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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

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Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show alit.

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Speaker 2: My mother in law made a discriminatory insult to me.

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Speaker 2: Now everyone hates her.

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Speaker 3: But get her out of there ready.

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Speaker 4: I saw your opening of that one. That was really funny.

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Speaker 2: My husband and I have been together for four years

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Speaker 2: and we just got married in October of twenty twenty two.

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Speaker 2: He's amazing and quite literally the man of my dreams

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Speaker 2: and I have an amazing life with him now. My

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Speaker 2: parents and the rest of my family love him. I'm

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Speaker 2: Native American and have a really big family. He comes

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Speaker 2: to family events, holidays, cookouts, all that stuff, and I

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Speaker 2: haven't heard a single member of my family say they

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Speaker 2: didn't like him. By the way, this comes from user

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Speaker 2: ok Classroom fifteen forty eight, and if you want to

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Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 2: Storytime subreddit. So my husband's family is very small. Other

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Speaker 2: than his parents, he has one brother, his wife, and

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Speaker 2: they are two kids. His brother and his family live

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Speaker 2: multiple states away, so we only see them around. So

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Speaker 2: we only see them around the holidays, and they don't

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Speaker 2: really have much extended family. The only members of my

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Speaker 2: husband's family I really see are his parents. His parents

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Speaker 2: are the stereotypical white, conservative, small town Christians. My husband

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Speaker 2: is no longer religious. Mother in law stays at home

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Speaker 2: and tends to the house while father in law works.

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Speaker 2: I was worried about his parents' beliefs at first, as

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Speaker 2: I practice my native tribes spiritual beliefs and very left

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Speaker 2: leaning socially and politically, don't dress very conventionally, and my

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Speaker 2: husband and I have no desire to have children. But

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Speaker 2: they were pretty chill with me when I met them,

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Speaker 2: at least the first time.

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Speaker 3: Uh Oh.

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Speaker 2: His dad and I have had no problems, but over

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Speaker 2: time I have begun having trouble with his mother. She

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Speaker 2: just flat out doesn't like me. According to my father

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Speaker 2: in law, she has said, I'm quote not the kind

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Speaker 2: of woman that needs to be with her son.

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Speaker 3: And that's what we call racism on this with the context. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but it's like called racism. Not the kind of woman

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Speaker 3: imagine like once you.

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Speaker 2: Know, but it's like I'm thinking of like, oh, it's

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Speaker 2: like the she's got tattoos and she wears dark eyeliner.

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Speaker 2: It's like they could say it about that. You know

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Speaker 2: it's but it's not necessarily racist yet, But given everything

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Speaker 2: we know about them, it's not. Nope. Her reasoning is

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Speaker 2: that I don't quote act like a woman. I won't

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Speaker 2: be a housewife, and I have a man's job. I'm

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Speaker 2: a flight paramedic for a service that airlifts critically unstable patients. Wow,

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Speaker 2: that's a sad ass, miso. So really, what it is

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Speaker 2: is she hates women.

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Speaker 3: Ah, well, there we have it.

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Speaker 2: Yes, you were close. Now you were close. Did you

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Speaker 2: just say, well, that's fair, it's fine kidding? Well she

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Speaker 2: could say that, yeah, that's I can make that joke. Dang,

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Speaker 2: I'm just gonna hit that one more time because it's

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Speaker 2: such a cool job. I'm a flight paramedic for a

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Speaker 2: service that airlifts critically unstable patience. I love my job

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Speaker 2: and I love being a paramedic. My husband has never

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Speaker 2: expressed that he wants me to be a housewife or

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Speaker 2: take up a stereotypically feminine job. If he did, we

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Speaker 2: wouldn't be together. But apparently that's what his mother thinks

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Speaker 2: he needs. When I first met his parents, we had

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Speaker 2: been dating for about five months. Mother in law said

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Speaker 2: at first that I didn't look like the kind of

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Speaker 2: woman my husband would bring home. I didn't take it

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Speaker 2: to heart. I figured she just didn't mean it in

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Speaker 2: a harsh way. When they asked what I did for work,

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Speaker 2: I told him I was a flight medic. Father in

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Speaker 2: law said that was awesome.

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Speaker 3: Yes, that is the correct response to that, because it

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Speaker 3: is awesome.

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Speaker 2: It is awesome, but wow. Mother in law just kind

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Speaker 2: of frowned, didn't say anything whatever. She was pretty cordial

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Speaker 2: in the beginning, but as my husband and I got

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Speaker 2: more and more serious, she began to dislike me more.

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Speaker 2: It started out with a snide comment like she would

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Speaker 2: manage to sneak into conversations, the fact that she thinks

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Speaker 2: women should be homemakers or have jobs like teachers or caretakers.

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Speaker 2: When I started working forty eight hour shifts, she asked,

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Speaker 2: who's going to take care of the housework. My husband

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Speaker 2: told her that he would while I was gone those

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Speaker 2: two days. She got upset and said that it wasn't

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Speaker 2: fair that I made her son do it all by

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Speaker 2: himself while I left.

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Speaker 3: It's not fair that I have to listen to you.

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Speaker 3: Mother in law but here we are.

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Speaker 2: But you want her to do it all by herself.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because she's a miss.

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Speaker 2: I don't understand it.

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Speaker 3: She's got internalized.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Can you break down internalized Misogynyusojohnny, Well, I meant

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Speaker 2: it in more like a clinical setting, it's such a fun.

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Speaker 2: But breaking it down in a musical setting, I think

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Speaker 2: I accept that just as much, though, So let's continue.

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Speaker 3: Tony Spiliaco says mother in law is the worst kind

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Speaker 3: of hypocritical misogynist. If she's so worried about gender norms

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Speaker 3: and modesty, she'd want people like her daughter in law

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Speaker 3: to be able to care for women. And Jimmy being

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Speaker 3: the Turtle says, is mother in law jealous or something?

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Speaker 3: Because Obie's job is so cool? Avery from the Swamp says,

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Speaker 3: a paramedic is a caretaker.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it just doesn't like why I don't get it.

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Speaker 2: I can't understand like being a woman and then being

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Speaker 2: like I can't understand being a woman. Well, I can't

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Speaker 2: understand being a woman and then being like I hate women,

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Speaker 2: Like it's just you.

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Speaker 3: You grow up in this mindset where everyone's telling you

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Speaker 3: that a woman is supposed to behave and supposed to

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Speaker 3: act and that is and if you don't act in

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Speaker 3: that certain way, then you won't receive attention, or you

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Speaker 3: won't receive praise, or just like you won't have a

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Speaker 3: good life.

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Speaker 2: I just don't get it. Late she's getting married to

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Speaker 2: your son, Yeah, she's well, I guess at that point

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Speaker 2: they're just dating.

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Speaker 3: I think there is a certain level of jealousy that

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Speaker 3: goes into it of seeing a person a woman live

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Speaker 3: more freely. But also it's just so empathetical to how

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Speaker 3: she's she's been taught women are supposed to act that like.

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Speaker 3: She immediately just hates it because it's different.

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Speaker 2: Hating things because it's different. Don't do that.

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Speaker 3: I don't do that.

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Speaker 2: My husband told her that we split household chores evenly

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Speaker 2: in that it was fine. One day we were over

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Speaker 2: at their house and she went off on this rant

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Speaker 2: about how she missed when women act like women and

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Speaker 2: men acted like that. She started talking about how women

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Speaker 2: needed to start being housewives and mothers again while the

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Speaker 2: men worked and provided. While she never directly said it,

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Speaker 2: I knew she included me in that. Father in law

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Speaker 2: told her to calm down and that this wasn't the

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Speaker 2: time for that kind of discussion. For that kind of discussion,

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Speaker 2: let's go back to the.

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Speaker 3: Nineteen forties when all of the men were at war

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Speaker 3: and all the women were working in factories. Like what

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Speaker 3: time do you mean? Women have always been in jobs?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but only during wartime, only during.

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Speaker 3: No, I mean just in different cultures.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I've always been. You know, whatever happened to the

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Speaker 2: ladies Baseball League?

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Speaker 3: They're bringing it back, dude, have you guys seen Tom Hands.

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Speaker 2: They're bringing it back.

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Speaker 3: A League of their Own is a great movie.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and they're bringing it back. Show one of my

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Speaker 2: favorite supposed bringing about Rosie o'donald's best role. There's no

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Speaker 2: crying in baseball easily. She got mad and said, wow,

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Speaker 2: it's just the truth and looked in my direction. I'm

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Speaker 2: not an idiot. I knew this rant was just a

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Speaker 2: way for her to tell me how she felt without

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Speaker 2: directly telling me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sorry. She did directly tell you.

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Speaker 2: She went, it's just the truth, and then just stared

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Speaker 2: right at you.

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Speaker 3: Just actually, it might be better and might get my

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Speaker 3: point across if I go it's just the truth.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that gets Yeah, there you go what you're looking at?

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Speaker 2: There you go on what you're looking at with them peepers,

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Speaker 2: What you're looking at with them their peepers.

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Speaker 4: Their headlights right there, Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: Dinner plates. My husband was pretty angry when we left,

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Speaker 2: and I can't say I was too pleased. I told

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Speaker 2: him she was allowed to have her opinion, no matter

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Speaker 2: how stupid it was, and I wasn't going to lose

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Speaker 2: sleep over the fact she seemed to still be living

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Speaker 2: in the nineteen fifties. He said he was angry about

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Speaker 2: the blatant disrespect. He talked to her about it and

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Speaker 2: said she wouldn't do it again. So I managed to

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Speaker 2: let that situation roll off my shoulders. Everything came to

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Speaker 2: a head with her a few weeks ago. Father in

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Speaker 2: law invited us over for dinner, so we went. My

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Speaker 2: cousin's getting married in a few months, and my husband

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Speaker 2: mentioned that we were going to the wedding. It will

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Speaker 2: be a traditional wedding in accordance with our tribes customs.

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Speaker 2: Father in law said that was cool, and mother in

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Speaker 2: law asked if there was going to be booze. I

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Speaker 2: didn't really see how that was an issue, so I

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Speaker 2: said yes. She responded with son, done, You don't need

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Speaker 2: to be around all that drinking. My husband said it

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Speaker 2: was fine and that it wouldn't be a problem. She said, no,

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Speaker 2: you don't need to go there. It's not safe if

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Speaker 2: there's going to be booze there. I said, why wouldn't

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Speaker 2: it be safe. It's not like we're going to be

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Speaker 2: at a bar. It's just going to be my family.

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Speaker 2: And I see you. Here comes the racism.

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Speaker 3: Ah. Oh, it's barreling towards you at at break next

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Speaker 3: speed right.

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Speaker 2: She then said, well, some people can get violent when

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Speaker 2: they drink.

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Speaker 3: And I bet she put a real big emphasis on

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Speaker 3: the some people.

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Speaker 2: And then she pulled one of these some people get.

