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Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garland. Hi, everyone,

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Speaker 1: welcome back to I Choose Me. This podcast is all

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Speaker 1: about the choices we make in good times and bad.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode feels less like an interview and more like

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Speaker 1: catching up with an old friend. You know Cameron Matheson

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Speaker 1: as the dastardly Drew Cain on General Hospital. He is

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Speaker 1: a favorite in all those holiday movies and the guy

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Speaker 1: who somehow manages to stay grounded while juggling work, family,

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Speaker 1: and a whole lot of life's curveballs. We're going to

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Speaker 1: talk about everything from nutty fan encounters to the ups

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Speaker 1: and downs of social media, empty nesting, and rebuilding a life,

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Speaker 1: both literally and figuratively. Okay, I can't believe he chases

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Speaker 1: that dog down hyperiod.

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Speaker 2: No full sprit flipflops. It was Did you see the

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Speaker 2: George Clooney movie? What was that movie where he's in

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Speaker 2: Hawaii and he ran down the street because his wife

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Speaker 2: was having an affair. Do you remember that scene? He

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Speaker 2: was in the flip flops and he was It was

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Speaker 2: such a painful moment because there was like I was

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Speaker 2: in flip flops sprinting down Hyperion. After this dogo for

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Speaker 2: I think probably probably felt like three quarters a mile

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Speaker 2: was probably like half a mile, and he just and

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Speaker 2: it's probably the wrong response. Maybe I should have stopped running,

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Speaker 2: because maybe he was only running because I was running,

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Speaker 2: But I was afraid to stop because then he maybe

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Speaker 2: would just keep I don't know. So eventually he came

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Speaker 2: up to a woman and her dog, and I happened

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Speaker 2: to know the woman. She's like an older woman in

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Speaker 2: a time, and he and the dog started barking because

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Speaker 2: it was intimidating, and that's what got him, and so

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Speaker 2: he was like and she was like, no, no, hunter

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Speaker 2: stopped like and so it gave me a chance to

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Speaker 2: grab him. And he had a little bandanas. I just

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Speaker 2: got him groomed and I grabbed the bandana. I was

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Speaker 2: holding his leave and the bandanna came off, so we

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Speaker 2: broke him free again and then I finally kind of

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Speaker 2: looped him and he was just chill. He was just

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Speaker 2: like he just wanted to run and play like he

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Speaker 2: wasn't trying to be mean, he just wanted to be

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Speaker 2: a dog.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and terrorized the city of Silver Lake.

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Speaker 2: In like inadvertently, but yeah, yeah, oh.

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Speaker 1: My gosh, Well you're very nice to be taking in him,

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Speaker 1: the foster dog. I thought at first it was like

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Speaker 1: going to be your new dog.

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Speaker 2: Everybody did.

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Speaker 1: Did you think it was going to be your new dog?

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Speaker 1: Or were you like, let me just see how this goes.

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Speaker 2: There was a part of me that was, you know,

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Speaker 2: hoping for the foster fail. I sort of thought he

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Speaker 2: was He's gonna be maybe, like it was just complete,

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Speaker 2: you know, when.

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Speaker 3: You you you.

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Speaker 2: Block out any logical reasoning because the one little sliver

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Speaker 2: of like want is in there and you're like, oh

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Speaker 2: my gosh, this could work somehow. But then like reality

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Speaker 2: sets in and he's one hundred pounds and I have

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Speaker 2: no yard, and I have three stories where I am

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Speaker 2: now and I'm never home and I travel and my

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Speaker 2: kids are going back to college, and I'm alone now,

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Speaker 2: and I you know, on set at General Hospital twelve hours.

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Speaker 2: There's no log like, there's no way I should.

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Speaker 1: Have this dog keep them at home.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like if you had my kids were home or

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Speaker 2: I had, you know, in a relation, but yeah, like

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Speaker 2: it's it was a it was a not this most skillful.

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Speaker 2: But again, it was always intended to be a foster,

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Speaker 2: So I was hoping that somehow magically it would make sense,

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Speaker 2: and it really doesn't.

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Speaker 1: Well, usually you are the one doing the interviewing, so

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Speaker 1: I'm excited to be interviewed and chatting way better with you,

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Speaker 1: and all the ladies are definitely going to be swooning

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Speaker 1: because I don't know if you know this, but apparently

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Speaker 1: you are a beloved Christmas movie actor. Like you're beloved

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Speaker 1: for other things. This is like hardcore.

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Speaker 2: Your mom watches me, which made me feel really good.

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Speaker 2: I mean, considering like she's your mom and the unbelievable

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Speaker 2: amount of things that you done.

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Speaker 1: I said me, maybe you want to brush your because

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Speaker 1: she's living with me right now. I'm taking care of her.

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Speaker 1: Maybe you want to brush your hair, maybe like a

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Speaker 1: little lipsticles. Because I got someone coming over to meet

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Speaker 1: you and she's like, I'm fine. I said, okay, I'm

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Speaker 1: just letting you know you're gonna reget it. But anyway,

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Speaker 1: I brought you in and her eyes lit up like

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Speaker 1: a Christmas tree.

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Speaker 2: She was so cute and it feels good though, I

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Speaker 2: mean obviously like that. She's very sweet.

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Speaker 1: No, she feel good, loves you. Wait, you're not so

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Speaker 1: beloved as your other Your character on General Hospital, Drew

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Speaker 1: is not he's a bad guy.

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Speaker 2: He's not a great human. Actually he's not even he's

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Speaker 2: not even like in the in the in the spectrum

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Speaker 2: of being like a good guy. He's just a complete How.

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Speaker 1: Did they cast you for playing a bad guy?

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Speaker 2: They didn't, So so he was a he was a

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Speaker 2: hero like I was. I played Drew Kane, who was

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Speaker 2: an ex Navy seal, hero, saved the day, best guy,

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Speaker 2: all these things. And then there was like this little

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Speaker 2: storyline where I was there was a there was a

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Speaker 2: character on the show. There is a character on the

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Speaker 2: show Nina that Drew and Nina don't get along and

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Speaker 2: we hate each other, and we were at odds and

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Speaker 2: we had, you know, we were actually having kind of

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Speaker 2: hate sex, which was all of a sudden that happened,

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Speaker 2: like she ripped my shirt off one day, and so

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Speaker 2: then we hated each other after that. It was very,

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Speaker 2: very bizarre because because that always happened, and we had

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Speaker 2: these scenes and I just kind of laid into her

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Speaker 2: for whatever, you know, like verbally, and just like we

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Speaker 2: she laid into me too. It was just very dynamic,

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Speaker 2: angry scenes. And then I think I make up. I

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Speaker 2: don't know if this is true, but I make up

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Speaker 2: from those series of scenes, They're like, he's kind of

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Speaker 2: good at this, like like it's just like I know,

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Speaker 2: I don't know what happened. And then all of a

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Speaker 2: sudden they started writing me more and more and more

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Speaker 2: and more and more and more down that line, and

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Speaker 2: now it's full gone, absolute douchebag jerk, like like corrupt congressman,

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Speaker 2: not a good human, had an affair with a mother

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Speaker 2: and a daughter blackmailed as best friends. Why he used

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Speaker 2: an eleven year old to manipulate? Like like not good?

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Speaker 1: Like how do the people feel about this character?

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Speaker 2: People hate Drew and they often don't like me either.

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Speaker 2: I get I get apples thrown at me in the supermarket. No,

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Speaker 2: I had an apple throw me, like for real.

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Speaker 1: Like somebody yeah, took an apple off the apple pile

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Speaker 1: correct and chucked it at you, Drew Kay, And she grabbed.

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Speaker 2: And it was sort of playful but not and she

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Speaker 2: was like you're so bad. She threw it at me

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Speaker 2: and blocked it, and I was like what And then

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Speaker 2: and then I told this story, you know whatever to people,

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Speaker 2: and people were like, come on, they a's gonna throw

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Speaker 2: an apple. And then I was back in another supermarket

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Speaker 2: and I'm looking for something on the shelf and I

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Speaker 2: feel somebody beating me on the back with like a

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Speaker 2: rolled up magazine. Oh, and I turn around and it's

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Speaker 2: one of the employees of the supermarket yelling at me

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Speaker 2: for all my bad behavior on General Hospital. And so

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Speaker 2: then I pulled out my phone and I just started

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Speaker 2: recording her because I thought it was so funny to

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Speaker 2: prove that these things are happening. I've had people pull

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Speaker 2: their car over to the sidewalk and yell. I felt like,

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Speaker 2: we're gonna come right up onto the curb yell at

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Speaker 2: me through the window. I've had well, I I'll post

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Speaker 2: like the most sweet things with my kids on Instagram

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Speaker 2: and the comments will be like, you're disgusting on General Hospital.

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Speaker 2: We hate you, we hope you die. Oh that's great.

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Speaker 1: Wowsed you know you got street cred now?

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Speaker 2: I mean, I you know, I often wonder why it's

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Speaker 2: going so well as such an evil person.

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Speaker 1: So you're still on your continuing role.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I'm still on. There's there's a I don't know

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Speaker 2: exactly when this is gonna hear, but there's something that's

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Speaker 2: coming up on the show that kind of changes the

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Speaker 2: dynamic of everything for Drew, Like you know, it's it

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Speaker 2: gets worse, like it gets worse. Everybody hates him, everybody

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Speaker 2: wants him dead, and things, some crazy things happen. But

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Speaker 2: as far as I know, like you know, it's I'm

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Speaker 2: still on the show and I'm not you know, nobody's

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Speaker 2: killed me officially yet or have they.

