1 00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:06,519 Speaker 1: Welcome to stuff Mom never told you. From how Supports 2 00:00:06,519 --> 00:00:14,280 Speaker 1: dot com. Hello, and welcome to the podcast. I'm Kristen 3 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:17,040 Speaker 1: and I'm Caroline, and today we wanted to do something 4 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:21,799 Speaker 1: a little bit different, which is devote an episode to you, 5 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:26,240 Speaker 1: our listeners. I mean every technically every episode is devoted 6 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,640 Speaker 1: to you, but we want to talk to you guys 7 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:33,640 Speaker 1: and gals. Yeah, we we get a lot of great 8 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:36,520 Speaker 1: listener mail, whether it's through email or Facebook. We also 9 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:38,360 Speaker 1: get a lot of great shout outs from you on Twitter, 10 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,320 Speaker 1: and so we wanted to take a little bit of 11 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:43,960 Speaker 1: time to read some of those letters. Yes, and every 12 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,640 Speaker 1: episode we do read listener mail, but we wanted to 13 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:51,120 Speaker 1: also maybe answer some of your questions. Yeah, and also 14 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:56,160 Speaker 1: heads up for our summer programming schedule. You might be 15 00:00:56,280 --> 00:01:00,560 Speaker 1: noticing in the coming weeks a few reruns. It's because 16 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:03,720 Speaker 1: you know what, Caroline and I work super duper hard 17 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 1: to bring you podcast, two of them in fact, each week, 18 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,000 Speaker 1: so we're taking a little bit of time off. But 19 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,960 Speaker 1: we have a special summer series coming for you. So 20 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,800 Speaker 1: every week there will be a brand new podcast you've 21 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,280 Speaker 1: never heard before, and one other one that you also 22 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 1: might not have heard before but have been really popular 23 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:25,920 Speaker 1: in the past. So don't fret if you see reruns 24 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 1: in your queue. Just listen again. There's always great stuff 25 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:32,080 Speaker 1: to learn. Yeah, you probably miss something the first time around, anyway, 26 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:35,399 Speaker 1: I know I do. So Wow, Kristen, that was so 27 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 1: interesting what you just said, Caroline, you're so hilarious. Well, 28 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:43,119 Speaker 1: why don't we hop through some questions? Shall we? Sure? Well? 29 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:45,480 Speaker 1: I have a letter here. It's a Facebook letter. What 30 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,320 Speaker 1: I guess it's also called a message Kristen h It's 31 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 1: from Fodd and he got hooked on the YouTube channel 32 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:57,400 Speaker 1: which introduced him to our podcasts. In staid, I was 33 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:01,080 Speaker 1: listening to an older podcast about females super heroes, which 34 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:05,400 Speaker 1: side note we published in November, and I wanted to 35 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 1: know if you would do another podcast looking at positive 36 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:13,920 Speaker 1: female fictional heroes. Side note we did one recently. Yeah, 37 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:16,359 Speaker 1: if you go to stuff Mom Never Told You dot 38 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 1: com and look in our podcast archive, which you can 39 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:22,799 Speaker 1: get to by clicking on the podcast tab and then 40 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 1: scrolling down to the very bottom of the page, there's 41 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 1: a little button that says brows our podcast archives, and 42 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:32,960 Speaker 1: that pulls up all five hundred plus episodes of Stuff 43 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 1: Mom Never Told You, and you will see the rise 44 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:41,840 Speaker 1: of female action heroes that came out on November. Okay, 45 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,600 Speaker 1: so five goes on to say, with the popularity of 46 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 1: shows like Game of Thrones, strong female heroes seemed to 47 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,799 Speaker 1: be more on the rise. I read an article recently 48 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,520 Speaker 1: about how Marvel is or has made an all female 49 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:56,640 Speaker 1: X Man group led by the weather controlling mutant called Storm. 50 00:02:56,639 --> 00:02:59,320 Speaker 1: Her portrayal has prompted her to get her own standalone comics, 51 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,840 Speaker 1: something that has been long wanted, and since she is 52 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,960 Speaker 1: the most popular female comic book hero or on par with, 53 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,800 Speaker 1: if not more so than, Wonder Woman. Sorry if this 54 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:11,640 Speaker 1: would cause a Marvel DC beef, that is very telling 55 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:13,880 Speaker 1: since she is often the only female leader in the 56 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,399 Speaker 1: X Men and is one of the most fleshed out 57 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 1: and powerful characters in the Marvel universe both power and 58 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,799 Speaker 1: personality wise, yet it took this long for her own 59 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,079 Speaker 1: comic to happen. Add On top of that, her being 60 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 1: a black woman who is also proudly pagan puts her 61 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,520 Speaker 1: into a minority, which one wouldn't naturally expect to be 62 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: so popular, especially among the assumed demographic of comic book readers. Okay, 63 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 1: now to his questions, do you think that in the 64 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 1: years since you made the Superhero Podcast, fictional women heroes 65 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:50,240 Speaker 1: have become more popular and easily acceptable to the masses, 66 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,720 Speaker 1: even if they don't fit the stereotypical bill of what 67 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:58,880 Speaker 1: we expect a female hero to be. Has the relatively 68 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,080 Speaker 1: small time difference been enough for women hear us to 69 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:05,200 Speaker 1: stand out due to their personality alone? If so, what 70 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,680 Speaker 1: changes in society or in the industry do you think 71 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 1: helped that to happen? Or have women become more active 72 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:14,720 Speaker 1: in consuming media in which there are strong female heroes. Okay, 73 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,599 Speaker 1: so do we think it's gotten better? Why do we 74 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,920 Speaker 1: think it's gotten better? What do women viewers have to 75 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,679 Speaker 1: do with it? I think it's gotten better because you 76 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 1: are seeing more just female lead action series such as 77 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:31,719 Speaker 1: Hunger games such as Divergent. I do think. Don't you 78 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:34,800 Speaker 1: think that it is getting better? Absolutely? Yeah? I um, 79 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:38,200 Speaker 1: you're you're also asking the person who is obsessed with 80 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:42,080 Speaker 1: lady spy shows. So like Li fem Nikita all time 81 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 1: favorite and love with Peter Wilson. Like I've said this 82 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:48,560 Speaker 1: a million times before, kick Butt character. I'm currently in 83 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:52,080 Speaker 1: the middle of binge watching Covert Affairs with Piper Parabo. 