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Speaker 3: Violent when they drink. Some people.

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Speaker 2: I don't know who it could be. Oh, could it

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Speaker 2: be people who look like you?

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Speaker 3: Oh, some people who look a certain way. I won't

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Speaker 3: say who or how.

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Speaker 2: I won't say how, but they're all related to your wife.

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Speaker 2: I knew exactly what some people meant and that this

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Speaker 2: was a discriminatory remark. I told her that no one

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Speaker 2: would be getting violent and that everyone would have a

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Speaker 2: designated driver. My husband then said that we were going

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Speaker 2: and there wasn't going to be any negotiation about it,

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Speaker 2: because he was a grown man to make decisions for himself.

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Speaker 2: That just made her more upset, and she started going

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Speaker 2: off about how it wasn't a good idea for him

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Speaker 2: to be around a bunch of wasted boat After father

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Speaker 2: in law told her to calm down, my husband asked

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Speaker 2: why it mattered so much to her anyway, because it's

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Speaker 2: not like we were forcing her to go with us.

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Speaker 2: She then said, quote, I just don't think it's a

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Speaker 2: good idea for you to be around a bunch of

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Speaker 2: wasted Indians.

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Speaker 3: And there we have it, and there it was, and

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Speaker 3: there's the racism there it is blue.

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Speaker 2: Racism. Yikes, yikes.

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Speaker 3: And if freaking everyone doesn't get up in arms and say,

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Speaker 3: oh mother, get out, get out of the house, because

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Speaker 3: that's incredibly incredibly inappropriate, don't ever talk to me. Every guy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like you realize that. Well, I guess at

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Speaker 2: this point they're not getting married yet. But it's like,

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Speaker 2: my girlfriend's Native and you, just like.

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Speaker 3: You, you just literally something incredibly racist about her.

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Speaker 2: Do you think I'm gonna be like, you know what,

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, babe, it's time to break up. You heard

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Speaker 2: my mom that you heard what my mommy said.

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Speaker 3: She said, I can't date you. Yes, he's ready.

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Speaker 2: You heard my mommy. What my mommy said?

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Speaker 4: Yeah you want to change it? Just change it and

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Speaker 4: then we can get married. Yeah, just change did it?

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Speaker 2: Just change? Simple? So I was in shock. I knew

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Speaker 2: this was what she meant, but I didn't think she

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Speaker 2: had the balls to flat out say it. You cannot

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Speaker 2: be serious, I said. She then proceeded to tell me

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Speaker 2: I am serious. I know how you people are, and

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Speaker 2: I don't want my son around it. My husband began

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Speaker 2: to lose it and started yelling at her. I honestly

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Speaker 2: didn't have a response to that. I was just dumbfounded,

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Speaker 2: as was my father in law. My husband told her

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Speaker 2: he would not stand for her blatant disrespect and hatefulness

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Speaker 2: any longer and was not going to allow her to

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Speaker 2: be racist towards me. She then said, I can't believe

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Speaker 2: you're seriously choosing this red skinned witch over your own mother.

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Speaker 2: I gave birth to you, oh p says. I told

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Speaker 2: her to go ef herself and left out the front door,

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Speaker 2: with my husband following me. She came running out the

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Speaker 2: door after him, begging him not to leave. He then

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Speaker 2: told her, no, f you, you cease to exist to

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Speaker 2: me from this moment on and I never want to

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Speaker 2: hear from you or see you again. Good folks, that's

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Speaker 2: the blueprint right there, per That's the only way to

255
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Speaker 2: react to that. It's the blueprint to appropriately respond.

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Speaker 3: I mean, if a family member saying that in general

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Speaker 3: awful already already like why would you even want to

258
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Speaker 3: be around them, but liked to say that to your partner,

259
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Speaker 3: the only response is to be like, well, I never

260
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Speaker 3: am going to see you ever again.

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Speaker 2: Signing off chief I'll see you never. That's that's how

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Speaker 2: you got.

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Speaker 4: To be instead of with her chest too, by the.

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Speaker 2: Way, yeah, with her chest and she's like, I'm.

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Speaker 3: Right and double down into like the racist terminology too, I'm.

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Speaker 2: Right, yeah. Yeah. He was shaking with anger when he

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Speaker 2: got in the car and told me he was done

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Speaker 2: with her and her bs and that we wouldn't ever

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Speaker 2: be going back over there ever. Since then, she's been

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Speaker 2: blowing up our phone saying she's sorry and begging to reconcile.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what to do. My husband is angry

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Speaker 2: and upset that his mother is like this. Does anyone

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Speaker 2: have any advice on how to deal with the situation

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Speaker 2: or a situation like this and there are comments, Yeah, y'all,

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Speaker 2: just y'all did it. It's done. Now.

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Speaker 3: The thing is like, unfortunately, I don't think there's any

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Speaker 3: way to quote unquote like deal with her beyond going

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Speaker 3: no contact.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, your husband can process his own emotions and like

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Speaker 2: maybe go to therapy or like you know, find a

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Speaker 2: resource for that.

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Speaker 3: But it's like, you don't inters her teaching her how

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Speaker 3: to be a good person.

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Speaker 2: If you are my wife, if I'm or if OP

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Speaker 2: is my partner, I OP is my wife, and my

286
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Speaker 2: parents or my mom or my whoever pulled something like that,

287
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Speaker 2: I'm not I'm no longer interacting with them until they

288
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Speaker 2: like I.

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Speaker 3: Don't know, like have a huge change of heart in

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Speaker 3: until they go to the apologize and yeah.

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Speaker 2: And like until they get educated to some degree, because

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Speaker 2: those kinds of positions, they just come from a place

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00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:10,439
Speaker 2: of deeply rooted ignorance and just fear and not understanding

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Speaker 2: anything outside of your own tiny little bubble.

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Speaker 3: Well, we already know she's got this like misogynistic mindset

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Speaker 3: that comes from shere and not understanding things that are different.

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Speaker 3: I know we have this other side of her, the

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Speaker 3: racist side of her that also fears people that are different,

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Speaker 3: and there's this like huge like especially in you know

300
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Speaker 3: more more like small town or religious or conservative areas.

301
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Speaker 3: There's this like narrative that's being fed to people that

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Speaker 3: a lot of Native American tribes are like all these stereotypes.

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Speaker 3: And then like just like people of color are like

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Speaker 3: stealing jobs, and it's like all of the stuff that's

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00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:53,680
Speaker 3: being fed to them, and it's like you can't one

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00:14:53,760 --> 00:15:00,840
Speaker 3: for you or your husband cannot like that or take

307
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,560
Speaker 3: that away. That is not like the job of one person.

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Speaker 3: That is for them to have to go on some

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Speaker 3: sort of journey hopefully that they.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, years, but it would take years for my trust

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Speaker 2: or respect or my tolerance. You can't them to be

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Speaker 2: to come back. Yeah, it would be a long long process.

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Speaker 2: Comet one says you did the right thing by leaving,

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Speaker 2: You think because she's saying she's sorry that she feels

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Speaker 2: bad about what she said. No, she is just sorry

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Speaker 2: she got caught in the consequences. No one accidentally says

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Speaker 2: racist and misogynistic things. People who don't actually believe that

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Speaker 2: crap don't ever say it unintentionally. It's the racist and

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Speaker 2: misogynists who can't hold it in for very long who

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Speaker 2: do that. I'm so sorry for you and your so

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Speaker 2: that this horrible thing happened to you. You don't need

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00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,160
Speaker 2: to be exposed as someone who hates you for no reason.

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Speaker 2: Your s O will likely struggle with this, but he

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00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,440
Speaker 2: did the right thing too. If you decide to listen

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Speaker 2: to her apology, that doesn't mean you have to accept it.

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Speaker 2: Let her know that you will never forget it, and

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Speaker 2: any future children will not be subjected to it. She

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00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,880
Speaker 2: has lost any privilege to you and them and will

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00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,520
Speaker 2: have to earn your grace to see them, although I

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00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:13,600
Speaker 2: recommend not seeing her ever again if possible. She won't

331
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Speaker 2: really change, and why should you subject yourself to that pain.

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Speaker 2: Best of luck to you, and there is an update. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I mean like straight up systemic one eighty personality flip

334
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,360
Speaker 2: is what she would need. Yeah, for me to be like,

335
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,440
Speaker 2: all right, you can be you can come around again.

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Speaker 3: But it's so hard for people like my y. It's

337
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,080
Speaker 3: so hard for people to get over that hatred.

338
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Speaker 2: Yeah, no it is. Yeah, I would like straight up

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00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:40,880
Speaker 2: I would run it like I'm not even being I'm

340
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:42,760
Speaker 2: not even kidding. I'd run it like a college course.

341
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:44,920
Speaker 2: I'd run it like a test I'd be like, all right,

342
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,440
Speaker 2: this is our yearly check it. Write me an essay

343
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:51,040
Speaker 2: on exactly how wrong you were that day.

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Speaker 3: And why you were wrong, why and how it makes

345
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:57,520
Speaker 3: you feel and systems of impression. Yes, and why you

346
00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:01,760
Speaker 3: feared losing your system of power and your place in

347
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,000
Speaker 3: the cast system of the you.

348
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:06,960
Speaker 2: Know, five thousand words. Get back to me. Yeah, and

349
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,480
Speaker 2: then I'll I'll grade it, and we'll see where we're at.

350
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:10,920
Speaker 3: You know, we'll see if you can come back around.

351
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:13,280
Speaker 2: Okay, there's an update here. Let's go ahead and read it.

352
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:16,520
Speaker 2: The reason I didn't have much of an adverse reaction

353
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:19,560
Speaker 2: to her words is because, sadly, these are all things

354
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,480
Speaker 2: that I've heard my whole life. I'm not white passing,

355
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,480
Speaker 2: and you take one look at me and tell I'm

356
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:26,960
Speaker 2: a native. I think what my mother in law said

357
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,960
Speaker 2: shocked so many people, because many think explicit racism like

358
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,720
Speaker 2: that is the thing of the past, but it is

359
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,520
Speaker 2: still very much alive in the minds of some. Yeah,

360
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,880
Speaker 2: after the incident took place, my husband and I went

361
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,080
Speaker 2: home and mother in law tried to call and text

362
00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:41,800
Speaker 2: both of us to beg for forgiveness and told us

363
00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:43,119
Speaker 2: she's sorry and wants to make up.

364
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,200
Speaker 3: No, she's not. Yes, sorry, sorry you have come to

365
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:49,760
Speaker 3: see those words and throw around racist marks and slurs.

366
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:54,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, well you're sorry. Yeah, she's like, you don't need

367
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:58,600
Speaker 2: to be drinking around those people. I know exactly what

368
00:17:58,680 --> 00:17:59,440
Speaker 2: those goin to bear.

369
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, no it's not it's not an accident.

