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,439 Speaker 2: to fade and you're going to be left with a 393 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:46,280 Speaker 2: reality that you can't necessarily cope with. One final downside 394 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:49,760 Speaker 2: of too much nostalgia. It taints the present before we've 395 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:52,919 Speaker 2: even left it, and it can end up making us 396 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:58,280 Speaker 2: feel quite existential because we start missing things too soon. 397 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:04,480 Speaker 2: This is this idea called anticipatory nostalgia, missing something before 398 00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:09,159 Speaker 2: it's even over, feeling sad and anxious whilst you are 399 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:13,000 Speaker 2: still in the process of making the memory, like when 400 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,760 Speaker 2: you're already thinking about how the holiday is going to end, 401 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,800 Speaker 2: or you meet someone new and amazing and you're already 402 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,320 Speaker 2: contemplating how awful the breakup is going to be. Like 403 00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:25,480 Speaker 2: you move into a new house, you're already picturing moving out. 404 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:28,320 Speaker 2: That's a personal one. I literally had that thlought recently 405 00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:30,679 Speaker 2: when I moved. I was like, Wow, I wonder what 406 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,240 Speaker 2: it's going to be like to pack up this place. 407 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:35,080 Speaker 2: And I was like, that's really not healthy because I'm 408 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,960 Speaker 2: already feeling sad for a moment that I haven't in 409 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:41,120 Speaker 2: a period of time that I haven't even experienced yet, 410 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,320 Speaker 2: and it can honestly feel like time is slipping away. 411 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:47,400 Speaker 2: What can we do about that? Where is the balance? 412 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:51,000 Speaker 2: What is the line between feeling reflective and appreciating your 413 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:55,159 Speaker 2: happy memories and falling into an obsession with the past 414 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:58,679 Speaker 2: and also falsely believing that that is the best it 415 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:00,840 Speaker 2: will ever be. Well, I've got four tips for you 416 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,960 Speaker 2: guys today to kind of get back to the bright 417 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:08,040 Speaker 2: side of nostalgia and break out of the nostalgia trap. Firstly, 418 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:12,240 Speaker 2: give yourself space for nostalgia and embrace it. This may 419 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:17,159 Speaker 2: sound counterintuitive, but every emotion has a place and serves 420 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:21,000 Speaker 2: a function, otherwise they wouldn't exist. I believe that fully, 421 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,840 Speaker 2: and we know that nostalgia is actually quite useful in 422 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:28,520 Speaker 2: certain situations, so we don't want to ban ourselves from 423 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:31,960 Speaker 2: ever dipping into the past. Also, because the more you 424 00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:36,680 Speaker 2: deny something, usually the stronger it gets. That's the whole 425 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:41,480 Speaker 2: principle behind avoidance. It's about balance. But more than that, 426 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:47,080 Speaker 2: leaning into your nostalgia rather than fighting against it, because 427 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:50,159 Speaker 2: that just makes it stronger. A few ways that we 428 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:53,520 Speaker 2: can do this. Firstly, use this tactic that I like 429 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:57,440 Speaker 2: to call the acknowledged and divert tactic. This basically involves, 430 00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:00,400 Speaker 2: you know, when you feel nostalgia coming up, give yourself 431 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:03,240 Speaker 2: two to five minutes to feel it, to really be like, yeah, 432 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,080 Speaker 2: that was such a great time. I really miss those people, 433 00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:10,040 Speaker 2: I really miss those memories, and then transition into doing 434 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:13,359 Speaker 2: something else that is kind of aligned with nostalgia. So, 435 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:16,160 Speaker 2: for example, swap out thinking about the past for thinking 436 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:20,040 Speaker 2: about the future. I also like to swap out longing 437 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:23,199 Speaker 2: for the past with gratitude like Wow, it's amazing that 438 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,760 Speaker 2: I got to have those experiences, rather than I wish 439 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 2: I was still there. But also keeping a running list 440 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,920 Speaker 2: of things that I'm excited for in the future. And 441 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:34,159 Speaker 2: every time I feel myself getting sad about the past 442 00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:37,480 Speaker 2: and feel you know, sad about the memories that exist there, 443 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:41,000 Speaker 2: I like to add myself add something else to that list. 444 00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:43,919 Speaker 2: So I always think