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Speaker 1: Well, we'll still It's like the so opera. I mean,

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Speaker 1: in the sixties, seventies, eighties, they were like everything.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because there was three channels to watch, right and

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Speaker 2: then like during the day, people only had those shows

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Speaker 2: to watch really and they were they had like our

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Speaker 2: primetime rate, well not you're like Beverly Hills prime time ratings,

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Speaker 2: but at the time like primetime ratings that we have now.

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Speaker 2: And and then through more and more channels on cable

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Speaker 2: and then through streaming, we've had to find different ways

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Speaker 2: for people to watch. And now they you know, they're

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Speaker 2: watching on the phone and they're watching ABC and you know.

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Speaker 3: So that's amazing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's still still doing great.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I want to ask you about the industry, and

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Speaker 1: it's pivoted. Things were actors, but we're also now something else.

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Speaker 1: I just was curious, like how do you feel being

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Speaker 1: a man fluencer?

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Speaker 2: A man fluencer?

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Speaker 1: Do you like that I made it up?

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Speaker 2: You did? You should? That's good. I mean, I'm not

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Speaker 2: surprised because you've good like that influencer. I love it.

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Speaker 2: I love it because it's like it's how I live

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Speaker 2: like I'm not trying to do anything that's not super

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Speaker 2: authentic to me and an extension of how I live

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Speaker 2: my life or try to. You know, I'm not perfect

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Speaker 2: with it all, but I love to share things that

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Speaker 2: have worked. I love to share. You've shared journeys that

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Speaker 2: you've been through, health journey struggles, things, the ways that

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Speaker 2: you've improved and you inspired people, and and I'm getting

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Speaker 2: more and more comfortable doing that. And I really, truly

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Speaker 2: in my heart know that the things that I've done

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Speaker 2: through I've done a lot of things wrong. I know

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Speaker 2: what doesn't work. Oh my gosh. I mean, I know

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Speaker 2: a lot of things wrong. Some of them will even

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Speaker 2: talk about. But I've done a lot of things wrong

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Speaker 2: in the health, Like you know, because I was known

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Speaker 2: at a young age as being sort of this like

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Speaker 2: aesthetically fit looking guy, but really underneath I was super unhealthy,

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Speaker 2: like going to extremes and doing a lot of unhealthy

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Speaker 2: things to achieve that look. And and when you're young, those

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Speaker 2: extremes work for a little while and you can get

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Speaker 2: away with it for a while, and then it stops

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Speaker 2: working as well, and then you've got to get more

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Speaker 2: extreme or do something else to try to get back there.

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Speaker 2: And you would, and it wasn't quite as good, but

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Speaker 2: then it would work for a while, and then that

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Speaker 2: would kind of plateau, and your metabolism would shut down,

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Speaker 2: or you'd start gaining more weight, or you'd be inflamed

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Speaker 2: or whatever, and you'd just stend it in your God,

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Speaker 2: and you're whatever, and then you'd have to shift again

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Speaker 2: and another extreme diet or work out or supplement or.

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Speaker 3: Whatever it to top it.

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Speaker 2: And and you, because you're you're you're in the industry,

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Speaker 2: and you've got this pressure, and you've, like, you know,

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Speaker 2: for me anyway, and I think for you too, you've

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Speaker 2: established this kind of norm of what you look like.

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Speaker 1: So if that changes at all, if that norm changes

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Speaker 1: at all, people, it's like a People magazine article.

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Speaker 2: I mean, it's it's a thousand times worse for you

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Speaker 2: than it is for me. But it's like, yeah, you're right,

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Speaker 2: like you I mean, I'm sure if there's a little

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Speaker 2: sliver God for me. You go on vacation for whatever

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Speaker 2: the summer, and you come back and you're not looking,

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Speaker 2: you know, whatever, the way you did before when you

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Speaker 2: had the bikini shoot on nine two one oo or whatever.

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Speaker 2: You're gonna hear about it, and it messes with you,

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Speaker 2: and of course we like we should be probably strong

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Speaker 2: enough to be like, yeah, I just had a good summer. Guys,

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Speaker 2: take it easy, but it kind of gets to you.

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Speaker 2: And so I went to a lot of unhealthy extremes.

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Speaker 2: I didn't think they were necessarily on healthy extremes. I

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Speaker 2: just thought it's what people needed to do. I didn't

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Speaker 2: know any better. But then eventually everything kind of was

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Speaker 2: out of whack. My hormones, my my cortisol, which is

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Speaker 2: your stress hormone, my adrenals, my thyroid because your thyroid

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Speaker 2: overregulates tries to help everything out. My gut health was

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Speaker 2: so disastrous. I had like h parlaia, My microbiome was

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Speaker 2: through the roof. I had like mold exposure. I did

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Speaker 2: these gut microbiome tests, and people that have seen thousands

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Speaker 2: of them said mine was in the top three worst

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Speaker 2: they'd ever seen wow cameraon.

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Speaker 1: I'm so proud of you.

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Speaker 2: For for you know, and that's a really, really hard

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Speaker 2: thing to rebalance. It's people think, oh, you just got

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Speaker 2: to take some probiotics and go on carnivore or gone

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Speaker 2: keto for a while and you'll feel and that's true,

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Speaker 2: that'll help in the short term, but you're not healing anything.

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Speaker 2: You're not killing the bad bacteria and balancing the microbiome.

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Speaker 2: And I started working with a functional health coach that

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Speaker 2: was literally like night and day, and I'm like stronger

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Speaker 2: and healthier and more energy and have more vitality and

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Speaker 2: more flexible like then I was. I'm fifty six, and

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Speaker 2: I'm telling you, when I was twenty nine, I wasn't

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Speaker 2: near like this, Like I wasn't near even when I

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Speaker 2: was esthetically fit looking.

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Speaker 1: You weren't as healthy as you are now, not even close. Recently,

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Speaker 1: it's been bananas for you.

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Speaker 2: It's been a little bananas. And I've had a stretch

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Speaker 2: where and we all have our stuff and I'm saying

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Speaker 2: this like as my stretch and my challenges, but we

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Speaker 2: can all relate in different ways. I had so through

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Speaker 2: my going to extremes and being very unhealthy to try

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Speaker 2: to look healthy. I eventually, uh, found out I had

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Speaker 2: kidney cancer, and that rocked my world and just blew

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Speaker 2: my mind and was very scary and like threatening. Thank goodness,

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Speaker 2: I had spread and we dealt with it. And then

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Speaker 2: through that treatment, I found out like my mom while

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Speaker 2: she was visiting me in my recovery of kidney cancer,

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Speaker 2: figured out that she had brain cancer and uh, and

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Speaker 2: you know, and then she didn't, she didn't survive. That

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Speaker 2: it was a horrible glioblastoma is going to get you,

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Speaker 2: and it's still obviously tricky. Yeah, And then so anyway, yes,

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Speaker 2: so I had cancer, my mom. COVID happened somebody very

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Speaker 2: very near and dear that I don't really have the

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Speaker 2: permission and to talk about details. Went through a life

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Speaker 2: threatening experience during COVID. Then I lost my job that

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Speaker 2: I was a talk show host. And then my wife

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Speaker 2: and I for many many years twenty two years, went

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Speaker 2: separate ways and it was a surprise to me and

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Speaker 2: many of the things about it that was very very

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Speaker 2: hard and painful. And then my dog died, and then

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Speaker 2: my house burnt down, and I lost everything that I've

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Speaker 2: ever owned in every evidence of my life in the

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Speaker 2: ly fires in January and here I am so and

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Speaker 2: that's not all of it, to be honest for that, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I mean, and we all again that's my list. We

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Speaker 2: all have lists. Yes, So it's been a stretch. I

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Speaker 2: tried to stay positive and resilient and inspire others to

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Speaker 2: get through stuff. But it definitely has its moments where

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Speaker 2: it's very child as you see, like you know, even

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Speaker 2: get an emotional but my mom, I mean, it's you know,

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Speaker 2: it's tough. It's tough, and you got to have that.

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Speaker 2: You got to have those moments where you feel it

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Speaker 2: and you allow the struggle and you hopefully have tools

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Speaker 2: to get through it. But then also focus on things,

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Speaker 2: so many things to be grateful for, Compassion for others

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Speaker 2: going through it way worse, like you think about the

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Speaker 2: fires and so fifteen thousand different structures burned and houses

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Speaker 2: and families and so, you know, I really try to

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Speaker 2: focus on compassion, on gratitude, and then another one for

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Speaker 2: me is just real deep acceptance. That's very helpful.

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Speaker 1: I know you are very close to your parents, so

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Speaker 1: I'm really really sorry about your mom.

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Speaker 2: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: I think that happened right after one of our Christmas

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Speaker 1: movies do I recall correctly.

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Speaker 2: You did right after a kind hearted Christmas?