84 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:54,719 Speaker 1: Also so kick butt and she does it all on 85 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:57,240 Speaker 1: the super high heels. I don't even I can't even walk, 86 00:04:57,279 --> 00:04:59,560 Speaker 1: and she was like, she wears to run in anyway, 87 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,960 Speaker 1: I do think it's a lot better than even a 88 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,200 Speaker 1: few years ago. And I think something that might be 89 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 1: helping is just that people are even just talking about it, 90 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,440 Speaker 1: and that there's this younger generation coming up who were 91 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,960 Speaker 1: who kind of cut their teeth on the young adult 92 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:19,360 Speaker 1: lit featuring active female characters and heroes, and so when 93 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:24,040 Speaker 1: those end up becoming movies like The Hunger Games like Divergent, um, 94 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:27,040 Speaker 1: you've got young boys and young girls who are super 95 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:30,800 Speaker 1: excited to watch. Yeah, I think that awareness factor is 96 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,400 Speaker 1: a big key to all this. And listening to his letter, 97 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:37,360 Speaker 1: one thing that I was reminded of was how much attention, 98 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:43,279 Speaker 1: um deservedly so, was paid to how Scarlett Johansson, in 99 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,160 Speaker 1: the role of Black Widow in The Avengers, was treated 100 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:49,479 Speaker 1: on press tours for that film compared to the male 101 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:54,920 Speaker 1: superheroes in those movies, and she repeatedly called out reporters 102 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,680 Speaker 1: for just asking her over and over again, well, how 103 00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:00,400 Speaker 1: did you wear such as skin tied oftfit? How did 104 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,360 Speaker 1: you lose all that weight? How are you so fit? 105 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,080 Speaker 1: Whereas the guys would just get questions about their characters 106 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 1: and action all that, And how many times I've seen 107 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:12,880 Speaker 1: posts about that on Tumblr I couldn't even count, and 108 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:15,800 Speaker 1: I feel like that helps start a big conversation. They've 109 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:19,160 Speaker 1: also been tons of conversations surrounding women in the new 110 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:23,240 Speaker 1: Star Wars, for instance, and the celebration of women. I mean, 111 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:26,840 Speaker 1: there's obviously Carrie Fisher's coming back, but there's also Lupida 112 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:29,600 Speaker 1: and Yango, who we talked about extensively in our podcast 113 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:34,599 Speaker 1: about exoticizing non white beauty, and the brid of Tarth 114 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:38,680 Speaker 1: actress Game of Thrones. I mean, the Game of Thrones 115 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:40,680 Speaker 1: conversation you and I could have would be an entirely 116 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:42,680 Speaker 1: different podcast because it would take us two hours to 117 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,040 Speaker 1: talk about. But when you have characters like Aria, are 118 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,480 Speaker 1: you kidding me? She's like my hero? Yeah? I mean, 119 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,279 Speaker 1: and Game of Thrones is a great example of Yes, 120 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:55,080 Speaker 1: sometimes some problematic and we could say egregious rape scenes, 121 00:06:55,480 --> 00:07:01,320 Speaker 1: but all of these really strong, active female characters as 122 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:05,160 Speaker 1: well that the public clearly wants. We were asking for it, 123 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,320 Speaker 1: and we're asking for it loudly. And I think that 124 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:12,280 Speaker 1: studios are starting to pay more attention to that. Absolutely. Yeah, 125 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:15,040 Speaker 1: so I think I think the landscape is getting better. 126 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:18,840 Speaker 1: I think it's things are looking up. Knocking on wood 127 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:22,520 Speaker 1: with that one. Um but yeah, I I I loved 128 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:24,600 Speaker 1: your letter, FOD, and I wanted to I wanted to 129 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:27,800 Speaker 1: read it and see what see what Kristen thought too. Yeah, 130 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,600 Speaker 1: and one final shout out, I know that Orphan Black 131 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 1: the show, the BBC show gets a ton of attention 132 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:39,480 Speaker 1: for its portrayal of women. You know, this very strong 133 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:42,760 Speaker 1: lead female character who plays all of these different roles, 134 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:49,000 Speaker 1: but also in particular how they intentionally objectify the men 135 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,840 Speaker 1: in the show and like make them sort of empty 136 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:56,520 Speaker 1: shells of themselves. That makes some people upset, but really 137 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,320 Speaker 1: it's just flipping the whole treatment of women on screen 138 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:03,640 Speaker 1: for so long paradigm. Yeah, So just another one to 139 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,920 Speaker 1: toss onto the pile. And listeners, if you have other 140 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:10,320 Speaker 1: examples of shows and movies that are really showing strong, 141 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:15,960 Speaker 1: active women and girls on screen, hollaradus per usual. Well, 142 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 1: I've got a question here from Lana titled how do 143 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:23,640 Speaker 1: you date someone who's a sexual? Lana rights Hi girls, Hi, 144 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,840 Speaker 1: Lana Hi. I'm in a relationship with another female who 145 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 1: identifies as a sexual. I've just listened to your podcast 146 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:33,760 Speaker 1: about a sexuality from forever ago, and I'm interested in 147 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:36,320 Speaker 1: knowing what your thoughts are on being in a relationship 148 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 1: with someone who is a sexual when you aren't a 149 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,920 Speaker 1: sexual yourself. I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment 150 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,880 Speaker 1: and would appreciate some of your inputs. So I know 151 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:47,840 Speaker 1: I'm not just looking at this from my own perspective. Well, 152 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:51,360 Speaker 1: first of all, I think we should acknowledge that we well, 153 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,200 Speaker 1: I don't want to speak for you, Caroline, I I 154 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:58,000 Speaker 1: am not a sexual, no, so uh also grain of 155 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:01,800 Speaker 1: salt from our perspective. And speaking of that podcast episode 156 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,240 Speaker 1: you're referencing, it was for a while ago. It was 157 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:08,560 Speaker 1: from also November two thousand and ten, the title what 158 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 1: is a sexuality? If listeners want to go look that 159 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:16,280 Speaker 1: up on the website. Um, honestly, I think that that 160 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 1: is a pretty huge challenge that you're setting up for 161 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,240 Speaker 1: yourself if you are not a sexual and the other 162 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:26,120 Speaker 1: person is a sexual. I don't know the degree of 163 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:32,640 Speaker 1: sexual interest that the person has the woman has, but 164 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:37,199 Speaker 1: if they're a sexual in the sense that they aren't 165 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,600 Speaker 1: interested in any kind of physical contact and yet you are, 166 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,360 Speaker 1: and by physical contact, I mean I'm talking about like 167 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 1: sexual contact. I should say, then, I think you might 168 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:51,479 Speaker 1: need to think long and hard about how this relationship 169 00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:55,320 Speaker 1: will shape up for you, whether it will ultimately be 170 00:09:56,600 --> 00:10:01,400 Speaker 1: edifying for you, right, And I mean, you know, I 171 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:04,160 Speaker 1: don't want to go into the degrees of