about, like when I get my 445 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,880 Speaker 2: first dog, how exciting is that going to be? When 446 00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:49,640 Speaker 2: I get to decorate my own home that I own, 447 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,080 Speaker 2: You know, I think about the next time I get 448 00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:55,560 Speaker 2: to go on vacation and it positions myself to think 449 00:26:55,640 --> 00:27:00,240 Speaker 2: positively about my future memories and their capacity to be amazing, 450 00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:04,399 Speaker 2: rather than only focusing on what comes before. Adding to that, 451 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:08,000 Speaker 2: I would also say create events, book trips, put things 452 00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:11,240 Speaker 2: in the calendar to look forward to, so that feeling 453 00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:14,800 Speaker 2: nostalgia is not the only thing that comes up. Watch 454 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:18,160 Speaker 2: just how this works, wonders. I think hope and anticipation 455 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,919 Speaker 2: is such a beautiful antidote to a lot of things, 456 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:25,800 Speaker 2: not just nostalgia. Secondly, I would say, probe, what about 457 00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:30,200 Speaker 2: those times makes you so reminiscent and happy. Is the 458 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:32,640 Speaker 2: reason you feel nostalgic for that time when you lived 459 00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:34,359 Speaker 2: with your friends in that big house, or when you 460 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:36,760 Speaker 2: saw your friends every day, or when you were at 461 00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:39,520 Speaker 2: UNI or at college or in high school? Is it 462 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,159 Speaker 2: because there is something contained in those memories that you 463 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:44,960 Speaker 2: now feel like you are missing. Is it because you 464 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:49,040 Speaker 2: are lonelier now? Is it because you feel isolated? It's 465 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:54,680 Speaker 2: really important to remember that often you're nostalgia is indicating 466 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:58,960 Speaker 2: to you something that you don't feel like you currently have, 467 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:03,200 Speaker 2: Something about your current circumstances that needs to shift. Whether 468 00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:07,840 Speaker 2: you need more community, more people, more, I don't know. 469 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:11,679 Speaker 2: Hope like more work, life balance, more purpose. Whatever it 470 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,160 Speaker 2: is what we feel nostalgic for is usually what we lack, 471 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:16,840 Speaker 2: because you can't really miss something if you still have it. 472 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:19,159 Speaker 2: And the same goes for a lot of things, like 473 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,560 Speaker 2: feeling nostalgic not just for the times when you had 474 00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:24,760 Speaker 2: a lot of friends, but feeling nostalgic for a time 475 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,800 Speaker 2: of a lot of freedom or a time when you're 476 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:31,320 Speaker 2: experiencing a lot of love. The root of nostalgia is longing, 477 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,959 Speaker 2: so by fulfilling that aspect that we miss in our lives, 478 00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:39,280 Speaker 2: by addressing it normally, the nostalgia tends to fade. On 479 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:43,320 Speaker 2: that note as well, Remember that there are cognitive biases 480 00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:46,920 Speaker 2: at work here that you can't see that is sometimes 481 00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:50,520 Speaker 2: causing you to think about things and think about things 482 00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:52,840 Speaker 2: in the past as being better than they were. If 483 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:54,960 Speaker 2: you need a little bit of a reality check, try 484 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:57,760 Speaker 2: and fill in the gaps, not necessarily just to focus 485 00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:00,520 Speaker 2: on the negatives, but make sure that you're not ignoring 486 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,440 Speaker 2: the nuances of your memories. I see this a lot 487 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:05,920 Speaker 2: with people who have just gone through a breakup. Normally, 488 00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:09,520 Speaker 2: like two to three months down the line, they'll really 489 00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:12,960 Speaker 2: start reminiscing and they'll really start being like, oh, but 490 00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:16,120 Speaker 2: I really like he made me feel amazing, she was 491 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,960 Speaker 2: so kind, she was so smart. Remember that time that 492 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:22,520 Speaker 2: we went and picnicked and that beautiful thing happened. And 493 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:25,200 Speaker 2: it's like, that is zero point zero zero one percent 494 00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:28,520 Speaker 2: of that experience, and that is your mind trying to 495 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,920 Speaker 2: keep the positive memories afloat to block out the darkness 496 00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,560 Speaker 2: when you really start to fill in the gaps of 497 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,520 Speaker 2: those experiences and when you know, in these situations, I 498 