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Speaker 1: I think, yeah, yeah, And I'm actually sharing something about

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Speaker 1: you in my upcoming book because that you've had such

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Speaker 1: a profound effect on me that we've never even really

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Speaker 1: talked about. And I'll just go into that. I remember

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Speaker 1: doing the first Christmas movie with you. I have no

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Speaker 1: idea what year that was, but you're so like calm

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Speaker 1: and so even keeled and so present and so compassionate

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Speaker 1: to everybody on the crew, every single person, and you

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Speaker 1: had this like stillness about you. And I remember being like,

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Speaker 1: what is this guy's a deal? He's not like a

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Speaker 1: typical actor. He's so nice. What's wrong with him? And

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Speaker 1: I went up to you and I was like, what's

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Speaker 1: your deal? Like why are you so happy?

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Speaker 2: I remember that you did. I absolutely remember that because

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Speaker 2: I don't think I really realized that that's how I

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Speaker 2: come across, or sometimes come across like that made me.

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Speaker 2: It was felt nice to hear that question, you know,

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Speaker 2: like it was like it meant a lot to me

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Speaker 2: that you came and asked me. That we talked about it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, I want what I want what

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Speaker 1: you have? Like I that's what I want in my life,

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Speaker 1: and you shared with me about your journey to finding

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Speaker 1: faith or whatever you want to call it. You told

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Speaker 1: me about the that you study Buddhism, and you told me.

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Speaker 1: I asked you all the questions, like what's that like?

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Speaker 1: Are you a Buddhist? Do you have do you have

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Speaker 1: like material things? Have you've given up all your You

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Speaker 1: were laughing at me, and you told me all about

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Speaker 1: where you study and who you study under. And I

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Speaker 1: started going because of you, and that changed my life profoundly.

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Speaker 1: Just my learnings from those Monday night classes.

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Speaker 2: It's amazing. Yeah, that's really really amazing and like makes

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Speaker 2: me so happy, and it's it's so true. This like

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Speaker 2: the psychology and sort of philosophy of Buddhist teachings or

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Speaker 2: Eastern philosophy. It's it's for everybody, like it's for every

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Speaker 2: religion everybody, because it's very it's very much just the

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Speaker 2: logical science of happiness of the mind and how to

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Speaker 2: think and how to train your mind through meditation and

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Speaker 2: rewire your brain in a sense in really positive, virtuous

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Speaker 2: ways of doing things and incorporating that with meditation to

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Speaker 2: kind of help get it deeper in your kind of essence,

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Speaker 2: so that it's not just like talk therapy. And I

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Speaker 2: think that's amazing. Talk therapy is very, very helpful. But

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Speaker 2: there's something about sort of that lineage of ancient wisdom

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Speaker 2: and then incorporating it with meditation and how we're our

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Speaker 2: own sort of personalized research project with it where we

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Speaker 2: take a teaching and it's like, all right, let's check

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Speaker 2: it out. Let's see if it works. Does it make

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Speaker 2: me happier? Does it improve my challenging situations at work?

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Speaker 2: Does it make me look at the situation a little different?

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Speaker 2: Am I looking at somebody more with compassion and understanding

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Speaker 2: that they're suffering instead of taking everything personally? And how

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Speaker 2: can they be so mean to me? What about me?

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Speaker 2: Like shifting the mind in different skillful ways? Learning to

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Speaker 2: you know, love? I remember one class I invited you

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Speaker 2: to was a class on love. It was something about love?

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Speaker 1: Wait? Were you? Were you the teacher that night?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Man? I don't know? Was I? Wait?

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Speaker 1: I don't know?

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Speaker 2: But did you come to a class where I taught?

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Speaker 1: I came to a lot of classes. And did we

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Speaker 1: sit next I don't think I ever sat next to you.

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Speaker 2: No, no, but I remember you coming to class with

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Speaker 2: your friend, the makeup.

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Speaker 1: Part of them, and then you were teaching.

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Speaker 2: I was okay, I don't.

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Speaker 1: Know, maybe not that one, but yeah, I taught.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah a few times. You're right, that's right.

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Speaker 3: I remember what your daughter once.

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Speaker 1: And I were going.

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Speaker 3: She was coming with me, remember.

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Speaker 1: Quite a while, and we walked in and wasn't there. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't there, and so I was like, wait, what's

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Speaker 1: gonna happen? And then you sat down as the teacher,

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Speaker 1: and you and I were cracking up. We were like

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Speaker 1: writing little notes to each other.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure you were. I'm sure I can only listen.

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Speaker 2: I'm up there saying hey, everybody, how are you doing?

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Speaker 2: Thanks for coming, and think you know, this is whatever's

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Speaker 2: what we're doing. And in part of my mind, all

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Speaker 2: I'm thinking about is, oh my god, Jenny's having a

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Speaker 2: riot right now. Don't look at don't know I contact

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Speaker 2: to not make eye contact. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: It was good. I enjoyed it, and I learned from you.

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Speaker 2: And I remember one reaction you said it was like

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Speaker 2: because it was a class on love that I know.

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Speaker 2: This was when the center was back at the other place,

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Speaker 2: and you were like, why do you think I need love?

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Speaker 2: When my like it was something like you you were joking,

398
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Speaker 2: but you were sort of saying that, and then quickly

399
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Speaker 2: realized that from a Budhist perspective, love is just like

400
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,200
Speaker 2: feeling a warm, close connection to everybody and like caring

401
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,480
Speaker 2: about others and cherishing them and wishing for them to

402
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Speaker 2: be happy, and and it actually is the most sort

403
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Speaker 2: of pure form of you know, love or you know,

404
00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:49,760
Speaker 2: just general care for others. And that's what the class

405
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,320
Speaker 2: was all, not necessarily romantic love. In fact, I don't

406
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Speaker 2: think anywhere in Buddhism teachings teachers, Yeah, like work on

407
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Speaker 2: your relationship, Well it does directly, Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it applies to all of your Yeah, because in

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Speaker 4: many cases, one of the things that we try to,

410
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Speaker 4: you know, look at is how you know this mind

411
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Speaker 4: of what we call attachment or desirous attachment, which is

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Speaker 4: like what.

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Speaker 2: Can you do for me? Versus the mind of love,

414
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Speaker 2: like what can I do for you? Like how are

415
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Speaker 2: you like like shifting that mental attitude And a lot

416
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Speaker 2: of our relationships, of course, are us expecting others to

417
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Speaker 2: kind of make us happy versus like the mind that

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Speaker 2: wishes others to be happy. And you know, in doing so,

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Speaker 2: we end up taking care of ourselves too, Like that's

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Speaker 2: the beauty. That's the beauty of it. The back door

421
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Speaker 2: effect of learning to shift the mind and really caring

422
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Speaker 2: and connecting them compassion and love and thinking about others

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Speaker 2: and respect and patience and kindness is that we end

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Speaker 2: up being so much happier and our relationships improve. And

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Speaker 2: you're like, wait a minute, this was always the answer. No.

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Speaker 1: I mean because I've studied all kinds of religions trying

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Speaker 1: to figure it out over the years, and nothing really

428
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Speaker 1: like worked inside of me. Nothing made sense to me.

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Speaker 1: But the day I sat down in a Buddhist class,

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Speaker 1: everything he said made sense to me.

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Speaker 2: That's amazing. I had the same experience. It was. I

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00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:19,840
Speaker 2: studied engineering, right, so I studied like logic in science

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Speaker 2: and math. And that's one of the reasons I struggled

434
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:26,960
Speaker 2: with different teachings and religions. And I actually have lots

435
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 2: and lots of love and admiration for all of them.

436
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:33,480
Speaker 2: But like you say, when I got these teachings, it

437
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:39,120
Speaker 2: was very logical and step by step clear and laid out,

438
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,920
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh, this is what I need,

439
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:44,120
Speaker 2: you know, And everybody kind of is attracted to different things.

440
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 2: But that's helpful for me.

441
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:48,520
Speaker 1: I know. I don't say I'm a Buddhist because I

442
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 1: think people instantly leap to like the extreme with that.

443
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:56,840
Speaker 2: Always, always they're like, no, you're not. I'm like, well, okay, yeah, yeah,

444
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 2: I'm like fine, I still have a you know, well

445
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:02,359
Speaker 2: I don't have as much anymore as it, but in general,

446
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:04,200
Speaker 2: like I have a lot of possession. But that was

447
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,600
Speaker 2: an interesting thing too, speaking of like so the big

448
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:09,280
Speaker 2: misconceptionsism is like no possessions and like live in a

449
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,840
Speaker 2: cave and like all right, and that's not it at all.

450
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:16,480
Speaker 2: It's more so just so people understand, you know, it's

451
00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:20,880
Speaker 2: more like your your your relationship with nice things and

452
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 2: having things. It's not being needing them and and having

453
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:28,320
Speaker 2: the mindset that these things are going to make me happy,

454
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,360
Speaker 2: like I need this and this and this and this

455
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:35,359
Speaker 2: and this and attention and validation and money and to

456
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:40,960
Speaker 2: make me happy, versus having these things and enjoying them

457
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:45,159
Speaker 2: purely and knowing that you could be happy with or

458
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:50,480
Speaker 2: without them. And I now know because I lost everything, Jenny,

459
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:57,080
Speaker 2: like everything on January eighth. I had nothing I had.