sexuality and 172 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,800 Speaker 1: like there's you know, spectrums and we can talk about 173 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,520 Speaker 1: that forever. But that's what the podcast is for. You 174 00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:12,320 Speaker 1: can go listen to that older episode. But um, you 175 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:15,839 Speaker 1: do have to keep in mind that while you may 176 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:21,200 Speaker 1: love and care for someone, it's still that doesn't necessarily 177 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,000 Speaker 1: mean it's the right relationship for you to be in. 178 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,520 Speaker 1: And it doesn't necessarily mean that that person is the 179 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,800 Speaker 1: person who can fulfill the needs and the wants that 180 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,880 Speaker 1: you have. And having needs and wants that might be different, 181 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,960 Speaker 1: and even conflicting with another person isn't bad. I think 182 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:39,720 Speaker 1: it's more important to acknowledge whether it is a fit 183 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:43,520 Speaker 1: or is not a fit. And this also isn't to 184 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:47,480 Speaker 1: throw a sexual under the bus whatsoever. I think it's 185 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: great that there is more a sexuality visibility happening. I 186 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,080 Speaker 1: think it's good that we are starting to recognize, like 187 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,800 Speaker 1: Caroly mentioned that there is a spectrum. Even wrote a 188 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:02,040 Speaker 1: blog post recently do a sexuals Masturbate? Talking about how 189 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:07,360 Speaker 1: you know there there's often this knee jerk negative response 190 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:10,319 Speaker 1: to people who identifies as sexual as oh, well, they 191 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 1: have some kind of disorder, must be some kind of disorder. No, 192 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:16,400 Speaker 1: it's not a disorder at all. Their needs and wants 193 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:23,000 Speaker 1: and desires are simply different than people who are sexual. Um, 194 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:26,680 Speaker 1: but I don't know, I don't. I don't want to 195 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,120 Speaker 1: say that that's a deal breaker, but I think that 196 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:32,199 Speaker 1: it sounds like you're clearly at a point of struggling 197 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 1: with it. So um, communication, communication, communication, no matter what 198 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:42,920 Speaker 1: direction the relationship takes, will be crucial to this. Yeah, 199 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,360 Speaker 1: communication is very important, and it's also important to remember 200 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:47,840 Speaker 1: that it's not a bad thing to put yourself first 201 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:51,160 Speaker 1: and that while this person is absolutely deserving of love 202 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,880 Speaker 1: and respect and being cared for and to care for 203 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:58,280 Speaker 1: someone else. Um, if if it's not right for you, 204 00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:01,720 Speaker 1: if the sec sual or non sexual aspect of your 205 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:05,000 Speaker 1: relationship doesn't fit with what you need and want, then 206 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:09,440 Speaker 1: maybe maybe you should part ways well. And I would 207 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 1: love to hear from any a sexuals listening about your 208 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:19,960 Speaker 1: perspective on being with someone, dating someone, even just spending 209 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,679 Speaker 1: time with someone, whether you qualified as dating or not, 210 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:29,559 Speaker 1: who is sexual. How you you know whether that feels similarly, 211 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:36,720 Speaker 1: um like a challenge for you to maintain as well. Um, 212 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,640 Speaker 1: So please let us let us know if you have 213 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:44,280 Speaker 1: any insights on that and good luck, Lana. Al Right, 214 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,120 Speaker 1: I have a Facebook message here from Christie. She says, 215 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:50,319 Speaker 1: one of the double standards that makes me so angry 216 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,480 Speaker 1: is when men and sometimes women tell women to cover 217 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,720 Speaker 1: up or tell them that she was asking for it 218 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 1: based on what she was wearing. I'd love to know 219 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:01,240 Speaker 1: when this started and why we are still supporting it 220 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,959 Speaker 1: as a society, because it seems to me, no matter 221 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,920 Speaker 1: what you wear as a woman, something could happen to you. 222 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:10,240 Speaker 1: This is based off of three personal incidents of street 223 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:14,239 Speaker 1: harassment while wearing modest clothing, and observation of the media, 224 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,040 Speaker 1: and yet we're always told to be careful of what 225 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:21,640 Speaker 1: you wear. Kristen, what do you think? Oh, I think 226 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:27,560 Speaker 1: that's a lot of slut shaming nonsense. Um, I got 227 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,960 Speaker 1: I've I've had this whole modesty thing on my brain 228 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:34,320 Speaker 1: for a really long time, partially because I grew up 229 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:39,120 Speaker 1: in a really conservative home in which my sisters and 230 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:42,600 Speaker 1: I were constantly told that we needed to watch out 231 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:45,400 Speaker 1: what we wore. Um for the reason that we didn't 232 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,840 Speaker 1: want to send off the wrong message that you know, 233 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,160 Speaker 1: boys will be boys, and it's up to us to 234 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:53,560 Speaker 1: cover ourselves up to make sure that you know our 235 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:59,360 Speaker 1: I guess morality is preserved. And I realized that my 236 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:03,840 Speaker 1: parents were doing what they thought was best. But in retrospect, 237 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,320 Speaker 1: it is those kinds of messages not just reinforced in 238 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:12,120 Speaker 1: more conservative homes, but in say, dress codes in schools everywhere. UM, 239 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:16,400 Speaker 1: in these kinds of messages that girls will get in um, say, 240 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:20,200 Speaker 1: freshman orientation in college of oh, you need to watch 241 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,240 Speaker 1: out what you're wearing because of your skirts too tight? 242 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:26,400 Speaker 1: Then dot dot dot and all of it. Really, the 243 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:33,640 Speaker 1: only purpose that ultimately serves is to reinforce rape culture, 244 00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:40,440 Speaker 1: really because to me, it not only removes agency from 245 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 1: girls because uh, really, there's like nothing we can do 246 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:48,600 Speaker 1: to prevent anything from happening, And it also removes agency 247 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:52,280 Speaker 1: from boys and guys because they're being told that they 248 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:55,240 Speaker 1: have no control over their sexuality either that if they 249 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,760 Speaker 1: see something that they like, then well let's just roll 250 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 1: the dice and see whether or not you go for 251 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 1: it right it all? I mean it also, I mean, 252 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:07,200 Speaker 1: speaking of rape culture, there is that whole sort of 253 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,360 Speaker 1: I can't even call it a perception or an idea 254 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:11,920 Speaker 1: because I feel like it's it's quieter and it's more subtle, 255 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,040 Speaker 1: and it's