370
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:05,440
Speaker 2: I blocked her and my husband told her to leave

371
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:08,879
Speaker 2: him alone until he and I worked through this. My

372
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,560
Speaker 2: husband also told his brother about this, and he was

373
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:15,280
Speaker 2: horrified as well. My father in law contacted us and

374
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,600
Speaker 2: said he was sorry for what had happened. He said

375
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,119
Speaker 2: he didn't know she had thoughts like this, and in

376
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,679
Speaker 2: the moment he was so shocked with what she said

377
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,480
Speaker 2: that he didn't know what to say or do. He

378
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,879
Speaker 2: asked if it would be possible for my husband and

379
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,879
Speaker 2: I to speak with just him to see what he

380
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,280
Speaker 2: could do going forward, and we agreed.

381
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,080
Speaker 3: I think that's fair. It seems like he has it

382
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,760
Speaker 3: seems like he can you imagine and then like, you know,

383
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:40,320
Speaker 3: against this, do.

384
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:44,360
Speaker 2: You imagine what? Like he he had no idea. Yeah,

385
00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:47,480
Speaker 2: it's like imagine he says this stuff and you're just

386
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:49,960
Speaker 2: like all right, maybe just like cool it. It's fine

387
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:53,920
Speaker 2: if there's alcohol there whatever, And she said, it's those

388
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:57,960
Speaker 2: people and you're just like you look like you do

389
00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,600
Speaker 2: like Jim Halpert look at the camera.

390
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,160
Speaker 3: But the thing is, I always wonder if those people actually,

391
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:05,320
Speaker 3: you know, like how much you actually didn't know about

392
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:08,720
Speaker 3: your partner, especially after all of those years. I'm wondering,

393
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,600
Speaker 3: like I think that perhaps he could have been aware

394
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:18,520
Speaker 3: of of some measure of like racism in her or

395
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,080
Speaker 3: you know, or stereotyping that she was.

396
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:25,600
Speaker 2: All those boxes that they check of like conservative, white Christian,

397
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:29,360
Speaker 2: like rural, like it's like they live in such a microcosm.

398
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,120
Speaker 2: They're not none of their boundaries or or like whatever.

399
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,200
Speaker 2: Their worldview is never tested.

400
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:36,480
Speaker 3: Well, that's what I was gonna say. I was like,

401
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:40,680
Speaker 3: maybe just a place like he wasn't or she wasn't

402
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:44,840
Speaker 3: around any like other non white people or like non

403
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:47,160
Speaker 3: traditional people. So it just never came up in that way,

404
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,920
Speaker 3: like she was still spouting maybe some of those ideas

405
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:55,679
Speaker 3: kind of on a on a less aggressive and in

406
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,040
Speaker 3: your face out of way.

407
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,639
Speaker 2: But yeah, you'd think you would, you think you'd know.

408
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,880
Speaker 2: We ended up having a video call between me, my husband,

409
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:07,280
Speaker 2: father in law, and my husband's brother who will be

410
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,880
Speaker 2: henceforth known as brother in law. Brother in law said

411
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,480
Speaker 2: that there wasn't much he could do because he is

412
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,000
Speaker 2: several states away, but he would be supporting us in

413
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,800
Speaker 2: whatever decision we made, and that he would be sending

414
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:21,040
Speaker 2: a strongly worded message to mother in law. Father in

415
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,959
Speaker 2: law was very emotional about the situation and said he

416
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,320
Speaker 2: didn't want to lose his son over what mother in

417
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,680
Speaker 2: law said and that he would do anything to keep

418
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:32,120
Speaker 2: contact with my husband. He was so upset and confused

419
00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:34,120
Speaker 2: as to why she thought the way that she did

420
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,400
Speaker 2: and why it was all coming out now. I said

421
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,800
Speaker 2: that she may have always felt this way, but because

422
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:44,159
Speaker 2: they live and lived in pretty white communities, I was

423
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,120
Speaker 2: the first person she knew to take it out on.

424
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:47,600
Speaker 2: Everyone agreed to that.

425
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,840
Speaker 3: We exactly, Yeah, that was exactly said.

426
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:53,320
Speaker 2: High five, A high five, camp and high five.

427
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,160
Speaker 3: Can you have a specific camera that just goes yeah.

428
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,680
Speaker 2: We need we need to set that up. Father in

429
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,639
Speaker 2: law said he wanted to suggest her to go to

430
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,960
Speaker 2: therapy or some sort of counseling to work out these

431
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,640
Speaker 2: feelings within herself, and that he planned to tell her

432
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,760
Speaker 2: that she had a choice either seek help to change

433
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:14,000
Speaker 2: her narrow view of the world or lose both her

434
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:17,879
Speaker 2: son and him. He said that I make my husband happy,

435
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,480
Speaker 2: and as his father, there's nothing more he could ever want.

436
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:26,960
Speaker 2: W Dad Yeah, w dad like huge ell? Mother yeah crazy.

437
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,399
Speaker 2: We all agreed that some counseling would definitely be beneficial to

438
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 2: her if she was willing to go. My husband said

439
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,200
Speaker 2: he doesn't want to talk to mother in law right now,

440
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 2: and that he didn't know when or if he would

441
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,639
Speaker 2: be able to. He said that if he had anything

442
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:44,000
Speaker 2: to say to her, or if there was an emergency,

443
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 2: he would go through father in law to get to her.

444
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,880
Speaker 2: In the meantime, he will be blocking her number. I said,

445
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,199
Speaker 2: I just didn't want any contact at all, and we

446
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,399
Speaker 2: all left it at that. I also told my parents

447
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 2: and some elders in my community, and they were upset

448
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,040
Speaker 2: too because this is stuff they have heard as well.

449
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,760
Speaker 2: But they commended my husband for having my back and

450
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 2: said they understood my decision to go no contact. And

451
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 2: that's the situation right now. I want to thank everyone

452
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:09,000
Speaker 2: that left kind words and advice on the original post.

453
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:11,040
Speaker 2: I made it to see if we had maybe done

454
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,840
Speaker 2: something wrong or if the decision to go no contact

455
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,840
Speaker 2: was a bad one, but I now see that this

456
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 2: is probably the best option. While this situation and what

457
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 2: was said upsets me, the kind words on my first

458
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,399
Speaker 2: post reminds me that there is still good in this world,

459
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,000
Speaker 2: and if anyone else is going through a similar situation,

460
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,440
Speaker 2: I'll tell you what my dad told me. You can

461
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,880
Speaker 2: never force people to be kind to you, but you

462
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,960
Speaker 2: can make the choice to surround yourself with kind people.

463
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:39,440
Speaker 2: Thank you all, and we have some comments here. Comment

464
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:42,439
Speaker 2: number one, what age is mother in law? I'm just

465
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 2: wondering if it came so out of left field for

466
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 2: father in law, if it might be that she's in

467
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:49,480
Speaker 2: early stages of one of those forms of dementia where

468
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:52,760
Speaker 2: you lose your filter. Not that she didn't maybe always

469
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:55,679
Speaker 2: secretly hold those views, but I'm wondering if she's now

470
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,880
Speaker 2: got less of a social filter about expressing them, even

471
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 2: if she's not that able. I know someone fifty four

472
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:06,200
Speaker 2: with a recent diagnosis of early dementia, and maybe that's

473
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,199
Speaker 2: why it's on my mind. Besides counseling, maybe have her

474
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,800
Speaker 2: checked out with a medical doctor two And I think again,

475
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:15,480
Speaker 2: that's really only something she'll have to consent to. With

476
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:18,359
Speaker 2: the therapy and the counseling, and any medical stuff.

477
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:21,440
Speaker 3: And sometimes yes, we want to, you know, we want

478
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:24,960
Speaker 3: to make up excuses and find out anyway for a

479
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 3: loved one or like a previously loved one to make

480
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,480
Speaker 3: sense for something that they've done to wrong us. And

481
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:33,400
Speaker 3: sometimes it's just like they're could be they're just they

482
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:34,800
Speaker 3: just aren't a good person.

483
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:36,400
Speaker 2: And you know, like it said, it's like even if

484
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,480
Speaker 2: that's still like the rot is still in there. Yeah,

485
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:41,119
Speaker 2: Like even if it's like, oh, well now she just

486
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 2: doesn't have the filter for it, it's like, well she

487
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:47,320
Speaker 2: still still believed that. Yeah, so that's still an issue. Anyway.

488
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,680
Speaker 2: We have a second update. Hi again, it's been a

489
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,720
Speaker 2: couple months since I last posted about my situation in

490
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:56,240
Speaker 2: which my mother in law called me a slur and

491
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,239
Speaker 2: said my family was a bunch of wasted Indians. I

492
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:02,119
Speaker 2: figured I conclude the story since this mess is finally

493
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:06,160
Speaker 2: coming to an end. Long story short, father in law

494
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 2: is divorcing. Mother in law makes sense. Good on the

495
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:14,480
Speaker 2: father in law makes sense consequences of a knock knock knock.

496
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 2: It's the consequences of her action. Mother's mindset's like why

497
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:19,280
Speaker 2: did the ruin up?

498
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,760
Speaker 3: Okay? Yeah, and then she's gonna blame it on op.

499
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,679
Speaker 2: He's you've all been drinking with those Indians, haven't you.

500
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:31,240
Speaker 3: I know it.

501
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,040
Speaker 2: It was the Indians. They conspired against me and ruined

502
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:37,080
Speaker 2: my marriage. That's what she'll say. Mother in law went

503
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 2: to counseling twice a week for about three weeks until

504
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 2: she eventually decided that she had enough of it. I

505
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,160
Speaker 2: guess she thought that was enough to make my father

506
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 2: in law and husband happy, but she showed no real

507
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:50,119
Speaker 2: remorse for her actions or any change in her mindset.

508
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 2: Father in law told us that they had gotten into

509
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 2: an argument about how I was taking their son away

510
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 2: from them. Whoa to which father in law.

511
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:58,959
Speaker 3: Freaking predicted it?

512
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:02,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, pretty much pretty much.

513
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:05,440
Speaker 3: Uh no, no, Stradama's I know.

514
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:09,320
Speaker 2: No, I know. I was trying to figure out how

515
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 2: to make a pun out of it with your name.

516
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,600
Speaker 2: No Stra, Oh it's no Stradono miss there we go.

517
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:16,840
Speaker 2: Sorry it took me a second.

518
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 3: No Stra never miss.

519
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 2: Dang you just missed with that one.

520
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 3: That was great.

521
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 2: Oh wait, oh were you doing saying that to me?

522
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 2: Oh dang? See sorry, I was I was like you

523
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,679
Speaker 2: never missed? Sorry. I was in slam dunk mode for

524
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 2: some reason. I was because it was because it was

525
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:34,360
Speaker 2: because I gassed you up.

526
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:35,080
Speaker 3: I was fixing.