460
00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 2: It's not the kind of thing where I had some

461
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:00,680
Speaker 2: stuff at my mom's house or oh, but in a

462
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:05,440
Speaker 2: basement back home I have everything was gone. I had

463
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:12,199
Speaker 2: my car, I had my phone. Jesus, clearly I got

464
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,040
Speaker 2: all work to do on this. Oh I had what

465
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 2: I was wearing, and that's it. And like in that moment,

466
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:23,479
Speaker 2: it was very like I muted the videos on my

467
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:27,119
Speaker 2: Instagram because I was videoing it for Vanessa and for

468
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 2: my dad like I wanted to, because I was just

469
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:30,399
Speaker 2: checking to see if our house was still there. And

470
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 2: then I drove up and it was gone, still burning,

471
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:35,400
Speaker 2: and I was in shock, and I was like, I've

472
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,439
Speaker 2: never heard noises come out of me like that, Like

473
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:41,200
Speaker 2: it was very bizarre. It was like, I mean, I

474
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 2: suppose I was just gasping for error in shock, but

475
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:50,919
Speaker 2: there was like this other momentary feeling that came in

476
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:55,719
Speaker 2: and out where it was like kind of feeling liberated,

477
00:24:56,320 --> 00:25:02,359
Speaker 2: like like now it's I don't know, like all the

478
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:06,760
Speaker 2: stuff and accumulation and more and more and more. And

479
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:09,040
Speaker 2: I don't know if you've experienced it, but the more

480
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:12,959
Speaker 2: money you have or whatever, the more kind of you

481
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,919
Speaker 2: want and stuff you get. And at least for me,

482
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 2: and I've gone through waves of that and worked on

483
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 2: it and through my spiritual life. But in that moment

484
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 2: I had nothing like possession was and like like I

485
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:33,880
Speaker 2: knew I was gonna be okay. Like I was very

486
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:38,240
Speaker 2: very hard and painful, and I struggled a lot, especially

487
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 2: with my kids. With respect to my kids and the

488
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 2: evidence of their childhood and everything. That was by far

489
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:47,960
Speaker 2: the worst, Jenny, than all of their birth photos, all

490
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:49,960
Speaker 2: the film, because you know that when our kids were little,

491
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,880
Speaker 2: they was all film. So all that's gone. They've got

492
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,239
Speaker 2: no photos at all until we have digital, none, no

493
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 2: evidence of their Yeah, it's that's a tough one.

494
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 1: That I'm so sorry, Like that is tough, but I

495
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 1: understand what you're saying. Yeah, you're starting from ground zero

496
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:10,080
Speaker 1: and now you actually and also that's all that was

497
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,879
Speaker 1: right on the heels I think of your divorce.

498
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:19,440
Speaker 2: It was, Yeah, that we had been separated for about

499
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 2: a year and a half officially at that point, maybe

500
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:27,440
Speaker 2: a little bit longer, but still felt very fresh. And

501
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,080
Speaker 2: we're still working. I mean, we're still working through stuff.

502
00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 1: So do you think in the aftermath, like the way

503
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,800
Speaker 1: the fire affected you and your whole family, do you

504
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:49,479
Speaker 1: think that ended up bringing closer relationships within the family

505
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:54,600
Speaker 1: because especially if you can imagine going through something like

506
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 1: that with my partner and feeling all the feelings, then

507
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:02,400
Speaker 1: to have to go through some think that devastating. And

508
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:08,439
Speaker 1: only this family that lived there together understands.

509
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:09,680
Speaker 2: I'm sure I.

510
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 1: Feel like it.

511
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:14,920
Speaker 2: It must have a thousand person that's it's very, very

512
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:20,399
Speaker 2: in line with our experience, especially Vanessa and I. You know, again,

513
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,920
Speaker 2: there was it was a tricky time when we separated,

514
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 2: and there was a lot of specific conditions that made

515
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 2: it made it really tough. You know, you said it

516
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:31,000
Speaker 2: was a surprise to hear it for you. It was

517
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,919
Speaker 2: a surprise to me too, and those are the worst

518
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 2: and we just you know, we have a lot of

519
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 2: love for each other, but there was also a lot

520
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 2: of pain that time. And I really feel and I

521
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 2: think I think I can speak you know, for Vanessa

522
00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:48,000
Speaker 2: as well, because we've talked about this, and in that

523
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 2: moment after the fire, like I stayed in the kids

524
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:54,199
Speaker 2: room where, you know, in her place, and it was

525
00:27:54,240 --> 00:28:00,679
Speaker 2: as if the post breakup timeline, which takes time, hopefully

526
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:02,959
Speaker 2: for most people to like, you know, eventually hopefully they

527
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 2: get to a place where they get along and they

528
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:09,560
Speaker 2: co parent and everything's great. Or whatever, everything's you know good.

529
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,479
Speaker 2: It was as if that going through that together just

530
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:17,480
Speaker 2: like erased a lot of the negativity and just brought

531
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:19,920
Speaker 2: us really like it just kind of shortened that timeline

532
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 2: and we kind of got to this real place of

533
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 2: love and care and support and we're there for each

534
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 2: other and cried and talked and hugged and not in

535
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:32,600
Speaker 2: a oh we're going to get back together kind of way,

536
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:36,199
Speaker 2: just like a really close like nobody else knew what

537
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:37,879
Speaker 2: we were going through, and that bond.

538
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, there was a really it was your life in

539
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:41,760
Speaker 1: that house and exactly.

540
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 2: Exactly like the kids were literally raising that house. It's

541
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:47,040
Speaker 2: where all, you know, our relationship for the most part,

542
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,080
Speaker 2: was all in that house fifteen years or so of

543
00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:53,480
Speaker 2: the twenty two and yeah, so I so yes, and

544
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 2: then also the kids too, we had Yeah, the kids

545
00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:00,480
Speaker 2: were in school and overseas, and so it's been a

546
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 2: little bit kind of choppy with how they've done their

547
00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:06,720
Speaker 2: healing around it too, versus like coming home or but

548
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 2: mostly through this summer since they've been back, and it's

549
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 2: been really it's been really beautiful and it's been really

550
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:18,240
Speaker 2: healing for all of us. And yeah, and also remembering

551
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 2: you know what really truly is important and being able

552
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 2: to really feel things and talk about them and that's okay,

553
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 2: and the pain and the fear and the anger, the sadness,

554
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:40,800
Speaker 2: the frustration, Yeah, and just kind of getting it out

555
00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:45,120
Speaker 2: as well as understanding that these challenges I really believe

556
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 2: are going to make the kids and hopefully the adults

557
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:53,000
Speaker 2: much stronger, you know, like, you know, just it's almost

558
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:55,480
Speaker 2: the ultimate resilience training. They you know, I talk about

559
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 2: all the things I've been through in the last four years,

560
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 2: They've been through exactly those things too. Their dad having

561
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,120
Speaker 2: cancer and thinking maybe he's not going to make it,

562
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 2: then their mom, their grandmother dying of a horrible brain

563
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:10,160
Speaker 2: cancer journey, and then COVID during the pivotal years of

564
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 2: high school, et cetera. And then this other thing that

565
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:15,440
Speaker 2: I talked about that you know, it's a little bit

566
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 2: more private, and then their their relationship this parent, their

567
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 2: parents like breaking up when they never thought that would

568
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,080
Speaker 2: ever happen, and then their dog dying, and then they're

569
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:27,800
Speaker 2: like they've been through it and like, hopefully I've got

570
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 2: more skills and I mean, yeah, you do. And so

571
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:36,960
Speaker 2: it's been an amazing I don't know, amazing experience for

572
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:43,640
Speaker 2: me to see how incredible and resilient. And I think

573
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 2: in a sense like wise they've been through this, you know,

574
00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 2: and not always right. But what they haven't resorted to

575
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:53,320
Speaker 2: to numb the pain, you know, what they haven't you know,

576
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:57,200
Speaker 2: like these days, kids can go a lot of different

577
00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:01,320
Speaker 2: directions to not feel you know, kin adults for that matter.

578
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 2: It can be as simple as like phone and screens

579
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 2: and video games, or it can be you know, substances

580
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 2: and et cetera. And they've been pretty amazing and we

581
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:17,480
Speaker 2: really tried to keep the communication open and it's it's

582
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 2: been great. Yeah.

583
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:20,200
Speaker 1: I love it when you post pictures of you having

584
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 1: fun with them now. It's just so touching because I

585
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 1: know how close your bond is with them, and I

586
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 1: know all the things that you guys have dealt with

587
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:35,160
Speaker 1: and how strong and resilient they are and gorgeous. But Hi,

588
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:38,719
Speaker 1: you're an empty nester. Now they're gone. They're abroad, I know,

589
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,440
Speaker 1: like way they're not just you know, in another state.

590
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 2: Isn't that crazy, Like I mean, you know, because you've

591
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 2: experienced this too, But no, they're they're on there. So

592
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 2: my daughter's in Paris and my sons in London are

593
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 2: studying it really to two different programs obviously, and you know,

594
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 2: Dog's gone. Relationships over, like it's a real the house

595
00:31:57,040 --> 00:32:00,400
Speaker 2: has gone, possessions gone, like it's a real fresh start,

596
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:01,400
Speaker 2: Like here we go.

597
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:03,640
Speaker 1: Like how are you doing? What are you doing to

598
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 1: design your new life? Like this is a transition, This

599
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:10,239
Speaker 1: is like a hard pivot. This is like a this

600
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 1: is brand new.

