1 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:14,600 Speaker 1: So we're going to start talking about divorce again because 2 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,239 Speaker 1: people have been asking about it too much, and I'm 3 00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:21,320 Speaker 1: going to talk more about concepts versus like this exact 4 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:25,240 Speaker 1: thing happened to me. Now, this will be informed by 5 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:29,120 Speaker 1: my own institutional knowledge, but I'm going to talk in 6 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,519 Speaker 1: a way that will help people that are stuck and 7 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:34,640 Speaker 1: they think they're never going to get out. 8 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:37,440 Speaker 2: I can promise you will get out. 9 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,040 Speaker 1: It will feel like a death, it will feel like 10 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,839 Speaker 1: you're being tortured. It will feel like misery, pain. You 11 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:46,559 Speaker 1: will lose hair, you will get gray, your skin will 12 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:49,519 Speaker 1: be dry, you will be exhausted, you'll be dehydrated. But 13 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:52,960 Speaker 1: there will be things you can do. If you're in 14 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:57,720 Speaker 1: a contentious divorce with someone that has some control over you, 15 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,400 Speaker 1: often someone has some control. You had a leg up 16 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,520 Speaker 1: or an upper hand. You make more money, you have 17 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:08,479 Speaker 1: a better job, you're more attractive, you're more desired, your. 18 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:09,600 Speaker 2: Family has money. 19 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:14,000 Speaker 1: If you have a leg up, your spouse or partner 20 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:19,600 Speaker 1: will often try to impose power and muster up power 21 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:23,840 Speaker 1: and exert power to make them feel powerful. And it 22 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,840 Speaker 1: can be torture because in the way that a small 23 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:29,800 Speaker 1: dog or a small little bug buzzing in your ear 24 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,840 Speaker 1: could do a lot of damage and torment. A person 25 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 1: who wants to torture you can. 26 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:36,520 Speaker 2: So you need. 27 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:40,480 Speaker 1: Tools to mitigate that and to deal with it for 28 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,120 Speaker 1: your own personal sanity and for the long game and 29 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:46,240 Speaker 1: for the strategy, because like in a sport, divorce is 30 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:49,040 Speaker 1: a sport, and a difficult divorce and a custody battle 31 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:52,480 Speaker 1: is a sport. And in order for you to navigate 32 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:55,400 Speaker 1: that and do well at that, you have to preserve 33 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:57,720 Speaker 1: your own energy. So if you flap your wings and 34 00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:59,880 Speaker 1: get worked up for every single thing, which is what 35 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:03,840 Speaker 1: people getting divorced do, you won't be able to go 36 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,280 Speaker 1: the long haul. 37 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,200 Speaker 2: Have enough money to go to the. 38 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,320 Speaker 1: Long haul, Preserve your energy, preserve your money, preserve your piece, 39 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:13,079 Speaker 1: and get what you want because it takes a long 40 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 1: time because the legal system is bullshit. It is archaic, 41 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 1: and it is not proportionate to what's going on, and 42 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:26,399 Speaker 1: it's designed terribly. So if you're in a contentious situation 43 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,520 Speaker 1: and things are happening, actions are happening, and or you're 44 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:34,440 Speaker 1: getting emails or texts that are difficult, I would say, 45 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:39,200 Speaker 1: let's call this divorce communication. Texting should be eliminated. If 46 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,919 Speaker 1: you're in any version of a contentious situation. It doesn't 47 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,040 Speaker 1: matter if you have kids together. It doesn't matter matter 48 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:47,000 Speaker 1: if you have five kids together. Everything can be done 49 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,800 Speaker 1: in an email. Things can be done by a proxy, 50 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,240 Speaker 1: by another person. It doesn't matter if the person that 51 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:55,280 Speaker 1: you're communicating with doesn't want to do that and acts 52 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,800 Speaker 1: like the law won't let you. It doesn't matter if 53 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:01,560 Speaker 1: the lawyers say you're supposed to be working with them 54 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:05,160 Speaker 1: to communicate. Judges don't look at every single piece of minutia. 