527
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:39,560
Speaker 2: I gave you the gas up with immediately, and then

528
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,160
Speaker 2: I was like, my brain was preset for okay, slam

529
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 2: dunk mode. I gotta bring her back down. Okay, ba

530
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:48,159
Speaker 2: my compliment. That's fine, that's fine. I did miss I

531
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 2: missed right there. Anyways, I'm sure that was fun to

532
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:53,240
Speaker 2: listen to to which father in law said that she

533
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:57,159
Speaker 2: had drove my husband away from them, not me. I

534
00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 2: was like, pasta, oh, wait a minute, Okay, it's sorry.

535
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,160
Speaker 2: I did not compute that for a second. So that's

536
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:06,679
Speaker 2: the father in law being like, no, wife, you're the

537
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:07,879
Speaker 2: reason they're gone.

538
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 3: Yeah.

539
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 2: Mother in law was very angry that father in law

540
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,160
Speaker 2: continued to take our side on the situation instead of hers.

541
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:17,920
Speaker 2: This erupted into a very heated argument between the two

542
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,919
Speaker 2: of them, and father in law didn't go into extensive detail.

543
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:24,280
Speaker 2: She ended up staying. She ended up saying more bad

544
00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:27,199
Speaker 2: things about me, about how I tore her family apart,

545
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:29,680
Speaker 2: made a mockery of her, stole her son, and pushed

546
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,719
Speaker 2: her husband and other son away from her. In reality,

547
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 2: if she just would have kept her mouth shut, this

548
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:42,120
Speaker 2: all could have been avoided. Sure, my husband is peist, naturally,

549
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 2: I can't say I feel much emotion about it, though.

550
00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:47,880
Speaker 2: I feel bad for my husband and his family as

551
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,639
Speaker 2: they are losing contact with their mother and wife. But

552
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:54,000
Speaker 2: then again, I also see a bitter old racist getting

553
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 2: what she deserves. It's a crappy situation overall. Father in

554
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 2: law said, Mother in law was so angry she left

555
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:02,199
Speaker 2: the house and is staying with a friend for the

556
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 2: time being while lawyers sort things out. Father in law

557
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 2: is still very upset, which I understand. He told me

558
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,879
Speaker 2: he felt terrible about the whole thing, but he didn't

559
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 2: want to remain married to an evil woman and someone

560
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:17,639
Speaker 2: who would drive his children away. He told me that

561
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 2: he understands he's not a perfect man and has made

562
00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:23,760
Speaker 2: mistakes and not always been the most accepting or open minded,

563
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:26,920
Speaker 2: but he wants to become a better person and try

564
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:30,360
Speaker 2: to understand people of other cultures and identities. I greatly

565
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 2: respect that. There you go, He's like, I acknowledge my

566
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:37,879
Speaker 2: worldview is narrow less, widen.

567
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,159
Speaker 3: It, and that's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed

568
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,639
Speaker 3: to add like, the real process is understanding that you

569
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 3: have certain biases and certain like uh honestly, probably racist

570
00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:51,800
Speaker 3: ideology in you if you're growing up, especially in a

571
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:54,920
Speaker 3: conservative area or like a predominantly white area, and it's like, okay,

572
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 3: I actually need to work on those and educate myself.

573
00:27:58,880 --> 00:27:59,919
Speaker 3: You know, that's what you should do.

574
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:03,199
Speaker 2: In an attempt to lift his spirits, I offered to

575
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:05,600
Speaker 2: take him to a pow wow a couple weeks ago,

576
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:09,119
Speaker 2: and he accepted. My husband has gone with me several times,

577
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:11,159
Speaker 2: but this would be father in law's first experience with

578
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,199
Speaker 2: anything like that. I introduced him to my family and

579
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:18,480
Speaker 2: he was very respectful. He had a blast, danced saying,

580
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:20,919
Speaker 2: listen to the music and ate until our stomachs were

581
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 2: about to burst. He thanked my family and I for

582
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 2: letting him be a part of this and that he

583
00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:28,880
Speaker 2: hadn't had this much fun since he was a young man.

584
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 2: I haven't had this much fun since I was just

585
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 2: a sprout.

586
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 3: That's so cute.

587
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 2: My family and I thanked him for being a good

588
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,160
Speaker 2: person and sticking beside my husband and I through such

589
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 2: a messy situation. My father tried to console him by

590
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:47,320
Speaker 2: saying that sometimes the best way to grow is to

591
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 2: cut ties with toxic people. Who will hold you back?

592
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:54,440
Speaker 2: Bromance honestly, bromance between father and father in law.

593
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:55,000
Speaker 3: Love it.

594
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 2: Yes, let's stay at the bromance. Honestly. I think this

595
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:01,880
Speaker 2: is the best this could have gone. And I'm so

596
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 2: happy my husband didn't have to cut ties with both

597
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 2: of his parents because he's always been so close to

598
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 2: his father. I can see that my father in law

599
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,080
Speaker 2: is trying to be a good person and become a

600
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 2: more accepting and supportive guy, and I'm very happy about that.

601
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 2: And by the way, you can be very happy about

602
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:22,160
Speaker 2: the full episodes with stories like this that we have

603
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:25,760
Speaker 2: on Spotify and iHeartRadio and Apple podcasts and wherever you

604
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 2: listen to podcasts. All you have to do is search

605
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 2: Okay story time right here, It's on my hat, and

606
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 2: if you search our name, you will find what is

607
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:42,520
Speaker 2: now fifty two days, twelve hundred and forty eight hours

608
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:47,120
Speaker 2: worth of stories to listen to. Go do that after this.

609
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:49,479
Speaker 3: Right now, No, right now, We're still no, right now,

610
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 3: right right now.

611
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 2: But soon we do have a little bit more story.

612
00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 2: Let's go ahead and finish it off. I'd like to

613
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 2: again say thank you to those of you who left

614
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 2: such positive comments on my previous posts. It really means

615
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 2: a lot to me and makes me happy to know

616
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 2: that there are people with good hearts out there. I've

617
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:12,480
Speaker 2: seen that another subreddit saw my post and many people

618
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:15,520
Speaker 2: said nice things there too. And to any Natives who

619
00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:19,480
Speaker 2: have dealt with or are dealing with discriminatory comments, discrimination

620
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 2: or being called racial slurs, never stop existing because our

621
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:26,880
Speaker 2: existence is the biggest form of rebellion. We're still here

622
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:30,040
Speaker 2: and we're not going anywhere. Thanks to all your kind

623
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:34,760
Speaker 2: Internet stranger comments. Peace and love always, and we do

624
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,200
Speaker 2: have some comments here. Keep taking your father in law

625
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:40,120
Speaker 2: to pow wows. He may meet himself a nice Native woman.

626
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 2: That's a good idea right there. And that is the

627
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 2: end of that story. Man, it worked out, it did.

628
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:51,640
Speaker 2: I mean, obviously the mother sucks. Yeah, that's a terrible person, but.

629
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 3: He's cool.

630
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:55,240
Speaker 2: Worked out for the best, for the best involved.

631
00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 3: But that's the end of that story. So we're going

632
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:58,800
Speaker 3: to jump into the next one.

633
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 2: Hey y'all, it's John oh Host here. We're gonna get

634
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:02,640
Speaker 2: back to the stories. But here's a quick three minute

635
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 2: break from as for more sponsors.

636
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 3: I tried to set boundaries with my mother in law,

637
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 3: but somehow I'm the bad guy.

638
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna just hit you with the Uno Rivers card.

639
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:14,640
Speaker 3: This mother in law is my husband's bio mom. He

640
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:18,720
Speaker 3: also has an honorary mom. Currently thirty five weeks pregnant

641
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 3: with my first I was folding and organizing baby clothes

642
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 3: and I found what looked like a game piece in

643
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,880
Speaker 3: the baby's dresser. I asked my husband and he didn't

644
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:29,400
Speaker 3: know why it was there, but said that it's amajong tile,

645
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:32,520
Speaker 3: a game piece the size of a thick domino. I

646
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 3: sent a text to our group family chat his side

647
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 3: and asked if anybody knew why it was there. Some

648
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 3: of them just responded lool and he he. And I

649
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 3: asked them what it was and why I was there,

650
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,840
Speaker 3: and everyone just ignored my texts. By the way, this

651
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:49,240
Speaker 3: comes from Wild Musings eighty eight, and if you want

652
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 3: to sumit your own stories, go to our slash shoking

653
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:54,720
Speaker 3: story him separate it. So an hour later I got

654
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 3: annoyed and said, no one's gonna tell me what it is.

655
00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:00,120
Speaker 3: Then they explained that mother in law hides things in

656
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 3: people's houses as a game or a prank. I messaged

657
00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:05,640
Speaker 3: her privately and said, just please don't leave small things

658
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:08,080
Speaker 3: around once the baby is here. It makes me nervous

659
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:10,480
Speaker 3: finding small things that could be choking hazards in the babies,

660
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:12,320
Speaker 3: things that I didn't know about, especially if I don't

661
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 3: find it.

662
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that's that's a very exceptionally reasonable and

663
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 2: responsible thought to have.

664
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 3: That is.

665
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like, please don't leave things for my baby

666
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 2: to choke on. I would like that, well, this is

667
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 2: pre baby, right.

668
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 3: Like just like like making sure like or don't leave

669
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 3: things in the baby in place when the baby's here.

670
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:38,040
Speaker 2: But no more of this, please, thank you. But else. Yeah,

671
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:39,440
Speaker 2: seemed perfectly fine to me.

672
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 3: I feel like this is not really a cute, like

673
00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:45,400
Speaker 3: this shouldn't devolve into anything big.

674
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 2: Let's see how the mother in law takes it.

675
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:51,800
Speaker 3: She apologized and I said, thank you, it's okay. I

676
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:54,240
Speaker 3: feel really picky about the nursery and I'm always anxious

677
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 3: about safety things, which is true. My husband told me

678
00:32:57,320 --> 00:32:59,720
Speaker 3: today that she's upset and thinks I shamed her and

679
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,000
Speaker 3: the group chat. I didn't know she was the one

680
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 3: that left it. When I was messaging the group chat,

681
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 3: I knew I sounded annoyed when I asked if anyone

682
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:09,040
Speaker 3: was going to answer my question, But I genuinely didn't

683
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 3: know why anyone would leave a small game piece, which

684
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 3: I'm thinking would be a choking hazard, in the nursery

685
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 3: that I've meticulously been painting and putting together. It felt

686
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,320
Speaker 3: weird that someone was in my baby's dresser drawers without

687
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,480
Speaker 3: me knowing and wouldn't tell me why. Weird boundary issue.

688
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:28,080
Speaker 3: I recognized that I had a strong reaction, but I

689
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 3: do think it's really inappropriate to hide small game pieces

690
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:33,960
Speaker 3: in babies, things that I may never find. You shouldn't

691
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:37,320
Speaker 3: even be in the nursery without me knowing. That's just weird,

692
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 3: and I'd be very anxious if I didn't ask her

693
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:41,280
Speaker 3: to not if I didn't ask her not to do

694
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 3: it again because brother in law said this is a

695
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:45,880
Speaker 3: thing she does often. Why did it have to be

696
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,320
Speaker 3: in the nursery. Why couldn't it be any other part

697
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 3: of the house.