601
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 2: It's sort of like it's it's like a forced hard pivot.

602
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 2: It's like it's like I'm speeding along this road and

603
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 2: I think I'm going to be on it for the

604
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 2: rest of this stretch of this journey, like I'm just

605
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 2: making this up as I go. But then there's like

606
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 2: around this corner there's like a hard hairpin turn that

607
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,000
Speaker 2: I got to make or others I'm going right off

608
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 2: this cliff kind of thing, and it sort of feels

609
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:34,200
Speaker 2: like that. And I haven't been great, I think after

610
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 2: the fire, like I've been very very positive and uh,

611
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,360
Speaker 2: what's the word I'm looking for, almost like practical and

612
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 2: doing like taking a lot of really good steps to

613
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:49,800
Speaker 2: heal and get through, especially the breakup and all of that.

614
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 2: And then when the fires happened, it almost felt like

615
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 2: it was the straw that broke the camel's back, and

616
00:32:56,680 --> 00:33:00,160
Speaker 2: I kind of did distract myself and numb out, and

617
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 2: I didn't go to my classes as much, and I

618
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 2: wasn't relying on my spiritual life and my meditation. Is

619
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 2: it was almost like, you know, I don't know if

620
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:10,280
Speaker 2: I can say this, but fuck it. Like it was

621
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:14,160
Speaker 2: almost like, yeah, it was almost like just too much.

622
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 1: How long did that period last for you? Oh my god,

623
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:22,400
Speaker 1: you're making me cry all day? Sorry, then you're making

624
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:23,960
Speaker 1: me cry.

625
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 2: It it lasted off and on, like it wasn't like

626
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 2: a solid stretch, but a good a good six months.

627
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:35,880
Speaker 2: And I think I'm just kind of now coming out

628
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 2: of it. Like in a way, I did like a

629
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 2: nice retreat this summer in England and like a meditation retreat,

630
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:48,120
Speaker 2: and I had a lot kind of alone and healing

631
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:52,640
Speaker 2: time with the kids and traveled and we did some

632
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,480
Speaker 2: sort of a closure sort of therapy on the property

633
00:33:55,520 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 2: in Altadena and some things that have helped really kind

634
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 2: of be more productive. That's the word I was thinking

635
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 2: of productive. I'll say this, I haven't really talked much

636
00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:09,879
Speaker 2: about this, Like I didn't drink or use any mind

637
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:15,040
Speaker 2: altering substances for eighteen years because you chose. I chose

638
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,640
Speaker 2: not to, so I you know, I don't consider myself

639
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 2: necessarily an addict in those ways, but there was a

640
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:25,120
Speaker 2: period of my life, short period of my life, thankfully,

641
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:29,080
Speaker 2: where they certainly weren't helping me making good decisions. And

642
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:32,040
Speaker 2: I made the very strong deterence when I found but

643
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:34,400
Speaker 2: as teachings and meditation, and I started trying to like

644
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:38,320
Speaker 2: sort of solve my inner problems with like with inner

645
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:43,400
Speaker 2: solutions versus outer solutions like numbing out, and it was

646
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:46,880
Speaker 2: very like helpful for me. But anyway, so I stayed

647
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 2: away from all stuff that became to not be good

648
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:53,359
Speaker 2: for me, and alcohol was not a big one of them.

649
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:55,759
Speaker 2: But I just cut alcohol out too for eighteen years.

650
00:34:55,800 --> 00:35:01,759
Speaker 2: And then when the conditions of the separation happened, I

651
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,520
Speaker 2: kind of like, you know, I had a drink for

652
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 2: the first time, and I luckily I don't really like alcohol.

653
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,359
Speaker 2: I don't like drinking, which is a very fortunate thing.

654
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 2: But I probably had like a handful of drinks in

655
00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:19,560
Speaker 2: a year and a half of my separation, just casually

656
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 2: and probably not even finishing them.

657
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:23,240
Speaker 1: And that's not I mean, that's nothing it's.

658
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 2: It's really I mean to most people. To me was

659
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,879
Speaker 2: it was something because it was indicular. But I will say,

660
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 2: so we're talking about not being as skillful after the fires,

661
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:37,320
Speaker 2: I noticed that that was happening a little bit more often.

662
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 2: And again, if you're like like, people will laugh at

663
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:46,080
Speaker 2: me because it would be like, you know, three drinks

664
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,919
Speaker 2: a week or whatever, like, but for.

665
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 1: Me, that's like, you're about taking care of yourself and.

666
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 2: It's and it's also so about like it's more because

667
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:01,480
Speaker 2: you know, I'm I'm it was more about I was

668
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:05,919
Speaker 2: looking forward to it. It was more about all I'd

669
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:09,880
Speaker 2: like to have, like that's new to me, Like even

670
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,560
Speaker 2: back in the day when I like, I never thought

671
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:18,400
Speaker 2: about yeah, like exactly, so I noticed that it was

672
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:20,239
Speaker 2: like part of my mind, this is a small part,

673
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:22,000
Speaker 2: but part of my mind was kind of looking forward

674
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 2: to it. And that was a big red flag for me.

675
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:26,440
Speaker 2: And it was like, oh, so you know it was

676
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 2: Fortunately for me, it's a very easy thing to kind

677
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:29,759
Speaker 2: of just shut down again.

678
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:32,600
Speaker 1: But I mean, I think for so many people who

679
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 1: do struggle with severe addictions, yes, this sounds like nothing,

680
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 1: but for you, it was something.

681
00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 2: And it's also maybe like yes, for sure, So not

682
00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 2: minimizing somebody who's because if you have a history of addiction,

683
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 2: like having that one drink could ruin your whole life.

684
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 2: And so please don't take this like that was not

685
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:58,719
Speaker 2: a thing for me, clearly, and this is an indication.

686
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:04,200
Speaker 2: But I didn't like it, Like I was like, I don't.

687
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:07,120
Speaker 2: I don't. That's a that's a that's a bizarre for

688
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 2: me for me to kind of like want that or

689
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:11,920
Speaker 2: to numb out or look forward to that. It was

690
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 2: an indication that I wasn't using the tools and the

691
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:17,319
Speaker 2: things that I had developed in the last twenty years

692
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,400
Speaker 2: of my life to become a better person and to

693
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:22,759
Speaker 2: try to like deal with challenges and problems in a

694
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 2: more productive and effective way. And at the same time,

695
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 2: I was being very gentle with myself, like I was

696
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:35,759
Speaker 2: just noticing it and being aware of it, and and

697
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 2: then eventually I eventually like I just kind of stopped.

698
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:45,279
Speaker 2: And I prefer that, Yeah, Like I I wear this

699
00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:49,280
Speaker 2: little help like fitness tracker. It's called Whoop and Whoop.

700
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:51,560
Speaker 2: I like that, and it's a really good one. It's

701
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:54,280
Speaker 2: a very very effective one. I don't work for them.

702
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,680
Speaker 2: And I noticed that when even if I had half

703
00:37:57,719 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 2: a drink or something like my numbers, my sleep quality,

704
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:03,279
Speaker 2: my hr my heart rate variability, my blood oxygen level,

705
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:06,600
Speaker 2: and my heart rate. All of it was like shot,

706
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:09,840
Speaker 2: Like my recovery was in the red, like just a

707
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:11,839
Speaker 2: drink because I'm so sensitive to it.

708
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:14,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're so on top of what's going on

709
00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:15,799
Speaker 1: with your body now, and.

710
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:17,920
Speaker 2: Now it's been like weeks and weeks or months where

711
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 2: I haven't and I'm in the green and my numbers

712
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:22,879
Speaker 2: are great, and I'm like, this is what I want

713
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:25,360
Speaker 2: to be and I feel fresh, and you know, I

714
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 2: want to like, yeah, I want to be able to

715
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:33,400
Speaker 2: resist a craving that I know isn't in the direction

716
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:34,640
Speaker 2: of who I want to be, Like, I want to

717
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:35,839
Speaker 2: be able to sit with it and be like, I'm

718
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:38,120
Speaker 2: feeling this coming up, So how can I handle this?

719
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:39,640
Speaker 2: Do I have to act on it? Do I want

720
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 2: to act on it? Do I want to have? What

721
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,279
Speaker 2: are my other options? And I just try to take

722
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:46,319
Speaker 2: my time and be mindful of it, and you know,

723
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:49,279
Speaker 2: and it's it's better for me, Like.

724
00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:50,440
Speaker 1: You're back on the rails.

725
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:52,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I definitely back on the rails.

726
00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 1: I like Cameron on the rails. Me too, yeah, me to,

727
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:02,520
Speaker 1: and I know that you're your spirituality had to have

728
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:05,839
Speaker 1: been a big part of helping you through that. I

729
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:07,160
Speaker 1: can only imagine.

730
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:10,200
Speaker 2: I think it probably saved my life, like it was.

731
00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:18,759
Speaker 3: I don't want to be dramatic, you're an actor, man,

732
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 3: it felt like it.

733
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:22,759
Speaker 2: Did, like especially in the breakup, especially you know, in

734
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:29,640
Speaker 2: the separation, I was in a lot of pain.

735
00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 1: What was your lowest? Will you tell me? Because I've

736
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:34,920
Speaker 1: had a lot of lows.