more deeply ingrained than that. But just the 256 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:18,760 Speaker 1: idea that women are objects, that they almost exist for 257 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:22,960 Speaker 1: other people, other people being men, and in that regard 258 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,800 Speaker 1: that means that you, as a woman, have to wear 259 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,440 Speaker 1: a longer skirt, wear a long sleeve shirt, don't wear 260 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:31,440 Speaker 1: something that's a V neck that can possibly show cleavage 261 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:37,320 Speaker 1: because men are uncontrollable animals and women are always victims, 262 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:41,440 Speaker 1: which is just throwing all of us under this horrific bus. 263 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:45,560 Speaker 1: And the one thing that always comes to my mind 264 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:48,440 Speaker 1: too whenever this argument of watch what you wear comes up, 265 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:52,480 Speaker 1: I think about when I go jogging and I'm wearing 266 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:57,880 Speaker 1: my typical outfit of like biker shorts and like a giant, 267 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:02,720 Speaker 1: ill fitting T shirt, and and my face is red, 268 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:08,360 Speaker 1: beat red, and I still get cat called that has 269 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:12,480 Speaker 1: absolutely nothing to do with what I'm wearing. I'm clearly 270 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 1: not looking provocative. Well no, but It has everything to 271 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,360 Speaker 1: do with the attitude that, oh, you're a woman, you're 272 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,320 Speaker 1: there for me to look at, and because you're this object, 273 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,440 Speaker 1: that you're there for me, just for me as a man, 274 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:25,280 Speaker 1: like I can do whatever I want to you. I 275 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,640 Speaker 1: can yell at you, I can cat call you, or 276 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:30,360 Speaker 1: I can attack you if I feel like, because you're there. Well, 277 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 1: and it's also I think, uh, in the minds of 278 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 1: some cat callers, they're paying us a compliment. You know. 279 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,000 Speaker 1: It doesn't perhaps in some people's minds that I'm not 280 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:43,320 Speaker 1: making an excuse, but I do think that it's like, well, 281 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,800 Speaker 1: you know, don't you want to be called pretty? Isn't that? 282 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,120 Speaker 1: You know? That's all we're saying. We're just asking you 283 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:52,400 Speaker 1: to get in our car um And no, we also 284 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:55,840 Speaker 1: need to culturally change the fact that that is kind 285 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:57,640 Speaker 1: of like the pinnacle of a compliment that you can 286 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,160 Speaker 1: pay to a woman is that she is pretty, that 287 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:05,679 Speaker 1: she is like sexually desirable. And I also think that 288 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:09,520 Speaker 1: the whole modesty thing also just like limits in general 289 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:13,919 Speaker 1: what sexy can be and can look like, you know, 290 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:17,160 Speaker 1: I mean, it's just it's just lose, lose all over 291 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:21,600 Speaker 1: the place. And I'll tell you anytime I go jogging 292 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:25,760 Speaker 1: with my boyfriend. Nothing, of course, noone hanks at me 293 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,880 Speaker 1: because I'm running with a guy. It's a similar kind 294 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,640 Speaker 1: of thing that comes up a lot where if you 295 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:34,160 Speaker 1: are at a bar and someone starts hitting on you, 296 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:39,679 Speaker 1: the most effective deflection is not I'm not interested, or 297 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,399 Speaker 1: even in some cases, which is the truth, I'm a 298 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,200 Speaker 1: lesbian and therefore I'm simply not attracted to you. Nope, 299 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,800 Speaker 1: even that won't work. It's I have a boyfriend or 300 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:51,359 Speaker 1: I have a husband. How she's somebody else's property, right, yeah, right, 301 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:54,800 Speaker 1: And I know it sounds probably to some people like 302 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:57,920 Speaker 1: really extreme and overblown, and no, that's not what we're 303 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:01,879 Speaker 1: thinking about. But I think it's undeniable that. Nonetheless, that 304 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:09,320 Speaker 1: logic traces back to that era when women were essentially property. Yeah, 305 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:13,639 Speaker 1: women were property. We were expected to be these pure 306 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,800 Speaker 1: virgins who had been untouched. They were you know, we 307 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:20,040 Speaker 1: were just pure as the driven snow, or at least 308 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:24,119 Speaker 1: just not pregnant outside of wedlock. Yeah, we could we 309 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,600 Speaker 1: have sex as long as there was like no outside 310 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:32,680 Speaker 1: sign that we had committed such an act. So that's 311 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,040 Speaker 1: a lot of an answer for that. That is a 312 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:36,639 Speaker 1: lot of an answer. But I mean it's everything from 313 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,920 Speaker 1: thinking about back in the times of Dowries to now 314 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,240 Speaker 1: thinking about like when I was in school. I was 315 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,359 Speaker 1: at a private school and we had a really strict 316 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,600 Speaker 1: dress code, and I mean you even hear about it 317 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:50,160 Speaker 1: now as far as well, your shorts can't be too 318 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,960 Speaker 1: short because you'll distract those poor boys, and it's like, 319 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:56,120 Speaker 1: would you please let boys be like I mean talk 320 00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:59,000 Speaker 1: about agency, like do we really have no faith in 321 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:02,359 Speaker 1: our children? Well, and also to speaking of dress codes, 322 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:06,240 Speaker 1: the fact that the there there are types of bodies 323 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:11,720 Speaker 1: that are disproportionately penalized. If you are a young woman 324 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,879 Speaker 1: who happens to have breasts and hips in a butt 325 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,800 Speaker 1: then or like me, you have really long arm, so 326 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:22,040 Speaker 1: I like fingertip length just like is impossible for me. 327 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 1: Then you know, it's always those kinds of bodies that 328 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:30,520 Speaker 1: are called out. Oh yeah, well, I mean like I'm 329 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:34,280 Speaker 1: I'm pretty booby, and you know I can't. I'm sorry, 330 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,120 Speaker 1: I can't, But she's pretty booby. I'm pretty booby and 331 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,200 Speaker 1: you know, sorry, not sorry. And I'm not gonna wear 332 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 1: sports bras try to minimize them. I'm just wearing normal 333 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,800 Speaker 1: T shirt bras from the gap that are comfortable, and 334 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:47,600 Speaker 1: I want to wear v nex shirts, you know, like 335 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,520 Speaker 1: I'm not trying to put my boobs in your face, 336 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:52,720 Speaker 1: although that is tep typically how I greet friends, But 337 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:54,240 Speaker 1: I mean, I do think that it's a lot of 338 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,320 Speaker 1: young women like that in high school who get the 339 00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:01,080 Speaker 1: short end of the stick because because people are just 340 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,280 Speaker 1: like you're flaunting it, you know, you need to go 341 00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:06,240 Speaker 1: home and put on a T shirt. Yeah, I hate 342 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:10,360 Speaker 1: that because I am not so booby and I can 343 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,360 Speaker 1: wear v neck T shirts and not get a second look. 344 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:14,960 Speaker 1: But that doesn't make sense. We could be wearing the 345 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,920 Speaker 1: same shirt and simply because we should do it, we 346 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,640 Speaker 1: should do a sminty experiment, and we're the same thing 347 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:26,280 Speaker 1: a cleavage experiment. See what happens. Stay tuned well. Also, 348 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,159 Speaker 1: I mean, my legs are much shorter than yours, so 349 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,919 Speaker 1: if we were the same shorts, I'm sure they might 350 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,040 Speaker 1: look shorter on you. There we go. Yeah, I'd be 351 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:36,000 Speaker 1: showing the games, showing off my gams Booby and Leggy. 