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,760 Speaker 2: encourage people to be like, Okay, but tell me, tell 499 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:44,000 Speaker 2: me a negative memory, tell me a negative experience. The 500 00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:47,239 Speaker 2: nostalgia also starts to fade because I think you just 501 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:51,120 Speaker 2: you see things as clearer and more realistically, and you 502 00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:54,720 Speaker 2: stop glamorizing them. Some people can end up falling into 503 00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:58,440 Speaker 2: quite what they call a nostalgic depression, which isn't a 504 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:02,760 Speaker 2: specific DSM diagnos but basically describes a pattern of symptoms 505 00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:08,200 Speaker 2: surrounding depression that are mainly focused on feeling overwhelmingly dissatisfied 506 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:11,600 Speaker 2: about the present compared to the past. And I'm not 507 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:15,040 Speaker 2: sure how common this is, but if you truly can't 508 00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:16,920 Speaker 2: find a way to live in the moment, if you're 509 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:21,200 Speaker 2: feeling increasingly deflated, exhausted by life, not wanting to try. 510 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,160 Speaker 2: I think that's also where more help is required, and 511 00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:27,760 Speaker 2: a therapist might suggest some things for you to do, 512 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:35,640 Speaker 2: like mindfulness or focusing on intentional nostalgia rather than spontaneous nostalgia, 513 00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:38,360 Speaker 2: which basically means, like we said before, giving yourself a 514 00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:42,200 Speaker 2: dedicated time to feel nostalgic and to let that inform 515 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:45,080 Speaker 2: your next steps. To feel grateful for the past, to 516 00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:50,240 Speaker 2: connect with others, but then also refocus on the future, 517 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:55,160 Speaker 2: refocus on you know what's going on right now. I 518 00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:57,840 Speaker 2: want to say this, for the people who really struggle 519 00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:02,440 Speaker 2: with nostalgia, you would be blown away by how many 520 00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:06,200 Speaker 2: people feel exactly the same way as you do. Who 521 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:09,640 Speaker 2: wish for a time that has passed, Who wonder if 522 00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,520 Speaker 2: it will ever be good as it was before, Who 523 00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:17,000 Speaker 2: watch those golden memories and feel really sad then it's over. 524 00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:20,840 Speaker 2: But here's the thing. When you ask yourself is it 525 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:24,120 Speaker 2: going to get better? It will? There is your answer. 526 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:26,840 Speaker 2: And here's how I know why. I know that from 527 00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:29,760 Speaker 2: a study that was published in twenty eighteen in this 528 00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:33,600 Speaker 2: book called the Happiness Curve. This study in this book, 529 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:37,800 Speaker 2: in general, looked at happiness over our lifetime. We normally 530 00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:42,320 Speaker 2: reach peak happiness around our mid twenties to thirties, so 531 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,240 Speaker 2: that's basically where most of us are at right now. 532 00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:48,920 Speaker 2: We're kind of just passed or reaching or close to 533 00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:54,040 Speaker 2: reaching peak happiness. Then it kind of starts to plateau 534 00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:57,680 Speaker 2: and decrease after our thirties, which is when we tend 535 00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:01,000 Speaker 2: to get more nostalgic. This is when I think we 536 00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,720 Speaker 2: start to think that the best years are behind us, 537 00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:07,040 Speaker 2: and just when we lose hope in our forties, in 538 00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:12,040 Speaker 2: our late forties, look at that things start picking up again, 539 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:15,520 Speaker 2: and by the time we're in our late fifties early sixties, 540 00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:18,600 Speaker 2: we are often the happiest that we have ever been, 541 00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:23,560 Speaker 2: and our nostalgia just becomes gratitude and it goes hand 542 00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:27,200 Speaker 2: in hand with the good experiences that we continue to have. 543 00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,640 Speaker 2: So that myth that this is the best years of 544 00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:33,800 Speaker 2: your life not true. Seems you've got a little while 545 00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:37,080 Speaker 2: longer before that happens, and in the meantime, you're still 546 00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:40,280 Speaker 2: going to make really, really, really good memories. I know 547 00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:43,400 Speaker 2: it feels like a long time away, especially if you're 548 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:47,200 Speaker 2: trapped in the nostalgia cycle right now, but you can't 549 00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:51,800 Speaker 2: feel nostalgic forever. Eventually there will be Eventually you kind 550 00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,560 Speaker 2: of start to realize, like, ah, but now I'm feeling 551 00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,000 Speaker 2: nostalgic for a time when I was nostalgic about a 552 00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:59,120 Speaker 2: time when I was nostalgic, Like if you kind of 553 00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:01,200 Speaker 2: get where I'm coming from, And it's like, you're still 554 00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,400 Speaker 2: making memories in the process that you're going to be 555 00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:08,520 Speaker 2: nostalgic for in three six months, and so your brain 556 00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:12,360 Speaker 2: kind of starts to teach itself like, hmm, maybe it's 557 00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,240 Speaker 2: better to focus on these now so that we have 558 00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:17,160 Speaker 2: more to feel thankful for in the future. And it 559 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,479 Speaker 2: will eventually, I think, start to do some of the 560 00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:23,280 Speaker 2: work for you and break you out of the cycle. 561 00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:26,840 Speaker 2: That is the most important thing that I think, actually 562 00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:30,440 Speaker 2: the best way to finish out this episode is to 563 00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:36,960 Speaker 2: remind you fully, wholeheartedly that right now, these days that 564 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:40,040 Speaker 2: you are living you will eventually look back on fondly, 565 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,440 Speaker 2: and even if you don't look back on them fondly, 566 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:46,040 Speaker 2: you will find a lesson contained in them, and you 567 00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:50,480 Speaker 2: will find something in them to remember in some positive 568 00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:54,479 Speaker 2: or informative light. So just try your best to focus 569 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,600 Speaker 2: on what's happening around you right now. Even if it's 570 00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:00,920 Speaker 2: a rough time in your life, it's leading you somewhere bigger. 571 00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:03,760 Speaker 2: One day. This will be a memory to reminisce on 572 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:06,920 Speaker 2: when the good times come back around. I know that 573 00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:10,359 Speaker 2: the nostalgia trap feels so rough sometimes that it also 574 00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:13,040 Speaker 2: sometimes feels really nice to live in the past, when 575 00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:16,080 Speaker 2: everything when we already understood everything that was going to happen. 576 00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:20,920 Speaker 2: But whatever you do, whenever you do, do not base 577 00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:24,680 Speaker 2: your life on just a few memories. Continue to create 578 00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:28,000 Speaker 2: fuel and make more so that your future self has 579 00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:30,120 Speaker 2: more to think about. Your future self has more to 580 00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:35,000 Speaker 2: feel grateful for. Thank you again for listening to this episode. 581 00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:37,840 Speaker 2: Thank you to those of you who suggested it. It 582 00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:41,000 Speaker 2: was a great topic to cover. I feel like the 583 00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:43,680 Speaker 2: more I speak about it to people around me, the 584 00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:45,920 Speaker 2: more people come out of the woodwork and go, oh, yeah, 585 00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:49,439 Speaker 2: I have those existential fears. I have those worries as well. 586 00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:53,040 Speaker 2: So as always, I think that vulnerability unites us, and 587 00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:57,000 Speaker 2: that vulnerability makes us feel less alone. So I hope 588 00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,279 Speaker 2: that you learn something. I hope that you can take 589 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:02,520 Speaker 2: something away and apply it to your own life. If 590 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:05,560 Speaker 2: you enjoyed this episode, make sure that you're following along 591 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:08,960 Speaker 2: on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and please feel free to 592 00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:12,520 Speaker 2: leave a five star review. It helps the show to 593 00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:16,760 Speaker 2: grow so much, and I really appreciate seeing your feedback 594 00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:20,040 Speaker 2: and hearing from you guys, and just knowing you know 595 00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:22,120 Speaker 2: what's going on in your lives, but also what content 596 00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,399 Speaker 2: you want to see, what episodes you want to hear. 597 00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:27,000 Speaker 2: So if that, if you've got an episode suggestion, if 598 00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,920 Speaker 2: you've got something on your mind, please feel free to 599 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:34,040 Speaker 2: DM me on Instagram at that Psychology Podcast. I would 600 00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:35,560 Speaker 2: love to hear from you. I would love to hear 601 00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:37,920 Speaker 2: you know what you want us to talk about. So 602 00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:41,719 Speaker 2: until next time, until we talk soon, stay safe, stay kind, 603 00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:44,560 Speaker 2: and of course be gentle with yourself