737
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:38,080
Speaker 2: I know, yeah, I know, I talked a little bit about.

738
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 1: I don't know the details, but you think it was

739
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:42,000
Speaker 1: the separation.

740
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 2: The low for me? Wow, that's tricky because that morning

741
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:48,879
Speaker 2: at the house when I walked up there, that had

742
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:52,719
Speaker 2: to have been a massive low. But also in a

743
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 2: weird way, it was it was as if kind of

744
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 2: whatever you want to say, but the universe was sort

745
00:39:58,719 --> 00:40:03,720
Speaker 2: of saying like, no, you really need like a fresh

746
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 2: fresh start, like you need to start over, like relationship gone,

747
00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:12,320
Speaker 2: kids out of the house, dog gone, house gone, possessions gone,

748
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:16,440
Speaker 2: health jeopardized. Who are you now? Like what are you

749
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 2: going to do now? So even though that on paper

750
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 2: would feel like the ultimate low, and maybe it is

751
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:28,280
Speaker 2: in one level emotionally close to that, or maybe even

752
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 2: lower was the breakup when it wasn't officially yet, but

753
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:35,960
Speaker 2: I knew things weren't good. Like I was living in

754
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:40,120
Speaker 2: our little guesthouse and my dog had cancer and was paralyzed.

755
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 2: He's like beautiful dober Men and he couldn't use his

756
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:47,080
Speaker 2: back legs, and so I was like in so much pain,

757
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:51,960
Speaker 2: not sleeping, my mind going. My dog was out there

758
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,520
Speaker 2: with me and paralyzed and couldn't walk, and I was

759
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 2: having to help him, and he was up in the

760
00:40:56,680 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 2: night and he didn't have control of his bowels, and

761
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:02,520
Speaker 2: it was it was such like it was just a

762
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:05,960
Speaker 2: real dark low where it was. I just felt like

763
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:11,440
Speaker 2: everything was kind of slipping away. And yeah, I'm sleeping

764
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:13,960
Speaker 2: on this like pull out couch in my guesthouse. And

765
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 2: then there's just a lot of emotional pain, and I've

766
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:23,360
Speaker 2: got a lot of frustration and confusion and fear and.

767
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:26,640
Speaker 1: All those things are so hard to sit with.

768
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:32,080
Speaker 2: Yeah alone, yeah in your mind, Like you know, there's

769
00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:34,520
Speaker 2: physical pain and then there's mental pain, emotional pain, and

770
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:36,839
Speaker 2: I think in many many ways, I've had a lot

771
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:40,960
Speaker 2: of really intense physical pain and it's it's very scary,

772
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:44,120
Speaker 2: very hard, but I don't think it compares to like

773
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:45,799
Speaker 2: emotional mental pain, and.

774
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,160
Speaker 1: We don't think we're strong enough to get through it.

775
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:50,839
Speaker 1: Like I think probably that's the biggest fear, is like

776
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,359
Speaker 1: I don't know how I can get through this, like

777
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:58,400
Speaker 1: I need some help. And then maybe that's when you

778
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:02,959
Speaker 1: turn to remembering what you've learned.

779
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:06,400
Speaker 2: Or yeah, it has that's exactly right, like it's I

780
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 2: would notice that in that time, in that stretch, you know,

781
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:11,400
Speaker 2: I was going to you know, talk therapy and it

782
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 2: was very helpful. But then also my classes and my

783
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 2: studies and my meditation and even something as simple as

784
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 2: just like counting mantras or something in the in the center,

785
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:24,400
Speaker 2: and the way that I felt after a class or

786
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:27,920
Speaker 2: after a study or a meditation session, it was as

787
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:30,440
Speaker 2: if all of the conditions of my life, the challenging

788
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:33,439
Speaker 2: conditions of my life, they felt different. I had more

789
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 2: compassion and love, I had more patience and acceptance and understanding.

790
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:44,480
Speaker 2: I like the world looked brighter. And then slowly you

791
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 2: lose that perspective in life, and an argument and things

792
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:49,200
Speaker 2: at that, and then you got to get back and

793
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:52,360
Speaker 2: I just knew that that became like the real indication

794
00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 2: that you know, I need this in my life, and

795
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:59,040
Speaker 2: this is it was the most incredible, like night and day.

796
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:02,319
Speaker 2: Sometimes I felt like in our couple's therapy at that time,

797
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 2: before things were worked out, that it made it worse,

798
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:08,000
Speaker 2: Like you're talking about the problem and you're dwelling on

799
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:13,320
Speaker 2: the problem and sometimes can be more like problem oriented

800
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:17,440
Speaker 2: and not solution oriented. I'm not saying all time, and

801
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:19,839
Speaker 2: you're coming out and you're actually more worked up and

802
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:22,399
Speaker 2: agitated and feel worse off than when you went in.

803
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:25,000
Speaker 1: The same thing happened to David and I because we

804
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:30,000
Speaker 1: went through a big breakup for a year and we

805
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 1: tried couple therapy. We both hated it. It made us further,

806
00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:36,360
Speaker 1: it took us further apart.

807
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 2: Isn't that crazy? Like it's not crazy, because I think

808
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 2: there's actually books written about how if it's not, I

809
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:48,359
Speaker 2: don't really know because I haven't read all of them.

810
00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:52,080
Speaker 2: But essentially, the essence from what I understand is dwelling

811
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:56,120
Speaker 2: and sort of sitting in the problem and going back

812
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 2: and forth, you know, and the problem said she said, right,

813
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:02,560
Speaker 2: it can just spiral it up and you're you're almost

814
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:06,480
Speaker 2: like exaggerating the bad qualities and you're just kind of

815
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:11,359
Speaker 2: like reliving it and retriggering it versus really being more

816
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:14,319
Speaker 2: kind of on a solution oriented or or you know,

817
00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:19,800
Speaker 2: there's other strategies, but for me, that was my experience.

818
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:23,799
Speaker 1: I think for me, it came down to forgiveness that

819
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:26,359
Speaker 1: it was very hard to get there. Yeah, like that

820
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:29,000
Speaker 1: took a lot of digging. Good for you, but forgiveness

821
00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:32,759
Speaker 1: of the other person's actions or what desires or whatever

822
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:38,280
Speaker 1: caused it. And then the forgiveness to myself for myself

823
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:43,840
Speaker 1: for whether I didn't take the best care of myself

824
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:46,880
Speaker 1: through it, I wasn't the best mom through it, really

825
00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:50,479
Speaker 1: saying like you just went through something really really rough

826
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:52,839
Speaker 1: and you need to continue to love yourself through it.

827
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:55,000
Speaker 1: And that's one of the things too with like, I

828
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:57,800
Speaker 1: talk a lot to everyone about choosing themselves and the

829
00:44:57,840 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 1: importance of saying I choose me. And there are times

830
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:06,399
Speaker 1: when I'll go to a class, budd a class and

831
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:10,120
Speaker 1: the focus is so not on the me.

832
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:13,520
Speaker 2: So how do you please tell me about this? Because

833
00:45:13,560 --> 00:45:15,400
Speaker 2: this is really interesting. This is where people get a

834
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:18,120
Speaker 2: lot of the wrong idea about.

835
00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:21,040
Speaker 1: So I get I get twisted in my own mind

836
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 1: and think, oh, no is choosing myself or is allowing

837
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:27,719
Speaker 1: myself to know that it's okay to choose myself. Is

838
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:34,160
Speaker 1: that being selfish? Because it's really and I asked one

839
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:36,839
Speaker 1: of the teachers in the Pasadena class on it's about, like,

840
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 1: how do you know, how do you explain that to me?

841
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,279
Speaker 1: If I'm choosing myself and my selfish or am I

842
00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 1: always supposed to be putting others first and their happiness

843
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:49,520
Speaker 1: before my own? Right, which, yes, that does help you,

844
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:52,080
Speaker 1: that makes you feel better. But at the same time,

845
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:55,040
Speaker 1: it's kind of all the same message, like it's all

846
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:59,279
Speaker 1: about when you do choose to take care of yourself

847
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:04,200
Speaker 1: more available and helpful and useful to.