698
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:51,360
Speaker 2: Sorry, just the way you just said that, I feel

699
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,479
Speaker 2: like you were It really does feel like, OHP's almost

700
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:58,160
Speaker 2: crying here. Why Why did it have to be in

701
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:01,360
Speaker 2: the nursery. Why couldn't you some farther part of the house.

702
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 2: Everyone thinks I'm shaming her, and I'm not I'm just

703
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:06,520
Speaker 2: worried about my baby who's not.

704
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:10,279
Speaker 3: Yet, but also don't come to the nursery without mine,

705
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,680
Speaker 3: and it's just like she's kind of losing it over

706
00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:14,280
Speaker 3: this I feel in the nursery.

707
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:16,319
Speaker 2: But it's also all that's kind of fair.

708
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 3: I think it's fair, but it does feel like perhaps

709
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 3: like I think it's absolutely fair and absolutely like she

710
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:23,560
Speaker 3: should talk to the mother in law, but it does

711
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:25,440
Speaker 3: feel like maybe maybe a lot of the hormones and

712
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:27,040
Speaker 3: a lot of the nesting and stuff is like, don't

713
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:29,200
Speaker 3: right nursery.

714
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:31,360
Speaker 2: And it's probably like the thing of like you're putting

715
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:33,880
Speaker 2: my baby at rest, but it's like no, no, no

716
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:35,759
Speaker 2: one's no one's doing that yet. Yeah, no one has

717
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 2: done that.

718
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:38,799
Speaker 3: Mother in law wasn't close to her own daughter through

719
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 3: pregnancies and is expressed wanting to be a mom to

720
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:44,439
Speaker 3: me during mine, which I one hundred percent do not want.

721
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:47,840
Speaker 3: So I think she's feeling rejected and annoyed by me

722
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:50,960
Speaker 3: setting boundaries. My whole life, I've been a people pleaser

723
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:54,000
Speaker 3: and intended not to say when I'm upset. That has

724
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 3: all changed with being pregnant. It's weird to see how

725
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,480
Speaker 3: many people hate hearing that you're not happy with something

726
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,400
Speaker 3: they did, but I'm not okay with not addressing something

727
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 3: that makes me nervous. That's the whole story. Mother in

728
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:08,080
Speaker 3: law went into my baby's dresser drawers too. As she

729
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:10,719
Speaker 3: puts it, I had small things at each other's house.

730
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:13,920
Speaker 2: It's for fun, okay, Like I again, I do get it,

731
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:18,040
Speaker 2: But I'm going to say that the POV I'm getting

732
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:21,280
Speaker 2: here from op is someone who's never had fun ever

733
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:24,839
Speaker 2: or done any little quirky thing. Like it's like it's

734
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 2: like a haha, and it's like, you know, of course

735
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:28,759
Speaker 2: you open the drawer to put the stuff in there,

736
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 2: you probably see it. It's right there, and you go, oh,

737
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:31,479
Speaker 2: I found the game piece.

738
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 3: It does feel like a little bit of an overreaction. However,

739
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:40,480
Speaker 3: I very understandably like this is not something that should

740
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:44,320
Speaker 3: be done, but perhaps maybe the interaction after and communicating

741
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:47,440
Speaker 3: how it's you know, like how why you're upset and

742
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:48,560
Speaker 3: why it shouldn't happen anymore.

743
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 2: It maybe was over It's like you did it in

744
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 2: the nursery. But it's like the probable cause, like I

745
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:55,880
Speaker 2: can think of a thing that I do in like

746
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:58,840
Speaker 2: my own family or like family friends as it's like

747
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:02,040
Speaker 2: we do puzzles and then like the goal is to

748
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:05,400
Speaker 2: always like try to sneak off one puzzle piece to

749
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:08,360
Speaker 2: somewhere else so that they can't finish the puzzle until

750
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 2: until you behavior sorry, and then you steal the puzzle

751
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:14,719
Speaker 2: from them because you put the last piece in. You

752
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:17,680
Speaker 2: go aha, and it's like and it's all just a joke.

753
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:21,960
Speaker 4: But it's like, I would go insane if this feels

754
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:24,120
Speaker 4: no wonder you are the way that you are.

755
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:26,960
Speaker 3: Before we get into the update, I would say that, like,

756
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 3: it feels somewhat because the baby's not here yet, right,

757
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 3: it feels like somewhat harmless, not in that it should

758
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:39,799
Speaker 3: it should continue happening, but in that it could have

759
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:43,000
Speaker 3: just been a really simple conversation of saying, hey, don't

760
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:44,880
Speaker 3: do that, please, like don't in the future, you know,

761
00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 3: I want to make sure the babies okay, and that

762
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:49,440
Speaker 3: would have been it. Yeah, I think it should have

763
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 3: been addressed, but it could have been addressed in a

764
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 3: little bit less of a massive way.

765
00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:54,920
Speaker 2: Yeah exactly. Yeah, it could have just been like a

766
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 2: it's it's you know, it's a mixture of all the stuff,

767
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:00,279
Speaker 2: babies on the way, someone's in my knowledge. It's like

768
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:01,920
Speaker 2: it feels like a breach of trust. It feels like

769
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:04,439
Speaker 2: an invasion of privacy, and it's like, dude, for them,

770
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:06,360
Speaker 2: it's like just a cute little you know, it's just

771
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:09,799
Speaker 2: a little game that's being played like amongst family and

772
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 2: for all the people saying I'm a psycho. Guys, it's

773
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:15,759
Speaker 2: not just me. Okay, it'd be like five pieces are missing, yeah,

774
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 2: and then you have to all find the pieces that

775
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:19,319
Speaker 2: have been hidden around so that you can try to

776
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 2: put in the last puzzle.

777
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,600
Speaker 4: I don't think yourself fun. Could you imagine doing this

778
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,000
Speaker 4: with like a stranger and not letting them know.

779
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:30,760
Speaker 2: You don't do it with a stranger. You've psycho pes, guys.

780
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:35,839
Speaker 2: The story it's a known thing. It's like a family thing.

781
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:37,719
Speaker 2: It's like you wouldn't do this. You wouldn't break into

782
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 2: a stranger's house and ride a little toy in their nursery. Yeah,

783
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:43,160
Speaker 2: this is someone they know, someone, is my point.

784
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 3: I think I'm and it seems like we're a little

785
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 3: bit mixed in the chat. I think I'm kind of

786
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,560
Speaker 3: on Supernova's thing of like, right, it's fine this time,

787
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:52,319
Speaker 3: but don't do it again. I think that's kind of

788
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 3: my thoughts here like absolutely should be addressed, but doesn't

789
00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 3: necessarily need I don't like it seems like we're about

790
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 3: to gear into if I it doesn't like that's silly

791
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 3: to me. Yeah, it almost shouldn't have been a fight

792
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 3: on either.

793
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 2: I'm debating nowhere low contact and it's like, yeah, this

794
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:09,760
Speaker 2: is not the time at all.

795
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like this seems like again absolutely fair for her

796
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:16,759
Speaker 3: to say something and say don't do that again, but

797
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:19,799
Speaker 3: like could have potentially been fun about it in a

798
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:22,319
Speaker 3: different way. But there's an update. When my son was

799
00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:24,239
Speaker 3: six weeks old, my mother in law tripped and threw

800
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 3: him on the ground. It was traumatic. I'm still not

801
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 3: over it. I still feel afraid every time she asks

802
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:32,400
Speaker 3: to visit. Yesterday I let her hold my son she

803
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:35,200
Speaker 3: has many times since the incident, and she was being

804
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:37,880
Speaker 3: very rough with him. He was playing so rough that

805
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:41,480
Speaker 3: his head snapped the side. How is she playing with waits.

806
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 2: Like a newborn? Why are you? First of all, you

807
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:46,120
Speaker 2: don't play the new born?

808
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,680
Speaker 3: No no, no no. Sam was six weeks old, but

809
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:51,440
Speaker 3: she's having a new baby right sick weeet? What is

810
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:52,879
Speaker 3: this the did the baby already come out?

811
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:54,960
Speaker 2: Yeah? Let's give me. Can we hit that one more time?

812
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 3: Please, says yesterday when my son was six weeks old.

813
00:38:57,680 --> 00:39:00,840
Speaker 2: Okay, my mother, fancy has happened? This happened?

814
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 3: Or is this ann was six weeks I think this

815
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 3: is a son that she already has.

816
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 2: Do they already have one? I thought this is their

817
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:07,120
Speaker 2: first kid?

818
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:08,800
Speaker 3: Hold on, hold on everyone.

819
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:11,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm almost positive that was her first kid, because

820
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:12,160
Speaker 2: it's like, that's.

821
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 3: Rely with my first Okay, yeah, so this is this

822
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:16,200
Speaker 3: is in the future we have now son is six

823
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:17,160
Speaker 3: weeks old? Got it?

824
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:19,399
Speaker 2: Son has been born and is now six weeks old.

825
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's only four months old, and she didn't seem

826
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:25,720
Speaker 3: to notice and see now yeah, no, this is this.

827
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:29,440
Speaker 2: Is How long is the head support window? I don't know,

828
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:30,640
Speaker 2: but it's like, but.

829
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:32,560
Speaker 3: I I mean, even with a four month old, you've gotta.

830
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:32,759
Speaker 2: Be a little bit.

831
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 3: You gotta be careful.

832
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:36,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean they're delicate, but they're also I don't know,

833
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:39,799
Speaker 2: there's like a weird like bell curve. Yeah, of like

834
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:43,719
Speaker 2: they're act like the they're so sturdy like but also not.

835
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:46,239
Speaker 3: But I'm also wondering a little I'm gonna hear what

836
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 3: you saying? What I really want is for her to

837
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 3: never hold him again. But I don't want to hurt

838
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,840
Speaker 3: my son's relationship with her because she's genuinely loving, just

839
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,120
Speaker 3: clumsy and not suitable to take care for him take

840
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:59,279
Speaker 3: care of him alone. Does that make sense? Like she's

841
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:02,719
Speaker 3: a good grandma but needs to be supervised. So this

842
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:06,120
Speaker 3: morning I sent her a long text. I wanted it

843
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:09,160
Speaker 3: to portray how serious I am, but also let her

844
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:11,280
Speaker 3: know I am trying my best to trust her again.

845
00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:13,279
Speaker 3: Give it to me straight. What do you think of

846
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 3: this message? She hasn't responded and has a history of

847
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:20,600
Speaker 3: being petty and triangulating people, getting third parties involved, gossiping,

848
00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:24,320
Speaker 3: et cetera, So I don't know how she's going to respond.