352 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:39,920 Speaker 1: Yeah there's I would like to do a podcast soon 353 00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:44,320 Speaker 1: on the whole modesty issue, because clearly we have lots 354 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 1: of thoughts on it, lots of thoughts. Oh, and boy, 355 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,760 Speaker 1: do we have a lot more to say. Um, let's 356 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,560 Speaker 1: let's get us some more letters here. Alright, Well, I 357 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:57,000 Speaker 1: have some feedback and a question here from Chelsea in 358 00:20:57,040 --> 00:21:00,879 Speaker 1: response to our Women and Weed episod showed from a 359 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:04,800 Speaker 1: while back, she writes, I can't tell you how excited 360 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,320 Speaker 1: I was to hear your episode on women and Weed. 361 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,399 Speaker 1: I actually discovered your podcast last year while I was 362 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:13,359 Speaker 1: growing in California. I'm happy you touched on the gender 363 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:18,360 Speaker 1: difference between marijuana growers and trimmers. I experienced extreme isolation 364 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:21,120 Speaker 1: during these summer months and was surrounded by only men. 365 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,320 Speaker 1: Your podcast became a refuge where I could plug in 366 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,920 Speaker 1: while working outside and pretend to have some girl time. 367 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,680 Speaker 1: I've grown for years and even voted to pass the 368 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:33,240 Speaker 1: recreational marijuana building Colorado when I lived there. No matter 369 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:36,160 Speaker 1: how hard I worked, and despite growing the same quality 370 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:39,640 Speaker 1: of weed as my fellow grower guys, I never received 371 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,639 Speaker 1: the same recognition. When harvest came, I was expected to 372 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,840 Speaker 1: trim as well, because quote, women are better at that stuff. 373 00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:47,960 Speaker 1: If you have ever trimmed, it is a very long, 374 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,719 Speaker 1: boring and tedious process that you don't want to do. 375 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,439 Speaker 1: If you don't have to. As the US becomes more 376 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 1: accepting a marijuana I'm excited to break these stereotypes. I 377 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,800 Speaker 1: love my craft and I've always found a deep connection 378 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:02,080 Speaker 1: with weed farming. When growing marijuana, the female plants are 379 00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:04,560 Speaker 1: the ones that will produce the buds. As a woman, 380 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,560 Speaker 1: I've always felt a powerful connection to this concept and 381 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:11,240 Speaker 1: the importance of having a female presence around female plants. 382 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,959 Speaker 1: Since becoming a grower, I've always wondered why is it 383 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,840 Speaker 1: that when thinking of regular gardening, women are the norm, 384 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 1: but when it comes to farming or growing, it is 385 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,760 Speaker 1: a male dominated world. Thank you so much for your podcast. 386 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:28,920 Speaker 1: I will be tuning in all summer long. Sincerely, Gonja 387 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,680 Speaker 1: Gal And what a great question. So gardening, it's it's 388 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,760 Speaker 1: sort of like, um, how being a cook is for 389 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,800 Speaker 1: women and being a chef is for men. All that 390 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:40,680 Speaker 1: no offense to female stress out there. I have a 391 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:42,760 Speaker 1: feeling you know what I'm talking about though, how in 392 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:49,200 Speaker 1: uh industrial kitchens are very much, uh sort of masculine enclaves, 393 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:54,959 Speaker 1: similar kind of thing when it comes to gardening versus 394 00:22:55,160 --> 00:23:00,320 Speaker 1: farming or growing. What do you think that is? Um? 395 00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:02,160 Speaker 1: I think it goes back to a lot of things 396 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,560 Speaker 1: we've talked on the podcast before, as far as the 397 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,880 Speaker 1: professionalization of certain industries, because I mean we talked about 398 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,480 Speaker 1: this if you go back and listen to our coffee episode, 399 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:15,880 Speaker 1: um and and several other episodes we've done. As far 400 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,760 Speaker 1: as you know, women will be in it just as 401 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:23,080 Speaker 1: much as men are. But when an industry becomes professionalized 402 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:27,359 Speaker 1: or unionized, or there's like a guild of some kind 403 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:32,200 Speaker 1: and there's an apprenticeship system set up, basically when there's 404 00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:36,840 Speaker 1: money to be made, men have a tendency throughout history 405 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:40,640 Speaker 1: across industries of of of entering the industry, taking it over, 406 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:45,159 Speaker 1: making it into something fancy schmancy, and displacing all of 407 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,080 Speaker 1: the women who had been there all along. Well, and 408 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,720 Speaker 1: I think gardening is more considered like a domestic hobby 409 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:56,720 Speaker 1: whereas farming is a profession. And then I mean, we 410 00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:59,879 Speaker 1: could probably do a million podcasts like just tracing the 411 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:04,200 Speaker 1: history of agriculture if you think way back in time 412 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,840 Speaker 1: too before we could go to grocery stores and buy 413 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 1: all the food we needed, when people, families, et cetera, 414 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:15,800 Speaker 1: would grow their own food. Clearly, that would be in 415 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:20,400 Speaker 1: times when you have the stricter domestic structures with men 416 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:22,840 Speaker 1: at the top. Women would be doing all sorts of things. 