55 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 1: They'll never hear most of the things that you're complaining 56 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:10,720 Speaker 1: to your friends about. So you should not be texting 57 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,200 Speaker 1: at all, and you could even block. Just make sure 58 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,560 Speaker 1: you're clear that there is another form of communication if 59 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,040 Speaker 1: you need to get in touch with me or convey 60 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:20,720 Speaker 1: anything to me. This is my assistant, this is my friend, 61 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:25,400 Speaker 1: this is my proxy or email. Wait six hours after 62 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:29,040 Speaker 1: receiving something to respond. If it's not urgent, but if 63 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,480 Speaker 1: it is going to have some little snide comment in it, 64 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,440 Speaker 1: or something that might trigger you, or calling you a 65 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:37,920 Speaker 1: bad mother or father, it doesn't matter, wait six hours 66 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:41,480 Speaker 1: to respond. You will react within the six hours. You 67 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:45,200 Speaker 1: will respond after the six hours and be dispassionate, and 68 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,640 Speaker 1: it will cost you a lot less money because by 69 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 1: reacting all the time, you call your lawyers, you email them. 70 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:52,920 Speaker 1: You want them to know this thing that you think 71 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:57,920 Speaker 1: is the biggest thing ever I've experienced torment, but it 72 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:01,600 Speaker 1: still is not in a vacu one thing like, don't 73 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:05,400 Speaker 1: go running to the principle about everything, keep copious notes, 74 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:10,440 Speaker 1: be organized, and do not react. The only way that 75 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:12,840 Speaker 1: an individual thing would matter is if it was part 76 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:14,800 Speaker 1: of a pattern, or you had asked for someone to 77 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:19,200 Speaker 1: stop doing something formally via email. Be seeing the right 78 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:21,680 Speaker 1: people so you always have a record of it, and 79 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:25,240 Speaker 1: that person repeatedly does something that makes you uncomfortable, so 80 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,240 Speaker 1: you can tear yourself up from the very beginning, from 81 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:33,359 Speaker 1: day one of a divorce, even if you think it's amicable. LOL, 82 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 1: have clear, organized correspondence and if you can be CC 83 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,120 Speaker 1: someone that's not a lawyer, and if you do b 84 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:41,960 Speaker 1: CC lawyers. 85 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,520 Speaker 2: Tell your lawyers not. 86 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 1: To look unless you tell them to, and not to charge. 87 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,240 Speaker 1: You don't need them opening up every email, but if 88 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:53,479 Speaker 1: you ever need it, it's an insurance policy. So you said, 89 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,839 Speaker 1: please stop doing this, or it makes me uncomfortable that, 90 00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:58,680 Speaker 1: or I don't feel safe, or these things that in 91 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:01,679 Speaker 1: a vacuum don't mean anything. One day, in a pattern, 92 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:05,440 Speaker 1: they might mean something. So be organized, as if you're 93 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: spending millions of dollars on a real estate project, knowing 94 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:12,479 Speaker 1: where all the receipts are, where everything went exactly what's 95 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:16,480 Speaker 1: going on. Divorce is a marathon and a golf game. 96 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:18,240 Speaker 1: You will think you. 97 00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:22,640 Speaker 2: Are moving forward, and you might even have to go 98 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,400 Speaker 2: back to a hole before. 99 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:28,520 Speaker 1: In golf, two holes before, you might have to stop. 100 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:31,279 Speaker 1: In a marathon, you might have to run backwards, but 101 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:34,119 Speaker 1: you will get to the eighteenth hole and the twenty 102 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:36,839 Speaker 1: sixth mile. But you're going to treat this like a marathon, 103 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:41,880 Speaker 1: and you're going to be a lean, efficient legal athlete, 104 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,200 Speaker 1: and ninety five percent of the legal work is going 105 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:48,080 Speaker 1: to be done by you, by you being organized and thorough. 106 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 1: None of what lawyers are doing is rocket science. Okay, 107 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,800 Speaker 1: it's not. If you call up my former lawyers, they 108 00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:57,960 Speaker 1: will tell you that I could be a lawyer if 109 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:01,320 Speaker 1: you handed me a law degree about custody and divorce. 