849
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:26,319
Speaker 2: So pause before we get into it. Yes, my my

850
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:28,880
Speaker 2: guest would also thank you comments for letting me know

851
00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:32,399
Speaker 2: that the babies are still delicate at I'm not I'm

852
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:38,040
Speaker 2: not up on and I don't support shaken babies. Okay,

853
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:40,759
Speaker 2: that was just a description. First of all, if she

854
00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:43,399
Speaker 2: dropped the baby at six weeks, then I'm not letting

855
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 2: her hold a kid again until the kid is sturdy

856
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:48,040
Speaker 2: enough to not be damaged.

857
00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:51,080
Speaker 3: Like that, I would say, I actually like how would

858
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 3: you say this my thing? I think absolutely she needs

859
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:58,400
Speaker 3: supervision to be stuff everything that we've heard here. I

860
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:00,560
Speaker 3: think if it had been a one time or she

861
00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:03,239
Speaker 3: dropped the baby and was like, oh, like people trip,

862
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:06,360
Speaker 3: people have accidents. The baby's okay, it seems but it

863
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:08,320
Speaker 3: seems like, oh, he is telling us that this woman

864
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:12,120
Speaker 3: is just generally pretty clumsy. And I think in that way,

865
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:13,920
Speaker 3: i'd be like, I don't want you to hold my

866
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:16,200
Speaker 3: baby because you are generally clumsy and have already dropped

867
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:18,880
Speaker 3: the baby and also have like been playing rough with

868
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:19,440
Speaker 3: a baby.

869
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:22,240
Speaker 2: I think it's just a thing. It's not it's nothing personal.

870
00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:24,440
Speaker 2: It's just like you know, like they don't let if

871
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:26,439
Speaker 2: you have dyslexia, they don't let you be in charge

872
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 2: of like the the the launch codes for the They

873
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,200
Speaker 2: don't know. They literally don't. They don't if no, if

874
00:41:33,239 --> 00:41:35,640
Speaker 2: you have dyslexia, you cannot be like in charge of

875
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:39,240
Speaker 2: like reading out like yeah.

876
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:41,440
Speaker 3: Is there like a thing there. It's like, if you

877
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 3: have dyslexia, you can't.

878
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:45,239
Speaker 2: Well, there's all kinds of different He's gonna have a

879
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 2: rough anyway. People.

880
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:51,400
Speaker 3: No, I'm just saying it's like the context the military

881
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,880
Speaker 3: says that you can never be in charge of her. No,

882
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:55,920
Speaker 3: like if you have a herniated disc, you can't join

883
00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:59,279
Speaker 3: the military. It's like if you have physical or all

884
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:02,319
Speaker 3: of there are like things that will make it so

885
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:03,520
Speaker 3: that you can't do this.

886
00:42:03,719 --> 00:42:05,200
Speaker 2: You can't do that. You can do this inside.

887
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 3: I stand your right.

888
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:08,719
Speaker 2: That's my only point where it's like you can't hold

889
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 2: the kid, but hey, you can play with him when

890
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:12,359
Speaker 2: he's in his crib. You can do this. That's my point.

891
00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:13,800
Speaker 2: That's the point I was trying to hear across.

892
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:15,560
Speaker 3: And here I think this is when you get your

893
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:19,759
Speaker 3: partner involved and say, hey, like I love your mom enough.

894
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 2: Right exactly, you can't be a pilot if you're colored blind.

895
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:23,839
Speaker 3: By the way, there we go, I can't be an

896
00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:25,520
Speaker 3: astronaut because I need glasses.

897
00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:31,680
Speaker 2: Shoot. Okay, but my takeaway here, before we read what

898
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 2: she sent, just be chill. If you send more than

899
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:38,799
Speaker 2: like a paragraph, you've gone way too far. You just

900
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:43,200
Speaker 2: need to be like two or three sentences and done.

901
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:45,719
Speaker 3: I'm gonna I'm gonna be around I'm gonna need to

902
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:47,560
Speaker 3: like watch you around the baby, or or you could

903
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:49,800
Speaker 3: even say like we're just like making sure we're not

904
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:52,439
Speaker 3: letting anyone be alone with the baby. You don't even

905
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:55,200
Speaker 3: have to put it on her, but there is here

906
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 3: is what op sent I'm sending this message to you

907
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 3: in a chat just between us because I want to.

908
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 3: I want you to know how I've been feeling. One sentence,

909
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:05,360
Speaker 3: not to make you feel bad, but so you know

910
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:06,200
Speaker 3: where I'm coming from.

911
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 2: Two sentence.

912
00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:09,880
Speaker 3: Since you drop baby, I've been struggling with PTSD. I

913
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:11,319
Speaker 3: panic when other people hold them.

914
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:12,000
Speaker 2: Three sentence.

915
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 3: Loud noises make me very afraid. He is hurt.

916
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:16,799
Speaker 2: Oo if you're going to this is too much. Now

917
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:18,799
Speaker 2: she's gonna start feeling defensive. It is just like I

918
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:21,400
Speaker 2: gave you PTSD and you can't trust anyone around your

919
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:24,680
Speaker 2: baby because of me. Now she's upset, she's defensive immediately.

920
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 3: This is a bad one. It has impacted my mental

921
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:30,760
Speaker 3: health and caused me to lose countless hours of sleep.

922
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:33,720
Speaker 3: Fortunately he was okay, but I've had a horrible anxiety

923
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:36,400
Speaker 3: ever since. It will get better with time with time,

924
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:39,279
Speaker 3: but has been a struggle. I'm sure you can understand this,

925
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:41,759
Speaker 3: as you had three babies of your own. I know

926
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:43,799
Speaker 3: it was an accident, and I'm not angry at you.

927
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 3: I am trying very hard to make sure you get

928
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:47,360
Speaker 3: to spend time with him and that he develops a

929
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:49,920
Speaker 3: relationship with you. But I need you to be careful

930
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:53,520
Speaker 3: and conservative conservative when holding him. I'm not comfortable with

931
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:56,960
Speaker 3: the clipty clopin with the clippity clop game you were

932
00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:59,200
Speaker 3: playing with him. He is only at control of his

933
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:00,960
Speaker 3: head for a few weeks, and at one point the

934
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:03,480
Speaker 3: sideways bounce was so hard as ear nearly hit the

935
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:06,760
Speaker 3: top of his shoulder. That's too rough for my comfort. Please,

936
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:08,640
Speaker 3: if you are holding him, keep him in your lap,

937
00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:11,720
Speaker 3: be gentle and no rough play. You can read books, sing,

938
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:13,840
Speaker 3: look in the mirror, play with toys, or play on

939
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:16,719
Speaker 3: his play mat. No lifting them up your head, jostling

940
00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:19,720
Speaker 3: or bouncing that affects his head control. No walking around

941
00:44:19,719 --> 00:44:21,800
Speaker 3: with them. I want you to be able to spend

942
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 3: time with him, but I need to know he's safe.

943
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:25,720
Speaker 3: I also need to take care of my mental health

944
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:28,480
Speaker 3: so I can give him my full attention. You're out

945
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 3: following these things will help me do that. If you

946
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:33,240
Speaker 3: want to talk about it more, let me know. Please

947
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:35,080
Speaker 3: only ask to spend time with him if you agree

948
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:37,360
Speaker 3: to follow these boundaries, and there is a second update.

949
00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:41,320
Speaker 2: Holy crap, girl, Like, I get it, that's all valid,

950
00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 2: but like in a text way too much. You just

951
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 2: have the conversation in person at that point.

952
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, why why she is a text soup?

953
00:44:51,239 --> 00:44:53,319
Speaker 2: What she needs a lawyer to respond to that?

954
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:55,719
Speaker 3: Like did you do that in a text? Yeah? That's

955
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 3: that was a bad text.

956
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:57,760
Speaker 2: That was not good.

957
00:44:57,840 --> 00:45:00,479
Speaker 3: When you get over like a couple cent since people

958
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:01,840
Speaker 3: stop reading texts.

959
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:05,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, and now she feels ashamed. Yeah, now she feels defensive.

960
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 3: And again, I'm not saying that you are wrong feeling any.

961
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 2: Of this percent are you wrong for feeling any of this?

962
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:13,480
Speaker 3: Not at all. I'm just saying that you probably would

963
00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:15,680
Speaker 3: have had it better received had you approach this in

964
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:19,160
Speaker 3: a different way. Execution is key, and the words you chose,

965
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:22,879
Speaker 3: saying you gave the pts, like literally saying you gave me.

966
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:24,399
Speaker 2: Ptsus you you you?

967
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:29,000
Speaker 3: You mean yeah? Like you like I have anxiety because

968
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:29,480
Speaker 3: of you.

969
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:33,359
Speaker 2: It's it should have just been like and honestly, if

970
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:35,839
Speaker 2: it was, if you had that much to say about it,

971
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:39,400
Speaker 2: it should have been like a text like hey, I

972
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 2: get coffee, let's go get lunch.

973
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:43,239
Speaker 3: I can't I know you love like.

974
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:44,480
Speaker 2: I'll bring the baby.

975
00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:47,880
Speaker 4: They feel so bad about it already, like they're beating

976
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:50,640
Speaker 4: themselves up about it, like.

977
00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:52,279
Speaker 3: Like yeah, literally just being like, hey, no, you love

978
00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:54,719
Speaker 3: the baby. I really like, I'm absolutely not going to

979
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:56,719
Speaker 3: take the baby out of life at all. I just

980
00:45:56,760 --> 00:45:59,400
Speaker 3: want to like talk about cause have you guys ever

981
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:01,320
Speaker 3: held about being a little by careful about the baby?

982
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:03,520
Speaker 3: Have you guys ever held like a baby like an infinite.

983
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:06,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, like a baby baby. Yeah, and it's scary yeah.

984
00:46:06,560 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 4: No, but like it's very cute and very like endearing

985
00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:11,840
Speaker 4: and like, oh this is great. But when they start

986
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:15,960
Speaker 4: freaking out and crying, they have the craziest strength.

987
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 2: What was my point earlier when I was trying to

988
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 2: be like, there's a like they're they're delicate but sturdy.

989
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:23,919
Speaker 2: It's like they're very strong, like.

990
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 3: When they like their reflex of clothes. What's it called?

991
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:28,200
Speaker 3: Do you remember?

992
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 2: I have no idea got a.

993
00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:31,440
Speaker 3: Name for like when they close their hands on things.

994
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:33,000
Speaker 2: Oh, the Ashmargan protocol.

995
00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:36,359
Speaker 4: No, yeah, it's to the point where like that you

996
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 4: have to put your like back into it, like I

997
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:41,280
Speaker 4: have to really hold you, Oh my gosh.

998
00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:44,240
Speaker 3: Up to too. I forgot to put my self absorbed

999
00:46:44,239 --> 00:46:46,200
Speaker 3: person goggles on and wrote my mother in law a

1000
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:49,520
Speaker 3: very vulnerable letter. She responded about ten hours later with

1001
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:52,880
Speaker 3: a slew of verbal and emotional abuse that I'll share below.