848
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:09,399
Speaker 2: Others, like getting like good sleep and doing like good

849
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:11,759
Speaker 2: feel good things that are your sort of green light

850
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:13,920
Speaker 2: behaviors that you love to go down and playing golf

851
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:18,800
Speaker 2: or whatever, like doing things that nurture you. But then also,

852
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:22,120
Speaker 2: you know, in Buddhism we hear, like in society, we

853
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:25,520
Speaker 2: hear a lot about self love. I choose me self

854
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:30,480
Speaker 2: love and a really cool description of sort of the

855
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:34,480
Speaker 2: Buddhist philosophy on self love is so love like I

856
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:38,080
Speaker 2: talked about in a Buddhist perspective or Eastern philosophy perspective,

857
00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:42,240
Speaker 2: is is a deep wish for others to be happy

858
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:44,919
Speaker 2: and cherishing others and caring. But that that's like pure love,

859
00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:49,680
Speaker 2: like without that sort of selfish intention, So self love

860
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:54,320
Speaker 2: like you know, wishing so love would be wishing others

861
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:57,839
Speaker 2: to have pure happiness, like lasting peace and happiness. So

862
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:02,120
Speaker 2: self love would be wishing that for yourself to find peace,

863
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:06,920
Speaker 2: like real deep peace and lasting happiness. That would be

864
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:11,440
Speaker 2: considered self love from a Buddhist perspective. And the best

865
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:15,080
Speaker 2: way to do that is to you know, like meditate

866
00:47:15,080 --> 00:47:17,560
Speaker 2: on virtue and to train in patience and love and

867
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:21,680
Speaker 2: wisdom and compassion. And that's that's like basically how like

868
00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:24,880
Speaker 2: that self love of healing your heart and your mind

869
00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:28,319
Speaker 2: at the same time taking care of yourself and like

870
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:31,879
Speaker 2: you know, eating well and sleeping well and drinking lots

871
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:35,000
Speaker 2: of water and going for walks and saying no like

872
00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:38,360
Speaker 2: these are all minds, like you know, wishing others to

873
00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:42,000
Speaker 2: be happy and caring about others. It doesn't in fact,

874
00:47:42,239 --> 00:47:44,279
Speaker 2: very little of it is physical action. It can be

875
00:47:44,360 --> 00:47:46,719
Speaker 2: verbal because of verbal but so much of it is

876
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 2: just a shift of the mind, like you know, may

877
00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:51,320
Speaker 2: you be happy, may you experience beautiful conditions. May you,

878
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:52,839
Speaker 2: you know, find peace in your life. May you find

879
00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:55,080
Speaker 2: a new home after the fire, is just like it's

880
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:57,200
Speaker 2: just a mind, it's just a shift of the mind.

881
00:47:57,320 --> 00:47:59,400
Speaker 1: One of the biggest things for me was the teaching

882
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:03,359
Speaker 1: that looking at someone and being angry at someone. You've

883
00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:05,160
Speaker 1: talked about it before in the class you taught me about,

884
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:07,080
Speaker 1: like when you're driving and someone cuts you off and

885
00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:08,920
Speaker 1: you get angry and you look at the guy and

886
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:15,680
Speaker 1: you're like, you know, hey, asshole. But being able to

887
00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:21,360
Speaker 1: look at others as if with the knowing that all

888
00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:23,960
Speaker 1: they want is to be free from suffering and pain

889
00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:28,600
Speaker 1: in their own lives. So when you think about someone

890
00:48:28,680 --> 00:48:31,920
Speaker 1: and you look at someone, even a stranger, if you

891
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:36,920
Speaker 1: put that thought first, it just changes how you see people.

892
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:40,200
Speaker 1: Like it's such a it's like a like a leveling

893
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 1: of humanity. Yeah, the goosies.

894
00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:46,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so beautiful and it's so true. You would

895
00:48:46,719 --> 00:48:50,239
Speaker 2: change the world. It would literally change everybody's relationship, and

896
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:52,680
Speaker 2: it changes our mind and it changes our relationship with

897
00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:56,400
Speaker 2: the situation. It completely changes the person in the supermarket

898
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 2: that cuts you off, or on the street or whatever,

899
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:01,799
Speaker 2: when you know you just think they're just trying to

900
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:03,880
Speaker 2: be happy. They're trying to be free from pain and suffering.

901
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:05,480
Speaker 2: They're trying to get home to their kids. Maybe they

902
00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:07,520
Speaker 2: worked in All Night Show. They just want to be

903
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:11,799
Speaker 2: just like me. Their wish for that happiness and to

904
00:49:11,840 --> 00:49:14,160
Speaker 2: have peace in their life and joy and freedom from

905
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:18,520
Speaker 2: pain and all that feels to them exactly the way

906
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:21,000
Speaker 2: mine does feel to me. And we're the same. And

907
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:21,840
Speaker 2: may you be happy.

908
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:26,799
Speaker 1: Happy to be happy. It's the greatest thing. I could

909
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:30,319
Speaker 1: talk about it for forever. You did good by introducing

910
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:33,239
Speaker 1: me to it. So that's why I really do have

911
00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:42,120
Speaker 1: a place in my heart for you. I do want

912
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:48,359
Speaker 1: to just talk about this in you redefining what is

913
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:52,600
Speaker 1: next for Camera Matheson, Like what do you want? The

914
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:56,719
Speaker 1: world is your oyster. You've decided to focus on providing

915
00:49:57,160 --> 00:50:02,000
Speaker 1: functional health coaching for other people, which is right on

916
00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:02,640
Speaker 1: brand for you.

917
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, first of all, thank you good. I'm glad

918
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:09,239
Speaker 2: because it just it's just me. It's as I sort

919
00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:11,840
Speaker 2: of alluded to earlier, like it changed the whole way

920
00:50:11,920 --> 00:50:16,200
Speaker 2: that I come at health and longevity and fitness and

921
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:19,600
Speaker 2: training and happiness. Like it's an amazing.

922
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:22,839
Speaker 1: People look at you and they think I want what

923
00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:24,799
Speaker 1: he has, Like I want to be able to live

924
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 1: a healthy life like he has and overcome my own adversities.

925
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:30,440
Speaker 1: But now it's as if you're taking all of that

926
00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:33,920
Speaker 1: hardship that you endured and helping others with it.

927
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:36,480
Speaker 2: That as honestly my goal. This is a passion project.

928
00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:38,560
Speaker 2: This is something that I know from my own experience

929
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:41,560
Speaker 2: change like so a functional health coach. So we all

930
00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:43,799
Speaker 2: know what functional health like, a functional medicine doctor, but

931
00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:46,160
Speaker 2: it's it's so much more than that.

932
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:50,800
Speaker 1: I'm gonna stop. What is a functional health doctor compared

933
00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:52,320
Speaker 1: to just a regular old doctor.

934
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:56,400
Speaker 2: So generally, a functional health doctor, from my best understanding,

935
00:50:56,520 --> 00:51:00,439
Speaker 2: is somebody that treats more the root cause of things

936
00:51:00,719 --> 00:51:03,600
Speaker 2: so versus you know, I think in a lot of cases,

937
00:51:03,640 --> 00:51:07,680
Speaker 2: western medicine treats symptoms. It's more like sick health excuse me,

938
00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:12,040
Speaker 2: sick treatment versus health treatment. And a functional doctor will

939
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:16,320
Speaker 2: try to look at the root causes and very helpful.

940
00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 2: But oftentimes you can go to a functional medicine doctor

941
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 2: and they give you some supplements and they give you

942
00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:24,880
Speaker 2: some protocols and things, and then you're on your way

943
00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:28,080
Speaker 2: and there's no follow up and there's nobody there to

944
00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:30,400
Speaker 2: hold your hand or answer your question. So a functional

945
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:35,280
Speaker 2: health coach takes the essence of functional medicine looking trying

946
00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:38,720
Speaker 2: to heal your body and its root causes of things.

947
00:51:38,760 --> 00:51:42,080
Speaker 2: Like you know, for instance, I had acid reflux for

948
00:51:42,200 --> 00:51:45,520
Speaker 2: ten years. I was given an acid reflux acid reflux

949
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:50,000
Speaker 2: medication from a doctor that is directly correlated with kidney cancer,

950
00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:52,799
Speaker 2: the exact type of cancer I had. It caused the

951
00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:57,680
Speaker 2: digestion and my gut acid production to shut down, ruin

952
00:51:57,760 --> 00:52:00,640
Speaker 2: my digestion, which was the cause of my microbiome imbalance

953
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:03,880
Speaker 2: all of that. So they're treating a symptom, but the

954
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:08,000
Speaker 2: root cause often gets worse, whereas functional medicine will try

955
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:09,640
Speaker 2: to get to the root props. Why is your at

956
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:11,359
Speaker 2: why is you Why do you have acid reflux? What's

957
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:13,319
Speaker 2: going on? Is it because you have too little acid? No,

958
00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:15,799
Speaker 2: it's it's excuse me if it's because you have too

959
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:18,160
Speaker 2: much acid. No, it's because you have too little acid.

960
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:22,160
Speaker 2: So I shifted and I started taking each cl with

961
00:52:22,280 --> 00:52:26,600
Speaker 2: my meals, lemon water, some some sauerkrat which is fermented vegetables,

962
00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:30,360
Speaker 2: as well as ginger tea, and in three days, after

963
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:34,160
Speaker 2: twelve years of being on medication. In three days with

964
00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:38,320
Speaker 2: just lifestyle and diet changes, my acid reflux was gone.

965
00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 2: So like, so that's sort of more of the functional

966
00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:47,560
Speaker 2: approach using natural foods and lifestyle supplements. Maybe peptides. We

967
00:52:47,600 --> 00:52:52,160
Speaker 2: have a peptide department, Hormone replacement therapy division like AVITE,

968
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:56,440
Speaker 2: like a medical division testing like elaborate hormone and gut

969
00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:59,040
Speaker 2: and blood work testing, because there's a lot of things

970
00:52:59,040 --> 00:53:01,760
Speaker 2: that you can learn from that testing that you wouldn't

971
00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:04,279
Speaker 2: get just from like going to a trainer or going

972
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 2: to like a functional medicine doctor or whatever. And this

973
00:53:06,760 --> 00:53:09,160
Speaker 2: and the coaching is where you check in weekly and

974
00:53:09,200 --> 00:53:12,360
Speaker 2: you send progress photos and you you put online like

975
00:53:12,400 --> 00:53:14,200
Speaker 2: you know, how much water you're drinking, how's your sleep,

976
00:53:14,239 --> 00:53:16,600
Speaker 2: how many steps are you getting? What are you struggling with? What?