110 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:05,440 Speaker 1: About those things, I know every single thing about them. 111 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:09,960 Speaker 1: So I realize I walked away from this because it 112 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,800 Speaker 1: was personal and about me, but I'm walking back into 113 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:15,960 Speaker 1: it and turning it divorce. 114 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:18,160 Speaker 2: This time it's about you. 115 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,200 Speaker 1: So I'm gonna give you guys all the tools, all 116 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:27,680 Speaker 1: the instruction, all the shortcuts and all the solutions, And 117 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:32,520 Speaker 1: the biggest thing I would say is get yourself notebook 118 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:38,479 Speaker 1: with tabs and be organized with your emails, and don't 119 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:44,080 Speaker 1: over communicate. Don't over react every time someone says something 120 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:47,000 Speaker 1: to you that's negative or tells you something that you 121 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:51,000 Speaker 1: know isn't true, or tells you or antagonizes you or 122 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,520 Speaker 1: taunts you, you don't. 123 00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:54,640 Speaker 2: Need to react. 124 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,120 Speaker 1: It doesn't matter if you don't let it bother you, 125 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:16,120 Speaker 1: and you cannot get caught up in the minutia. Someone 126 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,480 Speaker 1: recently reached out to me to ask me how to 127 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,640 Speaker 1: tell their kid that the other parent is an asshole. 128 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:23,640 Speaker 1: Now that's going to sound crazy, and the answer is never, 129 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:27,800 Speaker 1: because basically, what a judge said to me when Bruma 130 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 1: was a little girl was a custody battle between two 131 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:37,440 Speaker 1: parents is like watching your child's drown and there's nothing 132 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:39,760 Speaker 1: you could do about it, meaning you're doing everything that's 133 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,640 Speaker 1: wrong for them and they're helpless. But that was about 134 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:45,200 Speaker 1: a custody battle, and one thing that I have heard 135 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,680 Speaker 1: and always knew because I had heard from enough people, 136 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,480 Speaker 1: was that you never trash the other parent to the kid. 137 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,400 Speaker 2: It will backfire. It focks them up. 138 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:56,200 Speaker 1: It's not something you get the immediate reaction about, meaning 139 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 1: even if they agree with you, disagree with you, it's 140 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,040 Speaker 1: not something that the damage is available right then. 141 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,000 Speaker 2: It's something that like festers. 142 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:07,600 Speaker 1: And the thing is they see everything, they feel everything, 143 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,440 Speaker 1: they absorb everything. They just don't articulate it and they 144 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:13,760 Speaker 1: don't process it. It comes to fruition later and they 145 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 1: have this movie that files back into their memory and 146 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:19,440 Speaker 1: they kind of put pieces together, and they talk to 147 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:22,360 Speaker 1: their friends who are going through things. Some kids' friends 148 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:26,560 Speaker 1: have families who cheated on one another, have other families 149 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,520 Speaker 1: they've started, have different kinds of divorces, have all the 150 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:33,760 Speaker 1: things right, And basically then when their teens start to 151 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:36,320 Speaker 1: talk to their friends and it helps them to process 152 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:37,920 Speaker 1: certain things. And you have to have a way to 153 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,320 Speaker 1: talk to your kids about things. So here's the thing. 154 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:44,800 Speaker 1: You have to look deep and really understand how problematic 155 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:48,640 Speaker 1: you are. We all are problematic in some way, and 156 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,120 Speaker 1: you have to find people around you that you trust, 157 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,800 Speaker 1: not a therapist that you're paying not your best friend. 