1002
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 3: I've since unfriended her, left the group family chat that's

1003
00:46:56,120 --> 00:46:58,560
Speaker 3: mostly just her sending messages, and told my husband she

1004
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:01,360
Speaker 3: will never be holding our baby again. He supports me

1005
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:04,439
Speaker 3: and agrees that her behavior is unhinged and understands why

1006
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:06,880
Speaker 3: I won't accept her holding him anymore. He messaged her

1007
00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:09,759
Speaker 3: and said her behavior is unacceptable and that she's in

1008
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:13,319
Speaker 3: the wrong. Josephine asks if the husband is dead. He

1009
00:47:13,360 --> 00:47:13,640
Speaker 3: does not.

1010
00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:16,439
Speaker 2: He is not here, he is. Where did that come from?

1011
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:17,920
Speaker 2: I'm confused why people.

1012
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:20,640
Speaker 3: Started because he wasn't helping out at all and she

1013
00:47:20,719 --> 00:47:21,560
Speaker 3: never mentioned him.

1014
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:26,279
Speaker 2: Palmar palmar reflex. Well, yeah, because she, I mean, she

1015
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:29,040
Speaker 2: seems to be a very I don't know, it made

1016
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 2: sense to me that she would take point on this.

1017
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:33,200
Speaker 3: Yeah. Note that in the last few months, I have

1018
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:36,279
Speaker 3: invited her over, made her special handprints from her son,

1019
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:39,800
Speaker 3: purchased a digital photo frame and filled it with family photos,

1020
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:42,760
Speaker 3: sent her updates via text, and let her hold baby

1021
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:46,320
Speaker 3: over the past months only seated. I've made every effort

1022
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 3: to keep including her, trying to give her the benefit

1023
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:50,800
Speaker 3: of the doubt. But that won't be the case anymore.

1024
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:53,120
Speaker 3: She will not be holding baby, she will not be

1025
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:56,400
Speaker 3: receiving special Christmas gifts I prepared for her from baby.

1026
00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:59,480
Speaker 3: She no longer gets access to my friendship or trust.

1027
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:01,680
Speaker 2: Her response, Oh, here we go.

1028
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:04,840
Speaker 3: I understand your first time mom, but your fears and

1029
00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:07,759
Speaker 3: paranoia are over the top. I will not accept your

1030
00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:09,960
Speaker 3: opinion that I am a harmful grandma. You have made

1031
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:11,440
Speaker 3: it clear to me that you do not want me

1032
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:13,439
Speaker 3: to be a grandma to baby because I am too

1033
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:15,400
Speaker 3: awful and to have it out to hurt baby and

1034
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:17,719
Speaker 3: I am too unsafe. I don't agree at all, and

1035
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:19,840
Speaker 3: I'm not taking your fears on that I did something

1036
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:22,399
Speaker 3: wrong with baby yesterday. I was very gentle with him.

1037
00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:24,400
Speaker 3: You were sitting right there and so those husband. So

1038
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 3: if you really thought I was dangerous, you would have

1039
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:28,960
Speaker 3: stopped me immediately. Who allows a grandparent to abuse a

1040
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:32,000
Speaker 3: child and says nothing? Again, I know I was gentle

1041
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,680
Speaker 3: and didn't hurt him. However, I'm not going to play

1042
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:36,839
Speaker 3: this game where you keep taking my ability to see

1043
00:48:36,880 --> 00:48:39,040
Speaker 3: baby and be a grandma and then take it away.

1044
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:41,920
Speaker 3: I don't deserve it. I am incredibly sad for her

1045
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:43,759
Speaker 3: husband and baby. They shouldn't have to pay for your

1046
00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:46,960
Speaker 3: insurcuit insecurities too. Most parents want as much love for

1047
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:48,960
Speaker 3: their child as possible, but you appear to want to

1048
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:52,120
Speaker 3: isolate both baby and husband from family. And now I

1049
00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:54,920
Speaker 3: will keep this between us. Your insecurities and how you

1050
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:56,680
Speaker 3: are treating me when it comes to baby need to

1051
00:48:56,719 --> 00:48:57,319
Speaker 3: come to light.

1052
00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:02,320
Speaker 2: And this is what I bo saw in my vision.

1053
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:06,480
Speaker 3: Call me. That's so raveing because I saw that coming.

1054
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:11,160
Speaker 2: H and now it's just like uugh. It went from

1055
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 2: like a bit like uh, this.

1056
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:16,839
Speaker 3: Is motile, to like, might be cutting off this grandma. Yeah.

1057
00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 2: Ever, from a mildly uncomfortable confrontation to like, great, now

1058
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:24,200
Speaker 2: we're like launching emotional warheads at each other.

1059
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:28,520
Speaker 3: After struggling with a self absorbed person, my mother, myself,

1060
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:32,400
Speaker 3: I'm finding myself very hurt and surprised I didn't protect

1061
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:35,200
Speaker 3: myself better. I truly didn't think my mother in law

1062
00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:37,680
Speaker 3: was this bad of a person. My husband understands where

1063
00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:39,520
Speaker 3: I'm coming from and has taken the baby off the

1064
00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:43,680
Speaker 3: evening so I can decompress. I'm just sad because I

1065
00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:46,279
Speaker 3: genuinely wanted to be able to trust her. That's not

1066
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:49,319
Speaker 3: even within the realm of possibility. If you want a

1067
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:51,279
Speaker 3: little out of humor, she lives in a house my

1068
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:56,560
Speaker 3: husband owns and pays a subsidized by him rent. Imagine

1069
00:49:56,600 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 3: saying these things to the wife of someone who owns

1070
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:03,480
Speaker 3: your subsidized house. Imagine feeling so free to verbally abuse someone,

1071
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:06,160
Speaker 3: let alone the wife of your house, of your son

1072
00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:10,120
Speaker 3: who houses you. I think she's officially a self absorbed person.

1073
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:12,520
Speaker 3: An edit update to say I'm currently eating the box

1074
00:50:12,560 --> 00:50:15,279
Speaker 3: of fancy chocolate I had rapped for her for Christmas.

1075
00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:19,479
Speaker 3: Call me petty. Edit again. I decided to text her back,

1076
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:21,359
Speaker 3: Probably a bad move.

1077
00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:24,960
Speaker 2: Like, guys, why are we texting? This is like phone

1078
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:27,719
Speaker 2: call territory. This is like meet in person with a

1079
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:29,960
Speaker 2: start moderator.

1080
00:50:30,160 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 3: Started with a phone call with the husband there If.

1081
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:34,799
Speaker 2: You were going to send five paragraphs like you need

1082
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:37,640
Speaker 2: that needed to be a conversation or a phone call,

1083
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:40,120
Speaker 2: anything besides a text message.

1084
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:42,839
Speaker 3: You realize that I'm the one who responds to your

1085
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:45,720
Speaker 3: request to come visit. I'm the one who says, hey, husband,

1086
00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 3: we should invite your family over for family night this week.

1087
00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:50,719
Speaker 3: I'm the one who makes and sends Christmas cards sent

1088
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:54,080
Speaker 3: yesterday and remembers Birthday cards. I'm the one who sends

1089
00:50:54,120 --> 00:50:56,279
Speaker 3: you the text updates and photos. I'm the one who

1090
00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:59,000
Speaker 3: organized a bunch of sweet Christmas presents from baby to you,

1091
00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:02,320
Speaker 3: all already wrapped on her mantle, the frames you wanted,

1092
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:05,120
Speaker 3: and a digital frame already loaded with a bunch of

1093
00:51:05,120 --> 00:51:08,120
Speaker 3: new photos of him and a ceramic ornament of his

1094
00:51:08,239 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 3: handprint when he was tiny. I do these things because

1095
00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:13,920
Speaker 3: I love doing them, and because husband is happy to

1096
00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:16,480
Speaker 3: have me do them for our family. F B, though,

1097
00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:18,319
Speaker 3: I guess I guess you see all of that as

1098
00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:20,800
Speaker 3: me not wanting you to be a grandma. Most people

1099
00:51:20,880 --> 00:51:23,520
Speaker 3: don't do any of these things to make grandma feel included.

1100
00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:26,799
Speaker 3: You're too offended by me asking you to help help

1101
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 3: keep him safe that you'll verbally attack me. You'll willingly

1102
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:33,600
Speaker 3: continue adding stress to my postpartum period. Thanks for being honest.

1103
00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:35,680
Speaker 3: Though I won't put the effort in anymore. I'll keep

1104
00:51:35,680 --> 00:51:38,520
Speaker 3: the gifts for myself too. Please share this conversation with

1105
00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:41,000
Speaker 3: whoever you like. Happy to share my thoughts with others,

1106
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:43,400
Speaker 3: but do not message me anymore. You can talk to

1107
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:44,440
Speaker 3: husband from now on?

1108
00:51:45,960 --> 00:51:47,400
Speaker 2: Why are you making it worse?

1109
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:48,799
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1110
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:50,600
Speaker 2: Why are we? Do we wake up and we're like,

1111
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:54,520
Speaker 2: we're gonna make everything worse today. Yeah, it's just it

1112
00:51:54,560 --> 00:51:56,600
Speaker 2: would be better off saying absolutely nothing.

1113
00:51:56,760 --> 00:51:59,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, like not responding to that text.

1114
00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:01,359
Speaker 2: She's still gonna be the grandmother of your child, she's

1115
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:04,160
Speaker 2: still the mother of your husband, she's still your mother

1116
00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:11,080
Speaker 2: in law. And now you've you've further catalyzed the situation

1117
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:13,120
Speaker 2: into something that's unstable.

1118
00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:16,879
Speaker 3: And now like you're you're poking again, poking the mare.

1119
00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:17,960
Speaker 2: Why are we doing that? Like?

1120
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:21,120
Speaker 3: Why why she's already said her piece. You realized, you

1121
00:52:21,160 --> 00:52:22,680
Speaker 3: know what, we don't really want her in her life.

1122
00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:24,720
Speaker 3: She's making a lot of fuss about things.

1123
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:27,160
Speaker 2: And like, honestly, though, to be fair, the way she

1124
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:30,680
Speaker 2: responded to that first text kind of rational if you

1125
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:33,640
Speaker 2: read it from her perspective, and it's like the first

1126
00:52:33,680 --> 00:52:36,960
Speaker 2: thing she sees is you gave me PTSD when you

1127
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:40,480
Speaker 2: accidentally drop my kid. And now she's in pure defense.