417 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:26,919 Speaker 1: It would be very active in sort of cottage industry production, 418 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:31,040 Speaker 1: but it would probably still be the men working out 419 00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:35,359 Speaker 1: more out in the fields. So it probably they're probably 420 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,159 Speaker 1: all sorts of kind of reasons why that, you know, 421 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:42,000 Speaker 1: like tumbleweed has now blown into the divide that we 422 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,520 Speaker 1: still see with as ganja gal brings up in the 423 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:49,520 Speaker 1: marijuana industry of men being the farmers and women being 424 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:54,560 Speaker 1: more of the gardeners with the trimming. So any farmers 425 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:59,280 Speaker 1: or gardeners out there who have some insights, let us know, Yeah, 426 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,600 Speaker 1: let us know how you grow? All right? I have 427 00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:05,320 Speaker 1: a letter here from Beth uh sort of a pop 428 00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:09,960 Speaker 1: culture reference of the moment. She's very curious. She says, 429 00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:12,879 Speaker 1: what's up with that guy's mug shot that got a 430 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:16,800 Speaker 1: zillion likes on Facebook and comments from women like he 431 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,560 Speaker 1: can assault me anytime. As a woman who has been 432 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,639 Speaker 1: a victim of dating violence, I find these comments offensive 433 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:26,080 Speaker 1: and disturbing. Why do women make light of such serious 434 00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:29,360 Speaker 1: crimes and why do they find criminals attractive? I think 435 00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:32,600 Speaker 1: it goes deeper than just the women like bad boys stereotype. 436 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,600 Speaker 1: I think it has more to do with rape culture 437 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:36,800 Speaker 1: and the way women are treated and expect to be 438 00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:41,560 Speaker 1: treated in our society today. But what do you guys think? Yeah, 439 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:45,000 Speaker 1: so I have a feeling. By the time this podcast airs, 440 00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:48,560 Speaker 1: Jeremy Meeks, better known to the Internet at this moment 441 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:53,480 Speaker 1: as the hot Convict, his fame will probably have fizzled 442 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:57,440 Speaker 1: out a bit, simply because, as with many Internet memes, 443 00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:02,040 Speaker 1: they blow up and then fadeaways quickly as they blow up. 444 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:11,399 Speaker 1: And his story and the mug shotgune viral his problematic 445 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:15,639 Speaker 1: on so many levels. Women's comments aside for the moment, 446 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:22,040 Speaker 1: but just simply the fact that we have collectively flattened 447 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:29,400 Speaker 1: a man's life into one single attractive photo for our pleasure. 448 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,919 Speaker 1: You know, this is a guy who is in jail. 449 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:36,440 Speaker 1: He has a wife and a mother and a kid, 450 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:39,800 Speaker 1: and all he is is just he's He became a 451 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:45,359 Speaker 1: Twitter hashtag at one point, hashtag hot fellon Friday. That's disgusting, Like, 452 00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:48,760 Speaker 1: that's not um, that's not good behavior. Not because of 453 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:52,480 Speaker 1: in the sense of oh, we shouldn't you know, give 454 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,560 Speaker 1: criminals any any credence or anything like that. It's not 455 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,520 Speaker 1: even that, it's not even the question of well, did 456 00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,800 Speaker 1: he do this or not. He was arrested on felony 457 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,800 Speaker 1: web and charges and has had other run ins with 458 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,600 Speaker 1: the law of this is not his first time in jail. 459 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:08,720 Speaker 1: But all of that aside, it's simply a really poor 460 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:14,119 Speaker 1: reflection of how our culture just treats people sometimes, and 461 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:21,920 Speaker 1: especially minorities, as very disposable. Um and I actually wrote 462 00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:26,720 Speaker 1: a blog post about it because that happened right around 463 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,959 Speaker 1: when Caroline and I were were searching for our episode 464 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:35,040 Speaker 1: UM called Exotic Beauty, all about the fetishization of non 465 00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:38,960 Speaker 1: white beauty and using Lupetea and Yongo in particular as 466 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:44,160 Speaker 1: an example. And while he lives in a world just 467 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:49,000 Speaker 1: beyond far away from the world in which Lupetea lives, 468 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:53,680 Speaker 1: to me, it echoed similar kinds of things of us, 469 00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:59,240 Speaker 1: almost consuming and commodifying, you know, non white attractiveness when 470 00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:02,480 Speaker 1: it served us pleasure, when we can get a kick 471 00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:04,040 Speaker 1: out of it, and then we sort of leave it 472 00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:07,600 Speaker 1: by the wayside and go on our way. And I 473 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:11,000 Speaker 1: found thought it was telling that the sky Jeremy makes 474 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:14,760 Speaker 1: you know, he's lighter skinned and he has blue eyes 475 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:22,600 Speaker 1: and jawline cut from just just chiseled, and it reminded 476 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:26,080 Speaker 1: me of a question that we quoted in that episode 477 00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:29,359 Speaker 1: about that was from a BuzzFeed conversation about lupin Yongo 478 00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:32,359 Speaker 1: and fetishization of non white women, and it was this 479 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:36,120 Speaker 1: question of, well, are people so like fawning over Lupida 480 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,960 Speaker 1: so much because she transcends the superficial idea of what 481 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:41,400 Speaker 1: black is? And I feel like there was a lot 482 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:46,320 Speaker 1: of that going on with this mug shot. Mania was like, oh, 483 00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,800 Speaker 1: well he doesn't he doesn't look like your typical criminal. 484 00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:53,160 Speaker 1: Look at him. Oh he could model? And then I 485 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:54,960 Speaker 1: don't know, what do you think about the stuth Caroline 486 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:58,480 Speaker 1: with the comments of women saying flippantly, well he could 487 00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:02,560 Speaker 1: assault me. I well, obviously it's gross um and obviously 488 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:06,240 Speaker 1: they're not really thinking about what they're saying. It's not funny. 489 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:10,440 Speaker 1: It's also not funny. It's it's not funny. And it 490 00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:14,160 Speaker 1: surprises me that people would say that. I mean, because 491 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,680 Speaker 1: on the one hand, like, think about who you're saying 492 00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:18,600 Speaker 1: this to, Like you could have friends and family who 493 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,040 Speaker 1: are reading this who have dealt with this, But also like, 494 00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:23,160 Speaker 1: what are you what are you saying about yourself? Like 495 00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:27,600 Speaker 1: really you're I mean, I get like Okay, let's step 496 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,680 Speaker 1: back for a moment from this guy. And like, I 497 00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:33,120 Speaker 1: get when you see an attractive person and you think 498 00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:36,960 Speaker 1: I want to be intimate with that person whatever whatever 499 00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:40,800 Speaker 1: that ends up meaning. But to turn it into a 500 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:45,920 Speaker 1: sexual assault joke, uh, is is pretty pretty demeaning for 501 00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:48,960 Speaker 1: everyone involved. Well yeah, and it also I mean there's 502 00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:52,080 Speaker 1: a whole other layer to it as well. Of supposedly 503 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:55,440 Speaker 1: in our criminal justice system, people are innocent until proven guilty, 504 00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:58,200 Speaker 1: and that right there, he wasn't, you know, even arrested 505 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,840 Speaker 1: on assault charges. It's just a this assumption that oh, 506 00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:05,720 Speaker 1: well this is uh, you know, a man of color 507 00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:09,800 Speaker 1: who has been arrested, well he must also you know, 508 00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:13,920 Speaker 1: be a rapist too. So it's just wrong on on 509 00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:18,680 Speaker 1: multiple levels. And was uh just kind of it was. 510 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:22,080 Speaker 1: It was a gross Friday for me. Yeah, it was. Um, 511 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:25,960 Speaker 1: I mean I think it was a low moment. It 512 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:31,120 Speaker 1: was a low moment in internet. Uh miss Yeah. Um. 513 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,360 Speaker 1: And this actually brings up a question I would like 514 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:37,520 Speaker 1: to pose to listeners. One of the worst responses that 515 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,320 Speaker 1: I saw to all of this hubbub over the mug 516 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:45,640 Speaker 1: shot was this very pick up artist e men's rights 517 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:50,120 Speaker 1: activisty Comeback of Well, this just shows the never ending 518 00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:53,720 Speaker 1: hypocrisy of American women and how they only want bad 519 00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:57,120 Speaker 1: guys and nice guys. You know we're never gonna step 520 00:30:57,200 --> 00:30:59,480 Speaker 1: up and beta mails. It's time for you to blah 521 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:04,680 Speaker 1: blah blah. Uh. And we have been getting the question 522 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:08,520 Speaker 1: I have is um whether we should do a podcast 523 00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:12,640 Speaker 1: looking at the men's rights movement because we have been 524 00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:18,040 Speaker 1: getting more requests for it. And I'll be honest, it's 525 00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:20,880 Speaker 1: it's not the most Uh. It wouldn't be a topic 526 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,200 Speaker 1: that I would look forward to researching because there's so 527 00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:27,480 Speaker 1: much bile in it. Um. But if it's something that 528 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:30,479 Speaker 1: people would like to hear more about because it is 529 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:35,320 Speaker 1: being more and more mainstreamed to a disturbing extent um, 530 00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:37,680 Speaker 1: if you'd like us to do that and shine some 531 00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:40,600 Speaker 1: light on it, we will do it. But please let 532 00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:50,440 Speaker 1: us know if you would. Well. Switching gears for a moment, 533 00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:53,760 Speaker 1: I've got an email here from Becky about our phantom 534 00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:58,880 Speaker 1: pregnancy podcast because it happened to her. She wrote, this 535 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:00,960 Speaker 1: happened to me once, but me lasted for about a 536 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:04,160 Speaker 1: month during the winter. My cycle lasts longer, and it's 537 00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:07,040 Speaker 1: not uncommon for me to go sixty days between periods 538 00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:11,080 Speaker 1: have a feeling some woman listening or saying, oh lucky. 539 00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,720 Speaker 1: But she says, the first time this happened, I missed 540 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,160 Speaker 1: my period and I also really wanted to get pregnant. 541 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,920 Speaker 1: I started feeling the symptoms of pregnancy and I went 542 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,920 Speaker 1: out to the doctor. Tests came back negative, which really 543 00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,920 Speaker 1: confused me. At the time. My doctor wouldn't say anything 544 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:29,440 Speaker 1: about potential phantom pregnancy. I asked repeatedly, why do I 545 00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:31,800 Speaker 1: have symptoms then? And the only answer I got was 546 00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:35,480 Speaker 1: You're not pregnant. That was it. It was very frustrating 547 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:37,840 Speaker 1: and confusing. I was worried something was wrong with my 548 00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:40,480 Speaker 1: body and my doctor wouldn't address it. Needless to say, 549 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,120 Speaker 1: I never went back to that doctor. A few months later, 550 00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:45,480 Speaker 1: I did get pregnant and I now have an amazing 551 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:48,479 Speaker 1: five year old. Thanks for the podcast, ladies. It was 552 00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:51,680 Speaker 1: excellent and the information helped me to better understand what 553 00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:56,480 Speaker 1: actually happened during that time period. Okay, we have one 554 00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:59,480 Speaker 1: last note for you. This is from Jessica. She says, 555 00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:04,000 Speaker 1: have you done a podcast on curly hair stereotypes? No, Jessica, 556 00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,640 Speaker 1: we have not. She says, I just listened to the 557 00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:08,920 Speaker 1: hair colored one, and I really enjoyed it. I have 558 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,080 Speaker 1: super curly hair, and I've always felt as that the 559 00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:15,360 Speaker 1: media and fashion industry don't give curls the representation they deserve, 560 00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:19,320 Speaker 1: I mean curly haired men models. Anyway, if you've already 561 00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:22,120 Speaker 1: done a show on this, how would I find it? Okay, Jessica, 562 00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:23,680 Speaker 1: we haven't, but we're going to give you like a 563 00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:27,120 Speaker 1: quick discussion right now about hair. Yeah, we haven't talked 564 00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:29,840 Speaker 1: about curly hair before, but she is not the first 565 00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:34,600 Speaker 1: person to request a podcast on it. And this is 566 00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:39,480 Speaker 1: always so fascinating to me, how many questions we get 567 00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:44,320 Speaker 1: and also questions that I have myself related to hair, 568 00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:48,280 Speaker 1: whether it's hair on our heads, hair on her arms, 569 00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:51,760 Speaker 1: hair on her volva's hair on her legs. Humans are 570 00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:55,040 Speaker 1: fascinated with their own hair. It's true, and it seems 571 00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,200 Speaker 1: like as far as head hair is concerned anyway, the 572 00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:03,000 Speaker 1: grass is always greener. I have really fine, straight, limp 573 00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:07,240 Speaker 1: sad hair and so lovely hair, Caroline, thank you, But 574 00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:10,760 Speaker 1: I always want to when I'm shampooing, it's with volume 575 00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,840 Speaker 1: izing shampoo. When I'm blow drying, it's upside down so 576 00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,400 Speaker 1: I can get more volume, and then because then it 577 00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:18,160 Speaker 1: frizzes a little bit. Then I have to use a 578 00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:20,200 Speaker 1: straightener to kind of like take any of the weird 579 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,640 Speaker 1: kinks out of it. And then I use my straightener 580 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:26,200 Speaker 1: and a twisty motion to give it some waves. That's 581 00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:29,160 Speaker 1: a lot. I could be president in the time that 582 00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:32,279 Speaker 1: it takes me to just get ready every day. But see, 583 00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:35,120 Speaker 1: it's funny you say that, because and you're right, grass 584 00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:38,879 Speaker 1: is always greener because as someone with naturally wavier hair, 585 00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:42,879 Speaker 1: I I've come to embrace my hair now and I'm 586 00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:44,919 Speaker 1: at a good I'm at a you know, solid point 587 00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:48,080 Speaker 1: with my hair good. But for a long time I 588 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:52,000 Speaker 1: always wanted straight hair so I could pull off shorter, 589 00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:56,480 Speaker 1: choppier cuts. Because if you've