158 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:54,680 Speaker 2: You have to. 159 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,440 Speaker 1: Really dig deep and find out how much it really 160 00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,000 Speaker 1: is them and how much it really is you. And 161 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,440 Speaker 1: you have to reflect on this, okay, because either way 162 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:02,800 Speaker 1: it's doing damage to your kids. 163 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:03,120 Speaker 2: Okay. 164 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:08,080 Speaker 1: You want your kids to love both parents and be 165 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 1: loved by both parents. If your ex gets with someone else, 166 00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: you want your kid to like them and that person 167 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 1: to like your kids. If your ex has a kid 168 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,280 Speaker 1: with someone else, you want your kid to like or 169 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 1: love that child and have a good relationship. It's hard 170 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:27,079 Speaker 1: because you want to be the favorite. My daughter said 171 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 1: the other day, and my best friend has a dog 172 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:30,440 Speaker 1: like this. My daughter is like, I want like a 173 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,719 Speaker 1: Yorkie that only loves me and hates everyone else, right, 174 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,760 Speaker 1: which is like funny and hysterical, But like I was like, 175 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 1: whenever Biggie goes somewhere and the dogs go somewhere and 176 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,920 Speaker 1: someone is playing with them, Brin gets jealous. She makes 177 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,680 Speaker 1: a joke of it, but like she gets jealous. I'm like, no, 178 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,720 Speaker 1: you want as many people to love them. It's about 179 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:48,120 Speaker 1: their life. So the more people around your kids loving them. 180 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:51,840 Speaker 1: Tiger Woods's X once said that about the more people 181 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:54,800 Speaker 1: loving her kids with regards to whoever he was with. 182 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:59,200 Speaker 1: So you want your child to be the happiest possible, 183 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:02,080 Speaker 1: and that it means not having the angst and the 184 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:07,480 Speaker 1: service inside about hating their other parent, having issues with that, 185 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,760 Speaker 1: hating their other parents' family, and that will happen on 186 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,720 Speaker 1: their own. They will feel that on their own. They're people. 187 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,640 Speaker 1: But you don't want to do it any favors. Now, 188 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:18,199 Speaker 1: if something's happening with your child that's making them feel 189 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,200 Speaker 1: bad about themselves. Let's say the other parent promises to 190 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:24,640 Speaker 1: see them then doesn't keeps blowing them off, is super selfish, 191 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:31,080 Speaker 1: gets drunk, does drugs, is verbally abusive, is controlling something 192 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:34,280 Speaker 1: that is not positive for your child. Then you can 193 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,080 Speaker 1: step in and not in a trashing the person way, 194 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,920 Speaker 1: but then you can step in and say, listen, if 195 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,120 Speaker 1: you have this power, you may have no power and 196 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:43,360 Speaker 1: you have to send your kid there, But if you 197 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,120 Speaker 1: have this power, you could say, when they get to 198 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:48,520 Speaker 1: a certain age, you don't have to go there. If 199 00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:53,480 Speaker 1: this is affecting you emotionally and not just like that 200 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:56,000 Speaker 1: parent is a disciplinarian and the kid runs to the 201 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 1: other parent because I don't bullshit with that either. That's bullshit, 202 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:01,200 Speaker 1: but meaning if something is this is verbally abusive or 203 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:05,320 Speaker 1: affecting your child's well being, or there's abnormal pressure in 204 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,640 Speaker 1: some way as it pretends to sports and it's affecting 205 00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:10,720 Speaker 1: their well being, you can step in and if they're 206 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,280 Speaker 1: old enough to make their own decisions, you could say 207 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,240 Speaker 1: you don't have to go there, or you can explain 208 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 1: the way that that person is acting towards you has 209 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 1: nothing to do with you, It has to do with them. 210 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,520 Speaker 1: You can explain their circumstances. You can explain how they 211 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:25,600 Speaker 1: grew up. You could say they came from an abusive background, 212 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:29,560 Speaker 1: or this is not what is healthy. So don't feel 213 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:34,120 Speaker 1: bad about yourself about that parent's actions. But what you 214 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,720 Speaker 1: can't do is be like, no, they're a jerk, they're selfish. 