1128
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:42,880
Speaker 3: Mode, which obviously you know she's not listening to you,

1129
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:45,480
Speaker 3: but like, I think there's just like she is in

1130
00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:47,680
Speaker 3: the wrong. She is the a hole for how she's

1131
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:50,560
Speaker 3: been treating you for how she's been treating your baby

1132
00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:52,560
Speaker 3: and not taking care of your baby and not putting

1133
00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:55,120
Speaker 3: your mind at ease as a new mother. Absolutely she's

1134
00:52:55,120 --> 00:52:58,040
Speaker 3: in the wrong, but like it feels like you never

1135
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:01,359
Speaker 3: wanted to even try and make this work, you.

1136
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:06,440
Speaker 4: Know, Yeah, op is the a whole. Mother in law's

1137
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:06,879
Speaker 4: a whole.

1138
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:08,759
Speaker 3: Like maybe a little bit of everyone sucks here, Like

1139
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:10,759
Speaker 3: absolutely the mother in law is, like I don't want

1140
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:12,480
Speaker 3: anyone to get it twisted, Like mother in law is

1141
00:53:12,520 --> 00:53:12,879
Speaker 3: the a.

1142
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:16,319
Speaker 2: Whole for how she's right. Because when a mother tells you, hey,

1143
00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:18,799
Speaker 2: you need to like handle my kid a certain way

1144
00:53:18,880 --> 00:53:22,040
Speaker 2: or more gently or like this, you don't go yeah.

1145
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:26,279
Speaker 2: Actually they just go, oh, okay, I'm sorry if I

1146
00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:28,200
Speaker 2: made you uncomfortable. I will make sure to do that

1147
00:53:28,320 --> 00:53:31,120
Speaker 2: moving forward. Boom, problem solve situation.

1148
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:34,759
Speaker 3: If we are trying to problem solve as just you know,

1149
00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:37,359
Speaker 3: there are better ways to go around conversations. I don't

1150
00:53:37,360 --> 00:53:39,120
Speaker 3: I don't know if I like necessarily think that Opie

1151
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:41,359
Speaker 3: is a whole. I just think that like none of

1152
00:53:42,120 --> 00:53:46,399
Speaker 3: none of these conversations were had in an effective way

1153
00:53:47,040 --> 00:53:49,560
Speaker 3: to actually have someone like listen to you and yeah and.

1154
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:51,879
Speaker 2: Not that like you needed your husband's permission to send

1155
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:54,160
Speaker 2: any of those messagers or anything, but like, did you

1156
00:53:54,239 --> 00:53:57,359
Speaker 2: game plan or workshop with your husband at all during

1157
00:53:57,360 --> 00:53:57,759
Speaker 2: any of this?

1158
00:53:57,960 --> 00:53:58,520
Speaker 3: Like where is he?

1159
00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:00,360
Speaker 2: I feel like this might be a situation where she's like,

1160
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:01,120
Speaker 2: now I'm gonna handle it.

1161
00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:02,640
Speaker 3: But we have a lot of mixed comments in those

1162
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 3: you know, a lot of mixed mixed opinions in the

1163
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:06,839
Speaker 3: comment section, which I think is fair because I think

1164
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:07,359
Speaker 3: this is like.

1165
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:09,840
Speaker 2: The husband is the I feel like the final variable

1166
00:54:09,840 --> 00:54:12,200
Speaker 2: of like what's going on here? I don't know for sure,

1167
00:54:12,239 --> 00:54:15,040
Speaker 2: but just reading from how Op writes, yeah, I feel

1168
00:54:15,040 --> 00:54:17,839
Speaker 2: like OPI might have the personality just be like I'm

1169
00:54:17,840 --> 00:54:20,600
Speaker 2: handling it. Yeah, you know, don't worry, I'm handling it.

1170
00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:22,279
Speaker 3: I think I'm on the page with like Lulu of

1171
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:24,520
Speaker 3: Lulu says they really should have called out mother in

1172
00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:26,440
Speaker 3: law when she wasn't being gentle, not through text, like

1173
00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:28,719
Speaker 3: in that moment. Yeah, and I'm like, okay, let's not

1174
00:54:28,760 --> 00:54:31,879
Speaker 3: do it that way, not like waiting a couple days

1175
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:34,160
Speaker 3: or it's maybe even weeks, We're not really sure and

1176
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:36,719
Speaker 3: then being like here's this whole text message thing.

1177
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:39,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, this has just been very very I

1178
00:54:39,400 --> 00:54:42,000
Speaker 2: know we usually are like, communication is key, but this

1179
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:43,560
Speaker 2: is very bad communication.

1180
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:45,959
Speaker 3: Ah just me, I think, yeah, just be me, says

1181
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:49,200
Speaker 3: opis is having very legitimate feelings about all of the

1182
00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:51,600
Speaker 3: incidents that happened. Most mothers would be on edge about

1183
00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:54,719
Speaker 3: these things. However, the way Ope communicated them and every

1184
00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:57,400
Speaker 3: situation inflamed it intensely. I like, I think I one

1185
00:54:57,480 --> 00:55:00,319
Speaker 3: hundred percent agree with that comment. Yeah, grus me is Yeah,

1186
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:02,520
Speaker 3: that's where I think my head's at. And yeah, but

1187
00:55:02,520 --> 00:55:04,080
Speaker 3: put in the comments like where you guys are because

1188
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:07,520
Speaker 3: I know that we're kind of mixed here, But let's continue.

1189
00:55:07,600 --> 00:55:11,760
Speaker 3: This is especially fun because my husband notoriously never answers

1190
00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:14,040
Speaker 3: texts or invites and she knows it. But you know

1191
00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:16,640
Speaker 3: what else, I know you can listen to full episodes

1192
00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:20,120
Speaker 3: of stories just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

1193
00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:23,200
Speaker 3: or iHeartRadio and search a booky story time. But there's

1194
00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:25,040
Speaker 3: a little bit left to this story and there's an

1195
00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:27,680
Speaker 3: update I guess to finish it off. Emerson says Op

1196
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:29,680
Speaker 3: and her husband need to be documented everything that have

1197
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:33,799
Speaker 3: occurred in writing to keep a written record. I think,

1198
00:55:33,840 --> 00:55:36,040
Speaker 3: I like, totally show what you're saying in terms of

1199
00:55:36,120 --> 00:55:38,920
Speaker 3: like a lot of times people need that legal you know,

1200
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:42,880
Speaker 3: paper trail. But I think when your goal and that

1201
00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:45,719
Speaker 3: might not have been a peace coal is effective communication

1202
00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:49,040
Speaker 3: it barely. It does not usually work through text. But

1203
00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:52,440
Speaker 3: there's a little bit left update She sent another text.

1204
00:55:52,600 --> 00:55:55,560
Speaker 3: It reads, you think you're the only one who has

1205
00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:58,440
Speaker 3: suffered of our falling with baby. I have spent more

1206
00:55:58,520 --> 00:56:01,040
Speaker 3: days in bed not being able to fuckunction And actually

1207
00:56:01,080 --> 00:56:03,040
Speaker 3: I had to go back on antidepressants because I've been

1208
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:04,200
Speaker 3: depressed for months over this.

1209
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:07,600
Speaker 2: Which like could be honestly like true, like I would

1210
00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:11,640
Speaker 2: feel I would feel awfreaking terrible if I drop someone's kid. Yeah,

1211
00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:12,960
Speaker 2: and it's like again.

1212
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:15,360
Speaker 3: And also finding out like oh that person that's PTSD.

1213
00:56:15,560 --> 00:56:18,960
Speaker 2: If you had if you had communicated your issue softer

1214
00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:21,960
Speaker 2: in a different way, maybe that vulnerability comes out of

1215
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 2: the mother in law as vulnerability instead of like, yeah, well,

1216
00:56:25,880 --> 00:56:27,640
Speaker 2: I also suffered, like you're.

1217
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:30,879
Speaker 3: Constant reminder of how untrustworthy I am, and over by

1218
00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:34,280
Speaker 3: how you act towards me, like you are the police

1219
00:56:34,280 --> 00:56:37,200
Speaker 3: and I'm the convict. By the way you and husband

1220
00:56:37,280 --> 00:56:41,400
Speaker 3: had a package and card arrived today ominous my last

1221
00:56:41,400 --> 00:56:44,879
Speaker 3: responsible for blocking or on all platforms. Oh no, if

1222
00:56:44,880 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 3: you're sorry about it. You shouldn't attack me. What a

1223
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:50,719
Speaker 3: completely horrible way to treat someone you hurt. You repeatedly

1224
00:56:50,719 --> 00:56:52,840
Speaker 3: give me reasons to not trust you. Therefore I do

1225
00:56:52,960 --> 00:56:55,319
Speaker 3: not trust you. It's true. I'm not gonna pretend like

1226
00:56:55,320 --> 00:56:58,279
Speaker 3: I do anymore. You decided to nuke a relationship with

1227
00:56:58,320 --> 00:57:02,080
Speaker 3: your previous text completely called for what. We don't play

1228
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:03,880
Speaker 3: with bullies over here, and I will not teach my

1229
00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:05,960
Speaker 3: kids that it's okay to be around people who treat

1230
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:08,560
Speaker 3: others like that. I begged you to help me keep

1231
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:11,319
Speaker 3: them safe, and you attacked me. Let that sink in.

1232
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:14,200
Speaker 3: You attacked me for my plea to please keep my

1233
00:57:14,239 --> 00:57:17,440
Speaker 3: baby safe. That was your chi choice. Bye bye bye

1234
00:57:17,760 --> 00:57:19,240
Speaker 3: bye bye bye bye.

1235
00:57:19,600 --> 00:57:21,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's the end of that story.

1236
00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:23,840
Speaker 1: Dang Sam here og host. We're gonna get back to

1237
00:57:23,880 --> 00:57:26,400
Speaker 1: these stories. But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

1238
00:57:26,400 --> 00:57:29,680
Speaker 3: First, Remember when I was like, oh, the Maajong tiles

1239
00:57:29,720 --> 00:57:34,240
Speaker 3: shouldn't shouldn't devolve into anything crazy, and then it freaking did.

1240
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:36,440
Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't know, man, it was just it just

1241
00:57:36,440 --> 00:57:41,280
Speaker 2: seemed like at any opportunity to de escalate the situation,

1242
00:57:41,680 --> 00:57:43,880
Speaker 2: the opposite choice was chosen.

1243
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:46,680
Speaker 3: This was this was like it was on the verge

1244
00:57:46,680 --> 00:57:47,480
Speaker 3: of like Cold.

1245
00:57:47,240 --> 00:57:50,000
Speaker 2: War and then it went into full on, yeah, World

1246
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:54,840
Speaker 2: War J nuke after four texts. That's that's which is

1247
00:57:54,880 --> 00:57:56,080
Speaker 2: that's crazy.

1248
00:57:55,720 --> 00:58:00,240
Speaker 3: Okay, but that is the end of this story, at

1249
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:01,400
Speaker 3: the end of this episode.

1250
00:58:01,840 --> 00:58:05,080
Speaker 2: So if you love us, make sure you subscribe. We

1251
00:58:05,120 --> 00:58:07,640
Speaker 2: love you and see you tomorrow.