977
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:18,719
Speaker 2: You have a partner, You have a partner in it

978
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:21,759
Speaker 2: their head. It's just it literally you have somebody that's

979
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:25,560
Speaker 2: you're accountable to, and it inspires you to, Yeah, just

980
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:27,120
Speaker 2: keep your track and of course you're gonna fall off

981
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:29,080
Speaker 2: and do things. And you know, I had my birthday

982
00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:31,840
Speaker 2: the other day and I was like whatever I wanted

983
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:33,279
Speaker 2: to eat and it was great. And then you just

984
00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:34,440
Speaker 2: get back on track and you just do.

985
00:53:34,520 --> 00:53:36,440
Speaker 1: Wait. I was going to have a cupcake for you today,

986
00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:38,919
Speaker 1: Oh you were, but then I thought no, I would

987
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:40,400
Speaker 1: get him a carrot, because he's.

988
00:53:40,239 --> 00:53:41,920
Speaker 2: Not going to eat just a carrot, some celery and

989
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:43,160
Speaker 2: some homicies, would it.

990
00:53:43,280 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course did.

991
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:47,799
Speaker 2: I certainly had my my first shir yesterday. But but anyway, Yeah,

992
00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:50,080
Speaker 2: So that's so I started Health three sixty. It's it's

993
00:53:50,120 --> 00:53:53,640
Speaker 2: a new passion project. It's my so I joined forces

994
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:56,879
Speaker 2: with Vital Coaching, which Vince Pittstick and Vital and we've

995
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:59,160
Speaker 2: got a new division called Health three sixty, which I'm

996
00:53:59,239 --> 00:54:02,040
Speaker 2: you know, the face of and spreading the word and

997
00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:05,640
Speaker 2: telling my story. And this is literally only because I

998
00:54:05,760 --> 00:54:09,400
Speaker 2: see how many people get it wrong. They try so hard,

999
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,400
Speaker 2: and you know, oftentimes what used to work when we

1000
00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:14,480
Speaker 2: are younger stops working. And it can be for a

1001
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:19,160
Speaker 2: like a million different reasons. You know, hormones, gut health, inflammation, cortisol,

1002
00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:23,040
Speaker 2: blood sugar, you know, you know, parasites, mold explode you.

1003
00:54:23,200 --> 00:54:25,520
Speaker 2: And medicine doesn't take care of that. They'll just give

1004
00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:28,640
Speaker 2: you like a pill where they'll train harder, cut more calories.

1005
00:54:29,040 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 2: That's just like it's not the answer. Sometimes it works

1006
00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:34,480
Speaker 2: for a little while, but ultimately it doesn't.

1007
00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:38,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, it seems like so big and complicated to even

1008
00:54:38,520 --> 00:54:43,160
Speaker 1: like say, redirect your gut health. Yeah, you know, yeah,

1009
00:54:43,160 --> 00:54:45,760
Speaker 1: of course like that, I don't even know where to begin.

1010
00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:48,319
Speaker 2: So that's that's a great example. I know, we don't

1011
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:49,560
Speaker 2: have tons of time to get in. I don't want

1012
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:53,879
Speaker 2: to like board people like, but re kind of balancing

1013
00:54:53,920 --> 00:55:00,520
Speaker 2: your gut microbiome is unbelievably tricky. Like you really need

1014
00:55:00,560 --> 00:55:05,480
Speaker 2: to have a protocol that is very, very elaborate and works,

1015
00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:08,440
Speaker 2: because taking a little bit of probiotics and cutting carbs

1016
00:55:09,400 --> 00:55:13,240
Speaker 2: isn't doing anything to balance your gut microbiome. You're starving

1017
00:55:13,239 --> 00:55:16,760
Speaker 2: that bad bacteria, but they're just in hibernation. They're gonna

1018
00:55:16,760 --> 00:55:18,480
Speaker 2: come out the next time you have a cookie or

1019
00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:20,799
Speaker 2: a plate apasta or a piece of bread, and they're

1020
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:23,279
Speaker 2: gonna go nuts and you're gonna be distended and in pain,

1021
00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:25,200
Speaker 2: and you'll be like, I've been so good, what happened?

1022
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:26,440
Speaker 2: Because you haven't done.

1023
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:30,880
Speaker 1: Anything so suffer from that. Fiona and Lola both have

1024
00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:33,719
Speaker 1: just chronic pain a tummy problem.

1025
00:55:33,719 --> 00:55:36,279
Speaker 2: When they eat certain foods. So food sensitivies or like that,

1026
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:40,360
Speaker 2: that bacteria can be very specific to certain food and

1027
00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:44,520
Speaker 2: I know firsthand it was unbelievably annoying. But Health three

1028
00:55:44,640 --> 00:55:47,200
Speaker 2: sixty and the coaches that we've had and that have

1029
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:49,600
Speaker 2: been working for a long time with Vital and now

1030
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:55,040
Speaker 2: with Health three sixty, have a protocol that I mean,

1031
00:55:55,360 --> 00:55:57,600
Speaker 2: I'm telling you, I tried for two decades to try

1032
00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:01,400
Speaker 2: to heal my gut. In six months, I did like

1033
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:05,000
Speaker 2: another gut test. It's almost like it looks like a

1034
00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:05,640
Speaker 2: different human.

1035
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:08,160
Speaker 1: This is exciting. I'm going to be texting you all

1036
00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:11,040
Speaker 1: the time. Wait, we did two Christmas movies.

1037
00:56:11,360 --> 00:56:13,800
Speaker 3: Mister Christmas, we did two together.

1038
00:56:14,160 --> 00:56:16,399
Speaker 1: I thought those were your only two you did.

1039
00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:18,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've done a couple more.

1040
00:56:18,719 --> 00:56:19,359
Speaker 1: How many more?

1041
00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 2: I mean, not all Christmas Christmas, probably like probably eight

1042
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:29,160
Speaker 2: more or.

1043
00:56:29,080 --> 00:56:33,040
Speaker 1: No nine, maybe because i've seen you.

1044
00:56:33,400 --> 00:56:36,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've done I've done a bunch more. But yeah,

1045
00:56:36,800 --> 00:56:38,759
Speaker 2: I've done a few through these, thank goodness. Yeah, they've

1046
00:56:38,760 --> 00:56:40,880
Speaker 2: been great to me. Have great American families, which is

1047
00:56:40,920 --> 00:56:45,319
Speaker 2: where kind Heart of Christmas was. I got one coming

1048
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:48,200
Speaker 2: out this Christmas with Cannabis with Candice Cameron Maurray. I

1049
00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:50,640
Speaker 2: know it's a really sweet one. I know it's gonna

1050
00:56:50,640 --> 00:56:52,560
Speaker 2: have a theatrical release for the first time in Great

1051
00:56:52,600 --> 00:56:54,280
Speaker 2: American Families history.

1052
00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:59,640
Speaker 1: So yeah, okay, I also just have to always ask, yeah,

1053
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:05,280
Speaker 1: guess Cameron matheson, what was your last I Choose Me moment?

1054
00:57:07,680 --> 00:57:12,440
Speaker 2: My last I Choose Me moment was when I went

1055
00:57:12,520 --> 00:57:16,360
Speaker 2: to London to help my son kind of move stuff

1056
00:57:16,360 --> 00:57:19,520
Speaker 2: from storage into his college apartment flat. And then I

1057
00:57:19,960 --> 00:57:24,000
Speaker 2: added on about six or seven days and I got

1058
00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:26,640
Speaker 2: a rental car and I drove north into the Lake

1059
00:57:26,760 --> 00:57:30,640
Speaker 2: District in northern UK by myself on the wrong side

1060
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:31,920
Speaker 2: of the car, on the wrong side of the street,

1061
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:36,120
Speaker 2: other side, and I did a like a six day

1062
00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:41,280
Speaker 2: series of teachings and meditation retreat and rented a little

1063
00:57:41,320 --> 00:57:44,880
Speaker 2: airbnb and was in nature and and it was very

1064
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:49,360
Speaker 2: healing and and just sort of filled my soul up.

1065
00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:54,640
Speaker 2: And that was a great gift to myself. Yeah, it

1066
00:57:54,680 --> 00:57:58,160
Speaker 2: was really it was a really good I Choose Me because,

1067
00:57:58,400 --> 00:58:01,960
Speaker 2: like we talked about, it was very healing for me,

1068
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:05,480
Speaker 2: but in doing so, like I'm so much more of

1069
00:58:05,520 --> 00:58:09,240
Speaker 2: a benefit to others and can be just like you

1070
00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:12,560
Speaker 2: sort of filled the tank of patience and kindness and

1071
00:58:12,600 --> 00:58:15,400
Speaker 2: respect and you know, got all these beautiful teachings that

1072
00:58:15,480 --> 00:58:17,400
Speaker 2: like I just want to like sort of embody in

1073
00:58:17,440 --> 00:58:20,400
Speaker 2: the world, and then at the same time just felt

1074
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:22,800
Speaker 2: so good myself, so that felt like it was a

1075
00:58:22,840 --> 00:58:27,240
Speaker 2: real gift. I love no thanks, I love you too.