215 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:40,080 Speaker 1: You can't start gossiping to your friends on the phone 216 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,280 Speaker 1: about what they did in front of your kid and 217 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,680 Speaker 1: just talking bad about them. It has to be in 218 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:48,040 Speaker 1: a controlled way, and your child when they're in a 219 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:50,480 Speaker 1: car alone with you, or when you're at a dinner 220 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:53,320 Speaker 1: or not on your phone, will bring it up, but 221 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:56,199 Speaker 1: don't lean into it too much. Like it's almost like 222 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,160 Speaker 1: a friend says you. Jane's a piece of shit and 223 00:11:58,160 --> 00:11:59,600 Speaker 1: you're like, oh my god, I know and she did this. 224 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,480 Speaker 1: That's not what you're doing with your kid. You're listening. 225 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:07,920 Speaker 1: You may validate, and you can help to provide healthy context, 226 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,040 Speaker 1: but what you're not going to do is pile on 227 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:14,160 Speaker 1: and be like a gossip because they may be venting 228 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,679 Speaker 1: to you. It's like you could talk bad about your 229 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:18,560 Speaker 1: own mom, but you don't want anyone else to do it. 230 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,120 Speaker 1: They may be venting to you about something that happened 231 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,359 Speaker 1: because they need someone. 232 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:22,560 Speaker 2: To talk to. 233 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,560 Speaker 1: They don't want you to pile on and start trashing 234 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,680 Speaker 1: their parent, even if they've said something that the parent 235 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,960 Speaker 1: did that wasn't great. You're not supposed to jump on. 236 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:33,920 Speaker 1: It's a tricky business and you don't want to get 237 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,920 Speaker 1: in that habit. Your only goal is to frame something 238 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:41,959 Speaker 1: and to help your child have a better emotional relationship 239 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:46,520 Speaker 1: to it, healthier emotional well being. So don't take it 240 00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:49,720 Speaker 1: as an opening to trash your ex. And that's a 241 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,840 Speaker 1: fine line because there will be a time and you 242 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:56,480 Speaker 1: actually if you have a terrible, terrible ex, and not 243 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,280 Speaker 1: because of dumb little things like oh he took his 244 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,160 Speaker 1: bimbo young girl to the PTA, meeting like, that's not 245 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:06,200 Speaker 1: it meaning the person's really fucked up, like really fucked up, 246 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:10,360 Speaker 1: and it's just everybody really strongly believes that because everybody 247 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,880 Speaker 1: makes mistakes. But if this person is strongly fucked up, 248 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:16,000 Speaker 1: then you need to figure out a way to protect 249 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:20,240 Speaker 1: your child. And when that person is really fucked up 250 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:24,439 Speaker 1: and your child knows it, it's ironic, that's the time 251 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:28,120 Speaker 1: that you'll say better things about that X. You could 252 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:31,520 Speaker 1: hate that X, and you'll say your parent loves you. 253 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:32,320 Speaker 2: They love you. 254 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,560 Speaker 1: The way they're acting has nothing to do with you. 255 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:35,880 Speaker 1: It has everything to do with them. 256 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:36,880 Speaker 2: They love you. 257 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:41,439 Speaker 1: They weren't set up with the proper capability to show it. 258 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,199 Speaker 1: They have drawbacks because of this, but they love you. 259 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:46,960 Speaker 1: Do not let this affect how you feel about yourself. 260 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,440 Speaker 1: Everyone loves you, and your job as a child is 261 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:52,880 Speaker 1: not to manage the parent child relationship. Your job is 262 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:55,080 Speaker 1: to be a child, to do well in school, to 263 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:58,720 Speaker 1: have fun, to be outside, to feel joy, and to 264 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:02,560 Speaker 1: feel passion, and not to worry about adult topics. It's 265 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:07,720 Speaker 1: a very important distinction. It's critical because it's tempting, but 266 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:11,240 Speaker 1: don't do it, because you're poisoning your child. You're literally 267 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:16,000 Speaker 1: slowly but surely giving them small doses of poison. And 268 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,720 Speaker 1: you want them to have self esteem and feel loved. 269 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 1: And the most important relationship that they will have with 270 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:24,840 Speaker 1: a woman or a man starts and is defined, and 271 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:35,359 Speaker 1: its foundation is with the parents or the primary caregivers. 