got you know, random wave 590 00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:59,080 Speaker 1: in it, if you get it above my shoulders, then 591 00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:01,480 Speaker 1: it starts to get a atton ball of it and 592 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:04,160 Speaker 1: doesn't look so nice. It's just hard to tame. Um. 593 00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:07,800 Speaker 1: But if we're talking about like curly curly hair, like, 594 00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:11,080 Speaker 1: let's think of Emmy Rossum, that actress. She's got curly 595 00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:12,880 Speaker 1: curly hair, and she always straightens it when she's on 596 00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:15,399 Speaker 1: the red carpet and everything. Yeah, yeah, maybe it's time 597 00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:17,239 Speaker 1: for us to do a curly hard episode because this 598 00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:21,920 Speaker 1: also gets into the whole issue with African American hair 599 00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:25,840 Speaker 1: and you know those really tight curls and how you 600 00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:29,960 Speaker 1: know historically, um, the whole issue of them being told 601 00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:32,799 Speaker 1: that they need to straighten their hair, and also if 602 00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:38,120 Speaker 1: they let their hair grow naturally, the thing of people 603 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:41,920 Speaker 1: and particularly white people, asking to touch it, which I 604 00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:46,600 Speaker 1: just don't know cuts your own hair. Yeah. I had 605 00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:49,080 Speaker 1: a really awkward coffee shop experience one time. I was 606 00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,399 Speaker 1: on line to buy coffee and the guy in front 607 00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,360 Speaker 1: of me, the cashier. The woman at the cash owister 608 00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:57,520 Speaker 1: was African American and had beautiful hair and had let 609 00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:00,680 Speaker 1: it grow out naturally, and the man in front of me, 610 00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:03,160 Speaker 1: I don't know if it was in an effort to 611 00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:06,719 Speaker 1: be like, hey, look, I'm cool with black people, but 612 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:11,040 Speaker 1: he wouldn't stop talking about her hair to her, and 613 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,080 Speaker 1: the look on her face, she was just like, please 614 00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,360 Speaker 1: make this end, Please make this end. And he was 615 00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:18,760 Speaker 1: just like, oh, your hair is so beautiful, it's so curly. 616 00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:22,040 Speaker 1: I just oh, and and and all of her response 617 00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:26,560 Speaker 1: was just like yep. It reminds me of when strangers 618 00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:32,200 Speaker 1: will without asking first, rub pregnant women's bellies. That's so 619 00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:35,000 Speaker 1: strange to me. Yeah, oh, I know, because if you 620 00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,200 Speaker 1: reached out and just touched me like any other time, 621 00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:38,839 Speaker 1: that's not okay. Why would it be okay to touch 622 00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,160 Speaker 1: my pregnant belly. Yeah, we you and I know each 623 00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:44,840 Speaker 1: other very well. We've never touched stomachs before. Maybe we 624 00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:49,680 Speaker 1: should start greeting each other that way. No, no, So, 625 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:52,600 Speaker 1: if there are other curly haired people out there who 626 00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:55,680 Speaker 1: would like us to do a podcast on curly hair 627 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:58,800 Speaker 1: or any other kind of body hair, I'm curious about 628 00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:01,120 Speaker 1: arm hair for some reason, I might just do a 629 00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:03,120 Speaker 1: video on it. Yeah. No, I had a friend who 630 00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:06,560 Speaker 1: got hers lasered off completely. Yeah, I knew a girl 631 00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:09,600 Speaker 1: in college who shaved her arms, And I am one. 632 00:37:09,719 --> 00:37:13,560 Speaker 1: I'll be honest, folks. I have pale skin and dark 633 00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:15,719 Speaker 1: arm hair, and when I was growing up, it was 634 00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:18,279 Speaker 1: a big source of insecurity. She's talking to her arm 635 00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:21,600 Speaker 1: right now. I am. I'm sorry armed that I didn't 636 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:26,879 Speaker 1: embrace you in my youth. Um. Yeah, so so yeah, 637 00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:29,359 Speaker 1: I do feel like in the media anyway, to sort 638 00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:31,479 Speaker 1: of wrap up your question in a tidy little bow, 639 00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:33,479 Speaker 1: I do. I do feel like there aren't a whole 640 00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:37,319 Speaker 1: lot of curly haired women or or men out there. 641 00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:39,399 Speaker 1: I mean, you know, Bradley Cooper got a perm for 642 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:42,160 Speaker 1: American Hustle, but he already has pretty nice curly hair. 643 00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,360 Speaker 1: I love not to go off on a tangent, but 644 00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:47,719 Speaker 1: I love men with curly hair. Run your fingers through 645 00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:51,160 Speaker 1: those curls. Yeah, yeah, well, let us know if you 646 00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:54,360 Speaker 1: like a curly haired episode. And as we are wrapping 647 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:58,759 Speaker 1: up this special listener male episode, keep your ideas coming. 648 00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:01,960 Speaker 1: We always want to hear and love to hear what 649 00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:04,359 Speaker 1: people want to hear about. We want to talk about 650 00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:07,680 Speaker 1: what y'all want to learn about. So keep the ideas 651 00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:11,360 Speaker 1: coming to us. Um, if there are specific videos you 652 00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:15,319 Speaker 1: would like made, or blog posts or whatever, whatever, we 653 00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:19,560 Speaker 1: can do really, because Caroline, you know I I don't 654 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:21,960 Speaker 1: want to get too sentimental, but I'm going to get 655 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:26,520 Speaker 1: sentimental and say that I'm always just so impressed and 656 00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:30,520 Speaker 1: touched and feel very grateful for the audience that we have. 657 00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:34,879 Speaker 1: It's so thoughtful and inquisitive and it means a lot 658 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:40,120 Speaker 1: that people take the time to share their feedback with us. Yeah, 659 00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:43,240 Speaker 1: so keep it coming, Please keep it coming. And speaking 660 00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:45,560 Speaker 1: of which, if you have letters you want to send 661 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,560 Speaker 1: to us, Mom stuff at how Stuff Works dot com 662 00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:51,160 Speaker 1: is our email address. You can always tweet us at 663 00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:54,520 Speaker 1: mom Stuff podcast or messages on Facebook, and we will 664 00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:57,400 Speaker 1: try our best to get back to you, although sometimes 665 00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,000 Speaker 1: it takes a little while because we do hear from 666 00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:02,600 Speaker 1: a lot of you, but believe me, your your feedback 667 00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:05,719 Speaker 1: matters oh so much, so keep it coming and in 668 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,400 Speaker 1: the meantime, if you want to check out all of 669 00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:10,600 Speaker 1: our blog posts, videos, podcast and find links to all 670 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,719 Speaker 1: of our social media, remember there's one place to go, 671 00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:19,920 Speaker 1: and it's Stuff Mom Never Told You dot com. For 672 00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,400 Speaker 1: more on this and thousands of other topics, does it 673 00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:31,640 Speaker 1: how stuff Works dot com