272 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,880 Speaker 1: There's a woman on Miami and her former husband was 273 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:49,640 Speaker 1: on social media today and he was describing a series 274 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 1: of events that the audience in the comments who have 275 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,960 Speaker 1: watched and I have not, were believing. 276 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:56,800 Speaker 2: Usually you see these. 277 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:59,680 Speaker 1: Men of housewives and usually like if it's the one 278 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:01,800 Speaker 1: for my Miami Lenny who I met once, who was 279 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,120 Speaker 1: with Lisa Hoxie and he cheated, no one is on 280 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:07,720 Speaker 1: his side. No one's on most of the men's sides 281 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,680 Speaker 1: when they're coming in, and so on this case, this 282 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:14,520 Speaker 1: man was talking about how the show portrayed him as 283 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:18,400 Speaker 1: being broke because that's something she said, and all these 284 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,440 Speaker 1: different things about him that affected his life and like 285 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:27,440 Speaker 1: I think, affected his business, affected his reputation. He loved her, 286 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,080 Speaker 1: and he was honest about that too, which is what 287 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:32,760 Speaker 1: made me believe it, because he wasn't trashing her, but 288 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 1: he was saying that she perpetuated a narrative about him 289 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:42,280 Speaker 1: on the show that made him say, I love her, 290 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:46,120 Speaker 1: but she's never giving this show up, so I'm walking out. 291 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:49,080 Speaker 1: And there was an honesty to it, and I was thinking, 292 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,320 Speaker 1: how what I've said before about the reality reckoning and 293 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,160 Speaker 1: how toxic it is, I actually did think back then 294 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,840 Speaker 1: about the other people whose lives were ruined that they 295 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:02,360 Speaker 1: didn't even sign up up for this. Okay, they didn't 296 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:07,120 Speaker 1: even sign up for this, and yes, going on, maybe 297 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,960 Speaker 1: they did it for their partner, or maybe they even 298 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,320 Speaker 1: think it's going to be good for their business, whatever, 299 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 1: but you can't know until you experience it. And it's 300 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:19,360 Speaker 1: like these toxic platforms that I never realized when I 301 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:22,880 Speaker 1: was on it. And again I left my own volition, 302 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,720 Speaker 1: my own choice. I wasn't fired, so there's no bitterness, 303 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,840 Speaker 1: and I had a good run and I've had good 304 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:31,000 Speaker 1: experiences like that I created as a result of it. 305 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:34,760 Speaker 1: But it makes me realize how disgusting it actually is. 306 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:38,680 Speaker 1: And I was thinking about these like sort of casualties 307 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,760 Speaker 1: of it, and I was thinking about my cushy contract 308 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:45,360 Speaker 1: and how I said in on this podcast that I 309 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,360 Speaker 1: had a very cushy contract. I could come as I 310 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 1: wanted I could go as I wanted. I got paid 311 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,600 Speaker 1: more than anyone else, And people wonder, how do I 312 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 1: know and why? I know because I was very close 313 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:56,040 Speaker 1: with the powers that be and they told me so, 314 00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:59,120 Speaker 1: and also because I asked for whatever I wanted and 315 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:02,640 Speaker 1: that number keptain. And I was talking about my cushy contract, 316 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,600 Speaker 1: not as a flex but because I had a daughter 317 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:08,040 Speaker 1: and I was a victim of divorce. And the network 318 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,160 Speaker 1: responded to that saying, we're just so glad that she's 319 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:15,679 Speaker 1: finally acknowledging that we were so sensitive to her situation. 320 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,600 Speaker 1: Loll No, it happens all the time. It happened with 321 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,439 Speaker 1: Ryan Seacrest when he was on the show Kelly and Ryan. 322 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,360 Speaker 1: I think he was flying private every week, going back 323 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,119 Speaker 1: and forth. It happened when I was asked to do 324 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,760 Speaker 1: the masked singer and I said no. I decided not 325 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 1: to do it because I thought, what's the point of 326 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:33,919 Speaker 1: me like being just anonymous. The few people that do 327 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,639 Speaker 1: like me like me because of just being me. They 328 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,280 Speaker 1: don't like me because of being in a disguise. And 329 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:39,520 Speaker 1: I didn't want to do it, and I could do 330 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,000 Speaker 1: it the back and forth of LA. I didn't want 331 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,359 Speaker 1: to be exhausted. They offered me Fox offered me a 332 00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:45,280 Speaker 1: private plane to go back and forth because they wanted 333 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,240 Speaker 1: me on the show. It's not because they liked me 334 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:50,840 Speaker 1: or they was sensitive to my situation. Like, chase the 335 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:54,240 Speaker 1: money with most things, with any things, chase the money, 336 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:57,600 Speaker 1: find the money. It's happening because of money. Whatever it is, 337 00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:00,760 Speaker 1: that's just the truth. Sorry, it's happening because of money. 338 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:07,960 Speaker 1: I heard Sharon Stone on social media talking about something 339 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:11,040 Speaker 1: that Sylvester Stallone said to her, and I don't remember 340 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:14,639 Speaker 1: exactly what it was, but it was basically saying, the 341 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,320 Speaker 1: plight of someone famous when someone comes up to you 342 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,720 Speaker 1: with wide eyes and you don't know whether they have 343 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,479 Speaker 1: a pen or a gun, meaning they want to get 344 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:29,000 Speaker 1: your autograph or shoot you. And it changed overnight, over 345 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,280 Speaker 1: the course of a weekend because of a movie. And 346 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:37,200 Speaker 1: what Sharon presumably is describing is her fame that catapulted 347 00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:41,760 Speaker 1: after basic instinct and how jarring it is to experience 348 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:45,760 Speaker 1: overnight fame that did not land. It doesn't matter, it's 349 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,480 Speaker 1: not public. No one really cares. I mean it's public 350 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:49,720 Speaker 1: because it was on social media, but people in the 351 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,600 Speaker 1: comments were like, really, do you know what it's like 352 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,760 Speaker 1: to have a family of four that you have to feed, 353 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,800 Speaker 1: and like work a minimum wage job. 354 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,439 Speaker 2: And I remember this from. 355 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:02,320 Speaker 1: When I was shooting my talk shit produced by Ellen DeGeneres, 356 00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 1: on the set of her talk show, and I remember 357 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,879 Speaker 1: them saying it wasn't about me. I guess it was 358 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:10,840 Speaker 1: about her, or just celebrity culture in general. The three 359 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:14,920 Speaker 1: EPs were saying, nobody wants to hear celebrities whine about 360 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,720 Speaker 1: celebrity like in any capacity, because it gives tone death 361 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:23,160 Speaker 1: and delusional and like you really don't understand the way 362 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,920 Speaker 1: the world works. And I actually agree with that, and 363 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:32,360 Speaker 1: I get that. I'm saying that it does become jarring 364 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:37,199 Speaker 1: when you can't have a normal life and people say, like, 365 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:40,520 Speaker 1: you ask for this, But when it involves children, people 366 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,720 Speaker 1: don't talk about children enough. So what I've been experiencing, 367 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:47,000 Speaker 1: which I think I've discussed with you before, is the 368 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:51,040 Speaker 1: conflict of knowing and explaining to my daughter that every 369 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:52,639 Speaker 1: one of the people that comes up to me at 370 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:56,080 Speaker 1: a restaurant, or that's standing behind helping you with your 371 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:59,040 Speaker 1: groceries at Trader Joe's, or Jasmine serving me at the 372 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:03,359 Speaker 1: Broken Egg restaurant, like this is the one encountered they're 373 00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:05,400 Speaker 1: having with you. They don't sit down and think about 374 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:07,600 Speaker 1: your life and that you've had fifty of these, Nor 375 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,280 Speaker 1: are you thinking about their life and understand that they 376 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,040 Speaker 1: have three kids, they might have a special needs kid, 377 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,919 Speaker 1: they might be broken, might have an ailing parent. Like 378 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,080 Speaker 1: people have to just do what they're doing in their 379 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:19,760 Speaker 1: own lives and engage in a certain way based on 380 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,320 Speaker 1: what's happening in the moment. Everybody doesn't get a hall 381 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,479 Speaker 1: pass for what else is going on. So the thing is, 382 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,360 Speaker 1: she was saying, like you chose the profession, you didn't 383 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,639 Speaker 1: choose the fame, then don't choose that profession if you 384 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:33,720 Speaker 1: don't want to smell like onions, don't work as a 385 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:37,000 Speaker 1: chef in a kitchen. So I recognize that I have 386 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:43,320 Speaker 1: chosen to be in a career that means and wanted 387 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:44,879 Speaker 1: it by the way. That means that people are going 388 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,840 Speaker 1: to come up to you. So then how do you 389 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:49,480 Speaker 1: navigate it? And for me, the only challenging thing is 390 00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:52,359 Speaker 1: my daughter really not the only there's a lot of 391 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:57,400 Speaker 1: grabbiness ever since my social media pop off, but my daughter, like, 392 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:00,920 Speaker 1: she really didn't sign up for this. So when people 393 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,600 Speaker 1: come up to a sort of restaurant and they don't 394 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,159 Speaker 1: really come up to her. They're coming up to me, 395 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,320 Speaker 1: But nor did she sign up for them to come 396 00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:10,120 Speaker 1: up to her. That's maybe even worse, but like she's 397 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,560 Speaker 1: an invisible person, And so people come up to me 398 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:15,000 Speaker 1: and we're having a mommy and me meal, and then 399 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:19,200 Speaker 1: I'm like breathless and exasperated because I want to give 400 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:24,360 Speaker 1: the person the moment that they deserve, but also cherish 401 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:27,000 Speaker 1: and honor my daughter. And when people say that some 402 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,399 Speaker 1: people were very rude to them, I don't think that 403 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:33,160 Speaker 1: most people are just rude assholes. I think that some 404 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,560 Speaker 1: people will walk up to them mid bite at a 405 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,000 Speaker 1: meal when they're with their children, and they're trying to 406 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:41,720 Speaker 1: navigate that again, there's no plight and woe is them. 407 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:45,040 Speaker 1: I was just explaining something because sometimes I go out 408 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,639 Speaker 1: with my daughter and it's been worse in Florida, and 409 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:49,639 Speaker 1: I just want to be alone with her and have 410 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,919 Speaker 1: a moment with her, and she has to share me 411 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,239 Speaker 1: with the public, and I sometimes feel bad about that, 412 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,280 Speaker 1: and I justify it by saying to her, these people 413 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:01,680 Speaker 1: bought our house. These people are paying for your education, 414 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,280 Speaker 1: and it's literally true. It's not like a bullshit, like 415 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:07,919 Speaker 1: saying like our grandparents would be like I used to 416 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,680 Speaker 1: walk ten miles to get to school, Like. 417 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:11,880 Speaker 2: It's literally true. She can see it. It's tangible. 418 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:17,280 Speaker 1: This house, everything in it is because of you and 419 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:20,280 Speaker 1: the people like So, then the same thing for Sharon Stone, 420 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:23,159 Speaker 1: whatever happened to her over that weekend, whatever Sylvester Stalone 421 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:25,960 Speaker 1: said over that weekend, her house is bought because of it. 422 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,359 Speaker 1: So don't take the house if you're not going to 423 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:32,359 Speaker 1: take the fame ramifications. And again, no one wants to 424 00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:35,959 Speaker 1: hear celebrities and rich people complain about anything. It's true, 425 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,520 Speaker 1: even if they have worked for it, it's still the 426 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:42,400 Speaker 1: financial lottery because it triggered people when Kim Kardashian said, 427 00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:45,520 Speaker 1: nobody wants to work anymore, and people do work really 428 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:49,359 Speaker 1: hard and don't get to a place where people who 429 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:53,840 Speaker 1: have privilege and access and education do. So some people 430 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:55,879 Speaker 1: do really want to work, but we'll never get there, 431 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 1: and that's just not fair. 432 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:17,400 Speaker 3: What back the answer that as what happen